#i am a character driven story writer at heart

[svtskneecaps]

tbh the mark of some of my favorite things is that they drive me to create and qsmp has that in SPADES. like i love anything that just gets me going so much i want to just CREATE SOMETHING and this is just so!!!! like the characters are so goddamn compelling and emotional and they've got mystery at the core of it (island??? code??? shadow government???) plus the child of the child of god or something but also just.

found family!! it takes a village!! a myriad of diverse family units!!! platonic bonds of every make and model!! do you want "we are debatably canon soul bonded"? do you want "we were so sibling coded we adopted each other"? do you want "my husband is your child rearing partner and i'll protect you with my life"? want "man with deep rooted paranoia becomes so deeply friends with people"? want "we're both unhinged and that's hilarious"? want "i went to med school to get a camera out of your ass"?

there's so much. there's so much. i'm so full of words not a damn one gets written. i am brimming with creative energy. i absolutely understand why they're playing on the server for so long. i'm so happy.

[laurashapiro-noreally]

Looking for something to read?

Oh look, it's another recs post! This time I'm featuring two stories per author. These are writers I always make time for, whose work stands out as unusually hot, clever, funny, or smart -- sometimes all of the above.

I'm gonna start you out strong with two by @werpiper: After Hours takes Aziraphale and Crowley to the baths after their oyster supper, and all sorts of interesting pleasures are there for our angel to sample. Piper's Crowley is one of my favorites: always evaluating the situation, not quite aware of what his own heart is doing but feeling it anyway.

Fitting In is a new story, still a WIP, but I am utterly tantalized by Muriel's first taste of love -- and tea. This is already rich in detail, soft and fragrant, and I can hardly wait for the action to get going in earnest. The pairing seems surprising but when you think about it for ten seconds of course it makes sense. Sex workers help the curious, the awkward, and the inexperienced every day, bless them.

If you enjoy these, check out @werpiper's back catalog -- they have done a ton of ineffables-through-the-ages, and their series Miracles and Heresy is worth many delightful hours of your time.

I love what @copperplatebeech has been doing lately:

He's Not My Friend is a T-rated story that explores Aziraphale's constant refusal to acknowledge his relationship with Crowley, and Crowley's mirror of that, and how things glacially shift over time. It is subtle and yet specific, it will make you ache and smile.

All Of The Above, also T-rated, is a warm and fuzzy alternative to that, a hilarious celebration of true friendship that made me laugh out loud and still got me right in the feels.

@copperplatebeech can do everything, from quiet, gentle, and romantic to devastating plotty AUs to extraordinarily horny established relationship to absolutely ridiculous humor. Do dive in if you haven't already.

Next up, @cumaeansibyl, master of kink:

better living through technology manages to shove everything I want in a dirty story into less than three thousand words: uptight Aziraphale reduced to sodden wreck, Crowley gleefully showing him what he's been missing, character-driven erotics, and exceptionally funny dialogue.

indulgentiam peccatorum nostrorum is somehow all that and more, turning the "I was wrong" dance into a kink (something I can't get enough of, recs welcome). This one is post-Bastille so it is extra-juicy. Mind the tags!

@cumaeansibyl has a gift for established relationship one-shots, which readers of mine will know are my entire jam. They also have a mind-meltingly hot inverse!omens AU that features different variations of angelic/demonic Crowleys and Aziraphales for our ineffables to play with.

A new-to-me author, Calico, has me hanging by a thread with their Ineffable Romans series. If you want to remember that your ineffables aren't human, that they are inordinately clever but very stupid, that the feelings they have for each other are truly beyond what anyone alive has ever felt, Calico may be the writer for you. This stuff is deep. Also hot af.

Sub Rosa reads like a nasty shag at Petronius', but there's so much more going on here. It is Extremely Queer, driven by power dynamics, and Crowley is fully demonic here and absolutely in control...or is he?

The Intemperance of Liber Pater continues on this theme, with dialogue-driven smut that reads less like a seduction than an inevitability. There's another story in this series, unfinished, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

Last but not least: two short pieces by @ineffabildaddy. I stumbled on their stories just this week and I absolutely love their approach, which I've not seen done quite this way before.

take me as your wife has a tight first-person perspective as Crowley meets Aziraphale for a meal and imagines (or is it his imagination?) that Aziraphale is suggesting Certain Things about how they might occupy themselves later. Indeed, is he suggesting even more? Something about their relationship? Or is it all in Crowley's head?

Only in Dreams is kind of a companion piece, from Aziraphale's point of view -- though hundreds of years later. This one's set after the events of S2 and although just as romantic as take me as your wife, it also offers an ineffable take on the ol' glory hole concept. Just in case you thought I was getting soft. 😏

@ineffabildaddy has a whole series of poems and ficlets like these and I can't wait to explore them all.

[youmakethelight]

Dear AMC

Okay, so here's where I'm at following the David Zabel quotes released yesterday. I truly hate to be in this negative mindset and I wanted my tumblr to be a fun space only, but it's what I'm feeling, so I'm going to get it out. This is the most serious post I'll ever write (hopefully) so buckle up.

I'm not doing this because I don't want to continue to spread joy about caryl. I'm doing this because, if there's any chance, however small, that I can help to make a positive difference for the people I've come to care about, then I'm going to do that. This is because I care about female representation and empowerment. And because I care about what these stories mean to and for people, and especially people who relate to characters who have experienced abuse. Holding these characters' stories is a responsibility and those who do so need to be held accountable for how they do it.

I'm going to talk a lot now, but it's going to mainly be about Melissa, Isabelle's character, David Zabel, Greg Nicotero, and the idea of romantic caryl. I'm going to try to break it up into sections just because it's so long.

Melissa

Melissa McBride snuck up on me. I started watching TWD a couple of years after it first aired and like many, I fell for Daryl as a character. I observed his chemistry with Carol and always thought their relationship was something special. But like many, I gave up on the show around season 6/7. When TWD was released on Now TV in the UK this year, I decided to catch up, and season 9 hooked me on #caryl. Specifically, I was mesmerised by Melissa McBride and I've only grown to love her more. It's been beautiful finding the fandom and realising that Melissa McBride is the beating heart of it. She might not have as many Twitter followers as Norman Reedus, but she is valued more than I have seen any actor and she honestly doesn't even have to try. Fans will support her for walking to a car. I like Norman but I love Melissa.

Melissa looks happier than I have ever seen her look and she is honestly the only thing that has been keeping me tethered to any hope that I will enjoy this spinoff. My hype has been 100% driven by Melissa and how she has spoken about being back. I've already paid for Carol merch, which is something I never do. And if it wasn't for the fact I knew she was coming back at the end of season 1, I honestly wouldn't have watched Daryl Dixon. After investing in their relationship over 12 years of TWD, I'm not interested in seeing Daryl solo travel the globe and find a girl in every port. I'd rather watch something else and pretend the spinoff doesn't exist. But since Melissa is here and she's happy, I've still been hooked.

Seeing Carol confront her trauma surrounding Sophia is something I have been wanting for years. Since I started watching TWD again this year, all you'd ever hear me say is "why does no one ever talk about Sophia?". So I am beyond happy that story is receiving a spotlight in season 2. And I sense this is what Melissa is happy about too.

Beyond that, I really feel like Melissa doesn't have much space for her own voice. At SDCC, she said that she's quiet on her EP notes because she's the new person. And David Zabel made a joke that she doesn't want to make him cry (hilarious). Of course, I have no idea what the reality is, but my gut feeling is that Melissa is happy that she finally had some control with her character's own story after 14 years. But I truly don't believe she has even been given the space to think about how she *personally* would like the caryl story to look, let alone what they choose to do with the other major female character's story. I think Melissa respects Norman and trusts him with that part of the story. She knows he's had more power with the other producers - he was there for all of season 1, it's his name on the title of the show, and he chose the showrunner and writers.

And as for everything else, Melissa has spent the majority of her career in a male-dominated genre, all of her most powerful coworkers are part of that demographic, and in response to caryl, she has been the target of misogyny and ageism that is ongoing today. If I were her, I'd feel I can only speak so loud for so long before someone feels I've stepped on their toes.

While I do believe Norman cares about her deeply, I don't have any reason so far to trust that he understands the nuances of sexism well enough to be able to make the calls I'd want him to make. I really feel that if he did, he would never have agreed to the half naked shipbait nun scene in season 1. On to my next section...

Isabelle, David Zabel and Greg Nicotero

I will die on the hill that Isabelle's story should never have been touched by any inkling of shipbait, because she is a dedicated nun. The idea of romance for her present day story (especially with the male lead) grossly over-simplifies the decisions that led her to become a nun.

I do personally feel that the isabelle-laurent-daryl surrogate family idea is *pretty much* just that. I think, personally, DZ is lying when he says that the idea of romance wasn't manufactured. I think he wants us to believe that what we see on screen is organic. Absolutely nothing about the half naked wound helping scene, the happy stares across rooms with a happy score, and the 'isabelle just woke up in hospital and oh look its daryl's crossbow he must have been looking over her' scene is organic. Those are manufactured. Until episode 6, I liked isabelle and I think clemence is great. But daryl and isabelle's chemistry is non existent. I honestly think calling it a friendship is a stretch. Maybe the god awful, problematic "are you going to do to laurent what your dad did to you" could have been forgiven if they'd genuinely had any compelling bond whatsoever, but they didn't, and at best, it came off as needy. At worst (and what it actually was) was emotionally abusive. The thing I have always loved about caryl is that they *never* guilt-tripped each other like that. I really hope Zabel knows that line was truly offensive.

So anyway, I don't know, I think DZ would have liked it to go romantic, but nobody liked it. And based on the way they talked about it at SDCC, I think Norman is set on the idea it's really all about Laurent, and Isabelle is just another adult who cares about the kid so he cares about her too. However, I do think Nicotero and Zabel are invested in the idea that Daryl is falling for her. Nicotero in particular is obsessed with the idea that Daryl's falling for her while he doesn't know Carol is on her way - I actually find him enjoying that idea repulsive. So, I think they've written some ship bait in there, but I think Norman's acting choices will be reluctant. So, as long as there isn't something physical between them, I think Norman and Melissa's chemistry can recover from it. But. Zabel (and Nicotero) are showing their true colours.

While we're on Nicotero. I recently discovered that he has spoken about supporting b*thyl before. So, if that doesn't tell you everything you need to know about him and his idea of how women and romance should be presented on screen in 2024, I don't know what will.

Romantic Caryl

Finally, I want to address the idea of whether Carol and Daryl should or could add a romantic element to their relationship. Lots of people that I agree with have already written well articulated thoughts about this, including this by my-mt-heart. My personal feelings are these.

