#how self absorbed do you have to be
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I wonder if the people who say "I'm an empath" can sense that I want to kill them with my bare hands.
#“I'm an empath”#no you're a narcissist#how self absorbed do you have to be#to think empathy is a special power you have#also these people are always awful#no one who thinks they are inherently empathetic ever are#empathy requires conscious engagement with other people#and also not always making everything about yourself#like stfu
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Have you seen my little lad?
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jin zixun#Everytime I have to write his name I feel like I'm running outside in a blood rain trying not to get wet. Misspelling it feels so inevitabl#But so far so good! He doesn't have too many more appearances before he gets Cheesed.#Dear god I love it when characters go on the war path for someone they care about.#And I love it even more when you have an ambiguity between personal debt and genuine act of selflessness.#WWX saving WN is purposefully messy! Like a lot of our real life reasons for how we act - there isn't a clear single cause or answer.#Sometimes we forget that we are a collection of experiences and learnt reactions.#Sometimes we forget that what we see on the surface is not the point to address. Everyone is more complex than we think. Even yourself.#And yet...it always comes back to love doesn't it? Attachment styles and self-esteem and bonds and relationships to others.#Everything comes back to love and our perceptions of it.#WWX is on a self-destructive war path and he will absorb as much damage as he can for those he feels obligated and attached to.#Does it make him feel needed? Does it give him purpose? Does it ease anxieties of the past? I do not think there is an answer.
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so, i had the thought. eleven goes from a relatively giddy, haunted, and young man into a grumpy, haunted, old man as twelve. do you think he changed into something he thought clara could never love romantically?
#because i do#like how nine changes into a more flirty almost younger version of himself#because he might have thought it’s what rose would want#only now it’s the opposite#because the doctor couldn’t fathom losing someone else he was in love with#yet he did anyway#doctor who#clara oswald#eleventh doctor#twelfth doctor#whoffaldi#twelveclara#mine#clara im not your boyfriend#i never thought you were#i never said it was your mistake#self sabotage at its finest#the doctor absorbs so much of humanity#it only makes sense they would also find themself lost in insecurity#it’s the safest way to push them away while still grasping onto them#ohh companions who loved the doctor and had to watch the doctor change how i love you#p.s. the words i associate with these doctors are ones either deemed by the fandom or by the show itself not my own person opinions#because i don’t think twelve is grumpy#he’s just more up-front with his emotions which is the opposite of eleven#my two favorite doctors#+ twelve is almost a more honest version technically#his age is indeed old and he always gets straight to the point so him changing is almost a beg for clara to love him as he is#while thinking she may never love him as the truest version of himself in terms of age#idk i’m talking out of my ass lol
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Hey!! So turns out a video I made between a certain “well beloved but highly sensitive/emotionally reactive T.V” and an “orange haired inkling-turned-human” has managed to sweep my YouTube channel and accumulate 100k VIEWS!! THAT’S A LOT OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY?? My most widely viewed video EVER to exist in this moment in time?? AAAAA?? Not even mentioning the various comments and staggering increase in subs! It’s so much more then what I expected or even prepared for—might even be the most impactful thing to happen for me this year <3
…aside from graduating high school + the social connections I’ve been fortunate to make lol
BUT THE POINT IS I’d been closely monitoring the YouTube growth through the entirety of October. It’s make me smile like a dork, gawk in astonishment, dance frantically in my room from the energy boosts, and grow courage to stop being so selective/self-conscious with what I wish to share with the world! It’s kept my ambitions going!
I needed to find some way to celebrate the occasion and express my thanks—because I can’t NOT acknowledge this milestone jksjskp. Typically I try to avoid getting tunnel visioned focusing on the metrics/numbers. Mr. Puzzles had already demonstrated how much those things can mess with the minds of creatives. Caring too much about chasing views or placing your artistic value in attention seeking gets damaging. But at same time…it’s hard to deny the sense of pride the 100k achievement has filled me with. I understand that reaching 100k views doesn’t immediately make me any “better” or “worse” then I was before. I’m still just me! It only helps me feel seen by others—and that’s all I really needed. To hear some nice words & receive reminders that my ideas are cared about. So thank you SMG4 fandom for that, seriously thank you.
Please accept this Mr. Puzzle drawing as a way of sharing the happiness around. He’s so entertaining. Love him for simply existing. So glad we can all collectively be super attached to him (and the rest of the SMG4 cast of course). Can’t wait to see more incredible artworks from the fandom :)
Just incase anyone is confused by my vague description over which “animated video” I’m referring to here—hopefully this photo will help clarify lol. It’s this one!! Sorry about not outright stating the title at the start, I got carried away with writing!!
