#i can feel my physical anxiety symptoms getting worse

[kaydalixza]

Making yourself a tuna melt bagel at midnight to eat watching Outnumbered because being an adult is hard when you're a 25 year old teenager carrying the weight of the world :')

[lovelaceisntdead]

i think i just need to rewatch lost.

[autisticlee]

I stopped marking anxiety on medical forms where it asks what i've been diagnosed with in the past because I experienced every doctor telling me all my problems were anxiety and getting no help. except trying to convince me to take anti anxiety meds (tried once and made me have constant panic attacks and I only slept i think 5 hours in a week and was having hallucinations and stuff. never again!!!) but when i'm having heart rate increase with palpitations and shaking and dizziness and sweating and weakness and completely exhasution and feeling out of breath, nausea, and etc, it happens without the anxiety brain symptoms. I just stand up and it happens, even if head empty. but doesn't happen if i'm layijg down and worrying about a thing?? not sure if I should try talking to a doctor about it again and hope not marking the anxiety box helps, or just assume i'll be told it's anxiety again and not waste my energy..........

[girl-bateman]

Blood-work came back fine which either means I really do have a mysterious deadly illness OR its my mental health that's fucking up my physical health. Now my dilemma for my upcoming appointment .. do I mention how neurotically devastated I've been feeling these last months, knowing the doctor might be relieved to blame it all on hysteria instead of doing more testing ? Or do I just... not say anything about that.. lol

[skyjynxart]

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[aplpaca]

thinking about how I've seen OCD get talked about now, but haven't really seen many posts that actually explain what it is. And like, obviously people shouldn't get all their info about mental conditions from posts, but u can't deny that internet communities and stuff play a major role in people recognizing and putting names to their own experiences.

But like since the general public has like absolutely no idea of what OCD actually is (no thanks to popular media), and a lot of things I see talking about intrusive thoughts don't mention OCD (either bc they originated in OCD circles or bc intrusive thoughts aren't Exclusive to OCD or for some other reason), there should prob be more explanation put out on what OCD actually consists of.

Which is kinda hard in some ways, bc there are so many ways OCD can present in terms of what "themes" a person experiences, so someone talking about what their themes are might not ring a bell with someone who experiences different ones. But like, the core thing with OCD isn't the presence of certain themes, it's a specific pattern of spiraling thoughts and reactions.

Like. OCD is a mental condition/illness where people experience stressful, unwanted, repetitive thoughts. These are intrusive thoughts are what make up the "obsessions" part of the disorder. In response to these intrusive thoughts, a lot of people will perform certain actions or think certain things in an attempt to neutralize or disprove the threat they represent. These are the "compulsions" part of the condition.

For a more "traditional" example, someone experiencing intrusive thoughts that they might catch a communicable disease may obsessively wash their hands or google their symptoms to try to lessen the anxiety. While someone who is worried they might hurt someone (even though they very much do not want to hurt someone) may avoid being near sharp objects or may avoid the people they're afraid of hurting.

One of the issues with OCD is that performing the compulsions provides short term relief, but in the long term it only strengthens the stress caused by the intrusive thoughts, thus furthering the thought spiral and actively making it worse, to the point where, depending on your themes, you may be (almost) convinced that your intrusive thoughts represent the truth or the inevitable or something permanent.

Intrusive thought themes cam be literally anything, but some of the common ones are stuff like

Questioning your sexuality, gender, etc (what if I'm actually straight/gay/bi/trans/cis/etc?)

Being worried about losing control and hurting yourself or others physically, sexually, emotionally, basically any way (what if I want to kill someone? What if I'm a pedophile? What if I'm an abuser? What if I want to stab myself? Etc)

Fear of becoming or being sick

Worrying something bad will happen to you or people you care about

Worrying about your spiritual beliefs or lack thereof (what if I'm actually Christian? What if I'm actually atheist? What if i don't believe in the faith i ascribe to? Etc)

Worrying about relationship status (what if I don't actually love them? What if they're not "the one"? What if they're cheating? What if *I'm* cheating? Etc)

What if I'm a bad person?

Fear of losing things

Fear of things not feeling right (this is often be related to other themes via magical thinking. ex: if I don't have my things organized Just Right then something bad will happen)

Fear of unreality

Compulsions vary by theme a lot obviously, but some common ones include

Hand washing

Organizing things until they Feel Right

Checking and double checking and triple checking to make sure you did something correctly

Obsessively reviewing your memories to disprove a thoughtor make sure you don't believe something

Arguing against the thoughts in an attempt to disprove them

Testing your mental reactions to a thought or to certain kinds of content, to show yourself you don't actually believe or feel something

Obsessively googling symptoms, testimonies, things related to your thoughts

Obsessive prayer

Repeating phrases, mantras, affirmations, etc in an attempt to make thoughts go away

Avoiding things and situations that set off your intrusive thoughts

Repeatedly asking for reassurance from others ("I'm not being xyz, right?")

But yeah this obviously isn't exhaustive but, just, if this kind of thing sounds familiar, you should probably do some research on OCD, bc while intrusive thoughts can occur with other conditions, the intrusive thought-compulsion spiral is the core of OCD and isn't really a subaspect of depression/anxiety/ptsd/etc. and the treatment and management of OCD can look different from other stuff, so its a good thing to look into.

(Also it's important to keep in mind, esp if you're someone that doesn't have it, that someone's intrusive thoughts Are Not "secret desires" or "repressed urges" or anything the person even remotely wants to act on. Someone having harm-related intrusive thoughts is not at risk of actually acting on them, no matter how worried they are of doing so.)

Anyway this was a long post and I don't have a neat way to wrap it up and also I accidentally added a poll and now can't get rid of it so here's free poll. I'm running on nyquil and a small amount of straight gin (which works very well at numbing a sore throat) rn gnite

[pastryfication]

could you write something about oscar and his broken rib? maybe how you imagine how it happend, him going to the hospital to check it out, y/n taking care of him and being worried, him insisting to race,…

hope that helps with inspiration. you don‘t have to write everything from above just what you like

fortune in misfortune | oscar piastri

pairing: oscar piastri x gf!reader. note: i still can’t believe that he raced (AND WON???) with a broken rib so this was definitely fun to write. thank you for requesting it!! <3

you’re sitting on the couch, legs draped over oscar’s lap, when you notice him wince. it’s subtle, just a tiny flinch, but you catch it. you pull your eyes away from the movie and look at him, raising an eyebrow. "what’s wrong?"

oscar tries to shrug it off, offering a half-hearted smile. “nothing, just a little sore from training.”

you narrow your eyes, not convinced. “you sure? you don’t look fine.”

he chuckles, leaning in to kiss your forehead. “i’m okay, really. maybe i pulled something, but it’s nothing serious.”

you let it go for now, but the nagging feeling in your gut doesn’t disappear. he’s been home for a few days between races, and you’ve noticed he’s been moving a bit more carefully than usual. you figure he’s just being cautious—he’s got a big race in hungary coming up and doesn’t want to risk anything.

a couple of days later, you’re in the kitchen making breakfast when you hear a crash. rushing to the living room, you find oscar on the floor, holding his side and gritting his teeth.

