#i am just frustrated at myself. i want to do this my brain just does not fucking wanna cooperate with me

[watery-melon-baller]

once again i am frustrated because i cannot understand this when it is not at all that difficult I wanna understand it so bad please please please

[lightningfilledsaber]

I'm so fucking sick of my brain

[the-trans-dragon]

It’s fucking annoying that upper management won’t let me off light duty, but being forbidden to do my old duties and being scolded for doing any extra work sure has forced me to stop being a hardworking dedicated diligent employee.

Yesterday I made a cute little paper chain, using long strips I cut from a torn paper bag, and using some techniques I invented to hold it together without any additional materials (I’m sure my techniques are old and very simple compared to more advanced stuff, but I’m having so much fun trying to reinvent things purely by experimenting around). I threw it away in a specific place to guarantee it won’t be seen by The Manager Who Deadpan Threatens To Kill Me For Small Mistakes I Make Because I Wasn’t Ever Trained For This Job Position.

This morning I was getting ready for work and my chronic illness flared up, and I was in so much pain that I couldn’t stop my throat from trying to scream. Normally I just ignore it and go to work, even though it means risking my health and creating a small but serious possibility of ending up in emergency surgery, but today? I called in sick.

I should write my manager a thank you letter. “Thank you for saying you’d kill me if I ran out of quarters again. And for always assuring me that I’m doing everything wrong. It’s good to know I’ll never be adequate for you, because I’m finally learning to prioritize myself over everything else. I still get scolded for it, but at least I benefit from caring about myself, unlike when I care about my job and put all of my effort into doing as much work as possible.

And thank you for teaching me how to ignore the opinions of others. I never did figure out how to handle being treated worthless—I always stood up for myself, even when it meant risking my life. But I finally figured out how to say “Yes” and “Okay.” The trick is: I don’t have to mean it, just say it. It’s okay to lie to people. You taught me that if have to pick between arguing and lying, I should just lie. You always think I’m lying anyways, so I know you don’t believe it, but I guess it imitates respect enough to be satisfactory.

I realize this lesson is one that many people learn during childhood, so I hope you’ll forgive me for not knowing it in advance. Thank you for the miraculous opportunity to make up for my messy childhood.”

[coffin-upalung]

.

Tag vent, needed to get it out. TW suicide/SH/mental health/inaccessible care

[mrfoox]

Wtf is my fascination with this little freak.... Hes just a dude but I'm so intrigued, I'm tired

[bumblequinn]

hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

[justalia]

stop assigning meaning to the physical world.

stop assigning meaning to something that is only reflecting you.

it is always reflecting what you have inside, constantly and continuously.

the 3D should arise no interest in you.

you gave it to yourself in imagination and that’s MORE than enough. you have it. you declared it to be yours.

the 3D is not manifesting, it has no power and since your body, your brain, your thoughts belong to the human flesh version of you they have no power.

yes, you read that right.

it is not your human version manifesting, it is not your human body and not your brain since like everything else physical it belongs to the 3D.

alia in her physical human form can only TRY to manifest.

the 3D is powerless and so it’s your human body. it is powerless. it can’t do anything,

it can’t make anything happen.

you CANNOT manifest with your human brain.

your human body and all the emotions and thoughts attached to it are just there. they belong to the 3D and are powerless UNLESS YOU (THE INNER MAN, GOD WITHIN YOU) GIVE THEM POWER.

your human self is pathetically powerless. stop giving it so much power by being scared of your own thoughts, emotions and feelings.

YOU aka THE INNER MAN, PURE CONSCIOUSNESS are giving them power.

YOU ARE GOD.

god does not exist outside of you, manifestation is what prayer is because god exists INSIDE of you. it is within you.

it gets me so frustrated when i see people asking me if having it in imagination is enough. and it’s not because i don’t feel for you or i think you’re dumb af (sometimes i do lmao) but it’s because I KNOW how tired you are I KNOOOOWWWWWW how much it sucks to be in this state of trying.

BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS SO FUCKING TIRED.

i was constantly in a war in my own mind thinking i had to change my thoughts or constantly look for a specific feeling/emotion. i was SO tired of being scared in my own mind, it’s truly the worst thing ever because there’s no escape. if you feel trapped and scared and you’re constantly trying to prove yourself in YOUR OWN mind THERE IS NO PEACE. there is no escape and you don’t know what to do.

there is no escape because our imagination is all we got and ever will have and if we make that our hell you’re gonna live a miserable miserable life.

i was SO tired of being triggered by the 3D and blaming myself for what i was seeing, i was in a constant self-sabotaging cycle. i was looking outside for permission to just believe when everything is within, even permission to just believe it yes! that’s within you!

and i was wondering what was i doing wrong.. well, news flash alia if you’re tired you’re not in the state you want to be.

i knew manifestation wasn’t supposed to be tiring, i studied my shit! i knew it! but i still found myself trapped in my own mind.

i decided i had to be honest with myself, i had to stop excuses and reason on why and how i was supposed to believe.

“why am i seeing the opposite? why am i seeing just movement and not my full manifestation?”

did you ever really shift your state?

be honest.

be honest with yourself because you don’t gain nothing by lying to yourself.

“well… i feel like i’m doing it right but i still cannot see my manifestation”

are you doing it right? are you?

are you doing it right if you’re acknowledging your manifestation isn’t real just because it isn’t physical?

“i don’t understand why did the opposite happen what am i doing wrong?”

why are you acknowledging the 3D as the real reality? why are you taking ANYTHING the 3D shows you as fact?

did you sit with the concept that imagination/consciousness is the only reality?

did you internalize it?

because if you did you wouldn’t be bothered at all by ANYTHING the 3D is showing you EVER.

no, not even the “positive” things should faze you.

why do you care what the physical world shows you if it literally means nothing?

the 3D is never gonna fulfill you on its own.

that sp coming in, that money in your account, that dream body in the mirror, that dream face, that job is NEVER gonna fulfill you.

YES! NEVER! THE 3D WILL NEVER FULFILL YOU.

harsh truth?

well, it’s the truth.

you could have your sp telling you how much they love you and you could still not believe them.

you could look in the mirror and have that dream body or dream face and still find A MILLION things you want to change and be insecure of yourself.

you could have that dream career and still feel like a failure.

you could have a million dollars in your bank account and still feel financially insecure and unhappy.

why?

because we are always living in imagination no matter what the physical world is showing you.

look back at your life and tell me i’m wrong.

personal examples:

*TW: mention of ED experiences*

i remember when i was a teen i had what some would consider a “dream body” and i still felt ugly, fat and had an eating disorder.

i used to gain and lose weight continuously because i was NEVER satisfied with how i looked, i wanted to be skinny but i was never skinny enough. i wanted to be pretty but i was never pretty enough.

there was ALWAYS something i could change and improve.

i had people complimenting me on my body and on my face, did i care?

did i care even ONE bit?

no i didn’t. no matter how close i was to the beauty standard i was NEVER satisfied with my appearance because i wasn’t accepting it inside.

i believed what I WANTED TO BELIEVE AS TRUE IN IMAGINATION.

yes, i had people telling me “omg you lost so much weight, you’re so skinny!” and i looked in the mirror and still thought “i’m so fat, just a few more pounds and i’ll be satisfied”.

spoiler: i wasn’t.

clearly this is not a fun circumstance to be in and it is mental health we’re talking about but i can make less harsh examples.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

my sp was PURSUING ME and i still saw her as a liar and a manipulator because of my trust issues.

i had her telling me “i want you so bad these other girls are nothing compared to you” and i was whining to my best friend and complaining about how i “simply could not trust her”…

you may ask me “wtf is wrong w you alia why did you think that?”

and idk what to tell you tbh i just trusted “my gut” (aka my imagination 💀) because in my mind there was no way she could be genuine…

poor thing never even did me wrong and i still trusted my imagination so strongly disregarding every cute thing she was telling me.

to the point i was telling her i didn’t wanna be with her and we could never be together because i could never trust her (i had made up in my mind this persona for her that proved to me she was unloyal and not trustworthy) and she would reply to me things like “why the fuck do you not believe me” or “why the fuck do you not want me” and then when she acted according to my script by ignoring me (obviously she would ignore me tf cause eiypo aside why would she want to entertain someone that says “i don’t want you”) i would be like “there you go, i knew it”.

this is funny now because i can see how i always blindly trusted my imagination and had blind faith in it being FACT when it came to the negative things.

if it’s that easy for the negative stuff why would it be any harder for the positive stuff?

why?

because you think that good things never come easy?

because YOU think that you need to work hard to get the good stuff?

who is thinking that?

