#how that conversation should have gone
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Max: I'm a one woman man
Tristan: Good thing I'm not a woman
Max: Well shit, you got me there
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The second fic idea is a what-if scenerio where Jimmy dies in the crash due to and altercation with Curly and how Curly would navigate being Captain once he has to notice the little things and how he and Anya's relationship develop as he adopts an identical view point to hers rather than just keeping the peace.
And maybe i will write it but only time will tell tbh but it's stuck in my brain dome for the time being.
#cause even if it got to Curly snapping and killing Jimmy for the sakes of the crew would you not have that guilt in being responsible for#anothers death espcially with all the responsibility on his shoulder and how he realizes he tried to be reponsible for things and made them#worse like the guilt drives Jimmy insane even if he doesnt admit like imagine Curly who would care so much and wonder if it shouldve#been him not to mention Anya being free from Jimmy but still not his actions and having to navigate still being stuck with the pregnancy an#the shallow feeling because relief doesn't mean happiness like i think shed believe shed be happier that Jimmy cant get to her anymore but#what now that their stuck? That the Captain is faltering and they are stranded for like another 6 months? If they even make it that long?#Like he may be gone but all his damage is still there and thr wounds fresh like its such a good concept i just cant divide my attention lik#that as i am still in college and it is sadly midterms#anyway uhhhh I just really want to write a fic where Curly and Anya can have that hard conversation on how he handled Jimmy constructively#and without him looking like undercooked skirt steak like there would be those moments where it lingers between the monotiny of staying#alive but how would they even address it? what comes first the sorry or the list of why he should be? like Curly places a lot of value on#his use to others and its interesing and subtle and its mostly directed between Jimmy who steers it and Anya who rides along with it#like go the thoughts and ideas i have but not the fuckin time!!!!#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly#curly mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#also daisuke and swansea are there but like i still have to think of the reflections they have and how to play with their characters in thi#idea world but yeah I want Curly to make amends and Anya to rediscover her autonomy and living outside that fear.
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#obviously i am Thrilled with all the buddie goodness we got this ep#but one thing about this whole eddie/chris storyline that is driving me absolutely UP THE WALLS#is that there has just been absolutely Zero realistic communication about any of it from the audience's perspective#we don't hear anything about logistics in the moments where chris is actually leaving#(about how long he'll be gone for/if it's just for the summer/etc etc)#which whatever fine tim wanted it to be dramatic#but still in season 8 we don't know if there's been any discussion with chris OR helena and ramon about when/if he should be coming home#like you can infer if you want that the diaz parents have no intention of giving up chris and this was the plan all along#but tbh even that is largely extrapolation on the fandom's part bc they haven't told us anything!!!!!!#two facetimes and three conversations eddie's had with people that Aren't his parents is not enough!!!!#and i know it's the Eddie Diaz Routine(tm) to jump to the most extreme possible conclusion re him moving back to el paso#but WHY have we gotten no indication at all that he's attempted to talk this out with chris at some point in the last 5 months???????????#the dust settled a long time ago and eddie has Always been so good at talking to chris even when it's a difficult subject#i refuse to believe we're in last resort territory i'm sorry askdfjhsa#i want to write something about it but there's so much to tackle i don't even know where to start!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway yes i know i was the one pointing out last week that storylines 8 seasons in are not going to be top notch but that doesn't negate#my frustration aksdjfhsih#tbd
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'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'
#cw blood#SUUUPER SCUFFED LIL WIP THATS BEEN RRRROTTING IN MY FOLDER. OUT!! GET OUT!!!#its almos 2 am and imm gettin high as hrothgar. spruced this up within an hour so i could be shared n eaten#its SUPPOsed to be part ofa bigger doodly page so ofc theres the chance this changes between now n then#fuuuuck shoulda made her dress sparkly. fuckit ill fix it laterrrrr. i havnt posted art in YWEARRS i needed to post something#also i uh. well you see i started losing followers on twitter bc im sooo inactive and i KNOW that shouldnt matter like it should be whateve#but. you see. i lkike when number go up and when it go down i get MMMADDD.we all get our dopamine from somewhere#ANYWAY so i actually havnt touched the suckening in so long. been workin on oc stuff.BUT WELL. ARTHUR AND MARY. STILL MAKE ME WEEP#THEYRE SO CUTE N TRAGIC...whadda fuck is it with grizzly n charlie characters being so in love and so doomed#kian and becky then arthur and his various exes like CMAHn.stop doing this to me#from what i remember of the episode.she seemed so.tired.disconnected.like she had been wandering a dream#and yet she seemed so positive.reasonably concerned and yet.content.she warmed up to arthur as soon as she recognized him#she speaks so gently and so sweetly and she keeps the conversation so light.even though shes dead and shes gone and she#is doomed to wander an odd limbo for the rest of time.and yet she seemed so at peace.i can see why arthur liked her.what happened?