#that falls under the relative privilege thing imo

[woodswake]

sometimes i think, in marginalized communities (maybe especially disability communities) people fall into a trap of viewing things as... not exactly a competition, but resenting others who are also suffering because they are suffering less, or suffering differently

and that experience itself is very common to have happen, and nothing is wrong about feeling that way! we can all be a little mean and petty in private sometimes as a treat

i think though it causes problems when people take that feeling and extrapolate it out to "and therefore the other people aren't really suffering at all"/"and therefore the other people shouldn't get to complain at all"

like, to me there is a big difference between "hey, you know you are relatively privileged in (not appearing visibly disabled/being nd but having been labelled gifted/being read as white or straight or cis/being trans but not transfem/etc. etc.)" - which is true and an important reminder!!

and "how dare you complain about the experiences you had with that version of being marginalized" or dismissing that there might be particular unique aspects of that aspect of being marginalized that make things difficult

like, i would never argue that as someone who is non-aligned nb and read as a cis woman, i am MORE marginalized than a transfem person who doesn't "pass". but i would say it is reasonable for me to point out frustrations and hardships about that position - both those we have in common (e.g. people equating sex and gender) and those that are unique to my situation (feeling invisibilized by binarist phrasing/thinking, frustration with knowing that even if i had infinite money and resources i could never be read by default as my real gender, etc.)

[queerofthedagger]

I would love to hear your essay on why Merlin didnt own telling Morgana about his magic, because it honestly makes me mad when people say he should have since he too had magic

Ooh hey, thanks so much for the ask! And about one of my favourite pet peeves too 😂❤️ I have a lot to say on that because yeah, it makes me mad too. This got really long, so I apologize for that in advance... (I tried to put some of it under a readmore but tumblr is being a pain again.)

Obligatory disclaimer that obviously, everyone’s entitled to their opinion and I’m not aiming to change anyone’s mind.

First of all, I think it gets ignored sometimes that Merlin didn’t actually leaver her alone or didn’t try to help. He very much did so in “The Nightmare Begins,” by finding out how to get her to the Druids. This is directly after she tells him about her belief that she has magic and that she’s scared, and he does so against the explicit orders/advice from both Gaius and Kilgharrah.

When he goes to find her because Uther is executing people and she refuses to go back, he doesn’t pressure her. People are getting killed about it, and yet when she says, “I'm sorry. I'm never going back. These are my people. They're like me. I don't feel so alone here. Do you understand?” his only answer is “Better than anyone.”

But yeah, it does tell him that when it comes down to a choice between self-preservation and saving others, Morgana will choose the former. And that’s fine, to some degree! People are allowed self-preservation and putting themselves first, and Merlin and Arthur often are self-sacrificing to a truly unhealthy degree. That being said, I personally find it questionable if accepting the death of innocent, also at least under-privileged if not oppressed people for your own sake is the morally “right” choice but as I don’t want to start a philosophical rant here, let’s leave it at that.

There’s—imo—more than one reason why Merlin didn’t owe her anything; first of all, I personally don’t think you ever owe anything of this kind to anyone, ever. Just because someone tells me a huge secret, doesn’t mean I have to do the same, especially if it’s a life-threatening one; all you “owe” is kindness, understanding, and keeping the secret that was entrusted to you. All of which Merlin did.

Then there’s the whole axis of power to their relationship; Morgana might be nice and treat Gwen and Merlin with respect, but that doesn’t erase the huge difference of station between them. Since the first week Merlin arrived in Camelot, he saw that the word of a servant, his word, meant absolutely nothing against a knight, noble, or actual royal.

Morgana didn’t hand him any power over herself when she revealed her secret. Merlin, on the other hand, would’ve handed her complete power over his life or death. I’m not saying Merlin would’ve ever revealed her secret under any circumstances—I actually think if he had told Arthur in season 3, Arthur would’ve believed him; he’s proven he would, more than once. But it wasn’t only about being believed, it was also, still, about not giving her away. (Though to be fair here—what it was also about was that she threatened to reveal that he poisoned her. Which, obviously, fair to some degree but if she did that, I doubt she would’ve revealed why he did, which ultimately only plays back into my point that Morgana’s loyalty is conditional. Which, again, is a valid stance to have, but not that of a person I’d trust with such a secret.)

Anyway. Just because Merlin never would’ve revealed her secret, doesn’t mean that the difference in their potential power over each other wasn’t there, and it’s important. Especially if you look back to the start of season 2 where—even before she turned her back on Camelot—Morgana made it clear that for her, self-preservation prevails when it comes right down to it.