“oscar!” you exclaim, dropping to your knees beside him. “what happened?”

he tries to laugh, but it comes out more like a groan. “tripped over my own feet… and then, well, the coffee table.”

your heart races as you help him up, his face pale with pain. “we’re going to the hospital.”

he starts to protest, but one look at your determined expression and he knows better than to argue. “okay, okay. but it’s probably just a bruise.”

you drive him to the hospital, anxiety bubbling in your chest. oscar tries to lighten the mood, cracking jokes and insisting that he’s fine, but you can see the discomfort etched on his face.

in the examination room, the doctor checks him over, sending him for an x-ray. you sit beside him, holding his hand, trying to mask your worry with a smile.

when the doctor returns, he frowns at the x-ray images. “well, there’s nothing obvious here, but given your symptoms, i’d like to do an ultrasound to be sure.”

oscar nods, though you can see a flicker of concern in his eyes. you squeeze his hand tighter.

a little while later, the ultrasound reveals what the x-ray didn’t—he’s got a small, hairline fracture in one of his ribs. the doctor explains it’s not too serious but could cause pain, especially with the physical demands of racing.

you feel a wave of relief mixed with fresh worry. “so what now? should he be resting? can he still race?” your questions tumble out faster than you can control them.

oscar gives you a reassuring smile, despite the obvious discomfort. “it’s just a small fracture. i’ll take it easy.”

the doctor advises some rest and pain management but doesn’t explicitly forbid racing. oscar seems almost relieved, but you’re still not convinced. “oscar, i don’t know… this sounds serious.”

“hey,” he says softly, turning to face you fully. “i’ll be careful. if it gets worse, i’ll pull out, okay? but right now, i’m feeling alright. it’s just a bit of pain.”

you know how stubborn he can be, and how much racing means to him. you want to make him stay home, keep him safe, but you also know he wouldn’t be happy with that.

over the next few days, you fuss over him—probably more than necessary, but you can’t help it. you make sure he’s comfortable, keep an eye on him whenever he moves, and remind him to take his pain meds. oscar endures it with a smile, teasing you gently about being so worried.

“you’re gonna wrap me in bubble wrap next,” he jokes one morning as you hand him a glass of water with his painkillers.

“don’t tempt me,” you reply, only half-joking. but you know you can’t keep him from going to hungary. it’s what he loves, and you can see the determination in his eyes.

the day before he’s supposed to leave, you sit together in bed, your head resting on his shoulder. “just promise me you’ll be careful.”

he kisses the top of your head, his voice soft. “i promise. and if it gets too much, i’ll stop. but i’ve got this, love. don’t worry too much.”

you nod, trying to believe it, but the worry still lingers in your chest. you just want him to be okay.

the next morning, you drive him to the airport, your hand gripping his a little tighter than usual. “text me as soon as you land, and call me if you need anything.”

oscar smiles, leaning in for a kiss. “i will. and i’ll be back before you know it.”

as you watch him walk into the terminal, you can’t shake the feeling of anxiety. but you trust him. he’ll be careful. he’s oscar, after all—strong, determined, and maybe just a little bit clumsy. and you’ll be here, waiting for him, ready to take care of him when he gets back.

[tiny-pun]

On writing pain

Okay so for once this isn’t an actual prompt but more so a tip:

If your character is supposedly in pain that lasts more than a couple of days or even weeks and months, eg. Because of a bigger wound or of a (new) disability… you most likely should show this in more ways than just the occasional “gasp and clutching the wound”!

Having such constant pain will have at least some kind of emotional impact: the stress of constantly being in pain, the constant push and pull between just succumbing to the pain and laying down until it goes away or just ignoring it and powering through. The balancing act of not overdoing it and being hypervigilant to the point you just hunch down to avoid worsening it.

Additionally you have to think about how to treat all of the different pains. How connected are they really? How much sense does it actually make to take pain meds ? Are there enough? Do I trust my doctor/s, to actually listen to me and take my pain seriously? Am I over exaggerating my pain? Am I underselling it? Am I annoying my doctor? Should I just wait and hope it goes away? It’s probably nothing anyway. But what if it’s so much worse ? What if this pain is just covering up something truly awful? But what if I’m making such a fuss now and tomorrow I can jump around like always? How unnecessary it would be to get so many people involved. Right ? This is especially hindered by poor use of words aka incapability to communicate. ( My head is just … kinda fuzzy?/Everything hurts?)

Another factor is how much they want to openly tell others about it. And whom they could possibly even tell and all the whys and hows surrounding it. And how hard it would be aka how long they’ve know each other and how much time they spent together. The hiding and lying adds more emotional stress and also possibly leads to neglect of any medical help. The “overt” complaining about the pain/situation can be exhausting and thus a different kind of stress. Especially if they’re feeling childish/unheard or otherwise ashamed about voicing anything but positive emotions but the pain is just too much and too consistent.

This can also lead to a constant comparison of how far into their recovery they “statistically already should be” or just the plain old “I could do xyz SO EASILY before”. Or worse: they’re comparing themselves to another (equally) wounded/disabled character. Wether it’s an internal belief or externally expected: if the character believes, that their wound/pain is comparably minor or should be easily overcome by themselves; and especially if they have a certain goal in mind, by which they should be back to their regular power and it’s not look in good … well then you certainly have a nice cocktail of stress and anxiety.

And if during the time of their supposed recovery, they end up getting some minor but more common sickness, eg. A cold or a stomach bug, it might not be their first thought. In fact they might do any and every test possible BUT think of the common cold. Not bc they’re necessarily stupid but bc of the fear, things might go to hell after all. Especially if the symptoms of both illnesses are similar enough. Anything else will just not be in their radar.

Also how would they like to be taken care of ? How much of that is a facade to please others ? Do they actually want to be hugged right now or are they just trying to please someone yet feeling suffocated? Do they just want their dead siblings soup and is a companionable silence enough to know they’re gonna be fine? How honest are they towards not only themselves but to others? And how much can the people and the situation itself even give that to them right now? (Do they need silence but they’re currently lying low in the city’s biggest hotel next to the market place?)

For all of this it doesn’t matter how big or small the pain actually is. What matters is that it is seemingly constant and only very slowly going away. The combination of constant physical pain with so much emotional turmoil and back and forth between opposing ideals aka stress can translate to even more physical pain aka psychosomatic pain. Headaches, breathlessness and even bigger issues such as literal heartaches can be the result.

This all can lead to spiralling and in the worst case a (temporary) depression. I dont think I have to explain how that could look like.

And one last thing: If the character is used to being in life or death situations, no matter if it’s due to multiple fights or an already existing disability: the common cold might be worse to deal with. They could be so used to dealing with the possibility of death that anything less than that is ironically unbearable. During a basically fatal stabbing they might just say a cheeky joke but freak out during the common cold.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. If you have the same pain for more than 6 week pls get it checked out if you can! And get well soon. These are just possible ways to write, what kind of thoughts and issues any type of constant pain (fatal or not) could cause.

