#i am getting so frustrated and i just realised this may be because i might not have taken my meds today

[aro-aizawa]

*starts gnawing own arm off* why isn't there 75k+ words of in my personal taste of these fandoms? why must i reread the same like 5 long fics in the fandom i am currently in the mindset of and then get frustrated that i have read them too recently? grawrawrihakhrbwajhrwb

[garoujo]

saetoru is talking abt you on her private blog (@/clorindes) yuckkkkk

CW BULLYING, LITERALLY IMMATURE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA, SUB POSTING.

hi nonnie, thank you for letting me know! since i’m leaving this blog & this platform for the foreseeable future i figured i might aswell get a few things off of my chest before i go. i apologise in advance for the vibes this post will probably bring, the discourse & the posts that will ofcourse follow, but i honestly i am not the first person to be targeted by this creator and i’m sure i won’t be the last considering the amount of creators that have been bullied off of this app by them.

first off i’ve had multiple blogs that would be considered bigger blogs such as @/hvnlydmn, @/atsymu + now this blog which is the biggest of all 3. i think there’s a sort of unspoken responsibility that comes with being a bigger blog which i know is no fun but it’s also because it can be super harmful on a site like this, when people weaponise their following.

on that note i’ll start this post by saying that i’ve known tee for probably around 3/4 years, maybe? we were mutuals on hvnlydmn & atsymu and we continued to talk on discord even when i was off of tumblr. i will honestly admit to this day i have never had a negative interaction with tee to my face and she was genuinely supportive of me during any discourse i was involved in. i am not some angel, i’ve had my fair share of crap on this app (of my own doing) but this post is not meant to come across like “oh she doesn’t like me so i’m calling her out” no. im sorry if this doesn’t line up with my brand and my ‘victim complex’ but i’m not gonna lie down and let someone on a power trip on a hobby app drag me through the mud.

first off i had began to get some off vibes from tee when i had started writing on garoujo, notably when i’d just hit my first milestone which was probably around 1k. during this i had decided to move my instagram theme from my main blog to my writing blog.

i’d noticed tee subposting (on main and on her personal blog which i followed at the time) about someone basically using the same theme as her, which after then clicking onto her blog i realised was an instagram theme. i didn’t think much of it, again me & tee were friends and she hadn’t came to me directly so ignored it. i was still a new blog and trying to solidly an aesthetic (before the beige lol) so i changed my theme / masterlists / layouts a lot.

a few more sub posts later i decided to message tee about it because with every thing i’d change / post on my blog, there always seemed to be another post. so i messaged her and got this response in: (i’ve blurred out my irl name btw) open up pics for convo!

so i let it slide, kept posting & that was that. probably a few days / a week later, tee had soft blocked me which then eventually led to me being hard blocked. i was upset ofcourse because i genuinely considered tee a good friend but i’ve always been a big advocate in controlling your space.

this was when, one of our mutuals in common (the first of many may i add) approached me on discord to say that just like now, i was being ripped to shreds on tee’s personal blog:

again i was notably upset about this because i was being accused of not only copying her theme but also her writing & masterlists, we did have a lot of mutuals in common so it was also upsetting knowing they would all be seeing these posts aswell. i allowed myself one sub post about “creating a narrative” because i was particularly frustrated but tee then also subposted about this, even though she had me blocked?

i would also like to say regarding our mutuals in common that this was not the first or last mutual to approach me regarding tee. i’ve had multiple people tell me that “they’re only mutuals with her because it would be more damaging not to be” “it’s easier to be on her side”. also i am not saying this is okay but i’ve had multiple of her current mutuals send me not only her posts, but screenshots of her private, personal instagram & also tell me about how all of them and their friends had a running joke / theory that tee made up her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) for attention.

regarding the accusations from tee i’d like to first comment on the instagram themes, again i had done an instagram theme on my main blog but it seemed to only be an issue when it was on my writing blog that was gaining traction. if the timing was off and it seemed like i copied her, i genuinely have nothing to say except it’s not the case— it’s instagram (which tee already admits she doesn’t own above) also the hanma writing? i’m still not 100% sure which drabbles she was referring to but i can only assume that 1. is when i posted a drabble about hanma fucking you outside of his subordinates house — this was a almost completely word by word rewrite of a suna drabble i done on my old blog @/atsymu i literally just changed the concept to fit tokyo revengers themes. i can post screenshots of this suna drabble also from my google docs dated February when i deactivated. the other one may have been some basic concept about him fucking you against the window.

she also mentions in the very first recent screenshot at the beginning of this post that i have apparently stolen concepts of fics / posts from her mutuals. what i want to say regarding this is, do you believe that i would have made it this far on stolen work? i don’t know any of the mutuals she’s referring to apart from 1 which i’ll get into. but every single accusation i’ve ever received has always come from someone associated or in contact with tee, she has always been at the root of it all but i have yet to receive a single anon or ask about me copying or taking inspiration from anyone’s work.

i know there was apparently a blog and an ex mutual of mine, who i had a lot of respect & time for who was under the impression i’d stolen their concept for this gojo fic. the whole premise of this fic is honestly not uncommon considering how many times people losing control of their techniques / powers / quirks during orgasm has been done in fanfiction. this concept was completely my own, i had originally posted shitposts about him losing control of his technique & also him putting you into a mating press / breeding before i’d decided to smoosh them together into a fic. we all read from the same workbook, we all have the same material to work off of — two people in a fanbase of THOUSANDS having a similar idea is not unheard of.

now onto the masterlist banners. the screenshot on the far left are the comparison photos that tee made herself— i’m sure you’ll be able to see them in better quality when she makes her own post about it; because obviously that’s going to come. first off i will say, i will admit i took inspiration from her official art masterlist banners — i thought hers looked good and i needed a masterlist so i used official art. fair game there although i only kept them for a few days before i changed again.

but onto the grey masterlist banners, i can honestly say i did not even know tee had this masterlist, also the only comparison i myself see is the colour. the only reason i chose grey was because i had started to use a grey / white overlay on my manga panels for my layout (as you can see far right), and as you know— i’ve always kept my colour scheme pretty consistent. on that note, regarding the actual layout of the masterlists— i’ve added screenshots from atsymu (that i could find due to it being deactivated) that shows the layout of my old masterlists, which was what i took inspiration from for my current. although the title font for each heading like headcanons is different, i had used the sort of old style, basic font that everyone uses before i had deactivated so it would match my fic headers i just don’t have photos obviously.

anyway on the back of this there was then discourse over me apparently copying tee’s kinktober masterlist, which again was not the case. but again due to tee’s following i had received multiple death threats into my asks the morning after i posted mine. as far as i was aware, the only similarities were the fact we both used gifs in our headers & the layout listing thirsts, hcs & fics (which is very common during kinktober but i admitted below i could see that similarity). unfortunately during all of this discourse was when ffflowers, my hate blog also came into the mix which then lead to tee reaching out to me in dm’s from her old blog.

the interaction between me & tee was pretty good, again she was nothing but nice to me directly despite the way she obviously spoke about me in private above. but as you can see below, tee herself told me that basically most of the similarities all made above were brushed off as basic. we spoke about the ig themes & i apologised, saying i could understand where she was coming from and that was that. i unblocked her & she unblocked me so i could reblog her post, it’s been that way since.

it is not my place to comment on other people’s experiences on this app but i would need more than 2 hands to list the amount of people that i’m sure have had similar if not worse experiences with tee. i know i have had multiple mutuals who have been bullied off of this platform & had their safe space ripped from them for little things such as: liking a character that this group selfship with, tee and her friends not liking their characterisation. they’ve even went as far as to go through other larger creators notes to check for minors so they can make excuses as to why they’re thriving.

i also know of a blog who was ‘blacklisted’ from tee & her mutuals as they self shipped with arataki itto at the time, one of tee’s friends also did, so they blacklisted this creator and had all of their mutuals block them for this which then in turn drove this creator off the app. there has been other notably bitchy things that i’ve heard but i have no receipts for therefore i don’t see any relevance in starting rumours.

i would also like to say i know plagiarism is a horrible thing, we have all been through it— myself included but it’s got to the point where being accused of copying tee has become a canon event. notably, bigger platforms have been ruined and driven off of this app for little things such as mdni dividers, similar colours schemes etc. and it’s the reason i’m also leaving.

i will say i have met some amazing people through my discourse with tee, notably people who have been in similar situations and i also apologise to any mutuals who we still have in common who are now sort of stuck inbetween. no hard feelings. although to tee: id be careful of the people you trust because it seems the loyalties they have to you are not as sincere as you may believe. you can also go to her personal & read the other things she was saying about me like how she was always so ? at how many people seemed to like me.

so that’s all i have to say, i’m sure dash will get a few responses from this but i’ll be logging out & turning off asks because honestly? couldnt care less. the only thing i’d change about my experience on this app would be i wish i’d blocked tee sooner.

i’d say have a nice day, but instead, have the day you deserve.

— emmie :)

[yaniluvs]

hiiyaa !! >3<

well, i don’t know but i really just need to get this off of my chest. you can just skip this away because it isn’t really important, and i don’t actually expect any responses, i just wanted to get this out since i just don’t have anyone else to talk to about it. and this is whatsoever not gonna affect my blog by the way !! just wanted to exhaust for a bit.

thinking about how much of a red flag i am. this is not about romantic relationships, and this definitely just might be dramatic, you may think (if you’re reading), but i can’t help it. it probably is dramatic and i am probably overthinking it. but it’s just hard to not crave something. to not crave a shelter. to not crave a safe space. to not crave someone for you. to not crave someone who listens. someone who’s there always and you’re too. someone who you know you can trust. someone that might be really far away but still so close. someone who you are important to just as they are important to you. but then you realise no matter how hard you try, it isn’t true. you’ll never mean something important to them. while they’ll mean the whole world to you. and then it’s really not their fault at all. if anything, it’s yours, when you get attached so easily that you can’t pull away. and when you do, it breaks you, even if you don’t show it. but you do feel it right? keeping on a straight face while dying inside. you really just want the comfort. you want a getaway from the problems under your roof.

because all you need is assurance. all you really just want is safety. and even despite constant assurances by that person, you believe it at that time like an idiot, but at the pit of your stomach you still don’t. even though you badly want to. it’s just not written for you. countless people, countless times, but the same, repetitive thing each time. but you still give it a try. because you’re so desperate. but even when you actually stop looking for the right person, there is some way how that person comes to you and reaches out to you. even if you’re distant. even if you’re not opening up to them as much. but you get so delusional that you do open up and forget to protect yourself. like a fool. it’s not their fault, it’s yours. why are you clingy? why do you need to be reassured all the time? why do you want to know every bit about them? why do you tell them about yourself, probably being annoying and just yapping nonsense? why do you get upset when they get closer to other people? they ghost you, so? are they sick of you? why do you hide your actual emotions when they do not inform you about them hanging out with someone else, doing that thing that you two always did, not inviting you. why are you possessive but can’t stop them? why do you get so jealous and insecure that you just distance yourself? why are you such a coward to confront them? because it’s all your fault, not theirs.

you do everything for them but you’ll never on the receiving end. you say it’s fine. but is it really? is it really just a lot to ask for someone who cares enough? is it a lot to ask to just be left alone, because you prefer solitude over false hope, promises and expectation to prevent yourself getting hurt? because life throws you everything against it. you can’t stay alone, you can’t stay together.

and that really just hurts, it stings like crazy.

it’s like you’re trapped inside a stupid box and 4 walls and you just can’t get out. you can’t breathe— at all.

but again it’s you who’s wrong.

it’s always been you, and you can’t change it, despite you wanting to so badly.

i don’t know if the person who i’m talking about, will read this or not. i hope it’s the latter. it is very frustrating and i’d rather just be by myself instead of expecting false scenarios.

so yeah, hehe, that was a lot, lmao. ㅠㅠ

kinda feel a bit lighter after putting this out. this is honestly the only place i felt sharing and comfortable with right now. thank you my tumblr people, hehe.

anyway, if you did read, thank you so much for caring or just scrolling. i appreciate you, i love you, please love yourself too. you’re important, and you really matter. even if you don’t realise it. don’t make anyone else change that. find the one, or don’t. it doesn’t matter because at the end it’s really you against the world.

sorry for the random ass yapping😭 also thank you for 200+ follows??? i literally had just crossed like 100 last two weeks or something. enjoy reading, have a good day, love!

