#hopefully I'll get it done by tomorrow because I so want to share it with ya'll

[aaeeart]

I'm working on an evil comic strip and I wanted to share these sad Calebs with ya'll

toodles!

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: May 3

"Life Less Frightening" by Rise Against

[nolita-fairytale]

make my heart surrender | carmy berzatto x fem!reader | chapter three: thursday

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

warnings: lots of swearing, angst, use of she/her pronouns, allusions to sex, eventual smut, no use of y/n, second person pov, mentions of death/mikey's suicide

word count: 3.4k

summary: you and carmy finally find some time to catch up and carmy begins to realize that you're more similar than he thinks.

a/n: thank you to all who are reading, reblogging, and commenting omg. i'm so grateful that someone wanted to read this story. i wrote it in a week because i couldn't get these two out of my head. they were begging to be put on the page. i also have a companion playlist that i'll release when the story is done because i don't want to spoil anything! comment below if you'd like to be added to this story's taglist. i did presumptuously add a few of you i've interacted with, so please let me know if you'd also like to be taken off of it.

read: part two | masterlist

Thursday

You’re grateful that by day three, you’d been able to smooth over some of the tension between you and Carmy. You even looked forward to catching up with him, if the two of you can swing it. Instead of going home early, you had jumped on the line this evening. Ebra was out for the night and Marcus had asked to fly solo on prep so that you could give him some feedback before lunch service tomorrow morning. 

It was an easy decision, to fill in and jump on the line. After all, you had checked your bag on the plane so that you could bring your knife roll with you, just in case. There was something about this kitchen – the energy and the people – that you wanted to stick around for. And it didn’t hurt that you got to spend a little extra time with Carmy. When he was in his element, expediting and leading this kitchen… he was… breathtaking. 

“Damn, nice knife, Jeff” Tina comments, checking out the santoku you’re running through some parsley. She can hear the crisp, clean cuts you're making, which is what caught her attention in the first place.

“Jeff?” you question, shooting her a look. 

“Long story, but trust me. It’s a term of endearment,” Sydney interjects, from her side of the prep station. 

You chuckle, “She’s a beauty alright. My first fully Japanese knife. Though the steel is a bitch to take care of. That’s for sure.”

“What do you mean?” Tina questions further. 

“Well, it’s just a kind of metal alloy that’s super prone to-,” you start, completing your sentence at the same time as Sydney chimes in.

“Rusting,” you both say in unison, sharing a look. 

“Huh,” Tina sounds, suddenly losing interest. “I don’t get it. It’s more work to take care of? Our shit’s part-plastic and does the job just fine.”

“Oh but she’s so smooth,” you playfully swoon, referring to how beautifully the knife performs for you. 

“It’s all about the performance, T,” Sydney adds. 

Tina hums in response, still unconvinced by you and Sydney’s admiration for the fancy tools. 

“So you and Carmy. How’d you meet Jeff?” Tina inquires further geturing her knife towards Carmy’s expediting station, and eliciting another laugh from you and Sydney.

“Uhhhh… we both worked at the same restaurant in New York. I came in to stage and the competitive jerk tried to smoke me. Thought he could show me it was his territory.”

“Like a little bitch,” Tina teases, the shade evident in her voice.

“And you kicked his ass obviously,” Sydney suggests, hopefully. 

“Mhm,” Tina adds in agreement.

“Oh absolutely,” you answer, deviously. “I walked out with a job that night. Carmy and I are the classic kitchen staff case of… enemies turned good friends.” 

You look up from your station, noticing an exchanged look between Sydney and Tina. 

It’s the kind of look that says, Just friends, huh?

“Alright, alright. Enough with the girl talk, gossip girls. News flash: no one gives a shit about fuckin’ Tom Colicchio and Padma Whatserface over here,” Richie interrupts, referring to the you and Carmy, as he passes by with a few empty storage containers on the way to the dishwashing station. 

“Asshole / Fuck off, Richie,” Sydney and Tina shout back at the same time. 

“Hey! Listen up, everyone! Fire two spaghettis, two short ribs, one chicken,” Carmy calls out to the kitchen. You listen attentively, hearing the chorus of the entire kitchen repeat the order back to him, punctuating the order with a ‘heard.’ 

You smile to yourself, as you enjoy the feeling of falling into such a familiar rhythm. 

You’ve missed working in the kitchen, and you’ve missed working in the kitchen with Carmy. This was so different than any of the bullshit you’ve been through together – even when he is arguing or yelling at someone. It’s not some sterile environment that looks more like a science lab or an operation room than it does a kitchen.

No, this place has soul. 

Between the crass kitchen banter, the less than flattering nicknames, and its wild cast of characters, it’s only day three and you feel right at home. Dinner service flies by and you’re eager to check in with Marcus by the end of the shift. Before taking your apron off, you head over to his corner of the kitchen. 

“Hey, how’s everything going, chef?” you ask, curiously. 

“Good, chef,” he answers proudly. “I got the brioche covered and ready to rise overnight and I prepped the cake donuts so we’re ready to roll tomorrow morning. I went with a blueberry cake donut this time around.” 

“Sounds great. I can’t wait to try it, chef,” you reply. “Need anything from me before I head out for the night?”

“Oh no, uh, I’m almost done here,” Marcus answers, inspiring confidence in his ability. “Just workin’ on a curd for the filling, chef. Just like you taught me.”

“Alright,” you chuckle, tickled by how excited he is. “Have a good night, chef.” You pause, wondering if your words will be totally lost on him. “And make sure you get some rest tonight, okay?” 

He responds with a nod, as you leave his station.

You make your way to the locker area, hanging your apron up, and slipping off your kitchen sneakers, before taking a seat on the bench. It looks like most of the kitchen staff got a head start on you and have already left, or are out of their kitchen clothes and ready to head home. There’s a strange feeling in your heart. You haven’t felt this kind of… community… in a professional kitchen in a long time and you try your best to name what it is you’ve felt was missing. 

“Hey,” you hear a voice say, pulling you from your thoughts. 

“Hey,” you say to Carmy. 

He removes his apron, folding it over his forearm. It sits further down his arm, right near his tattooed hand, you notice, as he leans his side against the lockers. 

“Thanks for jumpin’ in… you know… on the line tonight,” he starts his gaze practically piercing through your soul. 

“Yeah, it’s uh, no problem,” you reply, placing your knife roll and kitchen shoes back into your locker. “I had fun.”

“You uh, you still want to go for that drink?” he asks, shyly. 

You smile. 

“Yeah.”

*

“It’s fucked up,” Carmy shakes his head in disbelief. 

“Oh please. What?” you groan, shooting him a look.

“You’ve been in my city for… what three days now and you already have a hookup at one of the hardest to get into bars here,” Carmy replies, eliciting a laugh from you. 

“Oh my god,” you sigh with a playful eye roll. “I’m a New Yorker, asshole. You know that’s how we do it.” 

He shakes his head again, before locking eyes with you, “You were always better at it than me.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you, Carmen Berzatto, finally admitting that I’m better at something than you? Can you say it again, and I’m just going to-.” you tease, playfully, pulling out your phone as if you’re going to film him saying it. 

“Oh shut up…” he shoots back, gently pushing your phone away from his face. 

“I mean, you could always make friends with anyone. The bodega guy downstairs. The fuckin’ bodega cat. Our favorite butcher? ‘S why we always got the good cuts of meat when we cooked together on our days off.” 

“Which is exactly why I do it,” you point out. 

You had always been so magnetic to him. It’s something that he’s always admired about you – something that always reminded him of Mikey. 

“No, I-, I used to be a regular at this bar when I was working at Gramercy Tavern – actually, I think it closed right before you came to New York. Anyways, found out my favorite bartender moved to Chicago and I sent him a message letting him know I’d be in town. Said he’d get us in even if they were booked up, and,” you gesture towards where the two of you are sitting together, “Et voila!” 

Carmy takes a look around. He hasn’t been in a fine dining establishment since he left New York. It’s as if all the fancy awards and all the dues he’s paid cooking in the best restaurants in the entire world don’t matter anymore. He feels so out of place: the people, the over-the-top cocktails, the overpriced bowls of food called something fancy to justify the high price point. 

“From the kitchen” your bartender had said curtly, a mere few minutes ago. He had placed a few plates in front of the two of you to share that you most certainly didn’t order.

You both had thanked the bartender, before digging into the large bowl of soup, stracciatella, and focaccia bread on the plate. You rip off pieces of bread, dipping them into the salty broth, popping them into your mouth. Carmy’s much more of a gentleman about it, using his spoon to try the soup first. You had only planned on drinking here, but your friend at The Aviary had really come through. You’re sure it doesn’t hurt that you’re here with Carmy, and that these guys definitely know who Carmy is. 

“So…” you start, taking a sip of whatever fizzy strawberry gin thing you’d ordered earlier. “I feel like there are a lot of long stories I’d like to hear.” 

Carmy makes a sound in agreement before taking a sip of his drink. It’s just bourbon on the rocks, and you wonder when he started drinking bourbon like this.

“I mean… we could start here. How the hell are ya?” you ask. 

“I…” he starts, before trailing off. He buries his face in his hands, dragging his fingertips across his forehead. “It’s uh, it’s been a long couple of months. Christ. The restaurant was a goddamn mess, everyone hated my fuckin’ guts. And then Syd showed up and, well, she’s been a big help.” 

You wait a beat before saying, “As much as I want to hear about the restaurant, Carm, I mean how are you doing?”

