#i also had a New Side Effect Of Grieving which is not being able to get out of bed (im usually out of bed by 9 or 10 am at the latest)

[zepskies]

The Boys S4: Is it just me or...

Okay, anyone who knows me knows I love this show. And I don't mean to be overly critical, but...there's something missing for me in season 4. 🤔

Episode 4 brought me back in a bit more this week, but I have thoughts and just wanted to get them out. Which of course you don't have to agree with, if you so choose to dive below the cut. 😂

So here we go! Highlights and lowlights (and **spoilers**): ⤵️

Sorry in advance for my slightly stream of conscious-style thought process.

Lowlights (so far):

Kimiko x Frenchie: Violently pushing down something you built up for 2.75 seasons? Because "being more than that/family" can also be romantic? Why do you hate the fans, Kripke? 😂

The political "satire" is getting a bit old for me. A lot of the same jokes over and over. However, the problem of taking out Victoria Neuman is a very intriguing conundrum (and Bob Singer sweating over it while trying to keep supes out of the military/law enforcement is keeping me hooked).

THAT Rob scene: lmfao come on now. This was for gross shock value and nothing else. Even the exploding dick and Love Sausage in S3 served a narrative purpose. (But I enjoyed the footnote commentary while watching it on Prime: Rob B. apparently wants to remind everyone that he's a Shakespearean-trained actor. 🤣) I’m actually more disappointed that he didn’t have a more meaningful role in the show, because he really is a fantastic actor and I was looking forward to seeing what his character would bring. (Not that lmao.)

Overall, the season just feels...emptier than seasons 1-3? Maybe that has to do with the lack of Soldier Boy's gravitas as a new antagonist, and connecting the entire narrative and various conflicts of the season -- all while shedding light on the grisly past of Payback, Grace Mallory, and Stan Edgar. Stormfront also brought that ante up in season 2 in a similar way, all while shedding light on Vought's sordid history with the creation of Compound V.

We're missing the layers here in season 4. Now, this could just be because we haven't seen the full season yet as well, but that's what I see so far.

I think it also has to do with the odd dynamic the boys side is in right now. With Butcher on the fringe of the group, and the others splintered off on their own side plots, it feels like the supes' side of things are more...for lack of a better term, "unified" in the narrative.

Which I realize is probably to reverse parallel the state of each side in season 3. But it just feels "off" to me somehow, since we're supposed to be just as invested in the boys side lol.

Highlights:

Butcher and Ryan: Butcher's doing his best there now, and it soothes my heart.

Ryan's slowly seeing the consequences of his choice to join Homelander. In fact, I'm wondering where Ryan is in episode 4. Hiding in his room?

The Khan Worm that appears to be inside Butcher is both frightening and intriguing. I wonder if this is the key to saving his life? Or just another lovely side effect of taking V24 long term. ��

JDM (Joe) and Butcher: All their scenes were golden. And that subtle John Winchester reference? Being willing to train up his son to be a killer? Being able to grieve at his son's funeral, knowing he "saved the world?" *Chef's kiss* 🤌🏽

(And if Butcher or Joe end up being the one to break Soldier Boy out of his cryo coffin, my fangirl heart will freak TF out. 🤣)

The way that Homelander is noticing his age is fucking hilarious. Bet you wish you had that life longevity from your father/sperm donor, dont'cha? 😂

But also the way Homelander "confronted" his past in E4 had some truly WTF/Holy Shit™️ moments, in a good way. As in, I'm once again afraid of this unhinged psychopath--kind of way. 😅

A-Train continuing to struggle internally with the place he's fought so hard to keep in the Seven, versus recognizing the evil around him, his own complicity, wanting forgiveness from Hughie, and wanting a true connection with others (namely his family).

It's interesting that Hughie's mom is being brought back in at this time. And even MORE interesting that she seems to be the one who gave her ex-husband Compound V. Her story of why she left her family seemed so normal that I actually got a little suspicious of her. But now, even more so. 🤨

M.M. doing his fucking best. (Except for the way he suddenly had a change of heart about Butcher in E4. Not sure about that one.)

Tilda effing Swinton voicing Ambrosius. PLEASE. My Queen. 😭🤣🤣

I actually had more lowlights before I watched episode 4. There were some really interesting moments that literally had me gasping in shock (this time in a good way), more so than in the first 3 episodes. However, I still think seasons 1-3 were stronger from the get-go.

But even with my lingering reservations, now I'm actually more so looking forward to getting into the meat of the season in this second-half coming up. 👏🏽

[angelkitty54]

Sonic Prime AU time! (coz this has been everywhere in the last month or so.) Basically just some ideas I had for shatterverse versions of Sonic and Shadow, set after the end of the series.

New Yoke City: Based on the idea in SA2 where it's kinda implied Sonic was also made on the Ark like Shadow (which is never brought up again). Basically Nine stumbles across a pod that contains the New Yoke version of Sonic (Spirit) and excitedly wakes him up. However he quickly finds that this is not the Sonic he met before; Spirit has never been out of his bio-tank thingy before, he is basically a newborn in a full grown body, with the mentality of a newborn too. Spirit is a wide-eyed innocent child, sweet, kind and trusting, a stark contrast to the world around him and the people in it. Nine is having a hard time adjusting, especially since Spirit's keeps chewing on all his power cables. He is also constantly being accused of having cloned Sonic. Which he totally did not! He found this Sonic fair and square thank you very much!

Meanwhile, having lost their power source, the Chaos Council has lost a lot of ground to the resistance. In searching for new power sources and weapons, they discover Project Umbra (three guess who this is). Umbra leans a little more into his alien side than Shadow does, he is also less of an angsty teen and more of a scared, grieving child lashing out at a world that hurt him. He agrees to work for the council only due to the distant family connection, but he doesn't particularly like them or care about their goals. He just wants to see the world burn. Of course, things change when he finds out his baby brother survives the raid on the Ark. Tho he is not particularly happy about this strange fox hanging around, acting all buddy buddy with Umbra's brother. Ugh, the nerve of that guy!

Boscage Maze: Got inspiration from movies like Nausicaa and Origin: Spirits of the Past. So the instead of the prism, the massive jungle was actually caused by a bio-experiment gone wrong which set off an apocalypse. There are effectively three groups of survivors, those that escaped into space (mainly GUN people), those that survived on the surface (whose descendants became groups like the scavengers) that live more or less in harmony with the jungle, and those that made it into underground shelters and were put into stasis chambers where they have slept for several hundred years. The latter two group are often at odds with each other, one wanting their old world back, the other wanting the jungle to stay as is. Dr Nightshade Robotnik and his assistant, Sunny, are among the stasis group.

In this universe Gerald went down the road of cybernetics as well as genetic engineering when creating his Ultimate Lifeform, Nightshade. Their Maria got to live her life to it's fullest, becoming a scientist like her grandfather. Nightshade also dedicated his life to science, wanting to follow Maria's dreams of making the world a better place, even after she passed away. Sunny benefited from their research, as it's thanks to their work into cybernetics that he is able to walk (and run) again. Upon waking in the post-apocalyptic world, Dr Nightshade has made it his mission to find out what caused the plants to grow out of control and hopefully reverse the effects. Sunny, someone who sees the benefits of both the old and new world, hopes that he can help the good Doctor find balance between the natural and mechanized worlds. Meanwhile GUN is up to something rather suspicious up there in space...

No Place Sea: Yay pirate AU!! Honestly didn't have a lot of ideas beyond just pirates tho... Shadow is Captain Blackheart and is like super duper cursed. He is captain of a ghost ship, whose crew is also super cursed and/or undead. All save a single member, his navigator Tempest (Sonic), who is immune to the effects curses due to him being half siren. Tempest does not speak much as his voice is imbued with the charming power of a siren, which he lacks much control over. He has a knack for reading the winds and currents making him an ideal navigator in treacherous waters. He is both drawn to and fears the water, as something in those dark depths keeps calling to him, eager to drag him down down down into darkness... However he can't bring himself to stay away despite the danger, and luckily whatever is hunting him seems to steer clear of the ghost ship. In exchange for shelter aboard his ship, Tempest is helping Blackheart track down and decode ancient sea charts that will lead them to a great treasure he's been hunting. One said to be able to grant wishes: the chaos emeralds!

[arbitraryaffair]

A 1973 county survey showed that, after all deaths and births had been accounted for, there was a surplus of citizens, approximately 665 in total.

This was due to the practice of inserting deceased people's hearts into inanimate objects to bring them back to life. Grieving family members were most likely to attempt the process but there were also a few hobbyists and human traffickers.

Once the heart had been placed in its new host body, over which a medi-legal incantation had been recited, the object would become imbued with the personality of the deceased. However, there were often side effects, for example not being able to say certain words such as 'artichoke', 'help' and 'please kill me, I did not give my consent for this', to name but a few.

Hearts were usually placed inside humanoid objects: dolls, mannequins, large soft toys and the like, though one widow had her dead husband's heart inserted into a guinea pig called Jonathan who flushed himself down the toilet after his application to do an MA course in Linguistics was rejected

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: "A Princess On Lothal"

Mini Leia is here to lift everyone's spirits, and provide some much-needed hardware to the Rebellion.

Right, so going to have to be careful about the new photo limit, but just one quick cap from the beginning here because awwww the Loth-cat was comforting Ezra!

