#i am 10k in but honestly i have no idea how long it's going to end up

[voids-ideas]

Ok I am going to do this simply because the first thing I will put here I NEED to do it and I have 0 motivation to do it even though it is EXTREMELY important

In fact, I think that's the reason why I don't want to do it... anyway

If this gets to 30 notes, I do that thing ✅️

50 notes, I call to ask if my doctor's appointment has been scheduled (I've been avoiding it for two weeks now) ✅️

100 notes, I go wash my shoes that have long needed washing and are just sitting there, existing, waiting for me to deign to wash them. ✅️

200 notes, I finish organizing my room (I organized it halfway and then left a bunch of things that still don't have a defined place) ✅️

500 notes, I use the things I have to bleach and color my hair. The only thing that has stopped me is the fear of doing it wrong or being too lazy to maintain it. ✅️

1k notes, I stop doing things that I know will trigger my chronic pain with the pure intention of confirming that the pain was indeed real (don't do this. 0 recommended) ✅️

5k notes, I try some new food without fear of wasting money by buying something I most likely won't like (my autism hates new foods) ✅️

10k notes, I wear my bi flag earrings in front of someone I wouldn't usually wear them with. I trust that they possibly wouldn't have a problem with me being bi, but I would never get up the courage to tell them anything ✔️ (I haven't, but that person was in my room next to where the earrings are. They were 0% hidden) ✅️

20k notes, wtf I have absolutely no idea. If it comes to this, ehhh... Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing here. Do I promise to be honest in therapy and stop telling them that everything is perfect even though nothing has ever been perfect? Yeah, that probably works. Please don't go this far, I don't know how to do this. Maybe I should... but... it would be awful to learn it

April 2024: I stop procrastinating editing this post with the things I've already done. I WANT THE HAIR SO MUCH BUT IT'S SO DIFFICULT

May 2024: Red hair, red hair, red hair. I'M CROWLEY, RED HAIR!!!!!

[lexawoah13]

TO-DO Oneshot

Synopsis: when a regular shooting of TO-DO has a hitch, the director is left begging his staff to fill in the parts of the models who failed to show up. What could go wrong when you get paired up with Soobin, the man you’ve been crushing on for months?

Warnings: oral (male and female receiving), penetrative sex, cum talk, fingering, handjob, fantasy play, inappropriate photos, bunny suit, let me know if I miss something!

Word Count: 10K

Tag list(open btw): @sooluving

The day started simple enough. You showed up to work ready to film the TO-DO episode scheduled for today. Setting up the props and getting everything organized before the guys show up for makeup, when you are approached by the director.

“Y/N! We need your help!? PLEASEEE PLEASE SAY YOU’LL DO IT!?” falling to his knees and bowing in desperation.

“Oh god! what’s going on?!”

“The male models that were supposed to show up today for the episode are a no show! We have no idea where they are and we have to begin shooting in 20 minutes. The guys are already fully booked for the rest of the day so we can’t hold them up”

“Okay so what do you want me to….”realization washes over you of what he’s about to ask you ”OH NO! NO! Nonononono NO WAY am i wearing those things in front of THEM” you refute his pleading. There was no way in HELL you were modeling those costumes for the 5 men you considered your friends. Your relationship with the members developed into quite the friendship from sitting in your chair. You hang out with them outside of work and there is no way you are giving them that leverage over you. You would never live it down, especially as long as Beomgyu was alive.

You see, today’s episode was supposed to consist of the guys drawing live models in their respective animal suits. Only it was supposed to be male models in pretty revealing Halloween versions of said animals. You know, corsets, masks, ears, and very short skirts (if you were ever so lucky).

“Y/N PLEASE! You will only have to model 1 and it will be in a private room so the others won't even see you. We will also blur your face when it airs so no one can see you. Actually it will probably be your whole body. PLEASE! pleasepleasepleaseplease PLEASE WE ARE DESPERATE!”

You think it over. “I want what the models were being paid”

“OF COURSE I’ll give you double! Please”

You turn around and mull it over again in your head. To be honest the only two you wouldn’t want to model in front of were Beomgyu and Soobin. Beomgyu for obvious reasons. The menace would torture you afterwards and never let you breathe peacefully without bringing you up in that “bear” costume (if you could even call it that). Soobin on the other hand… it wasn’t because he would be disrespectful or anything, honestly he would probably be the easiest one to model for. But, the fact that you’re completely head over heels for the man and the idea of him seeing you exposed like that makes you want to die. Picturing his eyes on you at all would make you a complete mess.

“I’LL GIVE YOU A RAISE! PLEASE” the director breaks you out of your thoughts.

Fuck you could really use the raise….”how will the outfits be chosen?” you ask, trying to convince yourself to do this for the money.

“Random draw. No one really wants to do this and that seems like the fairest way.”

“Fine.” you exhale, unable to believe you're actually gonna do this. “I’ll do it. But you're also buying me lunch for a month!”

“DONE! You are an absolute godess you know that!”

“Yeah yeah.. Let's get this over with”

You walk over to the other staff who were going to do this with you, seeing a couple of your work friends also in the circle.

“He got you too, huh?” one of the producers asks you

“Yeah…” you say defeated

“Figured he would. Especially since you and the guys are so close” another says from the styling department

“Yea but this is too much… fuck! if i get Soobin or Gyu i’m gonna off myself” you sigh

“Yea i can’t imagine you in front of Soobin, especially in that bunny girl fit. You’re so in love with him it's crazy he hasn't noticed yet” one of the junior assistants teases

“SHHHHHHH! Can you not! What if he pops up and hears you!” you cover her mouth

“Omg they're not even here yet. You know they let us know as soon as they enter the building over the walkies'' the stylist teases

“Ughhhh.. Can we just do this? Put me out of my misery”

“Okay but we have to promise no switches after we pick! Keep it fair! We all know no one wants to be with Beomgyu because of the teasing we will have to endure from him for the rest of our lives. So no whining, just do it!” one of the senior writers says, putting her hand in the middle to signify making a pact.

“Fine!” you place your hand on top of the others showing you agree. The hat is grabbed by your senior and she holds it in the middle “on 3 we all reach in and pick one” everyone nods “1” she starts

“I mean my odds are 3 out of 5”

“2” she side eyes you continuing the countdown

“So it's not that bad. “ you continue trying to reassure yourself

“3”

“It’s only 2 names I don't really want so what are the chances..” you continue rambling while you all reach in for the costumes.

Everyone opens their slips at the same time and you feel your blood turn cold, “fuck” you say under your breath.

Everyone goes around saying their costume

“Fox/ Yeonjun”

“Penguin/ Kai”

“Fucking bear” the stylist says annoyed “kill me now”

“Cat/ Taehyun”

Which only leaves you. Everyone staring with Giant grins plastered on their faces at your horror..

“Bunny… Soobi-”

“They’ve arrived everyone in positions” blasts over the walkies.

‘Fuck. fuck. FUCKKKKK!’ plays over and over again in your brain as you walk to the dressing room, set with your suit.

Opening the door, you see the white satin, corseted one piece. With matching white fluffy ears and wrist bands. Accompanied by white pumps and white thigh high tights, each having white fur on them as well. You also assumed there was a large fluffy white tail on the back of your suit.

The director knocks on the door

“Come in”

“Oh it’s you… see you got the bunny suit…” he cringes for you

“Yeahhhh…” you say barely above a whisper

“This will be interesting” he silently chuckles to himself, resulting in you death glaring him

Clearing his throat “anyways… can you just put your hair up in a high ponytail with some curls? For makeup keep it light but add some extra blush on your nose to look like a ‘bunny nose’”

All you can do is nod

“You’ll be fine. Soobin is a gentleman, which you’re more than aware of. You’ll be in safe hands” he says, patting you on the shoulder before he walks out.

Getting ready is a blur to you. 9284692161 thoughts running through your head about how bad this could go. You’re not ugly by any means but that doesn’t mean you’re not self conscious. You’re on the curvier side, with a full bust and hips, and a pretty juicy ass. This suit is so tiny you can see every roll and ripple from your stretch marks and extra skin. Not to mention it barely covers your womanhood with how small this gusset is. ‘How the fuck were the men gonna hide their dicks in these?’ you think to yourself.

“Kill me now,” you say outloud with a heavy sigh to your empty room.

A knock at your door breaks you out of your self loathing enough to go open it.

“Hey, how are you?” your work bestie asks you as your head peaks though the tiniest hole crack you can manage. You grab her arm and pull her through.

“How do you think I'm doing? This was the BIGGEST MISTAK-” She cuts you off abruptly as she takes in the sight of you.

“Holy shit babe you look incredible”

“Hahahahha funny. You don’t need to say that. I know how ridiculous i look”

“No no I don't think you understand. You mustn’t be seeing yourself cause Soobin is gonna lose his fucking mind when he sees you”

“Yeahhhhh riiighttt..” you stretch out your words

“Yeah babe, he will. Speaking of! I came here to tell you he was asking about you the whole time he was in hair and makeup.”

“What? Why?”

“He said he was worried you were sick or something. Said you also weren’t answering his texts. He sounded pretty bummed actually. When he walked in you could see his head spinning looking for you” she says raising her brows at you suggestively.

“That's just Soobin. That's how he acts with everyone…”

“No babe.. It’s not. He said it was weird without you there. He missed you, I could tell.”

“Yeah just as a friend though! He was just worried ‘cause he couldn't reach me and his anxiety filled ass though I hated him or something.”

“You’re hopeless, you know that?” she scrunches her eyes at you, disgusted at how you wont believe that Soobin could possibly like you as much as you like him. After all, she sees the way he looks at you everyday.

“Models gather in the common room” the walkie relays

“Fuck! kill me please?” you beg holding your hand in front of your chest as you plead with your bestie.

“Nah hon.. Someones gotta see how hot you look besides me”

“Bitch”

“Love you too! Now off you go! Say hi to Binnie for me!” she blows you a kiss as you walk to the door. Opening it and flipping her off while you close it.

Whistles and cheers can be heard from the minimal staff present as the 5 of you make your way to the common area.

“Yeah yeah everyone pipe down” the director instructs

“First off! Thank you to the 5 amazing ladies who stepped in at the last minute to save our asses! You all look incredible and nothing would be possible without you.” Everyone claps for you all. And all you can think about is how you wish you would turn into an ant and be stepped on. “We are going to bring the guys in shortly and fill them in on today’s task. They however won't know it's you modeling until they enter your private rooms. We will let them in to talk to you first and break the shock. As funny as it would be to release that… I don't think it’s wise for others to know who you are when it airs.” everyone sighs and nods in agreement “so after a very short interaction, we will ask them to leave and we will refilm their “first look”. After that we will leave you all alone. No mics, no cameras besides the polaroids they can use for reference photos. In editing we will blur your faces and bodies so you will not be identifiable.” more sighs of relief were released by the five of you. ”so, any questions?” no one says anything so you rap it up. “Alright then! Let's get you ladies to your rooms and have a great shoot! FIGHTING!” everyone repeats him and goes their own ways.

Once in your room, your anxiety worsens. Your heart beats 1000 miles a minute. Sweaty palms and it’s hard to breathe. Pacing back and forth across the little floor space there was left from the giant easel in the corner. “What am I doing?! This is insane! I can’t do this” you say to yourself. When you hear the doorknob twist. Panic shooting through all the nerves in your body. You stand up straighter, fix your hair to make sure nothing is sticking up and flatten out the suit across your stomach. Turning back on because you don’t think you can face him right away.

The door shuts and you hear Soobin shyly say “annyeonghaseyo” his voice getting higher at the end.

You say it back to him quietly and slowly turn around “annyeonghaseyo”, grabbing your arm with the other reaching across the front of your body, looking at the ground. You wish you could curl up in a ball and die.

“Oh Y/N” he sounds breathless

“Hey Binnie..” you slowly look up to meet his eyes, lifting the hand from your held arm to wave, awkwardly smiling.