Your words stop him, and he looks up at you with those baby blue eyes. He takes his time thinking about it, shrugging before muttering something along the lines of, “I’m okay, I guess.”

He’s searching for the right words to explain how the hell he’s even supposed to answer that question.

“I don’t know. Guess I thought if I fixed the restaurant, if I could fix it-. Maybe I could fix him,” he drags out. 

He waits a few beats before finally admitting:

“I miss him. Mikey. And I found out all kinds of shit about him that I-, well, shit I didn’t know. I think-, I think it’s why he kept me away. Why he shut me out.”

You listen as he begins to fill you in: about Mikey, the drugs, the debt he inherited that he now owes to Cicero, how hard it was to win over the kitchen staff that, come hell or high water, weren’t interested in changing their ways. And then he tells you about the meetings he's been going to -- the al-anon meetings. And you begin to understand. While he’s the same old Carmy, this isn’t the exact same Carmy that you knew in New York. The Carmy you knew in New York never would’ve gone to those meetings. He would’ve brushed it off and pretended there wasn’t a problem and taken as much punishment as he could in the kitchen instead of dealing with what he was feeling.

Mikey’s death, and coming home, and this restaurant, it’s all changed him. 

And maybe, just maybe, it’s part of the reason why, after months of no contact, he reached out to you now, but he’s not sure if he should tell you that yet.

You’ve got to give it to him. If anything, he’s exceptionally talented at cutting people out of his life. It’s his M.O – the only thing that’s been consistent in his life – even when those people didn’t deserve it. It’s what he knows to do. It’s something he’s learned… from Mikey, from his dad… 

But this… what he’s telling you, these are stories of connection and community. 

“And Syd’s really helped me pull this shit together. She's kinda like... the glue, y'know? I- I don’t know where we’d be without her,” Carmy concludes.

You agree. Syd is brilliant. You can see just from having been in that kitchen that she’s been the biggest catalyst for the changes — even his.

“I know you only asked me to come for pastry but I’m glad you let me jump in on the line tonight,” you say. “It’s cool to see what you’re doing now and… I don’t know. I know it was a rocky start, but you’ve got something here. Something that could be really, really good, Carm. You’re making real fucking food. Like your mom’s chicken. I haven’t forgotten about that.” 

“How can you remember that?” Carmy asks, a little surprised, his eyes lighting up. He’d almost forgotten that he’d once made it for you while you were both still in New York.

You nod, “Best chicken piccata I’ve had in my life.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Hands down.”

“You know,” you start, a mischievous tone in your voice. “If I recall correctly, you made me some pretty bomb meals back in New York. And didn’t I say something along the lines of you really shining when-?”

“Oh no,” he groans. “Not this again.”

“I’m just saying!” you justify, innocently. “When you cook the food you grew up with, Carm, you’re at your very best. And don’t get me wrong. You’re an exceptional chef, regardless of what you do but-.”

“So what? You’re gonna say ‘I told you so?’” he questions, shooting you a look. 

You shrug, playfully, “I can’t help it if I’m right all the time,” earning an eye roll from him. 

“Especially when it comes to you.”

He’s quiet for a moment, because you do know him. You’ve seen sides of him he’s barely let anyone else see. It feels good and terrifying all at once to be seen this clearly.

“Yeah, well, you always were a little more Mozza than French Laundry, huh?” he shoots back, referencing your difference in preference. While Mozza was more family style, The French Laundry, a restaurant Carmy had worked at once upon a time, was anything but. 

“Yeah. Who knew one day we’d switch places?” you reply, a sadness in your voice. Were you… envious of what Carmy had? Was this what you were looking for?

“So uh, you gonna tell me what the hell happened with the restaurant?” Carmy asked, changing the subject – changing the subject to you. 

You sigh, you raise your drink to your lips, finishing the rest of what’s in the glass in one go. 

“That bad, huh?”

“No!” you’re quick to reply. “Well, yes. But no. But yeah….” 

Carmy flags the bartender down, ordering another round for the two of you. 

You’re not even sure where to begin in regards to the existential crisis of sorts that you’ve been having, so you just tell him what happened. 

“I was juicing blood oranges one day. And-, you know we were going to take the juice and do all that fancy gastronomy shit with it… turn it into like, the same consistency of ‘dew in the early morning’…” you began to explain, quoting what your head pastry chef had said that day.  

“And I’m sitting there thinking… what the hell am I doing? I mean, who eats food like this?! Who wants to eat a drop of blood orange juice that’s been turned into the consistency of dew in the early mornings? Like, why the fuck can’t I just make the best blood orange olive oil cake anyone’s ever had, and that be enough, you know?”

“And. I don’t know. It got me thinking a lot about the kind of food I want to make, and what that would mean, and what does any of this shit even mean? Fast forward to a week later, and I don’t feel like I have a fuckin’ clue about what I want to do with my life and I’m quitting the restaurant.”

You pause, noticing that he’s just been listening attentively this whole time.

“I’m tired, Carm,” you admit. “I mean. I’m burnt the hell out. I just. I don’t want to work this hard for something that- something that I’m not even sure I believe in anymore.”

Another beat. 

“I know it sounds totally insane but-.”

“No! No, it doesn’t,” Carmy interrupts, quick to reassure you, as he reaches for your hand. Your eyes flicker from his hand on yours, the small tattoo above his wrist, then back to him, feeling the loss of body heat as he pulls his hand back only a moment later. 

“I feel like I’ve been thinkin’ about a lot of the same shit,” he admits, empathizing with you. 

“I just feel… kind of lost,” you say, and it’s the first time you’ve said it out loud. “I do. I-, I’ve been feeling really lost lately.”

In all the time he’s known you, never could he have expected you to feel lost. He wondered if he’d just put you on a pedestal. You had always been this stunningly charismatic, charming person that could walk into any room and in minutes, have everyone wrapped around your finger. For so long he denied any feelings for you because he knew you were unattainable – that someone like you could ever want someone like him felt impossible. Wouldn’t you be better off with one of those Wall Street assholes that came into the restaurant all the time – wining and dining their clients with their expensive wristwatches and fancy town cars?

But hearing you say it – that you feel lost – it reminds him that you’re only human too. 

He waits another beat, guilt filling up his throat, before he speaks again. 

“I should’ve been there for you. I’m sorry.”

There’s an earnestness in his voice that makes you want to trust him. Sure, it seems like he’s been apologizing to you for three days straight, but you want to listen. 

You take another sip of your drink. 

“I started volunteering at a Brooklyn community garden so I could like, pull my head out of my ass,” you share with him. 

“Did it help?”

You shrug, “Yeah, a little bit.”

It helped, but it hadn’t fixed anything. You feel like you can confide in him, especially since he told you that he was going to meetings.

“My therapist actually encouraged me to come here,” you confess, gauging his reaction as the words flow from your mouth. “Get out of dodge. Get a change of scenery… give myself some time to think.”

“We both know you do a little too much of that,” he teases gently, and you chuckle. 

Between Carmy’s avoidance, and your neuroses, you’re quite the pairing. 

“Yeah.”

Carmy pauses, not sure if he has the words to give you the explanation you deserve, but he’s going to try. 

“I had… a lot goin’ on. When I got back. And I didn’t know….” He pauses before continuing. “I didn’t know how to do it all at once. How to handle, you know… everything at the same time.”

And it’s just easier to avoid everything – to avoid you, to avoid the way I feel about you, he thinks to himself.

And it’s exactly what he did, he pushed you away, and pushed any and all feelings or thoughts about you into a dark hole, never to be acknowledged ever again. 

Until you quit your job. Until his phone call with Tim. Until his phone call with you. 

“I know, Carm. I know you’re sorry and I appreciate the apology,” you start, taking a breath. “It’s just that-.  I need you to know...” 

You pause, suddenly feeling like you’re in the middle of an anxiety dream where you realize you’re not wearing any pants.

“I need you to know that it hurt. It… it really hurt. Not hearing from you. Being cut out like that.”

“I know,” he admits, remorsefully. “I’m gonna be better. At least I’m trying to be.” 

“I really want to believe that,” you say, softly. 

But I don’t want to get hurt again, you think to yourself.

He looks at you, a soft, shy smile on his face, and it makes you want to take a chance on him. 

Who are you kidding? You’d jump off of a bridge with him if he asked, even if it meant getting hurt all over again.

“Okay?�� he asks, hopefully. 

You’re not sure if he’s asking if it’s okay, if you’re okay, if everything is okay between the two of you, and you wonder if he means all three.

“Okay,” you answer, quietly. 