Carol and Daryl have built a layered, deep, and emotionally rich relationship over 11 seasons of TWD. Fans are aware of the romantic layers throughout the years, and even those who don't follow it closely can see the romantic potential. It would be a disservice to fans to let those years of layering and emotional depth fall flat. And frankly, so many fans simply won't follow. (And if you're worried about fans who don't like the idea not watching - well, honestly, I don't like R*chonne. Love them both individually but I never saw the chemistry and it felt random to me. But I still watched them and cared about them and their story and I even watched The Ones Who Live despite cringing the whole time.)

The creative opportunities are huge. Carol and Daryl are not a stereotypical love story by any means. Their dynamic has been fuelling creative minds for over a decade. I would personally admire any showrunner/writer who steps up to the challenge. Alternatively, not bothering comes across as lazy and cowardly to me.

At this point, there's absolutely no doubt in the audience that Carol and Daryl are soulmates. Their happy ending has been an important theme for a while now. And they are the characters that fans care about. Even fans who don't care about whether they have a romantic relationship agree that their idea of a happy ending would be with each other (and Dog). This wouldn't have to be romantic, but since we know that they are both interested in romantic relationships and have some romantic foundations together - why not? No other romantic relationship either of them could have is ever going to match up against Daryl and Carol's relationship. And why should they both be deprived of romance if they are both interested in romantic relationships? Who does that serve?

The idea that two people can so selflessly love each other for over a decade and end up together romantically is the ultimate bond of love. Suggestions that romance would 'cheapen' or 'ruin' a bond make me question what those people think romance means. It isn't the same as R*chonne's romance. It's quiet and calm and careful. It's two damaged souls uplifting each other. So many viewers are empowered by that sort of story.

It would show that AMC are progressive and not ageist or sexist.

Final thoughts

I can't express enough how much I wanted to ignore all of my doubts about this spinoff because of Melissa's involvement and because I genuinely do trust her creative imagination more than anyone. But the comments by Zabel that were released yesterday have brought back the pit I was feeling in my stomach. I trust Melissa and I will always trust Melissa. But I don't trust Zabel. I don't trust that Zabel is doing right by Melissa or by the characters of Carol and Daryl. That doesn't mean that I think he's evil and doing nothing at all right. I just truly believe that we deserve better and Melissa deserves better.

I will give all of my hard earned cash and time to Melissa projects, but I won't do the same for Zabel, or even Norman without Melissa.

[wind-up-thancred]

bit of thancred character musing under the cut that im gonna try to approximate from a 6am discord rambling into something i can actually post. both SHB and EW spoilers included

i saw some folks talking on twt about how guilt seems to be a very important factor in his life and i agree. i think a lot of major parts of his character and arcs have been due to guilt over something he did (or didnt even really do, re: the whole goobue rampage situation). it's driven him to work his ass off after louisoix which lead to him getting possessed... but its probably also what motivated him to do better for ryne after being forced to look his fuckups directly in the eye instead of just wallowing about them. but i think, at the same time, he doesnt really seem to, like... actually be proud of himself for a lot of the stuff he's done in order to work off that guilt? the biggest giveaway for that being the line in endwalker on the ragnarok where he talks about his "good deeds" cynically and seems to insist that they were never really that impactful in the first place. that they'll just go to dust when he dies.

in shb, during the ahm areng segment, not only does he talk down on himself in general, but also puts down his attempts to help OG minfilia back in the pre-ARR days... when i'm pretty sure she never even blamed him for the goobue rampage in the first place.

it's all a little bit sad to me, tbh. i've seen some people reason that, because he was only able to escape poverty due to louisoix seeing potential in his thieving skills, he's essentially internalized the idea that he's only really worth keeping around by ANYONE if he's actively being productive, either helping others or trying to fix whatever fuckups he feels he's made. i think that would explain a lot of this

note the "few positive traits" line, which to me comes across as "i was only picked up out of childhood poverty because he thought my skills were useful." though i don't really know how much of that mentality he's managed to work past by post endwalker. he IS able to go off on his own, and mentions that he trusts the scions to keep themselves safe now... but as i ranted about before, the short story points out that he's only really content to rest briefly before he feels obligated again to seek out unrest to try and help, specifically mentioning minfilia again. also, a couple times during the story, notably post ARR after his possession, mid SHB after he's wounded in a fight with sineaters, and post SHB after he passes out due to the weakening soul-body bond, he seems to dislike even having to rest for medical reasons

it's a pretty interesting part of his character to me. idk if the writers specifically had his rigorous upbringing in mind when they wrote these parts of his character, but to me it would make a lot of sense as an explanation for why he's so averse to rest and why he carries so much guilt and why he's so passionate about keeping the folks around him safe. that's kinda been his whole reason for life since he was a kid-- using his skills for the benefit of others. to him, doing anything other than that would be a waste, it seems.

idk. funny guy makes my heart hurt. yes i had all these dialogue screencaps saved and on hand. yes i am a little insane. what of it

[helenvader]

Get to know your fic writer!

I have emerged from my writing hiatus, but I'm horribly stuck, so this game might be refreshing. :) I am not the author, I stumbled across it and told myself why not.

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

Do you like constructive criticism?

Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?

How do you choose which POV to write from?

Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?

Do you comment on stories you read?

Cltr+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up

Link your three favorite fics right now

how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?

How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

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Best writing advice for other writers?

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Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

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Share a snippet from a WIP

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What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc) 

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Thoughts on cliffhangers?

Something you hate to see in smut.

Something you love to see in smut.

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You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

What scene in [Fanfic Name] took the longest to write? What was difficult about it? 

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Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [Fanfic Name] story/chapter? 

[nerdetiquette]

I don’t think words are enough to express how much the Juno Steel stories means to me and how much Juno himself means to me, but I am calling myself a writer now, so I am making an attempt to find the words, even if they will not be enough.

Juno Steel is such a character driven and focused story with an amazing amount of care put into it. There was care put into Nightmare at the end, the Aurinkos in the middle, and Juno in the beginning, and all of it led to the conclusion of a beautiful thing. Juno gave way for all of it, and the themes of self improvement and self love being the end of the story, the final lessons Harley and Kevin have decided to teach us, make the story what it is.

I love this show from the bottom of my heart and it’s done so much for me. Thank you for all of the lessons you have taught me on how to be a better person, how to be a complete person, and how to continue being a person even when it’s hard. Juno’s themes are so human and something everyone can relate to, and I think the human element is what makes it mean so much.

Thank you Harley and Kevin, though I hope you never see this and perceive me more than saying my name at the end of episodes, this story means the world to me. It means the world to many others. I’m so happy I kept going, even though I hated Juno in the first season. I’m so happy my friend got me into the podcast with the disgusting make out noises in the second episode. I’m so happy I was able to listen to this show, and I’m so happy it affected me so much.

[blkkizzat]

Hi you’re such an amazing writer and great smut writer!! I was wondering if u had any tips on writing smut cus I wanna start writing it too! Do u have tips on dialogue/action/pacing and being descriptive 😭 it’s harder than it looks!! Ps your suguru bumpy car ride is one of my fave fics!! And I’m excited for sadako!geto 😘😘

hey nonny, pookie tysm ur too sweet! im so glad you enjoy my perversions enough to ask me for advice kcjhdscjkhsdb 😩🩷🙏🏽✨

also sure idk if these will be helpful but these are things that help me:

smut:

i think the cardinal rule of smut writing is if it doesn't make you horny, re-write it until it does. lol.

i am a very visual person so i like to close my eyes and imagine the scene before i write it. not just going through the motions either. if this is me, reader, what am i thinking, feeling (both physically and emotionally).

5 senses (touch, taste, smell, sound, sight) should be covered. not every action needs all 5 but if you are describing something you should at least be hitting two of these. " tears falling, you cry out as he enters you slowly" is fine but "blinking away tears you hiss from the overwhelming stretch of his girth entering you, even slowly, proves to be too much" is better.

sometimes i need a boost and if you partake then a few puffs from a weed pen or a glass of wine (im partial to bubbly) will put you in the MOOD lmfao.

*note i dont think you need to have experienced something to write about it, sex included for any virgins however in lieu of that, with anything you don't have experience in, you need to do research to make it believable.

dialogue:

use dialogue to tell us/reiterate who the character is. you can tell us the character is nervous but then its highlighted by the stuttering, rambling, etc of their spoken words.

break up long dialogue with descriptions. this is also a pacing tip. also can insert memories, i will have readers have a whole dialogue and in the middle their will be a relevant memory to give context and insight to the character and their motivations.

using subtext to explain character feelings, you dont have to be so explicit with dialogue all the time. instead of a character saying "im so fucking mad at you right now," use "alright" your voice is clipped, flipping your hair over your shoulder you go back to your task at hand, not even sparing them another glance.

i rarely use explicit dialogue tags now like "said, spoke, cried, yell" i will still use them but ill weave into the description that follows. ex instead of "please stay!" you cried—i would write—"please stay!" your lip quivers as tears gathered on your lashes.

action:

the last subtext tip also helps with action too, alot of times its what we see that really enriches the dialogue so "show" dont "tell".

this is also a pacing tip but during high action/intense scenes using shorter sentences helps express the urgency. although it all depends as long sentences/paragraphs too can help build tension, slowing down descriptions/actions during the climax (lol non sexual) of a scene builds anxiety/thrill.

explaining emotional reactions of heart racing, sweaty palms, etc, is just as important as physical reactions (even tho these are physiological actions they still are emotion driven).

pacing:

besides the pacing tips above in the other sections i think the biggest pacing issue i think people have is adding in details, actions, etc that don't inform your story. everything action/thought you take time to elaborate on that your character does, should be relevant to their motivations, story or characterizations. if it doesnt apply to one of those then cut it out. (note: sometimes it does apply and needs to be cut out and moved another section if its making a scene go on to long)

edit your stories, i know some people post and go and thats fine. everyone has different goals. some just want to get out thoughts and go. however, pacing can be hard to effectively capture on the first go so you will need to reread at least once to ensure your fic is properly paced.

editing leads into eliminating redundancy. often i will write something where i expressed an emotion/feeling then did it again a paragraph or two down the line just in a different way. unless that feeling is evolving, its redundant. redundant doesnt mean the feeling isnt applicable in both places, it means ive already established this feeling/state of mind in my story and it isnt needed both places. this can be one of the hardest things to identify or even fix. however i think my fics are 100x better when i do.

descriptive:

i think people fall into one of these buckets, 1) having the inclination of being overly wordy descriptive or 2)not being descriptive enough. i am the former, so my issuing is editing is pulling back and giving emphasis on somethings but not others. if you arent descriptive enough you will have to decide where in your story its important to give emphasis.

use metaphors that make sense to the person speaking or narration style. you wouldnt use overly flowery language for example if you were writing how sukuna is feeling about something lol.

hope these tips were helpful!

