#i can imagine it being a stressful situation for a couple of months :)

[t4t-scout]

TF2 where all of the mercs are stealth trans men

[lylianrae]

A list of all the things I have manifested ⋆˚⟡˖ ࣪

We manifest everything in our lives btw - the good and the bad which is why I will be including both to prove that the law does not discriminate. If you can successfully become poor, you can most definately become rich with the same ease because everything is just a state.

Long hair

AHH this is one of my favourite manifestations. Ever since I was young I had a weird bob with a fringe (often crooked) and I wanted long hair like all the other girls (lmaoo) but my mum was strict so she didn't let me grow it out. Although I didn't know about manifestation back then, every new year and birthday I would wish for long hair and I would pretend I was a princess with butt long hair. Guess what, somewhere along the line, my mum let me grow it out and now I have butt length hair (don't really know what to do with it tho </3).

As all kids do, I went through an emo phase where I chopped off like half of my hair like 4 years ago. I literally grew back 7-8" of hair within a month because my parents got too mad. I knew about manifestation here so I just assumed my hair always grows unaturally fast. Same with when I cut bangs, they grew past my chin within a couple of weeks.

Manifesting my way into a private school

Honestly this just shows that you dont need 2430430 hours of working on your self concept to manifest. Literally so many celebs, including Marylin Monroe (the queen), manifested their fame with awful self concept. Likewise, here I was possibly going through the worst time of my life back then. I would wake up at 8 am and start studying and end at 11 pm despite being only 10 at the time. I was so freaking stressed and envious of all the other children and went into a depressive spiral where my two options were pass or die. I didn't even have enough practice and I cried my self to sleep on most nights. Anyways, when i did the exam I was deathly calm and even after the exam I was apparently so chill so my parents thought I failed.

I literally left 9 questions on one paper but throughout the summer, everytime I found a dandelion I would make a wish and imagine digging a tunnel to the examiners room where I secretly change my answers into the right ones (lmfao my tiny 10 yr old brain - idek how it worked). Anyways my results were sent back to me a month later on a random October evening and I got a really high mark. Even after 7 years of going to this school I havn't met anyone who has gotten a mark higher than mine.

Curly hair / straight hair

Sigh. We always want things we don't have. When I was younger I had really straight hair like 1A asian hair but when I was like 10, I really wanted curly hair and I would try to curl it often. After a few months, I manifested a curling iron and my hair literally became naturally curly like right after a wash it would curly af when before it was dead straight. Naturally I grew bored of it and I wanted my straight hair back and for ages I began overcomplicating the law and struggled to manifest it. It was only recently when I actually let go of the 3D that I manifested the silky, shiny straight hair.

Social life?

This is also a funny one, just shows how easily you can manifest. So back in 2021 after lockdown I felt so lonely and felt so left out of my friendship group so after a few months I began stressing myself out and spiraling for like 30 minutes, sobbing to myself about how I was so lonely and how nobody loved me (💀). Anyways it became reality, I found myself uncomfortable in many social situations and found myself becoming forgotten far more easily. I don't really remember the details but it was so bad that I think I accidently manifested social anxiety (oh well we still up tho).

However I am a loa girly so I found myself listening to popularity subliminals and slowly (but surely) my mindset change from having no friends to being the most popular girl in the year. Like no joke I became friends with like 3 people from different social circles so at lunchtime we had to join up like 3 different tables so we can all sit together. Overall I got myself 20+ close friends and even my ex friends began to admire me although it had ended badly. Even now, when someone says something thats untrue - for example saying that they are dumb when they are not, they would be like "ahaha so its like when Rae (me) says she has no friends, the whole school knows who Rae is".

Clear skin

This was sort of in the beginning of my loa (law of attraction back then) journey, I just randomly found out what subliminals were and was still quite new to everything. Now I don't even understand how it happened but I had busted some capillaries under my skin and it looked like small red viens under my skin and bro I was freaking out at the time. One night I was like just, I had enough, I'm going to get myself better skin and so I listened to a sub once for 3-4 days and on like the 4th day, my cheeks began to heat up which was odd and the next day it was 90% gone. Just like magikkkk.

Desired university?

Guys. Feeling is the secret. Don't you ever forgot that - not feeling as in emotions but rather the feeling of knowing. I had 2 entrance exams to do to apply for my universities and it was a stressful time where I wasn't getting enough sleep and wasn't eating enough simply because I didn't have the time. Like I come home from school and would have 3-4 hours of homework, then I need to revise for tests and then the remaining time would be spent on the entrance exams. Each past paper took 2 hours and I have around 13s per questions and I was already struggling on time. Anyways, I began to hate them and I would often complain to my mum saying things like "My score got even lower!!" or "I hate it so much" or "My head hurts / eyes hurt".

Guess what? Not only did I see my score decrease over time but I also made such a silly mistake on the most important entrance exam which I needed for 4/5 of my universities. I left a question and completely forgot to mark on the answer so when I finished the section I realised I had one more space on the sheet with like 10s to spare. I didn't have enough time to go back and fix it and lemme say that I did so badly in the test. Even while waiting for results I was just like "ah it would be a miracle if I scored above this bla bla".

I got the score back and it was so freaking bad like I did not stand a chance at my university at all. However, I started to affirm for a place and to my utter shock and surprise my desired university reached out and offered me an interview. I knew people who had like scores which were 50% better than mine and they still got rejected pre-interview. Anyways I began stressing about the interview and the results of the whole thing and boom. I got rejected 3 days after my birthday lmaoo. But its okay because I'm reapplying and I learnt so much more. I'm redoing the entrance exam and my score is a loooot better than it ever was last year.

A key take away would be thoughts are the result of the state you are in. Your dwelling state manifests and I was focusing on the unrealness and the difficultly of getting into this uni and thats what manifested. At the time I was heartbroken and literally went through the 7 stages of grief and spent so many months trying to revise it only for me to focus on the 3D. Just know that everything is done in imagination and it appears in the 3D as a result.

Photographic memory

So this is also something I had manifested before I actually knew about loa but the takeaway here is that manifestation is always instant. I was around 11 reading a random book on my tiny kindle and the book was on how to develop a good memory and I was like ah that'll be useful. Anyways later in the car, I asked my dad about photographic memory and he sort of explained it to me. I just assumed that I have that and I told him I do. He just laughed at me and said thats something that you have to train for and I was not impressed lmao. Inside my tiny brain, I was just like nope, I already have photographic memory and I dropped that thought. Let me tell you, my memory is actually photographic and has helped me out on so many occasions like my brain just takes pictures of things.

Learning fast

This is also something I did before I knew loa, I was just always wondering why the other kids couldn't grasp concepts as easily as I did. Literally in every lesson I would be like ah I learn so fast and now I am actually blessed with the ability to grasp complex subjects so fast. A favourite example of mine would be when I was obsessed with music but to take it to a higher level you need to be able to play an instrument. I couldn't at the time and my teacher told me the requirements a week before the actual deadline. I have never actually played piano with both hands but one day I sat down and worked through the entire song (fur elise by Beethoven) which is a grade 5 (I think) and it normally takes people months / weeks to learn. I learnt the whole thing in 3 days and from then on, I could play piano like I had been doing for ages. Again the memory thing was so helpful because I never actually used any sheet music, I learnt it off a youtube video and I remembered every single note I needed to play.

Hourglass body + 22" waist

This was a couple of years ago when I actually didn't understand loa. Anyways long story short, I would do a 3 minute workout and then flex infront of the mirror all day (💀) and be like omg I have abs. Overtime, I actually got so skinny everyone around me kept pointing it out to me and my mum got so concerned that she took me to the doctor like 4 times. It was so funny, I would loose like 2-3kg overnight and my parents would have to buy better fitting uniform.

Bigger boobs

This was also back in the day (2021?) when I didn't understand how to manifest things easily af. I had an A cup but I wanted better boobies and I listened to like 2 subs for a week and I went to a B cup. But I just assumed I have a bigger cup size recently and I just skipped C and went to D+ (haven't measured in a long time).

I'm not done but I'm tired now bye bye

[gaysindistress]

What if Simon didn’t listen when Price told him to apologize to his girl before she does go off and find herself a better man? - part two

a/n: I know John isn’t American but I kept picturing him as Joe from SIX and honety Gibs from NCIS and I couldn’t stop myself. I sincerely apologize that this John is American-grumpy-hot-military-older man coded (not really). Also I know it took a month and I’m so sorry 🙈 I got so busy at work but it’s here! Enjoy!!

Warnings: smutty smut smut, phone sex

non-mcu masterlist

part one

Taglist: @going-to-ikea-for-the-fries @calicocat45 @whos-fran @vonev @yyiikes

The situation at hand is tricky to say the least. Waiting around and trying to be careful of everyone’s feelings will push you away. On the other hand, he’s wanted to show you the love that you deserve and now is his chance.

Fuck Simon.

Fuck him for treating you like a safety net and like you’re replaceable. Fuck him for letting you shoulder the burden of your relationship and expecting you to always be at his beck and call. Fuck him for lying to you instead of having the balls to just be honest about why he wanted to break up. Fuck Simon Riley for saying that you could find a better man and expecting you to not listen to him for once.

“I want a lot of things,” he starts and takes a moment to choose his words, “I might be a gentleman but I’m a selfish man. I won’t take what’s not offered but you’d be hell bent to find me sharing my life with others. If you say that it’s over and mean it, well then love, I’ll be the most selfish man you’ve ever met when it comes to you. Im not some young lad anymore; I’m settled in my life and now that things are stable I want someone to share it with. I’ll follow your lead when it comes to how we share it but just know that I don’t want something casual or even friendship.”

You’re still resting your chin on his shoulder, listening to his every word as hope begins to fill your eyes. It’s the last sentence he whispers as he gazes down at you that causes your breath to hitch;

“I’ll love you until my lungs give out.”

And this man Delivers. The capital d is not a typo. John Price understands that you’re an independent person and he respects that. That’s not to say that he doesn’t spoil the absolute shit out of you and ensures that you are happy in every facet of your life imaginable.

The dogs are being wild today and overwhelming you? As soon as he gets home, he’s taking them out on a walk and giving you instructions to go have yourself a nice hot bath. Dinner is already taken care of so no need to worry about that. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the quiet.

He’s been on deployment for a couple weeks and the loneliness is starting to creep in? You will be getting at least two check in texts a day and a call or FaceTime if he can before you go to bed. You should also expect some sort of care package to be on your doorstep weekly. This could be anything from flowers to your whole ass Amazon cart, all you need to do is say you miss him and he’s got you covered.

Things have been a little tense between the two of you? Well get ready because you’re going to be doing a check in that night where the two of you talk about whatever is going on. If it’s something small like you’re both stressed from work and a weekend getaway is needed, he’s already got that planned. If it’s something that needs more work, he’s ready to dive right into it and figure it out.

Still true to his internal word, nothing physical happens between you two at first. He wanted desperately to kiss you when he told you he would love you until his last breath but he didn’t. Disgusted by the enormity of his craving for you, John vowed to wait until you asked for his physical affection. Of course this meant he wouldn’t give into any of your advances until you told what you wanted.

After that night, you began the long and arduous process of breaking down John’s resolve. While it may have been unspoken, you knew what he wanted but you weren’t going to give into him so quickly. It started with closing the distance between you two. Instead of sitting on opposite ends of the couch, you’d lay your feet in his lap or move just close enough to trail your fingers over the back of his hand. Only would you move to sit beside him if he slung his thick arm over the couch’s back and beckoned you closer. Then you would take every opportunity possible to cuddle into his side and slyly skirt your hands across the waistband of his sweats when you wrapped your arms around him. If you were in the kitchen together, you were always just out of his grasp. His fingers could grasp at the back of your shirt but never fully grab you. You’d swiftly slip around him if he moved behind you but not before brushing your hands over him in some way.

Eventually you grew bolder and began to shower with the door propped open. You’d said it was so the dogs could still see you but John isn’t stupid. He knew that you wanted him to catch a glimpse of your body through the foggy glass doors. But here’s the thing; he’s not Simon. Simon would’ve joined you and fucked you on that glass door like your life depended on it but not a captain price.

No no no. John Price is going to make you say those three little words, ‘I want you’, before he touches you even if it means leaving on for a mission without so much as a chaste peck on the lips. No amount of sly looks and sneaky touches is going to convince this man to give into you.

He starts beating you at your own game though. his bedroom door is suddenly always cracked open making it so that you can hear every rumbling moan and gasp of your name when he fists his cock at night. You no longer feel the waistband of his underwear when you wrap your arms around his am waist during your cuddles. Instead your fingers find the thick trail of hair that disappears under his sweatpants. Speaking of which, John knows about grey sweat pants and he exploits that turn on every chance he gets. Soon it goes from just wearing them low on his hips to forgoing boxers (as mentioned above) and sometimes he even ‘forgets’ his shirt. The memory of his thick bare chest on display alone is enough to make you clench your legs together.

When he finally does have to leave for work, he presses a light kiss to your temple and tells you to be careful. It goes without saying but John makes your promise anyways. Eases his old heart as he likes to say. If only he would go easy on yours…

Nearly every photo, FaceTime, what have you, this man is bare chested with lidded eyes and a knowing smirk on his face. He knows that you’re frustrated with the way things have played out; namely his departure with no memorable moments. He’s already become an expert in you, knowing what your body langue means, what your blushes mean, and most importantly, what your words truly mean.

Probably about a month in to this mission is when it comes to a climax. Your hands were doing nothing to ease the ache between your legs and your toys were making it worse. It was as if your body knew that it was you instead John rubbing small circles into your clit late at night. You’d tried nearly everything you could think of aside from finding someone in a pub and telling the older captain about your dilemma. While you two weren’t anything more than roommates with feelings at this point, it still felt wrong to find someone else to help you out. With only one person that your body wanted and nothing you could do about it, you settled for being sexually frustrated and irritable.

John is finally able to get some alone time to call you and actually talk to you. Settled into some poor excuse for a cot, he makes himself comfortable as he waits for you to pick up. It makes maybe a few rings before your tight voice comes through with a short ‘hello?’

He wants to chuckle and fails to suppress it, “Well hello to you too, love.”

Immediately you sigh when you recognize his voice, “oh John it’s you. How are you?”

“Been better. What’s been going on with you?”

You let out another deep sigh, pausing to answer as you contemplate what to tell him.

“What is it, love? Something bothering you?”

“I…I’m just….im just irritable,” you attempt to pass off as the full truth but John knows you better than that.

“Irritable you say?”

You can hear him shuffle around on his end and it causes your legs to cross to even think about him. God it’s beyond annoying to be this turned on over just hearing him move around, let alone hear his voice right now.

“I’d say a relaxing day is in order,” he teases with a low pitched sultry tone, “find some relief in a massage maybe.”

Relief.

The word feels hot as it washes over your brain and invokes images that would make a nun curse under her breath.

You snort at his suggestion. In that small noise, he finds all the answers he needed; you’re about to break and murmur those three sweet words.

“No appeal to that, love?” He asks and you can just hear the smirk he’s wearing. “A massage isn’t the relief you’re looking for though is it? You need a different type of relief, isn’t that right love?”

That bastard.

You hear him shuffle again and you swear to god you hear the sound of a belt coming undone.

“Talk to me. Tell me how I can help.”

If you weren’t needy before, you must certainly are now. You feel pathetic, a bitch in heat with the way your body starts to react to his simple words. Practically mumbling you attempt to tell him to fuck off but it doesn’t sting as much as you’d hoped. John laughs off your feeble attempt at hiding the true reason you’re in a mood.

Instead of adding flame to fire, he stays quiet.

It takes 40 agonizing seconds of silence for you to groan his name out of frustration. The captain only hums his acknowledgment that you spoke.

Phone sex isn’t new to you by any means however there’s something about this time that causes you to falter. There’s something about the way he initiated it but is allowing you to lead where it goes. There’s something about the way he knew what you needed within seconds. There’s something about the way your body seems to know that it craves his without ever touching.

“Yes,” you mumble while your cheeks burn and your body sings at the thought of getting what it truly desires.

John chuckles under his breath and the sardonic sounds causes your eyes to squeeze shut.

“Be a good girl for me and slip your hand into your panties.”

Your hearing dulls to a muffled tone as your hand follows his instructions. Barely does your ears register the sound of skin on skin, a slick hand taunting an impossibly hard cock. Your name comes out as a groan when you tell him to continue.

“Fuuckkk, love. Tell me are ya wet?”

“S…soaked.” You sigh as you roll your clit with your fingertips.

He lets out a string of curses as his hips buck up into his hand and his cock throbs from his slow pace.

“I want you to keep rubbing your clit and fuck yourself with your fingers,” the captain orders you, “and dont try to hide any of those pretty sounds.”

You mumble a weak ‘okay’ as you work your clit in small circles, feeling yourself become even more wet.

Strings of curses fall from his lips as he listens to your desperate cries of pleasure. The sounds of his thrusts get louder and louder in time when you bury two fingers in and become to fuck yourself like he told you to. It feels better than all of your other attempts but it’s not enough.

Nothing will be enough until you can feel John’s cock deep inside of you. Until you can feel his hips rut against yours and his hoarse moans in your ear. Until you feel the burn that his facial hair will give you when he eats you out like a starved and neglected dog. Until you feel his warm speed leak from you after he’s worked you through several of your own orgasms.

