#i almost never sit like that at my work
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Oh my god. Reaching that insanity level of character obsession where I’m just imagining stuff that had happened to me recently happening to Chilchuck. What’s going on. Wjeream I.
#personal#chilchuck#im literally just sitting here like “what if HE had food poisoning ☺️❤️ what if a glass cup exploded in HIS hand ☺️❤️ what if HE was sittmg#Its so bad for me#Like i need to emphasize#This hasnt happened to me with a chatacter since i was. Like.#Sorry scratch that#THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME#id only seen it happening to other ppl and been like haha#“Oh well that’s just not how my character obsessions work they never go that intense”#LIKE EVEN WITH SOME OF MY MOST INTENSE CHARACTER ILLNESSES#This didn’t happen w Dulcie or Eddie or Saiki or Abed or Asriel or#Ohhh no sorry hang on ok#This has happened to me once#With chara from undertale#And even then not to the same like. Extent.#THAT WAS WHEN I WAS 10 AND IM STILL OBSESSEF WITH THEM#ok so it’s literally been like. Almost a decade since this happened.
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finally delivering on the princess tutu headshots i promised... love these dysfunctional teens 🩰💖💕
LOTS of notes about headcanons/design choices under the cut! like. a lot. dont say i didnt warn you
starting with my specialest guy fakir:
i had a suuuper clear vision for fakir, and i couldnt be happier with how he turned out, he looks exactly how i imagine him! trying to translate his Bird-Shaped Hair into my style gave me SERIOUS homestuck flashbacks. my affinity for knights with Problems knows no bounds...
adding the hyperpigmentation around his eyes and his acne scars is what really solidified this for me-- i put those in and was like oh!!! there you are!!! my boy!!! and you can tell because i gave him acne scars + thick eyebrows that he IS my boy... there are very clear trends among my headcanons for my faves lol. big noses, thick eyebrows, skin imperfections, heavy eyebags, long dark hair... and fakir truly has it all 😤 he is so Ideal Character Design to me
i think fakir is actually pretty self-conscious about his appearance tho! we see characters like pike and lilie say hes handsome to ahiru, but i dont know how often he actually hears that? and im sure its hard not to compare himself to mytho, who is straight out of a fairy tale; being a regular teenager dealing with regular teen body stuff is hard enough without your roommate being a magically beautiful eternally youthful storybook hero. i think he probably internalises more that people see him as scary and angry, and that the girls who do have crushes on him always frame it in contrast to mytho, who is Good and Kind and Handsome, implying (or sometimes outright stating!) that fakir is Bad and Mean and... Well...
fakir is very sensitive but quiet about it, so i think its a very private point of self-consciousness. i think he puts a lot of semi-secret effort into his appearance; canonically he has a lot of very funny and clearly customised clothing, and he chooses to keep his hair long and in a very particular style (i have a whole breakdown in my mind of how he achieves that style and it involves a surprising amount of pins and an unsurprising fuckton of teasing. i think his hair is a little fried from heat damage!), and i think that probably extends to other things, too, like manicuring his eyebrows and doing a lot of very Teenage Skincare that doesnt actually help his acne much lol. i think he probably has a lot of self-injurious habits and BFRBs like skin picking and chewing, mostly at his acne and around his nails (both of which he hates, because he knows he shouldnt but does it anyway). i think if he does it enough that theres noticeable evidence it feels, like, world-ending for him, ESPECIALLY if anyone asks what happened lol. do not perceive him except in the very specific ways and contexts he approves of THANKS
on to the narratives favorite princess, mytho:
again, i had a pretty clear idea of the vibe i wanted mytho to have going into this-- i want him to have, like, extreme prince charming vibes, very Classically Handsome without necessarily being 'conventional.' i thought a lot about 'the happy prince' story while i was working on this, and really wanted him to look like a cross between how the prince statue looks in my head and a porcelain doll. and also a cross between jonny brown and brigitte bardot? lots of very direct influences for him lol. so! lots of gold tones, gemmy eye color, cute little tooth gap, quivering wide-eyed thousand-yard-stare doe eyes and big ol dolly anime lashes, which were the very last thing i added because i was NERVOUS about pulling those off lol. they turned out cute tho! ive only done a handful of pieces for this series and i can already tell princess tutu is gonna make me up my lash drawing game considerably, these kids all look like they blink and cause a hurricane from the gale force wind of their falsies
also wait i lied the very last thing i did was add his freckles/beauty marks because he needed that little extra oomph and those were It. i think he probably has some on his hands/wrists too 💕
i was a little unsure if my idea for his hair would translate with this flat-color approach but im pretty happy with it! its supposed to be afrotextured hair (somewhere between 3b and 4c i think? wide range of potential i knowww but im still kind of hammering out my headcanons okay, this is exploratory lol) thats been rolled and finger-styled into his little feather shapes. i think loose, chunky twists would be another fun way to interpret his hair and twists are one of my fave styles to draw do i might draw him like that at some point too...
i guess fakir is the one who styles his hair for him before mytho gets his heart back? i imagine fakir is pretty meticulous about maintaining mythos health and appearance, even at the worst stages of their relationship. i think itd be hard for fakir to frame the way he treats mytho as For Mythos Sake if he wasnt doing some level of actually beneficial care for him, so being really fastidious about things like mythos diet and sleep hygiene and hair care and such gives fakir an outlet for his 'you just have to do what i tell you' thing that helps him convince himself it really is helping, no really, hes doing this for mythos benefit and he just has to be strict with him because mytho doesnt UNDERSTAND he needs PROTECTING and fakir is the ONLY ONE who can do it so mytho HAS to let him because if he doesnt then why does fakir even EXIST, if he cant manage this then what is he good for, and--
yknow. the usual complexes. and their relationship is so complex!!! but also so simple, but like. in a good way. fakirs behavior is complicated but his motivation regarding mytho is SO straightforward which makes that downward spiral into harm really easy to map out... i wont go much into that in this post since this is about visual/appearance-related headcanons but just. augh. i love this show and i love these characters!!! and i hope its apparent in my work that i do love them so <3
im hoping to do a set of these for the girls next!!! i have some other stuff to finish first but hopefully... Soon... Some Birds...
