#honestly its a little hilarious because i was looking through his story events to figure out how old he is

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Saint Germain, to Leonardo: You know, Vlad can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching.

Also Saint Germain: *fires pistol at Vlad* GET FUCKED!

[klixxy]

Genshin Fic Recs

so... i ventured into the vast world of Google looking for some good GI fic recs... only to find such a pitiful amount that i was promptly devastated. therefore, the solution is to make my own! :D

keep in mind most of these will be ChiLi or XingYun, and yes, i will try not to include smut unless it was one i really really liked. if anyone wants a separate list for just smut (though that will most likely be shorter) i can try to make one later.`

ft. my bookmark comments :)

CHILI

wrapped up in pure gold by beyondwinter

(chili; accidental marriage; chili/childe-centric; 22k words; ongoing)

"Do you understand its meaning, Childe?" He finally asks. There's a hard glint in his eyes, like he's trying to steel himself for his answer.

"Yeah." Loyalty and devotion, right? Between business partners? "I do. It's traditional, isn't it?"

Zhongli's eyes glow a warm amber in the near darkness, reflecting the soft shine of the lanterns. He studies his face with a strange intensity, as though Childe were a piece of high quality Nocticulous Jade being sold for suspiciously small sum and he's trying to find the blemishes that would explain the price. The weight of his gaze should be uncomfortable, boring into him like he can see into the very depths of his abyss-tainted soul, but Childe finds himself preening under the attention instead.

Childe accidentally proposes to Zhongli. Zhongli accepts.

The World is Water by Millereflets

(chili; smut; hurt/comfort; chili-centric; 7k words; oneshot)

Childe doesn't visit Zhongli until it's almost too late.

(my bookmarks: HOW DO YOU MAKE A SMUT SCENE SO POETIC HOLY SHITTTTT)

Set in Stone by seredemia

(chili; fake dating au; angst; some smut?; chili/chiilde-centric; 55k words; ongoing)

What do you do when you write about a certain six thousand year old consultant so much in your letters that it somehow convinces your entire family you're not only dating each other, but that you're also engaged?

In Childe's case, the answer is plain and simple: he goes along with it, of course. Absolutely nothing can go wrong if he makes a contract with the God of Contracts, vowing that the two of them will pretend to be lovers for the duration of his family's stay in Liyue. Afterwards, they'll return as normal and speak no more of this mess. No feelings or complications involved whatsoever.

Contract accepted. A fool-proof plan set in stone. Right?

Private Ledger of the Eleventh Harbinger by JuHuaTai

(chili; humor; getting together; chili/ekaterina-centric; 5k words; oneshot)

“So guess what I did next?”

Ekaterina contemplated not answering, but Harbinger Tartaglia was just… grinning and waiting. It’s honestly rather creepy the longer time passed.

In the end, she gave a long suffering sigh that seems lost on him, “You bought him the Erhu—“

“I bought him the antique, cor lapis based Erhu,”

-

When she first left her homeland for the unknown nation of Liyue, Ekaterina was ready to be many things: To be a soldier, to fell Tsaritsa’s enemies in her name, to bring glory to Snezhnaya and her leader.

Being a receptionist in a cozy bank wasn’t so bad in comparison, but she absolutely can do without the front row seat to Harbinger Tartaglia’s (expensive) love life.

i know i'm where i'm meant to go by paperclips (pastel_paperclips)

(chili; humor; fluff; chili-centric; 12k words; ongoing)

"Childe," Zhongli says suddenly. "I am enjoying myself greatly." Childe’s face breaks into a grin. "Then-" Zhongli gasps, grabbing his wrist and tugging him over to an unsuspecting peddler with a cart full of rocks. "Is that an intrusive igneous pegmatite formed in the Inazuma regions?" Childe’s grin smooths into a small, adoring smile. He has all the time in the world to figure the other man out.

OR: Finding the Geo Archon is on Childe's to-do list but hanging out with Zhongli is significantly more fun.

CHILIVEN

Crumbling Stone by avtorSola

(chiliven; ANGST; PAIN; mind control; zhongli-centric; 74k words; ongoing)

When Morax unleashes his plan to test the Liyue Qixing and his adepti, he does not take into account the stirring of the Abyss Order in the north and the corruption of Dvalin - for why would he fear an organization that works in such shadows? He is secure in his power, after all, unlike his flighty ex, the absentee archon of Mondstadt who rises only when his people are in danger.

But, somehow, the Abyss Order discovers his plan. Somehow, they capitalize on it. And he, the God of Stone who cannot sicken, is struck down - taken by an order bent on destroying all of humanity as Liyue crumbles around him. For even Archons aren't immune to Durin's blood, and Morax is no exception. But then the question becomes - if even Archons may fall to the agony of this corrupting burn - how is their traveling friend Aether immune?

The answer comes from beyond the stars - an ancient malice that knows no kindness or mercy. A malice whose legacy the Abyss Order now bears, seeking to topple all the Archons and their people into the void of utter destruction. And they have begun in Liyue.

Fortunately, it takes a long time to erode stone.

(my bookmarks: IM SCREAMING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

PLATONIC ZHONGVEN

left-behind city by trixstar

(platonic zhongven; angst; ANGST; venti-centric; 1k words; oneshot)

"An associate of mine has just informed me that Rex Lapis, the Geo Archon has been assassinated."

Venti blinks.

Or: Venti and how he copes with finding out he is all that remains.

i circle ten thousand years long; and i still do not know if i am a falcon, a storm, or an unfinished song by birdsofpassage

(platonic zhongven; angst; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 4k words; oneshot)

Venti and Zhongli, and the vignettes of a much-needed vacation around Mondstadt.

(my bookmarks: ; - ;      ;  -  ; )

oh ye with little faith by air_fried_air

(platonic zhongven; angst; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

Two former archons do a little tour around Mondstadt.

(my bookmarks: why are all genshin angst fics so melancholy.... i feel so empty)

the wind through the mountain tops by glassdrachma

(platonic zhongven; humor; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 21k words; finished)

Boredom brings Barbatos of Mondstadt to bother a certain ex-Archon of the Earth.

(my bookmarks: venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship-)

XINGYUN

the art of exorcism by Agried

(xingyun; ghost au; hurt/comfort; chongyun-centric; 9k words; oneshot)

On the road back from one of his jobs, Chongyun runs into Xingqiu, the wandering swordsman. And then they keep meeting, over and over again. or, alternately; how a ghost and an exorcist learn how to love, one step at a time.

Bane of All Evil by tzitzimeme

(xingyun; humor; romance; chongyun-centric; 24k words; hiatus)

When Chongyun unintentionally offends Liyue's second most powerful adepti, he vows to mend the thorny relationship between Adeptus Xiao and human exorcists-- even though no one has succeeded in currying Xiao's favor for over a thousand years.

His best friend Xingqiu offers to come alone, mainly because he's worried about what kind of trouble Chongyun will run into. Along the way, they receive help from others: Xiangling packs them meals for their journeys, while Zhongli gives them advice on what demons to track.

Childe is just there because he thinks the whole thing is hilarious.

[On indefinite hiatus due to burnout; sorry!]

kiss me slowly (so i don't forget) by xiwangmu

(xingyun; humor; romance; light angst; xingqiu-centric; 8k words; oneshot)

Wangshu Inn Bulletin Board

Guest Message: My best friend whom I harbor affections for kissed me last night, but due to his special condition he does not recall a single moment of it. I am quite conflicted about whether to disclose these events to him or not, because that would most certainly require me to confess my feelings as well. If anyone has experience in romancing boys with excessive positive energy, this one humbly asks you to share some advice.

Reply: Our greatest apologies—although we would like to offer some words in response, we simply cannot decipher your handwriting. Perhaps you may return with a neater message next time?

time trials by idlestars

(xingyun/many ships; humor; modern au; xingyun-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

A modern social media AU.

Xingqiu Teases Demons. Chongyun Almost Cries. [The clip shows Xingqiu, lit by the sickly green of night vision, as he stares bored into a dark room. He’s alone - Chongyun left to see if Xingqiu could lure out the ghosts. Xingqiu glances at the camera, smirks, and then opens his mouth.

“Hey demons, it’s me, yah boy.”]

OTHER/GEN

woe be the wallet of the god of wealth by glassdrachma

(gen; humor; identity reveal; keqing/zhongli-centric; 12k words; finished)

Or, the story of how the Yuheng of the Qixing came to idolize, befriend, and discover the identity of the God of Geo, in that order.

(personal comments: hilarious, made me burst out into laughter multiple times, and was just a masterful piece of writing)

to dream of dust by miao_x

(guili/gen; ANGST; hurt/no comfort; zhongli-centric; 5k words; oneshot)

Some nights, Zhongli dreams.

He dreams of soft light, golden song, and a gentle breeze whispering tales of millennia past. It is warm, familiar, and comforting.

It feels like home.

And then he opens his eyes, and awakes to reality.

(my bookmarks: oh zhongli... made me cry)

To drown in your own tears by C_rin_nyan

(guili/gen; ANGST; TEARS; PAIN; zhongli-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

As Rex Lapis, he had never shed a tear, even as he slaughtered hundreds, destruction following his every step. As Zhongli, he had shed much more than he would like to admit, however.

Or, “Zhongli’s soul gave its last scream long ago, yet even now, the echo of said sound was still strong enough to reach Rex Lapis.”

[itsmeevie01]

A Moment in Time

ok, so. a little disclaimer before we get into the good stuff. Cannon is in no way whatsoever being followed in this. honestly? im not even sure that i REMEBER cannon at this point. that said, cannon is non applicable. at. all. 

moving on. YES, i WILL finish B!DBWM stuff eventually. but uh...not today. i just mentally cant. it. will. come. when. my. brain. can. handle. the. world. that. i. had. tailored. for. it. 

ALSO this is going to be kinda sporatic, but the goal (not end all be all but) is to have this wrapped in a pretty little package and finished (at least on my end) by the end of february.

and now....onto the stuff you came here for!

---

Marinette was running late to school when she met him. She ran into the boy and stumbled back, flailing to catch herself before she fell. He looked down at her owlishly, before looking around. By the time he had returned his gaze to her, the teen had pulled herself back together. He smiled and nodded at her, before moving to go around. When Marinette had pulled herself together enough to call a short “sorry!”, He was already gone.

That was three weeks ago. Now, she was looking at a picture of their interaction, where it blared on the front page of the newspaper that Jagged had sent her. When Marinette had received the package, she had been confused. Jagged wasn’t supposed to send her another demo for a few weeks. They were still working on singles. When she had opened the box and found five different American publications with her on their front page, the teen designer had shrieked. With shaking hands, she picked up the top one and studied the headline.

HAS BRUCE WAYNE’S WARD FOUND PARISIAN LOVE?

The bold text was catching, sure, but Marinette was caught on WHO it was placing her with. Someone she had never met. The second one had a picture of her next to Jagged at an event, and a picture of the boy next to a blonde girl. The headline wasn’t much better than the first.

TIMELINE OF THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MDC AND THE HEIR TO WAYNE INERPRISES.

The teen snorted. She was starting to see the pattern. Putting the tabloid down the girl moved onto the next one. This one had, once again, a zoomed in picture of the five second interaction between her and a stranger. The title, however, was different than the first two.

ALL OF BRUCE WAYNE’S CHILDREN, AND THE INSIDE SCOOP ON HIS NEWEST DAUGHTER

She squinted, laughter bubbling up a little as she observed the piece of fiction. Whoever the Bruce Wayne was, Marinette hopped that he was able to combat this, because she had no intention of letting this fly.

Tim and Bruce were staring at the pile of papers in mild shock. When Jared had reached out to them in mild panic, they had been confused. His panic had been explained when the rocker had arrived carrying a stack of tabloid literature a foot thick. When he had thunk’d the stack down on Bruce’s desk, the businessman’s shock had been more than notable. When Tim had picked up the first few publications the initial look on his face was mirth, but it quickly morphed into shock, then panic. When he handed the top item to Bruce, the older man frowned. When the second pamphlet made its way to his hands, Bruce paused. His next move was to call the Wayne family lawyers. when he turned back to his old friend, all the faces in the room told the same grim tale of what was to come.

When Tim found out that it was Jared’s niece that he had accidentally run into in the brief moment in Paris, he wasn’t sure whether he should be more stressed by it, or if it was by pure luck. When Bruce’s friend went on to explain that the girl would probably already suing the reports and papers that had published the rumor, the young CEO was impressed. To have a lawyer on hand like that was…surprising, considering that she couldn’t be older than 18.

When he asked the rocker if he thought the girl would let anyone go after her, he laughed. Then, Jared Stone explained that the girl was known in Paris for squishing rumors with surprising efficiency.

That evening, Bruce invited his childhood friend home for dinner, and the star spent the evening telling stories of their capers as children, with Alfred grimacing in agreement with the stories. Partway through dinner, Jared’s phone went off. While the rest of the family tensed, glancing to Alfred, their guest frowned at his phone before rushing to answering. “Hey Little Rocker! How’s Pari- oh. So, Penny was more efficient then I thought she’d be. I- yes I figured that you may want to hear. Do- No! Marinette, what!” here, the man paused, his head cocked to the side, his eyes screwed up in thought. “No luv! Sue them within an inch of their lives! You more then have that right.” Here, the rocker paused before he laughed. “Tell that buzzing bee of yours that she’s a good friend. Alright, Miss Mari. I’ll ring you when I’m back on that side of the Atlantic.” He laughed again, “See you soon, Marinette.” The table stayed quiet, waiting for the man to give an indication on the status of the conversation. “Well, Brucie, expect to hear from my niece in the next few day, or at least, her team of lawyers.” the Wayne patriarch blinked before nodding in hidden surprise.

When the family was talking during patrol that evening, Tim grumbled. The 18-year-old was still taken aback that the press had even seen the momentary interaction almost a month ago. As his brothers listened in, many of them started to make fun of the teen. When Jason tuned in, he dropped in the middle of tale. At his confusion, Tim sighed and started over, again. While the family was laughing over his run-in with the press, the former Robin shook his head and silenced his family. He had a feeling he wouldn’t live this one down for a while.

Originally, Jason had found Tim’s predicament hilarious. Of course, the kid had to have the worst run-ins with the press. Then, he had picked up one of the many tabloids with the story. When he had seen the pictures, all mirth left the resurrected vigilante. The noirette that was looking up at him from the page? Yeah. He knew her. Better than anyone else, actually. With shaking hands, the young man paged to the story. What he found was…illuminating. So. She had been adopted. In France. In Paris. After forcing his lungs to draw breath, Jason pulled out his phone. He had arrangements to make.

The day after Jagged had sent her the gossip rags that were considered journalism, Marinette strode into school with a scowl so ingrained in in her features that anyone who didn’t know her would think the expression was permanent. When she stalked into the Lycée classroom, Chloé grinned at her from where she had settled in the front row. Marinette nodded at her friend as she slid in next to her. Lila came skipping in moments later, a cruel smile playing on her lips, before falling when she saw the bone quaking scowl resting on her nemesis’ face. “oh Marinette! Did something happen? Did…did you anger your parents? Did they find out about all those men?” the other girl huffed before turning to her. Lila froze as she was met with the iciest glare that she had seen in years.

“oh Lila. That’s so cute. It almost sounds like you still think that your little stories affect me at all. That’s…adorable.” The Italian girl shrunk under the younger girl’s stare. Suddenly, she understood why people had been warning her to leave the teen alone. this girl, she was brutal. “lucky for you, you’re not the one I’m after, this time. My lawyers have bigger fish to fry.” The newer addition to the classroom gulped, her throat suddenly very dry. It occurred to her that maybe Marinette had let her take control of the class. After all, if they turn that easily, why would she want them for friends. The smaller girl nodded as she watched the realization run over Lila’s face. Raising her eyebrows, the Eurasian girl motioned her classmate along, sending a cruel smile after her.

Chloé waited until the little liar was gone before giggling at her friend’s reaction to the girl who had become their daily annoyance. “I’m guessing you saw what’s been running in the American news? I thought it wouldn’t take long for you to respond. Are a plethora of lawsuits on the way?” Marinette giggled slightly as her severe demander giving way to the internal glee that was consuming the teen over the sheer chaos that was to come.

When Jason touched down in Paris, he tensed. The atmosphere in the city was less carefree than he remembered. There was an air that actually reminded him of Gotham. Tense. Waiting or the other shoe to drop. The expectation that your day was going to go wrong set from the moment one woke up. Pulling out his phone, the Gotamite looked up the address to the bakery that he had found when digging online. If today went the way he was hoping it would, the bakery would be his only stop for the day. Of course, he didn’t count on Gina.

When she called him over from where she was standing by her bike, Jason had to smile. The woman was part of the reason that he wasn’t still camping out in Gotham, waiting to kill a certain billionaire. Once the spry biker had latched onto his arm, the young man knew that his mission would have to wait just a bit. After all, he owed Gina almost everything he had.

[wangxianficrecs]

Follower Recs

Stories I haven’t read yet, but clearly need to put on my ever-expanding List.

~*~

Welcome back queen [Thank you, it’s so lovely to be back!] if ur still doing follower recs I gotta recommend I would wait for a thousand years by bleuett it’s soooooooo good

[This one was actually recced to me by two different people, the other of whom said, “ Maybe I'm crying a little so I feel like a should recommend ‘I would wait for a thousand years’ by bleuett on ao3.”]... it’s def. on my List!

I would wait for a thousand years

by bleuett (T, 10k, wangxian)

Summary:  During the worst of winter, a traveler comes to stay at Lan Wangji's inn. He wears a red ribbon in his hair.

“Do you see the rabbit?” Wei Ying asks and points at the moon. “That’s the moon rabbit, he helps make Chang’e more immortality elixir. He keeps Chang’e company.”

“I do not wish the rabbit for company,” Lan Wangji says tightly. “You are the one I want by my side.”

“And I’m here, Lan Zhan. If you go to the moon, I’ll follow you, I’ll always be here now.”

~*~

I just read a great fic by aisthuu "every love story is a ghost story", didn't see it in your recs so wanted to recommend it! LWJ is a guqin composer and teacher, buys a cheap guqin off eBay which ends up being attached to WWX's spirit from canon era. It's bittersweet, LWJ deals with Lan's homophobia (implicit in a Lan way) and his feelings towards the ghost. This is author's only ao3 fic and honestly I don't remember how I stumbled upon it, but I'm happy I did and hope you will enjoy it too!  [I’ve recently read this one, and loved it!]

every love story is a ghost story

by aisthuu (M, 59k, wangxian, my bookmark)

Summary:  The man is in Lan Zhan’s bed. Did they—he begins to wonder, eyes trailing to where the man’s body lies under the blanket. Had Lan Zhan—?

Then the sleep-fog clears and Lan Zhan realizes that the young man isn’t quite opaque around the edges.

“You’re a spirit.”

The spirit narrows its eyes. “I’m so much more than that.”

(Lan Zhan buys a guqin off eBay for a suspiciously low price, only to find that it’s haunted. And now there’s a ghost in his bed.)

~*~

Ok so I absolutely have to rec "see you yesterday" by glyphic. It's a wip, but it's currently at 101k so there's a whole lot there, and it's terrible and wonderful and beautiful all at once. The way the backstory of canon events is adapted to the modern-with-cultivation setting is brilliant, and then there's the amnesia, and then there's the time loop. This fic lives permanently rent-free in my brain.

see you yesterday

by glyphic (M, 101k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  

Wei Ying 21:09 hey lan zhan what’s the weirdest way youve died

Lan Zhan 21:11 Falling encyclopedias.

Wei Ying 21:12 omg no way that’s so rude turning books against you???

Lan Zhan 21:13 A betrayal I will never forget.

On Halloween night, an exiled demonic cultivator and a Lan disciple get stuck in a time-loop, find each other, and try to figure it all out.

~*~

If you are looking for recs for yourself I absolutely love (the complete!) story Just as the Snow Melts by draechali on AO3. It's a canon divergence where everyone lives, even WWX! ~ @airmidcelt

Just as the Snow Melts

by draechaeli (T, 67k, wangxian)

Summary:  Like a snowy mountain top in spring the residents of the Burial Mounds trickled down the mountain and joined the flow of society.

“I went to the Burial Mounds,” Lan WangJi said.

“Ah, yeah… I’m sorry Lan Zhan,” replied Wei WuXian, “I hadn’t thought anyone would come to visit. I am still not sure how it happened; I brought A-Yuan to Yiling to play by the river and then ended up somehow teaching a bunch of children swimming and writing along with him.”

~*~

Hello! It's come to my attention that you have not as yet read Grandmaster of Meme-onic Cultivation! Please do! It's the only thing that gave me joy during 2020 😆 like proper belly laughs and disney villain style cackling. It is a wip, and it is long but so so worth it!! The author has reworked the entire canon through these message crystals and still conveys complex characters despite the tricky format. It's just so good!! Highly highly recommend it! ❤ ~ @theladypeartree  [Oh!  I’ve been subscribed to this one, and know that @swaglexander-the-great is a reliable provider of Hilarity, so I’m excited for it to be finished!]