The thoughts of what is to come push you over the edge and you moan out his name in an absolutely pornographic manner. It stirs something disgustingly powerful and sinful deep in his gut when he hears it. He can only imagine the beautiful display of pleasure and bliss that you’ve come as you lay panting post orgasm.

You can only imagine how stunning he looks with his sweats pulled down to his mid thigh, his bare chest rapidly rising and falling while his stomach is painted with his own cum.

“John?” You whisper after your breathing has returned to normal(ish). “When are you coming home?”

His lips turn up in a smirk at your word choice, “missing me more than you let on, now are ya love?”

“Yeah it’s lonely without you here. you can’t leave on another deployment like this without fucking me before.”

“I promise it won’t happen again, my love.”

[berberriescorner]

"Through It All"

Characters: Rio x Black!Reader.

Summary: There aren’t many things that put Rio on edge. Most people see a calm, cool, and collected individual. Keeping a level head is his specialty. What happens when the person he loves most needs him to be strong for both of them? Get a glimpse of what it’s like seeing him hold someone down through thick and thin, in sickness and health. If you know, you know.

**PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS AND AUTHOR’S NOTE**

Warnings: Angst…like seriously. You’ll understand once you read the author’s note. This fic contains sweet, soft, fluffy Rio. The fic includes some of my crazy humor with a smidge of the character’s inner thoughts. If reading about gynecological procedures makes you uncomfortable, this may not be a fic for you. It doesn’t go into great detail, but it is mentioned and sheds a bit of light. If mentions of the ins and outs of fertility is a soft spot, please read with caution. It isn’t my intention to bring anyone down, but this story is based on parts of my own experiences. Again, the note will explain more.

Author/Personal Note: Okay. Where to start? So, as some of you may know throughout the past two years I’ve been getting cycles of iron infusions. This year, after making several complaints and an ER visit or two. I had an ultrasound performed, which led to me getting surgery months later (the procedure I had done recently). I’ve been spending my days at home recovering, and it’s given me time to reflect. Damn, it’s been a rough couple of years, but I’m so thankful through it all. It’s difficult having a plethora of health issues. This situation put so much added stress on top of it all. As a woman, hearing you have a fibroid. Learning it’s best to get it removed to protect your fertility is scary as hell. You get it done, get sent home, and though you have loved ones taking amazing care of you. It’s still a difficult, challenging process. At times, it’s lonely. No one but you can fully wrap your head around the emotions and feelings the body is going through. It’s pretty wild.

Anywho, sorry y’all. Let me stop rambling and get to the point. We all know how overactive my imagination is. Being stuck in bed, my mind has been wandering. I thought to myself why not take this experience and channel it into a fic. I’m hoping that this will also be a comforting story to anyone who’s been through the same experience. Here is a look at how I envision Rio taking in the experience with his lady. I plan to write at least two more parts for this. Happy reading my lovelies! I wrote this on a whim, in celebration of my birthday, so ignore the grammatical errors my loves. I may come back and do some more editing. Depends on how I’m feeling.

Word Count: 1,800+. 

Inspired By💜:

Random fun fact: Toni Braxton and I have the same birthday😆. Happy Birthday, Queen💓.

Everything was still as a deafening silence fell across the room. It was as if each occupant was afraid to utter a single word. Your mother pretended to distract herself with a Kindle book as your father paced the floor quietly. They’d share a glance each time they checked their watch, smiling at one another in comfort and reassurance. 

Then, together, they directed their attention toward the chair in the far right corner. It was tucked in a tight corner next to a window, giving little relief and comfort to your husband, Rio. He, too was anxious, but no one would ever know it. He was always able to still his facial features. Never one to give his emotions away. The only person who could read him wasn’t in the room. You were on the other side of the building and the reason for your families’ nervousness. No longer able to stand the constant glances and silence, Rio stood from his seat. He released a breath, rubbing his palms against his jeans. Turning to your parents, he stated, “I’m going to grab a quick cup of coffee from the cafeteria. Would you two like something?”

Your mother, a gentle, nurturing soul, responded for both of them.

“No, baby. We’re fine. Don’t worry. I’ll come find you if we receive news.”

Rio ducked away in a vacant spot in the cafeteria, hands folded over top of the steam of the coffee. He searched for peace and solace until a jolting vibration exploded in his jacket pocket. Fumbling for the phone, he answered without looking.

“What they say ma-. Oh, my bad. Wassup? Everything good?” Rio listened patiently before snapping. “You know this is something you could’ve handled yourself, right? I don’t have time for the three stooges bullshit today.”

He instantly felt a slight pang of guilt. Rio realized that the stress and worry of his current situation were influencing his mood. Taking a deep breath, he relaxed. Inhaling, he continued, “My bad bro. She’s been in for three hours, and it’s got me tweaking. Nobody’s giving us any damn answers. It’s a non-invasive procedure, but it’s still considered major surgery. I just need to hear she’s good.”

“It’s all good, boss. I know you’re worried about wifey. She’s a strong woman. Boss lady’s going to be alright. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything. Call me as soon as you know something,” Mick responded.

“You're right. Thank you for holdin’ shit down.”

He laid his phone on the table, burying his face in his hands. The last few moments he spent with you were on repeat in his mind. Rio returned to the present, hearing the chair opposite him slide backward. His eyes connected with your father’s, and he readied himself for wherever the conversation would go.

It was no secret that the two hadn’t always seen eye to eye. The two men sat for several minutes before your father started speaking.

“I’ll be honest with you, man. You’re not at all what I envisioned for my daughter.”

“You seriously want to have this conversation right now?”

“Now wait, son. Let me finish.”

Hold up. It’s son now? Where is this going? It didn’t even sound disrespectful. It doesn’t sound like he’s trying to play me on some sucka shit. I’ll hear him out.

Rio nodded his head, giving your father the floor.

“I may not know all you do for a living, son, but I know you’ve managed to make a comfortable and safe life for my baby girl. When it comes down to it, that’s what I’ve always wanted for her. It took me some time to come to terms with it, but I know, without a doubt, that you’re doing everything in your power to make her feel protected and loved. Let me just say what I’m getting at,” he chuckled. “You’re good at hiding it, son, but I know you’re worried. Hell, so are we, but that’s alright.”

Rio’s head dropped, shoulders slumping. He took the opportunity to be vulnerable finally. Your father’s acceptance allowed him the space to do so. He felt a comforting grip land on his shoulder. Your father finished, “Baby girl is going to be alright, son. With all your love and support, she’ll be back on her feet soon. Now, you take a few more moments to yourself. Don’t be surprised when her momma wraps you up in a big hug when you head back. She’s worried about her favorite son-in-law.”

Rio chuckled, “I’m her only son-in-law, sir.”

“Even better. You ain’t gotta share. That sweet woman sure knows how to smother people in love.”

“You’re daughter is the same way. It’s one of the many things I love about her.”

“Which is why you understand my reasons for being so guarded. That’s my baby girl. Enough with that ‘sir’ shit too. Call me pops. My son may not like that, but I get a kick out of irritating him anyway. He’s overprotective of his sister.”

“Y’all gon’ try to take me out if I ever mess up, huh?”

“What I look like snitching on myself? Let’s not ever get to that bridge, son.”

The two men shared a laugh, but everything turned serious when they saw your mom power walking towards them. Rio's heart began thudding in his chest.

“Ma, what’s wrong? Did-.”

“Relax, sugar,” she cooed, rubbing a hand against both men’s arms. “The nurse said the doctor should be ready to talk to us in about fifteen minutes. Let’s head back to the waiting room.”

Fifteen minutes came and went. Your mother couldn’t help but crack a smile at both men. They both started fussing about how long the surgeon was taking. She felt sorry for the man once he approached them. The doctor, attempting to apologize, was cut off by an impatient Rio.

“You good, doc. We understand these things take time, but excuse us for being anxious. We were under the impression this would be about an hour-long procedure. How’s my wife?”

The surgeon explained himself. “That’s what we anticipated, but the process took longer. Your wife’s last ultrasound a few months back showed a fibroid the size of a plum. Sadly, it grew to the size of an orange, which would explain why things grew more difficult during her last few cycles. However, you’ll be happy to know that we managed to do it laparoscopically, and everything looks great. She’s being taken to recovery now, but we’ve decided to keep her overnight.”

All three of your family members asked, “Why is that,” in unison.

“We just want to keep an eye on her for the next twenty-four hours. Given gas was used to see things more clearly, we’d like to monitor her. We’ll need to see that she gets up and walks to get things flowing. I just want to be sure she gets it moving out of her system. Also, since she’s anemic, we just want to be extra careful. I promise everything went well, and she should be ready to go in the morning.”

Each family member felt at ease. The trio waited for an invitation to your recovery room. Though he wanted to be the first person you saw when you woke up, Rio encouraged your parents to go first. The two visitors' only rule irritated them all.

Your eyes fluttered open, and your parents laughed at the slurred responses given to your nurse. Your parents took turns kissing your forehead, expressing encouraging words. Your father, now at ease, left the room in search of Rio.

“You might want to hurry back there. She’s still a bit loopy. Baby girl has been asking the nurse, where my husband? You got my baby acting ratchet in this hospital,” he joked.

“Aye, she was like that when I met her,” he laughed, walking towards recovery.

Rio slid behind the curtain, laying eyes on the most precious sight. You were in bed, laid back, eyes closed, singing off-key as your mother held your hand, laughing. The nurse stepped beside him, giving a small giggle.

“She’s been looking for you. Ma’am, the man of the hour is here.”

Your eyes popped open as you halted the song. “My husbannnd! Hey baeee,” you winced, given the pain and having a hoarse voice.

“Mama, you back here wildin’ ain’t you? How’s our little patient doing, ma,” he directed toward your mom.

“Crazy as ever. This girl opened her eyes, looked at me, and called herself whispering. Loud as ever, she asked me if she still had a uterus. Her daddy would’ve turned red if he were capable.”

They both shared a laugh as you did your best to shrug shoulders. Wanting to give you two privacy, your mom went to sit in the waiting room. Rio turned to you, holding your hand. His lips brushed across your knuckles, and he shivered at how cold they were. Wrapping his hand around yours, he tried warming the digits.

“My momma ain’t answer my question though,” you mumbled, eyes closed.

Rio smiled, “What’s that now, mama?”

“My uterus. Sis still in there, right?”

“Yes, darlin’. What makes you think it’s not?”

“I signed them papers, man. In the event of a ‘mergency, they were going to take shawty,” you sassed, words still slurring.

Rio did his best to hold back a cackle. Clearing his throat, he replied, “Mama, you straight. Everything went according to plan. There was no emergency. The fibroid is out. It was bigger than expected. That’s why it feels like you were out for a while.”

“Aight bet. So when we making babies,” you asked, wincing again.

“First off, sit still, mama. Your body is pretty sore right now.”

“Baby, I’m drugged up! I don’t feel nothin’.���

“Second. You’ll be recovering for four to six weeks. You’re not going to be in any type of mood for all that. I believe the surgeon said no sex for two to three weeks. No babies for at least six months, darlin’. They just sliced your uterus open and stitched it back together, mama,” he explained, running his thumb across your lip.

He laughed at the pout etched on your face. Rio caressed the side of your face, kissing you gently. “On some real shit. I was worried out my mind over you, mama. I’m so glad you’re good. You’re my world. The clock kept ticking, and I was about to lose it.”

Your eyes connected with his, “I’m right here, papa. I’m good. We gonna be good. No matter what,” you whispered. Even through the drugs and drowsiness, you could feel his angst. Rio could read between the lines. He knew what you were trying to communicate. It had been on both your minds heavily. Your eyes connected with his. Rio saw the unshed tears you were holding back, and he swallowed hard, nodding his head in agreement. No matter where this path led, Rio knew, in his heart, that he loved you with everything in him.

Baby or not, we’ll still feel fulfilled and happy. My life’s purpose is to love and give you the world.

This piece was both personal and therapeutic for me to write. I truly hope you all enjoyed it. Please be sure to comment and reblog, it's appreciated. Now I'm about to go eat some birthday cake and read some amazing fan fiction😆.

Divider credit💜 : @firefly-graphics

tagging💜 : @4everbrookemarie @darqchilddaydreamz @astoldbychae @sunshine-flower

@nightlywords7 @starrynite7114 @amorestevens @fineanddandy

@rio-reid-whoreee @that-one-anxious-mango @novaniskye

@alertyoulikeitsamber @1andonlytashae @lovedlover @blkbutterfly816 @banana123pudding

[nanaloveswo-men]

pairing: nanami x reader (sfw, implicit that you have a relationship) summary: the firsts years lost nanami's cat. you were called to help. nanami isn't happy. wc: 2.7 i want to write more about nanami, you and his (yours) cat

requests are open!

"sensei!" itadori feel the relieve filling his body as soon as you pick up the phone.

honestly, you kind of wish to never know what is happening, because if itadori is calling you, certainly, nothing good will come out of it. still, you have a job to do while you are his teacher.

you try to sound as polite as possible when answering him.

"hi yuji! is everything okay?" 'impossible' your mind quickly answer.

you hear some noises in the back of the call, and immediately you recognize the other voices.

"don't sound so hopeless" nobara shout at her friend, and you can perfectly imagine the two of them.

"stop screaming at my ear! she's going to hear you." yuji whisper, or at least try to, but you end up hearing the same way.

you think if yaga is going to be mad if you hang up on three freshmen that can possibly be in a death-or-life situation. maybe he wouldn't mind at all...

"yuji, where are you?" you ask already picking your keys, ready to save their asses.

more noises happen in the background, and you wonder if they are fighting with each other. the phone goes silently for a moment, and have to look down at the scream to see if the call was ended.

unfortunately, it was not. "i'm sorry to bother you, but we need your help" of course, the last one of the trio appears: megumi.

megumi tried his best to get away from the trouble duo but he is sure that you still could hear some screams. itadori's screams, you think. yeah, they are definitely fighting, and apparently, nobara is winning.

you signed trying to think why the bombastic trio of the jujutsu high need your help. neither of the options in your mind is good. "megumi, can you put on the speaker?"

after some seconds, you can hear the trio perfectly. "first of all, you three need to calm down, and explain why you need my help" before any of them talk, you continue "and nobara, you can't kill yuji yet, so stop beating him." she isn't happy to obey, but you hear itadori thanking you.

"okay, now you can tell me what happened" and again you can hear itadori, nobara and megumi talking at the same trying. each of them giving their version of the history. "only one of you!!" you scream interrupting them.

they fight for a little more before itadori finally speak. "you know, nanamin is on a work travel" he starts "and he kindly asked me if i could take care of his cat."

'more like i begged him for that' yuji remembers from a couple of days ago.

last month, gojo asked if nanami could watch itadori on his next mission, and even though he didn't want to, (or at least this was what he tried to convience you about) he accept. after killing the curse, kento offered to buy a snack for yuji (he couldn't let the boy die from hunger, he explained) and that was when itadori discovered that nanami owned a cat.

he saw a picture of it on his wallet. 'her name is angeline' nanami said because yuji keep calling his pretty cat "it".

the boy tried to convince his professor to let him meet angeline in person, but nanami would never let that happen. not when he was still alive.

angeline was a well-being animal. nanami made his number one priority to treat his cat like she deserved. the best food, weekly pet shop appointments, all the toys she needed to entertain herself when he was away, cuddle when he was at home. everything for her to be happy.

meeting anyone from his work (except from you, angeline absolutely adored you), teacher or student, would mean an stressful experience for the poor cat.

on the week nanami would be out of town on a work trip, he was ready to ask if you could take care of angeline, but yuji was faster than him.

"nanamin, please! i promise that i'm going to take good care of her." he begged for the last ten minutes, and kento was closing to explode "i won't make her stressed, and i can even video call you to see her anytime you want."

nanami signed. he would regret this, he was sure. but maybe he should follow your advice. trust people more. he could do this.

"alright itadori, you can take care of her."

but now yuuji was thinking that maybe nanami shouldn't have trust him.

"we were on a mission, so i thought it was a good idea to bring kugisaki and fushiguro with me, and everything was ok, we feed the cat, and played a bit with her, but then-" itadori was growing more and more nervous with each word coming out of his mouth.

megumi and nobara weren't different. the three of them could feel the cold sweat running down their temples.

you were just like them. of course, you knew anything good could come from itadori when he called you. but still, this was going for the worst scenario possible.

"yuji, where is angeline?" you ask, hoping, hell, even praying for the best.

itadori ignores you and continues his story. "we got hungry and run to the convenience, it was really quick, we didn't stay there for more than 10 minutes, but in our way back to the apartment kugisaki saw a dress, and then-"

yuji's voice is cut off and substituted by megumi.

"we got here, and the door was open. the cat was gone. we can't find it." you can hear itadori screaming in the background 'her name is angeline!'

everything pauses for a moment. you can't hear your students fighting. you can't hear any noise. actually, you feel nothing. your mind is completely blank.

and suddenly you remember how much angeline means to kento.

you and nanami been in a relationship for the past months, and since the begginig, he made sure to let you know how much he loved the little cat.

"itadori is the one who let the door open. blame him" nobara's voice took you out of your trance.

"i'm coming, don't move a muscle." you say briefly before ending the call.