[hopepaigeturner]

Hope's Review of S3 : Kanthony & Francesca

Note: These are my opinions, that does not make them right, nor am I posturing that they are the only opinion. Very up for discussion with y’all as long as it’s respectful.

Note: I do not stand for hate against any actors/actresses or writers. Please, please, do not send hate to them.

As I said in my past posts:

I loved moments, far more than the writing.

Kanthony:

And this couple is the personification of the above sentence.

I adored every single scene with Kanthony. Anthony my-wife Bridgerton stole my heart. The kiss during the dance. Announcing the baby. Competitive couple goals. My heart melted with how they looked at each other, how intimate they were with one another. Whenever they came on my screen I squealed.

However…I really didn’t rate their arc this season. Do we remember the interview where Simone talked about how this season we were going to get Kate settling into her role as Viscountess? Where did that go?

They bopped in and out without much coherency. I feel as if the writers wanted them for that one scene with Colin re: marital advice in the middle of the season but didn’t have a clear idea for what other scenes they could do. And I do think it was more than just Johnny and Simone’s schedules.

Yes, it was nice for them to take a little extended honeymoon for themselves to have a child when last season was so full of tension and sacrifice. And it is heart swooning that Anthony wants to have the baby in India—but two different excuses to get them off screen? Why not just the one? The key with Kanthony is that they both know they cannot fully shirk their responsibilities—nor if they’re being honest would the pair wish to—but their love story was about finding someone else to share the burdens with. Having them pop off to leave Benedict with it all not once, but twice, seems a bit of a disservice to their characters.

Francesca & John:

I LOVED John and Francesca’s storyline. I loved their courtship; I liked their chemistry and their interactions. The song he got rewritten for her? Swoon.

I liked that Francesca taught Violet some lessons in love, I thought this was one of the more interesting and meatier storylines. I like that Bridgerton is showing us how valid different types of romances are.

I liked that both had to go out of their comfort zones for their love, they needed to be bold. John in asking Francesca to dance at the wedding breakfast, and Francesca standing up to the Queen.

However…the ending got things a bit muddled, especially in the last episode. Francesca and other characters kept pushing the idea that her marriage was her ‘getting it over and done with’, or that her marriage was a way to “escape the family” or have time to find herself. Combined with her reaction at the wedding, it made me doubt Francesca’s intentions with the romance. Was it really because she loved him?

A mina contribution around this is that I still don’t know who Francesca is. Unlike other characters, Francesca has not been built up for the last two seasons, tf it was so important that from the get-go we got a clear idea of Francesca’s motivations, her views, her personality. And we got some of it, but I felt like it got a bit muddled because they immediately got her together with John. I would have loved this season to be a season of us finding out who Francesca is before she is linked with another person.

However, I'm not really peeved or worried about all of this. Whether Francesca is a lesbian, or whether her marriage with John is one that does not have much sexual desire—does not negate her deep love for him. It's just in the next season/s the writers need to show the deep love. I would also find it refreshing to have a couple that deeply love each other without the need for sex. Especially in our very sex-driven culture.

On the topic of Francesca and John…

Franchaela

I was gobsmacked when I saw Michaela come in. I literally paused the show and had to take a moment. Afterwards, (while it did take me a minute to put aside my love for Michael Stirling and sigh a little mournfully for some of the storylines we won’t see), my brain then did a 180 and has now gone down a rabbit hole around this new dynamic/story. I just hope that the writers can do it justice.

Also, I think I saw a comment in an interview about how its really cool they’re going to show a ‘happy queer love story’ on Bridgerton. And all I was thinking is how When He Was Wicked is the most angstiest book in the entire season--but at least we’ll still get a HEA.

Also, I know a lot of people are annoyed about Francesca’s reaction to Michaela, and I think that can be taken multiple ways. I saw a post (apologies I can’t find it otherwise I would credit you) that pointed out that for non-book readers, they would have no idea the purpose/significance of Michaela without some obvious moment like we saw. They might have just assumed she would be a friend for Eloise. Personally, at the first watching I was a little disappointed because it piled on top of other moments in the episode that seemed to undermine Francesca and John’s relationship. But again, it will be very easy for the writers to show the love between John and Francesca in future season so I’m not too worried about this.

But do you know what we do get now…

We get the BPSC=, otherwise known as the Bridgerton Pining Society. Est. 1817.

President: Sophie Beckett.

Vic President: Michaela Stirling.

Honorary member: Benedict Bridgerton

I mean, did you see how fast Michaela's smile dropped upon learning that Francesca is a Kilmartin?

[karniss-bg3]

Salute, Larian Studios

Heya folks! It’s been a while, I hope everyone is doing well. I’m breaking my hiatus to discuss the recent announcement made by Larian Studios on their steam development blog. I will add the link here for those who wish to read the blog in its entirety but be warned, there are patch seven spoilers within. I wish to focus on a particular section in the final three paragraphs of the document, which reads as follows:

“Being given the chance to develop a game set in the Dungeons & Dragons universe has been a dream come true for all of us. But as Swen recently confirmed, we won't be introducing any major new narrative content to the story of Baldur's Gate 3 or its origin characters and companions, nor will we be making expansions or Baldur’s Gate 4. As an independent studio since 1996, we value the freedom to follow our creativity wherever it leads. In this case, after six years in the Forgotten Realms and much discussion and rumination, we’ve decided to seize this opportunity to develop our own IPs. We’re currently working on two new projects and we couldn’t be more excited about what the future has in store. It’s still early days - we’ll tell you more about those later down the line. But know that even as our focus turns to these new games, the sensibilities that brought you Baldur’s Gate 3 are alive and well here at the Larian castle. We’re fueled by the very same fire in our bellies, one that drives us to create immersive experiences shaped by your choices, and we can’t wait for you to join us on this next adventure.”

I will admit, when I first read this I felt a tinge of disappointment. As someone who had a lot of hope in seeing some stories continued, Kar’niss especially, this feels like the once open door is now sealed shut permanently. To be entirely fair, I always looked at an expanded Kar’niss story with skeptical optimism; hope for the best but expect the worst. After all, Kar’niss was designed as a throw away plot device that had no real bearing on the over-all narrative. Most of what has been derived of the character is entirely fan driven and not based on anything confirmed by Larian as a whole. Furthermore, there were many fan favorites that had a larger base than our dear drider and chances are even if Larian did decide to do an expansion, Kar’niss still wouldn’t make the cut.

With that said, I respect Larian in their choice. To expand on other characters would cost a lot of money and time. To juggle that alongside making new games would be unrealistic, and I understand their point of view completely. We also don’t know what is going on behind the scenes which could’ve influenced their choices all the more. Over all this situation mirrors the old saying, “Don’t cry because it’s over, be happy that it happened.” I am happy, and grateful. Without Baldur’s Gate 3 this blog wouldn’t exist. All of the amazing interactions I’ve had over several months would’ve never occurred, nor would I have found the courage to publicly publish stories to the internet. While I don’t consider myself an awful writer, I never believed my work was good enough for those outside of my personal circle. To say that my confidence has blossomed over the last few months is an understatement, and I owe that to the fantastic support of those in the fandom as well as those close to me. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

With Larian closing up the BG3 shop after the next few patches the question becomes, what’s next? For me, I don’t know. Sadly I’ve been swamped lately and it’s not destined to slow down until the middle of May. By then I hope to have a sufficient breather so I can return to projects I’ve left on the back burner in the interim. The Kar’niss blog will remain in place along with all of the archived stories, theories, and miscellaneous posts that are present. I still have a few writing requests that have waited a lot longer than I anticipated, so forgive me for the delay. I may also make a new blog that is dedicated solely to writing and other fandoms of interest. When the time comes I’ll post it here and folks can follow it if they wish but I’ll understand if not. Regardless of what the future holds, I am very stoked with the experiences I’ve had within the Baldur’s Gate 3 fandom. I’m a painfully shy individual and I am not a spotlight seeker by any stretch of the imagination. This section of the internet allowed me to expand my horizons a bit proving that you can indeed teach an old writer new tricks.

I look forward to seeing what is in store for Larian Studios. So long as they stick to their passion for making good games and treating their customers like people instead of money cows to be milked, then I will support every game release that comes in the future. While I’m sad that the many questions I had about Kar’niss will go unanswered, at least the drider will live on through the stories, art and other creative works made by his fans. In that way he is eternal, as are all of the other characters we’ve grown to love over this journey.

I hope to return on a more regular basis soon. Until then drider army, take care of yourselves and thank you for your continued support.

[lunaatthezoo]

Hi!

Just reaching out to let you know, that I've been reading all your stories since you started posting them and i truly enjoy them so much. It doesn't matter whether the story takes place in the Acotar world or an AU, you depict the characters wonderfully. Especially, I like that your stories showcase that Elain is powerful and driven without taking away the gentleness of her character. Also, the way you write Azriel is so tender and raw at the same time.

What None Saw is truly one of the most delicate and exquisite works I have seen that describes moments between the two characters.

She'll Wait No Longer.... No words. I felt that you let Elain lead the story in a way I haven't seen before.

The Light Between Sin & Salvation is the AU we didn't know we were needing! Iam truly excited everytime you upload. Also, I find interesting that it is the only story that I have come across so far, that is only in Azriel's pov and I enjoy it so much. Cannot wait for more!

I know the fandom is toxic, especially towards the writers in more ways than one. So, I just wanted to let you know that there are readers that appreciate all the time and effort that you freely give in order to create your stories.

So thank you and I cannot wait to read more, whenever you're ready!

English is not my first language, so... fingers crossed that everything makes sense!

First of all, your English is gorgeous.

Second of all, oh my god I am speechless 😭. It means so much to me that people see what I'm trying to do with my writing. I often feel like I'm just spewing whatever bullshit is invading my head and the fact that it makes sense to anyone else continues to astound me.

I am so grateful that you took the time to send me this beautiful message, it truly fuels me to know that other people care about my writing. Growing up, I went through many phases of what I wanted to be (vet, anthropologist, nature teacher etc etc), but my I'm going to be an author phase lasted the longest. Writing has always been something that I find deep joy in, but have never shared my writing before.

And I have certainly never written fanfic smut (unless you count my depraved 13 year old Harry Potter fanfictions I wrote in the back of a car with my best friend on a road trip with her parents).

Starting these Elriel pieces was just something I did for myself when I was really going through a hard time, and it makes my heart grow like Grinch on Christmas when people actually like it and tell me so.

