#stephen and stephanie are best friends they tell each other everything

[character-obsessed-fem]

sorry for not being active for a while, i'm on vacation and my schedule is pretty packed + my wifi connection is pretty spotty :3

as an apology, i grant thee; Meeks family headcanons!!!

(might post this on my other account too)

Stephen ??? Meeks Sr. [father] - 46 years old, American

- born in Maryland

- was "present" in his family's lives until Stephen and Stephanie were about eight, then left. lives in Maryland now

- isn't divorced from Julieta only for convenience's sake, still shows up for his kids' school ceremonies/graduations so the heads don't think their home life is "wacky", doesn't show up to any other events

- engineer

- favourite family member used to be Stephen Jr. (before she ), now he hates them all equally

- is everyone's least favourite family member

- he, mr perry, and mr nolan would get along. i feel like that's enough explanation as to what kind of man/father he is

- has fist fought stacy before and will do it again

Julieta ??? Meeks [mother] - 45 years old, Italian

- born in Italy (Florence)

- currently lives in Maine with Stephanie

- overbearing mother. was extremely hesitant to send Stephen to Welton, a boarding school, where she can't easily reach her

   - it's why Stephanie doesn't go to a boarding school

- otherwise amazing mother with some minor flaws and like one or two major flaws

- doctor (specifically cardiologist). dabbled in engineering when she was younger but gave it up for a while due to peer pressure. brought it back once stephen (jr) started showing interest

- favourite family member used to be just Stephen Jr., now it's a tie between her and Stella

- will indulge her children in just about anything (as long as it's not illegal (underage smoking/drinking is an exception)), especially different interests

Stella Ines Laura Meeks [oldest sister] - 25 years old, Italian/American

- born in Italy, Venice

- currently lives in Vermont

- Stephen's emergency contact

- married with one kid (2 years old) and expecting another

- paid astrology intern, will be an actual astrologist soon. always makes sure to tell stephen all about her research because she knows stephen loves stars

- highkey overbearing but is trying to rear it in in an attempt to not be just like her mother. has to bite her tongue everytime she sees the steph twins breaking rules

- favourite family member is their mother

- accidentally hid her first pregnancy from stephen throughout the school year, meaning when stephen came home for the summer and saw stella with a baby she just went "... who's goddamn baby is that"

Stacy Isabella Sofia Meeks [second oldest sister] - 21 years old, Italian/American

- born in Vermont

- currently lives in Maine

- Stephanie's second emergency contact (first is their mother)

- raising an adopted child (six years old) with her "best friend"

- studying psychology, wants to be a therapist specifically so she can "fix" her family (every member of the meeks family avoids therapy like the plague)

- super chill, wine aunt vibes. regularly sneaks cigs and alcohol to the steph twins

- favourite family member is a tie between Stella and Stephanie

- respecting elders for simply being elders? not her thing. has cussed out mr nolan before stephen even started attending welton

Stephanie Cristina Kennedy Meeks [twin sister] - 17 years old, Italian/American

- born in New York

- lives in Maine with her mother (and twin sister when she isn't at Welton)

- if goth music existed in 1959 she'd be goth/gothic

- favourite family member is Stephen

- steals stephen's and stella's clothes all the time. the others have to pry her clothes out of her cold dead hands (unless it's stephen)

- literally the only artist in the family, but is also interested in biology. wants to go to med school or art school, depending on her grades during senior year

    - depending on which sort of school she ends up going to, she wants to either be an ER nurse or an art teacher

- has an aunt who's the dean of an art school, wants to work there as a professor or anything similar - preferably doing a 3D modelling class

Stephen Kennedy Chris Meeks Jr.  - 17 years old, Italian/American

- born in New York

- lives in Maine with her mother and twin sister when not at Welton (Vermont)

- favourite family member is Stephanie, absolutely no way she could have a different favourite

- steals everyone's clothes but also gives back just as many

- does not plan to go to college/university if given the choice. will only go to Yale (engineering/physics) for Pitts and her mom

- wants to be some sort of mechanic or engineer, or even an engineering professor at some university, when she's older.

   - if she doesn't end up going to university she wants to be a plane mechanic - her uncle has connections, especially in the air force so she knows he can get her sorted

   - is on the fence about becoming a pilot - thinks it's cool but not sure if it's a good profession for her. willing to try

hope you enjoyed!! sorry if these headcanons are a bit cliche lol. also i am sorry for just blatantly throwing canon away like that

[noonaishere]

Online/Offline [C.S] - thirty-one | stephen from canada

“You know what I just realized, Cat?” Keeho asked,

“What, Stephan?” You asked.

“...I hate you.”

“You just realized that, my beautiful Stephania?”

The two of you laughed.

“Took you a while.”

“Don’t say you hate her, Keeho, you’re best friends.” Yeji implored. “That’s not nice.”

Keeho laughed. “Okay, sorry.”

“But why’d you call him Stephan?”

“Because when he lived in Canada when he was little, his name was Stephen.” You said.

“Wait, you lived in Canada?”

“Yeah, until I came back for high school because I wanted to audition to be a trainee.”

“Wha-- really?!”

“Yeah,” he laughed.

You laughed. “You should look up his Kpop Profile.”

“I never have. Maybe I should.”

Keeho laughed.

“But wait, I’ve heard Cat call you ‘Stephania’ or ‘Stephan’ tons of times.”

“I just do that to piss him off,” you laughed.

“Ohh…”

“Anyway,” Keeho tried to get back to his point. “Cat: Yesterday I realized we've been streaming together for seven years.”

“Whaaaattt?” You yelled.

“Wow!” Yeji yelled.

“Mhm.” Keeho agreed with a smug hum.

“That's crazy!” You said.

“Right? Seven years is no joke.”

“Seven years is a joke.”

“You're a joke.” 

“I am a joke.”

The both of you laughed.

“I’ll never understand you guys,” Yeji sighed.

“Why’s that?” You asked.

“You’ve been friends for ever, yet you roast each other all the time. It seems so mean.”

“Well, we both know we’re joking,” Keeho helped.

“Yeah. And we’re both only children and we’ve been friends for so long that we’re basically brother and sister, so, no wonder we act like brother and sister.”

“My sister and I don’t act like this.” You could hear the worry in Yeji’s voice.

“Then your parents raised two very sweet kids.”

“They did,” she said happily.

“We, on the other hand, are both bastards.”

Keeho laughed loudly.

Yeji sighed.

You laughed, self-satisfied. “Wait a second-- so that means we've been friends for like… nine  years? Ten years?”

“Oh shit...” he trailed off, thinking, “yeahhhh... maybe?”

“Holy shit. We really are siblings.”

“Ten years is no joke.”

“You're a joke.”

“I am a joke.”

“It’s a good thing you went into entertainment, it must be a really good fit for you. Being a joke and all.”

“It really is, thank you for saying that.”

“No problem, I just wanted to know that your predisposition towards being a spectacle is really helpful for your career.”

“Thanks a bunch, it’s good to know that my natural state is helping and not hurting me.”

Yeji sighed.

QuackIsWhack✅: Sometimes I can’t even tell if they’re fighting, and I’ve been Cat’s mod since she first needed a mod 🗻of Namhae✅: I have to say… me too Quack LeaBea✅: Lol

You laughed. “Even my mods can’t tell if we’re fighting or not, Keeho”

“Did they say that?” He asked with a laugh.

“Yeah.”

“Tell Quack I’m sorry.”

QuackIsWhack✅: I don’t forgive him.

“She doesn’t forgive you.”

“Well, we can’t have everything, I guess.”

🗻of Namhae✅: What about me?

“Namhae wants to know what about him?”

“Wow… Namhae?” He whistled long.

I💚KEEHO: He’s going to say something stupid, I know it KeeHOrse: We all know it JohnnyYuta: It wouldn’t be Keeho if he didn’t A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: It wouldn’t be Stephen if he didn’t YangYangGangGang: Stephan SleepySheepy😴: Stephania StrickenChicken: Stephanie UltimateHyung: Steve There’sARockInMySock: Stevie MinHoe: Esteban HotDangMustang: Étienne OneFishTwoFish: Stephanos CatTavia: In Finland, he’d be Tahvo YoonKeehosGiggle: In my country, he’d be Fane (Romania) LuciPURR✅: I’m Maori, and he’d be Tipene

“Take forever Tipene.”

“What?”

“You’re getting so many new incarnations of the name Stephen in my chat. French, Dutch, Romanian, Maori… Croatian.”

🗻of Namhae✅: Steffan senpai hates me :( 

You laughed loudly. “Namhae just called you Stephen in…”

🗻of Namhae✅: Welsh

“Welsh.”

“Wow, and I was just about to tell him that I was sorry and I love him.”

“I wouldn’t accept that if I were you, Namhae.”

🗻of Namhae✅: Are you me? Because I don’t accept that QuackIsWhack✅: LOL

You laughed again.

“Did he not accept it?”

“He didn’t. And he said he must be me because I said I wouldn’t.”

“He must have watched you for too long. Rotted his brain out.”

“But it’s like a sugary, fun time rot.”

“You’re a cavity.”

“I might be. It’s just that candy is so good.”

🗻of Namhae✅: Cat-senpai, if you’re a cavity, I’ll eat so much candy YangYangGangGang: Awww TheNicestGuy: 🤨 QuackIsWhack✅: Gross JohnnyYuta: I wish I said that first A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: Lol A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: Me too

Di-Dng! Di-Dng!

“Stop being gross on main, Cat.” Mick said.

“Yeah,” Bracken agreed. “Delete it, cringe.”

“First you both say that I need to meet more people, now you’re saying my flirting is cringe. Which do you want?” You asked.

“That was flirting?” Mick asked.

“Why are you flirting with your chat?” Bracken laughed.

“They know I don’t mean it. Right Namhae?”

🗻of Namhae✅: Of course not, Cat-senpai

“See? He gets it.”

“I mean,” Bracken thought a second, “we can’t see anything--”

“Oh my god!”

He laughed. 

In a few minutes, Ryujin joined - finally done with being held back late at her job - and you were finally able to start gaming. A few hours in and someone (was it Mick or Bracken) suggested that you play Pictionary, and it was only a few minutes in when it had become a mess.

“You can’t mime, Mick!” Ryujin yelled.

“Why do you have my stream open, Ryu!” He yelled back.

“Because you always do this when you and Bracken are on the same team!”

“I do not--”

“You do, though.” Bracken interjected.

“Oh fine, just back up her claim!” 

Bracken laughed. “You literally always do it.”

“But I have to do something to entertain my chat. I can’t just be a faceless gamer.”

Everyone went quiet for a moment and, though no one could see you, you smiled.

A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: Did she not hear it? JohnnyYuta: She had to have LuciPurr: But aren’t Yeji and Ryujin faceless too? QuackIsWhack✅: The girls are faceless, the boys aren’t YangYangGangGang: I never realized that OneFishTwoFish: Why aren’t they saying anything? KeeHOrse: I don’t know MinHoe: Maybe they know Cat will? 🗻of Namhae✅: Quack, did she hear it? Maybe her internet went out

You raised an eyebrow, smiling, and navigated over to Mick’s stream; he looked a little stunned, unsure if he should say something. You opened Bracken’s and Keeho’s as well, and turned on your third monitor and brought them over to it.

“I heard it.” You said.

“What’s wrong with being faceless?” Ryujin asked.

“Uh…”

“Someone in my chat pointed out…” you started. “That the three women in the group are all faceless, while the three men aren’t.”

“That’s a good point.” Keeho said.

“I didn’t mean it like it was a bad thing.” Mick said.

“Mick?” Yeji asked innocently. 

“Yeah?”

“Do you think that we’re not as funny because we can’t be funny physically?”

“N-no!”

“Then why did you say that?”

“Uh… Bracken, help me out here.”

He shook his head. “Uh uh buddy. This is your circus.”

Mick sighed. “I don’t think any of you aren’t funny… Cat’s the funniest person I know--”

“You gonna take that, Bracken?” Keeho asked with a laugh.

“I agree with him.”

You watched their streams. Mick was sweating, Bracken was leaning back in his chair with his arms folded, and Keeho was scribbling something on a piece of paper before holding it up: Cat’s the funniest person I know too. You chuckled. Dummy.

“I guess I meant that my kind of comedy is physical, not that faceless streamers are somehow not as good as those with webcams.”

You stayed quiet. 

“Then maybe you should say it that way next time.” Yeji said. Her voice was gentle but firm.

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

“I was hurt a little. Thank you for apologizing.”

“I wasn’t really hurt, but thanks anyway,” Ryujin said.

“Same as Ryujin,” you added. “Anyway. How about we faceless people--”

“Good album name,” Keeho added.

“Give me royalties if you use it. How about we faceless few open Mick’s stream, and he can show us how funny he is.”

“...I feel like I’m being punished.” He said.

Bracken laughed softly.

“You’re not. But let’s all watch to see what you were going for. I think that’s fair, seeing as you need to be seen to be funny.”

“I can do that,” Ryujin said.

“Me too,” Yeji agreed.

“Alright, Mick: what was the thing you’re trying to get us to guess?”

“Oh--!” 

He erased his drawing and started over. He started drawing what seemed to be a woman in a short dress and high heels, with short hair, who was maybe dancing?

“Is that a dance?” Ryujin asked?

“Yes.” He tried to draw the steps she was doing.

“What is that?” Yeji asked.

“She’s-- can I just show you?”

“I’ll allow it,” Keeho said.

He stood, doing - you weren’t sure if you were right or not - but what you thought it was, was: a kickball change.

“What’s that supposed to be?” Bracken asked.

“It’s a kickball change,” he said, “Keeho is a dancer, he should know what it is.”

“I can’t say I’ve ever done that in my life.” Keeho said.

Mick groaned and started a new dance move. “And then she’s like:” he pretended to sing powerfully. Or get electrocuted, you weren’t sure which. “She’s-- she’s what’s her name!”

“Wait, do you not know who it is?” Bracken asked.

“I’m trying to give you clues!”

“Who? We don’t know who you mean.”

“That-- that woman! She’s a singer and dancer!”

“How many words?” Ryujin asked.

“Isn’t that Charades?” Yeji asked.

“Sounds like?”

“Wrong game!” You yelled with a laugh.

“You can give us one clue,” Keeho said.

“The-- the daughter of Judy Garland!”

“What?”

“Who?”

“Who’s Judy Garland?”

“Fucking-- AHH!” You could see him stomp out of the room and close the door. 

“Is he okay?--” 

“LIZA MINELLI!!” He burst back into the room, the door hitting the doorstopper and nearly coming back to hit him in the face before he stopped it with his hand.

“Shit!”

“Christ!”

“Jesus!”

“More like ‘Schize Minelli’.” You said.

Bracken sighed. “You lost us the point.”

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rachs-words •

[benjiwyatt]

do you have any ben/leslie headcanons! i love your posts abt them so much it's great to see someone get as emotional abt them as i am asjdkajhjd

i got this message and i was like "god, i dont really know if i have any headcanons" and then i opened my notes app and started typing and didn't stop for over an hour

i'm literally putting this under a break and organizing it into categories bc it's absurdly long

here it is

A COLLECTION OF BEN AND LESLIE HEADCANONS

PRE-RELATIONSHIP/S3

basically canon but leslie definitely had a crush on a young benji wyatt and followed the story religiously for the first couple months before she started college

ben is only slightly jealous leslie had ann go out with chris to try and get more money for the parks budget rather than leslie asking him out with the same goal. he knows it’s insane, unethical, and illogical but he’s still excited that he gets to spend the night with her on a date plus two other people even if it is to accuse her of bribery.

ann realizes early on that leslie was attracted to ben and teases her mercilessly about it. she thinks it’s absolutely hilarious that leslie wants to make out with "mean ben.” after april and andy’s wedding, she realizes it's more than just attraction and she lays off.

before ben can even think rationally about what he’s doing, he’s in line at bed, bath, and beyond with a crock pot in his arms, calling stephanie to ask her to send him their family’s chicken soup recipe

ann knew ben liked her from the beginning and was totally positive when she ran into him in the hospital asking for leslie’s room number while holding jj’s waffles and a tub of homemade soup.

ben realizes he’s falling in love with leslie when he is at city hall with her until 3am one night trying to budget for the amount of cotton candy machines she wants for the harvest festival. in his exhaustion, he naively believes her when she tells him she’ll go home in a bit so he leaves. he never gets a text from saying she made it home so he stops at jj’s the next morning and brings a takeout container of waffles and a coffee complete with an outlandish amount of whipped cream and sugar to the parks department. he finds her asleep in the conference room. he starts trying to convince sweetums to donate more cotton candy machines that afternoon.

chris had to have known ben liked leslie. he’s not an idiot. in the deleted scene from their wedding, they read out emails from their “tumultuous first week in pawnee” and chris writes to ben saying, “why are you so focused on leslie knope?” ben replies saying, “i’m not. whatever. shut up.” there’s no way chris is this oblivious. ben takes her out for a beer. ben pays out of pocket for a children’s performer to help her out. ben shows up on chris and ann’s date just because he thinks leslie might be there. chris can’t be this dumb. but when they take the city manager jobs in pawnee, he knows it can’t happen so he cuts ben off when he starts to ask about dating someone in city hall. he cracks down on the rule in front of leslie after the tom incident to hammer it in. he starts setting ben up on a bunch of dates to try and head it off. he sends them to indianapolis for the little league pitch because, realistically, he knows they’re the best bet for success but makes sure to interrupt their dinner and invites them to his apartment to continue to run interference the rest of the night. after their fights in 4.06-4.08, he hopes he won’t have to worry anymore. the next work day, they come into his office looking nervous and happy and he knows he’s about to lose the partner and best friend that’s been by his side for the past decade.

april and andy knew they were secretly dating. it went unspoken aside from a few implicit teasing remarks from april and a few suggestive attempted high fives from andy but leslie assured ben they wouldn’t tell anyone despite their ostensible behavior.