Well, and thirdly, there’s also the matter of destiny and responsibility if Merlin’s own safety and well-being isn’t already enough (which it is, just in case there was any doubt about my opinion on that matter.) Of course, in season 2, Merlin’s not yet as fixated on Arthur as he is later, not even on destiny, as his intention to leave Camelot shows (if he had stayed away is another question altogether but I digress.) Still, Kilgharrah made it pretty clear that this was about more than Merlin, and while Merlin definitely didn’t always listen to him, the threat was immense.

And it wasn’t only about Arthur either, I’d even say that in the great scheme of things, Arthur played relatively little into this decision; it was about his people as a whole, and it was about Gaius because if Merlin had been revealed, Gaius had already proven that he’d try taking the fall if not get accused of harbouring a sorcerer. I don’t think this alone would’ve been enough, but taken together with the other points, I think it did have some weight in Merlin’s decision and I also think that it was a valid choice to make even beyond the “you don’t have to reveal anything to anyone even if it’s only because you don’t want to.”

Last but not least, I also think it’s important to keep in mind how long they’ve known each other which, at that point, were maybe two years. Merlin’s been most likely told from the day he could understand it to never reveal himself to anyone. Until Freya, Merlin never tells anyone on his own volition (except maybe Will, we don’t know, but they’ve known each other their whole lives), and it’s impossible to compare the circumstances. Just because Morgana told him in what she herself calls a moment of weakness does not mean Merlin has any obligation to do the same.

I want to reiterate that he did try to help her, actively with the Druids, and also passively by reassuring her that there’s nothing wrong with her and that he will keep her secret. This is already more than he would have to do—the whole thing with the Druids put Merlin at risk too, arguably much more than her. Of course, that has never stopped him which is what we love about him, but I think that it’s more than enough. Merlin is not responsible for fixing every little thing in Camelot, he’s not responsible for other people’s actions and decisions, and he did more than could be expected of him.

Which is also why I think that if he had told her about his magic, it wouldn’t have changed anything in the long run, but as this is already way too long, let’s leave that can of worms for another time...

[risingsouls]

Headcanon 1: Nappa

[I think this is actually 2 but I forgot to pull the other one over from the old blog like a FOOL.

I’m not sure if it was watching the episode of GT where all the villains return and the scene where Nappa and Vegeta are face to face again after the latter murdered the former was INCREDIBLY disappointing or just creating this blog has me thinking about it, but I think in the little time we see Nappa, whether in the manga/anime canon, movies, game appearances, etc., his most striking trait is his loyalty. To Vegeta and by extension the Saiyan royal family. Additionally, he exercises his loyalty to the Saiyan race after their extermination by continuing to instill Saiyan culture and practices in Vegeta and Raditz despite being under Frieza’s thumb. As the only one left who had lived in a Saiyan culture before the Cold’s and Frieza (I’m still playing with the timing of this; the timeline I looked up and my own general HCs agree that it wasn’t LONG that he had this privilege. Someday I’ll decide on a number. Maybe), he felt this was his duty to not only the prince but to Raditz as well.

That said and going back to that GT scene, Nappa is portrayed as angry and bitter over Vegeta killing him...and well that’s all we get before Vegeta kills(?) him again. I feel like this is a disservice to a more complicated issue as it only focuses on one facet and a very surface level interpretation of Nappa’s death and how he would feel about it.

While I agree that he would be pissed--who wouldn’t when betrayed by the guy you practically raised and served for at least half of your life--I think his emotions would be more mixed than that, and it stems from what I’ve gleaned from the series about Saiyan culture (a challenge when they seem to want to retcon and change the whole narrative of most things pre-Z) and my own headcanons in extending that lore.

For the most part, Saiyans seem to be relatively loyal, at least to each other. We see that in Bardock with his team as well as Nappa to the King and later his son. Even Raditz to an extent considering his treatment (whoops). Vegeta himself and Raditz is a bit more hmmm complicated, but this isn’t about them and is another conversation. Probably the better point here is the older Saiyans show a fairly high amount of loyalty to their fellow Saiyans, especially before the fall of Planet Vegeta, and this was likely something that survived through the Cold takeover.