I suffer so hard from imposter syndrome. Like even in my actual career, in which I have a master's degree, I am like Lol I don't know what I'm doing why am I here anyone could do this job better than me! And the same goes for my writing, I completely convince myself that people don't actually like it and that no one in this elriel Tumblr community wants to hear from me and that everyone secretly hates me. I know it's illogical and I clearly need to work on some issues (lol), but messages like these, as well the comments on kudos on AO3, really make a huge difference for me, and give me the confidence I need to keep going!

This was a really long response so I'm SORRY but I just need you to know that I love you and I am so very grateful for your words and all the words and support from everyone giving them.

Ps- I'm just addicted to writing Azriel POV idk why, I feel akin to him lol

[dani-luminae]

I'm thinking about Wish again. So as the only Wish liker I know of, tell me what you liked about the story and also maybe some things you thought could be improved!

I would be honored! And it got long, so... below the cut.

What I liked:

I would die for Asha. She is so precious!

All her friends were so cute! I love that they were a tribute to the Seven Dwarfs. People complaining that the friends had no personality... neither did the Seven Dwarfs, really. I am so happy that they clearly accept Simon immediately when he returns after the spell is broken.

Dahlia specifically tho. She is always right there for Asha no matter what, trying to calm her and support her right before the interview, stalling with silly questions so that Asha can get into the castle for Sabino's wish, being the first to join in "Knowing What We Know Now" after Asha, and especially!!!! In "This Wish (Reprise)" when Asha is nearly defeated and pleading to the audience it is Dahlia who answers first! She doesn't even know if it's going to work, if anyone else will join, but she's right there pledging her wish with Asha because she cares about Asha so much!!!!! (Yes I might ship them. Why do you ask?)

I actually really like Magnifico as he is. He's a great example of a villain driven by trauma, with a great amount of charisma and genuinely entertaining to watch while also being so "love to hate"able. (The same cannot be said for a lot of stans.)

I love Amaya. Perfect arc. God I feel so bad for her but now she can rule as she sees fit, not playing second fiddle as an accessory to Magnifico. (I don't doubt that they love each other but there really was no repairing their relationship after he hit her with magic.)

I love Asha's mother and grandfather so much.

I LOVE STAR!!!!!!! FUCK OFF STARBOY

They structured the plot similar to old, cherished Princess movies like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, and most specifically, Sleeping Beauty.

The end credits!!! Having little nods to all the Disney animated movies (except Meet the Robinsons apparently????) it was so sweet.

Could be improved:

The music. I liked about... half of it. The other half felt flat. I think that's because they hired pop radio writers instead of like, lyrical writers, if that makes sense. Both of "This Wish," "Knowing What we Know Now" and "This is the Thanks I Get?!" were so great, but "At All Costs" just had me sitting in the theater like pretty lights, but did we really need the song? and I don't even remember "I'm a Star!" because it felt really flat.

I love Star but we were promised "an origin of the Wishing Star!" and we did not get that. He just happens to be a character. I wish we'd gotten that actual origin story. I wrote a little rewrite about it, in fact, in which Star gives his life and magic to Asha and she is the Wishing Star we see in all the movies.

Also I didn't... much like Valentino. He was funny for the first five minutes he could talk ("Who knew my voice would be this low?") but then he just kind of became obnoxious. He didn't really bring anything to the plot that I can think of (even Hei Hei in Moana justified his role by actually, for once, being useful in catching the heart of Te Fiti).

I think that situating Rosas in a geographically real location was a shortcoming, because suddenly there is a myriad of real-life local cultures native to the Iberian peninsula to chose from aesthetic (clothes, architecture, etc.) wise and they didn't. For example, Asha has long braided hair specifically inspired by the Amazigh people, who the designers imagined her having heritage from specifically from Sakina's side, but there wasn't a lot else there. I like the design of the clothes and stuff in the movie but it feels short compared to culture of the area.

Lore. Apparently this movie is set before all other Disney movies and Asha is the very first person to ever wish on a star? Except clearly her father did the same, and her friends are at least familiar enough with the idea of wishing on stars that they see it as childish (Gabo's comment: "What are you, five?" or something like that.)

Asha deserved a whole magical transformation. Her pose when Star dusts her with sparkles is an exact pose reference to Cinderella, but while Cindy got the most gorgeous change (and Walt Disney's personal most favorite piece of animation), poor Asha just gets glitter. A massive downgrade made even more down because of the reference, in my opinion.

Both liked and could have been so much better:

References. So many of them. Some were nice (Sandra's wish to make the most beautiful dresses being shown as Sleeping Beauty's dress, a man named Peter wishes to build a flying machine and his companion is a brunette dressed in blue like Wendy). Some were weird. Some felt like they had no real business being there (see: Valentino's comment about an animal utopia suspiciously similar to Zootopia.)

(No I swear I'm not bitter that Atlantis and Treasure Planet didn't get in-movie references)

Miscellaneous comments:

I understand the whole "people are reluctant to let Black girls have a love interest" thing and I completely understand. But Starboy was just not it. This fandom already ignores Asha for him and he doesn't actually exist. If he had made it into the movie I already know how people would be treating Asha.

I know I said I love Magnifico as the villain but I would very much love to explore an AU where Asha *did* become his apprentice, and maybe he was like a stand-in father figure to her, actually careful and guiding, before something threatens all the wishes. I don't know what, but I feel like there's a lot of different ways that his trauma could have been explored without necessarily making him lash out and require so much control.

The movie feels rushed. I'm not saying that in an "it was bad, eew" way but in a "it could have been so much better" way. The literal tagline was "A story a century in the making!" and that drummed up a lot of expectations, but the end result is that honestly, it kind of feels like it needed more time to bake.

That being said, it was clearly crafted with a lot of care and thought put into it for what it was meant to be, and time constraints aren't the creators' faults.

[hand-picked-star]

The 13th Anniversary Arshi feista

Moodboard : Historical AU

Whispers of the Heart | Chapter 21

DISCLAIMER: The story is set in the early 20th century. While I have made efforts to capture the essence of the era, there may be inaccuracies as this is a work of fantasy. I do not own the characters Arnav and Khushi, and this story is purely fictional with no relation to any real individuals, living or dead. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.

WARNING: 18+, MATURE CONTENT

Chapter 21

The next few months brought a hectic change to Khushi's life. As their return to India was delayed, she finally enrolled for her last semester at the University of London. Living in a foreign country was one thing, but attending university with people from different cultures was a completely different experience altogether. Though the experience was terrifying at times, it was also profoundly wholesome.

She also met two of her best friends, whom she would cherish for the rest of her life. They would become her partners in establishing the charitable foundation "Little Happiness" which she would build later in her life from scratch. They would also be the first people, besides Arnav, to read the first draft of her debut book, actually almost every book, she would write in future.

One of them, Nithin Kingsley, "Hamari dost hume pyaar se NK bulate hain"-that's his words, not Khushi's, was someone she met in the neighbourhood actually. NK was Devyani Ji's grandson, the son of her daughter who lived in Spain. NK wanted to visit India, so he came to see his grandmother to refine his Hindi. During his stay, Nani Ji, Khushi, and NK embarked on a hilarious journey to sharpen NK's Hindi skills. Through their amusing and sometimes chaotic attempts, NK and Khushi formed an unlikely friendship that lasted a lifetime.

And the other best friend she met, was in university through the extracurricular society she had reluctantly signed up for to earn extra credits. She chose the literary society, driven by her lifelong aspiration to become a writer. The members were divided into groups of ten, each tasked with staging a play in collaboration with the theatrical society. Her group was assigned the play "Romeo and Juliet" by William Shakespeare.

It was during the preparation for the play that she met Lalita Kensington. Lalita was the leader of the team, barking orders at everyone. She appointed Khushi with the duty of setting up the fairy lights on the stage to set up the right mood for the actors. Somehow, unbeknownst to anyone, Khushi got entangled in the fairy lights, which were accidentally switched on. From that moment, the team started calling her "Chamkili" to tease her. One day, when Lalita called her by that name, Khushi stood up to her and said she didn't like being called 'Chamkili'.

That day, after wrapping up their dialogue writing class for the literary society, Lalita offered Khushi a bar of chocolate and a dazzling smile.

"Hello, my name is Lalita Kensington. My friends affectionately call me 'La.' You can call me that too," Lalita said, extending a hand to Khushi. "I am sorry I called you 'Chamkili' earlier."

"It's okay," Khushi chuckled, offering her a friendly smile. "Hi, my name is Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada. People affectionately call me Khushi."

"Wow, you have such a long name. But why did you laugh? Are you making fun of my name?" Lalita asked scrunching her eyebrows.

"No, no. Your name reminded me of my neighbour. He talks like you, actually. His name is Nithin Kingsley, but people affectionately called him NK." They both shared a gleeful laugh.

"Is he cute?"

And that's how their banter began, becoming seemingly unstoppable whenever these two friends got together. They bonded over their shared love for literature and food. And Khushi found a precious friendship she had never expected. So it was very surreal for Khushi when the two best friends of hers met and formed an instant connection.

It was her 20th birthday. Nani Ji and NK had planned a surprise for her. Nani Ji baked a cake and came to visit her in the afternoon. Khushi was so happy. She made jalebis and rabri for her birthday and offered them to Nani Ji and NK. As she was making tea for them, the doorbell rang.

"Khushi ji, chinta mat kijiye. Main dekhta hoon," NK's voice filtered through the kitchen.

As NK opened the door, it felt as though time had slowed down. He came face to face with a girl who made his heart almost stop beating as he stared at her without blinking even once.

"Hello," Lalita said, waving a hand in front of him.

"Hi," he murmured breathlessly.

"Who are you? Where's Khushi?"

"Main Khushi ji ka beiman hu."

"Aap Khushi ka kya hain?" she said, doing a double take.

"Beiman, you know, guest."

"Beiman nahi, mehman hota hain."

"Aap Indian ho?"

"Half-Indian. Meri ma Indian hain, dad British."

"Mera bhi. Actually my mom is half-Indian and dad British."

As Khushi approached the front door, she found NK staring foolishly at her best friend with heart-eyes.

Lalita asked Khushi lowly, "Who's this cartoon?"

"La, this is my neighbour I told you about, remember? La, meet Nithin Kingsley, aka NK."

"Hi, I am NK. Aur aapki takleef?"

"What?" Lalita rolled her eyes and added, "Takleef nahi, tareef hota hai. I am La, I mean Lalita Kensington."

"Aap meri dil ki baat kitni achi tarah se jaanti hain, Lalita ji."

Khushi saw Lalita roll her eyes at him again, but a small smile ghosted her lips as he gazed at her with stars in his eyes. Over the next few weeks, NK talked her head off by alternately talking about Lalita and how much he would miss Khushi when she leaves London next month.

"Lalita ji kitni nice hai na, I mean unka face, unki aankhein, unki baal, unki naazuk haath, sab kuch..sab kuch...kitna... kitna nice hai na.....Aur lalita ji jab bathein karti hain....oh..oh..hoo..wow, ese lagta hain ke jese ki saari duniya geyi jhaar mein."