BREAK UP

ben had commissioned the li’l sebastian plush for leslie after he had died but the toy shop didn’t finish it until after they broke up. he felt bad not going to pick it up so he did despite not being able to give it to her. he kept it for all those months and sometimes thought about getting rid of it but could never bring himself to do it.

when leslie made personalized copies her books for her friends with individualized annotations and notes in the bylines, she had two copies for ben. there was one that she gave him during their breakup that was very simplified and watered down where the note basically just said “i’m really glad you decided to stay in pawnee.” then there was a second copy that she kept while they were split up that was totally covered in notes and random thoughts she couldn’t say during their time apart. she gives him that copy when they get back together and it may or may not be the best gift he’s ever received.

april was much less abrasive with them during the break up because she’s a sweetheart and wants her friends to be happy.

the first time leslie admitted she was in love with him was during a long night of drinking and crying at ann’s house

ben craved the taste of sugar during their breakup because he got used to tasting the sweetness when he kissed her

ben found himself unable to sleep at night without the sound of leslie talking in her sleep to comfort him

april texted leslie the night of the halloween party to let her know that ben and andy were at the hospital after a fight and everything was fine and she didn’t need to worry. leslie was mad at andy for a few days after and he couldn’t figure out why.

the only photo in ben’s bedroom was of himself, leslie, and li’l sebastian at the harvest festival. if he got caught staring at it and crying, he would just say he missed li’l sebastian so much.

april and andy started having star wars and star trek movie nights to try and cheer ben up

DOMESTIC

ben and leslie got in the habit of having weekly game nights with april and andy during the campaign since they were all basically living together. it became a tradition that kept going as often as they could make it happen, even after the kids were born. they try to have game night at least once a month. april pretends to hate it.

one of my absolute favorite ideas about them is that she sleeps much better when he’s around to keep her grounded. after they get together for good, she starts getting closer to 5 hours of sleep a night.

another favorite involving leslie’s sleeping: ben is typically accustomed to tuning out incoherent nonsense that she babbles in her sleep but she also has some of her best ideas when she’s not busy trying to focus on a million different things. when he hears her coming up with legitimately good ideas or making speeches or having solid debate arguments, he takes out the notebook he keeps in his nightstand to record her thoughts and quotes. he revisits and revises the notes to strengthen her statements and make them more professional and less rambling but makes sure to keep her distinct voice apparent in them.

ben prefers pancakes to waffles but he will go to the grave with that secret

this isn’t a headcanon because nbc posted it but one of ben’s holidays on leslie’s calendar is watch synchronization day which is the day they celebrate syncing their watches to, as leslie puts it, “always be in harmony, like our hearts” which is just one of the sweetest fucking things in the world

leslie makes ben read and watch all the harry potters because he didn’t get into them when he first tried. ben is much more of a success than ann. she buys him a ravenclaw scarf for christmas.

their first fight as a couple was a historical debate gone awry

since ben clearly has some affinity for custom stuffed animals, he has some made for the triplets.

they’re both dog people but they adopt a cat because sonia and stephen beg for one and it does fit their busy lifestyle much better. they love the cat. they get a dog when the kids are older and life is slightly less hectic.

they both love striped shirts and sweaters so much that they have to make a conscious effort to avoid wearing them on the same day and matching

leslie makes sweets and bakes desserts while ben typically handles cooking the actual meals

BASED ON EPISODES, QUOTES, AND THROWAWAY LINES

i always loved the ann/ben dynamic in bus tour because there’s been such an obvious shift in ann’s attitude towards him in this episode. maybe it’s because she and tom just broke up and she just turned chris down again and she’s frustrated with relationships but i think it’s her realizing ben isn’t going anywhere. since the campaign is winding down, she realizes that things aren’t gonna go back to the way they were because ben is now part of this and he’s clearly in it for the long haul. ann’s definitely jealous that ben is just as important to leslie as she is and she now knows she’s never gonna get that full attention back. ann sits ben down to have a real “don’t you dare hurt her” speech after this ep and before win, lose, or draw. this is when he tells ann he wants to marry her.

they discover they both adore the princess bride after ben says “as you wish” to her one night and after that it becomes their movie.

the wildflower mural becomes a thing between them when ben says he considered that to be their first date, prompting leslie to tell him what the mural means to her.

ben puts banjo boogie bonanza on one of the mix cds he gives leslie at the beginning of their relationship

harrison ford movie nights start after they both reveal they had a crush on him as a kid. ben was obsessed with han solo and leslie was into indiana jones’ whole history teacher vibe.

they basically hate each other’s taste in music and stop exchanging mix cds once that becomes apparent that they aren’t gonna find much common ground. they both love tom petty, al green, and etta james and music in that vein though.

ben makes leslie watch game of thrones just to try to explain why he’s called her khaleesi. she gets into it, not so much because of the show itself, but because of how passionate her boyfriend is about it.

they start learning basic french during the s4 campaign because they think it will be useful to have a basic multilingual vocabulary for their political careers and because leslie confesses she has always dreamed of seeing paris. they study spanish next.

ben makes leslie watch the star wars prequels just so he can complain to her during them. he doesn’t think she’s paying attention and then he reads about midichlorians in the paper.

ann is also in on ben’s plan to sneak vegetables into leslie’s waffles.

they will sometimes jokingly refer to themselves as the “dream team” or “dynamic duo” because, despite chris’s absurdity, it’s true

i’m open to literally any origin of this because no matter what it’s perfect but i like to think that “i love you and i like you” started at some point in season 4 when, at some point, leslie went “i like you” and ben replied “you like me?” “mhm” “hm just like me?” “yes i like you. i love you and i like you. both.” “mmm i love you and i like you too”

i barely even register some of these things as headcanons since they just live so solidly in my brain

this might be my favorite ask ever thank you for loving benslie enough to ask me this and be genuinely interested

if anyone read all of this, i love you

[tslasvegas]

Episode 2: “I am typically regarded as a joke” - Livingston

Anyways... rip Colin, no idea who that was.. obviously Okay well I think we are out of the first impressions stage of this game and I think I've done an okay job of not making a strong impression one way or another, except to DeNara who I've been talking to most consistently since the start of this game. Except for today lmfao I was NOT active on purpose but I'll try to get to that in this confessional. I saw that the tribe went on a call so I decided to join and chit-chat with the girlies of this tribe and I've gotta say.. I'm lowkey disappointed to learn that despite being a returning player, everybody else on the tribe is friends with each other. Aside from Mo it sounds like they all know each other one way or another and I'm kinda left out of that connection. Even though they might not all be friends, it is a bit uncomfortable to be in a call with people where you know NOTHING they're talking about and you're not catching any of the jokes or references to other games. Also, I noticed that the personalities kinda blended together and these aren't people that I'd get along with in other orgs I play, so.. oops. One highlight of the call was that Nik was talking about Rachael and they were saying that Rachael got rid of them, I believe. Basically just talking about how they view Rachael differently because of that I guess? I was kind of in and out during that. But then DeNara posted IN THE TRIBE CHAT when it was just us three plus Kailyn on the call that Nik was spilling tea... and it was just. so. cringe. Idk if Nik or Kailyn noticed and the fact that everyone else was acting so nonchalant makes me think I missed something but either way I was on mute howling bc of second-hand embarrassment. As far as my current position, I do feel a bit comfortable with where I'm at because although I AM uncomfortable being left out of the friend group, normally I thrive early game when I get underestimated. I'm trying to just not make waves and stick to whatever plans come my way and hopefully people don't view me as a threat. Every time I'd leave and rejoin the call everybody was talking about totally normal IRL stuff so it doesn't seem like people are playing the game yet, but last round I did make a bit of an alliance with DeNara for the time being. Despite feeling like an outsider, I'm going to just continue to look at the positives of every situation because as a pessimistic person by nature, I'm inclined to feel doomed in any scenario. But this is my redemption season. I'm not here to get tenth place, I'm here to win and this season will prove itself to be an uphill battle and I'm just getting started. Tumblr Survivor has always felt like the story of Sisyphus and the Boulder to me. Look into the deeper meaning of the story and I promise a lot of the details do kind of relate to me and my character throughout my run in this community, but the general idea is that I've been tasked with a chore of having to push this heavy boulder up a neverending mountain in Hell. As a returning player, I've faced a lot of hardship when I could've just gotten the outcome I want the first time, and each return to Tumblr Survivor, I've pretty much done worse and worse since then. I'm ready to finally push that fucking boulder out of the underworld and bring myself back to the playing field I deserve to be on. For now, I'm just going to keep pushing.

So glad we won that first immunity. Why am I not surprise to see a unanimous vote for the first tribal. Even a self vote.... hopefully we win again today 

I’m already over this tribe. Keegan and Liv are the only fun ones to talk to, Joey I think tries but also doesn’t. Also low key hoping people don’t know too much about Svalbard cause if people know about Rachael and I being close that could be a problem. I’m not letting my work schedule get in the way of my activity, but it’s a bad sign to me when I’m of the most active people on the tribe. I should be the baseline, not the gold standard

I think our Tribe is a bit laid back. Not much interaction, not really that engaging. I hope Jake and Kevin did a good job at the challenge, I don't want to go to Tribal again. The typhoon here passed, I hope Tribal passes too!

Woo we got out the main inactive person. Although really my entire tribe is quiet and lowkey inactive, but Jake and I talk a lot in PMs which is good. Also Stephen is doing his best with timezones so I know he wants to play bc he's always on when he is able to be on. The next biggest inactive person on the tribe is Kevin, but he instantly volunteered to do the challenge so yay I guess. If we lose though, he is still an option to go in my mind. I'm not trying to make too much of a plan because we could win this challenge and then I'm going to try to open the vault because if we come in first I will have 10 chips. But I still need to figure out if it costs 10 chips to open the vault or if you're just not allowed to look at it until you have 10 chips.

You want a confessional, well here it is. Nothing has happened. To be honest, I’ve barely even spoken to anyone today. Or yesterday for that matter. It’s also been quiet in tribe chat.

I finally got my tribe on a call. Most of them joined in, at least for a little bit so that was nice. The only person that wasn't on call was Ben, which kind of paints him as the outsider of the tribe right now. 

...five seconds later

I want to get to know Mo better and maybe set up some sort of alliance with them, but they are so spotty with when they are on, it is difficult to keep a conversation going. I am not chill enough for this game yet lol.

ok. so like that's annoying. that challenge was supposed to be fun but jake is making a big stink. and like yeah i'm mad too but like it's over and it's just a game it's not like actual money lol. also, i don't really care if we go to tribal. makes you stronger. whatever. i'm sure he's a nice person but like i think he's just mad he lost. whatevs. 

Nik and Rachael did our challenge and won. Thank goodness it wasn't me! What my tribe will soon come to realize is I am basically useless at challenges. Rip me.

...five seconds later

Yay! Mo finally asked if I wanted to work together! Took them long enough ;-) jkjk I am excited to finally start playing this game

So after a heated and undeserved loss - sorry Dan I know we talked about it but I'm sticking to my guns - I start packing my bags. All of a sudden Stephen wants to target John, John wants to target Timmy; and nobody is throwing my name out there... Like... Hello? I just got into a public fight with production, shouldn't I be target number one? And now, Xavier and I are the swing votes... How the hell did the worst Tumblr Survivor Player and a 45 Year old man end up stuck in the middle? What the hell even is this season?

WE LOST AGAIN. So now which alliance to choose?! 

I can't believe this round. I should be the target, why - why am I not the target? I lost the challenge. I yelled at production. I am the easiest vote, but nobody is voting me! What is happening?? Timmy and Stephen made an alliance chat with Xavier and I to vote John. John and Kevin are working together to vote Timmy. Xavier says - "Jake tell me what to do!" Timmy and John are both telling me everything the other one is saying to each other, and it's amazing. I have no idea how Xavier and I are voting tonight. On one hand, you have Stephen and Timmy who seem like a really strong duo. But Stephen trusts me a lot, and if I vote out his closest ally than I'll go down that list - which could be trouble in case of the inevitable swap. John is MY closest ally, but if we vote him out the team is much more united. Do I play for ME or do I play for WE? I'm 95% sure the vote is going to be 4-2, and people are going to be blindsided.

“Theres three tribes! Means we’re less likely to have back to back tribals” -_- sure jan. So we lost again, blergh, looked like an annoying challenge. The tribe is still pretty muted, who knows whether they’re voting for me or not. I made a 4-man alliance with Timmy Jake and Xavier, which i do want, but we’ll have to see if everyone is legit. The two bad possibilities are if everyone is actually voting me for various reasons (timezone, round one oopsie, etc.) or if the real vote is jake for arguing with dan. idk, time will tell. From my POV the vote is John, pretty randomly just based on the fact of who competed in the challenge.

Hiiiiiii So I am very excited to be back in the game again. I very much enjoy my original tribe especially Andrew. We already have a Pennsylvania alliance with Stephanie and I think that that is good groundwork to have moving forward should we ever lose a challenge we already have three that are tight in at seven so if we hear anything about any of them targeting us we can do something about it. I like Livingston a lot and Joey but I can’t tell if Joey is 14 years old or not and that kind of bothers me. I am v excited to get with Kevin and see where me him and Andrew can go 

Winning is great, but we need to lose the next one or it’s gonna be a weird spot if the first swap is at 18, although it is very possible that it’s at 16. I don’t want to go into a swap with all the agency being with Luxor, or us having the most players because in both cases we get painted as the targets. Bad news all around

I have yet to confess but here goes! I feel very good on my tribe. We seem to be doing fairly well at comps so far and I would love to continue to miss Tribal as much as humanly possible. I have talked to everyone on my tribe in some capacity but I am not trying to be the one to initiate like alliances and shit before we even have to attend tribal. I just wanna be chill and lay low while also being a good member of the tribe whom people like. Keegan and I have a mutual agreement to make sure each other gets far. I got first boot in my last game and he has never made single digits here in Tumblr Survivor so let's change that. One fear with working with Keegan is that he knows how I play. I played his game, Forest of Horrors, and got rocked out at the Final 7. Keegan has since told me that I was runner up for Player of the Season. I am typically regarded as a joke in this community but Keegan is someone who knows how I play and respects how I play. This game is an entirely different scenario so I am going to likely try to keep my connection up with him.

So the vote seems like it's going to be John Coffey. I'm quite sad about it for a few reasons. He is really nice and I know we work well together in games and he is a very loyal player. Also, Jake had an entire temper tantrum last night after results and that was just extremely annoying. But, Jake is more active and talks to me more while John is a rare sighting. Tbh I would rather it be Kevin but I think they're getting a pass since they participated in the challenge...always next tribal because knowing this tribe it's a strong possibility. I swear if the next challenge is a music video though I will punch a wall since that will be my death sentence since I do not participate in those. I never feel comfortable so I just don't. If we go to tribal as a tribe of 5, that might not be that good, so just really hoping that that is not the next challenge.

ok here's the tea guys. i am pretty solid in my tribe right now. after this vote tonight there 5 of us, and 4 of us are in an alliance, which is good. HOWEVER, i'm solid with the 3 people separately. that's put me in a good spot for a tribe swap/merge. obviously we're like years away from a merge. but we could tribe swap soon. we shall see! 

[ladyherenya]

Books read in March

An unexpected month all round.

I didn’t read everything I planned to read because life was busy and the news was hugely distracting. I ended up looking for other things to read -- books that sounded comforting.

Favourite cover: No strong feelings about any of these covers.

Reread: Some of The Austen Playbook by Lucy Parker.

Still reading: The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul by Douglas Adams.

Next up: The Art of Theft by Sherry Thomas.

(Longer reviews and ratings are on LibraryThing and Dreamwidth.)

*

Moontangled by Stephanie Burgis: A romantic novella about a couple of minor characters from Snowspelled and Thornbound. It’s a slighter story than I was expecting… but I’m not sure whether dragging out the misunderstanding between Juliana and Caroline into a longer story would have given it more depth or just been annoying. And as this story stands, it fits thematically right in with the rest. I hope Burgis returns to this world someday.

A Heart So Fierce and Broken by Brigid Kemmerer: This follows on from one of my favourite books from last year, A Curse So Dark and Lonely, with different POV characters: Grey, a former guardsman to Prince Rhen, and Lia Mara, who has been overlooked as her mother’s heir in favour of her younger sister. I very much enjoyed spending time in their company. The dilemmas they faced -- about loyalty and leadership and being at odds with loved ones -- were engaging and thoughtfully-explored; tense without being stressful. My enthusiasm is somewhat muted because the ending offered less resolution than I was anticipating, but I’d prefer that Kemmerer took another book to deal with things properly instead of rushing. I trust her to have another story worth telling.

Elizabeth and her German Garden (1898) by Elizabeth von Armin (narrated by Nadia May): I had heard of this long before I read The Enchanted April last year, and I don't know why I hadn't seriously considered reading it... maybe the description didn't grab me or I had confused it with something else? It is utterly, unexpectedly, delightful! There's very little plot but I loved the descriptions of Elizabeth's garden, of her experiences gardening, of her small daughters and her observations about being introverted. I was less entertained by details about an irritating guest but that's a minor quibble.

The Two Monarchies Sequence by W.R. Gingell:

Spindle: After four hundred years, a princess is awoken with a kiss -- except that she wasn’t the princess and the curse isn’t fully broken. This reminded me of Diana Wynne Jones in the best possible way. Like Jones, Gingell doesn’t explain everything and expects her readers to keep up. It’s a style which particularly suits Poly’s story -- scrambling to retrieve her memories, catch up on major historical events and work out why she was targeted in the first place. The wizard who woke her isn’t inclined to stop and explain everything! It also fits with Poly’s experiences of magic. I loved this.

Blackfoot: Annabel, her cat Blackfoot and her best friend Peter are pursued by a sinister figure and hide in the ruins of a castle. I had an idea of who Blackfoot was, and Peter too, and knew what Mordion was capable of, but Annabel doesn’t and this is very much her story, as she discovers more about herself. Once again, Gingell’s style of not explaining everything works really well because Annabel is caught up in something confusing and magical and weird. Less compelling than Spindle but I loved Annabel and the way this captures her reactions to things.

Staff & Crown: Three years after Blackfoot, Annabel is sent to finishing school, where she and her new friend Isabella get up unexpected -- and sometimes unexpectedly dangerous -- adventures. Annabel and Isabella are an utterly delightful combination. I enjoyed their friendship, and the way Annabel renegotiates her relationship with Melchior. The latter relationship is important and, given their history, not exactly straightforward. I thought Gingell handled that deftly. (My only quibble is that Annabel’s adventures with Isabella are so lively, so much the focus, that other parts of Annabel’s school experience began to feel a bit too vague and misty by comparison.)

The Eagle of the Ninth by Rosemary Sutcliff (narrated by Charlie Simpson): As I suspected, listening to the (unfortunately, abridged) audiobook pulled me right into this story. I found it vivid, captivating and intriguing... which was not my experience of trying to read the book myself. I don't know how abridged it was but if the story was leaving out important bits, it wasn't obvious. (Although I did wonder whether I would have understood some of the character's choices better had more of the story was included.) The abridgement felt smoothly done and the audiobook was well narrated, with nice use of music.

Uptown by Ruby Lang: A trilogy of short romances set in New York.

House Rules: Seventeen years after their divorce, Lana and Simon run into each other at an apartment inspection. With some reluctance, they become roommates in order to rent a decent place. I liked the bits about their careers (she's a noodle maker in a restaurant, he's a music teacher), their ease with each other, and the sense of place. Things resolved very quickly in the end, and while I wanted more, given their history, that felt believable. This was a comfortable distraction in a week when I really needed it.

Playing House: When Oliver runs into Fay, an acquaintance and fellow urban planner, on a tour of showcase homes, she needs him to pretend to be her boyfriend. Just for a few minutes. I like how Oliver and Fay share a passion for architecture and enjoy each other's company -- I think Lang has a knack for portraying a couple who are very comfortable around each other but still feel excitement and uncertainty about their developing relationship. This is a slight story but I enjoyed reading it. Sometimes that's enough.