Grandmaster of Meme-onic Cultivation 

by Hades_the_Blingking (T, 49k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  The Untamed universe is exactly the same, except everybody has magical crystals that have a suspiciously familiar messaging system. The story is pretty much the same as the show, except everyone lives!! (so minor changes).

or in which Wei WuXian tries his darndest to date Lan Zhan, Jiang Cheng possibly has a aneurysm, Jin ZiXuan is still the most awkward human alive, and Xue Yang makes me write some VERY cursed things. Written in chatfic format! :3

~*~

Chomrafy on AO3 deserves love and encouragement; she’s written a body of compact, poetic, and eloquent shortfics each of which can stand alone, but that comprise an intricately cross-referential and mostly internally-consistent universe. They’re grouped as chapters in works according to theme; for example, “in cupped hands” focuses upon Jin Ling and his second-generation baggage; “Departure in Autumn” portrays the last years of WWX’s first life. Follow the tag “Chomrafy’s MDZS shortfics.” [I don’t see this tag?]

in cupped hands

by chomrafy (G, 2k, wangxian)

Summary:  Of secrets, of futures, of love. A Jin Ling-centric collection of 200-word fics.

Ch.1: Jin Ling repays a debt (JL, JC, & WWX). Ch.2: Jin Ling and a ghost in the mirror. (JL & JYL) Ch.3: A matter of friends (JL & the other kids) Ch.4: In this house we don't keep dogs (JC & WWX) Ch.5: In the end, he remains silent (JL & uncles) Ch.6: A first night hunt, of sorts (JL & the other kids) Ch.7: Jin Ling, forgiving, forgetting (JL & LXC & JGY) Ch.8: Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling argue (JL, JC, & WWX) Ch.9: Jin Ling and his father (JL & JC) Ch.10: Jin Ling speaks up (JL, JC, & WWX) Ch.11: Jin Ling and a piece of home (JL, JC, & WWX)

Departure in Autumn

by chomrafy (not rated, 6k)

Summary:  Four perspectives. A steady march to the end.

Ch.1: Because if anything happens to them, Wen Qing would never be able to heal with these hands again. Ch.2: As long as this is still home, Jiang Yanli will wait as long as she needs to. Ch.3: Five times Jiang Cheng reaches for Wei Wuxian, one time he turns away. Ch.4: Whether the road is broad or narrow, bright or dark, they would have to keep walking. Wei Wuxian digs Wen Qing's grave.

~*~

Hello, hope all is going well. I don't have an ask, by I do have a recommendation. I read this fic a while ago and found it again. I just wanted to recommend this for everyone. Let me know what you think please. Thank you. [Oh!  This one’s in my To Read list, but  I’d forgotten about it.  Mmmm, fox!wwx and dragon!lwj.]

Ten miles of Lotus Flowers

by Yukirin_Snow

M, 274k, wangxian

Summary:  He was a mischievous fox spirit, wreaking havoc where he went, about to depart on a journey that would span centuries.

He was a heavenly prince, a proud dragon destined to ascend the throne to become emperor.

Neither expected their paths to collide over the span of three lives.

~*~

I forgot if it was your blog 😥 that recommended “Bestseller” (when Wei Wuxian writes the Xianxia cut-sleeve equivalent of Fifty Shades of Grey, based entirely on his experiences with Lan Wangji, he doesn’t expect it to become the next big hit) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/21528316/chapters/51318766)

But OMG IT WAS HILARIOUS!!! I LOVED IT!! And if it wasn’t your blog, I’m so sorry for how weird this sounds 😭😭😭😭 I just loved this fic so much that I have to tell it to someone 😢 [It’s on my List, but I haven’t read it yet!]

Bestseller

by pupeez4eva

M, 8k, wangxian

Summary:  He had written the book to prove a point. It was never supposed to be a big thing, and he certainly never intended for everyone — Jiang Cheng, Zewu-Jun, the Juniors, literally everyone— to be reading about his sex life.

Oh God, he definitely needed to make sure Lan Zhan didn’t find out about this.

(Or, when Wei Wuxian writes the Xianxia cut-sleeve equivalent of Fifty Shades of Grey, based entirely on his experiences with Lan Wangji, he doesn’t expect it to become the next big hit).

~*~

I’d like to rec On Your Marks, Get Set, Bake! by @blackwiresgrowonherhead

It’s one of my absolute favorites and I laughed out loud so many times when reading it

on your marks, get set, bake!

by BlackWiresOnHerHead

G, 41k, wei wuxian & juniors

Summary:  Jin Ling resumes thumping on the door to room 721, and the small collection of freshmen starts chanting “Senior Wei! Senior Wei! Senior Wei!” with increasing volume until finally Wei Wuxian opens the door.

“Yes?” he says with his widest, most innocent eyes.

“Senior Wei!” demands Lan Jingyi, shoving himself to the front of the group. “Why didn’t you tell us you’re a contestant on this year’s season of The Great Gusu Bake Off?!?”

--

Several months ago, college student Wei Wuxian secretly competed in the most popular reality show in the country. The show starts airing in the fall. The freshmen in his dorm collectively lose their minds.

~*~

If you're in the mood for v. short ridiculous fun fic, may I suggest My chain hits my chest/When I'm bangin' on the radio by x_los It's 2k modern cultivators AU, featuring WWX calling LWJ's sword Bitchin' [omg I’m laughing so hard] and I think it's more fun going in blind?

My chain hits my chest/When I'm bangin' on the radio

by x_los

T, 2k, wangxian

Summary:  Lan Wangji finds he doesn't even need to call for help for Wei Wuxian to come running.

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon, it makes me really happy and comforts me that you enjoy reading what I submit. It makes me really happy to write all of this and finally be able to tell someone my ideas. Thank you so much.

At first he kept trying to deny the father figure role, but when one night Jackie had a nightmare and came to him and ended up calling him dad, he stopped denying it and accepted it. And once he accepted it he did basically adopt all of them. Jackie and Grievous are literally chaos incarnate most days. They regularly love to prank the contestants and just act insane. Ran and Jackie just kind of hang around eachother, like Ran could be reading and Jackie training and they'd enjoy eachothers company. They do sometimes nap next to eachother, or play card games (which is a rare instance where Ran gets (playfully) rilled up and competitive). Grievous and Ran bonding sadly gets interrupted when Ranbob suddenly drops in, but before that Grievous would try to talk to Ran about what book he's reading and just try to make conversation with him.

Oh the height difference definitely remains. And its both terrifying and hailours to new people. It's even better when it's a 2v2 fight because Jackie has a habit of just climbing Ran like a monkey gym and sitting on his shoulders and its terrifying.

Well, since the drinking age is 3, I personally think the age limit is like 14 or something close. I believe I made their ages as Ran is 19 (almost 20. Maybe 4 months away), Jackie is 16, Watson is 30 something, Grievous is 22, and Ranbob is 28 (Ran is younger than his brother by 9 years) I have written down all their ages somewhere (and the ages where the events of Mizu took place) and if I got any wrong I will submit another ask with their ages. The other gladiators have managed to keep good relationships with most of eachother. A few like Grievous and Genevieve are close, Edward, Levi, and Watson are drinking buddies. Lagguis sadly isn't as involved cause he is sick and can't vist often at all. (I think I got everyone. Tell me if I missed anyone please, I cant check cause whenever I exit tumblr, tumblr deletes everything in my ask :') )

I dont have many rules for the Pit rn but I do have, no injuries that could cause long term or chronic damage, no sabotaging opponents, no teaming unless its a team round, no blackmail or anything of the sort to force an opponent to forfeit, and in order for a battle to end due to forfeit both sides must agree to it. But the Pit in general is a lot of things, there's fights for money, fame, and positions (like general). There's tournaments meant for nothing other than to show skill and just to fight your heart out. It's open to anyone above 14 and anyone under 80, to people from Subbin to those just passing through.

And there are different battles in the Pit, theres singles, the ones we saw in the Tales of the SMP episode. Teams, where teams of 2 battles against eachother. Free-for-all, where literally everyone fights against eachother. And Ion battles, battles where there are super powered weapons (like flame 2 iron sword. Or strength 3 potions) that spawn in the area at random. Typically Ran and Watson work best toghere, as their strategists and plan everything with back up plans, and they always call out warnings and watch eachothers back so its incredibly hard to actually hit them. And Jackie and Grievous work best toghere, with the two going insane and often taking people by surprise with their unmeasure and randomized movements and attacks.

At the start Ranbob was completely under Dreams thrall, not being able to really think for himself and even foregoing self care. When Ranbob starts to become himself again the fishermen are more than confused and hesitant, with Cletus especially stating multiple times that it may just be a trick. So it takes a while but Isaac actually is the one to suggest maybe it isn't a trick, and has to do with the mask that was found. This is later confirmed when the mask is brought to the group and Ranbob has a massive negative reaction that sets him back to how he was when they first met him.

Im honestly not sure yet, I think I want it to be a 'lets never go back' type thing but im not positive yet.

I dont have a solid backstory for the fishermen, but I know I want a little bit of it to tie to the story. Do you have any ideas for their backstory or nah? I do know I want them to have met eachother while they where in unfortunate situations and because of those they got family level close.

Ranbob doesn't take the little space well at first; staying outside when able too, even though that really upset Benjamin; and Ranbob has no idea how the outside works and has no idea how to read the weather or what he can and cant eat, but hey the enderman boi is trying his best to make up for everything he's done. And trying to build his own house to not impose on the fishermen (much like Ranboo did with Techno), but Benjamin wouldn't accept that and kept dragging him inside. It wasn't that hard for Benjamin, Isaac, and Charles to get used to Ranbob, already being used to sharing a small house, it was more Cletus with him refusing to leave Ranbob alone even for a second because he doesn't trust Ranbob at all.

The two groups actually get along surprisingly well! They like eachother and Watson once said, "It was like a family reunion. Or like long lost siblings finally found their way home."

I am once again not sure! Originally I planned for them to stay in Subbin and in the Pit. But the more I think about it the more boring that is and more I like the idea of the groups traveling toghere in the world.

I like this question! So enderman travel in groups called hauntings right? I personally headcanon the enderman in this group are basically family, biological or not. And ever since Ran and Ranbob lost their family they lost their haunting, which can be mentally damaging to a enderman. Once Ran found Waston, Jackie, and Grievous and started hanging around them more, he started feeling a connection ot them he hasn't felt on a long time. He's claimed them, as his haunting, his family. And he'll defend them with his life against anyone and anything. And then suddenly Ranbob came in, a enderman that should be part of his haunting but isn't, a enderman that killed his previous haunting. So Ran is incredibly defensive over his group, and is trying his best to keep Ranbob as far from his haunting as possible, to protect them.

Now Ranbob also got a haunting, his being Charles, Isaac, Benjamin, and even Cletus. So Ranbob is also defensive over his family. But unlike Ran, Ranbob still considers his brother as part of his haunting, his family (and yes, Ranbob did think Ran was dead when he first chased him out years ago, so he's shocked and relieved that his baby brother is still alive). And he sees how his family gets along so well with Rans family and then starts to even consider Rans haunting part of Ranbob's. Basically Ranbob has a big heart and is willing to accept almost anyone into his family, no matter what they've done.

Yep, the reason Porkius is so interested in Ran is because he's an enderman hybrid. And no one else is a hybrid expect for the two brothers (and Porkius, with him being a piglin hybrid).

Porkius is excited! He's excited to see what happens and is more than happy to agree to help as long as he is kept in the loop. Though unless he's directly asked to be involved he prefers watching from a distance at whats happening. Just so he doesn't get mauled by a pissed off enderman.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes (its late) and its so long! Im probably going to try to shorten them.

I’m glad you’re happy, it’s a nice thing to feel. Your ideas are really cool, and I hope I’ll get to see more of them in the future.

Now, can I simply say how adorable so much of this is? Jackie going to Watson when he had a nightmare, the Rans being protective of their groups, Jackie climbing Ran? I love that, it’s very heartwarming and cute, and it made me smile.

So Watson wasn’t really sure what to do with his new title at first, hm? And then Jackie called him dad? How’d he feel about that? How’d Jackie feel about the slip? Or did he even notice? He’s parenting them all, he’s gonna have a dad voice and everything. How do the adopted ones feel about him embracing it?

Jackie and Grievous, two people to truly fear when they wish to cause havoc. Tremble before them. Do they prank people, or do they just become absolute madmen on the battlefield? Or something else. Honestly, anything with these two just instantly makes me amused. 

Jackie and Ran being chill buddies. very nice. Ran getting competitive over card games is a funny thought. Does he win often? Does Jackie? What kind of card games do they play?

Rather sad Ran and Grievous bonding is interrupted, but it’s nice to hear Grievous trying it. Hopefully they’ll get there someday. 

Oh my god, it’s the height difference. Jackie getting on Ran’s shoulder sounds absolutely terrifying. Imagine being some poor new guy pitted against these gremlins and the short ones climbs on the tall ones shoulder-both look absolutely gleeful with the destruction they’re about to wreak, and you already know you cannot outrun them. 

Jackie...Jackie...he’s da youngest. He’s small, and young, and you have no idea how much I’m laughing at this. I don’t even know why, it’s just really, really funny to me. Probably something to do with what a complete force of chaos we all know this boy is. Oddly fitting, but hilarious. How does Jackie feel about this? 

How do the others? Are they a bit more protective over him? Does Ran like to flaunt his three years more over him? 

Grievous and Genevieve are buddies! Very nice, they seem to have a good dynamic. Watson, Edward, and Levi also being close? Very interesting, has a lot of potential. I bet they share a lot of funny stories.

So we’ve established the basics of The Pit. Doesn’t seem too bad, for a fighting arena, to be honest. Seems pretty popular, actually. Do the gladiators live there? In the palace? Or do they just have a house somewhere nearby? What kind of establishments and areas are around? Food places, stores? 

So Ran and Watson are the scariest team because of their strategy, and Jackie and Grievous are the scariest team because of their randomness? It checks out. I’m curious though, how do the other combinations work out?

Ranbob sounds like he has a less than fun time here, and the poor guy could really use some closure. What’s he like, free from the influence of the mask? He seems pretty close to Benjamin, so at least he’s got that going for him. Though he and Cletus don’t seem to have the strongest bond at first. How is that resolved?

And how does Ran feel about his brother’s new haunting, after everything? I imagine that he’s at least a little bit unhappy with it, for one reason or another-and there’s quite a few reasons for him to pick from.

How did that house-building attempt go, between Ran never being above water, and probably never building a house before? I can’t imagine too well.

Some ideas for backstory, well, hm. Isaac seemed dressed a bit fancier than the others, perhaps he comes from a richer family than the others? That’s about all I’ve got for now, sorry. 

It’s nice to hear they got along, who clicks the easiest?

Possible road trip? Always fun.

So, the enderman hybrids have adopted their respective groups as their hauntings. You’ve mentioned Ranbob’s pretty cool with this, how does Ran feel? Obviously, he’s less than pleased with Ranbob, but what about the fishermen? Protective Ran and Ranbob! How protective exactly? Is it subtle, or overbearing at times? Actually, how do their instincts lead to them interacting with their groups overall?

Porkius must not see Ender hybrids too often, if he’s so interested in them. It’s nice that he’s willing to help out though, and his concern is valid. I wouldn’t want an angry enderman hybrid after me either. 

Are hybrids not overly common, then, if there’s only Ran, Ranbob, and Porkius around currently, or are they just not mentioned a lot?

Thanks for the ask, a lot of it made me smile. I enjoyed reading it, and I hope you’ll be willing to send more when you have the time.

[ickle-ronniekins]

when all hope seems lost [ch. 2]

desc: George finds himself to be lost: his business, merchandise and home have been destroyed in the war and his twin brother is still healing from a battle wound that could’ve been fatal. He’s living temporarily in a flat in a desolate looking neighborhood, and he’s desperate for anything to feel like it used to be. It seems as though all hope is lost, until he meets someone who reminds him that he’s got to endure the darkness to be able to appreciate the light.

⇢ Chapter 1

A/N: second installment, loves.

pairing: george x fem!american!reader

word count: 2.4k

warning(s): mentions of war, anxiety, injury, mental health, alcohol

tag list: @mintlibri @georgeweasleyx @seppys-return-to-madness @fopdoodledane @fredd-weasley @iprobablyshipit91 @darling-details @laneygthememequeen @lupinsx @keoghans @helloallthethingsilove @dreamer821 @feffffffy @the-hufflepuff-of-221b @62442-am @wtfweasleyy @obsessedwithrandomthings @thoseofgreatambition @harrysweasleys @sleep-i-ness @shadowsinger11 @haphazardhufflepuff @afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff @hood-and-horan @letsfightsomeorcs @theweasleysredhair @purpleskiesstorm @hxfflxpxffs @wand3ringr0s3 @finecole @angelinathebook @highly-acidic @purplefragile @90shermione @zreads @susceptible-but-siriusexual @hollands-weasley @andromedaa-tonks @bbstrawberry0421 @princessof-theuniverse @cappsikle @mytreec @imseeinggred @idont-knowrn @flyingserpxnt @auroraboringalis57 @godricsswords @jejegu @annasofiaearlobe @starlightweasley | message me to be added!

The weeks dragged on, the rain continued to patter on the roof of your house, the days seemingly melted into one another. What month was it? What day of the week? The weather had gotten a bit cooler, so you figured you might be nearing October. Quite honestly, you were both too exhausted and too fragile to care, or even to check your calendar that lay across your desk underneath a pile of unopened books. Your mental capacity was absolutely shot. Four months since the war and it seemed as though nothing was getting better. You’d been searching for some type of normalcy for so long; you wondered if you’d ever be able to feel that sense of comfort ever again. You weren’t sure how many more evenings of unwanted sobbing beneath your blanket you could take.

George was soaked to the bone because of the constant rain. He was standing outside of the gloomy looking Burrow after having apparated there. He always stopped by the Burrow -- before heading to the shop, immediately after, sometimes very early in the morning to help Molly with the laundry and with breakfast, sacrificing his own hunger. With all of its colours and multiple stories, the Burrow had never looked sadder or less like home. He ran a hand through his hair to shake out the excess rainwater and stepped inside the kitchen. The first thing he noticed was that the dishes from yesterday that had been piled high in the sink were now washed and put away. Then he noticed Ginny tending to Fred on the couch. He looked more lively today. More alert. The dark blacks, purples, and blues on his hollow cheeks were healing nicely, though the pale colour of his face beneath the deep gash just above his eyebrow made him look all the more terrible. “Mate, you’re looking ghastly,” Fred joked, his voice scratchy and weak and wheezy. George wondered, as he looked down at his twin’s sunken chest, and his limp and shattered leg, if Fred would ever be able to walk properly again. Test products. Breathe correctly. Stand up straight. The idea of him not being able to do any of those things made George begin to tremor. He forced himself up to his childhood bedroom to stifle his oncoming panic attack before Fred could see him cry.

-- -

“You’re telling me there’s a waiting list for Aurors?” Your voice sounded unusually harsh for your liking, and you sucked in a deep breath. It wasn’t this young woman’s fault that so many individuals were looking to enhance their careers as Aurors. It made sense, especially given that half of the Wizarding World had been wiped out due to the war. It was only necessary for more people to sign on to protect their loved ones. The Ministry of Magic, and The Department of Magical Law Enforcement within it, was quite different than the way the MACUSA was laid out. You already felt off kilter being here. You slowed your breathing and gave the woman behind the desk a genuine grin. You apologized and asked her if she knew exactly how long the waiting list would be. Her eyes softened and she offered a lopsided, gentle sort of smile before telling you that she wasn’t sure exactly when there would be openings, but she’d be happy to keep your information on file. If only she knew how many times you’d heard that one. You huffed out a dry “Thank you” before making your way back through the Ministry and toward the street, where it was now down pouring. And where was your umbrella? Of course -- at your apartment, collecting dust, because in your hurry to get to the Ministry as early as you possibly could, you’d left it on the kitchen table. You just let the rain soak through your clothes. You could really have used one of George’s steaming cups of tea.

Why was it taking Fred so long to get better? And why did it look like there was absolutely no progress on the fixing of their shop? George shook out his umbrella and laid it gently against the front door before making his way inside. The sight of the blasted shelves made his insides twist. Their hilarious design of Umbridge faltering across a tightrope had snapped in half; their display of Love Potions had been blasted to smithereens. He glided across the floor, his feet carrying him to wherever they chose to go, when he bumped into something on the ground. Slowly he reached down and spread his fingers against their very first Weasley & Weasley trunk, which now looked more like Weas nd W, for the rest of the lettering had been damaged. His eyes suddenly became very blurry and he felt a burning sensation sting the back of his throat. He’d do anything to be back at Hogwarts now, sneakily selling products to the Gryffindor house all while avoiding Umbridge and Snape and Filch. He’d give anything to be back at school, where everything felt good and happy and alright, at least for a little while.

George had to keep reminding himself that there was an entire storage space full of products that he and Fred had been saving, in case of an event like this. At the time, it seemed like they’d had so many, and in the event of a wipeout, the brothers would be able to restock and resell as if nothing had ever happened. But looking now at how much damage had been done, and how many of their products they’d worked so painstakingly hard on had been destroyed, George truly didn’t know if the spare merchandise they had left would last them more than two weeks.

-- -

When you walked through the front door, exhausted from seeking employment all afternoon, only to find none, you figured you were allowed a glass of wine. Or perhaps several. So you put on your fluffiest pair of socks, the softest sweater you could find, and sat yourself down in front of the fireplace with your wand as you casually sipped on the bottle of red you’d purchased after leaving the Ministry this morning.

