#i am really grateful for my friends
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when i’m with you, i miss you. i memorize the way your eyes light up and the way the laugh. when i’m with you, i’m thinking of the next time that i’ll see you.
- sandygorange
#i am really grateful for my friends#corecore#real#hopecore#i miss you#sandy g#stoicism#mentalwellness#mental illness#orange poetry#alex g#webweave#love#i love friends#love quote#web weaving#webweaving#web weave
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IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder
╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher
#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies#(more thoughts at the end of the tags)#shameless#shamelessnet#shamelessedit#ian gallagher#cameron monaghan#*macygifs#bipolar disorder#hello pals how are we doin#i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags#and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes)#i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation#that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day#world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder#which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life#while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life#and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines#over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful#i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended#hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles#world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder#and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized)#it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all#it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen#so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can.#we are worth it#i promise#anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder#go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives
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WOAH I JUST HIT 3K FOLLOWERS DTIYS TIME!!!!!
HI GUYS WOAH THERES A LOT OF YOU NOW!!! And I wanted to do a silly little DTIYS as a little celebration! At the beginning of the year I was hoping to get around 1000 followers by December and Uh You Could Say I Surpassed That Amount Just A Bit aksldjhflkasjhfd so heres a fun DTIYS as a celebration!
So there aren't going to be any prizes or deadlines or anything like that because I am going to be starting graduate school soon and I won't have the time to prepare any prizes for the winners, so this DTIYS is just for funzies!
I know this is a list of rules but really you can go crazy go stupid with the DTIYS aksjdfh I don't really have any rules for what you guys should draw for this idk just keep it vaguely similar but also you can do whatever you want
If you participate please tag me so I can see it! And also tag the post with #beannary3kdtiys so all of the drawings are in the same place :)
#my art#tmnt#tmnt 2018#2018 tmnt#tmnt 2k18#2k18 tmnt#rottmnt#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt donatello#tmnt donnie#tmnt donatello#tlp au#the little prince separated au#for real though I am super appreciative that everyone has been so supportive as I like#experiment with making the little prince separated au#idk its been super fun and it just makes me really happy that people like this au!#and idk ive made a lot of nice friends through making this au#and im really grateful that everyone has made this such a positive experience for me#and i hope that reading the au and following the comic has been a positive experience for you all as well!
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me stubbornly forcing myself to drink green tea and rest from my THIRD COLD THIS MONTH
#i am so fucking tired of being ill#is it not enough that i have a chronic illness and chronic pain condition all the time anyway???#ughhh#i'm grateful because i at least managed to get to (most) of the gigs i wanted to this month#but other than that i've literally just been stuck in bed unable to do anything and my brain is starting to melt with boredom#idk how i can still not be well enough to write or absorb myself in reading a good book or fanfic or even be on here properly#but my brain feels like MUSH and it's so frustrating#i miss my little four walls men so much 😩#i miss being able to see the sky and see my friends and taste the food i eat#sorry i know i'm complaining#i just needed to vent for a moment#it's been such a shit few months anyway and i was already in a really rough spot with my mental/physical health for a number of reasons#so this just feels like the last straw#universe please let me feel a little better soon#i have things i want to do and people i want to talk to and fics i want to write#oh how nice it must be to live in a body that isn't constantly impaired in some way 🤦♀️#lulu posts
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I’m happy for the little life I built for myself
#there’s a lot of ways to go#i am nowhere NEAR the dream life I really want to attain#or the dream person I want to be#but high school me#hell even freshman in college me#would GAWK at the life I have so deliberately made happen.#the solid network of friends I have#the confidence I’m slowly but surely growing into#the discipline I’m harvesting bit by bit. i do not claim perfection but I am 100% improving#I’m just happy idk! i don’t compare myself at all now bc I know I’m on the right track#especially compared to where I was like 5 years ago. such a different mind state from now#and no one can take that away from me#there’s a lot more to go. a lot more. but I thought I’d pause and be intentionally grateful for what has been accomplished#bc it actually puts things into perspective to look at the past rather than just look to the present. it creates contentment#i get so caught up being hard on myself for not accomplishing certain things yet#that I forget I pulled myself out of such a deep rut by the skin of my teeth#and that’s important to keep in mind even as you progress to your goals#anyway <333 happy content in my own lane etc etc#p
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how cool and composed are you on a scale of one to in bed crying about getting to see some kpop dude live for the first time in 10 years
#it’s real it’s really really real#im so sad london flopped that badly i really wanted to see him with my shawol friend#but i am so SO incredibly grateful to get to see him in paris. literally it’s beyond words you know how i am about him
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all my friends are pulling out of my birthday plans, i’m back to going it alone :) it sucks to have a birthday in the holidays
#sorry guys don’t mean to be a downer#kinda feel like crying which is Stupid#this is just the first year where i’ve had enough friends to do anything fun lol#so it’s#a bummer kinda#that’s not to say i’m not grateful#i really am#just disappointed#anyhow#max’s mind#my posts
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Me: The LAST thing I need are more books!