YOU!

who is making up that assumption?

YOU!

the physical world WILL NEVER be able to provide enough proof for you to believe you are who you want to be unless YOU believe it.

you can’t reason your way into faith and it’s true because i CONSCIOUSLY applied the law properly multiple times (gave myself more than enough proof that this shit works) and still found myself in this state because the proof is never enough if you don’t JUST believe.

read this thread i made:

faith is KEY idk how else to tell you, faith in yourself is the ONLY thing you truly NEED. when you don’t believe that you have what you want simply because you said it you are sinning because YOU ARE GOD.

by lacking faith in yourself you lack faith in god. you are sinning.

i know you want to drop the need to have it in the 3D, i know that deep down you’re desperate to drop the need for it and just believe that having it in imagination is enough.

i know how you are feeling exactly.

you are desperately looking for permission and proof to just believe when you actually should JUST do it.

it’s always gonna be a leap of faith, faith isn’t built, it isn’t something you create, it is something you surrender to.

“but if i stop wanting in the 3D will it ever show up?”

you shouldn’t give a shit about when, if, or how the 3D conforms to what you have inside if you truly and DEEPLY understand that imagination is the only reality.

asking yourself if the 3D will conform if you drop the need for it is batshit crazy bc again THIS IS HOW THE WORLD WORKS.

IMAGINATION EXPRESSED IS ALL THE WORLD IS!!!!

THE PHYSICAL WORLD IS JUST IMAGINATION.

asking yourself if the 3D will conform is the same thing as asking yourself if the apple will fall to the ground if you drop it.

yes, you read that right.

law of assumption is just as real as the law of gravity.

it’s how the world works whether you believe it or not.

idk how else to tell you this but please just allow yourself to surrender, give yourself permission to believe in imagination being the only reality and not needing it in its physical form. because at the end of the day the 3D being “positive” does not equal to true fulfillment.

allow yourself to feel the peace of having it for the sake of feeling good.

give permission to yourself.

“but what if it doesn’t work?”

yeah what if?

what’s the worst that’s gonna happen?

you not getting what you want and that’s the same exact miserable life you’re living now.

now that we’ve established that you have nothing to lose by just believing give yourself permission to do exactly that.

just have faith.

hold your own damn hand.

[ramspatula]

Georgie Cooper x Reader| Jealousy

I really love these…

Georgie was the frustrating kind to date. He always flirted with other girls but hates for another guy to even come close to me. It was hard. He didn't understand why it was upsetting to me that he flirted with other girls but could get heavily upset when I even showed another guy a smidge of attention. Georgie Cooper didn't understand what a double standard was, but he could be used as one. He can flirt with other girls but I can't flirt with other guys. He keeps saying it's different. How is it different?!

Y/n: How is it weird?

Georgie: It just is!

Y/n: That Rob invited me over to his house to work on our project?

Georgie: You don't know what he's gonna try on you.

Y/n: Try on me? And how am I supposed to react to you going round Jessica's house for your two's project?

Georgie: That's different. She's not a guy and I'm happily taken.

Y/n: Rob has a girlfriend and she's okay with it. I even spoke to her myself!

Georgie: I heard they've been having problems and you're a very pretty girl, he might make a move on you instead.

Y/n: And she's not pretty?

Georgie: Not as pretty as you- don't roll your eyes. I'm complimenting you!

Y/n: It's not a compliment if you degrade another girl while doing it.

Georgie: "Degrade"? We're using big words now?

Y/n: You're putting her down to make me look good.

Georgie: And? Her boyfriend trying it on with another girl!

Y/n: Rob is not trying it on with me! What? Is Jessica trying it on with you?!

Georgie: Don't think so. Even if it wouldn't matter because I would choose you over her any day.

Y/n: So why does it matter with Rob? You know I would never do something like that to you.

Georgie: A guy can push a girl off easier than a girl can push a guy off.

Y/n: That's not always true.

Georgie: Most of the time.

Y/n: Georgie please!

Georgie: No! I won't let it happen. I won't leave you alone with him.

Y/n: Then join us!

Georgie: Fine.

I don't get the double standard! I'm trying my hardest and I just don't get it! Throughout our relationship we've had bumps that always involves other girls and Georgie's dim brain. He never understood what he did wrong and sometimes I needed time away from him.

George: What's wrong with you?

Georgie: Y/n yelled and threw her bag at me.

George: Why?

Georgie: Apparently I was flirting with this girl and being 'inconsiderate'. I don't even know what that means.

George: It means you're not thinking of her feelings and how treating another girl the way you treat her is out of line.

Georgie: Really but I only want her. She's my girlfriend.

George: Treat her like it then!

Georgie: Okay! I will, don't yell at me.

Georgie: Seems it's the only way to get it inside that head of yours.

I went to Connie with almost everything. I didn't see my mother often and we weren't that close because of it. Connie seemed to be the only one who listened.

Connie: What's wrong with you?

Y/n: What's wrong with your grandson?

Connie: Where do you want to start? The fact he used to bang his head against the wall when he needed an idea?

Y/n: That's a good start but I was thinking about his stupidity and tendency to flirt with other girls.

Connie: Right in there, okay.

Y/n: He called me dramatic.

Connie: When was this?

Y/n: About 10 minutes ago when I threw my bag into his face.

Connie: Did he get hurt?

Y/n: Don't think so.

Connie: Shame. Should've broke his nose, could've taught him.

Y/n: I've been thinking about it.

Connie: So what was her name?

Y/n: Jessica. His project partner who has a very obvious crush on him. I mean so obvious that her friend told me to "watch out" and Georgie is just feeding into it.

Connie: Does he know that?

Y/n: Can't remember if I told him before or after I threw my bag at him.

Connie: He deserved it. Don't feel bad.

Y/n: Is it bad that I do?

Connie: Sort of. That's why you keep forgiving him.

Y/n: Maybe but that's because he keeps-

Georgie: Y/n I know you're in there! Please! I wanna apologise and I got you something!

Y/n: -doing shit like that.

Connie: Go talk to him. I don't wanna keep hearing his whining on my porch.

He always had this soppy way of apologising.

Georgie: I am very sorry for my actions and it was wrong of me to ever speak to Jessica the way I speak to you. I only want to be with you and I love you more than anyone or anything! I even got you these flowers because you said you were sad that you never got them growing up which shows that I do listen to you and care about what you say! And I-

Y/n: Georgie, enough. I forgive you. I just want you to stop with the excessive flirting especially with girls that have a thing for you, it's not fair for them.

Georgie: She had a thing for me? I didn't know that.

Y/n: I told you that.

Georgie: When?

Y/n: During the argument.

Georgie: You see I was trying to dodge this bag that was being hurled at me and then I was busy getting hit by said bag so really it's the bag's fault I didn't know.