[katyaromanoffpetrova]

Is this the end? (Part II)

Katya is new at SHIELD. When she messes up during her probation, she thinks Fury will send her away. To ease the pain, she distances herself from Nat.

• Natasha Romanoff x Fem!OC • Wordcount: 2.9k • Warnings: angst, talk of self-harm and unaliving (not detailed, not graphic, not the acts themselves) • A/N: So, eh, turns out I can't fit everything in this part either. So there will be a part 3. Also, remember they're not yet girlfriends here! They are still unfamiliar with each other and learning to let down walls :) Masterlist

Do not repost my work as your own or translate my work!!

Katya

Katya had been scared all week. From the moment she woke up—if she even slept—to the moment she went to sleep. She could hardly eat, could hardly focus. A figurative sword dangled over her head every waking minute. The anticipation of a message from Fury was killing her.

With every agent that walked up to her, every text or call she got on her phone, Katya thought that that was it, that her time at SHIELD had come to an end. But every day, for a week, nothing happened. 

She was sure Fury tortured her on purpose. Left her to rot in her guilt and shame for a while. Maybe he wanted to see what she'd do. 

It was slowly killing her, though. Every day, the physical symptoms of her anxiety got worse. What started with a lack of appetite turned into nausea. What started as a rapid heartbeat turned into panic attacks. Her hands shook, she had a tight chest, and she was emotionally totally gone.

Her job was literally to pretend to be other people, though, so Katya acted her butt off. Nobody saw that she wasn't okay. Nobody paid close enough attention. She was the scary newcomer, the traitor, the risk factor. People at SHIELD had not been eager to get to know her.

The only other person besides Natasha—who Katya kept far away—who cared about her enough to notice anything, was Clint; Natasha's kind, funny, welcoming best friend. She tried avoiding him too, but the building was only so big, and there were only so many places she had access to.

Her luck ran out near the end of the week. Clint walked into the cafeteria one morning when she was getting her regular batch of oatmeal, his hair sticking out on all sides. Her plan to quickly get breakfast and eat it in her room—as she'd done everyday this week—was ruined when he spotted her across the hall. 

If the people around her had moved aside faster, Katya could have escaped. But Clint caught her by her bicep as she went to pass him.

"Hold up."

A wave of panic flooded her body. He had her trapped. Clint, the second to last person she wanted to talk to. With a pounding heart, she stared his hand down until he let her arm go, an apologetic look on his face. The ghost of his handprint itched on her skin. She wanted to burn her arm off.

"Look, I don't know what's going on—"

"Then don't get involved," Katya hissed under her breath, feeling the eyes of other nosy breakfast-eaters on their little scene. The last thing she wanted was for him to get in the middle of this and risk his friendship with Natasha, but Clint continued without hesitation.

"But I know my best friend has been sad all week."

It was hard not to react. His words stung badly enough for Katya's carefully crafted composure to falter. She knew her actions hurt Natasha, but hearing it spoken out loud made it more real. Clint took advantage of her silence.

"She can't help you if you don't talk to her."

"It's best if she stays away," Katya said sharply.

Clint nodded slowly, skeptically crossing his arms over his chest. "Best for you, or for her?"

Katya dug her nails into her palm, red flashing before her eyes. "I don't care about myself," she hissed defensively, angry at him for suggesting she would choose her own wellbeing over Natasha's. "Fury can kill me, for all I care. But I don't want her hurt too."

Clint answered her anger with calmness, his wise blue eyes deeply staring into hers. He'd already done all this math in his head, figured out her patterns. They were the same as a certain redhead's. "You can ignore her and push her away all you want. But nothing you say or do can make her care less about you," his voice was almost fatherly. "What you're doing is only hurting her more."

The voice of reason didn't work for someone who felt too much to think rationally. Deep, deep down, Katya knew he was right. Relationships, friendships—they were new to her, but she'd seen enough movies and read enough books to know that pushing people away was always a bad idea.

But Katya felt that need to protect Natasha too strongly. It was her responsibility to make her happy. And in order to make the pain less in the long term, Katya had to cause a little bit of it now. 

Without another word, she slipped past Clint. He let her go this time, his gaze—and the ones of fifty other people—on her back as she pushed through the doors. They would be talking about this. The whole building would know what confrontation happened in the cafeteria this morning, even if they didn't catch a single word.

The rumors were difficult to deal with. SHIELD was worse than a high school filled with gossiping teenage girls. Rumors spread about Katya's mission. And like all stories did, they went from wild, to crazy, to absolutely insane. People heard what they wanted to hear, and added their own twist to it.

Katya apparently set up the whole thing to pass information back to Hydra. She brought files with her on the mission and got caught on purpose to hand them over. She never stopped spying for Hydra. Et cetera, et cetera.

Conversations stopped when she walked past. Judgy eyes followed her everywhere. Agents walked away when she sat down somewhere or walked into a room. 

If she had any sort of protection, she wouldn't have tolerated it. If she was sure she could stay, she would have confronted the gossip-spreaders, the judgy-eyed. If she knew she hadn't done anything wrong, she would have kneed some men in the balls. Funnily enough, they were too scared of her to actually say something to her face. The most she'd gotten was dirty looks. 

Katya hated to admit that it affected her, that it stung. Especially now that she pushed Natasha and Clint away, she felt lonelier than ever. And with the looming likeliness that she would return to a life on the run—alone—very soon, her days darkened.

There were nights where she grew so depressed with the idea of going back that she laid by the toilet bowl, fighting with the food rising up her throat. Without missions and assignments, there was too much time to think. And with too much time to think, she went on a downward spiral towards insanity. 

Katya convinced herself that there was only one real option: staying at SHIELD. She wasn't going back to the shadow parts of the world, unprotected, hunted, having to use her worst skills to get money and to stay alive. She wasn't. She couldn't. To feel less like a human being, the self-hatred, she wouldn't survive it, knowing now what she lost.

If Fury sent her away, she would choose death. 

Natasha

Natasha ran around SHIELD HQ in a frenzy, a strange feeling in her stomach that she had to hurry up, that she was running out of time. 

She couldn't find Katya anywhere. 

The woman only had access to a few parts of the building, and yet everywhere Natasha looked turned up empty. She wasn't in her room, or in the cafeteria, or the gym. Natasha even checked the roof and garage. Nothing.

When Katya didn't show up to mandatory training this morning, she initially wasn't too worried. She would have been more surprised if she did show up, considering this whole avoidance thing this week. But when Natasha went to find her afterwards to reprimand her for her absence, the blonde was nowhere to be found.

Did she miss anything? Surely, Fury wouldn't let Katya go without telling her about it. Had Katya decided not to wait on a verdict and did she leave on her own accord? 