Open House: As a romance, this was my least favourite, probably because I'm much more interested in couples who know each other than in rivals: Magda is a broker responsible for selling a vacant block while Tyson is an advocate for the illegal community garden currently on the block. But even though it doesn't involve one of my favourite romance tropes, I found Magda's experiences in selling real estate and everything about the community garden interesting. The only thing I felt was really needed was more about the aftermath of Magda standing up to her (well-meaning) family.

Thief of Time by Terry Pratchett (narrated by Stephen Briggs): A cleverly constructed story. My favourite parts, the parts which struck me as particularly insightful or where the humour appealed to me the most, were Susan as a schoolteacher and the conversations between Lu-Tze and Lobsang. I don't care for the Auditors but suddenly in the middle I started hoping that their part of the story would play out in a different way -- and then I was disappointed when it did not.

[coffeebased]

I won’t be the first or last person to marvel at how quickly February whizzed past, especially in comparison to January’s gauntlet. To be completely fair to February, it had the ongoing COVID-19 international epidemic, as well as the ABS-CBN shutdown crisis, the anti-terrorism bill, the reminder that historical revisionism re: the Marcos dictatorship is alive and well… and those were just the actual headlines.

I must digress before I spiral.

I read 12 books in February, half of which were newly released in this month. I’ve split my post up into three parts like I did last month: one-shots, parts of series, and re-reads. It seems to be working well for me.

  Prosper’s Demon by K.J. Parker

The unnamed and morally questionable narrator is an exorcist with great follow-through and few doubts. His methods aren’t delicate but they’re undeniably effective: he’ll get the demon out—he just doesn’t particularly care what happens to the person.

Prosper of Schanz is a man of science, determined to raise the world’s first philosopher-king, reared according to the purest principles. Too bad he’s demonically possessed.

After I read Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City last year, I knew that I wanted more by Parker. I considered delving into his back catalog, which I still will probably do, but I saw that he was releasing a new book in Feb 2020, so I jumped on that first. Prosper’s is exactly up my alley, what with the discussions of morality and the greater good with demons, and quite a bit of engineering. I’d admired the voice of the main character in Sixteen because he was dry and very caught up in doing what needed to be done, and the main character has the same appealing values. It’s a short read, but it sticks in the teeth and fills the belly.

  Paladin’s Grace by T. Kingfisher

Stephen’s god died on the longest day of the year…

Three years later, Stephen is a broken paladin, living only for the chance to be useful before he dies. But all that changes when he encounters a fugitive named Grace in an alley and witnesses an assassination attempt gone wrong. Now the pair must navigate a web of treachery, beset on all sides by spies and poisoners, while a cryptic killer stalks one step behind…

Kingfisher, also known as Ursula Vernon, tends to write capable and damaged characters falling in with each other and foiling plots. She also tends to write paladins very well, which is a personal delight. I always enjoy a Kingfisher story, because the characters do the sensible thing more often than not, and she deals with trauma very compassionately, from what I suspect is a personal viewpoint. Her books are also usually very funny, very disturbing, and no-nonsense, scratching that Terry Pratchett Witch itch when I miss him very much. Grace is along the same lines, with a good solid HEA that leaves everyone, including the reader, satisfied.

  Kindred, a Graphic Novel Adaptation by Octavia Butler, adapted by Damian Duffy and illustrated by John Jennings

I lost an arm on my last trip home.

Home is a new house with a loving husband in 1970s California that suddenly transformed in to the frightening world of the antebellum South.

Dana, a young black writer, can’t explain how she is transported across time and space to a plantation in Maryland. But she does quickly understand why: to deal with the troubles of Rufus, a conflicted white slaveholder–and her progenitor.

Her survival, her very existence, depends on it.

This searing graphic-novel adaptation of Octavia E. Butler’s science fiction classic is a powerfully moving, unflinching look at the violent disturbing effects of slavery on the people it chained together, both black and white–and made kindred in the deepest sense of the word.

Kindred, the novel, is on my Next 20s list. I had meant to read it before I read the GN, but picked up the graphic novel based on a friend’s recommendation. The graphic novel is searingly painful, and I enjoyed reading it, but there are parts of it that feel slightly disjointed. I’m not sure if it’s because of the time travel, or if it’s an adaptation problem. It made me want to read the novel immediately, which is what I am reading right now. I don’t think that I’ll be able to properly synthesise my thoughts about this book until I’ve read the original.

    Mirror: The Mountain and The Nest by Emma Rios and Hwei Lim

A mysterious asteroid hosts a collection of strange creatures – man-animal hybrids, mythological creatures made flesh, guardian spirits, cursed shadows – and the humans who brought them to life. But this strange society exists in an uneasy truce, in the aftermath of uprisings seeking freedom and acceptance, that have only ended in tragedy. As the ambitious, the desperate and the hopeful inhabitants of the asteroid struggle to decide their shared fate, a force greater than either animal or human seems to be silently watching the conflict, waiting for either side to finally answer the question: what is worthy of being human?

Recommended to me by a new friend who’d heard I was into sci-fi and graphic novels, who absolutely hit the nail on the head with this rec. The art is beautiful, dreamy, and layered, and it keeps you tied to the story as the authors build what is a magnificent construction in your head. The authors do some really lovely things with timeskips that I have no idea how to talk about without spoiling anything, and I only regret that we weren’t able to linger through the second volume. I’m don’t know why there isn’t more of Mirror, but I do appreciate how they tied everything up as well as they could in two volumes. Looking forward to more like this in the future.

  Heartstopper: Volume Three by Alice Oseman

In this volume we’ll see the Heartstopper gang go on a school trip to Paris! Not only are Nick and Charlie navigating a new city, but also telling more people about their relationship AND learning more about the challenges each other are facing in private…

Meanwhile Tao and Elle will face their feelings for each other, Tara and Darcy share more about their relationship origin story, and the teachers supervising the trip seem… rather close…?

You can read all of Heartstopper and its future updates here. Heartstopper is a lovely slice of life comic, PG13 at best, that really takes me back to my own mid-teens. The story is centered around the developing relationship of two young boys, Charlie and Nick, and it really deals with it respectfully. It tackles a lot of teen issues without being too preachy about it, which is probably the least inspiring thing I could have written about it, and integrates it deftly into the story. The art style is adorable and really complements the sweet story. This volume, just released this month, revolves around a class trip to Paris, and there are some shenanigans that you’ll have to read for yourself.

  Sixty Six Book 2 by Russell Molina and Mikey Marchan

Kuwento ni Celestino Cabal. Kabebertdey niya lang. Mayroon siyang natanggap na regalo na ngayo’y unti-unti niyang binubuksan. Ika nga ng matatanda, “Huli man daw at magaling, maihahabol din.”

The story of Celestino Cabal. His birthday has just passed. He received a gift that he now gets to open, bit by bit. As the old saying goes, “Better late than never.”

This is the synopsis of the first book. There isn’t an official synopsis for the second book online, and I hesitate to write my own. Sixty Six Book 2 was released during February Komiket, and since I had been waiting for it for a few years, I had to go to the event even though everyone’s been iffy about going into crowded spaces due to COVID-19. I was excited to read this but unfortunately, I don’t think it capitalised on the foundation set in Book 1. The artist was different, and I admired their work on a technical level, as well as their humorous use of WASAK as a sound effect. I don’t know if there’ll be a third book, but the author has made themselves a little leeway for that possibility at the end of this volume.

  Thank You, Jeeves, Jeeves #5 by P.G. Wodehouse

The odds are stacked against Chuffy when he falls head over heels for American heiress Pauline Stoker. Who better to help him win her over but Jeeves, the perfect gentleman’s gentleman. But when Bertie, Pauline’s ex-fiance finds himself caught up in the fray, much to his consternation, even Jeeves struggles to get Chuffy his fairy-tale ending.

This book was in my next 20s! So I’m accomplishing one of my 2020 reading goals, yay! But hot damn there is some racist language in this book. Every time I was finally sinking into the story boom! Racist language! And I know that it was because of the time it was published, like I know that academically, but oof. That aside, the story is solid. It’s a comedy of manners AND errors with Jeeves ex machina, as per usual, but this is the first full Jeeves novel I’ve read, the rest were short story collections, and it was good to see the characters take more space. It certainly made the comedic payoff a lot stronger.

But oof.

  Die Vol. 2: Split the Party by Kieron Gillen, Stephanie Hans, and Clayton Cowles

No one can escape DIE until everyone agrees to go home. Or rather, no one can escape DIE until everyone who is alive agrees to go home. The second arc of the commercial and critical hit of bleakly romantic fantasy fiction starts to reveal the secrets of the world, and our heroes’ pasts. Yes, they can’t escape DIE. They also can’t escape themselves. Collects issues #6-10 of DIE

CHARACTERISATION. There’s a lot more breathing space in this newly-released volume of Die and I live for that! The first volume was a lot of the characters running from one place to the next and we, as readers, were being given the sense of setting. But volume two, you can feel Gillen just finally branching out and hitting us with their joined histories. I want to see more of how these older players will be dealing with the actions of their teenage selves, and I think the third volume will really show what the comic’s capable of. I’m really looking forward to that.

  False Value, Rivers of London #8 by Ben Aaronovitch

Peter Grant is facing fatherhood, and an uncertain future, with equal amounts of panic and enthusiasm. Rather than sit around, he takes a job with émigré Silicon Valley tech genius Terrence Skinner’s brand new London start up – the Serious Cybernetics Company.

Drawn into the orbit of Old Street’s famous ‘silicon roundabout’, Peter must learn how to blend in with people who are both civilians and geekier than he is. Compared to his last job, Peter thinks it should be a doddle. But magic is not finished with Mama Grant’s favourite son.

Because Terrence Skinner has a secret hidden in the bowels of the SCC. A technology that stretches back to Ada Lovelace and Charles Babbage, and forward to the future of artificial intelligence. A secret that is just as magical as it technological – and just as dangerous.

The last Rivers of London book finished the first major arc of the series. It was a succession of explosions contained in a novel. So I was wondering what kind of tone Aaronovitch would be setting with False Value. Would it be all action, immediately? A filler story? I just wanted more Peter Grant. It could literally be an entire novel of Peter going to America to visit the Smithsonian museums and I would be on that.

False Value is a slow story but does a lot of table setting for the next arc. While the case of the book feels very small and contained, you can see that they’re being pulled into the larger world of magic. I did have a hard time with the first few chapters, but I’m not sure if this is a problem of the book, or because I sailed straight into it after the Jeeves book I had been reading.

I finished the book too quickly and now I have to wait for the next one. Bother.

    The Thief, The Queen’s Thief #1 by Megan Whalen Turner

The king’s scholar, the magus, believes he knows the site of an ancient treasure. To attain it for his king, he needs a skillful thief, and he selects Gen from the king’s prison. The magus is interested only in the thief’s abilities.

What Gen is interested in is anyone’s guess. Their journey toward the treasure is both dangerous and difficult, lightened only imperceptibly by the tales they tell of the old gods and goddesses.

It’s March now, so my friends and I are starting on the second book in our read-along of The Queen’s Thief. I wrote last month that I was worried about how my friends would take the series, but really I needn’t have thought about it at all. The book stands well on its own, and my friends all got into the story. I hesitate to say that they loved it because there are four more books in the series, but they were definitely into it. Some of them had a hard time sticking to the two chapters a day schedule because Turner’s prose really just pulls you in.

I still love Gen, and I’m excited to relive his character growth.

  The Farthest Shore, The Earthsea Cycle #3

Darkness threatens to overtake Earthsea. As the world and its wizards are losing their magic, Ged — powerful Archmage, wizard, and dragonlord — embarks on a sailing journey with highborn young prince, Arren. They travel far beyond the realm of death to discover the cause of these evil disturbances and to restore magic to a land desperately thirsty for it.

I’m reading Tehanu, the last book of the Cycle, now, and I’m scared of ending the series. It’s given me so much joy and peace these past few months. I slipped right into it after finishing The Farthest Shore, remembering that they overlap slightly, and that’s done a lot to soften the blow of the third book. Re-reading Farthest at this age, when things have been losing their colour and flavour, where I have to fight harder to keep myself honest and keep myself ‘good’, hits differently. I’ve been recovering, and the bitterness that Ged has over the loss of his mastery is too real to me. Of course, it’s a good book, but it hurts.

—

All right, that’s it for now. I’ll probably be popping in to post a little about Komiket and some other things I’ve been reading next week or so, so please keep a weather eye out for that next post!

February Reading Round-Up I won't be the first or last person to marvel at how quickly February whizzed past, especially in comparison to January's gauntlet.

[im-tops-bottom]

After the chitauri invasion Steve and Tony became friends.

After Ultron Steve and Tony became boyfriends.

After Civil War Steve showed his true colors and chose Bucky over a nearly dead Tony.

Since then Tony, Rhodey and Pepper have been fighting to bring the rogues home.

Once the rogues are finally allowed back, it's Pepper who waits for them at the compound. So much had changed since the big fight and the rogues stare in wonder at the upgraded facility.

"where's Tony?" Steve asks as he notices that there's no yelling or arguing or anyone glaring at him. What he also notices is Peppers sigh and the sadness in her eyes.

"there's a reason why Tony wanted to talk to you over the phone about everything"

Steve becomes worried and he notices everyone else looks worried too.

"come with me everyone. All your rooms have been kept the same, except Steve and Bucky. Tony has cleared out his stuff from your room Steve and moved all of Bucky's stuff to it. He also kept Bucky's room as a spare incase Bucky wants to be alone. The whole second floor has been turned into a training room with a few extra rooms for people who want to practice on their own. One room is specifically for Wanda to practice and he has gotten Doctor Strange to help out Miss Maximoff. you guys will like him"

The rogues look at each other before turning back.

"as the kids tend to get rowdy, half of the second floor is a gaming facility while the other half is their rooms. The Gaming room is sound proof and anyone is allowed UP THERE! IM SHOUTING THIS BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KIDS ARE HOME AND I SWEAR!"

"I'm sorry, kids?"

"oh yes, Peter Parker who is Spiderman. When he isn't at school or his Aunt Mays then he is here. There's also Harley who goes to school, he lives here now as his mum passed away. Tony is trying to look for his dad and if he can't find him then he will adopt Harley. He's a good kid. A smart one at that. He's peters age. Then there is Morgan. She's the baby of the house. She's currently with Natasha who is down the hall. She's my precious baby"

"congratulations Ms Potts."

"thank you Steve. Now there's a theatre room down the end. Kitchen and communal room is down that way and if we can all just squeeze into this elevator"

"did Tony build a workshop?"

"yeah as well as a special gym for him and Rhodey. Happy and Stephen are currently with them now. Don't worry up in the training room there's a gym as well. Oh and here we are. This way"

They follow Pepper and almost collapse on top of each other due to the shock they are all feeling. Especially Steve and Bucky who know exactly why.

"hey gentleman they are here. Thought we might get this part out of the way so there are no surprises."

"okay wait one moment. We need to get this disaster back onto his wheels"

Steve's heart breaks as he watches a new guy lift Tony up with what looks like a magic and places him gently down onto a wheelchair. He watches all 4 gentleman laugh about something before a second wave of shock kicks on as the tall gentleman which he is assuming is Stephen bends down and kisses Tony. A third wave of shock strikes him as he gets shoved aside as Sam races through the room and collapses on top of Rhodeys lap and kisses him all over.

"Pepper a little help. I was paid to help them through training not stand here and watch people make out."

"wait Sam and Rhodey?"

Steve feels a little stung as Bucky says that because he feels the shock and hurt too. Why didn't Sam say anything. Then again he is one to talk. He feels ashamed right then because he remembers how it was Sam and Visions fault Rhodey is like that. Guilt strikes him hard as he watches Tony in his wheelchair and knows that that was his fault.

"okay so Sam do you mind wheeling Rhodey out. He needs to shower and you guys can talk. I'm sure Tony would like to have a little chat with Steve and Bucky."

"but"

"no buts Stephen dear. You are gonna have to with the rest back upstairs. Please be a doll and start the cooking. Bruce, Thor and Loki should be he-"

"wait Loki?"

"everything will be explained soon. But for now let's just deal with this. Once they arrive Stephen see to it that they help and no magic. I'll be watching."

"you are no fun Pepper"

"I know. Don't make me sick Christine on you"

"ouch even I felt that knife dig deep into your back Stephanie"

"shut it Tony"

"but babe~"

"okay save the lovey dovey stuff for later. Oh and Clint I hope you don't mind I invited Laura and the kids over and for you Scott I invited Hope over. We couldn't get your daughter unfortunately"

The smiles on Clint and Scott's faces lighted up the room.

"great now let's get upstairs so i can check on Nat and my daughter"

After everyone left it was just Steve, Tony and Bucky left. Steve notices Tony gulp as he looked down and played with his hands. He looks at Bucky as he pats his back and nudges him forward.

"you first Stevie"

Steve took a deep breath before moving forward.

"I'm sorry Tony"

"I know Rogers"

And ouch that hurt. That really hurt.

"I'm sorry too. Us 3 had this discussion already. I'm over it. I moved on surprisingly and now I'm trying to do my best"

"you know there is still stuff we need to talk about"

"if it has anything to do with our relationship then I don't want to talk about it. I've already buried the hatch it"

Yup that hurt too.

"Tony. Hey come on"

Steve gets on his knees and grabs Tony's hands softly.

"look at me"

Tony looks up slowly and Steve feels something buried deep inside him rising. He knows exactly what it is and it pains him because of everything that has happened. He promises himself that he'll keep it to himself.

"I hope Stephen is treating you right"

"better than you ever did"

That got Steve to wince.

"sorry Steve I shouldn't have said that"

"that's okay. I deserve it"

They spend the next 30 minutes talking and soon Stephen comes down to say that it's time for Tony's shower and meds. Tony promises Bucky that they will have their own private talk soon and Bucky nods.

Dinner runs smoothly and everyone is joking and smiling away. Clint talks about how he wants to set rockets on Tony and Rhodeys wheelchairs and watch them race. The kids think it's a good idea as well. Tony was about to say let's do it but gets stopped by a glaring Pepper. Tony texts under the table to Clint, Harley and Peter that that's a great idea but they'll have to wait until Pepper left to discuss it.

The next day Tony and Bucky have their private talk while Tony does maintenance on Bucky's new arm. Apologies and a heart felt talk are made. They make a pinky promise to talk about things when it all becomes too much and to daily talks about their own Steven/Stephen. They get close in that next hour.

The day after finds Steve yelling at Tony, Sam yelling at Rhodey and Pepper growling at the kids and Clint because of the whole wheelchair race. Everyone is relieved to find out that no serious damage was done to Tony whose wheelchair blasted off into the sky sending Tony falling down. Tony laughs the whole way through it amd thanks the heavens that Stephen or Loki weren't there because they can get pretty mean. Tony, Clint and the kids are grounded. Sam was too nice to ground Rhodey.

A week later finds Tony smiling through the tears as Rhodey is finally able to walk in braces without falling. Shuri had made vibranium ones that have done wonders for Rhodey. She promises Tony that she'll make braces and back support for Tony and Tony smiles and thanks her for all her help.