“You… you-” he clears his throat “you look-”

“Ridiculous I know..” you cut him off, hanging your head in your hands, slightly pushing your breasts together “Please don’t tell the guys. I can’t live with Gyu torturing me for eternity”

“No, no. NO!” panic fills his voice “I was gonna say you look incredible” he says and immediately turns bright red

“Really?” You ask shocked he would say that

“Yes! You really do. Wait, so this is why you weren’t in hair and makeup today? I was worried! I thought you were-” he walks over to you and grabs your arms, rubbing up and down them when he cuts himself off, looking down into your eyes as you look up into his shining brown ones. "I thought you were sick or something. You wouldn’t answer my texts.”

“Sorry this morning has been kinda crazy” unable to hold back the smile spreading across your face. This whole situation was just too ridiculous..

Soobin however, was fighting every instinct in his body to not kiss you. Walking into the room and seeing your plump ass with the bunny tail was enough to make him hard. He knew it was you as soon as he saw it. Afterall, he does ogle your body everyday. Wishing he would get the chance to see you in all your glorious perfection one day. If only he could break out of his annoyingly nervous self when he’s around you and tell you how perfect you are.

Seeing you turn around with the complete outfit fulfills all of his fantasies. Fuck you looked so hot standing before him. How the fuck is he gonna get through this shoot?

There’s a knock on the door, signaling them that the crew was there to film his reaction to seeing you.

“Are you both ready?” The director asks, internally applauding himself for this moment. He’s not stupid he sees the way you both look at each other.

“Yeah I guess.. you good Soob?” You ask him, he hasn’t broken eye contact with you

“Yeah sure” he finally looks at the director.

“Alright let’s do this thing! We’ll be right back Y/N” he winks at you. Soobin looks at you over his shoulder the whole time he walks out of the room. All you can do is supportively smile at him, tilting your bunny ear clad head to the side. His heart is pounding so hard right now he’s pretty sure everyone can hear it. And he’d be right. The crew all chuckled under their breath at how flustered he was.

“Hey Soobin” the director nudged his arm drawing his attention to him. “Don’t let this opportunity slip away” leaning in to whisper his last words of advice “make your move”

Soobin’s eyes widen unsure if he heard him right, “what?”

“You heard me, don’t waste it Soobin” he winks at him before clapping his hands together to get everyone ready to proceed filming.

Soobin’s “intro” goes as well as it can with how awkward he is in this situation. They wrap up the quick take, letting you know they will be back in an hour, and you are both left alone once again. Tension lays thick in the air. Who would talk first? Better yet how you were both going to make it through this. Unable to take the silence anymore, you ask “how do you want to do this?”

“Hmm?” he asks, lost in his own mind about what the director meant.

“What do you want me to do Soobin? How do you want me to pose for you?”

“OH right.. Umm just do what feels comfortable to you i guess?” rubbing the back of his neck as he walks over to grab the polaroid camera left on the table.

“Soobin… absolutely none of this is comfortable! I look like I just walked out of a teenage boys wet dream”

‘It’s gonna be my wet dream tonight’ Soobin can’t help but think to himself.

“Yeah, right… Ummm.. how about, I mean since you’re already dressed like that, you pose like a bunny girl…?” deciding to shoot his shot because this opportunity will not present itself again.

“What, Like this?” channeling your inner Bunny Girl popping your hip out hard to the side. Your head tilted the same way while pulling your bottom lip between your teeth with big doe eyes.

“Yeah, just like that! Don’t move” Soobin picks up the camera to capture you in that pose.

“Kay” you shyly say, not budging from your position as Soobin takes the picture.

You continue posing for him in whatever way you can imagine. And when you run out of ideas, Soobin’s thorough knowledge of anime and manga comes into full use, directing you in poses you would have never thought of.

However, as time passed, Soobin’s pervy side was getting the best of him, taking the photos he would never ever use, and just keep for later. Like as soon as filming was over and he was alone, left to think of you all night.

Soobin maneuvers himself in all different positions. Eventually making his way between your legs, wanting to get a photo of you looking down at him.

While sliding through your legs, his eyes land at the apex of your thighs, staring at your barely covered pussy. The white satin laying tightly over your core. So tight, he could see the shape of you through it. ‘Fuck fuck fuck this is insane. I shouldn’t be looking but FUCK WHY DOES IT LOOK SO GOOD. fuck I want her on my tongue. Just a taste…” Soobin internally fantasizes about you moving the fabric to the side, exposing your soaking wet folds, glistening in your slick and begging to be cleaned by his mouth. His jeans start to feel tighter- “FUCK NO! STOP BEING A PERV YOU LOSER!’

You seem to be off in another world though and completely unaware of his position. ‘Maybe I could… No no I can't, that's so wrong. She’d hate me if she ever found out. But… that’s IF she finds out. If.. if is good.’

Soobin picks up the camera, focusing on the white piece of shiny fabric barely covering your pussy, making sure it’s perfect before he clicks the shutter button to capture you on film. Only for him to see. He shoves the picture into his shirt pocket and pushes his way through to finally see your face.

You look down over your breasts, bending slightly at your hips, to look down at Soobin. “ kay so what now?” batting your eyelashes.

“UHH-” trembling over his words ‘FUCK WHY IS SHE LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!! I swear ro god she's doing this on purpose’ he swallowed thickly “umm that looks good! Yes, just lean over a bit more and that perfect” horny Soobin is fully taking over. He wants YOU so badly.

For some reason you kept feeling more and more confident around him too. The way he would praise you throughout this whole ordeal was making you feel a type of way. You could feel the tingling in your stomach migrate its way throughout your whole body. Leading you to be more forward than you usually would. His eyes on you make you more confident by the second. ‘Fuck why is he looking at me like that? He looks so good’ thinking to yourself as you admire the way Soobin’s hair falls back off of his forehead. Watching the way his tongue darts out to lick his lips while he focuses the camera on you.

What catches Soobin's attention though, is the way your thighs start to rub together. Grinding together and making your hips sway slightly. ‘Fuck this is impossible’ he thinks while trying to maneuver to make his jeans not feel so tight.

“This okay Binnie?” you softly ask, squeezing your breasts together with your arms

“YeP!” He squeaks, taking the picture quickly, and moving to get out from underneath you.

You notice something fall to the ground from his pocket as he shifts. Noticing it’s a polaroid you move forward and bend down to pick it up. Curious, you turn it around to look at it while you speak up.

“Hey Bin you dropped th-” the word dies in your throat as you see the picture. The photo is solely of the apex between your thighs. Front and center is your pussy, barely covered, by the tiny amount of white satin fabric, you can even see through it a little bit (all thanks to how wet you currently were).

When Soobin sees you holding the photo, and the red flush covering your face, he knows immediately what photo it is, tapping his chest pocket to confirm his nightmare is coming true.

“Y/N I-... Le-Let me explain! It’s not what you think! It’s uhhh… i uhh- “ Seeing him panic with wide eyes and a crimson face that rivals your own, fills you with the sudden urge to toy with him. Falling to your knees, you crawl over to him, showing off the assets you know he loves most. You’ve always known Soobin was a boob man. He rarely passed the chance to size up your chest when he was presented with it. Straddling his hips, you put on your best innocent face. Big doe eyes and pouty pink lips, glossy after just licking them. “Binnie baby..” you lean forward, pushing your tits to his face as your breathily whisper into his ear “if you wanted your own pictures, all you had to do was ask” punctuating your statement by pressing a kiss to his pulse point. He stops breathing, his cock instantly hardening underneath you, while his hands shoot to your hips to hold you there. Thumbs digging in roughly.

“Y/N wait… fuck- ” he curses as your lower yourself on him “for real?”

“Mmmmhmmm” you seductively agree, biting your lower lip while you look him in the eyes.

“Anything I want? The question barely audible while his eyes lower to your lips.

You bring your face into his, feathering his lips with your own as your whisper to him “anything you want Soobin”

Soobin instantly reaches for the camera but you stop him. You push yourself into him as you reach down his thigh and into his pocket as you reach for his phone in his pocket. “Use yours instead” holding it out to him.

Soobin snatches the phone from your hand at light speed and instantly takes photos of you, just as you are right now. Photos of your chest, your face, as many as he can grab. He quickly switches to video, not wanting to miss a second of this as he simultaneously snaps pictures of you in motion.

You give into his every want and need. Moving as you think he would like, letting him guide you into the positions he wants. Even allowing him to take down your ponytail, releasing your curls along your shoulders.

Unable to take this position any longer, Soobin wraps his arm around your waist as he flips you onto the floor making you softly gasp. Your hair spreads out across the cold tile beneath you, bunny ears still standing straight up on top of your head. Soobin is about to combust looking at you spread out below him on the floor, while his legs straddle either side of you. ‘She’s so fucking cute right now. Her pink nose is adorable, especially when she's shy like this. She’s even blushing all down her neck and -” Soobin’s eyes widen as he is stopped in his thoughts. As his eyes are trailing down your body, he notices one of your breasts has vacated your corset and is perked up, looking back at him. Your pretty perked nipple making him salivate, begging to be taken into his mouth. Fantasizing about getting you completely out of that bunny suit, you interrupt his thoughts.

“Soobin?” your voice is meek and quiet “Is something wrong?” you ask, starting to curl into yourself, feeling self conscious for the first time under his gaze.

“What..” he asks confused until he realizes he was eye fucking you as you watched him “NO! Nothing is wrong! It’s just your.. Your umm..” Soobin clears his throat, “your boob is out”

“OH!” you look down to see you were in fact exposed. “Oh god, sorry I didn’t even notice” being too caught up in the moment you didn’t even realize your tit was out. You reach to fix yourself when Soobin’s large hand grabs yours to stop you. He brings your hand above your head, looking into your eyes trying to gauge how you feel right now. “Soobin..” you breathe, shock and nerves creeping in. Feeling the mutual tension, Soobin makes his decision.

Soobin breaks eye contact to look at your exposed chest again. Bringing his free hand up, pulling down the top of your suit completely revealing your chest to him as you gasp in shock.

“So pretty…” looking at you in the most adoring way “prettiest tits I’ve ever seen” whispering his compliments through shallow breathing. He releases your hand, kneading a breast in each of his huge palms. “So pretty Y/N, so perfect” Pulling hushed moans from you as he leans down and takes one of your nipples into his mouth, swirling his tongue around your peaked bud. Pulling away as he grazes his teeth across it, causing you to hiss a quiet ‘fuck’ as the sensation does too much to you. Your melodic sounds go straight to his dick.

Soobin continues sucking on your chest, leaving purple marks in his wake. His hands roaming your exposed skin, traveling lower towards your hips. You need more. You need him to give you more. Your desire takes over, pushing your hips up to meet his, whining as you move against him.

“More” you whisper

“Hmm?” he barely heard you too caught up in his actions

“More Soobin, please” you whine

Unable to stop the smirk on his lips, he has to tease you a little bit. He wasn’t going to give up this chance to fluster you “what was that? I can’t hear you Y/N did you say something?”

You grab his face, pulling him in closer to you and whine between bated breath “BiiNn- More, touch mee- Uhh more PLEassee” Your eyes glossed over with need.

“Fuck Y/N what are you doing to me?” Finally meeting your lips, Soobin pulls you up to sit in his lap, moving the fabric to the side so he can finally touch your soaked cunt. Soobin groans into your mouth, mixing with your moans. Having his long fingers rub along your sensitive folds, circling your clit, making your brain short circuit, losing all sense of control and reason previously holding you back.

You grip his shirt by the neck, pulling him closer to you deepening your kiss. “Take it off.” punctuating your demand by biting his lower lip.

Soobin moves at light speed, pulling his shirt over his head, to reconnect your lips. Not wanting to waste any moments he can be connected to you. Migrating to your neck where he makes quick work to leave his mark. Purple splotches popping up along your collarbone and chest. Relishing in the pretty moans leaving your mouth. Kissing down your chest he reaches your suit again.

Trying to pull down your suit, he’s met with resistance. The zipper gets stuck as he fumbles with irritation.

“Fuck” he grumbles before he turns you around “as hot as you are in this suit, I really fucking hate it right now.” fingers struggling to unzip you.

You get impatient too, “here!” wrapping your arm around to pull the zipper down

“Stand up baby, take it off please” he motions for you to stand up, holding your hips as you do.

