#i always hate being in these classes
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i did not finish a single one of my calculus problems <3 i’m too stupid for this shit <3
#i always hate being in these classes#“oh but you’re such a good student” i dont know how i got here and i dont know what im doing#i wish i could just like ask for everything explained and be able to review for a while bc this is shit from last year#that i know i know how to do but i can’t remember it and esp with the ones that give you new stuff that r supposed to trip you up a bit#my brain genuinely just shuts off seeing it. like theres no critical thinking or problem solving or whatever going on i just see it and go#“oh i don’t recognize this. thats not supposed to work like that. okay guess we’re not doing that”#there isn’t supposed to be a negative in a square rootttt you can’t get a square root out of a negative what do you want me to doooo#sobs#we were breaking my streak today too man
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i’ve been wanting to do this since day one
#team fortress 2#tf2#era.png#idk if i’ll.. tag the characters? its just a silly little meme#i’ll think on it#anyway i guess i’ll ramble a bit in the tags then#mains: i’ve always played sniper but recently picked up engie! i love avoiding conflict forever#fav character: hmm this aussie that i hate (affectionate)#relate to: i relate to the both of them at the exact same time. autistic AND adhd#learn to play: i’m a dedicated healer class player but medic is soo difficult for me for some reason? one day. one day#fav ship: hmmm these bozos that i hate (AFFECTIONATE)#like to draw: spy is just fun to draw :) ignore sniper this isnt about him#NO ID SORRY :( this feels very difficult to write an id for. i am very sory#REQUESTS R STILL BEING WORKED ON BTW i’ll get to posting those soon. thank you. i will stop talking now
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i would advise against sneaking a bunch of silly billies into your castle
#project sekai#emu otori#nene kusanagi#tsukasa tenma#rui kamishiro#pjsk#proseka#prsk#polysho week 2023#there that wasnt so bad#i hate taaaagging#Saki chortling her ass off btw. Do They Know#snailing towards drawing backgrounds properly... its helpful for my comms but im still so bad....#My emu favoritism shines theough again in that its obvious i drew her first. Im sorry. kind of.#i dont have insane tags to put this time i have to get up for class in like 7 hours. i have a midterm. farewell....#actually how could you put polysho week during my midterms. SICK. (ignored that i couldve used the time prompts r given in advance to draw)#ive always done this for fanweeks i try to draw on the day of like a sicko. INEED TO GONTOSLPEY#please stop following me if i check and i hit a milestone im going to feel bad. i dont look at it often enogub to cstch them when they happ#en. stop being niceys to me.#i was thinking of doing simple rqs or something... bc im grateful and it would be fun..... waugh....#why didi stay up finishing this. my wrist hurts and im sleepy. Lord.
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#mineta is a great artist help#honey why are you trying to score by being a creep when you could be gifting them incredible drawings??#this is so funny#i still hate him but it makes him so much more interesting#also it's so funny that he only drew himself and izuku#you fell for him right right we remember#i always assumed izuku was the best artist in their class#it's so cute that izuku put exclamation points after the names#he unabashedly loves them#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#midoriya izuku#mineta minoru#kirishima eijirou#jirou kyouka
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I just started cackling over a thought I had, and needed to share it. Omega is feeling very restless and wants something fun to do, so after some thought they start stretching really well, and then put on some running shoes. Wanders over to the rec room where the pack is all sitting around. We approach Soap who is most likely to react the best; slapping a hand on his shoulder and yelling: “you’re it! No tag backs!” And turning tail and sprinting back out of the rec room while giggling like crazy. Now you may be thinking, they are grown adults, but Soap and Gaz would absolutely play tag with us, and as much as Ghost and Price would think it might be childish…. The packs omega is running, and it will trigger their hunting instinct. Could consider it training. But also soap slowly turns back from us to everyone else, and then everyone just scatters.🤣
You know what's funny...I was just talking about something similar with a friend 😂
Except it wasn't playing tag, it was the reader having to write "'mega's snacks" on all her food because the guys would eat them otherwise. Kyle and John leave them alone because they're sane individuals. Johnny still tries and gets chased when he gets caught. Simon uses Johnny's distraction to sneak snacks for himself 😂
No but the reader so would do that. There's not far to run in the barracks but doing it as training? Just a bunch of kids out there playing tag and having fun chasing the reader. Until Johnny is it, then it's utter chaos. He's definitely the kid that took P.E. way too seriously. Super competitive and active and was always captain when playing sports.
