#i am in agony once again
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aluvian · 5 months ago
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Me every single time when I come to the part in the Berserk manga where Casca's mind gets restored, but she's still terrified of Guts.
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 11 months ago
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Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.
#dungeon meshi#laios touden#toshiro nakamoto#chilchuck tims#kabru#BF in this context could be boyfriend or best friend. The line is so blurry.#Chilchuck less so but whatever is going on between Shuro and Laios & Kabru and Laios is giving strong:#“dude if you were a girl I'd date the hell out of you”. And from the genderswap extra's that sentiment is canon for BOTH.#This was made prior to the translation of the Laios & Kabru & Shuro restaurant date comic and honestly I am just feeling vindicated.#I don't even know what to call this dynamic other than a situationship. There is so much going on between all of them.#Even on a purely platonic reading - the miscommunication and male yearning for friendship hurt so bad.#When we got the Big Hug scene in the epilogue arc I was whooping and hollering! Pure catharsis moment!#I also don't like hugs very much so I really felt it went Shuro ('hates being touched') went in for the bear hug.#Do not get me started on the agony of 'always lying' Kabru telling the truth (I just wanted to be friends)#and 'always believes' Laios thinking it's another lie and brushing him off.#I am once again supporting dungeon meshi day by posting art. Please watch dungeon meshi.#obligatory edit because I’m tired: YES. Chilchuck cares for Laios and him admitting it was a huge part of his arc#YES he is more just fed up with him that actually hating him.#I needed a third guy to be canonically done with his ass for the THREE WEED SMOKING GIRLFRIENDS reference
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forzathunder · 5 months ago
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"I have many fears, most of them about Lucrezia." — Cesare Borgia (The Borgias, 2011-2013) + hints of insecurity
that she adores someone that much / if she will reject his dark nature and act of love and violence as Ursula did / if he truly is not part of her desires / that she easily forgets him
#i have so many thoughts on these two#hes such a clingy brother wth#as much as he soothes her it is only by asking lucrezia verbally or#by looking at her that his fears and insecurities in her life can be soothed#cesare torn between - being relieved she had some joy in the ruthless marriage he had no power to prevent and did not even want to bless#or being envious there is someone else now when his little sister once said she will not love anyone as much as she loves him#but Accepting it anyways because it is impossible loves and maybe he is starting to become aware his love falls in this same category.#“should i envy this narcissus low-born who shall never see you again because of his impossible love for you when i love you just the same?”#the knife more surprise than fear. in a time when he did not love himself...“she accepts me as i am? as i do her”#biting her as if another black panther pet looking for reassurance that their love#that HE is still included in her perfect world even if he himself pulls away#“surely you're in agony as much as i am? are you already satisfied with your child and husband if we cannot share our love openly?”#“your eyes drift to mine when you say 'husband' am i not he? do you see me as so even when it was just 'tonight'?”#and then his sudden gaze as if to look for truth because how can she forget him when he only thinks of her#AND AGAIN pulling away being eaten by shame and guilt of corrupting her (when their relationship is not just his doing)#torn between hope (we have the capacity to forget and move on) and hope (our love has that much devil power over her)#cesare as the god or the devil or whatever it is that overwhelms whether at war or in love#cesare is one confident man and even if his insecurities has layers of righteousness and importance..it is still insecurity nonetheless#and only for lucrezia#lucrezia borgia#cesare borgia#cesare x lucrezia#the borgias#dailyborgia#perioddramaedit#perioddramasource#weloveperioddrama#onlyperioddramas#romancegifs#the borgiasedit
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skrunksthatwunk · 5 months ago
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kuwabara suffering during ep 89 for 10 minutes gay thumbnail + alt that was too complicated for the youtube
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short666bread · 29 days ago
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Haha. I posted fic. don’t read it.
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the-acid-pear · 8 months ago
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Y'know I really feel like Harry and Dave's relationship goes highly unexplored which is a shame because there IS quite a bit to explore, ESPECIALLY if you care about shipping. But as the game stands I mean, they must be aware of each other. Harry in fact definitely knows about Dave. I don't think he'd tell the fucking weird rotten bunny his terrible boss brought in IS the number one threat against Freddy's since day 1 but even so. Dave I don't think would see Harry as much more than A Phoney™ though, which is always more of an obstacle and way less of a person. Which is usually opposite of how Jack sees his often sole employee. Like, you get what I mean? It's almost similar to 2 with the main opposing routes being Peter and Dave except the stakes are arguably way lower now.
