#i bitched about them the entire time i was drawing them but i'm actually pretty proud of the braids in mbj's hair lol

[quilleth]

“It was dark, it was cold, and I was scared.  But then I saw the Moon. It was so big, and it was so bright it seemed to chase the darkness away. And when it did, I wasn’t scared anymore.”

Inspired by this gifset/quote, Shang Qinghua as Jack Frost and Mobei Jun as a moon god! SQH trying to figure out how to get closer to this hot mysterious man he sees sometimes when the moon is fullest and he doesn’t feel as scared of everything and why he would possibly help him of all people. MBJ’s appearance changes with the moon’s phases, so SQH can’t recognize him sometimes, but they absolutely met before, during a new moon when SQH helped moon god MBJ out of a sticky situation.  Yes new moon mbj is basically just normal mbj what of it xD

I just realized that i gave SQH frosted tips like what were popular when i was younger because i didn’t want to give him completely white hair like jack frost has in the movie >< Because i wanted it to look frosted over and you usually still see the color of something under the frost

[sunshine-jesse]

In defense of Andrew Graves: Facing Yourself​

Alt title: Andrew Graves: The Will to Plow Her

I think my analysis of Andrew is one of the best essays I've written so far. But since then, I think I've expanded my understanding of his character in a way that urges me to add on to my prior essay. What I intend on doing is further fleshing out my reading of Burial, and going deeper in detail on why I think Decay ends up panning out the way it does. This essay will end up sharing a lot of text with my prior one, but will add enough scattered throughout that I think it merits a complete reread instead of just scrolling down and seeing what's new.

I've focused a lot on Ashley in my past writings. She's my favorite character in the story (and depending on how episode 3 pans out, maybe ever) and I'm pretty mortified by how some parts of the fandom have reacted towards her, so I pretty much made it my life's mission to push back against that. From highlighting the ways Andrew mistreats her, to coming up with justifications for her behavior that aren't just being a manipulative bitch, I really wanted to prove that a more favorable picture of her could be painted than most were willing to.

But in doing so, I've left Andrew in the dust.

In highlighting his flaws and the ways he mistreats Ashley, I think I've implied a level of intentionality to his actions that I don't believe he has. When I say that Ashley did nothing wrong, it's in direct response to the idea that she holds the most responsibility and agency in how their dynamic plays out, when in reality, I believe she has very little. Most of her actions in-story are in reaction to a variety of stimuli that come directly from Andrew, that he has control over and are aware of how Ashley feels about. His refusal to use clear and direct language to deny her most toxic tendencies causes her more and more stress as time goes on, and instead of giving her clear answers he opts to be catty, passive-aggressive, or, at his worst, threatening. Never direct and never clear, except when establishing boundaries over his name after the choking scene. Andrew fails to help Ashley be better in some frankly depressing ways throughout the whole story, especially in their childhoods, so we never get to see where she'd fall short if given a better influence.

...

Kind of. More on that later!

In mentioning his thing about preferring to be called Andrew instead of Andy, I also implicitly mention one of the places where Ashley falls short in their dynamic and could stand to do better: recognition.

This scene says a lot. It's the most heartbreaking scene in the game, if you ask me, and probably the single most profound and well-written moment in the entire story. I could write a whole 2000 word essay on it alone, but I've already said most of what I have to say about it through what I've said in other essays, so I'll spare you all that. Instead, I'll use it to highlight something:

"I had fun."

Their dysfunction is fun to her. She's so used to abuse and alienation that even the most awful, stressful (as far as we know) route of the game is still fun to her. And that's not a sign of her being a secret evil sociopath or whatever; that's actually not abnormal behavior to develop for a lifelong victim of abuse. Those highs and lows, those strong emotional highs and lows are -addicting-. They're -fun.- Part of why abuse victims get into so many abusive relationships is because it's easy to pick up on those patterns of thought and take advantage of them, and the cycle of abuse is often furthered when a victim of abuse tries to draw out mutually abusive behaviors in someone with no interest in having that kind of dynamic.

This is where I'm willing to acknowledge Ashley's manipulative tendencies. Not just as a matter of controlling Andrew for its own sake, purely out of jealousy or possessiveness, but as a matter of trying to further the only dynamic she's ever known in her life. Better the devil you know, right?

That push and pull- that emotional rollercoaster- is all many of us know. And it's all Ashley knows. This dynamic is something she's so used to that she reacts incredibly harshly to any attempt to change it, because she doesn't know that things can be better. Because of this, she refuses to engage with who Andrew really is, and tells herself- and him- that she *hates* Andrew:

This scene is almost as heartbreaking as the above one in a lot of ways.

Andrew putting his foot down about the Andy/Andrew name dichotomy wasn't arbitrary and it wasn't just about his comfort. It was about Andrew giving a clear indication about what needs to happen for their relationship to improve. He's recognizing the cycle between them and wants to put a stop to it, because he's confident that things between them CAN get better and evolve into something healthier. Ashley, not understanding that their dynamic can get better, because their "fun" little push and pull of abuse is all she knows, rejects that. She rejects the unknown, and says- in Andrew's mind at least- that she'll never accept that new dynamic, nor will she accept who he really is.

Ouch. No wonder he looks so sad in that screenshot.

They have a conflict of understanding here, and I think it's fair to pin most of the responsibility on Ashley. Andrew was clear in what he wanted, and Ashley just... Didn't. She didn't see the importance of it ("...whatever that means in practice") and didn't really ask. This gap in communication, perfectly displayed in this scene, is likely what causes the Decay ending. He wants things to be better, and wants to treat Ashley better, and whether or not he understands the ways in which she communicates with him is in part what determines what he sees her as.

But there's a lot of evidence that he always wanted things to be better, that he always wanted to treat her better. But external factors have made it very, very difficult, and I think there are two key points in which he started to shed the importance of those external factors and seek that better relationship, both of which happening in the apartment: The killing of the warden and the 302 lady. In the first case, he was forced to do it to protect Ashley in a way he hadn't done before, or depending on how you look at it, since the death of Nina. But the intentionality was the key point here. After this point, he calls Ashley Leyley, which may or may not seem important at this point, but it's something I'll draw attention to later, so keep that in mind.

Next is the killing of the 302 lady, which is the much, much bigger point. We don't learn much about it until later on- as at first he just gives an excuse about the nail gun that doesn't line up with what we see on the map- but during the dream, it's revealed it was a calculated, intentional killing that he did to make sure there was no evidence left behind, and because Ashley (supposedly) would've wanted him to do it anyway. I say supposedly because Ashley herself doesn't seem to ever want Andrew to kill for her past Nina's death, because he only ever kills for her to defend one or both of them. If you want more evidence that violence for violence's sake isn't something she wants, look at this part in the final dream:

A knife isn't what opens the door, despite it being placed on the ground in that very map. While it seems obvious that the knife (violence) would be the key to solving the puzzle, it's put there explicitly to show you that it isn't. It's not what she wants; what she wants is a flower.

So, why is this important? Why am I centering Ashley- again- when this essay is supposed to be about Andrew?

It's because these two killings are when Andrew's self-delusion over who he really is starts to break down. It's still there, mind, as he still relies upon Ashley as an excuse to justify it, but, as well as what I've said before, the name ultimatum is an implicit confession that the normalcy he finds comfort in is starting to lose its grasp on him. There's a lot that's been said about Andy being something close to a "moral impulse" for Andrew, given his child self's reaction to Nina's death being the only thing he does that approximates a normal moral response to his and Ashley's actions, but if you do think that- which I think is a reasonable thing to think even if I don't necessarily agree- there's something you must also keep in mind:

-He- is the one who doesn't want to be called that anymore. -He- is the one who wants to let that moral impulse go, and Ashley is the one making it difficult.

That reading is assuming that Andy is a moral impulse, which I think is... either wrong or too simplistic. Every time I see that reading, it's from someone who's trying to paint him too sympathetically and absolve him of most moral responsibility. I also find it infantilizing to equate morality with childhood in such a way? But that's another tangent that I didn't sign up to talk about. What I do think, however, is that it's a useful framing device to display his own relationship with morality; the allegory to his child self doesn't have to be there for the general pattern to exist.

When Ashley starts to grill Andrew over the killing of the 302 lady, he gets mad. Very mad. Ashley sees it as pointless, as him covering his own ass, but he genuinely did it for her sake, because he thought that's what she wanted, and that it'd make her happy. But what makes her happy isn't violence- or any similarly extreme action for that matter- it's attention and validation. Something he's always reluctant to give her, despite the fact that he always chose her over the alternatives. But despite making that choice, it's always empty and meaningless, because in Ashley's mind, he never did it for her sake.

And hoo boy, does he not like it being framed like this.

He is perfectly willing to do whatever it takes to keep them happy and safe... but only for her sake. It has to be for her sake. He still needs that traditional role, and he still needs to have a narrative in which he's the good guy- a protector. Because it can't be for his sake. It can't be because that's what he wants. He has to uphold that romantic (in the literary tradition sense) ideal. His darkly romantic idealistic streak colors many of his actions and beliefs. This is most plainly visible in his quip about a double suicide being romantic, but it's also visible within the symbolism present within his dream, such as how he can only pave his own path in blood unless Ashley lights the way. It's visible within his appreciation for poetry, and it's visible with how the cultist within the dream speaks in Shakespearean English.

But the transient nature of this ideal is also revealed within this dream, because there's never a cohesive, guided path, even with Ashley there to light it up. Contrary to Ashley's dream, where you literally have maps showing you where to go, Andrew's dream has many more dead ends and no map to guide him. The symbolic role he acts out gives him no clarity, and there's no overarching narrative; merely a bunch of disconnected symbols.

This is contrasted with Ashley's dream, which has narratives so clear that the story literally gives the dream an episode title.

In a sense, he wants to view himself as an actor acting out a role in a story. He wants his life to be poetic, to represent something greater, and to have a cohesive narrative. This is why he's so disconnected from his true desires: He's more concerned with acting as a representative of an ideal than a person with agency. But every time the mask drops, every time he stops acting, his true self becomes visible. He naturally settles into being comfortable around Ashley, in treating her with warmth and kindness, and their banter becomes much less toxic. As intent as he is on acting out his role, it does nothing for him, and as his dream sequence shows, it doesn't even form a cohesive narrative, because he can't act one out. It's too contrary to who he really is, and what he really wants. But that idealization doesn't just apply to himself, it also applies to Ashley. Specifically, who Ashley is, vs who he wants her to be.

In his unique dream sequence, he sees two versions of Ashley; the child version of her- Leyley- and the adult version of her- Ashley. And the differences in the ways he interacts with the two of them are stunning. Leyley is an obstinate, annoying child. She's the one he NEEDS to take care of, and he hates that. He hates Leyley for what she did for his childhood. He hates that he needs to provide for her. He has the option of trying to kill her, even, over something as small as a candle!

But in the room with all the murders, the gilded cage, he sees Ashley as an adult. This version of Ashley is stuck in a closet that he himself has to open- and to choose to see. Their interactions are calm and friendly. She teases him a bit, sure, but she's still helpful, and they have fun together. He doesn't need her, and she doesn't need him. He needed Leyley- needed the candle- but here, there are other limbs strewn about for him to take. And, crucially, he doesn't even have the option to kill this Ashley for one of the limbs.