[sitp-recs]

that little forced marriage drabble from tacky has me thirtsty, do you have any recs for forced dating / forced marriage? 🩵

Right?? I am salivating over that wip, come answer for your crimes @tackytigerfic! I do, in fact, have a few recs for that trope (not enough! would love to find more because That Old Black Magic made me feral for it). I hope you enjoy these, please note that not all of them are enemies to lovers:

Take the Moon by @tackytigerfic (E, 15k)

Harry Potter has always wanted a family of his own, and when a deadly blood curse forces him into a marriage bond with his best friend Draco Malfoy, it looks like he might just have found one. It's just a shame they’d always planned to break up after a year…

The Marriage Contract series by @fluxweeed (E, 15k)

In what universe is it fair that marrying Draco Malfoy is the only way for Harry to get his magic back?

The Matchmaker's Spell by @kbrick (E, 21k)

Thanks to a spell cast over all of wizarding Britain, Draco is forced to marry Harry Potter, who still hates him. But Draco refuses to live a cold, sexless existence, choosing to fill the emptiness in his life and his bed with a parade of lovers. And while Harry may not be able to stand Draco, he despises seeing him with anyone else.

The Only Magic Left Between Us by @lqtraintracks (E, 24k)

Harry goes to the market and ends up having to save Draco Malfoy’s life with sex. He saves Draco’s life with sex and ends up with a husband. The last thing he expects in all of it is to fall in love.

You'll Still Find Stone by flightinflame (M, 42k)

Draco had to marry Potter to stay out of Azkaban. Narcissa told him he’d be safer there. But he doesn’t know what Potter expects from him - this marriage is nothing like he had been prepared for. Potter’s acting kindly, and he knows it’s all a trick. He’s just about coping, but trying to keep Potter happy becomes more important than ever when he realises he’s carrying the man’s child.

what husbands are for by @softlystarstruck (E, 52k)

To settle tensions between werewolves and vampires, Harry volunteers for a political marriage. But it turns out he's marrying Malfoy– cold, untouchable Malfoy, who he hasn't seen in ten years. Throughout contention and politics, werewolf pub nights and grudgingly shared meals, they have to make it work.

That Old Black Magic by @bixgirl1 (E, 77k)

Centuries ago, marriage contracts were the norm — ready-made alliances between families, expected and complied with, without complaint. But norms have a way of changing, and when a long-dormant contract flares to life, Harry has to navigate an unexpected splintering of the path he'd thought would be easy after the war... with Draco Malfoy.

Merlin Works in Mysterious Ways by lordhellebore (M, 82k)

When Harry is forced to form a Blood Bond with Draco Malfoy under threat of death, he thinks his future will consist of a cold home and sexual frustration. But when a group of left-over Death Eaters decides to stir trouble, their lives change completely – and it takes them both some years to figure out whether it’s for better or for worse.

Grounds for Divorce by Tepre (E, 122k)

Malfoy finds a coin. Harry finds a letter. A story about histories, a story about families. A story about a lemon tree somewhere in Upper Egypt.

The Marriage of True Minds by Lomonaaeren (E, 204k)

Lucius curses Harry and Draco into a forced marriage. They're only required to live together, not be together, and so they try to date other people. But over time, things change.

[thecoleopterawithana]

Hello!

I'm looking for a section of the lunchroom tape (from the Get Back sessions) where John says something to Paul along the lines of "I mean, you've only recently realised what you were doing to me". Does that ring any bells?

You seem to know your way around amoralto's archives, and I'm not having any luck searching there :)

Thanks!

Hi, @i-am-the-oyster (love the name, by the way)!

I think you might be referring to this section of the Lunchroom Tape:

JOHN: And it’s just that, you know. It’s only this year that you’ve suddenly realised, like who I am, or who he is, or anything like that.

I find this bit of the conversation particularly impenetrable; and all the more fascinating because of it. It's here that we have this famed exchange (whose full meaning still eludes me):

JOHN: Because you – ’cause you’ve suddenly got it all, you see. PAUL: Mm. JOHN: I know that, because of the way I am, like when we were in Mendips, like I said, “Do you like me?” or whatever it is. I’ve always – uh, played that one. PAUL: [laughs nervously] Yes. JOHN: So. PAUL: Uh, I’d been watching, I’d been watching. I’d been watching the picture. YOKO: Go back to George. What are we going to do about George?

I encourage folks to go listen to the full audio and transcript and try their hand at decoding it!

I don't know if it's accessible on the mobile app, but @amoralto has a separate page with links to all the Get Back excerpts, listed in chronological order. It's a pretty neat resource if you want to just binge through interesting little snippets from these sessions (some that made it onto the documentary, and many that didn't).

To those curious about the Lunchroom Tape in particular, here's a (play)list of all the transcribed excerpts, with @amoralto's descriptions for context:

We Have Egos

Over lunch, the remaining Beatles touch on George’s resignation from the band on the 10th, as well as a group meeting held the previous day which ended in less than desirable circumstances (with George leaving the room, frustrated by John’s persistently Yoko-filtered standard of communication). While Yoko contends that it would be easy for John (and Paul) to regain George’s favour, John points out that this is a more deeply-rooted issue than it may seem, compounded over the years by John and Paul’s treatment of George and his defaulted status within the group. Upon this problem of overriding egos, however, Paul suggests (passive-aggressively) that it isn’t just the Lennon-and-McCartney tandem that is causing George upset and consternation. 

Jealousy For You

As the problem of George’s current resignation from the band is discussed, John makes it about him and Paul wonders what it’s all worth.

The Way We All Feel Guilty About Our Relationship To Each Other

John contends with how the force of his partnership with Paul and his relationship with Yoko has negatively affected George and perhaps directly contributed to George’s walkout on the group three days prior.

Cabbage

During a discussion on how the rest of the group should move forward after George’s departure on the 10th, John wonders if they should get George back at all, suggesting his role as a Beatle is replaceable (unlike his own or Paul’s), and likens this unkindly to how Ringo first replaced Pete Best. Paul notes that John has been the top buck in getting himself heard (and getting his way) since the inception of the group (which John protests) and quickly reassures Ringo when he wryly declares himself to be little more than rabbit food for the group. Paul admits that both he and John have done one over on George, albeit unconsciously as an effect of the competition and unaware of how it may have hurt George in the process, but John argues that he’s known since early childhood how manipulative he himself can be, and has tried to curb it to little avail.

What You Are

In the middle of a personal discussion with John and Ringo about the band, its tenuous future, and their relationships with one another, Paul (in response to John’s admission of insecurity in the face of external pressures from the public and media to perform) is emphatic about his faith in them and their abilities and contends that whatever interpersonal problems they have can be resolved, for what their music is worth.

Working At A Relationship

While Yoko and Paul conduct their own conversation with each other, Linda talks to John about the inevitable difficulties any relationship faces - even in the context of a musical partnership - and why it doesn’t prove the relationship itself is an expired one. John (inexplicably or not) laments that the White Album doesn’t sound like the genuine, inspired band collaboration they achieved in the past. 

You've Got To Blame Yourself

As Paul encourages an unconfident Ringo to go ahead with his plans to record a solo LP, John hedgingly brings up his own apprehensions about following his instincts (especially when he’s not even sure what he really wants to do). In their inimitable and emotionally non-committal fashion, John and Paul engage in metaphors about intentions, conveying these intentions in actions, and how these actions may be conveyed by those who see it. (Basically: what John and Paul talk about when they talk about love.)

How Much More Have I Done Towards Helping You Write?

John and Paul have an obfuscating conversation about their songwriting partnership and creative process, which has been incapacitated by a lack of direction, misplaced (misread) intentions, and the unmet (unrealised) expectations they’ve inflicted upon each other. (In other words: issues. And some projecting of issues onto George, for good measure.)

What We're All About

In the midst of a personal discussion about working together within the band, John tries to explain the disconnect in their process, and why he can’t envision their songs the way Paul can. As both John and Paul circle around the issues of honest communication and (living up to) each other’s expectations, they eventually project onto George bring George into the quandary of the Lennon-McCartney partnership. 

[petitelepus]

So, I've been seeing these kny match ups and naturally in curious about mine cough um4. So I guess, I just put up the type of paring I want and go from there.

Here's all about spife for a yandere/romantic match up (my gender preference for a partner is men):

I'm a rather positive person, who has no time to spare for those who wish to put me down. Although, at first it may seem like I'm revealing too much (which I sometimes do) I have my fair share of secrets and allow myself to be vulnerable with only those I trust– I tend to shrink back into my little shy hole if I think I'm too much. I like complimenting people, like to remind them to not put themselves down and be kind to themselves even if they make mistakes. I also like helping people because it makes me happy to see people happy (especially those who need to vent, I'm willing to listen and be the shoulder to cry on, even if I'm a complete stranger). However, I am also very emotionally sensitive (I get the urge to cry if someone I really like yells at me or lectures me about something I find funny even if they're trying to help as they make me realise I'm embarrassing or have embarrassed myself). I am assertive when I need to be, although in a calm and composed manner (I lose my temper when I'm frustrated though I think I do well under some pressure). I possess a strong sense of justice and FIRMLY believe in fairness for all and (usually) when I engage in deep conversations with my friends, I tend to pity those who suffer of the cruelty in the world and criticise those in power who choose to do nothing aka corruption. I am a FIRM believer that strength must be used to protect and help others and that people must have an open ear for the broken and hurt (I cry when people cry or for those who are misfortune and end up praying for them at times though very rarely). I am also quite lighthearted, though. I can laugh at myself if I make a mistake and will bring up the memory for fun times. And useless fact, I am a sweet tooth. In general, I'm a sensitive, introverted ray of sunshine who also will uphold their beliefs no matter what anyone says and despite the fact that I tend to be too lenient, I will almost always end up confronting someone. In general, I have been taught by my mother to always be kind to others because you don't know what they could be going though.

That was long. I'm curious to see who I get! Have a nice day (⁠つ⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)⁠つ

Hantengu is Yandere for you!

Hantengu was scared of you when you first met, but despite being a Demon, you showed him the benefit of the doubt because of how frail and pathetic he was to even look at.

He could deduce that you didn't see him as a threat, not yet anyway, no, you seemed to pity him. The moment Hantengu realized this, he knew he could manipulate you as much as he desired.

He makes you believe that nothing is his fault, that it wasn't his fault he was a Demon, or that he had to kill and eat people to live… And you believe him, because of what your mother said about not knowing what others have gone through.

Oh, you're such a Saint, surely you would pity poor innocent Hantengu! He hasn't done anything wrong, he swears, but people still bully and torment him!

Hearing him wail and cry and seeing him tremble so hard his teeth are clattering, they make you cry for his sake and they activate that protective nature of yours and that is exactly what the Demon aims for.

But Hantengu didn't expect to grow so fond of you. Normally he would eat anyone in your position, but you are strong, not some normal human, and he could use another bodyguard.

…But he falls for you and your chivalrousness, only when Hantengu falls for someone, he will become obsessed with them.

He has to know where you are and what you are doing every single second of the day. If you are gone too long or he doesn't know where you are, he starts to cry so hard and call out for you.

You think you must protect him when it might just be you who actually needs protection.

You're so sweet, he fears that other people might take advantage of that kindness of yours. Just like he does, but he is different! He loves you! What's their excuse!?

You're stunned when you first time meet his clones, and you can tell they are strong. That's when you start to realize that maybe there was more to Hantengu than you thought yet you still stay because they won't let you leave.

Sekido has to be careful around you because he has a tendency to snap at things, but he is obsessed with you just like Hantengu, and doesn't want to scare you off. He will tell you that you trust too easily, but when you ask what he means by that, he goes silent.

Karaku loves seeing and spending time with you. He is the most laid-back clone, but he loves having a good time and highly enjoys teasing you. You're just so cute when you get flustered, he could eat you up!

