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dang-dood · 9 months ago

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so, i had the thought. eleven goes from a relatively giddy, haunted, and young man into a grumpy, haunted, old man as twelve. do you think he changed into something he thought clara could never love romantically?

#because i do #like how nine changes into a more flirty almost younger version of himself #because he might have thought it’s what rose would want #only now it’s the opposite #because the doctor couldn’t fathom losing someone else he was in love with #yet he did anyway #doctor who #clara oswald #eleventh doctor #twelfth doctor #whoffaldi #twelveclara #mine #clara im not your boyfriend #i never thought you were #i never said it was your mistake #self sabotage at its finest #the doctor absorbs so much of humanity #it only makes sense they would also find themself lost in insecurity #it’s the safest way to push them away while still grasping onto them #ohh companions who loved the doctor and had to watch the doctor change how i love you #p.s. the words i associate with these doctors are ones either deemed by the fandom or by the show itself not my own person opinions #because i don’t think twelve is grumpy #he’s just more up-front with his emotions which is the opposite of eleven #my two favorite doctors #+ twelve is almost a more honest version technically #his age is indeed old and he always gets straight to the point so him changing is almost a beg for clara to love him as he is #while thinking she may never love him as the truest version of himself in terms of age #idk i’m talking out of my ass lol

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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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wyvernity · 8 months ago

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been thinking about the sinnohtrio lately......plus misc other stuff

also, casual ko-fi drop!! get something in this sketchy style starting at $10 woop woop

#finally decided to do a commission test run u_u #pokemon #trainer lyra #trainer kris #trainer dawn #trainer lucas #rival barry #rival silver #ayalumi #hisuian zorua #luxio #timeskip tag #rkgk #anyway it's sinnoh time !!!#still figuring out their designs and lore but this works for now #god's specialest little guys & their very normal bestfriend who they would kill/die for. up to interpretation who is killing/dying #dawn is the platinum protag who meets giratina and becomes champion #distortion world affected her way more than compared to cynthia and cyrus since she's still a developing kid. but hey cool ghost hair!#4-5 yrs later lucas gets blasted to hisui..lost his memory for the three years he's there and when arceus sends him back he's just like Man #the entire time barry is CHILLING PLAYING HAVING FUN #and forever worried abt his friends ): dawn & lucas are soo nonchalant about what happened to them it's a bit concerning to everyone else #design comments umm the only thing that matters is that they still have their og scarves 👍#and i guesss these are spring/summer outfits. winter dawn gets leggings and big coat ok. she already has too much yin energy #btw i use the cleanse tag as the direct opposition to the spell tag even tho that's probably not a real thing LOL)#oh yea barry wears the tower master ribbon 24/7. tower tycoon in training and won't shut up about it (i love him)#character dynamics i will talk abt that in another post if i feel like it... these days i just want to go replay pla aughh

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moghedien · 2 months ago

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Minthara says “in Her name” when you first meet her and she’s following the Absolute but when you recruit her and she expresses that she no longer follows any god, but she still has an intact paladin oath, and she says “in your name” occasionally because she’s no longer Lolth’s paladin or the Absolute’s paladin, she’s your paladin

#😭#she might not think you’re a god or whatever but you’re the only one that ever came to save her #and if you let her read your mind you’re the only one she knows has no intention to hurt or use her #like I feel like what Minthara wants most of all is to not have to look over her shoulder or wait for the shoe to drop #like every relationship she’s had as a lolthsworn drow has come with the caveat that everyone will take her out if they have the chance #and if it benefits them even a little #lolth literally encourages this so long as you aren’t obvious about it #and lolth will 100% punish you the second she has an excuse to #and then the absolute like while she was being controlled probably felt more like genuine love than Minthara ever experienced #but it came with Orin and punishments for failing #and her being literallly mind controlled into her #so it’s still violent and threatening even if the extent of that is only realized after she’s pulled out of it #but then there’s you who pulled her out of that #who can clearly and plainly show her that you have no intention of hurting her even if it benefits you #and who went out of your way to rescue her when no one else she was devoted to ever would #and you offered her the means to not only stay safe from the absolute but to get revenge on it #of course it’s ‘in your name’ now you’re the only person that gave Minthara a reason for her to follow you #that wasn’t threats of violence and suffering #you literally gave her the opposite #she’s YOUR paladin it doesn’t matter if aren’t a god #you could be tho #Minthara #minthara baenre #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

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olasketches · 10 months ago

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two sides of the same coin

#itadori yuuji #ryomen sukuna #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #my art #jujutsu kaisen fanart #brainrot incoming (pls don’t mind me)#one thing sukuna and yuuji have in common is that they’re both absolutely miserable #sukuna is utterly selfish and yet it only made him hollow inside and now he’s just killing time waiting for death to come #yuuji is completely selfless and yet it’s only made him suffer and bc of that he’s been constantly trying to check out of life #and I think the funniest but also the most painful thing about these two is that…#despite that they’re vastly opposite they might be the only people that can understand each other the most #imagine them having a heart to heart lol maybe then they would realise some things about themselves