On your feet, you look down at Soobin, his eyes sparkling with desire as you shimmy out of the satin suit you were so self conscious in moments ago. While the lust is fogging over your thoughts, you freeze realizing he can see everything. Anxiety begins to crawl back into your stomach. Butterflies swarming in the pit as you see him size you up from top to bottom.

Lost in the sight of you fully on display for him, Soobin can’t help but stare and take in every inch of your body. It was everything he ever dreamed and more. Practically salivating at the thought of having you all to himself. Eyes between your thighs to your breasts, landing on your stomach. You’re holding your breath when he gently says ”so pretty. You’re beautiful y/n. So so beautiful.” you can hear the love and sincerity in his words, making the butterflies and unease fly away. Still praising your body with his gaze, Soobin moves forward, bringing himself closer to your dripping sex, trailing kisses along your thighs. “Need to taste” he says, more so to himself as he lifts his head, running his smooth tongue from your opening to your clit in one deliciously slow stroke. His tongue feels unreal, soothing the tension building inside you. Moaning as he continues to lap up your arousal. Soobin lifts your leg over his shoulder to get more access to you, his plush lips kissing your clit.

Soobin leaves no part of your core untouched. His tongue travels the length of your slit, swirling your clit and sucking it between his lips, holding you steady with a tight grip on your ass. Groping your cheek as he guides you along his tongue.

“eugh” You run your finger through his hair, gripping tightly so he can’t escape from the pleasure he’s giving you. Flattening his tongue along your folds slick with his saliva. Sucking on them until they slip out with a loud ‘POP’ as he groans from your intoxicating taste. You push your hips forward and Soobin takes the hint, swirling his tongue around your dripping entrance before he thrusts it in.

“Fuck Bin!” you gasp as pleasure buzzes throughout your body. “Ughhh- Yes keep.. Keep going” your breathing ragged and interrupted by the moans you can’t hold back.

Soobin moans against you, “yes baby- fuckkk…- come for me” he pleads between breaths. His large hands pull you in closer to him, allowing him to dive deeper into you. His nose brushes against your clit with every movement.

Pulling back for a second, you groan in disappointment, dropping your head back on your shoulders until you hear and feel the wetness of Soobin spitting on your clit. The surprise and vulgarity of the sounds echoing around the room tighten then knot in your stomach more and more while Soobin immediately returns to burying himself in your cunt. Your hips move on their own. Bouncing and grinding on Soobin’s tongue. You can feel him smile against you, as he begins to help you. Lifting you by your ass and dropping you down on his tongue so he can get even deeper. Vibrations flutter along your folds from his groans, drinking the sweet nectar flowing from you, thighs trembling signaling how close you were.

“So good… fuck princess -so hot” Soobin mewls against your clit. Distracting you while he adds two fingers along with his tongue. Reaching your spongy spot while his tongue licks your gummy walls alongside his digits. Your body is on fire, nerves overfiring with every tiny movement Soobin makes along you. The way his nose brushes your clit every time he moves his tongue or wraps his fingers to reach your g spot. The way his Grip is tightening on your ass in the most deliciously painful way, sure to leave bruises of his fingertips for tomorrow, all while pulling you closer into him.

“Fuck- UGH- I’m gonna- SooB-” your words stumble out as you try to warn him. But Soobin just nods eagerly, not stopping for even a second to breathe. With one last thrust of his fingers inside and his nose gently brushing against your clit, the tension in your body finally snaps, and your orgasm crashes over you. You shake and tremble as your arousal coats Soobin's hand and face, but he stays right there. Continuing to hold and support you while you ride out every wave of pleasure until your climax subsides.

You collapse to your knees, breathless and trembling in front of Soobin. He wipes the remnants of release from his face, unable to reach it all with just his tongue. Watching him lick your cum off of his plump bunny lips that you’ve fantasized of so often almost has cumming again.

“Soobin I-” you start before he pulls you close by the back of your neck, kissing you with a passion and intensity unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. The taste of yourself on his lips only reignites your desire for him. You wanted to taste him, feel his heavy length on your tongue and make him cum deep in your throat.

Moaning into his kiss, you waste no time in undoing his belt. Ripping it off and throwing it across the room before moving onto his pants. He can barely comprehend what's happening as you pull them down his thighs in one fluid motion.

“Woah- Woah Y/N slow dowNNnN-” he moans against your lips, while trying to push you back slightly. “Fuuuck” It not that he didn’t want this - because he does, He REALLY FUCKING wants it. BAD. But he didn’t want you to overwhelm yourself after how hard you just came.

“Baby-Fuck bun- stop for a- ahhh- a sec” he tries to convince you

“UGGHHH why?!” you say irritably, wanting nothing more and to suck his cock right then and there. Palming him through his briefs, you run your fingers over the wet spot on his briefs, feeling the precum soaking through the fabric. Knowing he wants it just as badly as you do. Rubbing your thumb over his leaking tip through the fabric makes Soobin’s resolve start to crumble.

“Fuck bunny”- i- i just don’t wan- faaawwk-’ cutting himself off with a loud moan.

“Up” you simply state

“Hmm?” he asks, confused but unable to resist your commanding tone, his pupils dilate from pleasure.

“Stand. Up.” you command simply. Taking his arms and forcing him to stand up.

You look up at him moving in closer to his still covered bulge

“I wanna taste you” not breaking eye contact as you lick the wet spot sitting atop his aching tip. His salty essence makes you moan loudly and your eyes roll to the back of your head from the delectable taste. Lost in your desire for him, you migrate lower, kissing his length.

Eliciting heavy breathing and groans from Soobin.

“fuck Y/N” he pants before being taken over by his deep, raspy moans, tangling his fingers through your hair to ground himself. Fighting hard to not instantly cum down your throat as you tease him through the soaking wet fabric.

Desperate for more of him, you remove Soobin's briefs and reveal his mouth-watering cock. A silent gasp escapes your lips as it slaps against his abs. You already knew he was big, but fuck.. seeing him fully exposed was mind-blowing. His member was thick with plump veins that would glide deliciously against your walls. And the length...it could easily hit every one of the pleasure points deep inside you. The sight of it made your mouth water with anticipation. Not to mention, his dick was actually pretty. The tip was a deep shade of pink, glistening in the wetness from your previous teasing, practically begging to be taken into your mouth.

Craving more, your tongue reaches out, gliding along the underside of his cock slowly, swirling your slippery tongue around the tip. Savoring the taste of him, you moan as you envelope him with your lips. Your moans radiate throughout his body, causing him to tighten his grip on your hair.

“Gahh-y/n fuck your mouth feels so good” Soobin moans, unable to stop his hips from moving deeper into your throat. Drool drips down your chin, gagging on him as he pushes against the back of your throat. Hollowing your cheeks you allow more of his length in, using your tongue to stimulate his tip when Soobin’s hips pull back. Gripping his thigh with one hand for balance, your free hand moves to grope his balls. Massaging and lightly squeezing them while Soobin whimpers words of praise to you. “Feels so good”, “fuck yes bunny”, “such a good girl for me”

Every word shoots to your core, making you drip with need. Pulling off his cock, still attached by a string of spit from your lips to his tip, creating a sinfully pornographic scene between the both of you. Panting and flushed, you watch Soobin’s dick twitch, as if begging for more attention. Humming in approval, your hand encloses around his length, pumping up and down while you look up at him. When Soobin’s brown irises lock on your playful ones, you kitten lick his tip teasingly while you watch him squirm to control himself.

“You’re too fucking cute Binnie” feigning innocence while biting your bottom lip, drifting closer and closer to the base of him. Smiling as you run the flat of your tongue along his taint, running all the way to his head.

Soobin’s groan was possibly the best sound you have ever heard. Greedy, you wanted to hear more. Wanted to hear how good you were making him feel. You spit on his shaft, jerking him off while returning to his balls. Licking and kissing all over before popping one into your mouth, massaging it with your tongue.

Soobin’s knees start to shake, becoming too stimulated while trying to hold himself back. He falls back and leans against the table behind him, unknowingly giving you even more access to him. Humming in satisfaction against him, you bring him closer and closer to the edge.

“Fuck Y/N I’m so close” he’s a moaning mess.

“Cum for me Soob! Want your cum” you beg, pumping your fist along his shaft faster, and twisting. Sucking and twirling your tongue around his tip. “Cum binnie”

“GahHhH-” cumming on your tongue, Soobin’s grip on your hair tightens, pulling you further down his length so he can pump his cum down your throat.

You can’t help but moan around his length, swallowing every last drop while you continue to milk his cock.

Both of you are panting and out of breath. Licking your lips, you stare up at the man you’ve been in love with for months, head thrown back and adam's apple bobbing as he tries to collect himself. Effortlessly beautiful as he always is, but this time it’s different. He looks like sex. Literal sex. His hair is damp and slightly messy from running your fingers through it. His skin softly glistens with the light sheen of sweat covering his body. His muscles are taught as he leans against that table, tensed from the orgasm you gave him moments ago. Soobin turns his head to look at you, his eyes lazy but full of desire.

“Come ‘ere” he softly demands, holding out a hand to you.

Raising to your feet you walk to him taking his outreached hand. With a light tug he pulls you into his chest, enveloping you in a tight hug. “You’re incredible, you know that?” he asks into the top of your head.

Pulling back you look up at him “Yeah? You’re not so bad yourself” pulling him down by his chin, catching his lips with yours. The intensity increases quickly, both of you still craving more of one another.

Softly groaning into your lips, Soobin’s hands travel down to grab your ass, kneading your round cheeks with his large hands, pulling you closer and closer. But it’s not close enough. With your arms wrapped around his neck and hands tangled in his hair, Soobin lifts you up finally getting the closeness he craved. You let out a startled yelp from his sudden action, causing you both to laugh into the kiss. “You good?” still laughing at how cute he found you.

“Never better” you retort before capturing his lips again, resuming your heated kissing. Pulling yourself up his body and rubbing your slick folds along Soobin’s hardened length. Whining with need and want, pushing yourself a little farther everytime. His sensitive tip hooking and sliding just past your dripping opening. Both of your moans are sinfully pornographic and echo off the walls surrounding you.

“Fuck Y/N-”

“BiNNiE” you whine against his lips, moving your hips to slip him inside you again, but he holds your hips tight, not letting you move like you wish.

“What? Are you that needy bunny?” he smirks, a confidence washing over him from your efforts

“Mmhmmm” you quickly nod “please Bin”

“You really are a filthy bunny aren’t you? Just dying for me to fuck you right?” You’ve never seen or heard Soobin act like this, but fucking hell… this new side of him is so incredibly hot you can feel your essence stream out of you and along his cock. His chocolate brown eyes are almost black now and his gaze makes you want to submit to his every word.

“Just a bunny, your filthy bunny, Binnie I need you PLEASE”

“Fuck” he exhales, collecting the little restraint he has to complete this fantasy he’s always had. Letting you down he flips you over, pressing your ass against him, lightly pulling you back by the bunny ears still attached to your head to say his next words into your ear. His hot breath raising goosebumps all over your body. “Gonna let me fuck you stupid like the bunny you are? Gonna let me breed you? Fuck you full of my cum? Hmm Y/N? Is that what you want?”

He’s turned you into a complete mess underneath him. And he hasn’t even touched you yet. You're a moaning whiny mess, pressing yourself harder and harder against him, craving the fullness you want so bad.

“Yes, fuck yes Binnie! Want it, want it so bad. Give me your cum Soobin pleaseE!”

“Yeah bunny? You wanna be full of my babies?” Pushing your chest into the table, teasing you as he rubs his tip along your folds, teasingly pushing against your hole waiting for your answer.

“FUCK SOOBIN yes! Wanna be so full, wanna have your babies” It’s like he had you hypnotized. The thought of him pumping every last drop of his cum in you to have his babies had you clenching around nothing, desperate for him. “Please Binnie” you beg looking over your shoulder at him, “ Fuck your bunny, please”

With a soft moan, he confesses, “God damnit Y/N you’re gonna be the death of me” as he slowly sinks into you. Both of your Moans harmonize as he thrusts deeper, finally fulfilling both of your wants and desires. Savoring every moment of his perfectly sculpted length moving within you, stretching you in the most illustrious way.