"Hmm."

"Khushi ji, aap agle mahine chale jayenge, hum aapko bohot miss karenge."

"NK, I'll give you my address. Come visit me when you come to India."

The remaining time before going back to India was spent preparing and saying goodbyes. It was a bittersweet moment for Khushi. As for Arnav, he didn't form any emotional attachment to the city, but Khushi had a feeling that she would miss it somehow. She would always hold dear the moments, good or bad, that she spent in this city. She would miss Devyani Ji, NK, and La. She would always miss the cottage that had seen so many of their moments and had been with them through thick and thin. She would also remember the bitter moments, as those had taught her to be better in life.

"Do you need any help wearing that saree? " Arnav asked from the doorway of their room, with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"NO, absolutely not. don't come near me," Khushi said rapidly shaking her head. "I don't want to be late for this party."

"Come on, let me help. You're obviously struggling over there," Arnav said, moving closer. "See, this part is sticking out." He tugged at a loose part of her saree from her waist, causing the fabric to unravel completely.

"Arnav!!!!!" Khushi whined, stomping her feet.

Arnav raised his hands in a sign of surrender and flopped down on the bed, hugging a pillow.

"Since when did you make so many best friends? Now you want to go to a girl's birthday party you met six months ago instead of spending this Sunday evening with your husband. I thought I was your best friend," he said, sulking a little.

Khushi let go of the saree and carefully draped it over the back of a chair in the corner of their room, and went to him.

"You are my ultimate best friend," she said, kissing his cheek. "And you will come with me too. When I can attend La's birthday again, only God knows."

"No, I don't want to be at a girly party. I'll drop you off and then pick you up," he said broodily. "Don't you have NK to accompany you, by the way?"

"Come on, Arnav, kya aap hamare liye itna bhi nahi kar sakte?" she said, messily kissing him all over his face.

"Gimme some more, then I'll think about it," Arnav mumbled with a faint smile at the corner of his lips.

Khushi started kissing his face with renewed enthusiasm. "Please, Arnav... please... please...please," she punctuated each word with a kiss.

Laughing out loud, Arnav rolled them over, bringing her body beneath his as he captured her lips.

"Don't make me late," Khushi whispered against his lips.

"It's not late Khushi. It's called fashionablely late," he said deepening the kiss.

It was her graduation day. As Khushi stood at the crossroads, where one chapter ended and another began, she looked back at her life and couldn't help but feel a deep swell of pride for the journey that had brought her to this moment. She wasn't supposed to be here-by all accounts, the path that led to this grand hall in London, dressed in her cap and gown, was one she was never meant to walk. Yet here she was, standing among her peers, experiencing the culmination of her dreams in this prestigious graduation ceremony.

As Khushi approached the stage to collect her degree, her eyes instinctively sought out Arnav in the crowd. He was beaming at her, pride shining unmistakably in his eyes, a look that warmed her heart and steadied her nerves. Beside him, NK and La were clapping and cheering loudly, their excitement echoing through the grand hall. Their support wrapped around her like a comforting embrace, filling her with a sense of belonging and accomplishment as she prepared to take the final step in this remarkable journey.

Lavanya paced the length of her dimly lit study, the soft light of the antique lamp casting long shadows on the walls. Her gaze fell upon the framed photographs of her youth scattered on the desk. The faces of her friends, her late mother, and a younger, more carefree Lavanya stared back at her. She sighed, her reflection in the polished wood of the desk a reminder of the person she used to be.

She thought about her mother, who had passed away when she was just twelve. A profound sadness washed over her as she wondered if her mother would be proud of the person she had become-resentful, vindictive, and delusional. The answer, she realized, was no. Her mother would not be proud.

For the past ten years, Lavanya had navigated life largely on her own. Her father's absenteeism had been compensated with expensive gifts and empty promises. He would often say, "Lavanya, you can have anything you want, dear." She grew up believing that she could indeed have everything she desired, and she did. She gained a myriad of material possessions and excelled in academic proficiency, yet there was one thing she couldn't have-HIM.

Her childhood friends, Pam and Sim, often told her, "Lavanya, you are so beautiful. You can have anyone worshipping the ground you walk on." Yet, despite their reassurances and the suitors who pursued her, Lavanya had eyes only for Arnav. He possessed an elusive quality that enchanted her, a quality so captivating that she failed to see she was building a castle in the clouds.

Arnav's words rang true. "It's but a shadow and a thought that you love." He was right. She had convinced herself that she loved him and envisioned a future together, yet she knew so little about him. She did not know about his dreams, his fears, what made him tick and all the things that mattered to him at all, nothing. In her obsession with Arnav, she had turned her own life into a distorted reflection of what she thought love should be. Her fixation had not only clouded her judgment but had also caused pain to someone who had been entirely innocent in this process.

Lavanya gave the driver meticulous directions to her destination. With a deep breath, she stepped out of the car. Her heart pounded with anxiety, as she had no idea how she would react.

As she approached the house, Lavanya saw her through the window, curled up with a book. She drew a deep breath, steadying her shaking hands before knocking, a small bouquet of white tulips clutched nervously in her hand.

Khushi answered after a moment, her eyes widening in surprise at the sight of Lavanya standing on the doorstep. The tension in the air was palpable, but Lavanya offered a tentative smile. "Hi," she began, her voice softer, "I hope I'm not intruding."

Khushi hesitated, then stepped back to allow her inside. "What brings you here?"

"I came to talk," Lavanya said, holding out the tulips with a nervous smile. "I brought these for you. I know it's not much, but I wanted to bring something."

Khushi accepted the flowers with a hesitant hand, unsure of Lavanya's intent. "Thank you."

They settled in the cozy living room, the warm glow of the fireplace contrasting sharply with the chill Lavanya felt. Lavanya kept wriggling her fingers.

"Would you like some tea?" Khushi asked politely. She had no intention to be in her presence longer than absolutely necessary.

"Sure."

As they sipped their tea wordlessly, an awkward silence fell over them.

"I don't know where to begin," Lavanya started, her voice trembling. "I've come to apologize to you....for how I behaved, for the things I said...... I know I've hurt you immensely with my actions." She paused, licking her dry lips, "...and I am truly sorry for that."

Khushi looked at her, dumbfounded, not expecting the apology at all. "I don't know, Mrs. Kashyap," she said slowly. "What do you expect me to say?"

"You don't have to say anything. I'm being selfish here once again actually. I just need to say 'sorry' to you before you go back to India," Lavanya added. "I know you don't need my apology, but I am truly sorry."

"I'll take my leave now," Lavanya said, standing up. "If possible, please forgive me."

Khushi looked at her retreating form with a wistful expression on her face. it felt like drawing an end to a specific chapter of her life.

<previous> | <next>

@featheredclover @arshifiesta @phuljari @chutkiandchotte @msbhagirathi @jalebi-weds-bluetooth

[whiskey-tango-matcha]

Heart. Sick. (m, cold)

clearly the clicky clacky keyboard helped my writers block because here I am, back to churning out a 5k fic in one day lmao. this is a Greyson-centric one, and tbh it's a lot of exposition, and a lot of character development. but don't worry - Greyson is plenty miserable throughout 😅 I hope you guys like these ones that are a little more plot-driven! I honestly set out to write fluff but it wanted to be a drama fest. classic. enjoy!

Cw: male, cold, some mess, coughing, sick character galavanting about instead of just going to bed, implied contagion

“What is your problem today?”

Greyson’s head snapped up at the sound of his boss’s voice. He raised an eyebrow and put down his knife; this seemed like the kind of conversation that required his full attention. “What?” he asked, brilliantly.

Elijah crossed his arms. He had been leaning against the prep table, but straightened up to his full height when the chef regarded him. “You’ve been here for an hour and you haven’t even stopped in the office to say hi,” he said. Did he hear how lame and codependent he sounded? Yes. But that was their friendship – lame, codependent, and most of all consistent. Greyson always made the office his first stop when he got in; they checked in with one another, mapped out the day, traded stories from the night before if one of them had been off. Not having his morning gossip session with Greyson made Elijah feel like he was living in a weird, wrong, nega-dimension, and he didn’t want that to become a thing.

The chef huffed out a laugh. “Seriously?” he asked, picking his knife back up. “I have a lot of shit to do today, Lij,” he said. “Matt called out.”

“Oh,” Elijah said, immediately feeling stupid. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I am telling you,” Greyson said, looking pointedly up at his boss. “Right now.”

Elijah bit his tongue; this was exactly what he meant. Greyson wasn’t himself today. Matt calling out was obviously stressful, but the chef never let things like that make him angry, or short, or snippy. Something was definitely off – he didn’t know what, but it was definitely something.

“Did he say why?” Elijah asked as Greyson continued to chop. Greyson stopped short again and looked back up.

“Why what?”

“Why he called out.”

“Who?”

“Jesus Christ, Greyson,” Elijah threw his hands in the air. “Did you smoke a bowl the second before you walked in today? Matt. Did Matt say why he was calling out?”

“Oh,” Greyson said, turning once again to his prep work. “Yeah, some sort of flu thing. I said if he has a fever he can’t come in.”

Ah. There it was.

Greyson and Matt were what everyone in the restaurant affectionately called the plague rats – that is to say, they were the ones who brought any illness that was roaming around New York City into the restaurant, ad infinitum. They were the partiers, the club kids (though Greyson, at thirty-one should have reached the end of his club kid stage years ago), the chronic sleepers-around, and the past few months, it had gone from going out a couple times a week, to going out every single night. Hardly a month went by that the two of them weren’t complaining of a sore throat, a cold sore, a stomach bug that they’d been gifted by one of their many nights out.

And, of course, they never went out partying without one another.

“Did he seem okay last night when you guys went out?” Elijah asked, the question so pointed it may as well have been an accusation. Greyson shrugged, covered up the last of the prepped vegetables with plastic wrap, and slid them into the reach-in cooler below the prep station.

“Maybe a little off,” Greyson said. “He didn’t mention anything.”

“What time did you guys leave?” Elijah asked. Greyson gave his boss an incredulous look.

“What are you, a cop? I don’t know, mom, one or two? What difference does it make?”

Elijah recoiled a bit at the chef’s snappiness. “Christ, sorry, just trying to suss out whether he’s actually sick or just hungover.”

“Who gives a fuck?” Greyson asked, pushing his hair back into a small ponytail and tying it with a rubber band Elijah knew came from a package of asparagus. “He’s not coming in, that’s all we really need to know, right? Are we gonna track him down and fire him if he’s hungover?”