#princess tutu#fakir#mytho#prince siegfried#my art#i had sooo much fun playing around with style in these... the super strong white highlights + underpainting combo looks SO lovely#i should take this approach more often i almost never do!!! it rules and is fun to do#i was listening to my fakir playlist nonstop for DAYS while working on this and still intermittently since...#it feels like ive been sitting on these for a month but its only been 5 days omg. crazy... good to know tho#anyway i love themmm theyre everything. SO fun to draw i really hope i can do more art of them. i Want To... i have Ideas >:o)#btw is putting notes on my thoughts under a cut like this interesting for yall? its fun for me but idk if yall wanna read all that#i will probably continue regardless bc i love to hear myself talk esp abt my design choices but#im curious if my notes on my thought process are interesting to anyone else#if not oh well! thats what the cut is for 😤 nobodys gotta read it if they dont wanna im doing this for Me#full color
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I'm not a new follower and I've been here long enough but i do have a relatively bad memory
So I've wanted to ask, what's your opinion on "Dishonored: death of the outsider"?
Right now I'm replaying Dishonored games not in the release order, i already finished DH2 and started Daud dlcs. Maybe I'll go for vanilla DH later
But thoughts about going through death of the outsider again makes me feel something that i can't explain... 😬
It has some interesting ideas but antagonists are underused. Locations repeat a lot. And Billie herself deserved SO much better than whatever is going on with her character
I'm genuinely debating if i should revisit *this* one or pretend that DH2 is the last game. I know that some people love DOTO but i can't find strength in me
love to chat about death of the outsider, ty for the ask!
i feel your pain. it's the one game i struggle to revisit. but! i was thinking about your points and how DotO has the feel of budget cuts.
it's been about a year since my last DotO post - so, essay time -
a measured response to common DotO criticisms
(the thousand bugs of dishonored 2 I had borne as I best could, but when doto ventured upon sidelining billie and retconning daud's arc I vowed revenge*
*can't resist a cask of amontillado joke
criticism is easy and creation is hard, so, if this isn't the type of response you wanted, you can read my other DotO posts:
how i'd write death of the outsider
that post i did after trying to play doto a third time and couldn't make it past the opening scene (you might like my tags on this re: your comment "makes me feel something i can't explain")
billie lurk as a nonprotagonist & misogynoir (more on this below...)
gonna leapfrog off your comments cause I agree!
antagonists are underused/locations repeat a lot.
who is steering the boat?
let's start up at the top; everything stems from there.
DotO was caught up in ownership/transition issues. here's an article about harvey smith and raphael colantanio at that time. if you didnt know, colantonio is the main founder of arkane (semi-related but just for fun look his appearance up then go through arkane's protags and tell me what you notice...).
quote from harvey smith re: DotO -
“Then, just as I move back, [Colantonio is] announcing that he’s leaving. Going forward, I’ll focus more and more on the Austin studio and what we’re going to do there. Death of the Outsider is my wrapping up with the guys in Lyon – the first half of that we planned together while I was living there, but the second half was worked on while I was living in Austin. I’ve been communicating with them through video conferences and stuff, so they carry a lot of the load of the second half of it.”
so the founder jumped ship and the co-creative director has to step away from his usual position (over to sinking ship Austin). meanwhile, DotO is still in development. i'm a big believer in people making art, and not companies (even in this article Smith acknowledges much of their "secret sauce" can be traceable to specific devs but i digress)
$$$ kaching - some speculation
on the note of founders - past this point in arkane's history (ie. the main founder stepping back), arkane would have been being primed for sale. this translates to high scrutiny on project expenditure (such as hiring cheaper early career staff, hiring less workers, denying your best staff raises causing them to leave and hiring cheaper workers in their place, etc) to make the company's EBITDA look more appealing to buyers (briefly, its the piece of paper that proves you're profitable). based on speculative timelines, from a purely $ perspective within the first year of dh2 being released is when you'd be looking to slim down your capitalised expenditure (aka: cutting staff while the revenue is at a peak to make number go brr and make your company look like a better investment) because to maximise the profit of a company's sale, you really have a great track record for a few years.
this is purely speculation based on timelines. companies are very careful to hide when they're doing this, ideally they want ~3 years of a great track record (and staff that will keep working their hardest).
big goals and no money
DotO was meant to be a two-part DLC like the Dh1 DLCs, so shout out to what could have been made if their original pitch had worked.
On locations & antagonists & budget - this dev's site discusses the Conservatory level in game AND specifies it was budget constraints being the reason for cutting off traversable area from that mission. Great link for comparing the original level & the DotO version, especially re: your point about reused assets/levels.
We could pick other examples here but this post is already long so -
Billie herself deserved SO much better than whatever is going on with her character
i would forgive this game anything if there was any good billie storywriting.
