#i am scared i feel sick | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nightfallsystem-moved · 8 months ago

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tw stupid fucking dumb vent tw suicide btw this is roleplay and fiction for legal reasons so dont take it seriously 👍

#for legal raesons this is roleplau and not real. im roleplaying a character and yoi shoildlmt take it srsly i promise its a roleplay i promi #tw suicide #tw vent #i should probz just kms tomorrow . what am i waitiing for . if they arent home ill be fine #i cdan do this but the htought makes me scared. if i get the artery itll be fine #ive wanted this since i was 9. what am i waiting for. what am i waiting for.#dying makes me so scared.#i dont want to die i dont want to be alive either.#ddying is easier than dealing with all the transphobia.#im honestly more scared of whwhat hanging urself does bcuz like ill pronz bite off my tongue or break smth or have my eyes pop out #u know how suicide is its fucking gorey #i am scared i feel sick #i feel sick to my stomach #im sos cscared im so scared actually #what happens after death i wonder lol #at least they cant be transphobic to me if im fucking dead and cant hear it bcuz im fucking dead

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niranutcake · 2 months ago

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🖌️ What better way to practice drawing him than to make a meme? ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ 🖌️

Inspired by @cutec3 's video: https://youtube.com/shorts/r8nc6nfFEGA?si=FrU1eCeejtw8ihBq

(also highly recommend to check out their comic "Fire for Hire"! It's a banger! ❤️‍🔥)

Anyway

*skedaddles back into the void*

Bonus:

Pics from the video bc I love y'all <3

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moe-broey · 1 month ago

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Close ups on the pocket details!!! I'm SUPER happy w how the top pockets look 😳😳😳

I think the variety of pride pins with the moral panic button/Mr Faggot beadwork just. Really sells it. Shadow the Hedgehog voice Pee Your Pants. If you're going to be a shithead about me I'm going to be really annoying and do a bit about it. Plus the little golden angel pin... ALSO really pulls the whole thing together. "God help you" Right in front of my guardian angel? Really? 😒And how could I not make mention of. The Skull. I love you The Skull. It's a button (not sewn on yet, pinned) that I filled the details in w nail polish. Oh yeah! Besides the bottle cap pins (acrylics sealed with mod podge and a prayer), the biggest addition there is the chain lining the pocket flap! I think it looks SO SLICK

The pansy was gonna go on the queer side, but then I got the boutonniere idea! And I think it looks nice! Kinda adds to the asymmetry of the floral print/plaid blocking. And... of course.... I have... my friends...... 🥺 Biggest additions here are the glow-star pentagram pin, soda tabs and the heart locket!

I don't really have many new additions to the bottom pockets. Not yet! The only thing I did was stitch one side of the handcuff chain, and rearrange the pins holding up the other side. The cuffs/scorpion was just an impulse addition before going to a concert. But I do like it! And it looks even better now! Meanwhile, that other pocket, I actually have no idea what I'll do. Sakura is just there cause she matches really well, esp w the angel pin actually!

#punk tag #diy punk #my projects #I FORGOT I USED THAT TAG .#also i AM gonna put patches on this thang I PROMISE. I WAS TOO SCARED LAST RUN. THIS RUN. WILL BE DIFFERENT.#again still waiting. but i really really wanted to show off/talk about the details!!!!!#i have sooooo many Thoughts behind this jacket like. an entire ideology. it almost feels like drag in a way #like! in the sense that there's a performance and art going on here. if my existence is inherently controversial #then i'm gonna lean into that. make you sit with that. and i'm NO LONGER CUTE ABOUT IT #<- guy who called himself cute yesterday bc I LOOKED REALLY GOOD. IT WAS AWESOME. OKAY #i forget i have a body and a face so much.#also! the cuffs!!! feel like a slight nod to the kink community. like. i really do feel like the demonization of kink #is the reason why so much. everything is so bad. i have thoughts about this but i can't fully articulate them rn #but like. points at the sign that says all queerness and esp queer expression is kink in the eyes of bigots #points at the sign that those are my friends you asshole. it might even be me. who knows....#any which way! really coming together! i do really need to get studs though i think. the. horrors.#and also i'll look sick as hell.#rn i feel it's... well. not exactly subtle but i am fortunate to live in a safe area. i live in mind your own business state.#not like. saying that to you i mean like that's the general attitude where i live LMFAOOO #the worst i've gotten is a lady saying 'god help you' to me in passing. and that was really recent #an indication of ohhh changing tides. unsettling. but also she couldn't even look me in the eye when she said that lmfao #any which way! i am thinking of my safety but also i do feel like i'm lucky enough to have time.#my jacket