#i was always picked last because i have the athleticism of a sloth#and the hand eye coordination of a blind rat#jokes on the american school system PE just made me hate exercise and being active#they really thought they did something with gym class#sure it was fun in like elementary school when we got to play games and roll around on scooters#those square ones that would almost amputate your fingers if you weren't careful#in my elementary school's gym there was a ramp down from one of the exit doors and we'd get to scooter down the ramp#fun times#back when life was easier#answered
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throwback tuesday to that time when i took one of the few large lecture hall classes i ever took in college, a class on pre-1500s English literature, and the professor (a balding man with a British accent who banned computers because, according to him, he once caught someone watching Shrek 2 on a laptop during the lecture and he was upset it wasn't Shrek 1) stopped in the middle of talking about Beowulf to a hundred students to ask ME SPECIFICALLY (in the back half of the room but not all the way at the back) if I was using my smartphone under the table, so I had to lift up my hands and show him that no, I was knitting because the class had a bunch of printouts so I didn't need to take notes but the man wouldn't let me play spider solitaire or scroll tumblr and I had to do SOMETHING with my hands, and he was like, "ah, weaving peace I see. it seems we have the peaceweaver in our class" and then just carried on with things
#pickle pontificates#i'm not even mad. he was just eccentric enough to get away with it#always annoys me a bit though when college professors are like that#like girl you realize that a significant portion of students take notes electronically right. and if someone's watching shrek 2 then idk ma#it's their college experience. you're still getting paid#the lame beowulf joke did make beowulf stick in my head though#was it worth being perceived by 100 people at once for no reason? that's still up for debate#now the TA for that class. that guy actually sucked#a year later i was still running into people who just had the worst time with him. straight A eloquent friendly newspaper editor students#like the kind of students professors just love. engaged and respectful and earnest and talented. and they all hated that guy's guts#i had a gossip right in the english department about it. kinda scary. was afraid he'd come around the corner
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MED SCHOOL SUCKS BALLS I NEED TO FOCUS ON MY CLASS STUDIES BUT I NEED TO FOCUS ON MY RESEARCH BUT I NEED TO FOCUS ON MY USMLE PREP BUT I NEED TO FOCUS ON MY INTERNSHIP BUT I NEED TO FOCUS ON MY OWN HEALTH AND EXERCISE AND DIET BUT I NEED TO FOCUS ON-- (gets shot)
#dont even get me started on volunteering#I CANT DO IT ALL I CANT#HOW AM I GONNA BE A SURGEON#IM SO OUT OF SHAPE I CANT EVEN STAND WITHOUT GETTING TIRED#i need to hit the gym again but WHEN#i am so tired guys#but to stop being tired i need to eat#but when i dont exercise i dont get hungry#and if i dont get hungry then im ALWAYS TIRED#clawing at the bars of my enclosure#LET ME OUT PLEASE#medblr#i guess#mbbs hell get me out#ID HATE IT LESS IF MY UNI DIDNT SUCK BALLS#MOST DISORGANIZED FUCKING SCHOOL#CANT SCHEDULE ROTATIONS CANT SCHEDULE CLASSES#NOTHING HAPPENS IN A TIMELY MANNER#THE LECTURES SUCK ASS#ITS MORE PRODUCTIVE FOR ME TO STUDY AT HOME#BUT ATTENDANCE IS MANDATORY THEY WON'T LET ME TAKE MY EXAMS IF I DONT HAVE ATTENDANCE#LET ME OUTTTTTTTT
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sequel to this ramble cause the way james talks bout the reduced cherik scenes throughout the xmen films in this video is making me want to kill people. 'we'll always have paris darling' what if we all blew up.
