#i am also pretty sure i have adhd but due to where i am at its difficult to get a diagnosis

[fruit-snacker]

Happy disability pride to all who are in between diagnoses because the doctors don't know what the heck is up with you

[andhumanslovedstories]

I’ve been struggling lately with the feeling that my job is pointless. Intellectually I know it is not—nursing is one of those professions where you get to be real smug about knowing the value of your work. But it’s still felt very pointless. Like I’ll start a shift thinking, “what am I even doing here,” and end it thinking, “what have I actually even done.” It’s been a ROUGH couple months.

But I had a really good shift last time I worked, which was good for the soul and also a very useful data point. I got to do pain management advocacy and symptom management, met a bunch of cool patients, did education for new nurses, and had several long heart to hearts, which the kind of midnight heart to hearts that I think are the most important part of night shift, all of that while being well staffed with very pleasant and appreciative patients and coworkers, and I was still like. Pretty depressed. I had a sense of satisfaction and moments of joy and meaning, but it turns out that one good shift did not cure the depression that has been latched on to me for the last few months like some kind of fucked up mental health leech. As I realized I was still depressed and that it was still interfering with my life even when everything was going well, the sense of peace washed over me was the best I’d felt in a while. Because I was like, okay! None of my usual stuff as worked! I have no excuse not to try something new to get my brain out of the shit ditch it’s slipped into.

So I’m applying for short-term disability. I’m worried I won’t get it, and I’m not sure what the next step is if I get rejected, but I feel so much better having decided to pursue it. It’s so much fuckin paperwork for sure, to a degree that’s overwhelming except that that the form could be a checkbox that says, “you want money?” and I’d be like “THIS IS TOO MUCH.” I’m totally not writing this post instead of finishing an email to my manager. I’m definitely not writing this post to avoid dealing with coordinating all my various care providers. I’m certainly not at every moment worried that I’m secretly faking all this so I can get three to nine weeks of a cool summer vacation.

I was thinking about how I almost flunked nursing school in my final semester because I turned in assignments late for a class with a “no late homework” policy. The professor said that this was reflective of real life, where if you miss deadlines you’re just fucked. I ended up appealing my grade and passing, because frankly it was a weak reason for making me repeat a final semester when there was no issues with my actual work or knowledge. During my appeal, I was like “I also think this policy is ableist. Harsh penalties for late work hurt students with health problems, especially chronic health problems when you aren’t asking for one week off due to the flu but instead for a general and never ending flexibility. I’m not trying to make an excuse but explain why this policy is a bad one. Disabled healthcare workers are an asset to healthcare.” I’m trying to remember my own argument as I pursue help. My depression and ADHD and eating disorder do help me be a better nurse, not because like depression gives you superpowers, but because I manage my chronic illnesses every day, in ways that range from hardly noticeable to life or death. Being kind to patients means being kind to myself, and vice versa.

I’m rambling. I really do not want to do this paperwork or send these emails. And I’m not sure if I deserve the leave I’m trying to take. But I miss being love with my job. I miss enjoying it. I wouldn’t judge someone else for going on medical leave, and my job doesn’t want me to burn out or quit. It almost feels like I have to be skeptical of applying for leave because no one else is. Everyone I’ve spoken to has been very supportive, including my manager. And considering how many unpaid days off I’ve had to take lately, disability leave would be an improvement over some of my recent paychecks. All in all, short-term disability makes sense and seems like a reasonable response to circumstances. But FUCK. I wish it required like 90 percent less documentation.

[blacknedsoul-blog]

A detailed explanation from my headcanon that Annabel has ADHD

So I had this six fucking hour trip. On a bus. Alone. And I was bored out of my mind, because sitting around being bored is as close to mental torture as it gets for me.

Fortunately, the light at the end of the tunnel: I was inspired. Away from the burnout I have with fanfics, I remembered that I've mentioned this headcanon several times on Nevermore's Discord and just thought, what better time to talk about ADHD than when I'm having a pretty ADHD moment?

But before I start, there are a few little things that need to be pretty clear on the table:

I'm being a bit hypocritical here: in general, I'm deeply against diagnosing fictional characters for two reasons: first, it's an impossible task to distinguish between character traits and symptoms to such an extent that you can go around forever without coming to a real conclusion unless the author of the work confirms it, and second, even if you have the disorder you're talking about, you can fall into the trap of perpetuating stereotypes or generalizing, thereby invalidating other experiences. So even if the tone of this review sounds very assertive, it is because of my writing style. I am in no way diagnosing Annabel; this is an analysis of her character through the lens of a possible disorder.

In relation to the above, where I point out an event in the comic that can be read as a symptom, I am not reducing it to "this only happens because she has ADHD". You CAN'T reduce a person's personality to "they has a disorder," and when I point out these examples, I'm not doing so with the intention of denying the background behind it, but rather pointing out how, under the magnifying glass of having it, it might exacerbate that behavior.

I am NOT a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a neurologist: I am a woman with ADHD. One who has done a lot of research on the subject, been in therapy with a psychologist who specializes in the disorder, and talked extensively about it both with friends who also have it and with professionals. But I don't have a career in mental health, I don't pretend to, and everything you'll read below is a mixture of research and personal experience.

You're going to see a lot of "we" or "those of us with ADHD" because, as I said, I have it too, but this is all a generalization made for the sake of flow. The symptoms of this disorder can be expressed in many different ways, and not everyone has all of them (for example, there are some that I don't have, but it would be strange to change the voice of the text just because of that, it makes it harder to read). If you have ADHD and read a symptom and think "hey, I don't get that", that's perfectly normal. Your experience is valid and I don't want to pass it on. But it would be exhausting for me and for the reader to use tentative phrases all the time.

If this text resonates too much with you, I strongly recommend that you see a professional, if you're able, and not self-diagnose: ADHD has many symptoms in common with autism and other neuro divergences, don't risk misdiagnosis.

If you have a different opinion than mine on this subject and want to share it with me, I'll be happy to read it, if I don't answer it's because I forgot (forgive me?). But you can be sure that I will read it.

Anyway, let's get started.

What is ADHD?

According to the NIH (National Institute of Mental Health) website, this is the definition of ADHD:

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development. People with ADHD experience an ongoing pattern of the following types of symptoms:

Inattention means a person may have difficulty staying on task, sustaining focus, and staying organized, and these problems are not due to defiance or lack of comprehension.

Hyperactivity means a person may seem to move about constantly, including in situations when it is not appropriate, or excessively fidgets, taps, or talks. In adults, hyperactivity may mean extreme restlessness or talking too much.

Impulsivity means a person may act without thinking or have difficulty with self-control. Impulsivity could also include a desire for immediate rewards or the inability to delay gratification. An impulsive person may interrupt others or make important decisions without considering long-term consequences.

Here is an impression that needs to be clarified: ADHD is more about an inability to regulate attention than a lack of it. A neurotypical person may choose to focus on a task to get it done, we may procrastinate to death because even if we want to, we can't focus on it, or stand there absorbed in it ad infinitum until the house falls down around us (and we may still have trouble noticing). This is understood, Understanding all this, here is the list of Annabel's behaviors that could be interpreted as symptoms.

Hyperactivity

One thing that not everyone knows is that hyperactivity is not about running around like an uncontrolled animal. It can manifest itself in many ways, and there are many types: physical, mental, and even emotional.

In Annabel's case, she seems to be the first two types.

Perhaps due to her difficulty in expressing emotions, it is quite obvious at this point in the comic that her moods are made explicit through gestures: playing with her rings when she is happy or nervous, touching the ribbon around her neck in moments of anxiety, or playing with her hair almost as a default state.

Annabel.

Doesn't.

Sit.

Still.

Never.

It is also clear that Annabel is always planning something. Always.