“Okay.”

read: part four

taglist: @lazypeachsoul @bookwormvoyageuse @allthefandomstogether

[wachtelspinat]

Hi, I saw your background with studying medicine and being an artist and I wanted to ask something!! hope it isn't uncomfy. so the school system by itself is killing my creativity and Im afraid I'll completely lose myself if I get into college... Even if I choose to study something art related. College is really absorbing and I don't want to graduate and have killed the only talent I have, thats scary!!! So, how did you "go" back? did drawing help with the stress of college or make it worse? Sometimes my studies define me so so much I cant do anything else, its so frustrating :(

hey there ! i really don't know if i can bring sth to the plate that's positive or uplifting in the matter because i've been in a struggle with art myself for almost 2 years now. i'm really trying to come back but the pace has changed drastically. it's still a constant mood crusher everytime i look back and see how my output has declined. nevertheless i'm drawing again in the smallest babysteps so hopefully i'm gonna pick up the pace again at some point.

as for school and art. yeah. i kind of opened with my current situation because altho (med) school was A Meatgrinder technically speaking i still found time to draw here and there. which was mostly thanks to my higher energy lvl back then and my BIG motivation to draw and to share. so i'd say drawing absolutely helped with the stresses of studying and med school. it was my happy place and escapism. and because of that there was hardly any doubt in my head that i'll ever lose that. so i think it is safe to say that as long as you want to draw you will always be drawing.

second thought here which is also important is that you won't be stuck in an eternal grind, even if it feels like it sometimes. there will be times in which everything sucks. and there will be times in which everything could be worse. and if you wanna draw then, you're going to draw. that's at least how i experienced it. even the longer periods of not drawing because of exhaustion/loss of motivation/exam periods etc eventually pass. and sometimes it's ok to remind yourself that drawing is not everything, altho we like to think that way sometimes. it's absolutely ok not to draw for a while.

another breaking point for me was when i actually started to study for art (anatomy as in for drawing etc) because it helped me at a point at which i felt stuck and it made me understand that i will never be done learning in regards of drawing. which is a good reminder whenever you feel like you are losing your "talent", which is not a talent but a work in progess for years and years to come. so in the end, even if you have to step back from drawing for the time being, you have the ability to always come back to it and get better again. like we have to treat making art like learning a language, there is never an end to it and we have to practice to be back in shape. i know this sounds like work but idk for me it made sth click in my head that i'm not losing sth here. i just have to warm up and get back on the track again.

i hope this helped in some way, i'm really sorry that you feel like you are about to experience a great loss (i absolutely get you, it sucks to deal with this, esp. when outer circumstances force you to push your hobbies in the background) but i think that if you really want to engage with drawing again, you won't lose this. you may have to put work into it, and it may not be today or tomorrow, but if you really want to do it, you keep at it.

[17snifflesandsnzes]

Hello! I have an odd request: can you do a Booseoksoon fic where Seungkwan gets sick while filming the fighting music video. But the odd part is can you include Youngji? Like as one of the caretakers if possible if not totally fine too!

Love your fics!

Thanks for the compliment! Sorry for the long waiting time 😅! Hopefully, it lives up to the hype! Hope you enjoy~!

We Will Always Have Your Back

BSS making a comeback after nearly 6 years was definitely a huge leap of faith for Seventeen. The song “Fighting” had been absolutely perfect for them, leading all 3 of them to want to work even harder for this comeback. Which is why Seungkwan was currently heading home at exactly 12 AM after having spent the entire day recording for the EP. As he was currently sharing a dorm with Chan, Seungkwan tiptoed into the apartment, careful not to wake the younger, only to find both Chan and Hansol awake and seated at the table. “You're back, hyung? It's pretty late…” Chan looked up from his phone, wine glass cradled in his hand and Seungkwan gave him a tired smile. “I know. I really needed to get my recording done perfectly, though.” Hansol gave him a deadpan look. “You should take better care of yourself, Seungkwan. You have to shoot the music video tomorrow, right? And here you are, out and about at 12 AM without a jacket on.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes before heading towards his room. “I'll be fine, guys. I've been through worse.” Both Chan and Hansol looked at each other skeptically as Seungkwan said that but he decided to ignore them. But just because you've been through worse doesn't mean that you won't be affected by the small things. Seungkwan definitely had to learn this the hard way.

Waking up the next morning was particularly difficult for Seungkwan. Mainly because he had a splitting headache. Cursing under his breath, Seungkwan forced himself to get out of bed. Even though his morning routine was basically muscle memory to Seungkwan, unsurprisingly, it took way longer today. When he finally dragged himself to the kitchen to get some food in his system, he found Chan already there, whistling as he made some ramen. “Morning, hyung!” Seungkwan winced at his not-so-loud-but-loud-to-him voice. “Morning.” Chan looked at him in concern at the utter lack of energy in his voice. “You okay, hyung? You sound super tired.” Seungkwan took a seat at the table and rested his head on the cool surface. “I'll be fine, Chan-ah. I'll have to be.” He heard the tell-tale sound of Chan sighing in exasperation as he placed a bowl of ramen in front of Seungkwan, but fortunately, Chan didn't say anything. After eating as much as his appetite could handle, Seungkwan was soon in his company car, driving to the music video set.

On arrival, Seungkwan was immediately swarmed by the other two members of BSS. Seokmin ruffled his hair and Soonyoung gave him a teasing look. “Oh, Seungkwanie~! How could you be late to shoot our first comeback in 6 years?!” He asked in mock-betrayal. Seungkwan rolled his eyes but there was no heat behind the action. “I got caught up in traffic, hyung! Of course I didn't want to be late!” Seungkwan pouted and Soonyoung and Seokmin laughed. “Let's get started then!” Seokmin said as he led the way to the cameras. Seungkwan braced himself for a long day. He could do this. He had to.

After about an hour into the shoot, Seungkwan had given up completely. His headache made him unable to focus on anything the director or his hyungs were saying, and he just wanted this day to end. After the first shooting was over, Seokmin approached him. “Seungkwan-ah, are you okay? You look like you barely slept last night.” Seungkwan sniffled lightly, the action causing a tickle to flare up at the back of his sinuses. He turned away from Seokmin and brought his hands up to cup his nose and mouth. “Hh'IkTChiHh!-” Seungkwan sniffled again, the sneeze having caused his nose to start running as well. When he turned towards Seokmin again, he could see the worry in his hyung's eyes. “Seungkwan-ah, are you sick?” Seungkwan shook his head, the action causing him to wince. Damn this headache. “I'll be fine, hyung. You don't have to worry.” Seokmin gave him an unconvinced look but didn't say anything.

The rest of the shooting was difficult, to say the least. Now that he'd sneezed once, it was almost impossible to hold back the tickling sensation at the back of his sinuses. After the first shoot, Seungkwan was supposed to shoot alone. Despite wanting to just curl up in bed and cry, Seungkwan tried to focus on the director's instructions. As he waited for the camera to start rolling, he felt the irritating tickle come back, and he immediately brought an arm to his face. “Ah, PD-nim, could you wait a sec…hh'IktChiHh!- hh'ItChiHh!-” Seungkwan sniffled wetly as the staff blessed him. “Seungkwan-ssi, are you ready to start now?” The director asked him kindly, and Seungkwan nodded immediately. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Seungkwan willed himself to be alright.

Miraculously, Seungkwan survived the rest of the shoot. Well, that was until they got to the shoot with Youngji, who was featuring in their song. She was bubbly as always as she greeted both his members and patted him, slightly harshly, on the back. Seungkwan tried his best to be his normal self, but he could tell that Youngji saw right through him. Before they began with the shoot, she approached him. “Are you okay, sunbae?” Seungkwan rubbed a hand over his face, turning towards her, plastering the biggest smile on his face. “I'm fine, Youngji-yah. You don't have to worry.” Just as Youngji was about to argue, Seungkwan felt the overwhelming urge to sneeze come back, and he pinched his nose between his fingers, eyes fluttering shut. “hh'NgtChiHh!- hh'ItChiHh!-” Seungkwan blinked away the irritated tears from his eyes, and Youngji patted his arm gently. “Sunbae, I think you're sick,” She said kindly. “You need to rest.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes at the tone of her voice, which sounded so obvious. “Youngji-yah, I can't just go back home on the day of the mv shoot of our first comeback!” He said, his voice rising with irritation. At that statement, he felt someone's arm wrap around his shoulders. “But you can, Seungkwan-ah. You need to rest when you're sick. We can shoot the mv some other time, and your health is more important.” Soonyoung ruffled his hair as he said that, and Youngji nodded as hard as she could. Seungkwan sighed. “Fine. I'll rest if that's what you want.” Seokmin managed to catch his last sentence, and he joined the three of them immediately. “Finally! Let's get you back home, Seungkwan-ah.” Seungkwan nodded, feeling the tickle at the back of his sinuses flare up again. Sniffling softly, he rubbed his nose with his wrist. Unfortunately, that did nothing to hold off the intense tickle. Admitting defeat, Seungkwan cupped his nose and mouth with his hands, gasping softly. “hh'IktChiHhh!- hh'IktShUhHh!-” “Bless you.” Seokmin said softly, putting an arm around Seungkwan. Seungkwan leaned against his hyung a little, drained out by the day.

Soon enough, his hyungs brought him back to his shared dorm with Chan. Chan himself wasn't home, but he'd left some kalguksu for Seungkwan. Soonyoung laughed immediately upon seeing that. “We really do know our members best. How did he know you were sick?” Seungkwan smiled softly, making a mental note to thank Chan later. “I think he caught on that I was sick this morning. He said that I looked too tired.” Seokmin nodded thoughtfully while Soonyoung heated up the kalguksu. Seokmin and Soonyoung kept him company while he ate, and as he entered his bedroom, Seokmin pulled him into a hug. “Get well soon, Seungkwan-ah! Let's film the mv once you're better!” Seungkwan nodded against Seokmin's shoulder while Soonyoung patted his head. And as Seungkwan got into bed, he realized these really were the moments he cherished the most with the members. Because he knows they'll always have his back.

[leofiat-bunny]

After The Scene™

Then

Chen Yi woke up, stumbled through getting dressed, and - when he couldn't find Ai Di - checked his phone. Then he sees the text from the night before. He sends his guys out searching for Ai Di while he goes to hq to speak to Boss about BZY.