The more Natasha thought about it, and the more places turned up empty, the more she was convinced Katya left. Katya left. Katya left her.

Her walk sped up to a speed walk, then a jog, then to a full sprint as she took the stairs—faster than the elevator—three at a time. Every agent she passed, she stopped and asked the same question: "Have you seen Petrova?" 

After the initial shock passed, the answers were all the same: ''No.''

They must have thought she'd gone crazy, running around the halls like a weeping widow. But fear squeezed Natasha's heart too powerfully to worry about her reputation. She needed to find Katya, and she needed to find her fast. Maybe she could catch up to her and bring her back.

''Have you seen Kat?''

Clint jumped a foot into the air when the door of his office flew open and banged against the adjacent wall. With a building full of sneaking spies, it had never seen a force like that. Grasping at his heart, he turned around to tell his friend off. But the teasing died in his throat when he saw the look on her face.

"No." 

Without so much as a nod, Natasha ran off again. 

"Nat. Nat!" Clint called after her, but she was long gone, speeding through the corridors faster than her short legs could handle.

She was on her way to Fury's office when she passed the kitchen, the door open to let the smell of food waft into the hallway. It was Taco Tuesday, a cliché. Natasha didn't even like tacos all that much. Sometimes, she'd bribe the cooking lady to make her something else. But something in the corner of her eye forced her to a screeching halt.

It shimmered there, on the counter. Silver and sharp. One of Katya's favorite things.

Natasha felt like an absolute idiot. There were only two places Katya liked to go if she was distressed. One; the roof. Two; the shooting range. Or, more specifically, the knife throwing range. 

Guess which place she didn't check.

As she sprinted down thirteen flights of stairs, Natasha's mind was pulled back into memories from a different lifetime, when things were simpler. Two orphan girls, fifteen years old, madly in love in a place that didn't teach them what love was. 

She felt herself standing next to Katya in that hellhole as she practiced her throwing. The blonde could completely lose herself in the art of it. It was the most fascinating thing to watch. Her obsession with knives was a strange one, but everyone needed a hobby.

After she crashed through the doors of the shooting range, Natasha came to an abrupt halt. 

Silence settled over her like a thick layer of snow. Down here, in the cellar, below the water of the river, there were no noises from outside. No traffic, no office buzz, and few other people. Padded walls minimized the sounds from inside the room. It was peaceful, one of her favorite places to be. 

Natasha's gaze easily settled on the only person in the room. She couldn't describe the relief she felt in words when she saw the familiar features. Katya hadn't left. She was right there, alive and looking beautiful. 

In her hand, she had a knife, one of those meant for throwing. It was clear Natasha had caught her off guard. Katya stood frozen, like a little kid caught stealing from the candy jar, panic flickering behind her blue eyes. 

The knife glistened in the bright lights, close to Katya's face like she had been staring at it. She wasn't even close to the start of the throwing range. It felt like an odd place to stand.

A wave of nausea hit Natasha, the relief replaced by sheer agony. Her eyes flickered to the knife, then to the shame in Katya's eyes, and back to the knife. They both knew she figured it out. Her heart sank to the floor.

"Please, Kat."

Her fragile voice thawed Katya's frozen body. "Don't start," she warned, scowling as she turned away.

Natasha felt weak, helpless. If she'd burst into the room five minutes later, would that knife have pierced skin? She thought Katya was doing better. "You can't leave me again."

"I'm trying!'' Upset, Katya tossed the knife on a nearby table. ''You think I want these voices in my head? You think I want this?"

Natasha took a step closer. "Whatever they're saying, it's not true. Don't listen to the lies."

"But they're not lies, are they?!'' Katya yelled. She moved around in her spot restlessly, as if she wasn't sure what to do with her feelings. ''We're murderers, Nat! Liars, traitors, spies. Soulless beings."

With every word, Natasha's heart shattered further. "We were just kids! We didn't choose this!"

"But we didn't end it either."

"We did!'' Natasha took a breath to compose herself, her hands shaking as she ran them over her face. She wasn't good at this. At emotional conversations. Let alone ones with such a heavy topic. ''We did. We're here. We're here to make up for it. To do good."

A sarcastic snort echoed in the room. "''Good''.'' Katya shook her head, her jaw clenched. ''The only solution to a cancer is to kill it. You don't feed it and love it in the hope that it goes away."

"Killing yourself is not a solution, it's a way out!'' Desperation and panic dripped from Natasha's voice. ''You have to give it time. It takes time to heal."

"I can't be fixed by a couple of good hugs and tea, Natalia! There's no fixing the people we are!"

"Then why did you stay?! Why did you stay if you didn't believe you could be better?!"

"I stayed for you!'' Natasha blinked, completely taken aback. ''You're the reason I'm still here! Not just here here, but on this godforsaken bloody planet! You're the only reason I do things. I don't want to hurt you. But if I permanently remove myself, I hurt you, and if I stay, I hurt you too. There's no winner."

Not many things could silence Natasha Romanoff, but hearing this made the words die in her throat. To be someone's entire reason for living was a big burden, one she didn't know she carried. But it brought her hope too. She lifted her chin.

"I'll give you your answer,'' she said decisively, taking a determined step closer. They were only three feet apart now, her finger pointing at Katya's chest. ''You stay. You fucking stay with me, right here, at SHIELD. Because leaving me again is not an option. Do you hear me, Kat? You are going to stay right at my side, and I'll show you—no, convince you, that there's more than the darkness." Her finger trembled with adrenaline. "Leaving me is not an option."

The speech made Katya waver, but it didn't convince her. "That's not up to me. Fury is going to send me away. As he should. He can never trust me. He doesn't trust you. I don't even trust myself!'' She took a breath, calmly looking into Natasha's eyes. ''There's demons, Nat. And even I'm afraid of what they can do."

On a whim, Natasha grabbed one of her hands. Katya was as surprised by the gesture as she was herself. "I'm not. Afraid. I know you—"

"You don't."

"I do!'' Natasha said sternly. She was so tired of the negative self-talk, of the buts. ''I know your soul. How it's naturally gentle, and generous, and kind. I know there's a little girl in there who hates the violence. I know she feels unsafe, and scared, and alone." She paused, starting to feel her throat tighten. "I know because that girl is in me, too. I've started to feel her more and more since I found you. I've started to feel like myself again, a person, a soul. And I know, if you allow me, if you stay, I can help you feel that too."

It was so clear that Katya was struggling with herself in every way and form. Her thoughts and feelings were contradicting. Her heart wanted one thing, her head another. To stay or not to stay? Natasha saw the struggle from the outside, the gears turning in her head, the fight she silently fought.

Katya hung her head, looking at their intertwined hands. She looked small and vulnerable. There was no fight left in her. "If I stay, I'll hurt you. I can't fight them. I'll say or do something…'' Her head shook, refusing to think about worst-case scenarios. ''It's safer and it's best if I go."

Natasha felt the energy flow out of her body until it was nothing but an empty shell. The only thing she could do was talk, and if that wasn't enough to convince Katya to stay, then what else was there but to accept defeat? 