“Pussy feels so good” he pants into your ear, fully sheathing his length inside you. Kissing along your shoulder he continues to praise you “so wet for me to baby, feels so good”, “you’re perfect, so fucking perfect”, “more than I ever dreamed” punctuating every statement with a kiss down your spine.

“Fuck Soobin please move” you plead, meeting his eyes over your shoulder again, watering with need. Soobin wraps an arm around your torso to palm one of your breasts, bringing you to his chest so he can kiss you. His other hand guides your leg up to rest on the table, opening you up more for him as he begins to drag himself along your walls before he begins to thrust back into you.

“Oh my fuck-KiNG GawwDd” you gasp into his mouth, his thick cock hitting the sweet spot inside you with knee buckling percision as you wrap your arm up around his neck to keep your balance. “So good- mm- fuck Soob so good!” Sloppily kissing him as he literally fucks you stupid. Your brain has completely stopped working, too stimulated to focus on anything but how perfect Soobin is fucking your right now. They way he moves in and out of you so smoothly, as every vein and ridge fits along you so well. Tears fall from your lashes as he brings you closer to climax.

“So good for me baby” pulling back from your lips, Soobin flips you around to face him, leaning you back against the table. Positioning himself between your legs, pulling you in by the back of your neck to meet your forehead to his, bangs pushed back slick with sweat. Locking onto your tear glistening eyes, while his free hand travels to wipe away the tear falling down your cheek, smiling as he tells you exactly what you’ve been feeling “you're made for me Y/N. We’re made for each other.” as he locks onto your lips while simultaneously sliding back into your fluttering entrance without needing to use his hands to guide him. Fully inside, your walls clench around his length, moans ripping through your throat as you come undone, his skilled fingers moving to circle your clit. Voice soft with affection, Soobin confesses his intentions, declaring “You’re mine, my bunny y/n. No one else gets to have you like this. Please?” Soobin hips don’t stop, fucking you through your climax, nodding to what he says while you moan and whine. His sentiment pushing you over the edge, snapping the tightly wound knot inside you. “Just want you. Fuck want you so bad. Please be mine” begging between thrusts. “Be all mine”

“Yours-mmm- ‘m all yours Binnie! Your bunny- jus’ yours” choking on your words as you mewl from the intense orgasm wrecking your body. Soobin’s movements become erratic, ready to cum.

“Gonna cum- fuck baby- ”

“Cum Soobin- cum for me- want it” excitement rings through your voice

“Want my cum? Please baby let me cum” he pleads in a deeper, raspy voice, trying to hold back

“Cum bin, cum in me- claim me- wanna be yours” wrapping your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, you pull Soobin in to Kiss him, capturing his moan as he paints your insides white with his semen. Soobin pulls you in as close as he can, pushing deeper into you, pressing against your spongy core.

As he releases the last drops of his seed, releasing your lips but keeping you close, his gentle voice quietly declares “you’re mine. All mine y/n”

“Mmmm” you hum in agreement and he pulls out of you, covered in both of your fluids, small moans released from how overstimulated you both are.

Feeling empty now, anxiety creeps back in, making you ask “Are you mine too?” You ask with a slight waver in your voice, uncertain of his answer.

Soobin can’t help the stupid grin plastered on his face, thinking how could he not be? “Always have been Y/N” speaking against your lips before kissing softly.

“Huh?“ eyes wide as if he had just told you the craziest thing, and didn’t just fuck your brains out.

“I’m yours Y/N” he chuckles, holding your face in his hands, nose to nose “I want to be with you”

“Soobin- I-“ you start to stutter, your brain rapid firing ‘wait he likes me?’ ‘For real for real?’ ‘Holy fuck I love him’ ‘wait is he just saying that cause he thinks he needs to?’ ‘Whatever I can take friends with benefits’ ‘his dick🥵’ ’but I actually like him’ ‘no he said it he likes you back’… all at once overwhelming you, and unable to finish your sentence.

“It’s okay, if you don’t want to be with me I get it. We can just ignore this but-“

“WHAT NO!? NO nonononono no Soobin I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you that.. thats not what is happening here. I just don’t want you to say that because you think you have to cause all of this happened and I’m really in my head right now because why in the fuck would you ever pick me over literally anyone else in the world? But I Donno if I can-“

“Wooahh woah Y/N slow down. Backtrack for a second, did you just say you’re in love with me?”

“Hmmm? Did I what now?” You panic freaking out in your head again ‘WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU FUCKING IDIOT YOU JUST SAID YOURE IN LOVE WITH HIM! FUCK ME!’

“Do you love me?”

‘I do. I mean yes of course I do but should I tell him that right now? Like what if I ruin all of this? Oh no… nooo don’t look at me like that with your stupid cute face and puppy dog eyes. I do really love him’ your heart is beating out of your chest at your decision.

“Yes I do.” You look up into his chocolate eyes and everything calms down. The warmth he radiates through them at this moment pushes you forward. “I’m in love with you, Choi Soobin” His plush bunny shaped lips part in subtle shock that you actually just told him you love him. “But you don’t have to say anything, it’s totally fine I get it if you don’t feel the same way. We can just pretend I didn’t say anything-“

Soobin cuts you off slamming his lips back to yours, not wanting you to finish that statement because it couldn’t be farther from the way he truly feels for you. He doesn’t like the flash of doubt that washes over your face while you diverted your eyes from his. When he feels you melt into him and reach for him he gently breaks from your lips.

“I’m in love with you Y/N”

“Wait-“

BANG BANG BANG

“THIS YOUR 5 MINUTE WARNING” The director shouts through the door

Panic takes over the both of you as you rush around trying to find your clothes and put yourselves back together… well somewhat anyways. Praying to god everyone would be oblivious to what happened between you two or at least act like they were. Your lipstick was smeared all over Soobin’s face and neck, purple splotches decorating the both of you. At least his could be hidden, you were struggling to get the stupid bunny suit back on.

“Here let me help” Soobin ironically does up the zipper he struggled with earlier. Running his fingers along your spine as you put your hair back up in the ponytail. Leaning in to whisper, knowing the staff could barge in any second, he tells you “I meant it. All of it.”

“Me to”

“Tonight, your place”

“Okay”

“I wanna-“

“We’re here” the door flies open as the whole filming crew comes in. Soobin steps in front of you, somewhat keeping you out of sight. You stay back on hoping they just leave you be, reaching for the robe you entered with. While tip toeing to the robe, something catches your eye on the floor. Picking it up you see it’s the Polaroid Soobin took between your legs. Laughing to yourself you pull on the robe and see a pen. You write a quick note on the back before you return to hide behind Soobin’s tall frame and slip the photo in his back pocket, leaving a little treat for later.

You pull the bunny ears off and pull up the hood on the robe in a last attempt to hide yourself. Reliving everything that happened just moments ago as you twirl the ears in your fingers.

“Y/N! Hey? You good?” The director snaps you out of your daydream.

“Hmm? Oh yea I’m good. I’m great” red flushing your cheeks, unable to hold it back

“Alright well you’re free to go. Again thank you so much for doing this!” He bows to you

“Yeah okay. I’ll ummm.. I’ll go”

The look on everyone's faces was pure confusion. Considering how you were earlier they thought you would rip into the director. But you’re oddly calm…

Before leaving you turn to Soobin and tell him to duck down, placing your bunny ears on top of his damp and messy hair. “There, right where they belong”

He whispers “tonight?” And you nod back repeating him “tonight” smiling before you turn to leave. Passing the still bowing director as you walk through the door.

Smiling to yourself the whole way back to your dressing room. Finally arriving you walk inside and close the door leaning on it before your release every giddy squeal you’ve been holding back.

“Tell me everything NOW!” You’re bestie all but screams after seeing you, scaring you half to death

“HOLY FUCK WARN A WOMAN WOULD YOU!? Fucking gave me a heart attack”

“Yea sorry whatever TELL ME EVERYTHING!”

“Where do I begin?”

“At the beginning obviously no detail to be spared! Now spill!!”

“Okay okay!” You laugh before you start reliving the past hour of your dreams.

Somewhere in another room …

“SooooOoOooOooo How was everyone’s shoot?” Beomgyu asks raising his eyebrows in the most immature childish way

“It was fine, awkward but fine” Kai says first

“Yea I mean this whole idea was ridiculous, I just hope - is okay. I hope she wasn’t too uncomfortable.” Taehyun adds in, scratching his temple in thought

“Yea I know right? They must have felt so vulnerable. They are hella courageous though, props to them.” Yeonjun proudly says.

“It would have been hilarious if it was male models though” Kai says laughing maniacally “can you imagine dudes in those tiny tiny costumes?”

They all laugh together except Soobin, who hasn’t heard a word of the conversation. Thinking about you and how you felt on his -

“Soobin you’re awfully quiet… what’s up man?” Yeonjun notices, breaking Soobin out of his thoughts.

“Hmmm? Nothing- no I’m- I’m good sorry”

“Who was your model by the way?” Beomgyu slides over to him, trying to get the information from him

“I’m not saying”

“Come ON! Let’s all just share who it was! Mine was -“ Beomgyu starts

“I already said who mine was” Taehyun reminds everyone

“I had -“ They all looked at Yeonjun confused, no idea who he was talking about “the new junior..”

“Ohhhh” realizing who she is

“- was really nice. Honestly I was probably more nervous than her” Kai fondly says

“Come on Soobin! Tell us who was in that bunny suit for you?”

Shaking his head he refuses to say your name

“Tell us” Beomgyu continues his taunt

“Tell us tell us tell us” the other 3 eventually join in as well

“OKAY FINE just shut up”

“Who was it?”

“Yeah I’m genuinely curious now” Yeonjun adds

“It was y/n” whispering your name so quietly it would barley be audible to a fly on the wall

“What? Who was it?”

“Y/N” saying your name only slightly louder, still inaudible to anyone

“Hmmm?”

“Y/N”

“OH FOR FUCK SAKES SOOBIN WHO WAS IT!?” Beomgyu yells at him frustrated.

“IT WAS Y/N! Y/N! THERE ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?”

He yells back unable to control his temper with his junior

All eyes were the size of balloons, mouths hanging open, as if hearing the most shocking news of the century. Which, fair enough, when it came to Soobin’s gigantic crush on you, it was to them.

“What? So now you’re not gonna say anything?” Soobin snaps in irritation at them

“So how was it?” Taehyun breaks the silence first

“How do you think it was?” Soobin’s eyes squinting as he gets more irritated the more they ask about you. This needs to stop now because he can’t tell them what happened until you both talk. Tonight. At your place. Alone.

“Ouuu so it was bad?”

“No it was great, she’s a fucking goddess dressed in a bunny suit fulfilling my biggest fucking fantasy.” Sarcasm lacing his sharp words until he thinks about how perfect you looked and his voice softens “She looked.. fuck you know what I can’t talk about this.”

“It’s alright buddy we get it. Must of been brutal seeing her like that but not for the reason your really wanted” yeonjun comforts him

Little did they know he made that very fantasy real and it was more than he ever dreamed it could be

Turning to walk back to the set, Beomgyu sees something sticking out of Soobin’s back pocket. “Hey Soobin there’s something hanging-“ grabbing the photo from his back pocket, Beomgyu’s words die in his throat. The photo you so kindly left Soobin as a present.

Turning around in annoyance, Soobin sees Beomgyu holding a photo that has black writing on the back. Barely making out a ‘tonight’ and a little heart with an S next to it.

“What are you…” panic runs through Soobin’s body as he realizes that’s a photo and it’s probably the exact one he hopes it’s not, but judging by Beomgyu’s face, it’s exactly what he thinks it is “GIVE THAT TO ME NOW!” Just missing the photo as Beomgyu pulls its away from him

“You dirty perv, taking photos of your best friend like this without her knowing” Kai and Taehyun look over Beomgyu’s shoulder to look at it and Soobin dies a little more inside

“What is it? Let me see” Yeonjun walks over to see taking the photo from Beomgyu. “O-ohhh- oh um this is yours… there’s a note on the back btw” Yeonjun hands it to Soobin

“NOTE! What does it say!?”