Aizetsu is probably the only one who feels awful about tricking you into becoming their own personal human, but he doesn't do anything to fix or make things better for you. In the end, he loves you also and doesn't want to let you go.

Urogi thinks it's hilarious how you actually believe Hantengu's innocence, but even Hantengu believes so also; so in the end you are both way too gullible. That works for him though.

The point is, Hantengu won't let you go and if it's a fight someone may want, his clones are there to protect him and his special bond with you.

I match you with Gyomei Himejima!

The Stone Hashira could sense you before he could "see" you. You radiated this brilliant, genuine, kind, and courageous aura, it nearly left him speechless.

He is happy to meet you and is crying in a matter of seconds, stating that he can "see" your "strength", whatever he meant by that. The two of you hit it off immediately and grow a strong bond of kindness and respect for each other.

You take an immediate liking to Gyomei, and you may feel like you need to take care of or help him because of his blindness, but he assures you that he can "see" fine on his own and how things had been that way since his childhood.

That doesn't help and it makes you cry, knowing how hard life must have been for him. The Hashira chooses not to tell you about the actual sadness and hardships he had to endure because he doesn't want you to cry anymore. If you cry, he might start crying too. This does happen daily.

You don't hold secrets from Gyomei and he feels honored that you trust him so much that you are willing to share so much about yourself with him. He makes small mental notes here and there to remember later, like your favorite book or what sweets you like most so he knows to get you some while he is out there hunting Demons.

Gyomei admires your strong sense of justice and how you want to see the best in everyone and everything... But this can make you gullible and he warns you about it.

You may get a little upset by his remark, but he just wants you to look out for yourself also and think of yourself sometimes first. You are still a human and not a Demon so you can get hurt badly or die even and he wouldn't know what to do if something like that happened to you. He doubts that he could ever heal from that.

He wants you to stay safe, but you want to protect people like he does and he knows he can't change your mind about it... So he makes a humble request to Master to let him accompany you on your missions when he doesn't have any.

This means Gyomei doesn't have much free time, but every moment spent with you is even better than those moments alone in his manor. He loves to hear how you describe things to him and how you laugh at the silliest things.

A day doesn't pass when Gyomei doesn't thank God for lowering you on Earth. He loves you that much and wants to spend as much time with you as possible.

[waywardsou2]

The Cavalry has Arrived Analysis

Here it finally is, the long-awaited analysis of Season 2 Episode 15 of The Bad Batch. Apologies for the wait.

I would just like to say that this is long, like 4500+ words long, so I understand if it's hard to get all the way through, I'm going to post it on my Ao3 as well if that makes it more bearable to read. And also, it might be easier to understand if you watch the episode alongside it, but I understand if that is too much effort. Anyway, let's begin!

(Disclaimer I did have gifs and screen recordings I wanted to share but my laptop is being a bitch so you get screenshots and sourced gifs instead)

0:36

The introduction is missing its colour, the same way their armour is now missing its colour, I think that represents the chage they all went through at this point and the change that was to come.

Props to Wrecker’s perseverance.

2:22 “I knew Clone Force 99 would attempt to recover Omega, their failure is inevitable”

He is so sure of himself when he says this, Hemlock’s ego and over confidence was ultimately his downfall, he believes he has everything figured out.

2:26 “What I am working on is beyond your understanding, something so vital to the Emperor, it makes me, indispensable, unlike yourself”

The way Emery speaks of Hemlock makes me think he took her under his wing or took her for medical purposes (she may have been the first Omega) and she was loyal to him out of obligation. She is a Clone as well; I think like Tech she was built for advanced medical/scientific intelligence.

The timid nature of Ava and Sami makes me think they are either extremely young and have been here for a while or have both attempted to break out just like Jax did and they are afraid of being punished again.

6:22

Wrecker doing all he can despite the pain to make it to the base. He deserves more props!

If you’re dumb like me and didn’t realise – Project: Necromancer is what keeps Palpatine alive until the events in Rise of Skywalker

8:02

Omega knew that even if she was seen, the Zilo Beast would be the ultimate catalyst for the destruction of Tantis. Without having freed the Zilo Beat I doubt they would have been able to all make it out.

Despite all of Hemlock’s planning I don’t think he had a backup plan for the kids using the droid tunnels to escape and unleash the Zilo Beast as well.

8:53

The troopers that finds the kids in the vent are Clones which shows how far the dismissal of Clones has travelled. They already got rid of so many Clones that even on a secret base there are enlisted civilian troopers. Also, the fact that it’s a reprogramming facility full of Clones being inhumanely tested on would have made sense that there were less Clones serving there because seeing what was going on might have spurred on more deserters.

10:32 “Omega. She released the Zilo”

I love how Echo just knew that it was Omega based on how she had been on their missions and the influence the rest of the Batch must’ve had on her. He knew that the trail of chaos would somehow be hers. Presious.

[Personal note: I like the lack of Jedi in The Bad Batch, don’t get me wrong they are cool and all but it’s nice with them not being the center of attention for once]

11:15

When Crosshair is using the binoculars to look at the search patrols his hand begins to shake but it only starts shaking when he looks at them. I think that may be from the anxiety that he has undoubtedly developed. He’s remembering the fear of when he first broke out of Tantis base. He also inhales quite sharply, and it isn’t a tsk of annoyance, it’s the sound you make when something frightens you but you are trying to swallow it.

12:33 “Wake up Wrecker, Clone Force 99 died with Tech”

[ok so we are just saying that now?!?!?]

It’s a blunt and harsh statement but it doesn’t necessarily make sense in the flow of the conversation, he also directs it at an injured Wrecker, why would he do that? I think it’s because he’s frustrated and scared, he’s in a stressful situation and he’s venting his emotions. He doesn’t ever do that so he’s doing it at a time of heightened emotions. I think because of his trauma on Tantis, being back here is a huge trigger that he simply has an irrational emotional response to. It also shows how hard he is taking Tech’s death. Because like, why would he just blurt that out? He wouldn’t unless it was the underlying reason for his stress on top of the situation, they are presently in.

12:42 “I’ve been inside that mountain; I know what we’re up against. If we all go in, we’re not all making it back out. Omega needs you both. So, I’m doing this alone. It’s…it’s what I deserve”.

Hunter and Wrecker look at each other when Crosshair says “Omega needs you both” they immediately understood what he was implying, but I think they were also concerned that Crosshair was talking in such a way that meant he didn’t feel Omega needed him. But they’ve seen the contrary during times without him and on Pabu briefly. The way Omega reacted around him in the collapse Tipoca city and when he chose to stay away from them and when she was with him on Tantis. It’s obvious to everyone but him how much she cares about it.

It also highlights how Crosshair perceives himself, he doesn’t think he’s needed by his siblings and he doesn’t think he’s redeemable after what he has done, he doesn’t think they have missed or would have missed him if he were to be gone and he most likely doesn’t think he is useful anymore because of his tremors affecting his ability to be the sniper he once was.

He doesn’t see how much they all still love him. He is still their brother.

13:00 “Don’t even think about Plan 99 Crosshair, Omega needs all of us and so do those Clones”

Hunter jumps in right away to remind Crosshair he is still of value to them as a Clone and a brother, he may not say it directly but he wouldn’t have phrased it that way if that wasn’t what the underlying tone was.

By mentioning the other Clones as well he if further cementing that Crosshair has value beyond that, they need him as well.

13:13 “We do this together”

Wrecker further emphasised his use and value as a person by saying this to Crosshair. He is still their brother, and they are still a team, with or without Tech.

14:31 “The Zilo got out this way, so can we. What’s wrong?” “I’m not good with heights, I guess I’d make a poor soldier” “My brother Wrecker hates heights too, and he’s the strongest soldier I know. Just stay focused on what’s ahead, not what’s below”

Omega reaffirms the Jax’s fear instead of shutting it down, she builds him up by saying that a person she admires has the same fear he does, showing that he can still be strong despite his fear.

15:30 “Of course they will. Do it”

More proof that Hemlock believes he has everything under control despite actually having nothing under control.

16:08

I believe the back shot of that trooper’s head is Tech. If you look at the placement of his left ear compared to his right “ear” (our left, our right) the angle of his ear doesn’t match the placement of his other one, I believe that what we think was his ear on the right was actually the edge of Tech’s goggles.

Look at the way they move when they step out of the capsules, they move shakily and jarringly, they sort of look like Zombies right? And what project are they apart of? Project: Necromancer, what is necromancy? The process of bringing something back from the dead. (I feel like this was obvious but I only noticed it the second time around)

17:18

This seems to be a very practiced technique, but not one I’ve seen Clones use before, so I’m going to assume it’s something they’ve practiced and developed themselves. The way they move allows them to have eyes in every direction all at once. The rear Clone moving first each time so they can shuffle forward whilst still being able to look in every direction at once, this also means it’s a fresh set eyes every rotation so that if the last one missed something the other one might catch it.

They are staying in a tight formation so that no one is left out in the open and they can look out for one another. This seems to signify the closeness of them in more than just physicality, I think it also shows that not only are they still a well-oiled machine in terms of a team, but they have each others back as brothers as well.

18:09 “We need to fall back. Go, I’ll be right behind you”

Notice the difference of how he says this and what he says, this isn’t a sacrifice, it’s back up, it’s a calculated way to let them escape whilst still allowing him to follow them, one strategically placed shot and he’s out of there. He’s not sacrificing himself like he wanted to in the forest.

18:47

Despite his tremors he is still able to shoot the pilot, dead centre in the chest from 75+ meters out. It also shows that his tremors are not only an anxiety thing but a nerve damage thing, because his hand didn’t shake in this intense moment like it would have if it was entirely an anxiety.

Wrecker is fighting the hardest out of all of his brothers at some points I would say. He has a serious chest injury so bad his armour cracked and still he tries to carry Hunter away from falling debris and when Crosshair is kicked across the floor he still tries to get up and save his brother. Not only is he strong by nature he is mighty resilient. And with the electric spear that is thrust right into his chest over his wound, that has to be enough volts to kill him at this point and yet he’s grabbing onto it WITH HIS BARE HANDS and trying to pull it away.

19:20

Crosshair sees his brother in trouble and INSTANTLY tried to reach for his gun to shoot his brother’s attacker.

His hand instantly starts shaking when the CX trooper stands on his wrist, not does his hand shake but his entire arm starts shaking as well, its not just a tremor, it’s a trauma response. He is frightened, clearly and rightly so and still he reaches for his gun, desperate. The tremor then shakes his whole body when the Necro Clone is beginning to cut his hand off. He shakes violently.

19:30 “You should be more careful with your shooting hand”.

It may be a coincidence, but would the Necro clones really have time to pay attention to which shooting hand was each of the Clones? IDK this is more of an out their observation than an acute theory.

19:45

Sami reaches for Omega, scared of the blaster fire, its clear that she trusts Omega a lot now. I’m guessing there may have been fighting or a shoot out when/before she was taken to the vault. Omega holds her hand to comfort her!

21:07

Echo is just so chill about the other kids, despite the situation they are in and his prior knowledge of him hes calm, collected and his face even visibly softened at the sight of the timid children.

[Personal note: My brother pointed out that despite everything Emery is still quite blunt and blank – I think that’s because she was raised in an environment that didn’t allow her to develop fully in an emotional sense]

22:44

Hunter hasn’t made an audible sound of pain or discomfort past a groan this entire series, he seems to have high pain thresh hold. However, during this scene he’s clearly grunting at the pain, and knowing Hemlock and the threats and methods he used on Crosshair, this is most likely a more painful process than it has to be. When it stops Hunter is clearly out of it and loopy, but he is still fighting so hard, straining at the restraints with everything he has left, when it stops, he slumps considerably.

Hemlock is a sadist; he’s fucking smiling during all of this

23:13

Hemlock could have let Crosshair bleed out from his hand but instead he patches him up, knowing that even if he didn’t survive the conditioning again at least he would suffer for all the trouble he caused. Hemlock wanted him to live just a little longer to inflict as much paint as possible until he died.