Y/n: Whatever, blame the bag.

Georgie: Can I give you some attention now please?

Y/n: Yes, just get off your Meemaw's porch before she throws her bag at you too.

Georgie kept apologising in this way until present day. Even with us now in our forties and 4 kids, a successful tire business and big house. George Cooper Jr still apologised in the same way after every argument. On his knees with some gift or his pride in his hands and I still accepted because he never had any bad intentions towards me and he'd do anything to fix his or my problems.

George(Jr): You are my gorgeous wife and I made a promise to never hurt you in anyway and I've made you upset which is unacceptable. I realise my mistake and I want you to know that I will do anything to fix this just tell me how to fix it. I promise I will try harder with the twins-

Y/n: George...

George: Yes?

Y/n: Just don't lie to the twins again. I won't take the blame for you messing up their lunch again. You know Liam hates jam sandwiches.

George: He's such a picky eater, I can't keep up with all of it!

Y/n: George...

George: Right! No excuses. I'm sorry my beautiful wife, I won't do it again. I love you very much.

Y/n: Good. Now get off your knees I know they're killing, old man.

George: Thank you so much, they were about to give out.

Please tell me you guys like these…

[strniohoeee]

Could you write a Matt x fem y/n where she gets overwhelmed with life (or something like that) and she tries to hide it from Matt. She fails miserably and in telling him what’s wrong she has a panic attack, so he has to guide her through it. Like kind of angsty in the beginning but very fluffy in the end? If that’s okay with you?

Trapped

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N is struggling to balance her stressful life without realizing it. Unable to figure out what’s wrong some questions from Matt make her spiral and panic takes place🗣️

Warnings⚠️: None it’s just short 😭

Song for the imagine: Silver Soul- Beach House

Trap

(Past tense) Trapped

Verb

Prevent (someone) from escaping from a place

Lately my mind has been clouded by this overwhelming feeling of stress. I’m not usually a stressed person, but when I do find myself getting overwhelmed I handle it well.

But right now in this moment I wasn’t sure what was wrong and why I couldn’t control these feelings. I suppose it’s true that stress is a silent killer.

I couldn’t really pinpoint why my mind was racing and I felt this impending doom waiting for me. Like I was on the brink of snapping?

To make matters worse I’ve been distancing myself from Matt and his brothers because I didn’t want to seem like a buzz kill. Constantly plagued by the “what’s wrong” was making me annoyed. Because I simply couldn’t say what was wrong because I didn’t even know.

Matt had come over to my apartment to spend the night with me. I felt horrible because he was so excited and I just wanted peace and quiet, and to go to sleep.

I was being such a bitch, and I tried not to be but it was becoming very hard. My mind was constantly racing and for what? I had no idea….

“Baby are you okay?” Matt asked me, snapping me out of my trance

“Huh what?” I said looking at him

“Well I’ve been talking to you and you haven’t said a thing” he said furrowing his brows at me

“I’m- I’m sorry” I said shaking my head

“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem off” he replied rubbing my arm

“Yes Matt I’m fine” I said sternly kind of brushing his arm off of me

“Oh uhh I’m sorry” he said snatching his hand back

“Listen I’m sorry I’m just not feeling the best today” I said rubbing my forehead

“Would you like to talk about it?” He asked repositioning himself on the couch

“What is there to talk about when I don’t even know what’s going on in my brain” I said frustrated

“I’m not trying to make you upset so we don’t have to talk about” he said looking at me

“I’m sorry, okay, it’s not you I promise. I’m just stressed” I said back to him

“Well baby what are you stressed about?” He asked reading my face for an answer

“Matt I don’t know okay” I said feeling my heart beat quicken

“It’s okay” he said rubbing my knee which caused my anxiety to spike even more

His over analyzing of the situation made my brain go haywire. Anxious thoughts infiltrating my mind.

“I’m just stressed about a lot…..my content, and then my part time job and then also juggling school, and then my mom called me the other day to say that my dog is probably dying, and I have tons of bills and so much stuff to do and such little time” I said my chest rising and falling

“It’s okay to feel that way. You’re young and you’re doing a lot and living on your own isn’t easy” he said tucking my hair behind my ear

“And the warranty is up for my car so I have to call and purchase it again, and my manager has been trying to get a meeting in with me, and I have to fly back home in two weeks”

“and….and…..why does my chest feel like it’s tightening?” I suddenly blurted out the last part

“Y/N, you have to calm down okay. You’re freaking yourself out just breathe” Matt said sitting up

“I can’t breathe and my hearing is going out, my vision seems blurry? Am I going to pass out?? Why can’t I breathe Matt?” I said breathing quickly and erratically

“Listen to me, okay listen to my voice. You’re having a panic attack. You need to focus on your breathing and calm down” he said grabbing my hands and sitting in front of me

“I can’t” I said staring blankly as tears ran down my face

“Yes you can baby” he said

“Why am I crying?” I asked trying to breathe

“You’re having a breakdown, you’re going to be okay just do as I say” he replied back

“Remember when I took you to the cape and we went to that river?” He asked me

“Yes” I said shakily

“Okay now breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth” he said wiping my tears

“Well remember how beautiful it looked, and how vibrant the tree were….we sat down on a rock and you put your feet in the water” he said to me

“Yes I remember” I replied blinking my tears away

“And you tried to count the rocks in the water but you couldn’t” he said

“Yeah there were too many I kept messing up” I said laughing a bit

“And then you just focused on the water running through your feet, and you said that-“ I cut him off

“I said that it felt like silk running along my skin” I replied smiling at him

“Exactly, and you said the wind blowing through your hair made you feel like a main character in a movie” he replied laughing

“Yes I remember” I said laughing

“And do you remember who was there with you?” He asked and to this I furrowed my eyebrows

“Of course Matt, it was you” I said looking at him

“Exactly, I will be with you no matter what. I will always be by your side” he said kissing my knuckles

I had calmed down and my mind had cleared. Finally coming to my senses at what just happened. My body and mind feeling exhausted

“Thank you Matt” I said smiling at him

“Always my love. I’ll always be here for you. You should never let yourself get this way. If you ever feel any amount of stress just tell me I can help you” he said rubbing my cheek with his thumb

“I’m sorry I just don’t want to seem like a burden” I replied looking down

“You’re never a burden. Because when I’m stressed you’re always there to help me and I want you to do the same” he told me

“Okay Matt I will. I promise” I said leaning into his chest after he sat back on the couch

“Listen, you're doing well enough to quit your part time job, and if you ever need any money for anything just let me know okay. I want to help you! I’ll fly with you back home, and I'll go to the dealership to get the warranty package for your car again. Let’s look at your calendar together and schedule the meeting with your manager. And I can help be your study buddy for your courses” he replied rubbing my shoulders

“Thank you Matt I really appreciate it” I said melting into his touch

“This is what I’m here for! To be there for you always” he replied kissing my shoulder

“I love you” I said

“I love you too” he replied back

I looked over my shoulder and he placed a kiss on my lips. A kiss that let me know how loved I was….

The End

Hiiiii I hope you enjoyed this one! I have two stories similar to this on my page, so I tried my best to make it different😭😭 I love yall and I hope you enjoyed this one🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[ronearoundblindly]

Hi Ro! I know I'm late to this party, but can I get B and F for Steve?

Thank you! 💜

Never too late, darling! This is tumblr, not a job 😁

This one got away with me. It got weirdly sappy for the categories asked, but I went with general Steve from no particular universe here, plus a nondescript part of the timeline or beyond, could even kinda be AU--if you squint--except Steve is definitely famous in some capacity and was small when young. (I just think he happens to look very cuff-able in this gif so we roll with it.)