“None of your fucking business that’s what!” Soobin snaps

“I literally just saw your picture of her pussy, tell us what it says or I tell her I saw it NOW!” Beomgyu wastes no time with his ultimatum

Soobin lets out the deepest breath and rubs his palms into his eyes in frustration. Pulling on his bangs and scrunching his face “FINE FUCK! Don’t tell her you seen this it’s literally they only thing she asked of me and I can’t belive I fucked up so quick! If she finds out I will kill you”

“Lips are sealed. Now what does it say?” Beomgyu puts on his happiest smile in Soobin’s mortification

Turning over the photo in his hand Soobin turns bright red as he reads what you’ve written

“Now you owe me one! 😉

See you tonight

❤️ -S

xo”

After wrapping for the day Soobin goes to immediately text you, wanting to see how you were and talk about tonight. “Where the fuck is my phone?” He looks around desperately, patting his pockets but coming up empty handed. “Has anyone seen my phone?” He asks the group

“No man sorry! Maybe it’s in the room?” Yeonjun suggests

‘Fuckkkkkkkkkkkk’ it hits Soobin that’s exactly where it is. Totally forgetting how all of this started. “Hmm maybe I’ll go check! Thanks Jun”

He calmly walks out the door and when he thinks it’s safe he sprints as fast as his long unathletic legs will carry him. Bursting through the door, he looks all over for the phone. Finding it face down on the floor next to the table. Flipping it over he sees ‘storage full’ indicating that it had indeed been filming everything.

Smiling like an idiot, he can’t help but think about what might have actually been captured between the both of you.

Opening his messages he finds your contact, sending your a quick message

“Can’t wait to see you later 🫶”

Three dots appear almost immediately and are then replace by your message

“I can’t wait to see you Binnie 🫶”

[lupusbaby]

I hate to be that person on here but I’m having such a crisis I’ve literally been crying to the point of almost throwing up and I feel the urge to do things I haven’t had the urge to do in a long time now.

I’ve been flaring up for like 2-3 weeks, and it’s been worse than ever before. My mobility is terrible, I’m getting low-grade fevers and flu-like symptoms every day. I’m in a lot of pain. My skin burns. I’m napping 2-4 hours most days.

Since I started going way downhill when school started, and I am constantly pushing myself to my energy limits to keep up, that school was the reason. I’ve been deliberating on leaving (I’m in nursing school and it’s super rigorous and long hours for me).

First crisis- I find out that if I do a medical leave of absence I’m potentially going to have to pay $10k out of pocket because they take away my grant money. I CANT WORK because I’m disabled, I just go to school. My husband provides for us and we’re trying to save money to start our life. This amount of debt out of pocket would cripple us.

Then, I go to my rheumatologist for an urgent appointment. I tell her about my symptoms. She says that my lupus and fibromyalgia are both managed really well, and my symptoms aren’t from either of them. She said she doesn’t know what’s causing my symptoms, she is concerned, and I need to see a neurologist. She didn’t think school was the cause.

She tells me that I should stay in school because I’m going to feel worse at home, even though I feel terrible afterward. She said I wouldn’t qualify for disability because my diseases don’t explain my symptoms. She said I need to do more therapy, do mindfulness and think positive.

She said it’s my choice to make about school but I can’t do *nothing* (I know that), and that I’ll feel bad and lose my self worth if I stop going. She said if I didn’t want to be a nurse that was okay (not the reason at all that I’m considering leaving but honestly at this point fuck it all).

I don’t know how to do this. I just don’t. I can’t do it anymore. I sobbed on the way home, told my mom I don’t want to talk about it, and now I’m crying in the shower.

I’m basically at square one again with what the fuck is wrong with me, have no idea what to do about school, and my will to live is so low it’s in hell. I have no idea what to do. I already missed a clinical, so I’ll have to pay to make that up and then do 2 9-hour shifts in the same week when I’m already burnt out from one.

[blueskittlesart]

Can you talk about your totk time difference theory more? I don’t remember seeing you talk about it but I’ve had a very similar idea and want to see what your take is…

yes yes yes! i got into some of it here but that's very long and focuses more on the plot of totk in general so i'll go into the time difference theory specifically here!

as stated in the first post i made theorizing about totk, I think that totk and botw TOGETHER are going to function as one complete cycle. when i say "one cycle" I'm referring to one complete reincarnation cycle, from the beginning of link's journey to the true defeat of ganon. the standard formula for this cycle is 3-4 dungeons, (sometimes) a mini-boss, a catalyst event, 6-7 dungeons, and then the final battle. a good example of this is oot, where the first 3 dungeons are the ones you play through as child link, the catalyst is the aging-up of link after the temple of time, the 6 dungeons after that are the sages, and the final battle is when you face ganondorf in the castle. (the only thing this game is missing is the mini-boss, but you DO have a ganon encounter before the catalyst, it's just not an actual boss fight, so i consider the basic unit to still be intact. lol)

now, notably, in most games that follow this formula, after the catalyst event, a world-switch mechanic is introduced. in oot it's the switch between past and future, in tp it's the ability to control when link is in wolf form vs human, in alttp it's dark world vs regular hyrule, etc etc. botw, as a game, covers the cycle up until the shift in perspective. the divine beasts are the 4 initial dungeons and calamity ganon is the mini-boss. this means that, assuming totk is the second half of this cycle, a world-switch mechanic will likely be introduced along with the 6-7 dungeons before the final confrontation. I believe that the world-switch will likely be switching between the hero from 10k years ago mentioned in botw's framing lore and our present-day link. I think this is why we've seen two drastically different link designs in trailers up to this point but have yet to get an explanation about the green outfit. Seeing as no armor sets have been featured AT ALL in trailers aside from link's standard blue tunic and that green set, I think it's safe to assume that the outfit carries considerable narrative weight. I think it's likely the outfit that the 10k-years-ago hero wears to distinguish him from present-day link. my best guess as to how the world-switch will be framed is that it will have something to do with the arm. It's obviously got some special powers seeing as it seems to house the runes for this game, so I don't think it's too much of a stretch to suggest that it might be able to either connect the consciousnesses of the two links, show present link some of past link's memories, or otherwise allow the player to swap between times somehow.

That's the gist of it lol! i might be wrong but I honestly. don't think i am. i HOPE i'm right because one of the things i really REALLY want from totk is expansion upon botw's existing lore framework, ESPECIALLY irt the hero & ganondorf from 10k years ago.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Writing tag game by @bonecarversbestie <3

thank you @sunshinebingo for tagging me ily pookie 🥹

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing

sleeping. like thats the first step. i sleep a lot and i love it. before i fall asleep, i obvs am in my delulu lala land thinking about either my future husband or my fics and og books. from there i think about the weirdest unrealistic plots and then i keep thinking about them so i can remember them in the morning.

and then i write after im done helping with house chores and my work. i usually post the thing as soon as its done or shcedule it lol

(or in case of my og books, i keep em there hehe)

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

pantser 😭 but recently ive been trying to become a plotter. wish me luck 🥲

What do you listen to when you are writing?

anything i can think of lol. sometimes its kpop, sometimes japanese or arabic songs. sometimes sabrina and taylor, sometimes skz and new jeans.

i usually add random songs i can think of in my playlist i listen to while doing chores, and then i continue listening to thos songs while writing.

What’s your drink of choice(while writing)?

nothing tbh. water ig? i need to go get my new stock of capri sun tho ive been dying to have my stock refilled 😞

(gonna find some way to whisper in my dads ear that i want caprisun and it will be at home lmao)

Promote yourself! What’s your favorite thing you’ve written?

cursed is something i love a lot because that plot is like. auasadh so good. also my i didnt ask for this series. its so close to my heart my god its my child. my baby 🥹

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love.

to love and cakes it took me months to write kinda but like. its a lucien fic and its 10k long lmaoo what did i expect. but its also my baby i love it heheh

Do you have any advice for new writers?

WRITE. THAT. DUMB. IDEA. YOU. THINK. NO. ONE. WILL. READ.

👏🏻WRITE👏🏻IT👏🏻

almost all of my most loved fics have been ideas i thought no one would care about enough to read. and then the morning after i posted them, id wake up to people telling me how much they loved the fic and end up with me sobbing because everyones so lovely 🥹

also. people can sometimes be mean. 👏🏻IGNORE👏🏻THEM.👏🏻 ignore them the way you ignore maths when studying.

ive seen so many new talented writers either stop writing or lash back out at these clowns, but you need to understand that replying to these people who are just trying to get a rcton out of you is not worth it. your happiness matters more. put yourself before them and ignore thei comments if it hurts you. that will prick their egos more than you arguing with them.

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at?

i kinda wanna learn how to describe rooms. that bitch truly be bitin my ass 😞uh also how t write poetically kinda

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did?

honestly, maybe lucien. i only ever thought about writing for batboys when i had begun but then i fell in love with him and i couldnt stop writing about him 🥹

tagging: @bubybubsters @separatist-apologist @assassinsblade @animezinglife @acourtofladydeath

@daycourtofficial @lucienarcheron @sapphicmsmarvel @berryzxx

@riddlesb1tch @throneofsmut @throneofsapphics @tadpolesonalgae @writingsbychlo

@fieldofdaisiies @moonlightazriel @harrystylesfan2686 @mika-no-sekai-blog

@itsphoenix0724 @lyssasdrafts @flickering-chandelier @lees-chaotic-brain

@hellcat8908 @ceoofyearning @potatoplace

[be-nice-to-your-meatsuit]

This might be taboo to say on a body positivity blog, but I'm losing weight intentionally.

While I'm not on it *now* (im in the states and on vacation so it'd be unreasonable to try), it was working pretty well.

I'm going for a straightforward calorie deficit. Try to have my activity higher than intake, give or take a bit, don't go lower than a certain amount.

And honestly? Accepting my body as it is, was the ONLY way this was going to work. My motives couldn't be "i fucking hate myself and need to change to be acceptable". My motives were "my snoring is unstoppable and I've tested and tried everything except for losing weight. It causes me pain when I walk too far because of thigh chafing, and back pain sucks" I don't want to be skinny after, hell, I like my soft and curvy self. Going to the actual "healthy" weight according to Bullshit BMI would mean my tiny ass would fly out the window if you hit a bump on the highway.

Being kinder, and loving my body means that I can take it slow, take it at my own pace, and not beat myself up on a day where my goals aren't achieved (i have three. 10k steps a day, 3L of water a day, and stay under some type of deficit. As long as 1/3 is achieved, I'm happy. If 0/3 is achieved, hey i can try again tomorrow. Were it not for fat liberation philosophies, I'd be having breakdown after breakdown).

I can be at this for a month, noticed I've lost 7 lbs and instead of going "WHY AM I A FAILURE I NEED TO GO HARDER ABOUT THIS" i can say "neat! That's about the rate I wanna be going!"

Staying on these body positive and fat liberation spaces made me say "hey, the difference between "good food" and "bad food" is awful. I'm gonna succeed, but I'm not going to cut out any food that makes me happy." I can say "alright, I'm cutting it close to my limit, but fuck it, I'm still hungry so I'll make myself a snack, because listening to my body is more important than numbers".

Losing weight will not make me more worthy. I am worthy at whatever weight I am. For those who it matters to, I'm pretty damn hot, no matter my weight. It will not make me immune from health issues, and this doesn't have anything to do with morality. My health status, if it changes, will be because I'm active and hydrating more, not because of the number on the scale.

I just want less thigh chafing without remembering to put deodorant or some shit on my thighs. I want to not snore while I'm in bed with my fiancé (and yeah sleep apnea apparently isn't it, got it tested). I want less back pain when I'm standing at a till for 4.5 hours, even if I've got the world's best shoes on. It's not health reasons, it's inconvenience reasons.

But I could never be successful about it until i disentangled fatphobia from weight loss. Until i stopped saying "these foods are bad, these foods are good", I was always going to fail. Until i stopped believing I was worthless because of my fat, until i stopped saying "I need to lose weight and do it now because I need to be hot", it was never going to work.

There's still things I need to work on, I'm not totally cured, and maybe some days the ED's gonna influence. Hell, idk if this weight loss attempt will stick, and be successful once I get to my goal weight. But even as someone who's trying to lose weight, fat liberation is so important.

