#in terms of expressions etc
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After the Dawntrail graphic update nerfed Alyx, I used fantasia to change a few features and Cope, basically. Over the last month I'd gotten used to her new face - even come to like it - until I'd get into gpose and try to capture her like I used to. None of the angles and shapes were the same anymore. I'd look at screenshots from weeks prior and feel utterly despondent that the face I knew for almost 10 years was just GONE.
While the actual feature shapes definitely changed (some due to new facial bones, some are just. completely nonsensical choices) I realized through close scrutiny that a lot of the difference was due to the lack of definition in the skin texture. I can't 3D sculpt, but I CAN paint, so I finally took matters into my own hands and manually edited the highlander face 1 diffuse in Procreate. I basically added shadows where they had removed them, and drew in what feels like a brand new version of the old iconic upper lip.
The eyeshadow is still a little funky up close, but I'm literally so relieved and happy I could cry. I almost did last night when I first imported the texture.
She's back. A little bit different, but she looks like herself again. She's back. WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK.
#emmer screens#alyx#hyur highlander#ffxiv#ffxiv ocs#ffxiv gpose#ffxiv mods technically#though this is a personal edit#i could not have done it without textools#so for that & the devs who maintain it thank you#thank you so much#for providing an avenue for REDEMPTION#REBIRTH! REUNION!#i am back to staring at her 24/7#rotating like the most beautiful rotisserie chicken ever#the new facial bones are still a lot to get used to#in terms of expressions etc#but holy shit yall#what a massive difference some CONTRAST MAKES#dear square enix did you know that shadows make shapes?#why did you take all the shadows away#it's so baffling#anyway.#hope you enjoy this alyx spam#and i hope you're ready to see a lot more of her#because the spark is finally back
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This is definitely my favorite runner in book 6
#scott pilgrim#scott pilgrim's finest hour#ramona flowers#knives chau#envy adams#gideon graves#dumb stuff#book 4 is still my favorite in terms of comedy#but book 6 definitely has some gold moments from the expressions to this runner etc#4 and 6 are tied for my faves in the series. 4 i like for the character development and humor and ~roxie <3~#but 6 has the ending which is probably my favorite ending to any series i've ever read or watched. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside#anyways i reread the entire series in one day because of the anime and my cringe teen hyperfixation phase reawakened like a sleeper agent#i'm riding it out at this point and waiting for it to settle down. or something new and shiny grabs my attention#whichever comes first
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Okay, breaking my principles hiatus again for another fanfic rant despite my profound frustration w/ Tumblr currently:
I have another post and conversation on DW about this, but while pretty much my entire dash has zero patience with the overtly contemptuous Hot Fanfic Takes, I do pretty often see takes on Fanfiction's Limitations As A Form that are phrased more gently and/or academically but which rely on the same assumptions and make the same mistakes.
IMO even the gentlest, and/or most earnest, and/or most eruditely theorized takes on fanfiction as a form still suffer from one basic problem: the formal argument does not work.
I have never once seen a take on fanfiction as a form that could provide a coherent formal definition of what fanfiction is and what it is not (formal as in "related to its form" not as in "proper" or "stuffy"). Every argument I have ever seen on the strengths/weaknesses of fanfiction as a form vs original fiction relies to some extent on this lack of clarity.
Hence the inevitable "what about Shakespeare/Ovid/Wide Sargasso Sea/modern takes on ancient religious narratives/retold fairy tales/adaptation/expanded universes/etc" responses. The assumptions and assertions about fanfiction as a form in these arguments pretty much always should apply to other things based on the defining formal qualities of fanfic in these arguments ("fanfiction is fundamentally X because it re-purposes pre-existing characters and stories rather than inventing new ones" "fanfiction is fundamentally Y because it's often serialized" etc).
Yet the framing of the argument virtually always makes it clear that the generalizations about fanfic are not being applied to Real Literature. Nor can this argument account for original fics produced within a fandom context such as AO3 that are basically indistinguishable from fanfic in every way apart from lacking a canon source.