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ministarfruit · 10 months ago

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day 9: in the shadows ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

#minifemslashfeb2024 #kagerou project #kidomomo #kisaragi momo #tsubomi kido #KIDOMOMO? IN 2024?#absolutely. never let them know your next move #shoutout to mini 2014 this one's for you #not well known fact on here but I LOVE KISARAGI MOMO TO BITS!!!#she is my light. my sunshine #she is captivated by kido's nonbinary swag #she is the moment. she is perfect in every way #the only thing momo did wrong was die a few times. as if that's her fault #anyway 10 years later and I'm still not over how their curses are polar opposites #they cancel each other out. poetry in motion #I loved it then and I love it now #kidomomo my beloved

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i-dreamed-i-had-a-son · 12 days ago

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There is a brutal contrast in how Megatron and Optimus's stories end. Optimus nobly surrenders his spark, along with the Matrix of Leadership, having been sent off by his dear and trusted friends after giving them a fond farewell. He has accomplished his life's greatest goal; now he is able to rest. He dies willingly, at peace, bringing hope and giving life to the next generation by restoring the Allspark.

Megatron had already been killed, and was told that he can never join that very Allspark. Having been enslaved, and only released because of Optimus's actions, he is now reanimated, inhabiting his own corpse. His only remaining ally, who has constantly betrayed him, does not understand him. He flies off, alone, having lost all his forces and failed in his mission, and realizing that his life's greatest purpose was misguided. He is left, we can only assume, to live a hellish and hopeless life--a shell, consumed by the past.

And he did not tell Optimus goodbye. He knows that Optimus will leave him behind, will obtain the heaven he can never enter. He gives him the parting gift of his repentance, to acknowledge this. But in his refusal to say farewell, there is an echo of his own wretched endurance. He does not get to rest. Megatron will remain, eternally alone--eternally waiting for a reunion that will never come.

#transformers prime #transformers #megatron #optimus prime #megop #meta #megoptimus #depressing post alert...#just finished watching the predacons rising movie and i was feeling so many things so i had to inflict them on you #just. megatron leaving and KNOWING that optimus will leave him. you can tell in how he says his final words to him #he's of course nominally talking to starscream. but he turns and looks at optimus.#he knows the significance of what he's saying. and he knows that the only reason he is alive is because of optimus #because optimus was willing to sacrifice his own spark‚ to become one with the allspark‚ megatron received his own spark back again.#optimus saved his life.#and megatron knows this. he knows‚ because he has always known optimus and has always been able to see what he does #so he knows that when he leaves it is the last time he will see optimus--to the best of his knowledge‚ in this life or the next #he knows he will likely never join the allspark that optimus is already one with. and he still doesn't say goodbye.#because he can't let go. he isn't able to. he is the remaining half of their whole. the former servant of unicron‚ now without his prime #the primeval opposition‚ now with only one opponent; the original brotherhood‚ now only one without a brother.#his refusal to say goodbye is an expression of his desire that optimus remains. but--as all his desires have been--it is a futile one.#so at the very least it is his declaration that he shall remain even so. he will be waiting‚ for all the eons to come.#and maybe‚ in the end‚ though he does not believe it‚ primus will be merciful.#optimus always was.#kay has a party in the tags #my meta posts #kay can i just catch my breath for a second

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aquanutart · 1 year ago

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#wind waker #loz #zelda #beedle #linktober #link #aquanutart #day 1: merchant #i really liked beedle in the wind waker he just always seemed so genuinely enthusiastic and happy to see you #i thought his compliment card was hilarious. i always bought a lot of bait anyway to complete my sea chart #and because i liked messing around as a bird i guess i'd buy hyoi pears; so i always racked up enough points without really trying #however i wasn't a fan of what they did with his character in games after that. he became pressuring and insincere #i understand why people would find a two-faced salesman character funny or interesting in his own right #but it's the opposite of what i originally liked about him #unfortunately this makes me question whether it was meant that way to begin with?#i don't know but i like to believe wind waker beedle actually meant his enthusiasm #back when ww beedle was the only beedle i always meant to show appreciation for him so i'm doing that now

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robinmage · 8 months ago

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one thing i really appreciate about jinshi's character is how he has NEVER once actually had any intention of succeeding the throne. every time the idea is brought up he immediately detests it. so hes giving maomao as much as he possibly can, even though maomao has many qualms about it due to their difference in social status, but jinshi DOESNT CARE because hes NEVER cared about or wanted the status of crown prince! its been nothing but a burden to him! from his perspective the ONLY thing keeping the two of them apart are outside influences. he has no doubt within himself-- hes horribly down bad, in fact. but unfortunately his stupid JOB is getting in the way of him skipping off into the sunset with his favourite little cat

