#holy shit I finally did it!!
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#holy shit I finally did it!!#you cant find this anywhere else only I have the file#shes soo cute look at her Im gunna cry#wanna pinch her little chubby cheeks#kinda looks like kid me#music#halflife#beth thomas#child of rage#reactive attachment disorder#rad#attachment issues#trauma#abuse#SoundCloud
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what she says: yea i’m fine
what she’s thinking: the story brought both carpenter and faulkner to their inevitable end points that have been foreshadowed from the v first episode of the show ambiguity of carpenters death aside she stood on the banks of the river singing like her nana glass and was gunned down by the military and faulkner was drowned dragged delivered by the god and story he had let devour him but. but. before those things happened right before the narrative reached its end both of them stood up and said no! i want to go forward! i want to find something past this whatever it might be i don’t want it to take me yet im going to keep on walking! and it was too late! the thing is it was too fucking late!!!!!!! the aquifer was already flooding the soldiers were closing in she was to hurt to run he can’t swim. the chance had come and gone at the beginning of the episode for any hope of them reaching each other ever again but even though it was too little too late never ever going to be enough they both looked the site of their doom in the eyes and said i do not accept this. not here. not now. i am staring at you– the thing that will eat me — and resolving to pry open the jaws and choose to use the last moments of my life (whether i know it or not) to run and stumble and crawl and cry and sing in the hopes of reaching the people who matter to me more than being made your meal. and of course they got fucking eaten anyways. of course they did bc they were walking towards it from the beginning. but there is a way out, there is a way forward, there is a land beyond the storm that is possible to reach if you choose to step out of the story that has been built for you to find it. we walk on, with a rough and tarnished hope, and a tangled, ruined love. it can end with love, and it can end with kindness. even as the jaws are closing. ours is a world of miracles.
#unrelated but i fucking knew he was blond i knew it from episode one. vindication.#is this anything. i don’t know if this is anything. i just have a lot of feelings okay.#this might be too much of an optimistic read re both of their last moments but i think the themes are very much there#and baked into the finale. none of them wanted to be eaten man.#also schrödingers carpenter and faulkner realizing she was right and going after her at THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND#are two narrative choices that are going to haunt me until the end of time. like holy shit they really did that huh.#*stares in podcast rambling*#tsv#the silt verses#tsv s3#the silt verses season 3#tsv spoilers#the silt verses spoilers
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Ep. 15 aka "Goodluck Kremy Lecroux!"
#apolaskiart#my art#loa#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight#ouaw#ouaw fanart#kremy lecroux#gideon coal#coalecroux#holy shit I finally got this idea out of my art system#This is for the people who got unironic feelings IVE GOT YOUR BACKS!!!!#Did the episode specifically mention any rings? kinda?#But I was there guys trust me I saw this happen. I was pixie 316 in the entourage.
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Imai and Hide simultaneously jumping around makes me so happy 😭😭
And then Yuta with his majestic bassssss holy moly
Show after dark you are so iconic 🧎🧎
everything about this tour is perfection
The song is Django!!! for the ones who dk 🐈⬛🐈⬛
#atsushi sakurai#hisashi imai#buck tick#yagami toll#higuchi yutaka#hoshino hidehiko#tagging the squad 🐈⬛🐈⬛#life is great#brothers i did NOT just skip school cuz I had a mental breakdown#and its a b s o l u t e l y not 4am right now#but tbh i feel so great now holy shit ive been so frustrated these 2 weeks#was able to watch some BT stuff finally#took a fat nap after crying#delicious#a man in leather pants in his fifties solves a crisis
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Hetalia X Alien Stage
Round 5
#hetalia#aph france#Francis Bonnefoy#aph belarus#aph taiwan#hws#BelaTai#Hetalia x Alien Stage AU#holy shit yall can't you believe i did this in a span of like three days??? The thirst of seeing sociopathic Francis Bonnefoy is like drug#to me#ANYWAY GO WATCH ALIEN STAGE BY VIVINOS AND QMENG IT SO GOOD#this is so fun actually ended up practicing framing and colour for vibes!! i might do more this kind of screen redraw thing#Especially final round#Arthur as Till and Fran as Luka for the absolute Toxic Yaoi#Love Arthur as sad loser puppy heheh#so if ur wondering why i pick Taiwan and Belarus as Mizi and Sua when nyotalia cast def would be better suited for it#i just wanna challenge myself plus Fem Heta character is just too underrated so why not#im imagining the Alien Stage AU as if its a movie/Musical and they're actors lol#kopifuran
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Yukine's journey toward acceptance of the life that was robbed of him, this time with finality, exemplifies the emotional and beautifully rendered arc that has defined his character.
Yukine finally accepting the reality of his death. Yukine stepping out from the fridge that contained memories of what was once his life. Yukine freeing himself from the shackles of his trauma. Yukine running to protect the person who cherished him the most in the world. Yukine standing up to an abusive father. Yukine wholeheartedly apologizing. Yukine's growth, and Yato tearing up as he stretches his little arms to pull him for an embrace.
Yukine's gratitude for what Yato did for him is evident throughout the series. He was given a name more precious than any other. He was treated like a human--an ordinary teenage boy. And life after that was one exciting journey after another. Now, Yukine can no longer be entirely consumed by the horrors of his past because he knows that his reality with Yato is so much brighter. Far brighter.
Yukine could break out from that refrigerator because of the true, sincere, and nurturing love shown by the only father figure in his life. Yato has said multiple times throughout the series that Yukine was his priority above all else, and Yukine was the only person he swore to protect the most. Hell, he even went straight to hug him after Yukine apologized for turning into that form! Yato did not need to summon Yukine. Yukine came to protect Yato on his own decision. As he always did.
The journey to their healing will be painful, and this chapter shows that Yato and Yukine will face it together. No more secrets and no more miscommunications. They will help and be by each other's side as they always have, not only as god and shinki but, this time, as family.
"I will not let him die. Not Yato. No matter what happens... I swear I won't let anyone take him from me!" -Yukine, Noragami Vol. 17 Chapter 67.
