#i am a disappointment to society
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…. you did not follow the side
[Sips my caffeine ]
In my defense
I was bored
and there was a link
#look me in the eyes#look me in the eyes and tell the gods im not a degenerate#you cant#i am a disappointment to society#IF THE GOVERMENT COULD HEAR MY THOUGHTS I WOULD BE PUT DOWN#DO YOU THINK I AM UP AT 1AM READING ANGST FICS?#NO#IM DISCUSSING THINGS IN DEPTH WITH THE VOICES IN MY HEAD#I AM GOING TO HELL ANYWAYS#MIGHT AS WELL HAVE FUN#im proud of my manga collection ✨️✨️
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last one i promise(<—lie)
#let’s as a society think more about why adrien wanted to go to school#and what. perhaps. he thought school was#i think the way chloe describes it she really is just a beautiful rich girl with too much time on her hands#and no one at school is treating her accordingly.#abby got so mad at me today because she thinks it’s too cringe that i keep taking about adrien liking ohshc#which is like. how are you gonna know me my whole life and then be disappointed when i’m cringe.#i’ve never hidden who i am. it’s cringe all the way down#anyway#ml#my art#miraculous ladybug#adrien agreste#chloe bourgeois#ohshc#wait i am gonna tag this thirteen actually. just go with me#thirteen
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It’s official! Based on the results of my recent polls, the hottest version of Ichigo (according to Grimmjow) and the hottest version of Grimmjow (according to Ichigo) are…
*drumroll*
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Hybrid Ichigo and TYBW Grimmjow!
Convenient they’re in the same arc lmao
#king’s court#bleach#grimmichi#ichigo kurosaki#grimmjow jaegerjaquez#I honestly thought vasto lorde or mugetsu ichigo might pull ahead at some point#and I am (unsurprisingly) disappointed cacao society Grimm didn’t get more votes#but this was fun!!#maybe I’ll do more polls in the future#I wish I could art because it would’ve been cool to have like a banner of these two done for the results#especially since Grimmjow didn’t get to see hybrid Ichigo and I know he’s seething with envy over it
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Fucking kill me now
This disgusting man just sneezed openly in the airport like threw his head forward, uncovered, messy nasty ass sneeze into the space where tons of people walk by and I'm having a fucking panic attack
#we have masks but my daughter won’t keep hers on#I also have a personal air purifier#who knows if that’ll do it#I’m so fucking disgusted and panicked right now#what the actual FUCK is wrong with people!!!!!#and in this entire international airport I’ve seen less than 10 people with masks#most of them the basic surgicals that don’t do jack shit#half of them weren’t wearing them correctly which leads me to believe they were told to wear them (due to illness?) and just half assing it#I am so fucking disappointed in our society#when will we fucking learn#I hate this timeline
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finally caved and started reading all for the game. two chapters into the foxhole court and what kind of gay fucking shit is this! also did not know there were sports in here
#idk whats going on i thought it was like the raven cycle with magic and shit its called the foxhole court??? no fae???? what the fuck!!!#and i cant understand whats happening with the sports. i didnt get it. i hope i dont need to i just know kevin is top dog of the bad dogs#neil is mid mid except hes got a death wish so they want him carnally???#ill be reading it super slowly bc im busy but i can feel it slowly turning up the heat on my brain cells as i read. they are burning.#ive got naught but ten#and neil's not neil but he is and he has a bag of secrets he's hiding in someone else's closet like okayyyy go off author fuck whats the#authors name.... nora sakavic FUCK I SHOULDVE KNOWN NEVER TO TRUST A WOMAN NAMED NORA#i dont know...i dont know.... but also the only gay neil i know is the one from dead poets society and its hard to separate the two rn#is the rest of the book going to be like this what did i get myself into. am i mentally prepared#bc i wasnt for trc and it FUCKED! ME! UP! im STILL insane#ugh. ugh. anyway. way gayer than expected. also at one point someone asks ''how safe is safe'' and MY DISAPPOINTMENT#when the answer wasnt safe as life? immeasurable. in fact i had to close the book. went to study accounting.#ACCOUNTING. HELLO?? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME IN HERE???#the tree speaks#all for the game#aftg#what are yalls tags?#neil josten#the raven cycle#trc
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also like i partially found out i might be intersex because i was looking at trans stuff and there was like "(however many) months on t and finally seeing some bottom growth" and like pictures of t-dicks and i was like.... um.... that's kind of just what my clit looks like anyways. so i was like "hey google give me a quick rundown on this" and learned what clitoromegaly was and then i was like. hm. intersex resources. and it's like a sign? symptom? side-effect? of certain intersex conditions