These dirty asks from this game are aptly titled, so MINORS DNI.

B - Bondage

He can't exactly be tied up, not by anything commercially available, but Steve surprisingly likes the chance to sit still, take a backseat, and enjoy experiencing your enjoyment. He used to be so small. He assumed he'd never have the power he does now.

The restraints, as useless as they are, work as a calming tool to shut off his brain for a while. He's not responsible for anything. That's nice. Very freeing. The act of binding him is in itself roleplay; he's playing small and weak.

He's noticed something else, too.

Over the weeks and months you two have repeated this ritual of tying him up, and you both understand just how much it doesn't remotely hurt him, you've grown...more aggressive with the bonds. It's only when you're tying them--never an ounce of it in anything that follows--but he watches and realizes that you relieve frustration by pulling harder, knotting tighter, heaving around until their just so.

At this point, since Steve can do nothing else, he loves to see it. He's heard short and vague accounts from you, of shitty behavior, of innuendo, of back-handed compliments about how you do so well even with Steve. How his reputation must boost you. How you don't have to work so hard or be good because he'll carry you. How your accomplishments are all tied to him somehow.

It's not true, but they say it. They mean it. Steve can do nothing but let you physically yoke him down in your life, even for a few minutes. The weight it seems to lift from your shoulders is worth any momentary sting he might feel.

No. Steve doesn't mind the bonds at all. He even hates that you can't restrain him for real. He wishes he could give you that. Then people might see that you're just that powerful and you've always been that strong. He had nothing to do with it.

Okay, one sec, let me pull myself together here. YIKES.

F - Food Play

[Fools Rush In Steve a.k.a. Sketch is notoriously anti-crumbs-in-the-bed, so he is 1000% not a part of this convo. Sorry, bub.]

YUP. Steve loves to feed you. It's a care thing. He always wants your opinion of all the food on the table, so you have to try everything. Here! Try this. The fork is already by your lips and he's smiling eagerly.

In the bedroom? Oh yes, he is very fond of licking sweet things off you and having them licked off him. It's one of the things that seems to tickle Steve the most--body and soul--and it's so playful. He even gets to lean into having a fast metabolism and needing calories after his workouts. If he drizzles honey or chocolate syrup on you, or hilariously fizzes too much whipped cream out of the canister he has not gotten the hang of yet, then that's a snack and a half. That's multitasking. That's just good time management, ya know?

Savory stuff is for meals and the table though. There's none of that that gets played with during sex. He's never outright said that's a rule, but it seems obvious when there's never been a crossover event.

Super random shout out to Steve having a bit of a thing for champagne and licking it off your neck after he deliberately splashes or pours it there. The bubbles tickle like hell and the cold is so shocking, but whatever, he loves it.

🙄

Thank you for asking!

Ack, I can feel in my bones that the bondage one might end up as a one shot. I am in so much trouble.

[Main Masterlist; Dirty Asks Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[ceilingfan5]

HEY! How does your brain work?

Okay, so I've been thinking a lot about how my brain works recently, and I've continued to make a lot of interesting discoveries, but I also find myself super frustrated with assessments for neurodivergence and the general tone they take, and what kind of information they prioritize, and how they try to get that from you...and wondering, what if they were better?? and kinder?? and more focused on the person's experience?

so in the age old method of "if you can't find it, make it yourself," I have scrumbled something together.

You can find the document here.

This is a list of essay questions (because I desperately wanted to elaborate on nearly every little thing, which also says a lot about me), not an easily scored multiple choice quiz. This is not an evaluative tool. It is a framework for self-reflection with regards to neurodivergence (NOT MEDICAL ADVICE). Make a copy of the document or just pick out a few questions that you feel strongly about.

Do not worry about answering all of the questions.

The idea is to skim through them and just privately answer a few that stick out to you, and then reflect on what that tells you and how you feel about it. You should also consider how many of them catch your attention, and how much you want to elaborate.

Kindness is vital in this process, to yourself, your past self, your future self, and others. If you feel comfortable doing so, share this with others that might benefit from considering these questions, but please only do so with kindness.

This is also a living document and I am in no way claiming to be an expert in any of this. This is subject to change. I would like to improve it. So if you are comfortable sharing I would like to hear what you think and if there's anything that can be improved or added, in a kind and constructive way. However, please consider your privacy when sharing this information.

Above all else, the point here is seeking and celebrating joy, as well as inviting the discovery of ways to accommodate your needs.

TLDR: Look at these questions, think about your experiences, reflect, feel seen, share if you want to, help me make it better if you can.

Thank you! Enjoy your journey!

[unicornjoking1111]

Don't believe that void state exist? I got you!

So believing in something were whatever u desire will happen instantly is a really shocking and unbelievable thing to hear! Especially the ongoing experiences we face throughout our life which can be frustrating and unbelievable.... I will make it simple!

I am not sure if you will believe in void state.. but I will tell you what made me believe in void state!

The success stories!!!

There are a lot! I mean alot of success stories present here regarding void state! But lemme tell you a few questions!

Is all these success stories real?

Maybe! Because anyone can fake a success stories and us people have a really good knowledge regarding the void state aren't we 😂? But there are millions of success stories here and you think all the people waste their time into putting a fake success stories for views and attention? If you say that yes all the success stories aren't real.. then think again cause we all have brains everyone use it!

Nevielle goddard!!

Do you believe in him? Of Course because this community wouldn't exist without him 🙃🙃 so u might be aware that the void state is also came from him! (I might be wrong cause there are some people who knew about the void state before nevielle) but instead of void state he used "I am" and also gave his method on how to use it! This is the post I saw! The creator of this community itself explained about the void state what more could u expect 😭😭😭

Moonlighth0pe!!

For me personally! One of the mind blowing success stories and one of the person who made me shift from a loa girly to a void girly is due to her! Not only did she managed to get into the void state with such hard challenges but she also inspired almost everyone! Also the success stories with her photos made me believe her so much because the photos are not from any social media so can confirm that this is real and also the success story is truly shocking and exciting! Because she has her desired body, luxury (such as yacht,shoes,trips and also her dress which I really loved 😍) these are hard real evidences she posted which made me believe in the void. Even if you don't believe her or some people will say AI or some bullshit! Why would a person like her be on the Tumblr if she has everything she wanted? Think about it! Like you have a luxury yacht,trips and a type of body she has and so on... Why would she wanna be here anyway? She would lived her life to the fullest!

Our bloggers!

The knowledge and effort the void bloggers make are truly helpful and hands off to them! But there are some bloggers who have been exposed to lying for "entering the void"! But just because they lie does that mean the void is not real? Think again! Because this world is truly imagination and nothing can stop you! The void state is real no matter if you believe it or not! Even if you still don't believe it the only way to make u believe is to test it yourself! Try it! Would u like to do it no matter what? Or just be a Hatter and roam around?

At last me!!

I believe that void state is real 💯 because I tried it out myself and I am gonna say that this is real because I felt the symptoms of how the void state feels like such (no senses, floating) I believed like about 85% now I believe 100% that this is real. This might lead to another question! Just because I had symptoms of entering the void state doesn't mean the void state is real cause u didn't manifest anything? My answer is....

I believed it! I am still gonna believe it no matter what! Cause that's how much trust I have in myself! Plus all these hard facts I have given and still u refuse to believe it shows how much limitation and immaturity u have about yourself and not seeing the beauty of what actually life is all about...

If this post really made u believe it! Don't be so frustrated if u didn't get into the void state! And also if you didn't enter the void state don't overthink about how void state isn't real and shit! Just come back to this post and remind yourself!