23:36 "We'll survive, but you wont"

Hunter the badass he is talking smack despite being in pain

When the conditioning started up again, he actually screams, he was not prepared and was clearly struggling this time around.

24:29

The clones despite being free look really tired and worn out, they are most likely an older generation of clones and the must be hella resilient to still be kicking after their many attempts at conditioning.

25:06

Echo asks where their brothers may have been taken and the Clone at the front looks down and right – this means he’s recalling a memory/emotion before he answers.

He says “conditioning” really hesitantly. He’s remembering that place he’s afraid no afraid of.

30:56

Hemlock said “A glaring weakness in Clones is their loyalty to one another” I think that’s where he is the most wrong because it’s not their downfall, it an honourable trait and its why the Clone’s will always be better than the storm troopers. They are always willing to fight for one another.

[Personal note: Why the hell did we never get a full explanation on what Omega’ purpose was, we got some science her and there but never a full answer, that is so frustrating]

29:32 Echo doesn’t tell Omega to stay put or to hand back he says, “We’re on our way” The don’t treat Omega like a kid anymore. They treat her like a soldier because they know she is capable, and she has been through so much it further proves that fact.

33:00 “You’re forgetting one thing, I have them”

She trusts her brothers, unwavering, she is there for them and she knows they will be there for her, this warms my heart to an unimaginable degree

[Personal note: There is something so delicious about watching Wrecker yeet himself out of the restraints and fucking up the whole machine and one of the CX troopers. Especially since less than 10 minutes ago he was out cold, not to mention in a shit tonne of pain]

33:46

Wrecker sees Hemlock walk away with Omega and uses that adrenaline and rage mix to his advantage to fight back. He is much more hurt than the first time he was under pressure of that spear, but he fights back, and wins this time.

33:58

Wrecker looks so fucking mad, he’s usually a massive teddy bear with super strength but he’s not even Wrecker anymore, he just pure rage in Clone form. And he watches as Hemlock walks out with Omega and just loses it, he dives at the CX trooper with full force to give his brothers time to leave. This man deserves a medal.

34:38

Hunter is delirious and probably just woke up from being passed out and he speared that CX trooper directly in the chest into the wall. The strength that would have taken is something he shouldn’t have had in his state, the powers of adrenaline are quite remarkable.

[Personal note: THE BEGINNING OF THE FINAL CROSSHAIR / HUNTER TEAM UP!!!]

34:50 “I’ll find Omega, you should stay here” “Not a chance”

This shows how far Crosshair has come, not only in the few hours this episode has taken place in but over the course of the entire series. In Season 1 he wanted absolutely nothing to do with Omega and was quite harsh towards her, and now Season 3 where he is severely injured and refusing to rest until she is safe.

They are brothers till the very end, they hold onto each other lending the other the last bit of strength they have so that they can find Omega.

[Personal note: the amount of force Wrecker must have used to slam the CX troopers head into a solid wall, especially in this weakened state of his makes me wonder how much he has been holding back in the past]

36:10

It’s clear to see how much pain Wrecker was really in now he has finally stopped, and the adrenaline is fading. He most likely has several broken ribs, it’s a wonder he hasn’t punctured his lungs

36:40

Crosshair and Hunter are making sure they shoot for the same target, with Crosshair’s disadvantage and Hunters delirious state it can’t be guaranteed that if only one of them aimed for a target that they would hit their target. Which is why they both shoot Scorch (the fucking traitor)

37:11

Hunter knows Crosshair is going to be mediocre at best with his shooting hand. I assume that they have been trained to use both hands when shooting but everyone has a dominant hand, and Crosshair doesn’t have his anymore. Hunter allows Crosshair to rely on him, despite what I just said Hunter still trusts him.

37:21

Omega signals’ what she needs to do, Crosshair knows that he needs to shoot, he was built for this but he doesn’t trust himself anymore, he doesn’t want to risk hurting her.

37:40

Hunter tells Crosshair to make the shot, Crosshair hesitates, he can’t risk it, he can’t risk shooting her or shooting Hemlock and Omega going over with him.

“She knows what to do Crosshair. Wait for her, and take the shot” Now he doesn’t waver, he doesn’t hesitate, he’s out of time to do that, its now or never or they may not get to Omega in time and lose her all over again.

Hunter trusts Crosshair, he lets Crosshair use him as a stabiliser giving him the only aid he can, he doesn’t discourage him from the shot, saying “I’ll do it instead” he knows Crosshair can do this. He is undoubtably scared just like the others, but he has to stay strong for his siblings.

37:59

In the close up of his hand it shows how steady he is, he’s ready and he can’t wait, he has to do this now. He’s not using his preferred hand, the rain is obscuring his vision, he has just been under some heavy torture, but he manages to shoot this shot dead on.

38:08

Omega hits the deck immediately waiting for the barrage of shots she knows will follow.

6 shots, not only do they push Hemlock closer towards the edge to make sure they finish him off once and for all but it gets him away from Omega. I think this also symbolises a shot for each member of the Batch, they all went through so much at the hand of Hemlock they are going to make this count.

I think the internal thoughts were something like this: a shot each for Omega, how dare she be put through all that she was, she’s just a kid. (I’m counting their double shot as one combined shot) Hunters next two shots were for Echo and Crosshair. Crosshair’s next two were for Hunter and Wrecker and the final blow was for Tech. The finishing blow that made Hemlock fall, just like their brother did.

38:24

Omega runs to them but slows down when she sees how much they are struggling, most likely she wanted to dive bomb hug them Wrecker style but didn’t after seeing their conditions. Hunter, and I think even Crosshair smiles at her, they are so relieved she is safe, finally.

She looks smiling at Hunter and then at Crosshair but her face falls when she sees Crosshairs hand (or lack thereof). Crosshair doesn’t even look at it, not to silently say “I know” or “It’s ok” he looks at Omega and keeps looking at Omega, like she’s the only thing that matters right now. They can talk about it later, he doesn’t even acknowledge it, like its not important. The only thing that matters to him right now is her.

Omega lunges for Crosshair, sobbing, she probably blames herself in some way, that if they hadn’t all gotten into this mess he would have never have lost his hand. She’s probably over come with lots of emotions suddenly now that the heat of the moment has died down. She also might be emotional over the fact that despite his lack of a shooting hand he still hit the mark perfectly, she is proud of him.

38:34

Look at his face. He seems surprised like he expected Hunter to get the first hug, he probably wasn’t even excepting to get one at all. After the initial shock and Hunter being pulled into the hug as well, only then does he reciprocate. He closes his eyes, and his face softens, emotionally taking what just happened and enjoying one of the only hugs he’s ever had in his life (I would probably go as far as to say that this is his first real hug).

And when they are walking off the bridge he puts his arm on Omega’s shoulder, this is the most affection he has displayed all series and he’s doing it willingly.

40:36

The transition from the remnants of a stormy sky to the clear beautiful sky of Pabu symbolises the change and contrast between the events. The dark and stormy sky showing the horror and trauma all of them had faced on tantis not long ago and the change to the light sky signifies the end and their new hope for a life that they have chosen on Pabu and can now finally have.

[Personal note: Off screen I think Emery and Echo would have gotten along well together. I also think her, and Tech would have been close given the chance]

43:06 “Whatever we want kid”

He sighs as he says this, he relaxes but he also realises, they really do finally have the full autonomy they should have had from the start. He is physically able to relax for the first time in his life knowing he’s a Clone who has done his part and his existence is now his life.

43:32

Crosshair and Wrecker do the same. They all look at each other a silent confirmation of “it’s over this is the beginning of the rest of our lives”

Epilogue

44:44

She turns on the light and sees Hunter, but she doesn’t exactly seem surprised, she nods her head like she’s saying to herself she expected this to happen.

Her head band is Hunter’s old bandana. I feel like this is symbolic in the same way you “Pass the torch” onto the next generation. He wore it whilst he was fighting and now, he’s traded it out for another bandana and Omega has taken up the bandana because its her turn to fight.

45:20 “And we want to keep you safe”

He’s protected her through so much during Hemlock’s time, he still sees her as a kid, but he also sees her as a person. He understands the importance of choice because not so long ago he didn’t have any of his own. He doesn’t like it, but he understands it.

45:30 “You’re our kid Omega, always will be”

Just reminding you of this statement because rewatching it ripped my heart into tiny pieces.

I think that Omega told Wrecker and Crosshair she was leaving prior to getting to the cave, I know she would have wanted to say goodbye to Hunter as well, but if she had he would have never let her go. There is no way she left without saying goodbye to the others and I am dying on that hill. I also get the feeling that she knew the Hunter would find her along the way at some point so she wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye anyway.

This is more of a little head canon of mine but how would Hunter have known that Omega was leaving if they were not in the same vicinity, maybe such as living together in the same house. And that’s how he heard her sneak out in the dead of night.

45:48

Hunter looks like he wants to get up and grab her, hold her so she can’t leave. But he doesn’t, it’s the barest movement and I can tell he wants to desperately, but he doesn't. Like I said he knows the importance of her being able to make whatever choice she chooses now.

46:17 “Off you go”

She wasn’t looking for his approval, I’m sure deep down she wanted it, but she knew she likely wasn’t going to get it. But I think its symbolic of their relationship that he gave it anyway, he recognised it was time for her to go and he was going to make sure that she doesn’t doubt the faith he has in her.

46:30 “If you ever need us, we’ll be there”

They have well and truly hung up their armour but despite that fact, if Omega even hints at needing help from her family they will come running, guns blazing.

46:40

I like to think that Wrecker gave Omega Lula, despite it being pretty well established that Lula was basically Omega’s, that he still went to the effort of telling her to take it with her. And I also feel like Crosshair gave her Tech’s goggles saying something like “He deserved more time with you” or “He deserves to keep flying” something along those lines.

And that’s it, that is my complete analysis and thought process whilst watching The Bad Batch Season 3 Episode 15 ‘The Cavalry has arrived’ If you got to the end, I really hope you enjoyed reading this, it’s a big commitment so I thank you for sticking to this point.

Below are some other posts that i used to help add fact to my theories plus just some good takes I think you should look at

[pinkcannibal]

Could I request a Marilyn Thornhill x Reader, where reader is having a really terrible day because a series of horrible stuff keeps happening to Reader (For example reader's class work goes mising, her friend stands her up, something spills on reader's outfit and so on). Reader just ends up hiding in her room for the rest of the day. Marilyn notices that reader is missing, she goes to check on reader. Reader kind of jokes that she might be curse and that Marilyn should avoid her. Of course Marilyn doesn't like hearing that. So she does what she can to help reader feel better (I'll leave what kind of relationship Reader and Marilyn have up to you).

a/n so sorry for the wait! i promise im not ignoring requests just needing to find time to write them :) just wanna say as per most of my fics or requests reader is a student and 20. for this prompt its pre relationship. if you’re familiar with my writing i write marilyn not as laurel gates, but having laurel gates uhhh tendencies? so if requested otherwise that's her characterisation, i do also write for canon laurel gates!

-

title: it'll all work out

pairings: marilyn thornhill x fem!reader

tw/warnings: none kinda! just fluff, comfort, and mild panic attacks

summary: you can't cope with the intense wave of what the day throws at you, skyrocketing you into anxiety. and taking comfort in miss thornhill is the only thing that brings you back down

word count: 2160

requests: open!

It starts out like this.  

This morning, you slept through your alarm and were late for your Wiccan History class; so late you may as well not have showed up. And no attempt of explaining your situation stopped you from being handed a detention slip from your teacher- your ears burned in embarrassment at the action.

Then, two hours later, Wednesday made a seemingly inoffensive comment about your class work during a dissection and it was the way she said it that made you feel like all your hard work was actually unintelligent, uninspiring, and not worth handing in. And to top it all off, on the way to lunch, a tall, imposing fur accidentally bumped into you and you dropped your phone; cracking it right down the middle and making tears burn behind your eyelids when you picked it up because today sucks and nothing’s gone right and it times like this you wonder why you ever enrolled in this academy in the first place.  