Perhaps moving here was a mistake. Would it be easier to gain employment back home in America? You shook your head at the silly thought that crossed your mind. Of course it wouldn’t. They’d gotten rid of you for a reason, hadn’t they? They couldn’t afford to keep so many people on after the war. Plus, you’d already moved your stuff in here, halfway across the world, so there was no point in uprooting your life, again. Besides, the painful memories that flooded your mind at the thought of home made you appreciate the coziness of England even more so than you did when you first got here. It was helping you forget -- about all of it.

You mindlessly muttered spells just to give yourself something to do. So this was unemployment -- repeating to yourself the charm you’d learned when you were eleven, making your belongings float in the air. How absolutely pathetic. You wondered if George felt this way too, as you lazily flicked your wrist and sent your notebook chock full of potential jobs toward your bedroom.

George couldn’t wait to change into some comfortable, dry clothes. He opened up the front door and left his wet umbrella out on the porch. As he hung up his coat in the closet, he spotted you next to the fireplace, and it seemed as though you were muttering incantations to yourself and enjoying a glass of wine. He felt a small smile tug at his lips, because he didn’t realize how much he wanted to do the exact same thing until he saw you.

It had been a few weeks, but the two of you hadn’t gotten to know one another much. Little things, here and there, such as “D’you care for milk or cream?” or “How’s your brother doing?” or “Any luck with employment?” You two just barely scraped the surface; there was no diving deep into conversation. Neither one of you prodded the other -- you both simply kept to yourselves with the occasional evening offering of a cup of tea, and then went on your separates ways once morning came. So when you asked George if he’d like to join you and sent a wine glass from the cabinet soaring through the air toward you, George accepted your invite and immediately went to change into something a bit warmer.

As he expected, it was easy to get you to open up about your life. Not just from the wine, but he was sure that helped. He’d started simple: asking you how your day was. He didn’t realize it would turn into a full blown story about your entire life, but he didn’t mind. It was sort of comforting, knowing that someone else living under the same roof as him was going through hell.

He learned all about your time at Ilvermorny, the American Wizarding school, about your studying and ambitions to become an Auror at the MACUSA (the Ministry in America, he came to find) and how you’d had a great job up until the war, when all in the same day you’d lost that job, your home, and someone very close to you. There was a bit of glassiness in your eyes, but he couldn’t tell if it was from the sadness or the buzzing of the wine.

“But enough about me, complaining about all things that have gone wrong,” you said, waving him off, gulping back the rest of your second glass, “what about you?”

Since the war, since the demolishing of his business and his brother’s injury, George hadn’t once let people see how he really felt. He kept everything bottled up, just as he always had since he was young. Fred always used to tell him that one day he was going to explode from the inside out, but George never listened. He always kept everything inside. But between the brief anxiety attack he’d had at the Burrow this morning, and the very long months of keeping everything close to his heart, he supposed there wasn’t any harm in telling you a few things, getting a few things off of his chest. Not his entire life story (like you, those Americans!) but he could share. He could tell you a bit. Maybe it was okay to open up his heart.

-- -

Somehow you’d both made it to one a.m.; not that it mattered, both of you had nowhere to go come morning, though you’d probably just go about your normal routines -- each puttering around the kitchen, sharing a simple ‘good morning’ and heading forth on your way.

Or maybe, after three and a half glasses of wine each, a simple ‘good morning’ would turn into something more.

George had six siblings, you learned. Five brothers and one sister. He’d left the British Wizarding school, Hogwarts, just before graduating to open up his business with his twin, Fred. He’d played Quidditch at school and was a ‘bloody good Beater’, in his own humble opinion, he was known for his pranks, and when he’d accidentally turned his brother Percy’s hair a permanent bright pink color one day (they’d eventually figured out the antidote) his mother had nearly kicked him into next week.

George and Fred had to put their business on hold during the war. George explained that he’d lost his ear during an attack one evening before everything had unraveled. The twins had gone back to Hogwarts to fight alongside their friends and family (your jaw had dropped when you’d found out that they were friends with the Harry Potter, who was just as famous in America as he was in England) and unfortunately due to their absence, sixty percent of their shop and merchandise had been blasted apart with no remains. Fred had been severely injured during the war, and, according to George, was lucky to be alive. More than lucky, it sounded like. It had been four months and Fred was still struggling to sit upright without getting winded.

George hadn’t really offered up much about his personal life before this, but then again, neither had you. Perhaps it was the wine, or perhaps it was the recognition that both of you landed in this apartment with the intent of a fresh start. New beginnings. Maybe he felt as though this was an opening: telling his truths to a complete and total stranger who was going through their own heartache. Well, not total stranger. You were his roommate, after all.

You were both heading in opposite directions toward your bedrooms after you hadn’t been able to keep your eyes open any longer. You were absolutely exhausted. He caught you by surprise when he called from his doorway, “I lost someone too, you know. So I understand the... worry of starting over.”

You swallowed thickly; you hadn’t gone into too much detail, or any detail at all, but from the sincerity in his eyes, you recognized that look of understanding. You wondered just how much he understood your loss, and if his was the same. “So if you ever need too.. I dunno, talk about it, I’d be more than willing to lend you an ear.” He cupped the side of his head where his missing ear should be, and actually snorted a bit at his own teasing. It took everything in you to stifle your laughter at that terrible excuse of a joke. His eyes were tired and he wobbled a little bit in the doorframe. “That’s the wine talking. Normally I’m really bloody good at jokes.”

“You don’t say.”

“Hey,” he pointed at you and threaded his eyebrows together, then laughed again. “But really. You ever need to have a chat, you know where to find me.”

“Well I’d hope so. We do live together.”

You thought, watching him from the other end of the hallway as he laughed again and scratched at the door handle, that perhaps this was a step forward. You’d learned an awful lot about him in the time it took you both to get through three and a half glasses of wine each. You were grateful. It was nice to put a story to the face you saw every single morning. He was becoming more of a person, rather than just a body living underneath the same roof. As he rubbed at his eyes and continued to laugh, you wondered if he was again becoming the George Weasley he was before the war. The one you were meant to know.

“Have a good night, Y/N.”

“You too, George.”

He was more than just your roommate. He was your friend.

[upinmyfeelz]

Red

Red -  Yandere! Tendou x Reader

Hey! If you’ve stopped on this little story there are a few things I want to mention. First, please read the bold warnings below, just encase. Secondly, this is my first one-shot I’ve written, well written and put out here, as well as being my first Yandere fic ever! So please be kind, although constructive criticism is always welcome!   

I would also like to mention some songs I listened to which inspired this, you could even listen to them as you read if you like! 

Cologne, by Alec Wigdahl

Choke, by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Nightmare, by Set it off

High Enough, by K.Flay

There will be Blood, by Kim Petras

Lemons - Demo, by Brye

Warnings: Gore, toxic relationship, abuse, violence, rape, self-harm and more dark themes. Also its a little bit of a slow burn? If you aren’t comfortable reading these kinds of things, please don’t click on this one as I don’t intend on upsetting anyone. If you suffer from some of the topics in this story, I’m sorry you have or are going through it and just know that help can always be found, even in the smallest of ways. 

10.3 K words / 40 ish min read. 

Without further adieu, I present to you my first Yandere Fic! Have fun!

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

The air was thick with tension as the hilariously underestimated Karasuno high scored yet another point against the powerhouse team of Shiratorizawa, bringing the game to a match point. Meaning that if they score the next point it won’t be Shiratorizawa going to nationals. The stands were in chaos with suspense, some fans screaming loudly while others stood back in a cold sweat, eyes fixated on the court in anticipation. There was a small pause as the players set themselves for another round, their setter readying the ball. The players had given their all, the evidence in the sweat that dripped from their every pore and were now running on nothing but determination as their joints ached from overexertion. While things were tense enough for the powerhouse team with their position at nationals seriously at risk, what they didn’t know was that a much bigger event for one of them was about to be set in motion by this very game, something involving the unsuspecting girl in the stands.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

Your interest in the volleyball team’s notorious blocker started with something so small and cliché it was almost pathetic. The day had been like all the ones before and it had come to its usual lunchtime break when your eyes got distracted from your very animated friend by the streak of red in your view. Your eyes then focused to see that, yes, that tall guy really did have bright red hair. It was that same shade of hair that you began to pick out in crowds during school assembles and you found that you were pretty good at noticing whenever he was in the same room as you as your eyes always wandered over to him naturally. It created a strange sort of feeling in the pit of your stomach, it was as if your subconscious was attracted to him or there was some kind of unseen force that drew you to him. So, naturally the more you noticed him the more you became interested in him. You began to collect all the little snippets of information about him you could get your hands. From what you could see, he had a childlike aura surrounding him as was always smiling while also making others smile. He walked through life with a spring in his step and he had a carefree attitude towards things that, in the long run, didn’t actually matter. After seeing all of this you found yourself wanting to know even more about him but this time you wanted to find out from the man himself; as you wanted to be one of those people he smiles the brightest for.

So, when the class representative came in during the morning class to ask for audience members for Shiratorizawa’s up-coming important match, of course, there was no way you couldn’t go. However, you realised with a sinking feeling in your chest, you were going to have to go alone. There would be no way your friends would want to come, not after their reactions to your crush.

     "He’s just so weird! I don’t see it."

     "I don’t get why you like him of all the volleyball team, I get nothing but creepy vibes from him."

     "Honestly, I’d say it’s better you stayed away from him. They say he’s nicknamed as a monster!"

     "Speaking of monsters! He shares the name with a really creepy one that can read your mind, Satori!"

Your frown deepened as you remember their comments. First of all, on the court, he was nicknamed the ‘Guess Monster’ because he was extremely good at guessing the attack and stopping it. Secondly, he was not creepy, he was just a little more extroverted and eccentric, which you’d take over boring any day. But of course, even when you tried protesting this to them, they just got even more annoying about it, which made you more defensive. It was a headache trying to talk to them about it so you actually should be thankful for going to this game alone, it would give you a chance to watch the game in pace.

And so, you found yourself front and centre to their match, your voice joining the masses as you cheered for your team to win as they always do. You as the game progress it became more apparent that this was no ordinary, straightforward, game as Karasuno seemed to continue to take the lead, leaving Shiratorizawa on the ropes. There was a lull of silence through the hall as both teams set themselves up for another toss which had the potential to send your team home. Feeling an overwhelming urge to give them one last push, you flung caution to the wind as you shouted at the top of your lungs.

‘GO TENDOU!’

Red irises darted to yours within seconds of your shout, your cry had awoken everyone in the stands as they erupted again with their chants. Those crimson eyes still held you captive as the moment shared between you seemed to go on forever. At that moment you witness a shift in his gaze as his eyes narrowed from their wide exploded position from the shock into something darker, something intangible. Then those eyes left you, focusing back on the game, and you felt as if you could breathe again as a shiver of cold ran through you.

The feeling Tendou got when your eyes locked for the first time after you cried out his name was nothing like he had ever felt before. His entire existence felt weighed down and defined by this very moment as if he had been living in a simulation his whole life leading up to this one moment that had pulled him from his dream state into a vibrant reality. All of his senses felt heightened when he had heard his name fall from your lip, saw your eyes widen in shock as they met his own. Everything pulled him towards you at that moment, as if all his ties of reality had now been tethered to your existence. While he struggled to put a name to these newly awoken, primal, feelings he shifted his focus back to the court. He had to finish off here and figure out what to do about all of this. However, he found himself unable to give the last part of the game 100% of his attention because of the nagging feeling on the back of his head that you were in crowds, alone, and without his attention.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

The day after the match had gone by as normal, classes in the morning were a drag and lunchtime was ever the same. So, when you went to your last class of the day you really didn’t expect much and were just looking forward to heading home so you could be done with the day. It almost slipped your mind a certain someone was in this class but found it to be a pleasant surprise when you see his familiar red hair sitting on his usual seat closer to the front beside the window. Feeling a little chirpier, you took your seat diagonally behind him and took your notebook out. The class was dragging on. Your motivation for the day was hitting rock bottom and there was nothing you could do about it, no amount of positive re-enforcement from yourself about the day almost ending or glances in his direction could change that. However, you were snapped out of your self-pity spiral by the girl in front of you subtly sliding you a folded note across your desk when the teacher has his back to the class. Making sure you wouldn’t get caught, you unfolded it to see scribbly handwriting.

“Meet me out back after school. Alone.”

Vague. You tensed up a little wondering who would single you out like that. As you made your way through possible people in the class that’d want to talk to you, you found yourself coming up short. You hadn’t upset anyone, as far as you knew, and you didn’t really talk to anyone in this class. Unless… your eyes flicked over to the spiky red hair in front of you. The game yesterday. Had you upset him with your rather obnoxious cheer for him? Did it throw him off his game? You frowned at the thought of causing him problems from wanting to show him support. You had to own up to whatever this was for, so you sent a quick text to your friends telling them not to wait up for you without disclosing the details. They would be opposed to meeting up with him alone, saying you wouldn’t be safe. You rolled your eyes at their thoughts, sure the concern was appreciated but it was just a boy from school wanting to talk, on school grounds none the less, not much could go wrong.

Suddenly the time had gone in faster with the added anticipation of meeting Tendou and the next thing you knew; were on your way to the meeting point. Reaching the back door, you one-over-ed yourself as you made sure nothing was out of place. Then, taking a breath, you opened the door.

‘Well, hello! I knew you’d come, tell me, did you figure out it was me?’

There stood Tendou Satori in his full glory, up close and personal. While you had expected to see him, it was still a little overwhelming and it left you a little flustered.

‘I-I wasn’t completely sure, but I guessed it was you, Tendou… ’

‘Oh? And just who else did you expect to meet? Did I disappoint you?’ Tendou tried to keep his tone light and playful but his eyes revealed a different story, one he wasn’t able to fully contain as it leaked a little into his words and face. To think you had been contemplating someone else in his place, even a little bit, infuriated him to a whole new level he never knew he could reach. Taking a sharp breath in through his noes he blinked his expression away to a more neutral one and gave his head a playful tilt as he stared into your eyes, daring you to lie to him.

‘N-No! You didn’t disappoint me, Tendou.’ You flushed under his intense gaze, it unnerved you a little, it was as if he was staring into the depths of your soul. You fidgeted with your hands as your eyes found his shoes. ‘I honestly didn’t know who or what to expect… I-I haven’t upset you, have I?’ Your mind cast back to the ominous note he gave, and you felt a spike of panic.

‘I don’t know, have you done anything that I should be upset about, Angel?’ He bent himself over leaning into your personal space for emphasis, so his face was right in front of your own. Were you hiding something from him?

‘D-Did I, um… Did I somehow throw you off your game yesterday with my shouting? I-I’m sorry if I did I-’

‘No, don’t apologise for that.’ You shouldn’t be apologising for finally revelling yourself to him, it irked him a little, but you meant well. He kept that closed eye smile pinned to his face. ‘I really liked it, especially since it was all for me! Although I think next time you cheer you can call me Satori.’ He winked as you as he brought his face closer hoping you’d catch onto his intention.

Tendo was smirking as he raised his eyebrow at you, it was so adorable to watch his little angel fret over possibly upsetting him. Now he just needed to be close to you and keep her closer to him. He had to make his move now, he was sure that just from the looks of your fragile frame you simply couldn’t last another day without him to protect you. Heck, he was surprised you’d managed it this far on your own! Poor dove must’ve been aching for his attention and care for a while after all he had noticed there had been a set of eyes on him recently. He felt a little stab of remorse for not noticing your pleas sooner. Now was his chance to make it up to you, and he wouldn’t let it slide this time as he did on the court yesterday.

‘A-Are you sure that’s o-okay?’ You looked so flustered as you picked up on his implications, was he serious? Did he really want to drop formalities so quickly and actually start seeing you in that way or …? You got a little shock, what if you were misreading the offer entirely! ‘I-I mean, why would you, um…’ How were you supposed to ask this and clear things up?

Tendou watched you squirm a little under his intense gaze before he put you out of your misery and clarified what he had meant.

‘Of course, it’s alright, can’t have my girlfriend calling me by my last name, can I? People would think we were fighting!’ He leant closer to whisper in her ear. ‘Besides I want you to be my personal cheerleader from now on, so no looking or cheering for anyone else. Okay?’ He took both of your smaller hands in his for emphasis. And oh my god, all he could think about was how your hands fit perfectly in his own, how soft and delicate they were, just like you, just like his petite Angel.

You flushed under his stare again and you began to worry about the amount of blood going to your face and head right now as you went dizzy with excitement. He was asking you out! Him! The guy you’ve been drawn to for a few months now! You let out an excited squeak in reply as you told him yes. His face split with the biggest grin you had ever seen, and he tugged you towards him as he caged you in a hug, spinning you.

‘You’ve made me so happy, Angel!’

However, just as abruptly he pulled away to hold you at an arm’s length to look you in the eye as he said in a light but bordering on a sombre tone as his face still held his smile but his contrastingly chill eyes sent a shiver down your spine as he spoke.

‘But I’ll say this again, you’ve got to promise me not to look at anyone else, okay? Only me.’

You nodded in earnest, the look he was giving you had scared you a little, but, you thought, maybe someone had cheated on him in the past and he needed the reassurance? If so, you would readily give it. Placing your smaller hands onto his larger ones that gripped your shoulders, you squeezed them in affirmation.

‘Don’t worry, Ten-S-Satori! I’ll keep my eyes on you!’

Just like that, the tension in the air dispelled and he was left grinning again.

‘That’s a good Angel! I’ll walk you home today, so lead the way!’

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

It had been a little while into dating Satori now and you had begun to settle into a new norm with your hyperactive boyfriend. He would walk you to and from every class, regardless if he was in the class nearby or not, he somehow always managed to be there when the bell rang. When you had asked him how he made it to your class so fast, curious to how he got away from his own classes or if he was even going to them, he’d simply brush off the concern and saying, “The thought of seeing you made me go at the speed of light!”. He also whisked you away during breaks, taking you straight from your class to a new spot you both found that was secluded from the rest of the school which was always remained desolate of people. “A perfect spot for us to have some alone time, those other people hog you too much!” At the beginning of your relationship with Satori, he also had you sit with him at your own table at lunch. However, that didn’t last long as something had unnerved him which made you both moved to have your lunches somewhere far away from others.

It happened just a few days after you and Satori had started dating. You were still getting used to the new normal of not sitting with your friends during lunch, as Satori insisted you pay him all your attention as he was your boyfriend after all. Everything was going smoothly; you had managed to find a table that was empty and in the corner of the hall so you both sat down and began to chat away about nothing at all. Then another plate was placed down beside Satoris. You looked up to find Ushijima had taken his place beside his friend as he nodded to Satori, who had tensed at his fellow player’s arrival. Goshiki also sat beside the ace, wanting to talk about their recent practice more about how well he was doing on his route to be the future ace. Both men stopped in their tracks when they saw you, their eyes freezing for a moment before looking over at Satori. Goshiki was the first to speak up.

‘You never told us about your girlfriend, Tendou!’ He then turned to you and gave a little bow with his head, ‘Nice to meet you, I’m Goshiki Tsutomu!’ You smiled and bowed your head in return and looked at Ushijima as he too done the same then introduced himself.

While they were saying their hellos, Tendou could feel himself burning all over. It was like he was itching all over. His eyes remained fixed on the lunch box in front of him, unable to look at anything else or he might explode. His right side, where they sat next to him, felt like it was on fire as he had to witness them looking at his treasure, his sacred angel that was for his eyes only. Knowing they were looking at you right now was hard to prosses and he felt the snake of jealousy wrap itself around his lungs travelling all the way up to constrict around his throat making it almost impossible to breathe. His mind was doing overtime as it burned with one thought over and over and over again, someone else is looking at my sacred treasure. His heart was beating out of his chest and he was filled to the brim with burning hot fire that threatened to seep out of his pores if he let it. Then you smiled. You SMILED at someone who wasn’t him. And Tendou saw RED.

Standing Abruptly from the table, Satori lifted his lunch, grabbed your wrist from across the table and pulled you from your seat. He spoke in the lowest tone you’d ever heard him use and it terrified you. Scrambling to get your stuff as Tendou continued to drag you away, you never even got to excuse yourself as you left the two men wide-eyed wondering what had happened. When you and Satori hand reached your spot, he dropped everything and roughly shoved you against the wall. One hand rested on the wall above your head while the other was in your hair tightly, you winced a little at his grip but said nothing. His breathing was heavy as he rested his head on yours with his eyes closed. His hand in your hair started to move, slowly twirling your hair and running his fingers through it, then he moved to trace the side of your face, which led him to your chin until finally, his hand rested menacingly on your throat. His thumb resting on your pulse. He finally opened his eyes to look into your own petrified ones. He was the one to break the silence.

‘From now on, we’re eating here.’

Not wanting to agitate him further you nodded in submission. You’d keep your questions for later when he was calmer, right now your mind was going crazy with fear as his overpowering figure engulfed you.

‘You looked at someone else, Angel. You promised me you wouldn’t do that. You said, “I’ll keep my eyes on you!”’ He mocked your tone in a sickeningly high sweet one of his own before growling. ‘You lied to me. My Angel shouldn’t lie.’

Your eyes widened at the accusation and the threat that was laced in his words as you started to sweat. You noticed his eyes hadn’t lost their fire. A little confused, your brow frowned a little. You had only spoken to Ushijima and Goshiki, you hadn’t flirted with them or anything. Unless a smile counted? Did it?

‘I-I was only smiling-’

His finger on your pulse pressed down as he let out a heated breath and he tightened his grip on your windpipes. His eyes narrowing into small beams.

