#how wonderful and familiar and good
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If you told me even a year ago that in 2024 I'd be feeling this way, I would not have believed you and in fact laughed in your face.
And yet...
My heart is so buoyant in me I can feel the bubbling lightness of it. I walk around like I am made of sunshine, like I can fill every corner with radiance and still have an abundance of it. Sometimes it catches me off gaurd, like a hiccup, but I am never frightened or anxious, I don't shake for fear of losing it.
Am I in love? Something that seemed so impossible to me, so foreign, like the memory of green buds in wintertime. I knew it was possible that spring would return, but I'd been waiting so long for it that I forgot to pay attention. The trees were bare, the air was cold and dry. And now it's as if the warmth and the bloom and the humming of life has come over me all at once.
#things can stay the same for ages and then#change all at once so quickly#I know that life is like this and yet#I am still so surprised and delighted by it#how strange it feels to want and be wanted#how wonderful and familiar and good#personal#manifesting love and tenderness atm#cara mia#🩵🐛#iykyk
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Hey now, Let her cook!
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#senshi#laios touden#marcille donato#izutsumi#oyasumi punpun#<- In case you are wondering what the source for the little bird guy is.#Yeah that's right. I'm back to my extremely obscure crossover BS.#Punpun is one of those series that falls under the category of 'Good! but I cannot responsibly recommend this to anyone."#If Dungeon Meshi is like a friend asking you to go on a quick errand and you accidently go on a life changing roadtrip -#Punpun is your friend asking to go on a quick errand and they pull up to the vet and tell you your dog is being put down.#Then they explode into sludge. Melting your car. You hitchhike back but the person who picked you up is an axe murderer.#I could not finish it. My friends who did say it was good. But agree it was for the best I did not finish it.#Hey speaking of tone twists...We are one episode away from one of my favourite chapters being animated!#WHO'S READY FOR THE SENSHI BACKSTORY! WHO IS READY TO CRY!#ME! I AM! I spooked my flatmate with how energetic I was this morning. I'm vibrating with energy I was not designed to contain.#I should talk about today's episode here: It was very good. I love how they animated the familiars.#And!!! Anime only people now are in the loop on the Chilchuck lore. Part 1 of many. He still contains multitudes.#They all do to be honest! If this episode told us anything it was that we still don't know these characters as well as we think!#See you guys next week. I'll be inconsolable.
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Prompt 205
Now let it be said that not a single one of their team (“Does it count as a team if it’s just the three of us?” “Um, what about the Superman clone here??” “Four was the same number of the original League, so yeah we’re a team!”) were expecting to stumble across much of anything deeper in the Cadmus Labs.
They’d already discovered- and released- the super secret super-boy clone after all, so that was the big thing discovered and taken care of! Only they had uh, found something else, another tube even deeper with the room practically frozen, while trying to find the way out.
Now normally, opening the big tube would be a bad idea! But they had a bunch of creatures and security and whoever else on their tails, and hey, why not fight fire with fire and escape while everything was distracted?
Only when things start to defrost they- the sidekicks who are not sidekicks thanks- are really alarmed and starting to worry about what the fuck is inside. Because the cryogenic-liquid-whatever tube is way bigger than they thought, and the files that Robin hacked refers to whatever is inside as a quote, potentially world-ending dangerous entity.
And it’s not even fully defrosted before it starts to break free. One clawed hand- and then another, and another and another- grip onto the broken material, green dripping from where tubes were shrugged free. Its hair shifts and weaves in the air as though underwater, opalescent and each strand shimmering a different color.
It’s absolutely massive, humanoid with long tapered ears and a cacophony of differently shaped horns floating above its head. They’re wary, suddenly remembering every single lecture about dangerous unknowns as it shakes the liquid from a body that appears almost scaled, eight arms easily lifting itself so that it may step out.
They’re also suddenly reminded of the danger they’re in from other things when there’s a crash against the door, like one of those gynomorph tank things had slammed against it. It also causes the being’s head to snap up from where they were seemingly watching the liquid pool beneath them, nine eyes opening from their previously half-lidded position.