And during the choking scene, he lets her go the moment she acknowledges that he doesn't need her anymore. This is the first time we know of that he seems comfortable enough to set a clear boundary, which is acknowledging that their prior dynamic is dead and that they're now Andrew and Ashley, not Andy and Leyley. It's a bit late to express a clear boundary -after- literally acting like he was going to kill someone, but it's the first time we know of that he sets a clear standard for what, in his mind, would improve his relationship with Ashley.

After all, what he wants is to want her, not need her. He wants Ashley for Ashley's sake. Not for what she can provide him. He doesn't even need her for sleep, he just wants her. But Ashley has trouble acknowledging this, because he's never before shown that WANT. Only a NEED. She keeps trying to find ways to make him need her, because she's never seen what his desire for her is really like. She's only ever seen him desiring someone else, someone other than her.

She's only ever seen him as Andy, because she's never truly seen Andrew, only the violence he can inflict on others. But Andrew can see both:

He can see Leyley, the needy, bratty child who always needs his attention, that he needs to provide for. The one he hates and wants to get rid of. The one he kills for to protect.

And he can see Ashley, the one who engages in friendly and cute banter with him. Who comforts and shows him physical affection. The one he loves. The one he kills for to make happy.

He just can't choose which one he wants to see. Every outside influence- from his parents, to Julia, to Nina- makes him see her as Leyley. Ashley herself makes him see her as Leyley too, whenever she brings up all the things he did for her, and calls him Andy, his child self, instead of Andrew, his current self. And as long as he sees that child, he feels like one too, and can never give Ashley anything that comes from the heart.

But he really, really wants to see Ashley as an adult. He wants to take pride in her, how much she's grown, and how driven and competent she really is.

But god damn, does that bitch ever make it hard, because there IS no real difference between Ashley and Leyley. She's grown and changed over time, taking more adult (and stereotypically feminine) responsibility upon herself, but the fact that her temperament and personality hasn't changed much obfuscates that growth. When you talk to Ashley in the closet during the dream after getting the limb, Andrew asks Ashley to come out of the closet, but she refuses to come out because he won't invite Leyley over to play, which is a pretty strong metaphor for how he interfaces with different aspects of Ashley's personality and refuses to accept others. But the reality is that he needs to accept both, or rather, see her whole self as Ashley, rather than just the parts he likes.

In the end, it's him who has to make the choice how to see her. Ashley can only see what she's been shown, but Andrew can choose.

And in the basement scene, he makes that choice.

If Ashley refuses to leave him alone with their parents, that's it. In one of the most critical and important moments of his life, she couldn't give him the space needed to make up his own mind. She couldn't treat him as an adult. She couldn't see him as Andrew. If she does give him that choice, she chooses to acknowledge that Andrew is an adult who can be trusted to make his own decisions, even though she (perhaps foolishly) believes that this choice lines up with her own interests. And frankly it does either way, but in accepting their mom's offer, her chooses to see her as Leyley once and for all. He chooses not to reciprocate what Ashley showed him. He does it because he needs to, not because he wants to. Because it's his duty, not his desire.

This is what results in the Decay ending. Through his inability to see Ashley as an adult, he surrenders his agency and views all of his actions as an extension of his responsibilities, his role, which he no longer wishes to uphold. He dissociates fully from who he really is, acting in accordance with that disconnected, barely-cohesive narrative that exists only within his mind. The game starts to resemble the heartwrenching tragedy that many seem to take for granted that it is, as their dynamic fully doubles down on its painful toxicity. And, in an example of a poetic book end, Ashley's dream shows a double suicide, closing the book on their tragic tale.

It's tragic. It's heartwrenching. It's poetic. It's beautiful.

...Except it's not. Not at all.

It's actually fucking stupid, pointless, and brutal, and Burial shows us that. When we view their spiral as beautiful, we project the same darkly romantic ideal that Andrew possesses onto the story.

But the actual reality is horrifying.

Ashley spends most of Decay terrified of Andrew, the one person she found comfort in. He acts cold, distant, and aggressive towards her, showing pointless cruelty instead of any warmth. All she wants is comfort; all she wants is to not die. She doesn't want to engage in this death spiral at all, and, in her dream sequence, shows none of the same willingness to die alongside Andrew that Andrew does with her. The moment we stop focusing on the end of the Decay dream sequence, which has very striking imagery, and if you choose not to shoot, one of the most beautiful scenes in the game, we can see it for what it really is:

A scared animal running away from a predator.

The moment you see Decay through Ashley's eyes, and not the perspective of some romantic ideal, Decay becomes terrifying, tense, and painful. There is no catharsis to be had in this tragedy. It's easily avoidable as long as Andrew chooses to engage with reality, and not the empty promises of his mother and incoherent narrative of his ideal.

Finding beauty and meaning in tragedy is how we cope with the harshness of reality. But there is no coherent narrative to the tragedies we experience, just like there's no coherent narrative to the ideal Andrew wishes to uphold. It's something we create- that he creates- but it's not something that actually exists.

And when Andrew casts aside his desire for that ideal, and the responsibilities it shackles him to, it grants him clarity that he never had before. He sees the world for how it really is, and acknowledges that nobody- the least of which their mother- is as different from Ashley as they pretend to be.

They're no better than her, and he's tired of people pretending that they are. People are all the same, no matter what ideals they try to uphold and represent. They still sacrifice others in the name of advancing themselves, still punch down whenever they can, and still lay blame on those beneath them rather than try to take control of their lives. They just use those ideals to justify themselves, but Ashley, and now Andrew, reject even the need for that justification.

This is why I believe the story is nihilistic. Not in that it asserts the inherent meaninglessness of life, but in that it grapples with the ideals we uphold and how they obfuscate the reality of the world we live in. The story, intentionally or not, highlights how ideals are often but a pretense we use to justify what we were likely going to do regardless, and how holding to them too strongly can lead to our ruin- and how monstrous they make us look to those who do not share them.

Consequently, this is how I view the part of the fanbase who thinks Decay is a good ending.

(the characters themselves represent existentialism rather than nihilism but i couldn't really fit that analysis in here without it feeling forced so i might cover that another time)

From that point on, their relationship becomes a lot more friendly, lighthearted, and playful. They ironically start acting more like children, but to quote CS Lewis:

"Critics who treat adult as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence."

He's not ashamed of being playful with Ashley, or showing affection towards her. He's grown up. He finally sees her, and himself, as an adult- although he still doesn't show that in full until much later on (more or that later). But in Decay, he still sees her as a child, and to an extent, probably himself. Let's compare the ways in which he reacts to being called Andy. In Decay, he lashes out at Ashley and gets angry, even threatening her. But in Questionable Burial, he calmly says that Andy is dead and doesn't need Ashley's comfort, but still tries to reassure her that she's still needed. He's not ashamed of or hostile towards their prior dynamic, because he's grown past it. He still acknowledges Ashley's need to feel needed, but here, he recognizes its importance to her, whereas he was hostile towards it before.

It's a display of respect towards her feelings.

This interaction doesn't happen in the Sane ending, however. He doesn't play games with her and is just a lot less fun to be around all together. Why is that? Because he still hasn't yet shaken viewing Ashley as Leyley there. He still views her as a burden, as someone who needs taking care of. He's calmly accepted that, too, mind you, but he lacks respect for her because she's still a child, in his mind. But in Questionable?

The vision did more than just make him extremely embarrassed and lay his deepest desires bare. It forced him to recognize Ashley as an adult. When choosing between "Never" and "Never say never," if Never is chosen, the burden of thought is lifted off of him. But if Ashley chooses "Never say never!", he has to reckon with the fact that Ashley is an adult, someone who can consent to those kinds of things. Someone who MIGHT. Someone who has agency, and can make her own decisions. And more importantly… someone who can trust him to make his own.

Whether he desires sex or not is secondary; he's always had those feelings and has always been ashamed of them. But now that the part of him where that shame came from is dead and buried, there's no childish impulse to grow up. There's no attachment to the hate and bitterness he had before. Look at what he worries about when he picks up that she's uncertain or confused about who he is now:

​

It's her feelings.

He wants to be fun to be around. He wants to make Ashley happy. He loves her, and not as a romantic interest or even as a sibling. He loves her independent of all that baggage.

He loves her as a person.

Their relationship runs contrary to societal ideals in some pretty huge ways. So contrary, in fact, that it's hard for some to accept it as anything good, that it can ever be best for the people involved. It's incestuous. It involves them killing and eating their parents. It involves them distancing themselves so much from society that it's hard to believe they'll ever fit in it again. It's chaotic, it's messy, it's codependent, and maybe even toxic. And yet, here they are. They're coexisting. They're happy. They're healing. They're navigating the world in the only way they can: together.

Meanwhile, in Decay, Andrew refuses to allow himself to get closer to Ashley. He surrenders all agency to her, buys into his own narrative, drinks his own Kool-Aid, and may or may not condemn one or both of them to death in the process. Like it or not, the only path where Andrew takes ownership of his life is the one where he's closest to his sister. It's the one where he decides where they will go next, the one where he decides his own feelings matter, and acts in accordance with what he wants instead of how he thinks he should act.

His agency, his freedom, and his growth don't happen in spite of his codependency; they're happen because of it. They can't grow alone. They can't heal alone.

In reading the story, one must interrogate how important those societal ideals are in the face of the realities of what makes people happy. Are those ideals worth upholding in spite of this? Can we really allow people to fall through the cracks in the name of social norms? Can we blame people for taking rash actions when the social contract has failed them?

Or are we so blinded by those ideals that we can't see that people can be happy while blatantly disregarding them?

All I know is that in Burial, Andrew, having cast aside normalcy, now appears to be truly happy for the first time in his life.

Who are we to take that from him?

[queenlua]

this is probably egregiously cringey and/or STEMbrained of me, but, i think it'd be pretty fun/interesting to make a workbook / writing workshop-type thing with the following format:

* you're given a detailed, just-the-facts, beat-by-beat summary of some story.

* the story, as given, should sound pretty mid. scenes that feel extraneous, unclear overall theme, etc

* you sit down and write out "how i would fix this story if i were the author." which plot threads feel underbaked & do you draw them out more or just cut those threads, do you add/remove any characters, do you change anything to ramp the tension up/down, etc

* if it's a workbook, maybe there's an "answer" "key" of sorts in the back where a couple solid genre authors share what they did. obviously there wouldn't be a Correct Answer™ but i imagine you could glean some interesting insights from seeing both (1) what those authors considered to be Problems To Be Fixed and (2) how they fixed them.

