eggfriedricedwasian

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Tim: Jason! Don't tell anyone, you have to swear! Jason: What the- fine! i swear! Tim: Swear on- i don't fucking know, swear on your grave! Jason: I'M NOT EVEN IN THERE ANYMORE!

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Bruce: *very seriously* You need to stop overworking yourself with training to cope with the anger. Going outside might help.

Damian: I went to the park today.

Bruce: There you go! I hope you got something from that.

Damian: *opening his jacket* This duck.

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and the world came into color… 🌸🌼

happy valentine’s day @bluemingqueen @akasakurevival

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[ 鲁味斑鸠 | sisilytong ]

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i've said before that i love the english teacher jason todd headcanon but a similar one i think is very much overlooked is art teacher damian. in fact, i don't think i've ever seen it before. but i think it would be AWESOME hahaha

Damian: *carrying a large box* occasionally, my own sophisticated vernacular does not do justice to a situation . . . so to paraphrase one of my students . . . this sucks ass Jon: *grabs box, then raises brows* i was going to tease you for that . . . but yeah. this thing is freakin' heavy. what is this??? damian: *looking EXTREMELY tired* clay. for my students to make . . . sculputes out of. jon: *weary* why the hesitation? damian: more often than not their sculptures are more bomb than sculpture. jon: . . . ah. how does that work exactly? damian: *staring into the distance* now why would i trust you with the knowledge of how to make a bomb, jonathan.

Damian: welcome to class, students. today we will be participating in one of my personal favorite mediums, painting student: what do we paint? damian: anything but batman. i know you enjoy memorializing vigilantes in your art, but he angered me last night and as such the sight of him would sicken me students: one brave soul: what did he do? daminan: *straight-faced* he ate the last of the peanut butter in the pantry and failed to buy a new jar. now, for the paintings--

jason: *groaning, head resting on the papers strewn over his table* god, my students are so dumb damian: *framing and hanging up art pieces gifted to him by his students* i cannot say i relate, todd jason: *under his breath* fuck you too

damian: *peering over jason's shoudler at grading jason is doing* what is all this? the red marker? jason: *chugging coffee like its a shot* mistakes i have to correct for them damian: *frowns* that is a lot of mistakes. jason: how 'bout you? how'd your students do on their assignment? damian: well, jenn forgot that we'd moved on from abstracts, so her landscape appears as if it has stepped foot out of a picasso rather than the monet it should have been, but i have graded her with the abstract scale rather than the realism given that it was a simple mistake. her usage of tones and textures impressed me, and while the expressionism and irrealism is slightly off-putting in a landscape, i have found it quite pleasing to the eye. jason: i have no fucking clue what you just said but okay

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When Bruce was new to the whole having children thing, he was always stepping in and trying to break up fights. His resolve was quickly broken, and he just decided to put rules on fighting out problems. No breaking anything, no weapons, no hitting face, neck, or groin, and no knockouts.

Batman leaned against the wall and casually watched as Robin and Red Robin beat the shit out of each other. The JL glanced at each other.

"You... You gonna do something about that, Bats?" Barry asks cautiously.

"It's been a long time coming." Bruce grunts. "Let them handle it." A hit to the jaw lands on Damian, and he shouts at them: "AY, KEEP IT AWAY FROM THE FACE!"

"FUCK OFF!" Tim screams but he doesn't punch Damian in the face again.

Diana nods. "I approve of this parenting technique. Sometimes problems need to be solved with some bruises and blood." Bruce nods as well.

"I've found breaking up their fights just means they still get bruised but no issue is solved." Batman explains and Diana hums thoughtfully.

"Would it not also be adequate to have them duel?"

"No, they do actual damage if i let them have a weapon.

"Ah, I suppose that makes sense."

Everyone is horrified.

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Jonathan Crane gets medicated for his OCD and Schizophrenia and becomes a productive citizen again. He opens a private practice and Dick and Tim start visiting as civilians to keep tabs on him but... like, he's actually a good therapist and eventually all of the Batkids are seeing him regularly to work out their issues and he is just sitting and listening and thinking about what an asshole Bruce Wayne is.