:')
its never just the writers
after revisiting articles to fact-check for this essay, i've seen a lot of articles blaming writers by name (you didn't do this anon which i love <3)
games are made by teams, and decision making is generally done top-down, so blaming individual contributors is shit. 1) writer's pay isn't good enough to cop this kind of abuse. 2) it's rarely in their control - you can write a beautiful scene only to have that level cut due to costs (etc), and then you need to work out how to make the story make sense. ideation & decision-making are separate and i guess 'this idea was [X]'s' should not be mistaken for 'this is the fault of [X]'s.'
on hiring fans (& imm-sim writing strategies)
the new writers [...] already had an idea of the world, as they’d seen it from the outside, as fans. “These are all people that knew this world we had created and they took it as canonical, as the gospel. Whereas, for us, it was bits and pieces we’d made up along the way.”
as someone who used to hire writers, and i promise this isn't in bad faith: don't hire fans unless your priority is cost then, sure, fans are likely to put in overtime (and not be in a position in their career where they can ask for higher remuneration - they'll pay the passion tax to be involved).
writers (esp new career writers) have to be open to receiving feedback assuming healthy/functional processes, and being a fan makes that harder because you care more. and, as a fan, you know what loose ends exist and that's where you'll naturally jump to, even though writers should start with target audience and branding, and build from there. if i expand on this i'll get offtopic so let's keep going!
DotO feels lifeless because it doesn't add anything to the DH universe, it only takes away by closing storylines without the satisfaction of closure. sure, stuff was added - the cult subplot, locations, some NPCs/enemies, etc. but they feel like part of the objectives, not part of the dishonored universe. you can feel the decision-making process when you play: there's a feeling that the priority was to finish the assets required for missions, instead of writing a story that feels immersive.
compared to standard videogame writing, where you can generally get away with "everything you touch and read relates to your objectives as the protagonist", as an imm-sim writer, you need to focus on:
how does this text build the universe so that the player feels like they're only seeing a small part of the world?
of course - this is difficult with budget/time concerns. i've said it before but this is part of why we rarely have games as rich as dishonored 1 & 2, because imm-sim design philosophy flies against the current videogame industry trends of microtransactions & cheap-to-make addictive mobile games. given a tight budget you focus on the high level story, but player immersion is a function of details.
most likely, dh2 was the end of an era. typing that out makes me sad.
what did the devs say about writing billie
*breathes deeply*
the death of the outsider protag was originally pitched as being about a regular human, someone not related to emily and corvo but instead an overseer or a brigmore witch. daud was also pitched.
this could have worked! really cool to have a nobody, or a heretic, or an overseer, be involved with the death of a god. and i've mentioned before that storywise DotO's protag could have been anyone (i think i made a joke about wyman? hah) and wouldn't change the story much, bar some daud bits.
quote from the same article:
eventually Arkane settled on Billie Lurk, Emily's companion from Dishonored 2. [...] Bakaba tells me that because Billie had already received her redemption arc in Dishonored 2, Death Of The Outsider's story could be about something more than that.
welp.
so there's two things here - a redemption arc claim, and DotO's actual story.
in addition to not being the first pick, the view was that billie's story was over. i question the 'redemption arc' claim - sure, billie helps the protag in dh2 but after her confession, if you tell her she's changed, she brushes it off and you part awkwardly without forgiving her... does that count? if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound? if a character redeems themselves but the story never tells you, are they redeemed?
billie's role in dh2 isn't really that different to the dlcs, where she follows you around being Mr Exposition while withholding a LOT of information that could have actually helped the protag. given DotO's plot, going after the killer who shaped her doesn't scream 'reformed' either. ludonarratively speaking, the lack of chaos implies billie never changed from being a callous killer - which i'm not against, it would have been a cool story.
and! contrast this with daud who already had his redemption arc!
When first conceptualising Death Of The Outsider in around 2014, Smith and Duval knew they wanted two things: Billie Lurk being used to get to The Outsider himself, and closure for Dishonored villain (and later ally) Daud.
in the two DLCs, as we know, he comes to realise his actions sucked, and as the player you actively make things right (related: my post about ludonarrative dissonance in dh2). so if billie had "already received her redemption arc", why was this another daud story?
imo this isn't a budget issue but a misogynoir issue. "we want this story to be not about the protagonist so any random NPC will do, how about we go with billie lurk and get a black woman as a dishonored protag?" this logic, which is what i'm reading of the above two quotes, feels frustratingly tokenistic when she's an established character with a rich background. it's an example of surface level diversity because DotO is not about her by arkane's own admission. it's a similar vibe to the companies who say they have a diverse team but you check their staff page and all the people of colour have 'assistant' in their title and the board is all white, so it's not people of colour who are driving the business. maybe this was entirely by accident but these accidents add up to systematic failure - billie gets her own game but never her own story. it feels like she got assigned the caretaker role for these two guys. great.
for fairness, let's compare to dh2. corvo & emily are relatively hands-off protags in terms of their ongoing thoughts about their surroundings and the lore placement about them specifically is sparse, and this style continues in DotO. the issue is the core narrative: corvo & emily are both the protagonists of their story in the sense that dh2's story reflects their goals ("take back what's yours"), whereas Billie is an established character who has arguably little reason to go along with each mission. worse, the main plotline she's literally forced into going along with. in the opening scene billie gets assaulted and still helps the guy who assaulted her.
fundamentally, DotO's narrative is not about billie but about daud and the outsider, and this article makes clear that was by design.
whats the takeaway
DotO is the weakest entry in the Dishonored series for most people, and blaming budget & a corporate changeover makes me feel... uh well it doesn't really help me tbh but your mileage may vary. it does interest me to think about what we could have had!
for me, my opinion is that if writing billie was a priority (link to my own post where i describe the feeling of playing doto as someone interested in billie) arkane would have made it a priority, even amidst constraints. billie's redemption arc was not resolved imo, and putting her in a game without a chaos system feels like as much a backwards slide for her as daud's plotline to kill the outsider was for his arc.
we absolutely 🤝 on not being in a rush to play the game again.
on the upside. dishonored 2 is a really wonderful game and i love it very much.