#i mean like pcos runs in the mums side of my family but i dont have all the symptoms of that#i do also have like. more hair?? than the average afab person#like dark hair on my stomach and chest and back#and my face. whats disappointing about the face hair is that it isnt enough to be able to grow a beard#so i cant even fuck with gender that way#tagging as nsft just because of like genital mention#genital mention#nsft#shoutout to transmascs on t who show their t-dicks on the internet it was really helpful#also i dont know how to describe it but like. my natural face shape is kind of masculine??#like it would be plausible for a cis amab perisex man to have my face without looking feminine#if you get what im saying??#if it sounds like im reinforcing sex or gender essentialism please say i am struggling to find words#unshoutout to the boys in primary school who made fun of me for having hair under my arms and starting a whole decade of insecurity-#-about having hair on my body lmao#for the record i dont think certain face shapes are indicative of gender and all im just going by like. patterns?? in afab vs. amab faces#also not that i think afab vs. amab is the entire categorisation of human sex characteristics but um. working with what vocab i have here#i think what also really kicked it off. was relating to a fair few experiences intersex people have socially#particularly intersex ppl who were afab and faced a lot of pressure to make their bodies conform to feminine beauty standards#and it was like.... oh lol.... my mum did that to me!!#it comes from her own internalised shit bc she has pcos (idk if she identifies as intersex even tho she could if she wanted) but still.#dont project that onto a 10 yr old lmao. she keeps buying me hair removal products#ALSO floored by an experience i have. in which apparently half my friends dont feel pressure to shave their legs#because the hair on their legs is like. light and thin and barely visible and i was like?? huh??#what do you MEAN your legs don't look like your brothers/fathers if you dont shave??#im starting to think they dont shave their arms. their arms might just naturally not have a load of hair#i dont shave my arms though. cannot be bothered with that and also like. why would i do that#also you know that like. happy trail i think its called?? on “men's” stomachs??#yeah i have that naturally yeah thats right im naturally sexy#if you cant tell i am putting “girls” “mens” “boys” “womens” etc. in quotes to indicate that is just the normal society way of saying it
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sometimes i see clips of the hermits talking about dark twt and i am just so glad that tumblr exists because if i tried to make this blog on there id be fucked. i don't think they could handle finding out people draw them committing cannibalism(vore) on each other for fun.
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sorry for not being active for a while, i'm on vacation and my schedule is pretty packed + my wifi connection is pretty spotty :3
as an apology, i grant thee; Meeks family headcanons!!!
(might post this on my other account too)
Stephen ??? Meeks Sr. [father] - 46 years old, American
- born in Maryland
- was "present" in his family's lives until Stephen and Stephanie were about eight, then left. lives in Maryland now
- isn't divorced from Julieta only for convenience's sake, still shows up for his kids' school ceremonies/graduations so the heads don't think their home life is "wacky", doesn't show up to any other events
- engineer
- favourite family member used to be Stephen Jr. (before she ), now he hates them all equally
- is everyone's least favourite family member
- he, mr perry, and mr nolan would get along. i feel like that's enough explanation as to what kind of man/father he is
- has fist fought stacy before and will do it again
Julieta ??? Meeks [mother] - 45 years old, Italian
- born in Italy (Florence)
- currently lives in Maine with Stephanie
- overbearing mother. was extremely hesitant to send Stephen to Welton, a boarding school, where she can't easily reach her
- it's why Stephanie doesn't go to a boarding school
- otherwise amazing mother with some minor flaws and like one or two major flaws
- doctor (specifically cardiologist). dabbled in engineering when she was younger but gave it up for a while due to peer pressure. brought it back once stephen (jr) started showing interest
- favourite family member used to be just Stephen Jr., now it's a tie between her and Stella
- will indulge her children in just about anything (as long as it's not illegal (underage smoking/drinking is an exception)), especially different interests
Stella Ines Laura Meeks [oldest sister] - 25 years old, Italian/American
- born in Italy, Venice
- currently lives in Vermont
- Stephen's emergency contact
- married with one kid (2 years old) and expecting another
- paid astrology intern, will be an actual astrologist soon. always makes sure to tell stephen all about her research because she knows stephen loves stars
- highkey overbearing but is trying to rear it in in an attempt to not be just like her mother. has to bite her tongue everytime she sees the steph twins breaking rules
- favourite family member is their mother
- accidentally hid her first pregnancy from stephen throughout the school year, meaning when stephen came home for the summer and saw stella with a baby she just went "... who's goddamn baby is that"
Stacy Isabella Sofia Meeks [second oldest sister] - 21 years old, Italian/American
- born in Vermont
- currently lives in Maine
- Stephanie's second emergency contact (first is their mother)
- raising an adopted child (six years old) with her "best friend"
- studying psychology, wants to be a therapist specifically so she can "fix" her family (every member of the meeks family avoids therapy like the plague)
- super chill, wine aunt vibes. regularly sneaks cigs and alcohol to the steph twins
- favourite family member is a tie between Stella and Stephanie
- respecting elders for simply being elders? not her thing. has cussed out mr nolan before stephen even started attending welton
Stephanie Cristina Kennedy Meeks [twin sister] - 17 years old, Italian/American