* if you're doing this in a workshop format, you hear how everyone else fixed their stories. hopefully at least one person in the room is kinda good at this lol

like, i feel like in writer's workshops i've been in before, you hear a LOT of talk about individual sentences and style stuff, which is good and valuable knowledge to have! but there's a lot less talk about plot structure, partially due to limitations of the workshop-as-implemented, i think—it's impossible to talk about The Structure Of An Entire Novel if ppl are only ever reading it in 5k word increments. so... why not operate on 1-5k word summaries instead

i'm basing this largely on my experience with this one particular creative writing prof, where like, i got a decent amount of value out of workshop time... but by FAR the most valuable time was whenever i camped in this dude's office hours to be like "hi, sorry, i'm accidentally writing a novella again" (i... i was the bitch who submitted stuff that blew past the word limit for workshop... multiple times... i'm sorry) "and also i'm stuck on this one plot beat, can i tell you what my story is & hear how you'd fix it?" and like. damn. for a dude who wrote a lot of quiet stories where nothing happened, he had pretty strong instincts for How Genre Works, & i always felt like i walked away with some new trick for thinking about story structure

but i'm not sure i've had an experience like that anywhere else!

which seems like a shame. like yeah i've read Save the Cat and similar "plot structure"-y guides but they always feel unhelpfully... abstract, to me? like the thing where you're learning some new technique in a math class and it's like ok that's nice and all but i don't actually *know* it until i watch someone work a few problems and then work a few problems myself. i want to see all the tedious scratchwork and such, i am too stupid to learn it otherwise lol

[freshwarrior757]

Played Class of 09 Flip Side last week...man, that sucked

I was honestly given high hopes for The Flip Side, and since my Class of 09 drawing that I made for Flip side is getting a lot of likes, I figured I'd make a post reviewing the game.

Pros:

The voice acting was incredible. Kayli Mills really gave her all in the therapy scenes, I actually felt heartbroken for her.

The FYE route was good up until the end...I'll talk about that in a bit.

The 7 seconds part was pretty funny.

Trody is still best boi

Emo Jecka

The Hatman

The Nicole Suicide route was one of the biggest requests for the Flip Side, and at least he listened to the fans on that. It was even more awfully crushing when seen from Jecka's perspective.

That's about all the good. Now the bad:

The foot stuff. That was like, a third of the game, and it was barely even funny the first time. If they were gonna do something like this, the least they could have done was not show the actual foot stuff taking place. In The Re-up, they didn't show Nicole having sex with men as a MySpace escort, and it honestly made the point even better (I'll talk more about this later). It's pretty obvious that SBN3 was just putting his fetish in to spite people.

The Dad was just tiring. I mean, his character was a good depiction of an abuser, but the joke honestly just got boring. It's like SBN3 saw how popular the "I WANNA FUCKING KILL MY WIFE" scene was, and decided to make that joke an entire character.

The jokes just felt off. The edginess was there, but it was all edge, no point. The "Flip a coin" scene was funny, as was the "7 seconds" scene and some others, but it kinda felt like SBN3 just got burnt out, or he fired his ghostwriter (I don't doubt that he wrote the game, but I'm pretty sure he had some help with some of the jokes).

The FYE Route had a bizarre-ass ending after all that good buildup.

Crispin did nothing but get insulted the whole game, even when he tried to help Jecka.

Mr. Katz became a pedophile because SBN3 didn't like the fact that Reddit liked him. He was one of the only male teachers who wasn't a pedophile, he was just a crackhead. But they had to massacre his character too.

The characters felt kinda...out of character. Nicole HATES men, like absolutely DESPISES them. She engages with men to manipulate them, and she only engaged in sexual acts with men when she was homeless, on drugs, and had literally no other options. She would never willingly try to have sex with a 50 year old man.

Also, she didn't get mad at Jecka for refusing to let her stay at her house when she was homeless, and she didn't get mad when Jecka refused to help her get revenge on Megan, or sell crack, or do some of the other stuff. But you're telling me she's gonna engage in sexual acts with her father because...Jecka didn't cut Nicole in on one of her jobs?! People may point to the Megan route in The Re-up, but Megan was a bitch to her for most of their interactions, whereas Jecka was Nicole's only real friend. Plus, she just asked Hunter for dick pics, she didn't actually try to have sex with him like she did with Jecka's dad.

To add on to this: The FYE Route had like, the weirdest and worst ending: Being sex trafficked by the Taliban. The other games were believable, even if the White Supremacist ending was kinda exaggerated. But holy crap, this made no sense.

Nicole gets kicked out by her mom and has to resort to selling her body? It's pretty fucked up, but it's really happened to people. Jecka finds out that FYE has a massive illegal porn stash they use to keep men in control, and gets sold to the Taliban as a sex slave to keep her quiet? It makes zero sense.

To add on to the last two things: The endings were not good. They were:

Jeffery OD's and Jecka becomes more toxic as a result of relying on Nicole

Nicole has "foot-sex" with Jecka's dad, and Jecka kills herself

Jecka drunk-drives and kills Ari

Nicole commits suicide, leaving Jecka all alone

Jecka gets sold to the Taliban, and Kelly fucking dies.

I mean seriously. Even the past two games had SOME good endings: Nicole becomes a YouTuber, Nicole becomes Valedictorian, Nicole graduates and becomes a better person, Nicole exposes a racist teacher...this game just felt like torture porn of Jecka.

I swear to God this anime better get picked up by Prime or Netflix or something like that, cuz I'll be damned if the series dies like this.

[tomomiisasleep]

notes on Ianthe

just casually re-reading GtN Ianthe moments

here she kinda bested Palamedes and Harrow in picking out information out of bone fragments, which is very impressive considering the specialities of the 69 necros.

it seems that when it comes to necromantic "theory", she really is the best of the generation, this deduced from her grand feat of figuring out the Eightfold all on her own.

here Babs kinda jabs at her for being jealous of Corona's ability to gain attention. hmm. I have mixed feelings about this. I mean Babs knows her pretty well and I would believe that she actually does care about whether or not she could show off, which is ugggghhhhhh PAIN I don't wanna think about the fact that it may have hurt her entire life to co-exist with Corona and let her draw in all the attention but she does it anyway because Corona is the only person that really loves her and knows her, aaaaaaa and she started at six. SIX. WHAT does that mean. Did she even give it much thought at first? or were they still in the same twin us vs. world mindset at the time?

anyways I always thought that their layered relationship is delicious(in a bad way but in a good bad way)

1. Ianthe seems to be only good at theorems while Corona is the perfect heir, thus Corona holds power over Ianthe.

2. Corona is not actually a necro and depends entirely on Ianthe to put on the act, thus Ianthe holds power over Corona.

3. Corona is the main and often sole source of recognition Ianthe receives, likely causing her to value Corona more and others less over time, thus Corona holds power over Ianthe. (This may be the reason Tamsyn deems Corona the "worse" because she is skilled in manipulation, not necessary with malign intent)

4.(Not entirely sure about this but probably) Giving Corona power is Ianthe's "goal" in life(I've seen this in other posts) which she deems highest priority and worth any cost(as expressed in The Unwanted Guest). She may measure her self-worth by Corona's success, which like, means that their relationship is not "one controls the other" but "-I need you. -I need you."

BUT! That last one depends on which of them decides on what "Corona's success" entails. The one who has the final say in what their goal is, is the twin who controls the other. And. There are a few pieces of evidence I've gathered that Corona is in charge. HOWEVER there is the evidence that Corona wants Ianthe to eat her. and she refused. ugh maybe they'd be better off becoming a merged soul. Maybe that's the real reason Pal bested her in The Unwanted Guest. She is overtaken by regret that they missed the chance to become one. Now they'd never be truly the two of them together, because even if they merge there'd always be Babs in there third-wheeling

but I understand that despite all that, Ianthe does want to be recognized outside of being "one of the twins". It's natural. and she does have a very hard to ignore crush on Harrow.

And maybe I'll scratch all the stuff above later when I read their interactions(plus the Corona side-story! I've been saving that for when I get mental from alectopause) because I'm just speaking from memory and memory deceives.

ok I'll shut up about Tridentarii stuff now, what I actually wanted to say that Ianthe gives off different vibes in GtN and HtN. In GtN she's just this huge evil nerd, and in HtN she's gross-hot sexy-bitch. And it's funny how different she is from Gideon's and Harrow's pov, like all the fanfic I read in which she parties a lot and plays with girls a lot are all mostly drawing from Harrow's pov, and Harrow is a repressed nun who has only ever met 1 girl her age in her life and has a bone fetish(especially for Ianthe) and is obsessed with her scent. Though I enjoy reading all fan-interpretations of her, I think her canon lifestyle might actually be closer to how Gideon sees her(in GtN. in NtN they become bros which I love btw tower princes 4ever), which is wall-flowering in the corners and reading trashy romance novels while Corona deals with the socializing.(I kinda believe that people can be categoriesed into "reads about dating" and "dates" and Ianthe belongs to the first because she gets excited over a sexy makeover

she also spends a horrifying amount of time studying (because she's as good with theory as Pal who "made his life into a war" for Dulcie, and Harrow who studies with the weight of 200 dead kids on her consciousness.

ok Ianthe's such a hot nerd I'm gonna faint I have become obsessed with her aaaaaaaaa she's like everything that drives me crazy in a hot tall glass of skank(a skank for knowledge

[midwestemoismid]

Do you ever love a character so much you sorta steal your entire personality from them,,

<autism rant>

Cuz like I'm obsessed with Nicole from class of '09, if sorta stolen my whole humor from her, Which isn't really a good thing because shes kinda a piece of shit, the game revolves around her being a horrible person or trying to kill herself or something like that, I'm not like as mentally ill as her, but my humor has evolved to be similar to Nicole and ive sorta had this not care attitude. I've also been really jokingly mean to one of my best friends (he knows its a joke, thats our humor) but I accidentally did that to my little brother and felt SO bad lmao,, (he said something very obviously and I loudly go "yeah no fucking shit bitch" then started apologizing profusely) This other time I was playing blooket w/ that same friend and I did something that made him eat a fake burger and I went really loud "have this fucking burger you fat ass bitch" and hje just stared at me like wtf,, and the other person on the call (who I just met) was SHOCKED.

i'm not a bad person,, hes okay with me making those jokes btw

well im sorta a bad person but i'm working on that

i sorta hate having obsessions over character because i want to BE THEM. and it sucks even more when theyre a horrible person--and when theyre a girl,, cuz like i want to de-transition and become a terrible person and chane my name to Nicole WHAT THE FUCK WHY I DONT KNOW and like i had an alt acc on tiktok where i used she/her and named myself nicole and it was like a class of 09 fanpage sorta. and like i dont wanna be a bad person nor do i wanna hurt people feelings or be addicted to drugs AT ALL but like NICOLE🙏🙏🙏

this always happens when i have some sort of obsession. i dont typically have favorites but when i do its like an obsession

and like one other problem with being obsessed with nicole is i accidentally obsess over mental illness and (stuff i shouldnt obsess over), wich is really bad and unhealthy.

I gain little obsessions over certain things, like right now im REALLY obsessed with a game called "bad parenting" and it's a really really sad game. I wont spoil it but its genuinelly depressing and made me cry. after i saw it i wanted to hug my dad and tell him i loved him for being a good dad. ive been listening to the backround song on repeat for a bit, i might even draw fanart of it idk,, but i feel like i shouldnt be hyper obsessed with it

as a kid i also was really obsessed with "salad fingers" wich had a sadish theme to it, i kinda forget the plot but i thought it was interesting and how the main charecter was kinda messed up.