#death of the outsider#dishonored#billie lurk#look i dont like to go on even though i think there's a genuine conversation that is almost never had on here#every year there are fewer and fewer fans interested in dh. so i dont want people to feel bad if they like it#you know? its not my priority to be negative. but there's a lot about this game that doesnt sit well.#full disclosure never worked in game dev! but i lead devs and am involved in financials and led writing projects#so my angle is half business. half writing.#im always a bit surprised when people say theyre a fan of a company#the work doesnt happen in a vacuum sure#but people make up that environment#most companies are one leadership change or two bad firings away from releasing crap forevermore#we pretend that's not the case because its hard to sell a business if you cant pretend you have a 'secret sauce'#but realistically that 'sauce' is people (ew) (bad analogy)#its better to see games as art and your relationship to that art as an evolving thing#my relationship to doto is poor and that'll probs always be the case! oh well. other games with billie in!#pres writes essays in tags
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the elderly and their matching gloves
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza series#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza like a dragon#yakuza 7#arasawa#jo sawashiro#masumi arakawa#snap sketches#i have one (1) more class today in about an hour and then im freeeeee. until 8am tomrrow 🧍♂️#NO IM MAD LEMME EXPLAIN so the reason why i even drew this was cause i was supposed to meet with my counselor#TO DROP THAT CLASS ACTUALLY cause i very quickly remembered conceptual art was a movement and not. Concept Art#and so here MY DUMBASS sitting in a zoom call for almost three hours waiting for him to get there#and he NEEEVVVER SHOWS UP BRO i have genuine beef with this dude he's SOO bad at responding to emails and showing up for zoom#oh well.... at least i can give everyone old people...#i almost binned this but i liked arakawa's face too much. also i NEVER DRAW THEM OLD I NEED TO POST WHAT I GOT#i actually have more doodles in mind- i had a sawashiro sketch that i didnt like but i really wanna make the concept work#and then i was thinking of a Not Depressing Comic so. yay.#LISTEN we know i love angst and putting everyone through The Horrors but i just wanna see them happy...#ok bye im gonna. Hm.#idk actually i only have an hour and im already dressed for class#i guess ill try sketching out that comic..#BYE
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Looks like that video is about a month & a half after The Trade and trevors broken ankle 😣
re: this video… anon 😭 i had suspicions but it is so much worse to have them confirmed that really was like. trevor’s first Public Appearance without jamie AND post-broken ankle which is traumatic in and of itself no wonder every beat reporter was like ‘oh yeah trevor’s just devastated’
wouldn’t you be miserable too if your best friend just got traded and your body betrayed you and what if it was maybe all your fault!!!
#bestie thank you so much for fact-checking me 🙏🙏🥰🥰 i love when y’all come in my inbox & answer the questions i yell into the void of my tag#we are Suffering about trevor TOGETHER in this house. if i scrolled all the way to the bottom of my drafts i think i could find even more#heartbreaking content from before The Trade but we don’t need to suffer that much otherwise the penguin cup of tea is really irish coffee#confirms ALL of my theories about miserable trevor leaning into mason for comfort because in some universes that’s THEIR boyfriend who left#liv in the replies#trevor zegras#mason mctavish#need to go lay on the floor about this one folks. do you think trevor said he would only do it if mason came if he could sit next to mason#right at the end where people were rushing out not stopping to talk tired by the end of the line and not even thinking just to guarantee he#wouldn’t get asked anything because he still has a hard time believing it’s real he keeps thinking jamie’ll be there especially w/his ankle#i’m sure he doesn’t have a great time with stairs so he probably will nap on the couch sometimes and that moment right when he first wakes#up to the bang of the door and he doesn’t quite know he’s awake yet and he thinks it’s jamie coming in? heartbreaker right there bud. sorry#ALSO because I can’t say it and leave it alone I almost put that last bit strictly in the tags but like. there’s gotta be some part of#trevor that knows it’s nothing to do with him but still naïvely believes that if he’d maybe been there if he hadn’t been injured things#could have worked out differently if he’d been there and it’s his fault his ankle broke and do you remember all the interviews jamie gave#about how you never think you’ll be traded and how strange it is to be moving and now i need you to take that naïveté times 1000 for trevor#who of course he never even pictures jamie leaving they were building the core together!!! why would they ever get rid of him!! and if only#trevor had been there to show how important jamie was. what would he have done? literally nothing but that does not stop the emotional guil#from enveloping trevor like a rain cloud and making him sit in mason’s apartment with ice cream bowl in hand. holistic treatment l
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Gally hides a lot of his panic attacks and nightmares that he got after he went through the Changing in a desperate attempt to be liked again in the Glade
He was kind of universally hated in the books, apparently becoming extremely unlikeable after he got Stung
which is honestly so sad. What he saw drove him slightly insane and he couldn’t handle it and shut down.