3 days later Bucky walks down to the workshop after a nightmare because Steve went to Wakanda for something to do with a special shield Tony, Peter, Harley and Shuri made. Bucky told him to take some time for himself because he needs and deserves it.

As soon as he gets off the elevator he rushes into the gym and checks over Tony who fell. After getting Friday to scan him he tries to help a crying and frustrated Tony back onto the wheelchair but Tony pushes him away.

"just leave me alone"

"no. Now come on Tony"

"it's your fault I'm like this so why don't you just leave me the hell alone"

Bucky growls and picks Tony up bridal style. He asks Friday where Stephen is and finds that Stephen is in a different dimension amd won't be able to make contact. Bucky carries a pissed off Tony back to his spare room and places him gently onto the bed. He rips Tony's clothes off, checks for injuries again, gives him a sponge bath, realizes what he's done to Tony's clothes, rushes out to his and Steve's room tp grab some of his clothes, drags the escapee back to bed, puts the clothes on him, throws him under the blankets, tucks him in and tells him to stay put.

"I'm gonna cook up food and you are gonna eat it, enjoy it and then sleep after it. Have i made myself clear?"

He walks out after Tony crosses his arm and looks away. He brings back the food and forces Tony to eat it amd threatens to call Rhodey or Pepper. After eating, Bucky cuddles Tony and they fall asleep.

Both Bucky and Tony wake up in shock to find they never had any nightmares compared to all the ones they got when they slept alone or was with their partners.

After some more cuddling Bucky begins to the talk.

"we talked about this tony. No matter how angry one of us gets, we made a promise to not leave their side. I made a promise that I was gonna take care of you when no one else couldn't amd you promised right back. Now just because you said some nasty things doesn't mean I'm gonna break it. I've known you for a while now and know that you say cruel things to push people away. It worked on Stevie but it ain't gonna work on me doll"

"I'm sorry winter wonderland"

"it's okay. now you wanna tell me what the hell that was last night"

"even though I'm happy for Rhodey, I'm jealous that he got the hang of walking."

"that took a year Tony"

"I know. I just miss walking around. Miss training. Miss flying in the suit. i just want this to hurry up. Earth is in damger and I just want to be ready"

"that's why we got Fury bringing Captain Marvel in and why we are getting a special suit made so Rhodey can bring in the big guns."

"i just feel left out because I was the one who saw it coming. I was the one who couldn't sleep at night because of it. I was the one who tried telling everyone but no one listened and now it's too late."

"I know it's too late but I guess someone can start now. From now on when no one is listening I will be. I promise you. Just don't quit. Don't give up. Keep on fighting"

"promise to be by my side even when I'm an asshole"

Bucky don't know what got into him but he found he didn't care as he leaned in to kiss Tony. After he felt Tonys initial shock drain amd joined in, he went deeper. A while later he pulls back so they can breathe.

"I promise Tony. Promise you'll do the same thing"

"I promise"

"good"

"great"

"fantastic"

The two giggle as they go back into cuddling.

"hey Friday put one of Tony's favorite movies on will ya"

"will do Mr Barnes"

"good girl"

Hours later Stephen and Steve find Tony and Bucky cuddled together asleep while movie was playing in the back ground.

Stephen tries to pick up Tony but Tony whimpers in his sleep. Bucky's metal hand comes out from under the blanket and holds Stephens wrist. Without opening his eyes Bucky growls.

"whoever you are you aren't taking him. Now move before I hurt you"

Steve rushes over to place a hand on Bucky.

"hey babe easy there. Give Tony back to Stephen and we can cuddle"

Bucky follows Steve's touch which causes Tony to whimper in his sleep again and follow Bucky. Bucky leaves Steves touch amd goes back to growling and cuddling Tony.

Stephen just sighs and looks at Steve.

"well they aren't moving. Might as well join the cuddle pile"

Stephen hops in cuddling Tony and Steve hops in cuddling Bucky.

That night Bucky wakes up to find everyone has come into the room and is cuddling together. His laugh wakes up Tony who is pressed up against Bucky front.

"hmmmm"

"easy there"

"I'm hungry and need to pee"

A portal opens up behind Stephen and Bucky hops out of bed and manages to get Tony out.

"thank you Stephen"

Stephen just gives a thumbs up as Bucky walks through and enters the bathroom. After that Bucky carries a giggling Tony to the kitchen where he makes the smaller a sandwich while he cooks dinner.

"thank you Bucky for everything"

"no problem doll. Gotta treat my fella right"

Bucky realizes what he just said and looks at Tony who is blushing as he eats his sandwich. He thinks about Stephen and Steve and shrugs it off because he will deal with that later. For now he has redfaced Tony to kiss. He kneels down, grabs the sandwich to put on the plate and brings Tony into a kiss.

"Bucky stop it"

"sorry I couldn't help it"

"what about our boyfriend's?"

"yeah what about them?"

Bucky smiles as he knows exactly who said that. He looks at Tony and says

"fuck them"

He ignores Stephen and Steve's gasps as he pulls tony in for a deeper kiss.

"wow Rogers. Do you see that? Unbelievable"

"I know right. In all fairness we should just kiss now and make it even"

"yeah no wait what!?!"

Stephen shrieks as Steve brings him down for a kiss and goes completely redfaced. Steve pulls back after a minute and laughs at Stephens facial expression.

Bucky and Tony are still ignoring them in favor of their slow and shockingly passionate kiss. The world can wait.

[punkbirdwitch]

Sweet Mother Sappho

A longer poem about learning through history, self-discovery, etc. It’s a rough draft-- I’m not 100% satisfied with the storyline-- but, eh, here ya go.

---

Oh, Mother Sappho, though I’m not sure who you are,

I just found you in the trunk of my dad’s old beat-up car,

In a pile full of other stuff he used to want but doesn’t,

So I figured now would be the time to give myself a present.

I must admit that I’m not well-versed with verses,

Haven’t seen stanzas since Kwanzaa, and my rhymes could use work-- but!

Your face is on the cover and you look like you’re nice, so

I think I’ll come and read you-- only once or twice, I swear!--

And only when I’m curious about Aphrodite’s weaving,

Or carpenters and roofbeams or Gods who like deceiving!

I’d hate to be a bother with all of my incessant reading,

There’s just something ‘bout your passages I can’t help but find intriguing--

But maybe it’s just that my curiosity took

When I noticed finely scrawled within the tiny nook

Between the front cover and the page--

Faded some with age--

In graphite on the page, it reads, “Steph…

...

I hope you like the book.”

… My name’s Chris, by the way.

-

Oh, Mother Sappho, I know it’s only been one day,

But after our first meeting I can’t tear myself away!

And on top of that I realized that I’ve been a little flippant.

Dad always says that when I talk, my brain gets sorta distant.

My name is Chris, as I surely said before,

I’m 15 years old, born in the year Two Thousand and Four,

Which to you must seem like, I dunno, a billion years away--

If only you could see all of the stuff we have today!

My dad’s a docent-- uh, which means he works in a museum,

And I remind him he’s a nerd just about every time I see ‘im.

He takes folks ‘round to see the history, the time when you lived--

And money can be tight, so sometimes he works the graveyard shift.

I guess they save some headache by keeping the same guy

To glide across the floors by day and scrub ‘em by night.

But hey! I’m not complaining, and neither is he,

‘Cuz Empty Halls + Father/Son = Happy Memories.

I spent a lot of nights playing next to history,

Though how I (almost) never broke stuff still remains a mystery.

I played tag with the Huns, roshambo with Tommie Smith,

(A game I always won since he would always raise his fist).

My father told me tales from ancient times-- (Never quite PG)--

Then quizzed me on Mythology ‘til my mind was at its apogee!--

I’d hunt with Davy Crockett and paint with Vince van Gogh--

Might explain why a dead poet makes the second-best friend that I know. Ha!

But my favorite-- yes, the best-and-kindest figures of all

Were the warriors whispered about in the Women’s History Hall.

This was before they spread the female figures throughout the exhibits,

But in that hallway you could sense there was rebellious spirit.

Wollstonecraft and Curie, Shelley, Earhart and d’Arc,

I danced with Josie Baker, had some chats with Rosa Parks--

I fought entire wars with them as a tactician of sorts,

Then settled it with kindness, like you read about in books--

And it’s true that my childhood would have been less sleep-deprived

If I stayed at home while daddy made the money to survive,

But I’m a night owl through and through, a real child of Nyx-- (Still got it!)--

Which is why I’m sitting here with you at, like… 3:06.

… A.M. Yikes-- Mother Sappho! I’ve got to get to bed,

But thank you oh-so-kindly for the poetry I’ve read.

I hope that you don’t mind if this becomes a regular thing,

Like when I used to read soliloquies to Dr. Martin Luther King (‘s statue)--

God, with all that museum time, it’s weird I never met you.

But without further ado,

I’ll say good night to you.

… But Mother Sappho-- one thing keeps me awake,

A little shred of curiosity that I have yet to slake.

It pulls me in like the aroma from the master dish of a chef,

Oh, Mother Sappho…

… Who’s Steph?

-

-

Oh, Mother Sappho! Julie’s coming by tonight,

And whenever she comes over she just has to steal the spotlight!

Not that I mind-- I’m cool with being quiet at the table

While my childhood friend fills my open head with fables.

Our Hellish Elementary formed our crucible as friends,

And though it sucked, we only came out stronger in the end.

A nerdy girl, a “cissy” guy, playing sci-fi with dolls--

Didn’t really resonate within those tiny halls.

And of course I’d be remiss to not show her my new find--

I always try to have a new conversation topic each time

That she comes over-- Which she’s done quite regularly

Since she became my friend when no one else

Would hang out with me.

… But anyway-- She says she loves you, which is not a surprise,

It’s always been dead-dramatic ladies for whom she’s had eyes--

Not saying you’re dramatic, Sappho, I’m just trying to say,

That I’ve recently been wondering if you might’ve been gay?

I’m just saying! that’s the conclusion that I came to next

When the subtextual did floweth over into the text.

(O it makes my panicked heart go fluttering in my chest,

for the moment I catch sight of you there is no speech left

in me--) You see? You can’t blame me for thinking

That it was rainbow-colored nectar you and your friends were drinking.

 And while Julie’s father has a chat with my dad,

I tell my lifelong friend about the conversations we’ve had--

And I can’t help but hear our fathers talking in the afternoon air,

Two strong voices rising through wood and laughing as a pair…

Though what they talk about’s a mystery-- dad says it’s “Nothing much--”

It’s rare for friends to have their dads like each other this much,

Aaaand I just rhymed “much” with “much”-- I told you I’m rusty!

But I think I’m getting better, you’ll-- just have to… Trust me?

Ugh.

 -

-

-

 Oh, Mother Sappho, I’m addling my brain--

If I don’t find out who this “Steph” is, I might just go insane--

Short for Stephanie, I’m sure, but why is it in my father’s hands?

And why would he discard in the back of our sedan?

Is there some pain within my father’s past he’d rather I not know?

...

You know-- I never had a mother, Mother Sappho.

 -

-

-

-

 Oh, Mother Sappho.

Oh, Mother Sappho.

 I spoke with Julie today, Oh, Mother Sappho.

Sweet Mother Sappho.

I had something to say, “Oh--

“You know,” I said, “I think that I would like to be a girl,

Even if not for forever, I’d still give it a whirl.

I’m unversed in verses-- It’s hard

To explain in the wrong key

But I get the feeling that not everything

Is quite all right with me.”

And she turned to me and smiled and said “Silly-- you can be.”

 .

 Oh, Mother, Sappho.

Oh, Mother, Sappho.

I’m addling my brain.

There’s something here inside my heart that I just cannot contain.

It doesn’t feel right--

And yet

It doesn’t feel wrong.

It just feels like I’ve

Never quite

Belonged.

And now I’m not sure where I’m at or what to do.

Mother Sappho, I don’t know what to do.

Oh, Mother Sappho…

…

Sweet Mother Sappho…

 -

-

-

-

-

-

 (Oh, darling daughter, I hope you know that you are strong

And that as you sat there rambling, I was listening all along.

Please pardon my language-- I’m afraid I’ve not rehearsed.

In this meter, I’m afraid that I’m the one unversed.

 (You’re green and dainty, child-- what better thing to be?

And though your heart is violet, you’re as sturdy as the tree.

I hope you know I love you, no matter who you are,

For your soul is far more radiant than all the highest stars--

Now show them who you are--

My child, show them you are.

...

(And know

That you have nothing to fear.

You’ll know

When you understand how near you were

And are

To people just like you.

To people who love you.)

 -

 Oh, Mother Sappho, I hope you know you haven’t been misread,

And I think I found the meaning in that thing that you last said.

I realized what before I would not have believed in, ‘cuz--

“Steph” is short for Stephanie-- but is also short for “Stephen.”

 I think my dad and I might need to have a talk--

In the morning. It’s 2:04, and I’m still sort of in shock.

Maybe once I tell ‘im, I can help him get a date.

Ha! Maybe…

It’s late.

 Thank you, Mother Sappho, and just to set things straight-- (Which I guess I’m not, now, huh, Ms. Sapphic?)

You can still call me Chris-- it’s gender-neutral, yeah? It almost feels like fate.

Oh, Mother Sappho, I think that this feels right.

Thanks, and-- good night, Mother Sappho.

 -

(Good night.)

[natasha-cole]

What Happens in Vegas Part 21

Rob Benedict x Reader

Chapter Summary: Now that they have been honest about their feelings for each other, Reader and Rob are just trying to navigate their new relationship the best they can. They are still keeping secrets from each other, and one of those secrets is about to be noticed.

Word Count: 3875

Warnings: swearing probably, fluff, illness

Notes: Thanks to @rblstrash and @riversong-sam for offering feedback on this chapter. I hope I fixed all of the mistakes and made things flow better. Again, this chapter is a bit all over the place, but it was the best I had.

Catch Up: Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9 Part 10Part 11 Part 12   Part 13  Part 14  Part 15 Part 16  Part 17  Part 18  Part 19  Part 20

Reader’s POV

After the session, you decided to go with Rob back to his place. You had been away from each other for weeks, and quite frankly, there was a lot to talk about still. Mostly, you just missed him.

You had every intention of bringing up the thing that you wanted to discuss with him, but you barely had a moment to breathe as he pulled you into the house and immediately pressed you against the wall.

He kissed you hard. As if he had been starved for it. In a way, he had been; and so had you. You kissed him back as you suddenly began to work at removing his shirt. It was just a normal reaction for you.

“I love you,” you murmured in between kisses. “I love you and it’s so fucking scary to say it, but it’s true.”

“I love you too,” Rob replied. “I know I said I wouldn’t say that, but I mean it. I’m just as freaked out by this as you are.”

“Are we really doing this?” you asked. “Everything that you said, was it true?”

“Yes, it’s true,” he replied. “I know it’s crazy, and this entire thing is a mess; but I meant it all.”

“Okay, but you have to promise me that you’re in this for real. One hundred percent. Because I’m scared, and I can’t handle being lied to.”

“I would never lie to you,” he promised.

He crashed his lips against yours desperately, almost as if he were afraid that you’d change your mind any second.

You wanted to ease his mind, and you wanted to hear him say that he meant everything he had said. The two of you had spent far too much time denying your feelings in an attempt to save face. Somehow, you had managed to fall into this marriage, trying to convince people that you were in love; all while actually being in love but denying it to the people closest to you. You had both made a mess of things, and the impending reality of the set date of your divorce was still nagging at you. You hadn’t addressed that yet, and you certainly hadn’t talked about how to handle it now that you had both admitted your feelings for each other.

There was something else more important that was also bothering you, and you knew you had to tell him.

“Rob,” you whispered as he pressed his body against yours. He groaned against your mouth, letting his hands wander until he gripped onto your hips.

“I need to tell you something,” you breathed out as he focused his lips against your neck.

“Can it wait?” he asked as he pulled back to look at you. “I want you right now. We can talk about it later?”

You considered this, even if you knew it was something important. The fact that you wanted him just as badly right now won though.

“Okay,” you said, nodding your agreement, allowing him to continue with what he had been doing.

This time, the two of you made love for real. Neither of you denied each other’s feelings anymore, and more importantly, you allowed yourselves to feel your own feelings for one another.

Rob’s POV

He had noticed the way she had held back during their therapy session when Stephanie touched on specific things. He had been so busy trying to hide the things that he knew he should say though, so he didn’t bother bringing it up.

The night after the session, she had been very set on telling him something, possibly the thing she had avoided during the session. He had stupidly convinced her not to bring it up yet though, and the next morning, she was avoiding it completely.

He had asked what it was that she wanted to tell him, but she insisted that maybe wasn’t that important.

“It’s nothing,” she replied as they sat together at the table, having breakfast.

“It sounded important,” he argued. “We can talk about it now.”

She smiled at him and reached over to brush her hand against his cheek.

“Really, it’s nothing. Let’s just enjoy the day.”

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

“I know,” she laughed, shaking her head at his insistence. “Trust me, it’s fine. It doesn’t matter right now.”

He nodded his understanding, not wanting to push her into talking about whatever it was if she didn’t want to just yet. Perhaps it was selfish really. Because there was one thing that he needed to tell her that he didn’t know if he was ready to put out there just yet either.

He was certain that it wouldn’t completely destroy what they had, not after they had finally come to terms with their feelings for each other. But, it was something pretty big. In truth, he had no idea how she would even react to it. So maybe it wasn’t a bad idea for the two of them to just go on for a while longer holding back on some things.

Things were good for the rest of the week at least. Ever since they had decided to be completely honest with each other about their feelings, they seemed to be better than ever. They spent a lot of time together, just talking and making decisions together on where this relationship would go.

Rob had almost completely forgotten about Y/N’s strange behavior and the way that she seemed to be avoiding something. For now, he wanted nothing more than to focus on their developing relationship.

Friday

When they left home for yet another convention, the only worry on Rob’s mind was how they were going to deal with how their friends would react when they found out that they were actually serious about this.

That opportunity to find out had arrived sooner than he expected when they were instantly reminded of the stupid bet that everyone had going on concerning the time in which their marriage would last.

“So, you two have roughly a month or so left for this marriage, right?” Briana asked suddenly.

“Uh, yeah, why?” Rob asked.

“Just checking,” she beamed. “I’ve got money riding on the fact that I think you’ll make it all the way to the end.”

“Thanks? I think…”

“You really haven’t dropped the bet?” Y/N sighed as she eyed Stephen.

“Nope,” he grinned. “Almost everyone has lost. It’s mostly between Briana, Mike, and Jared now. They both think very highly of your marriage.”

“What happens if we make it past the set date?” Y/N asked.

Rob turned to her, wondering if she had meant to say that out loud.

Stephen gave her a confused look, leaning toward her as if to challenge her.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,what will happen if we stick it out for a little longer than what we decided on?”

“Why would you do that?” Briana cut in. “You had a deal.”

“I’m just wondering why Rob and I haven’t gotten in on this. It is our marriage after all. Maybe it’s time we joined in.”

“That wouldn’t be fair,” Stephen pointed out. “You both had a set date, there’s no going back on that.”