Additionally and unquestionably, strength is another HUGE facet in Saiyan culture. We see this both in pre-Z content and throughout at least the first half of Z. For example (and the biggest foreshadowing ever), is how Vegeta and Nappa both talk about Raditz being weak. When discussing the Dragonballs and the prospective wish, Nappa assumes they will use their wish to revive Raditz (which goes back to the loyalty thing, as well as imo his own ideas of you know...keeping as many Saiyans alive considering there is only three of them at that moment). Vegeta immediately reprimands him for the idea, reasoning that they had no need for weaklings (arguably, a bit of Frieza and HIS ways likely coming out here, but again, another conversation). To me, Nappa agreeing could of course be out of fear of arguing with Vegeta about that, but I think it’s also because it is sound logic for a Saiyan: the strong survive and they had no use for weak Saiyans. I mean...they jettisoned weak kids off to weak planets to conquer. Even if that WAS a practice brought in after the Colds took over, I still think Saiyans have a culture that resembles ancient Sparta; they were a warrior race, and they would want their children to reflect that.

ANYWAY. Point is that how Nappa would feel about his death by Vegeta’s hand would be complicated by his loyalty and Saiyan ideals instilled in him growing up. To an extent, and it might take a little while through his initial anger, Nappa would come to logically agree that Vegeta only did what he was taught. To an extreme level, but Nappa had lost to Goku and was rendered unable to fight in that moment. He was bested in combat by a third-class Saiyan. Thus, not only did this reveal his weakness, it also disgraced him. Death, even by Vegeta’s hand, would almost be like a mercy to him and justified by how the Saiyans place strength above pretty much all else.]

[whelvenwings]

(1) Hi there first I just want to say I’m not trying to dissuade anyone from the queer community in anyway or anything. I think that people who are ace should totally be openly accepted in queer environments but I am somewhat uncomfortable with the idea that being ace qualifies someone to call themselves queer. Just because ace is a relatively large umbrella term and for example if someone who is only attracted to the opposite gender but is also demi (just an example not a call out or anything)

(2) is able to identify in the same community as people who throughout history have been faced with disgust and threat of murder and who still face these ideology to this date makes me kind of uncomfortable. I’m not trying to say that the problems that ace people face aren’t valid and important to discuss it just seems in a different category. And while I realize that queer is supposed to come from the concept of being the odd one out sort of scenario its history is bathed in a very violent past

(3) towards the community which is why it’s so passionately reclaimed. And I just can’t see that on the same level. Again I think that there are a lot of similarities that can be shared between ace and other members of LGBTQ+ and I adamantly support ace inclusion in the community itself I just don’t like the connection to the word queer. Ik this was super long sorry just wanted to add my long ass rambling input*tw for suicide mentions and sexual assault mentions in this response. please take care.*

I do understand where you’re coming from here, anon. and it’s awesome that you support ace people being in the community! thank you for that.

I feel that the statements you’re making about heteroromantic demisexual people are ones that are often levelled at different areas of the community - that of “passing privilege”, right? as in, most of the time you seem straight to straight people, so you are less queer/not queer, whereas those who have no opportunity to seem straight to straight people in the same way are more queer/the only ones who can be queer. this kind of thinking can get a little out of hand imo and it’s basing our definition of queerness entirely on what straight people think of us, rather than how we feel about ourselves? if that makes sense. personally, that just doesn’t sit right with me.

it’s true that a heteroromantic demisexual person might seem to have it comparatively easy and I get that. when you look closer, however, I think that things aren’t simple. for my Master’s dissertation, I looked into what few statistics we have about ace-spectrum people and found a study reporting that the ace-spec community has one of the highest rates of suicidality in the community as a whole. it’s not easy to accept this as true, given the paucity of evidence - not least because the study itself is hidden in the libraries of academic institutions and not freely available for anyone to peruse on the internet. I can link you to my dissertation itself if you’d like more information. but the rate of suicidality is at least significant enough to be noted, even if it isn’t one of the highest rates - and why? I think it’s any number of things. it’s the ghostliness. it’s the feeling of not being able to put yourself into words. it’s the pain of feeling like you can belong nowhere. it’s the pain of trying to have sex, and it hurts, because you’re not attracted to your partner and not aroused. it’s grieving the perfect and easy heterosexual and heteroromantic relationship that you thought you would have one day, in all its media-polished perfection. it’s feeling like you’re letting your family down. it’s any one or even all of these things and more, and they build up and build up. these, imo, are queer feelings. feelings that members of other parts of the community will recognise. feelings that we can share and help each other with. suicidality is so horribly and devastatingly common for queer people. it’s certainly true that ace-spec people are not nearly so likely to suffer murder as other parts of the community, but if it’s blood you want in exchange for the queer name, then honestly anon we have plenty. this goes for demisexual people, who might take years upon years to form a bond strong enough to feel sexual attraction, just as much as it applies to asexual people. all ace-spec people are capable of feeling this loss and confusion.

we could also mention the issue of corrective rape in the ace community. (tw for rape mentions and sexual assault mentions throughout the article linked there.) this is a problem that is, at least in my mind, a queer one. it isn’t unique to the ace community - it’s a threat and sometimes a horrific reality experienced by queer people from all parts of the community. I know you said that you agree that ace issues are valid, and I appreciate that, but I feel that an issue like this does fall under the umbrella of problems related to queerness.