- born in New York
- lives in Maine with her mother (and twin sister when she isn't at Welton)
- if goth music existed in 1959 she'd be goth/gothic
- favourite family member is Stephen
- steals stephen's and stella's clothes all the time. the others have to pry her clothes out of her cold dead hands (unless it's stephen)
- literally the only artist in the family, but is also interested in biology. wants to go to med school or art school, depending on her grades during senior year
- depending on which sort of school she ends up going to, she wants to either be an ER nurse or an art teacher
- has an aunt who's the dean of an art school, wants to work there as a professor or anything similar - preferably doing a 3D modelling class
Stephen Kennedy Chris Meeks Jr. - 17 years old, Italian/American
- born in New York
- lives in Maine with her mother and twin sister when not at Welton (Vermont)
- favourite family member is Stephanie, absolutely no way she could have a different favourite
- steals everyone's clothes but also gives back just as many
- does not plan to go to college/university if given the choice. will only go to Yale (engineering/physics) for Pitts and her mom
- wants to be some sort of mechanic or engineer, or even an engineering professor at some university, when she's older.
- if she doesn't end up going to university she wants to be a plane mechanic - her uncle has connections, especially in the air force so she knows he can get her sorted
- is on the fence about becoming a pilot - thinks it's cool but not sure if it's a good profession for her. willing to try
hope you enjoyed!! sorry if these headcanons are a bit cliche lol. also i am sorry for just blatantly throwing canon away like that
#dead poets society#dps#dead poets#dead poets fandom#dead poets headcanons#dead poets society headcanons#dps headcanons#steven meeks#stephen meeks#stephen meeks headcanons#steven meeks headcanons#headcanons#hcs#see the thing is i think it would be funny if every single dead poet had some sort of daddy issues#whether that be absent father or bad father (or both!!) i need them to have a bad relationship with their fathers#hence the bad/absent father with meeks. sorry for giving her trauma i guess#one thing i am not sorry for is the blatant use of transfem meeks. she is my girlfailure i will not apologise for that#stephen and stephanie are best friends they tell each other everything#also stephen and stephanie have switched places before (like during school picture day (yes even after stephen started going to welton))#no one noticed but their mum who was lowkey disappointed but ultimately was impressed that they managed to pull it off#so she didn't punish them at all (shes very lax about punishments for small things like this anyway but yeah)#in relation to them switching places on school picture day at the age of 15#imagine a dead poet complimenting meeks on her appearance in that specific picture (where its actually her twin in the pic)#and her knowing she cant tell them the truth being like: “😬... thanks...”#anyway#enjoy the burnt cake <3#ill characters <3
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StormLander / GLAM
My pronouns are they but not them cause I'll never be them 😔🙏
#the boys#the boys tv#the boys amazon#homelander#stormfront#stormlander#AM#ihnmaims#i have no mouth and i must scream#glados#portal 2#portal#I'm terribly disappointed with us as a society#why haven’t i seen a single edit with them like am and glados?#😔😔
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Me: listening to So You Want To Talk About Race
Me: oh I am learning a lot about my relationship to blackness in this book written by another black woman raised by a white parent (identities to that differing widely)
#personal;#i will probably write a long rambly Post Later (like tomorrow or something)#but i Realized (part of) why i have so much issue relating to blackness this morning bc of something the author says to her (white) mother#and am realizing that /maybe/ race might also be part of why dad was genuinely shocked i thought i was a disappointment for lack of#being told he was proud (and lack of achievements worth a damn to society) bc like. a white cis man will /generally/ get more#for just existing than a shy black girl with emotional regulation issues#*girl/woman re me in this post being used for intersectionality reasons and not gender#well. kinda gender. i WAS a girl. once. until somewhere in my teens#regardless!#i'm very tired but my brain is cooking#i had to turn the book off bc brain cooking too much i can feel it buzzing and i have no energy to deal with the thoughts/emotions making#it buzz and fizzle so#i should force myself to shower#but!!!!!! emphatically recommend to anyone white wanting to learn how to talk about this stuff while being white#and understand concepts you might not get (tho beginnerish level)
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Fuuuuuuuck when the persecution complex kicks in though............ 🧍
#dude is literally a golden cow. like it's fucking horrifying#insane odd tangent but i am so fucking livid and disgusted by so-called believers in christ when they deify that guy#like BRO......... jesus would be sooooooooooooooo mad and/or disappointed in you.#it is the most insane thing ever. generally i don't consider myself a spiritual person anymore.#but like. some things do feel ingrained in my fucking bones and like. idk weird ass experience#of ex-christian transexual faggot embodies more good christrian traits than These Fucking Guys#like. it's just so weird and haunting and frustrating. bc these are the same people who are making society Hell World#but i'm the degenerate? i'm going to hell? okay man.