“You wouldn’t be that stupid,” Briana added. “You’re both so desperate to get out of this, don’t even joke.”

“We are?” She asked, looking puzzled.

“What’s going on?” Briana asked slowly. She glared at the two of them as if she knew something was up, but she just wasn’t sure what it was.

“Y/N,” Rob scolded as he put his arm around her. He very suddenly caught on to the fact that Y/N was no longer planning to be inconspicuous about this. She obviously thought it would be more fun to mess with them instead. “You shouldn’t tease our friends.”

Rob gave her a pleased look and she leaned in to him, placing a firm kiss to his lips. He really enjoyed that you could be open about kissing now, even if the people around them might still think it was an act.

“You know, I’d like to know what’s going on as well,” Rich cut in as he stepped toward them. “I’ve seen the two of you be grossly affectionate, but I have to say, I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen you kiss like that.”

“Relax,” Rob chuckled. “Y/N and I actually like each other.”

“Yes, we’ve established that,” Rich said. “Well, you actually denied that you had feelings for her, but we understood that you were at least getting along.”

“Rob and I have recently confronted the fact that we have feelings for each other,” Y/N added.

Rob felt himself grin like an idiot as she spoke.

“Really?” Rich asked, looking confused.

“What can I say?” Rob smirked. “Your therapy suggestion worked a lot better than expected.”

“Really?” He said again. “You had a few sessions and now what? You’re in love with each other?”

“Well, I think- no, I know that there was always something more there,” Rob explained as he looked at Y/N lovingly. “We just… never admitted to it because of the situation.”

“So… what is this?” Rich asked, looking confused. “Are you saying you’re an actual couple now?”

“Yeah,” Rob replied with a smile. “We are.”

“Am I the only one who remembers that you accidentally got married?” He argued. “How does this happen?”

“Well, you did warn me that I’d fall for her,” Rob laughed. “You were right.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think she’d be dumb enough to fall for you.”

“Hey!” Rob exclaimed, looking hurt by his friends words. “I’m a great husband.”

“The best,” Y/N confirmed with a smile.

It hadn’t required a lot of explanation to convince everyone that the two of you were serious. In fact, most of them apparently knew that both of you would come to your senses sooner rather than later.

“See!” Billy shouted at Rob. “I told you that you should get to know your wife. I so didn’t want to see the two of you fail.”

“I’m not even surprised,” Briana had explained. “The two of you spent more time avoiding the fact that you loved each other than you actually spent trying to convince people that you did.”

“I still don’t understand how you talked her into this,” Rich had said.

Not that it mattered to either of them what their opinions were, but they had both relaxed just knowing that it was out in the open and everyone seemed okay with it. Any anxiety that either of them felt over that part of the weekend had disappeared.

Reader’s POV

Later that day, you were patiently waiting backstage for your panel to start. You listened to Rob and Rich’s banter, mostly thinking about other things. You had a lot on your mind and you only hoped that you could forget about it all for a just a bit while you got through this panel.

“Are you okay?”

You jumped, startled as someone placed a hand on your shoulder. You turned to find Briana standing behind you.

“I'm fine,” you replied. “Why does everyone keep asking?”

“You're not regretting this, are you?” She asked bluntly as she stepped beside you.

“There are a lot of things that I regret, but this thing between Rob and I is certainly not one of those things.”

“You seem… different is all.”

“How so?”

“You're just not yourself this weekend.”

“I'm just tired,” you replied, turning away from her to avoid her stare. The last thing you wanted was for anyone to notice that it was something more than that.

It wasn’t a complete lie. You were exhausted for a lot of reasons. The fact that you were still holding on to a secret that was eating at you constantly didn’t help. You lost a lot of sleep over it and the thoughts of how Rob could react scared you. You were keeping it to yourself for now, and it was only building up.

“You sure?” She asked sympathetically.

“I’m sure,” you lied. “I’m just tired.”

“If you say so,” she sighed, obviously not convinced that something else wasn’t going on.

You looked at her, now wondering how good of a friend she might really be as you considered letting her in on a little something. Truthfully, you had been wanting to talk to someone for some time, but no moment ever felt right. Surely you couldn’t tell her anything without having talked to Rob first, but maybe you could find a sense of relief in letting some vague thoughts out.

“Can I ask you something?” You asked.

“Sure.”

“If you were keeping a secret,” you began, “something kind of big that you know you need to tell your significant other about, how would you tell him?”

“I guess that depends on the secret.”

“I mean, if you’ve only technically known that significant other for a few months, and the secret was… life changing… would you just come right out and say it?”

“What’s going on?”

“Asking for a friend,” you joked.

You avoided eye contact, knowing that she was looking right at you and judging you.

“Like I said, it depends on the seriousness of the secret, and the seriousness of the relationship.”

“What if the previously mentioned relationship is a difficult one?”

She studied you quietly for a minute as you pretended to listen to what was going on onstage. You didn’t want to show that you were freaking out on the inside, but you really wanted some sort of comfort from someone that things would be alright.

“Y/N, are you and Rob okay?”

“We’re fine,” you replied, trying your best to look as if her question had been insulting.

“Are you having second thoughts about your decision to try an actual relationship with him? Because, if you are; you have to tell him. It’s going to destroy him either way, but you can’t do something that you don’t really want to do.”

“I’m not having second thoughts,” you replied. “Just- it doesn’t matter. Pretend I never said anything.”

“Okay,” she said, looking concerned as she studied you. “To answer your question though, I’m a firm believer in being honest about everything with your partner; no matter how difficult the relationship is, and no matter how serious the secret is. You can’t build a relationship by keeping things from each other. You should let your friend know that.”

“I will,” you replied. “Thanks.”

Before she could say much else, and more importantly, before she could press you for more information, you were being introduced on stage.

You put on a fake smile, knowing that you had to forget about the things that were bothering you for a bit. You had made it this far with lying to everyone and tricking them into believing that you were happy, you could do it for a bit longer.

Later, after the work day had ended, you joined everyone else for dinner nearby, just as you usually did.

In truth, you were exhausted. The day had taken a lot out of you and you had worked hard at not seeming too off about things. Rob was in high spirits, and you figured it was best to keep up appearances along with him. It would look really bad if he seemed excited about your decision and you spent the weekend looking stressed.

Things seemed lighter among your friends at least. The focus that was usually on you and Rob and your mistake had shifted. Now, everyone talked among each other, ignoring the possibility that you and Rob were perhaps moving into things to quickly.

You politely turned down drinks as everyone else indulged, wondering if that right there would wave a red flag to anyone. Your stomach was turning; and you weren’t sure if it was from the anxiety that you were feeling or if it was from the general smells of the restaurant.

You tried to focus; smiling at people as they spoke to you, trying to engage in overall conversation, and acknowledging Rob each time he affectionately leaned in for a kiss.

‘I can get through this,’ you kept telling yourself. Still, you felt as if you were forcing back the need to cry or get sick.

It was when everyone’s meals arrived that you thought your cover had been blown. You tried to be easy on yourself, ordering a bland chicken dinner in hopes that you could keep it down. For some reason though, Rob had decided on the salmon. The instant the waiter placed the dish down next to you, you knew you couldn’t avoid your queasiness any longer. As soon as you could smell it, you had to make a quick exit while still trying to remain calm.

“Excuse me,” you said softly as you stood up.

“Are you okay?” Rob asked, a hint of concern on his face.

He reached for your hand and you quickly pulled away, not wanting to linger for fear that you would embarrass yourself in front of the entire restaurant.

“I’m fine,” you replied, trying hard to hold back the need to throw up. “I just need to use the ladies room.”

You rushed off, trying not to make it obvious that you weren’t feeling well.

Once you had emptied your stomach, you stood up and took a moment to steady yourself. You wiped the tears from your face and took a deep breath before exiting the stall.

“Jesus!’ You shouted when you stepped out and was greeted by Briana. You didn’t even hear anyone else come into the restroom, and the suddenness of seeing her caused your heart to race.

“You scared the crap out of me,” you mumbled as you pushed past her to get to the sink. You breathed in and out, trying to steady your heart rate now.

“What’s going on?” Briana asked. She narrowed her eyes at you as you washed your hands and subsequently rinsed your mouth with water.

“Nothing is wrong,” you replied. “I’m just not feeling well. It’s no big deal.”

“You were fine all day until we got here. In fact, you were fine until food arrived.”

You shrugged, not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

Almost as soon as she had said it, a sudden look of realization came over her. Her eyes widened, mouth dropping open as she grabbed your arm excitedly.

“Oh my god!’ She screeched. “You’re pregnant!”

“Shut up, I am not.”

“You turned down drinks,” she pointed out. “You’ve turned down drinks all day.”

“Forgive me if I don’t drink all day long,” you said, rolling your eyes.

“You looked at Rob as if he had insulted you by ordering fish.”

“The smell…” you trailed off, swallowing back the need to throw up again just by the thought of it.

“Oh my god,” she reiterated. “Y/N!”

“Okay,” you sighed. “Please, don’t make a big deal out of this. I haven’t said anything to him yet.”

“How? Why? How?” Briana sputtered. She seemed to be more shocked than you had been when you first found out.

“I’ve known for a little while, I just haven’t had the chance to bring it up to him.”

“How far along are you?” She asked, looking you up and down. “You’ve been with Rob, what, a few months? You look great considering.”

“I did not get pregnant that night,” you argued. “By my estimation, I’m probably five weeks by now.”

“Wow, I had no idea that you were sleeping with your husband.”

“It’s not funny.”

“I didn’t mean that. I just didn’t realize…”

You didn’t say anything else, you couldn’t. You were suddenly overcome with guilt now that she knew and you hadn’t even mentioned it to Rob.

“You know, I stand by what I said when we discussed your friend today,” Briana added, offering you a smile. “He loves you. You’ve gone through a lot together, you can get through this.”

“You’re right,” you chuckled, trying to convince yourself. “He’ll be okay with it. I mean, what’s one more accident between us?”

“That’s the spirit... I think.”

“Can you just... keep this between us?” you asked. “I’m going to tell him. I’m just waiting for the right time.”

“My lips are sealed,” she smiled.

“Thank you,” you mumbled. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to try to make it through dinner without making this too obvious.”

Rob’s POV

Y/N was hiding something. He realized it rather quickly.

It was obvious by her behavior before they left L.A., and it was obvious now.

This weekend, things still seemed different. She was not herself. Most of the time, she seemed in a daze, as if she was constantly lost in her own thoughts.

He’d check in on her occasionally, making sure to let her know that he was there and in this with her completely.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he felt as if she was having second thoughts about everything.

After a conversation among the group, mostly concerning Rob and Y/N’s choice to see if they could make a real relationship out of this whole thing, Rob became even more concerned. She mostly sat back as everyone added their two cents. Rob felt as if he was on his own this weekend. Y/N was unusually quiet, an sort of sad.

Every time he’d ask if she was okay, she’d brush him off with a smile and a kiss.

“I’m fine.”

Those were the only words he really heard from her.

On Saturday, not much had changed. No matter how badly Rob wanted to know what was going on, he still couldn’t bring himself to pressure her to speak to him.

“She’s acting strange, right?” Rob asked Rich when Y/N was out of sight and he could safely express his concerns to someone without hurting her feelings.

“Well, yeah,” Rich replied. “You should both be acting strange.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, this whole thing is crazy. Aren’t you freaking out even a little?”

“Sure, but I’m also relieved that we’ve gotten to this point. Do you know how long I’ve gone knowing that I love her but being too freaked out to do anything about it? This whole situation is fucked, but we’re actually together in the end.”

“You sure she’s on board?”

“Yeah, I really do. We really care about each other. Which is why I’m concerned with the way she’s been acting.”

“Maybe she’s just, trying to let it all sink in. It’s pretty heavy stuff.”

“I don’t want to lose her. At all. I just, wish I knew what was going on.”

“You think she’s having second thoughts?”

“Not that I want to admit it, but yes.”

“Talk to her,” Rich urged. “That’s all you can do.”

“I’ve tried. She said she had something important to tell me at one point. I blew her off and she’s avoided it ever since. I feel like whatever it was that she wanted to tell me is what’s making her act so weird.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have blown her off in the first place then,” he replied.

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[ucflibrary]

It’s August already and the summer is almost over. Time really does fly by. June and July were tiny blips on the calendar. It feels like just last week that spring classes were ending and summer classes beginning.

School will be starting up again in a few short weeks. We’ll have a full cohort of students back on campus. The lines for coffee will be never ending and a free parking space will be nowhere to be found. Life will definitely get more exciting.

UCF Libraries faculty and staff suggested a stack of books to help you get back in the mindset for learning. They range from academic subjects to fun fiction to college success tips. Welcome to the 2018-19 academic year!

Click on the link below to see the full list, descriptions, and catalog links for the featured Back-so-School titles suggested by UCF Library employees. These 20 books plus many more are also on display on the 2nd (main) floor of the John C. Hitt Library next to the bank of two elevators.

 A Separate Peace by John Knowles Set at a boys' boarding school in New England during the early years of World War II, A Separate Peace is a harrowing and luminous parable of the dark side of adolescence. Gene is a lonely, introverted intellectual. Phineas is a handsome, taunting, daredevil athlete. What happens between the two friends one summer, like the war itself, banishes the innocence of these boys and their world. Suggested by Larry Cooperman, Research & Information Services, and Meg Scharf, Administration

College Success Guide: top 12 secrets to student success by Karine Blackett and Patricia Weiss College Success Guide is designed to walk college students through steps that are proven to make them successful in college and life. The authors have compiled statistics from both campus and online students, along with student feedback throughout the past three years of college instruction. From that data, they have found "12 keys" make students successful. College is very expensive; these 12 secrets will help college students be better prepared for college and protect their investment. Not only will it help achieve better grades, but it will also teach them valuable skills for life and their career. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

Dumplin' by Julie Murphy Dubbed “Dumplin’” by her former beauty queen mom, Willowdean has always been at home in her own skin. Her thoughts on having the ultimate bikini body? Put a bikini on your body. With her all-American-beauty best friend, Ellen, by her side, things have always worked . . . until Will takes a job at Harpy’s, the local fast-food joint. There she meets Private School Bo, a hot former jock. Will isn’t surprised to find herself attracted to Bo. But she is surprised when he seems to like her back.  Instead of finding new heights of self-assurance in her relationship with Bo, Will starts to doubt herself. So she sets out to take back her confidence by doing the most horrifying thing she can imagine: entering the Miss Teen Blue Bonnet Pageant—along with several other unlikely candidates—to show the world that she deserves to be up there as much as any twiggy girl does.Along the way, she’ll shock the hell out of Clover City—and maybe herself most of all. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

Everything All at Once: how to unleash your inner nerd, tap into radical curiosity, and solve any problem by Bill Nye Everyone has an inner nerd just waiting to be awakened by the right passion. In Everything All at Once, Bill Nye will help you find yours. With his call to arms, he wants you to examine every detail of the most difficult problems that look unsolvable—that is, until you find the solution. Bill shows you how to develop critical thinking skills and create change, using his “everything all at once” approach that leaves no stone unturned.  Suggested by Cindy Dancel, Research & Information Services

Everything Belongs to Us by Yoojin Grace Wuertz             This debut novel takes place at the elite Seoul National University in 1970s South Korea during the final years of a repressive regime. The novel follows the fates of two women--Jisun, the daughter of a powerful tycoon, who eschews her privilege to become an underground labor activist in Seoul; and Namin, her best friend from childhood, a brilliant, tireless girl who has grown up with nothing, and whose singular goal is to launch herself and her family out of poverty. Drawn to both of these women is Sunam, a seeming social-climber who is at heart a lost boy struggling to find his place in a cutthroat world. And at the edges of their friendship is Junho, whose ambitions have taken him to new heights in the university's most prestigious social club, called "the circle," and yet who guards a dangerous secret that is tied to his status. Wuertz explores the relationships that bind these students to each other, as well as the private anxieties and desires that drive them to succeed. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell Being consummate fans of the Simon Snow series helped Cath and her twin sister, Wren, cope as little girls whose mother left them, but now, as they start college but not as roommates, Cath fears she is unready to live without Wren holding her hand--and without her passion for Snow. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections, and Emma Gisclair, Curriculum Materials Center

Free Speech on Campus by Erwin Chemerinsky and Howard Gillman Hardly a week goes by without another controversy over free speech on college campuses. On one side, there are increased demands to censor hateful, disrespectful, and bullying expression and to ensure an inclusive and nondiscriminatory learning environment. On the other side are traditional free speech advocates who charge that recent demands for censorship coddle students and threaten free inquiry. In this clear and carefully reasoned book, a university chancellor and a law school dean—both constitutional scholars who teach a course in free speech to undergraduates—argue that campuses must provide supportive learning environments for an increasingly diverse student body but can never restrict the expression of ideas. This book provides the background necessary to understanding the importance of free speech on campus and offers clear prescriptions for what colleges can and can’t do when dealing with free speech controversies. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services

How to Survive Without Your Parents' Money: making it from college to the real world by Geoff Martz Offers sound advice to both students and graduates, including tips on resumes, cover letters, and interviews; using job placement centers; alternative job options; and more. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

Originals: How Non-conformists Move the World by Adam Grant How can we originate new ideas, policies, and practices without risking it all? Using surprising studies and stories spanning business, politics, sports, and entertainment, Grant explores how to recognize a good idea, speak up without getting silenced, build a coalition of allies, choose the right time to act, and manage fear and doubt; how parents and teachers can nurture originality in children; and how leaders can fight groupthink to build cultures that welcome dissent. Suggested by Tina Buck, Acquisitions & Collections

Seven Ways We Lie by Riley Redgate In Seven Ways We Lie, a chance encounter tangles the lives of seven high school students, each resisting the allure of one of the seven deadly sins, and each telling their story from their seven distinct points of view. Riley Redgate’s twisty YA debut effortlessly weaves humor, heartbreak, and redemption into a drama that fans of Jenny Han and Stephanie Perkins will adore. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

Stephen Florida by Gabe Habash Foxcatcher meets The Art of Fielding, Stephen Florida follows a college wrestler in his senior season, when every practice, every match, is a step closer to greatness and a step further from sanity. Profane, manic, and tipping into the uncanny, it's a story of loneliness, obsession, and the drive to leave a mark. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

The Case for Contention: Teaching Controversial Subjects in American Schools by Jonathan Zimmerman and Emily Robertson From the fights about the teaching of evolution to the details of sex education, it may seem like American schools are hotbeds of controversy. But as Jonathan Zimmerman and Emily Robertson show in this insightful book, it is precisely because such topics are so inflammatory outside school walls that they are so commonly avoided within them. And this, they argue, is a tremendous disservice to our students. Armed with a detailed history of the development of American educational policy and norms and a clear philosophical analysis of the value of contention in public discourse, they show that one of the best things American schools should do is face controversial topics dead on, right in their classrooms. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services

 The Gift of Fear: survival signals that protect us from violence by Gavin de Becker Covering all the dangerous situations people typically face -- street crime, domestic abuse, violence in the workplace -- de Becker provides real-life examples and offers specific advice on restraining orders, self-defense, and more. But the key to self-protection, he demonstrates, is learning how to trust -- and act on -- our own intuitions. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