#noragami manga#noragami 104.2#ah yes i've finally calmed down#i am still however sad as fuck but at the same time relieved#my boys have reconciled and i look forward to the yato and yukine duo once again :')#i was rereading my fave chapters and i missed seeing them in battle TOGETHER#hopefully we get that next chapter when they completely annihilate father <3#i love them so much and i love this series sm#i will never shut up abt them man. their father and son dynamic is one of the best and i will stand by this till the day i die#i remember a post i made abt hoping yukine's life w yato will outweigh the grief of his past#and it did :'))))) it really did. yukine realized that himself and now he is back with yato#he is back by yato's side. the place where he rightfully belongs#i'm so emotional rn holy shit i've had this chapter dominate my head for the whole day today#anw WAR IS OVER LADIES Yukine has come back home 😭🫶#noragami#noragami spoilers#yukine#yato#mine
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Amor inquieto
Amor drogado
Amor completo ♡
#fear and hunger#fear and hunger termina#olivia haas#daan von dutch#fear and hunger daan#fear and hunger olivia#funger nightshade#daanolivia#Nightshade for the soul i did this in 2 hours holy shit-#my artwork#traditional art#sketchbook#mon laferte#FINALLY FREE FROM COLLEGE YEAHHHHH
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cannot believe that 'yelling at your boss when he repeatedly almost gets you and your crew killed and lies to manipulate you into staying when you try to leave, is not emotional abuse, actually' and 'there is such a thing as a mutually toxic and unhealthy relationship where both parties are incredibly shitty to each other - and this is obviously where Ed and Izzy stand until S2, when it becomes blatantly abusive' is a controversial take. But as this is Abuse Apologism And Ableism, The FandomTM, I really should not be surprised
Just.
I was deep in physically and mentally abusive relationships in my teens/twenties - including relationships that started out with mutual toxicity and bad decisions on all sides, but which became outright physical & mental & other sorts of abuse with myself as the victim. I know my shit.
I suppose I can see where 'Izzy emotionally abused Ed' comes from IF people give literally the most uncharitable interpretation to Every Single Scene, and assume Izzy shouts angrily at Ed and negs him all the time rather than this being how he acts when he's incredibly stressed by circumstance caused directly by Ed and at the end of his fucking rope? Which, as we see in S2... Is not the case.
It's not freaking emotional abuse when you're shouting at your boss who keeps almost getting you and your crew killed. Even if this is NOT a kind or productive way to help Ed deal with his mental health, considering that Ed's actions have consequences that he repeatedly and blithely ignores, it's pretty fucking justified!
It's not freaking emotional abuse if your boss OPENLY LOVES MAIMING PEOPLE AND IS MORE THAN HAPPY TO BURN THEM ALIVE and you encourage that, while upholding his right to not kill with his own hands. Even if he has private breakdowns after the fact because he suffers from black-and-white thinking, dissociates himself from any wrongdoing, and is afraid of his potential to become 'a monster'.
Are these choices helpful? No. Are they kind? No. Is Izzy demonstrating Model Citizen Behaviour? Definitely not.
But it's sure as hell not emotional abuse. And it doesn't justify the physical and emotional abuse Ed puts Izzy through in S2.
Nothing you say can 'make' him hit you. If he chooses to hit you (or... choke you out then repeatedly mutilate you and pressure you to commit suicide and makes you constantly live in fear for your life and the lives of people you care about) he makes that decision himself. Yes, even if you shouted at him first. Yes, even if you were arguing. Yes, even if you were in the wrong in that argument. Yes, even if he has a Tragic BackstoryTM and mental health issues. This shit shouldn't be controversial.
Signed: one of those actual abuse survivors.
#izzy hands#israel hands#the izcourse#ofmd izzy#our flag means death#ofmd#to be clear: I think Izzy was an absolute shitbag in S1!#but. as someone who WAS emotionally AND physically abused just. Idk. The amount of straws people are grasping at#that's... not what emotional abuse looks like. holy shit.#if they were trying to depict that then they frankly did a really bad job lol#I think he was jealous and also worried for himself and HIS crew (who weren't the Revenge crew at that point in time)#I think he egged Ed on. But as we see REPEATED THROUGHOUT THE SHOW#ED DOES ENJOY VIOLENCE#HE LOVES A GOOD MAIM#HE BURNS PEOPLE ALIVE#THEN DISSOCIATES - that's what makes his character so fascinating and relatable to me! but he absolutely kills people#he just can't handle the reality of that or what it says about him#Izzy didn't 'make' him do jack shit. S1 is heavily dedicated to showing just how much Izzy never can get Ed to do what he wants#'Ed was afraid of him'?? wtf where do you even GET that from#if anything Ed is afraid of HIMSELF in that final scene. And he has good reason to be!#That self-loathing and fear of the self is INTEGRAL to him! See: when he's ACTUALLY scared of the fucking kraken#Anyway stop making both Ed and Izzy fundamentally boring by making one wholly good and one wholly bad lol#Izzy did bad shit. He got a good redemption arc and died. a lot of his fans are tired of that arc.#Ed did bad shit. He didn't get a good redemption arc and a lot of his fans are pissed about it.
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Can I request a Natalie x Jackies little sister reader, who is the opposite of Jackie, via personality wise? Like she's quiet, nerdy, not athletic like at all, and is a goody-two-shoes (Jackie makes fun of her for it but also intends to keep it that way,) and the reader ends up getting dragged by Jackie, and the readers awful bf at the time to this party, Jackie goes and gets lost with shauna doing whatever (✂️) ANYWAYS she gets into a really bad argument with her boyfriend because he wants to have sex with her and she refuses. Natalie ends up stepping in and helps her out, defends her, and drives her home. Natalie has also, like, always had a crush on her, too. Natalie and the reader start to get super close and secretly dating, and Jackie ends up finding out about them via the readers' diary, and she's kind of upset at first but ends up allowing it after confronting Natalie after practice, who proves to Jackie that she loves the reader and wants to protect her no matter what. Idk sorry about it being all detailed 😭😭
All My Ghosts
Summary: literally just the prompt
Warning(s): cursing (more than usual), manipulation (from r bf), pressure to have sex, drug usage, smoking, drinking, non-consensual kissing (from bf), not proofread (spelling and grammar mistakes are not my problem actually)
Reader can either be read as a comphet lesbian or bisexual/pansexual, whichever you prefer <3
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"Y/n, let's GO!" your sister, Jackie, yelled from the bottom of the stairs up to your room. Instead of responding to her, you just rolled your eyes and finished lacing up your shoes. You didn't even want to go to this party, but your boyfriend, Brad, wanted you to go. And for some reason, Jackie agreed with him. Something about you being there with her for "moral support". Like she needed that. If anything, you were the one who needed moral support for a party.
When you were finally finished getting ready, you walked out of your bedroom and down the stairs to meet Jackie.
"God, finally. Shauna's going to wonder where we are." She twirls the keys to her car in her hand, and you just roll your eyes again.
"More like wonder where you are."
"She's your friend, too."
"Barely."
The less than a year between you and Jackie meant that the two of you grew up really close, and that her friends became your friends. Since both of you were in the same grade, you didn't have to worry a lot about making your own friends. Jackie was good about including you, and you got along well with Shauna and the other girls from the soccer team.
But sometimes, on days like this, you wished you had friends of your own. Maybe they wouldn't make you go to some stupid party with them.
"Come on." Jackie started walking towards your front door and out to the car. Honestly, you were surprised she was even driving. Normally Jeff or Shauna picked her up.