This can be read into the logic of mental hyperactivity: when you have it, your brain just doesn't stop. Ever. And that's something that resonates with this lady.

Emotional Dysregulation

The part of the brain that regulates our moods works…erratically. Not to say it doesn't work at all.

This leads to a painfully common problem in women with ADHD: lack of emotional regulation is seen as drama, and instead of being taught tools to deal with it, we are taught to repress and bottle up emotions.

Annabel has highly internalized this as a defense mechanism. But here's the thing: if repressing emotions instead of learning how to deal with them in a healthy way is harmful, being biologically unable to regulate them can be even worse.

It touches the right nerves, and if you catch us flying low, it can cause explosive outbursts.

Possibly violent reactions to feeling offended or uncomfortable.

Or completely over-the-top reactions that we can't control.

And it's not just anger that's affected, it's the whole emotional spectrum. Another emotion that is very noticeable is fear. If we don't develop tools to help us calm down, we don't get scared, we panic.

If this happens too often, we can become prone to developing severe anxiety or frequent attacks.

We may also have great difficulty dealing with frustration. Our brains love rewards, and feeling that we're not getting them because of our own inability to do something can be downright annoying. And if we don't have the tools to express our frustration appropriately, we can have quite childish reactions, ranging from temper tantrums to…pouting.

I find it funny how several of these pouts are caused by Lenore, a bit like "Oh, come on, honey, what are we talking about?"

Another important thing to note here is that one of the most fucked up and notorious symptoms of this lack of emotional regulation is RSD, short for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, defined as "a problem that interferes with your ability to regulate your emotional responses to feelings of failure and rejection. While rejection is almost always unpleasant, people with RSD experience overwhelming levels of emotional pain. This can lead to long-term mental health problems, fear of failure, and behavioral changes that negatively affect them throughout their lives."

Rejection and fear of failure are a problem for us. So much so that we may seek strategies to avoid it as much as possible, even when it causes us problems (such as not completing a task for fear of doing it wrong). This is an issue that can tear us apart emotionally.

Annabel is terrified of being rejected or despised. Her whole life has been built around appearances and getting the right people interested in her. If she can't do that, what good is she?

And that's something that comes up a lot in her relationship with Lenore. Repeatedly, in fact, but my favorite has to be this one:

Annabel thought it would be the smart thing to do to break that bond because she knows they're never going to see each other again. But the look on her face when Lenore calls her a "damn liar" is just painful to watch. I think ripping her heart out with a rusty spoon would have hurt less.

Finally, on the subject of things that aren't so funny: that thing Annabel does about biting her fingers when she's in a critical situation is something I used to do, too (only I'd bite my knuckles or palms).

My psychologist explained to me that when you feel like you're losing control, you immediately look for something to ground you, and unfortunately, physical pain is often a quick (if damaging) way to do that.

Codependency

Okay, here's a thing: it's not that we have a tendency as such to codependency, but this is a situation that can occur due to bad practices within a relationship. Especially a couple one.

As it stands out, people with ADHD can have a lot of problems with micromanaging ourselves, remembering things, dealing with our emotions, etc, etc, etc. And it is natural for close friends, family or our partner to help in those processes.

The problem arises when that help starts to become a parentification process where the partner who is providing support starts to do this on behalf of the other person, infantilizing them in the process.

This is a cocktail for resentment on both sides: the party calling the shots can easily feel that the other is putting a huge burden on their shoulders and not trying hard enough, while, on the other side, no one likes to feel like they are being treated like a child. Let alone that the person doing it is your partner.

But at the other end of resentment, there's codependency.

The constant feeling that you are a burden, insufficient or even disposable.

And that means you have a lot to make up for. On a regular basis. So much that you put yourself in a situation where you have to make horrible decisions so that someone else doesn't have to because somehow you owe it to them, who hasn't had that happen?

What I mean is that yes, Annabel feels like she owes this to Lenore because she only remembers the part where Lenore came kicking in doors to save her from a marriage she didn't want. And if she can't do this for her, she doesn't deserve a relationship.

Feeling inadequate, that your partner is doing you some kind of favor by tolerating you and ending up idealizing their in the process is obviously not unique to the neurodivergent experience.

But we try, we try really hard and, like anyone else, we like to feel that the effort we put in is seen and valued.

If we are not careful about that, we do indeed fall into the risk of becoming codependent. The desire to feel loved or valued becomes a constant hunger for validation from which it is difficult to escape because we are aware that our brain will never function in a different way. And if that is mixed with RSD, it can become an even bigger problem.

Novelty, games, challenges, and rewards

Producing dopamine on a normal basis is one thing our brains aren't very good at (one of the reasons we can be prone to depression, for example), but you know what they love? Challenges and rewards.

New things feed our endless curiosity, but for some reason unknown to me, our brains really love challenges and dares. They give us dopamine like we're on a high.

So much so that some people use it as a tactic to perform tasks they don't like: "How many dishes can I wash before my dinner is ready?", "If I can finish this in less than 30 minutes, I can go get chocolate."

One medium we may like very much for this reason is games. Board games, card games, or virtual games. It doesn't matter. Games provide a very good balance of challenge and reward.

If you see that Annabel seems overly interested in how this works, it's because there may be a part of her that thinks "aside from the deadly situation we're in…this is like the most hardcore escape room ever" and inevitably there's something here that stirs her bug.

It may be something she loves about Lenore. As a good hypocrite, Annabel despises the rules she knows so well, so when Lenore comes along with this gimmick and completely changes the paradigm of what she knows, there is inevitably something that appeals to her. Others who are good at the game look down on Lenore's disdain for the rules, to Annabel it is fucking appealing because it offers a range of unexplored possibilities that she fucking loves.

Erratic Communication

When our brains are running at full speed, communication can become a challenge, and we tend to exhibit erratic patterns.

One of these is info-dumping. Touch a topic we know about or are interested in and it's like stepping on a landmine: we explode talking about it. Non-stop. You'll have to hit us to shut us up.

Another thing is that we can have a bad habit of interrupting. A lot. It's not malicious, it's just that we're really into the conversation and want to participate as much as possible.

That said, even if we're extroverts, it can be a nightmare to withhold information or participate in a conversation if it doesn't grab our attention. It's not that we want to be disrespectful or anything, it's just that, again, we have no control over our ability to pay attention and we're swimming against the tide to hold on to whatever it is you're telling us.

This scene is something I've seen in friends with ADHD and have been told I do: stare at people while doing your best to do the hamster run to remember what they're telling you because you know it's important, even though your brain is putting it together with junk information because it's not engaging your attention in the right way.

Ignore the murderous stare part, it's not that common - at least I hope not.

Drinks that are like a pill

Our brains are not designed to produce certain hormones naturally or, in some cases, they produce them under other circumstances. For things like that, we can take pills, develop strategies to help our brains produce hormones.

And drink coffee. Lots of coffee.

Caffeine can be extremely relaxing for us because it can actually help our brains keep functioning, you know that stereotype of the highly coded ADHD character who drinks coffee like it's his life? Well, that's because.

You know what other beverage has a similar effect? Tea. Theine is also a natural activator, perhaps less aggressive than coffee, but it can have a similar effect.

If you're interested in describing this topic in fanfic or touching on it in fanart, tea should have a relaxing effect on Annabel and even help her concentrate.

Boredom

We get bored. A lot. And we get painfully bored. Here's what happens: boredom is caused by a lack of stimulation, and our brains aren't stimulated just because we can't regulate our attention to seek out that stimulation.

Add to that the fact that when we are bored, without dopamine hitting our receptors, our executive functions diminish and we function like shit.

Boredom

Is

Fucking

Murder

Because our brain starts desperately asking for dopamine and we can fall into really unhealthy behaviors like fighting, being chronically online, or eating because we can't find anything better to do. This also contributes -again- to our depression or anxiety.