I have given you all the logic stuff I could have given you! To prove that this is real! If you still don't believe... try it yourself! It's your path and I know for sure it's going to be wonderful 😍😍😁😁😁

Once I enter the void I will make sure I will show you the luxury stuffs (since I am very materialistic than I ever imagined lol and also I am living in luxury so... Why not more 😅) I will make sure I will get into the void no matter what and be the next success story! And you will be too 😄😄😍

For now goodbye...

[ihatedtoadmit]

The Windows To My Soul [8]

pairing: OT8 x fem! reader

genre: soulmates, fluff, crack, creeping in angst

warnings: Please read the 'Summary' of this series, all are listed there!

word count: ~3.8k

summary: You make new discoveries about your freshly formed soulmate bonds, something that seems as surreal as the boys' behaviour towards you.

↳ Masterlist ↳ Next chapter ↳ Previous chapter

All rights reserved. Please do not steal, repost or feed my work into AI. Thank you!

The car ride back to their hotel was silent. Correction: I was silent, they talked, but even their voices were more hushed than usual. The emotions inside my chest still whirled, like an aimlessly raging storm that calmed down one second, then became worse in the next one. It was confusing, as if the emotions weren't even my own.

Arriving back into their big living room -this was such a rich hotel, i swear-, I looked around for my backpack and sure enough, it was on the coffee table. Quickly opening and searching through it, I found my phone. Shakily unlocking the screen, my complexion paled rapidly as I noticed the countless calls and messages from my friend.

This was what I had been worried about.

You see, we had this whole trip planned out, wanting to go to several places the three or two of us together -depending if her boyfriend wanted to third wheel-. But then I suddenly disappeared and it was almost time for us, well, for them, to go back home.

I couldn't imagine the worry I’d caused my friend, who I cherished dearly.

With worried, pleading eyes, I looked around for anyone near my vicinity, needing an answer to my question immediately.

"What should I tell everyone?"

It was vague, but they had to have understood. And they seemingly did, if their reactions were anything to go by, their bodies around me close and shifting awkwardly.

"I'm….  Sigh  This is such a mess." - I could only agree with Chan as he slid a hand down his face, stretching the skin there in frustration.

Just think about it. I couldn't tell anyone the truth, not yet at the very least, not until JYP made an official statement that SKZ found their soulmate. But saying anything other than the truth would make my friend suspicious; she was rightfully protective of me, and would be able to spot my lies right away. What could I tell her? If I said I was injured, she would postpone her flight just to check up on me. If I said the truth, the company would have my head instead.

Nothing seemed proper, and the boys knew it too.

They all just kept silent, pondering with complicated expressions. It was painful to watch them all silently think, guilt so clear on some of their faces that I could feel it in my soul.

But then my phone vibrated, and we were out of time.

I hesitantly picked it up, holding the device up to my ear with uncertain hands. A shaky hello left my lips, only to be met with silence.

A silence that lasted for a mere second, if that at all.

As if empowered by the gods themselves, my friend started loudly speaking, my poor ear suffering from it. Her words were all over the place, fast and in several languages, my exhausted brain having a hard time keeping up and translating for myself. She went on for a few more minutes, asking more and more questions in a worried tone, not even leaving me a chance to answer them.

So I let her go on, until it was finally silent again.

"Hey, I'm okay now. Listen, you know you can trust me, yeah?" - my quiet voice asked her. "Uhm, yeah, of course. Why? You're scaring me. Tell me, what happened?" "Know that I will tell you and everyone else everything when I can. I am fine, will be fine, don't worry about me. Just please, trust me. I'll tell you when I get the chance, okay? I'll keep in touch, don't worry about that, ye?" "... why does this sound like a goodbye in those shitty bl manhwas?"

A small laughter broke free from my chest at that.

"It isn't, I swear. Now promise me. Please." "... alright. But if you lied, I will not hesitate to print and put up Chan and Jisung pics into your room!" "Jesus christ, no, naur, please, not that, anything but that! Holy fucking shit!”

A loud groan left my lips as I dragged my other hand down my face, unable to resist the urge to lightly slam my head into the table right before me. The furniture gave out a small noise as I collided with it, as if reprimanding me itself.

“Anyway, you two go, have fun on the remainder of your trip, then go home. If anyone asks, tell them I got an irrefusable job offer. I mean, that is half true, so, yea. Anyway, really, have fun, take pics cuz I wanna know. Talk to you later, bye-bye." "Ah, alright, okay. Wait, you're not coming with us?" "Uuuhhh… yeaaa, naah." "What the fuck do you mean yea nah?! What did you get yourself into?" "... just know that I'm okay. We'll meet again someday, don't worry, I'm not kidnapped." - I lightly laughed, knowing that I was, in fact, being actually kidnapped.

"Fine. My threat still stands. If you don't text me frequently, I will also hunt you down with Jisung pics." - she answered after a few beats of thinly stretched silence. "Girl, shush, really, stop with the pics! You're gonna be the death of me!"

She only laughed at that, all the while I cursed her out with probably red cheeks. Eventually, we said our goodbyes, allowing me to let out a big sigh and drop my head onto the table once again.

"Everything good?" - Felix's voice asked from somewhere behind me, reminding me that they were still there.

Oh god they were still there.

Mortified, I twisted my torso around and looked at them.

"You didn't hear what she said, did you?" "Nah, at one point you took the volume down so much we heard no sound coming from your phone." - Jisung answered, confusion clearly seen on his face. "Why?" "Nothing, Seungmin, really, no reason. I mean, yes reason, but none for you. You guys shall never know." "Eeh? C'moooon!" "Puppy eyes don't work on me, Felix!" "Oh I bet it was about her bias." - Changbin butted in, that signature smirk on his face.

My eyes widened as I stared at him, my lips drawing into a thin line as I was just frozen there, becoming a statue of embarrassment.

"Wait, I'm right?"

Chaos ensued, giving me no chance to deny his statement. Even if it wasn't true, the boys would've believed it no matter what, now that the situation had escalated like this. Curse you and your sixth sense, dwaekki.

Even after several minutes of me just silently sitting there, they kept nagging me, no matter what I did. They didn’t stop at all, not even when I turned back around, my back now facing them, my head once again comfortably resting on the cool surface of the table.

Gosh, they didn't let up, did they?

But eventually, they slowly calmed down and left to their rooms, probably to pack their things. They did speak amongst themselves and a bit to me, but I was too drained to catch what words left their mouths. But now their lack of presence gave me some breathing room, to get my brain to work and to focus on those uncomfortable, swirling feelings inside my chest.

It was as if they tightly wrapped themselves around my heart, squeezing it in demand. With each passing second they were becoming significantly brighter, more positive than they had been the past few hours. It confused me, but also tickled my fanfic-lover brain.

I had a sneaking suspicion that not all these emotions were my own, so I focused on one and tried to analyse it.

This one was the most prominent feeling, so obviously not stemming from me. It was too bright and nice for that; just the mere presence of it lifted my depressed spirits.

Tracing it back slowly, step-by-step, imagining the emotion as a ribbon, woven together by endless, bright strings of light. A certain warmth filled up my whole heart, washing over it like a tidal wave and letting it drown inside. My breath got stuck in my throat, even if only for a second, but I couldn’t let it stop me. No, I couldn’t give up so easily, so I focused harder, the strings becoming clearer and the warmth turning nearly scorching. The golden ribbon of light that I fought so hard for to appear led me to a petite form, his aura just like the emotion itself.

It was the sunshine incarnate himself.

Happy that my theory seemed to be correct, I opened my eyes and rested my chin on the table, instead of my forehead. A silent, yet heavy breath left my being, the scorching feeling leaving my lightly scorched form. The room felt hot, but thankfully it was feeling cooler and cooler by each passing second.