“You are on one today,” Elijah said. “No, we’re not going to fucking track him down, Jesus Christ.” This time, Elijah went for an honesty-is-the-best-policy approach. “I’m trying to figure out if you’re in a mood because you have extra work to do, or because you feel like shit.”

Greyson rolled his eyes and breezed past Elijah. He yanked open the walk-in and stepped inside, his boss hot on his trail. The chef grabbed two heads of cauliflower and a few bunches of radishes and nearly jumped out of his skin when he turned to see Elijah practically on top of him. “Stop following me,” he growled, pushing past Elijah again.

“Greyson,” Elijah said to the rapidly-closing walk-in door. He pressed the red button to let himself out, and once again tailed the chef to the prep table. “Greyson, I just want to know if you’re alright,” Elijah said, keeping a healthy distance. Greyson took a deep breath and put down his knife.

“I am fine. Matt will be back tomorrow. Please, let me do my work. Ple – hh...hhNGSTHH-uhh!” Greyson crushed the sudden sneeze into his shoulder, picked up his knife, and continued his work, not acknowledging it at all. Elijah bit his cheek.

“Bless you,” the older man said, accusatory.

“Elijah,” Greyson said, not looking up, “leave me alone.”

Elijah nodded, not that Greyson could see it while he chopped. The GM turned, walked back to the office, and pulled out his phone to text Matt.

Hey, he typed into their chat. Heard you’re sick, hope you’re getting some rest.

Thx boss, Matt typed back almost-instantly. Should be good by tomorrow.

Elijah paused before sending his next text, but then did it before he could question himself too much. Just wanted to ask...was grey acting weird with you last night? He’s totally on one today.

It took a minute or two for Matt to text back – the three bubbles popped up and went away at least three times, as though Matt was trying to figure out what to say but kept second-guessing. Finally, the text came through.

Wait, is chef there today? He told me he was going to call shelly in.

Elijah cocked his head at the phone screen; Shelly, the sous chef Greyson had brought on a month ago, was scheduled off today. Why would he call her in?

No, it’s just greyson today. Why would he call shelly in?

This time, it took Matt no time to respond.

That asshole, he said he was going to take the day off.

I’m lost, Matt. Why would he take the day off…?

Another minute of bubbles popping up and going away ensued. When the text did come through, Elijah felt his face flame. That motherfucker, he thought, slamming his phone down, screen-up on the desk and stalking back to the prep kitchen.

On his open phone, the text from Matt: he gave me this shit. We literally went and had one drink, then he said he had to go bc he felt like trash. Fuckin greyson.

Fuckin’ Greyson. That was for damn sure.

***

He knew he was coming down with something on Monday, but it was one of those excruciatingly slow-to-come-on illnesses that made you wonder if you were actually just crazy, and this whole thing was in your head. A sneeze here, a rogue cough, the sore throat that came and went with several long drinks of water – for three days, Greyson gaslit himself, told himself he was imagining it, took Emergen-C and chalked it up to allergies.

“Morning, boss,” Matt had greeted him.

By the time Thursday – yesterday – had come around, it finally hit him properly. Greyson woke up with a heavy feeling in his chest, his head throbbing, and a lump in his throat to match the one in his stomach. He sighed as he got ready, loaded up on dayquil, and headed into work.

Greyson had returned the greeting with a rough, “HNGSTHH-ue!” and a sharp sniffle. Matt winced as his boss unpacked his knife bag.

“Yikes,” he said, “I guess that girl from the bar last night wasn’t just doing a lot of coke, then?”

“More like the guy I stayed the night with on Saturday didn’t just have a naturally deep and husky voice,” Greyson said, rubbing his nose on the back of his hand. “It’s the world’s slowest-to-come-on cold, I swear. I’ve been almost sick since Monday.” He coughed into his sleeve for what felt like a long moment, came up to see a water bottle placed in front of him. “Thanks.”

“No worries,” Matt said. “That makes sense, though,” he continued, “because I can definitely feel it coming on. Thought maybe it was allergies.”

“Sorry, kid,” Greyson said. “We’ll get you outta here early.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “If you’re here, I’m here, boss,” he said. The two of them had prepped in near-silence for awhile, before Greyson seemed to realize something was off.

“Has Elijah come back here yet this morning?” he asked, and Matt shook his head.

“Isn’t he off today? I think Mark said he had some sort of appointment.”

Greyson flashed Matt a little look and the sous chef blushed – Matt and Mark were very recently a thing, a fact that was clear to everyone in the restaurant and that the two of them were attempting to hide, as if any fling that took place within the confines of these walls was anything other than obvious. Greyson figured now wasn’t the time to bully his muse.

“Thank god he’s not here,” he said instead. “Elijah, I mean. I’m so sick of him giving me shit every time I have a stuffy no – NGTSHH-uh! Hh...HTSHH-ue! Fuck.” Greyson slunk away from his prep area to blow his nose, cough again, and wash his hands.

“Bless,” Matt said when Greyson made his way back to his station. “To be fair to Elijah -”

“No,” Greyson stopped Matt by holding up a hand. “We’re not talking about this.”

“I was just going to say, I mean, you have been out a lot since the whole… breakup situation.” The way Matt trailed off made it obvious that he immediately regretted bringing this up. Greyson sniffled, stayed silent for a few moments, and then sighed.

“You're one to talk. And besides, I don’t know how it’s my fault that every club in a five-mile-radius is a cesspool,” Greyson muttered, a lame attempt at a joke. Matt took the bait and huffed out a laugh.

“I don’t think Elijah blames you for the general grossness that is the midtown club scene,” he said. “I think he’s just worried about you.”

Greyson wasn’t so sure. Maybe it had started as worry; worrying was one of Elijah’s greatest passions, after all. But it had been six months since Greyson and Collin had broken up, and in that time worry had turned to annoyance, which had led to what felt like resentment. A month before, Greyson had been laid up with strep throat, thanks to a girl who he swore was trying to steal his tonsils with how deep she shoved her tongue into his mouth, and Elijah didn’t even try to hide his distaste.

“Seriously, Grey?” he had asked when the chef stumbled into the restaurant sweating, shivering, and unable to speak. “Who over the age of twelve gets strep throat? What’s next, mono? Chicken pox? Run the gambit of diseases kids get from putting their hands in too many people’s mouths?”

Greyson knew it was stupid to go out drinking and partying every night; he knew he was too old, knew it was irresponsible, he knew he should be processing the breakup instead of drowning every feeling he had about it in booze and sex. He knew. But he just couldn’t do it. Collin was the first person he’d ever really loved; getting over the coldness with which his first love threw in the towel that was their relationship was easier said than done.

He certainly wasn’t going to tell Elijah of all people that. He loved the man; Elijah was his best friend, his business partner, the guy he called first when something amazing or devastating happened, but this was not his strong suit. Elijah was basically a nun when it came to all things partying; he prided himself on never having more than two drinks when they went out, never sleeping around, and being married to the restaurant. Greyson loved Elijah, but he knew that the GM just wouldn’t get it.

So, the reprieve from being harassed about his near-constant menagerie of illnesses was a welcome one. He and Matt had prepped, passing a box of tissues between them the entire time, they’d gotten through a relatively slow service and, like every night the past few months, they’d ended the evening at a bar a few blocks from Elliot’s.

Greyson wanted to want to be there, truly he did, but he didn’t have it in him. Maybe it was the thought of being the only chef in the next day – Matt was well and truly coming down with the cold Greyson had come in with – or maybe it was just that the constant barrage of illnesses was starting to wear on his body, but the thought of staying awake for another minute, let alone another few hours, made Greyson’s head pound.

“I’m gonna call it,” Greyson said, shooting back his whiskey and placing a twenty on the bar top. “Take the day tomorrow, alright?”

Matt raised an eyebrow. “What about you?” he asked, coughing into the back of his hand. “You look like shit.”

“Thanks,” Greyson said, elbowing Matt playfully. “I’ll call Shelly in, okay? I’ll take the day, too.” It was a lie; Shelly wasn’t ready for the responsibility of running a Friday night, not even a slow one, but if it made Matt take a day off, it was worth it to lie.

“Alright,” Matt said, wary. “Well, have a good night, Chef. Feel better.”

“Same to you,” Greyson said. “Tell Mark I said night-night. Give him a little kiss for me, too.”

Matt’s face turned bright red. By the time he’d collected himself enough to respond, his boss was gone.

***

“Greyson!”

Elijah stomped his way through the kitchen, on the hunt. He reached the back kitchen before Greyson could hear him, and the chef was blowing his nose into a rough paper towel looking caught, like a deer in the headlights.

“You fuckin’ asshole,” Elijah said, “why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”

“I’m not sick,” Greyson said, sniffling and tossing the paper towel. His eyes, Elijah noticed now, were rimmed red, and his voice was low and gravelly. “It’s allergies.”

“Right,” Elijah rolled his eyes. “Contagious allergies? Allergies you passed along to Matt? For Christ’s sake, Greyson, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you lately, but you need to get it together. If Matt’s sick, that means Mark is going to get sick, then my entire front of house team gets it. What do you think you are, twenty-three years old? You can’t go out every single night and sleep around with anything that has a hole and also have an eighty-hour-a-week job. You’re not a kid, Greyson. This behavior? It’s childish. And I’m fuckin’ sick of it.”

Greyson stood there and took it, his mouth in a hard line. “Okay,” he said after a beat.

“Okay?”

“Okay,” he repeated. “You’re right. I’ll – hh! HhhIGSTZH-ue! Huh! HuhhESTCHZUE!” The chef sneezed painfully into his elbow, cleared his throat, and righted himself. “I’ll stop. It’s childish. Okay?” his voice was nasal, hoarse, and tight, as though he was on the verge of tears. All the fight Elijah had brought to the back kitchen was rung out of him like a washcloth at the end of a long bath.

“Um,” he said, “okay. Good. Now, go home. I’ll call in Shelly, I’m closing the books, it’ll be an easy night. Go rest so you can be good for the weekend.”

The chef just nodded, not making eye contact. “Heard,” he said, packing up his things. He didn’t beg to stay, didn’t insist that he was fine. He just picked up his bag, nodded at Elijah, and said, “See you tomorrow.”

Elijah was so in shock, he didn’t even respond until Greyson was out the door. “Yeah,” he mumbled, blinking. “See you tomorrow.”

***

The pulse of the music thumped in time with Greyson’s headache; it was oddly soothing, if a little disconcerting how in tune the two were.

“I’ll take andother,” he called to the bartender as loudly as he could muster. The bartender nodded, brought the bottle over, and topped him off, smiling seductively all the while.

“This one’s on the house, love,” he said in a faint British accent that Greyson couldn’t decide was real or fake. “What’s your name?”

