#how am i ever going to survive this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

multifariousmayhem · 29 days ago

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you know when the chronic pain is chronic?

you want to do stuff, you NEED to do stuff but it just hurts too much

you really need to do this stuff, you been putting it off for days

but it

hurts

so much

you know when the chronic pain is chronic?

#chronic pain #chronic illness #chronic fatigue #chronic fatigue syndrome #chronically ill #dammit #ignore me i am just incredible upset there is so much i want to do and i am just stuck suffering in silence #is better than a few days ago but not by that much #there is stuff i need i want i have to do #come on man #give me a break #please #pleasee #how am i ever going to survive this #my back is killing me

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raggedy-spaceman · 2 years ago

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S02E04 Fun and Games

I'm a mess don't talk to me don't look at me don't touch me. They care. They actually care.

#ofmd #ofmd 2 #ofmd spoilers #our flag means death #our flag means death 2 #our flag means death spoilers #ofmd s2 #our flag means death s2 #izzy hands #con o'neill #for the new unicorn #are you kidding me #how am i supposed to survive this #this is all i've ever wanted #izzy finally knowing that he is LOVED #I'm going to cry forever goodbye #mine

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an-established-butt-dent · 1 year ago

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The Dreadwolf rises

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chaiaurchaandni · 1 year ago

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4 year old Ahmad Shabat - an israeli airstrike hit him, his parents & 4 siblings; he survived, they didn't - then they hit him & his father's relatives; he survived, they didn't - then they hit him & his uncle; he survived, his uncle didn't - both of Ahmed's legs have been amputated because of injuries. He survives.

i hope Ahmad gets to live. i hope he has a beautiful and fulfilling life. i hope he finds love and safety and comfort and success. i hope he finds happiness. i hope he heals. i hope he continues to survive. in spite of the violence, in spite of the trauma, in spite of the horror. in spite of the world.

#it feels like my heart is breaking over and over and over again #i hope this kid gets to live. i hope he has a beautiful and fulfilling life.#i hope he finds love and safety and comfort and success #i hope he finds happiness #i hope he heals #i hope he continues to survive in spite of everything #no child should have to go through even a fraction of this #never forget and never ever forgive #i remember seeing a video of him and his uncle. his uncle was speaking ab how they only have each other left. then they killed his uncle to #i am losing my mind every day #i spit on this world and everyone that has the power to stop this but wont #free palestine #palestine #gaza #long live palestine #death to israel #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #glory to the martyrs #long live the resistance

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bonesjonesing · 1 month ago

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doing my first Harrow the Ninth re-listen-to, and being struck by a few things so far--

Augustine drawling after Harrow says something snarky that maybe she really is "Anastasia come again"

Abigail's ghost (Abighost?) saying that she doesn't know where lyctors go [when they die]

Jod telling Harrow that her parents did a sort of resurrection, and also she's a miracle/he's not sure how it was possible (*assuming he's not lying, which, y'know)

+ To a lesser extent, the analysis I've seen about Anastasia x Alecto and Nona kissing her reflection and finding herself very attractive, etc

Not to say Harrow is literally Anastasia reincarnated, but kind of wondering about the broader implications of what Jod said about Harrow; & what if somehow Anastasia's soul remnants got roped into Harrow's conception. Rolled over in her grave too hard at it and got involved. (+thinking about lots of smaller things about Harrow's relationship to Alecto....)

#many thoughts head full. mostly incomplete thoughts. please add to my thoughts if you want to #i'm only right now at the first g1deon attack scene so i may be missing some stuff but..... this is what I am Thinking about right now.....#like maybe somehow what If. there was even more mysterious shit going on. bc w tazmuir there truly always is #i just think a Lot about reincarnation. in general. all of the time #though -- i do also Think about wrt what Jod said about how he's not totally sure how her parents pulled it off: Gideon #specifically her surviving the gassing #htn #harrow the ninth #analysis #harrowhark nonagesimus #it's hard to do analysis when you only ever listen to the audiobooks. wanna physically read em sometime #tlt #locked tomb #lyctorhood

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half-shadowgalra · 25 days ago

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Hot Take

(I have no clue if this is or isnt a hot take considering I have never seen this take been made before)

