#i am so angry and tired and i wish people would fucking shut up

[ourladyofmaplemurder]

Riverdale is Bad and I’m So Smart

So, I was going to make a response video to Friendly Space Ninja's video on the finale...but honestly, there are just other things I'd rather do with my time...

I did, however, write a script for the video. You can read that here if you wish.

The short version is that people who talk about art the way he does are fucking idiots and I'm tired of being nice about it. If you don't know what you're talking about, either figure it out or shut the fuck up. **And let me clarify: There is a big difference from expressing a personal opinion to friends and standing on authority with a huge platform to provide "critique". Huge difference. Not understanding or not liking the finale is totally valid, (It wasn't necessarily what I would have done with the final season) but what makes me angry about this guy in particular is that he positions himself as an authority on media criticism and analysis. He then provides the shittiest fucking examples of both. I can't stand it.

Hi. So. Our dear friend Friendly Space Ninja put out another video about Riverdale. This time, he took it upon himself to discuss the finale. Anything for a click, right, buddy?

Well, he made all sorts of claims about the finale and the final season. He gave his thoughts on the show as a whole. And all of it, dear viewer is entirely worthless. Strong statement, I know, but hear me out.

He didn’t watch the latter half of season 5, nor season 6 at all. He didn’t even watch all of season 7. He watched the first few episodes with specific expectations and when those were not met, he skipped to the end only to be baffled by its conclusion, claiming that it was all meaningless and even going as far as to “explain” quote unquote that Angel Tabitha’s rework of the timelines erases the other shows that Roberto Agurrie Sacasa has made. This, by the way, demonstrates such a lack of understanding of the surface level plot, that I can’t even respond to it.

For these reasons, I will not be refuting his assertions as I did in my last video response to him. It’s simply not worth it. His video is so deeply stupid that picking it apart would be giving it more credit than it deserves.

I was very diplomatic in my last response video, but I really don’t wish to be this time. I really don’t think it’s worth it.

However, I would like to say a few things, just to give you a sense of why I am so fucking angry.

Firstly, I’d like to talk about the work of Barnett Newman. In particular, I’d like to talk about Who’s Afraid of Red, Yellow and Blue III. The first time I saw this painting, or even just paintings like it, I scoffed and said, “Why is something like this in a museum? It’s stupid. It’s just red, yellow, and blue. Is this even art?” Years later, however, I learned an interesting story about this painting.

In 1986 the painting was vandalized in an anti-Semitic attack. Daniel Goldreyer attempted to restore the painting in 1991. Should be easy, right? I mean, it’s just three colors.

However, the effort proved utterly unsuccessful as the depth of the color was incredibly difficult to replicate. The skill required to create this painting was far more than the untrained eye could perceive.

The first time I saw this painting, I did not understand it and condemned it as stupid because I was an arrogant prick.

And I’m sure hundreds of thousands of people who also don’t understand painting would agree with such a dismissive sentiment.

But just because I have millions of people agreeing with me doesn’t mean I know anything. It just means a lot of people don’t understand painting. That’s it.

Friendly Space Ninja’s video on Riverdale is the equivalent of someone looking at this painting and calling it stupid without understanding anything about abstract expressionism, painting techniques, and the works of Neoplasticism that this series was responding to.

It is watching Sunset Boulevard and complaining there is no color.  

It is the equivalent of an incel giving you dating advice.

But let me address Mr. Space Ninja directly and I won’t use any metaphors because I want this to be understood.

More than making a stupid response to Riverdale, your crime, Mr. Space Ninja, is arrogance. You look at a piece of art, you are utterly baffled by it, as you yourself say in the video, and you assume that the art must be the stupid one. It couldn’t be that it’s going over your head. No. It must be meaningless because you can’t grasp its meaning.

This is very troubling and also quite sad.

Though, I suspect you have no interest in providing useful insight into the works you discuss. It’s far more lucrative to provide inflammatory confirmation bias and, at the end of the day, that’s all you’re really doing. And to be clear, that is an insult. Wouldn’t want you to miss that. <3

Now, I also watched Alex Meyer’s video on the finale as well out of curiosity, as he also has a large platform. I haven’t watched his other videos because they seemed overtly negative about the show and I figured they wouldn’t be even remotely enjoyable. Curiosity won out though and honestly, though the sacred cow he is mocking is mine and thus, I disagree…I can’t fault him for this. There was a lot of care and thought that went into this. Even if he thinks the show is silly (and it certainly is) there’s a clear affection for it.

Not only that, but towards the end of the video he says this: “Time will be kind to your show. And all the chucklefucks like me with our kneejerk reactions? That's all going to fade away."

He also acknowledges the fact that there might be more to it than just the silliness. He doesn’t talk about it because he prefers to joke about the show rather than analyze it. He’s a jester, not a scholar. I could never fault him for that.

But I also don’t think anyone in their right mind would consider this critique. This is a comedy bit. And I’m not saying that comedy is less important or valuable than analysis. Not at all. It’s just different.

Anyway. Friendly Space Ninja. Fuck you.

[saninthebuilding]

"i got you" - bakugou

summary: life is shit. but there's bakugou

word count: 1k

warnings: swearing, emotions (ew), angst to fluff, hurt/comfort, self-deprecating thoughts, rough head-space, mental health issues (?), pre-established relationship

a/n: self-indulgent late night drabble bc i am so tired. in need of editing, which will be done later. i just needed this right now.

a/n 2.0: edited!

hope you enjoy it <3

-

i could feel it getting worse again.

the slow pull of life weighing me down as the days went by. it started with not feeling as hungry as i normally would- and i was a foodie, so that was a huge red flag. of course, me being me, i ignored it, excusing that feeling for feeling full from previous meals. then it progressed into me not enjoying my everyday hobbies, like drawing and reading. and now it has gotten really bad, because i was unable to summon the energy to do simple daily tasks, like getting out of bed.

i was slipping.

lying down with my head on my pillow, i stared up at the ceiling, my mind blank.

why did i come up here again?

i didn't know.

i didn't know anything anymore.

what the hell was i doing?

shaking my head, trying to get my thoughts in order, i forced myself to focus. to pay attention to the colour of the ceiling. to acknowledge how soft my bed was beneath me. to breathe.

since when was that so hard?

my phone rang from somewhere beside me, but i ignored it. i had no wish to reach over to grab it, just to entertain whoever was on the other end of the line.

hell, i couldn't even entertain myself anymore.

but it rang again.

and then again.

and again.

groaning, i rolled over and snatched it up from the folds in my sheets, only to put it on silent and shove it away from me.

finally.

falling back onto my pillow, i let out a heavy exhale, feeling my back press into the mattress beneath me. my chest rose and fell in time with my deep breaths, and i closed my eyes.

oh right. i was trying to go to sleep.

letting out a harsh laugh that lacked true amusement to an empty room, i turned onto my side, placing my hand under my cheek

this week had been hell.

my parents had been chewing me out for something stupid that i'd done a week ago. i had no clue what it was, probably something i said when i wasn't paying attention.

you never pay attention.

my teacher was on my ass about getting an oral presentation done, even though she knew i had some form of anxiety when it came to public speaking.

you can't even talk to people properly? pathetic.

and worst of all, i had been slacking in hero training these few days. it was clear the lack of food, sleep and overall energy was catching up to me.

useless.

gritting my teeth, i closed my eyes in an attempt to get rid of the constant stream of self-deprecating thoughts in my head.

if i really tried, maybe i could get better.

if i wanted it bad enough, i could be happy again.

could i?

because i was just so tired.

so fucking tired.

of everything.

sleeping for the rest of my life sounds nice.

a knock at my window jolted me upright, my vision blurring for a split second due to the sudden movement. i spun toward the noise, only to see a spiky-haired blonde crouched on my windowsill, glaring at me through the glass with angry red eyes.

shit. what's he doing here?

bakugou kept glaring at me, his gaze practically screaming all the things he would do to me if i didn't open the fucking window. reluctantly, i forced myself to my feet, swaying a little as i walked over to open the window.