‘Only Smiling, huh? Angel, do you even know what a smile can do?’ He looked so furious, but it was more than that. There was something else in his eyes, something you still found you couldn’t understand, it was that same look he held when their eyes first met. You were skating on thin ice. ‘You don’t do you?’ He sighed as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders and he took a moment to collect himself.

‘You don’t know that it’s your smile that brought me to you, one that holds all of your light. You showed it to someone else. You can’t do that, you promised you’d only look at me and you need to keep your promises. I’m doing this for your own sake! If you got me with that smile, and that look in your eyes, can you even imagine what it could do to someone else?! Do want someone else to have you, is that what this is?!’

He looked positively crazed now and you wanted to simply run away. You normally felt so safe, protected, around Satori but this was nothing like that. He was terrifying. It was as if he had read your mind as he relaxed his actions. He released his grip on your throat and moved it to the back of your neck, stroking it in soothing motions. The corners of his eyes began to tear up as he looked away from you off to the side, biting his quivering lip. Clearly, there was a deeper-rooted issue that he needed help with, maybe this was something he was struggling with. From the looks of him now, he seemed remorseful for hurting you. You felt slightly guilty and ashamed for your thoughts of abandoning him when he clearly needed your support.

‘I-I… I don’t want anyone else Satori, I-I never realised I made you feel that way. I’m sorry.’

You looked down to his chest unable to meet his eyes. You were sure you were only being friendly, but from the looks of it, you had begun to screw up with your just-blossoming relationship with Satori. This was something you’d have to try and address with him later. In the meantime, you were going to have to be more mindful. Taking in a small breath, albeit a shaky one after his hand’s tight grip leaving you a little bruised, you met his eyes.

‘Don’t cry, Satori. Can you forgive me?’

Some tension left him as he could see your little eyes look up at him pleadingly and as he felt your shaky hands come up to his face to caress his cheeks while wiping the tears away. Perfect. Of course, he would forgive you, his angel. You truly were far too precious for this world, you had to be shielded from it at all costs. No one else deserved to see this look in your eyes, they were all too tainted and dirty. He was sent to guard you, be your best blocker against people trying to defile you. He leaned into your palms and closed his eyes, relishing the moment.

‘Of course, I forgive you.’

Then he snapped his eyes wide open staring unblinkingly right through you, tears nowhere in sight.

‘But, don’t let it happen again. You won’t like what happens.’

Ever since that encounter, you both ate alone at your spot so no one else can disturb you. You also found that you never saw Goshiki and Ushijima again, and when you asked after them Satori got really hostile. ‘Why are you even thinking about them? You’re with me, you don’t need them.’ Even when you explained all you wanted to do was apologise for being rude, he had snapped back ‘They don’t need your apology, you shouldn’t be so concerned about other people and what they think.’ Any retaliation on the matter was met with a hard stare that unnerved you to no end.

Months into this relationship you found that the glamour of it had long since worn off. You were second-guessing yourself at every turn, walking on eggshells around Satori and other people, worried about what would set off your explosive boyfriend. You couldn’t meet up with your friends anymore, ‘They’re backstabbers, just look at them! They haven’t even tried to keep up with you so why should you keep up with them?’ Which was true, he had a valid point. Not one of your friends had tried to contact you since the second week into your relationship, which was strange. Normally they would at least text you if you couldn’t see them much during the day. Satori had also put that down to them being jealous of you, which you couldn’t understand but according to Satori, there was a lot of things you didn’t understand that you needed him to explain for you.

Honestly, it was getting exhausting. Satori was wearing you down by the minute and ever since that day during lunch similar scenarios kept coming up. You would space out in the wrong direction in class, which he would take as you looking for someone else. Or, heaven forbid, you would take too long getting dressed in the morning which implied you didn’t love him as much as he loved you and your parents were keeping you from him. It got more and more ridiculous as time went on and the punishment got even more severe. It started out with a hand menacingly placed on the back of your neck in the presence of others, squeezing a little too tight or sharply yanking on the back of your hair ‘Playfully teasing’ you enough to leave tears in the corners of your eyes. If you really upset him, he’d wait until you were alone so that he could ram you into walls, giving you mini concussions, and bruised you silly with his tight grip or from spanks on any area he saw fit. He never held back for one second if he felt you deserved it, leaving you in tears every time only to kiss them away after explaining how you deserved it, how it was to help you keep your promise you were having so much difficulty keeping.

So, there had been a build-up to your situation now, which was you being utterly terrified of your manipulative, abusive boyfriend who had warped your mind with fear to submit to him. You really felt helpless. There was no way out, he’d simply find you and the punishment would be so severe you wouldn’t be able to show your face in public for weeks. But you had to try, you can’t just accept this and live the rest of your life like this. That was an even more terrifying prospect, living with this for the rest of your life was not an option. Feeling a little determined to start somewhere, you snuck out your phone while you were in class. The substitute teacher you had right now wouldn’t notice a thing and the lesson you were covering was actually one covered a few weeks ago by the regular teacher. They always say to start small, tell someone, baby steps. While you hadn’t contacted your friends in months, you knew they would understand. They’d help you. You sucked in a breath as you hit send with a shaking thumb.

“Hey, sorry it’s been so long, can we talk?”

It didn’t even take her long to reply, she must be in her free period right now.

“Hey, er, now’s not a great time. I’m a little caught up with something.”

You blinked at her reply, had you really driven her that far away? You’ve been such a horrible friend to her lately that you guess you deserved that. Not wanting to lose hope, you tried to apologise first.

“I’m sorry if I am interrupting something, but I really need to apologise to you. I’ve been a really shitty friend to you lately, ever since I started dating Satori, I noticed I’ve not spoken to you. I’m really sorry.”

You watched as the typing bubbles appeared on the screen quickly then went away for a moment before they reappeared.

“Look, you’ve got Tendou now. Just leave me alone.”

Why was she acting like this? This wasn’t like her at all, had she changed drastically since you last spoke to her? Feeling a little dejected you let out a sigh, but this was important. If she knew you actually needed serious help, she’d understand. You tried again.

“Look I’m really, really sorry, for leaving you for Satori. But he is why I need help right now, he’s scaring me. I’m planning on how to break the news to him that I can’t do it anymore but I’m too scared! Please, I know you can hate me for not being a good friend but please, please help me figure this out.”

There was a moment of silence as you watch her read the reply. The minute lasted longer than an hour for you before she franticly texted back.

“RUN!”

“HE SEEN MY TEXTS.”

“HE’S COMING.”

“RUN! I’LL CALL FOR HELP!”

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

As soon as you saw those messages you could feel your heartbeat in your throat, every limb shook on its own accord and you swear there was no blood left in your body as everything turned stone cold. Your nausea must’ve shown on your face as you raised a shaking hand to be excused to the toilet because the teacher didn’t even question it, only giving you a look of sympathy that was all too fitting and telling you to try sipping some water. None of which helped your current predicament. Stepping calmly out of the classroom you sprinted in the opposite direction of where you think your friend was knowing he’d be on his way from there. That sentence haunted you, HE’S COMING, and kept you going at a speed you never knew you could run at, but you guess things change when you’re threatened.

HE’S COMING. Your mind was a mess, you looked up ahead to find yourself at the end of the corridor, you didn’t even know where you were going so you took the first turn that came to mind. HE’S COMING. You went left, straight on, through the doors and ran frantically down the stairs. Hoping to buy some time, you hid under the staircase. You sat with your legs hugged to your chest as you rested your head on your knees, rocking a little. HE’S COMING. Trying to get one cohesive thought was hard enough at the moment, so you had absolutely no clue what to do next. Should you run out of school? Or Should you go to a teacher? HE’S COMING You should go to a teacher; they’d help and know what to do. HE’S COMING. At the very least, they’d be there to protect you. HE’S COMING He wouldn’t do anything with them there. HE’S COMING Taking a deep breath in, you lifted your head and opened your eyes. Only to be met with a pair of dead, stone-cold vermilion eyes that stared back, unblinkingly into your soul. His head tilted to the side.

‘What’s wrong, Angel? Scared?’

He brought his face closer to yours so your noses were touching, never breaking eye contact. You could feel his breath on your skin, he was like a predator checking that his prey was actually dead and not just acting. You felt dead at that moment, unable to even feel your own heartbeat as you went cold and stiff under his glaze. The sheer amount of dread that filled your body weighed you down to the floor, your body turned to stone, like a deer caught in headlights only you knew the car would run you over. Shivering, your eyes glazed with tears as your lungs started to fail you.

‘Shhhhhhh, Angel, don’t cry. That’s what you told me right? Don’t cry.’ He mocked as he stroked your cheek, his eye twitching as you flinch. ‘It’s everyone else around you, isn’t it? They’re making you feel this way, getting you to say these things to hurt me?’

Tendou knew, deep down, why you’d decided to run. However, his mind wouldn’t let him accept that explanation. His mind was sent reeling when he had seen those texts. It had been just another day as he went to check up on how well your little ‘friends’ were holding up their end of the bargain when you started to reach out to one of them. She thought she could hide her phone in time for him not to catch the flash of your name across the screen, but she was, oh, so, wrong. He then demanded she hand her phone over, which she did. He noted that she had already replied to you, saying she was busy, not bad but a little stiff for an excuse. He then saw the typing bubbles, so he kept it to see your response. “…I’ve been a really shitty friend to you lately, ever since I started dating Satori, I noticed I’ve not spoken to you. I’m really sorry.”? “I’m really sorry.”? He had already TOLD you about apologising to other people, they didn’t deserve your apologies and besides, you shouldn’t even be THINKING about anyone else. Why would they matter when you two are together? He felt his brow frown and his mouth slip into a scowl. He clearly needed to teach you a lesson tonight, one you wouldn’t forget in a hurry. He replied in place of your friend, trying to get you away from her. Something along the lines of “leave me alone”, that usually worked, people couldn’t handle bluntness well. The typing bubbles appeared again, just what were you playing at? What he saw next; he wasn’t prepared for.

“Look I’m really, really sorry, for leaving you for Satori. But he is why I need help right now, he’s scaring me. I’m planning on how to break the news to him that I can’t do it anymore but I’m too scared! Please, I know you can hate me for not being a good friend but please, please help me figure this out.”

Red. Everything went red. His head throbbed as your words echoed in his mind ‘I can’t do it anymore’. ‘I’m scared.’ You now had a fucking reason to be.

He had to try and think straight but every time he thought back to those words and something in him burned. It was like when Ushijima and Goshiki set their eyes on you but this time it was worst, so much worse. What he felt now, was like staring into the abyss and having it stare back into you, this all-consuming rage that just took over his body without him having any say. Heat radiated all over his body and it felt as if he was being licked by blue flames as his skin crawled, boiling over and the blood in his veins turned to acid. His eyesight was going haywire. How could you ever want to leave him? You couldn’t. It was impossible, you were his angel. You called on him that day. You sought him out. You smiled at him. He had seen it when you first started dating, that innocence, where had it gone? What went wrong? Where did he go wrong?!

An image of you flashed through his head, of you smiling at Goshiki, smiling at Ushijima, glancing at your friends, texting your friends, being looked at in the hallways, being looked at during class. Being looked at and looking back. Of course, how could he have been so stupid? He had made such a grave mistake and his poor, sweet, now falling, Angel is paying the price for it.

He mindlessly gave your friend back her phone as he left to find you. He should never have left you as you were, so exposed to the outside world. He had let the world taint you, all because he was to blind to see what it was doing to you. If only he had seen this sooner, maybe things could have been different. But it was okay, he was on his way. He would make it all better now! He’ll right the wrong and save his darling angel from falling from grace before it was too late. He’ll save the day; you just leave it to him. He’ll need to find you first and he couldn’t be too slow about it either, wouldn’t want you getting into more trouble or falling further! He wanted the corridors around the class you should’ve been in but, as expected, you weren’t there, your friend must have told you to leave. Just further proof that the world was poisoning you. He mindlessly went to your spot. He remembered the many times he pressed you against that wall, hand on your throat while his mouth was on your lips. If only it had stayed that way, but it was his fault for not noticing you struggling. He heard shallow breaths. His eyes widened as his ears perked up at the sound, could you really be here of all places? He wandered around to under the stairs and sure enough, you were there, all balled up. He made sure not to make a sound, he wanted to just watch you for a moment, engrave every detail into his mind all over again. You just being here had to mean you still needed him, still loved him, even if you wouldn’t admit it because you came to a place where both of you would wander off to too feel safe. It was your safe haven because he was here.

Your head lifted and your eyes met his own, you looked so fragile. Tears threatening to spill over, shaking like a leaf and pale as a sheet. Poor Angel, what have they done to you?

‘What’s wrong, Angel? Scared?’

Everything blurred for you as you were straight-up panicking. The rocking increased and you buried your face in your knees again with your eyes squeezed shut, wishing it would all go away. Arms encircled you, drawing you closer to them. Your mind wasn’t even registering it was Tendou at this point. Nothing was registering past the shock. He rocked you and combed your hair, wanting to have a moment of peace with you. He kissed your head.

‘Let’s get out of here, Angel.’

Your head shook franticly as the fear rose in your eyes again. He sighed, knowing it was wishful thinking that you’d be cooperative. He put in a little more force.

‘I’m not asking.’

Still, the same response was repeated back to him. His eye twitched and he cracked his neck.

‘You asked for this, Angel.’

And your world goes dark.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

The first thing you could feel was the thin layer of sweat that covered your body as you gradually regained consciousness. You started to slowly become aware of the rest of your body like you had woken up from a really deep sleep. Every part of you felt heavy and you found you couldn’t lift your arms or move your legs as they felt weighted to the bed you were currently lying in. Looking around to gauge your surroundings didn’t help much as everything was pitch black, making it impossible to see anything. Feeling groggy, you frowned your brow thinking about how you had gotten here in the first place.

Tendou.

The last thing you remember before your world went black was staring into his wide eyes in terror. There was an ache from the side of your head which served as a reminder of where he had hit you, which you couldn’t even see coming because he was that fast in serving his blow. Volleyball had served him well. Your heart sped up a bit as you remembered him, where is he now? More importantly, how much time do you have before he comes back? You couldn’t see right now, so you’d better get up and start searching for a way out. However, just as you went to move your stiff limbs it was brought to your attention that you were tied down to each bedpost by what looked to be cushioned handcuffs. Your raised head hit the pillow as you let out a sigh in frustration. Of course, you had been restrained, you hadn’t been very cooperative with him.

You started to panic as you struggled to come up with any solution to get out of this mess. You pulled and pulled on all four restraints, none of which were giving-in any time soon. If you couldn’t get out of these restraints before Tendou came back… you shuddered to think what would happen to you. You knew you couldn’t take him on directly either; the man was a machine, a genius guessing machine at that. You really cursed your past self for not trusting your friend’s instincts more. If you had only listened to them and stayed away, you might not be in this mess right now. Your friends. They could still save you! They knew he was after you, she had even told you she was going to call for help! That’s it, just pull through until they can get help and you’ll be okay. Just breath, that’s all you have to do right now, just keep breathing…

The door opened with a creak and light came flooding in, casting a shadow on the floor. Tendou had been finishing up the last of his preparations for tonight, everything had been set and taken care of. All that was left to do now was enjoy his time with his precious angel and right his mistake while asking for her forgiveness for his ignorance.

You looked so pretty all tied up like that on his bed, just like a present on Christmas morning ready to be unwrapped. However, he felt his eyes darken as he drank you in, knowing that while you looked so good and pure right now, he had failed the main goal of his guardianship which was to keep you untainted by the world. It was as if their eyes had left traces on your precious skin, they might as well have left fingerprints all over you as Tendou examined your exposed flesh from a closer angle. He felt that familiar lick of rage inside of him as he knelt by your bedside and laid his head on the bed in a bow to you. It was all so overwhelming to him, the feeling of failure, of rage, of pain, of protectiveness. He needed to take this slow, go through all the motions or this wouldn’t work. And he couldn’t fail you this time, he wouldn’t. His voice was thick with emotion and remorse as he croaked out,

‘Angel, there’s a lot I want to explain to you before I do anything, so please hear me out, okay?’

When there was a slight pause, he moved his face and flicked his eyes up to your face. Vermillion eyes daring you to protest but also holding so much emotion. There was still that one unreadable look in his eyes.

‘I-I’ll listen, S-Satori, but-’

‘There should be no “but’s”, Angel. All you have to do is listen, so I’ll take that as a yes.’

‘Why am I being t-tied up? C-Can’t you let me go?’

A hard look crossed his face and instantly she felt the ghost of a hand around her throat, thinking back to all the times before when she had ticked him off in some way.

‘If you’re willing to listen, all your questions will be answered in time.’

It was not up for further debate. He turned his face back down towards the bed, regaining the air of someone submitting themselves for confession.

‘Angel. I failed, and I am so sorry. You were put into my care by whoever it may be, be it fate, destiny or some kind of deity. My one goal through all of this was to protect you from everyone, to keep your aura clean from contamination. To keep you as pure as the day you were entrusted to me. I tried so hard. I made sure no one got too close to you in class, I took you to and from everywhere so as you’d have minimal exposure to people. When I noticed others looking at you during breaks or lunches, I took you away so it was just me you could see. I regularly made sure that no-one would even dream about coming close to you so that you could remain as you were. However, I failed to see…’ A small hiccup sounded through the eerily silent room as Tendou let his tears wet the bed covers. ‘I failed to see your struggle, Angel. I failed to see that even minimal contact was too much for you, that they were still poisoning you. I had thought about taking you away from it all nearer the beginning, I really did! I just thought that it would cause more complications and that what we had going on at that time was enough. I didn’t realise just the environment was toxic for you. I’m so sorry for failing you and not doing the right thing sooner, I swear to you it won’t ever happen again. I don’t care what it costs, I will do what I need to do for you.’ He, almost shyly, raised his head to now look you in the eyes. ‘Angel, can you forgive me?’

You lay there stunned at his words. How could you even begin to process what he just said? He thought he had somehow failed you by keeping you in amongst society. There was so much wrong with all of his speech. He wanted to keep you all to himself, but it was more than the typical boyfriend ‘I don’t want to share this side of you’ because he wanted to isolate you from everyone bar himself. First things first, you had to get yourself out of this crazy situation. So maybe when he said he’d do the right thing for you, it meant listening to you? You sure hoped so because this might be your one shot at it. Schooling your fearful expression a little, you look back at him.

‘I-I forgive you, Satori-’

He sprang into immediate action, up from his bowing position right on top of you on the bed to give you the tightest hug you’d ever received. His breath was tickling your neck as you squirmed beneath him.

‘Oh, thank you so much! I was so scared you wouldn’t forgive me! That would cause so many more problems…’

‘But, listen, Satori…’

He pushed off the bed so he could face you.

‘Yes, Angel?’

‘Can you untie me, please?’

His expression snapped from bubbly to eerie neutral at the drop of a coin.

‘I’m afraid I can’t do that.’

‘W-Why?’

He looked at you like you were some incompetent child who had just asked why you can’t see you dead pet again.

‘You see, you’re still infected, Angel. We need to clean you all up first.’

‘C-clean me? I can clean myself, Satori.’

He clicked his tongue and continued to speak in a condescending tone while stroking your cheek with the back of his hand.

‘Oh, I know you can, I know, but this is a special kind of cleaning that only I can do you see.’ He gave a smile that didn’t look as if it belonged on a human face. ‘Don’t worry though, I won’t expose you too much. It’s just on the parts that are dirty.’

He then lent over you from a straddling position above and began by removing your tie.

‘R-Really, Satori, please don’t. I can do it myself, please.’

‘Tut, tut. The more you protest the more it shows me how badly you need this. It isn’t something you can do alone, Angel, because once you’ve got this kind of dirt on you it infects you mind so you can’t clean it off properly. Besides, you need me for this.’ He sounded all too happy about this outcome, and you weren’t in a great protesting position. However, that didn’t mean you had to give up.

‘Tendou, I said no. Now stop taking off my shirt! I thought you’d listen to me?’

Your words bounced right off him, leaving you with a cold feeling inside as you seen his eyes darken at the use of his last name. He unbuttoned the whole of your shirt and you had noticed that your shoes, socks and shirt were also missing; leaving you in nothing but pants, a bra and an open shirt. Why he hadn’t pre-removed that as well, you wouldn’t question and just thank whoever was above that he hadn’t, not that it was offering much protection now. While you were now mainly exposed, you still remained warm as the room seemed to have been pre-set to a warmer temperature, as if he’d known this would happen.

If you were uncomfortable and scared now, there were no words to describe just how terrified you felt when Tendou then proceeded to take out a decently sized blade from his pocket.

‘What are you doing with that, Tendou?’ Your voice came out in a fragile whisper thinking that if you spoke too loudly, you’d somehow break the safety bubble that the quiet provided you with.

‘I’m about to make up for my mistakes, Angel’ He had a twisted smile on his face, and you had to push the raising bile down from your throat, as you watched him bring the blade down. Somehow it disturbed you, even more, to see that, instead of slicing you open, he painstakingly dragged the blade across his own forearm, creating a large gash in its wake that immediately gushed blood down his arm, trickling down his palms and dripping from his fingers onto your stomach. You had a harder time keeping the sick down now as you watched him repeat this process further up the same arm with the same results.