"Fine, whatever," you replied, walking out after her.
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When the two of you arrived, the party was already in full swing. Where Brad could be, you had no idea. And unfortunately for you, Jackie had no problem finding Shauna.
Soon enough, you were standing alone in the foyer of Lottie's giant house.
Suddenly, you see Brad. Quickly, you start walking towards him.
"Babe! Hey!" He pulls you into his side as soon as you come near him. He smells like weed and cheap beer, and you can't help but wrinkle your nose.
"Hi," you smile at him, trying to ignore the smell. Instead of continuing to talk to you, though, he immediately went back to whatever conversation he'd been having, not even trying to include you. This happened a lot. Brad would immediately assume you weren't interested in anything he'd been talking about, and practically ignore you.
You sat there in silence for a while before you decided it was time to get a drink.
"Hey, I'm going to grab a drink. Do you want anything?" you ask, tapping Brad's shoulder.
"Sure. Let me come with you." When he says that, you try not to let your disappointment show. You had been trying to get away from him for a minute, but there he was, following you around.
The two of you head to the kitchen, and you pour yourself a Diet Coke, while Brad opted for another beer. As you stand at the counter, sipping you drink, he slides up behind you and starts to whisper in your ear.
"You want to get out of here?" He was trying to be seductive, but all you could focus on was how shitty his breath smelled.
"No, sorry. I promised Jackie that I'd DD." It takes a lot not to push him away entirely, but you can't help but turn your head away as he spoke.
"Baby, I'm sure your sister can find another ride home. Come on." He was beginning to sound like a child, but you kept your cool.
"I'm sure she could, but I really don't need a pissed off Jackie in my life right now. Plus, I'd just rather not risk it." By now, you'd pulled away fully, not wanting to deal with whatever was going on.
"Y/n, come on. I need something. We haven't had sex in so long." He was louder now, and you were sure people heard.
"And I said not tonight."
"You're such a-"
"She said no, asshole. Leave her alone." Brad was cut off by a voice that you recognized. Natalie Scatorccio, one of the girls on your sister's soccer team. You didn't know her that well, and Jackie wasn't her biggest fan. But you were extremely grateful for her in this moment.
"This is none of your business, bitch. Who the fuck are you, anyways?" Brad was clearly pissed off, whether it was because he was interrupted or because it was Natalie who interrupted him, you couldn't tell.
"It doesn't matter who I am, and this became my business the minute you started yelling at y/n in the middle of the kitchen. She doesn't want to fuck you. Get over it."
"How does this bitch even know your name?" Brad's wrath was turned towards you now, and you weren't sure how to react.
"She's... uh, a friend. Of my sister's. They play soccer together," you manage to mumble out, embarrassed over the whole situation.
"Oh, so you need one of your sister's friends to fight your battles for you now? Fuck this. We're over. I don't want to be with a prude." With that, Brad finally walked away. Part of you wanted to follow him, but the majority of you didn't. Not after what he just pulled.
"Shit. I didn't mean for him to break up with you. Just leave you alone." Natalie did truly look apologetic, but you weren't upset with her at all.
"No, it's fine. I've been thinking about breaking up with him anyway. I've just been to nervous. So really, I should be thanking you." You tried to make light of the entire situation, wanting to relieve some of the tension.
"Well, he seemed like a dick. Is he always like that?"
You pause for a moment before speaking. "No, not always. When we first got together, he was perfect. But for the past month or so, he's been a lot pushier when it comes to physical stuff."
Natalie nods, taking it in.
"Do you want to get out of here?" You ask suddenly, hoping you don't sound weird.
"Don't you have to take Jackie home?" She looked at you quizzically, and you mentally cursed yourself.
As if on cue, Jackie appeared in the kitchen. "Y/n! I was looking for you. You don't care if I go with Shauna to her place, do you?'
"No, go ahead. Just give me the car keys." You hold out your hand for the keys, and Jackie happily gives them to you. Once she's gone from the kitchen, you turn back to Natalie.
"Well, not anymore."
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The two of you sat in your car, music playing softly through the stereo. You had no idea what you planned on doing, but it was nice to do something spontaneous for once in your life.
"Is there anywhere you want to be going?" You ask, not knowing exactly what Natalie would be into.
"Nah." She sits there in silence for a moment before turning to you, cigarette in hand. "Do you care if I smoke in here?"
"Roll down the window. I'm not sure I want my parents thinking I've been smoking."
She does as she's asked and rolls down the window before lighting up the cigarette, which kind of impresses you with the wind.
"So you're keeping up the "good girl" act even when I'm the only one here, huh?" She asks before taking a drag of the cigarette.
"What "good girl act"? This is just my personality." You take a turn and decide that you want to go to the beach. You've always loved the ocean, and with a night like tonight you deserved to do what you wanted.
"God, not even Jackie's this innocent. Have you ever broken a rule in your life?" She's not being mean, at least you don't think she is.
"I'm not innocent, just careful." You pause for a beat before answering her question, "And yes, I've broken rules. You think Jackie and I were supposed to be at that party?"
"Touché, I guess. Where do your parents think you are?" She looks over at you as she takes a drag from the cigarette, and something about the whole thing makes your heart flutter. Probably from the rebellion of it all.
"Well, they aren't even home, but before they left, Jackie said we were staying with Shauna. Which, I guess is kind of the truth." You maneuver the car into a random parking lot with a beach entrance and gesture for Natalie to get out.
The both of you step out of the car, and you move to the trunk to see if you have a blanket or something else to sit on. You find a towel that you're sure has been there since the last time you were at the beach, but it'll work for now. Nat didn't seem to be the picky type, and you didn't much care what you sat on as long as it wasn't sand.
You shut the trunk and begin walking toward the beach, turning around to make sure that Natalie is following you. She is.
It doesn't take long to find a spot in the sand to settle into. The beach is mostly empty, the occasional couple or group of friends scattered across the beach, but none were close enough to bother you. You set the towel down, smoothing it best you can, trying very hard to not let it get sandy.
"Ladies first," you tease, gesturing for Natalie to sit down before plopping down next to her.
She rolls her eyes, but clearly doesn't mind the teasing.
"The beach, huh? This your happy place or somethin'?"
"Happy place is a stretch. That would be a bookstore. But all of those are closed, so this is my second best option. I've just always loved the water. Not that we could swim right now." The words just kind of spill out, and you're surprised at how easy it was to talk to Natalie. Probably because she saved your ass earlier.
"Nerd." It's her turn to tease you now, but her tone is affectionate. This girl is a far cry from the burnout stoner that Jackie is always talking about.
"Oh, whatever."
"You can't even deny it. You're a rule follower, your good-girl act isn't an act, and your happy place is a goddamned bookstore. Nerd."