Oooh the deep glockenspiel adds some interesting texture to this music cue here.

And cue the Hammerhead corvettes. Good thing Leia dropped by when most of the blockade was still sweeping up on Garel.

(They'll be back soon, Lothal and Garel are practically galactic neighbors.)

Lol Lyste sighing in aggravation about "Another delegation from Alderaan." I'm certain Bail and Breha have cultivated quite the bleeding heart reputation as cover for their covert Rebel activities.

I don't think the voice actress they chose is that great. She sounds... way older than 15/16 and I can tell she's trying for the cadence of Carrie Fisher's snark but... I dunno it just lands weird for me. I think they could have gotten away with having her voice sound younger and it would have been okay.

Chopper sticking by Ezra's side. :((((

A slow, mournful version of Ezra's theme. Fitting, as he's going to be grieving the whole episode. Which is a nice bit of continuity. I love it when shows allow time for characters to grieve and adjust to losses they've sustained.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: The way Ezra idly thumps the cadet helmet to the side of his head. Just a nice little gesture that adds character and flavor.

Oh shit, that was definitely a Dies Irae in the score there.

(A refresher for those of you just joining this rewatch: The Dies Irae is an old Latin musical sequence that has been used basically since the Gregorian chant days to denote the specter of death in a work of music. Composers from ages past up to the present have referenced it in their compositions. Think of it as like the world's oldest music meme.)

Lot of OT score references in this part, no surprise.

Ezra is noticeably more surly and pissy than usual this episode, at least until his pep talk from Leia. Also no surprise, the boy hides behind his sarcasm and snark like no one's business.

"I don't get to give orders!" Just wait, Ezra, lol. You'll get your turn.

Leia playing Lyste like a damn fiddle lolol.

Mini Leia is really pretty. They did a great job with her design.

Alderaan sits pretty in the "plausible deniability" section. I'm sure the Empire suspected the planet of harboring secret Rebel sympathies but they were never able to have concrete proof of it. Bail, like Mon, probably held out hope that he could stem some of the Empire's tyranny from within, and so that's why he didn't want to lose his seat of government power, not as long as there was a chance he could effect some kind of change, which meant Alderaan had to avoid being directly tied to the Rebellion.

There's some commentary there about the need to work within the system in order to fix it, versus when it's time to break off and burn it down, but I'm not going to go into that right now.

Hngh, Ryder's resignation when the Stormtrooper mentions "termination".

"Hera's here." Hhhnkgjhn that's the happiest we've heard Ezra sound this episode Imma cry.

Luke's theme used per the standard as a bold Big Damn Heroes leitmotif with the Ghost's appearance.

"I'll warn Sabine." Lol how does Ezra know Sabine's the one who's going to be paying attention?

Zeb enjoyed this entirely too much lololol.

Ha ha those two Stormtroopers who are like, "They take prisoners now???"

This man has zero shame lol.

RIGHT, SO THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE UNDERRATED SABEZRA MOMENTS RIGHT HERE AND I HAVE BEEN A VERY GOOD GIRL WITH THE PHOTO LIMIT WHICH MEANS I GET TO CAP THE SCENE IN FULL.

That soft hand on his arm. The way her eyes linger on him as he turns away.

*sobs*

I love it so muuuuuuuuch!

Leia being, well, Leia, immediately discerns that something's really bugging Ezra. I love that the Kenobi show leaned into the inner sixth sense she displays here, that she can pick out a person's thoughts and feelings with the Force just by looking at them.

Kanan discerning that Leia might be able to comment and help Ezra, aww.

Friiiiiiiiick his face.

Leia's theme follows right on the heels of Ezra's theme here, in the score.

"I feel like because I can fight, I have to, for those who cannot." Boy is that isn't the quintessential Jedi and Rebel Alliance motivation right there...

I do like the dynamic between Ezra and Leia. It's very sweet. They bond based on their shared Hero Complex motivations, their mutual desire to fight on behalf of the helpless. Ezra shows off a little bit for her, later, in the way he usually does around girls he likes (the boy has A Type, let's be honest), but it never quite reaches the overtness of his crush on Sabine, so it hits even more quasi-platonic.

I think Leia thought he was cute tho.

Back to the plot, Leia's embarrassing Lyste all over the place here lol.

Ah, wow, the Rebel Alliance theme, haven't heard that in a while.

There is quite a bit of tension in how slowly the Hammerheads take off. The show plays that tension for all it's worth.

Oh you know I gotta comment about this part right here where Ezra goes feral.

For a moment we had all forgotten about the fact that he was clearly grieving, and this outburst caught us off guard. The way this is staged it's framed as concerning, with an edge of danger, Ezra leaping onto the Stormtrooper and clashing beats sounding along with his punches in the score, Kanan reaching towards him with an almost hesitant body posture.

But! Ezra lets out his anger and then contains himself, standing up and just putting his helmet back on. He breathes, regains his composure, and returns to neutral.

*weeps* He's such a good Jedi.

Kanan whipping out his lightsaber to be awesome against the AT-ATs aaaaaah!

(And that implied to be the reason Ryder stayed on Lothal and started up a new Rebel cell there, ONCE AGAIN CATCH ME CRYING ABOUT HOW THE JEDI REPRESENT HOPE TO A HOPELESS GALAXY.)

HHmmmmmmgggh I wanna say this is a recurring leitmotif but I don't know, I love it either way, it's beautiful.

Swish swish and return to first position, aaaah lightsaber choreography is so cool sometimes.

This whole sequence is just... *chef kiss*. The orchestration, the tension, the rapid shot choice...

Lolol Lyste getting thoroughly embarrassed by Leia.

Fun fact: One of the Hammerheads they gathered here in this episode would later go on to be the one that landed THE decisive blow to one of the Star Destroyers guarding the shield gate at Scarif.

PIECE BY PIECE, REBELS SHOWS THE MINUTIA OF SACRIFICES NEEDED TO PUT EVERY ELEMENT INTO PLACE FOR THEIR ULTIMATE VICTORY.

Ryder enters with Ezra, did Ezra have any kind of hand in convincing him to fight for Lothal?

HE LOOKS DIRECTLY AT EZRA I THINK THERE'S A CASE TO BE MADE HERE.

The Force Theme soaring into prominence here as we close out.

This episode is just the kind of break we need to process the events of the previous episode. Leia is almost flawless, willy deflecting suspicion off herself while playing the Imperials all for fools, compassionate and empathetic when she senses someone in pain and turmoil.

Ezra is allowed to grieve throughout the episode, and displays a myriad of conflicted and complex emotions from scene to scene. Kanan almost takes a bit of a backseat to comforting him, letting all the others express sympathy in turn, giving him the space he needs and offering up the distraction of the mission. He handles Ezra really well, all things considered.

It helps that Ezra, unlike Anakin, chooses to deal with and channel his grief in a productive way, rather than destructive. (I have the tag "#ezra is the anti-anakin" for a reason.)

This is a fun episode. Lighter than the previous one, lower stakes, but needed to let the characters breathe and process through the revelations of the plot. I really like it.

We're about to hit the Golden Streak, so stay tuned, I will have more to say later.

[moonlit-tulip]

So if you don't mind sharing, what's your story with plurality based rescue sims?

In 2018, I started experimenting with self-hypnosis, and after a few months my experiments led to the unintended-but-not-wholly-unanticipated side effect of generating a headmate. Somewhat to my own surprise, I got along very well with her and ended up pretty quickly getting emotionally attached to her. However, for hard-to-concisely-summarize reasons, after a couple months she started fading back away, becoming both increasingly disinclined-towards-autonomous-action and increasingly difficult-for-me-to-deliberately-interact-with. By mid-to-late 2019, she was pretty much completely gone.

Due to the aforementioned emotional attachment, I was unhappy about this; I tried my best to slow the process down while it was happening, but failed. Then I spent a while grieving about her ~death. And then, finally, around 2021, I decided that if I was so unhappy about her being gone then the natural thing to do would be to try to bring her back.

So I did a bunch of experimental brainhacking, including self-hypnosis and also a bunch of other stuff, in order to try to (a) generate a new live copy of her and (b) make it possible for her to exist more stably and not just immediately re-fade. And they both worked! Not perfectly, in the case of (a)—I wasn't able to restore her exactly-as-she-was-in-2019, various pieces of her personality and motivational structure were missing—but at the very least better than expected, as measured in terms of retrieval / recreation of psychological modules which had always been only hers, which I'd been unable to use myself in her absence. Very unambiguously a continuation of many of her old psychological threads, even if one who'd lost some pieces in the restoration-process.

And since then she's been around in the background of my life. Not nearly as actively so as she was in 2019, due to the aforementioned difficulties-restoring-her-motivational-system—it's only maybe a couple-times-a-year thing, now, for her to initiate interactions-with-the-world without some form of prodding-into-action from me—but present nonetheless, to a sufficient degree that I consider my goals with the plot to restore her to be pretty unambiguously fulfilled. And, thanks to my success at the stabilization part of the plan, likely to remain thus indefinitely from here on out!

[neostriatum]

Degrees of Freedom

[AO3] [Dreamwidth]

-

Marty thought, in the brief flash of light that warped his view of the Twin Pines Mall parking lot and his memory of Doc lying behind him, prone and silent and still, that he could almost hear the melody of the universe. See also: Holonomic constraints

-

He lived for music. Picking at his guitar, amp reverberating what pulsed through his veins down his fingertips, accompanied by nothing or anything, he felt connected to the world in a way that school or Jennifer had trouble reaching.