#xmen#xmen first class#xmen dofp#xmen apocalypse#xmen dark phoenix#cherik#snap chats#im gonna be sick ive rewatched this like five times#IM STILL PISSED AWF AND THEN HEARING HIS COMMENTARY ABOUT IT OUUUUGGHHHH#OOOH WHAT IF I THREW ROCKS#LIKE WHAT THE HELL WAS CUT. aside from that gorgeous 'where are you doing' scene in first class ofc BUT WHAT ELSE#im forced to believe there was a make-up and/or hate sex scene in dofp because wdym they were worried about censorship#LIKE WHAT. WHAT DID THEY CUT. CAUSE CENSORSHIP OVERSEAS IS ONLY FOR EXPLICITLY QUEER THINGS INNIT#maybe paris can be our always i hate it here NO I LOVE HOW THE PARIS BIT IS EVEN /THEIR/ COPE#LIKE PLEAAAAASSE im throwing up. maybe if i draw cherik ill feel better#on the real its genuinely so sad. like even outside of shipping this is still art being reduced#and what we have is still good but the thought that it coudlve been BETTER ...#again their connection is already good from what we have in the final but just ... the lost emphasis of it all if that makes sense#ESPECIALLY outside of first class and dofp- like their relationship really is so sparse in DP and apocalypse its so sad#i think what makes it esp sad is how upset james is about the cut material like its so nice that hes so invested in their relationship too#and its just gotta be so. Excuse Me What when youre told 'hey so your characters cant having a deeper relationship or we're fucked'#'even though the relationship between these two is one of the most fascinating aspects of this generation of xmen films'#is it so hard to want to see like .. even just an intimate 'friendship'. like would it be so bad to see them be so heartfelt#or even just bein a bit silly. or hell ill take them fighting again ANYTHING I BEG YOU the humanity between them is so important#LIKE PLEASE im gonna cope and seethe forever i fear#and when he said 'i thought 'its probably the last time we get to do this to each other'' :((((((((((((((((((((( shoot me#at least we'll always have paris ....
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the gorgug-porter conversation is interesting to me because like. yea for the overwhelming majority of the conversation porter’s being shitty & trying to fit gorgug into a box that gorgug just does not fit into by trying to make gorgug’s relationship with his rage more focused on the aggression aspect of it. but then there’s also this specific thing that brennan brought up again in the ap, which is that gorgug’s relationship with his rage is wholly “this is a tool i use to protect my friends.” which isn’t a bad thing! but that’s his Whole relationship with it, & gorgug seems to place next to no value on his rage in relationship to himself. which is problematic, because it’s first & foremost his rage.
being raised in a household with a sort of toxic positivity largely meant that, whether or not it was his parents’ intention, gorgug internalized the message that more traditionally “negative” emotions such as anger are the wrong response to something. part of the reason he prioritizes his artificing is probably because it’s “fixing” things. in comparison to being a barbarian, which gorgug associates with “breaking” things. good vs. bad behavior, in his eyes.
it’s a totally unacceptable bar to measure a 16 y/o by, but i do think part of porter’s reasoning for not letting gorgug multiclass is him recognizing that gorgug generally does not value anger as a valid emotional response to something, at the very least for himself. & that directly conflicts with what being a barbarian is, because whether you like it or not, that rage is what fuels you. but again, barring a kid from pursuing something they deeply care about in part (not entirely, porter has a lot of more bullshit reasons) because of their fundamental values & world outlook is crazy.
so yes, 98% of porter’s reasoning is pretty shitty, immature, rife with a toxic view that there’s only one proper way to access rage, & generally not a good thing to do as a teacher, but also within that reasoning is the 2% of ‘there is a fundamental part of yourself that you only value if you can use it to take care of other people & you need to accept that as something that can take care of you, too.’ but that’s something to discuss with a therapist or a guidance counselor, not something that should hugely impact gorgug’s academic future.