"Why so happy, but tired so sudden?"

Oh, I didn't even realise Changbin was still here, his question catching me off-guard. I just shook my head as an answer after sitting up properly -my hood falling down-, facing the man sitting on the couch behind me.

He seemed to let the topic go as he pocketed his phone and slid down next to me, not caring that he was now sitting on hard floorboards, even if carpeted. His expression was uncharacteristically soft, no hint of teasing or anything on his face. I couldn't help but stare at him, not even flinching as his hand gently brushed against my mask, the digit hovering above it, uncertain.

"I told you you're cute under there. No need for mask." - his voice was equally gentle, causing my eyes to widen in surprise.

The man before man wasn’t his usual loud, brash self, all those sharp edges now hidden, allowing me to catch a glimpse at the softness hiding inside. I nearly leaned into his hand, those dark nebulas of his so alluring and gentle that for a moment, just for a single moment, I had forgotten who I was speaking with.

But the moment was gone and I forced myself to look away from him, a task I never had so much trouble with prior to this moment. My head nearly moved on its own, silently denying his claims with the smallest of movements. How couldn't I? Even if I was the most confident person about my own looks, these people all saw me bedridden, in a hospital. Not exactly your prettiest moments in life.

"But you are. I no lie." - he confidently whispered, running a thumb under my eye.

I couldn't help but lightly laugh at that, unable to believe his claims.

"If no believe, then I say it so much you will."

Changbin seemed to have made up his mind, giving my tired self no choice but to silently accept it. He looked proud at that, satisfied as I didn't protest against it. With one final movement, he tucked a stray hair strand behind one of my ears, something on his arm catching my eye.

It was his soulmate tattoo, peeking out from his short sleeve and racing down towards his lower arm.

The ink lines were fine strands, ribbons snaking around his arm, weaving together playfully, always finding the others, even after splitting up countless times. Their surface glistened in the artificial warm light, the black ink sometimes seeming like the night sky, sparkling with stars.

He probably caught me staring, because he lifted his arm into my view, his other hand reaching for mine and holding it there after tucking up my sleeve.

"I know it's scary, but we here for you. Pretty tattoos are proof of our love."

How could he say such a thing so lightly?

I could only look back at him, taking his hand in mine and tracing the shapes over with the gentlest of touches. I didn't know what to do, especially with feelings, never really did. I was bad at them, usually pushing them away and bottling them up, something that never failed to lead to a disaster. So I hoped this, this little action of mine would let him know that I cared.

Because I truly did.

Footsteps were soon heard, several other members joining us in the living room with their luggages.

"Hyung, you can go pack." - Felix said, taking the short male's place next to me.

But only after Changbin sent me the brightest of smiles, causing warmth to take root inside my chest.

"Did Hyung do anything while we were away? Nothing happened?" - the young aussie's voice was warm and gentle, a teasing lilt grappling onto its edges.

I shook my head, watching as Chan made his way to my other side, walking around the couch to get there. He promptly sat down, his eyes set on us with a small smile resting on his face.

God damn it, not the dimples, not my weakness. But next to them was something new, something that I was sure wasn't on Chan before. It was at the edge of his face, running down over his jawbone and neck, disappearing into his shirt.

Thin, matte black lines littered his skin, converging and breaking away, as if a cracked surface. Around them were countless little stars, glinting when the light hit them just right.

It fit him painfully well, his ambitious self always shooting for the stars, despite everything.

I found myself raising a hand towards it, carefully hovering nearby. His smile only softened, placing his head in my hand, startling me. I quickly looked up into his eyes, scared, but I was only met with endless kindness and warmth.

So I focused back on the dark lines, tracing my thumb over them.

It was beautiful.

All their tattoos I had seen so far were. I didn't see myself in them, not understanding how I had a part in creating these beautiful creations, my mind having already denied Jisung’s prior words in the hospital. It just all seemed impossible in my eyes.

As if sensing my thoughts, Chan raised a hand towards my own neck, gently running a finger over the skin resting there.

"You have it too, y'kno'. Pretty, like you are."

I could only make a quiet, confused sound at that, caught by surprise and disbelief.

Did just two 3racha members compliment me in the last few minutes?? Was I somehow transported into a weird dating game?!?

Chan's laughter rang through the air, followed by the others' who were in the room. Right, they were here too, right. Fuck.

"You're so flustered already. Did Bin say something similar?"

I nodded at him, pulling my hand away and facing the table again, a furniture I was starting to take a liking to with how familiar I was becoming with it. Looking at those unchanging lines in the wood was still a much better choice than facing these teasing men.

"Hyung, don't fluster her already, you're gonna scare her off!" - Felix reprimanded the leader, like a mom would her child. "Hey, I was just stating the obvious! As if you wouldn't say something like that to her too!" "Don't try to put the blame on me mate!" "I wasn't, and you kn–"

Before Chan had a chance to finish his sentence, Minho chucked a pillow at them both and amusedly pointed at me.

Me, who was halfway through crawling under the table. Sending a quick glare at him, I quickly slipped under the furniture, laying on my side and facing away from the boys, tugging the hoodie that sat on my head further down, if that was possible. Ah, yes, the sight of the slightly dusty floor and the lower half of the cabinets was much better.

"Hey, Eevee, come out please."

I just made disagreeing hums at Felix's request, feeling my whole face burning up. Even in my current confused and tired state, I was flustered as hell. And no matter how much they tried to coax me out, I didn't budge, no, I instead curled up into a smaller ball, if anything.

Just as one of them changed positions to try and face me, others came into the room, if their loud footsteps were anything to go by.

"Hey, uh… What's going on?" - Jisung's voice rang throughout the place, making me hide into my palms even more.

Minho answered him in korean, something I didn’t understand, besides the amused tone of it all. The betrayal, I bet he outed me. And I was right, as the new arrivals soon started laughing as well, Jisung joining the aussies at the table, while Jeongin and Seungmin sat with the cat. I thought so at least, based on the noises and voices I had heard.

"Come on Eevee, don't hide. If you get this flustered from only this much, you won't last long."

What was that supposed to mean, you lil quokka?!

I just stared at his face with wide eyes through my fingers, only seeing him laugh even harder at my reaction, nearly falling onto his back from the force. He spoke with the others in korean after calming down, their conversation letting me calm myself a bit as well.

I felt like the embodiment of a keyboard smash.

My thoughts and feelings were all over the place, the fact that I apparently felt the others' emotions not helping in the slightest. If I wasn’t in a public place, I would have let out a low whine, my pounding head and hurting joints silently screaming in agreement.

But just as I was calming down and detangling these feelings, a loud dwaekki arrived back into the room. I had no idea what any of the boys saying, but soon enough, the table from above me disappeared. I could merely stare at a very smug and slightly offended Changbean, as he just put the table away and picked me up.

Like, straight up just plucked me from the ground, as if I was a ripe vegetable ready to be harvested.

Acting as if I weighed nothing at all, even though with my height, that was impossible. The man simply moved me around in his arms and sat down facing the others, plopping me into his lap. His arms were around me as I sat there, my legs against my chest, as if it was his silent message towards me: you cannot escape, don’t even try.

"What the fuck just happened?" "She speaks!"

I shot an unamused glare at Felix, immediately shutting him up as he shot his hands up into the air in defence. Changbin just amusedly huffed behind me, his head now firmly placed onto my shoulder, something he couldn’t exactly do when we were standing, thanks to my giraffe-like height.