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a severely underrated and underused pre-reveal-Red-Hood-plot is the one where Dick finds out that he’s Jason first, and out of desperation to make up for past failings at being a big brother and wanting to reconnect with Jason, he decides to keep it from the rest of the family and use it as a way for them to bond. clearly this could be funny for like a thousand different reasons, but the first way this could turn out that i can think of is obviously Bruce watching Nightwing and Red Hood getting closer and closer and instead of automatically coming to the realisation that it’s Dick getting to know and hanging out with his little brother, he immediately assumes that Nightwing and Red Hood are dating.

i’m torn between Jason finding this hysterical while Dick is horrified about it (Jason doesn’t have to deal with the sexual jokes from the family and talks about safety within villain/hero relationships) and both of them deciding it’s a prime opportunity to pull the greatest prank on Bruce possible (both of them leaning into the relationship thing publicly and then Jason casually taking off his helmet to give Dick a cheek-kiss and Bruce a fucking heart attack), but mostly i just think it would be funny if Dick got stressed about his web of lies and decided to rant to a friend, idk who probably Wally, and he gets to have this conversation:

Dick, pacing back and forth: i don’t know what to do, i mean my dad thinks i’m fucking my brother!

Wally, incredulous: …what the fuck did you do to make Bruce think you’re fucking Tim???

Dick, horrified: OH MY GOD NO? I MEANT JASON!

Wally: HE THINKS YOU’RE FUCKING A CORPSE!?

Dick: OK NO- I SHOULD HAVE EXPLAINED BETTER WAIT A SECOND-

Wally: *distressed noises*

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Oh yeah they deserve each other

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Yk how Mr. Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne misplaced his spleen.

What if on the hunt for the best presents (for Christmas or birthday you get the idea), Damian found it.

Like The batfamily know Damian is a crackhead with no real understanding of how normal people work.

But like the major the storyline you could make on this idea.

Example:

Timothy’s 21 first birthday, and he can’t even drink alcohol (it can be deadly without your spleen).

So everyone searched for a way to make it better by finding the best gift.

Damian just figured why not go get his spleen. His Grandfather (Ra’s) loved trophy’s and it being Timothy’s. He probably kept it perfectly preserved.

Damian also know doctors who can do this surgery with little no issue from the league who would do it as they owe him favors.

So on his birthday, they all gave him presents and so did Damian. Ironically, Damian went last.

Tim opens up the present and sees a jar with his spleen in it with a note -> “Surgery in 2 days no eating or drinking 12 hours before hand. Recovery time is 1 week bedrest. They suggest a month before drinking.”

And Tim would just start crying. Because that little boy who had hated him for years, went out of his way to get him a present although it was his in the first place, and not only a present but something that could fix so many problems and insecurities. He may have not even know the magnitude of that gift.

Tim cried with no explanation so of course Bruce would start yelling at Damian (not seeing what was in the box). And Tim would rock his shit. Scream what the present was. And boom cute fluff story.

Side note -> you could also add like a lot of angst when getting the spleen like have him have to kill someone or getting hurt or doing something like that would add a lot and I mean a lot of good plot.

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the batkids are strong in their own rights. they're used to protecting their friends and loved ones. they are the protective one in their teams.

however, whenever Bruce is around, all of a sudden they became kittens held by the mother. all those protective instincts? gone. they are now with their father and their job is to duck or satay away or run to safety when instructed. jumping in front of harm's way? that's dad's job. them's the rules.

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I need more of Tim Drake being a pot head

Bro needs to be HIGH

it’s a lolly pop. don’t smoke kids. take edibles instead

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📸family fun!

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Tim Drake… Bobby Drake… are you guys following along?

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More Bat-1-1. Gotham is certainly in the most... interesting hands.

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

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Tim, trying on a new suit before a meeting- Hmm. Blue tie, or striped tie?

Dick- Striped.

Tim- Blue it is. Thanks

Dick- Wtf? Why did you ask if you weren't going to take my advice?

Tim- I've been around long enough to know your sense of fashion.

Dick- The Discowing suit was years ago! I was going through a phase!

Tim- You are currently wearing a Hawaiian shirt and basketball shorts!

Dick- It's laundry day!