"Because you're soooooo much cooler than me, with your smoking and your leather jackets." you lean back on the towel, using your elbows to prop you up.
"I didn't say you weren't cool, I said you were a nerd. Don't twist my words." She takes another drag of her cigarette, blowing smoke into the warm night air. She looks captivating, all sharp angles and edges and lines.
"Those two things do tend to go hand in hand, you know."
"Not for you. You're a total nerd, but you're cool. At least I think you are."
You let out a scoff, not knowing whether to take her statement as a compliment, or an insult, or both.
"Was that supposed to be a compliment..?"
She just laughs, looking up to the sky. It's nice with her, you realize. There's no pressure to do or say anything. Normally it's so difficult for you to talk to people, let alone actually make friends. But with Natalie everything came easily.
"Why'd you save my ass earlier?" you ask, finally getting up the courage to ask the question that's been plaguing you since you got in the car with Natalie.
"Looked like you needed it." She shrugs, like it's no big deal. Like Brad couldn't have beaten her ass if he wanted to.
"Yeah, but you barely know me. Most people wouldn't do that for a stranger."
"You're not a stranger. Not exactly. There's also the fact that I don't deal with assholes well."
"I mean, I'm really grateful, don't get me wrong. It was really good of you to do that. Just... surprising, is all."
She's silent for a moment, and you're worried that you might have said something to offend her. Your mind begins reeling, and you backtrack to figure out what it was that you said.
"Jackie been telling you about me?" she asks, and you realize what it really is, why she was really silent.
Now it's your turn to be quiet. You don't know what to say without saying something that could make the situation worse.
"Not... just Jackie. I've noticed you, you know? You don't exactly give the vibe that you'd save a girl you barely know at a party. I know I shouldn't assume based on rumors, or vibes." You hope your explanation doesn't upset her.
"I know what vibe I give off. I get it, I guess."
"You aren't what I expected, though. In a good way." You smile at her. It's true. She's not what everyone thinks she is. And you like it.
"Thanks."
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Two days later, you sat on your bed with Jackie, explaining the whole situation with Brad. She had spent the weekend at Shauna's, and the news of the breakup had barely reached her. Which meant you got to explain. Yipee.
"Yeah, so he was super pushy, which was honestly a bit unexpected. Maybe because I'm so used to just saying yes. Begging me to sleep with him, telling me he "needed it". It was gross, honestly."
"And he'd never been like that with you before?" Jackie's clearly upset, which honestly makes you feel a little bit better.
"Yeah, never," you assure her.
"So then what?"
"Uh, Natalie actually stepped in." You scan your sister's face for a reaction, not exactly knowing what to expect.
"Natalie? Natalie Scatorccio? The same girl who shows up to practice high, or drunk, or both half the time? That Natalie?" Jackie looks completely perplexed, like she could never understand how Natalie was the one that helped you get away from Brad.
"That's the one. Then she and I just... left. The party. We went to the beach. Talked. It was nice." You shrug, not exactly knowing where to go from here. You wanted to defend Natalie, you really did, but with Jackie it was just so... difficult.
"That's... good of her, I guess?"
"She's not what you think she is, you know." You try to sound nonchalant, like your head hasn't been clouded with thoughts of Natalie since the party. You missed her. Of course you did. She was your first shot at a friend in a while.
"I guess she's not."
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"Jesus Christ." You slam your textbook shut, annoyed. Something's been tapping your window for what feels like hours. You get up and walk over to see what it is. You look down, and who do you see but Natalie Scatorccio, literally throwing pebbles at your window.
You slide your window open and hiss down at her.
"What are you doing?"
"Getting your attention." She smirks up at you, and your annoyance fades, but doesn't disappear.
"It's eleven thirty at night. I'm studying."
"Oh, come on y/n. Live a little. I just want to hang out."
"Natalie."
"Fine, if you really don't want to, I'll go."
"No, fine. Stay there." You quickly close the window and grab your shoes and a jacket. You're grateful that she showed up. You'd been debating talking to her at school, but she had friends. What if your hangout was a one-time thing, and she really didn't like you.
But that was all nullified by the fact that she showed up to your house. That she threw pebbles at your window. That she wanted to talk to you, too.
It was a nice feeling.
As quietly as possible, you snuck out of the house, grateful for both the distance from your parents room to the front door, and their early bedtime. What you were doing could barely be considered sneaking out. It was just leaving the house.
Nat met you in the front of your house, smirk still on her face. Part of you wanted to be annoyed at her, but most of you was excited. You'd never done something like this before.
"You're a bad influence, you know."
"I said you didn't have to come with me." She was right about that. There was no pressure from Natalie for you to leave your house with her.
"Still a bad influence," you say, rolling your eyes. "What are we doing, anyway?"
"Hanging out."
"That's a horrible answer."
"Shut up. I didn't have anything in mind, really. I just wanted to hang out with you again." She shrugs and pulls out a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of her leather jacket. Soon enough, a cigarette is between her lips, and she's working on lighting it. Which she does, effortlessly.
It's kind of attractive.
Wait, what? Attractive? No. Not attractive. It would be attractive if she were a boy. But she's not. It's just... intriguing.
Yeah. Intriguing.
Your mind is working at a thousand miles a minute, and it must be evident on your face, because Nat gives you a concerned look.
"You good? You're not freaking out because you snuck out, are you? Because we're literally still in your front yard. You've barely even snuck out at this point." She genuinely looks a bit concerned, but she keeps her tone light, trying to keep you from freaking out further.
You snap out of whatever trance you were in and give Natalie a little nod. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking."
She nods in acknowledgement, not pressing the issue, which you appreciate. You don't want to lie, but you're not sure you want to tell her that you maybe find her attractive.
But you don't, right?
"Seriously, what are we doing? Nothing's even open right now."
"We could go to a gas station," she says, offhandedly, and you let out a little laugh.
"A gas station? You have me sneak out of my house so we can what? Get midnight Slurpees?"
"Do you have any better ideas?"
She had you there. You didn't have any better ideas. In fact, a midnight Slurpee actually sounded pretty good.
"Fine."
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A ten minute walk later, and the two of you stood within the fluorescent lighting of the local seven-eleven. Natalie was already making the most horrendous Slurpee combination known to man, and you were debating on what to get. As usual.
"Y/n, are you just going to stand there the rest of the night?" She asks, taking a drink of her concoction.
"I'm thinking. Also, that's an abomination." Her drink was truly disgusting. She had mixed every flavor possible, and none of them went together. It honestly almost made you gag.
She just grinned at you, and you couldn't help but smile back. Even if she should never be able to drink a Slurpee again.
Finally, you decided on what you wanted. Plain cherry. Why it took you so long to decide, you had no idea. It was the same flavor you'd been getting practically your entire life.