I also really like "little miss fortune" wich was also really sad. again i dont remember the plot my childhood is sorta a blur and i dont remember it well

"Sally face" is another sad game i liked. not gonna spoilt it but i loved the supernatural bit and there was a lot of death.

I also really love horror movies, ESPECIALLY horror movies that go into psychology. Like for example, saw is pretty interesting because its cool to see if people would rather cut of an arm or die. I know it's fake but it's still really cool.

Theres a lot i find interesting but i dont wanna sound like im actually insane lol

This ran went in so many placed i forgot what the original post was about😭 took me abt 2 and 1/2 class period to wright

If you read this all, thanks! If you relate reblog or comment (or make a new post and tag me) and tell me what charecter you relate to/obsess over

[mandatory-ftmbreeder]

I like to draw a lot and lately I've been having a hard time finding references for a new project I'm working on.

I ask you if you wanna come over and let me take some pictures of you to use as reference, we can hang out and it'll be fun. You agree, happy to help your friend and have an excuse to hang out.

You come over and I ask you to do a few simple action poses. Nothing crazy. But then I point out the fact that your clothes are kinda baggy, so it'll be hard for me to understand your anatomy beneath them. I ask if you'd be willing to just wear your binder and boxers, and I promise these photos will only be seen by me. You agree again, because you know I won't share them, and we're both trans guys, so it's alright, right?

The poses get a bit more ... specific. I ask you to get on all fours. To lay on your back and stomach. To sit with your legs spread. Poses that are definitely meant to be provocative.

I finally tell you what the project is for. I'm drawing a lot of self-indulgent trans guy porn and want to make a short comic about it. I say that the most difficult thing to get references for is t guys with their pussy visible. So if you really wanted to be helpful, you could take your boxers off and let me see everything.

You agree. You kick your boxers off, and I continue making you pose in all sorts of ways that now feel outright humiliating. Sit on your ass and hold your legs open with your hands. Get on your hands and knees face down, ass up, and really put your ass up high. Lay like you're about to get fucked missionary style. Press yourself against the wall and spread your legs wide. Let me get a few up close pictures of you spreading your hole as wide as you can.

And despite how embarrassing this is, that I'm just your friend asking for a favor, you're getting wet. Really fucking wet. It only makes you even more embarrassed and you wonder if I notice it, because if I am, I'm not saying anything.

But I absolutely notice it. Its hard not to, when your pussy is literally fucking glistening in the light. I want to touch it so fucking bad its taking every last ounce of self restraint in me to not just start playing with you. I think of any excuse I can make up to touch you.

Finally I get my chance. You're in a pose where you can't reach your pussy very well to spread it open, so I use my fingers to spread it open myself.

"Holy shit, you're really wet right now. Are you wet like this all the time?" I finally ask, my fingers gently rubbing around your hole. It's actually a little shocking to me just how wet it feels.

You shake your head. Obviously, you're probably not gonna constantly be dripping, but I just wanted to make you say it.

"Why are you so wet right now, then? Is it because... of what we're doing?"

Slowly, you nod, feeling more embarrassed than you have this whole time.

"Huh. I didn't know my friend was such an exhibitionist slut." I say, fingers teasing up and down your cunt. Your entire body trembles and you let out a whine, unable to even formulate an answer right now.

I tease my fingers right around your hole. Pressing in just a slight bit. Pressing more and more until two of my fingers finally push inside your cunt, sliding deeper till they’re fully inside. “Sorry, I would’ve asked if I could penetrate you, but… I mean, its pretty obvious that’s what you want.”

My fingers sliding in and out of your hole faster till im fingerfucking you. My other hand coming up to gently pinch and pull at your clit, all thick and fat from T. You whine and grind down against my fingers. I flick your clit a few more time with my fingers before finally rubbing it in earnest like you so clearly need.

“I’ll let you cum, as long as you let me shove a dildo up your cunt later and take pictures of it. I need some good references of a little bitch getting fucked.”

You don’t just agree- you outright beg me to take all the pictures I want, just so you can cum.

“And its good jerk off material for me, too. Hope you don’t get too mad at me if I ‘accidentally’ take a few videos of it too.”

I slap your cunt with my hand, the noise wet and loud and filthy, before going back to rubbing your clit just how you love it being touched. Your entire body trembles at how turned on you are, how good you feel, and suddenly your orgasm is rushing through you, making your hips jerk, cunt clench around my fingers, as all you can do is let it take you. I keep fingerfucking you and rubbing you through your orgasm, not stopping till you seem coherent again.

“That’s a good fucking bitch.” I say, pulling out my fingers and licking them clean. I give your ass a firm slap as you collapse to the ground in exhaustion.

I take a quick picture of you like this, looking sated and well-fucked. “You’re the best model a guy could ask for. Now let me see your hole, I wanna capture the way it looks all stretched out right now.”

[tepli-mravenci]

So I'm watching Netflix's Castlevania and I've got to say every time a non-european show includes a map of Europe, it gives me brain damage

It's the year of our lord 1477~ and Europe does not look like that

Now I realize this is fiction, there are vampires and demons, but this is real Europe, they could've just set it in a random fantasy setting, they did not and this is not 1477 Europe

So what exactly is wrong here and why am I, a European that's otherwise terrible at geography, being a bitch about it?

The eastern part is pretty okay for post-middle-age map standards (I mean Moldavia is way too big and close and Hungary way too small and the borders should be a bit different but), maps weren't historically very accurate when it comes to the shapes and sizes of countries since we had no way of like, looking at them from high above

However something like borders with other countries would be damn important and there's mistakes there, that chunk of Poland at the bottom is supposed to belong to Hungary and Poland shouldn't actually touch Austria at all

The lines I drew are also not the most accurate cause this is a terrible map but basically the Kingdom of Poland should not expand to the west at all, there behind the line is the Holy Roman Empire (mostly modern Germany) and Bohemia (modern Czechia), (which was included in the HRE at the time according to some sources?), should also be there on the map

That's also the whole reason I even went back to the scene with the map at all, cause Saint-Germain mentioned he talked with the KING of BOHEMIA but BOHEMIA is NOT on the MAP.

The actual king of Bohemia around this time was Vladislaus II of Hungary who was originally from Poland (#just europe things). Which doesn't mean it was part of Hungary or Poland cause that's just not how the politics worked at the time. One king was often a king of multiple countries at once with them still being separate countries.

Austria is also way too close in shape to modern Austria which is also not right and since the Roman emperor at the time was Austrian it should really be a part of HRE way more than Bohemia that straight up disappeared.

Also Bavaria was not a city??? It was (and still is) a region if anything and not at all on the same level as Budapest, the placement of Transylvania is just as funky as the placement of Moldavia and what in god's name is Bosnia doing right under Austria??

Anyway if this isn't just non-europeans drawing Europe wrong the implications here are mostly that the Holy Roman Empire shriveled up and died which is not supposed to happen until a few centuries later, which would make sense if the church essentially brought hell on Earth by pissing off Dracula. Then Poland took over I suppose.

The rest could be explained by crap cartography of the post-middle-ages and small changes in politics due to the whole Dracula night hordes thing but I still needed to get this off my chest

If anyone can tackle (or tackled) this better than me (which is entirely possible, as I said I'm pretty bad at geography) you can let me know

My main issue here is that I don't know if I'm supposed to be like yo that's not what Europe should look like - as in - Europe is in complete chaos rn or if I'm supposed to be like ah yes normal map of Europe

Edit: pls go to the notes for even more info about how wrong this map is <3

[beastabyss666]

The new Mammon and Fizz episode has been released and I wanna put my two cents in.

The palette is oooof........ One of the most "hard to watch" HB episodes. Seriously, hasn't anyone told Vivzie that her colour choices are just utterly failed?

Mammon was simply annoying and cringe, especially considering he's one of the highest "demons". He curses every few seconds, has an Australian accent and is some kind of a rock star(because......because). Oh yeah, he's also a very bad guy, cuz he disrespects women! Also I find it funny that Vivzie said in one of her tweets that she apologizes the fans wouldn't like him, as he's "fat and ugly". In reality, he's just a typical Vivziepop-ish male character, having sharp teeth and eyes without pupils. And his "fatness" is just looking like a Christmas tree with a round body.

Overdetailed backgrounds and sloppy animation, as always. Some moments look reeeeeally stiff. Maybe Vivzie starts drawing easier backgrounds and make characters with less details so the animation was better and faster to produce? Just dreaming.......

The songs are just generic tasteless pop-stuff. Gosh, I just wish they have a better composer cuz it's tiring to hear these cheap pop tunes every time. Maybe get some real rock or something with synthesizer........ I don't know.....

The background characters in this episode look much less like some early Deviantart furry OCs or cosplay freaks, which is a real plus. Take some cuties:

Hee hee goat boy

Hee hee goat girl(kinda accurate to the demonology, love it).

I really like the left amphibia girl, she's so pretty. Also yeah, bg characters really look better than in previous episodes. Almost like they were drawn by someone who actually knows their job well and doesn't make every person look like different art style or different teenager's OC.

Fizz being tired to be a clown for entertainment, having panic attacks, dealing with crazy fans and a shitty boss was honestly a good idea but the final song was just too weak to handle it. If it was done better, it would be really good.

The sigh language kid is cute and it was interesting to see a disabled person being cheered and supported by another disabled person.

Oh wow Viv made another female characters whose entire personality is being bitchy and arrogant(even to each other, though they're sisters they're calling each other whore, bitch etc.). Can't wait for the fanbase to hate these two or lust for them in the worst way possible.

Though there were actually some beautiful and......esthetic frames.

Am I the only one who never understood why Fizzarolli is considered a sex icon in this show? Like, yeah, Mammon said that he'll exploit his "clown employee" in every way possible and it's all for money, but I still don't get the whole "having tons of sex dolls based on him" thing. Who in sanity would buy a sex doll of Fizz? He looks like a stick with limbs and painted face, which is somehow considered sexy by Vivzie or her fans? Wouldn't it be more logical for a woman to be a sex icon? Lots of real women, including teen idols, were sexualized and fetishized for media by their producers and shown as beauty icons. But I just couldn't imagine the same with males. Like, I'm sorry, but to me Fizz who's a circus performer, celebrity and a sex icon is in the same category as Angel Dust who's a porn star, stripper and prostitute at the same time.

I'm very glad there wasn't much Blitzo.

It's funny that this girl looks like a better design for Loona than Loona herself, lmao.

It's actually a progress to see that Vivzie didn't fetishize a romantic relationship between two men and actually showed them as a loving couple which doesn't talk about sex and cocks every five seconds. She actually has put some unexpected effort in it.