Conclusions (and if I don't make the joke, I'll die)

In the book ADHD After Dark (a study of ADHD, relationships, and physical intimacy), Ari Tuckman draws some interesting conclusions, one of which is that on a statistical level, people with ADHD seem to be more likely to have what he calls "sexual eagerness": kinks, fetishes, a tendency to be adventurous in bed, and the like. Again, our brains love play, and both intimacy and flirtation can involve a lot of it.

So…

Um…

…well, I think Lenore will be happy. Good for her.

Anyway, this has been a seriously long explanation. Thanks for reading this far.

[ragnarokhound]

hey i saw ur tag on the executive dysfunction post where u said ur meds allow u to punch a hole in the wall and access the internal well of motivation or some such. can i ask how that works as in can you just do things after that?? you like have a task you gotta do and you up and do it? sorry to break into ur askbox like this i was just very curious because my executives do not function

Hi! Sure, I don't mind :)

Short answer: yes. :') I take my meds in the morning, and over the course of the day, it is much easier for me to add tasks to my mental list and then knock them down like the most dutiful Sim in the world. I forget to do things sometimes still - but those are usually due to other barriers like 'I would like to schedule this appointment, but I'm at work right now so I can't do that yet.' and then hours later I will have forgotten that I needed to do that. WHOOPSIES. Not necessarily an ADHD problem, just an average human one.

Also, the meds make it easier to access the well. That doesn't mean I always CHOOSE to use the well, haha. Sometimes I am just sooo comfy in bed and think 'i should get up. But I bet I could get away with another 25 minutes of dozing UwU' and then after my alarm goes off because my 25 minutes are up, I'm cursing my past self for being a hedonistic sloth because I really do have to get up now or I'll be late. I CAN choose correctly. That doesn't mean I do.

Long answer getting into the nitty gritty of my ADHD med journey below the cut:

So just remember that I'm not a doctor, I'm a stranger on the internet, so I don't know quite how it works, and not all medication will work the same for everyone. Executive function is huge for folks with ADHD, but it might be something else! ADHD often shakes hands with other conditions.

BUT - in my experience, I was diagnosed with combined ADHD (both the hyperactive bouncy kind and the laser focus, sit still for 12 hours doing one thing kind). A lot of my own executive function problems stemmed from not being able to choose what I hyper focused on, for how long, or if I even could. :')

There's a few different medications available to choose from once you get a diagnosis, including a fast-acting stimulant and a slow-release stimulant. The one that helps me is a slow-release - I take it in the morning, and it'll start to kick in after an hour and gives me a steady stream over the course of the day, wearing off about 8 hours later.

People with ADHD don't make as much dopamine on their own, and stimulants help your brain produce more of it. If you find yourself feeling calm and more able to focus or task-switch after drinking coffee, or soda, or other uppers, you might be self-medicating, and a diagnosis and meds may be helpful (but definitely talk that out with a doctor).

It took a while for my "storage" of dopamine to build up, and it wasn't pretty the whole journey there. There were multiple days in a row that I had to force myself to eat because the meds suppress appetite, so it was easy to skip meals I shouldn't have. (I embraced snacking over the whole day as a solution until my humors were balanced and I'd built up the habit of prepping a lunch hours beforehand lol)

But the benefits were immediate. Some things are normal, and habits are something every human has to figure out how to build regardless of whether you make enough dopamine - but I was immediately calmer. I would think 'i need to take out the garbage. I will do that now' and I would, in fact, take out the garbage? I'd just get up? And do it??? It was that easy. I find it much easier to stop in the middle of what I'm doing without getting annoyed, and to task switch without it completely breaking my flow. I'm CAPABLE of task switching at all. It's easier to remember that mug I left in the microwave. I can sit or work in silence and it's fine, I don't need music to be playing in the background to focus.

I still have to convince myself sometimes to do things when my executives don't want to function - a big coping skill I like is giving myself a crossroads moment. If I'm reading, the crossroads moment is at the end of a chapter, or a scene break. If I'm playing a game the crossroads moment is when I lost or won a round, or when I completed the task I was in the middle of, or reached a safe area.

At a crossroads moment, you can either choose to keep doing whatever you're doing, or do something else. It's why being on Tumblr and other social media is difficult to get away from, because there is no natural stopping point if you haven't turned off infinite scrolling. If that's hard for you, see if you can change your dash settings to only load a page/set number of posts at a time. You'll get a crossroads moment every time you reach the bottom of that page.

This is all my own experience with ADHD and stimulants, so again, I encourage you to think about whether this sounds like you and bring it up to a doctor if it's having a really big impact on your life.

I hope this helps! I also suggest this video from Jaiden Animations - she talks about her own experience getting an ADHD diagnosis, and funnily enough, this video dropped within the same week as I got mine, haha.

[darcytaylor]

Isn’t it career suicide when at the peak of his fame (because it is rare to be the lead of such a huge show), Luke is not taking full advantage of the exposure?

Choosing to not attend Wimbledon, meanwhile going to fashion week shows, paying to attend an influencer networking event, and bringing his gf along to all of these?

Rationally I don’t think it makes sense. And had Luke been a person as determined and career-focused as Nic or Johny B, you would have seen him fully capitalizing on his success by making appearances everywhere and leading new projects.

But if we look at things from the angle that Luke is very sensitive and anxious (we know he suffer from anxiety and finds life overwhelming due to his ADHD), then forget about making rational decisions, all of his choices regarding work and people to keep close in his personal life would be almost 100% dictated by his anxiety.

For example, he might choose to attend events with clearer structures, less pressure on meeting and talking to others, and more welcoming toward plus ones, so he can always have a comfort person there to support him. I don’t think this is what Wimbledon is about hence he wasn’t seen there.

His choices of people around him seem questionable, but when someone is vulnerable (coping with anxiety in this case), they might appreciate qualities that normal people overlook. Most of us have got the impression that his friends/gf seem off, but perhaps they are the most tolerant toward his anxious nature while others take him for granted.

Perhaps they give him the reassurance and acknowledgment that he craves without any expectations. And from personal experience, those who display certain negative traits (eg narcissism) do thrive on relationships with vulnerable people. There is a dynamics in which the narcissist gives the vulnerable what they don’t usually get from everyone else in exchange for company and loyalty, which I have seen repeatedly in real life.

We love Pen for her intelligence and girlboss power, which match up well with Nicola’s personality in real life. However, I don’t think we are prepared to accept, in place of the dorky cheeky Colin, someone like Luke who is an anxious laid back dude who is pretty much trying to lead a life as free of nerve-wracking moments as possible.

When Nic praises Luke for being kind, supportive, hard working and having no ego, I fully believe she is not lying. She could easily be describing an anxious person who is just nice and trying to do his job well. Nic does have this motherly and assuring nature which allows her to build this great friendship with Luke and they clearly bonded via going through the experience of stepping into the spotlight. Nic has done such an amazing job with handling press and public attention; I think Luke was grateful that she was there to take most of the pressure while he could just happily sit there agreeing and showing support. There is nothing wrong with this. I am sure Luke did the best of his ability.

Realistically, I don’t know how romantically compatible Nic and Luke are. I feel that Nic is good for Luke as a more experienced costar who guides and supports him, and a smart colleague who knows how to work with Luke’s strengths and weaknesses in order to make them both shine. If Luke had chosen Nic as a love interest I wonder if this might be too much for him to measure up. Luke probably wants a relationship as something to complement his life and helps him cope with his anxiety, meanwhile Nic is likely only dating casually on the side while focusing on her career.

Wow, this is a great analysis thank you for sharing!

I do think that Luke not capitalizing more on his career is odd, but I ultimately don't think that it is career suicide. I would also need to know where Luke wants his career to go, in order for me to come to a conclusion. It has been fascinating to look on the sidelines and wonder what he is doing or where he wants to go.