#what caused them to separate?arthur seems so jaded and so tired.marys company seems like such a gentle place to rest.#how did he squander such a blessing?was it a blessing?OHH what i would give to crack open their minds and peer inside.#yknow wat im runnign out of room i think so ill add a last thought here at the bottom of my tags. I AM MORE CORRECT ABT ARHTURS UGLY LOOK#I WANT THAT MAN TO BE BEASTLY AND GROSS AND STRANGE AND SCARY AND EEWWW I SEE THINGS SQUIRMING IN THE DARK.ther are bugs#LETTING HIM HAVE HOT HOT ABBS AND STUFF WAS A COP OUUTTTT LET HIS WHOLE FORM BE DISTORTED OR UR NOT A FUCKING 0 APPEARANCE BITCH#THE BONES SHIFTED BENEATH AS IF TRYING TO HATCH. MANY OTHER THINGS HATCHED ASWELL. THE DEAD IMMORTAL FLESH SOURED#TOO GRAND TO ROT BUT TOO CORRUPTED TO KEEP CLASSIC FORM. MMMONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER#oka y im not going to bed but im gonna go. uh. do miore drugs or something. maybe ill work on more jrwi stuff. or oc stuff.#i hope ur day goes swimmingly thankyou for reading my tags i love you so so so so so much
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms – I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsun’s death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldn’t want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofa’s latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You can’t prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if you’re wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. it’s clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet there’s now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#that’s what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if she’s the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasn’t even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight… she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldn’t be heard. and just softly cries#because it’s too much. because she doesn’t want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasn’t the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesn’t feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mama’s touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#‘Avatar Yangchen?’. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as she’s shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. she’s not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. she’s… human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#I’m not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again
#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but#i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries#and it just made me miss it so much#+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore#like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that#but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too#so i'm kind of at a loss here#tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up#i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right#i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries#that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way#aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that#also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while#like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that#but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut#ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there#do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me#and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here#that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this#longing feeling to start again lol#hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows
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is it weird to tell my friend I miss having music conversations like we did at uni
#or is that a normal thing to say. it sounds like a normal thing to say#but does it sound normal coming from me. is it in character for me. will he think it's out of character for me#i'm not saying I miss Him (although the drifting of our friendship is something i think about at least twice a day) i'm just saying i miss#the music conversations. which we had a lot of at uni#does it sounds clingy and stuck in the past to be like ''like we used to do at uni''. or will he understand#and also i can't tell if he feels the same way (misses the friendship) and isn't saying anything bc he's just like me when it comes to#emotional stuff. or does he not talk to me as much bc maybe he has just gone off me. he's always out doing things and talking to people#and i'm his sad unemployed hyperfixationless friend who lives far away and always acts depressed and zone outey#and is always like remember the good old days remember how we used to run etc.#so idk.#the context is he sent me a song i recommended him years ago like 'listening to this again thanks for recommending lol'#and maybe it just came up on shuffle maybe he actively went and listened to it idk#so would that be an appropriate time to send:#''I feel we should recommend songs more like we did at uni I miss having music conversations lol''#obviously i've responded to the actual message but would it be weird to send that too#anyway#ramble