"to what do i owe the pleasure?" i asked, putting on a teasing tone.

bakugou saw right through it.

"cut it out and let me in," he grumbled as he jumped down from the ledge and into my room. "you let yourself in" i muttered, but shut the window behind him nonetheless.

"why did you ignore my calls?" he asked, the irritation he was feeling making itself known through his voice.

"i was sleeping" i said, the lie coming easily. or trying to.

he rolled his eyes, turning away from me, but stopped short. he took one look around my room, assessing the messy bed, my training clothes dumped unceremoniously on the floor, and my homework spread out haphazardly on my desk, and before turning to me.

surprisingly, his gaze was soft, prior annoyance forgotten.

"what the fuck is going on?" he asked quietly.

and it was those words that undid me.

i felt everything i'd been pushing down come rushing up, and i only managed to take two steps towards my bed before collapsing to the floor.

bakugou caught me before i hit the ground.

"oi, oi" he breathed, his arms wrapped around my upper body in an attempt to keep me upright- "what the fuck happened?"

i buried my face in his shoulder, inhaling the scent of slightly burned caramel that seemed to follow him wherever he went, and felt tears beginning to stream down my face.

i was crying. great.

he guided me to sit on the bed, before leaning back against the headboard with me. without question, he pulled the covers over the both of us, before holding me close, and letting me cry.

the silence in my room was almost deafening, save for my muffled sniffling due to his black tank top. i could feel his biceps under my arms, and his chest firm against my hands.

screw him for having his muscles out at this ungodly hour.

"you know," he said after a while, "you could have told me. i would have come here long before it got like this."

trying hard not to hiccup, i shook my head from where i lay on his chest. "no, i-"

"don't be stubborn with me" bakugou groused, before shifting so he could look down at me, "you wouldn't be bothering me or some shit."

i stared up at him, before turning away.

"i'm sorry."

"shut it. the fuck you sorry for? i got you, alright."

and despite everything, i let myself smile just a little.

"i love you" i whispered.

there was a moment of silence, before he hugged me to his chest and placed a soft kiss to the top of my head.

"i love you too, y/n."

[pretty-chaotic-world]

if my BPD can scream

1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane

2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal 

3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow 

4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed

5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home

6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world

7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.

8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining. 

9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.

10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????

11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty 

12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?

13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.

14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone

15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"

16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me 

17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore 

18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.

19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer

20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room 

21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?

22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!

23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless 

24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.

25. this is how my eating cycle goes

feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening

26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE

27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years 

28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you

29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings 

30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe

31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class

32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally

33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people 

34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child

35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time

36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster

37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring 

38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)

39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake

40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5 

41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again 

42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.

43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?

44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?

45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere 

46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person  

47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.

48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader

[dekusleftsock]

I think if hori wrote toga better more people would like her but he hardly gives a shit about her so her story and personality and thoughts are messy (as in badly written) and nonsensical. I wanna like her but you have to do a lot of leg work to make her interesting and worth the time and love, Hori doesnt love her enough to but a lot of effort into her, unlike the other two male villains who he wont shut up about. Togas always just been (for me personally) an underutilized, underdeveloped waste of what could have been a cool idea. The Anti-toga people are not unfounded in most of their criticisms (MOST), shes the only seemingly queer person and of course shes a lustful blood sucking pervert psycho murderer with no real depth.

(btw you are more than welcome to both ignore this and LOVE toga I am not saying for you shes not worth the time or energy, this is just me reflecting on her and how hori has treated her, i appreciate and value fanon and the effort fans will put into loving her, thats so cool and based, im glad you can find joy in something like that, for people who like her- I wish she was cared for by her writer 💕)

Uh… what I see or believe isn’t fanon broski.

Look Horikoshi has always had a problem of pushing aside the women in his series, the worst of this case has ALWAYS been ochako. Do I think that’s because he wanted to write a gay love story? Yeah, I do. Does that make it okay? Absolutely not. I will be the first person to shout from the rooftops that horikoshi does not write women as well as he should. He has fan service abundant, he makes crude jokes using women that really aren’t all that funny, he’s pushed aside his women and their moments in order to forward bkdk’s development.

But you can absolutely not come into my ask to tell me that she is an, “underdeveloped wasted idea”. Because she’s just fucking not.

People think toga is just “the blood sucking bisexual who likes animals too”, but she’s just fucking not. That’s never been her defining trait or character.

Toga is a subversion of the yandere trope. That sadly means there will always be misogynistic rhetoric because that’s what the trope is. At least BEFORE the subversion happens, which is now! Where Ochako DOESNT FIND HER CREEPY!

She’s going to be creepy and weird and have issues because she’s a villain. She’s a queer villain. Her entire story is one that defies the tragedy of carmilla and refuses to let her identity be anything but “Himiko Toga”. She has always been a character about identity. She’s never been “possessive” or “jealous” over Izuku for this purpose. It’s the reason why she’s bisexual, why she just “has an attraction to blood”. It’s a queer story wrapped in metaphor and it always has been. Why is THIS monster/villain queer story any worse than, idfk, the joker and Batman. I haven’t found a single person able to genuinely voice that to me in a way that is convincing! Horror and unconventional ways of love and ESPECIALLY blood has always always ALWAYS been a part of queer coded stories for a LONG TIME. We are the unconventional. We always have been. And that’s not me “bending over backwards” HER PARENTS LITERALLY CALL HER A DEVIANT AND SHE ASKS WHY NO ONE ELSE STRUGGLES WITH THE URGES SHE DOES.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll fucking say it again, Toga is horikoshi’s most well written and thought out female character. Ochako got kicked over and over again, same with momo, Tsu, Mina, and whoever the fuck else.

And I’m sorry, but writing a queer villain inspired by the lesbian vampire trope isn’t homophobic or bad writing.

She’s HAD depth. Idk if you read her backstory or her feelings on Ochako, twice, hawks, or even Izuku but she’s HAD depth. And I’m tired of pretending she hasn’t.

Normally I wouldn’t engage with shit like this but you reached out to me DIRECTLY. So let me make this clear: you can have whatever opinions you want on toga, and I will not get angry or express anger in any sort of way. But this account? This is not your fucking space and I will ABSOLUTELY meme on you for it.

[valyrra]

Hi! Anon 🐈‍⬛ here, I need some advice, I'm going insane. I live in an opressive family, they behave like I'm not a person and they love to shut me up all the time when I have to say anything and even then they don't listen to what I have to say. They say that's because I don't have a job... (They love mentioning I'm jobless even though they KNOW about my state of mind)

I'm extremely depressed and scared to meet other people because of negative experiences. They conditioned me to stay silent and listen, but after years of silence I got sick of it and got more argumentative. For example: father (who is so obsessed with eating healthy that he made it everyone's problem) today made so much drama because we drank a sweet drink. He told us that it's deadly and told mother that she is the worst mother and started insulting her. It is not the first time he's doing this, he and her (sometimes) make us feel bad about eating something ("You will get cancer from it", "It's deadly", "You're going to get even more fat"), essentially shaming us for eating the food. We are not rich, we can't afford the "healthy" food and we live in a country that has food standards, we can't die from eating food or drinking a drink.