---

in your whole life, you never expected to be in such conditions. you, a teacher, someone that can kill the most deadly curses, locked with your three students, desperately trying to find a cat.

you were still at the apartment with megumi, both of you looking everywhere in hope for angeline to still be here.

at this point, you were already using humiliating techniques.

"pspspspspspsps come here, it's me" knelling near the couch, you tried to call one more time "come on, angeline, you like me, yeah? then come here" you looked under the couch again, hoping that the cat would miraculously appear.

nothing, as expected.

even megumi was on the edge now, one of his shinigamis with itadori and nobara, while the other was stucked in the apartment with you. even the divine dog looked tired.

"megumi, don't you have, like, a divine cat? maybe we could pretend angeline was one of your shinigamis the whole time" you said throwing your body on the couch. at this point, you were already thinking of ways to calm nanami down. maybe you could convince him that his cat was something that only existed in his imagination?

"i don't think this will solve the problem" megumi sit on the chair near you, sad that kento would be disappointed at him. "i think that we can blame gojo-sensei, say that he broke into the house and let the cat scape."

you laugh a little, happy and a little worried to see megumi's funny side. "that's a good idea." you hum back, looking directly at the boy sitting next to you, only to get a look of his serious face.

he was talking for real. he won't disappoint nanami.

"let's wait for your friends to return, right? maybe they got luckier than us here." you try to easy the mood a bit, gently petting the divine dog lying on the carpet.

after some minutes, you finally hear running footsteps, which you presume are itadori and nobara. you and megumi quickly stand up, glaring at the door.

when itadori enters in your vision, you are already screaming at him.

"did you find angeline?" both, you and yuuji shout at each other at the same time.

"i think we're fucked" nobara says.

the four of you sit on the couch in completely silence, now, there was only on thing you could do. call kento.

obviously, no one wanted to do that.

'itadori was the one who let the door open." megumi defended himself.

kugisaki is quick to get her ass out of the way too. "he is the one that is responsible for the cat."

now, yuji had to be smart, otherwise, he would really have to call nanami, and he didn't want to get scolded. at least not in front of everyone.

knowing that he couldn't do anything incredible, he used his best technique. puppy eyes.

'damn kiddo' you think looking at the boy. you had nothing to do with the situation, why would you be the one calling nanami? you knew you would regret picking up the phone.

you sigh, feeling defeat by a bunch of kids. "i will do it. but you own me. the three of you." you reach for your phone from the pocket of your jacket.

you swallow the knot on your throat. praying that maybe nanami wouldn't answer.

"hello?"

as always, the world isn't on your side. maybe today wasn't your day at all.

"hey, kento! how is your trip going?" you answer, choosing your best calm voice.

you can feel the trio tensing up by your side, and for a moment you think that nanami will be able to hear their quick heartbeat.

"i'm almost finish, i'll be home tomorrow. why are you calling this time?"

of course, he would suspect. you usually call him at night, when you both would be already lying in bed, ready to sleep. "well, nothing you know, just feeling like checking on you would be good, you know?

nanami is silently for a moment. "why are you repeating sentences?" you fucked up. "what is happening?"

kento knew you better than you had thought previously.

"let's get into a hypothetically situation. if angeline went for a walk outside, and didn't come back until now, how mad would you be on a scale to 1-10?" you try to easy the water you're getting into.

but nanami isn't having any of your bullshit. "what are you saying? did you lose angeline?" you can feel the rage on his voice, and for a moment you think that maybe you should follow megumi's advice and blame gojo.

"so, 10 then?" nanami almost growls, and if this was any other moment, you would actually find it really hot. but not now.

"of course it would be a 10! now tell me, where the fuck is my cat?" oh, he is already cursing. time to hang up.

the trio tremble by your side, clearly hearing how much nanami is pissed off.

"well, so good that angeline is right hear with us, safe and pretty." you say absolutely not convincing the blonde on the other side of the phone. "unfortunately i have to hang up now, but it was a pleasure to talk to you.".

"us? who is there-" you click on the red button on the screen before kento can say another word.

you look at the trio, nobara and megumi by yuji side, both of them gently patting his shoulder. you can even see a dark aura hovering itadori's head. he was depressed.

your heart aches a bit. after all, you took pity on them. of course, yuji had fucked up, no doubt, but he was doing his best, trying to impress his teacher.

"no time to be sad!! get your ass to work!" you say, getting in front of them. you give their heads a little slap, getting their attention. "let's look everywhere again, starting with the apartment."

yuji, megumi and nobara look at you, feeling motivated again. (maybe megumi wasn't, but he wouldn't ruin the mood for his friends). the three of you scream together, ready for another hunting round (megumi think that you lost your mind).

nobara is the first to run around, throwing the cushions off the cushion crazy searching for a cat. yuji follows her, checking the living room cabinet. you look absolutely proud of them (megumi is sure that all of you lost your minds).

itadori is on all fours looking under the sofa. nobara is searching inside the fridge. megumi is almost falling off the window trying to see if angeline is outside. you are standing in the middle of the living room, phone in hand, the screen showing gojo's contact, you were ready to ask for his help. maybe he could expand his cursed energy and search for angeline.

a little meow coming from the door get your attention. four pair of eyes turn to where the sound came from.

a pretty cat sitting by the door. her pink tongue slowly cleaning her little paws.

your world pause for a moment. 'thank you' you thank no one at all.

"hellooooo, why are you calling the stronger sorcerer?" gojo finally answer your call, but now you didn't need him anymore. you just end the call without saying anything.

you walk to angeline, quickly cupping her on your arms, afraid that maybe she could run away again. megumi closes the door, a heavy sigh leaving his throat.

the cat in question only innocent look at you, like she didn't almost killed four (five if you want to count nanami) people from a heart attack.

the cat in question only innocent look at you, like she didn't almost kill four (five if you want to count nanami) people from a heart attack.

"angelineeee!" yuji is... crying? you see the tears running down his face. happy tears. he tried to hug angeline, but she didn't want his fluids on her fresh cleaned fur.

"MEOW!" she protested squirming on your arms, and you giggle getting her message.

"get off from the cat with your catarrh" nobara says pointing to yuji's dirty nose.

itadori stops, and a devilish idea appears on his mind. "then give me a hug yourself, kugisaki." he hums walking to his friend.

you laugh, seeing that even megumi got caught on the little chase. finally able to breathe again, you smile to yourself. angeline was safe. kento would be so happy.

---

"i'm never trusting any of your advices again" nanami murmur to you. he was finally back to home. angeline was on his arms again. "trust people more, you say" he was still a bit irritated.

you roll your eyes, getting comfortable against his shoulder, happy to smell his cologne. "yuji did a good job. in the final moments he screwed up a bit, but in overall, he was great." you defended him as always.

angeline meows at you, almost like she was agreeing with you. even kento was caught by surprise.

"it doesn't matter, next time i'm bringing you with me." nanami says kissing the cat head, but looking right into your eyes.

tilting your head to the side, you ask "are you talking to me, or with angeline?"

"both." he is quick to answer.

---

bonus

yesterday, itadori and kugisaki were searching for angeline

"i found her!" nobara happily says, holding a cat on the air.

yuji looks on her direction, surprised, until he saw the animal she was holding.

a random cat, not even the colors mach.

"kugisaki, this cat looks nothing like angeline." he screams, mad at her.

nobara just put the stray animal on the floor. "i tried.".

[colbyskies]

Situationship

Tom Kaulitz x Male!Reader 8.1k Words Throughout the stressful few months, Tom and M/n always find their way back to each other. Using each other to relieve themselves of their stress and worrying. Whether M/n is taking full control of the situation or Tom is using M/n to his will, they both are using each other. No one knows that behind the closed doors of their bedrooms they’re engaging in something they never imagined they would. 

“Tell me about your day, baby,” M/n says, kneeling on the floor while unzipping Tom’s pants. M/n knows exactly how his day went, a busy day full of photoshoots and interviews. Annoying interviewers breathing down their necks and asking personal questions about their love lives or personal health. Thankfully, it is the band’s last busy day for a week, a vacation long overdue for the teens. 

Throughout the stressful few months, Tom and M/n always find their way back to each other. Using each other to relieve themselves of their stress and worrying. Whether M/n is taking full control of the situation or Tom is using M/n to his will, they both are using each other. No one knows that behind the closed doors of their bedrooms they’re engaging in something they never imagined they would. 

Is it something either of them wanted? Yes, but in this way? No. What they both want is need, want, support, desire, affection, something they can come back to at night, but they only bargained a couple of their chips. Leaving them as friends with benefits, a label they never put to their casual dance, but something they both know to be true.

Tom’s back is against the now locked door to his bedroom in the band’s shared house, M/n on his knees in front of him. The sudden contact of M/n's cold hand on his hard cock elicits a sharp moan from the guitarist as he thrusts his hips into the others hand. 

“Photoshoots…ahh..” Tom groans as M/n takes him whole, swallowing his cock down his throat. “I…Interviews..” He manages to stutter out over the immense pleasure on his lower half. God he needs this, he needs the feeling of M/n’s warm mouth on the tip of his cock, taking him further with each suck. The cold feeling of his tongue piercing brushing along a vein on his dick and swirling his tip, teasing his slit every so often. M/n sucks him so well, hallowing his cheeks going down with an open throat and sucking as he pulls back. 

His hands dig into M/n’s hair, pulling him off his dick and bringing his face to his. “Kiss me,” Tom whispers against M/n’s lips. The other complies, kissing him hard, pushing him further against the door—trapping him. With his hands on either side of Tom’s head, he lets one of them trail down Tom’s waist until he reaches the end of his oversized shirt. He pulls eagerly, raising it to let his hand rest on Tom’s toned stomach. The sensation dragging another muffled moan from the back of Tom's throat. 

Tom helps him and pulls the rest of his shirt off, leaving his upper body exposed to the cool elements causing him to shiver. M/n drags him away from the wall and pushes him into the bed, Tom gasps as his back hits the mattress. Something he is very used to by now. Always being thrown around the bedroom by M/n, sometimes throwing him around himself but not usually. M/n takes on more of an authoritative role and he knows for a fact that if that got to the rest of the band, they would make his life a living hell.

If Tom is being honest, sometimes he wants what's going on between the two of them to be heard. He wants everyone to know what they’re doing, what M/n is doing to him more specifically. It pains him to know that M/n can’t be his. At least not in the way he truly wants. 

M/n undresses the rest of his body slowly, like he always does. He says he’s savouring every bit—wanting it to last. Tom loves it. He loves the attention M/n gives him as he kisses down his body, sticking to certain sides or certain pressure points M/n has learned. 

His teeth graze over Tom’s body causing him to shudder, his breathing quickly becoming erratic. The crook of Tom’s neck has grown all too familiar with M/n’s soft touch. M/n doesn’t know if he wants to devour every part of him or worship his beautiful body, all he does know is that it’s his name he wants Tom to scream out. 

So he trails further. 

“You’re so beautiful, Tom.” M/n mumbles kissing his chest. God, the way he says his name makes his heart beat a hundred miles per second. His breathing almost in time with that. All he wants is M/n—in any way the other will serve. 

“Every piece of you is gorgeous.” He kisses his stomach this time, eliciting a moan from the guitarist. Every touch sends him into a spiral, wanting more. He’s never known such hunger before he and M/n drunkenly had sex for the first time. It sent him into oblivion. Loving the feeling of his arms wrapped around his body, his cock inside of him, his breath against his neck, just the thought of their first night together gets him hard. 

Tom hears the lube bottle opening before he feels a cold finger pressing against him. Instinctively, he spreads his legs to give M/n more space. M/n has a ritual it seems, with the way he pulls Tom under his current, ripping him out to sea with pleasure. It’s always the same routine, circling him before he pushes in a finger, waiting until Tom is a moaning and whimpering mess, begging him for more. Only then will he add the next finger, it’s in those moments where Tom hates that he’s a boy. If he was a girl this would be far quicker, he’d be able to feel M/n’s cock brushing against his prostate in a more timely manner. 

M/n has explained to him many times why he likes to drag out stretching him, “It makes your orgasm better,” Tom can’t deny it, but God does he hate it. 

While Tom is daydreaming, M/n removes his clothes and soon after the third finger is added he presses himself into Tom.

Tom looks up at M/n his eyes half-lidded as he breathes himself away from the edge, pulling away from the very thing he desires. M/n feels so good inside him, the way his cock twitches ever so slightly with each small movement. “Move.” Tom whispers, wrapping his legs around M/n’s waist and pulling him closer to him. His arms are wrapped around his neck pulling him into his chest, needing him closer.

M/n starts out slow this time, pushing in and out of Tom with no rhythm in mind, building a pace as he goes. Every time they have sex it’s different, sometimes it starts out fast, desperate, needy. Other times it’s slow, painfully so. A pace perfect when dragging out small whines from Tom, a pace that makes him desperate. Then other times it starts out slow but quickly builds into a fast pace, holding them both above the edge for only minutes before allowing them both to fall over. 

That’s how it is now. M/n using Tom to bring them both to the edge, quickly. The pace is almost excruciating. Tom calls out M/n’s name, his heart rate pounding strongly against his ribs. Just for a second Tom wonders if the others can hear them, if they can hear the moans coming from both of them, the way the bed hits the wall every other thrust, or the whimpers as Tom begs M/n to go faster. 

“Please.. M/n…Fuck God..Im so close..” Tom whimpers, digging his nails into M/n back, dragging them from his shoulders to his waist. They both said not to mark each other, but after the second time they couldn’t hold back from bruising the other. 

His dreads are damp from the combined sweat forming around the two of them. “Me too baby, god you're so perfect, so good for me.” Tom whines at the praise, pulling M/n closer to him causing the other to adjust slightly. The change making M/n hit his prostate with every thrust. 

“Oh fuck…ahh…” Tom cries out, throwing his head back into the pillows, his mouth open and his brows knitted together. “Fuck…I love you..” the guitarist moans, falling over the edge. Tom’s legs shake from their spot around M/n’s waist and the other groans from the way Tom clenches around his dick. With one final thrust M/n falls over the edge too. 

“What did you say?” M/n asks, concerned. Tom looks up at him with wide eyes, finally realizing what he said to the other right before they both came down from their high. The other quickly pulls out of Tom and puts his clothes on. Usually he stays to clean Tom up and make sure he’s okay, but that confession—if that's even what to call it—shook him to his core. 

“M/n–” 

“No Tom, we can’t get involved like that. You clearly have developed feelings. I can’t– We can't. I'm sorry.” With a look of remorse on his face he moves to the doorframe, giving Tom one last glance before walking out and down the hall to his vacated room. Tom lays in his bed naked and motionless, regretting the words that accidentally fell from his mouth in a moment of vulnerability. The feeling of rejection brews in his stomach and he almost wants to throw up at the feeling of come, from the person who rejected him, inside of him still. 

He wants to take a shower, to wash off the decision he made. Maybe pretend like the last year never happened. That the two of them hadn’t fallen into the curse of casual, no strings attached, sex, but it had and Tom fucked it up by catching feelings. He fucked up. He fucked up so bad. 

M/n probably won't look at him the same, maybe just avoid him altogether. That thought in and of itself hurts Tom to think about. His chest aches for the relief of seeing him down the hallway and knowing that later that night they’ll be entangled in each other and their sheets, but that won’t happen anymore. 

Tom rolls over in the bed, pulling one of his pillows to his chest. Ironically, it’s a pillow that smells a lot like M/n. Sobs rack his body, God did he fuck up. Out of all the things to fuck up, it just had to be this? Tom had convinced himself that if he couldn’t have M/n the way he really wanted at least he got to see his most intimate moments, but now he doesn’t even have that. 

He fucked up so bad.

— — — — —

Tom has been lying in bed for hours only in his boxers. His body now covered by his duvet, which had fallen to the floor during their earlier activities. His head, chest, and eyes ache from sobbing into his pillows. 

He hears four knocks at his door and with everything he hopes that it is M/n coming to apologize for rejecting him. To hold him and tell him that he was sorry, that he just freaked out, but that he loves Tom just as much as the other. 

“Tom?” The voice is his brothers. He groans into his pillow, his heart clenching as his hopes are crushed once again. “Tom, can I come in?” Bill doesn’t wait for an answer before he opens the door, only to see his older brother in shambles. 

“Fuck Tom, what happened?” Bill asks moving to sit behind Tom. Just at the question, everything comes running back to Tom and he starts to sob again. “Tom..” Bill whispers sadly, he has rarely ever seen Tom like this, only a couple of times. When he told Bill he no longer wanted to live and when their biological father had left them. Every time it broke Bill's heart.  

Bill rubs a hand up and down Tom’s sides before hugging him in an awkward position. “Bill, it hurts.” Tom turns around in his bed and hugs his brother's waist, needing some form of comfort. Despite knowing nothing of what happened, Bill continues to comfort Tom. 

“It’s okay, Tom. It’s okay.” He reassures, holding his brother back with as much force as his brother is holding him. It’s times like these where Bill wishes they never had a twin bond, being able to feel the amount of pain Tom is in makes him want to cry into his brother's arms too. But he can't. He knows that he has to hold his ground for Tom, just like Tom has always done for him.

“You need to take a shower, you smell,” Bill mumbles, the smell of sex still clinging to Tom’s skin. Bill releases Tom from his hug to go find him clothes to wear. Bill pulls Tom out of bed and drags him down the hall to the bathroom. 