At the end of the day, I do not think fanfic is "the way it is" because of any fundamental formal qualities—after all, it shares these qualities with vast swaths of other human literature and art over thousands of years that most people would never consider fanfic. My view is that an argument about fanfic based purely on form must also apply to "non-fanfic" works that share the formal qualities brought up in the argument (these arguments never actually apply their theories to anything other than fanfic, though).
Alternately, the formal argument could provide a definition of fanfic (a formal one, not one based on judgment of merit or morality) that excludes these other kinds of works and genres. In that case, the argument would actually apply only to fanfic (as defined). But I have never seen this happen, either.
So ultimately, I think the whole formal argument about fanfic is unsalvageably flawed in practice.
Realistically, fanfiction is not the way it is because of something fundamentally derived from writing characters/settings etc you didn't originate (or serialization as some new-fangled form, lmao). Fanfiction as a category is an intrinsically modern concept resulting largely from similarly modern concepts of intellectual property and auteurship (legally and culturally) that have been so extremely normalized in many English-language media spaces (at the least) that many people do not realize these concepts are context-dependent and not universal truths.
Fanfic does not look like it does (or exist as a discrete category at all) without specifically modern legal practices (and assumptions about law that may or may not be true, like with many authorial & corporate attempts to use the possibility of legal threats to dictate terms of engagement w/ media to fandom, the Marion Zimmer Bradley myth, etc).
Fanfic does not look like it does without the broader fandom cultures and trends around it. It does not look like it does without the massive popularity of various romance genres and some very popular SF/F. It does not look like it does without any number of other social and cultural forces that are also extremely modern in the grand scheme of things.
The formal argument is just so completely ahistorical and obliviously presentist in its assumptions about art and generally incoherent that, sure, it's nicer when people present it politely, but it's still wrong.
#this is probably my most pretentious fanfiction defense squad post but it's difficult to express in other terms#like. people talking about ao3 house style (not always by name but clearly referring to it) as a result of fanfic as a form#and not the social/cultural effect of ao3 as a fandom space#you don't get ao3 house style without ao3 itself and you don't get ao3 without strikethrough and livejournal etc#and you don't get those without authors and corporations trying to exercise control over fic based on law (often us law) & myths about law#and you don't get those without distinctly modern concepts of intellectual property and copyright#none of those things have fuck all to do with form!#anghraine rants#fanfiction#general fanwank#long post#thinking about this partly because the softer & gentler versions of fanfic discourse keep crossing my dash#and partly because i've written like 30 pages about a playwright i adore who was just not very good at 'original fiction' as we'd define it#both his major works are ... glorified rpf in our context but splendid tragedies in his#and the idea of categorizing /anything/ in that era by originality of conception rather than comedy/tragedy/etc would be buckwild#ivory tower blogging#anghraine's meta
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Saw a comment describe killugon as 'born to be brothers, forced to be best friends'.
And I just have to say that, out of all the things that have never happened, that has never happened the most.
#if y'all look at your siblings that are within your age group with THIS level of heart eyes know that im actually concerned#i say within your age group because i totally get being 'smitten' with your baby sibling#im six and a half years older than the little fucker contaminating my room and i too look at him with pure adoration sometimes#but that's beside the point#because even then trust that i do not refer to him as my light nor do i wear a lovesick expression every time he crosses my mind#most of the time actually he's an annoying bug i want to squash. like when he greets me with 'hello you stupid piece of trash'.#like boy don't you doubt my willingness to beat you up if you don't behave yourself istg#okay enough my little brother has taken over my sacred tags#anyway what im saying is that these bitches are head over heals in love. they have the fattest crushes on each other.#you know how i know? because i WATCHED THE SHOW#their relationship is so far from brotherly it's insane how you even came to this conclusion#real talk though#obviously yall can interpret aspects of a story like characters themes relationships etc differently and ofc your opinion is valid#blah blah blah#all that crap#but don't expect me to take anyone who says this with their whole chest too seriously#because if you look at kg aka two adolescents that invented the term puppy love but also im-wholeheartedly-devoted-to-you and see brotherly#then i can't help you atp bro you're on your own with this one 😭#killugon#killua zoldyck#gon freecss#hxh#hunter x hunter#my little brother#gotta add him he played a key role in these tags
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So the drivers are being told to watch their language (even though its the broadcasters' who literally pick and choose the radio snippets, and have the ability to 1 listen to a radio message in its entirety and 2 censor the quote unquote offensive language BEFORE adding it to the live broadcast), yet a sky sports commentator literally called one of the drivers a slur during a live broadcast, never apologised for it and was never called out for it by officials, but swearing is where F1 draws the line. Swearing has got more backlash from officials than the use of a slur. Cool, cool, cool...