Oh wait she didn't—

[thiefking]

i need to draw/speak more of my narutos. "my narutos" meaning specifically the versions of every character that exist in my head, of course. i wanna draw hinata and gaara (besties of all time) especially. because other than the fact that they have the most fully realized design changes in my head, they are perhaps the defining aspect of My narutos, as opposed to everyone else's. their friendship to me is like "ok i'm going out...! (wearing some extremely Please Don't Look At Me outfit)" "not dressed like that you're not." "better? (she is now gothed the fuck out with an invader zim handbag)" "yas bitch slay." this is how they work. to me

i want to draw Literally Exactly That what i just described there as a meme but i do also kind of want to write or draw sometjing more substantial because i am The Hinata And Gaara Understander. as individual characters and as a pair of besties. amd i need to explain to others why it makes perfect sense because i just Know that i am one of extremely few to look at these two, of all characters, and deduce that the character arc hinata SHOULD have had is one that would be so obvious to gaara & something he would encourage. or maybe the only one, but the fandom is/was so big that it feels statistically unlikely... if we're talking CURRENT fandom i may actually be uniquely insane about this. i don't know for sure i haven't really interacted with the fandom i've been fucking around in my own skull this whole time that's how i even arrived at "hinagaara bffs" in the first place

but like... listen. hinata's thing is basically (in an inconsistent, half-baked, and never fully realized form): "i can change to improve myself and finally meet everyone else's standards and prove them wrong...!" as she is trying to emulate naruto. ... "prove them wrong", but she is not subverting anything if she meets an expectation that was explicitly set. hinata is not naruto. naruto's expectations were that he is worthless and nothing and not worth having any expectations for in the first place, and basically all of konoha thought this way. if naruto accomplishes basically anything at all he proves someone wrong, even if just a little. hinata had expectations set on her, specifically by her family, that she is not meeting. even though what hinata WANTS to do is prove them wrong, what she is fundamentally DOING is trying to please them by doing exactly what they want her to do. yes, when they think she won't even meet their lowest expectation and she does meet it, she is TECHNICALLY proving them wrong... but she isn't really achieving meaningful personal growth by doing this, is she? all she has done is meet their standards and essentially fall into their evil ghoul trap and accept EVEN MORE PRESSURE as a "reward" because now that she finally met this one single goal, they can move the goalpost. she will only ever be the failure who occasionally surprises them, she will always be lagging behind the others, and every single time she fails she gets sent back to square 1 in their eyes. meeting all their expectations or even surpassing them entirely is always going to feel hollow and fragile, because in the back of her mind, if she slips even once she has to do it all over again. she deserves better than constant paranoia

gaara (and pretty specifically gaara) can rightfully point out the problem with hinata's current mindset because hinata's hardships are way closer to GAARA'S than naruto's, to be honest. it's not lacking a family; it's having a family that doesn't feel like a family, and that family isolating one child and encouraging the others to treat them like shit so that one child never has anyone on their own level when they're at home and they are constantly forced to be aware they lack some ambiguous something that seemingly everyone else has that would make them "worthy" of being loved by their own family

hold on let me put yhe rest under a readmore this post is long as fuck

the hyuugas treat hinata like shit and call her weak, and because her parents gladly and openly call her weak and because she's supposed to be heiress to the clan, her sister and neji (the only family who were close enough in age and rank to not intimidate) were made to hate her, think she is weak, be jealous of and resent her for being heiress despite her weakness, and treat her like shit like the other hyuugas do, thus completely isolating her within her family. and rasa treated gaara like shit and had given up on him LONG before he snapped (let's be fucking real here if gaara had to learn that "love" makes emotional pain feel better at age SIX... and not to mention the entire yashamaru """plan""" was utterly and blatantly fucking NONSENSE on all levels like nice going rasa you just turned your kid almost irreversibly insane... seemingly on purpose...? i can only assume it was on purpose and you just wanted to be a spiteful bitch to the kid who killed your wife because literally what else did you think was going to happen with that but that's a rant for another time.), he tacitly encouraged temari and kankuro to not even bother with gaara and to be afraid of him like everyone else is because RASA was also OBVIOUSLY SCARED and not only that he was constantly literally trying to murder gaara so temari and kankuro also had reason to believe from a very young age that associating with him might make rasa treat THEM like that too, essentially forced gaara to straight up kill his uncle who was the ONLY family member he had who talks to him like he isn't a monster (and inexplicably decided that he should also tell gaara outright that he is not and was never loved by anyone), etc etc etc; gaara was also isolated within his own family and made to be the odd one out, over and over again. naruto knows what it's like not having a family at all, but he never experienced having family— non-metaphorical, blood relation, "entire reason you were born" family— who hates you. naruto knows how it feels to be neglected and feared by an entire village, that's how he relates to gaara. hinata was hated by her own family, the people she depended on for life itself, but she was never hated by the village at large, even if she perceives herself to be. naruto can empathize with this and put himself in her shoes, but like... gaara KNOWS, firsthand, what hinata is experiencing. that is why gaara is fairly uniquely capable of pointing out the problem Very Directly because he would see it way faster than anyone else

naruto could see it too, and he could say all the same things, but he wouldn't do it how gaara would. and i think hinata needs to hear someone speak to her, bluntly and authoritatively, and say "you deserve better than this." because normally whenever she hears someone (her own family) speak to her bluntly in an authoritative tone they're telling her she's weak and pathetic and subpar and needs to improve, and every time she is spoken to like that she believes them and marks that weakness off as something to fix. hearing incredibly matter-of-fact validation and encouragement spoken the exact same way primes her to believe that encouragement, and now her compulsive need to please people who speak to her that way is going to force her, even fleetingly, to take it seriously. especially because gaara would tell her something she is doing wrong, which will feel familiar, but he actually has HER best interests in mind. there is no benefit or advantage for him if she succeeds. he is unaffiliated, not even from konoha, he gains nothing from it. gaara doesn't tell her to try harder nor to give up and accept mediocrity. gaara tells her it's okay to give up and try something else, and sometimes it's the people around you who are the ones who need to change, not you.

gaara looks at "i will change myself to prove myself to others", and he says instead: "you need to stop caring what other people think about you and stop morphing yourself to their perception. just because YOU aren't doing that in a 'if you all want to call me a monster then fine, i'll be a monster' kind of way, like i did, that doesn't mean that isn't still an unhealthy way to think. you should figure out who YOU are and live as who YOU are, unapologetically, until they get the point that they can either accept you as you are and realize they were wrong, or they can fuck off. this is a situation where it is Not Your Fucking Problem that other people are disappointed with you especially because of how hard you've already been working to try and meet their arbitrary standards. this isn't about talent or hard work. this is about whether you even Want to be doing what everyone else wants you to do. and it is difficult and terrifying and lonely to be the only person who knows who you really are. it is hard work to figure it out and it is hard work to convince others, and at times it will feel hopeless. so i won't let you be the alone. i won't let you have to try and fail all alone, like i did. i will be your first victory, i will give you listening ears, i will be your silent dressing room mirror while you try on different hats before you figure out which one fits, i will be here and i will not judge you or decide on your behalf who you are, and i will be your family if no one else will. literally. if they cast you out you can come home to me. temari and kankuro have already accepted me as i am, i'm sure they'll accept you as you are too"

and then with time and gentle coaxing hinata decides to stop trying to be what her family wanted her to be and starts being a goth weirdgirl and pursues her interests in mycology and psychology and entomology and starts fucking THRIVING

i could go on forever. i should stop now or i never will. some of the parallels between them or the reasons that gaara would specifically want to support her in the specific ways i envision came about entirely from headcanon (coughs. even more headcanon than... the rest of this... coughs) and i FORGET that it's headcanon. for example "gaara created his good reputation in sunagakure through brute force good deeds. like people were so scared of him that they wouldn't let him CASUALLY prove that he was trying to be better, so he basically had to scare them even more just to prove that he was no longer scary. things like using his sand to hold people in place... so that he can physically put money into their hands and say 'this is yours and you will take it and use it to pay rent and buy your child that toy he wants. i do not want anytjing in return and i will be leaving you alone now.' because otherwise people would run away before he even gets the chance to be nice. literally just has to hold them still and pointedly do something nice for them and then let them go without hurting them while they tremble in misplaced terror like he;s a wildlife vet wrangling an injured seagull". this is part of why he would say "be unapologetically you and they can accept that and realize they were wrong about you to begin with, or they can fuck off". NONE OF THAT is explicitly canon... but there is so much & it makes perfect sense to me. aauuugaghh hinata my hinata my hinagaara besties my hinata. i could go on and on and on and on. goddammit I WILL GIVE HER THE CHARACTER ARC SHE NEEDS & DESERVES... GIVE HER TO ME KISHIMOTO.... WHAT IF THE FACT THAT HINATA HAS 3 PERSONALITY TRAITS IN CANON ACTUALLY MEANT SOMETHING AND WASN'T JUST BECAUSE YOU, MASASHI KISHIMOTO, SELF-ADMITTEDLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WRITE WOMEN? WOULDN'T THAT BE SO MUCH LESS EMBARRASSING FOR YOU? I CAN MAKE IT REAL! I CAN MAKE IT MEANINGFUL!!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT REPRESSION!!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT WORKING HARD TO BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE, AND SAYING "SCREW YOU" TO PEOPLE WHO TRY AND DECIDE WHO YOU ARE ON YOUR BEHALF, AND THE REJECTION OF THE STATUS QUO, AND EMBRACING THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU DIFFERENT AND MAKING USE WHAT UNIQUE STRENGTHS YOU HAVE INSTEAD OF TRYING TO MATCH WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING, AND HOW HUMAN LIVES ARE INHERENTLY VALUABLE EVEN IF EVERYONE AROUND YOU SAYS YOURS IS WORTH NOTHING!!! JUST LIKE WHAT NARUTO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! I CAN EVEN SPICE IT UP A BIT AND USE MY MAGICAL WOMAN-UNDERSTANDING POWERS TO MAKE IT ABOUT HOW WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY JUST REGULAR PEOPLE WHO ARE AS VARIED AS MEN AND HOW THE SOCIETAL CONCEPTS OF WOMANHOOD AND PROPER WOMANLY BEHAVIOUR ARE RESTRICTIVE AND OPPRESSIVE, AND THE MANY WAYS THAT SOCIETY WILL FORCE TOTAL CONFORMITY AND PUNISH EVERYONE WHO STEPS OUTSIDE OF THAT FRAME (AND EVEN THOSE WHO REMAIN WITHIN)!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT COMPULSORY HETEROSEXUALITY!!!! I KNOW YOU'RE AFRAID OF GIRLS MR KISHIMOTO WILL IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER IF I ALSO MAKE IT ABOUT NEJI WATCHING HINATA COMPLETELY REJECT HER CAGE AND DISCOVER HERSELF AND HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT AND MAYBE JUST COVER YOUR EARS WHEN I START TALKING ABOUT EGGS!!!!!! MR KISHIMOTOOOOOO PLEEEEEEEASE

[oklotea]

Tintin Character Requests! Pt. 1

The series where I draw Tintin characters in funky little outfits cuz they truly are funky little characters

In the first picture, we've got toxic yaoi, well, no, the first request was these two on their own but because I love them so much and their interactions in the 2011 movie I drew them together, and wow I am actually quite proud of how it ended up looking like!!!!! (Probably one of my favorite out of this batch of sketches)

Ty @mis3rabl3m3lody and @libraryidealist for the request!!!