Then it all comes fucking crashing down because when you finally, finally make it to your table, Enid reaches across the way with all her usual exuberance and excitement because her girlfriend Wednesday sits down across from her and she- 

Enid gasps, eyes wide and panicked as her thermos filled with hot coffee pours over the table and across to you. It soaks the class notes you were working on, just melting the ink of 4000 words from Botony class that you were slaving over and you immediately jump up, lips parting in shock as you move back from the liquid.

But it scalds your uniform, your skirt, and barely misses your thighs and you don’t even realise your eyes are being overcome with fresh tears until Enid exclaims.  

“Oh my god I’m so so sorry!” Enid rushes out, reaching out and picking up her thermos before it can go any further. Wednesday next to her widens her eyes, shuffling over slightly as it drips through the cracks in the table. 

You snap out of your shock, making a noise of panicked frustration.

“No, no no no shit-” You hiss, picking up the ruined essay and immediately dropping it at the temperature. But the damage is done, and you make this tiny noise that sounds like a pained whimper when you squeeze your eyes shut and run your hands through your hair, resigning to all that work being ruined. You bite your lip, so hard you want to taste blood. 

Enid, wide eyed and apologetic, looks like a kicked puppy at the mess she accidentally caused. “I-I am so sorry. Seriously, I was just-” 

A tear falls down your cheek. Fuck, could this day get worse?  

“It’s o-okay, Enid, you didn’t mean to.” You breathe out, trying to reign in your distraught panic attack that’s looming. The rest of the table, Yoko and Divina, look at you with matching pitying looks.   You flush and gather your things, unable to stomach their concern that feels like acid in your belly.  

“Um, look, I’ll see you guys later?” You rush to say, breath becoming laboured. “I just, I n-need to-” 

“Hey,” Yoko softly interjects. “Really, it’s okay, do you want one of us to come with you?” 

You shake your head, clutching your laptop and ruined notes that don’t matter anymore to your heaving chest. “No,” You blurt, pressing your lips together apologetically, then retrying. “No, I’m okay. I’ll um, I’ll see you guys at recess.”  

You leave quickly, the anxiety building and building so quickly you feel like you’re going to cry if someone so much as touches you. Your throat bobs on a sob wanting to escape, and you rush to your dorm and on the way scrunch up the essay in your hands and throw it in a nearby trash can and so distracted by your impending panic you don’t look up until it’s too late.  

You bump hard into someone, gasping and losing your footing immediately. You don’t hit the ground or fall, because two warm, comforting hands are righting you at your biceps and steadying your feet. “Fuck, sorry I-”  

When you look up, you blush, because- 

“Oh dear, are you okay?” Miss Thornhill breathes out, startled by the bump but covering it up with a polite smile that has your knees just, instantly weak. She’s wearing that green coat and red boots; she smells like the earth and rain and something so comforting you warm.  

Her hands haven’t left your arms and you feel even more unsteady and now because she’s here you feel like crying all over again.  

“Are you okay, honey?” She says, this little concerned furrow of her brows thrown your way and you part your lips trying to say something, but your eyes are glassy with tears and she called you honey, and you feel all melty and gooey inside.  

“Gosh,” She says, righting her glasses from the knock and softly chuckling. “I didn’t see you, I’m so sorry, you just came out of no-” 

“I-I’m okay,” You say softly, shifting on your feet. You watch Marilyn tilt her head worriedly at your shaking voice, and almost as if realising her touch, she delicately removes her hands, placing them in her coat pockets instead. You blush with how much you want them back on you.  

“Sorry,” You smile back slightly, clearing your throat. “I didn’t see you either. I’m just...super late for my next class.” 

You try and lie to save face, because you’re three seconds away from bawling your eyes out, but Miss Thornhill does this adorable scrunch of her nose, checking the inside of her wrist for her watch as she frowns.  

“Is that so?” She chuckles out endearingly, looking back up to you and sending you a raised eyebrow. “Your next class is mine, funny enough. If anything, you’re half an hour early.” 

“Oh,” You blush, stuttering as you realise the hole you dug. Marilyn sends you an amused look as you flounder. Then everything just- falls into you. The detention. Wednesday’s comment. Your phone. Your essay. The anxiety. And how just one concerned look from Miss Thornhill has you feeling like splitting at the seams.  

“I-I uh, must have gotten my timetable mixed up?” Then you sniff and bring your blazer sleeve up to your nose, shutting your eyes in mortification as your throat bobs and you whine on a cry. “Shit, s-sorry I just- I can’t-” 

“Oh, dear.” Marilyn breathes out in sympathy, watching you crumble inside of yourself and choke on a cry that bubbles past your lips. You can’t look at her, wiping at your eyes in frustration as you cry in the middle of the hall to the other woman like some pathetic child.  

“Sweetie,” She says softly, full of so much care and concern that you look up and flush red at how her hazel eyes are the most gentle you’ve ever seen them.  

Then she’s placing her hand at the small of your back, hushing you sweetly. “Are you okay?” She says kindly. 

You bite your lip, swallowing thickly as more tears escape. You shake your head, too vulnerable for words as you tighten your laptop and books in your grip against your stomach.  

Marilyn notices the reaction, eyebrows furrowing in worry.  

“Okay, you’re okay,” She says, coaxing and warm, and your neck goes red at the tone. “Do you want to talk about it? We can go to my classroom, it’s nice and quiet there, would that be okay?” 

The way she asks for your consent, how loving she sounds, sends you into a space you feel dizzy in. You nod softly, doe eyes looking up through your wet eyelashes to her. “I...Yes, please.” You breathe out, filled with so much relief your heart aches, pooling and pooling when her hand rubs in soothing circles to your lower back – something that sends shivers up your spine.  

- 

Miss Thornhill makes you chamomile tea from her own garden in the conservatory, and when she hands it to you her fingers brush yours and you feel unsteady again and the tears are back then she says “You’re safe here, nothing can hurt you, sweetie. Are you okay? What happened?” and it spills from your lips like water.  

At the end of it all, Marilyn is giving you this tender look, like she’s yearning to fix everything that’s wrong; and your hands are tight around the tea mug from where you sit perched on one of the desks, shaking as you stutter and speak through your tears. 

“And then Enid, she-” You whine, a frustrated noise leaving your lips at the memory as you screw your eyes shut. “She spilled coffee on my essay for your class and it was already late because you were nice enough to give me an extension but now it’s ruined and I feel like I keep fucking up and just-”  

“Darling,” Miss Thornhill interjects softly, stepping forwards and ducking her head slightly to catch your gaze. Darling. Darling. You feel your lower belly swarm with need at the term as you blink back at her in bashfulness. The other woman then gently unwraps your hands from around the scalding tea and places it beside you.  

Instead, she takes them in her own, rubbing softly and gently into your palms as your breath hitches and cheeks warm.  

“Shh. It’s okay. Take a deep breath for me, okay?” She says warmly, and you instantly copy her as your eyes flick down to her chest, rising with a breath that calms you instantly.

“That’s it, good job, honey.” Marilyn smiles kindly to you, and the soft praise has your throat drying and stomach flipping as you look back up and bite your lip.  

“I’m so sorry that happened,” She murmurs sincerely, eyes so genuine and kind behind her glasses that you almost forget how close she is right now. She’s almost between your legs with how she holds you, and your chest picks up at the thought. “That sounds like an awful, terrible day, sweetheart.” 

Oh. Okay. You’re floating now, you’re sure of it. 

“Yeah,” You breathe out, shifting in your spot, earnestly trying to get impossibly closer to her. If Marilyn notices, she doesn’t comment, but she dosen’t move away. “It was.”

You wince then, groaning and blushing when you remember. “And I’m really, really sorry about the essay. I can get it finished tomorrow if I-” 

Miss Thornhill snorts, shaking her head in amusement at you and fixing her glasses. “Oh gosh, that’s hilarious if you think I’m worried about that.”  

You widen your eyes, tilting your head. “What?” You stammer. “But, it’s worth like, twenty percent and I’m already two weeks late.” You stress. Marilyn squeezes to your hands, softening at your words.  

“There is no way I’m making you redo it after the day you’ve had, okay sweetie?”  

You part your lips, heart so heavy with love for her it stuns you. And you don’t really know what to do other than feel tears well in your eyes again, and suddenly your chest goes weightless and you dart forwards, wrapping Miss Thornhill in a hug, arms slinging over her shoulders.  

It forces her so close to you, you almost pull back as you feel her front pressed between your legs and brushing up against your thighs - and before you can die of embarrassment at how needy for her affection you feel, Miss Thornhill is making this noise of surprise at your action, a tender “Oh,” leaving her lips that feels like cotton candy inside your lungs. 

But then her arms are wrapping back around you.  

You feel her breath hitch as you bury into the soft spot of her neck, squeezing your eyes shut and holding tight. Marilyn holds back, hands soothing up and down your back as you cling to her.  

“It’s okay,” She coos, next to your ear and making you melt. 

“You’re okay.” Marilyn says softly. “I’m here.” 

[lacaptaine]

Summer Scribblin'

DISCLAIMER: I MAY HAVE TAGGED IT AS ARTHUR WITH READER BUT IT ISN'T ROMANCE, JUST FLUFF, AND CUTE FAMILY LIKE DYNAMIC. THANKS.

Hello, this is my first contribution to fandom ever and like; I barely write. Just so you know, I am no writer, unless I feel like it. I needed to however get this idea out of my system, because I believe Arthur deserves to feel a little happy for a moment. I'm leaving a link to ao3, but there's also a tumblr text version below. : )

Arthur Morgan has a soft spot for children, change my mind.

WORD COUNT: 2,391

____________________________________________________

SUMMARY: He may be a terrible man; until a child comes along. That's where his heart melts, paternal instincts kicking in rather immediately. With that, we see the Outlaw finding himself enjoying the presence of a peculiar youngling, who doesn't seem to speak much.

Humid was the air on this land, almost like one would jump into a pot of boilin' stew. It almost felt impossible to breathe at times, many of 'em outlaws seekin' shelter under the confines of tree leaves, some optin' for minimum amount of layers to cover their bodies. Terrible damn weather.

One of 'em outlaws, 'spite the rather unpleasant conditions, still decided to sit in here and scrawled like an angry, bad man that he can be, his large hand holdin' his pen in a tight grip, its tip runnin' in quick strokes. His brows were pulled down, creating a fresh pairs of wrinkles on his sweaty forehead. One of the fellow members of his gang, whose mouth ain't ever stopped runnin', had a lot of things to say 'bout today's action in the town, criticising his alleged lack of backbone. Fuckin' moron; one who'd rather come in 'n watch everyone's brains splatter all over the walls, at times leaving one wondering whether the numbers matter to him only in terms of money, or with the numbers in question being 'bout casualities. The higher the amount for both, the better he felt, one would assume. The cowboy's fingers stroked over slicked strands of blonde hair as he sighed deeply. He ain't got the patience for the bastard, and he's come to realise that it is indeed better for the sake of keepin' it together if he'd ignore him. After all, at the end of the day, the moron's gettin' real kick out of it. He's just a waste of breath, waste of space, waste of mind, waste of food, waste of... 

Alright, maybe he will focus on appreciating the wildlife, instead. 

After he was done with givin' his frustrations a little outlet, rather than a bullet to the previously mentioned fella's head, he turned the page, and opted for drawing, a particular hare catching the man's attention. It didn't move, so it proved to be a perfect opportunity for him to drown in the world of, uh... bunnies. It's better than causin' more fuss.

Not so long later, a gentle padding of boots against the ground reached the man's trained ears; however, suspecting that it's just one of the gang members passin' by, he didn't bother lookin' up, having found nothing close to eagerness for conversation. At some moment, soft footfall stilled on the grass, right next to him, what he assumed could be someone waitin' for him to speak.

'What is it?' he inquires, rugged voice rasping out, in a manner which one might find threatening, blue eyes remaining set straight on the paper in front of him. The answer, however, has never been granted to him, deepening the scowl on his face. Leaving the questions hangin' in the air was always a lil' bit of a burden. 'Whaddya-'

With a turn of his head, his sight is welcomed by a particular person, a new... rather small member of their gang, leaving cowboy's face scribbled with bewilderment. She stood there, her height barely reaching past his reclined form, her facial structure being an epitome of innocence. Tiny hands clasped right in front of herself, her head bowed like one of a fawn's. 