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creekfiend · 10 months ago

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I think the very worst thing about being this sick and in being this much pain is just the bone deep exhaustion I feel

I want to connect with the world and it's like trying to touch the sky when you're lying at the bottom of a well. I can reach my arm all the way up as long as it will go and I can't touch anything I'm too far down and I can barely even see it from where I am and there's no way I can reach it at all

#and I'm so tired I'm so so tired I can barely feel the anger and the terror I'm so angry and I'm so scared and I'm so tired of being #like this #I want it to be a different way I want to be a whole person #and I don't even have the wherewithal to feel that I can feel it but I can't feel it all the way because I can't feel anything #I can't feel anything all the way there's something wrong with me there's something inside me that's just wrong #sick #i feel like maybe i am dying.

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angelmush · 13 days ago

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harrowing article . i feel sick and sad

#i literally just was talking to my gf abt how neil gaiman scared and unnerved me in his masterclass videos lol #something abt the way he holds himself and it seems like he knows the secrets to everything #i think i literally said the words ‘im scared of him’#i can’t get that article out of my head #i think also he reminds me of someone awful from my childhood and i wanted to try and separate those things #and i adored his work as a child #i had no idea abt all of this and i wish i was more surprised than i am and my heart is broken for all who suffered at his hand #i feel sick #heart hurts for the survivors of him #personal

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thegothicviking · 3 months ago

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YOU GUYS!!! Y'ALL!! RAMMFANS!!!??!?!? 😍

I got it cheaper than the guy originally wanted.

And I have seen them go for more in other countries (without shipping to Norway). This was sold by some local dude 30 minutes away from me by car...WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT!?!? (If you don't know..I don't live in a big city. I live in hillbilly..christian sheit hole. So just to find something like this for sale over here is mind blowing!)

I think these rubber bois looks good with me! 💋

1000 copies..almost 15 years old and still pretty much unopened! (And some of those 1000 pieces are most likely destroyed by now by pets..flooding..fire..accidents..you name it! So you can asure that less than 1000 pieces has survived today. And I got one of them!! I want to vomit out of sheer happiness! 😍

And yes. It's prettier in person! (Much bigger than you expect..but that might be a good thing? 😘 (nah I won't open it!)

One of the best days of 2024!!🙌

#this was worth it...I still feel shaky and sick in my stomach out of pure happiness! 🥰#lifad #liebe ist für alle da #rammstein lifad #rammstein #till lindemann #paul landers #flake lorenz #richard kruspe #christoph schneider #oliver riedel #I am tempted to carefully remove the cardboard just to reveal the full body of these rubber bois #but I am scared I'll rip the cardboard or rip the plastic of the bois' by accident! 😟#oh baby this was worth every penny! 😍🤲#rammstein lifad deluxe set #I don't have my own place again yet ...so I have to tuck it in a shelf for now but when I finally do move away from here..#back to sweden maybe? ...then I am going to have a little R+ corner #I am not a huge collector by any means but I have always wanted this one ever since I became a fan in 2017-2018 #and now I have it and it feels like a dream! 💖

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ghostzzy · 2 months ago

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update: vet has her on fluids and gave her charcoal and we’re waiting on bloodwork

#she’s got 102.6 fever which. according to google is not The Worst fever.#i just hate that she is alone at the vet. with strangers.#she’s got to feel so sick and be so scared.#and there is fucking nothing i can do.#i clocked out of work bc i’m a basketcase. i’m pacing my room. i’m drinking water.#i’ve got several pals supporting me. i’m very grateful for that.#but i am. a wreck.#izzy.txt

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vulpine-spectacle · 6 days ago

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I am terrified.