It was a lime flavoured powder that dissolves in water that you drink. It was a looooooooong time since we drank anything like that. He was very agressive about it and I'm on my second day of period so guess what happened. I got angry and told him what his problem is (we have been eating tasteless food for years because of his "Salt is death" (his words), he's obsessed with nutrients, TikTok recipes, and shoving his opinion on food and politics down everyone's throat) and mother and brother started shouting at me (brother insulted me as well) while he ate his lunch at peace. It's a constant cycle that never stops, he starts drama and threatening abuse, I intervene sick of his behaviour, they insult me, shut me up and it is peaceful until this cycle begins again for YEARS...

It was always like that, but since COVID it's getting worse and worse (there were times I almost k*lled myself from the stress), I have nobody to talk to...

He also almost k*illed us because of toilet paper on brother's 18th birthday, I had a horrible mental breakdown and was laughing and crying the whole time. My mental heath is so horrible that when I'm having a breakdown I start laughing (unfortunately like Joaquin Phoenix's Joker). Therapists are not that trustworthy because the one I had told mother about our sessions (what I said in them) and I stopped trusting them. People are snitches around me ready to tell any secret I have to other people. My trust has been broken so many times...

I'm telling you this because we are moots and you've been so kind to me even though we don't communicate much, however, you liking some of my posts and replying to my comments make my day.

I'm afraid to speak about this publicly (from my account).

I'm very very very very sorry for trauma dumping and grammar mistakes, I don't know what to do anymore, maybe I'm beyond saving, it has been going on for years, I'm tired...

Thank you for listening and if you ever need anything, I'll be there for you. I wish you all the best.

Anon 🐈‍⬛.

ok, first of all sorry that I am replying this so late. i'm glad that we are moots and somehow i help your state. don't be sorry for trauma dumping secondly, man, my mental health is like pretty fucked so i'm not sure what kind of advice you want from someone like me…. I'm like legit…….. not sure what can i propose to you besides what helped me to stay alive I've been abusive myself and I still am sometimes. it's kind of hard for me to talk about jobs and ED specifically, but like im not sure what age are you and what country are you in - i would certainly advice you to contact a specialist, even a local hospital (non commercial idk how it works anywhere outside of Russia). and probably its better to not tell anyone + tell the specialist that you'd rather keep this between you two. I've changed like 6-7 psychiatrists. some were bad, some were better. you just need to learn to trust. not all of them are bad Good prescribed meds can stabilize your brain in order not to fall into negative stuff. + somehow keep your nerveous system safer. which IMO is so important? like…. people usually don't realise how many health issues come from stress. from free stuff - sometimes guided meditations help me to relax and prevent incoming anxiety attacks like I think you should bit by bit build your own strength and overcome your fears. there's no one in the world who will make you do this shit, unfortunately. we live in a world where it's not always rainbows and sunshine, but you've been strong enough to live to this moment. i believe you can achieve your independence from your family. my first job was as a waitress and dude I've barely talked with anyone besides customers. only if it was necessary, all because i had like large anxiety and other stuff. it was hard as fuck, I've had drunk shitty customers who touched me and tried to kiss me, i've had a bartender who raised his voice at me like for smallest inconveniences. i had a cook who kept telling me he's going to r* me with his assistant because he was just dissatisfied with my performance lol. but like…… I've also made a great friends and built some social confidence. push yourself, no one will push you… to be independent is kind of a…. solution if you don't trust anyone. I hope you will find your peace.

[cubixrubington]

I needed to pull up music for this it goes so hard but I'm so unfocused HASBHSADHA

I love calm characters going off the rails for a few minutes. Like. Iiro and Daneiris? Did not know of that friendship until I woke up yesterday and realized that they've worked together for YEARS and they're a good fit for each other.

Extreme empath man who's like. A little guy. But he's not a little guy that fox mask is the spirit of his dead friend AND hides the truth of what happened to him when he was younger.

Then we have a woman who group up loving creatures that are like. Yk. Illegal to have in Charington. Literally anything other than humans. Like after her father died she was so distraught and upset and was so easy to manipulate and that's how the man got his hands on her, the man she claims to love and cherish and that she claims as her partner when he is literally so. Just. BAD. AAHHHHHH. Like I don't think I could talk about it all it's pretty fucking disturbing but you can assume what kind of boyfriend he is. The worst kind. This is NOT an edgar mike relationship this is worse.

So anyways. I realized that they're pretty good friends. Like I think Iiro trusts her second most out of the ring which is odd considering I never thought about the two of them but now that I am wowee. I think like. I dunno where in the timeline this is mind you, but def before Iiro's death, maybe after Aurum's since he's the first to go, but Daneiris is just so distraught and stressed.

Like Daneiris and Aurum? Great friends. Even considered them a cursed ship in my head but she would never escape and it would just end in anguish. Yk. So his death affects her so much that she begins to shut down a little, especially towards her partner, who like. Sees this. And sees her rejecting him somewhat. And you KNOW that makes it worse.

Iiro being an empath has kinda like. Known. Yk? It's like how when you've been hurt and abused as a kid you can see it when you're older. But he feels so much and knows so much and he's so in tune with people that at this point in the timeline, he feels so helpless.

So when he realizes just how helpless Daneiris is too, it makes him so ungodly angry. He gets so fucking mad and wishes he could change it, change something, anything, make it better in some way he just wants to protect ONE person, one person in this stupid city, because he's surrounded by people who are so fucked up that it toils away at his mental state and outside of them he feels nothing. He literally can't even feel the need to eat, to live, but the goes back and no matter how crushing the feeling is, it's better than nothing.

ALL OF THIS TO SAY. I think one day Daneiris comes into work and has just had enough. She's hurting and tired and literally every small thing is able to set her off, the creatures she works so diligently to care for hurt her so much. The things she does for people mean nothing when it makes no difference. And. And. And. Just.

FUCK I can't even build up to it. The idea of her just angry, sad, in pain, wanting to let everything go, and instead just Breaking Down:tm: in Iiro's arms while he just. Swears. To actually kill a man.

Like the idea of the calmest, kindest people in the ring (except mia hi mia :3) just getting so ungodly mad together. The idea that Iiro might die when he's trying to make a difference for himself because he wants to protect the people around him. The fact that if he EVER got his boney little hands on that man he'd actually fucking kill him. Like. Beating the fuck out of him wouldn't be enough. He needs to beat the fuck out him, scream, scream some more, grab his gun and shoot like 20 bullets into him. He needs his closest companions to take a good look at what he's capable of. Because. He loves them.

It wouldn't haunt him. I think Iiro really needs an arc where he's set off and everyone realizes what kind of person he can be. He needs to be seen as a bomb by most people except for his closest friends. He needs an arc where he starts to grow and get over himself. He needs to do better for himself only to die in the end.

mwah mwah mwah I love them kisses everywhere

[lavenderbexlatte]

day 27 - gags

txt 1.6k words gender neutral reader insert Reader x Choi Yeonjun NSFW

🖤 warnings: affectionate shit-talking, the tiniest bit of degradation if you squint, finally getting yeonjun to shut his stupid mouth jfc 🖤

kinktober masterlist

connect with me! / masterlist

It's a good thing that Yeonjun is a good sport about pretty much everything, because he's also unmatched in pretty much everything.

Just in general. He's got the most striking catlike good looks you've ever seen. He's tall, he's lithe and strong and slim like a model. Energetic, unstoppable. He's flexible enough, literally and figuratively, for all the games you want to play with him, for every whim that strikes you.