G-d:
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#really though three of these books were generously lent by a friend#jewish festivals was my own fault though. because i'm smart#i'm turning into a jewish stereotype istg. how soon is too soon for that....#i AM very grateful though. i love my community so much...
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Look a Ninjago drawing :)
#lego ninjago#ninjago#pixal ninjago#ninjago pixal#lego ninjago pixal#pixal#pixal borg#ninjago art#ninjago fanart#my art#I have a feeling you don't actually believe you are good at what you're doing#that's what my therapist said to me last week#and that made me think#when did I started resenting what always made me happy? Because all I feel is that no matter how much I try I'm never happy#I'm in a place where I'll start to get nightmares every time I post something#Don't get me wrong I am so grateful for all the support you guys gave me and I feel really happy with the friends I got here#but things are not balanced#I have been doing art for such a short time and I can see how much I have improved#but if I am not happy with my own art I see no reason to keep doing it#I've only been drawing and getting better because you gave me so much support but the support is not working now#because no matter what I'll never be satisfied with myself#I know I will hate this drawing the moment I post it but everyone following me is a follower because of ninjago and I can't ignore that#So for y'all a drawing
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Ilona is the chaotic latke enjoyer who will not just have applesauce or sour cream on hers, but both. At the same time.
#it is of great debate in my friends' families#personally i am a sour cream enjoyer despite liking apple sauce separately#My first ever Hanukkah and subsequently first latke experience came after being so incredibly hungover in toronto#and i was staying w my friend and their family#anyway it was the perfect hangover lunch and i am forever grateful to Mrs [redacted]#I'm still parsing out how i feel Ilona would feel conneted to her heritage and faith#especially since being removed from Orzammar at 11#with her mom#and losing her da#but with Harding she was also really trying to feel reconnected to the Stone and their history#and i think that is a great set up for refinding lost faith and its practices too#(i am saying this as someone who has been exposed to a variety of practices through my friends in diff walks of life )#[ and a few of them who have encouraged my ex catholic agnostic self to maybe look into things#so I do so through rp for now and to continually learn ]#[ anyway baby's first Hanukkah has a special place in my heart ]#ILONA LAIDIR: HEADCANON#[ holy tag essay batman ]#[ can Ilona even make Latkes? no. her mom has to sjdhfjsd ]#[ well she can but they won't be good on the first go ]
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I don't think anything can ever beat Haikyuu for me. And I don't think I can ever express my feelings about it in words. No matter how many times I rewatch it, it just makes my heart swoon. My happy place. I'm glad I exist in this exact timeline where I got to witness it like this.
#if it wasn't evident i am very in my feels right now#my irl friends could never ever understand#some of my mutuals on tumblr are as close ill ever get to share similar feelings about it#in fact this page is probably the only place that sees me be unapologetically expressive about something i love so deeply#I'm grateful for everyone that was responsible for this show coming in my life#Haikyuu#haikyuu!!#can't fuckin wait for the movie#i really really REALLY hope it releases in my country and city
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there's really nothing as amazing as having a real cuddle with your friends tbh. laying on a bed, limbs completely tangled together, leaning your whole self into someone else. and knowing with a certainty that none of them see it as anything other than platonic. that it's really a group of friends being closer with each other than they are with anyone else. that it's okay if I'm holding his hand and it's okay if I lean my forehead against hers and it's okay if card my hands through his hair and it's okay if I lay on her arm and it's okay if i just hold them. because we're a bunch of friends enjoying our time and physical closeness together. we all know that there's no way in hell any of us "like like" each other, but we all know we love each other, and it's amazing.
