#i WILL heal

[unluckyprime]

before & after

[orgasming-caterpillar]

Today I will be kind to myself

[shabbyshoebox]

I talk about my superiority issues!

I think that not being heard as a child combined with constantly being praised for being smart did end up messing me up bad. We love a superiority complex (/s)!

I have this thing where I subconsciously see myself as the smartest/best/specialest person in the room and if that turns out to not be the case I get really insecure and weird and irrationally angry???

My old therapist pointed out that I seemed to take every interaction as a competition (which I vehemently disagreed with at the time, iirc. But of course, like many things that piss you off in therapy, it's a needed observation)

But the thing is, it's not really clocked by others because you know, you're supposed to make people feel good, and you're not supposed to be a pretentious ass. Being a good person means being kind and understanding to others. By doing this I managed to have relationships, but because I never externally expressed these things, those ideas were never challenged and I kept them. Because I didn't feel comfortable expressing that side of myself, others could not redirect me.

Growing up, I wasn't given the opportunity to be heard. Mentally, it grew from "no one tries to understand me" to "no one can understand me", putting myself on a pedestal and distancing myself further from my peers. I was already born with two neurodevelopmental disorders (like most in my family), so I already felt majorly disconnected from the majority of the "human" experience. In fact, I actively sought out books with animal protagonists because I could relate to them better than the ones with kids I was "supposed" to relate to.

Because of my superiority issues, I've had a hard time connecting with people. I don't give people enough chances to understand me because I don't know if they can and I'm anxious about being judged (who isn't)?

I'm trying to combat it by mentally thinking "this person is smarter than me" when I'm talking with someone, which seems to be helping a bit, still a long ways to go.

I feel weird talking about it, because, again, it feels bad to talk to others about it. Like: "Hello friend, I've subconsciously viewed myself as above you for our entire relationship, can you comfort me about it and emotionally connect with me as if I didn't just insult you and our friendship?"

Like, no, that's batshit. I can't expect anyone to have no reaction to that and to keep calm while I talk to them about that sort of thing.

So, by addressing this externally via textpost, I should hopefully begin to work through this.

In the meantime, I'm developing some affirmations that may help me:

People are smarter than me

People are more skilled than me

People are capable of understanding me

I am capable of expressing myself in a way that others can understand

People are worth asking advice from

Others' skill is something to be admired, not envied

I'm not skilled enough to do everything. That's okay. Acknowledge those who are skilled for their dedication and growth.

I need help from others

Others can help me

Other people are not my competition

In conclusion, I'm trying. I'm acknowledging the problem. My feelings may be upsetting to people, and that's okay. I'm trying to understand that it's not impossible for me to be understood. I'm trying to understand that I am capable of using my words to describe how I am feeling in an accurate way. I'm trying to understand that people being upset with me is not an indicator that I'm misunderstood.

Thank y'all for listening.

(I accidentally added a poll and can't remove it because I'm on mobile, sooo)

[ruski-san]

włączyłem anonimowe pytania i szczerze mam w piździe czy ktoś mnie będzie wyzywał czy nie :> chce żeby każdy miał szanse mnie spytać o coś w jakiejkolwiek kwestii

[moriilese]

ask me anything,

and ill answer with my heart

[soulinkpoetry]

We use these words “ broken” and “damaged” as if we’re an object. All we are is hurt. Hurt by people who were supposed to love us. We simply have sat with that hurt for too long , either ignoring it or not knowing how to move on from it. We’re just in need of some healing, work on ourselves and then we’ll be able to find our happy place.

.

.

[mr-combs]

"Do you think I deserved it all?

Ooh

Your flower's filled with vitriol

You built me up to watch me fall

You have everything and you still want more!

I try to be tough, I try to be mean

But even after all this, your still everything to me

And I know you don't care, and I guess that that's fine

But you know I can't let it go, I've tried, I've tried, I've tried

For so long...

It takes strength to forgive, but...

I'm not quite sure I'm there yet"

[lumigoldryn]

I messed up. I can’t keep doing this. I was doing so well too. I don’t know how these thoughts creeped in. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t what came over me. It was a mistake. It won’t happen again. I won’t let it happen again. I going to heal. I’m going to force myself to. I would never do or say these kinds of things to anyone else. So no. I’m not going to do this to myself anymore. I can’t. I can’t.

[justjohn4now]

If you erase me from your life, atleast I know I was once written there...

I'm not over it at all, but I think I'm slowly getting there.

If you throw me into the dirt, atleast your hands touched me...

Because honestly, I'll count any kind of affection as quite lucky.

If you tell your friends you hate me, you don't miss me at all, atleast I'm something to hate...

And that's better than nothing at all.❤️💔❤️‍🩹

[doccywhomst]

[good-death-for-the-lonely]

it's been 10 years...

🖤🩹

[hansoeii]

look at you, you're gorgeous!

[ladyhoneydarlinglove]

RIP to all the people upset about what jayce did but i’m different. i’ve never loved him more. that was literally the most homoerotic thing he could possibly have done. like oh you thought viktor leaving him was the divorce era? babes that was just a little lovers spat. welcome to the REAL divorce era.

[sighcomics]

practise disappearing

[doodledrawsthings]

i love being predictable

[meditating-dog-lover]

Mental health

Anxiety

Childhood trauma

Mild depression

Potential autism