I’ve been in an odd place mentally when thinking about it. Wondering to myself if any of the attention is deserved considering it’s not even fully colored and could be dismissed as “low effort” content (despite taking several days making it). It’s easy to get into a trap of comparing yourself to others and questioning how much of the videos success is based on your skills, sheer algorithm luck, or only because you used popular characters and catered to a specific fandom. And then judging yourself by looking at other peoples videos. I’ve seen several artists post higher quality works then my own but it somehow gets less views. So why did mine succeed when others (who should have gotten just as much attention if not more) didn’t? Sometimes you feel like you’ve unfairly robbed them of that chance to be seen. However I’ve realized that I can’t ever expect views to be consistent—and comparing is pointless. So why worry about it or feel inadequate? I mean it’s pretty common for funny cat videos to go viral, so who am I to question the system lol. “Popular” YouTube videos can range from a passion project which took 7+ artists…to a clip of Toad singing Chandelier or a nonsensical Vine sketch. Anything can happen when it’s the internet! And just-so-happened my video was chosen. I should stay glad about that and get rid of all the overanalyzing. So that’s what I’ve chosen to do :)
#OKAY SO SO SO actually started doodling this once the video was around 98k this morning#it wasn’t even meant to be art specifically designed to celebrate the milestone at first#I just wanted to draw the funky fella who makes me laugh#but as you can see that changed up fast jksjksp#I was under the impression that my video wouldn’t reach near 100k until December UH?? WHAT HAPPENED MY PREDICTION THWARTED??#seems I’ve severally underestimated how long the traction would continue for geez wow uh#people sure do enjoy comedy gotta love ‘em laughs and giggles#I CAN’T BELIEVE WE REACHED IT THO. THAT’S INSANE TO ME—ALL THE SUPPORT AND COMMENTS AND SUBS#thank you SMG4 fandom I would’ve never fathomed the algorithm to carry it so far like this#you wanna know the real kicker?#things would have gone so differently for the channel if I didn’t wrestle with my anxiety & post there#because there was a point during that day where I fullheartedly figured it would cause me to loose subs#I was kinda terrified ngl#this goes to show that you should never hold yourself back from sharing different aspects of your interests#you don’t need to confine yourself to just one thing#or to strive only to make the most high quality videos ever (I put that pressure on myself a bit too much nowadays)#sometimes it’s the simple ideas that manage to charm people#and those who see the effort will stick around to support you. You just need to trust yourself during the process and take that chance :)#EWWWW MUSHY GUSHY SENTIMENTALITY CLOGGING UP THE ATTENTION HERE#whatever happened to keeping the focus on ✨the star✨ who made it all possible to begin with huuuu??#show a bit more gratitude to the charming TV who boosted the viewership in the first place…don’t be so self absorbed with morals lonesome 😒#what is this some sort of My Little Pony episode oh pleaseeeeee 🙄#<- all of that was a simulation of Puzzles interjecting and nagging a bit lol. I’d imagine he’s tried of my nonstop nonsense#….yea the Puzzle brainrot is reaching maximum severities. So there’s high chance I’ll be animating him more down the line :3#stick around to find out!!#hplonesome art
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Shinsou had a crush on you since like, young kids days and never thought you noticed him, but that was good cause maybe you thought he was a weird kid, so once he beefed up and finally got the confidence to talk to you it gets shut right tf back down when you're like "Of course i remember you!"
I don't know which part is worse............................ Shinso being so absorbed in his own supposed loser-hood in his youth that he essentially ignored you for 5-10 years while he was working out his self esteem issues ... or the fact that you not only DO remember him, berry well at that, but don't really think anything of it because you thought HE was kinda... a jerk for never being nice to you back.
(Cuz on one hand, you're so sweet, smiling at him when he approaches you, genuinely, just like you did back when you were both under ten and you'd smile at him from the other side of the park... but on the other hand, you don't hesitate to turn right back to your own friends after he barely manages to answer your "how have you been" question and you give him pity eyes like you still think he's a shy headass.
It's just... he doesn't want to fuck it up a second time and lose his momentum... but all the confidence he put into the moment deflated the second he realized you were even more beautiful and more kind than he remembered you and it got him tripping over his words)
ANYWAY then there's another 2-4 months of him trying to get your number just to be a fool over text before even managing to convince you he's worth a fucking damn LOL.