Bianca di Angelo would find her hot

#Pjo #pjo hoo toa #pjo headcannon #bianca di Angelo headcannon #Bianca di angelo #Look #bia is at least a little gay okay #At least a little #At fifteen she would’ve forever and always been bejeweled #By Taylor swift #This is me trying okay?#I know her all too well I don’t care if this a treacherous ground I am untouchable on this position okay?#It is timeless in my brain #And you can try #In fact #come back…be here tell me why exactly she wouldn’t find Taylor swift hot okay?#And before you do I would just like you to know that I know places some very illicit affairs take place okay? Long story short I can see yo #Okay? No body no crime if you get what I’m saying #So how about you go ahead #Speak now Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus or what ever the hell your name is #And don’t blame me #The way I see it is Bianca is a blank space that you can write anything into #And it’s not a hoax I just see her as almost dying in the labyrinth then going on to begin again surviving the Great War #Then going on to be a mad woman doing better then revenge vigilante shit serving karma to those she has bad blood with #While finding Taylor swift hot #I also feel like she would be a writer #like She would be fresh out the slammer while re reading her manuscript about the last great American Dynasty #Is it over now?#Yeah okay I’ll stop #This probably took me at least 22 minutes

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laniidae-passerine · 1 year ago

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I made my post about Dean Highbottom and then as I was writing my tags realised that his Hunger Games counterpart is Haymitch. and now my head is in my hands and I don’t think I’ll ever recover

#IM GOING TO CRY. I am part of the system I never wanted anything to do with it #I killed so many people without laying a hand on them. I never ever asked for this. I tried to say no. my hands are still bloody.#both turned to drugs to cope. both had a mentee who reminded them of someone they hated so much #(snow reminded the dean of his old friend. katniss reminded haymitch of himself)#both knew exactly how the games worked and all of its consequences because one made it and the other lived it #both lived in the shadows of the past and never really got out from it #but in the end one of them chose to be cruel to the children who they were asked to mentor #and the other loved even when it was killing him #god. twenty three years and they never managed to drown the fire out of him. his heart broke again and again #but he held onto those shards even as they made his hands bleed. and then one day two children appeared and pieced it back together #and some of it was missing and always would be. you can’t undo twenty three years of alcoholism and pain and grief and self loathing #but a lot of it was still there. far more than he ever even believed could have survived #Haymitch I love youuuuuuuuu I will always love you #and Dean Highbottom you were kinda cringe and lame. guynobody ass bitch. do better #haymitch abernathy #dean highbottom #thg #the hunger games #a ballad of songbirds and snakes #abosas

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puhpandas · 11 months ago

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I love ggy so much how did they accidentally make the most intriguing hypothetical gay romance ever

#also the book is just so fucking good #and tony becker is literally the best fnaf book protaganist ever once you understand his character #and how crazy the book writes him #like oh my god hes so tunnel visioned doomed by the narritave #any scenario where tony survives the attack is the best idea ever like fr #its just so fun and awesome to make stuff up with that very loose premise #like u can do anything #and the characters are likeable too because they have FLAWS #tony isnt a bad person hes just in a bad place and is an asshole without realizing #and also twelve #like how am i not supposed to become obsessed with beckory when tony spent the whole book #accidentally obsessing over gregorys evil side and then being so tunnel visioned by his own emotional baggage that it kills him #exactly how his father warned him #and his father is the reason hes even so deep into solving mysteries like #and u can put that onto gregory if tony ever survived the attack #like he wouldnt want to believe it the same way he didndt want to believe his dad did it and repeat history #by delving deep into ggy #like damn every relationship ever with gregory is so fucking interesting #ggy never stop being awesome #pandas.txt #obviously beckory isnt the only reason i like ggy but damn its a big reason #tony and Gregory are both so flawed and have so much going on in their head theyd be fucking crazy together #also expanding on the tony stuff i said earlier gregorys side has so much potential too like #even if tony died if gregory ever remembered hed mourn tony and have to deal with that #even if they werent even that close at the time and Gregory doesnt even like. actually have any memories of being friends with him #and if tony survived its like gregorys remembering this faceless nameless boy as the only connection to his past #like what if they both searched for eachother after surviving what then

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celestialecho · 9 months ago

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🌦️&💤

on childhood best friends.

via ill give you the sun by jandy nelson // via the art of ponyo by hayao miyazaki // jack johnson, we're going to be friends // a message from my childhood best friend // mitski, i guess // via a little life by hanya yanagihara // adventure time, island song (come along with me) // via unknown // abba, chiquitita