Because without the idea that being fat is totally okay, I'd be unable to enjoy myself in the times where it's absolutely unreasonable to count calories. I'd have my goal as "stick thin" and not "how I look now, just less chafe". By the end of this, I'll still be medically overweight.

And btw I still believe in Health at Every Size. Your weight has no fucking impact on your worth, your health, your beauty, ANYTHING.

[ofduskanddreams]

a not-so-brief announcement:

I have a lot of unfinished WiPs. Having so many WiPs (entirely my fault: too many ideas + not enough time) has been a large source of anxiety for me in recent weeks, to the point where it's been difficult for me to write at all.

Logically, I know that I'm doing this for free in my free time—I am under no obligation to create other than the one I set for myself. Realistically, I often feel like I'm letting you all down when I don't post/write enough. I know it isn't true, but it often feels like my value to this fandom is measured by how much content I can contribute to it. I've only been here for a little over a year, and I still often feel like a new kid trying to prove their worth.

Thinking this way sends me down a very unproductive spiral of putting pressure on myself to write/create and feeling guilty when I can't do as much as I want (my self-imposed expectations are also too high.) Instead of being a fun creative outlet, writing fic hasn't been enjoyable recently. That saddens me.

I hate feeling this way, honestly, because I love writing, I love storytelling, I love this fandom and these characters and the community I've gained here. I want to be here and I want to be writing because I have so many ideas and I love the stories I've already told/started to tell. But I also need it to be fun for me.

My list of WiPs, combined with all of my tangled feelings about writing, currently have me feeling like Sisyphus standing at the bottom of the hill trying and failing to catch a glimpse of the top around the massive boulder in front of him. I don't know how to find the joy that I've lost, but I do know that taking some of the pressure off of myself is a good place to start. This brings me to the reason I started writing this post.

The modern AU fic I started writing for Elucien Week has, in that classic turn of events, turned out to be far more extensive of a story than I intended. I estimate a total of 7-8 thick chapters. I have 10k words already written but that's only the first 1.25 chapters.

For the sake of my mental health, I will not be posting what I've written so far tomorrow as I originally had planned. I just can't deal with another WiP hanging over my head right now, I'm sorry.

I'm also going to give myself a break from writing/posting writing for the next few weeks because I think that my being burnt out is likely a major contributor to why writing fic hasn't been fun. I'll still be around, don't worry. Hopefully, this break will give me time to catch up on reading everyone else's fics.

Wow, it turns out I really needed to get that off my chest. I know this was long, thank you for listening <3

[n7punk]

Hey! Just got into The fandom (binged The show) (wait this is about she-ra I should have led with that). As a reader, you impress Me- it's partially your Fault I watched The show. As a writer, you terrify me. How do you complete stuff so fast, and so frequently? Is it a skill you learned, or did you give your true name to a fae (and can you give me their number?)

(sorry for sitting on this ask so long, work has been eating my spoons like they're secretly made of chocolate) thank you <3 honestly it's slowed down a lot lately (see above) but mostly its just that i am a Creatively Hungry person and writing is my main creative outlet. I would wither away without it lol. I do other stuff too (drawing, sewing, been getting into mixed media a little bit) and on days when i do that stuff i dont feel the need to write, but like, so far i have written something, even if it's just editing one scene, every single day this year. so i guess being heavily motivated by Data and Numbers helps lmao. i'm on day 344 of my writing streak. there have been tons of days where ive been like eh i dont really feel like writing but i dont want to lose my streak. so i get a few words or a few hundred words down and keeping that progress going keeps me interested + adds up word count over time + self-perpetuates. and of course sometimes i sit down and write 10k words in a day if im super feral for an idea (see: basically half my fic ideas this year). so yeah. mix of making the time, needing the outlet, and having ideas im excited about. hope that makes sense I'm still half asleep 👍

[robiinurheart33]

Thanks for the tag @sergeantwoods !! I went a little crazy on the questions lols,,,

1. how many works?

Honestly no idea lmao (if ur talking on ao3, I don’t have an account there, but I’ve been thinking about it.) (14 wips atm)

2. Total word count?

Again, no idea LOL! My actual works have been around 1K ish per post? So id say in total maybee 10k?

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Currently, COD. I wanna expand more soon though, so stay tuned in the far, far future

4. top 5 fics by kudos?

I’m gonna list down my fav fics of all time (multi fandom) if im reading this correctly

1. Anything by buzzcut_season really. Their writing is spectacular and made my heart clench on so many occasions. My personal GOD of writing fluff. And the person that got me through the hells of teenage puberty.(for the record, i am still in puberty lmfao) my firsts in the tag tooth-rotting fluff and the magics of slow burn. (Sk8 the Infinity)

2. Neon Void by sugarpastels. The creator is here on Tumblr with the same user so if you wanna check her out go ahead!! FANTASTIC writing, villain Leo au with heart pounding scenes that leave me dizzy. A fic has never made me breathless and needing to pace around my room more than this one (special shoutout to her sister as well who is writing a mutant mayhem fic that unfortunately didn’t get added to the list but is still super well written!!) (ROTTMNT)

3. Anytime You Need Me by thirteenbullets. I really don’t need to elaborate more. Character analysis + fluff + non sexual intimacy + long fics… it’s the perfect series for me. I felt like a stuck gold when i read this. (COD)

4. The Eldest Brother by dEBB987. Classic 2012 x 2018 crossover, but it doesn’t have ooc and is just such. A. Fun. Read. Made me giggle and kick my legs more than one occasion and good family feels all around. (TMNT)

5. Mutant Ninja Midlife Crisis by a_platypus. Old Leo comes back to the past after the events of the movie to readjust to new life. The right amount of drama with the perfect amount of slice of life. This fic actually gives the old turtle a break but also not letting go of the teenage angst and everything that comes with seeing your dead friends young and alive again. Would have been higher on the list but it’s not completed sadly. The author does write for COD as well though, and it’s worth to check it out! (ROTTMNT)

5. do you respond to comments?

Yes!!! I love love love it when people comment and try to interact if possible.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably the panic attack Ghost fic. Haven’t written much angst if im remembering correctly. I’m a major fluff person

7. fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh god i really haven’t written a proper fic at all helps. I’m frantically swiping through my robs ramblings tag and just realising most of the ghoap stuff i write is about their undying dedication to each other. Jesus. Happiest ending is probably one of my blurbs cause every time i try to write actual fluff i overheat and explode.

8. do you get hate on fics?

Nope

9. do you write smut?

Nah. I don’t think ill ever write smut honestly not because im asexual its just that I don’t think I can write one accurately if that makes sense. Also im a minor I don’t think im allowed to do that

10. craziest crossover?

None yet

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Thankfully not, but if i have i would take it as a sign that I’ve made it as a writer. Unless it’s more popular than the actual post in that case burn it with fire.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Unfortunately and fortunately no. I would LOVE to collaborate, don’t get me wrong. But i would get so anxious about not disappointing the other person or procrastinating and motivation and all the works and just. Yeah I don’t have the mental capacity for that rn.

14. all time favourite ship?

Ooooooh

ghoap, renga, ineffable husbands, solangelo (Off the top of my head rn)

15. what’s a wip that you want to finish but doubt you will?

THE SECOND PART TO DRUNK SOAP. OH MY GOD I NEED TO GET IT DONE ITS BEEN 2 MONTHS

16. what are your writing strengths?

I would say making everything just too dramatic and emotional

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue. I can barely talk irl how am i supposed to write witty banter

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Love it. As a bilingual myself i love seeing diff languages it’s like a bonus secret for that language user

19. first fandom you wrote in?

Rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles. That was when i was in my “i think this is so cringy of me and i hold myself back because of it” because wow. I reread some of it recently and it’s horrible it will stay and rot in my notes app. Although i will say it’s so nice to see how far I’ve come in terms of writing and just posting publicly in general

20. favourite fic you’ve written?

The drunk soap one and the Ghoap one where they’re on stakeout together. I didn’t like the second one initially, but i think slaving over it worked. I love how I managed to balance the quietness and mutual respect and fondness of each other.

If you couldn’t tell, i had a lot of fun answering these questions haha

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations!! You know more about me than the average online follower 👏👏👏

[blondiest]

1/15/25!

HI ISA!! 🥰 thanks for these!!

1. favorite fic you wrote this year

i feel like it would be immoral and wrong for me to not say i want to hold you (hostage) because -- i mean, it's my baby, and honestly probably is my favorite thing i've written to date. that being said, i was kind of tempted to name hot soup on a cold day, just because it was my first real fic for meronia and one i am still very attached to T__T

15. something you learned this year

i learned how to write shorter fics!! i mean -- technically i did know how to do this. i had written 2 sub-10k oneshots for hellcheer and another 5 for other fandoms before that, but they were really the odd ones out, and for a long time, i had almost no sub-10k ideas for meronia. kinktober i think helped force me into thinking of shorter stories again, which was really useful and fun :') i heavily, heavily trend towards reading shorter fics, so it's been nice to actually write some shorter ones, too.

25. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read

i am a liar and a cheat so i am going to mention a handful. this is not comprehensive for the year by any means (i'm sure i'm forgetting many, many lovely works, esp bc i'm getting sleepy while writing this). this is not in any particular order, and there are actually several i really wanted to list but should Not because i. didn't actually read them this year T__T also, for the sake of simplity, i am only going with completed works here [though i love a good WIP, i wanted to limit the scope!] lacuna triptych by @lightyaoigami [lawlight] moonlight by @quicktimeeventfull [meronia] Gingerbread by @empressofthewind [meronia, & now very seasonally appropriate!!] Offensive Maneuver by @dykelawlight [lawlight, & perhaps u hav heard of this author,] On Curiosity, Killing, and Cats by @notbeyondbirthday [beyondlaw] chocolate by @oloreandil [meronia] car trouble by @muttyagami [b/naomi] okay, i am for sure missing a lot of good ones, but that's what i have for now. i really need to just do a fic year in review tbqh :')

fanfic end of year asks

[dangermousie]

Of course Ming Ye’s plan to save Sang Jiu involves gruesomely dying in her stead. If aesthetically suffering was an Olympic sport, the man would be going for a gold medal.

I have my issues with this portion of the story (not the way it’s written, it’s done well, but with my liking or lack thereof for this couple, about which more below) but this is the important point! Yes, the tears are important blah blah but this is a lesson about how to swap someone’s demonic stuff without, you know, driving nails into them like they are evil Jesus. 

By now, I am quite done with these two boneheads, but I confess that made even my cold black shriveled heart hurt.

(I guess they had a starter marriage :P)

Ummmm, honey! She just massacred 10K people! I am sure they had old and kids among them. Like...by now I want to smack both of them with a shovel, tbh.

Awwww. Even with my annoyance at these two, this once again made me :(

Sang Jiu being her charming self. Let the man die in peace (or, since you yourself are about to keel over), let him survive in peace. 

OK, OK, Mousie, stop being irritated and concentrate on how pretty LYX looks here.

And then she’s all “psych! I can’t be undevilized or even survive because my normal body is dead.” You couldn’t have let him know BEFORE he got repeatedly flambeed for you?

It’s OK, hot dimbulb, there are many many fangirls who will gladly accept your...ahem...divine essence. All night long.

What the hell! Now that she’s dying, she still wants to do her best so he’d not have any peace. No dissipating before a final twist of the knife. WTF! By now, any shred of sympathy I had for her (and to a large degree MY) has disappeared utterly. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s bad writing - just as MY is terrible at communicating and prone to dramatic gestures over common sense functioning, Sang Jiu is incredibly self-absorbed and immature from beginning to end. She was someone who thought it was a great idea to marry a guy who did not know her at all because he was hot. She also thought it was a great idea to force him into sex right after they got divorced. She didn’t wait to find out whether the method she came up with would result in divine punishment or whether it was still worth it to use the crystal chalice despite where it came from or or or or or really anything. It’s just before she went powerful and evil, Ming Ye and the viewer could ignore the red flags (which got redder and redder; I mean much as fictional dubcon in 14 was hot, it WAS 100% dubcon/sexual assault; no nice sweet good selfless well-adjusted person does that) but once she got power into her hands and trauma really shoved her further, it became really clear. It’s kind of like Tantai Jin. If he has no status and no power, does it matter in terms of its effect on the world if he would love revenge or is cold or has trauma or w/e? No, of course not because whether he’s a well-adjusted sweetheart or dysfunctional psycho, he has no power to carry out anything, whether it’s to open a puppy shelter or to carry out a wholesale slaughter. But once he gets power, his traumas and quirks become everyone else’s concern and one must deal with them somehow because he makes it everyone’s business. Same here.