There was a twisted look of fascination in his eyes as he made the incisions in his arm and watched the blood spill from himself. It was in that moment you could finally read what was hidden behind his guarded eyes this whole time, pure unadulterated insanity. He was a breed separate from the rest. This is the reason he was called a monster because he was a demon. The hardest part to swallow was how painfully obvious it had been from the start. The many signs you had simply ignored and driven by suddenly flooded in front of your eyes. Your friend’s warnings came back to you like a stab in the gut, they had said he was creepy along with being called a monster and you had dismissed everything. Even when you had come face to face with this lurking demon inside him when you stared into his eyes and he stared back with his hand wrapped around your throat after body-slamming you into a wall for looking at Ushijima and Goshiki. The gut feeling you had towards him, the pull you thought you had felt to his red hair, was really a massive warning trying to alert you to the danger that awaited beneath as it pointed to the one thing that should trigger alarm bells. The colour red.

The red that was now currently pouring down on you from above as he squeezed his heavily bleeding arm over your exposed flesh. His face menacingly hovered above you with the edges of his screwy grin turned up completing the unhinged look that covered his face as he finally let himself go into a rabid frenzy above you. All you could do was lie there, trying not to choke on your own vomit, while you prayed to whatever god there was that you’d make it out of this alive.

This was it. Tendou could feel himself go lightheaded with the amount of excitement he was experiencing. Having you below him like this was all too much. He hadn’t anticipated this being so … euphoric. He had, admittedly, made a show of giving himself the cuts because he simply wanted to see that expression on your face again, that one when you looked like you were either going to cry, pissing yourself or passing out from fear. When he’d first seen it at school with you curled up under the stairs, he hadn’t gotten to fully appreciate it in his blind rage. But, now, he got to see it in its full glory, and it did not disappoint. There were tears and snot dripping down your flushed and blotchy face, your eyes looking a little pink with how hard you were crying. God, the things that face did to him. Needless to say, the combination of your expression as it was, you being tied beneath him, and his blood beginning to cover every exposed inch of you… he was beginning to have a little bit of a situation on his hands. But he wouldn’t indulge himself, no, not yet, his Angel wasn’t herself just yet. You needed to be fully cleansed before he touched either one of you like that.

He was making good progress on covering all of you in his blood, he would start by kissing the area, dripping the hot, sticky substance on you and rubbing it around the area before moving to the next. It was a slow, rewarding process as he began to feel the catharsis as he washed away the stains of other’s eyes and touches from you with his own DNA.

‘Yes, Angel, that’s it your doing so well. It’s working so nicely; can’t you feel everyone else being washed away and being replaced by me?’

There was nothing but continued crying from you, but he was too far gone in his own head to really register anything you were saying anyway.

‘Don’t you just love it? … Being covered …’

He kissed down her red smothered neck, trailing down the valley of her equally blood-coated breasts to then kiss her stomach.

‘… All the way from your head…’

He kisses further down, running his crimson hands down each of her legs, to then kiss the red arches on either of her feet.

‘… Right down to the ends of your toes, in nothing but me.’

Once he was satisfied you were fully dowsed in his blood, looking oh so pretty. He decided it was now okay for him to let loose a little. He mounted you again, this time his lips went straight to your mouth, smothering any protests in the process. His hands found your own above your head and he wove his fingers between your own. Immediately he growled and began grinding you so hard into the mattress you felt it dip and spring up again. Your mind was screaming in protest and you felt your chest tighten as you struggled to breathe both from his aggressive onslaught on kisses and your other-worldly fear of this man. While your mind was crying, other parts of yourself awoken as it would under normal circumstances. You tried to tell it repeatedly that this was not regular circumstances and you’d like to have some dignity. Biology never really listens.

Tendou was panting now as he trailed hot, sloppy kisses down the side of your jaw and throat. Everything was just getting too much for him, yet he couldn’t help but crave more and more of you. Nothing was enough. He bit down hard and was rewarded with a yelp from you, smirking he kept up his attack.

‘How does my Angel like having me on top of her like this, hmmm?’ He released a hand from her hold to quickly undo his belt and his fly, just to get closer, keeping the layers for more friction. His eyes rolled to the back of his head at the next thrust of his hips, you were so wet for him. Had you felt this way the whole time too? Did you get the same overwhelming feeling from seeing yourself fully claimed and covered in him? His mind just couldn’t keep up with the rush of feelings that kept crashing over him like a tsunami every two seconds. His eye barely knew where to look, everywhere on you begged for his attention. He licked a line up the drying blood up the middle of your throat to then steal your mouth in a heated kiss by first shoving his tongue inside. What he hadn’t counted on was you fighting back a little by biting down so hard on his tongue that it drew blood. This almost sent him overboard as the act of protest immediately backfired on you, sending him on another hysterical spiral. He kept up his brutal pace with you as he pulled his face back with a look across his face that spelt ecstasy.

‘Angel! Yes, yes, yes! O-Of course, a-ah… l-let’s make a blood bond right now. I can’t believe I didn’t think of tha-ah-t.’

He then assaulted your mouth once more only this time he came with teeth as he bit down hard on your own tongue. He then let out a groan as your tongues swirled around each other, mixing the blood and saliva. Everything was getting hazy and the sides of your vision began to blur. It was too much. He was getting closer to the edge too from the way he was panting and franticly rutting against you. His free hand clamped down on your airways suddenly as he stiffened up, gritting his teeth he said.

‘Don’t you faint again on me! UgH! Now, my sweet sweet Aaangel. Oh, fuck…nh, cum with me, DO IT! NOW!’

It was almost shameful how easily pushed over the edge you were by that. That tone, the hand, the feeling of him everywhere and the lack of oxygen just sent you teetering off the edge and your vision went white. You questioned yourself silently if you were some kind of sick masochist before blaming the entire thing on lack of oxygen going to your brain.

Coming down from his high left Tendou with a radiating kind of afterglow. His twisted mind still shining through as he did one last thing to fully satisfy himself, for all his hard work he deserved a reward to. He reached into his messed up pants taking his cum on three fingers before he took them to your mouth, putting them in. From your mouth, he also gathered your mixed blood and saliva, all while revelling in your fucked-out face with his cum in your mouth. Taking his fingers from your greedy mouth, he made sure he collected everything on his fingers before he thrust them deep inside you, stuffing you with your bonded blood and his cum. He kept that up for a while, listening to your oversensitive whines of protest before he then took some of your juices for himself. The taste of you and him together, in every way, blood, cum, sweat and spit in his mouth was otherworldly. There was nothing like it. He lapped up everything, swirling his tongue around the combination of you both in a drunken haze, you were bonded forever now.

Well, he was about to work on the forever part of that fantasy. Seeing you so boneless was perfect for the final step in his plan. Everything was perfect, it couldn’t have gone better, you were both now connected forever. He let his weight press gently down on you as he sang your praises for being so good for him as he kissed you softly, stroking your hair with one hand while the other remained laced with your own. He then trailed his hand down from your hair, along your side to then reach into his side pocket where he gripped the smooth fabric. Only the best silk for his Angel. Trailing back up, he released your hand to bring it to the sides of your face as he continued to distract you while he delicately wrapped the soft material around your neck. Your brow frowned at the sensation, but the fabric was so smooth and gentle, was he giving you something?

Your eyes went wide with panic and you gasped as the smooth silk violently constricted around your windpipes. Your eyes franticly searched for his, pleading for your fucking life again. You shook your head and thrashed against your restraints.

‘Sh, sh, sh, hush now.’ He stroked your cheek with such a gentle, bubbly look on his face. ‘You wouldn’t want to end our perfect moment like this, would you? I’d hate for you to remember it like this…’

The noose around your neck tightened again and you’re sure your face was going a darker shade of red and you franticly gasped for air, making strangled noises you’d hear in horror movies. But the tighter it got, the less oxygen you received, and your eyes began to roll around, your limbs losing their fight to survive.

‘No, no. Look at me, look here.’ When, for some unknown reason you did as he asked, he cooed. His blissed-out face looking to disgustingly happy, he was fucking giddy, as he spoke his last few words to you as you started to drift off and see stars.

‘They say you relive the last few moments of your life over and over again for all eternity. I really hope that’s true, Angel. I’m so happy I could fill those moments for you, and don’t worry, you’ll be my last moments too!’

The last thing you saw was the hysterical look of twisted love on his face, with his signature deranged smile and the unhinged look in his piercing vermillion eyes that you hated. Fuck the colour red.

‘I love you, My Angel.'

[carriagelamp]

September Book Roundup, back-to-school edition aka The Season Of Red apparently?

Here is a selection of the books I’ve read this month. Summer is over, so the little bit of brain power I had managed to scrape together is quickly disintegrating, so enjoying the hodge podge of stories.

Binti

This was probably my favourite book that I read this month. It’s a novella I first heard about hear on tumblr and went to find a copy in my library. I have since bought the collected trilogy so I can read book two and three at my leisure because it was honestly just that friggin cool. This is exactly my flavour of scifi and I tend to be very very picky about the scifi I consume. It’s about a girl named Binti, a member of the Himba people (a real group of indigenous people from Namibia). They are a people well known for their mathematical and technical prowess, but due to their strong connection to their homeland and the earth they choose not to travel through space like so many other humans do. However, when Binti secures a position at Oomza University, the greatest university in the galaxy, she chooses to go against her family’s wishes and traditions in order to set out into space to attend. Everything is ruined though when her spaceship is attacked by a hostile alien race and everyone is killed but Binti, who must rely on all her intellect and abilities if she wants any chance at survival.

A seriously cool book with great world building – it really successfully introduces readers not only to the fictional scifi world and races of the novel but also to the culture and traditions of the Himba people. It’s a quick read, and feels like a cross between Dead Space and Tamora Pierce. Would totally recommend a read.

Fake Blood

A Canadian graphic novel. It was a goofy cute read. It’s about an awkward group of friends in middle school, and one boy with a crush on one of the girls in his class. Knowing her love for vampire stories, AJ decides, like any self-respecting middle schooler, to try to pretend he’s a vampire. Naturally nothing goes right and some things go wrong in unexpected ways. It’s funny and cute. Nothing amazing but it was a cozy evening read.

The Last Book On The Left

I’ve been listening to this podcast a lot since my friend recommended it to me and finally decided to read their book. For those that don’t know, The Last Podcast On The Left is a immaculately researched comedy podcast that’s hosted by Ben Kissel, Marcus Parks, and Henry Zebrowski, and explores the darker realms of human nature. Ghosts, paranormal, aliens, cults, and of course serial killers. In this book they collected several of their biggest name serial killer series, did some renewed research, and put together a book that is both informative, irreverent, gross, and very funny, complete with some really amazing illustrations by Tom Neely. A very cool read (and listen, if you decide to check out the podcast instead), I really love how they tell these stories without idolizing or romanticizing the people they talk about. Their humour always makes sure you know exactly how much of a pathetic loser these people are. Fantastic true crime, from someone who has never really felt the need to read about true crime before.

Midnight Sun

I won’t harp on this one, everyone is already going to firmly have their opinions here. I grew up on Twilight, I was reading them as they came out, and I still love them. Were they dumb? Oh my god yes. Did they have problems? Sure, they came out in 2005 it was part and parcel. Were they also a really fun for a thirteen year old to read? Absolutely, I don’t regret it. Sometimes teenage girls should just to get like things without being mocked.

Anyway, I am off my soapbox now (can you tell this is still a raw spot for me?) I unironically loved this book! Getting to see Edward’s perspective was really cool, and since he can read minds it essentially let you get the perspective of everyone else around him too. The Cullens family is a great set of characters so it was really cool to see more of them, and I was very impressed by how Stephenie Meyers took a YA romance she wrote in 2005 and was able to make it feel updated and more appropriate for a 2020 audience even though she couldn’t actually change any of the events themselves. So fans of Twilight, don’t be ashamed, go read Midnight Sun and have the shameless fun you deserve. Is there anymore appropriate book for the bizarre ass year that was 2020 than a return to this goofy nonsense?

The Paperbag Princess

(and Up, Up, Down, and Robert Munsch in general)

I’m back in schools so I’m back to reading children’s book! And honestly, and of you that don’t occasionally sit down and read a kids book out loud don’t know what you’re missing. Anyway, Robert Munsch is a Canadian author, and one of my all-time favourite children’s authors. It surprised me to learn he isn’t as well known in the States apparently? I don’t know if that’s changed or not, but he is a Canadian staple for a good reason, his books have ridiculous premises, are specifically written to be fun to read out loud, and have beautiful, involved, and hilarious illustrations. The Paperbag Princess is one of my absolute favourites, and as a kid it was one of the first stories I had ever read where a princess is the one saving the prince… and then telling the prince to piss off when it turns out he’s a jerk. Up, Up, Down is another favourite I reread this month, because it’s just hilarious funny and makes a fantastic read aloud with kids. Some other Robert Munsch I reread this month include: Mmm, Cookies, More Pies, Ribbon Rescue, Just One Goal, and Andrew’s Loose Tooth. You just cannot go wrong, for kids or adults.

Pit Pony

Another Canadian staple while I was growing up. If you’re a young adult know who went through the Canadian elementary school system, you probably had your entire heart ripped out and stepped on by this chapter book. It’s a historical fiction that looks at the economic hardship, debt slavery, child labour, and animal abuse that was tied to coal mining in the Maritimes. Finding a copy was harder than I would have expected give how pervasive it was a decade or so back, but reading it again was a pure shot of nostalgia.

Seeking Refuge

A graphic novel written by a German-born Canadian about a Jewish girl who flees Nazi-occupied Austria by way of Kindertransport to become a child refuge in England. It follows her as she is moved from host family to host family as the war continues to pick up and gradually makes it’s way to the United Kingdom as well. It’s very poignant and the pencil-sketch illustrations are an interesting change to a lot of the graphic novels that are out right now. This story is still aimed at a younger audience, so it never gets too brutal but it still is a hard hitting story, especially with everything else going on right now.

Silver Spoon #9/10

I know I’ve talked about these books before, but my library got some more since I last read them, so I’m continuing my way through the series. It’s about a teenaged boy who, after having a breakdown from the pressure he was feeling to study and succeeded, decided not to attend an academic, urban high school, but rather to apply for an agricultural high school so he could live in the dorms, far away from his parents. The series just gets more and more heartwarming as it continues. It’s all about failure and overcoming and how worth can be measured in different ways, and about family and understanding each other and coming together… but also about the realities of farming which aren’t always very nice, especially when it comes to finances and survival. It’s written by the mangaka behind Fullmetal Alchemist but I’ll be honest… I think I like this series more. It is honestly one of my all time favourite manga series, it just has so much heart.

Ruby Finds A Worry

aka Ruby’s Worry apparently? I can’t figure out why this has more than one title. I actually read it in French not English, so for me it was Le Souci de Calie. Regardless, this was a nice little picture book for talking about worries and anxieties with children… especially with the amount of Covid stress a lot of kids are dealing with. It explains in a really nice way how talking about anxieties are often the best way to make them more manageable, and how pretending nothing is wrong can just let it grow bigger and bigger. A good explanation for kids and possible a good reminder for adults.

War of the Realms: Journey Into Mystery

I read this because the Mcelroy family wrote it so I figured Hey! Why not give it a go! And I’m glad I did. Their brand of humour was all over it, and it made the story a delight to read. I don’t follow all of Marvel’s weirdness, so I didn’t actually know most of the characters (Miles and Kate were actually the only two I was familiar with) but they do a great job of introducing the characters and making them all feel distinct and interesting. I absolutely adore the Dog of Gods (God of Dogs) who is a very very good boy. And Miles is absolutely always a delight so you can’t really lose. It’s a single book that I think is a part of a larger plotline that I have zero interest in. This book is a fine one to read though if you don’t mind jumping into the middle of the action and just getting swept along for the ride. Also Mcelroys!

Witcher Omnibus

Bleh. Absolutely not worth it. All the misogyny and Dumb Bullshit that I hate in the original books and from video games in general. Honestly, Witcher III did way better by its characters than most of these short stories. The only one worth reading in it is Curse Of Crows – that one was actually really enjoyable, probably because it was about Ciri and had an actual fucking woman on the writing team. (Seriously guys what were you thinking with Fox Children that’s literally just a story from Season of Storms but done worse. Fuck off.) If you like The Witcher, go read Curse of Crows and skip every other story in this book.

Billy Stuart: Les Zintrépides #1

Another French (Quebecois) book I read, though I believe you can get it in English as well (Billy Stuart and the Zintrepids). It’s a chapter book / graphic novel hybrid, and was honestly a fairly fun little read. It’s in a similar vein to Geronimo Stilton but done much better in my opinion. The humour was funnier, the characters felt less like caricatures, and while it still used stylized fonts it was also less intrusive and eye-strainy than the Stilton books. Also when the story suddenly pivots into the main adventure and mystery of the series? Fantastic. Was not expecting a hell-beast to appear part way through the story. Very interested in reading more.

Over all, it was cute and funny, and I can see it being a good next step when children have read their fill of the Stilton series and want something similar but possibly a bit more involved and coherent.

[warriorsredux]

Are you going to make a post talking about greystripe's bow in depth? I wanna know your opinion honestly

Well, I was originally intending to just post those two responses and leave it at that, because I didn’t think I had much to say on the book! It’s a pretty good story with some charming characters and it managed to not infuriate me, which I was not expecting considering who this book is about. I guess I could elaborate on my thoughts regarding Greystripe now that I’ve read his super edition? So, hit the readmore if you’re interested in that. 

I just wanna say that I had a really funny response planned for the end of this book, but, alas, Greystripe made it out alive, so no hilarious jokes from me. Instead, I’ll just do some naval contemplation on my most hated character.

This book does kind of a deep dive into Greystripe’s opinions of himself and his actions. In Greystripe’s Vow, we learn that he didn’t really want to be deputy, and the weight of all that responsibility was almost too much for him to handle. He manages to make some good calls and earn a little respect from his Clanmates, but at the end of both the flashbacks and the modern day events, he still considers himself nothing special. To him, he’s just an old man who’s stuck in the past. Multiple times, he fancies he hears someone from StarClan telling him to move forward into the future, and by the book’s conclusions he’s decided that even if the Clans have to keep going without their ancestors, then he’ll be there to help them every step of the way. 

Which is nice, I guess, except that he starts off the story breaking a promise he made to do just that in order to leave the Clans and wander around the world to figure out if he really wants to be part of ThunderClan anymore. And like, the instant after he makes that promise he wonders if he really intends to keep it. I don’t know why it would take him an entire book to decide on that, but his immediate betrayal of Squirrelflight’s wishes, done right when she needs him more than ever, is absolutely awful of him. 

His decision to leave the Clans is stupid, too. He’s a very old cat by this point. It’s actually almost impossible that he’s as aged and worn down as he is and still catches every piece of prey he goes after. There are 12 year old cats who can still hunt, sure, but the thing is, he’s a feral cat who hasn’t experienced modern medicine and a cushy lifestyle that kept him healthy and happy at all times. He should barely be able to make the journey he does to the Tribe! And he does it twice! The fuck with that.

I guess, to be fair, him leaving ends up saving a lot of lives. He rescues many cats from a hoarder’s home and gives them a new life as feral cats. Cool. Sure. And I suppose he earned these cats all admiring him and speaking of him in awe, loathe as I am to admit it.

The thing is, the story took this long to make him actually helpful to someone else, which was one of my major gripes with the entire series. He was useless, selfish and stupid in the first arc, and as far as I’ve read into the second, I don’t think he’s graduated to anything beyond “side character who’s kind of there and then isn’t”. More than that, though, he got away with acting as he did towards his friend and Clan because the story thought he was a good person. This book tries really hard to actually make him so, and I can appreciate its effort, because it does a considerably better job than the main series did at making him sympathetic. That doesn’t really change my opinion, though. 

I actually had a conversation with @thunder-the-wolf a day or two ago about Bluestar, and how I don’t have a lot of pity for what she went through because everyone in this series goes through horrible things, and all of them act better than she did with much worse baggage. The same thing sort of applies to Greystripe, except that a great deal of the bad things he went through were in some way his fault or they resulted in a massive overreaction and misinterpretation of his part in a scenario. No matter how long the series goes on, you can’t make me forget that he acted cruelly to the person who was trying to look out for him, spent a long time refusing to do his warrior duties, and betrayed two different Clans for reasons that all came back to him being an idiot, AND that he got celebrated for acting as he did. It’s just...unfair, I guess, in karmic terms.

To wrap this up, I understand his perspective inasmuch as how he feels about himself, but there aren’t any outside consequences to his actions, which annoys me greatly. He can feel as bad about himself as he wants, but unless someone actually calls him out in places that he deserves it, or he dies on the way back to ThunderClan, he’s still my least liked character in this series.

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Most Powerful Magic - Chapter One

Summary:  Set a few months after the end of the events of Family Fights, Hilda and the librarian’s sister are tired of seeing Johanna and Maven dancing around each other and decide to take matters into their own hands

Notes: Heyo! Okay, for a better understanding of this fic, I’d recommend reading Family Fights first. However it’s kinda long so if you want to read this before season 2 comes out and you haven read FF yet, you just need to know that the librarian has a teenage sister named Myra, and that the librarian trains Hilda in witchcraft. You should probably be fine with this info. Oh, also please forgive the typos and low quality of the writing. I really rushed with this because I wanted to post it before season two came and ruined my headcanons :’)

Read it on ao3: (chpt1)

”Go on.” Her mother encouraged her gently, the hand on her shoulder nudging her forward. “She won’t mind.”