#f1#formula 1#formula one#f1 hypocrisy strikes again#i know fork found in kitchen etc#if a driver used the language that was used by that commentator they'd have been rightfully called out and punished for it#but why wasn't the commentator held to the same standards?#outside of the drivers he is probably one of the most recognisable voices in f1 to English speaking audiences#zero tolerance should mean zero tolerance across the board#context: martin brundle used a derogatory term to refer to Zhou at the Spanish gp in 2023#and you could hear him realise what he said and instead of immediately apologising he awkwardly moved on instead#sky sports a few days later expressed regret over what was said but that was the height of it#its just interesting to see which quote unquote incident the FIA & other officials are choosing to weigh in on
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It reminds me of why the stop the steal people lost their legal challenges to Biden’s election. It’s not that it’s impossible for right wing people to use legal architecture to halt democratic processes (cf Bush v Gore), it’s that they did it in an openly stupid and nonsensical way. In terms of American fascism I think the lessons they’re learning re: interacting with institutional power is that they can’t use twitter posting tactics in the courtroom
#I don’t know how salient this analysis is because like also america is a well developed fascist state in many ways#like in terms of large scale fascistic processes those things are already finely honed#but there’s a particularly unstable element being expressed domestically#eg qanon stop the steal unite the right etc etc#that seems to be losing legal battles not because fascism is structurally excluded from those processes#but that they aren’t being sophisticated with their legal challenges#I mean I guess also another conclusion to be made is that this is just the logical output of a well developed fascist state#you are going to get these fantastical spasms of reactionary violence and legal resistance at home#as stupid and ineffectual as it appears to be#like these are also in a sense the ‘new normal’ of an openly fascist state#anyway these are messy thoughts not fully formed. the more I learn about this topic the less I feel like I actually know
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well speaking of robots and wires, im realizing i definitely dont have enough time to finish both this and my actually new years themed piece in time without rushing one or the other, so im gonna shelve this one until after. but! a little wip preview for you
#theres more but i gotta leave something as a surprise right#im designing the inside of their body mostly based on human musculature with a metal frame and extra wires for nervous system etc#it makes most sense to me in terms of this worlds design of androids. the muscles have to sit right under the skin#for them to be so expressive and holdable#the top image is originally from a short scene i scripted to be a comic that i will maybe do. eventually#maybe!! either way. i love a wolfgang who deals with their own insecurities by putting them in your face and being obnoxiously direct
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sometimes i think, in marginalized communities (maybe especially disability communities) people fall into a trap of viewing things as... not exactly a competition, but resenting others who are also suffering because they are suffering less, or suffering differently
and that experience itself is very common to have happen, and nothing is wrong about feeling that way! we can all be a little mean and petty in private sometimes as a treat
i think though it causes problems when people take that feeling and extrapolate it out to "and therefore the other people aren't really suffering at all"/"and therefore the other people shouldn't get to complain at all"
like, to me there is a big difference between "hey, you know you are relatively privileged in (not appearing visibly disabled/being nd but having been labelled gifted/being read as white or straight or cis/being trans but not transfem/etc. etc.)" - which is true and an important reminder!!
and "how dare you complain about the experiences you had with that version of being marginalized" or dismissing that there might be particular unique aspects of that aspect of being marginalized that make things difficult
like, i would never argue that as someone who is non-aligned nb and read as a cis woman, i am MORE marginalized than a transfem person who doesn't "pass". but i would say it is reasonable for me to point out frustrations and hardships about that position - both those we have in common (e.g. people equating sex and gender) and those that are unique to my situation (feeling invisibilized by binarist phrasing/thinking, frustration with knowing that even if i had infinite money and resources i could never be read by default as my real gender, etc.)