Bill is observant of the way Tom hides his eyes, refusing to look to the door where their bandmate is probably sleeping. Bill is always observant, always noticing the little things about people, their changes in personality, or even changes between two people. The way a relationship might change between two individuals. Bill can tell that the relationship between Tom and M/n has changed very drastically, but he doesn’t want to assume, so he keeps his thoughts to himself. 

“I’ll be waiting for you in your room for when you’re done,” Bill tells Tom after he starts the water for him. Tom refuses to look at his brother, keeping his eyes casted on the ground before he nods slowly. Bill smiles comfortingly, despite knowing the other can’t see it, he hopes that he can at least feel it. 

Bill leaves the bathroom and makes his way to Tom’s room. He removes his sheets and brings it all down the laundry room to wash, then covers Tom’s bed in a new set of sheets. Tom takes long showers, so he doesn’t have to worry much about time. Once he’s done he makes his way to the room of the person he really wants to talk to. 

He knocks a couple of times before the door opens to a dishevelled boy. “What's up, Bill?” M/n asks, his words slightly slurred. Of course he knows. 

“Just wanna talk,” Bill says kindly. He is so good with faking what he’s thinking it's almost scary. M/n always claps Bill on the back for the way he handles all the bad shit said to him during interviews, he always smiles and nods while the rest of them struggle to sit still waiting to beat the shit out of the interviewer. I guess that's why Bill’s the frontman, he can keep his cool—most of the time at least. 

M/n says nothing, but opens his door wider as an invitation. He takes a seat on his bed while Bill sits on the chair across from him. 

“What did you do to Tom?” The question is anything but nice, Bill's sharp tone causing M/n to flinch slightly in his seat. 

“I didn’t–”

“Don't give me that bullshit, M/n. I know something happened between you two, he hasn't acted like this in a long time.” Bill stares pointedly at M/n, watching his every move. The way he nervously runs his hands up and down his thigh or bites at his nails. Bill hates when people bite their nails, simply because he does it himself and he hates that it’s a nervous tic he acquired. 

“How do you know it was me?” M/n refuses to meet the others eyes staring at his thighs or his floor. Wanting nothing more than to curl in on himself. It’s not his fault Tom caught feelings, it’s not his fault he's not ready for anything more than casual sex. 

“Because he was a lot happier when you were closer, nothing could break him this much besides you.” The way he words it strikes M/n hard, his eyes well up with tears, but he fights them with everything he has. 

He’s not ready for something like that. What Tom wants from him he can't give. He can’t be there for Tom like he should, he can’t show him the affection he deserves, Tom is so much better than M/n and deserves someone who will treat him like royalty. That isn’t him. 

“You know what has been going on between us, I know you do. I also know that you know exactly what happened, so stop asking me about it and ask your brother who should be more than happy to share his side of things.” M/n’s tone is harsh, finally looking at Bill with a glare, his hands in fists on his legs. Bill hates this side of M/n, the side of him that gets defensive at every wary glance or questioning stare. He can’t show that he is vulnerable so instead he attacks whoever tries to push him to that point. 

“You’re such an asshole, M/n,” Bill scoffs annoyed, before standing up and leaving his room with a slam of his door. It's not like he doesn't like Tom like that, because he does, he just can’t get involved. He’s too scared. 

— — — — —

Knowing that he is living under the same roof as the boy that just rejected him pains Tom. How is he supposed to live comfortably knowing that every moment they pass each other will be an uncomfortable moment? Or how will the shows be now? Fans will definitely be able to see the tension in their lack of chemistry on stage. Bild is going to catch wind and blow everything up in their face. 

Tom can just imagine the rumours going around about one of them leaving the band or being kicked out, just wanting to finish the tour before having to get a new member. If Tom hadn’t gone and ruined everything by saying those three fucking words, everything would still be normal. Or at least as normal as casual sex with your best friend can be. 

He sits on his bed wrapping a towel around the dreads he failed to keep dry under the shower. His eyes still ache from crying, he can imagine his face is red and puffy. Tom has never been this upset over rejection before, yeah obviously it’s happened in the past, but not in a while and usually not by someone he actually has feelings for. It's pathetic honestly. 

His thoughts are interrupted by Bill walking into his room. “Hey, you okay?” His voice is soft and kind, like it always is. Something Tom grew up hearing and still loves the way he can comfort him by the sound alone. 

“Yeah,” Tom mumbles, his voice hoarse. He always hated being vulnerable around people, especially his brother. He is the older brother even if it's only by a few minutes. Being the protector is just what he grew into, Bill shouldn’t have to worry about if he’s okay or not, that's not his responsibility. 

Bill takes a deep breath from beside him, his hands resting in his lap as he plays with his fingers. “I know what's been going on between you two, I’ve known for a while.” Tom's heart drops, shit. “And no, I don't hate you or anything for liking guys. I’ve had my fair share of exploring myself, I just hate to see this side of you Tom.” The guitarist's rising heart rate evens out and he tries to distract himself by squeezing the water out of his dreads. “I’m not saying you need to talk to me about it, but I'm opening that line of communication.”

Tom takes a deep breath trying to push himself away from the edge of tears, though even if he wanted to he probably doesn’t have anything left in him to cry. “It's been going on for a while, maybe a year now? Basically I told him I loved him, I don’t know why I would fucking say that.” Tom snickers hiding his head in his hands. 

“Tomi, that's not your fault.” Bill hugs Tom from the side, Tom hugging him back. “We were perfect Billa, then I just had to go and bring feelings into it.”

“That wouldn’t have worked out and you know that. Eventually, your feelings would have eaten you alive.” Of course he knows that, he knew that the second he started to catch feelings. He just wanted M/n to treat him even the slightest way of what he really needed from him and if that was just sex then that’s how it was. Tom would have to learn to deal with it. 

“Why doesn’t he love me, Billa?” Bill feels tears brim his eyes, Tom doesn’t deserve this. He deserves to feel loved and be loved, to be held and told that everything will be okay. 

“I’m not sure that's true, Tomi.” Bill knows that M/n likes him back, he just won't act upon it for whatever reason. Instead he leaves Tom to feel this awful pain like the selfish dickbag he is. 

“What do you mean?” Tom breaks out of the hug, looking at Bill for the first time in a couple hours. His eyes are red and puffy from crying, tear stains marking his cheeks. 

“M/n..He’s very closed off as I’m sure you know. You might’ve just freaked him out, maybe he feels the same way but is scared to make something of it.”

“I don’t get why though.” Tom looks away from Bill taking in what he said. Processing it slowly, does M/n really like him back? Is he just too scared to admit it to himself? Why would he let Tom feel like this if he did? 

“I don't either, Tomi.”

It doesn’t feel like it matters now though. Not when M/n probably won’t talk to him, won’t look at him— when M/n can barely be in the same room as Tom. Tom doesn’t want to lean into Bill's words, because what if Bill is wrong? What if M/n just hates him now and that’s that? Realistically, that’s probably it. Didn’t Tom cross such a line when he fell for M/n anyways? And to confess mid orgasm— the line has been erased, it’s gone, there is no line because now, after that, there is nothing. 

— — — — —

It’s been a couple of days, the behaviour from the two boys has raised suspicion from the G’s. They constantly try to corner one of them and ask what’s wrong, Bill usually comes to Tom's aid, but M/n is left to fend for himself. He comes up with bullshit excuses one after the other, of course Tom heard them all. Every time they would corner M/n he listens to what they’re saying, trying to figure out what he's going to say to get the G’s off his back. And each time he walks away more hurt than the last. 

It seems that whatever M/n says as an excuse is always putting the blame on Tom, “Toms just being moody…Tom tried to punch me or something…Tom can’t get his head straight…” Each fucking time it’s Tom, the fucking nerve M/n has to continuously blame him is astonishing. 

Then he has the nerve to try and talk to Tom? To try and get him to talk back to him? M/n has tried talking to Tom many times this week, knocking on his door in the middle of the night when Bill is asleep, cornering him while he gets himself food or a drink of water. Tom ignores him every time, sick and tired of listening to the lies he tells himself and everyone else. 

But tonight neither of them are lucky enough to avoid each other. The G’s and Bill have gone out to dinner and a movie, something that Tom and M/n aren't interested in. Surprise. Surprise. Yet, they hoped the other would be so they could get the house to themselves to just fucking think without the consistent noise. 

The first hour flies by fast, M/n locked away in his room while Tom sits on the couch downstairs watching a show he recently started. 

Around the second hour M/n grows restless, knowing that now is the only opportunity he’ll probably get to talk to Tom, so he throws on a shirt and walks downstairs. He sees Tom sitting on the couch, snacking on some skittles Bill bought for him. Bill always buys everyone something during his shopping sprees, this time M/n was the only one Bill didn’t buy anything for. 

He sits beside Tom despite his best judgement. Tom ignores him, refusing to look at him, offer him his food like he has in the past, or catch him up on the show. 

“Tomi.” M/n starts, his hand sweating nervously as he rubs them together. 

“Dont fucking call me that.” Tom snaps, still watching the TV. His hands in fists on his basketball shorts. 

“Tom, please talk to me, stop ignoring me. I like you too, Tom.” The other confesses, trying to get Tom to say anything to him. 

Tom looks over to M/n pissed off, his jaw clenched so much M/n fears that it hurts. “Stop ignoring you? After you let me sit in the pain of being rejected!” M/n says nothing, looking away from Tom. Regret seeping into him as his heart aches. “Why didn’t you fucking tell me?!” The million dollar question that M/n has some bullshit excuse for. Excuse after fucking excuse. 

“Because I was–I am scared.” 

“You were scared? Scared of what? Crawling out of your self centred shell?!” M/n’s heart speeds up. He’s terrified. Terrified of what that even means—being together. Being one, growing dependent on one another. How is he supposed to handle that? Especially with a boy in 2008. A boy. People get killed for shit like that all the time, they’re famous. How are they supposed to hide something that big from the entire world?

“Now Tom you know that’s not true,” M/n says trying to ease Tom away from his anger, pull him into him like he used to do every night. What if he can’t fix this? What if their relationship is really broken now? 

“Do I? I don’t even fucking know you any more! What else have you been hiding from me?!” Tom's words strike M/n. Does he really think that way? Does he think that he’s been hiding stuff from him like that? “You left me wondering if we were even still friends! You just left! What the hell was I supposed to think M/n? How was I supposed to feel?” Tom's eyes are wide, his heart is beating twice as fast and tears start to brim his eyes the more the conversation continues.

“Tom. I can’t tell you how to feel. I'm sorry, okay? I really am. I'm just. I am so fucking scared to be in a relationship right now and with a boy? That's even more scary. What if we can't hide it? You know the state of the world right now is not that good. How can we hide something that big from Bild or the fucking fans.” Tom stays quiet, allowing M/n to tell him everything. To share why exactly he let Tom sit on his broken heart for days while M/n spread lies about why they truly stopped talking. 

“I hate being famous sometimes Tom, everything we do, every time we breathe, its a fucking headiner. I don’t want to put you at risk, Tom. I love you and I am so fucking scared because ive never felt this way before, I dont know how to act upon this. I don't want to get hurt in the process.” M/ns crying now, tears falling quickly down his pale cheeks. He refuses to look at Tom, not wanting him to see him this vulnerable. 

Tom aches for him, but he can’t forgive him that fast. He can’t let M/n think what he did is okay, what he said to the G’s and what he let Tom believe. None of it is okay. Honestly, Tom doesn’t know if he can trust him right now. 

“I am too. I don’t want this to get out because of all the hate it will bring but I do still love you. If I'm going to be completely honest though, I don't know if I can trust you as I once did. After what you said to the G’s and how you handled this situation. You could’ve told me from the start M/n.” Tom looks at the other, the tears in his eyes falling, all of the emotions he hides under an angry mask falling. His heart clenches in his chest for all he wants to do is bring the other in his arms, hold him and be held back. But he can’t. 

“I need time, M/n, to recover from this. I don’t know how long, but I hope you can wait for me.” M/n smiles sadly, he knows that he fucked up. The way he handled all of this is just unbelievably fucked. It hurts knowing he can’t have Tom right now, but he’ll just have to deal with it. The same way Tom did. 

“I understand, Tom. I'll wait for you.” M/n pulls Tom into a hug, the other tensing at first before easing into his touch. Fuck. It would make his life so much easier to just forgive and forget right now, but he knows he shouldn't. The relationship would be strained and he can’t do that to M/n. He can’t do that to himself. 

— — — —

The months have passed by really fast. The band is on another tour, this time in the states. Somewhere they always wanted to stay for a long while and it just so happens that David decided that Tom and M/n would be rooming together in their hotel. He used the excuse that to buy five separate hotel rooms would be insane. Bill is the only one that got his own room, he practically begged the management, saying that if he didn’t he wouldn’t be his ‘best self’ or some bullshit like that. Both of them have grown more comfortable with each other, Tom starting to trust M/n more. Lean into his touches, reach out for closeness, things were finally going back to normal. 

So after a long night of clubbing, Tom and M/n make their way back to their shared room. Both of them have come down from the effects of the alcohol they drank, one could say they were completely sober. 

M/n struggles to get the keycard to work and allow the door to unlock so Tom knocks him to the side and does it himself. “First try,” Tom says with a smirk. Fucking cocky bastard. Both of them walk into the room, only to notice that it only has one bed. What fucking joke is being played right now?

Tom looks slightly bothered but continues further into the room, setting the stuff he brought with him on the side where the management had placed his bags. M/n makes his way to the opposite side of the room doing the same thing, both of them dig through their bags looking for something to sleep in for the night.

“M/n?” Tom calls out the others' names, still searching for something to wear.

“What's up?” 

“Can I borrow one of your sweatpants or shorts? I can't seem to find mine and I don't want to throw my clothes around.” M/n is a bit taken aback by the question but compiles anyway. 

“Yeah, sure.” M/n says searching through his bag for something that would fit Tom comfortably. Eventually settling on a pair of grey sweatpants. “Here.” He throws them in Toms direction, the other catching them with his hand before heading to the bathroom to change.

The second Tom walks out of the bathroom, M/n is left to face his feelings head on. Yeah, Tom has worn his clothes before, but he looks so good in that pair of grey sweatpants M/n gave him. M/n always likes when Tom wears tighter clothing, now is no different. 

And there’s that stupid warmth in M/n’s heart again– the kind that he could never truly ignore. Yeah, sure, he wants nothing more than to fuck Tom stupid after seeing him in his clothes; but under all of that, he wants to hold Tom close and whisper promises of love into his ear until he never doubts how M/n feels. 

“What?” Tom asks, genuinely confused by the others stare. 

M/n’s adams apple bobs as he swallows his rising nerves. “Nothing, you just look really good in my clothes.”

Tom’s cheeks dust pink, but he ignores it as he continues to drop off his dirty clothes into his bag. “I love you M/n.” He whispers more so to himself, not expecting the other to respond. 

Despite how much they’ve changed over the past couple of months, he's still scared. Scared M/n will wake up one day and change his mind, scared he’s too much to handle, scared that M/n won’t want such a big commitment after seeing how Tom is like in a relationship. Every day he seems to be reminding himself that the other has changed. M/n tries to be physical with him without breaking his boundaries, tries to get closer to him, to understand him better and Tom really does appreciate that. But still, there's a thought in the back of his mind terrified to start something with him. 

“I love you too, Tomi,” The other says back, his voice seemingly closer than it was a second ago, almost directly behind the guitarist. Is he really ready for this? Ready for something this big? It’s a big step in their relationship, something that will change them forever. A commitment that will change the vibe of the band altogether if something were to happen between them, is that worth the risk? Is M/n worth that risk? 

His heart beats heavy against his ribs as he leans his face closer to M/n’s, his lips right next to the shell of his ear.

“Prove it.” He whispers before pulling back and gently pressing their lips together, both of their eyes fluttering closed. The kiss is warm, familiar, not rushed like their others. M/n’s lips are soft against his. Tom’s heart feels like it's going to burst out of his chest, his nerves jittering inside of him with both fear and want. The warmth blooming in his heart is overwhelming, yet familiar, something he has always pushed aside not wanting to give himself to the feeling. He wants to feel loved, he wants to feel needed, desired. He wants to feel it in every touch, every kiss, every whisper against his skin. He wants to really feel it. “Make love to me.”

It is then when M/n falls under Tom's spell for once, pushing their lips together roughly. Something he missed so much. Their breathing becomes hard and ragged together, touches go from light to needy.

M/n holds Tom’s face in his hands, feeling the soft tears falling from his eyes—relief. “I love you so much, baby.” M/n reassures, pulling Tom impossibly closer. They both taste of alcohol and cigarettes from earlier that night. 

Tom is the first to pull away, “I thought I had lost you, that I fucked stuff up so bad between us that you would never talk to me again.” Tom refuses to look in M/n’s eyes, keeping his eyes on his hands playing with the hem of the other's shirt. 

M/n grabs Tom’s chin, forcing the guitarist to look at him. “You will never lose me, Tom. Never.” He brushes his hands through his dreads, grabbing the base of Tom’s neck and pushing his face back into his. The kiss is deep, desperate, longing, a sensation neither of them allowed themselves to feel. Tom feels drunk on M/n, the way his hands slide from his neck to his chest, smoothing out his shirt, or the way his mouth pulls on his lip piercing. M/n drives him crazy. 