She let go of Katya's hand, taking a small step backwards. "If you have to go, I won't stop you. I have already said everything I can think of."

Katya looked up with a furrow in her brows, surprised by this turn of events. "You'd let me go?"

Natasha swallowed thickly, feeling the last pieces of her heart fall apart. "I can live, knowing you're out there somewhere,'' she said softly, tears burning behind her eyes. ''But I can't live knowing you're dead. I've done that before. Ten years. They were the darkest years of my life."

The words lingered in the silence, carrying a hidden meaning. Katya's eyes narrowed with a heartbreaking suspicion when Natasha couldn't meet them with her own. "Why did you stay?"

"Same reason you're still alive.'' Natasha exhaled with a trembling breath. ''Hope."

[exeggcute]

I keep falling into a cognitive death spiral lately where I'll get anxious about things in general (me! anxious! can you imagine), but also specifically body and health stuff, which for me is one of those things where it's not unwarranted and therefore harder to avoid. but then the anxiety has a physical toll on me that makes The Symptoms worse, and I'm self-aware enough to know that the anxiety is to blame... so I get worried that the anxiety is gonna make me feel unwell, which makes me anxious, which makes me feel unwell, which makes it hard to break out of the loop because the part of my brain that keeps watch all night like a guard dog keeps having its fears validated. and meanwhile another part of me is watching all this from a distance like "well this is fucking stupid actually"

[cripplecharacters]

Good morning/evening to y'all!

In your list of frequently asked questions, there was no mention of speech disorders? I was wondering if you answer questions for that too? I'm sorry to bother you if you don't.

If you do, I have two things I'd like to ask, if you don't mind!

First of all, my character is a 4-year-old boy with a stutter from brain trauma. How much does age affect this? Are there better to be cured or is it more severe? What would be the best sort of action from parents towards child?

Secondly, what does stuttering feel like, physically? Does it include tightness in the throat, thirst, numbness, or anything like that?

Thank you all.

Hello,

Yes, we have at least one mod with a speech disorder and I can answer them.

Depending on how old he was when the trauma occurred, he may not even realize that he does it. Some things, like the multiple syllable repetition unless he has a more minor form of it, he may notice and feel frustrated with, but stuttering can also include pauses and drawing sounds out which he may not even notice. Because he has the injury now, when he's still learning language like a sponge soaking in water, it's going to be harder to treat. In my experience, speech therapy that started when I was five never managed to actually improve the way I spoke. It's harder to improve in this situation- possible, to my knowledge, but harder.

Curing a stutter from a traumatic brain injury is going to be difficult. It's not likely and it's probably not something his speech therapist would even consider- when there's a lot wrong with speech and there's a reason behind it that can't be worked around, like a TBI, sometimes a speech therapist will just focus on trying to improve one aspect, or they might not even bother at all. If getting rid of his stutter is the goal, that's going to take years of work and it might not fix everything. It can be a severe condition- some people can have a severe stutter from the brain injury- but mostly it's just hard to treat because we have a permanent modification to how our brain works.

The best sort of actions his parents can take is listen to him. It might be frustrating for people to listen to someone who stutters and they might experience isolation because people don't want to talk to or listen to them, it does so much to have even one person in your life who will listen to you speak without impatience, interrupting, or ignoring. Because he's also going into school, listening to him is really important. School is very difficult for people with speech disabilities (for all disabled people, really.) He may experience teachers who are impatient or ableist, or he might experience isolation from his peers or even bullying. It's important his parents listen to him about any issues he may be facing so that they can step in and advocate him. They're the most important people for him to have in his corner. Listening to and communicating with any child is important, but it's very important that his parents listen to and communicate with him. At the very least, it creates a safe place for him at home. At best, he'll talk to his parents about bullying and they can put up a big enough fuss that the issue will be resolved.

As for what it feels like, it feels like the mouth kind of pauses. Like you're trying to say something but there's a barrier in your mouth, so you have to force every sound through it, and that's hard to do. A lot of people who stutter report physically tensing up trying to speak, leading to tension aches wherever they tense, usually in the face or neck, and that tensing is kind of subconscious as if there really is a barrier and you need to physically force the words through the barrier.

As you try and get words out, you might become stressed or frustrated, and that usually makes the stutter worse, which just makes your frustration and anxiety worse. They feed on each other and it sucks.

People who stutter also might have what are called secondary symptoms, like the reflexive tension I mentioned earlier. These secondary symptoms can include grimacing, blinking, movement or another part of the body, like the arms, legs, or feet, issues maintaining eye contact or even issues looking at the person they're talking to at all, and changes in the pitch or volume of the voice. You might also see adaptive behaviours from the person trying to hide their stutter, such as using word substitutions, meaning replacing a word they might stutter on with one they can say easier, interjections such as uh, um, etc, filler words such as like, and quickly revising sentences to either hide a stutter or rephrase the sentence to make it easier to say, things like "I want- I'll have the pasta." Stuttering and those secondary behaviours can lead to him trying to avoid speaking, which he definitely shouldn't do (shouldn't avoid speaking, I mean.)

Also, you might want to consider exactly where the TBI was and how severe it was, because location and severity can also cause other symptoms. An injury to the cerebellum, for example, will impact his fine motor skills. Look into the areas around the specific places that control speech, too. If the injury was bad enough or at the right angle to hit those places, he'll also have symptoms associated with a TBI to those locations.

Thank you for sending this.

Mod Aaron

[wered0gs]

I haven't seen a lot of discussion about RSD when it comes to ADHD discussions, so I thought I would do the honors since it's been affecting me for many years and I'd like people to know more about it!

I have had a diagnosis for ADHD but was never told- instead learning I had autism through therapy but still having some behaviors that I could never explain that just Happened.

I learned I had ADHD over the summer, and with that, severe rejection sensitive dysphoria.

before reading, please keep in mind that this is mostly talking from personal experience and some skimmed research! not experiencing RSD doesn't mean you do/don't have ADHD, and it may not appear like how it appeared for me. I don't only have autism + adhd either, so those may also contribute to any differences! ^^

RSD is the immense emotional pain after being criticized, rejected, or even teased (ignore my misspell in the panel). This rejection can be real or perceived, and we react like this because it hurts.

The pain can manifest as aggression, bringing on symptoms of depression (thoughts of s/h, isolation, demotivation, etc) and anxiety/panic attacks.

it can cause physical aliments like the above. For me, it causes my heartrate to skyrocket, heart palpitations, the feeling of being in a crisis, and extreme shaking to occur along with stomach pain.

(In fact, right now I'm going through it because making a post talking about this, despite having & dealing with it, makes me scared of other's opinions on it.)

RSD can also take the form of avoiding situations, people, or conversations where rejection or criticism is very possible.

Like other types of dysphoria, it is out of our control and hard to manage. It can last from days to weeks to months, all depending on both the trigger* and the individual.