A deep rumbling noise echoed around the room as it stopped slouching, showing just how tall it was while three tails lashed in what was obviously some sort of agitation. When they speak, it’s not in any language the three of them know, but Superboy’s head snaps from the door towards them, eyes suddenly wide in child-like wonder.
(“Oh! It’s a baby~”)
Why yes, Even more of Tiamat Class Prompts- but Humanoid!
#Dcxdp#Dpxdc#Prompts#Young Justice sort-of#The Class Pulls a Tiamat#But they also have humanoid form that’s not like 100+ feet tall#NGL Connor was vibing while the other three are freaking out#He’s just a lil guy y’know- a lil dude- a bby boi#Part of their DNA might have been used as stabilization for his creation#The Class: Omg look it’s a baby- oh you’re all trapped and need to get out? Sure why not :)#Tim is trying to catalog EVERYTHING about them#Barry is wondering how much something that big might eat#Roy is just trying not to let the younger sidekicks die y’know how it is#Connor is just: Parent? Parents for me? Safe Parents who protect me??#For those not familiar the 9 are: Danny; Sam; Tucker; Valerie; Wes; Dash; Kwan; Paulina & Star#How did they end up in Cadmus? Good Question#Probably has to do with the GIW
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Hi hello, I was struggling with my Spooktober challenge, but wanted to draw something today, so I ended up with this:
He is Very Shape, so I had to lmao (I don't draw animals much, so it was a bit tricky, but hope it came out okay!)
Also, terkkuja toiselta suomalaiselta, meikäläisiin törmää niin harvoin :D
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#oh no the boy#he looks like his soul is about to leave his body#what goes on behind those saucer eyes I wonder#the horrors it's gotta be the horrors#the shading and lighting are absolutely delicious!#so many good hues and shades#the orange purple and magenta#I use cool colors so rarely (practically never) so it's straight up ~weird~ seeing Machete with a blue color palette#but it works it makes him look even more out of sorts than average#I'm liking all the sharp angles on his ears#oh and the lone strand of fur between them! I draw that too!#I find it terribly flattering when I get gift art from people who say they don't draw furries/animals very often#because if they're willing to venture outside their comfort zone like that it must mean they really truly like the character#I only draw human characters under extreme and unusual circumstances I know how daunting it can be#to switch from a familiar subject to a more foreign one like that#so I see the effort you put into the piece and I appreciate it!#gift art#lumilasi#own characters#Machete#kanssasuomalainen! virtuaalinen yläfemma o/
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After these talks of preparation, Jonathan's attitude becoming more and more jumpy as he listens to the people supposed to help Mina talk about her transformation, and the Czarina Catherine being held hostage by the fog... Mina is probably living her own version of hell on earth right now.
Mina is a kind woman, an intelligent woman, an observing woman. Very aware of her surroundings, and the people that walk around her thanks to being a manners teacher. She reached when Lucy couldn't, she guided Jonathan towards information and inspired all of these men to swear loyalty to her alone.
And now Mina is trapped in a limbo of darkness, and coldness. Hearing, and watching how her comrades talk about how to kill her if god gives up on her. Then the hypnosis comes in a shove in the water deep deep down, and suddenly Mina is dead. Not in the body but in the mind.
Feeling dead, but her heart is still beating. Knowing what a coffin feels like, and how no light comes underground. Only hearing the sound of the waves as her breathing becomes shorter becasue what if she can afixiate while doing this? Then Mina wakes up, and the first thing she sees is Van Helsing's face deep in thought.
The report is the same as yesterday... Again, but Mina notices (of course she does) how Van Helsing "subtlely" checks her face, and mouth then talks to Seward in hushed tones. But, not the ones that ladies like her, and Lucy have practiced up to perfection to talk about someone who is present without noticing, no. It's a simple low voice without finesse, or any attempt of masking that they are talking about her, about her letargy, about her pale skin, about her spike in energy on the evenings. Even Jonathan could do a better job, Mina knows because she taught him a little.