It was a testament to how many hours he had spent at Doc’s garage, jamming out mindlessly to the tune of clanging construction and letting his voice be carried along what the strings spoke to him, that even now, frantic and grieving, he instinctively puzzled over the sparking cues of the DeLorean as he sped toward eighty-eight miles an hour.

Marty thought, in the brief flash of light that warped his view of the Twin Pines Mall parking lot and his memory of Doc lying behind him, prone and silent and still, that he could almost hear the melody of the universe.

Later, when he had hopped time the way his fingers hopped the fret board and with equal urgency pumping his heart faster, he listened to Doc’s monologue of how the universe self-corrected. It made sense to him, now, and he blurted out, “Like a dissonant chord.”

Doc blinked at him, a similitudinous echo of the expression the Doc of ’55 had given him when he tried to explain that time-travel was not only possible, but probable. His brows scrunched together, and he watched his friend throw his magnificent mind at the problem.

Maybe it was a side-effect of time travel, but he bounced in place, fingers tapping out a rhythm he couldn’t remember if he tried, only knew it by sense-memory, as he waited for whatever output Doc’s brain would come up with from this new input. It was new, knew it as strongly as he knew his bone-deep senses, but at the same time it felt like it had been there – guiding him – all along.

“Yes,” Doc murmured, looking at him thoughtfully, “I suppose that’s exactly it.”

He got a taste of his own theory in 2015, how bitterly the future – either of them – sat on his tongue, his hand twitching to a rhythm persistently unlike the one his dour, bitter future self was imprinted with. Even 1985B resonated badly to him, like a set of strings tightened to their extremes and too frightful to play without risking a scarring injury.

Pocket burning with the image of a changing tombstone, Marty felt he could almost hear it now, a thumping underneath his pulse that worked in time with his instinctive calls to action. Clara rang… not wrong, but missing – as if the thundering clops of hoof-beats were a counterpoint that could lead anywhere, even to a ravine.

It made him feel a little bit scraped raw, a shell of circumstance that pushed him to rattle forth into Doc’s place. He girded himself against the clanging notes sleuthing through his subconscious, too ready to throw his own handful of earth upon the grave of cacophony he and Doc had created.

The feeling stuck with him, past the sublime echo of an improvised bullet-proof vest and the DeLorean being smashed to pieces on the train tracks he had scrambled away from. Jennifer felt about as real as Clara – circumstances, notes, rather, that worked with the song he could now feel, but never as perfect of a match as they could be.

He caught his breath, in this unmoored 1985 that was neither A, nor B, nor C, and let his fingers dance to the tune time had introduced him to.

-

Author's Notes

Degrees of Freedom (often abbreviated df or DOF) refers to the number of independent variables or parameters of a system. In various scientific fields, the word "freedom" is used to describe the limits to which physical movement or other physical processes are possible. This relates to the philosophical concept to the extent that people may be considered to have as much freedom as they are physically able to exercise.[citation needed]

- Wikipedia

In classical mechanics, holonomic constraints are relations between the position variables (and possibly time[1]) that can be expressed in the following form: f(u1, u2, u3, … un, t) = 0 where {u1, u2, u3, … un} are the n generalized coordinates that describe the system. For example, the motion of a particle constrained to lie on the surface of a sphere is subject to a holonomic constraint, but if the particle is able to fall off the sphere under the influence of gravity, the constraint becomes non-holonomic.

- Wikipedia

I was originally going to remix a title from the Dying Earth (genre) wiki, but the urge to toss in some physics reference was a bit too strong to ignore. I worked backwards this time (ha) in comparison to my Quantum Leap fic Restoring Force when it came to summary references, but degrees of freedom and holonomic constraints are indeed directly related to each other, via the term "configuration space", which may or may not be computed with time as a variable as one wishes.

Music accompaniment: "Distorted Light Beam" by Bastille (lyrics here)

[going-through-some-stuff]

Entry Twenty-Two - Saturday, October 12th 2024

New record for longest time without an update, I didn’t realize it had been since May of last year since I updated here. A lot of stuff has happened since then, but I won’t get into everything here for time and character limit. Overall life has been good, though obviously today has been different since I’m posting on here. Today started out great, played magic for almost the entire day which was very fun and cool. It mostly went downhill after I left, but for the full context of the story we have to go back to July of this year.

CW WARNING // SUICIDE

On July 1st, 2024, my friend killed herself. I only knew her for maybe a year, but she had already become what I consider a pinnacle of our magic group. She was endlessly kind, curious, and overall truly the golden standard that anybody could hope to be, and I miss her every fucking day. She was truly a one of a kind type of person, and my only regret is we didn’t get more time with her. I think what fucks me up the most is she was over a year younger than me. I don’t know why, but it just adds a level to it because she was so young. I’d give anything to have her back, but also I know she’s gone and I’ll never get to see her again and that fucking sucks. It all fucking sucks. The transphobia she faced, the issues she dealt with from being neurodivergent and having BPD along with other mental health issues. She was getting treatment for her BPD and one of the side effects was memory loss. Nothing long term as far as I’m aware, mostly short term from anything after she started the treatment, but it still really broke my heart to see her not remembering conversations she had with people just the week before. I had at least hoped in the long run it would all be worth it and she’d get better but obviously and unfortunately that was not the case. She died far too young, and the world is far worse off without her light in it. We did have a nice celebration of life ceremony for her a couple weeks after then where we got to meet some of her family and friends, and it was nice to meet them and be able to grieve our friend together. A couple of months after that we planted a tree in her honor, which was also very nice. In 60+ years that tree will fuck up that lawn/sidewalk/driveway but that’s someone else’s problem.

Now you might be asking, what does any of this have to do with today? Well today one of our friends was able to get access to her google account (email, drive, etc.) and found an initial draft of a last letter in there. She shared it with a lot of disclaimers that it was very sad and nobody had any obligation to read it, but that it might help with the grieving process. It did shed some light on how truly bad her mental health was, and I knew it was bad but it was so much worse than I expected. I won’t get too into it here out of respect for her, but she did say she had been wanting to do this for 14 years. 14 fucking years. Since she was 10. I’ve had off and on suicidal ideations since I was probably around that age or maybe a little older, but it was never this bad. I cannot imagine what it felt like for her to be a child dealing with this the way she was. Part of finding out what I did makes me wish I did more but she was damn good at hiding how bad it was, and the other part was finding out there was truly nothing any of us could have done. Honestly that might hurt more than finding out we could have done more. At least it would have been some kind of learning moment to find out what to look for and maybe how to help someone else. But no. It was just the cruelty of this world and her situation that led to this. Nothing could have been done, and that fucking sucks. None amount of medication, therapy, or other forms of treatment could have done fucking anything. And that infuriates me to no end. How could there have been nothing any of us could have done differently. How was it a lost cause from the start. Why could none of us have done anything to even just make it to the end of the year with her. Even to her birthday in September. I know it would have just been prolonging the inevitable at this point but fuck. It just all sucks. She truly was the best of us and we’ll do our best to come back from this but I don’t think any of us will fully recover from this, at least not any time soon.

I’m going to break one of my rules for this blog and use a person’s real name, but it’s not like anyone reads this blog anyway.

Rest in peace, Maple. Every time I look at the stars I will think of you and know you are laughing among them, and I will laugh with you. We all miss you every day, and I swear on my life one of these days I will win a game with Soundwave.

It’s ya boy, AW, signing off.

[booksaresacredspew]

I find I need to talk about strokes (and other brain trauma), and how they change people, and how we react to those changes.

My mother had a stroke when I was 5 or 6 years old. It happened during a bunch of other medical stuff I won't go into here, but it was probably a pretty foundational experience for me. Physically, it partially paralyzed a lot of the muscles on one side of her face, so immediately afterward she looked a lot different.

So, when she got home, what I apparently said to her is, "You're not my mommy!"

I don't remember this. But she does. She's the one who told me about it. And I keep thinking how awful that must have felt to her.

Anyway I don't really remember much what she was like before her stroke. I grew up knowing that she had trouble swallowing, and had short term memory loss so it was important not to interrupt her or she's forget what she was going to say. Her voice sounds pretty hoarse because they had to shift one side of her vocal chords closer to the other side so she'd have a voice at all, because that side was paralyzed. I learned to listen closely so I could hear when she was speaking it trying to speak, because she's quiet and needs to say her piece before it gets knocked right out of her head. This is my normal.

And I was 16 when my dad had a stroke. This time the effects were more obvious to me because I have clear memories of the before as well as the after. Physically, it affected his balance, and his vision. He's less coordinated and dexterous in his dominant hand. But it affected him mentally as well, and these effects were harder for me to cope with.

His ability to find the words he wants to use, and his ability to enunciate, were reduced. But more than that, his emotional capacity seemed to regress to a more child like state. He'd have tantrums, after. If he got frustrated, he might start shouting and throwing things - never at people, but it was still alarming and upsetting to witness. He's gotten better about that, since. He also whines loudly when he doesn't get his way, and sometimes it's a joke but sometimes it's not really. There are probably more things I can't articulate it haven't noticed consciously, but which still affect how I relate to him.