When Boss tells him what happened - a bit exasperated but not surprised that Ai Di didn't let him know - he doesn't yell at Boss mostly because he's frozen. He's stuck trying to process "Ai Di will be in prison for as long as BZY is, which will be some years".

Since then he's been more uptight than ever about never setting a foot wrong. When he messes up THIS is what happens. He's legit traumatised by it.

(As said elsewhere, it's no small miracle Chen Yi didn't give himself alcohol poisoning after losing Ai Di.)

If someone else went over his head to leave the gang he'd be annoyed but accept it.

But Ai Di can't go over his head because Ai Di doesn't belong to the gang, he belongs to Chen Yi.

Now

Chen Yi doesn't understand why he's being avoided because "Ai Di thinks I hate him" requires "Chen Yi hating Ai Di" to be a concept that computes and he'd have an easier time dividing by zero.

Chen Yi has long accepted that if Ai Di kills someone, that's on Chen Yi for not being there to stop him.

Of course "killing someone" and "betraying Chen Yi" are very different propects.

As for the betrayal of taking advantage of his drunken state, I don't think Chen Yi will process it like a normal person would. He was raised in a gang. It would be more strange if his moral compass wasn't a bit wonky.

Yes, he could process it by switching their places but I'm not sure he'd really allow it to rest with him?

Almost: if my pet bites me, that's bad; if I bite my pet, that's unforgivable?

(He doesn't think of Ai Di as sub-human or stupid, that was just the best simile that occured to me)

Even if he really allowed it to sit with him, by far the greatest betrayal was leaving.

Meanwhile

Ai Di will do anything to avoid hearing Chen Yi say "I hate you". He knows😒 it but he can't take hearing it.

Except Chen Yi came for him, brought him back, prepared his favourite foods. Ai Di doesn't know what's going on but he does know that hope has no place here.

He's unforgivable and maybe Chen Yi wants to hear Ai Di's excuses before passing judgement, maybe he's been telling himself that Ai Di would never have done that to him.

Ai Di can't stay for the realisation.

He has no place by Chen Yi's side and never will again and he deserves whatever Chen Yi does to him but he can't.

Ai Di is collarless and will remain that way until he's ready to stop running.

Soon

Are we recovered from ep 9? No? Shame, I wanted to break you again.

Well, I have (spoilery) ammunition, so I'll give it my best shot.

I trawled their youtube channels for clues and!!!

(Partially ninja'd because I am a slow bunny)

Next ep

Better pic of outfits for colour convo:

And then

Chen Yi has a tried and tested way of getting Ai Di to come back.

And it still works. Quelle surprise.

Until

Remember what I said about collars? I thought that before finding this and I just lost it.

Give the wardrobe department a raise. And a bonus. And shares. And a prize.

But what is he trying to pinky promise?

"Even if you die tomorrow, you must wait for me to die first. Only then can you die."

"One second. I will give you just one second, then I'll follow."

(I transcribed the subs: 就算你快掛 也要等我先掛 你才能掛

一秒 只讓你一秒 我隨後跟上

According to google translate:

Even if you die quickly You have to wait for me to hang up first Only then can you hang up

One second Just give you a second I followed later

Then I tidied it up a bit, hopefully without moving away from the meaning

I found an official sub where they translate it as

"Promise me that you won't die before I do" "One second, Then I'll follow up right away"

Bonus point? Guess which outfits are in the cover image:

They got to privacy but not home 😊)

[changingplumbob]

Going to bed early because it's daylight savings tonight so I'm going to lose an hour. I should look up how daylight savings was actually implemented because all I ever hear is people grumbling about it. Like did countries vote on if they'd do it or not or did the government just opt in to something? Many questions, little brain power.

I'm so glad I've finally got Glenn and Silver sharing scenes. I know it's totally my fault for having all that preamble but I really wanted to establish where Glenn finds himself and get used to writing within the lore of that universe. And then I'm going to be evil and pause my longer writing for October. But you'll get one more part tomorrow and then I'll likely reblog the posts with Silver before the next update for them in the first weekend of November.

All done on my Simblreen photo shoots but now comes the unenviable task of writing up all the cc used. I think I've gotten a pretty good flow doing it though. Hopefully you've seen my posts telling you what tags to block for the fake blood but I promise apart from the mummy and the zombie everyone is alive and no one is like missing their head or having weapons poking out of them. And only I think four of thirty one have any blood at all.

[rjthirsty]

Here it comes. Sad boy hours. Chronic illness complaints under cut.

I've been better recently. A lot better. I've been able to make plans and spend time with people and leave my house and even drive on my own. I've been able to dress and take my meds, both without help. And I've been able to cut down my sleeping and drastically reduce my pain.

These are great changes! All without a doctor, of course, because they're fuckwads and can't manage to help at all. But I've been in bed for five days. I'm tired of being stuck in bed again.

It'll pass. I know this is just a stage of my illness, that I'm recovering and resting so I can make more leaps and strides to another great addition to the healing I've already made. But it still ends up circling that familiar dark hole of despair that I will never get better and this is life. YEARS of my life turned into a series of naps and pain and depression. I don't want to go back.

The pain is never gone. The meds make it bearable. The fatigue is never gone. The tremors, the brain fog, the stiffness, those come and go, but they never go for long. And I'm just tired.

I read a post about mourning the loss of the life we used to have. Of our health. Of the activities we used to be able to do. And it's not something I've really done, but I sorely need to.

I can't paint miniature models anymore. I used to, and my wife says I was damned good at it. I have problems just using paint on the computer now. I once imagined I'd paint minis for people for commissions. That dream never came to fruition because I became sick not long later.

I want to take my kiddo to all sorts of places, so they can experience the world in a way I wasn't able to as a child. But with unreliable health, planning is difficult, and spending time going anywhere is a lot for my body to handle. So instead, I say "Maybe. If I'm feeling well. Maybe we'll do this thing." And it breaks my heart to think about how I don't get to share those memories with them. Luckily, my wife is able-bodied and can still take them places, but I want to be part of it.

I think that's enough mourning right now. I'm tired and need to get back to bed. My fingers are getting too stiff to manage typing on a keyboard. My body is protesting the strain I've put on it by simply sitting-- no, reclining in a chair. I'm not even properly seated. Heh.

It's sad boy hours. Hopefully, tomorrow I'll be up and about. Unfortunately, that hope is slipping further away the longer I'm bedridden.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Ooh, I got one. AITA for telling me sick, elderly dad "no" when he asked if I'd come help around the house?

So I think I know the answer to this already, but I'm curious about other people's opinions…. and I want to rant.

My dad and I (36, trans masc but I only figured that out about 5 years ago) have been butting heads for a while. Family situation is: I had cool hippy liberal parents but things went downhill with various addictions and depression. I lived with them until I was 30 (with me paying the bills for several years) and then finally moved out after I realized how unhealthy it was for me to be there.

Moving out coincided with me figuring out some things about myself, mainly the trans thing, probably because I felt more comfortable/safe and could focus on things other than that shitty living situation.

Another thing I'd finally realized, shortly before I moved out, was how messed up my relationship with my dad had been. Basically, I grew up with him doing this thing where he'd tell me I couldn't trust any of my friends (the implication being I could only trust him), or he'd tell me how smart I was because I saw things his way and talk about how people we knew were dumb because they didn't. He also taught me that I shouldn't show or admit to mental illness or neurodivergence because people (even my friends) would take advantage of me.

Once I'd gone, he repeatedly asking me to come visit, sending me messages about how sad he was and how much he missed me. I did visit a few times, but just being back in that house makes me feel real uncomfy.

At some point I share with him my observations about our past and how it negatively effected me. His response… is to say he doesn't think that's how it went. I keep trying to explain, asking him to acknowledge that these things did happen between us and, whether he meant it to or not, it did mess me up. He keeps dismissing it or redirecting the blame onto my mom or his shitty dad, or suggesting that my friends (who I'm living with now) have turned me against him.

But he also keeps pestering me to visit more, guilt-tripping me with how sad my old dog, Cavall, is after each time I do come by (I would have taken the dog with me, but he's a big fluffy malamute mix and the roommates have a small house + one is allergic. I didn't want to impose too much, so I'd limited myself to bringing only the one cat who I had the closest bond with and leaving the other pets with my parents).

All of this back-and-forth with my dad finally comes to a head a couple months ago when I ask for a specific item of mine that I left at my parents house. My dad responds with a little poem about how depressed he is because he misses me and I've abandoned him. I throw back some brusque line in which I call him "bro"…

… and that earns a response in which he mocks me about pronouns and gender identity.

I am shocked, because my parents were always super cool about queer stuff. I tell him so and then block him on facebook. He responds to that by scouring the house for everything I left behind, packing it up in cardboard boxes, and dumping it all in my roommate's driveway with zero notice.

I figure he's done with me at that point… but then, last week, he sent me an email which reads:

"I hope you're well. I hope your family is well. I miss you. I'm sick today. Weak. Dizzy. Queasy. Slept a lot, thankfully. I want to ask you, if I were to become too sick to do things for days, would you be someone I could ask to come make some soup, take out the trash, help and give comfort? I won't be surprised at a "no", but, a "yes" would be wonderful. I got the trash out and the dogs fed. Cavall is off his breakfast lately, but, usually eats supper. He used to eat better, but, he's really getting old and slow now. In the six years I've walked him he's gone from wanting to run a lot to slow walking and sniffing. I'm getting down some oatmeal with raisons and yogurt now. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow. I think so, but, the question arises at such times. Plz tel yes or no, so I can know for future reference."