"You're boring as shit, y/n," She teases, and you shoot her a glare.
"At least I'm not drinking whatever the fuck that is." You finish filling your cup, and nudge her shoulder as you walk to the cash register to pay.
"Here." You turn to Nat and take her cup from her, giving it to the middle-aged woman at the register.
"I can pay for my own, you know." She sounds a little pissed off, and you can't tell why.
Oh, shit. Because she didn't have a lot of money. She must have thought you were pitying her. Which, you weren't. But she had no way of knowing that.
"Yeah, but you're my friend. I'm going to treat you. But if it makes you feel better, you can get it next time," your tone is teasing, and you try to lighten the mood a little bit.
"Fine." Her voice softened, and you mentally patted yourself on the back.
You grab your cups from the cashier, and hand Natalie hers before walking out of the store.
"Where to next?" She asks, following your lead.
"I think there's a park nearby."
She nods, and you begin making your way to the park. You hadn't been there in years, but the thought of going there now exhilarated you.
The two of you walked in a comfortable silence to the playground, which was completely empty due to how late it was. No kids would be there this time.
"Swings?" You ask, looking at Natalie for confirmation. She nods, and you make your way to the old swing set.
"I'm glad you came over. I'm glad we're doing this," you blurt out, not really meaning to. You didn't really want to sound desperate for friends or anything. But it was nice.
"I didn't know if you'd even come outside. Not to mention that I was terrified that I was throwing rocks at your parents window, or worse, Jackie's."
"I normally wouldn't have. But I've been hoping to hang out again since Friday."
"Thinking about me, huh?" she's teasing, you know she doesn't mean it in the way it sounds. But you flush red anyways, and hope she doesn't see.
"All the time," you quip back, matching her energy. She laughs, and butterflies explode in your stomach.
Fuck.
Were you falling for Natalie Scatorccio?
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It's been two weeks of hanging out with Natalie, and it's only solidified your feelings for her. Which was freaking you out. You'd never felt this way about a girl before, and it was even more insane because it was Natalie.
You groaned and buried your head into your pillow. Why were you like this? You'd never felt like this about anyone, not even Brad. Why did she draw you in so quickly and easily?
"Y/n, do you have my-" Jackie suddenly stops talking, seeing your state. You're obviously distressed, and she immediately makes her way over to your bed. She sits down and rests a hand on your leg.
"Are you okay?" She asks, concerned.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just going through a lot." You roll onto your back and stare at the ceiling.
"You upset about Brad?"
You nod, even though you know it's not the truth. You haven't even thought about him since the breakup, but Jackie doesn't need to know that. It's not that Jackie wouldn't be okay with you liking a girl. She probably would be. You'd had suspicions about her and Shauna for a while. It's the fact that you like Natalie that she wouldn't be okay with. She was barely okay with the two of you being friends.
"I get it. Let me know if you want to talk about it, okay?" She genuinely looks like she wants to help, and you smile in return.
"I'm okay, thanks. Just a lot on my mind, you know?"
She hums and pats your leg before standing up and leaving your bedroom, again leaving you alone with your thoughts.
It's times like these when you really wished you had close friends. You couldn't talk to Jackie about it because it's about Natalie, and you couldn't talk to Natalie. For obvious reasons.
So you turn to the only thing that won't judge you. Your journal.
April 9, 1996
Shit. I think I like a girl. Well, I know I like a girl. What does that mean for me? Should I tell her? What if she doesn't like me? What if she tells everyone and thinks I'm a freak? Not that I think Natalie would do that. She seems okay with gay people. But what if?
Not to mention that it's Natalie. No fucking way. My parents would freak. Not even just because of the whole "being with a girl" thing. But because Natalie is the opposite of everything they want for me.
There's just something about her, though. That makes me not care. About my parents, about Jackie, about anyone. She's just so her. She makes me want to be someone different. Someone interesting More myself, honestly.
You finish writing and shut the book, sticking it back in the hiding place under your mattress. Stereotypical, you know, but you weren't worried about anyone reading it. Your parents were decent about privacy, and Jackie just wouldn't do that to you.
"Y/n! Someone's here for you!" Your mom yells up the stairs, and you peek your head out the doorway of your bedroom and look down the stairs. In the doorway stands Natalie, cigarette in hand. You immediately walk down the stairs and practically drag her to your room.
"Jesus, Nat. You could warn a girl." You're not mad, exactly, but you hadn't exactly warned your parents about Natalie's look. Or her smoking habit. You didn't plan on telling them about the smoking at all, actually. Or the drugs. Or the alcohol.
"You mad I showed up to see you?" She genuinely looks hurt, and you backtrack a little.
"No. It's just that my parents..."
"Oh, so you're scared of what your parents would think of their perfect daughter hanging out with a drug addicted burnout like me?" She's clearly angry now, and you curse yourself.
"Nat, come on."
"Fuck off, y/n. You don't have to talk to me, you know."
"I want to talk to you! I like being your friend! My parents just have certain expectations for me, okay? For both of us. I just don't need a lecture or for them to tell me I'm not allowed to see you anymore." You hope your explanation makes Natalie understand.
She softens, and it's clear your words have gotten through to her.
"I don't want to feel like you're ashamed to be friends with me because I'm not what mommy and daddy wanted."
"I'm not, I swear. I really, really like being around you. So I don't need my parents deciding they hate you from the jump."
She smiles when you say that you like being around her, and your heart jumps. God, what was this girl doing to you?
"Alright, I get it. I won't smoke around your parents, 'kay?"
"Thank you."
"I actually came over to ask you if you were going to go to that party on Friday? Lottie's hosting." You're surprised at her words. She came all the way over to your house just to ask if you were going to a party? Odd.
"Uh, yeah, I heard about it. I didn't think about going, though. No reason to, without Brad dragging me there."
"Not a party person?"
"Not particularly, no."
"Would you go if I promised to hang out with you?" She's teasing you and you know it, yet her question somehow sounds genuine.
"I'll think about it," you say, already knowing your answer. She had you wrapped around your finger. You'd do just about anything if Natalie was there with you.
"That's a yes, right?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A few days later, and you found yourself in front of your vanity mirror, attempting to get your hair to look right. It's not that it looked bad... it looked normal. But you wanted it to look good.
For Natalie
No, fuck. Not for Natalie. For yourself.
And maybe for Natalie.
You gave up on your hair and went to touch up your makeup. Nothing much, some highlighter. Eyeliner. Mascara. Minimal. You, but different.
Finally, you're ready to go. You don't look perfect, but who cared about that? It was a high school party. No one looked perfect. You were teenagers, for fuck's sake.
"Jackie! Are you ready?" You stepped into the hallway. It was finally your turn to get back at Jackie for all the years she had spent yelling at you to hurry up.