Mina is probably more aware than anyone might think, so aware that she probably prefers sleeping than enduring. I wonder Mina thought for even a second "Do they think she is stupid now?"
#It's sadly good that Mina is sleeping most of the time because all of this would wound her#I wonder if she thinks of Lucy while she is in that dull state between sleep and awake#All interactions muddled while only feeling a cold familiar and lovely hand anchoring her down to reality#Oh how I wish Mina had the strenght to grab a pen and write#I bet if she asked Jonathan to hold the paper for her he would#dracula daily#dracula#mina harker#mina murray
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Congratulations on nothing. I'm back to drawing LoV again after a bit of a break
those are mostly just a redraw practice for fun Toga is a try in "more canon way of drawing" with color practice too
I'm sorry that it's in russian because I have to have some will to localize jokes that came into my head while drawing it
it's like... a robot au??? or something, mostly just a joke "what if AFo just built Tenko and changed what he wanted"
and this is a joke about our 'favorite' 419 plot twist so it's basically just a bunch of joked about AFO failing to get any way to get control instead Tenko's head is not empty. It downloaded games, friends and stuff about being a hero but NOT as a literal hero, more on "villains need help I'm a hero then" way
and yes that text behind is "hands" written all over the place bc I wanted to add hands in handwritten form
#fanart#sketch#bnha#my art#toya todoroki#dabi#toga himiko#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#league of villains#mha fanart#kinda robot au#I love drawing Tenko in this “I have no thoughts” eyes I always wonder what was his life back in that period#I have a lot of questions#but sadly it's not plot relevant so no info for us#:( sigh#alrightI'll do it myself >:( as many others did#but I like to think of that period with gloves or the mix of time without them but before he got a new name#I just want to understand how to write him#I know how but the little one#he's not like a normal kid and not a just trauma kid too#I hate how I'm slowly getting obsessed again and it already made me cry like 5 times bc I'm like THEY'RE DEADDDD *cries*#and 5 mins later oh! FUN THEY'RE ALIVE AND WELL bc I just turned on MVA#MVA anime is my guilty plesure I feel like home in a way that a place that is not home is home but home not comfy but familiar#plus it doesn't feel like an anime after so many rewatches it's like oh those guys are trying again I love that#still thinking of some of the topics I want to write about#but not rn I'm going to bed good night#also I thought of Toga's talk with Ochako she's still right#I tried to bottle up my emotions and feelings about LoV and today I had like an obsession with them without a break#because I missed liking them so much
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Challenge level: Impossible (Patreon)
#Doodles#Spoiler alert: I was in fact not normal about it lol#You can tell those first two are old by comparison for how short my hair was at the time lol#From back in July! I guess I just hadn't been drawing myself much there for a bit huh#As for that last one I swear I Promise I drafted this in September it's not a reference I'm just actually genuinely Like This lol#I didn't choose this life etc. etc. lol#From the top!#Burst of inspiration wherever could that have come from hehe <3 What could've happened in July that made me want to draw I wonder hehehe#Bit funny considering I fell off posting - not like the inspiration stopped! And what I Did draw was Very lol#I still have some of it in an ever-present photoviewer because I like being able to look at it at any point <3#Still inspired! Still want to do more studies!! So pretty ♥♪♫#Sleepy thoughts - I had my Pkmn Diamond/SoulSilver field dex/guides for all of like two months and then they were packed up again#And this was Before the Pokemon burst! Sheesh sheesh#I love my field guide dexes they're so neat and well-made ahh#I have got a couple craft projects still back-burnered - those papercrafts to do with Pokemon are still on the list!#A little Pokedex-notebook is so fun.......And I have Pokemon stickers that I could put in it or on it......ah........#I do want to! I will at some point the energy will return to it eventually#Alright so the main course lol#Went fabric shopping for plushies because yes I Am determined to Make Thing! Another that's been a bit backburnered - but I will!!!#I do still really want to it's turned out pretty good for far :) But while I was shopping!!#We did the usual small talk thing with the store employee like ''Oh what are you buying this for'' that whole back-and-forth#So I explained that I was making plushies and needed the tear-away stabilizer to draw the embroidery outline on#In my head I was being very tempered because while /I/ know that I'm making a Max plushie not many people are familiar with him (wrongly so)#Lol#So we continued and he was like ''Oh cool I've made some patches with embroidery :)'' so I asked of what and he lead with CotL's crown#And then-#Look Zarla's work was Already on my mind with Max as my project I was in a Delicate Way already do you really expect me not to talk about it#The answer was no and he walked away with a Vargas recommendation in his pocket I hope he enjoyed it lol#And I got my fabric and started work on Max's face it's fine it all worked out in the end it's all good it's great lol#I Was encouraged to come back with my finished project so that's on my to-do once I get him in a presentable state haha
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I’m honestly surprised that people are saying Keanu reeves is a bad choice despite the popular fan discussions about it. Where I’m at in the internet, he’s considered a good choice and people were excited.