And, well, I told him no. I hate the idea of abandoning sick elderly people who are already living in poverty, but after all the shit I described, I don't want to be around him. So, what's the vote?

What are these acronyms?

[jj0latunji]

Dear Diary - KSI Imagine

Here's another imagine from Wattpad for y'all to read and hopefully like , send in any requests you have and I'll get to writing.

Here's JJ looking great in a suit oooooh.

January 19th 2020

9:45 p.m

London, England.

Dear Diary,

It finally happened, we finally broke up . I'm heartbroken don't get me wrong but I knew it was coming when he started getting distant.

I just walked into his apartment, ended things , wished him well and left. Funny thing is he didn't even realise it was my birthday today, imagine my boyfriend of 5 years didn't remember my birthday because he was too busy working on a YouTube video.

I do feel sad but not as sad as I should be considering I've ended this long relationship. I think it's just not set in fully yet , maybe it will when I wake up alone in bed tomorrow, when I have no one to share my breakfast with , no one to cuddle with when the apartment gets too cold . I just hope that when it sets in , it's not too bad .

I just want to forget everything about him and what we had and hopefully move on. I think I can do it but let's see.

I'll write to you again tomorrow and let you know how I'm feeling cause your the only one that I can talk to now about my feelings.

Love you Diary

Y/N signing off

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March 1st 2020

10:43 p.m

London, England

Dear Diary,

I've been such a mess. I knew people said breakups would be hard but I didn't know it would be this hard. All I do is sit around the apartment and cry. Even Talia said I've been crying too much and that's when I realised that I've been crying all the time cause Talia usually cries a lot too.

She asked me if she could move in with me for a while since there was some work to be done for her apartment but I know it's probably because she wants to make sure I don't do something drastic.

I hate being this emotional and feeling like I'm a burden to others. Imagine being the livewire of the group, the one always having fun and making jokes and now you can't seem to even crack a smile. That's how I feel.  Everything reminds me of him. I just want to be better and I'm trying and I hope with Talia here to talk and get advice from I'll be better.

I promise to be better

See you tomorrow, Talia will be here so hopefully it's a much more happy day.

Love you Diary,

Y/N signing off

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April 13th 2020

4:31 a.m

Ibiza, Spain

.

Dear Diary,

I finally feel better, feel more like myself. Who knew all it would take was Talia's cooking and care and a trip away with my girls.

Today is the last day for us at the resort and we've had an amazing day. Gee and Freya got me some stuff from when they went shopping and this one top OMG it's so pretty.

I've been lighter on the drinks today after last night's debacle. But hey atleast we got some drinks on the house today because the guy I made out with turned out to be a bartender.

I felt guilty about the kiss but the girls said I was single and had nothing to worry about , but there's still that small voice in me that says different. Anyways I just maintained some distance with him and just awkwardly smiled when he tried hitting on me again. I'm really out of touch with the flirting game :(

Anyways we're going back home tomorrow morning and I'm glad Talia talked me into coming on this trip , I needed this.

See you tomorrow Diary,

Y/N signing off

--------------------------------------------------

April 21st 2020

12:48 a.m

London , England

Dear Diary,

You won't believe this but I GOT THE PARIS JOB. OMG I'M SO HAPPY I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF.

This has been such a dream and I'm glad they asked again after I rejected them last time. I probably should have gone the previous time itself seeing how mine and JJ's relationship turned out. I put my dreams on hold for him but he couldn't.... Anyways forget about him.

I leave for Paris in a month and have to work there for about a year and then I can return here and continue to design. Talia and the girls were overjoyed with the news but then we all started crying thinking about how we would be apart.

The girls want to organise a party before I go so I can properly say goodbye to everyone and I agreed. Nothing bad can happen at a party right.

But I'm so excited.....PARIS BABYYYYYYY.

See you tomorrow Diary,

Y/N signing off

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May 7th 2020

04:23 a.m

London , England

Dear Diary ,

I had so much fun at the farewell party that the girls organised. They invited basically every single friend I had in London and miraculously everyone showed up to bid goodbye.

I caught up with so many people and even enjoyed a free Talia Mar concert in which she performed all my favourite songs of hers , that girl is so talented I hope she gets her big break soon. Simon and Tobi stood with me the entire night asking me if I needed anything , both of them are like the brothers I never had , hell the Sidemen are the family I never had and I'm so glad these guys are part of my life. I owed a lot to them and I'm glad we stayed friends even after my breakup with JJ...

Talking of JJ, I saw him tonight for the first time since the breakup. He seemed to be taking it well , and since this is my little secret vault I can tell you that he looked good too. But I didn't have that urge to run into his arms and cling onto him forever, I think I'm finally over him and seeing him tonight assured me that there was almost no feelings at all towards him. It felt freeing almost.

After the party�� , me and Talia came back home and ate leftovers before she went to sleep tired as all hell and so am I so I'm going to get some rest too and start packing from tomorrow.

See you soon Diary,

Y/N signing off

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May 28th 2020

9:36 p m

Paris , France.

Dear Diary,

I finally made it to PARIS and OMG I'm so excited I couldn't even start explaining to you of how I'm feeling.

I bid goodbye to all my friends at the airport and took the flight here and just reached the apartment the company got me a couple of hours ago. Again I'm only telling you this cause you are my secret vault, JJ wasn't at the airport to say goodbye and a part of me was hoping he would turn up like Ross in F.R.I.E.N.D.S and like we would have a fairytale moment but he didn't turn up and I boarded my flight.

I mentally kicked myself for having expectations from JJ again cause I know he'll always let me down. I NEED to get over him and the best thing is maybe to get someone new to love and cherish...... I've been here for a day and let me tell you the options are limitless.

I'm staying with another girl named Sophia, she's German and a few years younger than me. She seems really fun , like a German version of Freya almost. She made me dinner and had my room ready for me when I arrived. She's such an angel.

I need to report for the job tomorrow morning so I'm going to eat dinner and get some rest.

See you tomorrow Diary,

Y/N signing off

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June 15th 2020

12:43 p.m

Paris , France

Dear Diary,

I've had such a fun day. Sophia took me out to one of her favourite bars and decided to get me some action if you know what I mean.

But she went away and got herself someone she liked which left me sitting with the man's friend. He was pretty though so I decided to give him a chance.

I had an amazing time with the friend though, his name's Charles and he said he was a driver or something. I wasn't concentrating on his job resume cause I was too busy lost in his green eyes which seemed he got directly from his native of Monaco.

The both of us talked until we were literally pulled apart by his friends, apparently he has an early day tomorrow and should be asleep. I quickly wrote him my number on a piece of paper and passed it to him though before he was escorted out of the bar.

I'm just waiting for him to message me now but that's unlikely given he's probably already asleep or who knows he might have even lost my number. I hope he messages me though I kinda liked him.

OMG he just messaged me and asked me out this weekend.... Looks like I have plans to make and outfits to choose.

See you tomorrow though Diary,

Y/N signing off

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June 19th 2020

3:54 a.m

Paris , France

Dear Diary,

You will not believe this. Wait let me explain it to you from the start.

Me and Charles went out for dinner at one of Paris' finest restaurants and I was having an amazing time and really having fun until we were interrupted by a bunch of teenage girls asking Charles for a photo and autograph.

Turns out he isn't some random driver, HE'S A FUCKING F1 SUPERSTAR.

He took the pictures and we quickly got out of there as our pictures were all over Twitter and people were trying to find out who I was. I'm sure they'll have figured out by the morning and that scares me... I've just got done dealing with JJ's fans and now I have another huge fandom on my ass.

I loved the date though, Charles was a gentleman and dropped me back at my place and asked me out for another date but somewhere more private and I agreed.

He's also like 4 years younger than me which made me feel old despite only being 26 , but he said that was no problem and he usually did date girls older than him.

It was also JJ's birthday today.... He's 27 and all of my friends had posted about it on their stories and on Twitter. The entire morning I debated on sending him a message but eventually decided against it , not wanting to open wounds again.

I hope he's well though....He looks well.

Anyways see you tomorrow Diary,

Y/N signing off

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July 20th 2020

10:36 p.m

Paris, France

Dear Diary,

Today was Charles last day here before he had to go back to his racing calendar. He promised to stay in touch and promised to get me to come to one of his races.

I am a little scared watching him go, long distance is never a good idea especially so early in a relationship. I didn't even know if we were in a relationship. We went on loads of dates , enjoyed ourselves and everything. His fans think we are dating, our friends think we are dating, but we still hadn't put a label on things and I was kinda glad we hadn't.

I can only hope this works out cause I've really taken a liking to Charles, something I thought I could never do again.

I'm going to drop him off at the airport tomorrow and then go to work and hopefully get that promotion I was promised. I was also free for a few days next week so I was also planning to go back home with Sophia and meet my friends again.

We'll see what happens though, for now I need to go join Sophia and help her with some work.

See you tomorrow Diary,

Y/N signing off .

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August 14th 2020

6:23 a.m

London, England

Dear Diary,

The comeback party was amazing. I introduced Sophia to all the Sidemen and the Sidegirls. She's taken a special interest in Tobi and I'm hoping they get together cause they would be an amazing couple.

I caught up with everyone including JJ. He had a new girlfriend, her name iwas Olivia. Nice girl from what I could see and everyone seemed to like her. Good for him I guess.

All the boys were also very interested in my love life seeing I was dating THE Charles Leclerc. Yeah dating , Charles asked me out a few days ago and made things official and I was happy.