I think that comparing Luke with Nicola or Johnny can be a hinder to Luke, because they are a tough competition and they obviously know where they want to go. Nicola and Johnny are incredible at what they do on all fronts of their career, they are powerhouses and you can see that they know what they want and will go the extra mile to get it. Not many people are like this. I just hope that Luke can look in from the outside and get a better idea as to what he wants and how to get it.

(or maybe he already does know what he wants and it's not the Nicola or Johnny level of fame, so he is stepping back. Or maybe because of PR moves he fucked up and is not invited to things - although I don't think that is the case, but at the end of the day I have no idea)

As far as the friends that he keeps - I can take a glance at their online personas and gather information about them to come to a conclusion, but I also know that social media can be very misleading and will never tell you the whole story about people. It may be ignorant of me to judge them, but then I also know that they are the ones responsible for creating what they put out into the world.

Luke has been friends with them for a while now (especially Rory) and that alone can be very comforting. Just knowing that they know you on a personal level and you can be who you are regardless of anything. Especially if you have anxiety (I suffer from this as well), knowing that you don't have to mask or hide a version of yourself, lets the anxiety fade into the background a little.

Luke has also stated that he is a very empathetic person. Even if he sees friends/people in his life have questionable actions, an empathetic person will/can try to look past that. A narcissist would thrive on that and easily be able to take advantage.

I completely agree that Luke was grateful to have Nicola on his team. To have her by his side in all of the craziness that Bridgerton can bring. Nicola is smart and compassionate, she knows what she is doing.

As far as Luke and Nicola being compatible? I have no idea. Since we only see a very small part of who they actually are, I can't say what their dynamic would look like if they were a couple or if they would/could thrive together. I do think that they compliment each other professionally and that could be a good sign/starter for a romantic relationship.

[actuallyadhd]

I don’t want to self diagnose but I am pretty sure I do have adhd just based on what I know about it and the fact that multiple of my friends with adhd have said it’s likely I do have it

the primary reason I don’t want to self diagnose is because I won’t know if I’m actually correct or not and I don’t think people would take me seriously

Sent October 1, 2024

I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner, but I'm glad I'm here now! :)

First of all, self-diagnosis is absolutely valid. Most of us who get diagnosed as adolescents or adults basically have to do that in order to get a formal diagnosis!

The main practical problem with self-diagnosis is that it doesn't actually grant you any legal protections or supports. You don't qualify for accommodations at work or school, and disability discrimination legislation doesn't really apply.

I always say that if you're going to self-diagnose, try to state it as "I think I might have ADHD" rather than "I have ADHD"; the latter will cause people to assume that you have a formal diagnosis, while the former is more accurate and you can be confident knowing that you haven't accidentally misrepresented yourself.

Thing is, there are loads of reasons why a formal diagnosis isn't an option for you right now, and that is 100% okay! You may also benefit from others taking your ADHD symptoms into account, which is where the self-diagnosis can be helpful.

For example, years and years before I was diagnosed, I would do puzzle books during university lectures. I was listening to the lecture and taking notes, but I was also doing Sudoku (back when it was called Number Place in North American puzzle books). Some other students thought it was really rude of me to do that, but for me it was important to keep part of my brain engaged in the puzzles since otherwise I'd miss half the lecture due to daydreaming. If I'd known then what I know now, I could have explained why I needed to do the puzzle books during class, even without a formal diagnosis.

If you want to feel more confident about your self-diagnosis, check out our post on it as it includes all the info you need to do a good job!

Followers, what do you think about self-diagnosis?

-J

[reimeichan]

Definitely the more integrated I get and the less I dissociate from the other parts of me, weird little quirks have started cropping up due to the various different traits between the different parts of me interacting with each other. I think the biggest thing right now is our ADHD symptoms; before, they'd be pretty secluded from each other and certain alters would experience certain symptoms more severely. Purple got the worst of our hyperactivity, Green struggled the most with executive dysfunction, and I struggled a lot with staying organized and focused. Of course, this isn't to say we didn't experience the other symptoms. All of us struggled with every aspect of ADHD, but there was definitely a pattern for what each part seemed to have the most trouble with.

Except.... well, now that I have a fuller picture, sure, some of it was different parts struggling more with specific aspects of ADHD, but also a not-insignificant aspect of all this was that we weren't aware of how much we each struggled with the other symptoms. Sure, my hyperactive symptoms don't necessarily present the same way, but I'm still incredibly fidgety and need to get up and walk away from my desk pretty regularly. That's not the same as Purple running up and down hallways or speaking quickly or bouncing on our feet, but it's still very definitely hyperactivity. And I was honestly just completely blind to my own executive dysfunction because I believed I just needed enough pressure to start on a project, when in reality "needing enough pressure" is in itself an example of executive dysfunction at play. Similarly, Purple struggles with remembering what tasks need to be done each day, and Green has trouble planning things out even when he knows what needs to be done, both of these being examples of them having trouble getting organized.

I also think that, now that we're more integrated, there's a lot more bleed through where the aspects of our ADHD symptoms we'd each respectively dissociated away is now hitting each of us more. So not only am I dealing with my own lack of organization skills and whatnot, the other stuff is also starting to compound and thus I'm having trouble juggling these new or heightened symptoms that I haven’t really dealt with before.

It's not a bad thing, if anything integration has shown me that these symptoms have always existed inside of me and I've just dissociated them away or dealt with them in an otherwise unhealthy manner. I now have to find healthier and more productive ways to manage my ADHD, which is gonna take time and effort but should overall make my life feel less chaotic and out of control.

[minidoons]

hiii sending asks now lol

yeah it would makes sense that ash is more focused on due to popularity esp since his vids and streams are like. adhd fuel lmao, but at the same time it doesnt give a Full satisfying answer for me cause theres plenty of popular/less popular ships out there that have respect for both parties but maybe its just cause swagdoons is one of the biggest and oldest ships on lifesteal lol

honestly personally i wouldnt Mind the femboy red jokes if there were at least a somewhat equal amount in regards to ash but often ive found that ppl are much less likely to do that with ash for whatever reason even if they made the same jokes with red like??? whats going on here... and honestly big same on getting girlboy vibes from ash

and i havent heard that zamswagdoons interppretations (mainly cause i have yet to see zamswagdoons fancontent lol) and whattt their asses are nawt fawning over ash esp together lmao??? and youre so right on zam and ash bullying each other before killing red, i have no idea how that dynamic can be misinterpreted considering theyve been pretty consistent in that regard even if theres the very occasional affection thrown in there lmao???