I had a RSD episode that was on-and-off for a little over a year or two; getting more tame and bearable as it slowly drifted and stopped haunting my mind with the incident.

Compared to the other times my RSD was set off, this moment was a rather big moment in my life and ended up permanently changing me moving forward - which can be the reason why it lasted so long.

Despite how unbearable it can get, there are some ways to cope with it & lessen the effect it has.

Communicate - If you need time to process something that's told to you, you should say so (as difficult as it is). Tell the person(s) involved about your RSD, how you need time to digest information like this and take some time to relax. Trying to respond to the information while going through the head of the dysphoria will be very rough and might not be what you truly want to say.

Distract - This is really useful for me personally! Do something that grabs your attention or occupies your mind. One of RSD's main symptoms is rumination, thinking of something over and over again. I usually listen to music, draw, or play a game that won't frustrate me - like minecraft! (i'd say rain world but some of you would call me a maniac /lhj)

Perspective - This may require some communication, but it can really help and connect with others. See what the involved people thought / perceived, explain, talk. This doesn't always have the chance to end in rainbows and rekindling but at least you understand. Sometimes simply hearing the person explain their own side is enough to ease my RSD, being able to have someone explain themselves to me so i can understand them better.

I also wanna point out the "don't take it personally" thing that people try to use to deal with it isn't something i agree with since we're going to take it personally at first regardless. Later on, not really, but you're trying to cope with the symptoms... telling someone (or yourself) that they're too sensitive & over-reacting is the worse thing you could do.

With time, you can even begin to build up your 'armor' and be able to sustain yourself in situations you might get hurt in. Of course, some things may be able to sneak past and hurt you more than you expect, but at the end of the day, you're trying your best to go about it the best you can while taking so many blows. you're doing great.

OK i dont have a lot more to add so if anyone else would like to talk about their experiences, please feel free! Character showcased here was my beloved fursona Shiki! i'm just a little neurodivergent + black artist from new york :]

hope you enjoyed it! sorry for the long post </3

[octaviasdread]

Mrs Perry, the 50s Housewife & Neil

This entire post is inspired by a discord discussion so I can't take all the credit, but Mrs Perry gives off alllll the signals of a 50s housewife reliant on emotional suppression and prescription pills to cope with the demands of post-war society.

'They used barbiturates to aid in sleep, minor tranquilizers to ease anxiety, and amphetamines to help lose weight and boost energy. [...] Women’s pill consumption signals their difficulties, at times, before feminism of the era explicitly touched upon them' - Erin Brown, You Go to My Head: Women's Prescription Pill Use in Postwar America

Her smoking while she waits for Neil to return with Mr Perry from the play suggests a habit to cope with stress. It’s also notable that she hurries to put it out. Is this a further sign she’s smoking to relieve anticipation, or is it something she doesn’t want Neil to see?

And Mr Perry? His treatment of her can partly be explained by patriarchal family structure. What Mr Perry wants, Mr Perry gets. He is head of the family, and takes the lead in family communications with Neil, so much that beneath Mr Perry's repeated use of 'we,' it's difficult to discern how Neil's mother feels.

In the scenes set in the Perry house, we mainly see the family in Mr Perry's study. This direct parallel to Nolan's office INSIDE Neil's home emphasises the rule of authority over his life, and the extent of how trapped he is.

The parallel is important because Nolan's office is shown as a place of punishment for the students, and a reinforcement of their lack of agency.

More specifically, the deleted scenes show school clubs being dictated to the boys as they stand in front of Nolan’s desk. This confirms that school annual - and the editorial position that Neil earned - is taken from him on Mr Perry's whim, just as his whole life is ripped away the next time he stands beside a desk in Mr Perry’s office.

The hurt and betrayal Neil feels in these early scenes is hidden from Nolan, and he submits to the authority of his father. But Neil can no longer hide his hurt by the end. He has gained and then lost too much to accept the stricter controls Mr Perry is imposing.

So what does Mrs Perry do when faced with her son's obvious distress? Almost nothing.

Her worry for her son is real, but she shows no true support that Neil can rely on. He looks to her for help and comfort twice. The first time, she looks down, then back at Neil, and says nothing. The second time is after she begins to speak, but her one attempt fails, and she falls back into passivity.

She stands aside. It's as if Mrs Perry isn't really there, stuck behind an invisible boundary observing the damage as the scene unfolds.

It's only when Mr Perry leaves that she provides some fleeting comfort - but this comfort doesn't feel present to Neil. She doesn't articulate her support, doesn't touch him, or make signs that Neil can grasp without doubting her belief in him.

Instead of prioritising her son, she follows Mr Perry without complaint, leaving Neil to grieve alone for the loss of everything he holds dear.

This tiny scene says so much about the dysfunctional family dynamic Neil has been raised in. It's impossible to say when it started, or when his mother stopped advocating for Neil's emotional wellbeing, but there's definitely a bond - however strained - between mother and son that isn't shared with Mr Perry.

As @desire-mona has said, Mr Perry uses his wife and possibly her health to guilt and manipulate Neil into following his demands. There's definitely an argument to made for Mrs Perry having fragile health. If this is physical, or a 'nervous' ailment historically diagnosed in housewives, or a combination of the two isn't clear. Whatever it is, she must not be upset.

This puts a lot of pressure on a child, and Neil (understandably) complies under the threat. As the above scene implies, Neil is blamed, and likely blames himself, if Mrs Perry's symptoms get worse around the time he disobeys, or just fails to please his parents.

The Perrys different reactions to stress are clearest at the discovery of Neil's death. The shock causes Mr Perry to bypass anger (although anger returns in his search for someone - i.e. Keating - to blame) and his care for Neil surfaces. This is the first time his care is shown through sympathetic emotion rather than demands for Neil to succeed.

Mrs Perry hurtles into denial. Her body is reacting to distress, but she can't comprehend reality. 'He's alright,' she repeats, retreating into a fragile imagined safety to cope.

@pencileraser1 has also linked the parallels between Mrs Perry and Neil smoking to the possibility of an inherited mental illness.

Being raised in an emotionally abusive household, and internalising the shame of not conforming to Mr Perry's ideal would be enough to contribute to depression in Neil. But I think both mother and son could share dissatisfaction and a desire for escapism.

When faced with the constraints of the larger system they live under, their mental illness plays out in different ways.

Neil finds a healthier outlet behind the backs of authority through the club, acting, and finding an adult mentor to support him, while Mrs Perry has little to no opportunities to escape the confines of the home or the scrutiny of her community.

Once these opportunities (and coping mechanisms) are taken from him, Neil doesn't turn to smoking, escapist poetry, or other forms of temporary numbing. He's seen his parents suburban lives, seen the life they want for him, and perhaps he can't and won't live in quiet compliance the way Mrs Perry does.

I wonder how Mrs Perry copes afterwards? Does she see a decent therapist? Separate (but not divorce) from Mr Perry? Does she take pills and numb herself further? I don't think I want to know.

[heian-era-housewife]

Hello all!