#do you ever think about how momo was taught to weaponize her anger while mikan was taught to swallow his back. both as a means of survival #how momo probably admires mikans ability to hold it in. how mikan probably admires momos ability to release it all.#because i do. i think about it a lot #(BTW. IF YOU KNOW WHERE THE “let's go to the garden. let's be kids again. i'll chase you if you chase me.” IS FROM PLEEEASE LMK.)#the message is from the friend that inspired momo and mikan. btw she messaged me out of the blue and we chatted about our earliest memories #the whole “ohhh he came up to me offered me his hand and said you wanna go play with me because i was all alone” seems really unrealistic #BUT THATS. WHAT HAPPENED WITH US. WITH ME AND HER. i dont remember it very well which is funny and poetic in a sense. but SHE does... gugh #its because i was the one that went up to her... of course she remembers me offering her my hand because that meant the entire world to her #← OR SOMETHING. NEVER RUMINATE ON UR CHILDHOOD WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE its because my birthdays coming up im getting all weird. ugh #okay actual tags instead of my rambles...#web weaving #my wws #oc tag #momo tenki #mikan javier #on childhood friends #id in alt #nova noise #also hai sunny. (halo freak) one of these for kinzoku and gensou when. i will NEVER RECOVER #← silly slash lighthearted. i am just crazy over them you absolutely do not have to ^_^ i hope it doesnt come across that way

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fluffypotatey · 3 months ago

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I'm thinking about an AU where like...Ody picks up a feral kid from an island who stows away on the ship. It'd be good to get some whimsy on that ship and maybe things go better. Hope Penelope doesn't mind an extra kid + Telemachus having a wild child of a little sibling now. Very overly enthusiastic, half the crew is terrified, other half is like "yeah the kid has good survival technique ideas." Ody is like, "please stop gleefully mopping the bloodied castle" after kid decides to be helpful. Proceeds to kick a suitors head out of the hallway so OdyPen can walk around together peacefully.

excuse you, that child is helping!!! Ody, Telemachus, and Penelope are reuniting and tired and this child, out of the goodness of their heart is cleaning the palace (with aid of course) 😤

they don’t need to bc by that point their an official ward of the palace, but it the thought that counts (they totally loot the suitor’s stuff in the process)

#but yeah Ody and his men having a child along for their trip would be so fun!#(and why i still daydream about what if Ody didn’t throw the infant from the wall of Troy)#you’d have Polites spoiling them while Eurylochus is now calculating rations for 600 men + child. what to entertain them bc space is small #Ody daydreaming about Telemachus (imma say he projects some of his desires of being the dad he wanted to be sans Troy on the kid)#and i am already team big brother Telemachus so when Ody arrives with a kid Telemachus is so onboard bc now HE gets to tell #the kiddo tales and play with them and educate them about Ithaca (they have been given a rundown by the crew but the kid indulges)#Penelope is apprehensive at first bc it’s definitely not HER kid but it does not look like Ody #and she knows her husband inside and out #so after the apprehension is appeased Penelope is onboard for a new kid #she knows how lonely her son was I. Those years they waited for their missing family to return #(and sure we can speculate over whether or not the kid can get past Zeus’s Lightning bolt but imma ignore that for now)#(we will all assume the kid just survives it all and is there with Ody even if other crew members aren’t)#asks #epic the musical #the odyssey #(actually wait what if the kid was from Calypso’s island? 👀 washed ashore long ago and stayed bc Calypso refused to let them go)#(she projects her dreams of caring for another at the corner of the child ever growing/aging. they have been a child for so long)#(a blessing and curse. they do not envy Calypso’s difference of affection for Ody. but they do not refuse when offered a chance to leave)

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botanicallyinclinednerd · 4 months ago

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I really enjoy utilizing ghosts to make things interesting. I am very aware of what happens to Kutner and that coupled with the fact House hallucinates both Amber and Kutner AND Kutner is superstitious (and seems like he'd believe in ghosts) while House very much is NOT makes me want to do something VERY funny (imo)

#id have to wait until i watched all of s4 and 5 (and the hallucination episodes to get a feel for how house reacts) but i am scheming #liv talks #liv watches house md #house md #lawrence kutner #gregory house #when characters die and the surviving character(s) are clearly haunted by the death; ya gotta haunt em for real #thats my philosophy. sometimes it becomes a buddy adventure sometimes an action thriller #this i imagine would be tragic as fuck #i think the key for this is kutner would not be able to convince anyone hes real #none of the team other than kutner feel like they believe in ghosts #if anyone has any thoughts on any of this feel free to talk with me about it #...there is also something very tragic about someone that just wants to STOP having to keep going even after theyve effectively stopped #didnt think about that until now. the vibes are definitely going to be interesting if i ever write this