i cant speak for everyone obviously but ive always thought he was a bad choice for shadow ever since the idea started going around 2 years ago. because from what ive heard personally he doesnt really sound like shadow + i hate it when big movie stars are given voice acting roles in movie adaptations just to have a big name attached to the project even if theyre not good for the role. and this definitely feels like that. back in the day people were only saying he should be shadow NOT because his voice actually fits but because hes an edgy action guy or whatever and movie sonic is canonically a fan of him/his movies and they could make jokes out of that. and i feel like thats Still what a lot of peoples reasoning is which annoys me because shadow isnt just an edgy action guy and i dont think his voice should be chosen based on a joke of all things especially if the voice isnt fitting enough to justify it
not gonna say my opinion is the most popular but i know that there are a lot of people who agree with me on this, or at the very least are unsure about it. a lot of people dont want him
#i also have to wonder how many people who wanted keanu or are excited about the supposed casting are actual sonic fans ....?#like im not trying to gatekeep or say anybody whos said he'd be a good fit is a fake fan or whatever#but . ive seen a lottt of dedicated sonic fans and people who are very familiar with shadow say they hate this#in fact most if not all people ive seen saying theyhate it are in that category#and ive also seen a lot of people whos interest in sonic ranges from very very casual to practically nonexistent comment on this too#and theyre the ones who only have positive things to say and think this is an epic win or something#so i have to wonder how popular a choice it is among not so casual sonic fans. particularly ones who really like shadow#compared to how popular a choice it is among the general internet#and not to be mean but i honestly think that actual fans' opinions matter more than random internet users' with this sort of thing lmao#asks#i suppose theres no way to know for certain right now if his voice would fit#since theres no clips of him specifically doing the voice that he would give to shadow#but. from what i personally have heard. he doesnt sound like shadow to me#not even in a ''different take than what im used to but still fits the character'' kind of way. just doenst work at all
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Everyone Introduced in Dimension 20′s Dungeons and Drag Queens episode 2
#dimension 20 spoilers#dimension 20#d20 introductions#dungeons and drag queens#dndq#dndq spoilers#oh my GOD this season is- i'm having a BLAST#this is so so neat and sweet like#helping ppl play dnd for the first time or the first time in a while and helping them have fun with it is a TRUE joy#that i can just feel through the screen it's just so wonderful#i'm so so so glad like this is going fantastically so far#the plot is simple enough and the players are set at ease since all of their issues are pretty tied together#so they can worry about moving the story forward and interacting with each other and the world around them without having to worry#abt like how familiar they are with each other or whether they like have to WANT to stay together or anything#and like they're taking the game and doing really well with this!! i'm really proud honestly#and we got the pc stat cards now!! very good to know good to know#and holy fuck holy FUCK i'm having normal thoughts about brennan in that fit#like this is so slay i cannot believe it
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Just finished The Familiar and it was very fun! Definitely captured my imagination and I adore Leigh Bardugo’s historical and modern fantasies. She does such a great job of evoking those themes of injustice and the grey morality of being locked in systems and corrupt power structures. I’ll probably talk more on this later but if you’re a fan of her work (especially the Alex Stern series) I’d give it a read.