M/n starts to suck on his piercing, playing with the jewellery on Tom’s lip, eliciting a quiet moan from the other. Tom does the same, sucking on M/n’s upper lips as the other controls them, moving them closer to the bed. M/n’s lips move from his lips, down his jawline, then his neck, finding his sweet spot almost instantly. Heat rises in Tom’s stomach as he presses himself further into M/n. 

M/n’s butterfly-like kisses grow deeper, pulling Tom under. Deep, needy kisses glue to his neck, dragging small moans from Tom. The guitarist grows hotter the more the seconds pass and oh does it affect M/n too. The sound of Tom’s panting and breathy moans shoots bolts down to M/n’s groin almost making the other grind his hips down. The idea of making love to Tom, the person he’s been lusting over—loving—for years now causes his head to fill with fog and desire. 

M/n leads Tom further onto the mattress, pushing him down against the pillows on the top of the bed, his hands skillfully working Tom’s shirt from his body as Tom does the same to him. Soon both of them are only in their boxers, grabbing at each other with desperate hands. 

Tom’s head is filled with beautiful fog, only focused on the way M/n’s mouth follows a line down his chest. His nipple is caught in the other's mouth, his mouth pulling and nipping at the sensitive skin. Tom grows restless, needing something more. He grinds up into M/n hoping the other will meet his hips and give him that long awaited friction he’s needed for months.

Thankfully, he gets the message, following Tom’s hips back into the mattress, pressing him further into the black satin sheets. He whimpers, holding his hand over his mouth to muffle the sound so that his brother in the next room doesn't hear their activities. M/n sucks and bites at his nipples hard, pulling moans from the deepest parts of his chest, leaving marks on every part of Tom's body he allows him to touch.

When M/n pulls away to admire the way Tom looks under him, he is greeted with the sight of a rightfully debauched boy. His cheeks dust pink, his hand covers his mouth, and his chest rises and falls at a quick pace.

“Please, M/n. I need you,” Tom pants, removing his hand from his mouth to pull the other closer to him, urging him to do more. 

“Of course, angel.” M/n softly kisses Tom’s parted lips as his hand trails to the waistband of Tom’s boxers.

“Oh god, please.” Tom begs, thrusting his hips into M/n’s hand with a whimper. 

M/n removes both of their boxers and presses their naked cocks together harshly, pulling groans from both of them. Tom’s hands rush to meet M/n’s chest, brushing his hands over his nipples and over his muscular shoulder before trailing his hands down to his waist, squeezing the excess skin. M/n almost loses his footing, consumed by the feeling of Tom’s hands on his body. 

They both crave the intimate touch of the other. “I need you, M/n. Fuck just hurry.” M/n takes that as his sign to start stretching Tom. He grabs the lube he had hidden in a pocket of his bag and opens it with shaky hands. Yes, they’ve done this before, but it didn’t mean as much as it does now. 

He coats his fingers in a thick layer, before pressing his first finger into Tom, completely ignoring the ritual he developed. He just needs Tom, now more than ever. He loosens him quickly, always slightly pushing against his prostate, teasing him, leaving the other a moaning mess.

“Are you ready?” M/n asks with a light kiss on the side of Tom’s collarbone. 

“Please.” Tom’s head fills with worry, not about the sex about what comes after. They need to talk, think about their options before they move into something more serious. Tom needs to talk to Bill, get his opinion and hope that he doesn’t fill his head with opposite emotions. 

M/n pushes into Tom, pulling Tom out of his worries. Tom’s arms wrap around the others shoulders the further he pushes in. Despite having done this many times, he will never get used to the feeling of being stretched in places deeper than M/n’s fingers could reach. 

M/n thighs shake from holding back the need to thrust in and out of Tom at a fast pace. His breath quickens as he is enveloped further into Tom. Tom is divine. His voice, his touch, the way he can bend M/n to his will, he loves every part of Tom. His being is angelic and he took that for granted before, but never will he do that again. 

M/n's skin burned under the pressure of Tom's fingernails, as Tom’s chest heaved. Tom’s legs were wrapped around his thighs, breathy little ahhhs escaping his lips. M/n waits for Tom to feel comfortable to start the pace himself and only begins to move when Tom rocks into his cock. The feeling almost overwhelming at first, M/n hits Tom’s prostate with precision each time M/n thrusts back into him. 

The heat in each of them flows into their body stronger, almost burning them. It moves from their chests to their abdomens, steadily holding onto their bodies and building more and more with each deep push. 

Tom’s breathing speeds up and they both know that he’s close. Close to being pushed over that edge he’s been yearning for, for months. Months he went untouched by M/n longing for a moment where the other would hug him or brush their hands together. He buries his face into M/n’s neck, his hot breath warming the other’s skin. 

“I’m close… Faster.” Tom huffs out of breath, thrusting his hips into M/n in time with the others pace. Growing their heat into a ball of fire. 

Tom is the first to expel that heat, falling from heaven as his thighs shake and his hips jerk back into M/n. M/n uses him, pressing against his prostate with each thrust leaving Tom to cry and whine at the overstimulation and abuse on his body. M/n falls over the edge too, falling onto Tom as he comes down from his high, his body shaking still. 

He slides off of the guitarist and lays beside him, both of them breathing heavily. 

“Thank you,” Tom pants, holding his arm on his forehead. His eyes are closed, reminiscing the pleasure he just felt. It is nothing like the way they would fuck every night, this is far different. This holds more importance. This is real. 

“I love you, Tom.” M/n whispers into the other's hair, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him towards his chest. He means it and he hopes that Tom can feel his honesty in each word. 

“I love you too.” Tom mumbles tiredly, pushing himself back into M/n’s embrace allowing the other to hold him. For the first time in a while, Tom finds comfort in M/n’s embrace, missing it. With each breath fanning over his neck from the other or the way his chest presses more into his back as he inhales, he falls into a deeper sleep. Realizing only then that M/n never needed to prove it to him, he meant it from the start. He never wanted to hurt Tom, he needs Tom just as much as Tom needs him. Tom soon falls asleep to the feeling of the others' steady heart rate on his back, lulling him to sleep. 

— — — —

M/n is awake when Tom opens his eyes, Tom smiles as he rubs at his aching eyes. The events from the night before stir in his mind and for the first time in a while he's scared. He's scared of M/n, scared of what happened, scared of what's to come. He needs to think. He needs breathing room, but he fears that he’s already asked too much of M/n. He’s asked him to wait and he did just that, but if he asks him again after coming onto him it would just seem like he's playing him. Tom just needs to be careful, he doesn’t want his heart broken again. 

Tom gets out of bed first, stretching his aching body from the hours of playing on stage last night and the partying. His head pounds, despite getting back sober he still feels hungover. His body catches up to him too fast sometimes. M/n just watches him, almost scared that if he makes the wrong move Tom will leave him again. Though that is highly unfair for him to say. 

Tom walks to the bathroom to relieve himself and to think about everything. To put everything in his head onto a platter and observe what he’s feeling. He’s never been good with his feelings, always trying to shove them away into some hidden compartments, but now more than ever he needs to actually think about what he wants from this.  

Soon he hears rustling from outside the door, clearly M/n trying to figure out how to use the shitty coffee machine in the hotel room. His attempts seem to be futile by the continuous swearing coming from beyond the door. 

Tom wants this. He wants to wake up next to the other every day, be allowed to casually kiss him without having to worry about crossing a line, he wants him. He wants what M/n can offer. Tom is ready to open himself up to the other and put all his trust in him. He wants to do it right this time.

The guitarist opens the bathroom door and laughs at the sight before him. M/n struggling with the coffee machine, clearly on the edge of throwing it out the window.

“Look at you, trying to be a good boyfriend and make me coffee.” Tom smiles, leaning against the doorframe to the bathroom. 

M/n looks at him shocked, freezing for a moment, his mouth agape. “Well it's the least a boyfriend can do, but apparently the stupid coffee machine doesn't work. So how about I take you to that cafe instead,” M/n says, walking over towards Tom, grabbing him by the waist and kissing him softly. Memories from last night flood Tom's brain, that same kiss planted on every part of his body, the marks there to remind him when he takes a shower later. 

Tom hums into the kiss, “Maybe you should.” He smiles, kissing him again. “Let me take a shower then we can go.” 

His words reassure M/n, let him know that last night had been okay. That he trusts M/n.

“Okay, baby.” M/n smiles at Tom, before gently pushing him towards the bathroom to take a shower so they can leave as soon as possible. Neither of them really wanting to run into the rest of the band knowing the fact that they were very vocal last night and the hickeys covering Tom’s neck would be a dead giveaway. 

As Tom stands in the shower he has his time to think, to reflect on the past few months. Everything that went down with M/n. He comes to the realization that he can do this now; sharing his time with M/n without a nagging panic in the back of his mind telling him to turn tail and run. M/n wants him and he wants M/n. More than ever, he wants the domestic moments, going on dates, making breakfast together, and the more intimate side of the other. He wants everything and anything M/n is willing to offer and M/n wants the exact same thing. 

[they-breasted-boobily]

Ways the plot of tua s4 could have been improved while including a lot of the same storyline:

It goes without saying that a 6 episode season was too rushed for even the shitty plot we got given, but I'll mention that these ideas would have worked better for an 8-10 episode season. Or maybe you could use them for fics or comics- I'd love to see them!

1. The careers and new lives of non-powered umbrellas: While Lila, Klaus, and Viktor had decent set-ups, the others seemed out of place. Diego's personality and desire to be a hero would have been better suited to a mall cop or traffic cop, where he feels undervalued and underutilised, rather than just beaten down as a delivery driver for jokes about peeing in a bottle. Luther only mentioned Sloane a couple of times in the entire series- with more than 6 episodes, it could have been possible to give flashbacks of him trying to get back to her, but her not recognising him and not being romantically interested. Not sure what changes could be made to his job or housing though. Allison's setup was mostly fine, but we really should have been given an explanation for why Raymond left- maybe lean into the horror of being taken from your time and timeline raising a daughter you suddenly have? Five would not work for the CIA except as a double-agent, either that or he would be retired as a fishing supplies store owner. Ben is his own whole point later in this post.

2. The marigold sake shots: I feel like this plot point added to Ben just being an asshole and scapegoat for the entire season, which could benefit from major changes. If left relatively unchanged, the fact that Klaus threw it over his shoulder could have led to greater implications if it landed on an unknown person behind them and gave them powers. This person could have been the subject of an episode or two as they were tracked down when it was necessary.

3. Ben's character: While s3 Sparrow Ben was a dick, he was not as edgy, conceited, or self-absorbed as he was in s4. I think it's fine to start his arc with him leaving prison, but making the crime as major as crypto fraud (just because you think it's funny) makes it much more difficult for him to seem likeable and relateable to Jessica or anyone else. If the crime was something more minor, or he was framed/unfairly jailed it could set up a revenge/redemption arc from the get-go. With his relationship with Jessica, it would have benefited from being more of a slow burn, or if the gradual unnatural obsession had more than 6 episodes to build up.

4. The subway romance: While I can almost understand why it was Five and Lila due to their history working together and especially using time travel together, I think if Five needed a romance (which I don't but show writers can't stand having one member of the main cast never being in a relationship), it should have been someone he met while on that 7 year subway adventure (probably an older woman) and settled with in Strawberry Tradwife timeline while Lila keeps looking for a way out for the sake of her children. Lila would find the journal a few months later and using both it and the subway map, get back to Five because she still needs his powers to get entirely out of the subway system. Could you imagine a scene with Lila trying to convince Five to leave the peaceful Strawberry Tradwife life he's always wanted after dealing with the trauma of being stuck in time twice?

5. Klaus's return to addiction: I think Klaus's arc could have definitely benefited from the season being longer. If there was a slower burn towards his addiction returning and his confrontation with Claire and if she stressed more that he didn't need to go down this path again, it could have really been impactful. The ghost sex trafficking thing was gross but if that was the only way to get him buried alive then so be it, because having him in a situation where he would have to directly face his trauma from the mausoleum and become stronger would be so good for the sendoff of his character. Maybe that could have been the point where he learned how to levitate?

6. Reginald and false memories: Why was the fact that he's literally not human and crafted this timeline so he could have as much power as possible (including a militia town) not explored at all? The plot should have revolved a lot more around at least verifying what he was saying about marigold and durango, if not about handing him a final defeat for this final season. Everything around him killing Ben led to huge plot holes (why wouldn't Klaus know the truth from Ben's ghost? Ben easily could have been spared and only Jessica shot. Why was Jessica being in a squid never explained?). While it's interesting to see the Umbrellas all give a brainwashed explanation for Ben's death, it couldn't be something as blatant as that, because Klaus would have to know even if everyone else was brainwashed. The brainwashing is an idea with promise, but it should have been something like Ben and Jessica being consumed by the giant squid together because Ben went against orders.

What other things could have been changed? I personally liked the CIA subplot, especially as it taught Diego to appreciate his family more. I also found Jean and Gene and the Cleanse conspiracy theorists to be fun new mini-villains.

[quitealotofsodapop]

[You did send a less detailed version of this ask a few days ago, I just hadn't gone through my inbox enough XD] + [I love the detailed responses though! It's nice to see so much interest in my silly aus!]

okay! I thought I sent one but I couldn't quite remember if I did XD Sometimes I feel like I ramble too much so I'm glad you like these! if it's not to much trouble do you mind answer the og post, you don't have to actually make any comments on it contents but I'm keeping notes on Slow boiled au for the fanfic I'm writing and their might be some details in there I forgot about, thank you.

[Peaches. Some days his brain/body just decides "Eww no. bleh. Spit it out right now" and the nausea hits him hard. Wukong is dismayed whenever it happens.]

at some point in s3 MK walks in on Monkey King crying over a peach with a single bite taken out of it, Wukong having gotten emotional when he his body couldn't handle the peach + stress (I headcanon that part of his obsession with peaches are because peaches are a comfort food for him, so not being able to eat one when stressed hit him pretty hard).

[Think of it like the formation of a geode - it can do it either over a natural couple of centuries, or in a few months with intervention.]

the geode comparison is really cool! especially considering it's a stone egg.

[it's possible MK *remembers* being held by someone soft with a round belly + gold eyes. He assumes throughout his life that this person was his birth mother before he was given up/orphaned.]

imagine monkey king asking MK about his family, wantingto know how his brother's reincarnations are doing, and MK talks about them then mentions he was actually adopted and MK offhandedly mentioning the one memory he has of his "birth mother" to Monkey king and monkey king just being like "oh. oh no."

[So that Stone Egg been slow boiling from anywhere between 1394 to 1116 years. 0_o] + [Either way SWK has beaten Lao Tzu/Zi's mom (pregnant for 62-80 years), and def brags about that fact to whatever immortal will hear.]

honestly, after that long, he's earned bragging rights.

[DBK overhears LBD making threatening references to Wukong's conditon and immediately interrupts her villainy bs to yell at his sworn brother.]

LBD just giving up and leaving as the two bicker is hilarious. it also has the affect of eleveating some of Wukong's stress about LBD returning, and making him feel better about the rift between him and his brother once DBK accepts his proposal to be the egg's godparent. evn if offering such a title to someone other then Ao Lie leaves a bittersweet taste in his mouth. he knows Ao Lie would't mind him giving the title to someone he trusted, but he'd always been so sure that someone would be Ao Lie.

[After the initial shock wears off, PIF immediately summons a catalog to look for baby shower supplies. This is a monumentous occassion!]

all negitive feelings are forgotten when the excitement of a new baby within the sworn family is brought into everything + learning that Wukong very possibly could have lost his own child by helping with the Samadhi fire ritual, something he did becuase he was one of the few who could help them from losing their own child. from mother to mother(?), she understands how hard of a call that must have been to make.

[She ofc assumes it's Macaque's fault (she's not wrong XD) and that this might be her future sworn niece/nephew! She simply must organise everything for her idiot sworn brother and his mate!]

when Yuebei is born and has dark fur and glowing ears she feels it is confirmed that her assumption Macaque was the other parent was correct, no one corrects her about the bio parent situation.

[Red blinks in confusion before confronting the Monkie Kid gang about it later. Mei demands PIF's contact details right that second so that they can swap party ideas.]

red son is just going "WTH WTH WTH" the whole time as they explain, Mei would absolutely insert herself into baby shower planing the moment the idea is brought up.

[Macaque spends most of S3 trying to bat away any thoughts/predictive sounds of a happy domestic life him and Wukong cna have together.]

its dangerous to be thinking of such things with the lady bone demon breathing down his neck, but he can't help it. it gets overwhelming sometimes, the sounds of domestic moments from the past mixing with possible futures leave him questioning what it is exactly he wants anymore. but those are thoughts to process when LBD is defeated and the world isn't on the cusp of being destroyed. now of Wukong didn't put himself and the egg in one of the most compramising positions ever by being possessed in the meantime, that would be great. he makes up his mind the moment a just freed monkey king collapses into his arms crying like this is the only hug he's ever had in his life.

[Yuebei's first immortal kill is in fact LBD, preformed before she was even born. Once the switch "flipped" on the possesed SWK, the Egg recognised LBD as both a threat to her parent and a tasty source of Dao, hence; nom-nom-nom.] + [All thats left behind of the ancient bone demon is a picked-clean skull.]

not even out of the womb and already earning her "god killer" title. Wukong always guessed any kid that was solely his would be a menace, but now he's starting to get a little concerned.