Growing up, I was always closer to my dad. This is because, in spite of the issues I mentioned earlier, my mom was the one gainfully employed for most of my childhood, while my dad got laid off when I was 6 or 7 and never got another job. So he was my chauffeur, driving me to and from school, to every extra curricular, and we'd talk in the car about everything and everything.

Recently I've been lamenting that I don't know how to talk to my dad anymore. I don't know how to tell him about my problems and get advice that will help, I don't know how to tell him when what he's saying is triggering my depression, I don't know how to relate to him anymore.

Today I wondered when that started, when I stopped being able to talk to someone who used to be my rock. And I realized, to my shame, that it might have been when he had his stroke. He lost things that day he will never get back. I lost things in my father that I didn't realize I needed. And it's not his fault, and he is still the person who raised me and loved me and taught me so much. I feel guilty for not trying harder, for not learning new ways to communicate with him. And I also grieve for the person he was, who he will never be in quite the same way again.

[untothebreach]

the thing is they do both really truly love each other and are truly devoted to loving and understanding and supporting each other, and they act cute and hold hands and their lives are entwined as one and for some reason I've been sickeningly jealous about it this whole time, even before they started formally dating, and I'm not sure if why is a romantic fixation as much as it was a sort of comfortable ever-steady knowledge that I was an irreplaceable most-important person in Aspen's life being shattered on the ground repeatedly every time it was made clear that not only was I less than the most important, it was also because I was woefully under-equipped to care about or support him in any possible way.

Which like. Clearly the others don't have this issue with their childhood best friends. But it feels like in that two years I got depressed and lost contact with them, I lost *everything*. It feels like I was fully chopped out from their life in that moment, like I missed so much and they changed into a new being so quickly that I never made up for the difference and lost everything because of it, and it will never be able to be fully replaced. Emotionally. Like any plans for the future we had together or any comfort I felt I had in who they were in what they were about slipped through my fingers like wet sand to slip into an uncertain sea. It feels like while some stayed close, tight wound as thread, I instead was unraveled and yanked from the weft, never to be able to be tucked neatly back in my place and replaced by a strand better suited to my duties.

I think in another life I might have wanted to marry them. Which is weird to admit. Not romantically. But in... like, a queerplatonic way. I wanted to share my life long term and know they would be there, and I've been side-stepping looking directly in the face that losing that by fumbling it, by slipping away and by them meeting their now-wife, I effectively killed my own perceived future and lost my chance forever in any way. I've been avoiding admitting that grief to myself and haven't allowed myself to griev it in order to tamp down my feelings and be a good friend instead. Which sucks, because I can and will have to continue to do it in order to live with them and myself still in my life at all.

Bite my tongue and forever hold my peace. Maybe one day they'll find out about it so they can finally excommunicate me for good for my messy fucked up jealousies and feelings that do nothing but hurt other people.

[ewesless]

I tried to make it accessible for any reader so I apologize if this is nothing new. Spoiler Warnings for a historical account during the Kingsblood Crucible, The Fountain of Knowledge, Nightbringer's breadcrumb trail, Barbatos's pact with Solomon and Diavolo and tinfoil speculations about the Demon King and Queen. Lonnnnng post.

Diavolo's Half: During the Kingsblood Crucible Diavolo talks with MC about the Fairy King who was the original ruler of the realm. When the First Demon Nightbringer arrived he set into motion to dethrone the King with wine tainted with his blood that put the Fairy King into a deep slumber. Following that was the creation of the Devildom and rise of the first Demon King. (Not clear which King NB served when the events of the intro with Adam was covered)

Diavolo's father is also described as being in a deep slumber in both OM and NB which can be explained as grieving and likely was foreshadowing of the reveal that Nightbringer can cause this effect.

Diavolo's mother hasn't been described much (so far?) and there are only vague descriptions about her death (so far?) so this is only conspiracy. (There's also no detailed timeline of Diavolo's life before the fall.) One of my theories is the Queen was murdered by NB. If this is the case and it wasn't caused by an actual illness or post-partum complications then NB would have effectively orphaned Diavolo one parent at a time across at least ten thousand (equal to 10 years) give or take depending on player interpretation of his age(s).

In OM Diavolo apologizes for manipulating and threatening (by a refusal to become the future King unless he complied) Barbatos into being his Butler and asks if he's mad at him (Have to find all these sources 😰) Barbatos explains that he chose to be there for him and become his Butler and teases him about his anger (claimed that it took 800 years to forgive him, "just kidding.") OM:NB expanded on that by showing a less nuanced and more direct explanation of Barbatos's motivations of that moment and of how he felt compassion for him. The King was awake until after the Fall, but months prior to MC's abduction into NB timeline (or 100 years before MC's arrival in OM) so that would have given Diavolo time to learn from his father and prepare to become the next King etc (Dia's Chapter A UR "The 7 Apples" expands on this and adds more Nightbringer conspiracy), reach adulthood and (like Thirteen accused Barbatos of) become heavily dependent on Barbatos before the King's slumber.

It's depicted in the main story and DGs how Barbatos provided Diavolo the love and support, guidance and surrogate parenting that his actual parents had not been able to. It's a combination of selfish ("selfish?") wants, atonement and guilt like you described in your post. Since his perspective differs from MC's it's meant to be ambiguous/skewed who is closer to accurate (MC is Devilsitting Therapist Extraordinaire and usually right somehow. MC can fix them!) Even though Barbatos was strict as hell on Dia and raised him in a very sheltered and controlled manner it's still identifiable that he gave him an actual childhood (Diavolo's first bday event in OM touches on this as well) and he has been on his side 100% which is why I think he was complicit in rather than the direct cause of Diavolo's suffering. He knows it could never replace his mother or father, who Nightbringer or he himself stole from him, so he took the responsibility of raising him and improved his life/brought him happiness. I believe that NB Barbatos is involved with, but not Nightbringer. Maybe I just want to believe he isn't 😂 I'll try to explain this better in my future post since I need to read and review!

Solomon's Half

NB Barbatos is suspected by MC and Satan to be Nightbringer and their research/the trail of breadcrumbs supports that. Since Solomon's intro with the tale of Nightbringer's promise to the human (Adam) to take him to a place where he would be happy concludes with a Barbatos in a RAD uniform making a hushing gesture when the narraror/Solomon was about to say NB's name it could involve a seriously red herring or be genuinely in plain sight.

In the Reaper's Cave (before MC is struck by the magic coma) was when Solomon's task from Barbatos as the guardian of the Fountain of Knowledge was revealed. After MC is brought out of the coma Satan talks with them about what he has learned about Nightbringer's and Solomon's connection and that the Fountain is composed of NB's knowledge.

Since pacts are based off of a give/get dynamic it's still being explored what Solomon gained by forming a pact with Barbatos, but neither he nor Barbatos are ready to tell the rest. It's still unclear what all Barbatos gained, but it is likely incompleted at this point and perhaps in the far future during OM or yet to happen in the NB+OM combined timeline. At that point when Barbatos saved Solomon they were not yet in a pact so I'm under the impression that the fountain was part of the price Solomon paid for the prevention of his death and maybe a down-payment into obtaining his pact with him later.

Thirteen describes Barbatos as having ruined Solomon by exposing him to too much (Fountain and life experiences?) which changed him from the boy with the most brilliant soul she originally encountered in the human world. I believe Barbatos holds guilt over this decision too. It's unclear though how much of this knowledge is what Solomon sought and how much was put onto him. The parallel with the brilliance of MC's soul, Adam's story with Solomon's and NB forcing the same thing on MC makes me think everyone is a pawn leading to an outcome possible only through the two timelines that are now under NB (and Barbatos's?) control (Barbatos's Chapter A UR illustration depicts him puppeteering a king and a demon)

I'm sorry this cuts off! I'd like to come back and edit it with sources but I'm anxious to get it posted too!

THIS MAY BE A LITTLE LONG, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO MY PROBABLY FAR-FETCHED THEORY INVOLVING BARBATOS/DIAVOLO/AND SOLOMON.

Lately (yesterday and today) I have been thinking about how Barbatos has stated in his devilgram "Tea time with you" card that he works so hard as Diavolos steward because he feels as if he has to attone for somthing that "had a great affect on the lives of Solomon and the young master." And how this is POSSIBLY connected to the reason he made a pact with Solomon In the first place?

I BELEIVE in Obey Me OM it's stated somewhere that the reason Barbatos made a pact with Solomon was because he took pity on him and was impressed with Solomon for being able to summon him and not die. (Dont take this part for fact because it's been a while, and I would have to find it again) Apparently, Solomon summoned him so Barbatos could heal? Resurrect? Someone Solomon either loves or Cares about? A friend? (Somthing along those lines, I think). And then Barb took him to the Reapers Cave, healed him, made him the Solomon we know today. (And I think this is definitely a "great affect" on Solomon (it's literally life changing)

And this might be far-fetched, but it's POSSIBLY connected to Diavolos' childhood with what happened with his Mom and the Demon King. I don't have a lot of evidence for this (again, it's a little far-fetched) except for what Barbatos said about doing something that affected Diavolos' life.