Tbh I get that, I kind of feel as if 2022 and like early-mid 2023 Swagdoons didn't have that inequality present so??? I have no idea where it sprung up from?? I know there was a difference in popularity between 2022 early/mid 2023 and late 2023-2024 with Reddoons since I'm pretty sure he was popular during that time? And now he's not so much. So I ?? Seriously do not know why that is?? I kind of just assumed it was because Ash is more popular than Red and it feels like . Red is only brought up in convo cuz of Ash, but like yeah. I feel like the equality of the ship has gone up and down throughout the years I guess Yeah it's odd to me, especially cuz Ash seems to be more fem than Red in outward appearances. Also surprises me cuz people seem to see Ash as buff? Yeah sorry that dude is a twink. Have you seen him IRL he looks like a light breeze could swoop him up. The femboy jokes are always iffy with me mostly because in the spaces I interact in femboy is seen as a slur against tfem people (cuz it's mostly co-opted in the porn industry to refer to transwomen afaik) and The Worst People You Know always make femboy jokes so it's like. Err. Plus I just don't find it that funny. YAYY Someone gets it..Ash has always been such a beautiful girl that is also a boy to me and I don't get why ppl on LSTWT see him as a he/they'er. When people start referring to Ash as a pretty girl and start using she/her on him thw world will start Healing Yeah there's like. One of the first Zamswagdoons fanart I've seen was of Zam and Red kissing Ash. To be fair this person has a track record of being insanely inaccurate when it comes to characterizing ships (They made a Ashzam one where it said that Zam was the. Only person that was ever truly kind to Ash?? Are we?? Looking at the same ship? And they made the UU!Swagdoons img too) and then I see it again with Zam and Red posing with Ash. I'm not really sure how the dynamic can be perceived that way but I assume it is just because of Ash Needs To Be The Focal Point again. And yeah their dynamic has been pretty clear-cut and consistent even with their minimal affection towards each other so I 1. Don't really get soft ZSD and 2. Am not sure why Zam and Red would fawn over Ash. Sure Red could because that dude is a terrible simp but?? Why is Zam doing that as well?? Especially minute with ZSD's dynamic in mind, because while Red does have an amount of obsession with Zam and Ash, it's more one-sided because Zam and Ash are too busy killing each other and then killing Red to care. It's kind of like Zam and Ash fighting, Red thinking of Ash and Zam kissing, and then Ash and Zam noticing that he's there and killing him. Not Soft or Do They Have a Focus on Ash..

[discordiansamba]

anyways I don't know if it's due to falling asleep to the backdrop of people setting off way too many fireworks or not, but I had a weird dream last night and now I am here to tell you guys all about it because I've been idly rotating it all day. you've heard of body swap not get ready for... personality swap, I guess? But not completely?

anyways it seemed to take place at the tail end of season one, where instead of getting shot out into random locations by the corrupted wormhole, all the lions stayed on the Castle, but something about the combination of the corrupted wormhole and the paladin bond resulted in something... weird happening. Some kind of quintessence rearrangement that resulted in Lance, Hunk, Pidge, and Keith all swapping aspects of their personalities around that Shiro was apparently spared from because of some kind of defense mechanism that Pidge installed in the control chip for his arm that's in his brain that protected him but the backlash forced him to require some time in the cyropod.

(I guess my brain said. you know what would be funny. Shiro just waking up to this nonsense. and honestly? valid.)

(also allura and coran are fine and somehow escaped the wormhole don't worry about it. apparently the mice did also have their personalities swapped around but like. they're mice. they don't care.)

Pidge was probably the least effected bc she got traits from Hunk, who she already has a decent amount in common with, except now she's prone to nervous tirades, is now a morning person, and is calmed by the act of cooking. except she can't cook. Hunk at least kept very clear notes on all of his cooking experiments so she has something to work with. She suddenly finds herself more drawn to tinkering with things as opposed to coding, but she can still do the latter super easily. Also she has a solid sleep schedule now? She also stops wearing her brother's glasses bc she winds up fixated on the idea that she'll break them so she just keeps them safe in her room instead. Which she has now cleaned. She still kind of feels like she dodged a bullet. Sorry guys.

Lance is... having an experience, because he picked up traits from Pidge. He likes studying now? Except apparently he still has ADHD, but also Coran gave him this clicker thing that seems to be working wonders. He's suddenly a lot less interested in flirting and his detailed skin care routine kind of doesn't seem so important anymore. He has to actively set alarms on his phone otherwise he'll pull all nighters. He's starting to learn how to code? Which is weird but it's oddly calming. He's also pretty sure he picked up Pidge's sense of humor, because Pidge definitely picked up Hunk's sense of humor.

Hunk, to his great misfortune, has picked up traits from Keith. Which also includes his temper and his general introversion, the former of which he is working very hard on managing. He's also spending way more time on the training deck than ever before, but it suddenly doesn't feel like exercise so much as it feels... relaxing? Also he is like. always tense. What the hell, Keith, how did you live like this. How is HE going to live like this. Although it is kind of nice to not feel the urge to puke from nerves, which he... doesn't really seem to have anymore? That's kind of nice.

Keith is probably the oddest case of the bunch. He picked up personality traits from Lance, which he can't even get angry about because he doesn't have a temper anymore? apparently? He's suddenly a lot more extroverted, and also he feels the weird compulsion to... flirt? He's also become way more interested in self care and is suddenly not a morning person anymore. But for all that in some ways he has the most traits leftover from his core personality, because those traits turned out not to be parts of his personality so much as they were due to him being Galra- so he still likes training and fighting as much as he did before. Which is great, because if he let Lance's personality take him by the nose, he'd definitely just start to coast on his talent.

But they also each still have core aspects of themselves that apparently their lions preserved so it's not a full personality swap. Pidge will still wax poetic about the tech around them. Lance might not be huge into self care anymore, but he's still interested in trying to keep himself looking good. Hunk is still very kind, which makes having Keith's temper hard on him. Keith still is a nature boy and a jock, and somehow still doesn't understand how the cheer goes.

POV: You're Shiro. You wake up to this mess. It's been like this for a week apparently, and Coran and Allura don't know how to fix it.

...can you just go back to the cryopod maybe?

[queencolondarkwing]

AngelicaASMR’s current change

This post only about any info posted as of 7/25/2023 (will update in future if needed).

Ok so I’ve been following the Angelica Asmr shit pretty closely (don’t expect me to comment on gwen gwiz too because that girl is a grifter from the start). And as a mental health worker it REALLY freaks me out for her. I worked in a rehab for awhile. For people quitting drugs, but many of them also had bipolar, ptsd, schizophrenia, and similar diagnosises (some people also had the behavior due to being in crisis as well due to loss, recent homelessness, police brutality, etc.). So I know what psychotic breaks look like. I won’t armchair diagnose anything specific because I am not her medical provider, but while I can’t say she has anything for certain - she has a history of manic episodes in the past.

As someone with ADHD, a history of sexual and religious trauma, and c-ptsd like Angelica, I can honestly see how she fell into this. As someone who is also anti-capitalist, I can see why she thinks finding community would be beneficial (not sure why she would choose the Catholic Church instead of something from less individualistic, Eastern philosophy doesn’t make sense to me personally though...) to finding growth in an online era of isolation following a personal loss in her life. It seems weird how she went from talking about her Jehovahs Witness trauma from her youth...to going full on Orthodox, but I’ll get into details on why mentally this is actually super common in a minute.

I can also see how she would become a SWERF after having done OF, since as a former sex worker myself (camming, porn, fssw) who quit doing it after being raped - I can safely say that I myself am neither pro or anti sex work. I’m pro-decriminalization to keep workers safe, but also do feel a bit sick sometimes that MOST fssw on the streets are marginalized people. It is a complicated issue with nuance that non-sex workers have no business taking a side on. However, she is very hateful recently and anti-sex in general. Which is an issue.

She originally joined OnlyFans during a manic episode. So she HAS a history of mental illness and making major life decisions during mania. 

She went from pro-lgbtq to anti-lgbtq. Deleted her old progressive videos. Claimed to be a victim of MKUltra. Started making up delusions around the Catholic Church being anti-capitalist (Catholics individually can 100% be leftists, but the Church itself is VERY Capitalist). She posted homophobic and transphobic tiktoks where she would yell practically incoherently. Lots of staring. Inability to talk without looking away and laughing (she is normally a skilled actress).  Posting WAY more frequently than ever(she reposted 3 deleted videos last night and deleted them by this morning). She posted a video and lots of shorts and is way more active on Instagram. 

 The worst breakdowns I saw working rehab mostly always cycled through 4 topics: fame/self importance, inconsistent political and religious rambling, and sex. Always. Angelica has shown inconsistent spiritual beliefs (she has been mixing up Catholic, Orthodox, politics, and other religions). She has been focusing on sex in the context of trauma and posted a short of her in a bathtub on youtube again. She has been posting and immediately deleting content that has even positive comments on it.