Aaand behind curtain number 2, we've got certified best boy, Chang!!!! Where is he running off to? Idk. I would be embarrassed to admit how much time I spent figuring out how running looks like cuz I just suddenly forgot wtf running looks like

Ty @myfunnyvalentine !!! For the request!! You seemed quite enthusiastic

Next up, we've got AHHHHH MY SILLY MY GOOFY MY FAVORITE MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL!!!! PROFESSOR CALCULUS!!!! I drew him in polite little vest and turtleneck combo and some patterned pants, politely waving at you! I was watching a few episodes recently and AGEHHDHDHH I FORGOT JUST HOW ENTERTAINING AND AMAZING AND ICONIC THIS MAN IS he's so silly he's a genius he has no idea what's going on most of the time <3333 we need him in the hypothetical 2011 sequel (it's coming guys trust me)

Ty @unlikelyintelligent and @akasanata for the request!!

TADAAA!!!! IT'S GENERAL ALCAZAR!!! ok. As you know I've only recently started coming back to Tintin, and I'm ngl I forgot who general alcazar was. Then I watched Tintin and the picaros and pretty quickly I remembered. THIS GUY WAS SO COOL. my dumb kid brain didn't entirely grasp what was going on in that episode, BUT NOW I DO KNOW. AND WOW THIS EPISODE WAS WILD. every Tintin episode is on a spectrum of insane but this one tips closer to the more unhinged end. GENERAL ALCAZAR IS SO BADASS, HES LEADING A REVOLUTION, HE'S A MALE WIFE, HE IS A PRESIDENT NOW??? I miss the guy. ALSO I LOVE HIS DESIGN.

(Also if your wondering if every Tintin post I make I'll include a tangent of just gushing about how much I love some aspect of Tintin you better get used to it cuz I love rambling about how much I love Tintin)

Ty @tintinology for the request!!! AARRRGHRHRHHH GENERAL ALCAZAR!!!!!!

here's a couple characters ik little about, ik they were the original antagonists of the secret of the unicorn but that's about it! It's the bird brothers!!!! They're in some fancy suits, judging everyone they pass, their probably grumbling about something. From their appearance they look like their never happy sjhfjdjf

Ty @jimmyandthegiraffes for the request! :D

And last but definitely not least, IT'S JOLYON WAGG!!!!! if only the editing was better so you could bask in his graceful and obnoxious glory. I really like his voice! I really like his wardrobe! And he is some sort of anomaly to me, hes just popping up in the most random times, and most of the time it's to be an annoying little bitch (endearing), he has a medal of honor btw! If I ever met him, I would at first be very charmed, but then realize this is an entirely one sided conversation that'll go on for hours and hours that I won't be leaving anytime soon, and when I eventually get home I'll be completely exhausted by how much social energy I was using up just trying to keep up and look like I was really really invested in whatever this man was rambling about

But anyway he's silly and whimsical so I still really like him

Aaannnddd that's it folks! I'll eventually work on the other requests I have!!!! Have a good evening!!!!!

[xf-cases-solved]

S2E5: Duane Barry

Case: Our episode finds us in Virginia. I know this because it is the literal first thing written down in my notes. I'm learning. (No I'm not.)

Anyway. This episode, which takes place in Virginia, is part one of a three part (+ one weird fever dream episode) plot arc that will be extremely relevant to the rest of the overall plot of the X-Files from here on out. Everybody thank Gillian Anderson's daughter Piper for existing, and also Gillian Anderson for putting up with extremely questionable treatment from the show runners while she was pregnant, instead of just rage quitting like I probably would have. (She went back to work 10 days after having a C-section and they LET her, that's fucking INSANE and makes me so mad on her behalf lol.) 

But I digress.

Duane Barry! He might not have had to go film a TV show ten days after major surgery and like, giving life to a human being, but he sure is going through it, huh? Poor dude can't stop getting abducted by aliens. Probably. That, or he is suffering from a violent and unpredictable psychosis. It's one or the other for sure. And that wouldn't really be anybody's problem, except Duane has decided that he's done with the tests and teeth drilling, tyvm, and would like someone else to have a turn, so he captures his psychiatrist and busts out of the mental institution, intending to offer the psych up as tribute to the aliens. Unfortunately for Duane, however, he doesn't actually remember where the aliens said they'd pick him up at, so he hits up a travel agency, which ultimately devolves into him holding three workers plus the psychiatrist hostage.

Enter Mulder and our favorite punkass bitch sidekick, Alex Krycek! 😃 

Mulder, being the alien abductee whisperer that he is, gains Duane's trust, and we are kept on our toes as the episode does a pretty solid job at drawing out the suspense as we (along with Mulder) are ping-ponged back and forth about whether or not Duane is who and what he says he is. By the end of the episode there is still a lingering doubt, BUT, a very unsettling voicemail on Mulder's answering machine tells us we're gonna have bigger things to worry about now.

An agent, who I just now realized I recognize because she played a doctor on ER, asks Mulder to help with a hostage negotiation because he knows things about alien abductions, and then is surprised and irate when he makes the conversation about alien abductions; that same agent makes Krycek get her a grande 2% cappuccino with vanilla, which earns her my eternal love; Scully buys an entire bag of groceries for $11.14, and also breaks the barcode scanner with an unidentified metal implant and then just sort of shrugs at the store clerk and leaves; and a "Mulder, it's me" phone call ends with the sound of screams for help and broken glass, whuh-oh!

Oh, and this is the episode with the red speedo.

Welcome, friends, to the Abduction Arc!

Does someone die in the cold open: No, but things aren't really going great either. Not that they ever tend to be going great in X-Files' cold opens.

Does Mulder present a slideshow: No. No Mulder+Krycek slideshows 😡

Does the evidence survive the investigation: Ok, so the "case" this time was technically "do the hostage negotiation and get the hostages out alive," so evidence wasn't needed. Ig.

Whodunit: Duane Barry, our favorite kidnapper and alien abductee [citation needed]!

Convictions: Lol, I literally just blew out a sigh and said "ummm" out loud to myself alone in my office, that's embarrassing, but also... we'll come back to this question next episode. 

Did they solve it: Because Mulder did get the hostages out of the building safely, and because I know it's gonna be a minute before he or Scully have any real wins in their lives, I will give them this. 

[how do i determine if a case is solved? check the scale here: x]

THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: Bulgaria's maternity leave laws. 58 weeks at 90% pay the entire time. In the United States you are lucky if you get six weeks, and even luckier if it's paid. And sometimes your boss makes you film a TV show ten days after giving birth through a giant gaping wound in your abdomen. (I know they were technically filming in Canada at the time, but it's an American TV show, so I'm counting it as United States bullshit.) Anyway, we treat pregnant people terribly! But let's just. Not think about that. Abduction arc time!!

***

General Total Stats:

(green means stat has changed since last ep; red means new stat added to list)

Total Cases *Definitively* Solved So Far: 15 (not even gonna bother restarting the streak tho. y'all just hang in there for a bit, i'm sure things will start looking up soon. ish. probably)

Total Number of "Mulder/Scully, It's Me": 9 (three in total, and the last one ends poorly)

Total Number of Times Scully Has Conveniently Not Seen Something Crucial: 6

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Been in Mortal Danger: 9 ½ (could have easily been shot at any time) 

Total Number of Times Scully Has Been in Mortal Danger: 9 (went back and forth on this, bc i know how this whole arc ends, but i think that if we look at this episode alone, and don't skip ahead, being kidnapped by a mentally unstable person who is known to be violent definitely counts as being in mortal danger)

Total Number of Sexually Charged, Uncomfortably Intimate, and/or Flirty Moments Between Friendly Coworkers: 14 (no, but dw, this stat is gonna get some mileage here soon)

Total Number of Autopsies Scully Has Performed On Screen: 5 (gdi. i had a funny one liner, but i know for a fact there is at least one person reading these in real time with their first watch-through, so i am trying very hard not to make jokes that are spoilery 🤐)

Total Number of Times Scully Plays Doctor: 2

Total Number of Times Mulder Talks to an Informant: 18 (no X 😔)

Total Number of Times People Making Out in a Car Are Hurt or Killed: 2

Total Number of Times Someone Correctly Guesses a Password: 3 

Total Number of (Plot Relevant) Nosebleeds: 5

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Tasted/Sniffed/Touched Something Questionable Without Following Proper Safety Procedures: 3 (no, but he did repeatedly break hostage negotiation protocol, which is similar in spirit if not practice)

Total Number of Times Someone Says "Trust No One": 3 

Total Number of Times Someone Says "I Want to Believe": 4

Total Number of Times Someone Says "The Truth is Out There": 2 

Total Number of Cigarettes Cigarette Smoking Man Has Smoked: 9

Total Number of Maggie Scully Sightings: 1

Total Number of Lone Gunmen Sightings: 2

Total Number of Alex Krycek Sightings: 2!!!!!! (get that coffee, you loser)

Total Number of Times I Had to Look Up What State the Episode Takes Place in Even Though I Literally Just Watched It: 11½ (i wrote that shit down like a person without an attention deficit disorder, hell yeah 😎)

Total Number of Times I Had to Look at an Episode's Wikipedia Page to Fill This Out Because It Was Fucking Confusing and/or Too Boring for Me to Pay Attention: 5

[blond-jerk-tourney]

Champagne Bracket: Round 3, Poll 1

Propaganda from submitters Under Cut

Yoshiya "Joshua" Kiryu

He’s a bitch and a hate (love) him. I will now quote him below: "Sigh... I don't do the whole sweating thing, Neku." "Very impressive, Neku. Show those fifth graders who's boss." "Who needs other people's values? It's easier to just live by your own rules." "Oh! I can't say I'm particularly interested, but... I'll go ahead and ask, for the sake of convenience. Do you have a name?"

Smug asshole. Always playing mind games with the player character. Has many secrets but never shares them. Also did a bunch of spoilery shit.

Byakuya Togami

Very elitist, constantly calls others "commoners", talks about how he is gonna kill someone and get out of the killing game, hangs up a corpse and writes a message with their blood on the wall because he already knows the murderer but wants to see who is smart, complains the other students left him out even though he made sure to tell them every time that he wants nothing to do with them, pretty sure he screams in the 4 chapter " How can you know something I don't know?!", the only reason he doesn't qualify as a villain is cus he doesnt kill someone and in the end works with the rest of the survivors. He also constantly wants the protagonist to tell the rest what he knows

he's mean and self-centered and sees himself as above everyone else.

such a cunt 😭 doesnt eat breakfast w everyone and spends all his time in the library. (also he tampered with a crime scene but spoilers)

His title is literally, get this, "ultimate affluent progeny" Fucking look at him /hj Treats everyone as inferior in every way, even when they're trying to solve a murder he goes "how did YOUUU figure this out before MEEE???? >:0" Constantly has an "Me vs. Them" mentality about everything so he feels the need to prove himself to be superior - Messes with crime scenes because it would "make them more interesting" (purposefully incriminating someone else, who he didn't like) Actual quotes by him: "I'm only here to get breakfast. I have neither need nor desire to talk to you. Now withdraw." "You're like a child lost in the woods, you know that? A total waste of space." "You know, I still just can't believe it... That an uneducated, brain-dead, useless piece of garbage like you has survived this long." "You have only yourself to blame—you came to me with your tragic little story. I didn't ask you to. This is the real world, not some romantic fantasy fairytale."