He seemed content to just hold me there, so I put my own head on top of my knees and watched as the others bickered. I seemed to have become a silent spectator of the group once again, although I didn’t mind it, used to it all. The mere thought of being an active participant of this liveliness exhausted me, making me relax more into the idol’s unbreakable hold. And yet, even with all that, the boys tried to speak in english. I could tell even in my tired state and I appreciated it, but since not all of them were fluent in it, they switched back to korean a lot.

I really had to learn korean or something…

“Right, right, whatcha wanna eat, Eevee?” - Jisung excitedly asked, drawing everyone’s attention to me. “Mh, he’s right. We can order it, so don’t worry, choose anything.” - Chan added in, his hand already fishing out his phone that was tucked away safely into his pocket.

Just as I was about to say that no, I wasn’t feeling hungry -probably from all the stress-, I caught Minho’s glare and my jaw tightly shut itself together. I knew he was the mom of the group, feeding the others being part of his love language, but this was just straight up frightening.

“Minho hyung, stare into her soul longer and she will dig a hole to hide in.” - Seungmin said as he slapped the mentioned cat on the shoulder, annoyance clear in his voice. “But eating important.” “That, I cannot argue with.”

Great, I still had no choice, but at least my soul wasn’t being stared down at.

…

What was I supposed to eat??? As a recovering patient, it had to be something more on the light side, but I wasn’t familiar enough with the japanese kitchen to know which dishes would fit into that category.

“... will you guys eat too?”

They collectively nodded, affirmative answers leaving their lips after a quick glance was shared between them. Changbin lightly squeezed my middle he was still holding onto, the hum that left his throat comfortably tickling my back.

Good, I wouldn’t feel weird and a big burden then, ‘making’ them order just for me.

“Do they have something light, like onigiri?” - I asked, my voice sounding way too vulnerable and quiet. “Mhm, good. You’re allowed to eat that as well, so I’m glad you chose this.” - Chan replied with a gentle smile painted onto his lips.

The leader then proceeded to list off the different fillings it could have and made me choose several, just in case. He said if I wouldn’t be able to eat it, they would, so I shouldn’t worry. I appreciated the gesture, really, but me being me, I did just that: worry.

Although I’d realised as I watched them bicker around while ordering, that this particular feeling wasn’t only mine. No, it stemmed from several people, all seeping towards me through the bond, although I wasn’t sure who else it also belonged to. These new, otherworldly powers were still very much fresh to me, after all.

But something else kept nagging at the back of my mind: worry wasn’t the only negative feeling wrapped around my heart. No, there was also excitement, fear, anger, happiness and displeasure, just to name a few that I tried my best to identify. It was truly a cacophony of chaos, a big tangled ball of mess that I just didn’t have the energy to detangle right now, to see what belonged to me and the others.

What I was certain about though was the worry I felt about this displeasure, a feeling that I could easily see stem from those around me as well. And somehow, I understood why they would feel that towards me, a stranger in their life.

My existence was probably the cause of it, someone who was supposedly their soulmate, their perfect other half just appearing out of nowhere in front of them. Most of them seemed to be happy to meet me, but that didn’t mean everyone had to feel that way.

No, some of them probably hated me being there, hated my very existence, hated how I’d met them and how now they had to deal with my useless self.

Next chapter

Taglist: @stayatinykatsy @vampcharxter @linlinaert @yoongibelike @ihrtlix @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @braveangel777 @michelle4eve @5starluvr @palindrome969

If I left you out, feel free to remind me to add you in!

[romantichomicide95]

Hi Bee! I don’t know how I missed this earlier - I hope I’m not too late.

I’d like to request a chocolate chip with peanut butter cupcake and a chai (gotta have that angst, hehe).

Congrats on 1k followers! <3

Thank you Sailor! Hope you like it 🥰

Levi Ackerman

“Please, open the door”

You sat alone in your room, tears streaming down your face as the pain weighed heavily on you. The familiar sound of rain hitting against the windows filled the air, thunder booming in the background every so often. Your mind running with the image of Levi over and over again.

Every word he had spoken still lingered in, as you played the hurtful scene over and over again. His piercing, cold gaze cut through you when he told you that he wanted to end things between you. You’d pleaded with him through choked sobs, begging for him to give you a good reason why. “Please, Levi, don’t do this.” But his stubbornness prevailed.

You’d stormed off to your room. Throwing yourself on your bed as the sobs wracked your body. Not able to move, the echoes of Levi’s words running circles through your mind. Minutes turned into hours, as you lay there. Unable to accept that Levi had walked out of your life. Time seemed to lose all mean as you wracked your brain trying to understand.

That is, until a knock at your door broke through the sound of your sobs. “Come on, open the door," Levi called out, his familiar gruff voice had a remorseful edge. You just lay still, not knowing what to do. Part of you desperately wanted to open the door, throw your arms around him and forget. The other part of you, however, wanted to slap him. Punish him for the pain he’d put you through.

His knocks became louder, but all you could do was stare at the door, unable to move. “Open the door Y/N….please.”

Levi had always been a man of few words, keeping his emotions locked away. You knew better than that, underneath his stoic and aloof nature was a caring and empathetic man. He didn’t show it, sometimes not even to you. But it was there, always seeping through the cracks, bleeding out through actions.

But lately, the distance between you had grown. The weight of his responsibility and the horrors he faced as humanity's strongest soldier proved to be too much for him. You tried to support him, the best you could, but his stubbornness was unwavering.

The sound of another knock broke through your thoughts. “If you don’t open this door I am going to kick it down.” Levi spoke, frustration in his voice.

Suddenly, you were face to face with him. You couldn’t remember opening the door, couldn’t even remember standing up, but here you were face to face with the man who’d caused the tears streaming down your face.

With trembling hands, you wiped away your tears. “I'm sorry," he said. Tears threatened to spill again as you looked into his eyes, seeing the sadness hidden beneath his cold gaze. "Levi... why?" you managed to choke out, your voice trembling.

He walked past you, inviting himself in and you closed the door behind him. “I thought distancing myself from you would keep you safe. I convinced myself that I was doing the right thing, but I realize I was wrong.”

Looking into his steel eyes, seeing a hint of remorse behind them, you couldn't help but forgive him, even though the pain he had caused still lingered.

"I was wrong." He repeated, hesitantly reaching out to wipe a stray tear from your cheek. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you.” You rested your hand on top of his.

“I know Levi, I know. You just…I’m here for you. You’re so hell bent on protecting me but you can’t do that if I don’t have you by my side. Can’t you see that?”

“I know. I see that now.” he said, his gaze never faltering from you. “I need you to.” he admits. You throw your arms around him, you can help it really. He groans a little, like he always does, but you swear you feel him melt into your touch…even if just for a moment.

“I love you Levi. We’ll get through everything…together.” You say, searching his eyes. He leans in and places a soft kiss to your lips. “I know, I love you to.”

As the rain continued to pour outside, the two of you stood there, holding each other as a sense of peace and newfound understanding washes over you.

[apocalypse-shuffle]

I gotta be honest the Black Noir/Earving having the mind of a seven year old thing leaves me…perplexed. Sure a seven year old child can follow instructions well enough, but what seven year old does anyone know of who can still function independently and have as much social tact and mental & bodily discipline as Noir does?

Like, did someone say that shit in the show and I just can’t remember, because why is that belief so prominent?

The man is brain damaged but he’s not illiterate, he strings together sentences just fine - though you can gather through the way he writes that there is some dissonance between his finer coordination or something considering how large/wobbly his letters are and how stilted his speech is (though there can be an argument made that he was only writing so stiltedly because he had to convey his thoughts quickly on a piece of paper) but either way mentally he’s able to convey his emotions and thought process clearly enough — he is a bit emotionally immature as well, but so is Homelander and no one says he has the mind of a literal child. And, yeah, you could say that most children have stilted speech and bad writing, but Noir does still have brain damage and that does heavily factor into things, I’m just saying that brain damage doesn’t automatically mean that someone disabled is brought back to the mental faculties of a child.