#luly talks#dsaf#dsaf harry#dsaf dave#harry fitzgerald#dave miller#if you DO care about shipping however the meat to chew on becomes greater#i think dave bond w Phoneys in general goes fairly unexplored which is once again A Shame bc i do like the hypocrisy he holds#in more than one way they mirror each other#now im just getting emotional and derailed now im literally just thinking of steven that's NOT da point now 💥💥💥#point is i do think you'd take this to a weird domesticating route or simply a more. goofy love triangle one#i mean dave does say he'll win Jack back which is peak divorced line#so its like. a tug war. except Harry isn't like peter who was like employee for the love of god i need your help#harry is pretty passive like Sir. This is urgent but it is your choice ☹️#sorry my meds are kicking in what am i even saying anymore?#i feel like that NyQuil post im for sure gonna shit the bed tonight#i digress anyway point being i think you'd go many places with this concept#you'd just have them coexist in a way the game doesn't explore. you'd have it just plaguing Jack's mind.#you'd have a one sided rivalry. you'd have a STRAIGHT UP RIVALRY. you'd have tragedy and agony in planet earth#which i saw be touched up on once by that one artist who draws jack like he never left the 80s mullet and all. muppety too.#iykyk there's like 6 harrysport artists overall you'll figure what i mean#and yeah you'd even have a somewhat functional jack having two hands. which is something taps chest i truly think could happen#i believe un love and peace and chsnge and healing and#and copium first and foremost ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️#my body feels so heavy its hard to leep my eyes open
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dreamieparadise · 4 months ago
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Guess who's super sick and skipping class again...this guy!
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Laying in the darkness with coffee on my nightstand while chatting with Jojo. Gonna rest some more soon. Last night was awful fjdkd I had a migraine sooo bad, medication did nothing and I had to sleep with my migraine hat on. It was uncomfy! [It has gel pieces in it to make my head cool.] I also had a dream that was all over the place and didn't make any sense but there was a tiny apartment covered in red tulips that I'm stealing for Momina. Tulips are up there as a favourite flower for her!
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montypng · 3 months ago
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every once in a while i remember that one xmen fic i read ages ago that put pietro maximoff through the most gruesome, agonizing, and soul-crushing time loop experience i have ever seen before or since and well. i am not even into xmen that much . i will never forget it.
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suffercerebral · 7 months ago
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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dent-de-leon · 8 months ago
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Still having so many thoughts about all the parallels between Molly/Lucien's souls and Opal/Ted's--
The way Opal and Ted were split apart and then became one again as a natural part of growing up; raised with this other half of their soul always by their side, learning from each other and through each other. It's a family tradition, their way of life. Worshippers of the Luxon willingly letting their souls drift apart and reform, an inherited legacy that has shaped their whole understanding of the world and themselves.
The way Lucien and Molly never had a choice; the violent violation of autonomy as their soul was torn apart and shredded to pieces, the agony of feeling so alone in the world, your very heart hallowed out and Empty. It's not a gradual, gentle transition of the spirit--it's losing your very sense of self, all these pieces of you burned away.
And it hurts them, both of them. The shard of a soul that would be Molly--young and foolish, so new to the world and yet already so scarred by it. A spirit that hasn't broken yet, in spite of how harsh and cruel the world is--in spite of all the pain he's inherited. Lucien as the ghastly specter haunting Molly's worst nightmares, the shadow always hanging over him.
Lucien's disdain for this "forgotten fragment"--how bitterly he resents Mollymauk for not having to bear the weight of all their most painful memories, his hands not yet stained with blood--the part of him that got to be free. Lucien refusing to call Molly by his name, to admit this other part of himself is real--that maybe Lucien's always known he hasn't felt whole, that someone carved out this piece of his heart long ago.
When the two meet, Molly can't help reaching out to Lucien. Can't help but try and save him. Molly growing to care for this other half of his soul, this other broken, shattered shard of a bleeding heart. Molly refusing to abandon him, staying by his side until Lucien is finally ready to reach back. Both of them learning to accept each other, understand each other. A kind of self love. A soul that mirrors your very own, makes you feel grounded and whole.
