#only now it’s the opposite

[dang-dood]

so, i had the thought. eleven goes from a relatively giddy, haunted, and young man into a grumpy, haunted, old man as twelve. do you think he changed into something he thought clara could never love romantically?

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

real talk having the 2nd worst new years eve yet 🤢🤢🤢 (throat infection, twisted neck, banged-about-foot, ego AND the rest o' me all bruised like misjuggled peaches 🍑🍑🍑)

im bent outa shape and suspectin the universe owes me 8 buck if anyone wannsa chip in

[payasita]

Part of something, once (but in a practical sense, all that matters is whether theseus still recognizes the ship)

[wyvernity]

been thinking about the sinnohtrio lately......plus misc other stuff

also, casual ko-fi drop!! get something in this sketchy style starting at $10 woop woop

[moghedien]

Minthara says “in Her name” when you first meet her and she’s following the Absolute but when you recruit her and she expresses that she no longer follows any god, but she still has an intact paladin oath, and she says “in your name” occasionally because she’s no longer Lolth’s paladin or the Absolute’s paladin, she’s your paladin

[olasketches]

two sides of the same coin

[xxplastic-cubexx]

🧙‍♀️🐈‍⬛

[forestshadow-wolf]

Soap doesn't smoke.

Didn't.

Does occasionally.

Sometimes.

When he needs it.

Routinely.

Any chance he gets.

He didn't used to. Not for any morality reason or whatever. Lord knows he already lacks enough of it. Just sometimes it was easier to literally run himself to the ground then go to the shop. There was just no real reason to attach himself when he could just as easily pick his skin of his fingers raw while he got lost in his head.

Plus his mam always said "John, donnae you even start on this, you know how granda was." Granda was a 78 year old bugger who died of lung cancer, and he must've smoked a pack a day. Pretty good for a fucker killin' himself, soap reckons. 'Course he respects the hell outta the man still, and he'll never tell his mam about blond stranger he bummed from once as a teen. There was never any reason to wake a, perhaps, dormant gene.

Never any reason until there was.

It was only bumming a cig once or twice when it was offered. A rare occasion. Waiting for exfil from a salty mission with nobody but the grass and the breeze to witness. Nothing to say. Just have a smoke about it. All that happened. Everything they survived. The parts they almost didn't. But Soap doesn't smoke.

Ghost would never admit it but he gets snippy when he doesn't have his smokes. So Soap carries a pack on him just in case. Just in case Ghost loses his own. It happens sometimes. When it does he'll offer his pack to Ghost, take one for himself too. No reason not to. But it's not like he smokes. Not really.

Usually after the team gets out of debrief from a tough mission Ghost needs a smoke. It helps him unwind. Brings his mind out of survival mode. Brings the lieutenant back to the Ghost. Soap finds he often needs it just as much. Less so for the nicotine, more for the silence, sometimes for the motions. It helps remind him how to to breathe properly again. But he doesn't really smoke.

Ghost likes to have a smoke after meal times. He doesn't even invite Soap anymore, expects him to follow. Like clockwork morning, afternoon, and evening smoke. Soap switched to Ghost's brand. Every time, without fail, Ghost would forget his pack of cigs after lunch and bum one off Soap. And every time, without fail, Ghost would routinely complain about the piss quality of his cigs. But it's not like Soap smokes all the time.

Until he did.

It was Soap's own fault too. Picked a fight over some meaningless topic that he can't remember. Some things were said. Some things were unsaid. He made Ghost the villian in his story. Next thing he knew Ghost was packed up and shipping off to the other side of the country. Soap said some gnarly things. Things he wishes he couldn't take back a thousand times over again. But worse than that it's what he wishes he hadn't left unsaid out of fear. Wasn't even the three big words. Just one. One pathetic work that he couldn't utter. And Ghost would have stayed. Now his clothes smell like smoke, his room, his blanket, his kit, his sketchbook. When he wakes in the morning. Around his breakfast. In the gym working out. Cleaning his fire arms. Doing paperwork. Fixing the broken shit on base. He still smokes Ghost's cigarettes. He was right, his old ones were piss. But more importantly they smell like him. Everything smells like Ghost. Reminds him what he lost. What he chased away. Just how he wants it. Let the memories and hurt really sink in. Ghost said he'd be back. Some day. Soap will return to his cheapest quality cigs. A harsh reminder of what he lost. But for now he smells like Ghost, and he won't easily give it up.

[totheidiot]

i think we can put all the versions of death note and its adaptations into a spectrum based on how much light and L want to kill each other and on one side of the spectrum, it's the death note japanese musical and on the very other side, it's the death note tv drama.

[casualavocados]

How's that possible? Since when did you start eating spicy food? I told you I'd do it for real next time. ...Don't touch me, or—I'll kill you!

KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 12

[ministarfruit]

day 9: in the shadows ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

[umblrspectrum]

still thinking about it so heres a bunch of stuff

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

There is a brutal contrast in how Megatron and Optimus's stories end. Optimus nobly surrenders his spark, along with the Matrix of Leadership, having been sent off by his dear and trusted friends after giving them a fond farewell. He has accomplished his life's greatest goal; now he is able to rest. He dies willingly, at peace, bringing hope and giving life to the next generation by restoring the Allspark.

Megatron had already been killed, and was told that he can never join that very Allspark. Having been enslaved, and only released because of Optimus's actions, he is now reanimated, inhabiting his own corpse. His only remaining ally, who has constantly betrayed him, does not understand him. He flies off, alone, having lost all his forces and failed in his mission, and realizing that his life's greatest purpose was misguided. He is left, we can only assume, to live a hellish and hopeless life--a shell, consumed by the past.

And he did not tell Optimus goodbye. He knows that Optimus will leave him behind, will obtain the heaven he can never enter. He gives him the parting gift of his repentance, to acknowledge this. But in his refusal to say farewell, there is an echo of his own wretched endurance. He does not get to rest. Megatron will remain, eternally alone--eternally waiting for a reunion that will never come.

[aquanutart]

[omegalerc]

Please tell me you've seen this my God he looks so ejsheushek

https://x.com/sweetyoua/status/1870892887975813429?t=CJ2OQk1SsGukvNUvC71Oiw&s=19

OFCCCCCCC I HAVE!! one of the most incriminating lifechanging charles gifs ever.. now i encourage everybody to click the link and fully take in this masterpiece, but let’s focus on and appreciate these two specific frames.