If he was picky, or too demanding or too settled in roles or wishes, on top of looking and being the way he is? You'd have a difficult choice to make, in that case: put up with him (which is nearly impossible when he's in a mood), or miss out on a hell of a lot of fun.

You know in your heart of hearts that you couldn't give him up, though. Not Yeonjun. He's just too good.

There is, however, one thing about Yeonjun that you would change if you could.

His fucking mouth.

Not physically, or anything, because he's got gorgeous thick downturned lips that give him a fantastic perpetual pout. You don't need that to change at all.

But if he could learn how to shut up? God, civilization would be saved.

He's a good sport, though, agreeable and sweet even when you're less than patient with the more abrasive parts of his personality. It's not like he's trying to annoy you, most of the time, but he's also not trying to stop himself. He knows very well what he's like, and you know that he thinks it's charming. He's usually right.

So when you finally do crack after another onslaught of rapid-fire commentary and jokes and obnoxious impromptu singing during what is supposed to be sex and break out the secret weapon that you've been saving for a night like this, Yeonjun isn't angry.

He just holds up the bit gag, dangling it from his accusatory pointer finger by the strap, and says, "I think this is a hint."

"Yeah, you think?"

"I mean," he sniffs, and fuck, you can already feel the Shakespearean performance incoming, "How else am I supposed to take it?"

"In your mouth," you deadpan.

He frowns at you, all sarcasm. "Ha, ha."

"I was just thinking we could try it out," you say innocently.

"On me or on you?"

"On you, obviously."

Yeonjun spins the damn thing around his finger, clattering it gracelessly. "I dunno, I think this should be decided democratically."

"I really want to see you in it," you wheedle.

He gives you a sidelong smirk. "Think I'd look good?"

"Yeah, super good. Seen and not heard. Ideal."

That beautiful, incredibly noisy mouth changes expressions in an instant, this time a full-force pout, lower lip downturned and dramatic and admittedly adorable. He glares at the gag, as if the poor silicone tool is singlehandedly responsible for all this. He turns the glare on you, next.

"I could make noise around this," he muses.

You nod. "You know what, I'm sure you could, a little."

"No, no, I bet I can be much more annoying with this on."

He's kidding himself, with that one, but you're willing to let him tire himself out. "Does that mean we can try it?"

"Sure," Yeonjun agrees.

Perfection.

By the time you've gotten him to surrender the gag back to you, and wheedled him into the bedroom, and let him try smooch and charm and babygirl his way into being allowed to talk all night, instead - pretty please, (Y/N), you're gonna miss listening to me - you can tell that Yeonjun is actually kind of nervous.

He's nude and he's beautiful, sitting on the edge of the mattress, and he's chewing on his thumbnail with wide glassy eyes like the world's worst pinup, as you fit the bit gag around the back of his head and adjust the straps.

"I'll be able to breathe, right?" he asks, dubious.

"Baby, the company would be in deep shit if their toys suffocated people."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Yes, you'll be able to breathe. Unless you, like, swallow it."

"Can that happen?!"

He has to be putting you on. You lean around to look him in the eye, and sure enough, he's grinning. Dumbass.

"Not unless you chew through the bit?"

Considering it's a piece of solid silicone molded into a thick cylinder, built to hold between the front teeth, or just the lips, to stuff someone's mouth shut, you doubt that even he could manage that.

"I've got strong teeth," he mutters.

"Not that strong."

"Why's it look like that, anyway?"

"You're full of questions today," you say, working on the auxiliary strap that goes over the top of his head to keep it all in place.

"Answer them, then."

"It's a bit gag."

His smile is terrible. "A bit of what?"

"A bit," you repeat, ignoring his joke. "Like a horse bit? The thing they put in a horse's mouth?"

"I'm a horse to you?"

"The way that I plan on riding you, yes."

"Oh, that was awful," he grimaces.

"Consider it a taste of your own medicine."

It's like he's trying to get all of his words in right now, before he's not able to speak anymore.

"Hey," you say, as you finish fitting the strap and take the whole thing off him.

"Yeah?"

"If you don't like this, we don't have to do it."

Yeonjun's face is pink-tinted, flustered already, but not upset. Calm. Open.

"No, we can," he says.

"Just giving you the choice. It's always a choice."

"You say, as if I would ever be quiet about not liking something," he grins.

"As if you would ever be quiet, period."

"That's the objective, here, isn't it?"

You have to match his smile, at that. "It is."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

That's a good question.

You fit the gag around his head again, and ease the rubbery bit between his pretty lips. His eyes widen even more at the sensation of it, keeping his mouth open but his motions stifled, as you make sure that the straps are comfortable but secure.

"Anything hurt?"

Yeonjun goes to answer you, but the sound that he lets out is indistinct, not quite a fully articulated sound. His eyebrows fly up.

Maybe he wasn't expecting this to be as effective as it is.

Slowly, he shakes his head to indicate no. No, nothing hurts. His cheeks are even pinker now, betraying his fluster, his self-consciousness.

"Is it okay?" you ask. "If it's even a little bit weird or scary, I can take it off, and we can try again some other time. Or not at all."

But you've barely finished speaking before he nods firmly, and holds up one hand with the circle and extended fingers of an "OK"

"Okay," you hum.

He's breathing a little heavier already, chest heaving and the gag moving a little as he adjusts his teeth, his tongue behind it. You don't think it's that suffocation he's talking about, though. You think he probably likes this way, way more than he expected.

"You can't talk well, so...let's do, what, three good taps on my shoulder if you need to stop? Like a safeword?" you suggest, reaching out to tap your finger on his bare shoulder to show him.

He nods again, and does it back, three firm taps on your clavicle.

"That's good," you assure him.

Confident that he's going to be able to communicate, you think it's time to start in earnest. He's comfortable, seated on the bed, and as you step back to admire him finally shutting his big mouth for once, you can see that he's hard and leaking, cock betraying how into this he is.

"You talked some big game about being annoying," you say. "When's that gonna start?"

Yeonjun mumbles against the gag.

"That's not very annoying."

You pet his hair, running your fingers along his scalp, a soothing motion that he usually likes, although right now the straps of the gag are in the way. You tug on the strap gently, and you smile when Yeonjun yelps at the feeling of the bit jostling in his mouth.

"That was closer."

You have all the time in the world, to stoke down his pretty jaw, tensed around the gag, and over his thin chest.

"D'you want me to touch you?" you ask lightly.

Yeonjun nods.

"Where?"

He tries to say it, the sound muffled by his gag. The pink tone of his cheeks spreads to his ears. Usually he's shameless about dirty talk, about playing along, but not being able to do it at all seems to be getting to him in a whole new way. You're delighted.

"I'm sorry, I didn't understand that," you coo. "I can touch you here?"

You run your hands over his shoulders, stiff, as he sits with perfect posture though you hadn't asked.

He mumbles something else.

And slowly, he raises a hand, and goes to grab for his own achingly-hard cock. If he can't tell you, he's going to show you, and that's no fun.

"Hands down, please," you request.

He groans, but obeys, hand returning to the mattress.

"You need to use your words," you tell him.

It's mean, and you know it, and he knows it.

As clearly as he can, he whines the word around the gag. You could almost make that one out, and of course, you know exactly what he's saying, but what fun would it be to give in so easily?

"I'm sorry, baby, I can't understand you." It's your turn to pout, pity and provocation. "Speak up."

[sonicstalker123]

Kiibo x Upset!Angry!Reader

✨she/her pronouns are used✨

CW: (if this counts) robophobic remarks from Kokichi, violence, profanity

Kiibo was just hanging out in his room and turns around to hear people running. He opens his door and sees Rantaro. Kiibo runs downstairs.