#disability#trans issues#transgender#social justice#ask to tag#i think sometimes this is what people mean when they say 'valid' - e.g. your issues are real and your frustration is too#but that word has become very diluted to the point of unclear meaning#this is related to but separate from conflicting needs imo#to be clear i am ALSO not saying the thing i am asking people to do less of (the second thing) is the same as -#expressing frustration/anger that a certain subtype of marginalization is represented more/given more resources/etc.#that falls under the relative privilege thing imo#okay last tangent. sometimes also it is not clear that one experience is linearly MORE or LESS privileged#sometimes it is! but not always. like i think it is needlessly pitting people against each other to say e.g. that physical disabilities -#are ALWAYS more life-affecting/disprivileging/what have you than mental/cognitive/emotional disabilities. or vice versa#and in general i think it is often to think in terms of individual specifics or particular experiences. what experiences do i not have etc#this was long and rambling#sage wisdom
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the manga was better
#krugston#maya's art tag#fake manga#unreality#THREE DAYS OF NONSTOP DRAWING#okay not REALLY nonstop i took a lot of breaks BUT IM HAPPY WITH HOW THESE TURNED OUT !!!#go watch the new krugston episode !! its so fucking awesome#as someone whos been there since the 'youre not that smart' video noah has improved so much its crazy. in terms of just like#modelling and colors and expressions and etc etc#go go go go go watch it neeeoooowwwwwwwww
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oh so car hammer explosion is too much but him and mummy can 🚨 ALLEGEDLY 🚨 say/do some of the most henious and racist shit to employees they are 🚨ALLEGEDLY 🚨abusing the rights of and 🚨 ALLEGEDLY🚨 taking advantage of to ⚠️ IN MY OPINION WHICH HAS NO LEGAL STANDING ⚠️ a absolutely disgusting degree and that’s just fine :)
#don’t term me matt i have literally 0 power over anything the court documents are public im expressing an opinion etc etc#ash.txt#notscene.txt
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okay like i want to preface that i do not have anything against the storylines that they are doing, i’m straight vibing with this season, having fun. i just want to say it’s a little frustrating to me that 911 keeps tacking on these buck and/or eddie centric “surprise” scenes at the end of an episode because then it becomes the big talking point of the episode after the fact and a lot of the other stuff that happened in it falls away to the sides a bit
#like yes i love buddie/buck/eddie all variants there and thereof#and yeah i’ll say i do enjoy experiencing whiplash from media#maybe i just need to broaden my horizons a bit in terms of 911 fandom related stuff idk#but like i am also very much here for the other characters and their storylines getting the proper love they deserve!#past two episodes have been SO good for chim & maddie storylines (and OF COURSE madney wedding storyline my beloved)#and this week we had some great henren and wilson fam stuff#and don’t get me wrong i am also laughing at eddie and enjoying this messy storyline they’re writing for him#and i’m SO happy for canon bi buck. and happy that him and tommy are having a good time etc#i just also want to highlight and see highlighted the storylines that the other characters are getting#anyways. yeah. i’m really really really not trying to start any drama or anything#just wanted to express my feelings#911#911 spoilers#abby.txt#idk if i should tag this as anything else#feel free to lmk if you think i should tag this as something like fandom wank or smth for it to be blacklistable
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and i do believe minos and sipipus are the extremes of autism
#in terms of facial expression and body language#Minos tends to exaggerate his movements when hes not busy Judging. sisyphus like NEVER emotes#combined w the bandages over his eyes hes extra unreadable#gooptalks#turns his head only a lil bit while mimos will turn fully to look at u#Etc
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I keep seeing posts of people saying that a term transphobes stole and are using incorrectly to be transphobes is a Horrible Transphobic Term and Anyone who uses it is transphobic and it's Not Real and Entirely Not True when it's literally an actual anthropological term that has studies about it and is actually very useful for Everyone to think about, cis and trans, and be critical of. I hate seeing people respond to dumb hate by entirely writing off everything even remotely connected to the twisted shit bigots use when the shit the bigots are stealing and twisting is still like... a thing?