This rich mf… He spends the entire game being a snobby, condescending, uncaring asshole. He becomes relatively nicer by the end but never stops being a dick. He also desecrated a corpse once for funsies. He’s also stupid but he doesn’t know that. I both like and hate him. It’s complicated.

He's an heir to a wealthy family corporation and he sure does act the part. He acts like he's better than everyone else and thinks they're not worth his time. He's just a huge asshole. (SPOILERS) He tampers with a murder scene just for fun and outs another student's secret alter, knowing full well it was irrelevant to the case. He also has a small breakdown about being wrong in another trial. By the end, he becomes a bit more likeable and kinda a tsundere that pretends like he doesn't care about the other survivors (but he totally does). Still very much an asshole though. He's a fucked up lil guy and something about him draws me to him. I would kick his rich bastard shins IRL given the chance, however.

He is emotionally detached from his classmates…

why you should vote byakuya "tell em naegi" thanks for watching like and subscribe

[thevoidofwinter]

this is SUPER late bc its been A Time lately and i also kinda forgot for a while oops. BUT. a little bit of rambling about my cccc/hms designs + interpretation as requested by @keruukat :]

so first off, all three of them in my "main" designs for them are incredibly creature coded. this is literally just because i wanted to and enjoy that type of theme. mind is dragon themed, heart is... bird creature thing. themed. and soul is cockatrice themed which was actually not my idea and a big brain suggestion my friend @atticustimestwo came up with (thank you forever atticus btw. probably never would have thought of that myself sLJFKSL) !!! as a result of this, they're all incredibly instinct driven and highly reactionary. yes mind hates this.

side note, i also have different names i like using for them! mind is helios, heart is lunaris, and soul is anularis. this was mostly just to separate them when doing rps with friends but i've come to really enjoy these names :]

but with that out of the way! i'll start with my mind design bc i'm biased towards blue and dragons oops.

originally, he started out being the least creature coded of the three, both in terms how i was messing around with design and actually in how i read the "timeline" of the album, as it were. in character wise, he absolutely hated being "inferior" to the other two. he didn't have any claws to speak of, no scales, no feathers. he was the most human looking and he didnt like that. so what does he do? oh yknow.

design wise, i realized i liked leaning more into the robotic theming like a lot of people do bc idk! it's fun. why not. and then my dragon bias hit when i heard that One Line in RoE while drawing one day and the gears started turning. i still haven't ironed it out 100% drawing wise, but here's what i have so far:

a good part of the left side of his face is a screen! its default is just an eye, though it can be just about anything. it definitely turns to a clock during RoE and i do imagine it becoming super animated during TME. also glitchy from Be Born into TME as well.

his floating crown is a hologram he keeps up at most times, but the sun halo is just kind of. always there.

there's a lot of metal. like. a LOT. his neck is plated + his modulator is built into that. his entire spine is reinforced with metal. metal arms, probably some metal patches elsewhere too. and yknow the robotic dragon tail

he glows ominously in the dark. you can see that here- just kind of an aura type thing along with the glowy robotic bits on him.

he has irises and pupils, though most of the time they aren't visible bc he is. Tired. they snap into visibility when he's focused or angry though. (i have a very vivid mental image of them snapping into focus during the intro of TME)

he has mechanical wings! they're retractable and mostly are just there because, again, he couldn't bear to be "inferior" to heart and soul, who both also have wings. he can fly with them, though most of the time they're literally just for threat display. also yes, there are slits in the back of his jacket for the wings i just forget to draw them lol

he has an innate need to Be The Tallest. they're literally all the same height but this bitch wears heeled boots with metal on the soles to make himself taller.

the sun patch on his right jacket sleeve was put there by heart; the crown on the left he did himself.

he kinda??? has electricity abilities that he gained over the process of turning himself more robotic. this is important to note for a later note with soul :)

...that's all i can think of for now but i'm sure there's more i'm forgetting. its fine! onto heart :D

heart has always been the most creature coded to me, as the representation of emotion. and yknow. emotions can be pretty damn innate, instinctual, and visceral. or maybe that's just my take on it cause mine sure are lfsdkjhdfjk

i couldn't choose between black and white wings so his are both! a gradient from white into black with white speckles and purple heart-shaped markings on a few of the primary feathers :] he also has a lot of feathers in other places, such as covering his ears, his neck, chest, arms, legs, and of course tail.

his eyes aren't actually physically damaged! his near-blindness and extreme light sensitivity are actually a result of mind glowing blindingly bright (something something don't stare at the sun) after the shot, and then later the harsh red glow of soul's trident when he got the scars on his face.

his halo is a crescent moon most of the time, though it can change to different phases either on command or in reaction to his emotions. i haven't quite decided which phase stands for what yet, i'll figure it out eventually...

he loves loves loves putting patches on things, especially different textured ones. the heart patch on his hoodie sleeve is soft!

his blindfold has the phases of the moon on it! they weren't initially there as the blindfold was given to him by soul, but mind later embroidered the phases onto it during a concord loop.

his tail is actually kinda prehensile and really strong- he can totally use it to hang onto stuff and even hang off a branch upside down.

he used to be able to fly easily, but after getting his wings broken one too many times in scuffles, it's a lot more difficult to do so now. theoretically he still could with enough adrenaline, though.

he slouches a lot because of his wings, so he usually appears to be the shortest of the group. he can and will stand up straight for threat displays, though.

guy really doesn't like wearing shoes most of the time. socks it is.

aaand i think that's all i have for heart atm!

soooo, soul moment :] soul is such an intriguing guy to me. we really don't see (or hear, ig) a lot of him for a good part of the album, so tbh even to me he's still kinda an enigma. i do adore him a lot though. this guy is SO tired and done with heart and mind's shit, please let him have one (1) nap.

i went back and forth on this guy's design a whole lot before atticus suggested the cockatrice idea, and even a little bit after that i debated it for a while. should he be the most human, or appear so far disconnected that he's barely recognizable? WELL. turns out i went kinda midline with that lmao.

he has both scales and feathers to mirror heart and mind's respective features. i love a symbolism

he has a mane of feathers going down his spine, though it's usually only visible on his tail cause. yknow. clothes.

his wings are summonable, and he doesn't usually have them out cause they're HEAVY. they're a mix of draconic and feathered wings as well. he can also fly with them, though it's usually too much effort for him to even consider.

he has four red diamond-shaped lights hovering above his head at all times, like heart and mind have their respective permanent halos.

when under extreme stress/emotions, he has three light horns that manifest, reminiscent of his trident. he also glitches the fuck out

^ the visual glitching is actually a result of mind. what happened during the shot was that heart shot at mind (and missed, but the fact that heart even tried was the problem) -> when he finds out, soul unintentionally snaps and freaks the fuck out, attacking heart and mind -> mind panics and absolutely electrocutes soul, causing his form to glitch and go black and white -> ever since then, extreme emotions causes him to start glitching again!

the shadow half of him is also reactive to his emotions, though is there more often and easier than the glitching. it's pretty much his default, especially during cacophony. (i have a pretty vivid mental image of it fading into view during dream)

the back of his jacket has a trident, crown, and heart embroidered on it, something that all three of them worked on together :]

this is literally just for comedy reasons, but soul's shirt is usually a basic t-shirt, but sometimes it has text on it and the text can change at will

also have a few misc notes that i think are fun :]

while i do adore these creature-esque designs, i also want to do more abstract designs (that they're probably liable to shift to under extreme stress/it being their "true" forms), as well as closer to human designs :]

same thing with clothing designs. i'm so indecisive help. i think im gonna do all of one or two color designs, and then some alt designs where they mix and match colors some!

i do like to imagine heart is physically the strongest out of the three, mind mentally the strongest, and soul the strongest overall. just in relation to each other, of course.

...and i think that's all! at least all that i can remember right now lol, i'm likely to come back and edit this or reblog with additions when i think of more things. it's kinda intimidating to finally be posting this bc im usually so quiet on this front, but i hope whoever manages to read this giant wall of text enjoys! :D

[mdhwrites]

Penacony: Star Rail's Haunted House

And like one trying too hard, you're left only reflecting on how cheap and fake everything is and not in the ways the story wants you to. Oh, and for my normal fans who like it when I rip something apart, this blog is for you.

I'm starting with my non-spoilery thoughts and to start that off, I do want to say that this is better than the Loufu. The game, from character designs, world design and just general work put in has never looked so good. The flavor on everything is top notch and it is a welcome escape from the bland, near industrialist feel of the Loufu. The game design is included in this too with some of the best dungeons we've gotten, not a bad elite in the bunch (as a Fire Trailblazer main, the monkey makes me laugh) and a lot of charm even in the superfluous mechanics you can mostly ignore. The writing also takes a step up as a lot of characters have personality... Kind of.

And this is the crux of the issue. By the end I was left with the feeling that a lot had happened, a lot of words had been said and I'd met a wide cast, but that little of it informed me of anything. Penacony is meant to be a mystery but we are not an investigator. We are just being shouted at constantly "ISN'T THIS MYSTERIOUS AND DRAMATIC!?" to the point where I look up at them and go "Maybe, if you actually let anything be human for more than five seconds." Which I will actually admit: It was human for about half of it. The middle of 2.0, from once you get into the dreams to when the first true twist happens, reminds me of the best of Belobog. Hell, there is a scene in it that is literally the best in Star Rail with how genuine it feels and how real the heartbreak of it is.

But then the lights come on and you see how that scene is nothing but smoke and mirrors too. It is a trick that made me FAR more upset than anything on the Loufu frankly but after the Loufu, it also has eroded a lot of my trust in the writers for their main content. That their narrative lens is extremely narrow and entirely against anything I enjoy in media.

And so I'm left wondering if I'll end up regretting having bought the Battle Pass at the start of the cycle, despite just a week ago having been pretty certain I was with Star Rail wherever it went.

That is enough beating around the bush though. I'll put a good bit of space to let people who don't want spoilers to leave and then I'll get into specifics. 'Kay? 'Kay.

Firefly and Robin are two sides of a coin but both are mistakes. I know it might seem weird to start here rather than talk about the build up, setup, etc. but... Why would I? EVERYTHING is built up to the tragedy of Firefly and the mystery of Robin. If we really must though, here are my impressions of each of the other characters:

Black Swan: Fuck if I know. Genuinely, I don't know. I want to know, especially after having put 150 pulls into her banner but the game is so hell bent on shifting gears with her so constantly and letting her not react to anything that I didn't get a read on her, despite being the character we probably spend the second most amount of time with in this patch. She is at least nice and kind of likable but I don't know how much of that is an act.

Sparkle: Cryptic Bitch. Move on.