The Heart Aroused: poetry and the preservation of the soul in corporate America by David Whyte In The Heart Aroused, David Whyte brings his unique perspective as poet and consultant to the workplace, showing readers how fulfilling work can be when they face their fears and follow their dreams. Going beneath the surface concerns about products and profits, organization and order, Whyte addresses the needs of the heart and soul, and the fears and desires that many workers keep hidden. Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

 The Idiot by Elif Batuman A portrait of the artist as a young woman. A novel about not just discovering but inventing oneself. The Idiot is a heroic yet self-effacing reckoning with the terror and joy of becoming a person in a world that is as intoxicating as it is disquieting. Batuman's fiction is unguarded against both life's affronts and its beauty--and has at its command the complete range of thinking and feeling which they entail. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch with Jeffrey Zaslow    When Randy Pausch, a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon, was asked to give such a lecture, he didn't have to imagine it as his last, since he had recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. But the lecture he gave--"Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams"--wasn't about dying. It was about the importance of overcoming obstacles, of enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment (because "time is all you have...and you may find one day that you have less than you think"). It was a summation of everything Randy had come to believe. It was about living. Suggested by Renee Montgomery, Teaching & Engagement

The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie is Spark’s masterpiece, a novel that offers one of twentieth-century English literature’s most iconic and complex characters—a woman at once admirable and sinister, benevolent and conniving. Suggested by Meg Scharf, Administration

Verbal Judo: words for street survival by George J. Thompson This book will help police officers and other contact professionals develop verbal strategies that can transform potentially explosive encounters into positive resolutions. It addresses the most difficult problems of the street encounter where quick thinking and spontaneous verbal response often make the difference between life and death. The author explores all kinds of confrontation rhetoric and offers both a theoretical and practical account of how to handle street situations. The principles and techniques described can be used in practically every verbal encounter. Each chapter includes case studies that give readers practice in developing rhetorical strategies for handling street encounters and dealing with the public. Suggested by Rebecca Hawk, Circulation

We Demand: the university and student protests by Roderick A. Ferguson In We Demand, Roderick A. Ferguson demonstrates that less than fifty years since this pivotal shift in the academy, the university is moving away from “the people” in all their diversity. Today the university is refortifying its commitment to the defense of the status quo off campus and the regulation of students, faculty, and staff on campus. The progressive forms of knowledge that the student-led movements demanded and helped to produce are being attacked on every front. Not only is this a reactionary move against the social advances since the ’60s and ’70s—it is part of the larger threat of anti-intellectualism in the United States.  Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services

What the Best College Teachers Do by Ken Bain What makes a great teacher great? Who are the professors students remember long after graduation? The short answer is--it's not what teachers do, it's what they understand. Lesson plans and lecture notes matter less than the special way teachers comprehend the subject and value human learning. Whether historians or physicists, in El Paso or St. Paul, the best teachers know their subjects inside and out--but they also know how to engage and challenge students and to provoke impassioned responses. Most of all, they believe two things fervently: that teaching matters and that students can learn. Suggested by Renee Montgomery, Teaching & Engagement

[db-best]

45 Training, Fueling, and Mind Hacks to Get You Through Your First Marathon - runnersworld.com

Hero ImagesGetty Images Running your first marathon can be intimidating. Between learning how many miles to log, what to eat, and what training routine works for you, there’s a lot to get down. On top of all that preparation that goes into it, the uncertainty of race day itself can be nerve-wracking, too. Don’t worry: All marathoners have been there. And as they’ve continued crossing races off their lists, they’ve developed a solid arsenal of tips that get them through each one. To help all first-timers out this marathon season, we asked readers in a Facebook post to share what they learned after running their first marathon—and what they wish they would’ve known leading up to the race. Here are 45 things to help you feel better prepared to toe the line for the first time and to finish strong. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below Focus on Fuel “That three egg McMuffins aren’t a good prerace meal.”—James Howe “Nutrition! I wish I had realized how important race nutrition is during the run. I bonked at mile 19 because I ran out of calories. Now I take a Hammer gel every 40 minutes.”—Ben Dilla “Refuse the chocolate candy along the way. BIG mistake eating it.”—Maiya Maiya I wish I had known to eat a light breakfast the morning of the marathon. I also wished I knew to began hydrating early during the marathon instead of waiting until I was thirsty at mile 19.”— Frankie Ybarbo “This is new territory (for most) and it’s going to hurt...like really bad. If the course you’re running offers pickle juice and your legs are cramping...DRINK THE PICKLE JUICE.”—Megan Shilling Cross-Train “I wish that I had prioritized weight resistance training a little higher as a cross-training activity.”—Patrick Williams “How much a difference cross-training can make !! Adding a swim and bike or two.”—Richard Adrian “Strength work is even more important than the runs. It’s going to be hard. Really hard. And you will want to quit. That is normal. Running 26.1 miles is not normal. It will be super hard on your body.” —Dee Swartz Put in the Distance “My race performance went up when I started focusing on the quality of the 16 and 18 mile runs.”—Stephanie Petersen “I wish I knew that I was supposed to run at least one 22-26 mile training run. The most I ever ran in my training was 13 miles. I still managed to finish my first and only marathon in 4:58. First half was 2:15, second half was nearly 2:43. What powered me through the last four miles were the sugar wafer cookies that the Marines handed out in the Pentagon parking lot. I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in 2001 one month after 9/11.”—Barbara Henderson Parks “Training involves more than the runs—it’s stretching, icing, strength-training, yoga, fueling and rest!!”—Stephanie Zeka Mallory “Lay a foundation of miles, core and strength training down. Then begin training for the marathon. Hit the gels before you feel fatigued, everything after mile 20 is mind over matter. Be ready for the pain. Beer tastes even more amazing at the finish line.” Jay Mooney Know Your Gear “Footwear! Invest in a great shoe and replace at an appropriate time.”—Gina Bolanos Saunders LPC “Don’t try or wear ANYTHING new on race day—my biggest injury was a huge blister from a fancy new belt!”—Fiona Leigh “Never, ever, under no circumstances wear shoes that are not at least a half-size bigger than ‘snug fit.’”—Anders Thelemyr “The importance of the right socks. I might have not lost three toenails.” —Rebecca Bentley Poire Trust Yourself “I was so nervous about not finishing and hitting the dreaded wall. When it never came, I realized how much mental energy I wasted worrying about it throughout the race. I spent too much time not trusting the process and not truly believing in myself after training and preparing for the miles. Big mistake. Next time I am going all in mentally and physically and plan to enjoy the hell out of it! 2020 NYC!” —Anna Diolosa “I was well prepared for my first marathon. I knew what to expect pretty much at every point in the race. And despite all that, I was still surprised at every step right until the finish. A marathon is like parenting, no amount of preparation truly prepares you.” —Sam Reynolds “Focus more on your body and how your runs feel during training rather than sticking so strictly to a plan. I trained way harder for my first marathon than I did for my second and I PR’ed my second by almost 20 minutes. Listen to your body and ENJOY the race.”—Andy Decker Recovery Is Key “Take recovery after the marathon seriously. I struggled with postmarathon blues and probably started back up with training too soon. I ended up with IT band pain,”—Jennifer Stephens “Not to commit to my wife that I would help lay 10 pallets of sod when I got home.”—Jim Peterman “I should have eaten more in the few days after. I felt great muscle and joint health wise, but struggled with some major fatigue.”—Holly Bergum “I wish I hadn’t taken such a long recovery and maintained a type of ‘marathon maintenance’ running routine. I was in the best running shape of my life training for 26. After, I slipped back into half/10K level.” —Jennifer Spark You Might Feel Down After “I wish I would have known how depressed I would feel after an amazing marathon. It was weird, I was completely happy after my first marathon and then got depressed in the weeks after. Maybe because I wasn’t running as much as I recovered.” —Jabber Jawz “That postrace depression is real. Google ‘posthike depression’ for info.” —Mel Wittmaack “When I was preparing for my first marathon, I was pretty psyched/stressed out and thought I’d so happy once this whole thing was over. I remember reading in Higdon’s book about postmarathon blues. I thought NO WAY. After an awesome experience running the race I was surprised by how ‘blah’ I felt for weeks afterwards. It wasn’t exactly depression, but it was kind of an emptiness. It was like a void, or a blank place where there was once all this focus, energy, thought, etc. And now it’s done. It’s not devastating, but I was definitely surprised.” —Geoff Haas Run With Friends “Take advantage of running groups if they’re available near you! I’ve been running solo for years out of intimidation and finally joined one this year in time for my second marathon. It’s only been a month or less since I joined, and the motivation and support have given me huge boost in my training and overall attitude about it. There are a lot of different groups for what runners might be looking for, so you don’t always have to be a certain pace or experience level to join.” —Kayla Giacin “I wish I would have done it with a friend. Some of the marathon miles got pretty lonely that first race. Now I always race (not always train) with a buddy or join a pace group.”— Hollie Reina Find Your Pace “The importance of pacing, especially the first half, so you won’t spend the last three miles walking and asking yourself, ‘Why did I do this?’”—Craig Sheppert “Ditch the pace device on race day, go by feel, and trust it! I start with a pace that feels slower than I want to run.”—Kim Ehrlich Geisler “Be fast at the end, not the beginning.”—Per Hel “It’s okay to walk.”—Catherine Hiles “Good pacers are angels on earth.” —Jenny Schweinert “Pace, pace, pace...pay attention to your pace.”—Kelly Bloom Barbieri Give Yourself a Break “I wish I knew how to be easier on myself for a missed workout or a bad training run. It’s what I tell everyone training for their first that the schedule is simply a ‘guide.’ That guide doesn’t know what’s happening in your life or at work that particular day. It’s such a long commitment, there’s no reason to fight yourself along the way.”—Will Wilson “It’s okay to focus on YOU. It’s okay to be, dare I say, selfish. There are going to be many times where you have to put your training first, whether it be passing on a night out with your friends because you have an early morning long run or missing brunch because you’re out running. If your friends and family support you like I’m sure they do, it’s all going to be okay.”—Lisa Christine “I wish I had a coping strategy for when things got tough. I hit the wall big time at 35K in the Edinburgh marathon and just fell to pieces physically, but totally lost it mentally. Last 7K took an hour, and because I’d missed my target time, I forgot about what I’d actually achieved in getting to the starting line and then finishing a marathon.”—Paul Stewart Mind Over Matter “Bad runs are the best mental training. Remember how it feels and how you pushed through it. It will give you so much confidence when you hit mile 24 and you already have experienced gritting your teeth and getting the job done. I am always weirdly pleased when a run doesn’t go to plan, as I think it prepares me much better for races which will always throw a curveball at you.” —Debs Thorne “Marathons start at mile 20. And the mindset and mental toughness required to complete one is equally or more important than the physical preparation is.”—Nick Malfitano “Enjoy the whole distance. The starting line is exploding with excitement, anticipation, and nerves. The finish is thrilling and exhilarating. Unless you’re in it to win it, say ‘hi’ to people along the way. Cheer each other on. Say something nice to a volunteer. It’s an amazing experience; help make it one.”—Maranatha Poirier You’ll Love It “I wish I had known just how awesome it is, before I was 37.”—Dwayne Steele “I ran my first marathon 2.5 weeks ago and it was one of the best things I’ve ever done. I wish I had known how amazing the whole experience (training all the way to race day) would be. Also, how addicting it is! Already want to run another.”—Niki Neumann “I wish I’d have known how much joy comes with running with a bunch of strangers of all shapes and sizes who set their fears and doubts aside and who encourage one another like only family and close friends normally do. If I could have known that I’d be brought to tears seeing grandfathers running hand-in-hand with their grandchildren, runners fearlessly and selflessly pushing for 26.2 miles the wheelchairs of their mobility-challenged friends, and family and rows-deep bystanders cheering the field on to the final runner, I would have started running marathons way sooner in my life.” —Casey Jones “I wish that I would have known how amazing it was to cross the finish line. Life-changing feeling that can never be taken away.” —Debbie Armstrong “The finish line feels even more amazing than you imagined. Enjoy it, because every marathon finish is awesome, but the first 26.2 feels the best.”—Michael Mahan Lawlor Jordan Smith Digital Editor Her love of all things outdoors came from growing up in the Black Hills of South Dakota, and her passion for running was sparked by local elementary school cross-country meets. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below Read the full article

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Birthday Quotes

Official Website: Birthday Quotes

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• A birthday is just another day where you go to work and people give you love. Age is just a state of mind, and you are as old as you think you are. You have to count your blessings and be happy. – Abhishek Bachchan • A birthday:-and now a day that rose With much of hope, with meaning rife- A thoughtful day from dawn to close: The middle day of human life. – Jean Ingelow • A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. – Robert Frost • A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. – Erma Bombeck • All I want for my birthday is another birthday. – Ian Dury • All I watch is the Food Network. I took a cheese making class a few weeks ago, and I told my family and friends to only get me kitchen stuff on my birthday. I’m into every kind of cookbook and anything by Anthony Bourdain. I’d love to own a restaurant if I could find the right chef. – Jesse McCartney • All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much. – George Harrison • And for the city’s birthday, we will host events in every neighborhood of the city, inviting all of our residents to share in the celebration of Boston’s great epic – the story of neighbors who support one another where it matters most. • Any time women come together with a collective intention, it’s a powerful thing. Whether it’s sitting down making a quilt, in a kitchen preparing a meal, in a club reading the same book, or around the table playing cards, or planning a birthday party, when women come together with a collective intention, magic happens. – Phylicia Rashad • At 50, don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up. Happy 50th birthday. – H. H. Asquith • At her birthday, my seven-year-old daughter will say that she wants these big cakes and certain expensive toys as presents, and I can’t say no to her. It would just break my heart. But when I was little, for birthdays we just played outside and we were happy if we got any cake. – Goran Ivanisevic • Because the birthday of my life Is come, my love is come to me. – Christina Rossetti • Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. – Menachem Mendel Schneerson • Believing hear, what you deserve to hear: Your birthday as my own to me is dear… But yours gives most; for mine did only lend Me to the world; yours gave to me a friend. – Martial • Birthdays? yes, in a general way; For the most if not for the best of men: You were born (I suppose) on a certain day: So was I: or perhaps in the night: what then? – James Kenneth Stephen • Brilliantly lit from stem to stern, she looked like a sagging birthday cake. – Walter Lord • Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new. – Sammy Hagar • Everyday is a birthday; every moment of it is new to us; we are born again, renewed for fresh work and endeavor. – Isaac Watts • Except ye become as little children, except you can wake on your fiftieth birthday with the same forward-looking excitement and interest in life that you enjoyed when you were five, “ye cannot enter the kingdom of God.” One must not only die daily, but every day we must be born again. – Dorothy L. Sayers • Fly free and happy beyond birthdays and across forever, and we’ll meet now and then when we wish, in the midst of the one celebration that never can end. – Richard Bach • For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. – Steven Wright • For my birthday this year, my girlfriends – who knew I’d just inherited my dad’s turntable – gave me a carton of albums like “Blue Kentucky Girl,” by Emmylou Harris, and “Off the Wall,” by Michael Jackson. It’s all stuff we grew up with. I mean, you can’t have a music collection without Prince’s “Purple Rain” – it just can’t be done! – Connie Britton • From our birthday, until we die, Is but the winking of an eye. – William Butler Yeats • Happy birthday greetings and warmest wishes, too May today, tomorrow, everyday Be truly happy for you. – Margaret Brown • I binge when I’m happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I’m at a birthday party. – Kirstie Alley • I crashed my boyfriend’s birthday when I was 12 years old. He didn’t invite me and so I showed up. – Isla Fisher • I had arranged a birthday party for him and my children, who are all Aquarians. Instead, we got married. I ran out of excuses. It was just us and my children. – Diane von Furstenberg • I love having my birthday at Australia Zoo. – Bindi Irwin • I love photography. My boyfriend’s got a great camera, which I bought for his birthday. – Sarah Sutton • I love the big fresh starts, the clean slates like birthdays and new years, but I also really like the idea that we can get up every morning and start over. – Kristin Armstrong • I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday.’ – Steven Wright • I was fired by ‘America’s Next Top Model’ on my birthday. – Paulina Porizkova • If I have the power to post ‘Happy Birthday’ on someone’s Facebook page and make them feel really good, it feels really good to make other people feel really good. I love it. I’m a huge Facebook and Twitter person. And I love talking to my fans. It’s fun. – Rebecca Mader • If there’s one thing I really want for my birthday, that is for the mining company not to mine my daddy’s reserve. – Bindi Irwin • If we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday at a time of presidential inaugurals, this is thanks to Ronald Reagan who created the holiday, and not to the Democratic Congress of the Carter years, which rejected it. – David Horowitz • I’m a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good summer memory. – Sloane Crosley • In 1993 my birthday present was a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame. – Annette Funicello • In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. – Robert Breault • It does not seem a year Since last we sent to you Our wishes for your special day And all that you would do. And once again we wish you All joyous things and more A day that’s filled with happiness And memories to store. Then when you think in years to come Of Birthdays long ago You may remember fondly How much we love you so. So have a day of pleasure Do things that make you smile For ………….. you are treasured Today and all the while. – Janet Horne • It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me. – Ellen Glasgow • It’s odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You’ll have a nice time, then two years later you’ll be like, ‘There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?’ – David Sedaris • Mattresses! Beautiful! Let’s go buy a couple of mattresses. Give ’em to people for their birthday. – Lawrence Tierney • May the moments of today become fond memories for tomorrow. Happy Birthday – Rob Jackson • Most of us can remember a time when a birthday – especially if it was one’s own – brightened the world as if a second sun has risen. – Robert – Staughton Lynd • My brother got a .22 for his 12th birthday; I got a .22. He got a hunting knife; I got a hunting knife. – Stephanie Cutter • My first recognition of age setting in was exactly on my 36th birthday. I have no idea why, on this day of all days, I looked in the mirror and realized my face no longer looked young. – Paulina Porizkova • Nicole will come up in conversations where it’s in a part of the conversation. Or we may be somewhere and I would tell some story about their mother and I. You know, we always honor her birthday. – O. J. Simpson • On a royal birthday every house must fly a flag, or the owner would be dragged to a police station and be fined twenty-five rubles. – Mary Antin • Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. – Jean Paul • Pleas’d look forward, pleas’d to look behind,And count each birthday with a grateful mind. – Alexander Pope • Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you’re exactly the same. – Audrey Hepburn • The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet. – Robert Orben • The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. – Herbert V. Prochnow • The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity. – Seneca the Younger • The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape. – Samuel Johnson • The summer of 2002 at the Wilson birthday party I met Van Dyke again and I made plans to have dinner with him. – Matthew Sweet • The turning point was when I hit my 30th birthday. I thought, if really want to write, it’s time to start. I picked up the book How to Write a Novel in 90 Days. The author said to just write three pages a day, and I figured, I can do this. I never got past Page 3 of that book. – James Rollins • The way I see it, you should live everyday like its your birthday. – Paris Hilton • Then when you think in years to come Of Birthdays long ago You may remember fondly How much we love you so. – Janet Horne • There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know. – Lewis Carroll • There is still no cure for the common birthday. – John Glenn