"Christ, y/n. What's your deal?" She walks into the hall, somehow looking better than you could even fathom. How she managed to do that, you had no idea. Honestly, it was impressive.
"Nothing. I just want to leave." You shrug, feigning nonchalance. You don't really want to explain to Jackie why you're so hard pressed to go to this party.
"Whatever. Let's go, then."
With that, she's off down the hall, expecting you to follow her. And of course, you do.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You couldn't find Natalie anywhere at the party. You'd searched every room, and you were starting to get upset. Why would she ditch you? You thought she was really your friend. Was this some sort of really fucked up prank?
Taking a deep breath, you tried to rationalize it. Natalie could be mean, sure. But never intentionally cruel, not like this. She was probably just running late. Or didn't think you'd get there as early as you did.
You stood at the edge of the kitchen, being a wallflower, as usual. It was kind of interesting to watch the party go on. Everyone talking and laughing and drinking. If nothing else, you were at least entertained.
Suddenly, someone walked up behind you and tapped on your shoulder. You turned around excitedly, assuming it was Natalie.
It wasn't.
Behind you stood Brad. He looked the same, which, why wouldn't he? It had only been a few weeks since the breakup.
"Hey, y/n. I was hoping to talk to you. About us." He looked almost hopeful, and you found it gross.
"There's no us anymore. You tried to pressure me into having sex with you. That isn't good boyfriend behavior," You say, turning away from him again and starting to walk away.
Brad reached out and grabbed your wrist, stopping you from walking away. When you turned around to confront him and tell him to let you go, he leaned in and kissed you. Hard
For a moment, you didn't know what to do. You weren't expecting him to kiss you. But then you came to your senses and pushed him away. Just as hard as he had kissed you.
"Fuck you. That's fucking disgusting." This time, when you turned to walk away, he left you alone. You made your way out of the kitchen and into Lottie's giant living room, where you finally found Nat.
When you saw her, you smiled and started making your way over to her, but she just glared and turned away. Once you walked over to where she was standing with Kevyn, she didn't even glance in your direction.
"Nat, hey," you said, a bit confused. You didn't know why she was acting the way that she was.
She didn't respond and just kept talking to Kevyn, like you weren't even there. Like you didn't exist at all.
"Hey, what's going on right now?"
"Nothing. It just looks like you found better company than me." Her tone is cold, and you start to get a little upset with her.
"What's that supposed to mean, Natalie?"
With this, Kevyn decided it was time for him to walk away. Neither you nor Natalie stopped him.
"It means you found someone you'd rather be here with."
"I've been standing at this godforsaken party alone, waiting for you, and you think I've found someone else to hang out with?" Your voice is rising, and you're sure other people are watching you.
"I think you're more than hanging out with him."
With that, you grab Natalie's wrist and drag her outside of the party, not wanting any more attention on you.
"What the fuck is your problem? You show up late, you don't come find me, and when I do see you you're cryptic as fuck!" You're seething, and all you want is to know what Natalie's issue is.
"Oh, what's my problem? Maybe that you were kissing the guy who practically assaulted you a month ago! Not to mention that you were supposed to be here with me!"
"That's what this is about? I don't like him, Natalie! If you had asked instead of assuming, you'd know that! I am here with you! You're the only fucking person I want to be around, don't you get that?" That last part just slipped out, and you clap your hands over your mouth.
Natalie looks at you for a moment, shocked, but she quickly recovers. Her face is guarded again, and you can't tell how she's going to react to what you just said. You don't even know if she guessed the true meaning of your words.
"Why were you kissing him, then?" Her voice is still hard, but it's lost some of the anger within it from before.
"He kissed me. I didn't want him to. He's not who I want to be with."
"Shit."
"That's all you have to say right now? Shit? I go to a party I didn't even want to be at because you asked me to, I get kissed by my ex and the one person I know would understand gets weirdly jealous and asshole-y about it! And then I all but tell you I want to be with you and you say is shit?" You're fuming now. You've never done anything like this before. You've always been sweet and shy and non-confrontational.
"Jesus Christ, y/n!"
That's when she does it. She walks over to you and more gently than you thought possible from her, she cups your face and kisses you. It's soft, surprisingly, but there's an underlying desperation to it that makes you go insane for her.
You pull away after a moment, and you can't help but stare at her. You can't come up with a single word to say after that kiss. It was everything you'd been wanting, no, craving for weeks.
"Does that give you an answer?"
"I think so. I might need another, just to be sure, though."
She gladly kisses you again, and you practically melt. This time, the desperation is a bit clearer. It's turned from soft lips to tongues and teeth in an instant, and you have to remind yourself that you're in public.
"We should head back to my house."
"Good idea."
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The next afternoon, you're sitting on your bed, journaling. Natalie had left that morning, before both your parents and Jackie had gotten up. You didn't ask her to leave, but she promised to see you at some point this weekend.
April 12, 1996
Holy shit, she kissed me. She kissed me. I didn't even know she liked girls, let alone me. I think we're together now? I mean, we didn't like talk about it. But she promised me she'd see me later.
I don't know how I'm going to tell Jackie. Or my parents. Jackie might be okay with me liking a girl, but she'd hate that I like Natalie of all people. I have no idea how I'm going to tell her.
It's fine, I don't have to tell anyone, right? I'm sure Nat would be okay with it. Maybe she doesn't want it public either.
I'm trying really hard not to worry about this. Really fucking hard. It's just so new. I've never done anything like this before.
With that, you take a deep breath and close the book, putting it away in the usual spot. There was no point in worrying anymore. There was nothing you could do until you talked to Natalie about your plans.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday morning, Natalie stood by your locker, smiling, really smiling at you. You can't help but smile back. She was your girlfriend, like, officially. She called you yesterday, two days after your kiss, and the both of you went out. It wasn't a fancy date, just sitting with her as she smoked. But you talked, and you kissed, and you made everything official.
It wasn't like you were screaming that you were together from the rooftops. Wiskayok was still relatively conservative. And neither of you were out as anything. But Natalie planned on telling Kevyn and Van, while you were working up the courage to tell Jackie.
"Hey. You're going to Calc, right? I'm headed in that direction."
"Yeah, I am." You couldn't help but smile wider. Your girlfriend was walking you to class.
"Cool."
She starts off, and you fall into step next to her. It was such an insignificant moment to most, but it showed she cared about you.
"See you after practice?" She asks, feigning nonchalance.
"Yeah, I'm taking Jackie home. I'll make sure to stop by." You give her a quick smile and make sure to brush her arm before walking into class.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
A month of dates with Natalie had passed, and you were sure you were in love. She was still a snarky mess, but she also had the kindest soul you'd ever seen. Always checking on you, listening to you talk about anything and everything.
The only issue was Jackie. And the fact that you hadn't told her yet. She was acting a little weird to you, and you thought she suspected you were dating someone new. But she was letting you tell her when you were ready, which you appreciated.