(And he is worth a damn, so much more than a damn because he's willing to give anything and everything up for you but... doesn't know how to say it in a way that wouldn't scare you off for good...
Not to mention he's so fucking bad at texting. Yes, his dry humor is funny as hell but he's not trying to be funny with you, he's trying to WOO you and so the whole thing is just him making excuses to reach out to you even tho texting first for him is like plucking ass hair.)
#shinso#no bc shy people.... i love them but ... put in the work y'all i am doing all this talking for what???#to be silently appreciated? no. I have my own issues too !!! and u don't see me hesitating to speak !!!!!!#<- how i imagine this reader bc shy ppl grate on me sometimes with feeling unable or scared to talk#so anyway being shy bites shinso in the BEHIND bc he didn't realize he wasn't just... a loser nobody saw...#but a loser everyone saw as being... mean. for not wanting to talk to them#even tho i know you were kind and gentle to him#he was never able to reciprocate out of feeling like he wasn't good enough#DISASTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway he's sexxy af now but you just think it's made him more self-absorbed#until you actually get to know him again and it turns out you were wrong too#LMAO I LOVE THIS DISASTER RELATIONSHIP#sorry if this went in a totally weird direction anon i couldnt help myself !!#caitie things#anon#gen
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i really gotta get better about listening to my own brain and needs when i'm making things. i've been working on a video and i'm almost finished (yippee!!), but drawing this One Specific Frame was giving me trouble. i could have just brute-forced my way through it and finalized the initial sketch, since it was relatively good enough. but instead i left it and took a day off from working on the project, let myself recharge, and came back to the sketch with fresh eyes today. and what do you know, my redrawn sketch today is WAY better! now, i can finalize that frame and be genuinely proud of it, instead of just powering through on something i was less than happy with.
i hadn't done any other art stuff that day when i couldn't get my sketches to look right, so letting myself stop and have a break from the project felt sort of "unearned" i guess. but it's just. what i needed! and the break did what i needed it to do; i was able to come back later and make something i could be proud of.
anyway i guess this is me saying that, if you're like me and have this weird morality-complex about letting yourself rest, it's ok to take breaks, even if you feel like you haven't "earned" one yet :)
#rye.txt#growing up i got very accustomed to ignoring my own needs and just 'powering through' when i wanted/needed to get something done#which worked out relatively ok for me in school (banging my head against a wall until my brain absorbed information leading to exhaustion)#but now that im doing work that is ostensibly for my own enjoyment#i have a hard time divorcing myself from that mindset#i feel guilty if im not constantly working#which is. not great! so im trying to unlearn that#trying to let myself think 'ok my brain isn't brain-ing right now. so i should stop and rest/do something else'#my actual job is Very Emotionally Draining so sometimes i just. can't find the energy to work on my art#which sucks!! cause i love making art!! and then i think to myself 'maybe making art will make you feel better'#but then when i try it's like scraping the bottom of a dry well. trying to find water#when what i need to do is rest and let the water well up from the ground itself#but resting is HARD when you tie your self-worth to how much you can work#ough ok this got a little vent-y sorry guys#I don't want to let myself fall into the 'content creation' mindset. cause I don't think i make 'content' i make ART#and art isn't something you can just pump out mindlessly#good art. art that i can be PROUD of. that takes time and intent and energy. and I can't make that if im just scraping the bottom of a well#vent in tags#this whole post is just 'riley vs the concept that taking breaks is a moral failing'
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why do queer people hate trans men so much. every fucking tiktok i get is “trans women are really trans and really suffering and trans men are just stupid girls doing this for fun. *I* have to live like this” do you just not see us as people???