#gorgug thistlespring#fantasy high#dimension 20#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#btw these r just my personal opinions u r 100% free to disagree#gorgug & his rage interest me so deeply because of how deeply that rage existing seems to be against gorgug’s own will#like mechanically classes are choices & you can switch stuff around any time. but gorgug as a barbarian always felt like an unwilling choice#like that 14 y/o kid did not want to have rage. & that really interests me.#i’ve seen people before be like ‘what if gorgug dropped barbarian & went full srtificer’ but i feel like that simply can’t happen??#mechanically yea sure but it always felt like a core part of gorgug that the rage will always be there & it’s a matter of how you channel it#idk. dnd classes narratively being treated as ‘you can not lose this part of you’ even though you technically can#gorgug could be lvl 19 artificer & he’d still have 1 level of barbarian. because that is part of who he is.#btw i don’t think porter truly cares about gorgug valuing his rage only as a way to be a human shield#i think porter just sees that as ‘wrong’ but like. not as in ‘you need to take care of yourself’ & more ‘you aren’t conforming’#he thinks it’s wrong for the wrong reasons. the nastier ‘this is how you should be’ reasons#ppl being like ‘we r being too hard on porter. it’s an 150% courseload gorgug will be overwhelmed’ i think r missing the point bc like.#that is 100% a valid reason to not approve gorgug for multiclassing! but that’s also 100% not the reason porter rejected him.#that whole interaction was basically porter shoving his percieved version of conformity down gorgug’s throat. was v neurodivergent kid coded#no hate to anyone saying that last point btw these r all just opinions#thinking about last ep wilma & digby being like ‘you’re a great barbarian. you’re so great at it. but look at what you made!!!’ like.#they would never mean it like that. but when you only understand half of your son he is going to prioritize the half you do.
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#girlhood!!!!! girlhood amirite???!#feel free to reblog but unrelated tags ahead:#unrelated vent tags but like i cannot explain the acid trip of being in my international law class#and mentioning anything about palestine and that fucking CRACKHEAD bitch !!!everytime!!! turns to me and says:#“as a white south african how do you feel about the treatment of white farmers” girl im gonna fucking kill you#this genuinely keeps unearthing a biblical anger in me. i mean my mother is just a wicked person but my dad really let me grow up#without a tradition. being without a tradition is about the most dreadful thing my dad ever did to me thanks you FUCK!#i cant reconcile my identity with anything. caught somewhere between the way that bitch knows how much i hate afrikaans#exclusively speaking to me in afrikaans and my dad who taught me nothing. okay then !!! anyway like obvi not thinking abt having kids at 22#but definitely sure now that im not having kids ever because this corrosive resentment rears its head in mundane moments#bc its always just under the surface#anyway wONT ANYONE THINK ABOUT THE POOR WHITE FARMERS!!!!!!!!!!#lol.
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I decided to go through my old warm-up notebooks from my honours english class and in one of the warm-up prompts, I said I wanted my superpower to be "controlling the effects of [my] puberty," and I'm glad to say that I've gotten that superpower. It took a very long time, but that's a superpower I can check off my list
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#ngl though i felt my very soul wince while reading some of them (including that)#in my old self's defense: i was incredibly dysphoric and had Many Unresolved Issues#i also wasn't really masking in that class and didn't know i should probably not be honest with my notebook#my teacher said that she'd only grade warm-ups we wanted graded and she'd only *potentially* read others 'for fun'#also i always didn't like the 'what superpower would YOU want?' question because. it just annoyed me to know it's impossible to have#(besides the puberty superpower lmao)#as much as i believe in being kind to your past self/selves that doesn't mean i'm not cringing about it 😭#just so long as you don't turn the cringe into self-hatred i suppose#you cannot hate yourself into being better♡♡#WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED THAT IN ONE OF THE WARM-UPS I WROTE ABOUT A LESBIAN ROBOT#NEVER MIND I'M DONE CRINGING#man i should make that into a proper short story like. what a concept
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Is this fanfic friendly? I feel like an outlier.