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#i realy want to finish this chapter already so i have SOMETHING to send my supervisor but i also know that i should at least take a nap#but also. i know myself and i know it won't be just a nap bc as soon as i get myself under that blanket i'm gone#and i'm not even sleepy i just know that my brain needs a rest bc words are not wording how they should#my sleep schedule is going to be SO fucked by this omg#academic writing will suck the life out of you leave your brain dry and damaged and literally for what. FOR WHAT. a stupid degree.#okay maybe i am sleepy just a little#istg if i didn't have to go to work yesterday and end up having a killer migraine i'd already be writing the next chapter ;-;#but nooooo#also i'm the world's shittest friend but that;s a conversation for another time#feel like shit want to sleep want some fucking peace and quiet#agnes talking
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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okay thats interesting! in the SF try-outs during the song "legally blonde" she sings about how she cant be legally blonde, while in the official version AND THE DEMO she sings about letting her be legally blonde. which means that at some point they changed the lyrics around, and then changed them back! laurence o'keefe.... nell benjamin.... what occurs in your twisted minds
#covers mouth sorry so sorry guys#im a huge fan of beacon of positivity + good boy (elle puts a leash on emmett confirmed) + love and war (not in the demo but part of SF)#+ i liked some of the lyrics in the demo version of so much better (it called back to beacon of positivity!!! (i am insane)) such as:#I dream of your name next to my own but mine's looking fine up there alone#but i greatly prefer all the official songs we got. well. maybe good boy over ireland wouldve been fun (i think ireland is boring)#but itd play into the 'all men are dogs hurr hurr' joke that im glad they avoided. anyways. what was i saying.#right i havent listened to every version of everything yet (for example theres a SF version of chip on my shoulder i need to watch)#(and just the SF vers in general. shes hidden from me... why was emmett there before the remix... let me see their conversation)#but from what i have heard they made a lot of changes that were sorely needed. in take it like a man demo shes so much meaner??#it made me sad. it wasnt a duet + they wrung out the romantic tension (no subtext by calvin klein... sigh) + shes meaner!!!!#in the bway vers hes baffled but enjoys going along w it + she genuinely likes him even when hes wearing his regular clothes#but in the demo vers she keeps calling him stuff like ugly duckling and talking about how the geek is gone :( but she likes that geek..#the lines 'how much do you think i earn??' and 'kindly shut up :)' are funny but speak to a dynamic between the two that makes me sad...#follow me for more beautiful opinions on a fifteen year old musical#(heaves. do you know weird it is to see comments from 15yrs ago when this was actually showing. my brother is fifteen.)#god im so sorry i should be put down like a dog#lgb bootleggers are intense. i swear they got a bootleg every night or smth bc we got her shoe flying off + SF + kyle as understudy etc#go watch a so much better compilation sometime how did they take so many bootlegs?? how did you find them??#and its awesome cause these were filmed on 2007/2008 tech which means they have 15 pixels maximum#SORRRRYYYYYYYYYY
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arm*es are so goofy some truly are mad because professional korean esports gamers could be exempt to do the military service if they win a gold medal (just like any athlete LMAO)
#talking about how it's unfair and all the things b*s have done for sk#while not even being korean btw!#fully forgetting how massive korean gaming culture is and the impact that it has as well#it's just hilarious to me#that people can get so mad about the military rules of another country#that doesn't even affect them besides of my fave will be gone for a year and a half#and start listing aaaaaaaaall the reasons of why it should be their fave instead#like babes....... it's quite literally not your business#besides of the whole well nationalism part that plays when they have to enlist#like. a lot goes into it and the backlash that they can get for not enlisting sometimes can be worse#(not saying that the military is good that's another conversation)#so yeah this always makes me laugh#anyways 3 days until yb is free teehee#b.txt
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So, it is actaully a quite a weird thing that I haven't done this before, but I finally got around to writing the conversation that Gastón and Nina had over the phone in S3E59. Enjoy.