'If that ain't... hey,' he greeted, having cleared his throat. 'I, uh... You want somethin'?' The outlaw fixed his expression almost immediately, opting to give a child a smile which oozed warmth and safety, almost forgetting 'bout whatever the hell's been on his mind just a second ago. He wouldn't want to scare the youngling with a a mean look; 'specially since he was able to see her own cheeks roundin' up into a bashful smile itself. She couldn't have been livin' here on this earth for longer than five years, though he cannot tell with them kids. What he knows is that the man has a special set of behaviours reserved for small folks like her, and that the poor thing needs friendly faces to get accustomed to. He is a terrible man, one that kills, one that beats people up and robs the hell outta 'em, but he didn't have the heart to just be another mean bastard when it came to children.

There's a case of her peculiarity that everyone's been rackin' their brains about. First, the kid didn't speak. No one was able to come up with the reason; she seemed to hear just fine, although she merely responded with a glance; if she bothered sparing one, which brings another aspect. It could always been 'bout the fact that she were a little one, nevertheless, eye contact proved to be challenging for her; her gaze always averting as soon as someone returned her own. It left several members wondering about the history behind this quiet girl, other than the tragic circumstances surrounding her discovery. For now, they opted to making the child feel like at home. She hadn't got anyone else to turn towards, with the The Outlaw finding the lost youngling alongside the Leader of the gang a few months back. Her wailing, and a couple of lifeless bodies were enough backstory for them to come to a conclusion that the poor child was utterly alone in this harsh world.

With that, the man suddenly realised that it is the first time he's able to see the colour of her eyes, the curious lookers taking in the sight of a journal in his hands; more specifically, scribbles he had done a few days back when he was on his journey through the forests of West Elizabeth; as the pages turned when he wasn't holding them in place. He always had it with him, this journal; something about the world around him capturing his interest everytime, with paper providing space for his thoughts, or even doin' as much as letting him capture quickly what he had seen. Interestingly shaped trees, wonderfully coloured flowers, animals; funny lookin' or not, always ended up finding their own place in his journal. It ain't like he shared it with anyone, it was after all so personal to the man. A child, however, was enamoured by little drawings he did, fascinated by the details of a wild hare on a page, her tiny mouth slightly open. With one last glance at the man, she hesitatantly took a step towards him, with an expectant gaze, her finger pointed towards the small patch of grass next to him. 

'You, uh...' The Cowboy repeats her gesture awkwardly. '... Wanna sit with me?' No response aside from an endearing tilt of her head, as if he were lookin' at a pup. He found himself unable to resist a gentle laugh, even if he were quite unsure of how to go on about with this one. Something 'bout this youngling just had him in her tiny grasp; that much was clear. She needed someone to make her feel safe, having her childhood ruined in such a cruel manner. Warmth washed over him; because it truly is the first since she were able to hold the eye contact with him, as if she were finally opening herself up. 'Alright, come here, Lil' one.'

Perhaps, it will be best if he were to repeat himself, that's for sure. In an inviting manner his large hand moved, tapping it against the green ground next to him, the seat she eagerly took. 

'Ah... Look at you, comin' outta your shell, yeah?' He encouraged further, with the toddler glancing up at the man's face once more, with a small giggle. Then what follows... Silence. As usual. A nod of his head, and he thinks for a moment, feeling her stare on him. "What should he do?", he wonders, scratching his rough chin as he tries to think of ways he could entertain the child... While she ran tiny fingers over the clean sheet of paper, as if she found the texture rather fascinating. Ah, well, it... it's his... Well, private belonging or whatever, but it ain't like the kid will steal his journal and run away with it, no. She is very polite when she makes a bashful gesture of her hand, as if to ask him if she may hold it, if she can use the sheets of paper, and something about it just melts his cold heart, devoid of any kindness, or so, as he likes to believe...

'Here you go,' he said simply, the journal traversing through his hands to her own, because for how long can he resist his paternal instinct, the one he thought had died a long time ago? He's a bad man, he thinks. The youngling skips over the pages with words, a natural instinct to be more drawn towards the pictures of flowers he'd made.

'My, a real connoisseur of art,' the man laughed, but the girl haven't looked up at him, her eyes observing the sketch of a deer with intrigue. 'Not like I'm, uh... any artist or somethin'...' He was a tad awkward, that's for damn sure. He was a rugged outlaw after all, a terrible man, robber and a killer of the worst sort. Seein' small folk like her just makes him... Wonder what makes a little pup like her want to hang around with him. 

After a moment, the child looks up at him with a bashful look on her face, almost apologetic in a way. Her hand slightly raised to her face, tapping her finger against it. Oh.

Suddenly, it all makes sense now. 

The outlaw cleared his throat; right.

She ran into an empty page, rubbing her round nose with fingers deep in thought, before her eyes peeked into the pen in his hand, gaze that the Outlaw followed with utmost attention. He didn't know what to think, it ain't like... Ah, those damn children. 

'Wanna, uh... draw? Scribble a little?' His speech was slow, giving her the time to observe the movements of his lips. The pen was raised, its tip drawing circles in the air, while he pointed at the journal in the child's hand. Trying his best to make an attempt at finding a different way to speak and help her understand his intentions, past the verbal communication, he saw the child next to him lighting up all of sudden, a reaction that got him smilin'. Smilin' to a point where his cheeks hurt. She perked up, like little, baby deer, and it took all his strength to not melt as her tiny fingers took the extended pen out of his large hand.

This precious thing was overjoyed, that much he could see. It's like the pen transferred an energy that's been waitin' for its release since the day she was born. The child doodled, using the simplest shapes to portray different creations of nature. A big tree on the left, with a sizeable flower that reached half of its height; a smiling cat with three whiskers on each side of its muzzle, probably havin' in mind a feline that she may have seen at some point in her life; equally just as big, and a little house. The Outlaw, normally, wouldn't have it within him to just let someone scribble all over his belonging, but god damn it. It's a child. Ain't like they got much paper lyin' around for free use. If that means seein' a the little duckling happy, so be it...

The man saw a red squirrel running right in front of them, stoppin' every once in a while to check the surroundings. And of course, he didn't have the heart to stop the little artist in the heat of her passion, but he couldn't let the opportunity for her to see the curious animal just pass! He nudged the girl gently, just on her arm, and pointed at the rodent that tried to jump over the tree. It took her a moment, her eyes being squinted in focus, before relaxing when she saw it. 

'Look'at it go, almost as tiny as you!' The man laughed gently, lookin' down at her once more, seein' that she's already traced the lines which resemble the squirrel; the girl havin' made sure to emphasize long ears and fluffy tail. The animal on the paper was almost as huge as the cat next to it. He's a bad man, and yet, he couldn't resist the smile that's been plastered on his face for a good few minutes now. She may not have been as expressive as other children he'd see, but when the baby giggled, when her lips curled up, or even when she did as much as she scrunched her nose in focus; warmth washed over his cold, cold and, once again, cold heart. It's like the girl melted it, and stole it, the precious little thing she was, paternal instincts resurfacing within him once more.

And then; just like that, he saw a sketch, and his eyes widened slightly. On a page he sees a drawing of a person... A man with a beard, a hat on his head, with a scarf wrapped aroung his neck, and the widest damn smile on his face, like the one of a fool's. The Outlaw wiped his mustache, taking into his hands the journal she had extended to him, with that expectant look on her face. She waited for that nod of approval, needing it more than anything at this moment; an approval that he, this rugged man, granted. Of course, he knew who that fella on the page was; it were him, or, how the toddler saw him as. A big fella with a hat, who smiles at her widely. He wasn't an outlaw to her, or a goddamn cowboy. To the girl, he was just a nice man who let her draw in his journal, who kept her safe from dangers of cruel world, which took her childhood. Possibly the first person she had approached on her own ever since she found herself in the gang. 

And that is something he couldn't wrap his head around. How is it possible, that he; a person so terrible as he is, was the one that this kid somehow wasn't threatened by?

And god, why was he smiling so much? He cannot tell. 

What he can tell, however, he hasn't done that for so long. 

And that her own smile, he wants to protect. 

[tleeaves]

Okay, but can I be real a second? (Resisting the urge to continue dumb musical lyrics cause I may be a nerd but I am NOT sinking musical theatre kid nerd low)

People who know me, especially in person, tend to think of me as confident. They don't really seem to grasp that I can get nervous or shy. I approach random people to make friends, I can flirt when I put my mind to it, I can get phone numbers and socials, I can land work opportunities and deals - but as a kid I was basically mute anytime I was in public for so, so long. I didn't like talking. I was whisper quiet, I mumbled. I had to repeat myself a lot. I even stuttered. I was a tiny, underweight kid who looked like I wouldn't last another winter. I felt small as a mouse.

The only reason I ever grew confident was because assholes (said affectionately cause not all the people were actual assholes) pushed me out of my comfort zone. Or something would happen that I realise I could have done better if I'd just spoken to a person.

But there's still people I just. Can't. Seem. To talk to. And that's frustrating for me after I grew into someone so outwardly confident that I can basically brag about being able to approach anyone. My own damn friends applaud the skill.

So, when I suddenly come across someone that makes me go mute because they're just too intimidating for even me to talk to, I hate it. I want them to like me so bad but I feel like I don't know the right thing to say. I've learned the right things to say to people. But some just aren't as easily won over. So I get lost and don't know what to fucking do.

Sometimes it might even just be because they're too pretty or cool or interesting. I become a kid at a playground again who kicks at the dirt and can't ask the other kid if they want to play a game together. It's humbling. Humiliating. I still don't know how to overcome it without looking and feeling like a fool.

Anyway, the fuckers who I can't seem to talk to better count their days because they're ruining my reputation as being brave enough to approach anyone.

[dashielldeveron]

Hi Dash! I hope you're doing well. I'm writing this ask literally 1 hour before I need to leave for one of my sem finals (which I'll be fine at hopefully, since I studied). But while I was anxiously awaiting purgatory, I read one of my favourite of your works again - Monoma's route in Soulmate Trope. Istg I am not exaggerating, no writing has made me laugh harder than that single scene where he just... wordlessly pulled down his pants. I laughed so hard that my roommate had to come check on me. And the word "cum gutter" had dealt irreversible psychic damage to my brain. Sometimes while doing some mundane stuff, I think back about that scene, or countless other scenes from the book and had to remind myself I'm in public. I've only watched MHA up till season 3 and a bit into 4 but I was kinda already spoiled about the ending, so I'm so in love with the world you build there. I've always kinda wanted to try writing my own work because I sometimes have a budding idea that had me go, 'oh I think that'd make an interesting story', but then I realised I suck at writing. Writing just 1000 words took me an hour or more, I don't know how you wrote 60k words for 1 chapter!! That's absolutely insane. Also also, because your writing is so hilarious, when you get emotional, it hits so hard. "and i've gotta crow" is absolutely one of my all time favourite fan work, though idk what the title means. My writing, just after the first few paragraphs, feels like sandpaper to read. But your work really inspired me to want to at least try, even if I don't post anything. Especially after my finals, I'm going to try shitting this one idea out of my head in the summer (oh I'm in Australia so my summer is almost here). So yeah thank you for making me laughed so hard and also fingerbanged my heart. If you have nothing better to do, would you mind sharing your general writing process with me? As in, is there a forbidden jutsu move that amazing authors use when writing? For me, I feel like I'm typing and deleting and retyping until it forms a coherent sentence, but after putting them together it's dryer than my chicken breast that I forgot for 30 minutes in the oven. If not it's okay too, I hope you have a wonderful day!

yes.......YES.........let the monoma adoration flow through you!!!! we need more people in our monoma coterie!!! it's now you, me, 📌 anon, and like, two other anons i believe???? we are officially a Club, i say!!!

writing discussion/advice/process under the cut

okay, who told you you suck at writing? and why do they think so??? odds are you don't. odds are, you're overthinking your own work too much. when i look at stuff i've written, i see the writing process in every sentence, and odds are, you might, too. seeing the process takes away parts of being able to immerse yourself in the writing. so, your stuff probably isn't bad; it's just that you know all about how it was made!!!