Myra took one look at her mother’s smiling face before entering the living room. She knew her sister didn’t like being disturbed while she was studying, but she was having a sleepover at a friend’s house that night and so she wouldn’t be with Maven when she went to sleep, which would mean missing her bedtime story. She really didn’t want to miss her bedtime story. So now Myra approached her sister, who was taking notes on their living room table, with a book at hands.

“Mavey?” She called when she got closer, which got Maven to look at her. “Can you read to me now?”

Looking slightly irritated, the teenager glanced at the book she was using, thinking about how far she was from finishing her notes. “Does it have to be now?”

“I won’t be home at night.” Myra nodded, trying to put on a pleading face. Maven bit her lip and then sighed, resigning to the fact that she wouldn’t be able to tell her no.

“All right.” She reached for her sister's book. “Let me take a look at that.”

As soon as she read the title, she frowned. After skimming through some of the first pages, an eyebrow was lifted at Myra.

“Are you sure you want this one?”

“Yeah! It’s one of my favourites! I love how the knight saves his prince through the magic of love.”

Saying that, the little girl twirled to make her skirt flair around her, nearly tripping on her feet when she tried to face her sister again.

“Myra, this is stupid.” Maven chuckled, running her eyes through a picture of the two protagonists hugging. “Love isn’t magic.”

“Yes it is!” She stomped her foot on the ground. “It’s the most powerful magic of all!”

That only made Maven laugh even more, both at her sister’s innocence and at the angry face she was making at her. It was always hilarious when Myra got angry, like being threatened by a baby kitten.

“You evil sorceress!” Myra exclaimed at her. “One day you’ll see I’m right. Someone will kiss you and you’ll transform into a beautiful princess”

Out of one of her discarded drafting sheets, Maven made a small paper ball.

“Not happening, sweetie. I’d just rather be a witch.”

She threw the ball at her sister, who gave a dramatized gasp of betrayal before beginning to laugh along. Even though she appreciated Myra’s bright eyed way of seeing the world, she knew for sure that love was not, in any way, magic. No matter what the legends and fairytales said. After all, she was a witch. If love was magic, surely it wouldn’t feel so impossible.

_#_#_#_

Myra did not feel comfortable at all being in that place.

Before those two years when she had been… away, this had been the place she would come to every day. While it had been so familiar, now the school was full of faces she’d never seen, and some she had but for all the wrong reasons.

She could only hope none of those children remembered her from their nightmares.

Of course, once she had begun attending school again, it was not Trolberg’s Elementary School she went to (neither was it their local high school - they couldn’t risk her studying with people from before her marra period and having them question where she’d been at and how she hadn’t aged a day.) but it was still unpleasant to be there. She felt out of place.

Luckily for her, the person she was there to talk to was just coming out of the building, so she wouldn’t need to be there for much longer. Upon noticing Myra by the school’s grades, Hilda stopped on her tracks for a second, surprised to see her there, but she recovered quickly and told her two friends to stay close to the main building while she talked to Myra. Although she’d never been anything less than kind and welcoming to her, Hilda didn’t completely trust Myra yet. She couldn’t say she blamed her.

“Good afternoon!” The girl greeted when she walked closer. “ I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Yeah, sorry for the surprise.” Myra straightened herself up, no longer leaning against the grades. “But I needed to talk to you at some time when neither your mother nor my sister could hear us.”

Hilda narrowed her eyes with suspicion even as she tried not to let her face show any distrust.

“And why would that be?”

“Hilda, I can not be the only one who is tired of this.” Myra exclaimed, gesticulating with her hands. “It’s becoming ridiculous!”

“What is?”

“The two of them! You are a smart girl, you must have realized at this point that they like each other a lot.”

Finally understanding what the conversation was about, Hilda let her guard drop and nodded.

“They definitely do. Have… have they not noticed?”

“No!” Groaning, she ran a hand through her hair. Her lilac strand was there again, but she still kept it mostly black. “Well, I can’t say about your mother, but I know my sister and she definitely thinks it’s unrequited, and the two of them are driving me mad! I caught my sister singing girl in red, for crying out loud!”

“Things are a little complicated in this aspect, I’ll admit it.” Hilda said, remembering the times she’d found her mother absent mindedly drawing her mentor. “But there’s hardly anything we can do about it, is there? shouldn’t they figure this out on their own?”

“Should they figure it out on their own? Yes. Will they figure it out on their own?” Myra looked at her nails, making a disinterested face which reminded Hilda of her older sister. “Eh, not looking likely. Is there anything we can do, though? Definetly.”

Hilda blinked. “And what is it?”

After giving the girl a mischievous grin, Myra took a step back to start on her way home.

“Meet me in the library at seven this evening.”

_#_#_#_

“I don’t really get it.” Hilda whispered as she followed Myra, who was climbing the stairs to the top floor of the library. “Wasn’t the point being somewhere where they couldn’t hear us? Maven will certainly notice us in her workplace, you know.”

There were few people in the library that evening, mostly students who had work due the next day. None of them were paying the slightest attention to the two girls making their way through the bookshelves, but Hilda felt like she should be trying to go unnoticed at the same time. Whatever Myra’s plan was, she was sure it’d be better if no one else knew.

“Already taken care of. This is the time the Trolberg Book Club comes here, and she needs to give them some attention. Besides, what I need to show you is right here.”

Myra stopped near a bookshelf that Hilda recognized, and her brow furrowed as she realized what she wanted.

“Are we supposed to be here?”

“Nope.” Myra answered as she tried to push the bookshelf. “But in for a penny, in for a pound right? I’m gonna need your help with this.”

Figuring that if she had agreed to go behind her mother and teacher’s backs already, she might as well go through with it, Hilda pressed her side body against the bookshelf and they both grunted as it began to move. As soon as there was a passage big enough for them to squeeze through, they stopped, panting.

“Honestly, you’d think that a magical room would have a better entrance.” Myra mumbled under her breath as she stepped inside and flicked the light switch up, turning the old lamps on.

Hilda came in after her. That room had become familiar to her, not only did Maven take her there for lessons often enough, but it was her first pick when she wanted to research a certain topic. She’d always been advised to be careful, however, as not only there was beautiful knowledge stored in there, but also dangerous information. She didn’t know if Maven had made that up just to scare her into being careful, but she’d even gone so far as to mention the existence of a soul stealing spell that hid itself under the guise of being a good luck charm.

Due to having been taught to act like so, Hilda treated the library’s hidden room with reverence. Meanwhile, Myra looked like she was right at home, skipping down the stairs two steps at a time and going straight to the shelf she wanted. Hilda supposed you saw things in a much more different way when witchcraft had always been a natural part of your life.

“Aha! It is still here.” Taking a book with leather binding out of its place, Myra put it on the table at the corner so that Hilda could see it too.

The first thing to call the young witch’s attention in the page she was shown was a romanticized drawing of a cupid right at the center. Though the ink in any other spot she looked was already faded, the cupid’s colours had resisted the test of time, and Hilda could only imagine there was some magic in the engraving.

When she brought her focus to the actual spell she was being shown, however, she felt like any understanding she thought she’d had of Myra’s plan went down the drain.

“A love spell?” She gasped. “What do we want to make them fall in love for? Is the whole point of us doing this not already believing that they like each other?”

The teenager waited a few moments to speak, letting Hilda take a closer look at the spell first. At the same time that the casting ritual looked simple, Hilda noticed, the potential for that spell to go wrong energy-wise was gigantic, and her brow was furrowed when she lifted her gaze from the book to Myra.

“First of all, no spell can make you fall in love. Magic can’t create love, only the illusion of it. Also, relax! We’re not actually casting it.”

“Huh?” Though Myra was talking as if this all made a lot of sense to her, Hilda still felt like she was missing something.

“Listen.” She said, nearly losing her balance when she squatted down to be closer to Hilda’s height. “We are going to pretend we cast this spell on your mother. There are a bunch of similar spells, but it has to be this one, because it’s the only one that has this completely ridiculous breaking condition.”

Hilda lifted an eyebrow, content to at last be getting an explanation. “Which would be?”

“A kiss from the person the spell made them fall for. Sure, it’s very cute when it’s in curses, but you’ve got to agree that for a spell with the objective of getting the two people together, it’s pretty dumb.” Myra said, picking up the book and showing her the note in one of the corners warning about how the effects would only last until both parties kissed. Hilda had to agree, it did not sound intelligent at all. “So yeah, we’re going to pretend we accidently cast it on your mother, with my sister on the receiving end. And then we’ll tell this to Maven, who naturally will freak out and want to break it, but she knows about this one spell and how to break it. This should give her the motivation to kiss your mother and if we’re lucky enough, they’ll actually talk for a change.”

Rubbing her chin, Hilda looked at the book, then up at Myra, then at the book again. The plan was coming together on her mind, the thoughts organizing themselves in her head like a puzzle. in a way that allowed her to see the parts that didn’t fit.

“I see what you mean.” She hummed. “But how are going to pretend to have accidentally cast a spell? That doesn’t sound very believable at all.”

As she finished her question, she glanced at the entrance at the top of the stairs anxiously. The library was better lit than this secret room, making it so light came in even though the lamps were on. Talking about doing something behind Maven’s back, even if with good intent, made her skittish, and she almost expected to see the older witch at the entrance ready to ground her for a week.

“Obviously.” Leaning her hip against the table, Myra scoffed, though there was no meanness behind it. In fact, she seemed to be amused by Hilda’s clever thinking. “So… that’s the part that might make you give up on the plan. We’re kind of going to have to throw ourselves under the bus.”

“What do you mean?”

Showing the first sign of nervousness since Hilda had met her, Myra looked away from her and around the room, suddenly very interested in the runes in the tapestries. It didn’t look like she was expecting to be caught like Hilda had, however, but like she was trying to gather strength.

“I don’t suppose you have a crush on anybody, do you?”

“What?! No!” Hilda gasped, bringing her hands in front of herself. Remembering that she was in a library, and hidden on top of it, she lowered her voice. “No, I don’t.”

Myra sighed, biting her lower lip in the same way Hilda had sometimes seen Maven do when she was anxious. “Yeah, I figured you wouldn’t have. You’re just a kid.”

As she said nothing else, silence hung over them heavily, making the girl figure it was up to her to push Myra a bit further, even if it looked like she would rather not be pushed.

“Well?” She said softly. “Do you?”

As Myra nodded, Hilda could see the glimpse of a smile on her face even as she gazed down.

“Yeah. Their name is Nyx. And they’re… pretty amazing. My sister knows I like them, so she won’t be surprised. If we orchestrate it well enough, it should be very easy for her to fall for it.”

When the teenager looked up again, the nervousness was gone, and her smile had shifted from smitten to mischievous.

“You see it now, don’t you? We’ll pretend I asked you to cast this spell so they’d fall for me, and we’ll pretend it went wrong in a way that serves us. Maven will see that your mother under a love spell does not act at all differently from your mother normally, they’ll kiss and admit their feelings. Sure, we may make ourselves look bad, but it’s for their own good. What do you say?”

Despite the nerves and the part of her that said she shouldn’t meddle with her mother and mentor’s personal lives, Hilda felt herself suddenly buzzing with excitement. A chance at an adventure and a way to finally stop having to deal with their mutual pining? Looking bad was the least of her worries. Squaring her shoulders, she smiled.

“I’m in.”

[whitecatindisguise]

The Sundrop Alchemist (6)

Ooookay. I’m terribly sorry it took me so long to update, but life’s been kinda hard lately and I had more pressing matters than writing and posting stories. Anyway, I’m finally back with another chapter and, to compensate, this one is longer than usual.

Enjoy~

Summary: Hugo gets a brilliant idea of scaring Varian by taking the boy to a place crowded with ruffians and thugs. What he didn't take into consideration was the boy's determination... and some other, more surprising events.

Warning: swearing

AO3 link is here

------

Chapter 6: Of Thugs And Ruffians

Varian with curiosity, and a little bit of scepticism, trailed after Hugo through the woods. The older teenager seemed to know where he was going and going in random direction at the same time. The blue-eyed boy’s stomach rumbled again and he looked up at his guide.

“How much further?” He asked, trying to spot anything between the trees and high bushes in front of them but to no avail. 

“Almost there, Blondie.” Hugo replied, earning an angry huff from the boy. His nose picked out a familiar smell and he grinned. “This way.” He said, pulling away the high bushes.

There, in the middle of the forest, stood a building. Varian scrunched his nose at the state it was in. The planks were old, some of them falling away and creating holes in the walls. Windows were smudged, some of the glass broken, as if someone threw a boulder at them. All in all, the building seemed to be past its grand days. 

Hugo must have seen Varian’s face, because he quickly added.

“Looks worse than it is, Goggles. Trust me, you’ll love it.” And before the boy could argue, he grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the door. 

Varian managed to catch a glimpse of the sign hanging overhead, the paint falling off but the picture of a small yellow bird and words “S_UG_LY DUC_LI_G” still visible. 

“Snuggly Duckling?” He questioned, managing somehow to decipher the name of the place. Hugo grinned and pushed the door open with one strong movement. 

“A table for two!” The older blonde called out into the room. Varian looked inside and froze, along with the occupants of the place. 

His eyes widened, body stiffening in shock, as he took notice of the people sitting by the tables. His body trembled at the sight of bulky figures in leather and fur clothes, horny helmets on their heads, pointy teeth visible in their angry snarls and eyes filled with rage. 

Hugo didn’t seem to notice the boy’s discomfort, as he pushed him further inside, a smile plastered to his face.

“Smell that, Sweetcheeks? That’s the smell of the real world.” He rambled as they traversed deeper into the room. Varian reached for his frying pan, holding it in his trembling hands, and pointing at the men surrounding them, Ruddiger hissing from his place on the boy’s shoulders. “Take a deep breath in. Feel it with your whole body.”

Varian felt a pull on his hair and noticed one of the thugs picking a lock, staring at it dumbly. 

“That’s a lot of hair.” The man commented and Varian yelped, pulling his hair closer to himself. 

“What’s wrong, Blondie? The outside world is too much for you?” Hugo asked, a grin on his face. If Varian wouldn’t be so terrified right now, he would smack the teen right there. Of course he knew what kind of place it was. He was playing him the whole time! Hugo started to back down towards the exit. “Well, in that case I’ll just take you back, you give my satchel back and we’re-”

He was cut off by the door slamming and he turned, noticing one of the thugs holding his large hand on the door, holding a paper. 

“Is that you?” The man grumbled. 

Hugo pushed his glasses further up his nose and moved the man’s finger slightly, to uncover the wanted poster. Varian stared at the paper in shock. It depicted Hugo with a smug expression and the most hilarious pair of glasses he could think of. Instead of the teen’s circular frames, the author of the poster gave him heart-shaped glasses. Underneath the picture there were words “Hugo The Human. Thief.”, and the price for bringing him up to justice. If he wasn’t terrified by all of the thugs and ruffians, he would have probably laughed. 

“Now that’s just mean.” Hugo huffed, pointing at his glasses and then to the ones at the poster. “Do these look any similar to those?” 

“Oh, it’s him, alright.” Another man commented and came closer, Hugo somehow dodging under the man’s grasp and running to the centre of the room.

“Greno, go get the guards!” The first man called and the one called Greno sped off through the door. 

“Guys, seriously. The guards?” Hugo asked, backing away but soon noticing he was surrounded. “Come on. Would you really hand over one of you?”

“You are not one of us.” The thugs growled and jumped at the teen. 

Varian stared in shock as Hugo tried to escape the grabs, but it was proving extremely difficult with so many enemies. For a moment he entertained a thought of running away while they were busy, but he had no idea where to go, not remembering the way back to the tower, nor knowing his way to Old Corona. He needed Hugo.

Coming to the decision, he quickly grabbed a lock of his hair and threw it, securing it on one of the chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, but one away from the fight. With a grunt he pulled hard and the wooden structure gave a creak and fell down, shattering to pieces. The noise was enough to startle everyone, the men freezing mid-tying struggling Hugo. 

“ENOUGH!” Varian shouted, eyes burning with anger. “I-I have no idea what Hugo did to earn that wanted poster, but I need him to be my guide and he’s coming WITH ME!”

“Oh, and why would we let him go just because you said so, kid?” One of the ruffians turned to him, a malicious grin appearing on his face. “How is something so small and fragile going to stop us?”

“I…” Varian faltered and backed off, the large man towering over him. Ruddiger chittered from his shoulder and the boy took a deep breath, before looking up at the man. “Look, tomorrow in Old Corona they are having this celebration with alchemical lanterns and I want to see it. But, I don’t know the way and Hugo offered to take me there. Please, it’s been my dream for as long as I remember. Haven’t any of you ever had a dream?”

He looked around pleadingly. Hugo stared at the boy in shock. Was the kid really so dumb as to think the talk about dreams would get them out of this situation?

The ruffian from before strolled closer to the blue-eyed boy, his hook-hand moving threateningly towards his face. Varian froze. Then, as the man was mere inches from his face, he looked away with a distant look in his eyes.

“I.. had a dream once.” The man said and Varian blinked. 

“W-What was it?” He asked, voice trembling. The man stared back at him and, for a moment, Varian thought he said something wrong. 

“I always wanted to become a pianist and travel the world, giving concerts in all Seven Kingdoms.” The man replied and Varian blinked again. “But what good is a pianist with only one hand?” He pointed at his hook.

“H-Have you tried to play, even with your… predicament?” The boy asked and this time the man blinked. 

“I… haven’t thought of that.” He said and rubbed his chin with a hook. He eyed the piano standing at the back of the room and then looked back at the boy. “You think it could work?”

“Doesn’t hurt to try.” Varian replied with an honest smile. 

The man slowly approached the piano and sat down, staring down at the keys. He looked up at Varian, and the boy gave him an encouraging nod. The man raised his hands and slammed them on the keys. The fingers of his right hand dancing on the keys, his hook doing no worse. The music filled the room, everyone quickly catching the tune and starting to dance. The performance ended and the man received a round of applause. He turned to Varian, a genuine smile on his face.

“Thank you. I never thought I could do it. Now I can achieve my dream.” He said and Varian smiled back.

“No problem. I’m Varian, by the way.” He reached out his hand to the man and he shook it gingerly.

“The name’s Hook Hand.” He replied and Varian giggled at how fitting it was. 

“I have a dream too!” Another man spoke. He was a tall man with a really big nose. “Name’s Big Nose, by the way.” He added and Varian snorted into his hand. 

“What is your dream, Big Nose?” He urged and the said man gave a deep sigh.

“Well… my appearance isn’t something people like to set their eyes on.” He started and the thugs nodded. “But I would really love to find a girl for myself. Someone who would love me and who I could love back. We could go on romantic boat trips, and picnics, and walks by the moonlight…” He sighed lovingly and looked at Varian. “You think that’s possible?”

“Well… I can’t say for certain, but I feel somewhere out there is a girl who will see you for who you are, not for how you look like.” He smiled honestly. 

“You really think so?” Big Nose asked and the boy nodded. The man smiled widely and shook the boy’s hand gingerly. “Thank you so much! That means a lot to me!”

Suddenly, all of the thugs started to shout out their dreams, all seemingly wanting Varian to confirm their dreams are possible. He encouraged Toll to become a florist after seeing his beautiful flower composition. He awed at Gunter’s interior design ideas. He applauded Ulf’s mime performance, swooned over Attila’s cupcakes, admired Bruiser’s knitting and Killer’s sewing skills. He laughed at Ven’s puppet show.

“You guys have such amazing talents and dreams worth fighting for.” Varian commented after Vladimir showed him his ceramic unicorn’s collection and broasted about a particular figurine that was one-of-a-kind and took him almost four months to paint.

“Great dreams, wohoo. Can we go now?” A voice cut in from the back of the room and the group turned around to see a very bored-looking Hugo. Varian’s cheeks turned red. With all of the thugs dreams and performances he forgot about the teen being there. 

“Say, what is your dream?” Varian asked and the teen froze just for a second. He then huffed and turned his face away.

“Not your business.” He muttered. Varian frowned. 

“Come on, Hugo. We all shared our dreams.” The boy urged but Hugo wasn’t budging. 

Just then, all of the thugs circled Hugo, pointing their weapons at the teen.

“He asked. what. is. your. dream.” Hookhand snarled and Varian panicked. Were they back at the square one? Why couldn’t they go five minutes without threatening anyone?

“Fine. You want to hear my dream?” Hugo huffed in annoyance and turned to face them directly. “My dream is to earn enough money so I can leave this kingdom once and for all, buy some posh house in the middle of some very posh town and lazy out for whole day, not needing to wonder how will I survive the next day!” He shouted out on one breath. “I would have so much food I can’t even eat alone, a bed with my name on it and I wouldn’t give a shit about what’s going outside my house, because I DON’T CARE!”

A silence that followed was deafening. Varian stared at the teen in shock. He was sure something was wrong. Mere talking about dreams wouldn’t anger anyone so much. He was sure that wasn’t Hugo’s real dream, but he wouldn’t push. Not now, at least. 

He wanted to say something to lighten the mood, when the door to the pub opened harshly and the man from before, Greno, if Varian remembered correctly, stood at the door frame. 

“I’ve found the guards!” He called happily. The pub immediately erupted into chaos. 

Hugo jumped and grabbed Varian’s hand, pulling him along to hide behind the counter. Varian was trembling, not knowing what to do. If the guards were there, they would arrest Hugo and he would be completely lost. He would never see the alchemical lanterns. Heck, he wasn’t even sure he could go back to the tower by himself, at that point. 