Acheron: Okay, I will be fair and say I do like Acheron. I've talked to another person to find out that her red dialogue changes depending on your choices with her. From the white dialogue though, she feels like a Shounen Lancer. The serious one who also has a quirk that lets you laugh from time to time. The tease of her being an Emanator is interesting but also like... How the fuck is Sam even alive for five seconds after she draws her blade then? Unless she just didn't? Emanators are literally the absolute most powerful things in this universe besides the aeons themselves though. She doesn't get to be an Emanator and not be strong game.

Sunday: Cryptic and Evil. Move on because we still know fucking nothing about him.

March 7th and Welt: About as useful as on the Loufu and at least aren't taking up screen time on the Loufu. Welt continues to be a brick, especially with his voice acting and March 7th may as well not be here.

Himeko:

...

Lets out a long, slow breath. We'll talk about Himeko later. Let me just say that she really highlights a problem with a lot of the statements the game makes about us and the express in this patch.

Sam: Not a character and a fucking awful boss fight. AT BEST he is more of a murder hobo than BLADE. The dude motivated by his desire to murder one person. Move on.

Aventurine: The worst. Just the worst. He comes across as an asshole who has zero power, zero charisma and has literally bought every friend, ally and favor that he's gotten in the past ten years. He is not a gambler as his bets are always done deals because he won't make deals he'll lose. He also has way more knowledge than ANYONE else despite having no allies, no one liking him, no powers that we've seen and yet knows the secrets of the memory zone better than the PERSON WHO HAS POWER OVER MEMORIES. Because Black Swan doesn't know Aventurine's truth. She leaves that up to you. It makes for this petulant asshole who is just a mastermind because the game says he is, and NEVER proving it, the last person you'd want to trust but the one you're forced to put your faith into and ally with no matter what. I literally got a joke ending because I told him to piss off.

But let's move on to the two who mattered. Or that we are told mattered, right up until their deaths. Robin is the much easier to point out as bad. We had literally two conversations with her and then find her dead in a bathtub so as to prove that Aventurine is smartest of smarty people because he's just so smart and clever and powerful and OMG! It also is only to further anger and add personality to Sunday. As such, Robin is fridged for TWO dudes. And we have no reason to care because why should we? Because Sunday is now having to cover up her murder? I have to assume she's been dead only recently unless she's been dead for like weeks and you've been somehow preserving her body because Firefly sure didn't get to fucking survive for ANY time.

Speaking of: Firefly is a character made to die. The only options we get to react to her death is compassion for those around us or blinding anger. Not remorse or sorrow or anything like that. It is supposed to mirror the player. You either can just move on or be furious and have it push you to the end of the content. That's it.

And I REALLY mean it when I say she's made to die. She's this nice, sweet girl who snuck onto Penacony specifically to escape an illness she has that is genuinely tragic and is killing her. She is kind, a little mysterious but appears to genuinely have a good heart. We even take a selfie with her which is our keepsake for after she dies.

We also got to already fight the thing that kills her. It appears out of nowhere the first time, descending from the ether above us while it is only us and Firefly, leaving us defenseless. HOWEVER! In a boss fight I do genuinely like, we fend it off for one phase until it finally pushes us to the side and has Firefly in its clutches. It takes its time lifting her up and it looks like Firefly might do something when BAM! Black Swan appears, entirely subduing the beast and freeing Firefly so we can go round two against it and having it be a much easier fight now that three of us here.

But in the memory zone again, knowing that Death is coming and tracking something, with us, Black Swan and now a third super strong fighter, Acheron, we walk into an open area. AND DRUMROLL PLEASE!

It's the instant kill! Where the enemy we have dealt with before comes out of nowhere, shocking and surprising everyone, even physically just bumping into two of us before rushing past the MC while we stand there helplessly and killing Firefly in a single moment! Can we get a round of applause for one of the worst death tropes in video games, if not all of media!? I haven't seen a bullshit death like this since Kat in Halo Reach! Give it up for these writers and how absolutely hack they are!

And here is the worst part: It does hurt. It hurts a LOT.

Penacony's writing is genuinely good in places. The middle portion of Penacony with Firefly is great. Firefly is a delightful character, even if she's a cinnamon roll too precious for this world. The game spends literally half the patch just selling you on why you should care about Firefly. So yeah, seeing Firefly explode into goop hurts but it's like killing a dog. Yeah, that hurts me emotionally but I can tell they're nothing but meat to you and so I get ANGRY at you using my emotions against me.

And worse yet, and I cannot stress this point enough: She is not the important death. We move right back to investigating afterwards with only Acheron's heavy handed words, where she's acting almost like she's never seen death before, to carry the torch for her. No, instead, it's Robin's death that is stated as being able to bring Penacony down. The one that matters. So move on. Firefly is just motivation for you.

Which even if you don't play Caelus and are female with your MC, it still fucking sucks. It also makes the part of Penacony that's good null and void because all you are going to remember is the bullshit death that it was building too. It cheapens all those good moments because you see the manipulation going on.

And... I'm not surprised at this point. If you don't count Herta's Space Station, this is three deaths for three planets. Belobog didn't have a main character death besides the villain and it was PLENTY dramatic enough. The Loufu on the other hand killed Tingyun. Tingyun was our guide... LIKE FIREFLY so that's two in a row that they've axed, but she didn't get much of a character. Instead, it's just shock value for shock's sake, something the writers clearly understood because then the entire epilogue for the PLANET is spent backfilling how wonderful of a person she was and mourning her death. I'm not kidding.

So that is three for three on fridged women, all done in order to just add stakes or a twist to the story. All three of them are also really bad and don't actually add anything to the story. We just continue our investigation after Firefly like we would have done regardless and get to another boss fight that makes literally no sense because YOUR ALLY SENT US HERE ASS HAT!

Addendum: This is actually FOUR deaths in three planets. The fourth is at least a guy so it's not entirely gender biased but it is also off screen. A villain we met once, kind of, named Duke Inferno is claimed to have been killed by Acheron before she came here with his invitation. The only part of this story that's confirmed mind you is the death of Inferno which uh... To quote Aventurine talking about Acheron's story "Lines up a bit too perfectly" for the asshat in the coat. It's not good and it makes the trailer Hoyo put out for the Ever Flame Mansion, that uses imagery you can find on Penacony for it, feel like a lie since we're not likely to see those characters at least until 2.4. But yeah, thought I should mention that there is a fourth dead character.

But... If you are a writer who got a lot of infamy from character deaths and is used to having YEARS of backstory, build up, connections, etc.... This is actually what happens. This is the first the Honkai part of Honkai Star Rail has been a real problem for the game. Even in the lead up to Penacony, they hyped up the potential of death by bringing in the lead writer for the Honkai series, who hadn't been on a livestream since, it sounds like... He killed a BUNCH of Honkai characters a year and a half ago. But that was the SIXTH anniversary of Honkai Third Impact. (sorry if I'm getting the timeline and the like wrong on this at all btw)

Star Rail is not even a year old. With that pointed out: let's talk about Himeko and the Express in general.

I don't know these people. I don't have a connection to these people. This is literally the first real chance we are spending ANY amount of time with Himeko. What does she do with that chance? Be cryptic, untrusting and a complete ass honestly to pretty much EVERYONE despite having pushed us trailblazers as kind, helpful people who will take risks and the like. But nope, she's just as bad as the rest of the people we've just been introduced to.

So when Firefly wants us to take inspiration from our allies on how to lighten the mood or when Acheron at the very start says we've made unbreakable bonds that we might lose... What the fuck are you talking about? March 7th is the ONLY one that might be able to be claimed about. Everyone else has no relationship with us. Half of them may as well not have characters with how little they've done or shown us or felt like they're there mostly to help with exposition.

So sure, go ahead and kill them off. You don't care about them enough to actually make me invested in them, actually build a status quote to then shatter with real danger so... Why should I? These people just exist for you to slaughter because you apparently don't know how to write a dramatic story otherwise.

It... It is rough for me right now. I even played a bit of the side content and went "Yep, this is still a good part of Star Rail." It made me think of how my brother hoped that Star Rail wouldn't have the Persona 5 problem. Great character work, a lot of fun, some real, deep emotions and genuinely good storytelling (I've talked about Guinaifen with such praise for a reason)... You just will never know by playing the main story because it's not there. Not after Belobog. The most important content, the content EVERYONE will see just isn't good.

And whenever 3.0 comes out, I know I won't be hyped after this. Even if they undo the deaths, I don't care. I don't care about your main story because it makes no sense and the stakes are fake. So... Why am I still playing if only the side content is worthwhile?

If I can never trust that a Firefly will do anything but burn out?

======+++++======

I'll admit a lot of this is motivated by anger. I'll probably do a second blog talking about some of the positives about Penacony, because there is a fair bit of good mixed in with the rest, but I needed to get out this frustration first because it was the majority of what the patch left me with. I also still stick by most of what I said, maybe not quite as harshly, even with a calmer mind.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[ednito]

I know your doing more Spiderverse stuff rn, but do you have any like... Random facts about your captain boomerang? I'm just curious.

YES OMG ID LOVE TO TALK ABOUT MY BOOMERANGE!!!! IVE ACTUALLY BEEN THINKING ABOUT HIM LIKE CRAZY

I'll just list off shit about him I find interesting :]

He's mixed (just like me! :D) and is part aboriginal! His father was a business man and had a fling with his mother (her being aboriginal) and after hearing she gave birth to him not wanting to get in trouble with his wife he took boomer from his mother and her family and raised him secretly. Wasn't till his mid teens did he start to reconnect with his mother and grandfather.

He REALLY likes stinky foods, stinky cheeses, pickled foods, sardines, onions. Bitch smells bad LMAO

He's actually very smart, while unlike his other teammates (polka-dot man, Harley, ect) he's not a scientist or anything he is really smart when it comes to machinery and is a freaky skilled mechanic.

Like his canon counterpart he too also has a son, he had him when he was super young with a girl he had a huge crush on in high-school. After giving birth she put him up for adoption without telling him and he's been very remorseful about the whole situation. He doesn't really want kids but he also wishes he could have met his kid, he would have done his best to be there

Dropped out of college. That's about it LMAO

Has a lot of internalize issues that he does seek some help for, has a whole entire character arc at some point

He has a fear of small dogs

Has a lot of scars that he says he got in battle but in fact he got them through odd accidents

Has heterochromia (one blue one brown)

Has a slight astigmatism but won't admit it

He gets scared EXTREMELY easily and he over reacts EVERYTHING

Likes transformers

While he does often say insensitive stuff and is quite a rude person he's usually respectful in new environments like if you ever invited him to your house for dinner for the first time he's pretty respectful and well put together but he's still an extremely blunt person

Going back to him being very smart, I feel that people underestimate him considering his gimmick and his personality but like he's a smart guy and if you just explain things to him in a calm manner he'll understand your points immediately.

He's extremely stubborn but he's trying to be open minded to new things

I think that's all the fun facts I have in mind atm LMAO btw I greatly apologize for not answering your asks and stuff like don't worry I see them and everything and I've been trying to draw boomer for you but for some reason god hates me and it's been oddly hard to draw this bitch LMAO