#the familiar#leigh bardugo#it was just fun and fantastical and I wanted to learn more about the world#the romance was sweet and pretty believable although I wish the book was longer so that it could have felt more natural in its weight#the whole ‘we are like and understand each other’ makes up for the difference though#I liked how Luzia and Santangel were their own characters in their own right and not just clones of other LB characters#that made it very fun#I especially loved Luzia particular brand of morbid and cynical humor#I said I’d say all this later and now I’m in the tags whoops#I do wonder if I’m missing some allusions though specifically the orange groove references#loved the varieties of greed and ambition and the similar vibe I got from kamet in thick as thieves regarding the honor and code of the#peasant class#the sort of forgiveness for being screwed over as wouldn’t you do the same#or the refusal to owe favors and the like#hualit was super interesting as a character#I loved her I hated her I think both are good options#I liked how LB played with the pov and the omniscient narrator connecting the threads and the sort of without time without boundaries world#of stories the world seemed to inhabit#myth.txt#book talk
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they gotta make nap-length sleep mediations. Also ones where the speaker doesn't sound like the world's most annoying yoga intructer or perhaps therapist.
#hal rambles#meditation#miscellaneous#i'm spoiled bc my mom was really into meditation#and she was taught by some very good martial arts instructers as well as her dad#so she really had SUCH a knowledge base by the time I was around#and since I started learning early I've really developed a 'style' of meditation that works for me (or rather a few different ones that eac#have many many options/variables for the meditations themselves)#but like since my mom taught me that whole time#she's very familiar with how i meditate best & so when she wants to teach me a new one her guided meditations are perfect for me#i've never had luck with sleep meditations before (and only found out about them online a few years ago)#i don't know if the scientific basic for them is as strong either (haven't looked into it much)#but I really want them to work so I'm trying to find one that I would actually use & enjoy using#because the videos I found so far irritate me SO MUCH#no wonder so many of you are like 'i suck at meditation' and 'i tried but meditation never worked for me' if THAT is what you had to work#with#like. bestie i'm sorry. wish there were better resources out there#(there probably are and by satan i will find them)
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guess who was not in the right emotional state to finish watching lars and the real girl
#what a lovely movie....#talkys#i obviously related a lot to him and his mannerisms. and such. among all the rest of it.#augh. something about watching him kiss bianca at the end before it happens#something about that being so familiar! a movie about loneliness.#a movie about loneliness... watching loneliness acted out while i act out loneliness.#the way that i can so physically feels how lars feels both in his relationship with bianca but also the moments where he wants More.#it burns...relatable but hurt to watch in the sense that he finds resolution and im staring at the credits sitting hollow#really funny too that he had that way out of things with bianca...bc i have a similar Out set up with al...#if one day i dont need him anymore...#augh....what a nice movie...#it hurts so bad but its a wonderful movie...#i like how everyone support him...! made me cry#the way ryan gosling talks in this movie is the exact way i talk to my siblings sometimes too.#when i feel small. and very much like their little brother who is 15; 12; + 9 years younger than them. AUGH.#hurts it hurts it hurts. good movie what a nice movie
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hearing Alan talk about how much he liked Albert Grossman and Eric talk about how much he liked Brian Epstein makes my tiny emotional brain implode like GHGhHhh the Animals' actual manager was Not Good!!!!!!! they were actively looking at the managers of their contemporaries and wished they could've had that instead!!!!!!! 🥹