Some medical signs of possible mania and/or psychosis that she is exhibiting:

Paranoia, trouble talking in a clear way/rambling, withdrawing socially (posting more often/online more but also alienating from her former fans), Confused speech, trailing off/lack of focus in videos, Generally disorganized way of thinking, no sign of restraint in expressing self, racing speech, goal-directed activity (seems to have a new anti-sex work goal), distractable/trails off topic, random giggling at nothing at camera like it is a person she is conversing with...etc. Tbh the amount of red flags I’ve seen are alarming.

I hope she gets support and help. And it is one reason I can’t blame her as hard as I would most, because she seems clearly unwell.  It isn’t an excuse. At all. And I don’t blame people for not supporting her going forward, but I plan to keep an eye on the situation for now and am hoping that somehow she can pull out of this shit, because I’ve seen this shit happen to a LOT of people with hard lives. Hell, I’ve even lashed out in smaller degrees and been delusional during my own ptsd breakdowns too, but when people are as far gone as Angelica is...I don’t usually see them come back again to the same state they were in previously. I’m hoping for the best, as a former fan and as a social worker, but Idk.

[cybernightart]

Unmasked Genji ADHD fueled rambling so prepare for random ideas not really organized

I've seen quite a lot of stuff trying to figure out what Genji looks like without his mask on and what Hanzo actually did to him.

My personal opinion is what we see in the dragon cinematic isn't just what Hanzo did to his face because in the black watch skin and comics etc his face is like untouched. It appears like Hanzo during his attacks went for his torso and neck primarily, cutting his arm probably really deeply about mid bicep to the point it would have to be amputated due to blood loss, and losing his legs as well to blood loss, and considering Genji has stuff on the front and back of his neck my guess is that Hanzo tried to make it as quick as possible and full on stabbed Genji through the neck not decapitating him but like that should have killed him. It would also explain why he's got a robotic voice because if he was stabbed through the neck it probably damaged his vocal cords and he's got what appears to me a cybernetic spine at least on his neck so that was probably also damaged during that.

And apart from just other assorted scarring from light cuts and other smaller injuries from Hanzo's attack, he's a trained assassin who is trained to kill as quick as possible, so their fight probably didn't last that long considering we can assume Genji was unarmed (both in the way of he didn't have a weapon and he lost the arm). And he would have no reason to go for genji's face during an attack like that.

Like legitimately the biggest injuries that I think Hanzo did take Angie was a slash across his chest which cut deep enough to injure his arm very badly but not deep enough to actually reach his heart or anything, and then damage to his neck. With the rest being more surface level scrapes which could have been patched up with stitches which would leave scarring pretty badly but nothing insane.

But since we know his face is decently burned and scarred by the time the dragon cinematic happens my theory is that either during one of the last black watch missions if there was one after the mission during retribution. Or what I mainly think happened, when the Swiss base exploded, Genji could have been in that building when the thing exploded which would explain the burning and scarring on his face and presumably other parts of his body. And if Cassidy was still in OverWatch at that point that could explain how he lost his arm because I'm pretty sure it's confirmed Bob did not rip his arm off. Because we know the explosion "killed" Gabriel Reyes and Jack Morrison, and it would make sense why after the explosion where genji's remaining body got damaged even more so he couldn't deal with everything going on in his head associated with his body that he would leave to try and come to terms with his body or find peace in some way.

And if the injuries happened in black watch before the explosion, I could explain why he got the new armor for the storm rising missions when he was transferred to the main OverWatch team. They had to fix more stuff and realized it wasn't safe for him to have any fleshy human parts still exposed so they made him a new safer suit.

That's just my thoughts anyways in a very rambly fashion.

Also I am surprised that in the future they don't have something that can reduce scarring, and if they do have that thing even though now genji's come to terms with his body I wouldn't be surprised if he did go through with the reducing scarring thing primarily on his face or anywhere of high mobility because (correct me if I'm wrong) areas that are highly scarred are often a lot tighter, so not even aesthetically would it be a better option but for quality of life even just minorly reducing the scarring might just make things a little less painful. Also along the same lines probably have something to help hair growth considering stuff we have now for that which isn't much but there is something and considering how advanced science is in the universe it would not surprise me in the slightest if they had those things.

Also also Genji showing Hanzo his face partially where it's so scarred and burned and everything was slightly a jerk move because Hanzo didn't cause the burning on his face, so showing that without explaining at least a little bit that "oh don't worry you didn't do this" is a little mean but I'm pretty sure Hanzo would remember not burning his face so at the same time it isn't.

Anyways that concludes my rambling for the minute, if anyone reads this thank you for enduring my chaotic train of thought.

[lifmera]

Heya, I was wondering if I could have a matchup for Hazbin Hotel? Male please x

My pronouns are she her, I'm fairly average height for a girl and my favourite animals at the moment are either cats or goats!!

I have black hair, dark eyes and pale skin, my hair goes just above my breasts and is layered. I wear a lot of black and hardly own any clothes that aren't!! (It’s just so flattering) I have a few large tattoos as well and am definitely getting more. I also have a lot of ear piercings, a nose stud and 🍒 piercings. I’m also English (northern, not southern) so I do have an accent

In terms of personality, l'd say l'm rather outgoing, witty and a bit nerdy. I wear a lot of studs and chains but I think they look badass, however I wear them causally so I guess you could also say I’m pretty bold? I've often been told l intimidate people, however I like to think they don't know me well enough to judge. Ive been told I can be quite loud, and I have some blunt, dry sense of humour which my friends seem to like. I'm an ENTP through and through and am currently in law school, stereotypical as fuck ik. I can sometimes struggle to trust people due to past experiences, however I think I’ve got the hang of reading people now to know when they’re my kind of cunt or not.

I can have a short temper and struggle with my emotions sometimes, (diagnosed bpd/adhd, looooove to see it) but am in the process of learning to manage them quite well.

Hobby wise, I enjoy drawing, painting and going out with my friends to concerts and festivals. I Love music, specifically Goth, Metal (Death, Goth metal, Nü metal, all sorts) and a little bit of rock obviously. I'm tempted to start learning how to play the drums or guitar but am not sure where to start, plus school takes up so much of my time.

There's of course no rush to reply, I adore your work I think your matches are always spot-on and I'm really curious !!

-🕷️🕸️

HEY 🕷️🕸️!!!

Honestly I was so TORN between these two. So i decided lol… why not both?

Its okay hun!! I major Pre-Law right now 🩷

I’ve decided to pair you with… VOX & HUSK

Vox first though. Cus i read this and i was like.. VOX but then when i showered i was like .. wait husk… and then i was like FUCK… anyways

He’d definitely talk to you more because you reminded him of Velvette. And what probably went thru his head was “ooh new model :)”

But he LOVES ur personality. If you intimidated VOX? He would literally purr at ur feet and BEG you to join the Vee’s.

Even if you are dry, its okay, cus everything else makes up for it to him.

He definitely isn’t surprised if you don’t trust him at first, but he’s think that “nothing a little hypnotizing cant fix ! ;)” (take that as you wish.)

Vox is kinda pretty shitty himself- and probably doesnt really care much about you unless you blow a fuse on him. But honestly he’d like that.

Though he’d also be glad that you are managing your emotions! He HATES tantrums . (Cough cough Val)

He would probably make you draw you guys together lets me honest. He’d think it’d be funny. Till he actually enjoys it.

He would make fun of ur music taste. Then he would love it. Cus hes such a LOSER like that……

Honestly he’d love it sm he’d have them as theme songs D:

If you learned any instruments it’d probably cause him to want to as-well….

Ok Husker time…

Not gonna lie. You guys give off the same vibe, and he’d probably like you the most out of everyone at the hotel.