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#seriously none of yinz have this?#mutuals i am disappointed#random#society#america#jacob rothschild
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youve got a real funny way of thinking about things
#vent#cant draw for shit rn but helps#idc#anyhow ill be chill im just overstimulated and kind of disappointed in myself for my entire self#my friend bought a house for her mom and im just kinda like. Ohmmm. blinking. thats awesome dude fuck#it IS awesome#i dont even know what to say. thats awesome#i should be doing the same shit and yet#i am cowering in my room because lights are scary and voices make me on edge#i should be more proactive not reactive#why do i act like this#i wish i was somebody else#am i a loser#might be#i certainly dont want to say im useless bc useless implies that ppl who cant meet societal goals#are of no use 2 society which i dont agree with whatsoever. why would u#but i definitely dont feel useful
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i am a loserdaughter
#my parents just reminded me how incredibly disappointed they are in me#ive had depression for three years now and im not able to do basically anythingbecause of it and#they literally truly despise me for it#they even tell me so they literally just told me how frustrating it is that i am always inbed#andhow having a hard ti’e is just what happens when you are part of society but you shouldnt stay inbed because of it#time*#??!!!? i am in THERAPY i am on ANTIDEPRESSANTS i literally have a psychiatrist appointment TOMORROW#WHY ARE U REMINDING ME OF HOW MUCH U HATE ME FOR NOT BEING HAPPY
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Goodbye 2023, Hello Trees
I'll be away from my computer for a couple of days as I do my annual "seriously, I need to see a fucking novel tree" camping trip. I'll have a little access to internet, but you know something being immersed in the moment, all hail fire, I must look at the moon tenderly like it is my own face etc.
2023 has been a year for me. My beloved first dog finished his story of 14 1/2 years. I sang to him in those last minutes, like I did when I first rescued him but now my voice sounds beautifully like me. My upper body now does that wonderful curve around the shoulders I associate with men when I take my shirt off. Once again I am reminded there's a real intersection between chronic pain, gender dysphoria and neurodiversity that allows me to see the world in a unique way. I'm lucky to have also found another wonderful community of weirdos. You all fill my day with joy and filth and remind me how attention is a moral act at brings aspects of things into being.
I hope you know I love you all. If you don't, please bear with me until I find the words, the way to arrange my face, the way to move my vocal cords until you know the warmth you bring to my life.
#I've read a lot of great things too in 2023#It's hard to narrow it down#let me stay tender hearted- despite despite despite#what you can’t give away you must carry with you#When another person is talking#you want to be listening so actively you’re burning calories#I also wrote some things I am proud of- even if some are still in WIPS#a choir of hungry ghosts that had long grown tired of asking to have not been hurt#and instead found smaller and smaller requests to be disappointed on#That's probably my favorite#since its something I realized doing a lot of peer support work this year#I can't stress how much although I struggle with how people can be weird about being trans#I find a lot of joy in being a polite menace to society by being kind#I look forward to improving on it in 2024
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so much of the most compelling bits of ofmd are about abuse and community. like i think we can all agree the best run of episodes is 1x08 to 2x03. most of the major characters are both victims and perpetrators of abusive behaviours depending on shifting power structures and how they move through the world. and so much of the fallout is about how they deal with that as individuals and as a queer community crew.
izzy dying isn't grim because he's uniquely queer, or troubled, or disabled in a cast full of queer and disabled characters. it's grim because it flattens the dynamic of characters (izzy but also ed and stede) who are all reckoning with their abuses of power and how they can renegotiate their spaces within communities. sometimes that means leaving - stede had to leave his wife and that was dealt with well. but i want stories about harm within community that doesn't end with a redemptive death, or running away to start an inn.
#not gonna tag this#but like#why do all this community work just to kill him#feel like ed also deserved a better reckoning w community aspects#like the stuff with fang was sooo good#and then what#also like yes i know what i want to happen in a story is not the same as being entitled to it#ofmd hasn't wronged me#but i am disappointed#also yes the kylo ren parallels aren't wrong#but i think there are genuine reasons to feel disappointed by izzys death and compelled by his character#which honour the harm he has committed and also the outsized implications of that harm and how it is upheld and excused in a white#supremacist society
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