(And the only BIG thing that affected Diavolos life was the fact his mom died which affected his dad and cause Diavolo to have a bad childhood.) (honestly it's shown throughout the series to possibly weigh heavy on him and I think he needs a therapist 😭)

But please tell me what you all think! I would love to hear thoughts. Again, this is possibly far-fetched, and I have only thought about this for a couple of days (I also have not finished Obey Me OM or Nightbringer YET to completion. so it's very possible I am missing something)

[tharizdun-03]

Mob Psycho 100 III Watchthrough

#1: Future ~Career Paths~

Wonderful Mob Psycho 100 episode! Very strong start to this season.

#2: Yokai Hunter Amakusa Haruaki Appears! ~The Threat of a Hundred Demons!!~

I really like these episodic psychic stories, and tend to treasure them while they last before the long arcs (which are great too) come along. Hope we still get a few more this season.

#3: Getting Carried Away ~100%~

Another great episode! There was never any doubt about it, but this season is off to a wonderful start. It's very nice to have Dimple back too, his dynamic with Mob is always interesting.

#4: Divine Tree 1 ~The Founder Appears~

Fantastic episode. Literally went "holy shit" during just the first few seconds cause the atmosphere and colors just made it immediately apparent things were different. Super effective direction at display. Mob continues to be the best airing seasonal at the moment.

The first three episodes were pretty lowkey (which I also love), but it was about time that something a bit heavier kicked in. And Dimple has always been one of the more complicated characters in the show.

There's no doubt that he likes Mob and enjoys his company, but Dimple is still a spirit and has his view on things, and a goal he still wants to achieve. Those sides are clashing here. 

He did in fact even invite Mob to join him, and when he was rejected, I bet that hurt him. Angered him. Which helped spur him on to lash out like this.

And in Mob's case, he's never really dealt with not being able to rely on Reigen for emotional support like this. They had a bit of a break in S2 ofc, but this is a much more dire conflic where Reigen (seems) brainwashed to stand in opposition to him even, which is new. But every new challenge provides a new opportunity for growth.

S3 has not yet had one of those peak episodes that the series can certainly deliver, but it's just consistently excellent all over. I'm definitely hoping we can peak even higher somewhere this season, but I'm super happy with whatever we end up getting.

#5: Divine Tree 2 ~Peace~

Season 3 finally kicked things up a notch with this week's episode and reached those heights that the first two seasons did at the top of their game. Fantastic stuff.

It's quite frankly just sad, seeing Dimple so desperate to reach out to Mob, but because what the two of them value are diametrically opposed, whatever he tries to use to entice Mob just isn't effective.

They both care for each other, but in very different ways. Mob always saw the best in Dimple and considered him a good friend, while Dimple saw Mob more as a student, someone who needed him to set him straight. Ironic, how those roles have kinda exchanged with this confrontation.

#6: Divine Tree 3 ~Dimple Is~

Yeah, so pretty great episode.

I'll actually start by saying that I was slightly torn about the first half. It all felt in character and the subtext has always been there, but the whole speech just convincing Dimple, and the "I just wanted a friend", while accurate, I dunno, felt a bit cliche. 

I think the presentation sells the execution of it for the most part tho and again, it is accurate to the characters. The second half is just a glorious sakugafest. Yoshimichi Kameda, Hironori Tanaka, Yutaka Nakamura and everyone else that worked on this, bless you. 

The last sequence with Mob and Dimple was quite gutwrenching tho, and worked for me on pretty much all levels. I can't say I ever really cared much for Dimple so it's a testament that the episode still got me emotional.

Dunno if we'll see him again, but if not, this was pretty much the perfect way to go.

#7: Transmission 1 ~Winter Break~

Another lovely episode this week. I wondered how we'd follow up on last week, and while Mob is still quietly grieving, it has taken a bit of a backseat. But as usual, I really like these small, psychic SoL-like stories, and treasure them when we get them.

I'm not sure if we're gonna go for a dark twist here or if it'll keep being lowkey (I'd be cool with the entire season being this chill), but considering next week is the rumored 20k frames episode, we might just attract some aliens with less than pure intentions.

#8: Transmission 2 ~Encountering the Unknown~

Surreal episode this week. Was almost expecting it to have been a dream lol. Wonderful one-off story nevertheless.

#9: Mob 1 ~Moving~

Such a sweet episode this week (well, up until a point). I was just mentally hugging my boy the entire time. I AM ROOTING FOR YOU.

#10: Mob 2 ~Rival~

Good episode as usual. It's really more an action episode than anything, but it's setting up interesting things here. I'm mostly into how Mob will deal with all this in the aftermath.

Mob being trapped inside his body reminds me of that real-life locked-inside syndrome, which people in comas can have (went down that rabbit hole a few days ago). Sounds like the most terrifying thing, but most people report it's actually kind of pleasant.

#11: "Mob 3 ~Trauma~"

Another good Mob Psycho 100 episode this week. This final arc is a bit too much trying to stop crazy Mob and the fights that ensue, for it to hit especially for me, but it's still weaving in his struggles with adolescence and identity, so still doing an effective job overall.

#12: "Confession ~The Future~"

Mob Psycho 100 III was great all the way through. I can't say it had the same impact on me as the first two seasons did (well, I can say it but it wouldn't be true) but I really liked the mostly low-key approach this season took and respect the hell out of it. Finale was perfect.

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

i have to email my dean tomorrow and rationally i know she’ll likely be extremely understanding and try to help as much as possibly but irrationally i am Terrified

[genshinarchives]

˗ˏˋ ☾ MOONLIT NOCTURNE ☽ ˎˊ˗

❀ ART BY PRINCE-LES ❀

❝ Oh, what brings you to my clinic? Whatever it is, I’m sure I have an effective cure to your ailment. Of course, if you are interested in another service of mine, my colleagues and I are more than happy to help you. ❞

APPEARS IN

I’m a Villainess but I’m Not Evil! (Inazuma various; isekai; fem!reader)

PROFILE

A former retainer of the Onigasaki Clan, who remained loyal to his lady until her death. He continues to live with a grieving heart that is hidden behind a kind smile, as he heals the wounds of others but not himself.

Full Name: Aikawa (愛川) Tsukuyomi (月読)

Alternative Name: Kamisato (神里) Tsukuyomi (月読)

Age: 22

Gender: Male

Pronouns: He/him

Height: 175.8 cm

Birthday: 14 July

Occupation: Leader of the Narukami Yondai Hitokiri, physician

Affiliation: Aikawa family, Kamisato Clan, Narukami Yondai Hitokiri, Tenkubashi Clinic

Ancestry: Aikawa family, Kamisato Clan

Region: Inazuma

Rarity: ✩✩✩✩

Model Type: Tall Male

Weapon: Catalyst

Vision: Hydro

Constellation: Lustitiae Immitis (Relentless Justice)

Special Dish: “A Reaper’s Respite” (has a chance of being obtained by cooking Soba Noodles with Aikawa Tsukuyomi)

How to Obtain: Wishes

Additional Titles: Child of the Moon (Raiden Ei), Mikazuki (Aragami Muramasa), Taichou (Hanagiri, Hanamaru), Tsukemen (Arataki Itto), Yomi-kun (Kamisato Ayato)

JP Voice Actor: Kengo Takanashi

PERSONALITY

An extremely skilled physician trained in Liutian and Inazuman medicinal practices, as well as toxicology. Underneath his serious workaholic nature lies a compassionate heart that drives him to relentlessly pursue his ideal justice.

Personality-wise, Tsukuyomi is steadfast and serious, but compassionate as well, warning Yuito to carefully consider his choice of reviving the Onigasaki Clan and becoming its new head before accepting such a burden. However, he also demonstrates a whimsical side, as he has a knack for making puns and can be overdramatic, especially with his fellow Hitokiri. Around the Kamisato siblings, all traces of kindness that he’d show to other people is nonexistent, revealing his bitter and cynical attitude towards them, stemming from his feelings of having been rejected for being an illegitimate child of the Kamisato Clan.

The playful side of his personality usually comes out due to the oath he made with himself, in which he’s forbidden to talk about the massacre of the Onigasaki Clan and its perpetrator. He can also be a bit fixated and excited when dealing with poisons, and this could possibly be the influence of Onigasaki’s lady whom he once served. Tsukuyomi also has a tendency to place an emphasis on propriety, as he warns Yuito to keep his purity intact; chastises Hanagiri for using what he interprets as a euphemism; and complains, at length, about Muramasa’s lack of footwear. Ironically, Tsukuyomi himself doesn’t follow the conventionally accepted standards of behaviour or morals when it comes to delivering justice; he is relentless in his pursuit of his ideal form of justice, and is a firm believer of equivalent exchange.

An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth…

If Heaven won’t judge you, then he will.

CHARACTER STORIES

If you wait in front of the Mikazuki Shrine, the corpse of the enemy will be swept away. In other words, if you commit injustice, you will not be able to escape Mikazuki’s revenge.

Character Details

With his striking resemblance to the Lady of the Kamisato Clan, it’s hard to ignore him as he walks through Inazuma City, personally delivering medicine to his bed-ridden patients. Known for his kindness and compassion, he is quite an approachable figure that one can easily seek advice from - and once you look into his moonlit eyes, a sense of tranquility will envelop you.

Despite being an illegitimate child of the Kamisato Clan, Tsukuyomi is an accomplished young man who once served the prestigious Onigasaki Clan as the late heiress’ most loyal retainer and personal physician. He had started serving his lady at a young age, and after years of honing his skills, he became renowned for his iaido and tachi-dori techniques.