I guess this is my sign it's time to throw together a FAQ post to link to lol.
Yes, every event for this blog is fanfic friendly :D
Though as I mentioned on my Ominous October post, for events that include multiple short stories, I encourage everyone to flex their creativity and take one of their planned short story fanfics, and at least *attempt* to turn one of them into something entirely original; rebuilding a character and story from the ground up to stand on its own two legs is no easy feat, and that is what makes it so fun!
It really gets your creative gears turning, to make an "au of an existing material" to be something entirely original, and you can be pleasantly surprised about the things you come up with!
As a few people say, its not just a matter of "filing the serial numbers off" -- you have to add in just as much *or more* as what you take out when you are turning a fanfiction into something that is original and completely divorced from its original source material / inspiration, and that is a hard, but very rewarding challenge!
Obviously, this is not a requirement (there's no hard requirements for any of the challenges, other than no cheating, including no using AI),
but if you would like an extra challenge for the short story events and you're planning on doing entirely fan-fiction, I highly recommend trying it out at least once, and seeing where it leads you--
you may find yourself pleasantly surprised by what you find down that rabbit hole!
#replies#novella november#long rambly tags to follow lol#including anti royalist / anti billionaire shit#ominous october#this is what my novella november is going to be#something that WAS a huge earth-shattering fanfic AU#but before I even got past a WIP Oneshot I'd already realized that what I was planning was going to turn canon so far on its head it would#be unrecognizable and it would be much better off and more coherent if I made it entirely original#so now it is!#not only does this involve changing every single characters name#everyone is now a completely different species other than human because thats always fun#and of course we're also tackling all the issues that had annoyed me in omega verse fics since I was like 14 and liked the#creature aspects but hated the biological essentialism and misogny / caste systems#if your fantasy people have an enforced caste system you gotta actually treat that like the horror and systemic oppression it is#not just say 'biological = right' like dude what do you think people have been saying about real women this whole time????#people literally insist women are biologically inferior to men do you really think supporting that idea is going to make you sound#progressive just because your main character is a tomboy independant woman?#also like she lost all her independence as soon as she found a man to marry so uhhhhh#what happened to being ready and willing to hit the bricks if people kept talking down to you and condescending you for being a woman????#why did you go from independant badass tomboy to fainting damsel who spends all her time worrying about failing to produce an heir#so her husband can take power#instead of just straight up telling your husband#'hey I don't want to deal with the bullshit from your father how about we do the-#- socially acceptable thing and just go off to make our own independant settlement with some of the villagers who are on your side'#like your husband would literally be escstatic about this idea of finally getting out from under his dad's tyrannical thumb#and its more like way more than half the villagers would go with you not just a handful#theyve been sick of the kings shit for years and only your husband's potential rise to rule kept them in check#cus he actually cares about the villagers and goes among them#while still clearly having some biases to work through when it comes to class and gender equality
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Watching the Ranma 1/2 adaption and. I can't keep having this reaction but woooow there's so much of the soil and mineral from Takahashi Rumiko that Togashi was borrowing/trying to borrow from...
idk how to put this! He's kind of their (Akane and Ranma's) lovechild?? born to be post-canon/epilogue tsundere x tsundere will-they-wont-they behaving like old married couple from day 2!!! we-communicate-w-our-eyes-about-how-to-go-about-situations of knowing each other but its too early for them to get together love child in a world in which no one here is a model student and we've given up on the matter, forced to be a shounen protagonist in which people have superficial standards
I already sensed that Nabiki may have been an influence for Shizuru, I did not expect the Yusuke influences...