Recovery, diagnosis, and continued health journey below the break.

TLDR: Stage 4 endometriosis, still waiting on results for the heart condition, tired, sore, overall am going to be okay 👍 I do, however, hate being the owner of a uterus.

Most importantly, thanks everyone for the love, support, and well wishes! Glad to be back! It will be slow. Don't expect too much, but I do still plan to play catch up on Kinktober, even if it goes into November a little bit.

Trigger warnings: blood, mental health, mention of sex, gender identity, generally just Yuri whining 😅

I'm not sure where to begin. When I imagined writing this comeback post, pre-surgery I thought it would be all smiles and sunshine. I knew there would be pain, but I thought the worst of it would be behind me. Currently, I feel like I'm sitting toward the bottom of what may be a very long uphill struggle.

While my surgery went smoothly, the care I received around the surgery was eye opening. We waited for hours on end both before and after the surgery to get answers, to get help, to use the bathroom or be offered water.

Sometime before I woke up I had apparently been given some disposable underwear and a pad because I was bleeding pretty heavily. When I was finally able to use the restroom, I discovered that the pad had been placed cotton-side down with the adhesive side facing my body. The sticky part was still covered with the backing (thankfully), but this had caused blood to run everywhere including down my legs where I could not reach, as I was unable to bend. The only person available to help me at the time was a man whose bedside manner was less than desirable, so I just lived with the blood stains.

This was just one of many instances where it felt like I was almost being punished for having the reproductive organs that I do. And frankly, that has been my experience my entire life as someone who menstruates, who has had difficulty with menstruation, and who has had near constant pain and problems in that area.

Ultimately, I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis. I know very little about this condition and by the time I had woken up from surgery, the surgical staff had gone home. There was no one willing to answer questions and I have since been told I will need to wait two weeks until my follow up appointment to speak with the doctor and get details. Until then, I am left with my own research. From what it seems, there is no cure and very minimal that can be done for treatment of symptoms. My discharge notes make mention of heavy scarring on my ovaries from recurring cysts, which are sure to continue. The endometrial tissue can also appear on or effect other parts of the body as they had in this past instance where tissue was present around my intestines. It can grow on lungs and even the brain, though these cases are extremely rare.

It's hard not to feel discouraged right now. I thought this surgery would be a huge step forward toward feeling better, but it feels more like a tiny drop in a bucket of larger issues and possibly more surgeries and complications to come. Not only this, but I am enraged both by the absolutely abysmal healthcare system here in the U.S. but by the treatment of and complete lack of empathy for those who have vaginas, uteruses, who experience menstruation or pregnancy and any number of complications from these things. I've said it before and I'll say it again, "women's" healthcare is a JOKE, but this goes beyond women. If I, a cisgender female, am experiencing such a lack of care and empathy, I can only imagine how any person with these organs who doesn't fit the stereotypical image or definition gets treated. I hate it.

Anyhoo...

Recovery is expected to take about two weeks. No sex for six weeks (for real this time)

Still waiting on results from my heart monitor.

Wanting to tackle mental health after squaring away what I can of physical health.

Depression and anxiety is now worse than ever. Doing my best not to slither into my little hermit hole and hide from it all.

Writing helps. Drawing helps. The love and care from amazing people on this silly little site helps.

And of course, there is Hubs, who deserves a standing ovation for the incredible job he has done caring for me, advocating for me, and reminding me every day that truly good people do still exist 🩷

If you've read this far, please go get yourself a cookie or something 🍪 and thank you, truly, for being part of this little journey with me 💕

[zoeykallus]

Hi there! I love your headcanons and I was wondering if I could make a personal request. Let me know if this is a no-go.

I have PMDD, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, basically PMS [premenstrual syndrome] but 20x worse. It usually resolves upon the onset of the crimson wave. But not all the time.

I have been struggling really badly with the deep depression, insomnia, and self-image issues brought on by my disorder.

Do you think we can see how the Batch handles their fem reader S/O struggling with this disorder specifically? And maybe, if it's not too much, a part 2 with some of our favorite regs?

Thank you so much!

Aloha my dear!

Oh, this is a heavy hitter, I know where you are coming from. So many people out there have no idea how freaking much this can affect someone's life. PMS is already a hard thing to deal with, but PMDD brings it to yet another really shitty level. Don't worry, I got you 😊

The Bad Batch x Afab!Reader HCs - Struggling With PMDD

Warnings: Mention of PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) and its symptoms /Hurt/Comfort/Fluff

_______

AC: I'm using Techs Part first to introduce PMDD and its symptoms to those who might not know what it is. So don't be surprised about Tech's Part being longer than the others, there is a lot of information in there. So please read Tech's part, to understand what this is all about 😊

_______

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

_______

Tech

The first experiences he has with you in this context are frightening for him. Apart from the fact that you suddenly seem like a completely different person to him, he is really worried about you. But Tech wouldn't be Tech if he didn't get to the bottom of this.

It takes him a little while to find the right material.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a much more severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). It may affect women of childbearing age. It’s a severe and chronic medical condition that needs attention and treatment. Lifestyle changes and sometimes medicines can help manage symptoms.

The exact cause of PMDD is not known. It may be an abnormal reaction to normal hormone changes that happen with each menstrual cycle. The hormone changes can cause a serotonin deficiency. Serotonin is a substance found naturally in the brain and intestines that narrows blood vessels and can affect mood and cause physical symptoms.

What are the risk factors for PMDD?

While any woman can develop PMDD, the following may be at increased risk:

Women with a family history of PMS or PMDD  

Women with a personal or family history of depression, postpartum depression, or other mood disorders

Other possible risk factors include lower education and cigarette smoking

Talk with your healthcare provider for more information.

"Healthcare provider?" he mumbles softly between reading, "As if any of us have such a thing"

Symptoms of PMDD appear during the week before menstruation and end within a few days after your period starts. These symptoms disrupt daily living tasks. Symptoms of PMDD are so severe that women have trouble functioning at home, at work, and in relationships during this time. This is markedly different than other times during the month.

There is a chart with symptoms and he worriedly starts to read it.

The following are the most common symptoms of PMDD:

Psychological symptoms

Irritability

Nervousness

Lack of control

Agitation

Anger

Insomnia

Difficulty in concentrating

Depression

Severe fatigue

Anxiety

Confusion

Forgetfulness

Poor self-image

Paranoia

Emotional sensitivity

Crying spells

Moodiness

Trouble sleeping

Fluid retention

Swelling of the ankles, hands, and feet

Periodic weight gain

Diminished urine output

Breast fullness and pain

Respiratory problems

Allergies

Infections

Eye complaints

Vision changes

Eye infection

Gastrointestinal symptoms

Abdominal cramps

Bloating

Constipation

Nausea

Vomiting

Pelvic heaviness or pressure

Backache

Skin problems

Acne

Skin inflammation with itching

Aggravation of other skin disorders, including cold sores

Neurologic and vascular symptoms

Headache

Dizziness

Fainting

Numbness, prickling, tingling, or heightened sensitivity of arms and/or legs

Easy bruising

Heart palpitations

Muscle spasms

Other

Decreased coordination

Painful menstruation

Diminished sex drive

Appetite changes

Food cravings

Hot flashes

His brows are drawn together critically. With a heavy sigh, he says quietly to himself, "Oh boy…"

Tech makes it his business to see that you are examined by a proper doctor, given appropriate medication, and change your diet. He sometimes seems stern and matter-of-fact, but only when he notices you neglecting yourself. Tech also pampers you to counteract the psychological symptoms, with picnics, massages and the like.