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outlying-hyppocrate · 5 months ago

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well. did you fucking miss me.

#random thoughts #apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it #i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful #which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain #i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough #and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary #fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW #I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT #I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW #(<- tags canceled for now)

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rubenesque-as-fuck · 1 month ago

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I just want it to be tomorrow after work so I can get unfathomably high on edibles and turn off my brain for at least a few days

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balkanradfem · 8 months ago

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a nasty BUG just tried to TAKE MY LIFE (I found a tick on my leg)

#i mean it tried to give me lyme disease #like i'm not sick enough already as it is #you know what is the worst #this tick was truly a large tick #i could feel it crawling around on my body #and i was lying down and reading in complete darkness #and 2 times i've grabbed it and thought #oh thats a spider #and just threw it on the floor #it was only after it climbed on me the third time #that i turned the light on #and realized it was a tick #and that it was looking for a good place to start feeding on me #so i flushed it down the toilet #if a bug tries to attack me its fair game #and i am also scared of lyme disease #homesteaders on youtube often get it #and its very nasty #i need to take a shower

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carnage-cathedral · 22 days ago

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does anyone know if motels keep lost items and if you can get them back

#I'm trying not to have a meltdown about the pants but after that drive i need everything to be okay and intact or i will die #I can't handle this i can't I can't #and I was already having a meltdown when the storm started and I had to go into emergency mode to get through that drive #but now i am freaking out #I feel sick #I feel like I'm going crazy #I don't know how to cope right now #I don't know what's going on i just want those pants back and I wanna feel okay #i just need everything to stop being terrifying for like 1 day at least #I'm so scared guys I'm so fucking scared I can't do this #I can't I can't

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icewindandboringhorror · 3 months ago

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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"

I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming

#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with #elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the #grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything #but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd #nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable #are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that #is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant #amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear #masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations #arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will #go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring #annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then #YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated #while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol #I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are #saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to #get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined #with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with #others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then #when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O #also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming #looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj #I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a #person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some #more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all #of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol #I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to #contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***

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lunni-e · 1 month ago

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graduation was very good and im very proud of myself, but the world always knows when to make grief strike

#tw vent #tw death #venting hidden in tags #my great grandmother passed away the moment we got back to the hotel #and I feel so much guilt that I didn’t graduate in the spring instead so my family could’ve been there with her instead #and now I worry they wasted their time with me instead of her #and im scared im the reason my grandmother and great aunt might have bad blood #bc my great aunt is upset at almost everyone for not staying back with her and my great grandma #but then this is the second time a close family never passed on graduation #and I feel like im a bad omen #im gonna do my best to distract myself #but I just don’t know what to do #it’s been a few hours and I am okay now #well not really im still feeling guilt for not graduating sooner #but im #not sick and crying as much

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tpup · 2 months ago

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having such an absolute shit time which is horrible because I had put so much effort into making this week bareable only to be fuckin stranded in the worst place I could be rn because my health was so bad I couldn't leave i feel so fucking bad and helpless and fated to having to suffer over and over and over

#was supposed to stop here to just grab one thing I needed!!! but have been so ill (chronic health bs) that I haven't been able to leave #for two days now and it is ruining me right now im like. in a really fucking bad place in every way jesus christ #stuck w someone who abused me for 20 years (not my ex lol she was shitty af but not abusive)#and shocker he is still gross and doesn't take no for an answer to anything and keeps touching me & not leaving me alone & I couldn't leave #I wouldn't wish this on anybody it absolutely breaks you to be stuck like this because your body doesn't work. I should have gone to the ER #So scared my health is getting worse in really dangerous ways. Could have died the other morning #like what the fuck!! what am I supposed to do I have been trying my best my whole life and it still amounts to being homeless and so sick #and so powerless to change either of those #all I want is a warm safe place to call home. It feels like I can never have that without a knife at my back #delete later #woof woof #vent

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hauntingblue · 2 months ago

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ARCANE EPISODE 7!!!!