• We didn’t have a whole lot of money when I was growing up either. I would always ask for magic books or magic tricks for my birthday or for Christmas and the rest of the year I either had to mow lawns or find part time jobs to help supplement the cost of doing magic. – Lance Burton • Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it’s not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing. – Jerry Seinfeld • We’re sending you best wishes And hope your day goes well And that you’ll find some memories With stories you can tell Of how you had a marvelous time And those around you too With fun and lots of laughter And all this just for you.. Have a Very Happy Birthday – Janet Horne • When I was little I thought, isn’t it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it’s July 4th. – Gloria Stuart • When I was young and it was someone’s birthday, I didn’t have the money to buy nice presents so I would take my mom’s camera and make a movie parody for whoever’s birthday it was. When I’d show it them, they’d die laughing. That reaction was a high for me, and I loved that feeling. – David Henrie • With a recent birthday, I’ve been acting now for twenty years. – Thayer David • You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar….. Yung No Mo – Dana Rosemary Scallon [clickbank-storefront-bestselling]

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'a', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_a').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_a img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'e', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_e').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_e img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'i', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_i').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_i img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'o', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_o').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_o img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'u', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_u').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_u img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

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Birthday Quotes

Official Website: Birthday Quotes

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• A birthday is just another day where you go to work and people give you love. Age is just a state of mind, and you are as old as you think you are. You have to count your blessings and be happy. – Abhishek Bachchan • A birthday:-and now a day that rose With much of hope, with meaning rife- A thoughtful day from dawn to close: The middle day of human life. – Jean Ingelow • A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. – Robert Frost • A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. – Erma Bombeck • All I want for my birthday is another birthday. – Ian Dury • All I watch is the Food Network. I took a cheese making class a few weeks ago, and I told my family and friends to only get me kitchen stuff on my birthday. I’m into every kind of cookbook and anything by Anthony Bourdain. I’d love to own a restaurant if I could find the right chef. – Jesse McCartney • All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much. – George Harrison • And for the city’s birthday, we will host events in every neighborhood of the city, inviting all of our residents to share in the celebration of Boston’s great epic – the story of neighbors who support one another where it matters most. • Any time women come together with a collective intention, it’s a powerful thing. Whether it’s sitting down making a quilt, in a kitchen preparing a meal, in a club reading the same book, or around the table playing cards, or planning a birthday party, when women come together with a collective intention, magic happens. – Phylicia Rashad • At 50, don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up. Happy 50th birthday. – H. H. Asquith • At her birthday, my seven-year-old daughter will say that she wants these big cakes and certain expensive toys as presents, and I can’t say no to her. It would just break my heart. But when I was little, for birthdays we just played outside and we were happy if we got any cake. – Goran Ivanisevic • Because the birthday of my life Is come, my love is come to me. – Christina Rossetti • Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. – Menachem Mendel Schneerson • Believing hear, what you deserve to hear: Your birthday as my own to me is dear… But yours gives most; for mine did only lend Me to the world; yours gave to me a friend. – Martial • Birthdays? yes, in a general way; For the most if not for the best of men: You were born (I suppose) on a certain day: So was I: or perhaps in the night: what then? – James Kenneth Stephen • Brilliantly lit from stem to stern, she looked like a sagging birthday cake. – Walter Lord • Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new. – Sammy Hagar • Everyday is a birthday; every moment of it is new to us; we are born again, renewed for fresh work and endeavor. – Isaac Watts • Except ye become as little children, except you can wake on your fiftieth birthday with the same forward-looking excitement and interest in life that you enjoyed when you were five, “ye cannot enter the kingdom of God.” One must not only die daily, but every day we must be born again. – Dorothy L. Sayers • Fly free and happy beyond birthdays and across forever, and we’ll meet now and then when we wish, in the midst of the one celebration that never can end. – Richard Bach • For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. – Steven Wright • For my birthday this year, my girlfriends – who knew I’d just inherited my dad’s turntable – gave me a carton of albums like “Blue Kentucky Girl,” by Emmylou Harris, and “Off the Wall,” by Michael Jackson. It’s all stuff we grew up with. I mean, you can’t have a music collection without Prince’s “Purple Rain” – it just can’t be done! – Connie Britton • From our birthday, until we die, Is but the winking of an eye. – William Butler Yeats • Happy birthday greetings and warmest wishes, too May today, tomorrow, everyday Be truly happy for you. – Margaret Brown • I binge when I’m happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I’m at a birthday party. – Kirstie Alley • I crashed my boyfriend’s birthday when I was 12 years old. He didn’t invite me and so I showed up. – Isla Fisher • I had arranged a birthday party for him and my children, who are all Aquarians. Instead, we got married. I ran out of excuses. It was just us and my children. – Diane von Furstenberg • I love having my birthday at Australia Zoo. – Bindi Irwin • I love photography. My boyfriend’s got a great camera, which I bought for his birthday. – Sarah Sutton • I love the big fresh starts, the clean slates like birthdays and new years, but I also really like the idea that we can get up every morning and start over. – Kristin Armstrong • I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday.’ – Steven Wright • I was fired by ‘America’s Next Top Model’ on my birthday. – Paulina Porizkova • If I have the power to post ‘Happy Birthday’ on someone’s Facebook page and make them feel really good, it feels really good to make other people feel really good. I love it. I’m a huge Facebook and Twitter person. And I love talking to my fans. It’s fun. – Rebecca Mader • If there’s one thing I really want for my birthday, that is for the mining company not to mine my daddy’s reserve. – Bindi Irwin • If we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday at a time of presidential inaugurals, this is thanks to Ronald Reagan who created the holiday, and not to the Democratic Congress of the Carter years, which rejected it. – David Horowitz • I’m a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good summer memory. – Sloane Crosley • In 1993 my birthday present was a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame. – Annette Funicello • In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. – Robert Breault • It does not seem a year Since last we sent to you Our wishes for your special day And all that you would do. And once again we wish you All joyous things and more A day that’s filled with happiness And memories to store. Then when you think in years to come Of Birthdays long ago You may remember fondly How much we love you so. So have a day of pleasure Do things that make you smile For ………….. you are treasured Today and all the while. – Janet Horne • It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me. – Ellen Glasgow • It’s odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You’ll have a nice time, then two years later you’ll be like, ‘There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?’ – David Sedaris • Mattresses! Beautiful! Let’s go buy a couple of mattresses. Give ’em to people for their birthday. – Lawrence Tierney • May the moments of today become fond memories for tomorrow. Happy Birthday – Rob Jackson • Most of us can remember a time when a birthday – especially if it was one’s own – brightened the world as if a second sun has risen. – Robert – Staughton Lynd • My brother got a .22 for his 12th birthday; I got a .22. He got a hunting knife; I got a hunting knife. – Stephanie Cutter • My first recognition of age setting in was exactly on my 36th birthday. I have no idea why, on this day of all days, I looked in the mirror and realized my face no longer looked young. – Paulina Porizkova • Nicole will come up in conversations where it’s in a part of the conversation. Or we may be somewhere and I would tell some story about their mother and I. You know, we always honor her birthday. – O. J. Simpson • On a royal birthday every house must fly a flag, or the owner would be dragged to a police station and be fined twenty-five rubles. – Mary Antin • Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. – Jean Paul • Pleas’d look forward, pleas’d to look behind,And count each birthday with a grateful mind. – Alexander Pope • Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you’re exactly the same. – Audrey Hepburn • The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet. – Robert Orben • The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. – Herbert V. Prochnow • The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity. – Seneca the Younger • The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape. – Samuel Johnson • The summer of 2002 at the Wilson birthday party I met Van Dyke again and I made plans to have dinner with him. – Matthew Sweet • The turning point was when I hit my 30th birthday. I thought, if really want to write, it’s time to start. I picked up the book How to Write a Novel in 90 Days. The author said to just write three pages a day, and I figured, I can do this. I never got past Page 3 of that book. – James Rollins • The way I see it, you should live everyday like its your birthday. – Paris Hilton • Then when you think in years to come Of Birthdays long ago You may remember fondly How much we love you so. – Janet Horne • There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know. – Lewis Carroll • There is still no cure for the common birthday. – John Glenn

• We didn’t have a whole lot of money when I was growing up either. I would always ask for magic books or magic tricks for my birthday or for Christmas and the rest of the year I either had to mow lawns or find part time jobs to help supplement the cost of doing magic. – Lance Burton • Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it’s not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing. – Jerry Seinfeld • We’re sending you best wishes And hope your day goes well And that you’ll find some memories With stories you can tell Of how you had a marvelous time And those around you too With fun and lots of laughter And all this just for you.. Have a Very Happy Birthday – Janet Horne • When I was little I thought, isn’t it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it’s July 4th. – Gloria Stuart • When I was young and it was someone’s birthday, I didn’t have the money to buy nice presents so I would take my mom’s camera and make a movie parody for whoever’s birthday it was. When I’d show it them, they’d die laughing. That reaction was a high for me, and I loved that feeling. – David Henrie • With a recent birthday, I’ve been acting now for twenty years. – Thayer David • You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar….. Yung No Mo – Dana Rosemary Scallon [clickbank-storefront-bestselling]

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'a', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_a').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_a img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'e', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_e').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_e img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'i', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_i').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_i img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'o', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_o').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_o img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'u', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_u').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_u img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

[gossipnetwork-blog]

Missing Insecure? Check Out She's Gotta Have It: Winter TV Recommendations Based on Your On-Hiatus Faves

New Post has been published on http://gossip.network/missing-insecure-check-out-shes-gotta-have-it-winter-tv-recommendations-based-on-your-on-hiatus-faves/

Missing Insecure? Check Out She's Gotta Have It: Winter TV Recommendations Based on Your On-Hiatus Faves

Oh, the winter TV doldrums. School is out, work is slow, and you’ve had about enough family time for one year, thank you very much. So you turn to your old friend, the television.

But what’s a TV-loving introvert to do when all of broadcast television is seemingly on hiatus and you’ve binged all the major offerings the streaming giants have to offer? Luckily, just because you think there’s nothing new under the sun to watch at the moment, that doesn’t mean there aren’t some hidden gems out there, just waiting to be discovered. We’ve rounded up a handful of our favorite under-the-radar shows that we’ve got a feeling just might scratch the itch you’re feeling this winter. So stay out of the cold, tell your family you’ll see them in the spring, and ride out the rest of this winter on your couch. You can thank us later.

Netflix; HBO

Like Insecure? Watch She’s Gotta Have It

Missing Issa Rae and her authentic representation of dating and friendships in Los Angeles while she’s hard at work on season three of her hit HBO comedy? Well, take a trip over to Brooklyn allow us to introduce you Nola Darling. As played by the luminous DeWanda Wise, Nola is the enlightened artist at the center of Netflix’s new Spike Lee joint based on his 1986 film of the same name, She’s Gotta Have It. Telling the story of Nola’s insatiable appetite for life (including the three men she’s juggling), the series is, in typical Lee fashion, in-your-face, so if you’ve ever watched Insecure and thought, “This is too subtle,” this is the show for you.

Season one of She’s Gotta Have It is available to stream now on Netflix.

Showtime; Comedy Central

Like Broad City? Watch SMILF

Ever wondered what might happen if Broad City‘s Ilana Wexler was a single mother? Well, swap in the South Boston location of Showtime’s SMILF and you might have your answer. In Frankie Shaw‘s comedy, based on her short film of the same name, the Golden Globe-nominated actress stars as Bridgette, a single mom doing the best she can, trying not to let the world beat her down. Her interactions with BFF Eliza (a fantastic Raven Goodwin) are just as must #friendshipgoals as Broad City‘s Ilana and Abbi, while her storyline with manic-depressive mom Tutu (a revelatory Rosie O’Donnell) delivers a tender pathos that the Comedy Central hit tends to avoid. 

Already renewed for season two, SMILF wraps up season one on Sunday, Dec. 31. You can catch up on the first season on Showtime Anytime or on Hulu Plus.

Bravo; MTV

Like The Real World? Watch Summer House

It’s been nearly a year since the last time MTV picked seven strangers to live in a house and have their lives taped to find out what happens when (say it with us now) people stop being polite and start getting real. Picking up their slack is Bravo, with the ludicrously entertaining Summer House. Following a group of sorta-friends as they share a house in the Hamptons on the weekends for the whole summer (one that comes equipped with cameras in every room, natch), it’s as if the best parts of The Real World and Vanderpump Rules were combined (with a dash of Jersey Shore in the mix for good measure) to craft the near-perfect reality show. Come for the silly drama, stay for Stephen McGee‘s hilarious one-liner observations about the insanity unfolding around him at all times.

Catch up on season one on demand before season two debuts on Monday, Jan. 22 at 10 p.m. on Bravo.

Netflix

Like Stranger Things? Watch Dark

If you’ve ever watched Stranger Things and thought to yourself, “Gee, this is fun, but I sure wish everything was a whole lot darker, much more adult in nature, and 100 percent more German,” have we got the show for you. As Netflix’s first German production, Dark (yes, it’s really called that) is a family saga set in a German town with a nuclear power plant on its outskirts where the disappearances of two young children expose the double lives and fractured relationships among four families as a supernatural twist ties back to events in 1986. Effectively creepy and nail-bitingly binge-able, this just might be your next obsession.

Season one of Dark is available to stream now on Netflix, while season two has officially been ordered.

Netflix; Hulu

Like The Handmaid’s Tale? Watch Alias Grace

We’ve still got a bit of a wait ahead of us before we can finally return to the dreaded Gilead and find out what’s in store for Offred (Elizabeth Moss in a tour-de-force, Emmy-winning performance) in season two of The Handmaid’s Tale. Until then, whet your appetite for all things Margaret Atwood with another adaptation of one of her books, again exploring all the horrible ways the world treats its women. Alias Grace, Netflix’s co-production with the CBC, tells the somewhat true story of Grace Marks (Sarah Gadon), a young Irish immigrant and domestic servant in Upper Canada, convicted of brutally murdering her employer and his housekeeper. As the truth unfolds in twisty, knotty ways, you won’t be able to look away.

Alias Grace is available to stream now on Netflix.

Hulu; FOX

Like The O.C.? Watch Marvel’s Runaways

If you’re missing The O.C.‘s patented brand of family drama and teen angst, then co-creators Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage have just the thing for you. Bonus points if you always wanted to see what might happen if Seth Cohen’s real life became a comic book. With Marvel’s Runaways, Hulu’s adaptation of the beloved comic book series, Schwartz and Savage tell the story of six diverse teenagers who can barely stand each other, but must come together to defeat a common enemy—their murderous, evil parents. Believe us when we say Julie Cooper has nothing on these adults.

New episodes launch every Tuesday at Hulu.

TBS: HBO

Like Girls? Watch Search Party

Where to get your fill of millennial ennui since the conclusion of Girls earlier this year on HBO? Look no further than the savagely spot-on TBS comedy Search Party. What was a masterful mystery in its first season as Dory (a sublime Alia Shawkat) and her friends set out to find their missing acquaintance Chantal turned into an even-more inspired, Hitchcock-influenced second season as the oblivious group of friends tried to keep the shocking violence at the end of season one under wraps. What would it look like if Hannah Horvath tried to cover up a murder? Probably a lot like this. Don’t let this one pass you by.

Binge seasons one and two on demand or on the TBS app.

Are you planning to check out any of our recommendations? Sound off in the comments below!

(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)

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[ralphmorgan-blog1]

Stopping the opioid crisis in the womb

Knoxville, Tennessee (CNN)The sound of a heartbeat pulsates through the air, and a grainy image of a baby flashes on screen. Jessica Hill smiles from her chair in the ultrasound room.

Gathered around are her doctor, nurse and best friend.

They are all eager, anxious, excited -- and worried about the health of the baby. In that way, this ultrasound is like most.

But what's happening in this room is anything but routine: Jessica, 28, is hooked on opioids and detoxing during pregnancy. Dr. Craig Towers is the pioneering -- and controversial -- obstetrician shattering the common medical belief that this approach could lead to the death of the fetus.

Moments earlier, Jessica's baby underwent a stress test to see how she was progressing, a way to make sure the stress of detoxing is not harming the child. "She didn't like it at all," says Jessica, who is in her 35th week of pregnancy.

"It means that she's paying attention to what's going on," says Towers, who specializes in high-risk pregnancies at the University of Tennessee Medical Center.

Jessica admits to making many mistakes, but here, she is making what she says is the best choice of her life: getting clean for her baby. She also has an 8-year-old son who has been raised by her mom. She hopes detoxing will further heal their relationship.

A tattoo above her heart reads "From pain comes strength."

Tell us your story of how you or a loved one is working through an addiction to opioids or other painkilling drugs, from successes to struggles. Text/WhatsApp us at +1-347-322-0415

She wishes she could lean over her belly, put her lips by her daughter's head and whisper to her about life lessons. "I'm working on building our relationship and trying so hard. I mainly want her to know that I won't make those choices any more."

Jessica marvels at the screen. "Is that her little face?"

"Yeah, that's a cheek," Towers says.

"She's got chubby cheeks," Jessica replies.

When Jessica first came to Towers four months ago, she was taking a standard opioid-based maintenance medication, called Subutex, meant to keep her from getting her fix from the street. She had been told at a drug maintenance clinic that detoxing would kill her fetus.

When she went to a doctor who she hoped could deliver her child, Jessica was humiliated. She had informed the doctor she was taking Subutex to tamp down her urge for painkillers. The doctor, she says, told her they don't "take irresponsible patients."

"I was just so upset, because they just shunned us away," she says.

The maintenance clinic then referred her to the University of Tennessee Medical Center. Jessica first visited a doctor at the hospital's prenatal clinic in December and was introduced to Emily Katz, the substance abuse coordinator in Towers' office. Katz saw a young woman who needed help -- but, more important, wanted help.

"We snatched her up," she says. "There was just a spark in her. When I told Jessica, 'I think we can help you,' tears just streamed down her face."

It's now mid-March. Towers has weaned Jessica off the medication slowly, with Jessica making the hour-long trip from her home in Morristown to his office every two weeks, almost always accompanied by her best friend, Stephanie Moore. Today, Stephanie chimes in with cheerful jokes about the baby's stubbornness, similar to her mother's.

In between visits, Jessica texts and phones Katz, who was motivated to help others after her brother died of an overdose. The two have become so close over the months that both say they're like twins separated at birth. Jessica has nicknamed Katz "Nurse Barbie" for her attractiveness and her straight blonde hair.

On this day, Katz quietly observes during the ultrasound, making her show of support by just being there.

Jessica went completely off the opioids over the past week, a critical juncture during any detoxification. She suffered through diarrhea and other ailments. Only once did she give into her urge, taking one Subutex pill. "It sucks," she says.

In those down moments, Stephanie and Katz remind her why she's going through this: that the struggle is worth the pain.