Don't worry too much, Tech's got your back. He won't give up on you.

Hunter

His senses already tell him what connections exist with your condition. But of course he is not a doctor and therefore informs himself accordingly without your knowledge, Tech helps him. What he learns frightens him, Hunter is really worried, and he makes it his mission to make this time, these symptoms, easier for you. Apart from making sure you always have the medication you need at hand, he is also much more attentive and caring than usual during this time.

You can let yourself go and not have to worry about anything, Hunter takes everything in hand and has it under control. He is especially gentle and forgiving with you during this time. You mean a lot to him, and he does his absolute best to help you.

He doesn't argue with you when you get your moods, if you want to be alone he respects that, but keeps an eye on you from a safe distance, just in case.

Echo

This sweet man really throws himself into the task of helping you. Whether it's getting your medications, preparing food, massages, and running relaxing baths, Echo has it all covered.

With him by your side, you will want for nothing during this difficult time. He is also not easily scared away, he is as patient as he is stubborn. You don't have to go to the doctor alone, Echo will accompany you.

He organizes your medication, your diet and everything else you need, if you want. If you don't, you must tell him clearly, because Echo will automatically see his task in taking care of everything.

Wrecker

He is warm, and lively. Contrary to the expectations of most, he is also very sensitive and attentive. Of course, he does not miss the fact that something is wrong with you. Of course, he is worried and wants to help.

Talk to him honestly, try not to withdraw, and you will have a steadfast supporter and caretaker in Wrecker. He likes to spoil you, make sure you are taken care of and have your medication.

Wrecker is happy to adapt to you, you just need to communicate with him and let him know what you need. Taking care of you is very easy for him, he likes to do that. Knowing that he can make things easier for you is also good for him in this situation. So confide in him, there is absolutely no reason to pretend in front of him.

Crosshair

He is a bit more complicated at first. Of course, you are incredibly important to him, and he also has a certain empathy, but he often stands in his own way when it comes to emotional, interpersonal things.

At first, he can't really deal with it at all and is looking for some distance at this time. But in a small conversation between brothers, in which Hunter makes it clear to him that his behavior sooner or later can seriously damage your relationship, Crosshair first informs himself more precisely about the existing problem. Finally, he approaches you with the knowledge he has gathered and tries to discuss with you what you can do together as a couple, what he can do as your partner to make the whole thing easier for you.

You talk about medications, doctor visits, relaxation techniques, and home remedies to combat some symptoms. It doesn't take long for the two of you to work out a certain routine that you can both manage and that he can use to help you get through this time okay.

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@allsystemsblue

@palliateclaw

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@extrahotpixels

@hated-by-me

@hunterxcrosshair

@malicemercy

@bebopsworld

@echos-girlfriend

@cpnt616

@dangraccoon

@jediknightjana

@pb-jellybeans

@antishadow2021

@sleepycreativewriter

@projectdreamwalker

@1vlouds

[boxheadpaint]

juice induced hill depression. Back on meds again and hopefully going to get in touch with a new psych who can prescribe me something else. Have been very tired and unjoyful the past week but better now and playing modded Skyrim, initially just to make my oc in it but then just kept slamming more thangs in there. Mod that puts bunny rabbits everywhere. Also is there a mod that adds cute animal ears/suits as wearables or one that even makes the girl armor less sucks. Like im either fully leaning into the immersion breaking for self indulgence sake or im getting rid of the annoying shit.

visiting mom in Vegas earlier this month was nice except for the part where I hate Vegas. I know im not great with travel and settling into places can be a tough one for my brain but also my god it’s just evil there. Brilliantly so but still evil. I would have loved to enjoy the scenery surrounding the place more as deserts are just very beautiful and fascinating places but at no point during the day was the temperature less than a full hundred degrees Fahrenheit. It barely dropped during the night either. Between that and varying physical ailments (Oof Ouch My Digestive Sensitivities Lol) (Oof Ouch My Tendons Lol) (Oof Ouch The Agony Caused By Using Stairs Lol) it was the perfect conditions to be a miserable pile when I wanted to be with my family. As sad I was to part ways again I was not sorry to leave that place. Gained a new appreciation for changing up what I eat randomly to keep my body on its toes. At one point mom brought us to a pub and her husband asked for Diet Pepsi while I asked for regular Pepsi. Visually there’s no difference so we got handed the others pepsi and swapped. And then later after he refilled his Diet Pepsi another waiter came up and wordlessly refilled mine as well. With Diet Pepsi. Wasn’t even asked. Fucking stunned. Also went to a near dead mall that was nice anyway

stuck on brain zaps as a symptom of Specifically antidepressants withdrawal. There’s some things describing them as “mini seizures” in function. To me it’s like the body noticing the usual isn’t happening for some reason so it tries to jumpstart the brain into working good like before. universities I can go to with my theories. Back in and at it this week, hopefully to remain consistent for longer than before which will also likely help with the depression and anxiety. More people should just put stuff in their blood if they can

it can be embarrassing to express your misery more clearly to someone, specifying the fact fact thoughts running through your head. But then again it’s only embarrassing because your mind convinced you so, and will convince you that holding it in is also cruel and selfish. Finding it funny that animals probably don’t have as complex spirals and bouts of depression because they dont have a language to articulate to themselves in their own heads that something is awful in a very specific and contradicting way. Or actually no because there is still pattern recognition but that’s more a paranoia learned thing. Is there an animal that can randomly, for seemingly no reason evident to anyone including itself, experience crushing dread and self doubt. Is there an animal that feels shame besides man

had a tilt table test that was embarrassing too but for much more clear concrete reasons. Somehow didn’t know about that second part, and did complain through most of the first part because Oof Ouch Everything Hurts Lol. REALLY did not know the iv thing and had to once again sadly state that no, It has to go in the hand . I will say the experience was funny in the second part from the other ways because my first reaction was literally just “Uh Oh.” The moment I realized it was going to get worse. all I know is my blood pressure stayed consistent throughout, I don’t know what else im gonna hear about it. Hopefully something helpful.

is setting up an ABLE account difficult? Can anybody do it? It’s an issue dealt with by a lot of people but I should at least try to find a way to save money from benefits for the future or in case some stupid medical shit happens that the health won’t cover. I just looked up and saw Vinny sleeping while propping lubics head up with his foot. Hoping I can enjoy things normally again shortly,

8/26/2024, Still better than july