MY GOD I WASNT READY FOR ANY OF THIS!!! WHAT WAS THAT!!!

Also ekko wallpaper I got with my fries lmao

#OH MY GOOOD!!!!!! POWDER AND EKKO!!! AND BENZOOOOOO #ITS LITERALLY WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN OMGG!!!!! POWDER LOOKS SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭 IM CRYING ALREADYYYY #VANDER WITH A BUN!! AND EVERYTHING IS SO FULL OF LIGHT!!! HER EYES!!! MYLO LOOKS SO RIDICULOUS AKDJSK THIS GIRLAAA #“where would you be without her” WELL BUDDY IF YOU KNEW HOW HE IS WITH HER!!! VI IS DEAD????? OR SHE WAS TAKEN FOR THE INCIDENT!!!#LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID JAYCE!!! MY GOD!!! THE GEMS KILLED VI SO THEY JUST COMPLETELY PROHIBITED THEM!!! JAYCE IS IN JAIL PROBABLY!!#the fact we are seeing exactly why jayce should be sorry about what he has done.... and we are seeing him suffer because of it... cinema 🚬#also mel fading into viktor.... also has he realised how she manipulated him in the beggining??? there is so much stuff...#jayce eating contaminated animals and his wound being infected with the arcane too..... is that what will push him....#omg.... ekko likes powder so much... he apologised by painting actual adult vi portraits where the fallen are in his universe 😭😭😭#“she looks so badass” if you knew... is he gonna ask her to help him make hextech.... that is so sick and twisted....#also jayce hurting his leg loke viktor and having to use a cane and brace.... damn and you know whats worse..... that ekko could be like #this with the jinx of his universe IF ISHA HADNT DIED!!! AND IT IS BEACUSE OF JAYCE!! AGAIN!!!!! THIS MAN!!!!!#the drawing with the anomaly and the two men and the inifite symbol... we get it... jayce and viktor forever intertwined by fate....#powder is sensing something is off.... omg time travel..... THE LIMIT IS FOUR SECONDS AFTER HEIMERDINGER EPXLODED ALDHAKSHSKSJSOJSOSLS #i dont want a time travel ending.... if its done for plot to an extent is okay but idk about solving it all.... it makes it feel worhtless #claggor looks so fine its not even funny..... i cant wait to see what everyone thinks. WHERE IS THE LITTLE LADY bc hes called little man 😭#and vander with arm tattoos.... why did they hipster fied him.... he looks younger somehow ajdhakj he went from taking care of 4 kids to 3!#SILCO!!!! AND HE DID TRY TO KILL HIM!! ALSJAKSKAK Ekko just laighing at it.... girl i would be pissed STROMAE??? OMG POWDER!!!!#I JUST REALIZED THE PINK IN HER HAIR IS FOR VI!! AND HER JACKET!! AND A DRESS LIKE HER MOTHER'S!! CRYING!!! FULL BODY CHILLS!!!#CAN WE JUST PRETEND LIKE ITS THE FIRST TIME!!! I GAVE UP ON YOU!!! WHAT HAPPENED BACK THEN I NEED TO KNOW!!! IM SOBBING!!! EKKO!!!!#NOOOOOOO THE ANOMALY NOOOOO!!!! HEIMERDINGER NOOOOO!!!! AND THATS JAYCE!!! IS THAT MAGE VIKTOR???? the monkeys......#the vi toy with the out love song machine.... my god i wasnt expecting any of this i need to breathe i am stil tearing up my god #what a fucking punch in the stomach christ i cant breathe right akdhsksso #the credits saying the deries has benefited from a spanish tax rebate in the canary islands??? you're welcome i guess lmao #animation production carried out there and has ben collaboration with the Spanish gov... alright another win for perro sanxe #talking tag #watching arcane #watching arcane season 2 #watching this i dont think im ready for caitvi sex.... after reconciliation even like what will be of me.... now im scared #i am still scared bc idk what happened to jinx and vi and cait still... thats what worried me and boom!! ekko powder with the steel chair..

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