I was doing some doodles for this au and I had the idea of Yuebei getting a staff of her own from her parents and I wanted it to have something to do with LBD's skull, but I couldn't make the design work. so I actually had the idea of her having her staff and wearing the front of LBD's skull like a mask. she legit wearing the skeletal face of her first kill, creepy, stylish, and effective at scaring off her enemies.

[Ah, a fellow party crasher, just like her baba.]

Wukong appreciates the hustle, but could she be a menace to everyone except him and is poor body please? he just got put through hell and now he's gotta get this egg outta him and that's probably gonna be less fun then getting possessed.

[Wukong and Macaque can barely enjoy the bowl of noodles they've stolen (in good humor) from MK when Wukong's face just drops from a shift in his body.]

Macaque feels Wukong's body suddenly go rigid and is confused, then he sees the look on Wukong's face and just knows. as soon as Wukong starts ordering Ne Zha to go get Guanyin he's instantly fussing and getting things ready for the undoubtedly long few hours ahead. surprisingly, the two monkeys are basically the only ones not panicking at this point, them and Guanyin once they're on the scene.

[Tang: "Oh gracious Buddha! The bodhisattva Guanyi herse-- oh gosh this is a lot grosser than I was expecting..." *gets woozy and hides face in Pigsy's chest*]

no matter the incarnation, every reincarnation of the golden cicada is squeamish.

[Imagine how much crying would be involved if little Yuebei just so happened to be born six-eared as well?] + [Hard to refute their claims when the little Monkey Princess has such lovely midnight-dark fur and glowing ears.]

I like to think that she wouldn't have his six sensitive ears because she didn't actually have the genetics for it, but her appearance could still be pushed so her ears do still glow a little.

even if their aren't six ears, the instant Macaque sees her ears glowing he would not be able to stop himself from squealing with joy and practically side tackling Wukong as he is incoherently babbling about how much he loves her.

[He def recorded a tape + wrote letters to Yuebei before she was born ala "For Steven" in Steven Universe... just in case his immortality didn't work in the end.]

he def let Guanyin know before hand so that if things did go wrong they'd know the tapes/letters were there to give to his infant.

[Little Yuebei spent so much time in the "final run" hearing show tunes, action movies, and the voices of Wukong's new found family/troop that she thinks theses are all "good noises"!]

this is super cute!

but to make a good thing angsty, what if she also has "bad noises" that she associates with certain things. what if when they first met Azure she was super aggressive towards him at first because she "remembers" hearing him being really mean and/or straight up hurting Wukong at some point in the journey. and what if she also isn't that trusting of macaque at first because she also only ever "heard" him when he was in the process of trying to hurt her baba and his friends, both in his first life and now in his second. this def upsets Macaque but also he did do that so he's the one who's gotta make up for it, luckily yuebei seems to warm up to him quickly when she sees him and Wukong being cuddly and reconciling.

[Yuebei decided that "Kitty" wasn't playing with her, wasn't holding her right, and wasn't even singing to her! And she wanted to make her frustrations known.]

c'mon Azure, if you're gonna hold a super strong baby that already doesn't like you the least you can do is try and keep her happy and preoccupied. he's got no one but himself to blame

sequel to this post!

Im uber excited to read more your fic btw!

[I headcanon that part of his obsession with peaches are because peaches are a comfort food for him, so not being able to eat one when stressed hit him pretty hard]

Wukong associates peaches with 1: Food security, 2: His Immortality, and most importantly, 3: His friendship/romance with Macaque. So his body deciding to reject peaches is a huge stresser for him, which leads to more stress and more nausea and less peaches, in an endless cycle. Peach chips at least dont seem to trigger the worst of his food adversion though, the crunchy chip texture seems to cancel it out.

[...MK talks about them then mentions he was actually adopted and MK offhandedly mentioning the one memory he has of his "birth mother" to Monkey king and monkey king just being like "oh. oh no."]

Oh MK sweetie no... :(

And the Monkey King is just silent cus he knows who MK is talking about [him], and even if SWK didn't create MK in the au, he was still the one to decide to send him to live among mortals for his own good. So the idea that MK potientially remembers Wukong from this time is a huge shock to him.

Wukong: "...your mother, what did they look like?"

MK, clueless: "Umm... their hair was a warm orange-y color. Like the sun. And I think their eyes was this really shiny yellow, or maybe amber colour? Oh! And they had this round stomach - I remember hugging it..." *gets kinda wistful* "I don't know why I'm not with them anymore, but hope they're doing ok if they're still out there."

Wukong, hand ghosting over his stomach: "You and me both bud."

[DBK accepts his proposal to be the egg's godparent. evn if offering such a title to someone other then Ao Lie leaves a bittersweet taste in his mouth. he knows Ao Lie would't mind him giving the title to someone he trusted, but he'd always been so sure that someone would be Ao Lie.]

Wukong def was hit hard by Ao Lie's passing. It pains him to give the godparent title to anyone else, but he knows when push comes to shove; his older sworn brother will be there to protect his infant. Ao Lie would just be glad that Wukong meant his offer all those centuries ago.

[all negitive feelings are forgotten when the excitement of a new baby within the sworn family is brought into everything + learning that Wukong very possibly could have lost his own child by helping with the Samadhi fire ritual, something he did becuase he was one of the few who could help them from losing their own child. from mother to mother(?), she understands how hard of a call that must have been to make.]

PIF has to give Wukong mega-respect; putting himself and his baby on the line for the health of her own. Even if she considers it so stupid to agree to such a dangerous ritual when Wukong knew he was carrying, PIF just looks over at Red Son, alive and healthy, and just hugs Wukong the next time she sees him. Although she hasn't been the most welcoming sworn sister-in-law, she vows to make it up to him for saving her child from the Samadhi Fire.

A decent proper baby shower is first on her list of repayments.

[when Yuebei is born and has dark fur and glowing ears she feels it is confirmed that her assumption Macaque was the other parent was correct, no one corrects her about the bio parent situation.]

PIF just side-eyeing Macaque whenever she sees him, convinced from the talk of the two's bad breakup + Macaque not initially knowing about the pregnancy; that her lil sworn bro is the baby-daddy. And when Yuebei is born having "imprinted" on Wukong's yearning/love for Macaque...

PIF: *seeing the baby's dark fur and glowing ears* PIF (whispering so not to wake the baby): "I fcking knew it." Macaque: *is too tired/proud to argue with her* "Yeaaah..." :')

[red son is just going "WTH WTH WTH" the whole time as they explain, Mei would absolutely insert herself into baby shower planing the moment the idea is brought up.]

Red has no idea what to do in response to all this baby talk, so he just; tries to apologise to SWK for setting him on fire a bunch as a toddler??

Wukong appriciates the effort.

Mei, PIF and Jiuweihuli get talking and soon Wukong is looking at a baby shower akin to a red carpet event.

[...but those are thoughts to process when LBD is defeated and the world isn't on the cusp of being destroyed. now of Wukong didn't put himself and the egg in one of the most compramising positions ever by being possessed in the meantime, that would be great. he makes up his mind the moment a just freed monkey king collapses into his arms crying like this is the only hug he's ever had in his life.]

Macaque spends episodes asking himself he truly wants to rebuild his and Wukong's relationship, and when the king holds him tight like he's about to disappear - Macaque decides to stay for good.

[not even out of the womb and already earning her "god killer" title.]

Imagine you're a random Celestial or demon and you hear the dreaded "God Killer" is gonna be at an event, and it's a tiny baby monkey in a papoose strapped to the Monkey King, or his many terrifying sworn family members.

You'd honestly be more afraid of that baby.

[I was doing some doodles for this au and I had the idea of Yuebei getting a staff of her own from her parents and I wanted it to have something to do with LBD's skull, but I couldn't make the design work. so I actually had the idea of her having her staff and wearing the front of LBD's skull like a mask. she legit wearing the skeletal face of her first kill, creepy, stylish, and effective at scaring off her enemies.]

Oh that sounds so cool!!! Her divine skull weapon being a mask made from the skull of her first kill that she uses to channel her deadly power - like turning the Medusa's head into a shield. Her staff being a gift from her parents that has no inate magic ability beyond the fact that she puts her trust in it as her first "real" weapon.

I can imagine she uses a glamour/quick magic to put the skull/mask on (like Dr Facillier in "Friends on the Other Side") as a way of saying "You're f*cked" to her opponents.

I'm excited to see how your drawings go!

[-the two monkeys are basically the only ones not panicking at this point, them and Guanyin once they're on the scene.]

Wukong and Macaque are def panicking, though its more an excited kind of panicking. Nezha and MK are def screaming. Guanyin is the only one with a cool head the entire time.

Pigsy is good at pretending he isn't worried, but he ends up tearing apart the campsight's kitchen in a hurry to make enough food for everyone. Especially when DBK and PIF realise what's happening, and are posted incase Wukong's baby causes as much trouble for him as Red did to them.

[I like to think that she wouldn't have his six sensitive ears because she didn't actually have the genetics for it, but her appearance could still be pushed so her ears do still glow a little.

even if their aren't six ears, the instant Macaque sees her ears glowing he would not be able to stop himself from squealing with joy and practically side tackling Wukong as he is incoherently babbling about how much he loves her.]

Oh gosh, Mac and Wukong just see Yuebei for the first time. She's still kinda gross, having *just* busted out of her thin ambiotic shell. Her fur dark... And her little ears glowing?! Both monkey parents are sobbing, especially when they learn that Yuebei was unconciously trying her best to look like Macaque's baby with the limited genetics available. Wukong has multiple centuries of love to dish out, and Macaque is catching up fast.

[he def let Guanyin know before hand so that if things did go wrong they'd know the tapes/letters were there to give to his infant.]

Guanyin has a secret stash in the Southern Ocean of all the letters and tapes (and even some drawings of what she might have looked like) Wukong ever made for Yuebei, in case he wasn't able to give them to her in person. Yuebei ends up finding them when she's a moody teenager, mad at her baba for something stupid.

Pre-series; In absense of any other godparent... I bet Wukong would have trusted Yuebei with Guanyin if possible. The goddess would have gladly taken the infant had Wukong not survived the birth, though it would pain her for many centuries to come.

[but to make a good thing angsty, what if she also has "bad noises" that she associates with certain things...] + [...and what if she also isn't that trusting of macaque at first because she also only ever "heard" him when he was in the process of trying to hurt her baba and his friends] + [...luckily yuebei seems to warm up to him quickly when she sees him and Wukong being cuddly and reconciling.]

ooohhhh :(

Wukong walks in after letting Mac take care of Yuebei while he was out, only to come back to see both of them crying. Yuebei is doing this sort of furious wailing while Mac just looks defeated.

Macaque: "She hates me!!" Wukong, picks up Yuebei: "No she doesn't plum. She cries at eveything." Yuebei: *calms down at sound of Wukong's voice* Macaque: "No! She started crying when I tried talking to her! And when I tried soothing her it just got worse and worse and-!!" (*Wukong places a soft hand on Mac's cheek, quieting him*) Wukong: "She'll warm up to you. Just be patient." Macaque: *leans into Wukong's hand, still crying." Yuebei: *looks confused before slapping a fat little hand on Mac's face in mimicry of her baba. chirping with delight* Macaque: :')

Once the relationship between Wukong and Mac improves, so does the baby's reaction to Mac's voice (symbolism). She finally starts to associate the "bad" voice with her bama, and soon it's not a "bad voice" anymore. Though there probably is a weird bridge-point where Mac has to put on silly accents/voices when he baby-talks to Yuebei or else she'll get mad at him.

[c'mon Azure, if you're gonna hold a super strong baby that already doesn't like you the least you can do is try and keep her happy and preoccupied. he's got no one but himself to blame]

I can just imagine Azure is too preoccupied with his plans for the Celestial Realm (and plans for Wukong), and fails to notice Yuebei getting more and more fussy as he holds her (poorly). Her face contorts like she's constipated and slowly gets redder and redder with anger.

Yellowtusk immediately notices and warns Azure to let the cub down so she can at least crawl and inspect her new surroundings. Peng laughs at the thought of letting "the hatchling" decide the terms of her imprisonment.

Then Peng feels a tiny, but powerful, hand grab their wing feathers...

Yellowtusk leaves before the carnage reaches him.

[dax-enfinity]

If you have any Natleo thoughts/headcanons, I'd love to hear 'em (I love these goobers so much istg)

Hey Ellie !!

Lmao I love them too, natleo so silly

Personally I like it when as a couple they serve as a direct contrast to Nicoby, but it’s also my guilty pleasure where Nicoby are actually together now and those two are THE SLOWEST SLOWBURN OF ALL SLOWBURNS.

I mean, imagine Nat going to Nico for advice and to ask him on how Leo’s like, then there’s Toby making it his duty to become Leo’s wingman to try and get the two of them together.

Those two are absolute STUPID for each other.

They like each other mutually, but the two of them are too scared to make a move on the other.

I can imagine some convo going like this:

Natalie (internally): What if he thinks I’m weird? What if he gets freaked out by my stitches if I ever tried to kiss him? What if he got grossed out over the whole ‘clock-eye replacement’ thing…? What if his friends think I’m weird and scary and—…!

Leo (suffering, ranting to Toby): What if she thinks I’m a loser?! What if she distances herself from me due to what she’s gone through…?! I mean, I’m just a regular guy! There’s nothing ‘hardcore’ or ‘edgy’ about me like you! There’s nothing special about me compared to her! What could she even see in me?!

Natleo would 100% be more healthier than Leo/Calypso, and I will stand by this wholeheartedly.

AND NAT IS A SERIAL KILLER…!

Okay, now onto headcanons:

Big Spoon Nat

Little Spoon Leo

Nat snores when she sleeps, but Leo doesn’t mind it, he actually finds it adorable and so cute

Nat has a bike, not a motorcycle, but a bike, and one time it broke down and Leo helped Nat with getting it fixed up

Do NOT bring these two idiots to karaoke, it’s even worse if you bring them to karaoke night together

Nat helps teach Leo how to cook, it’s a stress-free habit she picked up a while back, to get her mind off things

Leo drools when he sleeps

Nat finds it hilarious that Leo drools when he sleeps, and secretly, she takes funny photos of him while he’s asleep

Leo is a dog person

Nat is a cat person

Leo learns how to sew and he constantly worried on the chance that he’ll have to sew one of Nat’s injuries if she ever comes back with something like an open wound

Leo and Nat meet out of the blue, they end up getting closer after finding out that they both know Nico and Toby

Leo was HEAD OVER HEELS for Nat when they first met

To Leo’s demise Toby forcibly becomes his wingman, Toby makes it his mission to get Nat and Leo together

Leo helps Nat get over her insecurities

And viceversa

When they first met, Leo had an imaginary rivalry going on with Helen (Bloody Painter) in his head, on the other side of things, Helen had NO IDEA that Leo wanted to punch his lights out when they first met

For context on Leo’s imaginary one-sided rivalry with Helen, for a while, Leo thought that Helen was in love with Nat, due to them being close and all, but nope, he was wrong, those two are just friends thankfully

Leo is the type of guy to try to win Nat prizes and fairs and carnivals yet he fails miserably at it

Nat wins the prizes on her first try

When the rest of the seven/other demigods met Toby and found out about the CreepyPasta’s and what Nico was doing during those months he dipped, Leo was probably the first person to stand up for Nico in that situation.

He kept assuring the other that, yeah Toby’s got issues! But he’s a cool dude! Genuinely! Really funny and smart guy!

And then, when the rest of the seven/other demigods met Nat for the first time, Nico returned Leo the favor, and stood up for him.

These two are so cute together!

I love them.

I love Natleo so much, just like how I love Nicoby!!