#alan's been talking A LOT about 'dont look back' at his concerts recently and g o s h everytime he does.... connie across the ocean weeps#especially since he talked about getting to know the bob squad in new york really well at first (WHICH I HAD A HUNCH ABOUT FOR A LONG TIME)#meaning that even when he was still touring with the animals!!!! he really looked up to albert!!!!!!!!!!!!#it wasn't just a case or him rushing to the bob squad after he left the animals for clout.... which i also been knew#IT WAS OUT OF COMFORT. SOLIDARITY. A NEED TO BE AROUND FAMILIAR FACES WHO WOULDN'T JUDGE HIM. GAHH G HHH#it hurts even more because ACCORDING TO ALAN.... bob and albert even asked him to join bob on tour!?!?!??#i have no idea what point the hawks entered the picture exactly bUT IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE#hURTS ALL THE MORE. NO WONDER BOB WAS SO FRIENDLY WITH HIM AGHGGSGGGHFJDJDJDJSJ#alan couldn't do it because the fear of flying was just too strong... which bob completed respected and didn't try to force it#g o s h..... the universe where alan backed bob on keys....... wow#joan and bob.2: 'yayyyayaya!! alan price!!'#aNYWAY. HEARING ABOUT ALAN'S CONCERT LAST WEEK REALLY MADE MY BRAIN COLLAPSE.#also the bit about eric is also true..... he constantly talks about brian in his first autobio#constantly talks about how good of a manager he was and how he wishes they could've had brian instead 😭😭😭#ironic that the animals also eventually had a connection to allen klein through mickie most.... ggahhhhhhhhhhh#JEFFERIES. YOU TRAUMATIZED THEM. *shakes fist*#anyway..... at least alan and eric had each other <3 *proceeds to draw and write fix-it scenarios about them*#okay going to resume working on my 'misunderstood' project..... just finished the art eeeeee#i DREW CHAS AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE YESTERDAY!!!!!! 😄 btw. another Good Manager. he is a mother.#alan price#eric burdon#the animals#things i said today#mental illness is really strong today#dr pepper and 'shouts across the street' time#aleric#hehhehe haha heheh hehe teehee *explodes*
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desperately hugging you after not seeing you for 15+ months as if my body remembered that the thought of this hug had comforted me when i felt cold and imagining helped me feel safe, helped me feel warm, helped me sleep, and still helps me sleep sometimes. is it no wonder i let my mind fantasise about you in a different way now? i don't wish that ever comes out in any interaction with you. but, i know any desire to stay in, develop, and grow that social club will just be an excuse to be around you. i want being there to feel as safe as the imaginary you makes me feel. i do wish you were mine, but i know you were made by hands warmer than mine, and time. someone who was mine, and my age, made by me, would not be of your quality of gold. if i want you, or someone like you, i have no choice but to start by knowing myself better, even if i don't really want to. i guess i have to want to.
#hugging you and shying away from further touch because a) slow reaction and#b) if i could let loose around you i would never let go of you and i'm not allowed to do that.#is this better or is like... living in a crowded apartment block where everyone gossips and nobody has any privacy better?#you know like wong kar wai's in the mood for love#at the social club - nobody cares to look except for you. and it's nervewracking to be observed by you.#actually -- no-one steps out to care for me. or each other. except for you. but everyone looks.#i guess it's nice now -- because... no familiar faces there except for you and some other people a little older than me.#i would ask you what cologne you use and it would become my favourite smell.#it made me so happy lol it was so strong on your hand and even by touch you left so much on my shoulder until i had to wash that jumper#i would sniff it and be happier#am i okay? am i okay? i thought i was in a good time. am i okay? ground myself. don't float away. i have access to institutions#that can help me. that's something. the more established the systems or groups i'm a part of the more grounded i feel.#i don't know if it should be that way.#i hope i don't do something crazy and dangerous just for some sense of connection to something greater than myself.#i wonder how it looked from the outside. the 'girl' who went out and picked up some guy. for the thrill of it. for exploration. for#curiosity. and she couldn't anymore. it was bound to happen. i was floating away -- and i was saved. by a generous system.#a generous... country...#omelas...#it was bound to happen. or i would have ended up honestly probably abusing substances or something.