Noir’s also able to learn new things and adapt to shifting situations very well and he’s also not as emotionally unregulated as a seven year old (though lack of regulation like that in of itself doesn’t automatically make someone a child either). He’s regularly being manipulated to some degree also but so are all the other characters that work under Vought so I don’t think that counts either.

It’s just incredibly confusing because it’s like, am I supposed to write this man like a lil ass child despite the fact that he quite literally (yes, even with his hallucinations) never acts like one? What am I supposed to be doing here exactly because no fucking seven year old acts like he does? His development was no doubt stilted by the damage to his brain but that doesn’t automatically render him a child mentally, he’s just disabled, but maybe I’m wrong idk.

I don’t know how to articulate myself on this issue the best but I’m trying to convey my confusion and frustration clearly here so if anyone has any answers or insights or whatever they’d like to share that’d be nice. I want to write him well, and canon accurate enough, not just write him like he’s seven years old - how ever that’s even supposed to look.

[moose-muffin]

im new here (hiya from the hazbin tag lol) but if you do character + character requests than please PLEASE gimmie a lee!vox with ler!alastor 🙏🙏🙏hear me out... the two are fighting and al (sHocKINglY) wins out, and vox expects to like.. be beaten into the ground as a result, but nope!! he gets tickled!!! to tears!!!! smthn smthn he wasnt smilin and, yk, youre never fully dressed w/o a smile!!!

/nf to do tho ty for reading!!! <3<3

OMG OMG HELLO WELCOME I HOPE YOURE DOING GOOD YIPPEE

SO FUN FACT I WAS VERY LIKE NEUTRAL TO RADIOSTATIC BUT TONIGHT HAS BEEN (HAHAH GET IT) AN ADVENTURE AND THIS ROAD HAS BEEN SUCH A BLAST <3 THOSE TWO FUCKERS ARE SO INSTIGATIVE ITS CRAZY.

I KNOWWWW THIS AS A FIC WOULD GO C R A Z Y!!!!! IDK IF ANYONE HERE WRITE FOR VOX AND ALASTOR AND PERHAPS DOES COMMISSIONS BUT I WILL PAY!!!! PLEASE HIT ME UP OR ILL PROBABLY GO TAKE A PEAK FOR MYSELF TMR <3 AS LONG AS THATS OK ANON. (I WILL ABSOLUTELY LET IT BE POSTED AS LONG AS THE AUTHOR IS OK WITH IT WHICH USUALLY THEY ARE!!!!) IM GONNA TAKE SOME CREATIVE LIBERTIES AS I TYPICALLY DO HEADCANONS!

IM NOT USUALLY A CHARACTER + CHARACTER GIRLY SO BEAR WITH ME BUT I WILL DO MY VERY BEST!!!! HOPEFULLY I CAN DO THIS JUSTICE! IT WILL BE RANDOM HCS THAT ARE UNRELATED TOO. MY BRAIN IS A MESSY PLACE HWBSHWDBD

OK SO LIKE I KINDA MENTIONED, THEY BOTH LOOOOVE TO JUST GET UNDER PEOPLES SKIN. LOVE IT!!! ESPECIALLY ALASTOR. HES SUCH AN ASS (affectionate)

I’D EVEN SAY HE’S KIND OF AN INSTIGATIVE LER???? BRO IS DOING EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO GET TO TICKLE VOX LIKEEE IDK IF THAT EVEN MAKES SENSE BUT I KNOW ITS TRUE. HE WILL CASUALLY WIGGLE HIS FINGERS IN CONVERSATION, TWEAK HIS RIBS FROM BEHIND, LITTLE THINGS LIKE THAT. WELL THEYRE NOT LITTLE. ESPECIALLY NOT TO VOX WHO IS SO FLUSTERED BY IT… ITS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING

BUT! VOX HAS STARTED TO FIGURE IT OUT. AS HE IS ALSO ONE WHO LOVEEES TO GET UNDER SKIN, HE DECIDES HE’LL DO EVERYTHING TO TRIGGER A LER MOOD IN ALASTOR. IF HE CAN TELL HE ALREADY HAS ONE, HE FINDS WAYS TO SUBTLY (WE ALL KNOW HE ISNT SUBTLE THOUGH) LEAVE A SPOT UNPROTECTED. BUT ALASTOR DOESNT WANT TO GIVE HIM THE SATISFACTION!!! HE TRIES SO HARD TO NOT GIVE IN TO VOX BC HE “WANTED TO BE THE ONE IN CONTROL” AND NOW HE ISNT AND HES #PISSED

ALSO VOX ABSOLUTELY IS HORRIFIED OF VULNERABILITY. YET HE IS ABLE TO MOVE PAST IT WITH ALASTOR HERE. SOMEHOW HE ISNT AS WORRIED ANYMORE. MAYBE HE KNOWS ALASTOR WILL REACT. HE LOVES THAT SO VERY MUCH.

AS FOR THE SPECIFIC PROMPT, OH THAT IS SO REAL!!!! ABSOLUTELY YES!!!

I DONT WRITE GOOD ROMANCE BUT LIKE UGH IMAGINE IT NOW. Alastor definitely just got himself to the V’s tower and was planning on fucking with Vox only to see he had already been kinda pissed off. Alastor wouldn’t be as satisfied if he knew he didn’t cause the frustration. He realized he could just stir the pot again. Problem solved, and what better way to solve it than using his weakness against him.. being tickled.

I’m being a little silly but genuinely Vox is so ticklish. Like most ticklish person in hell would go to him if it were an official title. That’s what I’m thinking. That being said, Alastor also knows how quickly he could get him to crumble… but wouldn’t it be more fun to take it slow.

Vox notices his presence almost immediately. He tried to ignore it as he feels his face get warm. He can’t fuck this up. He takes a deep breath and turns around. “Why hello, Alastor! What brings you to our building this evening?” He said in a semi newcaster voice. He wasn’t ready to drop the act

“Well Vox, I came here for a reason of my own but then I walked by your office and you looked so sad!” He began to walk closer to Vox. “You know, t they say you’re never fully dressed without a smile!”

Vox let out a laugh that was quite clearly untruthful. “Yes Alastor I am aware! I was alone in here and so I figured I’d just save up some energy. I’m sure you understand.”

“Quite frankly I don’t,” Alastor paused, “I think maybe I could help you get that smile back.”

Vox didn’t even have to think. He knew Alastor meant he was going to tickle him. You could ask Velvette. She’s seen those two in tickle fights that lasted for DAYS. she knows what they’re capable of, or more so what Alastor is capable of.

Vox puts up a fight for maybe a couple seconds but he just loves tickles more than he can play pretend that he doesn’t <3

It works out well for them both, Alastor gets to fuck around with Vox and well, Vox gets his shit rocked!!! And he loves that more than a lot of things.

OK IM GONNA CUT IT OFF HERE BUT PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COME BACK!!!! IM ALWAYS DOWN TO HEAR WHAT PEOPLE ARE THINKING!! MAYBE ID DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS AGAIN OR LIKE ADD ONTO THIS!!! BUT I AM JUST ALL OVER THE PLACE CURRENTLY HEHE. I HOPE THESE ARE ENJOYABLE!!! (LOWKEY I WANNA ADD MORE TO THISSSS MAYBE TMR MAYBE TMR WE’LL SEE)

apologies if anything is ooc, i just do this for funsies <3

THANK YOU FOR THIS ASKK