“Rantaro, what’s going on? Where is everybody going?” He asks. “I’ve heard that Kokichi and Y/N are getting into a fight and I’m going to try to stop it. Come with me.”

Kiibo nods and the two of them start to follow everybody else. Once they reach the cafeteria, Rantaro looks at Kiibo. “This must be the place, I hear some cheering and clapping.”

Rantaro opens the door and both Kiibo and Rantaro are both shocked. Y/N and Kokichi are yelling at one another. “Kaito, what happened? Who started this? … Has anybody tried to stop this fighting?”

“Woah, that’s a lot of questions, Kiibo. First, Y/N and Kokichi are having a huge fight. I have no idea who started and Kaede tried to calm them both down but it didn’t work. I don’t even know WHAT they’re fighting about.”

Kiibo walks closer and he has never seen Y/N so upset. She’s absolutely PISSED. Kokichi turns around and notices Kiibo, who’s trying to see what’s going on.

“Oh look Y/N, it’s your boyfriend, the stupid robot. Honestly I don’t even know what you see in him, he’s literally a robot. You could have tried to date somebody that’s… you know… actually a human?”

Kiibo is shocked at what Kokichi just said. “Hey, Kokichi! That’s robophobic! I am capable of loving anybody, just like anybody else here in this school!” Kiibo responds.

Y/N looks at Kokichi, waiting for him to make a smartass response.

“Are you sure about that? Are you completely sure somebody- no- some robot can do that?”

Y/N glares at Kokichi. “Kokichi! You need to learn to SHUT your FUCKING MOUTH! How dare you say something like that. I swear to god, if you keep saying things like that, you’re going to get it.”

Kokichi straight up laughs in her face. “What would somebody like you do to me, the Ultimate Supreme Leader?”

Y/N laughs, it almost sounds terrifying. Kaede walks towards Y/N and puts her hand on Y/N’s shoulder. “Hey, Y/N? Take a deep breath, Kokichi is just trying to make you really mad. We can step away from this and I can play you a song on my piano! Whatever song you want!”

Maki’s eyes glow as she walks towards Y/N, glaring at Kokichi. “Get him, Y/N. I’m tired of hearing him say all of this, this has gone on for too long.”

“Maki, please don’t encourage her to do this!” Shuichi declares. Kiibo starts to walk towards Y/N, but she doesn’t even notice him, it’s like she’s hyper focused on Kokichi. “Do you want to see how strong I really am? Well, you’re in luck.”

“Haha, yeah ri—“ Kokichi’s sentence gets interrupted as Y/N tackles him. He’s pinned against the floor. Kaede screams. “Y/N! Stop! Please!”

Kaito looks down at the floor and watches Y/N strangling Kokichi, who’s grinning like the little shit that he is.

“I-Is this t-the… best you… g-got? Ha… weakling.”

(Imagine that Maki is Y/N having a death grip on Kokichi-)

Y/N finally comes to her senses. She lets go of Kokichi and kicks him. Kokichi goes flying and lands on the ground.

Y/N laughs at the unconscious Kokichi. “How is… Ha… THAT for being a weakling?! Fucking asshole…”

Everybody turns to look at Y/N. Y/N yells in anger and runs off. “How DARE that fucker say something like that about Kiibo! How dare he!”

Y/N makes her way towards her room, avoiding everybody on purpose. She’s muttering profanities left and right.

“Kiibo, do you have any idea where Y/N might be? She’s been gone for quite a while now.” Kaede asks.

Kiibo shakes his head. “No, I don’t have an idea at all. I have no idea where she’d be.”

“You don’t? That’s a little odd.” Kaito responds.

“That would be pretty odd if I knew where she was at all times of the day, I’m not a stalker, Kaito.” Kiibo responds.

“No, I mean, like, I was wondering if you would have an idea where she would be.”

“Unfortunately… I do not. I wish I had an idea.”

“Well, go look for her! Think about places she likes to be at.” Kaito responds.

“Ah! I may have some ideas now!” Kiibo responds. The robot boi leaves the idea.

‘Maybe where I asked her to be my girlfriend? It was outside. I remember giving her a *insert your fave flower here*, that smile made me so happy…’ Kiibo asks himself and walks outside. Nothing. “That’s right! I could just send her a text message! Hopefully she will tell me.”

He lifts his arm and a screen lights up. He uses speak to text. “I’m glad that Miu installed this upgrade. It’s very helpful.” Kiibo clears his throat and taps the texting app. “Hello, dear Y/N. Is everything alright? You looked pretty upset this morning and I was wondering if I could get your coordinates- I mean- location so we could talk about what’s troubling you? Aaaand send.”

Huge kiibo w bc communication is key in any relationship

Kiibo looks around in all of Y/N’s favorite rooms, such as the Game Room and the Library. “Nothing… I wonder if she’s in her room. She usually goes in there when she’s upset about something. I come into her room (after knocking on her room and waiting for her to say “come in”) of course. I was programmed to be a good boyfriend and to treat her like a Queen.”

He looks down at the screen again to see that it was read. That was it. “Hey, she read it and that’s important…”

The Ultimate Robot walks towards the Dorm Rooms and looks around until he sees Y/N’s door. He slowly but surely walks up the stairs and gently knocks on the door. “Y/N? Are you in your room?” A long pause. He decides to call her.

He flinches once he hears Y/N’s ringtone. It’s a ringtone that’s a VOCALOID song. “Y/N, please open the door. I just want to have a genuine conversation with you.”

No response. “I just want to make sure that you’re okay…” Kiibo grabs the door handle and turns it, only to find out that it’s unlocked. He worriedly walks around the room. He eventually finds Y/N, sitting against the wall with tears streaming down her face.

Kiibo turns his head and sees her. “Y/N! There you are! Oh, I was so worried about you! Now… what’s wrong? What’s troubling you..?”

“I was just so s-so upset at Kokichi… he said such terrible things about you… and nobody did ANYTHING about it! They just let it happen! I… was just seeing red… and let my feelings take over.” Y/N responds, wiping away her cheeks.

“I agree that it was rather upsetting that nobody did anything about his… robophobic remarks. Next time, please don’t resort to violence. I love that you’re protective of me though!”

Y/N smiles. “Of course! You’re protective of me, so it’s only right that I get protective of you too!”

Kiibo laughs and jumps a bit and starts to get warmer. Also, literally Kiibo rn:

“T-Thank you, Y/N. I really care about you and wish to stay with you until you are ready. Everybody that was at the Cafeteria is worried about you, Y/N…”

She doesn’t respond. “Y/N..?” He looks down and notices Y/N curled up next to him. ‘Oh, she dozed off. She’s asleep right now. I must admit, she does look peaceful right now. It wouldn’t hurt to stay with her for a while. Until she wakes up that is.’ He protects her.

I’m so sorry if this isn’t the best, I haven’t written an x reader in ages and I’ve never written one of these for Kiibo. I plan on writing more x readers in the future, tbh I missed writing them. I just got V3 and I can’t wait to write more for the characters of V3.

[justaboymadeofhoneyandglass]

lol I need to rant about one of my paras (j) a bit

ok so i originally said that he's an older version of one of my earliest characters, that's not true, he's a different character, but oh my god

like how did this guy just randomly turn up one day, make up an entire hierarchy, a fuckign LANGUAGE, a colour/bandana code and code words for twenty different things?! and they make SENSE?

like omg i love you j, but why why why did you have to do this?