#how are assigned genders a thing but 'i was raised as a girl and im trans' isnt ?#like thats what socialization is. i was raised as my assigned gender#its not something that i Am. im not Female Socialized. i was [past tense] raised as a girl#and so raised with certain biases that i cant even put into words cuz they are subtle. but still are something i am learning to be watchful#of and shit?#but guess what? i have spent more of my conscious life being socialized as a man since i came out at 14.#socialization is literally just the way others treat you based on perceived social categories like gender#and obviously not everyone was socialized the same ?? its not smth that applies to everyone at all ??#so if it doesnt apply to you then just... dont use it!#but it can be useful for some people sometimes#and its useful for cis people too!!#a cis woman can remind herself that she was raised encouraged to take up less space and so move to counteract that#like fuck idk. i see posts like 'im on the train and a family is across from me#and the little boys are playing and shit but the little girl is being told 'you cant sit like that because youre wearing a skirt'#so she isnt able to play as roudy as her brothers because shes wearing a skirt and certain 'manners' comes with that“#like. THATS socialization its just a bunch of little stuff like that#a cis man can remind himself that he is allowed to express emotions and be vulnerable even after being raised being told that#'boys dont cry' etc like. idk its a very subtle thing and its just messy and cultural and social#and not easy to describe or study#but there are studies of adult participants asked to play with toddlers#in a room of toys. and they encourage toddlers in dresses to play with dolls and toddlers in overalls to play with trucks#and were told afterwards that the toddlers names and clothing was 'switched'#so these adults who thought they were so open minded realized how biased they still were etc etc etc#its super super subtle shit#'i was bullied for being queer' does not mean you were never socialized ? like. that in itself is socialization#and socialization is a term useful for more than just gender and shit id say. like i was sorta raised in a certain culture#and thats the socialization im accustomed to. and so now as i reconnect to a different culture and enter these social spaces#im.learning a different way to present and go about things#idk idk idk i definitely do not agree with calling a random trans person socialized as their assigned gender or anything#i dont make assumptions about the way others have been raised but like. stop letting bigots poison actual real terms please.
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This morning, my therapist called me to let me know she's setting up her own practice via telehealth (which is what we were using Anyways) & asked me whether I'd want to follow her there. She still has to set stuff up with insurance stuff But her out of pocket stuff is like HALF what I've been paying out of pocket for the company she was in. So I was like, Hell Yeah let's do it
So im gonna keep up with appointments, maybe once a month or so, just so I have the accountability + the ability to ramble about what I've achieved. Bc that's been rly nice for me. I'll have my therapist back!!!! And better than ever, if only because I have to pay so much less for it 😂😂😂
And ALSO, today I put in my course request for the orchestra into the form. So different from just two weeks ago, where I was practically begging to be given a chance to audition. I was sitting in the same spot of the lobby even, but putting in my official orchestra request instead of sending an email as I vibrated in hope and anxiety. I Got It tho. And the class won't even be that late in the day. It's really exciting.