Thinking of Ted fighting so fiercely for Opal. Giving everything to defend her, even as Opal tries so desperately to keep her grounded and tethered. Thinking of Molly pleading for Lucien to stop, just walk away--save their friends and save himself. It's not too late, he doesn't have to do this. He doesn't have to be this.
Thinking of the Luxon and shattered souls that aren't bound by life or death, time or space. A part of yourself you never really lose, no matter who tries to tear them away--
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arsenic-katnep · 9 months ago
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i apologize to anyone who knew me during 2021
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sumarmz · 3 months ago
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Someone take my phone off me because I have typed the words I'm in love with you to my crush and then deleted them immediately after but I get closer and closer to actually sending it everyday I'm gonna explode
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fragglerockopinions · 6 months ago
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#Howwwww is it 5am already I want to go home#I begged my parents and sibling to let me go home to my own bed and they wouldn't let me#I don't want to be the solution to our family problems I want to go be alone and not here#I understand me being around more would make our parents nicer and give my siblings someome sane to talk to#But I want to die and I don't want to be here and I don't care about any of these people#Once again them forcing me to go to their house made me miss an assignment. So that class is genuinely failed now.#It makes me so frustrated I could cry. Every time I say I'm doing school work#Or say I can't drop everything and drive forty minutes to their house. they laugh at me#They genuinely laugh and say I'm such a liar and I'm faking and there's no way I ever do any school work#I'm actually shaking I'm so frustrated they don't understand. That's how long it takes me.#Why can't they just realize I'm a dumbass fucking idiot. I'm so fucking stupid#I'm literally so stupid. Intellectually I'm a fucking idiot and I am so useless and slow.#Stop trying to believe I have potential to fucking waste#The fact is there is no potential but I'm fucking wasting anyway#I'm so. Dumb. When I say I'm doing school work I mean I looked at the tab and got nervous about how overdue#everything is and how I'm failing and everyone wants me to leave my safety for their own inane bullshit#I wouldn't be failing this class at all if I had been able to complete the first week on time#instead of like. sitting outside a convention center alone and in agony for Five (5) hours.#Kudos to the devil for creating the exact perfect circumstances to kill me in particular#I should reach out and go to a friend's house and it would be good for me. But.#There's no way I'm going to see or speak to anyone in this state of everything#Everyone else around me seems to have improved in mental health I'm not going to ruin that by making them let me come over#No one really believes any of the problems I have like even I don't. how are you that stupid. just stop having these problems.#I can't go to a friend's house when I have problems like this. Last time I had a breakdown and scared the fucking host and#their partner had to be the one to comfort me because I was crying too loud for autistic ears :(#I can't do that to anyone again#I'm not kidding when I say I'm a huge burden genuinely I exist to be upsetting and inconvenient and frustrating#I am literally the most selfish person to ever have existed. Just objectively. I don't care about anyone or anything at all.#I don't love my friends or my family and I don't care about what they want or need. truthfully.#I just want to sit in my tiny room where nothing changes and no one expects me to drive anywhere holy fucking shit it's 6am
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loumauve · 6 months ago
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the thing (well, one thing anyway) about chronic pain is how you'll have a day or half a day or even just a few hours that'll get you so close to just fucking wanting to end it all right then and there because you're just so tired of being in pain and it feeling like it'll never end and never get better, and your brain feels like it's on fire and you can't remember the last time you felt even just okay, much less fine or good.
and logically you know it'll probably be alright again in time, but the effort it takes to just make it through that moment is so exhausting that it just leaves you drained.
and it's not like you want to die, you just want the pain and misery to stop, and sometimes it feels like it never will. like you're just stuck on that endlessly-looping train track through hell with no stops to get off, and nothing will help you feel even minutely better at all.
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many-gay-magpies · 1 year ago
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aria0fgold · 7 months ago
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Tomorrow I'll also work on Mermaid Ray sketch after I get the timelapse of my Mermaid Alec art. Ray's mermaid version is gonna look different in a lot of ways, yall won't believe the restraint I had to use to keep myself from altering Alec's human half too much. Cuz like, for Mermaid Alec, he hunts both on water and land, he can conceal his snake tail via a water source nearby or grass and stuff and conceal his non human ears via his hair.
It's one of the ways he tricks people, so I needed his human half to look as human as possible. Mermaid Ray is gonna be limited to water only so I can put scales and stuff on his body! Yippee! I wanted to add scales on Alec's too but alas! To Ray that'd go instead.
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