#jinshi literally maiming himself infront of the emperor and empress: “can you please fire me so i can marry the girl of my dreams”#emperor: “no. now go to the west capital relatively unsupervised with the girl of your dreams andpromise REAL HARD u wont something stupid”#also not to mention i think maomaos problem isnt that she doesnt want to marry jinshi bc she doesnt care about him-- she cares abt him A LO #which is precisely why shes convinced herself she cant marry him. she wants whats best for him and #she wholeheartedly believes that marrying her is the EXACT OPPOSITE of whats best for him.#like she has. yknow. not the prettiest of backgrounds. growing up in a brothel might do that to you #shes mentioned before- shes basically a commoner. she has her biologicaldad but hes more of a wildcard selfmade man with no real connection #and she doesnt even like him.#but she just CANNOT comprehend that someone would sacrifice so much for her and ask for nothing in return but her company #i just love them a lot your honour.#the apothecary diaries #the apothecary diaries spoilers #for the anime/manga onlies #READ THE LIGHT NOVEL #kusuriya no hitorigoto #kusuriya no hitorigoto spoilers

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rocketbirdie · 4 months ago

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local lance main won't be surprised if they save the [best] [worst] for last

#sunbreak spoiled me SO rotten it's not even funny.#honestly i'm gonna be pissed if they changed ANYTHING about the lance following sunbreak.#ok fine i guess the shield hop -> leaping thrust combo could be nerfed a teensy bit. but only a little.#and i will not mourn the loss of twin vine. actually the opposite now that i think about it. if twin vine makes a comeback FUCK my life lmao #just pleeeease keep enraged guard/anchor rage in the main moveset please 👉👈🥺#monster hunter #mh wilds #my art <3

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zvaigzdelasas · 4 months ago

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Interesting how many ppl point to the size of anti-venezuelan-government protests as a sign of its illegitimacy but I haven't heard a peep about the size of pro-venezuelan-government marches or what they represent. Somethings not clicking here hold on

#its almost as if the government won but only by <10%#instead of the what win by a margin of 3x or whatever the oppositions claiming now

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mo-ok · 5 months ago

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💛🌻✨ yellow ✨🌻💛

🌠

#sentai #king ohger #go onger #kakuranger #magiranger #gekiranger #yeah thats enough i dont wanna tag anymore instead let me yell at you about NANGOU #wait where are you going come ba #partner pointed out that it looks like jun is about to shoot gaku in the ass and mika is filming it #and after that i did not have the heart to move them apart #this is a longboard jou truther blog you cant tell me that boy rides a regular skateboard i wont listen to you #also - couldnt help it had to draw kitty kat leo but now i'm living in hell because do i draw shark sela or #'im gonna draw some blues' - does the literal opposite #having a list of names and colours to tick off sure is helpful for beating art block #uuuuuuuuuuh yellow top teir colour never disliked a yellow please enjoy the yellows #only BAD seasons dont have a yellow *i am covering changeman with a big blanket*#2024 art tag

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shannonsketches · 2 months ago

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I don’t care if it’s boring I’m 10000% in love with the idea of Vegeta having a quiet happy domestic home life throughout the 7 year gap and as his end game.

He was raised in an intergalactic mafia and by an absolute miracle got out and was granted his life back. Twice. One of the two last men standing when an entire population gets wiped out. Twice (counting the Freeza Force, by the end of ResF).

His father stopped fighting on the front lines once he became king, to watch over his domain. Frieza didn’t personally get involved in battle (not wipeouts, but actual battle) until Namek. Vegeta was always (told he was) intended to take both their places.

Letting him grow into a protector has been such a great arc and imho it would be so beautifully wrapped by letting him finally get to go home and inherit his crown as the guardian of his new planet.

#I think about it so much #And I talk about the foils moving past each other in opposite directions makes me so happy #Goku spent his life home on Earth and could spend the rest of it having adventures all over the universe.#Vegeta spent his life adventuring all over the universe and could spend the rest of it home on Earth.#Let Broly come to earth too I want to see him be besties with gohan I want to see him be bESTIES WITH PAN #dbtag #silly hours #I just love that Geets wanted so much to be home with his new baby and was immediately robbed of his peace bc Freeza was resurrected agAIN #And every day I think about how he told Whis the only reason he was still training was because Freeza was alive again #And I just think!!! This man deserves to retire and be the domestic dad he so clearly loves being!!!#That’s my hc anyway. Especially now that he KNOWS he can close whatever gap Goku puts between them in terms of skill #I still think Bulma was annoyed with him training all the time during the gap was because she figured it was peacetime and didn’t understan #Until Buu happened and then she definitely understood why he trains during peacetime— I hc she built the island villa like a year after Buu

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tropicalcontinental · 25 days ago

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