A quiet whistle gained his attention and he noticed Hookhand motioning for them to follow. The man pulled on the hidden lever and part of the counter opened, revealing a tunnel. 

“This will lead you safely away from here.” Hookhand whispered, motioning for them to go inside. “Go, live your dream.”

“Thank you, I will.” Hugo replied and Hookhand shot him an angry glare. 

“Your dream sucks, I was talking to him.” The man pointed his head at Varian and the boy giggled at Hugo’s hurt expression.

“Thank you.” Varian hugged Hookhand. 

“Don’t get caught, Varian.” The man replied. 

Varian nodded and slipped inside the tunnel, following Hugo into the darkness. The hidden door closed behind them

[secret-engima]

ohmigods! That last snippet! Am dead from cuteness! I mean the in universe implications are kinda terrible for those not in the know, but still. Cute af. May I ask for more brotherly interactions? Only if you're up to sharing your thoughts of course :D I am LOVING everything about this.

Sure! Lemme see what I can jot down real quick.

-Nox acts ... a bit odd around Noctis for at LEAST several months (and will occasionally revert to that oddness even years later). Stiff when touched, stammering when talking, sometimes unable to look his little brother in face for all it’s clear to anyone with eyes that he LOVES Noctis to no end. Regis thinks its a side-effect of his upbringing (he already suspects that Nox is touch starved, but add to that a cheerful little half-sibling who likes to spontaneously touch Nox and wrap his magic around Nox in greeting-affection-attention? Regis mourns even as he goes about trying to help acclimate his son to positive touch from people other than Ardyn).

-Noctis is the initiator of contact for the longest time. Hugs, conversation, casual hand grabs, you name it, he’s probably done it to Nox and then patiently chatted his way through Nox’s instinctive freeze. Because Nox always snaps out of it and interacts eventually, and at this point Noctis  A D O R E S  Nox okay? He has a big brother who is totally EPIC and COOL and isn’t always too busy for him like his dad and is totally fine with playing Kings Knight instead of doing homework, and has all sorts of cool hunting stories and-

-There is some serious hero worship going on at first okay? And Nox CANNOT figure out how to deal with being looked up to by his YOUNGER SELF. It’s honestly hilarious and sad at the same time, and Ardyn alternates between instigating more contact between them and rescuing his nephew from death by confusion via being the Cool Uncle.

-Eventually though, as Nox begins to relax around his little brother counterpart and hang out more easily ... Noctis beings to notice that something is ... not wrong exactly, but ... off about Nox. That it isn’t normal for Nox to always walk around with his armiger just beneath his skin, ready to draw a weapon at a moment’s notice, that the Quiet Days Nox and Ardyn have aren’t quiet so much as Painful, because Noctis is even more magic sensitive than Regis and he can feel the thick grief-love-mourning-exhaustion that clings to Nox’s bones on those days. The way Nox (and Ardyn too) feel like today is a day to lie down and just- never get up. Nothing Noctis does can break Nox or Ardyn out of their Quiet Day, even though they never raise a hand against him even in their worst moments, so eventually Noctis learns to come find them and curl up against one or the other’s side, radiating at much love and good thoughts through his magic as he can so that they know they aren’t alone.

-Nox and Ardyn appreciate the gesture more than Noctis will ever know.

-But it isn’t always angst and caution. Noctis is not like Nox, he’s brighter and happier and so earnest that it’s infectious. Noctis essentially has Nox wrapped around his little finger, and when Noctis isn’t busy with the tutors Ignis won’t let him escape from, he can usually be found trailing after Nox like a puppy, asking questions and begging to join in whatever Nox is doing (if Nox uses this as a chance to train Noctis in magic and fighting, then nobody comments. If those practice sessions usually end in Nox tickling Noctis into submission while the latter squeals with laughter and joy, Ardyn is the only one who dares interrupt, and Regis has about half a dozen pictures framed on his study desk).

-These two grow up to be super tactile with each other. Nox because he’s touch-starved and Noctis because he figures out that Nox needs touch and they both enjoy mingling their magic together (Cor comments once that their magic is so in sync and similar they might as well have been twins born seven years apart, Ardyn laughs himself sick for reasons no one dares ask about). Tackle hugs, arms over shoulders, smooshing into the Smallest Space Possible on the couch when watching movies because Noctis likes using Nox as a pillow are all very common (not during game though, because Nox is a cheater who isn’t afraid to use tickling as a weapon).

-Only time Noctis is ever really trying to get AWAY from Nox is during training once Noctis is a teen and his training starts getting Serious. Because Cor’s favorite tactic is to yeet the Chocobros into an obstacle course or arena with Nox as their sole opponent and tell Nox to “Go wild”. Nox has way too much fun doing just that (channeling his Uncle’s trolling tendencies to a scary degree in the process) and the Chocobros inevitably end up wheezing helplessly on the floor to a man, each aching in places they know intimately know they have from prior reenactments of this very same event. Noctis never, ever wants to go up against Nox for real, especially since his madman of an older sibling is always FINE at the end of the spars. Barely breathless and still so full of magic he can casually spam healing spells to get them back on their feet.

-Noctis went though a jealousy phase when he was 14-15, because Nox was so much BETTER at stuff than him either in combat or talking nobles in circles. It lasted approximately until the first time Noctis actually tried to do the Brat Teenager Thing and said something INCREDIBLY spiteful only for Nox to go very, very Quiet and just- leave. For two weeks. Wasn’t even in the Citadel. Ardyn actually got angry at Noctis for that and told Noctis that he had no idea what Nox had been through to get as good as he was. Noctis told his uncle to prove it, Ardyn left and came back twenty minutes later with Nox’s Citadel medical file. It had info on all his checkups and doctors notes since first coming to the city. Pictures of his scars, how underweight he was, his suspected trauma issues and what probably caused them.

-When Nox finally slunk back to the Citadel, magic curled in and subdued like a flinching dog, the first thing Noctis did was run to his brother and hug him tight, crying/apologizing the entire time. Noctis never told Nox that he’d seen Nox’s file and Nox was too glad that the jealousy phase was over to question it.

-Nox once borrowed (kidnapped) Noctis when his little brother was eighteen to go on a brother-bonding road trip around the country to show his sibling how to survive in the proper wilds and what the kingdom of Lucis was really like. He genuinely forgot to tell Regis or anyone else about this, so by the time Axis and the Chocobros track him down (with Ardyn’s bemused help) the Citadel had gone beyond Meltdown and straight into Murderland. Nox wasn’t sorry, and Noctis was having the time of his life as long as he wasn’t being chased by cactaur while Nox sat on a high ledge and laughed at him (Nox is at this point perhaps a little TOO big of a believer in learning on the job).

[erin-bo-berin]

Stargazing

It’s been such a long time since I wrote something and I haven’t written a Spencer Reid fic yet, so here it is. Warning its SMUTTY. Enjoy!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Word Count: 2,999

Rated: M (Smut)

Your feet in the water was the only sound being made in the quiet night. The rest of the team had already turned in, but you decided to hang back for a few moments of peace and quiet.

Earlier in the day Garcia had invited the whole team over to hang out in her new hot tub. It had been a rare few days where the BAU hadn’t had a case and she thought it was a good idea for everyone to relax while we could.

Originally it was just going to be a girls night, you, Tara, JJ, Emily and Penelope hanging out in the hot tub—champagne and girl talk included. Somehow it ended up with the entire team coming over to hang out after Spencer had stopped by to return a book he’d borrowed. If only he’d known the hard time the girls had been giving you just moments before.

You were the newest member to the team, a temporary one at that, at least for now. There’d been talk about making you their permanent press liaison. Besides being the newest to them team, you were also the new youngest; Spencer being the youngest of the team for 15 years the other members were having a blast teasing the new “baby of the BAU”. You were 31 to Spencer’s 38 and apparently that was more than enough excuse for the others—mainly the girls—to try and set you two up.

“Oh come on, Spence is great!” JJ beamed.

“He really is [Y/N],” Emily piped in.

“Come on, you’re hot, he’s got eyes, I mean even he can’t miss that!” Penelope grinned so big, she was on the precipice of looking like a Cheshire Cat.

“Guys, calm down,” you chuckle, “I know he’s great and brilliant. I get along with him well y'all know that.”

“I think he likes southern accents too,” Tara smirked, laughing as she clinked her glass with Penelope’s as the latter nodded vigorously.

“He does. I asked him the other day.”

“Subtle, Penelope, subtle,” you mumble.

“Well technically his exact words were that they’re fine and then he launched into some facts about accents that I couldn’t even remember if I tried.”

“Okay enough, this night isn’t about me,” I smiled, “I want updates on all of your lives.”

The conversation from earlier played through your head and you smiled to yourself. The one thing the ladies didn’t know was the...thing that was happening between you and Spencer. You didn’t know how to explain it exactly. Your banter always seemed friendly with an edge of flirting, but it always left your entire body tingling as if you’d just been shocked by an electrical outlet. You thought it was just in your head, the connection you felt, the chemistry. It was no secret to yourself that you were attracted to the good doctor.

“What are you still doing up?”

You yelped, almost losing your balance and falling straight into the hot tub. The chuckle that followed was instantly recognizable.

“Jeez warn a person before sneaking up on them!” You grin, resteading yourself on the edge.

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” Spencer chuckled, sitting down next to you.

“I thought you’d be in bed like everyone else,” you nodded towards the house where the others were crashing for the night, the invitation from Penelope extending to anyone who wanted to stay.

“Couldn’t sleep.” His eyes slid to you before continuing, “Saw the light still on out here and figured I’d check on you.”

Your breath caught, more memories from earlier flitting across your brain. Was he still awake for the same reason you were?

Loud laughter filled the air. Different conversations filled your ears as several team members were having separate conversations with one another. You were busy listening to a story Penelope was telling, JJ seated next to her and across from them sat you and Spencer. You had ironically became like their fourth musketeer since joining the BAU.

“So I’m getting Sergio out of the car at the vet-” Penelope is saying.

You’re trying to hide a grin as you take a sip of champagne—only your second glass, you know how to nurse your drink well—when you feel something brush your thigh. You ignore it, thinking you’ve imagined it as you continue listening to your friend’s story, certain there’s going to be a hilarious ending to this. A couple of minutes pass before you feel the same sensation again only with more pressure. You almost lose grip of your glass as your mind finally registers the feeling—a hand sliding up your thigh.

Your eyes flick to your left at Spencer whose gaze is still on Penelope, listening to her story. It happens quickly but his gaze meets yours, an eyebrow slightly raised as if seeking permission. Your head moves the tiniest bit, an imperceptible nod, but he sees it.

“You’re telling me Sergio managed to get out of his carrier in the middle of the vet’s waiting room and terrorize a nearby bunny?” Spencer laughed.

“He wasn’t terrorizing it!” Penelope exclaimed, “He was trying to be friends! He kept staring at the bunny through the bunny’s carrier. He’s an old man and not a mean one at that.”

Your breath hitched as you felt his touch graze across the thin fabric of your bikini bottom. There was no way this was the same Dr. Reid that was so good at geographic profiling and cracking even the hardest of codes. You found your comprehension of the ongoing conversation starting to cut in and out as the fabric was pulled to the side and his fingers made contact with your bare skin.

“You had to be there I swear-”

“What would you have done if-”

“The vet was cackling when I told him the story and he said-”

You took a gulp of your fizzing drink as his fingertips brushed your clit, your need pulsating twice as much as it was just moments before. It took a great amount of control to keep your jaw from dropping when you felt one of his fingers slip inside you. It had been a while since you’d had any sort of sexual relations with anyone, probably too long by the way you were already shifting, wanting, needing to feel more. One became two and you couldn’t tell if your head was spinning because of the alcohol or because of what Spencer was secretly doing to you underneath the cover of the rumbling water. Most likely the latter. At the back of your mind the thought briefly formed that the feeling between you both was definitely mutual, but you honestly couldn’t spare it much thought currently.

His fingers were moving slowly, torturing you and your teeth came down on your bottom lip. You wanted—no you needed more. One hand left the glass you were holding and went into the water. You silently prayed no one around could notice what’s happening as your hand reached his, trying to push it harder against you. You pretended you were only trying to reposition yourself on the hot tub seat accidentally making you shift closer to him, his fingers moving deeper within you as a result. It was an extreme effort to keep from crying out like you came close to doing.

“You okay?” JJ asked frowning, “Too much champagne?”

“W-What?” you squeaked. You literally squeaked. For God’s sake you wanted to kill Spencer at the moment.

“You looked like you were in pain. For some reason a few months before I got pregnant with Henry, champagne would occasionally give me a stomachache.”

“Oh no, I’m fine.” I answered quickly, “Just got a little sore from sitting in one position for too long.”

She flashed you an understanding smile before merging back into the conversation Penelope and Spencer were having. How the hell was he so calm? You were practically sweating bullets.

His thumb moved in circles against your bundle of nerves. A moan just barely dies in your throat, but it came too close to escaping your mouth. There's pressure building in the pit of your stomach and you can feel your breathing become labored.

Your hand tugs at wrist trying somehow to alert him that you’re quickly coming undone. You’re not sure if you want him to quit or keep going at this rate. You’re almost afraid of what you’ll do if you end up orgasming in front of your friends. Your cheeks heat at the thought and thank the stars that the falling darkness is probably disguising most of this. Before you could say or do anything, his touch is gone completely, leaving you breathless and craving his touch once again.

“Guys, look!” Penelope gasped.

You looked up at the fully darkened night sky as a shooting star went by. You wondered if it was too much to wish that the events that occurred only moments ago, would happen again.

Spencer didn’t acknowledge you for the rest of the night.

Until now.

“I’m amazed. Especially after how calm and controlled you were earlier when you were ignoring me,” you mumbled.

His smirk faded from his lips, his hand coming to rest right next to yours on the edge. It was amazing how much larger his hand was compared to your tiny one.

“I only did that because I was afraid what I might do to you. Even if it was in front of everyone.”

You swore you could feel the blush from your head to your toes.

“So…” he continued, noticing your silence, “That was okay to do right?”

“Yeah, well yes, I mean yeah it was okay.” You inwardly groaned at your nervous stuttering.

“I’m just kind of shocked. Like I didn’t expect that. Where did that come from?” You half chuckled, half exhaled, trying to get a hold of your nerves.

“[Y/N].” His voice was soft, but serious.

You looked up at him, finally looking him in the eye for the first time since he’d joined you.

“I almost died last week.”

You winced thinking back to the last case you all had worked. In a shootout with an unsub, a bullet came close to ending his life. He wasn’t actually hit, but if that bullet had been flying at a slightly different angle it would’ve hit his femoral artery. Even though he was physically fine, the thought seemed to freak him out for days. Sure he’d been shot before, but there was nothing scarier than the knowledge he could’ve died.

You opened your mouth to comfort him, ask him if needed anything, but he interrupted you.

“I’m okay, don’t worry. It just got me thinking. I didn’t want to waste anymore time not letting you know how I actually feel about you.”

As cliche as it was, you were sure you felt your heart skip a beat.

“So I decided to take a chance,” he shrugged, finishing his explanation, his hand moving to rest on your cheek.

His lips were on yours before you could respond and God, did it feel so good to finally kiss him. Maybe it was because of the pent up frustration all your banter brought both of you, but your kisses quickly went from gentle, first kiss territory to more heated. Hands roamed and tongues interlocked before you gently bit his bottom lip eliciting a moan from him, the sound giving you goosebumps. It was so unusual to see him in a state like this, but you weren’t complaining in the slightest.

Your fingers were fumbling with the buttons on his shirt when he kissed a particular sensitive spot just where your jawline and neck met. You’d never had any particular favorite spots before, but it seemed like adding him into the equation made it possible. He sucked lightly before flicking his tongue over it surely leaving a mark, but the action caused you to falter, momentarily forgetting what you were doing.

You could feel him grin into your neck as his hands slid up your back towards the tie of your bikini top. That action snapped you back to reality and you finally got his shirt off between kisses. Your hands moved down his bare chest to his stomach wishing you had the time to cover him in kisses and bruises. But you had other things on your mind at the moment.

Your fingertips reached the top of the trunks he was still wearing and you could feel his breath hitch. It was time for him to get a taste of his own medicine. He pulled away from the kiss as your hand gripped him, his breathing shallow, his jaw slackened. Your lips moved across his jaw innocently as you twisted your wrist tauntingly.

“[Y/N] I’m sure you want payback for earlier,” he croaked, his grip on your hips tightening, “But if you keep that up, I'm gonna be done for right now.”

“Well that’s no good,” you pulled away teasingly, sliding yourself back into the hot tub, “Because I want you to cum inside of me.”

You bit your bottom lip as you untied the last knot of your top and throwing it halfway across the tub. You watch him gulp and join you in the warm water, settling on the bench seat you both shared earlier. A part of you couldn’t believe you were being so brazen, with Spencer of all people. He had a way of making you extremely nervous, but at this moment you couldn’t care at all.

He reached out for you, his hands pulling you to him. You straddled his lap, feeling his arousal brush against your core causing you to whimper before you could realize it. His hands massaged your breasts as your lips locked once again with his. You arched into his touch, moaning into his mouth when his thumbs ran over your already hardened nipples. Every little touch of his felt like an electrical shock throughout your entire body, he was driving you wild.

Your hands were tangled in his curls as you kissed, before you pulled back to whisper, “I’m protected, it’s okay.”

He nodded, already knowing somehow in the time you’d known him from differing conversations that you’d been on birth control since you were a teenager for issues other than for not getting pregnant.

You helped him get the shorts just enough out of the way before he roughly pulled your swim bottoms to the side, his fingers once again sliding over you before lowering you down on him.

You thought you were gonna lose it just feeling him inside you, stretching your walls in such a delicious way.

“Holy shit, Spence,” you moaned, your hips moving slowly, almost as if afraid to lose this feeling.

He hummed, his lips on your chest, hands gripping your sides. Your hands wound into the hair at the back of his neck as your hips rocked together, moans and pants filling the air. Your head was tilted back, eyes closed when he brought your face towards his again, kissing you desperately, tugging on your bottom lip and grunting as your body repeatedly rose and fell against his.

He was watching you intently, knowing him he would remember and relive every second of this with no problem knowing that mind of his. He licked his lips, his chest rising and falling rapidly, curses falling off his beautiful lips.

“Fuck,” he breathed, “I want you to moan my name.”

You bit your lip harder when you shifted the slightest, the new angle making your pleasure intensify that much more. In addition to his words, you were coming undone faster than you expected to.

“I want you to moan my name in that southern accent of yours,” he grunted, eyes never leaving yours.

The knot in your stomach was about to give and he could tell. His hips thrust upward into you wanting to send you into a glorious abyss.

“Oh god. Spencer.”

His name was rugged, breathless and drug out from your lips as you fell over the edge. It felt like lightning shot through your veins, your hands gripping his shoulders so hard you were sure you were gonna leave bruises on the poor guy.

His release soon followed, his face twisted in ecstasy, lips slightly parted as his head fell back against the side in time with the low groan that left his throat.

It took a moment for you both to still, your breathing hard while you chuckled, looking at him still leaning back against the edge.

“You okay?”

“Just stargazing,” he laughs, “Although you might have killed me.”

You grinned shoving his shoulder lightly, repositioning yourself so you were next to him and clothed once again.

“Did you know that-”

“Spencer I swear if you’re about to give me some statistic on sexual relations, I’m leaving,” you laugh.

“I wasn’t!” he laughed, “I was going to say, did you know that the first constellation ever described was in a poem written in 270 B.C. by the Greek poet Aratus.”

“Really?” You asked, laying back to look at the stars with him. You listened intently as he continued with his lessons in astrology.

In the morning, the rest of the team found you both in the kitchen, still in swimwear from the night before. There were surprisingly no comments but there were several suspicious looks, that is until Luke walked in.

“What were you guys doing in the hot tub for so long last night? I got up for water in the middle of the night and saw the light still on out there.”

“Oh nothing,” Spencer replied from his spot where he was pouring orange juice at the counter, “Just a little astronomy lesson. I was teaching Y/N how to see stars.”

He winked at you, just as Penelope walked in, noticing the whole exchange.

And as usual for the BAU’s Tech Analyst to never miss a thing she groaned.

“Oh God, I’m gonna have to burn that hot tub now!”

[inknose]

mdzs read diary part IV, the end

It’s inspiring how much self care wwx is gonna finally get now that his husband will go along with whatever he does, so he’s gotta look out for lwj’s well being if not his own. that is emphatically the STUFF

dragging my hands down I face as I read this, after all these chapters of getting up close and personal with ghouls bleeding from every orifice, slaying ancient beasts, rebelling against the entire cultivation world, the two of them are absolutely paralyzed by middle school crush sleepover math

chicken

he actually drew kissy doodles .... he....

IDK I THINK I JUST DOCUMENTED THIS PART CUZ I WAS STILL SCREAMING you cant expect me to have very useful things to say at this point

this is torture you are both so mushy you are so GONE

This part really stood out to me, it’s an attitude I feel like wwx implies with his inner narration a few times but most clearly says here: he’s not one for allowing himself to exaggerate how bad his circumstances are/could be even a little bit - he’s already lived through some extreme low points and found a way to keep going, so he never makes sweeping statements about what he couldn’t live without (Inner JingYi: you’re supposed to say you’d be lost without him here!!!) Instead he seems to accept as a given that being alive doesn’t guarantee him any pleasantness or joy at all, and as a result his feelings toward being in TRUE LOVE are surprisingly pragmatic, but also colored with such gratitude. There are a lot of things in the novel that struck me, like this, as being just a little to the left of familiar tropes/sentiments, and were more touching for it. Whether it be the influence of culture difference as opposed to what I’m used to reading in most western romance stories, or MXTX’s unique outlook, or a combination of both, it was really refreshing and made me pause over it. Not “I can’t imagine living without you” but “I could be living without you, but instead I get to be with you and I think that’s the best thing that could happen.”