What. The. Fuck. That is not romantic, this is UGH. Honestly, I am glad MY and SJ found each other because they should not inflict themselves on other partners. It’s kind of amazing that I started out liking them and by now I am all “thanks divine lightning, hurry it up with your barbeque.” 

He ultimately does not but by then I stopped caring. I am so so so happy we are back to our headcases Tantai Jin and Susu.

The thing is - my ranting does not mean I did not enjoy this portion of the story (unlike in the novel where I skimmed it since I dngaf about it at all.) The acting is great, the visuals are nuts, and the characters, including MY and SJ are completely internally consistent and their actions make total sense for what and who they are - their arcs are logical. I strongly dislike both of them by the end, but that does not mean it was not a well-done story.

[im-a-king-baby]

for the writing ask; 21 & 23?

21 -Can you accurately predict how long your fics are going to be? If you can, what's your secret? Never ever. I’m a perpetual underestimater. I’ll try to write a 1k fic and get 6k, a 10k fic is usually about 30. Going into ELYN I was just hoping to get close to 50k so I could use it for nano and I scraped that on the rough draft but then it ended up about 75k after editing.

The novel I'm currently writing I'm aiming for 80k but honestly I have no idea. I don’t know how anyone writes anything over 100k though, that is so many words I am in awe of all of them.

23 -Dialogue or description? Why is the other one so hard? Dialogue! Description is hard because who even knows what things look like? Who even pictures stuff?? It’s all made up! It’s imaginary! It looks however you want it to look! (My real preference is the secret third option which is ‘internal dialogue’ aka someone just angsting to themselves because I could do that alllll day.)

[starrvelvet]

Gonna do @uhardite ‘s glow up challenge! I love the idea of it and I honestly think it will make me more motivated!

I am on a journey to become the best version of myself so my banks would be:

1) Fitness: My minimum is 5k steps a day while maintain calorie deficit. But my goal is to get done at least 1 session of pilates, 8-10k steps (while on treadmill), 20-30 minutes on the elliptical + spinning. Also, healthy eating - more veggies and fish and protein! Taking daily ginger and tumeric shots every morning and having my vitamin supplement at night. Also cutting back on alcohol and only limiting myself to having sparkling wine when the mood calls for it (and by that I mean once a week max).

2) Beauty: I am already getting laser hair removal sessions done, but I wanna focus on having smoother and softer skin, moisturizing and oiling daily instead of every other day, and actually doing my skincare routine daily instead of when mood strikes. Also including weekly hair treatments and mani-pedis every 3 weeks. Trying to also get proper sleep every night.

3) Self Confidence: no idea where to start with this one. I’m trying to be more gentle with how I view myself and now my present goal is to affirm positive self-concept affirmations every morning and night. Also working on wearing clothes I feel good in instead of just throwing something on and I guess I will start with limiting negative self-talk.

Problem area is I am already outgoing and appear very happy-go-lucky but internally I’m not as secure with myself as how I appear and most advice I see is going with the fake-it-till-you-make-it approach and I think now it’s just up to changing my mindset.

4) Writing/Creativity: I have always wanted to be a writer but I always abandon projects halfway and I haven’t written a proper fictional piece since 2018! That’s a long ass time and I’m honestly over this hiatus and I want to have a novella done by jan 24th (the day the challenge ends) therefore my goal would be focus on writing at least 500 words a day on the minimum end and over 2000 a day in the higher end.

I honestly don’t have any idea if I could accomplish any of these as I have full schedule 90% of the time because of uni and job, but I’m banking on my winter break to fully focus so let’s see!

Every post related to this challenge will be tagged as “70 days glow up challenge”.

[ranger-kellyn]

tears of the kingdom has made me desperate to revisit my age of calamity fic, if nothing else so i can start working on a aoc timeline telling of totk and AHHH

idea musing below the read more, but endgame/major spoilers for totk

i've been vaguely wondering how i would work in the totk story line into the age of calamity timeline, and honestly??? i think it's going to be fairly easy. at least...leading up to it lol remembering to work in all the characters who are now still alive will be the main challenge lol

i hear a lot of youtubers saying that "zelda was a dragon for 10,000 years" but i'm pretty sure that that it was actually way longer than that. 10k years ago was the last time calamity ganon broke out, when the sheikah created the divine beasts and guardians. the founding of hyrule, when zelda turned, was an "unknown" years prior to that.

at least, that's how i'm working with it. when i am working/thinking about anything regarding breath of the wild, age of calamity, and tears of the kingdom, i am not at all considering any of the other games. to me, this is it's own contained thing within and around these three games. (mostly bc i never played any of the other games so i wouldn't be able to draw from them easily/fluidly) ((and yes i figure things that were similar to other games happened, but not those exactly))

all that to say, in my head, this is the timeline i'm working with: ganondorf, the original One True Evil™, was sealed away in the hopes that one day in the distant future, link will rise to kill him for good. (a good chance i'm wrong on some of the "canon" of what i'm about to say, but i haven't fully explored totk and won't for a while but w/e i'm Workshopping) hyrule castle was constructed atop ganondorf and rauru mostly as a way to safeguard that chamber until link could get there to take care of things. i still haven't worked out why the sky islands exist now, because rauru even makes the comment if you talk to him atop the first area with a view of the temple of time, "though in my day, this was all on the ground".

but on my initial descent into the depths of the castle to get back down to the sealing chamber, that whole area of downward stairs that seemed to just go on forever and ever, that i just...fell through rather than walked and dealt with all the monsters-- i kept that in mind thinking about how long it must have taken link and zelda to get down there. i remember in the initial trailer for the game, they had a huge ass ox and cart, so even though they got rid of that, it all still sets the tone that it took them...a while. to get down there.

i thought about it on my second playthrough that i started last night, and really looking around at the stairs and cave walls, and i just...i really got to thinking a little harder than i needed to about it.

i thought about what it would take to actually seal something like that away. it gets a pass because it's a Magic World, but realistically, good god the work that would take. our world 10,000+ years ago was nothing like it is now. we were still what? mostly hunter-gatherers. google says "pre-pottery neolithic B". so like, the world is constantly changing. the tectonic plates are always in motion. volcanoes erupt and make a whole new top layer of soil and earth. tsunamis regularly wash things completely away. earthquakes...fires...drought.........

like. hyrule has at least one active volcano, glaciers, is near the ocean--

if i played with even a few of our real world...whatever...to hyrule-- that sealing chamber probably would have caved in at some point, or at the very least, the stairwell leading down to it, along with the murals, and all the other tunnels and whatnot, would have to be rebuilt...pretty often, all things considered.

it's something i'm trying not to stress about while writing, but it will. bug me. lol i'll get over it

ANYWAYS

back on track.

thinking through the botw -> totk timeline:

i am going with the idea that like...Calamity Ganon??? didn't. exactly. Actually. exist. like, sure, ganon did plenty of damage and razed the land, but like...it was only...a manifestation of ganondorf. a way of pressing against rauru's aging seal.

the "first" time calamity ganon rose, meeting the sheikah army, the hero and princess-- getting defeated by them? that was all a part of the plan. and by that point...the general population??? completely forgot about what was actually sealed below the castle. that's well into the "nobody is to ever go down there not even the royal family--NOBODY". too steeped in tradition/fear/whatever-- ganondorf has been "forgotten" about. their focus is calamity ganon. which, at the very least, they all know will return again.

the sheikah get "too powerful" (probably reminiscent of the zonai's god-like powers--who at this point are probably nothing more than legend). the banishment happens, they seal away all their tech to appease the hylians, things...go quiet.

then, the events leading up to botw happen. calamity ganon rises again, and i honestly...think it was in the plan to lose. extra 100 years or not. 100 years is a drop in the bucket in the face of thousands. calamity ganon didn't need to win. calamity ganon needed to get the castle to fall into disrepair as a part of the final act.

zelda mentions something about if you talk to her on the way down; since the calamity, the castle fell into disrepair. then the gloom started leaking out from the depths.

ganondorf needed the ground to be shaken up enough to where the castle part of the seal would be broken enough for more of his powers to really be able to seep out into the world.

the giant pig monster of calamity ganon-- still part of the plan. tear up the ground. rip up as many of the devices that were set to contain calamity ganon as possible. (it's at least what i'm generally going with to explain what happened to all the sheikah tech)

SO.

with that in mind, i figure the "totk" events for the age of calamity timeline...happen very similarly. only a few years after the initial CG event. the castle was shaken up enough. the castle seal was broken. the gloom will start leaking.

but now thinking more in age of calamity terms. botw!zelda and aoc!zelda are....in my mind, different zeldas. very much the same in every way, but i think it's more of a "nature vs nurture" situation. their natures are the same, but i think they had different nurtures. botw!zelda was not a fighter. she was not the "take up a weapon" sort. she had different shit going on. aoc!zelda is a fighter. she's the one who figured out how to weaponize the sheikah slate. she's the one who refused to stand by while link and impa did all the heavy lifting in the breach of demise. she had just enough differences in her life that she could at least take that up while still unable to awaken her sealing powers. BUT STILL. at the end of the day, they're both ARE fighters, just in different ways. i'm honestly struggling to figure out if aoc!zelda would have the mental fortitude to take on draconification. i figure the whole 100 years imprisoned with ganon thing really is what helped botw/totk!zelda be able to do that.

so while i work through that, at the very least, on my drive home from work today, while sitting in traffic, i just...I saw the opening of my fic for the age of calamity sequel. all because i thought something along the lines of, "you know...that was an odd question for zelda to ask her father? 'what is below the castle'? why would she question there was even something down there in the first place? why would she ever wonder if anything other than like...a crypt or something was down there?? it seems like a very...pointed...question...a question that gets asked if you saw something you maybe shouldn't have..."

in my age of calamity fic, the endgame pairing for zelda is zelda/impa, so. obviously. impa will be going with them down into the depths as part of the first change. (really want to get back into drawing so i can try to explain the "future" design for impa more-- bc i'm loving what i'm seeing in my head. same hair length but braided, at least one new piercing, some more ink-- girl looks Good)

and knowing that, i've been trying to figure out "is impa staying the present with link and everyone else?? or am i sending her ass to the ancient past, too?? if i do?? how do i??? what do i??? do with her????"

as much as i would love some antics with "yOURE CLEARLY NOT MY WIFE" from impa with all the Shmelda's running around in the present...i don't think that's the route i will go. (i could prove myself wrong later who knows i haven't finished the first fic lmao)

BUT SO. i had an idea to completely change up how i have impa and zelda originally met. instead of them not meeting until their late teens, i had this idea of them being small children, right around the time of the death of zelda's mother. impa and purah are the children to the king and queen's advisors, and zelda had been good friends with them all her childhood. (for my work, impa is a year older than zelda, and purah is about four years older than impa) after the queen's death, little zelda had been inconsolable-- absolutely shut down, not taking, not emoting-- nothing. purah and impa are both desperate to make their friend smile again, so purah decides, "hey!! why don't we sneak you down to the secret tunnels! there's all kinds of cool stuff to look at down there!" and what she MEANS is the like. staff tunnels and whatnot that are all around the castle for staff to move about unseen. the secret escape tunnels-- things like that.

impa...was less keen on the idea, knowing damn well they're sneaking where they shouldn't be-- and teleporting around with the princess??? it's one thing to endanger your sister. it's another to endanger the crowned princess--

purah presses her, and when it's the first time zelda has shown any interest in anything since her mother's passing-- impa caves.

so down they go. impa's powers have always been strong, but they're definitely less graceful at that age. they "poof" around the tunnels, going down to the docks, around the tunnels, sneak somewhere where they can probably find the three of them treats. zelda has fun for the first time in...a long time. so impa doesn't really stop. they keep going, and going, and going...and going...

and eventually.