writing takes me a long time! mostly bc i have academic/work writing to do all the time, so writing fic as my breaks from work isn't always efficient and fun. and i'm pretty sure some people may get frustrated with me for taking so long to update, but that's just how my life is rn. it's ultimately perfectly fine if you take a long time, though, because this is a hobby. we're not getting paid for this. we're providing art for free.

anyway......my process.....hmm. well. step one is to be haunted by visions.

step one is actually to think about that first idea you have to spark the fic. doesn't matter if it's in the middle or end, or anything. and you want to consider what kind of people would get in this situation (helps define what kind of character reader will be) and what could possibly lead up to it. it's okay if it seems like a bunch of disjointed ideas at first.

i am a big outliner, but i always allow seredipity during the writing process. as in, if something starts happening that's cool that i didn't plan, i'm cool with it, so long as it makes sense for the characters.

so, if i start a fic, i will start with an outline that's just a list of things i want to happen in the fic. sometimes it's specific events, and sometimes, it's something like "and they get romantically closer here through some tragic accident." put those events in an order that makes sense for the emotional progression of your characters.

i also keep running lists of hot lines of dialogue that i come up with, sexy outfits to put people in, sexy gestures, domestic things that would ruin me, or other fic-specific lists--like for tenko's soulmate route, i kept a running list of weird facts that reader could bring up. not many ended up going in the fic, but still.

like, this is a screenshot of a working outline/list from aizawa's route:

not all of this happened!! and more scenes got way fleshed out!!! i plan for Large Events and Emotional Resonance, but i am open to strange directions that just happen while writing the scene itself, so long as i get to where i need to go eventually. like.....the only one bed stuff on the undercover mission never happened, because suddenly, the club scene got super detailed, and aizawa would probably be too exhausted to spend the proper time having the argument, let alone sex, with reader that night.

but basically, i always want to know where i'll end up, even if i don't know how i'm going to get there. because the process of the characters getting there is where fun, detailed, character work happens. bc if your characters are distinct enough, they'll drive the story more than whatever plot you have.

i'm not every writer ever (obviously), so i know that more thorough outlining or not planning at all works better for other people!!! maybe try experimenting with completely planning and completely pantsing some shorter stories to see what works better for you.

i don't have a daily routine for writing bc i am Busy All the Time, but i carry a notebook in my purse if i am struck with visions, and when i type on my computer, i usually turn on an ambient mix from ambient.mix.com to block out other stuff. usually, i can find an ambience to fit the mood of the scene i'm writing, too lol, which doesn't necessary help but makes things more fun.

i honestly think i spend more time daydreaming about the story than writing it?? i am a big advocate for daydreaming. it's important that you spend time thinking about everything that could go wrong, bc it often makes for a better story if it's fucked up, somehow. idk it may also be bc of work that i'm away from a computer so often. i like writing in the notebook by hand bc it's less pressure to make it "good," and so i can edit as i type it in a word doc later.

and editing is, of course a huge part of the writing process!!! i would say it'd be weirder to write a sentence just right the first time, as opposed to deleting and rephrasing repeatedly! you're doing just fine!

but i wouldn't say there's any secret besides doing it a lot!!!! i know i'm not a great writer, but i know i'm okay, and that's the result of working and practising it for about two decades now. i just have practise, read a lot, and spend a lot of time, academically, discussing written stories.

so!!! if you're feeling like your stuff isn't as good as you want it to be, you just need to start allowing yourself to suck!!! nothing is perfect the first time!!! and eventually, you can edit your sucky stuff into stuff that's compelling.

good luck with your semi finals and finals!!! and thaaaaaank you for 1) valuing my advice as an artist (gosh!!!!!) and for 2) saying such nice things about the silly little stories i write!!!! it means a lot to me!!! you're so kind!!!!! i hope any of this helped at all!!!! and i hope your day is peaceful!!!! xx.

[talenlee]

Alethic Value

I am so sick of the only stuff I enjoy being slice of life bullshit! These past few seasons of anime have not had anything I found even slightly enjoyable that isn’t, somehow, at its base level, a grounded story about a real space told with animation! Why aren’t I watching things where people use laser swords or have shapeshifting raven powers or creep around in dungeons?

Oh, because I tried all those things that include those ideas and I think they’re bad? All of them? That’s rough. Shame. Maybe the people who make anime should get around to making anime I like again.

This isn’t about the anime that are bad and yes, I did try Dungeon Meishi and no, I don’t like it, but this is rather about the realisation that I have a feeling and a preference about the anime that I like to watch and in this moment I am frustrated by the play space of these stories in terms of their unvaried alethic value.

But hey, you may ask, what’s alethic value? What a weird turn of phrase. Does it come from somewhere? Well, yeah, it comes from Greek, which is one of the uniform languages of smartypants and academic terminology. In philosophy, Alethia is used to refer to the idea of truth or disclosure — and here’s our first pause because the person who popularised that term is Martin Heidegger. Heidegger is a dude with a lot of complicated ideas but also any time he comes up I feel the need to share that that guy was a Nazi. This can be upgraded depending on the scenarion into ‘Nazi, well,’ or ‘Nazi, but’ but I feel like if I don’t mention that Marty Heidy’s A Naughty Nazi I’m leaving something important unsaid in the conversation.

Anyway, Alethia isn’t just ‘true’ness, in the philosophical discussion, it’s something else, a secret third thing, but I’m not going to get bogged down in that even though we’re talking about ontology which is a discipline that owes a lot to Martin Heidegger who got promotions at university by reporting on the Jewishness of various people who were directly above him in the organisational structure. Ontology is the philosophical consideration (because it feels weird to call it ‘study’) of being. Like, anything being. The fundamental concept of things existing.

Ontology’s heavy, but don’t worry, we’re not using it, not properly. We’re driving by ontology’s house and throwing a brick, it’s fine.

Anyway, there’s this literary scholar, Marie-Laure Ryan. In her writing about fiction and literature, she has this text called Ontological Rules, in which she describes categorical approaches — a playful approach really — to the consideration of types of stories. It’s a lengthy list and it’s super interesting, including a consideration of the individuals involved — are you literally only using real verifiable people who existed in your story? What kind of natural species exist? Are the natural laws available but subjugated periodically?

But the thing is, the top layer of all of this is a consideration of the alethic values of the world. Alethic values in this context, discusses the idea of the modalities of truth. That is to say, how does the world of the fiction engage with the reality of the primary world. This conversation gets really interesting and weird because of course, reality is as we understand it not subjective, but functionally it is subjective. If I put aliens in a story, that doesn’t necessarily mean the story isn’t historic fiction if I believe that aliens are real and the reader believes aliens are real. But if aliens aren’t real (at least not the way the story is representing them) then suddenly we’re left with a story where the modality of truth has to kind of dial into a mean from a communal whole that nobody can necessarily connect.

If you believe in magic, stories about wizards might well be historical fiction, to you.

Heck, Star Wars represents itself as historic fiction and modern day Jedi believers may well consider it to be the same.

What makes this extra complicated is that there are a lot of normal unrealities that everyone believes in. Hey, what’s Australia like? Wrong! Unless you’re Fox, hearing me say this, or one of the small number of Australian readers I have. But you have a way of seeing Australia represented in your mind and that representation is based on an assumption about what is real that may be just factually wrong.

But here’s the big thing about alethic values as boundaries on what ‘reality’ can include in the context of the storytelling of a universe: We don’t like when alethic values sequence to one another.

If you’re playing Skyrim and someone has a book in that world about hey, these are the stories of the seven starskalds in their space horses that cruise through the skies and travel from world to world and encounter all sorts of monsters of the week and that, people go ‘hey, that’s bullshit.’ Right? Because somehow, the idea that there is fiction in the universe of the fiction of the game, that fiction itself has to be bound within the parameters of that universe. Because the idea that characters who see unicorns have a vision of what normalcy means creates an entirely different relationship of those fantastic characters to the fantastic. To you, unicorns are bullshit, but in their universe, unicorns are real, and how much can you imagine those people having the ability to dream up the Starship Enterprise?

And there’s also just this idea of nonsense gaps; they don’t need to dream up spaceships right, because they have magic and dragons and just go to other worlds. Even worlds that are meant to have a vibrant fictional world, like again, Star Trek, it doesn’t largely represent theatre and the arts except as emulations of our now. There’s a deep indulgence in (human) history, and like, I get the problems of representing the vastness of that alethic gap, where you have to dream up a guy and then dream up that guy’s dreams?

I want deeper alethic value. I want more variety. I want some cool shows about fuckin dragons god damnit.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[ui-tenpen-mui-fuhen]

Untraceble (cont.)

part. ii ~ notes / ideas on a working fic. dumping out ideas, mostly processing thoughts and gojo’s feelings in this slow burn. no narrative really. but here i try to guess gojo’s dating life.

He found himself wanting to see you more often.

Now for one, this was a daunting realisation. Second, he wasn’t one for long-term relationships. Flings? One night stands? Sure - he’s had his fair share of those. But none of that honeymooning stuff. The girls realise it sooner or later.

That maybe he just wasn’t boyfriend material. It wasn’t like he was a playboy either (except for that one time), it’s just that the job doesn’t really require for normal relationships to happen. Going home at ungodly hours after fieldwork with his students, fighting special grades, and having to explain himself everytime that -

“No, I am NOT cheating on you!” he yelled in frustration. When would this girl stop being so delusional? Hands on hips and with pouty lips, the girl he was seeing for one month somehow made herself comfortable in his home. He wasn’t sure if he liked that. After all, he thought it was a casual sort of thing, a beck-and-call situation. “If you we’ren’t cheating, why did some girl named Shoko keep sending you her location on DMs and saying you needed to go there now?! At 2am! And at an abandoned hospital? Whoever the fuck this Shoko is, you and HER are fucking sick!”

Shoko laughed at him the next day. “Knowing you, you probably convinced her to have break up sex, am I right or am I right?” taking a drag from her cigarette.

“We did.” he admitted.

“Asshole.” she scoffed, leaning her head back and blowing out a trail of smoke. Sighing she said, “When will you ever learn Gojo?”

And when will he? He doesn’t seem to know when his bachelor days would end. Not that he gave it much thought, anyway. Being the self- and pro-claimed strongest didn’t give for time to rest. He did try dating someone in the jujutsu world before but even that barely ended well (he just wasn’t into the politicking and social hierarchies). If it wasn’t for his clan trying to get him to settle (which meant they wanted to have an heir), then maybe… he won’t be as rebellious.

“Hey, it’s not like I’m a womaniser.” he said, a half-hearted attempt at a defense. Shoko only stared, then suddenly guffawed, and then proceeded to give a list of all the girls he dated since losing his virginity at 18 (because apparently this marked his streak) up until present.

Wow. Shoko knows too much.

So for now, he’s going to keep you under tabs. Not like he was showy with the girls he dated, but he wants it to be a little different this time. He tells Shoko (almost) everything about his dating life, usually because he’s in search of some womanly perspective, but he figures that she may not be the best at giving pointers either.

And for now, he still didn’t know what to make of you yet. But you were cute. Not audaciously flashy like some of the girls who pried for his attention. You were a little silly, which was also adorable. Poking fun at him and calling him “Snow White” and stopping by a bakery and likening him to meringue pies. He didn’t mind, it’s surely been a while since he laughed heartily.

He thinks you’re starting to grow on him, and wishes badly that this wasn’t an investigation.

He chose not to report everything to the higher-ups. After all, they fear people they can’t understand.

Certainly he doesn’t really need to tell them that he’s been extending his break time for those meringue pies and long walks with you? And certainly… you don’t really need to know about what he does, professionally. He’s decided on that.

“Asshole.” he thinks Shoko might say.

[sebs-studies]

Unsolicited advice from a second year uni student

Since it's now September and most people I know will be heading either back to school or gearing up for university. And if anyone did what I did they might look at Tumblr to get some studying/life ideas (I did this during my A-levels and ended up making my own blog!). So I wanted to give some general advice from my perspective to anyone who might want it - also this will be specific to the UK but some of it is just general too. Also I want to be able to look back on this since I went back through my blog recently and realised I may have needed this advice even just a year ago.