Me and the group talked all night long, dancing along to some tunes as we drank the night away. I missed this and I'm glad I could have a taste of old times again.

Sober Tobi drove Talia, Sophia and me back to my old apartment and I even caught Tobi slyly passing his number to Sophia.

As soon as we got in Talia started asking me if I was okay with JJ's new relationship , cause apparently I was staring.... I didn't feel like I was staring.

Okay I was a little but not at them but at JJ , he hadn't taken down the picture of us together from the common room and I was a little confused by it. Was he holding on to the memories or does he consider it so unimportant that he just let it be.

Maybe I was thinking too much into it , it's just a damn picture.

I've moved on and so as he , I don't want to start all that again.

Anyways I'm tired as hell but I promised to write something today.

See you soon Diary,

Y/N signing off.

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September 6th 2020

11:34 p.m

Monza, Italy.

Dear Diary,

I finally came out to Italy to see one of Charles' races . Apparently it's the home race for his team Ferrari and OMG everywhere I saw only red which was the team colors.

The race didn't go well for Charles, he crashed out and didn't even finish the race and was extremely pissed off , but his best friend Pierre winning did cheer him up a little.

Today was the first time I saw how much people actually adored Charles, most of them had his mask on and I saw flags celebrating him everywhere and he couldn't walk a couple of steps before being stopped for pictures and autographs.

We had to get a hotel away from the centre of town cause we didn't want to be stampeded as soon as we left our rooms. The view from the balcony is amazing though and I took loads of pictures which again sent social media in a frenzy as all the Charles fangirls either wanted to be me or get rid of me.

Me and Charles went out for dinner and finally got to talk about how distance was affecting our relationship. It was extremely hard to find time with both our busy schedules, but we promised to try as hard as we could to manage things.

Vik was also at the race today along with Ellie who caught me up on all the gossip in the friend group. Apparently Sophia had really interested Tobi and JJ was newly single again, something about not finding love or something. Sucks to be him I guess.

Anyways I'm heading back to Paris tomorrow and Charles is going to Singapore. Back to the normal routine I guess.

See you back in Paris Diary,

Y/N signing off.

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September 7th 2020

4:51 a.m

Paris , France

Dear Diary,

I went to see JJ perform today, yeah shock but I was basically hoodwinked into it by Sophia and Talia who told me it was someone else performing.

I was glad I went cause I saw the girls and boys again and truth be told even enjoyed the performance.....he always loved performing live and it showed.

He even came over after the performance and personally thanked me for coming and I was quite taken aback. It was something I never expected him to do , he's too stubborn to do that but he did and I was kinda happy about it.

We all then went out for dinner and I was sat at the end just checking my phone to see if Charles responded to my texts. Things were really dry between us with all the time zone differences and I knew the road down which this relationship was heading, I am just trying to delay the inevitable.

Everyone kept asking me about Charles and I just kept saying everything was good when it is not.

All of us are going to Disneyland tomorrow for a day and I can't wait for it. I've always loved Disneyland and it was one of mine and JJ's favourite vacation spots.

So I'm going to get some sleep, see you later diary,

Y/N signing off

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December 16th 2020

11:34 p.m

Paris, France

Dear Diary,

Well I'm single again..... Yeah but this time it's mutual. Things were just not working out and we decided it was better to stay friends. Charles and I were still young and had our entire lives in front of us and didn't want to hold on to something that was clearly not build for the long term. I enjoyed this relationship but alas all things come to an end.

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm okay and I say I am cause I truly am. I'm nowhere near as sad as I was last time. Last time was hell , last time was like losing the best thing in my life.

Enough of the sob story, I'm going back to London for Christmas and New Year, I was invited by JJ.... Yeah JJ. We've been talking and texting like a couple of friends since his Paris show and it's been nice.

I'm almost complete with my work for this year so I might even go to London a little earlier depending on whether my boss let's me go, but she's a sweetheart so she probably will.

The next time I write to you will probably be in London.

So see you then Diary,

Y/N signing off

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January 1st 2021

4:34 a.m

London, England

Dear Diary,

You will not believe this..... I kissed JJ. Well more like we kissed each other but we kissed as the clock struck 12 which means we didn't break the tradition.

It was nice.... I don't know how to explain it but it was nice. We've been talking a lot more and Talia thinks we're on our way to getting back together but I think it's more that we're just good friends now..

But good friends don't kiss each other on the balcony under the starry night do they... Fuck I'm going to be thinking about this a whole lot.

Do I want these doubts in my mind or do I just go on with my life as usual cause it doesn't matter.

Moving on.... I can literally hear Sophia and Tobi making out in the room next to me , very horny people I must add .

Anyways I must go sleep now. I'll see you soon Diary.

Y/N signing off.

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May 28th 2021

9:45 p.m

Paris , France

Dear Diary,

I'm done with all my packing and getting ready to go back to London. The office held a little sending away party for me and Sophia. Yeah I somehow convinced my boss to send Sophia with me to London too and she politely accepted.

I need to leave for my flight in a couple of minutes but I decided to write to you before leaving.

I laugh looking back at my year here. So much has happened. I had so much fun at my dream job , had a fling with a famous F1 driver , made a new friend for life and made up with my ex. So much good things have happened.

So thank you for all this Paris.

Tu as été très bon avec moi

Anyways see you in London Diary,

Y/N signing off.

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June 19th 2021

11:57 p m

London, England

Dear Diary,

It's JJ's birthday again and we all celebrated it together out at dinner and afterwards at his place. We all had a fun time, he's 28 now and that's CRAZY. Cause that's the age that we wanted to get married at , you know slow things down and start a family age.

He pulled me away from everyone for a chat too and asked me out for a date . I said I would think about it. I want to go , trust me I WANT TO GO but I don't know if going down that road again is for the best. All the girls think it's for the best and so do all the boys but I still have my doubts.

You know what I'll give it a try. Nothing can go wrong after a date can it.

I'll message him and tell him yes , we'll go on a date. If it's good okay and if it's not then that's okay too.

I'm hoping it goes well though eventhough to others it seems like I don't want it to go well.

I hope JJ suprises me and things work out.

See you soon Diary,

Y/N signing off.

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September 7th 2023

10:43 p.m

London, England

Dear Diary,

We finally got married. I'm finally Y/N Olatunji.

Everything went perfectly. Like not 1 problem came up , it seemed like a fairytale.

I cried a lot during the day. Cried while putting on the dress, cried while walking down the aisle with Simon , cried while JJ read out his vows. It was amazing all throughout the ceremony.

These past 3 and a half years have been such a rollercoaster. Us breaking up , me moving to Paris, both of us getting in new relationships, then getting back together, all the trips away , all the new memories made.

It's been amazing and there's no one in the world that I would want by my side than my husband JJ..... Damn my husband like he's MY HUSBAND. I've been dreaming about this for almost 7-8 years now but it still feels surreal.

Like I'm sat here in my room and looking at him and I can't believe he's mine to hold forever. I love him so much and I'm so thankful for going out on that date in 2021.

I'm thankful for everything.

I'm going now and looking at the look in JJ's eyes , I can feel I'm in for the night of my life.

See you tomorrow Diary,

Y/N Olatunji signing off.

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December 25th 2028

10:45 p.m

London, England

Dear Diary,

We've just had the best Christmas ever. Me , JJ and Skye spend the whole day together, just the 3 of us celebrating together.

JJ wanted to make this Christmas special since we felt that this would be the first Christmas Skye would properly remember, she was just 4 but God she was smart.

We started the day by opening presets and just like always JJ had gone all out. He had brought all kinds of toys for Skye and some jewellery for me.

I brought him a matching bracelet that we could wear together all the time and he loved it.

We all then prepared the Christmas meal , well I did and JJ and Skye helped as much as they could. We ate then all cuddled together on the sofa and watched all our favorite Christmas films.

It was perfect... Just like my life was perfect and I couldn't be more thankful for JJ and Skye for making my life perfect. They were the perfect husband and daughter any one could ever ask for and I am blessed to have them in my life.

We also took loads of pictures to go into the memories album and loved every minute of the day.

Skye is now asleep, she was tired from playing around all day with her dad. I said JJ would be back in a minute after writing this entry.

He thinks it's cute that I still write in here but little does he know how much you've helped me over the years.

Thank you Diary and I hope I see you again soon,

Y/N Olatunji signing off

A/N

Hope you enjoyed this .

Idk how it came out but the idea seemed good in my head.

A new smut coming soon.

Send in requests if you have any

Love you all

Elora signing off ✌🏻

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #171

Today did not go exactly like I expected it to. And that's all right. I'm just really tired.

I went to physical therapy early this morning. Some work was done on the muscles on my back between the right side of my ribcage and the right side of my pelvis. Those muscles were unexpectedly very angry, but I guess I should have expected it, since those muscles are attached to my ribcage, and something near the top of my ribcage, on my front, on the right side, is out of place right now, and has been for at least the last couple of years now.

Today, all day, taking a deep breath felt kind of like my ribs were being ripped from my sternum on my right side, and that's been kinda difficult to deal with, but it isn't exactly new. Still, I guess I'm just getting pretty sick of being in pain all the time. I'm getting sick of not being able to use my right arm without pain, too. And I'm getting sick of not being able to go back into the water. My mermaid tail and monofin have sat unused for such a long time now, and… I guess it feels more than a little sad today, especially since the weather is getting warmer.