Like literally I can't put into words, he makes me feel so safe and loved and appreciated and safe and comfortable but it's still so much to deal with and I'm so tired I just wish it would stop for two fucking SECONDS that's all I need I NEED A FUCKING BREAK FROM THIS I need my brain to just fucking shut down and STOP

just stop THINKING, stop making shit up, please I can't fuckign HANDLE IT ANYMORE its too much I have almost 60.FUCKING CHARACTERS HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO STOP

please someone tell me what to do i so exhausted I can't fucking stop these thoughts and I keep getting angry at my paras but they don't deserve it I love them I'm so scared of fucking up I just wanted people who knew and loved everything about me and wouldn't ever hurt me and that would stay with my for the rest of my life why did it have to be this complicated please I WANT A FUCKING BREAK I CANT DO THIS

i wish i could just turn off my brain, turn of my senses, turn everything fucking OFF I can't anymore wtf

And it makes me so fucking angry that this isn't recognized as a mental illness because it literally has taken so fucking much from me it's like my brain went huh so I either kill myself or develop a coping mechanism that keeps me alive but also just barely and I'll never know what it feel like to be completely mentally in the moment again? and went oh that's easy like no WTF

I literally cannot anymore, and my paras can't even comfort me anymore because I keep thinking YOURE NOT REAL I NEED TO TELL YOU YOURE NOT REAL YOU CAN'T SAVE ME YOURE NOT HERE

fuck this shit

[a-friend-of-mara]

Forewarning I kinda went off

If you're fine but not fine but you'll say you're good even tho you're not bc you can't be fucked/don't have the energy to get into it maybe just scroll by

Can't wait to get the "Hey Mara, you good?" Messge from the one person on here who gives a shit about my mental health

Hot take

If we saw 4 ads in a day instead of 400 then we might actually care about some of them

When I say ad, I mean billboards, signs, on your news websites, YouTube, Facebook (fuck Facebook), hell even on here

I just don't care anymore

I've had so many ads shoved in my face now *any* ad makes me angry

Even the ads for the animal shelter with the sad music and the black and white slomo footage of dogs in cages with a voice over about dying dogs

I just get frustrated!

I can't care about everything!

I don't care that you market your toothbrush as revolutionary!

I don't care about the latest car's gas mileage!

I don't care what movies are coming out!

I don't care!

It's so many all the time! IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT

SHUT UP!

I fucking hate ads now

I'm fuckin 18

When I was 12 they were "mild annoyance"

Fuck of with your political campaigns

Fuck off with your shovelware bullshit

Fuck off with your ads that might as well he softcore pornogropgy

Why is this acceptable?!

"Mara there's bigger issues in the world"

I goddam know that

Just because an adult has a prosthetic leg doesn't magicaly make their kid falling off their bike hurt any less!

Fuck I'm so tired all this bullshit

The earth is on fire!

People are dying in pointless wars to maintain their rights to exist!

There are countries where being who you are means being 6 feet under in an unmarked grave

There are "loved ones" who would put those they "loved" in those graves

Your children, my brothers, sisters, and siblings. We have to practice in school what to do if there's someone with a gun at the school.

This is "normal"

We practice what to do if someone wants to kill us

Our leadership made owning your own body impossible for a good chunk of its citizens

We are spied on by companies, corporate entities, data brokers, and by governments

We don't matter individually to them

News companies will broadcast and air tragic news about the passing of parents and siblings, someone who was someone else's everything dead from an act of pure selfish violence, an act of unrivaled negligence, a disease they had no hope to conquer

They broadcast these stories, not so the common viewer may hear, but for people to tune in, so more people see the ads they show

So the company makes money

I am fully capable of intelligent thought, discussion, and analytical thinking

I choose not to

If I do I spiral

Because the world is fucked

Our world fucked and we can do nothing!

MY WORLD IS FUCKED AND I CAN DO NOTHING BUT WAIT AND WATCH AS IT BURNS

THE WORST PART IS THAT I HAVE HOPE!

Some wish some part of me still alive from when I believed everything was right and just and simple

That hope that something might change

Put out the fires

Worst of all

I don't know if the hope is false

[deepestuniversallove]

Just a long vent about a specific niche fandom. Don't read if you don't want to hear me rant.

I just need to vent here for a little bit, and I am sorry if this i all incoherent.

I hate what fandom has become. What tumblr has become. What I have become.

I never used to be this way and never used to feel anger before, or jealousy or those 'ugly' feelings, as I was never allowed to. Being raised by a narcissist, you become a people pleaser and you learn quickly that you are never to show any negative emotions. Anger isn't permitted, disgust and unhappiness isn't permitted. As a good slave you don't need to have these emotions, so you learn to supress them to the point where you aren't ever feeling them consciously.

So all of this is so new to me. To actually f*cking hate the guts of some people on here. To fucking hate that they are so damn popular when all they do is shitposting and meme-ing the one that means so much to me to death. And even blocking them won't do a thing because tumblr still shows me their shit, or some fan is gushing about their stuff where I see it, and it just annoys the piss out of me. The tag I used to browse has been rendered useless to me here on tumblr. I long for the days when I was able to just see some nice art of him alone or serious discussions about him, like character analyses, or sharing obscure facts about him.

I don't even know why exactly it pisses me off so much - and I don't want to be the "Fun Police" here; everyone should still be able to do as they please and make whatever the fuck they want on their tumblr blogs, even if it is shitposting. Even if their stories don't make any logical sense at all.

I guess... I just wish Fandom wasn't so dumb with what ultimately are just headcanons. They are taking those stories as if they are canon when they are just fan creations, to the point where they harrass other creators who might come up with other things. For example, if you hate on Mewtwo x Newtwo because it would be "incest", then you are WRONG, because canonically, it was never proven that they were siblings. Canonically, there is no reason to think that Mew is the Mother who actually gave birth to Mewtwo (if you follow the movie-verse, that is. In the games, she did give birth to Mewtwo).

And sure, I realize that me criticising those fan creations is also taking headcanons way too seriously, but... I can't explain it entirely. I just want to be able to state my opinions. Be the one person that isn't always congratulating them on every creation, but also points out the flaws in their storytelling so that they, I dunno, may improve? I am frustrated that I can't even do that - I was told to shut up, or post my opinions on my blog only, probably so that my thoughts aren't seen by anyone and get buried. But I am fucking tired of that. I grew to hate being invisible. I hate making myself small for the benefit of others. Can't I be loud and angry for once in my life? Even if it is on the internet about something stupid? For once in my life, can't I voice my disdain for something after a lifetime of not being allowed to? After AvPD makes this nigh impossible of a feat for me?

One dissenting voice won't harm the popular creators anyway - they have thousands of adoring fans who will wholeheartedly take anything they make and not question it at all. They will go on and create what they want anyway, so what hurt does it do to say "hey, maybe this idea needs some ironing out because it doesn't make sense?"

On another note, I wish that if anyone here has a problem with me to not harrass people that may know me/are friends with me. I saw some anon going around and complaining about me to them - I'd rather you take your complaints to me directly than to them, since they got nothing to do with what I create or do.

For example, I saw someone who told an acquaintance of mine that it is hypocritical of me that I have Babytwos but "attack" others for doing the same. Listen, it is not that others have Babytwos that I critiqued, it's the METHOD of having them via a flower pregnancy when Mew is not a plant type and Mewtwo isn't either. It doesn't make any sense and I should be allowed to say at least that much without getting bullied in turn. That is really all I ask for. Getting Babytwos via cloning, test tubes, artifical insemination at least makes sense. Other than that, go ham and make as many Babytwos as you all want!