#literally yusuke has to be based off of akane and ranma they're so him-coded#itching and good at fighting; doesn't actually seek out an opponent on their own (unless they're friendly or theres no other way out)#kinda chill abt starting friendship w someone who has told him to his face they hate him; oddly allowing (?? bad word there are better ?)#of someone he thinks has been nothing but a nuisance to him (kuwabara) to behave familiarly w him; hilariously bad at using his words#“you're being too familiar w Akane!” “Well that's cause... you know?” “'you know' he says...?!”#temper can be pretty bad; cocky!! he did not have to stay and fight his dad he couldve focused solely on running away & she did not have#to assume that ranma was gonna be easy bc she appears at first as a frail girl shorter than herself (akane come on)#“your fault!” “no your fault I got dragged into your fight” he invited himself and he had to have known that--#“not to brag but i always beat them up bf class starts” “... well what was all that” “... it was that guy's fault”#equal amounts playfulness and “do *not* fuck w me every day's a bad day for me” energies#ranma 1/2#yyh things#yusuke
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happy (not that stoked) Labor Day to all the mfs that work today. especially if y'all aren't getting time & a half or double time. Thank you for working because it's what u have to do to survive. Labor Day is only a blue collar worker/office job kinda holiday, so bless you all that are working like it's any other day, I promise we see ya and appreciate y'all <3
#i do my best to just stay home and not go out on labor day for all the workers that still have to work#do your very best to not go to the store. cut the workers some slack and enjoy being you for a day without the help of capitalism#dont hit my askbox if ur gonna slander. only hit my ask box with real facts and real opinions or dont hit it up at all#m.#i bet all the overseas homies are like wtf is labor day and why is it a holiday? honestly you're so right.#its just a holiday to gaslight all 9-5 workers into believing theyre important to their job#thankfully im off but no one ever tells you thank you for doing your job or putting in the effort to make society flow easier.#no one!! so I'll be the one to tell yall:#life aint easy. and it definitely aint easy when you're providing for a family or those you love. especially in america on poverty level#or even lower middle class. the rich are shaking in their boots knowing we're aware of their abuse of the system and the ploy to keep#lower middle class/upper middle class complete different worlds than one another. but they're both essentially the same class???#firm believer of socialism or a sprinkle of communism. this shit is awful#imagine raising your kids to be able to navigate american economics along with their passion in life. oh shit. you cant? sounds accurate.#kids either kill themselves from the stress of it all or become just like their parents. like the world is in the 60's still#i really. really. really hate America and its politics. ive always wanted to kms to get away from it..#but it's not possible and i. unfortunately. have too much to lose. despite to popular belief.#but all you need to know is things will always SEEM worse but its really not. just keep pushing and believe in yourself ❣️
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another weekend, another job rejection!
#and now no more positions are open to apply to! for now at least. some more will probably drop soon. fuck i hope so.#love just. being fucking unable to even make it into the interview phase for my extraordinarily lofty career goal#Of Working In A Fucking Library#just. so thrilled.#kazoo noises#anyway tomorrow morning i have to find a time to talk to my rabbis bc if i dont figure shit out i have to pick between becoming jewish or#graduating on time and i have fucking NO ONE i can talk to this about and ive used up like all of my good will in all of my personal#relationships already and i am So Fucking Sick of feeling mean and petty and evil all the time but my options are either fucking smile and#be noticeably fake optimistic when i get called on my bullshit or burn like all three of my last remaining bridges#i just dont see why i cant even make it to interviews. like i can accept not being the right fit or whatever. but like. it really kinda is#everyone but me whos employed by now.#man. like listen. its not my professors fault. i get that i've got her in a bad position.#but she said ''sometimes we have to pick between sources of joy'' like MAN--#do NOT speak to me about that. absolutely the FUCK not.#you! are employed and have been in this field for over a decade and i work in a grocery store with no sign of luck changing.#i need to be in this section bc 1) im not fucking doing academia with a gun pulled on me#2) i need to actually get some kind of professional experience since its clear i can't actually get a job on merit so i guess i will pay to#go further into debt#anyway no one is around to talk to me about this and i hate bitching to my friends about how fucking hopeless i feel all the fucking time s#everyone please look away from my diary posting and think of me as sexy and fun and bubbly <3333#like. its literally no ones fault so i should not be this fucking resentful.#and yet.#yeah im probably not getting classed as a good person for another several years. shame. ive always wanted to be good.#library travails
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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