#aka . i am a very touch starved aroace who doesnt want a relationship but is also afraid to ask for what she wants#but i have a friend who is also very touch starved and no longsr afraid to ask for what he wants and i am soso grateful for him#and also have a friend that is closer to me than anyone who is also very chill with a nice cuddle between friends#really I just love my friends and this is your notice to go ask your friends to cuddle#aromantic#arospec#aro#asexual#acespec#ace#aro ace#aroace#aromantic asexual#bellusromantic
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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i love online friends.
#if u are reading this post you are included.#i’m so grateful for the friends i talk to every day. and the friends i talk to sometimes. and the friends who reply to my posts.#and everybody who’s always in my notes. and everybody who’s ever said something nice to me.#i am just so grateful to have a community. i’m SO isolated irl and getting to share virtual space with you all is so important to me.#it really helps.#izzy.txt
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🙏🏻
#please pray for me friends#my skin is the worst it’s ever been#about 90% of my body is inflamed#it really hurts#but honestly the mental toll is worse#I’m starting to notice serious effects and I feel like I go through all five stages of grief just trying to get ready in the morning#and yet it feels so silly because I know somehow I will go on like I have before#(but then again when will it end? when will it stop getting worse?)#anyway I’m in the trenches and I am so grateful for all the times y’all have interceded for me :) and I really need it now#please especially ask that I receive direction for next steps#because my second try at standard medical intervention is over :/#also please let me know how I can be praying for you#if you want!#would love to return the favor :)
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gang i have to share this P. G. Wodehouse quote with you all because ever since I found it I can't stop thinking about it. it's from a letter he wrote when he was 78 years old to his friend Guy Bolton (many thanks to P. G. Wodehouse: A Life in Letters)
I have been on the sick list myself, but am better now. Inflamed bladder or chill on the bladder or something, the symptoms being agony when I passed water, as the expression is. It brought back the brave old days when I used to get clap.
he really said "yeah the pain from my bladder issue reminds of the days when I used to have so much sex I repeatedly got venereal disease"
#red randomness#p. g. wodehouse#he was so known for not having sex with his beloved wife#that i truly didn't expect this at all#i feel like i see a lot of people saying with a great deal of confidence that he was sex-repulsed ace#especially due to the wife thing#but while he certainly may have been ace on some level#i feel like at the very least this casts some doubt on the sex-repulsed part lmao#i suppose it's possible he was lying but wouldn't this be such a specific and unnecessary lie in this context?#especially for a private letter to a friend he'd known and worked with for decades#because he really didn't even need to bring it up#of course i am open to evidence to the contrary#i just dislike seeing overconfident opinions broadly prevail#even when aspects of a real person's life suggest the possibility of otherwise#the study of history is meant to breed discussion!#and something that goes against the grain of past assumption is certainly worth discussing imo#also very grateful to the unpublished monograph by George Simmers about Honeysuckle Cottage#because that's how i found out about this letter in the first place!#great monograph mr. simmers please publish it someday#opened my third eye about the potential latent homosexuality in that story (among other things)#and at risk of having someone get mad at me or say i'm trying to like. diminish or slander the ace community by saying this#please don't assume that. that's why i've been afraid to share this before.#i'm not confidently stating wodehouse is anything. he's a real man who lived and i didn't know him#but by the same token neither does anyone else#i'm just as tired of people in history who have a fair amount of suggestion of being aroace being broadly assumed gay#despite evidence to the contrary#or people confidently assigning queerness to historical figures when evidence of them being queer in any way is ambiguous at best#everything in history is a maybe. we just collect facts and analyze them.#and my current analysis based on this line is that i'm not sure i think he was very sex-repulsed after all#(but like. i'm not going around insulting or fighting people about it in dms or something. and neither should you)
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