#it’s 2am I hope this makes sense my brain is losing itself#in a ‘Teresa lives’ AU I can actually totally see them becoming friends#if I had a nickel for every time a maze runner character witnessed horrors and did bad things#that specifically involved sacrificing one or two people in order to benefit many more people#I would have two nickels#they also bond over being extremely protective over Minho#because I think Teresa would be super duper protective of Minho in Paradise#partly out of guilt and partly out of trauma#she works closely with the doctors to heal him and visits him daily to make sure he’s feeling a-okay#she spoon feeds him when he’s too weak to feed himself#actually she has almost an obsession with bringing him food or feeding him or cooking food for him or just watching him eat in general#but it’s because WCKD regularly starved him or used food as an incentive/weapon against him#and now she’s just extremely determined to make sure Minho never has that happen to him again#Thomas sits in the corner awkwardly waiting for Teresa and Gally to finish fussing over his boyfriend so he can kiss him#Minho wakes up like ‘I don’t remember having a girlfriend as well as two boyfriends???’#and Thomas is just ‘YOU DONT????’#Minho will be sleeping on the couch for that comment tbh#Minho goes to Gally and/or Teresa whenever he and Thomas get into arguments#Thomas is so confused by this. Especially Teresa#‘YOURE LITERALLY MY EX GIRLFRIEND YOU SHOULD BE ON MY SIDE’#idk if I actually agree with anything I just wrote but I’m too sleepy to do things like reread
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oh i made a post on reddit and found out i am NOT the only person struggling w/ flashing lights & high-contrast stuff post-concussion. all my googling was like "PHOTOSENSITIVE EPILEPSY!!!!" which was legit terrifying 2 me as someone w/ health anxiety and ocd lmfao..... but it's just nice to know. like. other ppl [have] struggl[ed] w this too. and i got recommendations for stuff i can do re: that AND my other lingering symptom (motion sickness) so that was cool. thank u internet :)
#it's just rly annoying bc like. flashing lights never bothered me b4 my concussion but they do SO BADLY now and i haaaate it#one person put it into better words for me but like. high contrast stuff rly sets it off for me too. like going from a scene that's very#dark to one that's very bright. like cutting back and forth. that sort of thing#where it isnt Flashing necessarily but it is simply by the contrast of it all...#i literally flashbanged myself just last night sitting in bed by switching from a firefox tab that had a dark background to one with a whit#background lmfao..... it's so fcking annoying. literally makes my brain malfunction.#apparentlyi can do physical therapy to help my....vestibular system?? or smthn. to help w the motion sickness#and ANOTHER commenter mentioned that maybe if i work on that then the flashing might bother me less too#like there's no real reason for them to be connected but it was more of a It'd be neat if it did! thing ksdhfdskjf#anyways concussions suck dont get one!!!!!#i got mine literally almost 2 years ago now and here i STILL AM.... it wasn't even a bad one necessarily#i wasnt playing a sport i didnt get in an accident i just ran into an open cabinet door at mach speed and got whiplash from how hard my hea#went back. and now here i am 2 years later and i can't look at flashing lights without my brain BSOD'ing. wack#txt
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Makomo’s album part 14 (Masterlist)
References:
Link to Bunny Weightlifting
#You 🫵🏾🐙 should listen to EEEAAAOOO it’s great#got me thru this drawing session#part 15 already in the works. I sketched them in the same sitting#it’s been a while lmao#not really just a month but that feels like Forever for me ?#I got used to doing them almost once a week. idk Album burnout ig#can never get tired of these two goofs#I rotate them gently in my head always#RABITO LOOKS LIKE A BAKED POTATO#he was in the oven too long#I think I mixed up his markers again#kny#demon slayer#octo’s art#tomioka giyuu#sabito#Sabigiyuu#Makomo’s Album#SABIBUN AU
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Art challenge: color a characters hair without making the parts that should be in shadow / shaded / darker than the rest of the hair a lighter color instead.
Difficulty level: IMPOSSIBLE
#idk. when I started doing this. but once I started I never stopped. I can’t stop#I cannot shade hair normally I CANNOT make the behind the neck under ear area a darker color I CANT#I USED TO BE ABLE TO BUT NOW I CANT#even acknowledging it as a thing I do I still.. can’t#it’s always gotta be lighter#there is always some mysterious bounce light or spotlight shining upwards on the character or thru there hair iDK#there is no physical sense behind it I think I just saw other ppl do it thought it looked pretty and started doing it myself#and. I still think it looks pretty ! but also! I think it’s probably holding me back!#like surely there is a time and a place for this pretty thing and maybe that time isn’t ALWAYS#at myself… ghghg my refusal to think hard about lighting is one of the things I get disappointed about w my art a bit#like��� I can sit there like. wow.. almost all my pictures have nebulous unclear lighting. maybe I should work on that#and then I do not ever work on that#I used to do lighting pretty well when I was younger but know a days I typically dont…#le sigh. it’s whatever tho#either I’ll eventually buckle down and get out of my comfort zone and try doing good clear lighting that makes sense#or I won’t! I’m not a professional artist me not being the best lighting doesn’t actually matter lol#pepper words#I mean. I think sometimes I have managed to color hair with the underside shaded recently. but it rlly is not the norm for my art#typically it mostly only happens if the character has a light base hair color. if they have a darker base hair color.#9 times out of 10 that shit is getting under lighting / nebulous highlights from nowhere lol
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I cant remember, but have you read donut hole? I remember the author mentioning you beta'ed for them? or am I misremembering?
(and if you're still taking the requests, how about a barry? no pressure!)