“Gastón?”
“Hey ... I, I don’t know if I should be doing this, but…” the voice came from the phone. “After everything, you don’t have to do this, I can hang up if you don't want to hear from me.”
“No… It’s fine,” Nina had gotten quite caught quite off guard, but everything from her expressions to the body language had changed. The happiness was practically radiating from her eyes.
“Okay, well,” A nervous laugh came from the phone, “but I just wanted to see how you are. It’s—It’s been a while.”
“It, it has.” Nina nodded. “Uhm, I’m doing well. You?”
“That’s good to hear. I’m doing fine, keeping busy, all that stuff. How’s Roller…Matteo’s been telling me about the festival.”
“Yes, we’re training for it a lot.”
“We? You’re doing it too?”
“Yeah, I thought I might. Luna has been training me but…”
“But what?”
“I still feel like I’m gonna trip on my own feet.” Nina said a little bit nervously.
“That won’t happen. You’ve come a long way on the rink. Me if anyone knows how far you have come. Trust me.”
“Well, thank you,” Nina blushed.
“But uhm,” There had been a brief silence between them before Gastón had continued. Now he sounded nervous. “You truly are doing okay…after you know…”
“I guess well as I can…”
“Nina, look, I’m really sorry—”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
“I want to.” Gastón continued, “It was a bit fast…but it's been a while now, and uhm … Have you—have you met anyone?”
Silence.
“Nina?” Gastón’s voice came out of the phone a little bit concerned. “You there?”
“Yes, yes, I’m here.” Nina seemed to snap back into the moment.
“Is something wrong?”
“No, no, nothing’s wrong.”
“You sure about that? You’re acting weirdly.”
“I am?”
“I don’t need to see you to tell you that you’re nervous.” Gastón's voice faltered smally. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong…” Nina swallowed, “Just, that… Uh, you asked if I had met anyone and… the answer… it is, it’s yes. I mean I have, a little bit. His, his name is…Eric. The rink assistant.”
“Oh.” Gastón’s voice came from the other end.
“I’m sorr—”
“Why are you apologizing?”
“I thought…” Nina continued. She looked like she was about to cry.
“Thought what?” There was another falter in Gastón’s voice again, “I’m glad you’re doing well and… I’m happy for you. This is really great. You deserve to be happy and all I want for you is your happiness. You know that.”
“I do.” Nina smiled smally, but that smile quickly disappeared off her face. She looked like she wanted to say something more but decided not to.
“Well, if there is nothing else. I’ll leave you be. I’m just glad we’re able to talk, since we’re friends.”
This time Nina was about to open her mouth, but the call disconnected before she was able to. “Yeah, friends.”
#soy luna#gastina#soy luna fanfiction#Now I need to write how this conversation should have gone down.
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Manger in charge of a LOT of shit quit recently because he got a job offer that was
A) 3x his original salary, and
B) involved far less responsibility
I had worked as his subordinate last year, so naturally the head honchos asked me take over what he was doing. Not with the title, but with the “promise” that we can visit that discussion in eight months depending on my performance (yeah okay /s).
Key note: I had received a similar promise for a different manager position. (No followup mention of that promise + no significant training provided to move me towards that position) * 7 months = empty promise. Alright cool.
One month in. Not getting too much guidance (expected), told I’m doing good and need to value myself higher.
Okay. Bet.
Asked for a raise in recognition of increased responsibilities beyond my current job description, quality of work, pay scale of the position (i’m at the bottom), etc. You know, hard facts that cannot be influenced by subjective feelings of importance or relevance.