[puppygirlirl]

"i need to figure out why i have such bad insomnia recently it's becoming a real issu-" (the sleep deprivation finally reaches the core of my brain and consumes the last crumbs of my sanity) "...there's clearly only one answer, im becoming a vampire and i hunge-" (imagines a homoerotic scene of me biting a girls neck while we embrace each other tighter than either of us have ever felt before) "ii might need to go to a ddoctor actually i dont feel very go-" (an image of me dying in bed as the love of my love cups my face forces its way into my mind, she leans in for one last kiss and-

before the thought ends i collapse to the ground dead, rats swarm my body and instantly turn my corpse into a perfectly cleaned skeleton. the audience claps, the children scream in terror, and my wife watches on with tears in her eyes, knowing i didn't want it to be this way in the end.

she mourns for a couple of months, cry's when she smells pumpkin spice for the first time since i died. "it was always her favorite" she thinks, looking down at the overpriced latte she got to feel like i might still be there, even if it's just for a second. the feeling is fleeting, and just leaves her hollow again. nothing could replace the woman she loved, especially not some shitty coffee.

after a beat of staring into the cup she was holding a bit too tight, a tear dripped into the foam, then another, then so many she couldn't really see the coffee anymore. a rage washed over her, why her, why her wife. "those fucking rats, she didn't deserve this" she thinks as her hand finally tightens just too much, crushing the foam container in her hand. it burns a little, but she doesn't really notice. it all just hurt too much. it wasn't fair. none of this was fair.

the papers keep hailing the whole situation as "the best performance art ever done", praising the brave girl for sacrificing herself for her art, losing everything just to put across such a striking message. the truth though was that none of it was planned. she knew her wife's death wasn't on purpose, the stress must have gotten to her. those long sleepless nights where that driven, stupid girl would stay up to get her routine just right, being begged to come to bed and get some rest just to ignore her for the sake of her art.

the anger shifted to her late wife. "it was so preventable, if she only took care of herself, you fucking idiot, why'd you have to leave like this." her thoughts kept racing, none of this made sense. they both should have been happy together, they should be cuddling on their couch together watching 60's horror movies and laughing at the bad acting. they should be safe in each others arms. they should be together. but they weren't. they never would be again.

there's a part of her that wonders if it was on purpose. if she died just to put on such a big show. immortalizing herself as a martyr for the people, a grim showing of what the world has come to, and what it takes for people to be entertained even if it kills the artist in the process, literally consumed by the rats begging for whatever scraps of life they can get. it doesn't really matter, the outcome doesn't change. she's alone now, and she had to deal with that.

suddenly, i burst out from behind the counter of the cafe and scream "GOTCHA!!". fireworks go off around me, everyone in the cafe begins losing their minds, i was alive the whole fuckin time.

initially, my wife screams in confusion and fear at the visage of her wife she's presumed was rotting in the ground for months at this point, but slowly, her expression softens. the room goes silent for a moment, and a shaky smile washes over her face. she walks up to me with tears still staining her cheeks, and cups my face, just like in the last vision i had. her hands move down slowly to my throat, and before i can react, she starts squeezing.

she was always stronger then me, but even with the pure adrenaline running through my veins, i couldn't get her hands to budge. the acrylic nails she got the day before were digging into my skin, drawing blood and making the sensation even more terrifying. the smile never left her face, it just got stronger. a giggle escaped from her pained smirk, then a full on chuckle. my vision started to go blurry as my hands weakly push her away, and her laugh grows louder and stronger. i looked her in the eyes one more time as the light left my own, and all i saw was rage. "what did i do so wrong" was the last thought that crossed my mind as the lack of oxygen finally shut me off for good, and i dropped to the ground. the rats come back, and clean my corpse once more.

the restaurant erupts in cheers and laughter, "she did it again!" they holler, already posting videos of the event to social media. my wife drops to the ground, holds my bones close and sobs, praying that the rats take her this time too.

[nadinebrooks]

Here is the link to my masterlist. - Here is the link to Part 1

The New Potions Master Part 2

Warnings: None. It took a while, but I was finally convinced to write a part two for this. I hope everyone enjoys it as much as part one.

The two of them felt like a pair of teenagers sneaking around. Well, at least this is what they imagined teenagers sneaking around felt like. (y/n) never had the chance to sneak around with boys while she was in school and Snape had been bullied so heavily that it never seemed like an option for him. 

Over the past couple of months there were lingering looks that turned into brief touches as they passed one another in the corridors which went on to finding empty classrooms and closets to kiss in when the two of them had some free time which eventually led to the two of them waking up in each others beds and having to scramble to get ready before classes started that morning. 

(y/n) (l/n) had become the new Potions Master at Hogwarts. Ever since she had become the new professor, the dungeons had become much livelier.

She was a young and enthusiastic witch, who quickly won over the hearts of students and professors alike. Her approach to teaching was dynamic, her lessons engaging, and her demeanor approachable. 

“Are we supposed to tell someone about this?” (y/n) asked Snape. The two of them had retired to her bedroom for the evening. She was sitting with her feet in his lap grading an assignment while he lazily flipped through a book. 

“Someone like who?” Snape’s eyes flicked up from the book and landed on hers.  

“Dumbledore?” She looked. “Do we not need to mention that we’re seeing each other? Isn’t there something against coworkers romantically being together?” 

“I was unaware that we were,” He smirked, flipping the page of his book. 

“Severus,” She giggled, lightly slapping his arm. “I’m being serious.” 

“No need to worry love,” he picked up one of her hands and gently kissed it. “I will talk to Dumbledore.” 

(y/n) felt her heart warm at his words, appreciating the rare moments when he let his guard down. “Thank you, but there is something I need to talk to you about.” 

“What is it?” He sat down the book he was reading to give her his undivided attention.

“It’s about Draco Malfoy. He’s been falling behind in Potions and I’m worried about him,” she explained. 

“Draco Malfoy?” Severus’s attention shifted to one of surprise and concern. “Falling behind? That is unusual. He excelled in my class.”

“I know,” (y/n) said, her brow furrowing. “That’s why it’s so troubling. He’s always been so diligent, but lately, he seems distracted and unfocused.” 

“I must admit there is more to Draco’s situation that you realize,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

“What do you mean?” Her curiosity piqued and she leaned closer. 

“Draco has been given a task by the Dark Lord,” Severus revealed, his voice low and tense. “A task that is far beyond his abilities and it is causing him a great deal of stress.” 

“What kind of task?” (y/n) felt a chill run down her spine. 

“For your safety, I do not want to discuss details. The less you know the better. But please know that I am doing everything in my power to help him. It’s a matter of life and death.” 

“Is there anything that I can do to help?” Her heart ached for Draco. She knew that this was punishment for Draco’s father getting caught at the ministry last year. 

“Just keep an eye on him. Offer him support when you can, but don’t pry too deeply. I also heard that Draco might have a schoolboy crush on you. That could also be a reason why he’s seeking extra attention in Potions.”

“Oh.” (y/n)’s eyes shot up in surprise. 

“Like I said, just keep an eye on him,” Snape’s expression darkened slightly, a hint of jealousy flickering in his eyes. “Draco has always sought approval. With his father being gone and you being a pretty and respected professor that's close close in age, it’s not surprising.” 

“I asked him about doing private lessons after class, but maybe I shouldn’t.” (y/n) said after a moment of thinking.

“Just be mindful of his feelings if you do. He needs all the support he can get right now.” Snape replied, reaching over and taking her hand in his. 

She squeezed his hand, grateful for his understanding. As they sat in comfortable silence, (y/n) found her thoughts drifting to another topic she had been curious about for a long time. 

“Severus,” she began hesitantly, “can you tell me about Lily Evans?” 

“What do you want to know about her?” His grip on her hand tightened momentarily and she saw a flicker of pain in his eyes. 

“I’ve heard bits and pieces, but I want to understand you better. I know she meant a lot to you.” (y/n) explained gently. 

Severus took a deep breath, his gaze distant as he gathered his thoughts. “Promise me you won’t think any differently of me?” 

“I could never. Look, I lov-” (y/n) immediately stopped herself from finishing that sentence and coughed to cover up what she was about to say. “I really like you, Severus, and it’s going to take a lot to turn me away from you.” 

“Lily was … extraordinary. She was kind, intelligent, and had a heart that saw the good in everyone. Even when they didn’t deserve it. Even when I didn’t deserve it.” He went on to talk about how he met Lily, their time in Hogwarts, and ultimately how he lost her as well. 

“You loved her.” It wasn’t a question and (y/n) knew the answer to it, but she wanted Severus to keep talking. 

“Yes.” He admitted quietly. “Back then, more than anything. But I lost her because of my mistakes. Because I chose the wrong path.” 

“You can’t change what happened.” She felt a pang of sympathy for him. “Now you can honor her memory by being the best version of yourself.” 

“Thank you for understanding.” His eyes filled with gratitude and sorrow.

“You know I’m here for you Severus.” She leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. 

The following days at Hogwarts were filled with a renewed sense of purpose for (y/n). She kept a close eye on Draco, offering subtle support and encouragement where she could. She also continued to grow closer to Severus, finding solace in their private moments together. 

One evening, (y/n) was working with Draco when there was a soft knock on her door. Hermione Granger opened the door and her eyes opened wide with surprise to find Draco working on the potion that they had been brewing in class earlier that day. 

Professor (y/n) excused herself and stepped outside to speak with Hermione. 

“Is it okay if I speak with you about something personal?” Her voice trembled slightly. 

“Of course. What’s wrong Hermione? Is it Ron again?” 

“He’s dating Lavender and I haven’t gotten a chance to tell him about my feelings.” Her cheeks flushed. “I don’t want to tell him now because it seems like I only find him interesting now that he’s got someone else.” 

“It’s always difficult to share your feelings, especially with someone close to you.” (y/n) smiled gently, remembering her own struggles with love. 

“I had a moment of weakness. I bought one of the Weasley twins' love potions, but I threw it away. It didn’t seem right.” 

You did the right thing, Hermione.” (y/n) reached out, placing a comforting hand on Hermione’s. “Using a love potion would have taken away his choice. It’s better to be honest and let him decide for himself.” 

“I just don’t know how to tell him.” Hermione nodded, tears glistening in her eyes. “What if I’m too late? What if he’s already moved on from me?” 

“He hasn’t,” (y/n) chuckled. “Like I told you, boys are stupid and don’t always make the right decision first. He’ll come around.” 

“Thank you Professor (l/n). I appreciate your advice.” Hermione gave a small smile, wiping away her tears. 

As Hermione left, (y/n) sat back, her thoughts drifting to Severus. She realized how much he had opened up to her, sharing his past and his pain. She felt a deep connection to him, one that grew stronger with each passing day. (y/n) knew that there was something she wanted to tell him tonight. 

Later that night, Severus visited her chambers once again. The glow of the fire danced in the dimly lit room, casting flickering shadows on the walls. Snape sat in his usual chair, his dark eyes focused on the flames. (y/n) was sitting across from him, feeling a mixture of anticipation and nervousness. She had been mulling over her feelings for days, and she knew it was time to share them. 

“Is something bothering you?” Snape broke the comfortable silence that had settled between them. (y/n) met his gaze which sent shivers down her spine. 

“There’s something I need to tell you.” She took a deep breath, her heart pounding in her chest. 

“What is it?” His expression softened and he leaned forward slightly, sending her unease. 

“Severus, ever since I came to Hogwarts, you have been my rock. I know we had a rocky start, but you’ve supported me, listened to me, and shared parts of yourself that I know you keep hidden from everyone else.” 

He remained silent, his gaze unwavering as he waited for her to continue. 

“And over time,” she continued, her voice trembling slightly. “I’ve realized that my feelings for you have grown deeper than I ever expected. I care about you more than I can put into words, and I can’t keep it to myself any longer.” 

Severus’ eyes widened slightly, a mixture of surprise and curiosity playing across his features. “What are you trying to say (y/n)?” 

She took another deep breath, her heart now racing. “Severus, I love you. I love you with all my heart.” 

For a moment, there was silence, the cracking of the fire the only sound in the room. Severus’ expression was unreadable, his eyes searching hers as if trying to decipher her emotions. Then slowly, he stood up and crossed the room, stopping in front of her. 

“(y/n),” he said quietly, his voice filled with an emotion she couldn’t quite place. “Are you sure?” 

She stood as well, reaching out to take his hands in hers. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

His hands tightened around hers, and she could see the conflict in his eyes - the fear of vulnerability, the hesitation to believe that someone could truly love him. But as she looked at her, her eyes filled with sincerity and love, she saw his resolve begin to waver. 

“Severus,” she whispered, stepping closer, “I love you. And I want to be with you, no matter what.” 

Something in his expression softened, and before she could say anything else, he pulled her into his arms, his lips crashing down on hers with an intensity that took her breath away. The kiss was filled with all the emotions he had kept locked away for so long - passion, longing, and deep, aching love. 

(y/n) responded eagerly, her arms wrapping around his neck as she melted into the kiss. She could feel the depth of his feelings in the way he held her, as if afraid she might disappear if he let go. The world around them seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of them in a bubble of warmth and love. 

When they finally pulled away, both of them were breathless, their foreheads resting against each other. Severus reached up and gently cupped her face in his hands. 

“(y/n),” he murmured, his voice rough with emotion, “I never thought I could feel this way again. But you’ve shown me that it’s possible.” 

He smiled - a rare, genuine smile that lit up his face - and pulled her into another kiss, this one softer and filled with a promise of a future together.

[possibilistfanfiction]

Ava and beatrice foster-fail and adopt a dog, bea’s first concert, idk, one of them goes to the dentist?? Also I know you’re in LA but would love to see them in a Winter Situation haha

'bea,' you say, 'hey, what's wrong?'

she's obviously stressed, sitting very still behind the desk in her home office, clenching her jaw, a little bit of her hair sticking up from, you presume, a nervous tic of running her hands through it.

'is it really bad?'

'the worst,' she says, in such a dramatic way that you know it's all actually fine. the war has been over, now, for a few months — there are leftover battles, loose ends to tie up from time to time, but her pouting seems to be more about — 'it's time for my semiannual dental cleaning. next tuesday, at 2 pm.'

'oh, well, that's chill, right?' the last time you'd been to the dentist, mostly upon bea's insistence, your dentist, dr. pang, had been cool and had even let you look in the toybox usually reserved for kids once you'd finished. maybe because of the halo or just dumb luck, but you hadn't had any cavities. 'you brush your teeth with that fancy toothbrush, like, three times a day, with your little timer. i'm sure your teeth are perfect.'

it doesn't help: beatrice just grimaces. 'i — i just don't like the dentist.'

'that's okay. sometimes we just don't like shit, you know. do you want me to come with? we can get lunch after or something.'

'you would —' she pauses; you'd talked about this recently, in couples counseling, how when you offer to do something for her, it's because you love her, because you want to, and nothing generative comes, for either of you, from her denying what she wants. 'i would actually like that, quite a lot.'

'okay then,' you say. 'next tuesday at 2 pm — you, me, and dr. pang's cool toybox.'

/

you realize very quickly on tuesday at 1:50 pm that 'i don't like the dentist' is a euphemism for 'i'm absolutely terrified of the dentist,' because beatrice is about to break your hand and also vibrate out of her own skin as soon as she pulls into the parking lot.

'do you want to do some grounding exercises or something?'

'no, ava,' she says, irritated, but then gathers herself. 'sorry. no, i'm fine.’ you raise a brow and she just huffs. 'i just don't like someone being that close to my face.'

'you have no problems with me being that close to your face. just imagine that dr. pang is me.'

it gets her to laugh, reluctantly, but you're sure she is imagining it. 'that's more terrifying, actually.'

'okay, me with a degree in dentistry. important edit if you're unwilling to have any imagination.'

she just rolls her eyes.

'you're gonna be just fine,' you say. 'and i'll be there the entire time, okay?'

'yeah,' she says, dragging a hand through her hair and then smoothing it down carefully, checking her reflection in the visor mirror once, and then setting her shoulders like she's about to go into battle; you stifle a laugh; you love her. 'okay.'

/

'you have someone to drive you home and take care of you today? you shouldn't have any pain, but you'll be a little out of it.'

bea nods, stiffly, but then points at where you're sitting in the corner of the waiting room. 'my partner, yes.'

'looking forward to the part where she'll be a little out of it, honestly.'

bea rolls her eyes at you while the receptionist laughs, and then, when bea is done with any paperwork, she comes and sits next to you. you lace your fingers together. 'you know, you've had, like, pretty bad injuries and surgeries and stuff, right?'

'yes, ava, obviously i know that.' she pinches the bridge of her nose. 'it doesn't help me, in this situation, to compare. i know it's — it's not logical, to be so afraid of a cavity filling.'

'nah.' you squeeze her hand. 'that's not what i was gonna say.' you smile at her, like you're not at the dentist's office, like you're out by the beach in the morning after she's surfed and you'd brought donuts and coffee and kiss her and shoo the gulls away. 'i just meant that, you know, i've been scared during those, but i got to hold you afterward and help. and i know you're feeling really scared, but i can be brave for you right now, and then i get to spend all day holding you and taking care of you. which, beatrice, i love to do. okay?'

she tucks her head into your neck, just for a second, just like heaven, and then nods. 'i love you. okay.'

/

bea is ... laughing. at nothing, you're pretty sure, if the blank tv is anything to go off of; she'd fallen asleep in the car on the way home but the second you got her situated on the couch she'd just started, well, giggling, and she hasn't stopped.

'what's so silly?'

she rolls her head toward you, sloppily, and you are so grateful for this time, for this life, for this life: beatrice trusts you — to build a home, and to keep her safe. 'everything,' she says, and then snorts, which makes her laugh even harder.

you smile and kiss her forehead. 'i promised camila i'd record this. keep going, whatever you're vibing with.'

she happily tells a very rambling story about the time you'd tried to make pasta from scratch, interjected with some non-sequitur facts about flamingos, giggling the entire time. she's in her favorite hoodie and joggers and had, very intensely, insisted on taking her socks off. you send the video to camila when she seems to finish on her own, trailing off and then just staring at you with a helpless little smile on her face.

'ava?'

'yes, bea?'

'first, you're so beautiful. i love you so much. can you believe there was ever a time i thought i could spend my entire life not acting on my desires of the flesh?'

you decide to just roll with it. 'honestly? no. you're, like, the gayest person i've ever met.'

'you're jealous when women flirt with me at the bar or the beach.'

you roll your eyes, let yourself trace her freckles and the gentle slope of her nose, scratch your nails gently against the buzzed sides of her hair. 'mostly for fun,' you say. 'i know you're coming home with me at the end of the night.'

'always.'

'did you have a second?'

'what?'

'well, you said first, so, i'm not sure where you were going after that.'