I have!! Some of it, at least!! I did used to beta it but then I had to stop cause I got super overloaded with college and I’m still sort of teaching my brain to calm down from that whole disaster haha
(Mons if you’re reading this, I’m totally up for beta-ing again if you need it!! ^^)
While I’m at it, if any of you enjoy Barry-centric content and haven’t read Donut Hole yet, CHECK IT OUT HERE ON AO3!! ^^
#wayward’s asks#yeah in general I’d lost my ability to multitask almost entirely#because uni demanded so many things at once and told us we’d have to pick and choose what assignments we worked on#saying it would be impossible to do every assignment we got KNOWING it was too much work#yet we’d still get backlash WHEN we did pick and choose#and it was a really destructive cycle that destroyed my ability to functionally multitask#so for like months I never felt like I could sit down and read fanfic anymore#and always thought ‘later I’ll have the time to properly do it’#and that time just never came#cause resulting brainfog is horrendous#BUT IM SLOWLY GETTING ACCLIMATED TO MULTITASKING AGAIN#and have tentatively picked up reading my friends fanfics again#I am getting better at it ^^ even if it’s slow#the brainfog is clearing
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Wild that anytime I post an update a lot of people read it and are even excited about it and have their own thoughts and reactions to it that I'll never know.
Comments are only the very tip of the iceberg with it. And I am Very grateful to commenters for letting me in on it. But in the same way that I'll be excited with my friends when a fic we love updates, it's likely that Other people enthuse with Their friends when my fic updates. And it's just so strange. An experience I'll never have access to.
Everyone's relationship with my fic is unique. So many different people with so many different circumstances and preferences... and the number of people that have told me that my fic is one of their favorites, some even saying it's their Favorite favorite... every single one of them have their own relationship with my writing.
It's just interesting to me. I think and think and think on my writing. I have my plans for basically the entire fic, the way I want it to end already thought out, all the major plot beats and the relationship progressions, All of that thought out. I love my writing so very much, but I'm on the inside looking out. This is my mechanical horse, and I'm in here laying out the groundwork and pulling levers and constructing limbs, puttering away making the horse move. Forever and always, my relationship with it will be more intimate than anyone's, and yet more clinical. Because I know it better than the back of my own hand, but I'll never have the experience of reading it fresh. Of reading it without knowing everything that's going to happen from now to the end and beyond. I won't have the thrill of the plot twists I have planned, the delight at seeing things progress, the horror at seeing things go wrong...
This is my mechanical horse, and I'm making it move.
I just always wonder what it must be like to see it from the outside. I hope to others that it's a pretty horse.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#didnt mean to write this much about the concept but i really am so...#jealous almost. id love to be able to read my fic as a reader.#because it's tailor made to my tastes Exactly.#and i know it's good writing. i surprise myself even sometimes with how good things end up.#it's never a doubt in my mind that i'll make things good. even the harder things . while bringing trepitation . i know i'll figure them out.#the relationship a fic writer has with their own fic is so... yeah. intimate. but still somehow emotionally removed.#but thats how it goes with any art piece i think#the creator sees all the bits and pieces that went into it. remembers the thoughts as they made it#they know their work better than Anyone Else. but they'll never be able to experience it like an outsider.#is my fic helping someone through a rough breakup? is it something someone rereads when theyre sad?#is it a fic that people stay up way too late reading? the fic that someone discovers and consumes all within a day?#that voracious love. ive experienced it many times with other fics. but i can never experience it with my own.#but in the end. that's okay. i will just continue to do as i wish with it. and maybe people will continue to like it.#it is my goal to make a fic that people will never forget. what that may mean differs depending on the person.#i want it to be the best fic it can be. and i will make it so with every brick i lay down.#puttering about for days and weeks and months. it's Most of what i think about. it's my impact on the world.#and it's sitting for 3 hours after work in the storage room writing until im shivering but Satisfied with a productive writing session#it's writing some of my most emotional scenes while sitting for an hour on the toilet#no one else knows what the toilet written scenes are. but I Do. such is my relationship with my fic.#(the focus in the Quiet Rooms cannot be underestimated. the bathroom is indeed one of the Quiet Rooms lol)#& man. ive rambled so much now. but i just love my fic so very much#i'll never be an ITNL reader. and that's okay. because i'm its writer. & that's a status that No One Else can boast.#even those people who state that it's their Favorite favorite cant rival the intimacy of my own relationship with it.#I Am Its Writer and that means so very much to me.#i... really do love my fic y'all
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Hello! I am here to ask about your Dior headcanons re: the political cohesion of Doriath. 👀
Oh man, I didn't expect anyone to actually take me up on that!
(Okay so I got partway into writing this and then realized I should probably note up front that I tend to stick to the Silm (& LOTR/the Hobbit where applicable, but they... aren't, here) as the most authoritative version of canon, and I can get into why and where the nuances/exceptions are there (I do say tend to stick, it's not hard and fast!), but that's mostly a side note here: the point is simply that I don't really factor other drafts or the poetic Leithian into my take on Doriath, Thingol, Dior, etc, just what we're told in the actual Silm. I also read the Silm as an in-universe history text compiled by in-universe scholars, who, being people, are going to have their own biases and blind spots, even when they're doing their best to be accurate!)
So, this is a two-part thing: #1, there's the political cohesion of Doriath before & at the time of Thingol's death, which i talked about in the tags of the post that prompted this ask but is kind of necessary as context for the Dior part to make sense, and #2, there's the actual Dior headcanons. Both of these parts are very long because I've never really seen anyone else suggest any of this stuff and I want to explain where I'm coming from thoroughly enough that it actually makes sense to people who aren't me, but the TL;DRs:
TL;DR 1: I think Doriath was probably a hot mess politically after Thingol died, with tensions between various groups of Sindar and Laiquendi in the leadup to Thingol's death & Melian's departure, and more political tensions afterwards between those who wanted Beren & Lúthien to come be the new rulers, and those who thought they should stay gone, with someone still in Doriath taking over.
TL;DR 2: I think Dior became Eluchil, potentially at the request of some portion of the Iathrim, hoping to help prevent Doriath from devolving into civil war, and saw dealing with the Silmaril-Fëanorioni situation as a lower priority than stabilizing Doriath's internal political situation until it was too late.