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Aeri can’t decide what she hates more - the way the bejeweled pin in the victor from District 8’s hair is lopsided, or the girl herself. Oh, what Aeri wouldn’t give to wear such an accessory again, or even wear the finery the victor has been gifted to wear to the viewing. That was her once, wasn’t it?
But now? She’s stuck here, watching this spectacle. The brat, who has no idea what privilege she’s been presented with, keeps on creasing the delicate threads of her gown and her stylists also clearly have no idea on how to do the brat’s makeup. And then there’s that damn pin- Aeri’s pin once upon a time- only in place because it’s tangled in there-
And Aeri can’t hold back. When the brat’s stylists are gone, she reaches into the girl’s hair and extracts the pin. Her fingers, callused from years of hard labor that still feels foreign to Aeri, are quick to untangle most of the obvious knots in the brat’s hair before shetwists the locks into a ponytail and then a bun. The pin goes back in.
Aeri glares at the girl through the mirror. Don’t you dare mess up my work.
( congrats lenlen!! you get....aeri, being really resentful, i hope marìa doesn't mind too much ^^' )
@stillresolved | !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET HER BE RESENTFUL
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There's a harshness to being dolled up when you are in no way receptive to it.
María isn't foreign to the roughness of life - she's a fucking Victor, after all, isn't she - she's started working in factories just about around the age even the most moral of District 8 people might turn their back in fear on seeing her walk in, pretending not seeing her would free them of the responsibility of working with a child.
Her hands and nose and palate and lungs had long gotten used and keep getting used to the aftermath of working with chemicals, of being so very intimate with garments and colours, with fumes and heat, with the hard work of surviving, with the hard work of fighting to be allowed a minimal chance at said survival, at figuring that there's little more for people from District 8 to fight for.
Still... it's not the same.
Being pushed around, dressed in things she would have never chosen for herself to serve a people, a man, because she's not stupid enough to not be able to tell what is Capitol and what is Snow and how Capitol is Snow, it's a kind of biting and harsh and rough that doesn't leave behind the usual kind of scars and memories and bruises.
Even surviving the Games had come with a desperately accepted sense of relief, one covered in blood and the humiliation of all she'd done and all she'd thought she'd get to accomplish, only for reality to crash in on her in a victory she hadn't wanted to partake in, hadn't wanted to make possible, when she'd wanted her Games to be victor-less in lieu of ending the Games themselves.
This... this is humiliation in the long run. This has hardly any hope attached to it, waiting for her on the other end of the line. Sometimes, on the worst days, it feels like the true brunt of the battle, walking with blood-stained soles and palms and sparkling as she does, wearing all that might make even the softest source of light appear like flames reflecting off her frame, covering her in fire that had not eaten her alive - much to a few people's disdain.
Picking at things, not holding still, grimacing, shifting her muscles, arms, face to make her stylists' life as difficult as possible, it was all she had to fight back.
The Arena came with death and violence, and living back at home had been physical labour upon physical labour, straining her young body until she could no longer tell if she was broken beyond repair or fitter than children her age should be - had they grown up privileged within the Capitol's safety.
Here she has only threads to tear apart and reflections to glare at.
And a new challenge behind every door.
She feels yanked back, an intensity of motion caused less by the avox suddenly in her hair and more her own stiffness that hadn't prepared her for submission to someone suddenly rearranging her.
After her stylists had left, she'd succumbed to the tension of not wanting to be there, without the added hard work of making sure everybody else does. Lost in her thought, somebody's hands suddenly returning on her had fortified, molten it into a newly forged blade, stiff and ready to strike, tensing everything within her and making a few fingers in her hair turn into a grappling hook tied to a moving mountain.
María is startled enough she can't remember how to glare.
A frown does accompany her widened eyes anyway, making her look... appalled, almost, an addition to her expression so unsuited to typically frightened features, youth tainted by the face of someone used to having to fight to stay alive.