But even with all that Jessica has endured, there's no guarantee her baby will be free of the violent tremors and excruciating pain that marks those born to addicted mothers. About one in five women who detox in Towers' program still sees her baby suffer withdrawal after birth, depending on how early in pregnancy the mothers were able to become drug-free and how their bodies metabolize the opioids still in their systems.

Towers assures Jessica that her baby will be safe if she continues to not use. With the due date a month away, he says he wants to begin seeing her twice a week to make sure she stays on track.

Her pregnancy was not planned, and Jessica worries that child services could take her daughter away because of her history of drug abuse.

"The only way they would take her from you is if you were using something off the street or if there's something in your drug screen that wasn't prescribed to you," Towers says. "That's why I just want to see you a lot, make sure you're doing OK, and if there's any issues, we prevent a relapse."

The next few weeks will prove critical. Jessica will lean on this supportive cast: the doctor, her best friend and "Nurse Barbie."

Towers knows all too well what's at stake. Three days earlier, an expectant woman who he hoped would enroll in his program was found dead of an overdose, the first such death this year in Knox County.

Concerns over relapse risk

Every 25 minutes in America, a baby is born in withdrawal from opioids. They shake violently, vomit constantly and scream incessantly. Upon arrival in this world, one of the first things the newborns are given is an opioid to lessen the intensity of their shakes.

Delivery rooms have become overwhelmed, especially along the Appalachia corridor stretching from Ohio and West Virginia into Kentucky and down to this northeast corner of Tennessee. The average hospital stay for a baby suffering withdrawal lasts about 17 days, costing more than $66,000 per child, according to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Tennessee alone experienced a 15-fold increase in babies going through withdrawal from 2002 to 2012. And the numbers have continued to rise.

How to treat these babies has become a matter of urgency among doctors, clinicians, researchers and social workers. Are we failing these newborns? What are we not doing that we should? Can more be done on the front end to prevent the shaking and vomiting?

Almost everyone agrees that the nation must tackle this issue with a comprehensive approach. But the opinions on what to do vary. Long-standing guidance from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists on detoxification during pregnancy has been this: "Withdrawal from opioid use during pregnancy is associated with poor neonatal outcomes, including early preterm births or fetal demise, and with higher relapse rates among women."

At a summit on prescription drug and heroin abuse in Atlanta in April, participants from across the country discussed the increasing number of babies going through withdrawal and how to best care for them and their mothers. Experts stressed the need for better treatment programs for pregnant women, especially in rural America.

Detoxification during pregnancy wasn't considered a viable policy approach at the conference. Some experts said it would be careless -- even reckless. Even if detoxing were medically safe, they said, the risk of relapse was too great, putting newborns in danger as soon as they went home.

"My biggest worry about detoxing in pregnancy are rates of relapse," says Dr. Stephen Patrick, assistant professor of pediatrics and health policy at Vanderbilt University and an attending neonatologist.

Recent studies have found that women who use opioids have a 40% to 70% rate of relapse, Patrick said. He said he admires Towers' work to try to improve outcomes, but there are too many "questions about detoxification and pregnancy."

"I would never say that detoxification may not be the right thing for an individual woman, in the right setting with the right supports," Patrick added. "It's just that overall, I find it worrisome because of relapse rates."

One couldn't help but wonder: Why would a doctor stake his career on something so risky?

'We can win'

Towers, 62, never expected to be a trailblazer in this field. He'd followed the protocol for nearly four decades: Never detox an expectant mother because of the possibility of "fetal demise," the clinical term for a stillbirth.

But about the time he arrived at the University of Tennessee Medical Center seven years ago, the opioid epidemic hit. Women kept asking why they couldn't detox during pregnancy.

He looked into the research, expecting to confirm everything he'd followed for years. "To my surprise," he says, "I found it came from two case reports."

Those two cases in the 1970s set the course for doctors to advise against detoxification. Towers dug further and found that five other, mostly overlooked studies involving about 300 women had been done over a 23-year period beginning in the 1990s. Each indicated that detoxification didn't pose a risk to the fetus.

He embarked on his own study and found detox to be safe. "Over the last six years, I've detoxed more than 500 women without a loss," he says. "There really is no data in the literature to support that detoxification will kill the baby. Like I said, it came from a propagation of two single case reports in the literature in the 1970s."

Detoxification, he admits, is not for every woman. His patients have horrific back stories that too often include rape, physical abuse and generational addiction. "Each case is complicated," he says. "We never coerce anybody or shame them into detox. The patient has to be interested in this. Otherwise, they're not going to succeed."

Like others, Towers worries about relapse. When he started his detoxification program, the rate of relapse among the participating mothers was more than 70%, compared with 40% and 60% for all people in addiction treatment nationwide.

Four years ago, he hired Katz so women could stay in constant contact with his office throughout their pregnancies and for eight weeks after they leave the hospital. He hopes to increase that supervision time to six months to a year. But already, he says, the rate of relapse since adding the behavioral health component has dropped to around 17%.

Not a single woman has fatally overdosed after going through his program. "Knock on wood," he says.

He gives speeches across the country to spread the news of his research, and he meets with insurance companies in hopes they will pay for it. To deny women who want to get clean the opportunity to do so is wrong, he says, especially as they enter the crucial role of becoming a mother.

"This is a treatable disorder, and we can win," he says. "Hopefully, one of these days, we'll change the protocol for the country. We just have to continue plugging away."

And shouldn't the medical community try to stop generational addiction in the womb, he wonders, rather than allowing the cycle to continue?

CNN asked to follow one of Towers' patients during the detoxification process. Jessica agreed to share her story, but only in the confines of his office. She didn't want to draw attention in her small town and wanted to protect her son from cameras.

"The main thing I want people to know is to take my testimony of where I was to where I am now," she says. "And maybe if it can help one person make a better decision, then it would be worth it."

She calls Towers' office a "godsend" for getting her on the road to sobriety, something she says she could never do on her own. When she first came to his office, she was taking 8 milligrams a day of Subutex. Some days, she took twice that amount.

She'd been told that her baby would die if she tried to detox, so she was following the maintenance therapy program prescribed to her by the previous clinic. She wept when Towers told her that if she stayed on that level of Subutex, her baby might suffer withdrawal in the weeks following birth.

"I told him I wanted to be off of it, but I just didn't know how to be off of it," she says. "That's what started the whole thing of him helping me."

Jessica works in an assisted-living community. She likes helping the elderly, speaking with them and hearing their life stories. She's pushed through days of feeling horrible and the terrible loneliness brought on by detoxification.

"It's always that wage of war in your mind -- that you feel so crappy. It's so hard to try and do the right thing," she says. "You have those thoughts of, 'why have I done this?' "

Her friend Stephanie has talked her off the ledge in moments of desperation. "When I want to make a stupid decision," Jessica says, "she yells at me."

"I have a really good support system, but I had to choose to walk away from all the negative people in my life."

Jessica has lost more than 10 friends to overdoses in recent years -- a stark reminder of the need to stay sober.

Two 'great childhoods' diverged

Jessica and Stephanie met at church 21 years ago. Jessica was 8; Stephanie was 9. Stephanie immediately stole Jessica's Bible, starting their relationship off with a tussle.

But soon, a friendship blossomed. They sang in a choir in their hometown of Morristown and took up leadership positions in church. Through youth group, they went on vacations to places like Destin, Florida, and Dollywood.

Stephanie, the petite one, often ended up underneath her sleeping friend in the backseat on road trips. "She was always like that," Stephanie says, holding up photographic proof.

Morristown is a picturesque American landscape in the northeastern corner of Tennessee, where the tops of mountains dance with the clouds and where US and Tennessee flags fly on telephone poles along Main Street.

Places like the Timeless Elegance Tea Room occupy space near the Jersey Girl Diner downtown. Steps away, the Village Gunsmith Gun Store anchors a corner. A sign posted along a country road advertises "Angus bull for sale."

It was an enjoyable youth. "We did everything together," Stephanie says.

Adds Jessica, "We really had great childhoods."

But their lives took disparate paths. When Jessica was 14, her father died, sending her into a spiral. She began hanging out with 30-year-old meth users. Without even realizing it, she had begun an addiction.

Stephanie remembers visiting Jessica's home, watching her zoom around the house with a vacuum cleaner, sweating up a storm, zonked out of her mind. Stephanie opened one of Jessica's makeup kits and found a meth pipe.

"That's when I realized that we're probably not on the same path," Stephanie recalls.

They drifted apart in high school. Jessica became unrecognizable. She was manipulative, cunning, deceitful. She pushed away everyone who loved her.

Her mom had always been her rock. But Jessica wrecked that relationship. She had an unplanned pregnancy when she was 20. Her mom has essentially raised the boy. By 22, Jessica's relationship with her mother "was gone."

"She was so scared that she was going to get that phone call," Jessica says, crying.

Her meth addiction had only grown. She'd take anything she could get her hands on.

Three years ago, she underwent back surgery and got hooked on opioids at warp speed. She'd go through a month's worth of prescription pills in a week and scramble to feed her habit for the rest of the month. She couldn't hold down a job.

"I couldn't do anything but be strung out, pretty much," she says. "It just grabs a hold of you, and you lose sight of reality -- and before you know it, it's just too late."

The opioids provided a high like she'd never felt. Like many who get hooked on painkillers, she eventually graduated to heroin, overdosing twice.

"I just wasn't me. You could look at me and see I wasn't there," she says. "They took my life away. They took my soul away."

She ended up homeless and, at one point, was raped. "It was just horrible," she weeps.

Jessica has worked to repair her relationship with her mother -- something "that I've missed since I was 16 years old." Her mother is supportive of the pregnancy and says she's excited for the birth of her granddaughter. "She's my No. 1," says Jessica.

Jessica has restored her relationship with her son. She wears a necklace he gave her; on it hangs an infinity sign and the word "Mom."

"I put him through so much, so much. My mom pretty much had to raise him because I couldn't step up."

She hopes that will never be the case with her daughter.

At one of her son's football practices last summer, she ran into Stephanie. They realized just how much they missed each other. Their old friendship was rekindled.

Jessica was in Stephanie's garden when she learned that she was pregnant. Jessica cried, thinking there was no way she could care for the child. Stephanie, who has a son about the same age as Jessica's, reassured her that the child would be her greatest blessing.

Stephanie accompanied Jessica to the first ultrasound. When the two heard the heartbeat, they knew they couldn't abandon the pregnancy. She and Stephanie would make the journey together. "I see this baby as mine, too," says Stephanie.

Stephanie says Towers' work has been transformative: "I have my best friend back, and I would just like to keep her."

The two got tattoos on their feet not long after Jessica began her journey to get clean. Their choices reveal the yin and yang of their friendship.

"You keep me safe," says Stephanie's tattoo.

And Jessica's: "You keep me wild."

'You got to want it, too'

Jessica sits down in a small office with Katz to have a heart-to-heart talk.

The nurse stays in near-constant contact with 80 women in the high-risk unit. They text, email and talk by cell phone at all hours.

"We're not going to judge them for their past," she says.

Katz tells each woman about her brother, who died in 2009 from an overdose of methadone and other drugs. He left behind an 18-month-old boy. The pain of that memory still brings tears eight years later. She promised her young nephew that something good would come from his father's death.

When she heard that Towers needed help, she knew she had a new purpose in life.

"I treat each one of these girls like they're my sister, like they're my best friend, like they're my daughter," she says, "because we have a common denominator.

"Every day, this is my passion that I get to sit before these girls. I share my testimony, and they get to share theirs. That relationship builds trust more than just nurse to patient. It's more than that."

Jessica confides that she took 2 milligrams of Subutex the day before. "I wish I wouldn't have even broke down yesterday, but I just couldn't do it," she says.

Katz looks her in the eyes. "I know, it's hard," she says.

Stephanie braids Jessica's hair to pass the time. They tell the nurse they've been friends for more than 20 years, with major ups and downs. "It's good now," Jessica says.

She hoped to avoid a cesarean section, but in the end, a vaginal birth was not an option. The C-section has been planned for shortly after noon. Jessica can't contain her giddiness. "I've been picturing what she might look like," she says.

"I'm nervous. I'm just ready to see her," Jessica says. "It's been hard, but it's probably one of the best things I've done. For sure."

There's a chattiness about the room. Jessica debates her mom: What football team should her son play on?

There's paperwork galore to be signed, too.

Katz pops into the room. Jessica greets her with a joke: "Where's Dr. Towers at? I was about to yell at him if he didn't let you come."

The two laugh. The night before, they weren't laughing. Consumed by an overwhelming sense of impending motherhood, Jessica freaked out. She called Katz from a different phone than usual. Katz was at dinner and let it ring because she didn't recognize the number. Immediately, a text pinged Katz's phone: "This is Jessica. Call me."

Knowing that a fragile state can lead to relapse, Katz stopped what she was doing. "I can't do this," Jessica told her. "I'm not ready."

Katz spoke gently and talked her down. She told Jessica that she was ready and that she could do this. It was mostly a fear of the unknown -- a vulnerable expectant mother needing someone to speak with in the moment.

Says Katz: "I told her, 'You're not going to back out now.' "

A stream of nurses and medical professionals comes and goes in Jessica's room. She'd hoped that both Stephanie and her boyfriend could both be in the operating room for the delivery. But Towers breaks the bad news: She must choose only one. "I tried, but there's not enough space," he tells her. "You can be mad at me."

He encourages her to pick the most supportive person. Smiling, Jessica says, "If they fight about it too much, then my mom is going."

She ultimately chooses her boyfriend, saying she can't deny him the right to see the moment his daughter is born. Soon, Dad-to-be is a ball of nerves. He has to leave the room when her IV is inserted; how's he going to handle when her belly is sliced open?

"You better not pass out," Jessica warns.

The nurse tells him a drape will block the view. "Just sit there and look at her, not to the left or right," she advises.

He nods, climbs into Jessica's bed and kisses her. Mom and Stephanie crowd around, and a final selfie is snapped.

At 12:44 p.m., Jessica learns that it's time.

"I'll see you in a minute," Towers says. "You're going to do good."

Her mom says, "You got this, honey."

"Good luck," adds Stephanie.

Jessica gets wheeled down the hall to the operating room. On a whiteboard is a message stating today's goal: "Healthy mom & baby!"

Welcome, Jayda Jewel

Towers paces outside the operating room, dressed in blue scrubs and a surgical cap. He removes his wedding band and ties it around the drawstring on his pants. He tapes his surgical mask to his face so his glasses won't fog up.

Inside, Jessica has been given a spinal tap to numb the pain. Surgical drapes cover Jessica's body, and the room is abuzz with organized chaos.

Katz pauses outside the room. She prays for God to be with Towers and to give Jessica the strength to get through the surgery and for the child to be born healthy. Then she heads into the room.

"You're doing great, Jessica," says Dr. Kim Fortner, a member of the medical team. "We're all right here. It's almost over, OK?"

A look of excruciating pain spreads across Jessica's face.

"Think about her sweet baby cheeks, Jessica," says nurse Kirby Ginn.

Moments later, at 1:32 p.m., a beautiful baby girl with chubby cheeks and a patch of brown hair emerges. Jayda Jewel Hill lets out two loud screams.

Towers and his team quickly clean her up and swaddle her in a blanket adorned with teddy bears. She weighs in at 6 pounds and stretches 17 inches.

"Are you ready to see her?" the nurse asks.

"Yes, ma'am," Jessica replies.

Her daughter is placed across her chest. Jessica cradles her with both hands, her right hand patting her back.

"Aww," Jessica says.

"She looks great," Towers says.

The baby coughs a few times, worrying Jessica.

"Why is she coughing like that?" she says.

Caught up in the moment, the father seems to miss the question, asking a nurse to take a photo of him with his daughter.

He clutches the swaddled newborn and leans in next to Jessica's face -- the birthing room in the era of social media. "Hi, little gorgeous. Hi there, beautiful. Look, there's your momma," the gleeful father says.

The baby coughs a few more times. "Is she OK?" Jessica asks.

Towers explains that the baby sucked in amniotic fluid during surgery. The fluid will be removed from her lungs; it's nothing to be worried about, he assures her.

Katz leans in and holds Jessica's right hand. She tells her to stay strong, that her daughter is healthy. She tells her the baby is going to be taken away to be observed in the neonatal intensive care unit.

Just before stitching Jessica up, Towers uses a non-opioid drug similar to novocaine to dull the pain for 24 hours. Jessica also receives Tylenol IV and an anti-inflammatory drug, Toradol.

"She's hoping to not need any pain pills," he says. "It is major surgery. Your abdomen is open, so it hurts."

Anything to avoid relapse.

Bucking the trend

Less than 24 hours after the birth, more than 150 doctors, nurse practitioners and other health officials from across East Tennessee gather in an auditorium at the UT medical center.

On stage, Towers steps through a slideshow presentation of opioid use disorder in pregnancy. He reels off stats from the CDC: From 2000 to 2015, more than half a million people died from drug overdoses, including 183,000 people from prescription opioids. "Unfortunately, we're only getting worse," he says.

In Tennessee, he notes, three people die from overdoses every day. He talks about his findings, of the women who've detoxed in his program. "We're bucking the trend," Towers says.

"I'm passionate because I just believe it's the right way to do medicine," he says. "We don't always succeed. I don't know anyone who succeeds all the time when dealing with addiction. But my passion comes from the ones that we've delivered that don't have (withdrawal) and the look in the mother's eye when they say, 'You saved my life.'

"I don't think you can get any better response from a patient."

Shortly after the speech, he takes an elevator to the third floor and visits Jessica and her baby. Jessica sports a pink T-shirt that says "Don't want to be here."

"We want to be home," she says.

Jayda Jewel, nicknamed JJ, looks like the perfect child, with big eyes, content in her mother's arms. She shows no signs of withdrawal, although symptoms can take a couple of days to appear.

Jessica hugs the doctor. "I couldn't have done this without you and Emily," she says.

Outside Towers' presence, Stephanie repeats that sentiment, telling Jessica, "You're so lucky you got him."

"If it weren't for this baby, you might not have got off Subutex ever."

Over the next several days, Jayda Jewel exhibits no signs of withdrawal, but Jessica's pain intensifies. She's given three Vicodin pills, an opioid painkiller. The typical C-section patient gets 10, Towers says.

Jessica had hoped to be given an opioid blocker called Vivitrol, which can resist the urge to use for up to a month. But to get it, her system must be clear of opioids for seven days. Towers expects to be able to give her the medicine in her followup appointment. "She felt bad about that," he says.

But still, she succeeded. Her baby was born healthy.

Four days after the birth, Jessica straps Jayda Jewel in a car seat in her hospital room and then climbs into a wheelchair to be escorted out of the facility. Mom and daughter head down an elevator and out the front door.

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Towers and Katz meet them at their car. Jessica places her baby inside and turns toward them.

"We made it," Jessica says, wrapping her arms around her "Nurse Barbie." "I love you."

"I love you, too," Katz responds.

Then Jessica hugs Towers again.

The car soon disappears around the corner, onto the highway and off to their hometown. Together, mother and daughter begin new lives.

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