Oh let’s not forget part of the raise was the annual raise that the HR manager promised ALWAYS happens but I have not received since my annual review four months ago. That I told the HR manager about two months ago but never heard anything back on. So there was a reminder of that, as well.
Told (to my face) that I’m entitled, don’t work hard enough, issued an ultimatum (literally didn’t make any sort of threat but okay), used the owner’s words against him (literally just quoted him on something he told me about pay when I was first hired but okay), they threatened that they could easily go out and find an external hire to take on in the role I’m being “trained” for, and asked if I REALLY think any other place would hire me. Among other “”feedback.””
Okay. Okay okay okay okay. I see how they view me now. Good to know. I learned quite a few things from this conversation and I think some of those things may surprise them.
#you like talking about red flags? let’s check off how many you just dropped#literally all care for this industry: gone in one conversation!#a new personal record honestly#one of my favorite bits was when i was blamed for a management meeting being run poorly because i ‘should’ve been the one to structure it’#oh but of course no mention of how i was never told that#and that i’m not actually a fucking manager#’act like you have the job you want to have’ oh good! you mean what I was trying to do?? with no clear outline of expectations??#WELL right now I want to have a different fucking job so maybe I should take that advice#and refocus the energy that i was using for doing work shit in my free time#i’m an idiot but don’t ever say I don’t learn from my mistakes#because i’ve learned from this one#you’ve made your opinion on me abundantly clear#(we wont discuss the derogatory Slack messages about me that I found)#(pro tip: when adding someone to a new chat PERHAPS you should go through and make sure you delete messages insulting that person)#personal
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I’ve gotta get this out of my brain
Jack teaching Mac to swim.
Maybe Mac didn’t grow up close to a body of water. Harry wouldn’t have paid for a local pool pass and would never have taken him to the beach. James wouldn’t have either. The Bozer’s didn’t like swimming so they never went.
Maybe Jack finds out while they’re together in the desert. Maybe on their next leave or day(s) off Jack finds a local pool or swimming hole and teaches Mac. Or maybe he can’t teach Mac until they are discharged but it’s always in the back of his mind. Maybe he quick to offer on a day when they don’t know what to do with themselves as civilians. Maybe Mac asks because it’s in the form he has to sign for the DSX and he really wants to this job so he can stay with Jack.
Thoughts???
Brobrobro like
Jack finds out while he’s telling Mac a story of the last Dalton get together before he left and it’s like
And when I tell ya we went at least ten feet in the air, I ain’t exaggeratin at all. The thing flipped and we all went flyin. You ever do things like that? I mean you bein a Cali beach boy and all
Nah, I never really had a reason to go to the beach
Not even to just take a quick swim?
Never learned how
And Mac’s just nonchalant about it and the thought of it never crossed his mind of he didn’t know how to swim because there wasn’t ever a situation where he would actually need to know how to
And the thought is surprising for Jack because what person from California doesn’t know how to swim? But then given what he knew about Mac’s early childhood, it made sense and it made him sad to think about and it goes on with
Well if ya want, I could teach ya. My little niece is star on the swim team in her school and I’d like to think it’s cuz of me; take ya to the lake where everyone learns how
And Mac’s silent for a second before
I’d actually really enjoy that. Thank you
#BUT THEN#WHAT IF#they get captured#or more so Mac gets captured and tortured#and you know he gets waterboarded because he won’t talk#and the conversation is forgotten for a while until they’re actually discharged#and they do go to the family farm in Texas because Jack fully intends on keeping his promise to teach Mac to swim#and Mac’s grateful and everything and doesn’t think anything about it#until Jack tells him to take a deep breath and keep his head under for as long as he can#which he does#which in turn triggered an Epsiode™️ and Mac’s right back in the sandbox#head plunged in a water barrel#and THAT leads to them just sitting on the dock#going into full depth about what Mac had gone through and the previous subconscious fear#and Jack saying they don’t have to do it right then but that they can do it whenever Mac was ready#and Mac saying he should already know how to and was kinda shamed he didn’t#and then Jack telling him it’s never too late to learn something new#hold on lemme just#I’m having a lot of thoughts on this#lailuh speaks#macgyver#macgyver 2016#ask#answer#hello thank you i love you#bold and nosy