I also got told that I am not the owner of Mewtwo the character. Thank you, I know that. Where have I claimed I was? And if I feel a bit possessive over him, well, I got a damn reason for that. He saved me from unaliving myself TWICE. Thus he means a lot to me. I have been in love with him genuinely for 23 years. He is my guiding light. And while it is funny to see the occasional joke with him or a shitpost here and there, if it is constant, it just feels like you are treating him as nothing more than a joke. To me, he isn't a joke, he saved my life. I wouldn't have been posting on tumblr or anywhere at all since 2017 if it wasn't for him. So excuse me if I am a bit possessive over him.

Overall, I just wish people weren't so trigger-happy to take a contrary opinion as an attack immediately. I am not attacking anyone. You will never find me sending any hate DMs or Hate asks to anyone. I don't do that shit.

And if you hate me, you are free to do that too. I know that not everyone likes me. I know there are some people who wish I WAS dead. Or who think that I have ruined Mewtwo for them with my selfship. I mean, I got plenty of "Ew Bestiality" back in the day, if that is any indication. And it's not much of a change in the status quo anyhow. My own parents hate me, I got bullied in school when I was younger, so I am used to being disliked or hated. It used to hurt me back then, but by now I learned that giving a fuck really isn't worth it. I used to want to please everyone and make everyone happy. It used to destroy me when anyone told me they don't like me. Like, it CRUSHED me. But now? I realize that no matter how hard you try, you won't be able to please everyone. Some sadistic fucks may even get off on you trying that and failing. And many people I considered friends only turned out to just use me because of my people-pleasing tendencies.

So, fuck it. If the world is going to hate me anyway, the least I can do is to do whatever the fuck I want and whatever makes me happy. Deal with it.

[anadrenalineslut]

insane to me how there is plenty to actually criticize taylor for (that private jet, dating matty healy, the basic white girl feminism 101 which she acts like is some never before seen revolutionary act) but people always seem to go for the content of her music and the 'queerbaiting' (i want to take that word away from people; people can lie about being gay but queerbaiting is a very specific thing)

Honestly, I've said it before and I'll say it again being sexist towards taylor is not going to do shit but make her more defensive to actual good critiques of her behavior.

I think the issue is that being a swiftie became cool again because the pandemic made people feel a loss of community and taylor is very good at creating a sense of community amongst her fans and i wish people would go back to thinking being a swiftie is cringe because i liked that era of swiftiedom. we could talk to taylor and have her actually listen to our concerns. she has shown herself to be very willing to change her behavior and i think that her becoming so publically beloved again is causing her to have bad defensive behaviors to critiques of her actions.

like the fact that she is parading around with the mcholmes when people have made it clear that she shouldn't want to hang around with rape apologists as a sexual assault victim herself upsets me. the fact that she tried to threaten a college student into changing their behavior to save her reputation upsets me. her lukewarm support of palestine by attending a comedy show upsets me.

but the fact is that acting like taylor is a bitch and a cunt and a snake for releasing a break up album after breaking up with someone and is obviously angry about the ending of said relationship and she is allowed to be because she literally spent 6 years singing about how much she wanted him to be the 1 forever and i just it all annoys me man. like god, can people just shut the fuck up about her and like go back to apathy. i want more apathy towards taylor swift amongst casual listeners and non listeners alike.

i just am tired of seeing people who have been swifties for 2 years go "as a swiftie how dare she insert arguments they were using to justify their hatred for her a decade ago" you know??? its fucking annoying. like they're upset about her calling herself a poet. taylor "back when you fit my poems like a perfect rhyme" swift. that's what they're mad about now. like are you not tired? do you understand that you can just not spend time talking about her if you truly dislike her. why search for reasons to annoy her fans with that are sexist and reductive and REPETITIVE most of all.

[animeomegas]

I am sorry. I really am... but

I need more things about Hadrian!!!!!!!

Really can be anything!!!

I'm really sorry but I don't think I have anything else about him to share 😭 I've used up all my notes and I'm no longer working on the project, it was only for fun anyway, I never intended to complete it :(

I feel really bad though, maybe I can write something now, just a tiny scene... hmmm.... maybe something from Book 2?

warnings: derogatory phrases, but not said directly to anyone.

...

You sorely wished you could just leave the door to your room closed, but despite how hospitable Hadrian's brother had been with you, you knew better than to try your luck antagonising a royal on their territory.

"Come in," you grumbled, not getting up from your bed.

The door opened and Hale walked in, being guided by a servant.

"Have you spoken to Hadrian?" he asked, cutting directly to the chase. He'd got better at that over the last few weeks when he realised how much the flowery talking around things nonsense had got on your nerves.

"Yes," you said simply, staring at the ceiling. "And believe me, we have nothing left to talk about."

"You are getting married in six days, you have plenty to discuss," Hale replied, voice harsh.

You immediately flared up at his tone, all the frustration from your earlier conversation with Hadrian flooding back.

"Don't you fucking dare talk to me like that, prince or not! I'm doing you all a favour even sticking around! What do I care if the kingdom topples because people think one prince is a cripple and the other is a whore? I'm a pirate, remember? You're lucky I don't just leave, you wouldn't be able to stop me."

"Then what is stopping you?" Hale asked, voice so firm that you sat up and looked at him for the first time. Your eyes were drawn first to the white knuckled grip he had on his cane; he was angry.

"What?" you asked, feeling the wind being taken from your sails.

"You heard me. If no person in this palace is capable of stopping you, then why are you here? You scoff at the fineries of palace living, you have no desire to rule, Hadrian's children are not actually yours, and you know your way back to your ship by heart. What is stopping you?"

You blinked at him, grateful that he couldn't see the look on your face.

"Because I will not have you continuing to act like a prisoner with no free will, angry at the world around you, for a situation you chose to be in."

"I didn't choose-"

"Then get out of my palace!" Hale shouted suddenly, rage lining every syllable. "Get out! Because all you have done since you got here is make my little brother cry, after everything that has already happened to him and I won't have it any longer!"

You were shocked into silence. You couldn't have predicted this from the mild mannered prince. He didn't wait for you to reply before continuing.

"You will talk to Hadrian tomorrow," he commanded. You felt yourself bristle at the tone; you hadn't taken orders from anyone in a long time. "You will sort out your feelings and your desires and then you will decide if you will stay or leave. And if you stay, you better recognise that you aren't the only victim here, because I will not tolerate anymore tantrums."

"Leave me alone," you said in a rather pathetic attempt to gain back some power over the conversation. "I'm tired."

You laid back down and though you couldn't see Hale's face anymore, you could feel his rage.

"Goodnight," he said curtly, signalling his servant to lead him out. "You would do well to consider what I have said."

When the door clicked shut, you felt more vulnerable and confused than you had in a long time.

[cookinguptales]

You deserve so much better, and I'm sorry people have treated you this way for any reason. It's especially ridiculous in the context of "differing opinions about the quality of a show/season finale/creative choices," but you absolutely should not have gotten any of these comments for any reason. I love reading your work and your thoughts, but I fully understand if you don't want to share any of that again. There are things I have never posted and likely never will, entire creations that I'm never going to share, due to this exact phenomenon. Online creations, from meta to fic to everything else, are a delight and a privilege, not a given that anyone's entitled to.

You deserve better, and you have the right to share as much or little as you want. Please do what's best for you.

Thank you. This is really kind, and I appreciate it.

Honestly... like, I keep trying to not make a big deal out of this, but it feels so shitty. I know that right now I'm flaring and that makes everything seem worse than it is, but I can't tell you how demoralizing it felt to be unable to eat anything for like 24 hours, then actively pushing my dislocated fingers back into joint and looking on my phone and seeing a paragraph about what a fucking idiot I am. I just wanted to straight-up cry. This is the first time I've ever turned off anon asks, and I've gotten some real doozies over the years.