'oh,' she says, and then squints into the distance, like she's trying really hard to remember. 'can we please order thai tonight. i'm thinking about it always, in the back of my mind.'

'always?'

'oh, yes,' she says. 'that green curry fried rice i had last time?' she kisses her fingers and then holds them out. 'life changing.'

you laugh and grab her hand from the air, tuck it against your cheek and kiss her knuckles. 'as long as you let me have the extra spring roll.'

'you know i always let you do that.'

'yeah,' you say, 'you do.'

'ava?'

'yeah, bea?'

'i could tell you that i love you in every language ever spoken and it would never be enough.' she puts your joined hands to her chest. 'there are no words, for how i feel for you.'

you kiss her, even though she tastes kind of weird after her cavity filling. 'i love you too, in all the universes.' i came back for you, you mean, but you don't say it aloud, not now, not when it's sunny and warm and she's open before you, herself. 'now, why don't you nap. i'll turn on something exceedingly dull so you don't get distracted. and i'll order thai.'

'you're the best. i can't wait to marry you one day.'

it makes you feel warm; the halo hums. 'that'll be the best day.'

/

'ava.'

'hmm?'

bea stalks out to where you're drinking coffee on the balcony, the sun already at its mid-morning warmth. she means to look intimidating but she has on a pair of little striped sleep shorts and an old crewneck sweater, one sleeve pulled over her hand and the other pushed up to her elbow; her hair is sticking up around the cowlick in the back, like it always does after she's gotten a fresh haircut and sleeps in.

'what did you send to the group chat?'

'oh, you were in excellent form yesterday,' you say, not sorry at all. 'had a lot of opinions on flamingos and margot robbie. gotta say, can't even hold that one against you. she'd be a great choice for a threesome, i agree.'

'i did not say that.'

her blush is bright and goes all the way down her neck, to the tips of her ears. 'nah, you didn't.' she slumps in relief and you laugh. 'but now i know you think it, which is fun.'

'so... these videos of me, medicated, are — innocuous?'

'yeah, i didn't send the one where you went into detail about you riding my face to our friends who are nuns.'

she sits on the chair next to yours and buries her face in her hands. 'was i a pain?'

'not at all,' you say, and smooth a hand down her spine and then rest it on her neck and massage the tension sitting there. 'you were cute. i like taking care of you.'

'well, i feel coherent today.'

'that's good, they said everything should be normal.'

'i'm sorry,' she says, 'for being scared, and then for being so high.'

you wave her off. 'don't ever apologize for being scared. maybe, at some point, you can apologize if you like, willingly eat too much of an edible or something, but don't apologize for needing meds to help you. i love you.'

she smiles softly. 'thank you.'

'i love you, bea,' you say. 'you gotta understand, okay? i love you, i love you, i love you.'

she kisses you, softly, and she tastes like regular toothpaste and home.

'i do want to state, for the record, though, that i have never had a cavity, and now, you have had two.'

she groans. 'don't remind me.'

[astroyongie]

Treasure May Reading 2024

note: please take it lightly

Hyunsuk

love: at the moment he is single. it feels like Hyunsuk terminated his relationship some time ago (probably four months ago, but i am not sure when it comes to time). he is not seeking for love, he isn't interested in anyone either for now 

career: he isn't the luckiest when it comes to his career. Hyunsuk is linked to the company in ways that none could ever imagine and everything that he does is controlled and well thought. Hyunsuk owns his company a lot and he is basically paying his debts to them (in a way) 

self: he has many priorities in his life at the moment, and the main one is money and his welfare with his financial situation. he is giving time to managing his life and to adapt at the situations before him 

Jihoon

love: Jihoon is equally single at the moment but in his case his partner was the one calling it quits with him. This was a harsh break up for him since he has been self neglecting himself in order to cope with his pain. Jihoon also knows that it's his fault that the relationship stopped

career: thankfully for him he has a good relationship with his co workers, his teammates and his  company overall. He has been using them for a good career path and to fix certain things. there’s a possibility that Jihoon has been using someone in the industry to “release his grief” 

self: he is reflecting a lot and he knows that the bad luck on his life, currently comes from the actions he has done in the past. he accepts those and he is just waiting of this luck to change 

Yoshi

love: Yoshi is dating someone (probably someone who works in the industry but who isn't an idol). things seem to be doing well for him, since the couple is healthy and thriving. Yoshi is also experimenting with them a lot

career: his career and his success is limited at the moment. not because of his sponsor but because the company doesn't see Yoshi as someone who has lots of talents or someone that is worth investing in. because of that, he doesn't have that much opportunity for he is often undermined in the company 

self: he probably suffers for his mental health as i can see some depressive episodes but also him having a very poor sleep schedule which could impact his health altogether. Yoshi is someone who suffers from stress and anxiety 

Junkyu

love: he is dating (what seems to be an idol perhaps) but things are working too much because their schedules don't allow them to spend time together and their relationship is more work focused than emotional. Jungkyu doesn't seem like he wants to end it but his partner is getting uninterested by him as time passes 

career: Jungkyu as the luck of having a powerful sponsor by his side and also because there’s people in the company that love him and care for him which is protecting him from a lot of things. no matter what he does the company will have his backs 

self: he has been very in tune with his spiritual side or his religious side. Jungkyu is trying to find his path in life and find his purpose which has made him dive into his life purpose.

Jaehyuk

love: He is dating as well and things seem to be doing okay. The relationship lacks maturity and it lacks commitment and knowledge in both parties. that can be explained due to their poor dating experience or their age. in any case, Jaehyuk seem to be enjoying this 

career: he is very frustrated, mostly because every time he wishes to do something the company says no or they delay his projects and his needs. Jaehyuk wished he would be more heard because he feels like he isn't being taken seriously as an artist which makes him doubt his capacities 

self: other than that he is doing okay, his mental health has improved a lot and he is well balanced. his energies are rather neutral and his actions are just the same. he reflects what he does 

Asahi

love: Asahi is also dating but i am not sure if this is an idol or someone that works close to them in general. In any case, hsi relationship is doing well, he is happy and abundant. his partner also has the money and the wreath that allows him to be lay back and to enjoy 

career: he isn't the person who has the most luck. Like Jaehyuk, he feels like the company is playing him, that they aren't being honest with him and they always give him false opportunities and hopes. Asahi doesn't seem to be enjoyingf his time as an idol 

self: he has been distracted lately, not very focused on his work or on his training. he does thing mechanically and because he has to do it and not because he is actually enjoying it

Haruto

love: there’s a huge possibility that his relationship ended a few times ago and that it was his choice to do so because the lack of love and time were making it too hard to be genuine with this person 

career: Haruto is so done with the company, he is done with the members (maybe doyoung?) and he wished to just stop his contract although this isn't something he can do. he doesn't like being an idol anymore

self: he is super smart and he also knows how to play authority on his favor and lately haruto has been doing just that to have his way inside the company 

Doyoung

love: he is dating but.. his relationship is weird. in a way Doyoung is the type of person that leans on his partner but isn't really giving them much in return. he knows he is being egoistic with this but he is more focused on his own self perseverance and success than on the well being of his partner 

career: there’s two members in the group that he hasn't been talking to for the past weeks after there was a huge conflit. Doyoung has been completely avoiding them, and he doesn't pretend to solve things either because on his mind they are the ones ta fault 

self: other than that, he is thriving and doing well. this man doesn't feel any guilt and to him his life is perfect and everything is were it should be 

Jeongwoo

love: single and moving on. He had a previous relationship but that is now long gone from his mind and he isn't really focused on love at the moment or in a relationship. a waste of his time mostly

career: There’s an opportunity that will be open for Jeongwoo and he might be presenting it soon if there’s no delays associated with it. This opportunity also came from his sponsorship with the agreement of the company 

self: despite his life being good and being on the right path, i feel like he isn't satisfied with everything and that he carries a lot of stress and burnout on his shoulders 

Junghwan

love: he is dating the same person that he was on the last reading and honestly there isn't much to say other that their relationship seen to be doing well and strong since both of them are in love with each other 

career: He has been hasty and impulsive and he might have said some things that he regrets (to Doyoung) but even like that he doesn't want to apologize for what he has said because he truly believes in those words. minor conflict that needs to be dealt with 

self: he is doing okay, he is leaning on the members he is closest with to keep improving his idol skills and to offer his fans a better version of himself. Junghwan believes that he can do better

[mingos]

oof. so… hello.

i know i’m not obligated to explain my absences, but i figured i should anyway because this is actually a long-standing issue i've been dealing with that, god fucking willing, doesn't happen againーbut that is what i told myself three weeks ago before it happened again. basically, because it can sometimes be so common, kinda just want to give a heads up if i ever start acting weird or distant because apparently i've upset some people i didn't mean to.

that stresses me out because, as i've mentioned before, i kind of have this tendency to shut down completely during stressful situations and not speak to anybody, which eventually turns into friends dropping me for a perceived lack of interest (not their fault, my fault). i'm actively trying to break that habit & be okay with vulnerability, so i want to be honest about where i've been and where i could potentially go in the future if this shit happens againーin a few weeks, in a few months, tomorrow... it all just depends, it's not a situation i can control. i'm not trying to ignore people. i just deal with a lot sometimes.

content warnings immediately below the cut but idk maybe just don’t read this if you’re in a bad headspace, or a really good headspace that you don't want ruined. no one should read this, actually. just jump to the last two paragraphs. this is just me explaining i'll hopefully feel okay enough to be back by the weekend.

-

cw: alcoholism; cw: domestic abuse; cw: gen. bad mental health

　i currently live in a dysfunctional situation with an alcoholic & addict family member as the last person in our family yet to distance themselves/cut them off. reason being is they relapse a lot. like, “an average of at least once every 2-4 months since i was 14” a lot. this is a long-standing problem. they’ve been through quite literally every treatment plan imaginable and nothing has stuck.

i do love this person; the majority of the time they're not relapsing, they’re kind & loving. when it’s good, it’s good. but when it’s bad jesus christ… i gotta level with you and say i've feared for my life a couple times.

they become angry & spiteful when drunk and, as of the last few years, physical. mostly when i try to confiscate things i find because i'm "stealing their property" and it’s therefore, to their drunk mind, justifiable. this is a mindset i’m still trying to unlearn because of course i don’t deserve it—taking a wine bottle away from an alcoholic for their own good isn’t justification for them almost suffocating you in an attempt to get it back, or breaking the lock on your bedroom door—but it’s hard to internalize that sometimes when your brain is beaten down, y’know?

when not being guilted into silence so i don’t “ruin their life more” or get threatened with being removed from the house by police, i’ve pretty much exhausted any sympathy or help i get from the rest of my family. half of them either have my # blocked or don’t answer under the weird assumption my family member is going to… use my phone to contact them? which is something that’s never happened before. the other half kind of just shrug because i’m choosing to say here and am an adult with the ability to leave whenever i want, just like they did.

　but i can’t leave—because, like i said, it’s just me now. no one else checks on this person, no one else lives with us, and i’ve already had to call 911 for them multiple times. living with them during a relapse is hell but so is whenever i have to leave the house because if something happens to them or their dog that suddenly becomes my fault. basically, whenever these episodes happen it’s just several days (or weeks) of nonstop stress. but there's nothing else i can really do. i just have to put up with it & ride it out.

-

　things have finally calmed down again; apologies were made, talks were had, we cleaned out their stash together... i finally have some breathing room. kind of. i still have no energy to do anything because i've just been in survival mode the last week (& also sick), so hopefully i can be back to writing by this weekend but i really don't know. i'm still paranoid something bad is going to happen so maybe i'm not out of that mindset just yetーi need to decompress a little before i can feel normal again.

thank you for your patience, and for those who have checked on me & especially those who were understanding it was kind of hard for me to have the energy to talk outside of my one or two comfort people. i miss you all very many and hope nothing more for you all to be loved, warm & safe. love you all very many.

[autistic-duck]

Yesterday I had another realization about why my brain is constantly stressed out, and I think it has to do with how I process change.

I've been trying to find articles or studies online that explain what is going on in the brain when an autistic person processes change, but so far I haven't seen anything. It's basically just:

Google: Autistic people often struggle with change.

Me, to Google: Yes, I know that. I want to know why it's such a big struggle.

Google: Change can cause a lot of anxiety in autistic people. Here is an article on how to handle change better.

Me: That's literally. Not what I asked.

What does it feel like when most people process change? Because, for me, it's pretty awful, and I'd like descriptions of what it's like for other people, especially those who really struggle with it.

For me, it's like my mind starts functioning at 20%. Everything (literally) becomes cloudy in my vision, and I lose the ability to make logical decisions. I'm completely overwhelmed by intense confusion that never stops. I described it to my family as having a constant "HUH?" stuck in my head. It's like my brain becomes a literal question mark, and I take much longer to react to new stimuli. (If someone were to randomly scream right next to me, I'd jump at the sound like 5 seconds too late, and people wouldn't even be able to tell if the scream is what made me jump.)

Here are a couple of examples of changes that throw me off and send me into what I call a "shock state":

switching doctors

moving to a new location

entering a new building

starting a new job

changing something up in my routine (using different art supplies, taking a different route when driving, using a different cooking method, etc.)

traveling literally anywhere

I am a level one/high-functioning autistic person, and for nearly every one of these things, I've had help. However, that feeling of confusion doesn't go away until I've had several hours (at minimum) to adjust. Sometimes it takes me weeks or months to really "find myself" again, and when I transitioned into being a college student, I didn't find my footing until about two years into it.

Even then, I have my family to help out when I find myself in that state of confusion. I can't even imagine how awful it could become if they weren't always there wherever I went because I might do or say something that puts me in danger, completely on accident. I'm so sorry for anyone reading this who has been put in that kind of situation, and I hope you're safe now with the support you need.

Is this a normal thing that everyone else experiences? I've heard people describe the feeling of "culture shock" when they move somewhere far away, and it sounds similar, but this kind of thing happens pretty much everywhere I go.

Has anyone else been able to find anything on this topic? It's not just a sensory processing thing (although that's a huge part of it).

I know most people don't like change, but I've always felt that I processed it in a fundamentally different way than most people.

[the-type-a]

Duncney Week 2023

(9•13) Day 4: First “I Love You.”

AO3 | FanFic | TikTok | Twt

Three Words, Eight Letters

(Read under break)

Duncan was not the type of person to show his emotions. So imagine his surprise when Courtney Rosales entered his life. Courtney was not the type of person to let her emotions rule her. So imagine her surprise when Duncan Robustelli crashed into her life. It was not love at first sight for either of them, but it was indeed something. Maybe irritation. But that irritation slowly but surely turned into infatuation, which scared them.

The two tiptoed around their feelings for a long time. So much so that everyone knew what they tried to suppress until Duncan and Courtney were left in a cramped room to settle their differences. They lasted about five minutes before the tension between them snapped in two. Their friends thoroughly regretted opening that door in fear of them being “too quiet.”

Fast forward three months, and the couple was inseparable. No, they were not constantly with each other, but if something happened, it took seconds before they were side by side, like Bonnie and Clyde. Duncan and Courtney understood each other on a deeper level than most. It was one of the reasons their relationship became serious sooner rather than later. In a way, they were lucky to have found one another– yet they were terrified to say those three words to seal the deal.

Still, they found ways to show their love without physically saying it. One of the most significant ways this was shown was how Duncan and Courtney grew as individuals. Where Duncan once would lash out and get in serious trouble with the local authority, he now steered clear of petty fights. He also tended to think through situations rather than taking a gamble. Then, there was Courtney, who was learning to live more spontaneously. She had a habit of planning out her days months in advance, which resulted in her being so unbelievably stressed that she was seeing a therapist. Now, she was slowly coming out of her comfort zone and was enjoying it.

Everything was going smoothly. Duncan and Courtney butted heads occasionally, but never how they had once done. All that pent-up emotion was released in other ways. That was until the day Duncan decided to throw a punch at some preppy prick for thinking Courtney was available. It happened quickly; everyone was at Geoff’s house when this guy who thought the world revolved around him strutted in. He took one good look at Courtney and let his mouth run.

Duncan didn’t remember how many times his fist collided with this person’s face, but he did remember Courtney’s scream to stop. DJ and Geoff pulled the two apart as Courtney stormed into the house with Bridgette. Oh, she was pissed. Duncan cleaned his hand before treading into the house; Bridgette was back outside, trying to handle the situation by then.

“You stupid ogre! Why would you do something like that?!”

“Relax, Princess, the prick deserved it for what he said about you.”

“Oh, my knight in shining armor!” Her sarcasm was obvious, “I can handle whoever comes my way.”

“Well, I only did it because I love you.”

There, he said it. He had said it even if it was in the middle of an argument. His eyes locked on Courtney’s as she took in his words. Her eyebrow seemed to twitch at the irritation, yet her features softened as everything registered.

“Yeah, well, I love you too.” She said without breaking eye contact.

Duncan swore his heart jumped at the sound of those words leaving her lips. She loved him, too.

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Well, you better!”

Courtney stayed in place as Duncan’s feet scuffed the floor, and the dining room table screeched as he pushed it out of his way. Neither wasted time on crashing their lips together, all the anger evident from its intensity. But slowly, their kisses turned tender, and as they pulled away, they kept their eyes closed, savoring the moment they had just shared. When they opened, Duncan and Courtney could only smile at each other. So what if he gave someone a severe concussion?