#how the fuck are you an adult trans person and you wake up every morning and decide to parrot alt right transandrophobia#like???????#how fucking self absorbed do you have to be to think you’re the only trans person suffering#i don’t even feel like part of the broader queer community anymore#he speaks
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I overshare online because I need constant validation that every thought and action of mine is Good and Okay and Normal. Surely this is a healthy coping mechanism
#something I'm trying to work through#comes from a hard mixture of autism (not knowing if what im doing is Normal behavior)#OCD (guilt loops that last for days weeks months on end)#ADHD (rejection sensitive dysphoria)#being raised christian (always being reminded that bad thoughts and actions will send you to hell)#and trauma from being heavily monitored as a teenager (very used to having every thought & action over-analyzed)#i have a constant craving for validation because of all of those things#which leads me to being a very self-absorbed person#i feel like if people aren't consistently telling me that im a good person then i must be horrible#im putting my emotional work onto others when i do that#making it THEIR responsibility to make me love myself#it's not healthy for you or anyone around you#you can't truly improve yourself if you're always relying on other people to verify whether or not you're okay#especially since everyone has different opinions & biases#if you never learn how to validate yourself you become completely reliant on others#and if you lose that outside validation everything will fall apart#even though i know these things i still haven't broken out of the habit#but that's another thing you have to give yourself grace for#you can't expect yourself to instantly adhere to new expectations#so you're gonna be hypocritical at times#you can't hate youself for that either it takes time to break habits#you need to find the line between self criticism and self hatred#love yourself Or Else. literally.#.bdo
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no hate to people who are into that shit but I just saw a post that was like "how the succession characters would react to you having a panic attack", and um. well. they would do absolutely nothing
#succession#myposts#like shiv watched tom have a panic attack every second episode#tom might do something like give you a shoulder massage but he would say really cringe unhinged shit while doing it#kendall roy would just stare at you and then akwardly talk about how much he supports women#roman roy would actively make fun of you and call you a baby#logan would also mock you but in a way that actually hurts and not like roman who just sounds like a baby who just discovered insults#thinking about this is so funny#i think the two okayest responses would be greg (panicking himself and unhelpful but at least kinda trying)#and Conor (is way too self-absorbed in trying to help but like. at least he does *something*. i think hed be okay at this)
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was debating on whether I should post this or not but I spent so much time on it...🍎 I've been studying the death note art style, and for me studying an art style just means drawing myself as practice 💀
#this was made to be my new pfp but I got too attached to my near pfp so I just made it my header instead lol#I was very pleasantly surprised to find some people asking about it!! thank you fr!!#I didn't post it originally just cause I didn't think anyone would care much whether I did or didn't so ty for asking 🫶🫶#what do I put in the tags HAHAHA#death note#death note manga#death note art#fanart#anime#self insert#oc#original character#<<< technically lol#elle draws#this is basically just a redraw btw of that one official art of light except I changed the scythe to a notebook because I am lazy#I actually really like how the hands are rendered in DN it was one of the pleasant discoveries I made that I'll be absorbing into my style#I have an anime artstyle one too but I haven't finished that yet#there are some parts where I sort of gave up on following the style tbh like hair in DN is so stringy you see every single strand#alas I am lazy (2)
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The reason I like the idea that Bruce was a teenage idle then personally experienced some aspect of poverty in his time abroad is because if I ever found out that some privileged rich white man spontaneously decided to go out into the streets and fight criminals hand to hand, I would personally tear his neck out with my teeth. Absolutely the fuck not. If he has no frame of reference for starvation, addiction, or homelessness, he has absolutely no right to enact his so-called justice.
That motherfucker better have fucking empathy in whole ass wheelbarrows OR ELSE.
#personal#dc#Batman#bruce wayne#like Oliver Queen getting trapped on an island and fending for himself#still not entirely sure how self-sustainability turned into anti-capitalism#but I’m down for it#I really need to read his comics#I’ve been passively absorbing information on the ArrowFam and it sounds very interesting#I need Bruce Wayne to smuggle himself on a freight ship into the USA#and being trapped in NYC without any form of legal identification or money#experiencing the failure of a system firsthand because he left Gotham too young to have established any emergency funds or prove his#only getting out because Zatara essentially kicked him out#he needs to be fucking humbled#before being allowed anywhere near the bat cowl#every time I see a fic that has Bruce be completely clueless to the plights of the lower class#I have this urge to shake him with my teeth like a dog#/neg#those Bruce Waynes can pass down the job to his kids and focus on getting his money to the right places and being a vocal social advocate#do what you do best#those specific Bruce Waynes can give up all their money and stop being billionaires#I will only accept Billionaire Bruce Wayne when he invests in the community and unintentionally becomes more influential and beloved#than the government#That Bruce Wayne who has done all he can and can still do more
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trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.
vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍
#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags 👍#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering#like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse#im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. “i cant spare the energy to vett things”#other people are fucking dying and im over here like “noo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwed”#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking#Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those “hold in there dont kill yourselves” posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone#on this site said something along the lines of “ok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselves” and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk#cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause “i dont know how” and “i dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anything” so#im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right#im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#“oh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(” ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you#get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something#its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a#job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause “the world is scary and jobs are hard :(”#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway “unable” to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going “nooo i should just kill myself instead”#vent post
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#ok i will say smth abt it bc im a little pissed hehe#and verito is not answering my texts so now u all have to hear it#im not self absorbed enough to believe i know what's best for phoebe or if she planned it or not or whatever#the way she announced it seems she's pretty excited so good for her#but honestly some of the takes i've seen on here...#people in their middle/late 20s calling this 19 year old girl an idiot#saying that she must not know the difference between her vagina and her urethra#that louis must be soo disappointed and that he didn't pay and expensive school for her to get pregnant (????????)#do u guys hear yourselves what the actual fuck#ofc teen pregnancy is an issue worldwide but is this really the hill you're gonna die on?? that it's all the girl's fault bc she's stupid??#u sound like a 50 yo congressman wtf is the actual matter with you#people i've seen joking about how long until her bf leaves her...#i literally encourage u to seek help it is not normal to lack empathy in this way and to be so cruel to a person who has#literally done nothing to you#also louis can pay for whatever school he likes he still doesn't have the right to decide over his little sister's body?? do u guys#hear yourselves be so real with me rn#also how do u even know he's upset??#tfw some of u think u know louis.. it's insane#i literally am in shock at some of the things i had to read today#i really hope you are not in any field where people come to you for help#especially girls especially young girls#you guys are insane lmao#that's all <33#shut up laura
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Rant in the tags, ignore it if you want.
#so i just needed to get this out bcz it's literally being weighing on me since forever and I can't help but cry about it#i know medical procedures are jarring and overwhelming but it's just too much for me I'm not a strong individual in any way#but I've tried not to show how much this whole ordeal has been weighingbon me and tried to be strong not shedding a single tear#i cry when someone raises their voice or is mad at me#for my parents who've been nothing but caring and loving towards me#i honestly feel like a burden on them bcz they've been working so much constantly running errands and doing my stuff#it's overwhelming not being able to wake up from bed on your own wear shoes or even eat yourself#i can't even do the most basic of tasks like getting dressed or drinking water by my own without needing any help#especially since the glucose has been off and i can't help but think if the people with chronic issues who basically have to live this life#hats off to them bcz it's been 4 days and I'm already on the verge of a breakdown#i for once actually talked to someone about this and they said that I'm being horribly pick me-ish and begging for validation#and i should think about my parents for once and don't get self absorbed when they need my support bcz it's difficult for them also#and yeah i guess that's true to some extent#anyways I just needed to get this one out bcz the anxiety and the stress has been piling up for days and yeah ig it just got worse#i would've wrote it down in my diary but don't have it on me#feel free to scroll by or give some advice or opinion#thank you for bearing with me for these past days bcz no matter how strong i try to be at the end of the day I'm just 16#going through my first big procedures#somi.exe
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Now i know this blog is obviously for.. well. Front facing pokemon, but your tags are always super interesting. I think your opinions on pokemon are pretty neat
i've gotten a few asks like this so far, and it's always nice to see that folks aren't annoyed about how much i talk in the tags. i have lots of opinions on lots of things! and i like to talk a lot. the reason i started talking more in the tags is actually because of asks like this—folks saying they liked seeing what i had to say on particular pokémon has encouraged me to actually talk about my thoughts more (although if you regularly read my tags, i tend to get off-topic pretty quickly. i queue these up very early in the morning, as soon as i get up, and i'm usually a little delirious), especially compared to my first early posts on this blog which didn't even have any tags at all, beyond the names of the pokémon. you're one of the like 4 ffp-mod likers how's it feel
#not pkmn#ffp-mod? i dunno if i like how that sounds. i'm just like out here. i'm just like. a bitch. just like. a fucker that exists in the world#a pokémon just like the rest of you! right?#this also gives me an opportunity to say holy shit the blog hit 1000 followers? which is like nothing in the grand scheme of tumblr#when my man rodney realpokemon is out here with like 20k but that's a lot for *me*. that's way more folks than i'm used to#it's a good thing i'm not actually Making any content for this blog so i don't have to be worried about the output. it's just pokémon innit#if a pokémon looks bad it's nintendo's fault. not mine#anyway. thanks for sticking around‚ i s'pose—though it's not necessarily benefitting me very much‚ unless i turn on that “tips” button#but doesn't that just look so self-absorbed? haha yeah. my posts are good enough to deserve my followers giving me free money#some folks who are genuinely making content on here it's like. fine. but for me? someone who just posts pokémon staring at the screen?#i can't imagine anyone really seeing it as worth it to pay me for that#also holy shit i'm doing it again. the thing where i talk in the tags and make them a mile long. i'm cutting myself off here this is the en#clearly folks sending in asks is just my opportunity to continue talking more because i definitely always take the opportunity#to continue talking. and not stop talking. here i go again
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