Especially at first glance?? Like finally… someone normal

Says him anyways.

Husk HATES cats, and obviously… i think he would also let you pet him or brush his fur… after becoming in a relationship. Otherwise he’d literally bite you.

I think he would talk to you first at the bar, and man is he good at finding shit out???

I think you guys would become close friends within a finger snap-

And honestly become inseparable. Totally have backhanded shit to say and it would be so funny. (Great duo)

He definitely would be super proud of you for seeking help! He would say that not much people have enough balls to do that.

Honestly i also think Husk would enjoy painting too. He seems like a gambler but i think in his free time, something like painting would relax him?? Or atleast looking at paintings and analyzing them.

Your music taste? Probably same as his. He’d love to listen with you, and Everytime you are at the bar he’d ask if you wanted to play a song you both enjoyed.

If you learned the guitar he’d be SO IMPRESSED. Like “okay dayum… ❤️”

~~

I HOPE THIS WAS OKAY HUN!! And AWUGHS THANK YOU SO MUCH?? i always try to make the characters accurate because i feel like if they are ooc .. its just.. weird ?

[canis-dentem]

how/when did you know you were a therian? like- when did you make the connection; how did you know you were caninekin specifically?

I’m tryna figure stuff out for myself and don’t know where to start. I don’t think I’m a therian, but I’ve always done some kind of animal-ish things (used to have the urge to hiss/snarl/snap when due to annoyance when I was younger, I have the urge to make creature noises pretty often, sometimes my mental image of myself when doing something feels more different, like. tall and elegant?? like sometimes when I turn my head I like. imagine/feel kind of a sloping neck and longer face/muzzle and limbs, canine-y (imagine a maned wolf/african wild dog/other canine) I don’t know how to explain it— but I’m not sure if the noises and biting are some kind of stimming due to my ADHD or not). I also heard the term “otherhearted” as having a deep connection with something, which. mmmmaybe me? so I’m gonna look into that.

anyways woah I rambled a lot more than I intended to but. yeah! I just wanna know what others’ experiences are like so I can see if mine relate to them lol

hi anon!!

tbh, i only awakened of around march of this year. i had never entered therian or otherkin circles, although i knew about it. one of my friends telling me star was a feline otherkin was what got me thinking like.... oh, that's a thing we can do? it happened to me with being trans, too, LOL--it didn't click for me that i could be something until someone close to me was.

what got me thinking was my brain kept saying "ugh i wanna be otherkin. that'd be so cool" and then i looked back on things i've done my whole life and like. oh that was a wolf thing. oh that's a dog thing. oh huh. it has been here. something that helped me when i was researching being autistic/having adhd was i kept a list of my symptoms as i noticed them, so i did that for being a therian. i have my little list of canine "symptoms" that i either notice myself doing or have remembered doing, some of which include feeling the urge to chew a lot, feeling longer canine teeth/wanting longer canine teeth, the urge to bare my teeth and growl when angry, always playing the worgen race in world of warcraft, among others. some of these (like baring my teeth/growling) were things i taught myself not to do bc "it wasn't normal." (i connect that to the 17 years of autism masking i did, so much so that i didn't know i was autistic and nobody around me did either.)

about stimming: me feeling the urge to chew is a stim. it is also connected to me being caninekin. it can be both!! stimming doesn't cancel out being a therian. plus, for me at least, i dont think i'd be otherkin if i wasnt autistic. you only mentioned adhd, not autism, but keep in mind that neurodivergency can and does often interact with alterhumanity.

i don't typically label my alterhumanity as spiritual (as in past-life) or phsycological, because honestly, i don't really care to know. i have it, and that's what matters to me. but being otherkin does overlap with my spirituality in the sense that i feel some yet unexplained connection with the woods. i always have. it makes sense to connect that to being otherkin, even if that's not the only explanation for it.

you can absolutely consider yourself otherhearted, if that makes sense for you! my suggestion? don't worry too much about the label. the word isn't actually super important. there's a big emphasis in this community on figuring out the specific type of animal you are, the specific type of otherkin (or -hearted etc) you are, where it comes from, etc. i don't think that's worth stressing yourself out about, not at all. if it works for you, it works for you--by all means, go ahead. if the process of finding a really specific 'type or word to call yourself brings you meaning and fulfills you, please do it!! i'm all for it. but if it stresses you out to figure out the finer details, let them go. it's okay. in my opinion, the biggest question is not "am i really a therian?" and instead, is, "does it make sense/bring me joy/fulfill me to connect myself to an animal?" if it does, move on from there.

good luck, anon! sending all my love to you. feel free to send any updates about your experience, if you wish to! i hope ur having a wonderful day <3

[nekropsii]

RE: the sovstuck check in: I think that the art & characters in sovstuck are really good so far and I’ve loved what you’ve said about the project on your blog, but it’s hard to tell where it’s going atm because of the relatively slow pacing so far. I’m also not sure if this is one of this projects where you *have* to be in the fan discord to get the most out of reading it & worry that I am missing out by being comic/blog exclusive

Glad you're liking it!! Slow-ish pacing of Upd8s is because life can be a bitch sometimes. We're not exactly a paid team of professionals, I'm juggling panelling and scripting between Being Alive, Having ADHD, and Another Art-Based Side Hustle. Nothing quite motivates me like working on this project, though, so it's not like it's under any threat of stopping. Where Sovereignstuck Is Going is Forward. Mind the Content Warnings on the project, of course.

There's not necessarily a need to be in the Discord, it's just a fun community. I do post some exclusive stuff there, but nothing earth-shatteringly perception-altering, and nothing that won't get addressed within the comic in due time. You're only missing out on exactly what one would expect to be missing out on by not being in a Discord. No biggie.

For Transparency: Act 1, Chapter 1 is about 150 pages long, and formally introduces 6 characters. While the Upd8s aren't coming out every 5 seconds, the pacing of the actual comic itself is pretty fast, I believe. No threat of all of that Early Homestuck-type Dawdling. Dandori.

[kibbits]

Hi okay so I've been rotating the break a leg boys in my very neurodivergent head and. I don't know the specifics because I don't know theater or musicals, but with the everything about them - having to relearn how to be themselves, essentially unmasking, and the difficulty with social cues that comes with actually interacting people rather than just performing for them - I just. Okay wait lets start differently -

At some point they become true friends with Y/N, we know that! But do they know? They never had friends before, and with their difficulties I can just see them struggling to even understand the concept, much less where the lines are, and wondering if Y/N considers them friends too!

So while I don't know how you planned it out/ if you have something different in mind already, I just kept thinking of a scene where they wonder and try to ask - hey, are we friends? But they're scared of misunderstanding cues because it's all new, so they fall back onto their scripts! Because despite everything, they know those, and they're reliable and familiar! So they rope Y/N into a little improv scene or perhaps a little musical number where the characters proclaim their friendship, and then they just. kinda trickle out of the scene to ask - are we? because just asking outright is scary, but they can mask it as a play, while also trying to reach past that comfort zone, and I just think they'd really need some sort of confirmation that yes, they are friends!

(and that certainly is not projection as someone who struggles to identify boundaries for friendships and likes to double check also - I mean the boys have the extra complication of Y/N being assigned that job to care for them! I'm sure there's anxieties involved, once the masks begin to crumble! Okay I can be normal now this is. long. GFHDSJ)

HI OK SO!!!! YOU BLEW MY MIND COMPLETELY WITH THIS ASK AA

So uh as you know you're the one who recently made me realize I'm audhd and,, , in the light of that,, , SO MUCH of my own goddamn AU just. clicks.

----------

first of all-- YES! Yes, I totally see them doing that! Setting up an elaborate scene and thinking about how it'll go, late at night (imagining in scripts how YN might react)

They purposefully leave the end of the script blank so YN (who might not realize it's based on reality at first, or sees it but thinks they're reading too much into it) gets to the end and goes: "Uuuh guys? I think I'm missing a page? Are they friends or not?"