I belong chasing after very confused fish and finding pretty rocks and abandoned shells at the bottoms of lakes. I miss mermaid training. But I'm not sure I'm ever gonna be able to do any of that stuff again, and some days it weighs on me a little heavier than on other days.

But some nice stuff happened today, too. I got a song sparrow plush, in honor of the one that Arremo caught some time ago… I don't know if you remember me talking about it. I couldn't save it; it died in my hands.

...I can put this one next to the cardinal plush that I got in honor of the cardinal that got struck by a car, if you remember that letter, 8 days after the sparrow. Hopefully they don't have to be lonely. Maybe their souls can visit my house sometime if they want to. If you see them around as you toodle about the Edge of Creation, will you tell them I love them and that I'm still thinking about them and that I hope they're okay, wherever they are?

After physical therapy, J and I went to my friend R's house. R is an amazing cook and baker; he's one of the best that my planet can offer, and everything he makes always tastes astounding. He wanted to try making mushroom risotto for the first time, and invited those of my house to come try it, and he invited his friend K, too, and we all had a wonderful time talking about various things together.

R made snack trays for us:

...And at some point, we went outside into his yard, and he showed us his garden. He's growing squash and corn and tomatoes and some herbs. I took a couple pictures of the trees and the clouds for you:

We also had a larger-than average squirrel staring at us while making weird noises, so that was pretty funny:

Here's how the risotto turned out; it was absolutely fabulous:

...By then, J had gone to retrieve Br, so J, R, K, Br, and I were all eating the risotto together, and that was pretty awesome.

...I wish you could have been there, too. Goodness knows when is the last time you had a decent meal in good company. I wish you could pop by for a visit.

After that, J and I went to Br's house for a while. We ended up not getting back home until pretty late, and that's why today's letter to you is also pretty late. I managed to snag some good pictures at Br's house for you, though; I hope you'll like these:

...I also got video of the rain that came to R's house. But I'll wait until tomorrow to share that with you; it is very late, and I gotta go to bed.

I love you. I'm thinking about you all the time, and wishing you could be here to enjoy all the wonderful, wholesome stuff alongside me. Alas. But I'll write more to you tomorrow, so please stay safe out there, okay?

Your friend, Lumine

[coriander-candlesticks]

I've been trying to figure out how to incorporate religious practice into my life & trying to get over the fear of being...annoying? If that's the right word? It feels a little like tugging on the gods' sleeves when I make more than one offering a day to them even though I know I'm not, like, being rude by *checks notes* giving them things or dedicating time/activities to them. Today I made a dessert in preparation for tomorrow's Pathfinder game and dedicated that time spent baking to Hestia and Aphrodite, and it was really nice! I feel like I'm starting to find my footing despite my worries. I'm also trying to make sure I take time where I'm not thinking about religion at all so that I don't start to ruminate/spiral. It's happened a few times already to varying degrees and it's! Not fun!

It's possible it's hindsight/confirmation bias, but I do think the vibes of my tarot deck changed when I started reaching out to the Greek deities. It makes sense: I was using my deck to reach out to a completely different deity/deities before I started exploring Hellenic polytheism. And it's definitely not in a bad way, just more energetic and...light? When before it was heavier (in a comforting way). I've gotten consistently coherent pulls, too, which is nice.

I've been trying to remember to pour a libation to Hermes at certain street corners when I'm out & about, but I have to make a game plan for when other people are also in the area, even if it's just psyching myself up so I don't look awkward while I do it. I have a pendant that I keep in front of his altar/shrine jar that I try to remember to take with me when I travel, and it's been cool having something in my pocket that's consistently reminding me of him because I check so often to make sure it's still there. There were some...issues with my commute on Monday (a true comedy of errors on the city's part) but the change in routine was a *lot* easier to handle in the morning. Of course, the unusually cool temperature helped, but I do accredit the smooth transition to Hermes because I wasn't stressed at *all* for the vast majority of my commute when I usually would have been wiped from the mental/sensory strain of having to pivot & kinda just hope I guessed right on what to do next. The commute home was a nightmare but I didn't have a whole-ass work day ahead of me after that so the stress didn't matter as much (and I was able to get through the last bus ride & walk from the stop which I wasn't sure I'd have the mental fortitude for).

I'm almost done with the statue of Hermes I've been working on, and I finished a set of alphabet oracle "stones" (squares made from air dry clay...would that technically be closer to potsherds?) tonight. I'll share a picture of them once I finish their bag- I have some leftover green cotton yarn from a recent project that I think will go well with them. We'll see how well they hold up, though I'm not planning on doing the "shake them until one falls out" method so hopefully they'll last a while. I worked on them in the living room this evening, instead of in my room. I'm getting more comfortable showing little elements of what I've been exploring to my housemates; it was nice to be able to sit & paint & listen to the iliad while my friend did his own thing next to me on the couch.

I'm still trying to figure out how to gauge each housemates' potential reactions. It'll probably be fine: friend 1 actively has an altar-esque space and uses tarot cards and a pendulum and friend 2 is friend 1's wife. I'm a bit worried about friend 3 being weird about it, at least at first, but considering he was experimenting with witchcraft-esque things a few years ago (I distinctly remember charms & him discussing which of the wheel of the year days he wanted to observe) I think I'm overthinking things. He's an atheist & his view of witchcraft was, at the very least, *similar* to the psych model, which I think is where the hesitation has been coming from on my end. I have therapy this weekend so I think I'll start bringing things up then. The office my therapist is in openly advertises all sorts of alt/witchcraft things so I think I'll be safe there lol

[themultifandomgal]

Antonio- Moving In Together

"Dad where does YN want this?" I hear Diego ask

"Errm bathroom. She's in there sorting out the cupboards" just then Diego appears with a small box

"Thank you. Just pop it on the floor" I say. Once Diego has gone I open it up and take out my period pads and tampons putting them in the cupboard with more of my toiletries. My phone begins ringing from downstairs. Before I have chance to get up I hear foot steps running and Eva comes in holding it in her hands

"It's Jay" she tells me. I take the phone and answer it

"Hey"

"Ive got the unit you wanted, but I couldn't get it assembled"

"Ok don't worry, I'm sure we're will figure out how to build it" I walk out of the bathroom

"Dad mums here!" Diego shouts and I make my way downstairs to see Antonio opening up the door

"I've got to go. Laura's here for the kids"

"I'll be over in 10 with the unit"

"Thanks" I hung up and smile at Laura but she looks me up and down. She mainly stares at my stomach

"I'm not pregnant if that's what your wondering" I say crossing my arms

"Only reason Antonio would be having you move in"

"Laura" Toni warns her

"It's ok Toni don't worry, I'm not here to cause any drama. Just want to say goodbye to Eva and Diego" the kids both give me a hug. I say my goodbyes then leave Antonio to deal with his ex.

"You alright?" Antonio asks walking into our now shared bedroom while I'm folding my clothes

"Yeah I'm fine"

"I'm sorry about Laura. I told her she had no right to be questioning our relationship"

"Like I said, I'm ok" I sigh "she's your kids mom. She's got ever right to be cautious of me, how long will I be here? If we have a baby will we spend more time with our child and not Eva and Diego. She's just being protective of them and hopefully when she realises that I'm in it for the long hall she will except me"

"Your amazing you know" Antonio smiles wrapping his arms around me, I wrap my arms around his neck "if the rolls were reversed I'm not sure I'd be a cool about this all"

"I've see so many children suffer because of parents aren't getting along. I wouldn't want that for yours. All bad mouthing each other will do is effect the children"

"I love you YN"

"I love you as well" I kiss Antonio before we're rudely interrupted by Jay bringing my makeup unit "I best go and help Jay"

"I'll help Jay. You go grab us some food"

"You sure you want me to leave you alone with one of my brothers, and arguably the most protective one out of the two?" I raise an eyebrow at Toni

"Babe I work with him and we have never had a problem"

"Yeah you work with him. Your off work right now, this is personal time, so he's going to be in big brother mode"

"I'll be back ok with Jay"

"Your funeral" I raise my hands and walk out of the bedroom and down the stairs "I'm going for food. Please don't kill each other" I warn Jay before grabbing some money and leaving the house.

I return home with take out to a quiet house

"Hello? Please tell me your both alive" I joke walking into the kitchen "Jay? Toni?" I place down the food then head yelling in the living room. I follow the noise to see my brother and boyfriend watching football. I notice the the makeup unit spread across the floor "you boys want a beer after all the hard work you've done?"

"Sorry YN. We couldn't figure it out" I roll my eyes at Jay and grab the instructions off the coffee table and start looking at then also getting confused

"You think Kelly will know how to build this?"

"Already text him" Jay tells me "he's coming over tomorrow. Now shhhh we're watching the game"

"You boys and your football seriously" I shake my head and go back to the kitchen and grab 3 plates and plate up the food. I bring their food to them before grabbing my own and sitting next yo Antonio also watching the game.

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - Bachelor/Clavell/Wan (?)

One day, early in the evening. We're with the Bachelors, well, what's left of the family. To everyone's regret, the family is no longer complete. The parents of the two children died in the disaster. Now Xander is looking after them. He has also lost his parents and so they have joined forces in order to survive.

"uh, oh man, I'm so hungry"/ "Uncle Xander will hopefully be back soon"/ "yes, hopefully ".

While waiting for dinner at home, Michael and Xander are on the lookout for all kinds of edible things to bring home. "Man, sometimes I get the feeling that the others have already snapped up all the stuff"/ "by no means everything, check the garbage can to see if you can find anything useful there"…. Of course it's an unpleasant thing to rummage around in a garbage can for useful things, but what don't you do to improve your standard of living a bit?