For those who are about to go to university do not panic (cliché I know) but seriously. You will survive the first year I promise! It obviously varies from person to person and between unis and degrees but the first year will generally be a massive adjustment period in your life. And that will likely impact your mental health. This is totally normal. I got major impostor syndrome the first few months of uni. It wasn't until semester 2 that I started to feel comfortable. And largely because if was an entirely new way of learning and teaching, I had to completely relearn how to study, whilst also learning how to live on my own, and living in a new city and making friends.

You will make friends, it might not be immediately but you will find someone before the end of your first year. I got blessed by chance in making friends, but I know lots of people who it took the entire year to find their people. The unfortunate part of this advice is to make friends you do have to go outside and meet them (and I don't always mean going out drinking although this is definitely an option). Look for societies and clubs at your uni this will be 100% an easy way to meet people. And especially especially in the first few weeks of uni go to the welcome/fresher/first year events. I avoided them because I was anxious but turns out they're an amazing way to meet people because guess what? Everyone else is just as anxious as you are!

Expect your grades to go down at first and don't be discouraged, you can and will get those grades back up. And even if you don't (given that you are passing) it doesn't matter. Grades, especially at grad level are kind of inconsequential for most people. Two things to be mindful of are if you are going for a work placement or study abroad year (if you live in the UK) as first year grades do matter for those. Something no one will probably tell you till it's too late. But even then for most study programs you only need a 60% in your first year. And to just progress you only need a 40% (at most unis double check yours). Point being if there's ever a time for your grades to go down it's now, don't panic, your degree isn't over, you're not an impostor, you deserve to be here.

Everyone is struggling just as much as you are. Don't be fooled by Instagram or whatever. Even though I am guilty of it, we only show the nice parts of our lives online. When I get most stressed I step back from this blog, and you guys don't see the tears, sleepless nights, frustrating, and also kind of gross parts of being a student. So don't be fooled if Amanda from your seminar seems to have a perfect life on her Instagram, chances are she hasn't got it as together as you think, and you are no less better than anyone else in the room.

Save money anyway you can!!! I cannot stress this enough but one of the students biggest issues is spending. I'm guilty too but do your best especially in the first year to not overspend too much. Still enjoy yourself 100%, but do you really need to take out five times a week? Or the new shoes? Trust me by the time you get to your second year and your savings or your loan is gone you'll be wishing you held back a little.

If you are struggling. Talk to someone. For uni students, go to your mentor, academic lead, or look up the mental health service at your uni. Every uni (in the UK) has a mental health team. I know many of us are disillusioned with student support networks but I mean this when I say uni support systems are better funded, more rigorous and it serves them to support you. You are not just a student at the university, you are a customer paying a lot of money to be there. It's important that you are happy and you are progressing, otherwise both you and the uni lose! Don't be afraid to speak up when you need it, there will be someone there.

For UK students look up student groups for your university of Facebook. I'm being 100% serious when I say there is a gold mine of info on Facebook for unis. I never ever post on Facebook but it is so useful for staying in the know on events, stuff currently happening, and lots of student groups are pretty funny/gossipy. Some unis even have pages giving away free stuff from previous students, i.e. crockery, kitchen stuff, speakers etc. I managed to save some decent money on these groups. Also if you're into clubbing this is a pretty good way to learn where the good spots are in your city ;)

Romanticism will only go so far. Don't exhaust yourself on how you look. At the end of the day if you are getting the job done who cares if you did it hunched over a bag of cold McDonalds at 3 am? It's no better than someone with a green smoothie at a coffee shop.

I say a lot of this because my first semester was an emotional rollercoaster. During my GCSEs to A-Levels I thrived academically and then coming to Uni I felt like I was so out of my depth. And it wasn't until the second year I realised that this is, a) normal, and b) not that deep! So you scored a little low on an essay? Take the advice and work on the next one. You had some awkward conversation at a uni event? Everyone has forgotten about it already, give a different event a go. One of my favourite things about university is that it is surprisingly low consequence (in the grand scheme of things). Making mistakes won't end you it's okay. I know everyone on studyblr is a perfectionist but give yourself some leniency please. Anyway that's enough of my ranting. To be honest I expect no one to read this. But I am curious how I'll update it in a year's time once I'm going into third year.

If anyone has any questions about university my DMs are open. (I actually am now a paid guide for welcoming first years so it is literally my job lol).

[chronicallyuniconic]

It's really hard to cope with all this.

Back when I was first diagnosed, I had so much grief for my past self and my past achievements versus my now uncertain future. Diagnosis ruled my life, it still does. I can't turn this off. At the age of 22, everything I'd achieved, was now pointless.

For the past few years, I've realised how much I've been stuck at that age, because I've been unable to put energy into achievements, into working, into living. The achievements I had, mean nothing without the person attached to them. Although I am a different person, it's not the one I aspired to be, this wasn't what it was supposed to look like, wasting away in isolation.

Now seem to be going through the same again, with epilepsy. Having to learn a new illness allover again. Figuring out what sets it off. Deciding if the symptoms I'm having are part of epilepsy, or is it my past diagnoses, maybe I'm just coming down with something.

Having to learn everything about an illness you thought you knew, but actually didn't, is exhausting, scary, an overload of information you're not even sure applies to you. But because doctors are so frustrating, you're forced to learn about it, noone tells you about living with it.

My GP appointment for the first seizure, was very much:

"you may have epilepsy, don't sleep on your front anymore because you might die, make sure you get at least 8 hours though, as sleep is important for epilepsy, not much i can do for your bitten tongue but take these meds and hopefully you won't have another."

That's it. That's my introduction, description and explanation of epilepsy.

--Imagine if they had listened when I said I was struggling with my sleep, I was literally wetting the bed and they just said I had an overactive bladder. I've been manipulated constantly into lessening the symptoms I have, and now I'm here--

Disappointing, worrying, frustrating, upsetting the people around you, because of the symptoms and diagnoses I deal with, is an extra layer of grief. I have to somehow support them too, when I'm actually terrified and there's nobody to support me through this either. What am I supposed to do?

There are so many limitations in the long list of bullshit I'm simply forced into coping with. Like a headache, you don't decide when it appears, it just does, but now I have to be mindful of ppls feelings aswell, when the seizures are random, unpredictable, out of my control.

I'm sat centred on a see-saw of symptoms, that should I tip too far on either side, I will fall, it will get worse, I am not in control.

People don't have patience, for my time, words, emotion, actions. No patience for me overall. If I complain, I seem to suddenly be "the most miserable person" when all I said was "I'm in pain today" because of a seizure, because I bit my tongue into bits.

I haven't done anything wrong, except have epilepsy.

[kiatheinsomniac]

👀 your request are open my my, may i please get a Maglor x Reader were Maglor is teaching the reader to play an instrument because he walked in on them trying to play it and sound awful and Maglor see it and has to much pity to leave them sounding like that so then helps, and the reader confesses they were trying to learn because they were in love with him.

──── 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐏 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ˊˎ -

☾ ⋆ﾟ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 / 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: pure fluff hehe ♡ also I'm proud of that pun title-

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: Maglor x Reader

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 1.1k

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: none

No matter what you did, you simply couldn’t find a way to play many strings at once, to layer up notes into a fluent melody the way the light of your life did. You let out a huff and administered a slap to the instrument's frame as though the reason behind your terrible playing was its lack of cooperation and not your own lack of skill and experience. 

“Now what did that poor harp do to you?” A voice as pleasant as a summer’s breeze asked from the doorway. Your eyes snapped in the direction of the sound only to see the reason why you were trying to teach yourself how to play an instrument in the first place: Maglor. 

“It might not have done anything to me but that hit certainly relieved some of my frustration…” You replied with pouty lips as Maglor came and sat down beside you. 

“I take it you’re trying to teach yourself?” He prompted. 

“Is it that obvious?” 

“I don’t mean to insult you. Being self-taught is a very admirable thing but a bit of advice couldn’t hurt, right?” You tried to bite back the soft smile that wanted to paint itself across your lips. 

“Am I being offered a free lesson by the great Maglor?” You raised your brows in pleasant surprise. There were many musicians across the east and west who would feel blessed at being presented with such an opportunity. 

“I could teach you much more useful things than hitting the poor instrument.” He replied with an edge of teasing to his tone. 

“Very well then. Where do I begin?” He took a seat right next to you, arms reaching around your body to position the harp in your lap and you felt as though electricity were dancing across the surface of your skin. He smelled good: like fresh soap and old paper. Had he come from the library? You could hear your pulse thrumming in your ears, the rhythm of your body falling in tempo with the few strings that Maglor plucked in a sequence. He took your hands in his and you could feel the callouses that the strings had formed upon his fingertips as he did so, encouraging you to mimic the sequence of notes he had just strummed. 

“Good…” He praised, voice right by your ear and you were wondering how you were simultaneously existing in reality while you were so far into the depths of your own world where this wasn’t a generous moment between an admirer and her oblivious crush but an intimate one between two lovers. You could feel his breath on the shell of your ear, hear the smile upon his lips that you had so often imagined pressed to yours- “Almost, if you just pluck these two in time-” He corrected you and you hadn’t even realised that your fingers had plucked at the strings in the first place, so far into your head and trying to keep your cool at having his body pressed to yours. 

As he continued to play simple melodies for you to mimic, adding a new part each time, you felt his body relax more against yours, broad chest pressed to your back and comfortingly leaning some of his weight on you as the air around you became filled with music. The melody was so simple and yet full of a tender emotion and you knew that only he himself could have composed it. Was he making it up on the spot though? You wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he could create such beauty off the top of his head. 

You lapped up each second spent with him until you realised that the sun was now filtering in through the windows at a slightly different angle. The two of you had been like this for a few hours now, some of Maglor’s dark hair spilling over your shoulders, his chin propped upon your shoulder and body remaining just as close to yours. Your fingers stung and you fought the urge to hiss at each pluck of the strings because you simply couldn’t bear for this moment to end. You tried to ease the friction by plucking in a lighter manner but it seemed that he picked up on it because he took your hands in his once more in order to examine your fingertips with his pale grey eyes. 

“Why didn’t you say something?” He asked, “You’ll blister from playing string instruments so much as someone who has never done so before.” 

“I was just enjoying this too much I suppose…” You murmured and you heard the Fëanorian behind you hum in thought. 

“I would be glad to do this again if you would wish for me to do so.” He spoke up and you couldn’t help the smile that beamed upon your face. 

“I’d love to!”

“On one condition.” Oh no. What had you done? 

“Go on.”

“You tell me who it is you’re learning for?” Oh, valar, “You have a distant look upon your face as you play, you seem so determined and yet at peace at once. Who are you picturing yourself impressing?” You bit on your lip. He had given you an opening, hadn’t he? Surely you should take this opportunity? 

“He’s incredibly talented…” You began, “And kind. He has a big heart, even if not everyone would expect such of him.” You couldn’t meet his eyes and could feel your face heating up, “I admire him a lot and the way that he captures emotions in his songs: his admiration for the beauty the world around us has to offer, love in all its forms, the joys to be celebrated but also pain and longing…” 

“With such a range, I must be aware of this fellow musician, no?” 

“Oh, I expect that you should know him quite well.” You dared to meet his gaze for a fraction of a second but found that you lacked the courage to hold it, averting your eyes once more. An enamoured smile teased the corner of his mouth before he took up your hands, fingertips raw and would soon be blistered, and pressed kisses to each little wound. Your breath caught in your throat at the gesture, your mind seeming to forget how to breathe when he folded your hands into his and leaned forwards to press his final kiss to your brow. 

“I have an oil that will help to treat these if you would join me.” He spoke softly, “In the meantime I would just love to tell you all about this beautiful lady whom I had the pleasure of tutoring today. She’s so very precious.” 

“I must be aware of this fellow student, no?” You echoed his words from earlier. 

“Oh, I expect that you should know her quite well…” 

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