ADJFDKFJ THE UST BEING SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE VILLAIN COMMENTS ON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF EXECUTING HIS EVIL PLANS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WILL NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. hes like god damn! here I thought I had problems

it was at this moment that I realized we were doing this Now... I’m still recovering. What a scene. I am so glad I saw the most incredible fanart soon afterwards, bc the fact that someone has already drawn a perfect comic of this part means I don’t have to

I love you so much, you are so annoying, you are perfect... I like how he’s been experiencing openly requited love for all of ten minutes but he’s already figured out how to weaponize it to piss people off

doing!!! his!!! job!!!!!

ahh... it’s a really good story. JGY is a great character. One of the most interesting differences for me between drama watching vs. novel reading experience is that without an actor to bat his vulnerable doe eyes at you and smile faintly with his cute dimples, the book does not go much out of its way to try to lull the reader into a false sense of security around him or *endear* him to you the way the show does. But just by seeing events through wei wuxian’s POV, its still enough to evoke pity or understanding towards him. The overall impression is a bit more detached though, there’s less emphasis on the spectacle of how he could manipulate everyone closest to him and more of a general feeling of resigned tragedy that everyones the worst on this bitch of an earth.

I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!!!!

I clearly paused to take note of less and less parts at the end & the extras due to: a) too excited to reach the end b) too spicy to photograph and c) too sleepy cuz I kept reading in the middle of the night. but I absolutely took the time for Bro We Are Teens appreciation corner:

I’d absolutely read 40 more extra chapters of their monster-of-the-week field trip antics.

god... poor Jin Ling now basically has to deal with divorced parents that talk shit about each other to him whenever he is saying with one of them. except they are both his uncles. just a disasterhood of all uncles from start to finish. AUUUGH wei wuxian and jiang cheng have fucked me up completely, I dream of them reconciling but I also REFUSE to believe it would ever be easy. let me know if theres a fanfic that absolutely tortures you for decades before they hug

HAHAHA oh no this man ain’t making it to immortality thats for damn sure. HE’S JUST GONNA TRY AS HARD AS HE CAN HIS WHOLE LIFE NOT TO LOOK AT HIM BUT THEYRE *MARRIED* SDLKFJSF ohhhh it’s too funny, like... the mundane domestic family drama IN the fantastical swords and sorcery setting is what really ratchets up these things from amusing to fucking hilarious I think

aaaa the end... final random thoughts? No not final, I would like to please keep discussing at length and exhaustively, all the time please - CQL has gotta be one of the best TV adaptations I’ve seen. ANY adaptation of anything would be lucky to be so good!! reading the novel has just made me appreciate it even more.

- I don’t think I can do justice to what I find most fascinating about comparing the two versions briefly, to do that I need to get drunk and ramble at my friends for hours but... the condensed version is something like this. Really all the significant differences between the two versions (besides the ones which can be attributed to censorship and therefore aren’t worth discussing) are a side effect of the structure of how the story is told - there’s barely anything changed arbitrarily. Aside from having a cold opening, the drama sticks to a very linear version of the story, and I think for a TV show or film, that’s probably the best way to do it. We see everything, we get shocked and tricked and betrayed and surprised along with the characters, we feel the biggest impact at the climactic scenes having experienced all the build-up. The novel on the other hand is not only much more non-linear in WHEN we learn bits and pieces of information, but that information is also obfuscated under wei wuxian’s multiple layers of Unreliable Narratoritis, which are as follows: 1) difficulty remembering things because of personality/avoiding painful memories/actual memory loss, 2) No Homo Goggles still on, and 3) a wry sense of humor that makes the reader unsure of how much they can trust his attitude toward things, especially near the beginning. The experience of reading is a puzzle the reader has to mentally piece together through all of the above listed camouflage, and the puzzle itself is a three-sided mystery: One - How Bad of a guy was Wei WuXian really, and how exactly did all the bad stuff in his life go down; Two - wangxian epic pride & prejudice gambits; Three - political murder mystery. (I love stories like this btw... though I fully admit I’m glad I watched first this time bc it might have taken me a long time to tackle otherwise.) Because of this, where the drama wants to pull you in and submerge you in all the most potent emotional parts, the novel in direct contrast deliberately side-steps around these things and asks that you hurt yourself by filling in the blanks. In fact the more intense emotions and painful memories involved, whether it be his relationship with jiang yanli, his DEATH, the darkest days of war times etc, the more the novel evasively withholds details. I actually really like both styles of storytelling but each one is obviously way better suited to its medium. ANYWAY.... THATS BASICALLY WHERE MY BRAINS AT WHILE IM READING GAY SWORD WIZARD BOOKS

- The extras are so saturated with domestic married bliss that it’s a good thing I stopped taking pictures because I’d just take a picture of every page. this is too much for me to take... I did jump the gun a few times and read a few fanfics while I was still mid-read of the book (I tried to hold out but alas I am mortal) and at one point after finishing I was like “wow what fic was it in where lwj says something cute and wwx kisses him in public but they’re in the corner of the restaurant so no one really sees... OH NO WAIT that was actually in there.” and ... and that’s the LEAST OF IT... *stares into the distance* theyre married wow

- I ofc couldn’t help but see a few vague blogs beforehand so honestly I was braced for something like, wildly ooc for the sake of porn to happen in the extras... I definitely appreciate how the incense burner porn interludes could be uhhh a lot for many people and not my personal cup of tea in terms of smut however [here follows the words of a poisonous frog who has dwelt her whole life in the rainforests of BL] the concept is also surprisingly SWEET SDFLKJF like wwx sees lan wangji’s darkest mixed-up violent teenage fantasies and he’s just like aww babe you had a crush on me!! just... good for them

- I swear I’m not gonna rehash every cute married thing they do but wei wuxian grading papers in the tub........................rEALLY GOT ME

- I want to Draw - ok thats enough if I keep going I’ll just write “wei wuxian grading papers in the tub” seven more times probably

[donnerpartyofone]

idk if you've talked about it, probably have. but if you don't mind to again, ketamine injections for depression? did it work? was it expensive? how long did it work for? ty.

dang, i never got a notification for this message. sorry! ketamine absolutely worked for the management of my depression, it was very expensive, and i think i would have needed more for it to become a longer term solution. i may still go back in the future if my lifestyle changes, but for right now, i can’t justify the cost--which is an insane thing to say when what i’m paying for is freedom from hurting myself, but, ya know, CAPITALISM. 

the whole story is, i’ve been severely depressed my whole entire life; i don’t have any memories that don’t involve feeling morbidly upset, and i can remember things pretty sharply from the time i was slightly younger than 2.* i took ketamine recreationally some years ago when i was around 30 (i wasn’t adventurous about substances until i reached about that age), and i was totally astounded by how it affected my depression both during, and for weeks after the experience. it seemed to distance me from the oppressively immediacy of my bad feelings, giving me space to actually THINK about what was really bothering me, what kind of control i could have over how i assign importance and authority to things that don’t serve me, and what i might like my life to be like in the future. so, when i found out that there were ketamine clinics in new york, i kind of freaked out. actually, i found out about it from a guy who i met on an ayahuasca retreat upstate (which is its own hilariously mortifying story that i’ve been trying to write down for years and it keeps turning into a big unwieldy novel), who had been through the entire gamut of treatments for major depressive disorder. he liked his ketamine experience, but admitted that it was prohibitively expensive to keep up.

this is the place i went, and i recommend it to anyone who can afford it:

nyketamine.com

they say that they accept patients selectively, if you have treatment-resistant depression. i don’t know how strict they are about that, because by the time i came to them, i was looking pretty treatment-resistant. i’d been in and out of a few shrinks’ offices, and i’m basically incapable of taking any of the usual antidepressants because of how they affect other conditions i have. the process was, i filled out a request form on their website, and in a day or two, a clinician called to interview me over the phone about the character of my depression, and to gather some other anecdotal information about my history and health. the person i spoke to was very kind, attentive, and reassuring. the following day, someone called to set my first appointment. the whole reason i was able to do this is because of some inheritance that i received at the time; it’s $450 a session, and they suggest (or insist? i’m not sure) that you begin with a minimum of 6 sessions, each of them 2 days apart. after that, you just kind of monitor yourself to see when you think you need pickup sessions; the effect is cumulative and long term. i have no idea if they have any type of sliding scale accommodation, it could be worth asking.

when i went in for my first session, i had a brief interview with the head doctor, a navy veteran and anesthesiologist who had been working with ketamine in various capacities for 50 years. he explained a lot of things that i had no idea about, that were great to learn. periods of prolonged stress, especially while your brain is still developing, can result in a deficit of the neural pathways that you need to experience a full range of emotion; essentially, being chronically depressed and anxious can kind of give you brain damage. if you have that type of problem, it doesn’t matter what you do to try to boost your serotonin or dopamine or whatever; it’s like if you’re trying to get somewhere in your car and you can’t, not because you’re out of gas, but because the bridge is out. for some reason, ketamine switches back on the function that builds those pathways, so with regular therapeutic applications, you can actually heal the structural problem around your mood centers that’s reducing your emotional range to anxiety and depression. if you’re over 60 or so and your brain is less plastic, your chances of success aren’t as good as when you’re younger, but there’s always a chance; also, for some reason, ketamine plays especially well with estrogen, so women have a bit of a leg up. anyway, the doctor was great, and i really liked everyone there; it felt like they all knew they were doing something meaningful.

the sessions themselves are pleasant. they put you in a private room in a big cushy medical chair with a blanket and a pillow, and you let them know if you want the lights on or off. they give you an IV drip that lasts roughly an hour, and they communicate with you to figure out the dosage. you basically just tell them what feels comfortable, if the dosage they start you on is too low to notice. you won’t get something that puts you in a K hole, but you should enter a gentle dissociative state where you feel a little numb and floaty, and you might have a lot of interesting abstract thoughts. the worst part of it is just how bad you have to pee by the time the drip is done, when you’re still feeling a little anesthetized; sometimes i wound up looking at the bag with my flashlight to check if i had finished, and then i’d just press the call button to get them to come unplug me before i pissed my pants.

you’re not supposed to necessarily notice a difference right away, but you should detect a change in mood after a few weeks. i did. the way my disorder works is, most days i just have a low level background radiation of sadness and exhaustion, even on a “good day” when things are working out or i’m distracted by things i enjoy. when i wake up in the morning and realize i’m conscious and the time for sleep is over, my first feeling is disappointment, 100% of the time. then, i’d say roughly once a month or once every couple of months, i have a complete nervous collapse where i’m in so much pain i can’t really do anything but like drool and cry and let my eyes go out of focus, for anywhere from 1-7 days. there will usually be an apparent trigger; i’m a fairly dysfunctional person, and i frequently lose things, break things, and fuck things up even though i like STUDIED to do them, took it slow, asked for help, gave myself extra time, etc. but the thing is, i think the “trigger” is arbitrary, this is just a cyclic psychic event that builds up and waits to happen. but after my first battery of ketamine treatments, i had a particular day when i could tell that normally, i would quickly wind up curled up at the bottom of my bathtub scream-crying until i couldn’t move--and this time, i managed to just push through. not only did i not break down, but i actually got a number of difficult chores done, that i had put off because they seemed too intimidating, or like i wouldn’t be able to mentally handle my inevitable failure. i noticed more and more of that, while i was in proximity to the treatments, an ability to just buckle down and keep going. so it’s not like i felt HAPPIER or something, but i felt much more capable of coping, which was like a miracle honestly.

it’s been about 3.5 months since i last went in, and i think i could use a booster appointment, but as i said i just can’t fit it in with my financial reality right now. so, that sucks. but, i definitely feel that it was worth doing, and i would recommend it to anyone who can shoulder the cost. hopefully in the future, ketamine will become a much more common psychiatric treatment, and it will become available to more and more patients.

*A friend of mine just told me he read somewhere that you don’t actually recall memories from like 20 years ago, you just remember the last time you recalled them--so like, i THINK i remember my parents struggling to give me drops for pink eye in our first apartment when i was about 1.5 years old, but in reality, i just remember the last time i remembered it, or the earliest time i’m able to remember remembering it. pretty interesting! and kind of disturbing, like the idea that star trek-type teleporters don’t actually transport a person, they just DESTROY the original person and rebuild a new one on the other end, a thought that REALLY BOTHERS ME.

[ayankun]

Agents of SHIELD Season 1 Rewatch Update

Ok so I’m having a difficult time remembering what it was that made me hate this show so much (aside from the unforgivable Minecraft reference) and stop watching in Season 1.

Just got through ep 14 and holy cow, I’m honestly not sure whether the storylines for seasons 2, 3, and 4 were planned this far in advance, but if they were then these folks did such an overwhelmingly good job of keeping their eye on the ball.

Best I can figure, I’m having a good time on this attempt thanks to prequel-goggles.  I already know where this story is going, who these people will become and what’s going to make them into what they will be, and I can appreciate this older storyline in light of the circumstances it precedes -- rather than for what it is without that context. 

(It certainly helps that some of the dumber stuff is already starting to be replaced by the better stuff, like it’s ep 15 and the “night-night gun” was just replaced by the much more palatable “icer,” and they haven’t tried to call the individual dwarves by name for ages now)

Also there’s some pretty good cinematography, the graphics are really respectable, watching this found family slowly realize how much they love each other is sooo charming, and the affectations required of a MCU-spin-off-sci-fi-spy-show are really well balanced with the character drama which is its true heart.

I know ep 1x08 (”The Well”) is six and a half years old so maybe spoiler warnings are not necessarily required but here we go

Remember when Thor 2 came out and then this show had to earn its stripes as co-existing in the MCU so they had to address the fact that aliens ripped up London and the whole world knows about it?

Not being able to afford the likes of Chris Hemsworth was something they obviously had to work around, and plopping in that rando dweeby Asgardian as a twist was definitely one way to do it. 

But the real showstopper is that the through-line of the episode is the examination of the similarities and differences of Ward and May, especially once they both come in contact with the Asgardian rage-stick.

Seeing Ward nearly incapacitated by his traumatic childhood memories serves two important purposes.  First, it makes some good strides towards humanizing the man, who until now has been that hot-and-cocky kind of character that just expects to appeal to an audience but hasn’t yet earned any appeal whatsoever.  By now, we’ve had a reference to his toxic dynamic with his older/younger brothers, and seeing him reliving his experience with the well suddenly opens him up and gives some dimension to that tall-dark-handsome cardboard cutout.

Second, those experiences are a really good twist!!  When it’s revealed that he’s not remembering being tortured in a well by his brother, he’s remembering allowing his brother to torture his other brother down a well and not having the guts to do anything about it.  It’s a good one-two punch because you weren’t expecting to pity the guy, and now that you’ve spent twenty minutes pitying him for being victimized, you get to grapple with the much more complex emotion of the kid!Ward not knowing how to get out of this lose-lose situation and understanding that his current character must be in some way informed by this regret and guilt.

THIRD, after seeing Ward go through all this and barely hold it together, we get to see how May handles this level of relive-your-worst-trauma-and-incinerate-yourself-with-unbridled-rage when she has to pick up the rage-stick and .... instead of it leaving her on the ground like it’s just done to Ward, she somehow experiences 0.00000% change in personality or capability WhatSoEver.

She not only isn’t affected, she summons all the broken pieces of rage-stick and effortlessly wields the fully formed berzerker staff to defeat the rest of the baddies single-handed.  It says so much about her character, about the depths of the trauma that sent her to the place we met her in in the pilot.  We still don’t know what happened, but this her “my secret is I’m always angry” moment, and it’s a  level of anger has been repeatedly and thoroughly cataloged throughout the episode so far.

It also gives these fools something to bond over.  And while I’m seriously disinterested in their weird little Thing that didn’t go anywhere and didn’t really impact much, it was a nice way to avoid progress in the “Skye’s falling for her SO” storyline that I don’t care for either.

But Skye makes her move in this episode!  She and Ward dance around the possibility that maybe they’re into each other and they could possibly move from antagonistic strangers to folks who are a little into each other.  But he does the gentle thing and turns her down! (without closing the door entirely, I must add)  And then he wanders off on his own and ... May’s wandering off on her own ... and they share some micro expressions and then, seriously you guys this sequence is so tasteful and understated, just look:

Ward leaves Skye at the bar with a parting “I’m beat, another time, maybe,” and off her wistful look we cut directly to this chiaroscuro hallway.

Ward enters the frame, starts unlocking his hotel room. He's just another monochrome shape in this monochrome place.

But then there’s May entering the shot at the far end of the hallway, and her motion and his turning to look at her frames her monochrome shape in this nice little white triangle between him and her door.

And there’s a tasty little rack focus that pulls the instant she passes in front of the door, making sure our attention is on her and the little white label of her bottle that really pops in the sea of black.

By this point in time, we’ve been shown, graphically, intimately, a dark shadow in his past, and we’ve been shown the physical and emotional toll its taken on him (an insight provided by the magic alien macguffin, btw).  We haven’t been told anything, we experienced his experiences with him via the power of cinema.  Her specific trauma is still a mystery at this point, but we’ve been given enough information to understand and appreciate its effects on her character.  So not only can we sympathize with Ward now, we can sympathize with his empathy for May in this moment.  

She catches him looking.

I mentioned micro expressions and screenshots do not do these performances justice.  How does one catch in a single frame the millisecond that an eyebrow ticks in asking a silent question?

Typical for her, May’s answer is also communicated through body language.

From that canted, inviting look, we pan down as she unlocks her door and enters.  She passes through the frame and disappears inside, after giving us a reminder that her plans are to apply alcohol to her issues.  (Remember that Ward turned down Skye’s invitation at a bar of all places)

Oh, and what has our framing left us to contemplate?  Is that a bed I see in there?  (Remember that Ward turned down Skye’s invitation)  Let me point out that this shot of just the bed after May walks by is on screen by itself for maybe a fraction of a second.  Just a suggestion of a thing, really.

Ward contemplates.

I love returning to this shot because it’s literally the same set up, and my instant reaction is that it’s another insert, a POV shot, and I fully expect to return to the single shot on Ward to discover his decision the second he makes it.

INSTEAD.  Ward walks immediately into THIS FRAME, too, black-shape-on-white-shape in the same way May was introduced to this scene.  And we stay here as he closes the door behind him ...

Letting us know everything we need to know without a single word needing to be spoken.

Another fraction of a frame dwelling on that shot and then immediately fade to black.  Credits.  Show’s over, folks.

And not that there’s any particular meaning in it, but they were super careful to minimize what colors were allowed to appear in this sequence?  Like there’s a particular sort of green in that weird armchair, which sort of matches the green-glass of her bottle.  And there’s the red of the fire alarm fixtures which more or less matches the red of his, y’know, fresh facial wounds.  EVERYTHING else (other than, I guess, their skin tones) falls somewhere along the white-black spectrum.  NICE.  BEAUTIFUL.  I LIKE IT A LOT.

And the Netflix synopsis for this episode is “In the aftermath of the events chronicled in the feature film Thor: the Dark World, Coulson and the S.H.I.E.L.D. team try to pick up the pieces.”  1) I’m realizing that they literally go around picking up pieces of the rage-stick and that’s hilarious but mostly I mean to say 2) this MCU-tie-in episode could have met the brief being as vapid and non-impactful as that blurb makes it sound.  But it took the opportunity to open up its characters for us to see their gooey insides, and hell they picked two of the best characters to dig into for this one, considering Ward’s tragic backstory plays as both a misdirect and actual inciting incident for his betrayal of SHIELD, and May’s tragic backstory feeds a couple of B-plots this season as well as being the major catalyst for a lot what happens in season FOUR.  SEASON FOUR, PEOPLE.  THE SEEDS ARE WAY BACK HERE IN SEASON ONE.

REMEMBER HOW THESE CHARACTERS WERE INTRODUCED THOUGH??  I DO, I JUST WATCHED THE PILOT LIKE YESTERDAY.  WE MEET WARD FULLY ENSCONCED IN HIS GUISE OF SHIELD BADASS SUPERSTAR; HE IS LITERALLY ASKED TO EXPLAIN WHAT SHIELD MEANS TO HIM, AND WE GET TO HEAR THE FIRST OF HIS MANY LIES.  WE MEET MAY IN HER OWN PERSONALLY-DESIGNED WHITE-COLLAR HELL, TURNING COULSON’S OFFER DOWN THE SECOND SHE HEARS HIS VOICE BECAUSE SHE’D RATHER STAPLE DOCUMENTS FOR ETERNITY THAN BE OUT IN THE FIELD WHERE SHE CAN MAKE ANOTHER MISTAKE LIKE THE ONE SHE CAN’T FORGIVE HERSELF FOR.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  This show knows how to weave a character-driven story, and it’s done it for six seasons straight, juggling constantly evolving -- grounded, nuanced, impactful -- character arcs with the external factors (Thor: The Dark World, for one) that force certain narrative decisions.

(until they decide to ignore those factors altogether, lol, I’m looking at you, season 5, you wacky maverick you)