It almost happens in a flash then. The reflection moves and adjusts and fixes and what had started as something that had María's lips split into something acid and trembling, turns into something unpleasant and acrid, but silent, as María sits and lets herself be mandhandled one more time.
That's when she glares. After the avox finishes up, after their eyes meet in the mirror and María sees none of the downturned gazes they're trying to make her accustomed to.
Seeing avoxes pisses her off.
Why take it out on them.
She understands what they are, what they're supposed to represent.
To her, an avox is a statement. No longer a person but rather someone rid of their innate right to be considered one. Even with the determination and life in this avox' eyes, María has come to understand them as tools Snow uses to assert his dominance, people from all circles of life, punished with the robbing of their words... and their detached tongue metaphorically forced to lick away at the tip of the shoes of people like María.
All a scheme.
Infighting.
Use the prey on the prey, make them take each other out.
It'd be easier to feel pity if María could sleep, if the avox hadn't adjusted her appearance, and if the avox wasn't staring her down as if she had any right to do so.
She's oddly beautiful.
She's oddly familiar.
"Why are you helping them?" she hisses, low, whispered, because she might never admit it, but she's... she's a little scared, isn't she? Lately? Devora's face swims before her inner eye, so stern, so wrong.
"I'm on your side more than they are," she adds, pulling a strand of her hair out of the freshly adjusted bun.
#stillresolved#the seeker;maria#the seeker;joan of arc;hunger games verse#CONGRATS INDEED I FEEL LIKE I WON A MAJOR AWARD HERE??? EXCUSE ME???????????????????? MX LISTEN-#EVEN IF MARIA WERE TO MIND I CAN'T FIND IT IN ME TO MIND THAT SHE'D MIND BECAUSE THIS IS MAJORLY EXCITING#NOBODY MOVE NOBODY MOVE NOBODY FRICKING MOVE I NEED TO FOCUS#not gonna lie Aeri's point of view here is so fking good it's so FRESH IT'S SO---#NOT TO BE HYPER-FOCUSED ON MY DESIRES FOR MARIA'S ARC AND HOW IT DEVELOPS BUT#THIS IS VERY GOOD SGKLSDLFJGHGLKHGFKL sorry I just...#if somebody were to force me to figure out ONE thing to like most about this depresso verse#if i was being held at gunpoint about it basically and forced to pick One Thing#it's gotta be how brilliantly different perspectives come together#Aeri Patrick Devora Taiyang Maria Hyuk LISTEN???? LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#getting an ask from Ferre from their new blog~ i'm holding my cheekies and blushing HEHEHEHEHE~#also how do you still always win at urls care u lots MWAH ♥ i need to get this into the queue ASAP#gosh it being Aeri's PIN GOSH CAN YOU TELL I'M ALL OVER THE PLACE ABOUT THIS IN ENTHUSIASM#gosh María will simply truly... do the most to assign everyone sides hm? MARIA WHAT ABOUT THE NUANCES--#i'm not quite sure what you and wonderful Lynnie have established but... if Aeri was well known as Deva's lover#do you think María might have seen her? in pr thingies? that would explain why she's familiar that's why i added that line~#IF NOT then she's familiar because the look in her eyes would remind her of Deva IT'LL STILL WORK >:3 i went witty >:3333#;queue
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Today we took a bus down to Siena, rented E-bikes, and rode to the walled town of Monteriggioni!!!
(It was 8 miles, through hills! 8 miles is about our usual but with the hills we were so grateful they were E-bikes hahaha)
This is definitely completely unrelated to the fact that we have played Assassin's Creed and also I definitely don't have a picture of myself with my hood up outside the tomb entrance of Santa Maria Novella, definitely not
In conclusion, Italy is lovely, and here, have a garden stairway from Monteriggioni
#have I mentioned here that I am in Italy????#idk but its been a good time#playing asscreed is super trippy because ill be walking across a random bridge#and itll be like oh this seems familiar i wonder why?? its the location the turorial of the game starts lmao#punched a man by that pillar except for how I didnt at all xD xD xD#lori chat
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