And the boys go: "We don't know-- are they?" (hopeful puppydog eyes)

----------

Second of all, I'll use this as a jumping point under readmore cause my god it made me see the AU in a new light dfkljdg

Cause uh I realize now that it's not just an AU about 'what if they'd never become daycare attendants' but rather about acting (masking, putting up a front, internality vs externality, discovering sentience, discovering themselves and each other as people) in general

So I think that first of all,, due to the nature of the thing, YN is probably ALSO audhd and struggles with boundaries, because I do, too. (head in hands i genuinely didnt notice now much i coded them pff But then again, uh... I am ALSO pretty good at masking fgjkldg)

I can get very attached to people very fast, and I call people my friends easily (but like. several different kinds of friendships?? Different degrees of intimacy and points of connection) but i also need to hear it from the people in return or else i get wary of "taking up too much space" (despite the irony of liking when other people are interested gjklgd)

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But. MY GOD LUCE. THEY'RE ALL SO ND (specifically Autistic and ADHD, healthy dose of anxiety and More)

So we've got Sun and Moon who are a Problem Animatronic, who are Strange and Offputting sometimes. They take their roles too seriously, they embody them, they don't 'act like real people' outside of that. They follow arbitrary rules, and expect you to know and follow them, too.

And then Y/N comes along, and they immediately follow along with their rules (read:script/assigned role) not only that? But they clearly establish their own rules, too, as well as reasons for Sun and Moon to follow them (god. you see what I mean by everything being so clear in retrospect??)

Management sees: Holy shit, after countless maimed staff members, a(disposable one)n intern bumbles along into the closet where the Actor has been shoved, and miraculously gets them both to cooperate??? And they survive? Without injury?

Sun/Moon see: FINALLY some good fazzing food communication!

In reality: AUDHD to AUDHD communication is happening dfklgjkld

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so uh just wanted to say all 3 are AUDHD.

Sun collected all the kinetic/high energy symptoms and habits, like physical hyperactivity and restlessness, full body stimming (watch out for the limbs!) poor volume control, jumping the gun and interrupting, things like that

Moon got the more internal ones: Non-verbal or minimal words a lot of the time, doesn't like to be perceived when he's not acting, sits like a gargoyle/floor time/other pressure stim (WILL flop onto you) and also chewing fkljdgj, innatention etc

They both def don't have personal space awareness, are anxious and restless but in different ways, sound stims/echolalia out the wazoo

Y/N by nature will be different but since its my AU they'll reflect mine so. healthy mix/helping of both? fgjklgdl Inattentive, both super observant and blind to obvious things, sometimes less verbal, sometimes hyperverbal, pacing and shaking their hands like they can't contain all the things they want to say, Floor Time (tm)

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Lots of mirroring and parallel play hangouts, they're all both cats and golden retrievers your honor. Sun will pick up YN and/or pace. Moon will flop over/near them. YN is good with both jkldk They can hang out in silence, or talk for HOURS.

YN will just start singing a random silly thing and bouncing in place and the bots will sometimes mirror (Moon not so much verbally but he can hum, and Sun can actually talk through the speakers (buttons) on their chest while Moon is out anyway)

Oh yeah that's another thing! Sun can help Moon out if he's out but has a hard time communicating, because they can both talk while the other's out as part of their duet setting. They don't often do it, though, because most of the staff would freak out if they knew they were both active at the same time? Which is silly, it's literally built into their routines/gimmick!

Man now I am thinking of so many nice hangouts (of course its not ALL sunshine and rainbows but. They click well.

[system-of-a-feather]

If you are still taking asks about your syscourse stance from anti endos (I'm a bit late) :

1. Excluding those who do not remember their trauma or do not believe it to be enough to be traumagenic, do you believe that endos are really experiencing systemhood and not some other kind of plurality or multiplicity?

I cannot understand how someone who doesn't have any dissociation could ever have alters. It just doesn't make sense at all to me, no matter what angle I look at it from, and I cannot find any sources explaining it either. I do not *not* believe that endos are experiencing some kind of multiplicity but I don't think it's necessarily systemhood, if that makes sense?

2. How do you not get jaded by some of the things you see happening in the pro-endo spaces?

I'm talking about things like people labeling themselves "trans-programmed" or "trans-RAMCOA" (and so many more), those same people often calling traumagenic systems privileged, and other people who keep spreading misinfo about OSDDID (for example, that you don't need trauma to have DID), etc.

I know this isn't the entire community but I rarely see much opposition to those behaviors, which makes me feel very unsafe amongst most pro-endos.

1. Excluding those who do not remember their trauma or do not believe it to be enough to be traumagenic, do you believe that endos are really experiencing systemhood and not some other kind of plurality or multiplicity?

Honestly, I think the only thing in this topic is a lot of arguing over semantics and if words can be shared. From what I'm getting, I think you equate systemhood / being a system to being traumagenic / DID / OSDD exclusively. From the sounds of it, I think you seem to be open to the idea that they do experience multiplicity / plurality so I don't think we disagree there much. I personally don't think "system" and "systemhood" needs to be an explicitly DID/OSDD term but its also a debate I have very little interest in. I am cool with saying that "system" is a term that people can use regardless of their nature cause - to me - it's just a way of labeling yourself.

Also, while I am not sure if it is similar or the same as DID/OSDD alters, I honestly could see how someone could have disordered plurality without being traumagenic simply due to how prolonged internet usage can cause a dissociative effect, especially in situations where roleplaying features are around and those have been documented in clinical studies - particularly around the proposed internet gaming disorder and internet gaming addiction. There is a lot of research to be done whether the experience of DID/OSDD like symptoms late in age is anywhere comparable to the more traditionally researched and understood DID/OSDD that stems from complex and chronic childhood trauma - but it's honestly a pretty false notion that dissociation ONLY comes due to trauma. (ADHD has it as a symptom, internet usage has a dissociative affect on the self, substances can also do it, meditation also can do it) So I figure with the combination of developing research in developmental psychopathology and research into other things that can cause dissociation that we might honestly find other means of developing alters or alter-like experiences in people who did not experience the extended trauma often seen in our current understanding of DID/OSDD.

2. How do you not get jaded by some of the things you see happening in the pro-endo spaces?

I just divide "pieces of shit" from "people just living their lives". //shot//

Honestly, really though, if someone is being an asshole, bigotted, extremely fucked up, etc I consider them first and foremost their fucked up group and then the neutral or positive group identities they have second.

So if someone is trans-programmed and identify as endo - I identify them FIRST as a toxic and fucked up trans-ID person who happens to identify as part of the endo community. I attribute the trans-ID shit to their trans-ID beliefs and give the overall community the benefit of the doubt and good faith that the overlap is a Ven Diagram and not a circle.

Generally I like to avoid generalizing groups as all bad based on their bad corners, especially if I've seen the community actually make efforts to improve. I personally found the latter of the that statement earned with the good faith I saw in a lot of quiogenic and endogenic systems when the tulpa-discourse came up and a good number of servers and people made the effort to leave the appropriated terms behind.

From that point I went "aight ok" and divided the endo community between racists and people with no intent of improving themselves and their community and endos that just honestly want to live their life and are doing the best in their knowledge to not harm others.

TransID people I generally put in the same group as the Tulpa people and just click my tongue in disgust and block them.

But TLDR I just honestly would prefer to give the people that haven't done anything wrong a chance to just live their lives without hurting people rather than punishing them with the people that really don't care the harm they do. Just cause some people who claim to be part of your group are pieces of shit, doesn't mean everyone in that group both 1) supports and wants those people in their group and 2) deserve to be shunned, harassed, and treated with poorly.