However, he’s had to walk on a path soiled with the blood of others to attain his success today.

Character Story 1

Tsukuyomi was the result of an affair between a woman of the Kamisato Clan and the clan’s chamberlain. Due to his status as an illegitimate child, he was constantly bullied by the noble children throughout his childhood. Back then, he lacked the strength and power to fight back against the two children of the Kujou Clan who often picked on him.

Tsukuyomi instinctively shielded his face when he was shoved against the wall with a dull thud.

“You’re merely the son of a lowly servant.”

“Don’t get cocky just because your eyes are the same colour as the Kamisato Clan’s.”

“Yours are a darker, dirty shade with weird symbols. A pale imitation of the real deal. They can’t compare with Kamisato’s heir.”

With his head lowered, Tsukuyomi silently accepted their insults. He knew that he will never be accepted as a member of the Kamisato Clan, especially with his mother having passed away after giving birth to him. As tears gathered in his eyes, he prepared himself to be beaten by them again when an unfamiliar voice cut in.

“I think they’re beautiful.”

Tsukuyomi slowly raised his head to look at the new person as the two children gasped in shock. He was confused to see a young boy around his age standing behind them, and Tsukuyomi couldn’t help but wonder who he is.

“Lady Satsuki…!” one of the Kujou children exclaimed.

With a polite smile, Satsuki approached the group and said, “My, I apologise for cutting in. I just happened to overhear you.”

Tsukuyomi couldn’t tell whether Satsuki is a boy or a girl; he was dressed like a boy, but his delicate face made him appear feminine. All he knew was that for a boy, Satsuki is very beautiful.

“Wh-why are you here…?”

After the question was uttered, the atmosphere suddenly became tense. Satsuki gave Tsukuyomi’s bullies a chilling glare that made them freeze up.

“… I said, I overheard you, didn’t I?”

Her ominous tone was enough to send the children running, and Satsuki let out a sigh as she extended a hand towards the surprised Tsukuyomi.

“Are you alright?” she asked, “You’re hurt. You should come with me so I can treat your injuries.”

He hesitated. “Don’t you… dislike them too?” When she tilted her head in puzzlement, he continued, “Everyone says… that my eyes are fake, so they find even the sight of them repulsive.” Even if he were to be taken in by the branch family, his resemblance to the Kamisato siblings would expose his lineage to everyone around him.

“A fake, huh… I too have been called that before. By my own mother, in fact. Have you heard of the rumours surrounding the Onigasaki Clan?”

Tsukuyomi quickly realised who Satsuki is the moment she mentioned the Onigasaki Clan. The head of the clan had recently passed away, breaking his wife’s heart and causing her to fall ill. In a desperate attempt to fill the void in her heart, she had her daughter, who resembled her late husband, dress up as a boy.

She then crouched down to his level, her gaze tinged with compassion. “People can’t be anything except themselves. You are your own person, so don’t let anyone make you think that you were born as an imitation of someone else.”

He stared at her. Nobody has told him things like that before…

“Your eyes,” she softly began, “are as beautiful as the moon.”

Satsuki’s smiling face as she said those words was far more beautiful than even the noble ladies who dress in silk, Tsukuyomi thought.

After their first meeting, he decided that he’ll serve the Onigasaki Clan and become Satsuki’s most trusted retainer. He wanted to protect her because she had saved him with her words, and this was the only way he could repay her kindness. Two long years of studying and training diligently then passed, and he entered the Onigasaki Clan as the servant who would often be seen with the future villainess of Inazuma.

Character Story 2

Tsukuyomi’s father, the chamberlain of the Kamisato Clan, is a member of the Aikawa family that’s known for operating the best clinic in Narukami, Tenkubashi Clinic. Since his father is the owner of the clinic, Tsukuyomi inherited its ownership once he was old enough. He grew up to be a skilled physician trained in Liutian and Inazuman medicinal practices, as well as toxicology. He is very adept at identifying poisons and determining cures, and can also treat broken bones and lacerations.

One day, a servant of the Kamisato Clan brought a peculiar patient to his clinic and specifically requested for him to check up on her, before adding that it was a direct order from the head of the Kamisato Clan.

The patient’s name is Hanagiri Isshin. She had been found washed up on the beach below the Kamisato Estate and was in terrible shape. When Tsukuyomi asked why it had to be him, the servant answered in a hushed voice:

“She’s a tsukumogami born from one of the Kamisato Clan’s treasures. If word gets out about the clan owning a tsukumogami, the Tenryou Commission will seize her.”

Tsukuyomi understood immediately. Although tsukumogami aren’t uncommon, the ones formed from weapons and that have manifested in the form of a human are rare and considered the strongest; because of this, they would typically be taken in as soldiers by the Tenryou Commission.

After her injuries have been treated, Hanagiri claimed that he missed a wound. Puzzled, he asked her where exactly it was and she pointed at her heart.

“Here. It still hurts here,” she said.

He went silent for a moment. “… What happened before you were found by the Kamisato Clan?”

Hanagiri revealed that she was fleeing from the Tenryou Commission with her younger brother, Hanamaru Isshin. They had planned to seek asylum in Watatsumi but before they both could board the boat, Hanamaru was forced into battle. His ootachi broke in the middle of the fight, causing him to perish on the battlefield. This made Tsukuyomi realise that not every ailment, especially the ailments of the heart, can be treated and cured with medicine.

Something else is needed to pacify a grieving and vengeful heart, and that was when he decided…

“You can’t exact revenge on the Tenryou Commission for your brother’s death,” he told her, “but you can help the victims of injustice and get revenge for those who can’t. Maybe that will help you reach a closure.”

“But… how will I do that?” Hanagiri asked.

“I plan to form a group of four hitokiri who will work together to carry out revenge for others. Will you join me?”

Character Story 3

“Anyone who prays in the Mikazuki shrine can ask the youkai overseeing it to get revenge for them… Of course, that’s merely a rumour.”

Tsukuyomi first knew of the Mikazuki shrine when he overheard the Guuji talking about an abandoned shrine on one of the islands off the coast of Tenshukaku. It was built in the name of Mikazuki-no-Kami, but when he went missing 500 years ago, people stopped worshipping him and the shrine eventually fell into disrepair. Remembering the tales of Mikazuki-no-kami that his father had told him about when he was a child, he went to visit the shrine and met a strange man there, who claimed to know him.

“I recognise your eyes… Those crescent moon eyes belong to Mikazuki,” the stranger said, making Tsukuyomi frown.

“But Mikazuki-no-Kami disappeared 500 years ago...”

Upon realising the truth in his words, the man approached Tsukuyomi and introduced himself to him.

His name is Aragami Muramasa, a half-mazoku and the last of his kind, as well as the only mazoku that was spared from Mikazuki’s wrath.

“Have you come here to seek revenge?” Muramasa asked him.

“Revenge? Why would I visit a shrine for an agenda like that?”

“Considering you live in Narukami, I would have thought that you’d be familiar with the rumours surrounding the Mikazuki Shrine.”

Tsukuyomi then remembered the Guuji’s words. Is it actually true? That if you pray in the Mikazuki Shrine, you can ask the youkai overseeing it to get revenge for you… That was when he realised.

“… Are you the youkai mentioned in the rumours?” he asked.

Muramasa smiled. “That’s right. I hear the vengeance in your prayers, and deliver revenge with my demon blade. I have to admit, it is quite a sustainable way of feeding myself. But if you’re not here for revenge, then why have you come to this abandoned shrine?”

Tsukuyomi initially visited out of curiosity, and he’s not about to return empty-handed after finding a potential member for his secret organisation. He needed a skilled fighter, one that could also take up different identities to infiltrate places, work at night and with little to no weaknesses - and Muramasa fit the bill.

“My group operates in the same way you currently do,” he replied, “If agree to join me, you will be given proper shelter and also have a stable source of income.”

He was lucky that the half-mazoku had acknowledged him as Mikazuki’s direct descendant that day.

Character Story 4

As Satsuki’s retainer, Tsukuyomi didn’t have much time in his hands to handle the operations of his secret organisation alone, as any free time he had was spent on managing the Tenkubashi clinic. His group already has a leader, an intelligence officer and an assassin - all they’re missing is someone to act as his attendant and to clean up after Muramasa.

Tsukuyomi found his fourth and final member when he dropped by the blacksmith’s in Inazuma City to have a new set of spears forged for the samurai serving the Onigasaki Clan. Amenoma Tougo had been hiding a tsukumogami born from one of his swords, and Tsukuyomi noticed him when he saw the tsukumogami’s familiar blue eyes. They reminded him of Hanagiri’s, and when he questioned Tougo about him, the elderly man quickly claimed that he’s an assistant who was recently hired to help run his business. Tsukuyomi didn’t buy his words however and continued to press him, eventually making Tougo relent.

Tougo admitted that he didn’t have the heart to hand the tsukumogami, whose name is Hanamaru Amenoma, over to the Tenryou Commission. Hanamaru is a replica of the Hanamaru Isshin, a famous ootachi that was forged by Niwa Yoshinori. Hanamaru Isshin was created with the intent to protect, and Tougo believed that he’d be disrespecting the original’s bladesmith if he let Hanamaru be used for military purposes.

Tsukuyomi then proposed an idea.