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#focus who? i dont kno her#its so bad. i csnt focus at all. and ive got way too much to do. take me back to last week where i spent hours reading papers#annoying. also possibly lack of sleep cstching up with me#do u ever get very little sleep and not miss it at all? yea bitch all the time. then i get depressed and its sleepy time#and by sleepy time i mean i get like 8hrs of sleep lol#maybe ill just do nothing and completely fuck over my sunday lol#maybe i should go run up thr mountain rn before im stuck in a car for 2 hrs#bc im getting spikes of being insane. unfortunately i have no emotional object permanence so when i feel crazy its like#ive always felt like this ans its terrible forever. and then immediately afterward im like lol wot? nah im fine. ive always been fine#shout out to mood swings ✌️ like bro im trying to get materials together so i can teach a class. can u shut the fuck up? and focus?#well see how i do today with a ton of socializing. itll b fine. im normal i can b normal#or i can b endearing quirky. or whatever i usually i am. i dont think i have conversations like a normal person but i cant tell bc im not#there for conversations im not in. whatever everyone else has conversations in a way thats boring. i just wanna grill ppl til i understand#how they work. and then feel like im gonna die if im in a group conversation 🙃 let me study thr ppl around me#bc im very normal. god. i promise irl im not that weird. ppl think im nice and cool and successful#ok maybe not cool. but i think i can get away with being interesting. i got at least a lil charisma. im only a bit horribly awkward ;-]#but i try to own it. wtf was i saying. jesus. i cant with my brain rn. i shoulf have gone for a run this morning#being social just makes me anxious so im babbling i guess. but itll b fun. and itll b pretty im sure#maybe ill try to draw my ocs while im not paying attention. ive neglected them for so long 😭#unrelated
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i’m pretty sure studying abroad was a poor decision with regards to every single aspect of my life, but i’m saying this sick and tired and after a long day of being on a mandatory field trip i’ve been dreading all week so. grain of salt etc
#doesn’t help that i just finished listening to a self described cozy mystery audiobook set in oxford#& so now i’m nostalgic and utterly convinced i should have gone to england#but still. i am trying to be positive i am trying to keep an open mind i am Putting Myself Out There as much as i’ve been able#i’ve been talking to people i’ve been asking questions i’ve been making conversation i’ve been searching desperately for someone i like#but also like. if i could get my money back and go home right now. or go to a different program even. i would in a heartbeat#a diff program wouldn’t solve everything but it would solve the academic failure of this program#which is that i’m not interested in any of the classes i’m taking bc i’m trying desperately to take classes that fulfill major requirements#but that’s almost impossible here esp for psych which is the one i need credits for#and so on an academic level this program is a waste of my time and actually actively harming me academically and i very well might have to#take a summer class. bc i can’t meet all my requirements in time#and then on a social level. well it’s me#i don’t like anyone yet and of COURSE bc its fucking day 6 but i have talked. to so many people. and it’s so hard#AND on a culinary level i don’t like any of the food here and i have to figure out how to feed myself and i genuinely considered just buying#a pallet of meal replacement shakes and drinking those. but i don’t even know if i can buy those here#anyway it would all be fine if i was just lonely and didn’t like the food that’s to be expected im homesick#but this program is like actually literally negatively impacting my degree progress and i not only would be happier but would be on a much#more stable path to graduation if i wasn’t doing it#i wish i had picked a better program I WISH I WAS TAKING CLASSES. AT A LOCAL UNIVERSITY. IN ENGLISH. AND NOT AT A STUDY ABROAD PROGRAM#HQ WITH EXCLUSIVELY OTHER AMERICANS!!! WHAT IS THE POINT?????#personal#isa bcn
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