#speculation nation#also general bonding with friends etc etc. very nice.#it's like. my day took a real turn for the better. my gender communication class was covering relationships today#including abusive relationships and how people express love.#the abusive relationships one had me like. actively a little uncomfortable hfkshfkd not like it was BAD bc it's important to teach the signs#but especially when it came to the Volatility sign i was just like. yup. uh huh. yeah. yup. hfksbfmsbc#because it. hit Real close to home for That One shitty relationship way back when#most days i forget i was in an abusive relationship And Then I Remember.........#anyways thankfully we didn't have a discussion over that. but we Did have a discussion over how often we say 'i love you'#professor was asking for a numerical estimate. and some people were saying like 5 or 6 times a day#meanwhile me realizing i only ever really say that to family (human-wise). and i only see or talk to family every so often.#but i say it a lot to my cats. a Lot. theyre my babies. i love them so much.#so i got kind of stressed and overwhelmed thinking about how the most i say is like 'ilu' but only to like one friend and only rarely.#even in romantic relationships i havent said it for the most part. bc it's mostly not been true and i Dont Like To Lie.#so i got to thinking about Why and had a thing of 'am i heartless??' etc etc. but i think i really am emotionally distant#which i think stems from the fact that i dont trust much of Anyone to be in my life long-term besides family#and the only non family i feel comfortable Sometimes saying this kind of thing to is someone ive been friends with for nearly 8 years now.#so i guess i trust that theyll be here longterm. so i feel less anxiety about expressing it.#my friends told me that they see i still care tho in the ways i act and try to take care of them.#so. not heartless. i just struggle with telling people how i feel.#hfmahfmshfms so yeah bit of a weird day but it got better!!!! and now i am. chilling.#gonna play more sims 2. yes.#abuse ment/
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A wonderful good day,
I saw your yesterday's post about Germany's customer service is not rude even if it appears like that to someone who is used to something diffrent and I would like to share my appreciation to you for that.
I would like to ask: Would you say this also applies to other parts of the culture as well? I heard we can seem cold and rude to many non Germans. And while I have not been in Berlin myself I heard their Berliner Schnauze can even appear rude to other Germans.
Many friendly greetings 🙏
Hi anon! Thank you for the ask <3 (about this post)
Yes, in my experience it does apply to multiple aspects of German culture, not just customer service. I get the impression that Germans can often come across as a bit blunt or overly direct (as someone else observed on that post of mine, too) in comparison to cultures where people are typically more indirect in expressing their feelings and too much directness can be interpreted as rudeness.
As someone on the autism spectrum, I often find American-style indirectness a total mystery and typically have trouble understanding it :') That's why I much prefer the German style! But yes, I do think that many Americans are often unsettled or even offended by what for Germans is simply a neutral, matter-of-fact interaction style.
#anonymous#are you talkin to me#there was quite a good book i read on this topic once actually#it focused on comparing the cultures of germany and the us and japan#germany and japan were on either end of the 'scale' (so to speak) and the us was in the middle#in terms of directness/bluntness; communication style preferences; body language and facial expressions; etc.#hmm i just did some digging and i think the book in question was#'germany: unraveling an enigma' by greg nees?#none of the reviews mention japan so i may be conflating it with another book#but i definitely have read the nees book in any case and it would probably be an interesting read if you want to know more about this#cosmo gyres#personal
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I have such a fondness for “ugly” Jason, I think he should canonically be “ugly” always ❤️
#jason todd#NOT jason hate btw#i just think it’s more interesting#i put ugly in quotation marks bc ugly is mostly subjective#btw i also don’t mean in terms of scarring or anything like that#but he should have scars. it’s just that his scars shouldn’t be what makes him ‘ugly’ y’know what i mean?#like dick should be almost unnaturally beautiful and jason should be just a little bit (or a lot) ugly#and it feeds into his complex about dick and robin and such#like not only is dick naturally beautiful but he also had so many resources growing up with bruce#he grew up before bruce with performers for parents who understood the importance in looking good for their audience as well#he had other teen friends (including donna who 1000% helped him create a skin/hair care routine)#he didn’t die as a teenager only to come back to consciousness years later#in a bigger body missing years of his life etc#idk if im expressing myself well but yeah#jason should be ‘ugly’ and that’s my truth#dc
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