“You’re very cute,” Greyson slurred, all levity out the window three drinks ago. “But I’mb sick as a dog, and I’mb ndot trying to pass it around any mbore than I already have.”

The bartender laughed. “This job is worse than a daycare when it comes to germs,” he said over the thrum of the crowd and the bass of the music. “Pretty sure I’m immune to just about everything at this point.”

Greyson let a sloppy smile paint his face. “Mbust be ndice,” he said, taking a swallow of his drink, then turning to his elbow to cough. “I work in a kitchend, it’s just about as bad but I haven’t seemed to gain any immu – immu...huh...hhINGTZHH-ue! HTSHH-ue! HRSHH-ue!” Greyson pulled his white tshirt over his nose and mouth and ducked almost completely under the bar to sneeze. He swore under his breath, sucked in through his nose, and sat himself upright once again. The bartender tutted in sympathy.

“Poor thing,” he said, smiling slyly. “You should be in bed.”

He wasn’t wrong; after Elijah’s blowup, Greyson had certainly thought about doing the right thing, going home, crawling into bed and actually attempting to get better. It had only been noon when he left the restaurant, and if he didn’t have to be in til noon the next day, that was almost a full twenty-four hours that he could spend doing nothing except relaxing, resting… being alone with his thoughts…

Yeah, that wasn’t about to happen.

Instead, Greyson had walked forty blocks to Greenwich and had lunch at one of his favorite spots. He’d moved on to a coffee shop from there, writing in his little black notebook recipes that he wanted to try out at Elliot’s. After that, he’d stopped into a CVS and bought them out of dayquil; three or four swigs later, and he was on his phone rapidly texting anyone he’d slept with in the past two months to see if they wanted to hang out. They did not.

The failed attempts at a hookup sent him into a darker place than he’d like to admit, so Greyson decided four pm was late enough to start drinking, and he took a cab back to midtown to begin his nightly spiral. The bar with the cute bartender was stop number four of the evening; at stop two, the dayquil had worn off. By stop three, he was coughing every time he took too deep of a breath. This was the stop where he’d given up the facade of health and just allowed himself to be the grossest person at the bar – much to everyone but this bartender’s chagrin.

“Yeah,” he said to the bartender, “you’re probably right.”

The bartender winked and turned back to the other bar patrons, leaving Greyson to sit foggy-headed and cold, alone with his whiskey. He looked at the clock on his phone – 11:45PM. The restaurant was probably empty by now. He wondered if Elijah was still there, finishing up paperwork; he thought about texting him, then remembered the blowup again. Greyson put his phone away, pulled a fifty out of his wallet, and ducked out of the bar.

It was cold outside; it was barely September, but Greyson could definitely feel that fall was in the air. He didn’t realize until now that he’d forgotten his jacket at work. Fuck.

Greyson shoved his hands into his pockets, shivering – there was no way he was going to make it back to his apartment without a jacket. The chef looked up at the street signs and realized he was only a block or two from the restaurant. Fuck it, he thought, sneezing into his exposed elbow. I’m getting that jacket.

***

It had been a long shift.

Shelly was great, really – she was just young, and a little bit scared of the enormity of running a restaurant. Elijah had figured that out at about seven pm, when she was nearly in tears with just six tickets on the board. But they had gotten through it, with Elijah taking over expo and Shelly running inside middle. It was fine. Long? Yes. But fine.

At eleven, the restaurant had emptied and with it went the servers, cooks, and junior managers. Elijah finished up his paperwork, locked the front door, set the alarm, and sat down at the empty bar with a glass of whiskey – just him, the thrum of the heater, and the restaurant.

When he was feeling really low, Elijah would spend hours like this; just sitting at his bar, looking out into the dining room, reeling in what he had created. This space was his, a place that he had spent his entire life clawing upwards for, despite the drone of older restaurateurs telling him he was too young, or too poor, or too talentless to own his own place. Elijah hadn’t grown up with money, or support, or any kind of nepotism that would have propelled him into this field, but he’d grown up with something most people hadn’t – drive. Passion. An absolute need to succeed, despite it all. Sometimes he needed to remind himself of that.

He knew that no one could really understand his reasons for being as anal as he was about everything in the restaurant – not even Greyson, though his counterpart came close. Often, Elijah felt like he spent his life explaining himself; explaining why he wasn’t married or even dating at thirty-nine, explaining why things had to be done a certain way so that appliances and tables and chairs and glassware and plates would last as long as humanly possible; explaining why people should care about his restaurant, his vision. Sometimes, Elijah wished he didn’t have this fire inside him. This passion for his work. He knew damn well his life would be easier if he didn’t.

Elijah looked at his phone as midnight approached, thinking about the day, thinking about Greyson. He wished things had gone down differently this morning, but he know Greyson could be like a kid when it came to arguments – quick to forgive, quick to forget. Sometimes that made Elijah feel even worse; he wished the other man would scream back at him, give in to his baser desires like Elijah was so wont to do when it came to arguing. Greyson saved those more carnal instincts for after work, Elijah supposed.

It would be worked out by tomorrow, whether Elijah wanted it to or not. He sighed, drained his glass, and went to turn off the lights behind the bar – when the alarm began blaring.

Elijah froze in his tracks. Who the fuck was breaking into the restaurant?

The GM burst through the doors to the kitchen and ran towards the back, absolutely nothing to defend him in his hands. If he was defending his restaurant, he was doing so with his bare hands; he’d figuratively clawed his way up to this position, he would certainly literally claw someone’s eyes out if they attempted to take it from him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Elijah heard someone at the back door before he saw them. He slowed his pace when he heard the voice. Greyson.

“Grey?” Elijah called, turning the corner and seeing the chef clumsily attempting to turn the alarm off. Greyson was wearing just a tshirt and jeans despite it being near-freezing outside, and the way he was fumbling with the alarm system meant he was almost certainly wasted. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Greyson turned to his boss and smiled, lopsided. He looked like shit; he was as pale as his shirt, his nose was bright red and running so much that he had taken to swiping a hand under it every few seconds, and Elijah could hear the wheeze in every breath he took. “Oh, thangk God,” he said, moving out of the way so Elijah could turn the alarm system off. “I thought if that back was opend, I could just sneak in. To grab mby jacket.” Greyson coughed away from Elijah, an angry, productive sound that made the GM flinch. “Sorry,” Greyson said. “It’s cold outside.”

“I’m well aware,” Elijah said, turning away from the now-silent alarm. “What are you doing out? You’re supposed to be at home. Getting better. Remember, I sent you home twelve hours ago? What have you been doing, out partying? You’re sick, Greyson.”

“I kndow, I kndow,” Greyson said, yanking the rubber band out of his hair and letting it fall wildly around his shoulders. “I just… I… hh… huh! HuhhhIGTSZHH-ue! HTSH! HRSHH-uh! Fuck – HNGSTHHZUE!” The sneezes wrenched themselves from him, rough and painful-sounding. Greyson stood, post-fit, and pushed his hair back with a hand. “Sorry,” he said, his voice wavering.

Elijah sighed; it was too late to fight. “C’mon,” he said, “let’s go sit for a bit. I can’t send you home like this.”

He led them both back to the bar and, despite his better judgment, poured them each a whiskey. Greyson coughed and took a swig of his before Elijah even sat down. “Thangks,” he said.

“Don’t mention it.” Elijah drank his whiskey slowly, trying to decide what to say to the chef. After a moment of silence so tense it could be sliced through with a butcher knife, both Elijah and Greyson attempted to start a conversation at the same time.

“Grey, I -”

“Lij, it’s-”

They both stopped, smiled at the absurdity, and Elijah motioned to the chef as if to say the floor is yours.

“Ndo, you go ahead,” Greyson said, sipping his drink. “Besides, I cand barely talk.”

Elijah couldn’t disagree with him there, so he let out one forced little laugh and then sighed. “Grey, I’m sorry. Really. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“Grey,” Elijah said finally, turning towards his friend, “what’s been going on, really? You’re… something is wrong. You’re not… you.”

Greyson shrugged. “I shouldn’t be bringing every disease kndown to mban into the restaurant, but here we are,” he said, coughing into his fist. Elijah laughed in earnest this time, and the two of them lapsed into silence once again.

Greyson pursed his lips, downed the rest of his drink, and cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he said. “You’re right. I’mb ndot.” The chef sighed and turned his barstool towards Elijah. “It’s… it’s the whole Collin thing. It’s beend… a lot harder than I thought it would be. Getting over himb.” Greyson sniffled; Elijah was unsure if it was illness-related, or if the other man was crying. He was quickly given an answer when Greyson wrenched to the side – “HGTSHH-ue! Hh! HhhNGTSHZ-ue!” The chef wiped his nose on the back of his hand and cringed. “Sorry,” he said.

Elijah shook his head. “Dude,” he said, “you could’ve just told me you were taking it harder than you expected. You know I’m always here if you need to talk. I thought we were friends.”

“Lij, we are friends, but like… I don’t kndow. It’s weird talking to you about this shit because you don’t… I don’t kndow, fuck up. You take everything in stride, like it all rolls off your back. I’mb ndot like that. Plus, you literally ndever date - I’ve ndever kndown you to have a single girlfriend, let alonde break up with someone, and we’ve kndown each other for years.” Greyson pressed his hand into one of his eyes and groaned. “Fuck, I thingk I’mb getting andother fuckigg sindus infection,” he muttered. Elijah gave his friend a pointed look.

“The fact that you know off the top of you head exactly what that feels like definitely says something about these past few months,” he said, prompting a sharp laugh and the middle finger from Greyson. Elijah smiled. “You’re right,” he said, after a beat. “I don’t date. There was a girl, a long time ago – before I bought this place. I thought we were going to get married one day.”

Greyson’s eyebrows shot up, headache clearly forgotten. “Ndo way,” he said. “You’re shitting mbe. You? What was her name? Do I know her?”

Elijah laughed. “You don’t know her,” he said. “She was actually a chef, too, at this vegan brunch place in the Financial District. But she wanted kids, she wanted me to have a job where I could be home in the evenings…” Elijah shrugged, a fingernail digging into a groove in the bar top. “It just wasn’t meant to be.”

“Dude,” Greyson said, placing a hand on Elijah’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, man.”

Elijah shrugged again, and looked back up at Greyson. “It was a long time ago,” he said. “But I mean – I do get it. Heartbreak, that is. You can talk to me about anything, Greyson. And I’m not some let-it-roll-off-your-back, take-it-in-stride monolith, either.” He smiled, attempting to break the tension. “Obviously I get pissed all the time so just… talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. I want to help.”

The two of them sat in silence once again, neither really knowing the right thing to say next. Finally, Greyson’s body broke the tension: “HNGTSHH-ue! God, fuck,” the chef reached across the bar and attempted to blow his nose in a cocktail napkin – to no avail.