1. The political cohesion (or rather, lack thereof) in Doriath prior to Thingol's death
So, okay, the thing about Doriath is that we don't actually have any real idea of like... how much the Iathrim liked being the Iathrim? We're never told about any intra-Iathrim conflict, but a) the Silm was probably compiled mostly by surviving Gondolindrim or their descendants, so they wouldn't know about anything liike that unless surviving Iathrim told them, and after the Second Kinslaying I don't imagine many Iathrim would've been eager to talk about how things had actually been tense/messy/etc when they could remember everything as having been perfect until it was ruined by the Fëanorionrim, and doubly so after the Third Kinslaying, so why would anything like that make it into the Silm?
and b) what we do know about Doriath is that it wasn't really Doriath as we know it until Morgoth came back to Middle-earth, and everything went to hell.
At the start of the first age, you suddenly get Doriath (the fenced land!) being the one protected area of a continent that used to be totally free and open. How many Sindar actually didn't particularly care for Thingol's style of leadership, or simply preferred to live nomadic lives, going basically wherever they pleased, until suddenly that wasn't safe anymore, and you were only guaranteed survival if you were close enough to Menegroth to be within the Girdle when it went up? ditto how many Laiquendi had no interest in swearing loyalty to Thingol right after their own king had just been killed, but again, made it to safety and stayed there over taking their chances on their own in the outside world? (None of this is meant as any insult to Thingol himself, by the way; he can have been a good king who did his best for his people and still rubbed some of his new subjects-by-necessity the wrong way, through no fault of his own or theirs.)
I think it's entirely possible that there were always potential political tensions under the surface in Doriath that just... never got written about, because they never boiled over into actual political conflict, and so it was never the sort of tension that had any bearing on the historical record.
Except then Beren & Lúthien happen to the world, and a few years later the Narn, and in the blink of an eye suddenly the only king Doriath has ever had is dead, and the only queen Doriath has ever had is gone and the Girdle with her—and more than that, the only rulers the Sindar had ever had for three thousand years before Doriath existed.
And where a few years earlier I think the Iathrim would probably have turned pretty universally to Lúthien, now she's abandoned them for her human husband—and while she's my favorite character in the entire legendarium hands-down and I don't blame her, I think that's another place there might have actually been some very mixed feelings among the Iathrim that nobody wanted to admit to later because how could anyone have been upset with Lúthien—and on top of her abandoning them for him, I think it's extremely probable most of Doriath did not actually get over their xenophobia about humans in general or Beren in specific when Thingol did (we know for sure at least some of Doriath didn't, cf. Saeros insulting Túrin's mother & sister to his face), but again, who's going to admit to having had a grudge against the holy couple of Middle-earth after the fact, you know?
Conversely, there could've been a sizeable faction of Sindar who had been totally loyal to Thingol until everything happened with Beren & Lúthien, but who found his actions towards them and/or Finrod to be where they drew the line, and while (unlike B&L themselves) that faction stayed in Doriath, there could've been a new, additional tension on that front.
Finally, for all we know there were multiple factions within the Laiquendi of Doriath, with political tensions stretching back to before their king died, rooted in who-even-knows!
2. Dior
All of that, of course, sets up a very, very messy political situation for Dior to walk into.
The Doriath stuff is arguably more speculation than actual headcanon, but here's where the unambiguous headcanons come in: I don't think "Dior Eluchil set himself to raise anew the glory of the kingdom of Doriath." Obviously that's how it got written down, but bluntly, I can't see Beren and Lúthien having a kid that stupid or, like, power-hungry and arrogant?
What I can see is a situation where the messenger that brought word of Thingol's death and Melian's departure asked Beren & Lúthien to come take over as the new king and queen, we promise we're not mad about you leaving and we won't be xenophobic to your husband anymore we swear it's fine now pretty please, Beren & Lúthien said no, and the messenger either asked Dior as a second choice, or said "okay fine none of that was actually true but Doriath is falling apart and we need a leader ASAP and there's about eight different contenders* (mostly kinsmen of Thingol or Laiquendi) being backed by various factions and it's going to devolve into civil war any minute so if you care at all—" and Dior said "would I do?"
(* Ask me about my Galadriel headcanon)
I don't think Dior necessarily wanted to be king of Doriath, and I don't think he saw the throne as his birthright or anything like that; I don't think anyone involved, from Thingol to Lúthien to Dior himself, ever considered the possibility of Thingol dying and needing an heir! I think it's possible he was asked, or at most that he offered, and either way, I think he saw becoming king as taking on a responsibility for the sake of others.
(Which, like, "well here's a potentially impossible task that I'm going to take up even though probably no one thinks I'm actually capable of it, but it's my duty to help others as best I can" sure does sound to me like an attitude one might develop when raised by Lúthien "I kicked Sauron's ass cast a sleep spell on Morgoth and persuaded the Valar to find a loophole in the fabric of reality" Tinuviel and Beren "I stayed by my father's side as an outlaw to give my mother time to lead the rest of our people away hopefully to safety knowing I would never see her or any of them again (and then spent several years being a giant thorn in Morgoth's side for good measure)" Barahirion, where "apparently my grandpa I may or may not have ever met died, guess that makes me the king of a place i may or may not have ever been" does... not.)
I also think he either took on the epithet Eluchil, or was given it by whichever factions of the Iathrim accepted him as king, when he actually became king. Obviously he's going to be referred to as Dior Eluchil even before that in retrospect because that's how he's thought of later, but that doesn't mean it was actually a name he always had, you know?