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eggsistential-basket · 6 months ago

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thinking about the person i could have been if i tried a little harder to find my own way

#probably the thing i am resenting my parents for right now is how good they were at convincing me #not to pursue any career paths other than the ones they laid out #every time i was like hey this seems interesting should i check it out? they would be so quick with the #do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it? to do it for your whole working life?#and obviously 8 yo 12 yo 14 yo 17 yo 18 yo me would get terrified and go no sorry and just not look into anything further #supposedly this is the safe option but everything i do feels meaningless #all of the jobs in this field seem meaningless #the job market in this field right now is dog shit and I'm fighting like hell for positions that just make me sad to think about #but every time i think hey what if i tried another thing #now my brain shuts me down with the do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it #your whole life on it #and the answer is no and it's gonna be no for a long time i bet #don't know if I'll ever find my way out of it #told my roommate's boyfriend about my general dispassion for pretty much everything in life #he asked me if I'm even a person #which feels very true #i feel like this path I've followed if i keep following it #I'm not going to be a person i can be proud of #i know it's really early in my life to say but #idk if it's nature or nurture or my own damn fault but all the ambition has been weaned out of me and I've been getting just surviving #i just wish i got told more you can be whatever you want to be :)#instead of whatever you'll do you'll be good at so do what makes money and push your hobbies to the side you can do them after you retire #your mom likes this and you're good at it so you'll like it too it'll make you money this is the best thing #the other thing is harder and doesn't make as much money don't do that you won't like it that much i bet #when i was younger #maybe I'd be struggling more but I'd be really happy and fulfilled #or maybe this is genuinely the best timeline and eggs who tried to pursue art hates it now #maybe I'd be really stupid at all the other things i gave a passing glance at #eggsistential speaks #tag rant

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dragonknightofsummerset · 2 months ago

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Got a really bad migraine today, it's been a while since I got one this bad, I think. I keep forgetting to make a journal of every time I get one so I can figure out if there's certain triggers, but anyway, it's sort of gone now but I still feel the left side of my head like pulsing with pain it's just not as bad as earlier.

I have cooling patches I use when I don't want to tie a bandana slathered in vaporub around my head, but I'm considering getting a cooling cap for migraines, I'm just not sure if they'd be better than the cooling patches I already have

#personal #unfortunately excedrin doesnt always work anymore :/#when i 1st started taking it. its took anywhere from 10min to an hour but it would kick in #now i sit for 3hrs before realizing it isnt working as consistently as before #every time i think. huh its been a couple weeks with no migraine. i get hit with one #i am thankful theyre not as frequent as when i was younger but when i get hit with the super painful ones i always wonder how i survived #so many years with forcing myself to go to school/work/drive on my own with this condition #now i try to stay home if i can but thats usually frowned upon because im not always believed that the pain is that bad #sorry for like ranting. i have a lot of thoughts on my experience with migraines and i dont think ive ever really voiced them

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huellitaa · 1 year ago

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girls when love makes them a 19th century poet and a yearning victorian woman seeing an ankle for the first time

#me right now #girlblogging #god i'm not gonna see her for two weeks #how the hell am i gonna survive #i survived for 9 months so i can survive two weeks #but i dont wanna be separate anymore #i want to hold her and keep her close to me and never let go of her ever again #i need her #girlspamming #girlhood #bisexual #wlw #sapphic #lesbian #this is what makes us girls #in love #thoughts ୨𖹭୧ #my princess ୨𖹭୧

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crabussy · 8 months ago

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I cried so hard while writing all of that. headache now. worth it. I'm so glad other people care about this just as much as I do. let's never give up hope ever

#listen to my gibberish boy #AND LIKE. I SLEPT 8 HOURS. I'VE HAD ENOUGH WATER. I'VE BEEN FOR A WALK I'VE TALKED TO MY FRIENDS AND WHANAU TODAY #this isn't the product of me being overemotional. this is just how much this topic means to me #I just start crying whenever I think about it too hard #I'm so glad other people haven't given up. I'm so glad I get to devote my life to species that would otherwise have no hope of surviving #I am going to learn the FUCK out of these university courses #and in 40 years time I will see more birds than I ever did growing up #in 40 years we will have too many takahē to individually name #in 40 years I'll be 58 and I'll be walking on a coastal trail and I'll see pīwakawaka and tūī and kerurū and I'll think to myself #hey! I did that! they're alive because of me!!#CRYING AGAIN. HAVING A TIME WITH THIS ONE I GUESS

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