“Bless you,” Elijah said, and Greyson nodded.

“Thangks,” he said, slowly lowering his head to the bar top. “Fuck, I feel like such hot garbage. The going out every ndight thigg is definitely ndot for anyone over thirty.”

Elijah couldn’t help but cackle. “And you wonder why I have a two-drink-maximum hard line? I’d be dead on the floor if I drank like you and Matt. Welcome to old age, bud.”

“Yeah, you mbight be on to something there,” Greyson said, closing his eyes. “Definitely ndot gonna be hooking up with anyone under twenty-five anymbore, either. They’re all cesspools. HGTSHH-ue!”

“Bless,” Elijah said again. “Want me to drive you home?”

Greyson opened one red, watering eye. “In a mbinute,” he said. “I just ndeed to...rest mby eyes.”

Elijah pursed his lips to keep from laughing at the spectacle that was Greyson; mouth-breathing, whiskey-smelling, chest-crackling Greyson. Heartbreak didn’t look good on anyone, but on him it was especially rough. Within moments, the chef was snoring.

Elijah shook his head, stripped a table of its clean white cloth, and placed it over Greyson’s shoulders. Rest was rest, he figured. Elijah poured himself a rare third drink and sat next to his ailing friend.

“Sleep well, Chef,” he said, and took a long pull.

[kindheart525]

What are your favorite kinds of stories to tell? What are your favorite type of characters to write? Favorite dynamics?

I love this question, thank you so much! Most broadly, my favorite kinds of stories to tell are the character-driven ones. I often tell my friends that I find it easier to write dialogue than describe actions in my MLP stories and I think that's a reflection of how interpersonal interactions are where I really feel at home as a writer.

I can write anything from friends to enemies to lovers but I think my favorite dynamics to explore are between family members. I am incredibly close with my family irl so I enjoy putting that into my stories. Even the less happy family interactions make for an emotionally-gripping exploration of the tensions and traumas that do exist within homes. The thread of generational trauma that runs through Bojack Horseman had me especially captured so I like to explore those themes in my own work. I am a mama's girl so mother-child relationships are usually my favorite within stories, particularly those that are very much loving but complicated like the Tempest Shadow/Raspberry Sorbet dynamic. I also like delving into a little relationship drama (like in Scootaloo and Terramar's arc) because that kind of angst is just so much fun to write. Marmalade Meringue's arc is among the upcoming arcs I'm really looking forward to because it has relationship drama AND family tension, both themes I love.

As for my favorite types of characters to write, I've consistently been drawn to the angsty/sad asshole types. Those characters who make terrible choices and are perhaps unkind to others but carry some deep trauma inside of them. Turquoise Edge, Galaxy Guard, and Firefly from the Kindverse were those types of characters to varying extents. I write Scootaloo like that in the Auraverse where she makes mistakes as a mother while also coping with internalized ableism and a shitty marriage. Rainbow Dash is also that character for me in the Kindverse and Thirdverse where things keep going wrong for her and she responds by pushing others away. Blueberry Sticks in the Auraverse is another one of those characters; her arc consists of the Sad Asshole trope AND familial drama which makes it another I'm especially excited about. Outside of the MLP fandom, I really enjoy Smiling Friends fanfictions that portray Charlie Dompler struggling with his vices and trying to become a better man despite his behavior harming others, so my enjoyment of that trope is more widely applicable. I like exploring this trope in a way that shows the angsty asshole really trying to make things better. When they succeed it feels all the more rewarding, and if they fail it's even more heart-wrenching in a good way.

I really like writing character driven angst as you can tell lol but I've also had fun writing the Dottieverse which in a lot of ways is the opposite of my pony projects. Sure there's some light angst, but it's mostly lighthearted and funny and told through doodles, shitposts, and lore dumps rather than full stories with dialogue. One thing it does have in common with my other projects is the heavy focus on character interactions, of course. Plus, I've been known to make shitposts and doodles alongside my pony arcs as well so that part isn't new. I'm going to try to make some more pony content in the lighthearted and informal format of the Dottieverse because I have really enjoyed that. It might make the angst a little less overwhelming if I have more of a balance in format and tone.

[thana-topsy]

Fic Writers Self-Rec

I've been tagged by so many lovely people in my time away from tumblr! Thank you so much to @gilgamish @mareenavee @changelingsandothernonsense @kookaburra1701 and anyone else I might have missed tagging me in this one.

I tag @expended-sleeper @mongoose-bite @banjotea @turbo-toast and @yesjejunus

Rules:

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love!

Halfway to the Sky An obvious choice I think! This fic is my absolute baby. Driven by a purely OC cast, it was kind of a gamble to release into the wilds of fandom, but I'm just eternally grateful and humbled by the amount of support I've gotten through the process of writing it. To say it's been a life-changing story for me is an understatement.

Hollow Men This fic was a genre switch-up for me. I'd never really written a "Recovery Fic" before, and it certainly pushed me out of my comfort zone. But it was one of those that tore its way out of me, just desperate to get out of my head. And I learned so much about writing and about myself. It'll forever hold a special place in my heart. Also an OC-heavy narrative that showed me I could, in fact, drive a story without an NPC anchoring me to the world.

Breathing Water / Liminal Bridges Pardon the two-fer, but I had to include the sequel in this! Breathing Water was a HUGE turning point in my writing. It was the first time I'd written a super compact narrative beginning to end before posting the story. So I was able to really refine the story, plot out appropriate foreshadowing, and wrap everything up neatly. And then Liminal Bridges, a sequel born out of a pure love of Neloth and Teldryn and wanting to see them bounce around in the world some more, has spun off into something so wild and wonderful that I can't wait to start sharing new updates again.

How to Build a Home (or Die Trying) A lesser-known fic of mine, this one I wrote at the very beginning of lockdown in 2020 and it taught me a LOT about flash-fiction, vignette storytelling, time skips, and pacing. That, and I'd wanted to write something with Ralis for a while at that point. It was a fantastic remedy for a rough year. Quickburn with some well-earned fluff.

Finding Mara A spin-off of a sequel, this is one of those fics that I am so incredibly proud of, fond of, and was kind of the prototype for stories like "Hollow Men" and "Halfway to the Sky". It was poking at a lot of themes that I wanted so badly to explore, but didn't yet know how. Nilandur is a character who, in so many ways, changed who I am as a person.

[ivynivekgames]

Here's something Sorely Kneaded :3c (Sorely Kneaded Update Announcement)

Heads up, this is gonna be a MEATY post! (This is making up for all the time of I've been so quiet).

It has been… checks watch okay, over a year since the original [猫はかわいい (kitties are cute)] demo dropped, wowza! Well, I got a couple of things I wanna mention and talk about, and about the future of this project (ALL OF WHICH ARE IMPORTANT)! I've been pretty quiet on saying anything update-wise, but there's a good reason for that… But first, some context!

Now, when I started work on this, I wasn't sure about what direction to take this. I just kinda winged it and hoped for the best, but as I was writing up ideas and where to take the project in the background--the scope has been getting bigger... And the original ideas I had for the time being just weren't holding up. My ability as a writer has majorly improved throughout this (2024) year (I applied myself, tee-hee).

On top of becoming a better writer and getting a more concrete vision of where to take the game, a new musician has joined in helping with the game's soundtrack (an aspect I was woefully fearful of). Their music will be replacing the old (though there may be a track or two that will be kept from the previous composer, seeing as they're essentially... Perfect). The new sound is a lot more fitting in terms of atmosphere and energy.

Art wise, it is still handled by me, but some of the workload is being taken care of by some good, talented friends that are willing to help make this project come to fruition, they too, have been gaining a better understanding of the artstyle that fits the game best. On my end, I've been getting even better at utilising the hard work that has been handed to me and having it make the most impact.

All things considered, I've realised that with so much improvement on the side of production, the earlier parts of the game would have to reflect my new standard going forward (namely The Void and Emerland). The original story is ill-fitting and its concepts too derivative (and anything original is ill-explored) and tone is mixed.

Hence, I am happy to the Sorely Kneaded update. A total reimagining of the CatJam's vertical slice. With half a year of development already, Sorely Kneaded will aim to show my vision and standard quality for the project going forward.

This update is not an earth shattering or thoroughly exhausting endeavour in the sense of scope, rather, it's a showcase of something much closer to what the final game will be. In the update you'll find:

Remastered graphics of assets that were originally sub-par in quality.

New soundtrack and sound design, more fitting for the game's vibes and vision.

New content, more secrets, etc.

A much more balanced gameplay experience, with more interesting dungeons to navigate and more focus on narrative decisions (though the game will still only have one ending).

Greater focus on characters and their interactions, this is a character-driven game, after all. ;)

And finally, a much more fleshed out story and lore, completely abandoning the original "Hell" related plot. Frankly, even the original game barely attached itself to Christian canon, so I feel this was the right choice.

My goal with this project has always been to make a fun and genuine experience that comes from the heart. I have a vision and ideas I want to show to anyone that's interested, and I couldn't bear the idea that I'd somehow deliver it in a shoddy state.

I want to direct you all away from hell, and welcome all of you to the World of Mu, a place where magic flows like air and one only truly dies when their soul fades...

The update will drop when it's done, currently: The Void is in a near-complete state and Emerland will begin development shortly. I will make a follow-up announcement for when it's released, beyond that--hold tight!

Potential questions:

Q: How big will this update be? A: It will likely be bigger than the original demo, I project about 3~ish hours out of it on an average playthrough (the early parts are fairly story heavy).

Q: How will the new music fare compared to the original? A: The new music will be rad! Er... I mean, it's gonna be AWESOM- okay no. It will service the game's atmosphere and tone much better. You'll just have to like, listen, dude.

Q: How good will the new graphics be, compared to the original? A: It's nothing earth shattering, the art will merely be "spruced up" since I want the graphics to maintain a "soulful" look. I have a vision... Q: Any content being removed? A: Yes. As previously said, all the music will be getting replaced, along with the old sound effects. Story elements will be cut in favour of new ones. You may have liked some old concepts or ideas, but I promise that what's new will more than make up for that!

Q: Will the old [Kitties are Cute] save file work with Sorely Kneaded? A: 99% sure it will not (can never be too sure), disregarding that. I put so much effort into making this new stuff, you GOTTA play it, dude!

Q: What will happen to the old demo? A: It'll be left on the page, available for download. I think it's good to leave it archived as a way to show how far the project has come.

PS: The page will be update when the update is out.

Credits:

Director, Writer, Designer, Programmer: Ivy Nivek

Music and Sound Design: @witchscadence, Ivy Nivek

Art: Guck, Split, Spoop, Ivy Nivek

Want to make developing this easier? Throw me some change: https://ko-fi.com/ivynivek