the three of them realize they're...in a part of the castle they've never seen. they're too young to be able to put into words how it's different, but it's a combination of just how stale the air is. the architecture. the color of the stone in and around everything-- in front of them is a huge slab of text. it's ancient hylian-- something only zelda can read a few words of. but she knows the words she needs to know from it.

she grabs both their hands. "it says stay out," she says with a gulp.

purah squeezes her hand, not bothered. "that just means there's something really cool behind it! c'mon, impa!"

impa hums, putting her hand on the cold slab. "i don't know...that's...really thick...I can't poof unless I have a perfectly clear path...at least, not yet."

purah, curiosity getting the better of her, needles her. childish taunts of her being a big scaredy cat, big cucco, bawcking at her until she's red in the face and is just like "FINE!!" and then smacks her forehead "but i'm stealing your energy to do it!!" in a manner similar to what she would need to do to sap energy for symbol clones.

she then is able to get them on the other side and it's....even more different. they're at that huge stairwell. the air isn't stale it's old. purah is too busy complaining about how much it hurt to have her energy sapped that it's a few seconds before she realizes that impa and zelda are both...terrified.

the endless stairwell shaft that looks like it goes down to the center of the earth-- this is where impa's fear of heights starts.

absolute silence between the three of them as they stand near the edge, zelda having a death grip on the railing.

it's so quiet, the only thing they hear is one another's shallow breathing...their own pulses-- they don't have to even see a trace of ganondorf, the sounds of their own pulses echoing in their ears is more than enough to terrify them.

zelda, tears in her eyes, "we're gonna get in trouble--"

holding back her own, impa grabs both their hands again and gets them the hell out of there, wearing herself completely out by the time they make it back to somewhere they're allowed to be.

impa almost collapses, so they all sit together against the wall of wherever, not saying a word until she's caught her breath.

weakly, impa finally says, "we can never talk about this ever again."

zelda nods.

purah doesn't even tease her a little about it.

and so they never do talk about it...but they all never entirely stop thinking about it. zelda asks one day "what is below the castle" and gets that cryptic answer from her father. she doesn't even dare try to tell impa and purah what he said.

probably around that point as well, i'm going to have the king dismiss his advisors, their presence reminding him too much of the queen. they head back to kakariko or something idk. but zelda won't reconnect with them for a long time, right up to the point where they originally did for my fic (so about 5 years before calamity ganon awakens in the game)

my fic goes how it goes, and then there's relative peace afterwards, like in botw/totk.

the kingdom is rebuilding, a bright future looks to be ahead of them--

then the gloom. the gloom that they quickly realize is coming from the depths of the castle. depths that has zelda concerned. she meets with purah and impa first. [i'll probably have terrako rebuilt by this point too] "do...either of you remember when we were children, and we went too far down in the castle? When we found that...horrible stairwell?"

impa wraps her arms around herself, visibly tensing. "i try not to remember."

purah grimaces. "i unfortunately remember..."

zelda opens her mouth to speak, but the words aren't quite there yet. eventually, "this has to be coming from there..."

and from there, they agree to meet with the others, the king is strongly against her going down there, but is eased by the fact she'll at least have impa, link, and terrako with her.

from there. i think i'm going to send impa back to the past with her. i think i'm going to use a little author liberty, and--

in the past, after zelda has committed herself to draconifciation, mineru pulls impa aside. "impa...there is something i must tell you," she says between coughing fits. "There is another secret stone. one even my brother didn't know about." (she's the older sibling--girl's got secrets i'm sure of it)

so impa learns of a stone, hidden away, deep on an island, off the southeast coast of hyrule. on a map, she will recognize it as Eventide Island. in person, it's...a completely different island. much larger, and even more dangerous, fraught with all kinds of trials for her, unlocked thanks to mineru--

she gets her own secret stone, and from there...i have two routes, and i'm not sold on either, 100% yet. the title "sage of shadows" keeps jumping out at me, but idk entirely what to do with that. i could either have her go immortal dragon as well, or...i could have her be the one who teaches the people who will become the sheikah that stasis power they ended up using to seal themselves away in the shrines to later test link for the calamity. thanks to her own prowess, and enhanced by the secret stone, maybe she'll be in a different kind of stasis. hidden away in a shrine of her own making, deep within the depths, waiting...waiting...waiting...

but shadow dragon DOES sound pretty cool.......(I like the idea of her dragon mirroring zelda's perfectly, just in the depths rather than the sky)

idk. that was. A LOT. of word vomiting. all to just be like "this is how much my brain crammed into the span of maybe 5 minutes during my commute)

no clue which way i will end up going. i kind of need to. uh. write the first fic to bEGIN WITH....but still. it's nice to like. be writing again, even if it is just word salad.

[sourdough-morbread]

No pressure but could we get some excerpts/thoughts about master, king, star 😔🤲

OMG HI HELLO! yes OF COURSE you can have all the excerpts! thank you so much for letting me giving me a reason to anon i love you im going to cry. im. hyperfntilating seriously this ask made me so happy! i was having a very hectic week.

I don't really know how to organise this so I apologise in advance that this is going to be a bit all over the place. I think I should start with some stuff about the upcoming chapter because it has been a stupid amount of time since chapter 2. This is the header on my draft on ao3:

Chapter 3: Whose Loss Is It Anyway? (The Bet I) Summary:

Among the mages of Daeho, lost friendships are plentiful, and they all suck at talking to each other.

There's a lot that's going to happen. There's going to be some Seo Yul and more of Heo Yun-ok. And there isn't a lot of time I can breeze through like chapter 2 with the ten day time skip. I'm also setting up some stuff with Heo Yun-ok and how energy works for building out detail in what's going on with Jin Bu-yeon and Cho Yeong later. All of that has to go into the chapter somehow without making it a disjointed slog to read. Its going to be a long one. I'm guessing over 10k. Could be 12k. I don't know. It feels like it's too long but I also have no idea what to cut out.

But anyway! Here's some of what's coming:

"Your Highness," he greets after coming just close enough for the jade to stop nudging at his heart and puts it away. "Jang Uk," says the prince, and does the same with a severe look to his face, just like the one he had in Cheonbugwan. Then he spots the sword in Jang Uk's hand, "Why do you have that with you?" "You called me here at the dead of morning," he states the obvious, "I didn't know what I was going to be walking into." "Were you concerned I was in danger?" he asks, disbelief replacing his severity and scoffs a laugh, "Did you come here to defend me?" He looks so pleased with himself. Like a peacock admiring his own tail feathers. How obnoxious. "I just came prepared." The Crown Prince continues his evaluation, trailing his eyes up and down Jang Uk. Without the jade interfering with his emotions, he is quickly growing very upset about the flippant manner with which he is being made into entertainment. "You look so conspicuous," the prince says with a scoff of laughter. … He can't believe he let himself be concerned over the Crown Prince, of all people!

Go Won and his problems with socialising make me giggle so much. He just HAS to comment on Jang Uk's dishevelled clothes. Just like he HAS to say Mu-deok definitely will lose the race or fail the exam. He has no idea what encouragement is, just like Mu-deok, because they were both traumatised by the same person.

Honestly, the similarities between Mu-deok and Go Won are just… I am unwell about them. They both compensate for feeling affection and compassion by being mean or immediately criticising whatever is going on. And anything real has to have a hurtful side to it to them. If its not mean, it feels like its a lie. Because the only positive feedback they got was cruel and reinforced that they were disposable.

For Go Won it looks like him randomly insulting people when he's trying to make friends and feeling like he has to defend his position as the Crown Prince constantly. For Mu-deok it's her insanely blunt feedback and interpreting affection as a danger to herself. Her own well being is not even a factor in her decisions. Both of which makes them so easy to manipulate and use.

At the point Master, Star, King picks up the story, Mu-deok has moved away from this somewhat, but Go Won still has a long way to go. He will get there, but it's not going to be easy.

Speaking of Go Won and Mu-deok, here's a bit of them talking coming up in chapter 3:

"Have…" she scoots closer, with a dramatic glance at the door, then puts one knee on the floor and leans over the other towards him, "Have you noticed anything else strange like that, Your Highness?" she asks in a half whisper. It's just the right mix of nervous and fascinated, as if there is no ulterior motive to this at all. Just a silly question from a silly maid to serve her own morbid curiosity. He raises a knowing eyebrow at her, "Worried for your Young Master, are you?" Her eyes grow wide and she nods, "Oh, yes, I am, Your Highness! I knew would understand," she said and sighs in seeming relief, "That's why I am asking you. If anything amiss was going on, you would be sure to pick up on it." "Of course I would have," he says, his tone even and guarded, "I'm the Crown Prince." Her focus locks on him, eyes razor sharp. He can imagine them glint like a sword in the sunlight moving into position, but she masks it with her signature kowtowing, "So you did notice something weird!"

He's trying to out-conversation Mu-deok as if that can ever happen. This part is subject to change becasue there is somethig off about this scene in particular, but the dialogue will probably stay the same.

I have other parts from chapter 3, but they are subject to major editing, or huge plot spoilers. The general flow of this I've had worked out since posting the previous chapter but it takes a while for me to be happy with it. That's why it takes me so long to post anything. Also right now I have a lot of IRL stuff to keep up with, that has slowed me way down. But things are starting to settle and I'm speeding up, so fingers crossed.

I don't know what else to say really. This is already way too long of a post lkfjlsdf. If you want more or anything else specific please tell me.

But I have a bit from farther down the line, when Go Won is firmly on their side and all of their feelings start getting very confusing. I've been dying to post this ever since I wrote it like months ago. So I will finish this off with that.

Go Won notices Jang Uk staring at him again, with an expression he can only describe as wonder. A slight upturn to his eyebrows, cheeks flushed from how much they have had to drink and a pout. He keeps eye contact with Jang Uk for just a little too long before looking away. It's enough to make him feel disoriented. Mu-deok is across them, trying to shake out the last little bits of alcohol from the bottle into her mouth. He feels too uneasy to draw her attention. She doesn't like this new habit of Jang Uk's. Him watching Go Won. "What is it?" "You know what you remind me of?" He stays silent. From across the table, Mu-deok sets down the bottle, frowning. "What?" "A tiger." Only after the answer sinks in does Go Won realise he had been half expecting an insult. Why was he expecting an insult from Jang Uk? That's so stupid. "A tiger?"

According to my outline this is coming up in chapter 9 (Three Seasons Worth of Welcome). I know I post very slow but this fic has a fairly detailed outline, beyond to Jang Uk and Cho Yeong getting married. And it should get easier to write the further I get, because right now I'm setting up plot threads and figuring out their pay offs in like 7 or 8 chapters later. When I get to them I will have a lot less to figure out. I will finish this fic if it's the last thing I do.

Anyway, thank you so much for giving me a reason to ramble about this on tumblr! I hope you see this and and enjoy it!

[xslytherclawx-writes]

for the fic writer asks - 💫 🌿 🎈?

💫 what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

honestly, I genuinely treasure every comment!!! but if i had to pick, i like the ones that tell me what really worked for them! every characterization comment just makes me !!!! and i also love the big long quotey ones too!!! (even if i... don't always know how to reply to those ones adequately lol)

🌿 how does creating make you feel?

hahahaha that depends and varies wildly. when i was doing battleship i felt like the human equivalent of

down to the general unkemptness (to put it lightly) of the disturbing elmo cake. but i mean. 78k in 3 weeks???? who does that without going at least a little insane? ( @tavina-writes can back me up here haha we went insane TOGETHER)

but like honestly sometimes i'm just vibing. putting little guys in situations and feeling mostly normal about it.

i think it also varies a lot for things i write for myself (currently: Ravenclaw AU, Mutual Benefits, certain fest fics) and things I write for others (exchange fic, other fest fics).

If I'm writing for myself it's a lot of sickohahayes.jpg and way more self-indulgent.

if i'm writing for others, then I keep in mind what they like and what they want, and that's also ironically when I'm more likely to just totally go off the rails and like... write 10k in 25 hours or 22k in 3 days or what have you.

i like making people gifts. what can i say?

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

I am the worst person to ask this because I have no idea whatsoever. I'm good at character voice and canon tone matching, so I guess in that respect, it does change, but in terms of actual writing style, I would say I'm not hugely experimental or anything?