He’ll make sure that Hanamaru stays off the Tenryou Commission’s radar if Tougo allows him to hire Hanamaru as a staff member of his clinic. He’ll be personally trained by Tsukuyomi himself, and will also be looked after by another tsukumogami working under him.

Realising that Hanamaru will be safer with Tsukuyomi, Tougo gave the latter his permission to take Hanamaru under his wing.

With Hanamaru in his arsenal, Tsukuyomi officially formed the Narukami Yondai Hitokiri comprising Hanagiri Isshin, Aragami Muramasa, Hanamaru Amenoma and lastly, himself. The Narukami Yondai Hitokiri’s goal is to get revenge for the patients of injustice that have prayed in the Mikazuki shrine, while fronting as a clinic.

Tenkubashi clinic now offers a “revenge-treatment” service to its patients who have been wronged and helps them take revenge.

Character Story 5

Tsukuyomi discovered everything far too late. He had been so busy setting up the Narukami Yondai Hitokiri that he had failed to notice the signs of Satsuki’s deteriorating health. His Hydro Vision only detected the faint traces of poison in her tea when he personally brought it to her himself, and before he could stop her, she had already downed the entire cup, shocking him.

He reflexively caught her in his arms when she collapsed, asking her why she drank the poisoned tea when he had warned her about it. With the same smile she gave him on their first meeting, she replied:

“It was already too late when I found out. If I refused the tea, my mother would have just found another method, or even worse, order my immediate death. Slowly dying… is far better…”

Her answer made him realise that she believed she was all alone, that she had nobody she could trust and rely on. Satsuki has always been the innocent one, yet the people around her painted her as a villainess in order to live better lives.

Tsukuyomi couldn’t say anything as tears brimmed in his eyes, the guilt in his heart weighing like lead when she weakly explained that she had knowingly consumed diluted poison with her tea for five years.

“Don’t cry,” Satsuki whispered, “Your eyes look the prettiest when they’re accompanied with a smile.”

Even though he promised to become her most trusted retainer… Even though he promised that he would protect her to repay her kindness… He couldn’t do either of those things in the end. It was vexing… that in the end, he’s just a powerless, illegitimate child of an illustrious clan.

His ignorant, foolish self had completely failed to notice-

“You are your own person, so don’t let anyone make you think that you were born as an imitation of someone else.”

-that the very words that had saved him were also hiding how much she was suffering.

When Satsuki closed her eyes, Tsukuyomi allowed his tears to fall.

“No! No… No…! Please… I’m begging you… Please…” he cried, “Open your eyes… Please, my lady. Wake up… I was wrong, it’s all my fault, I…!”

Tsukuyomi blamed himself for not doing better.

But he knew one thing for sure.

The people of her clan are trash.

Stopping in front of her father’s grave, he then crouched down to dig up Tenseimaru, the tantou owned by the previous head of the Onigasaki Clan. As he unsheathed the dagger, he remembered Satsuki’s smiling face which strengthened his resolve.

He’ll avenge her by slaying every single one of them.

When the moon shone down on Narukami, a massacre occurred within the Onigasaki Estate. Barging inside the main house, Tsukuyomi began to kill everyone he came across, noble and servant. Blinded with rage, he indiscriminately swung the blade around as if he had lost his sanity. He walked past the bloody carcasses without a care in the world, tears escaping from his moonlit eyes in rivulets. He then stopped in front of two young boys who seemed to be guarding a tatami mat, before raising the tantou beside his head with a grief-stricken expression.

“This clan has committed injustice, and will never escape Mikazuki’s revenge.”

After his bloody deed, Tsukuyomi dragged himself to Satsuki’s grave. Without a moment of hesitation, he drank the same poison that had killed her and decided to die for his sins.

As the world gradually faded from his eyes, three familiar figures surrounded him.

Eyes of the Crescent Moon

Tsukuyomi used to hate his eyes. Whenever he looked at his reflection in the mirror, he felt the strong urge to gouge them out so he wouldn’t be reminded of his lowly status as an illegitimate child. However, remembering Satsuki’s words reminded him that there was someone who didn’t find the sight of his eyes repulsive.

“Tsukuyomi… I’m at peace whenever I look into your eyes. They’re gentle, and under the night sky, they glow beautifully like the moon… Truly, they are beautiful. They’re a colour unique to you.”

The yellow crescent moon under his pupils is also a sign of him being a direct descendant of Mikazuki-no-Kami, the God of Revenge that had gone missing many years ago.

Vision

As the leader of the Narukami Yondai Hitokiri, Tsukuyomi would sometimes deal the finishing blow himself. However, he was an inexperienced leader back then.

During a particularly important operation, he fell for the kairagi’s trap and ended up being captured after he was knocked unconscious. Upon waking up, he found himself tied up inside a cave with the kairagi planning to interrogate him.

But Tsukuyomi wasn’t going to let him have his way.

“Where did you hide the real ledger?”

He would always reply to the kairagi with that same question. It would earn him a brutal beating from the treasure hoarders working under the enemy, but Tsukuyomi persevered with gritted teeth.

He couldn’t just give in and disappoint his client, whose life had been ruined because of a forged ledger.

He tried to focus on something else as the metal staff struck his abdomen repeatedly. He focused on his goal, his ideal justice-

And that was when the pain stopped.

Protecting him was a robust Hydro shield, and a gleaming Hydro Vision had replaced the five-petal flower knot on the left side of his chest. With the Vision’s power, he summoned a water blade to slice off his restraints and swiftly finished the job.

Now, with his newfound power, Tsukuyomi can cast shields to protect the people dear to him, and detect dangerous substances in liquids.

But because he can only do so much with his Hydro Vision, he can’t do anything once it’s too late.

VOICELINES ❀ COMBAT INFO ❀ OC MASTERLIST

[afraidof-thedark]

A 1973 county survey showed that, after all deaths and births had been accounted for, there was a surplus of citizens, approximately 665 in total.

This was due to the practice of inserting deceased people's hearts into inanimate objects to bring them back to life. Grieving family members were most likely to attempt the process but there were also a few hobbyists and human traffickers.

Once the heart had been placed in its new host body, over which a medi-legal incantation had been recited, the object would become imbued with the personality of the deceased. However, there were often side effects, for example not being able to say certain words such as 'artichoke', 'help' and 'please kill me, I did not give my consent for this', to name but a few.

Hearts were usually placed inside humanoid objects: dolls, mannequins, large soft toys and the like, though one widow had her dead husband's heart inserted into a guinea pig called Jonathan who flushed himself down the toilet after his application to do an MA course in Linguistics was rejected.

See also: illegal ventriloquism, living toys, Mr Liver Head, organ tax, recycling surgical waste

[warrioreowynofrohan]

I’ve been thinking about what makes me like characters, and I think one major element in it is unselfishness.

I like the Valar; I have a better opinion of them than most of fandom does. Basically all of their decisions are motivated by caring about other people. They invite the Elves to Valinor because they like them and want them to be safe and happy, and want to spend time with them. They like teaching them new things, and seeing them learn and invent new things on their own. They create Númenor for more or less the same reasons, of wanting the Edain to have a place where they can be happpy and comfortable and exercise their talents without fear. It doesn’t mean these decisions end up being the right thing, but the motives are fundamentally beneficent.

When the Trees are destroyed, they work on making things better. They make the Sun and Moon. Even after the Noldor make Valinor an unsafe place by slaughtering other elves, even when that’s devastating, they’re willing to let them come back if they’re willing to reject what they did and acknowledge it was wrong - Finarfin and some of his people come back and aren’t punished at all - and even for those who won’t reject the Kinslaying, they still take actions to help - Manwë sending Thorondor to enable Fingon’s rescue of Fingolfin, Ulmo warning Finrod and Turgon to build stronghold, Ulmo aiding the establishment of Gondolin, and later sending Tuor to warn Turgon, and then lastly the War of Wrath. Manwë and Ulmo also intervene to help Huor and Húrin in the Battle of Sudden Flame, and Manwë intervenes to help Beren and Lúthien. All of this is simply because: they care about them.

I like and I respect Fingolfin because he’s willing and able to put his own feelings aside and think about other people. He actively seeks to reconcile with Fëanor. When he’s emotionally coping with the fact that his own brother threatened his life and his father sided against him, he doesn’t wallow in his own feelings; he takes up the unexpected burden of the kingship, and he does a good enough job that most of the Noldor want him to continue being their king after Finwë’s death, even though he’s not next in line. He and Fëanor and Finarfin are all grieving their father’s death after the Darkening, are all going through a loss that is painful and nigh-unprecedented for Valinorean elves, but Fingolfin and Finarfin still manage to think about the bigger picture and what’s right for their people and to exhibit leadership. When they arrive in Middle-earth across the Helcaraxë, he’s got to be furious with the Fëanorians, but he still manages to reconcile with them and cooperate effectively with them because that’s what his people need. His own emotions and desires aren’t the most important thing in his life.

I like Finrod for this reason as well - he loves the Edain, he cares about them in and of theirselves, he exerts himself on their behalf and acts as an arbiter and negotiator between then and the Green-elves, and between the Haladin and Thingol; he doesn’t take their aid for granted, and he’s willing to die to repay the House of Barahir for saving his life. He doesn’t appear to hold grudges; he remains on good terms with Maedhros and Maglor despite the Helcaraxë, and is willing to welcome Celegorm and Curufin to Nargothrond when they need sancturary.