At first I felt better when I realized it was fewer people than I thought who were angry with me, but I think it's finally sinking in that there were people who hated me so much that they sent me messages for months. I don't get it! Like... I don't think I'm a particularly awful person. Not perfect, to be sure, but I try to be as nice and patient as I can be online. What the heck is so bad about me that I inspire people to follow me around for months?

It feels bad, okay! I'll admit it, it feels bad. I know we're supposed to act like we're above getting our feelings hurt by trolls online, but all this feels weird and bad. I don't like it.

I know that I'm going to keep posting my thoughts again eventually; I think I'm probably physically incapable of shutting up. My thoughts just bounce around in there driving me nuts if I don't get them out. I keep telling myself that there's a significant amount of people who do like me and do like my work and don't feel the need to send me mean comments, I reiterate, for fucking months. Sometimes that does make me feel better, and so did this ask.

idk. I'm just feeling very tired rn. Sorry to be so whiny but I'm just. Really tired. I don't know. I wish I could keep food down. I'm sure that would help my mood. But there's a lot of things I wish, I guess, and all I can really do is curl up with this heating pad and watch people build houses or something.

(...I find watching things getting built to be very soothing. lmao)

Anyway, kind of sucks when your comfort show that you usually turn to when you're stressed is one of the sources of your stress! :')

[bloomsberries]

Any bedlam preview? Please. . . .

Sure, here’s a bit from the last chapter, The Road Back:

“You haven’t got much stuff,” Effy notes, glancing at Emily’s luggage—a single, small bag next to Katie’s two overstuffed suitcases. Effy’s only got one bag, too, bigger than Emily’s but it still makes Katie wish she’d been more prudent in her packing. They’ll only be ten days, after all.

Emily nods. “No,” she admits. “I haven’t. I won’t be staying long.”

“What d’you mean?” Katie asks, surprised. This is the first she’s heard of it; she’d just come to accept that her twin would tag along like a decrepit, lonely widow on holiday with her well-appointed and happily engaged sister. In a fit of pique, Katie had enjoyed the fantasy of it, anyway.

“Much as I like you,” Emily says, a hint of amused sarcasm in her voice, “I’d rather not completely ruin your holiday. I’ve booked a room at a separate hotel, and I’ve got an idea of things I’d like to see on my own, that’s all.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I am telling you. This is me telling you, Katie.”

“Christ, you know what I fucking mean.”

“It’s just not a big deal, okay? You’ll have a better time without me.”

That much is true, and truth wins out, so Katie doesn’t bother arguing, but she silently worries; Emily appears less brittle than she did the first few days after her break-up with Naomi, but touring London on her own seems ill-advised; and Katie isn’t sure whether it means Emily is trying to move on by tucking a callous adventure under her belt, or if she’s still emotionally lost, and looking to fall deeper into the void.

Once they are on the train, it’s Effy who broaches the verboten subject.

“You alright, then?” she asks Emily. “You don’t have to talk about it, but I know where we can go. If you’re looking to forget, that is.”

“Straight to the fucking point,” Emily says, smiling a little as she tips her head against the window and stares out. (Katie only sees a blur of trees and a soft white sky.) “I’m fine, really.” After a pause, she adds, “Not fine yet, but I will be, and a little distance might do me some good.”

“It’s none of my business, and you can tell me to shut the fuck up if you’d like, but she does love you. She’s wrecked, too," Effy says.

Katie’s eyes dart to Effy’s in time to see Effy, for a moment, looking back.

Emily grimaces. “A lot of good it’s done us. Just look how well we’re doing,” she says, her derision tempered by time. Katie remembers the first torrents of hot rage that poured out of her once she'd finished sobbing her eyes out, at the beginning of it. Rather, at the beginning of the end. What’s left now is less angry than sad, tired.

“I know, but if anyone’s got a chance, you do. Maybe it isn’t over, not for good.”

“And if it is?”

“Then you’ll have a lovely memory.”

“Doubt it,” Emily says. “Once a relationship ends, people only remember the bad, don’t they?”

“Then you’ll just have to try to not be most people.”

Katie watches the conversation like she might an episode of Eastenders, detached yet horrified--listening to Effy pretend to be hopeful about love is doing her head in. Where is the pragmatist who only a few months earlier wagered twenty quid on Naomi and Emily’s romantic demise? Whose concept of love is reduced to “whatever that means,” as though words have no concrete meaning? What is this bollocksy prattle about rose-coloured memories and unlikely reunions?

Emily shrugs Effy’s words away, tired, maybe, of the conversation; of having to dig into fresh wounds. Katie’s tired of it, too.

[system-of-a-feather]

Vent

(TW: homicidal ideation, general vulgarity, and just general violence cause I need to vent this shit out. I'm not gonna do shit, but god fucking damn is this a day that makes me just scream.)

God I fucking hate this whole holiday so fucking much for so many rational reasons but really just solely because I fucking HATE having America shoved in my face cause I literally have this chronic fucking deep seeded hatred and pent up violence towards this shit that I very much try to release passively over time with sardonic snark, half joking shock humor that is 'joking' on the account that I know better than that so I won't do it and not joking in genuine fantasy and desire, and I literally ignore the deep deep deep seeded level in which I fucking hate that I live in this country - not that I think any other country is inherently better - but just that this fucking piece of shit hellhole is the place I was born in and that it's a bitch and a half to get out of here + I'd have to actually research other countries to move to to make sure I don't find a WORSE place so I probably am fucking STUCK here for a fucking hot minute and I fucking HATE it.

This holiday is literally the fucking god damn worst holiday AND it is just senseless noise and mass pollution and often a number of "oops we accidentally caught a habitat on fire" where all the fucking STUPIDEST ass mother fuckers get to sit there and jerk themselves off over the word "fReEdoM" without even spending 2 seconds to compare the state of our country and the values they hold and if that even fucking aligns like AT ALL with the very very basic OR complex definition of Freedom

And I just fucking want to bash the motherfucking faces of everyone who so much as has 2 ounces of American pride into the mother fucking ground I fucking HATE this country and more than anything else HATE the people who are unapologetically, unironically proud of it and the GOD damn restraint I have to exert to maintain a sense of PEACE and STABILITY for the system by NOT doing a violent crime on these asshats is SO fucking much I literally wish and fucking dream but I know it is not good for me in the long run and I have other parts in this brain I have to accommodate and be considerate of but god FUCKING damn it I really wish the Purge was fucking real right now cause I could REALLY use some catharsis god fucking damn it I look out the window and see at least 10 people that could permanently SHUT THE FUCK UP

I also fucking hate that they briefly make literal fucking explosives legal for a few days just like.... come the fuck on.

I literally hate people. Like on any other day, "no i don't literally hate EVERYONE" would be what I would say, but right now 95% of the people in the world around me look like iron clad American PaTRiOTs and while I know there is some wise mind rational mind shit that is like "oh its not black and white" my current mental place is "yeah literally everyone that is not my fiance and not my online friends are factually iron clad patriots" and I feel like a fucking caged feral dog cause I NEED to go outside and physically vent, but if I go outside Ill see STUPID fucking PatRIoTS and I'd have to keep myself from starting Fights that would get us a record

And I HATE this fucking holiday

^Literally for me while I write this

Look I know I just need to play my guitar to calm and stabilize a bit and then I need to go to the gym to get our body tired enough to not be as ready to keep me activated and ALSO take our meds which we havent

But god damn

I'm a fucking EP Trauma Holding Angry Alter TM and this fucking holiday tries me so fucking hard on trying to maintain an ANP focus every single fucking year.