A few minutes later. "Why didn't you tell me straight away that something edible was growing behind the house?"/ "I'm sorry. Look, The lettuce has grown so beautifully. I believe that the spirit of Mama lives in every single plant. She gives us food and looks after us"/ "Yes, that's how it will be… And again, it's just a salad today… Oh, what I would give for a delicious sausage"

A little later. "Did you get anything?"/ "Heads of lettuce, lots of them". Pauline wrinkled her nose and threw her head back in annoyance. "oh man, I'm getting sick of all this green stuff"/ "well, maybe something can be done, I saw the boss bringing a few boxes to the back of the warehouse today, it looked like canned food"/ "W-what?". Her eyes widened.

"Yeah, I don't know where he got the stuff, but I'll find out"/ "yes, please, if they withhold anything from us, I'll get really angry. I'll make us something to eat now… Wow, salad… at least there are still a few onions and tomatoes growing in the garden". Pauline stood annoyed at the kitchen counter and prepared the food.

"Are you otherwise well?"/ "Sure, since i'm with you, hn". Pauline is leading a double life at the moment. And that's why she's not always honest. She not only shares a bed with Xander, but also with Hank, with whom the relationship is nevertheless difficult. The official story is that they have broken up. But Pauline has a mind of her own. "Hank and I … That probably wouldn't have worked out in the long run and besides, I really wanted to know who the guy was that he was always talking about when he came home from work …"/ "You've got a thing for bad boys?"/ "hnhn, not really, but you're … Just different, and I like that.".

Bella comes back into the house. "Where have you been?"/ "I just had to pee"/ "Let me know next time, okay? I don't want you to be out alone in the dark"/ "but I don't want anyone watching"/ "nobody's done that before, we've always stood in front of the fence"/ "but you can hear the peeing noise"/ "Oh nonsense, come on, Pauline's made salad"

"Salad… Always just salad. Can't we bake a cake again?"/ "We need eggs for that, and they're a bit scarce at the moment because we don't have enough chickens"/ "Then you'll have to get a rooster to make the chicks"/ "Oh, you know that?"/ "Of course, that's what… Mom told me".

Michael had to smile a little. "Yes, Mom knew a lot…". It's often a difficult situation for Xander when the children talk about their parents. Because it's not just them who have lost their parents, he has too. Until now, there has never been a proper funeral or memorial service for the deceased. Everyone had to deal with the new situation from one day to the next. But some of the residents want to take care of the cemetery soon.

"And please take care of this 'matter' tomorrow, okay? I really want to know what's going on…"/ "Don't worry, I'll find out what the Altos are up to. "/ "They lead a much better life than some of the others here. They have running water, electricity. They should finally support us. I bet they have some kind of contact with the outside world"/ "mhm, for sure".

Since Pauline has been living in the house, the atmosphere here has changed. So far, they've managed quite well without another roommate. And of course Michael also understands that you need someone to talk to… But at the moment it's probably just about exchanging bodily fluids. No one will ever be able to properly replace the parents of the two children. But they are being looked after.

The kids go to bed. "hey, this is actually my bed"/ "but it's much cooler than mine, you built it all by yourself, mine is old"/ "but it's still in good shape…fine, then I'll be the princess tonight"/ "thihi… Which book did you get from the shelf?"/ "You'll notice in a minute".

While Michael reads his sister a bedtime story, the adults next door are busy with other things. "Have you taken the pill?"/ "That's the last pack I could get, after that we should be really careful"/ "Why, don't you want children?"/ "Under the current circumstances? No…".

While Michael reads his sister a bedtime story, the adults next door are busy with other things. "Have you taken the pill?"/ "That's the last pack I could get, after that we should be really careful"/ "Why, don't you want children?"/ "Under the current circumstances? No…".

"well, if need be, I can pull 'him' out early"/ "chuckle, but that doesn't always help"/ "I'd say we just take our chances… I'll take care of it, bunny".

Less than 20 minutes later. "Sleep well, sis… At some point… Hopefully everything will be a bit more normal again. My friends are all madly in love… great, and I'll probably stay a virgin until I'm 30…". It's not easy for Michael to put up with the other couples' affections. Everyone here has their own individual needs.

End of this part

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@greenplumbboblover 😊 , Thanks for tagging me, by the way. Unfortunately, I find it infinitely difficult to pick out a sim and write facts about it. I like them all very much.^^ But if I do come up with something about someone at some point, I'll let you and others know😊

Note: I know some parts are quite long and contain a lot of text, but they can't be split up any other way and I like to write a lot 😉

[earthbound4project]

Hey guys! finally got a update again! there was a delay about a week ago since I got stuck with figuring out how to make Leo playable in this demo. while I could use a global value or flags to resolve this, I wanted to use events that make it easy to remember instead of using values or flags I decided to copy the test level and make it up into 2 separate scenes so we can switch Meryl and Leo!

Now with that issue out of the way, all that needs to be done left is to make finishing touches with the other 2 modes. There won't be any changes to the controls with item or sound tests, only the background color and additional music and few items to be added for the test! there might be new features to be included but for now this is all I can say!

Im posting here to let my followers know this is not dead and still ongoing. hopefully will be done tonight or tomorrow morning depends how Im doing!

the delay was taken up by ripping things from n64 game Conker for another side project which you will find out on my Rare Unofficial blog! This blog is for Earthbound related works only so lets stay on topic about that here lmao.

By the way, I have good news but it might not sound much. Gavin Thomas's portfolio site is back on just recent but currently no Oddity yet. He mentioned a website for Oddity couple years ago which might happen soon since he is currently active with doing sprite art for a mentioned "demo". Gav even predicted that Oddity will come around 2025 and thats next year! but its currently hard to believe at the moment as its still too early for them to announce anything after many years of broken promises, lies, and so much show off plus the team done a bit of abuse with bullying and ghosting around their community and I just happen to be one of their "victims" since I was on their Discord! :(

Oddity staff should be considered notorious, full of secrecy, toxic individuals, and poorly mismanaged! If I were the team, they should give up their game since its no longer the "Mother 4" we wanted anymore and even someone else said that the whole "rebrand" was only excuse to further delay their game and anger their followers! It makes you wonder how a fan project from 2008 could still go on this far when it was once handled by a much more friendly, loving, caring, and more social group back in the day before stupid Pastel came to ruined Azure's project that could been faithful for a Mother 3 follow up but as it already turn out, they screwed up and not anyone else besides that other group https://mother4.org/ ever accomplish a single Mother 4 attempt!

and thats why this project happen, I'll be the very first to make Mother 4 happen for real because I have all the time and THE GUTS to make my own follow up for Mother 3, a game that will never likely continue unless another company buys the EB franchise one day.

While this version of Mother 4 won't be accurate to Oddity's changed storyline, the characters and setting will remain the same because this project was meant to kick off Mother 4 from when it was last seen as a EB fan sequel before the rebrand with everything I gathered from what was already been known so far as of 2019.

The leaks made a excellent resource I wish this could been done the same with Kirby Cosmic Chaos (another fan project we also lost) but since theres nothing leaked from that other fan game we're screwed with Cosmic Chaos anyway lol.

Theres also very few leaked things found from the other Mother 4 but its not much. This project is to serve as a makeup from the mistake that both Mother 4 teams failed to provide or done yet, they hardly stay in touch with their community and let alone not sharing a single demo! Thats why Im doing this, the very early demos is to serve the followers here to give them a idea how the game will be played like. they are only proof of concepts and does not show the exact look of the game once I get down to the bigger versions of this project!

I had a few confused people in the past few weeks who mistaken my game for what it is. I want to clear up that the demos was something I would do with all my other previous projects since 2006. I always start with experimental demos and this shows! the experimental demos is to test the controls, sound, and other important features we might see in the finished game but at the moment you will have to enjoy what I can provide for now. I don't have all the resources to make a complete Mother 4 yet but at least whatever we got from the leaks can help with my own version of Mother 4 lmao.

By the way, I plan on going back to Starmen.net since Earthbound Eternal is still very inactive with fewer people online there. I used to update my project there but now my main page would be both Game Jolt and Earthbound Eternal as I have no better place where to share my games! :(

Mediafire would be a risky choice as I heard some files went missing on Mediafire plus Dropbox has limited space and only useful for personally sharing files privately with a friend or community.

Internet Archive would be another great choice but Im currently unable to share stand alones there due to virus total scanning them there and calling them malware when they are not! Im only able to share project files there so if you got your own copy of clickteam, you can make the stand alone yourself to run the game that way! However I like to stick with Game Jolt and Earthbound Eternal to release my EB games and demos!

Look forward to updates from me later tonight or tomorrow morning!

[changingplumbob]

Once again late to sleep BUT it's because I was queuing up the last post for this round of the Knightstones and wanted it done before bed. I played through the last day this morning and did my normal maintenance between households. When I clicked in to the next household I saw something I was hoping for! Not sure if I'll share what it is or let it unfold in the story but I'm excited!

Then I went into my recap post for Rotation 9 to update it with the details of the Knightstones. Looking back I know this one has been stretched over a long time but with all I've been going through I'm so happy I didn't just fall down and quit. Recap post of course will not be up before the last household has its turn but keep your eyes peeled!

Got to get up early tomorrow to go to a dietician my GP has referred me to. Hopefully they can help but since IBS is an autoimmune condition it may just be a matter of tips to survive this flare up.