The final thing is, I think if Dior essentially walked into a political situation five seconds from devolving into civil war, it makes his inaction regarding the Silmaril prior to the Second Kinslaying make more sense: the Fëanorioni have been sitting around doing nothing about the Silmaril in Doriath / with Beren & Lúthien this whole time, the letter saying "hey that's our Silmaril give it back now" is probably just a formality, and Dior's only been ruling for a couple years, there's still plenty of people dubious about whether he should be king at all, he might well be subject to at least some of whatever xenophobia remains about humans in Doriath, and in general all the work he's done on stabilizing the kingdom will absolutely come undone again if he screws up; he's trying to keep a kingdom from falling apart, the Silmaril thing can wait.
Of course, it wasn't a formality, and it couldn't wait, but why would Dior have known that?
#shrikeseams#replies#doriath#the silmarillion#dior eluchil#lotr#lotr meta#i guess?#character: dior#jesus christ this is so much longer than i meant it to be i'm so sorry#also my lunch break was supposed to end twenty minutes ago WHOOPS please forgive any typos i have no time to fix#also there wasn't a good place to stick this in#but i also think everyone in doriath probably has PTSD about thingol's death#(many of them may also have had PTSD already esp the laiquendi or those of the sindar who had to return to menegroth in a hurry#when the first waves of orcs showed up#but anyone who didn't already almost definitely does by the time dior gets there#because holy shit our king is dead the girdle is gone none of us are safe now and he was murdered before the girdle even fell#so have we even been as safe as we thought all this time or were the last couple centuries a lie?)#but yeah those are my dior headcanons!! idk if that picture of doriath or dior in particular are to anyone's taste but mine#but if nothing else i like the idea of dior getting to be... an actual person? and someone i can see having been raised by beren & lúthien#and he doesn't really get to be either of those in the silm and i rarely see him in fanworks getting fleshed out like other characters do#and i think that's kind of a shame#you know?#also yes i am completely ignoring that dior's name theoretically means ''successor'' bc like. why would they name him that#that is from an early draft and there is no way to know if ''dior'' would even have stayed his name#if tolkien had gotten around to updating all the names in B&L/CoH etc into modern Sindarin#never mind if it would have meant anything remotely similar#this is mostly a first-draft post written in one sitting in the space of 45 minutes partially while late for work#i have Definitely left many points out and i am sorry if anyone has questions about things i probably have answers / can elaborate further?
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holy fuck. i'm on my last scene
#she bork#novel 2024#hit my 2k for today so i'm stopping but damn. still planning on probably finishing like tuesday-ish bc i close tonight work tomorrow morning#then work an overnight sunday into monday and then work early tuesday morning and ik that stretch of workdays is gonna suck ass so i don't#anticipate getting much done. but damn girl i am truly almost finished like i got one more day. sitting right at around 100k words. insane#worried the last few scenes are barebones but i'm like that catfish director in bojack horseman that's like 'ah whateva we'll fix it in#post' lol i'm like i just need to get it DONE and then i can spiff it up in edits. insane cannot believe i almost have an entire first draft#like genuinely just a few more pages to go. like maybe ten more pages max. never thought i'd do it tbh
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i wanna have my darling in my bed again. long distance is SO incredibly fucked
#🍯#i should be allowed to see him whenever i please#im so fucking clingy dude. like i dont know how to make this Stop#thought abt them too hard and got sad#there was one morning i showered then came into the room to get dressed#and while im my robe she kept pulling me back into bed#every time id start to sit up id get dragged back down again#we were almost late bc of it#and i would do it again#ive never felt so truly desired as when he pulled me in to kiss and wouldnt let go#this went on for so long too#at one point i got up long enough to choose a shirt before he got up too and kissed me then brought me back to bed#i want that every day#ill be late to work every day if it means more time with them#its so bad that ive been getting fucking bridal ads on insta AND IM DAYDREAMING ABT IT
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I had a wonderful crimmus and I'm going to be a godparent and I also caught a horrible cold and possibly partially tore my Achilles tendon. Peace and love on planet earth 🫶
#sitting at my sisters house with an N95 on because i dont want anyone else catching this cold#still not sure how the heck i hurt my ankle but if i try to flex my foot up it feels like someone's sticking a small knife in my heel#still having a pretty good Christmas despite all that#me and brother in law also almost smoked out the house like five times trying to light a fire#eventually i figured out the fire needed a fresh air inlet which he had never installed#so we cracked a window and then it worked. makes a draft though.#personal stuff
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I will never understand how some people hate all tea, which there are like a billion flavors of, but love coffee, which all has the same terrible taste no matter what
#i hate when people try to get me to drink coffee by being like try this one its mostly sugar you can't even taste the coffee#i literally can taste the coffee in things that are stored next to coffee beans for a prolonged period of time#several people have tested me by tricking me into drinking something with trace amounts of coffee and i can always taste it#and its fucking disgusting#i hate the smell also. when i worked at starbucks i had a terrible time. i couldnt even drink our smoothies bc the mix was stored w coffee#and i could taste it in the smoothie. everyone thought i was insane but once they gave me 2 samples of smoothie#one from a brand new mix and one that had been sitting with the coffee beans for a long time. and i knew which was which#without being told. and they finally believed me lmao#i will never forget this one time i accidentally switched mine and my friend's and drink (soda and iced coffee)#and took a huge sip of iced white chocolate mocha with caramel (i also dont like white chocolate and caramel!)#and almost threw up. i had to seriously fight to swallow it bc i knew if i spit it out in my friends car he'd fucking kill me#i was like well in case you were wondering i still hate coffee
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