Do we have a single canon instance of Fëanor acting unselfishly? Any specific moment where he deliberately puts another person’s interests or needs before his own? It’s stated that he loved Finwë greatly, and grieves him terribly, and I don’t doubt that’s true, but does he ever actually do anything that puts his own feelings and desires aside in favour of what would make Finwë’s life happier? He’s not willing to try to get along with his half-family, which Finwë would certainly want. The “Shibboleth” (in HoME 12) says that During the time of his sorrow Finwë had little comfort from Fëanor…soon [Fëanor] became wholly absorbed again in his own works and devices. [This is an alternate version from the Silm one, where Fëanor is older when Míriel dies; in the Silm she dies while he is still a young child.] When the matter of Finwë and Indis arose he was disturbed, and filled with anger and resentment; though it is not recorded that he attended the Debate or gave heed to the reasons given for the judgement, or to its terms except in one point [that Míriel could not return]. This grieved him, and he grudged the happiness of Finwë and Indis, and was unfriendly to their children, even before they were born.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Nightwing #80 Review

woot woot i’ve kept it up for three issues lets gooo. i liked this issue more than the last one. there’s a lot of fanon dick characterization peppered in, but not so much that it puts me off entirely. also, i’m getting increasingly concerned about bitewing. but i did like tim in this one, very nice

look at all the blue and purple and pink. honestly at this point, i’m a broken record but come on come on come onnnnnnn. the blue and pink is very pretty though. this cover’s a bit offputting at first, and a bit spiraly, which i’m sure was the intended effect.

this is a genuine concern of mine. dick’s a vigilante, and he doesn’t have the same sprawling network and resources that bruce does. (even if he is a billionaire now, he hasn’t amassed the same collection of crime-fighting equipment that bruce has.) 

i’m not sure if he’ll be able to take care of bitewing. damian’s got plenty of pets, but alfred used to take care of them, and now bruce plus the rest of the batfam is taking care of them. as far as we know, babs only drops by occasionally, and the same goes for dick’s family and friends. will dick be able to give bitewing the love and time and affection that a traumatized puppy like her needs? i really hope so.

she does look adorable in this panel tho.

dick. richard. richie. baby. why are you shirtless.

you have scars upon scars. probably chemical burns. bullet wounds. weird fucking squiggly lines from knives that only psychos with blade fetishes use. no normal person has the body that you do. and you don’t think that showing up shirtless in front of the police is going to raise suspicion? you don’t think that the people accusing you of murder are going to look at someone who looks like they’re a fucking mob enforcer and go hmm that’s a bit suspicious?

put on a SHIRT jesus CHRIST it’s like you’re not even trying to hide your identity.

look at this pompous little princess demanding only the highest quality head pets i’d burn down latvia for her. (no offense latvians it was the first country that popped into my head.)

pretty boy pretty boy pretty boy pretty boy-

no seriously kudos to the artist here. his expression is so human i wanna cry. dick, right now, is sheepishly asking a question. he knows he’s not going to get into any real trouble, he knows that he’ll be able to talk his way out of or somehow maneuver his way off this mess. but he’ll play nice for the police, so he’s asking a friend for a favour, part self-condescendingly and part oh-well-what-can-you-do.

and his expression reflects that. rather than a stoic expressionless face most male comic characters have when asking someone for something (or all the time really), rather than the weird desperate supposedly “seductive” face that most female comic characters plus dick grayson have when asking someone for something (or all the time really), he’s making a face that i pulled like yesterday. or the day before that. it’s kind of silly, kind of casual, very much human. i like it.

thank god. proper (in character) acknowledgement for officer grayson. yea, fuck cops in general, but i like that they included this line.

obviously, he’s not talking about the actual criminals, he’s talking about the police force itself. the bpd was too corrupt, and dick realized that he wasn’t helping. not only does one clean cop not make a dent in an overall dirty force, but dick was putting his allies in danger too. not only that, but it wasn’t good for dick’s mental health either. he was spreading himself too thin, and surrounding himself with some of the worst of crime 24/7 did a number on him. dick’s got a history of self-sacrificing tendencies, and i’m just glad he’s not a cop anymore.

dick has a gotham rogues mug. they make gotham rogue mugs, and dick has one.

what kinda city looks at it’s frankly horrible crime history and long list of certifiably insane serial killers who are all still alive and actively committing war crimes and goes “oooooh yea imma put that on a coffee mug!” gotham, that’s who.

this isn’t important i just like how all of bitewing’s barks are blue

back straight, hand on his hip, cheerful smile on his face as he says he’s being accused for murder. love that for him.

they couldn’t have said “yea it’s complicated” in a better way even if they put the words “yea it’s complicated” right there on the page in bold red letters. literally all the love to the artists.

dick please. you’re KILLING ME what the actual fuck IS THAT???? WHY DO YOU HAVE A MUG OF THAT???

anyway nightwing collects novelty mugs confirmed.

this paneling is so beautiful. 

tim’s the focus, but he’s not the first thing you see. he’s placed in a way that forces the reader to drag their eyes all the way up the page in order to reach him. it us know just how high up tim is carelessly crouching, especially close to the ledge of the building too. i cannot think of a single better way to introduce a character, and this character in particular: you instantly know this is a version of tim with plenty of experience and training, is comfortable in his body and knows his limits, but still hangs onto that civilian awe of being in a high place and overlooking a brightly lit city.

absolute classic robin. i love it. 

this isn’t even that important but it made me happy. this is how you train surf.

you don’t crouch or bend over when you get to a tunnel, which is oddly enough what most people think (at least from my experience). you bend backward. that not only 100% ensures that you’ll make sure you’re low enough to make it through the tunnel (because you can see the top of the tunnel, unlike when you crouch or bend), but it also makes it easier to get up: all you have to do is push up with your arms into a bent stance, and you’ll be in a ready, moving position. from a bend or a crouch, getting up is more awkward and more slow.

on a meta level, i like that this creative team knows what they’re doing when it comes to the small, almost unimportant stuff like that, because it makes the action more real. (as real as you can get with a guy running around stealing hearts.)

on a in-universe level, it once again drives home both dick and tim’s experience and professional level skill.

regardless of who you side with in the “should tim drake be robin again?” debate, you gotta admit that tim’s rebirth robin suit is r a d as fuck. if i’m not mistaken, this is the same one he was wearing in 2019 young justice for a little bit? it’s cute and hella cool i like it.

remember what i said about human expressions? doesn’t happen as often to tim bc he’s a Child, but it’s still nice to note when someone humanizes him, too. (that’s why i love the duckboy panel so much lol.)

me, at first: that’s not a “good call” dick that’s just common sense

me, now: sprinkled throughout the entire comic we can see dick bending to tim’s instructions if only briefly, joking with him to keep the mood light while still maintaining a serious mood and retaining control over this particular outing. this implies that dick’s doing it intentionally, purposefully leaving places in his sentences blank and offering affirmations, in order to encourage tim and train him in things bruce might not necessarily touch on, such as social chameleoning and misdirection techniques and love/affirmation from a family member. dick is not only a loving and supportive big brother, but he never stops training his younger brother in better vigilante tecnhiques because he wants tim to be better than him. in this essay i will-

d o g g o

also bitewing is getting so many head pats today i’m living for it

look at him, standing on a telephone wire with ease. nice flex, dick.

also look at how he’s silhouetted. the moon’s full bright, bright enough that the sky around dick is light, too. (at least. i’m like 99% sure that’s the moon.) not like most batman comics, where it’s sometimes hard to distinguish bruce from the background, which is entirely on purpose.

gotham is a dark gritty city, and so is bruce. the two of them are one. bludhaven may be a bit of a mess, but it’s being portrayed in all these different shades of blue and purple and pink, that are all light enough that dick stands out from the background. he hasn’t been swallowed up by the city, and chances are that he won’t ever be. also, the colouring helps establish bludhaven as a city too. there’s still hope for it. the light colouring means that it’s not going to sink into a pit as deep as the one bruce wove gotham into. the whole point of this nightwing arc in particular is to turn bludhaven into a better place, and it’s (most likely) letting us know early on that dick is going to accomplish that. he’ll struggle, but he’ll do it.

so dick??? dick designed his escrima sticks with a situation like this in mind? he created his signature and most iconic weapon (other than his chatty mouth), with a built in feature that turns his escrima sticks into tim’s signature and most iconic weapon???? just so that if he and tim ever got into a situation where tim didn’t have his staff, dick could make sure tim had the thing that would give him an edge over anyone he was fighting??? he’s such a big brother oh my goddd.

also tim’s smirk in this is just *chef kiss.* a staff is something he can work with, a staff is something he wields like an extension of his arm, a staff is means that someone’s about to get their ass kicked because tim’s about to beat the shit outta them.

this is my new phone background.

they really made sure we remembered that hey, those first few months when bruce was grieving too much to be any sort of a mentor to tim and was still unwilling to properly train him to be robin out of fear that he would end up like jason, dick was the one who stepped up (once he got over himself and his own fears and hangups with bruce) and trained tim to be robin, trained him how to fight and flip and fuckin fly out there, all while changing his own style a bit to be the more experienced one in the partnership while still trusting said partner to hold their own, so dick and tim have a very unique and cohesive fighting style that makes it hell for anyone who fights them together, didn’t they?