You stood at your car, waiting for Jackie to take the both of you home when you heard it. Jackie, and Natalie. Arguing. About something.
Feeling a bit nosy, you walked towards the noise, listening in. It wasn't hard. They were being very, very loud.
"Why wouldn't you tell me that your latest hookup was my sister?" When you heard Jackie, your heart started pounding. How could she know?
"Hookup? You think we're just hooking up?"
"Isn't that all you do? Fuck?"
You wince at that, and almost say something to signal that you're standing there.
"Fuck off, Jackie. What me and y/n do in our spare time is actually none of your concern. And just so you know, she's not just a hookup. I really like her. Like, more than anyone else I've ever been with. And if you had let her tell you that instead of jumping to conclusions, you'd know that." Nat stormed off in your direction, and stopped as soon as she saw you.
"Shit. Did you hear all that?"
"Yeah. Give me a second. I have to talk to Jackie." You walk towards your sister, pissed.
"Jackie, what the hell? How did you know Nat and I were together? And who said we were just hooking up? Why would you assume that? Jesus Christ."
"Y/n, I just thought, because she only does hookups, that you were a casual thing! I didn't want you hurt!" She's trying so hard to make this okay, make you not mad at her. It isn't working.
"How'd you even find out?"
"Your journal." She sounds sheepish, and you only get angrier at this.
"You read my fucking journal?"
"You just seemed off! I wanted to make sure you were okay!" She's defensive, but there's a bit of an apology in her voice.
"Not an excuse, Jackie. I like Natalie, okay? And she made it clear how she feels about me. So fuck off." You knew that you still had to take Jackie home, but you didn't care.
Natalie still stood there, seemingly a bit hurt by what Jackie had said, but she was clearly happy with how you reacted.
"Can you take me home? I don't feel like dealing with Jackie right now," you ask, intertwining your fingers.
"After that shit show? Absolutely." She leads you to where her beat up old car was parked, and you sat yourself in the front seat.
"I'm sorry, about Jackie. She's normally not that insane."
"Not your fault. And I got to hear about how much you love me, so it's a win, honestly." She smirks at you from the drivers seat as she pulls out of the parking lot, and you squeezer her hand.
"Yeah well, I got to hear the same from you."
"It's just the truth."
"It'd better be."
#holy shit I finally did it#Rae's writing#raw writes#yellowjackets#yellowjackets showtime#yellowjackets season 1#natalie scatorccio#natalie yellowjackets#raecore i suppose#natalie scatorccio x reader#teen natalie scatorccio#natalie scatorccio x fem reader#natalie scatorccio x you#natalie scatorccio x y/n
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I like the idea of sunflower pistol whipping somebody, please (if ur able) write a lil something something about that 🙏
Try me.
TW: Gun (obvi), death threats, breaking in and some blood. Idk how to write fight scenes-
It was around 9:00 pm, Finn had to stay behind making sure the orders were well, in order. The last time he mixed them with last year? He felt a headache from that time come back.
Then, he heard the front door to the shop open. Pausing he wondered if it was Sunflower, but they said they were on the way? That's about a 20 minute drive from their place. Waiting for his partner to call out, they didn't.
Feeling fear rise in him, he slowly moved himself to the farthest corner. From the door connecting the front and back of the store. Pulling out his phone, thankful it was on silent and low lighting he began texting Sunflower silently.
'Someone's in the shop.' Finn snapped his head up when he heard the robber. They were trying to open the register, luckily Finn took the money out a while ago and stored it away. Seeing his phone flash on he looked down seeing a text from his partner.
'I'm almost there, grab a weapon. It's going to be okay, just hide and if necessary hurt the robber.' Finn felt his breathing become slightly faster. But thinking about Sunflower coming to him eased his mind.
Looking at the door to the front he slowly got up and grabbed scissors he used to cut the ribbons. Then looked around for a place to hide, seeing the closet for all the ribbons he slipped in there.
With Sunflower though, they were speeding and luckily got to their partner's flower shop. Seeing the door wide open they reached into their glove box, grabbing their pistol. Hurting out the car they peeked through the door, not seeing the robber or Finn they slowly went inside.
"DAMMIT! Where does that blonde fucker keep his money?" A gruff voice was heard as the door swung open. Hitting the wall with a bang, flinching slightly Finn focused on his breathing. Clutching his phone and the scissors tightly in his hands.
"AH!" Screaming was heard, 'FUCK! THAT WAS FINN!' feeling adrenaline spike they rushed through the front and got to the door to the back. Hearing Finn talking to a man, Sunflower slowly opened the door.
"Where's your money? Tell me!! I swear I'll cut you!" Finn was being held up by his shirt. A cut on his hand showing his weapon was taken forcefully from him. Sunflower slowly cocked their pistol and pressed it against the robbers head.
"Put my boyfriend down. Or I'll fucking shoot." Words turned the room cold as Finn looked at them. The robber paused, then slowly put Finn down.
"Stay fucking still. Finn go to the front and call the police." Telling Finn what to do kicked him into action. He slowly walked away from the two and rushed to the front with his phone.
"What your go-" The man tried to speak but the gun was pressed harder into his skull.
"Did I say you can speak? No, I didn't. Drop your weapon." Comanding the man, he followed their word and dropped the scissors. Sunflower then quickly kicked them away, they made a clink sound as they hit the wall.
The robber had his hands up, and was thinking how to get the gun from Sunflower. So in desperation quickly turned to moved the gun down to punch them.
"Fuck!" Sunflower grunted as the punch connected but gripped the gun tightly and shot. The robber screamed as the bullet hit his foot, he dropped to the floor clutching it.
Finn who finished calling the police rushed back and had a face of worry. Seeing blood going down Sunflowers probably broken nose started crying. But was scared to move from the door way.
"I'm going to tell you once you son of a bitch! Fucking move and I'll shoot your balls!" Cocking the gun again Sunflower pointed it at the man on the floor.
Who just groaned still squirming about his foot. Looking around Sunflower found zipties, grabbing two they looked at Finn.
"Finn baby come here. It's okay." Whispering to him, he slowly approached them. Finn was shaking as he saw closely of his partner's condition.
"Sunflower...I-" Looking at them quickly he paused. Seeing their bloody nose made him want to cry again.
"It's okay just hold his feet down so i can tie him. Not like he's gonna get far with a fucked up foot." Whispering they then went to the man. Crouching down the man tried swinging for them but Sunflower used the gun to hit his face.
"FUCK! OW! YOU FUCKER-" The man flinched and shit up when they raised the gun again. To either shoot or hit him, he then slumped on the floor.
"I'm going to tie you. Be lucky I don't fucking shoot you dead." Grumbling they pushed the man on his stomach and nodded to Finn. He then slightly sat on the man's legs, grabbing the robbers arms roughly.
Sunflower then tied his hands up, sighing when done and slowly got up. Then helped Finn up, looking around they got two of the chairs. Sitting in one they then grabbed the first aid kit Finn had in the back.
"Bastard fuckin' broke my nose....I think?" Hissing as they touched it lightly. Finn grabbed a few things first a tissue to stop the bleeding.
"When you shot I told 911 to also bring a ambulance. I thought you..." Whispering tears fell from Finn's eyes. Looking at him Sunflower gently took his hands and smiled.
"I'm fine. And you did amazing baby. You were probably scared huh?" Softly speaking Sunflower focused on Finn. Their boyfriend nodded as he began to sob into their arms. They gently rocked him, then heard siren's groaning Sunflower then pulled away.
"Come on, let's get this asshole arrested and take him to court." Giggling, Finn rolled his eyes at them then got up. Slowly getting off the chair Sunflower tha looked at the man who was glaring at them.
Reaching over they started pulling him to the front. Where two police men were seen walking in, Finn began talking to them as Sunflower pocketed their gun.
"Jesus, what a fucking night." Sighing to themselves they let go of the man they tied up. One of the police men took him off their hands. And escorting them to the paramedics that showed up on scene.
#red rants#yuurivoice#red answers#red writes#yuurivoice finn#holy shit he finally gets a fic :D#(lying i did one like weeks ago)
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After the Dawntrail graphic update nerfed Alyx, I used fantasia to change a few features and Cope, basically. Over the last month I'd gotten used to her new face - even come to like it - until I'd get into gpose and try to capture her like I used to. None of the angles and shapes were the same anymore. I'd look at screenshots from weeks prior and feel utterly despondent that the face I knew for almost 10 years was just GONE.
While the actual feature shapes definitely changed (some due to new facial bones, some are just. completely nonsensical choices) I realized through close scrutiny that a lot of the difference was due to the lack of definition in the skin texture. I can't 3D sculpt, but I CAN paint, so I finally took matters into my own hands and manually edited the highlander face 1 diffuse in Procreate. I basically added shadows where they had removed them, and drew in what feels like a brand new version of the old iconic upper lip.
The eyeshadow is still a little funky up close, but I'm literally so relieved and happy I could cry. I almost did last night when I first imported the texture.
She's back. A little bit different, but she looks like herself again. She's back. WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK.
#emmer screens#alyx#hyur highlander#ffxiv#ffxiv ocs#ffxiv gpose#ffxiv mods technically#though this is a personal edit#i could not have done it without textools#so for that & the devs who maintain it thank you#thank you so much#for providing an avenue for REDEMPTION#REBIRTH! REUNION!#i am back to staring at her 24/7#rotating like the most beautiful rotisserie chicken ever#the new facial bones are still a lot to get used to#in terms of expressions etc#but holy shit yall#what a massive difference some CONTRAST MAKES#dear square enix did you know that shadows make shapes?#why did you take all the shadows away#it's so baffling#anyway.#hope you enjoy this alyx spam#and i hope you're ready to see a lot more of her#because the spark is finally back
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#final post 👍 i will now sleep#dungeon meshi fanart#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#izutsumi#ily izutsumi no mischaracterization nor misconceptions abt u will ever make me hate u#when she escaped/ran away i was immediately like. “she just like me fr” for jokes cus i did the same thing when i was younger#but then the more was revealed i was like. holy shit.... she really is just like me fr i love her alot
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very invisible but very mean audience
#i might mean nonexistent#but they kinda do#in my brain#i just???? gOD im so scared to draw#like why the fuck am i even doing this#im not even good at it for the time i spent doing it#which is more than a decade#and i know it’s shit and stupid thinking#but theres always always always an audience whenever i do smth#moreso when i draw#but literally whenever i do anything at all#and theyre all fucking mocking me#and laughing at me#and its just been like this ever since i was a kid#just…oh my god can it please fucking shut up#im not drawing for anyone at all but my#stupid ass fucking brain cannot be convinced#ahahahahaha fucK#lord why did u make me scared of nonexistent things#wHEN#when will i finally feel like ive achieved smth#as a fucking artist#holy shit it’s never ending
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The thing about the ffvii remakes is that you will enjoy them more if you’ve played the original. You will also hate them more if you’ve played the original. It is impressive.
#I’m never going to be over shinra manor. everything about it sucks ass in rebirth.#where’s the ambience. where’s the suspense. where’s the literally anything.#oh wow cool you’ve put a clusterfuck of furniture everywhere to show the disrepair….cool…? oh you’ve blocked off the stairs.#oh you’ve added. a pristine elevator.#directly next to the entrance.#to ferry you to the plot.#me foolishly: ah maybe in the return visit there will be more#no.#go to the elevator.#endure the worst mini game goofy ass dungeon you’ve ever had the displeasure of experiencing#they quite literally sucked every bit of atmosphere from nibelheim on a level I did not know was possible. holy shit.#like I’m just. in awe.#they don’t even pretend to make it unsettling. they’re just like ‘yup and here’s beloved nibelheim where things are generally chill’#like. they didn’t even do a bad job of portraying the Incident. so why then did they decide to remove all nuance.#WHY IS THERE A HOJO HOLOGRAM THERE TO TAUNT YOU.#Ffvii rebirth spoilers#ffvii#ffviir#final fantasy vii
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“Is This A Date?” Part 2
(part 1)
the end~
#bakudeku#bkdk#mha#my art#holy shit this one took me so long to get out#i kept rewriting the script at first#and then i finally settled on something i liked#and then i drew all of the roughs#and then i changed the script again#so i redrew some of the panels#and then i did the finished lines#and then i rewrote the script#and then i wanted to post it this morning after i woke up#but then i rewrote more of the dialogue#it has been#a ~process~#i just had a lot i wanted them to say but also i didnt want this to be 20 pages long#it was originally supposed to be 5 not 10#but clearly i got carried away oops#anyways hopefully back to regularly scheduled posting for a while#hello if youre reading this youre lovely
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/// Y E A R 1 : A G U A R D I A N R I S E S
/// Y E A R 2 : T H E T A K E N K I N G
/// Y E A R 3 : R I S E O F I R O N
/// Y E A R 4 : T H E R E D W A R
/// Y E A R 5 : F O R S A K E N
/// Y E A R 6 : S H A D O W K E E P
/// Y E A R 7 : B E Y O N D L I G H T
/// Y E A R 8 : T H E W I T C H Q U E E N
/// Y E A R 9 : L I G H T F A L L
/// Y E A R 1 0 : T H E F I N A L S H A P E
#destiny#evayo gifs#evayo games#holy shit did i just make a tumblr gifset?#am i finally a real tumblrer again??? 😭
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