I had “queer” thrown at me a couple of times at school by my friend group - not because I was exhibiting signs of attraction to women, which people in my friend group at least were kind of tentatively fine with (there were at least two wlw in the group, one who had a girlfriend for a year or so, and they never got called a slur), but because I didn’t want to be with anyone. I didn’t feel anything sexual for anyone and I got a couple of “frigid” and “queer” comments because they knew queer was kind of mean and, to them, meant sexually abnormal. if you think someone has to have had the word thrown at them first to be able to reclaim it, then... *shrugs*

not every individual ace-spec person suffers these (and more) issues that face the community as a whole. however, the same could be said for any part of the community. imo this isn’t about individual privilege. one doesn’t look at the richest person in a city and decide that everyone in the city is rich.

I said in a previous post that my aceness was the part of my identity that felt the most queer to me, even though I am a lesbian. the fact that you can’t see passion in the struggle of ace-spec people honestly doesn’t surprise me though it saddens me, given that one of the worst stereotypes about us is that we lack all passion and emotion. there’s also an illusion, I think, of newness to asexuality, because we’ve only just come to recognise it by name more recently - and it makes it feel like our community hasn’t seen the centuries of struggle that other parts of the wider community have. the truth is, we were here the whole time. forced into marriages we didn’t want, having sex with people we weren’t attracted to, bearing children we didn’t ask for, being treated as heterosexual and having no words for why that felt so wrong. we were here the whole time, just no one could see us.

as I’ve said before, I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind here. I’m just laying out my own opinions and reasoning. thank you for the politeness of your asks!

[clarabosswald]

tlj spoilers

thelukeskywalkers

POC were treated badly (Finn was sidelined and treated like a joke; Poe was turned into the hotheaded latinx stereotype when it didn’t align with his previous characterization; both were hurt multiple times for no reason)

Rey and Luke were ooc and had their plots revolve around kylo

i didn’t feel that finn was either sidelined (given his own plotline just like rey and poe?) or treated like a joke (as in, cracking jokes and being a bit panicky at times? i felt like that was consistent with his tfa characterization; he actually had more opportunities to be a serious character and make impact on stuff - willing to ditch everything to save rey; coming up with the hijack plan with rose and poe; facing phasma; willing to sacrifice himself to destroy the cannon - all of that is very non-jokey and in my eyes majorly outweighs the comical aspects of his character) - but please elaborate (if you like) bc i may very well be missing something here poe - the thing about poe is that i had almost 0 connection to him in tfa. i felt like he had almost no personality whatsoever. so i was really hyped to see him get his very own plotline and get to see his motives explored - so in this case i’d rather have him fall under the hotheaded latinx stereotype instead of be an empty character with no apparent drives or thoughts or anything, which i think would’ve been more harmful (but obviously that’s me talking from a white pov) as for them getting hurt - specifically, with tons of people getting hurt and/or dying in this movie, i felt like they were both relatively protected by Main Character Plot Armor pretty well - if any poc character got unnecessarily badly hurt, imo that’d be rose more more than finn or poe i mean i feel like there’s a major different between unnecessarily killing off poc characters and between poc characters getting hurt because of their choices and their plotlines - can you honestly wrap all poc characters with a protective bubble to keep them safe, and at the same time give them an interesting and meaningful story with their own independent choices and motives? without turning them into token poc characters or plastic stand-ins? as long as they don’t get ejected from the plot for no reason, and as long as their choices put them in dangerous situations, then i think that getting hurt (without going too overboard and angsty with it) is a realistic consequence to have, and a sign if good writing (again that’s my white privileged pov speaking so corrections are welcome) rey and luke - i didn’t really feel ooc-ness in rey’s stuff personally; as for luke, it’s literally been decades in his life since we last saw him (i mean in the original trilogy, not tfa where he just stood there and stared for a few seconds) - the man’s been through tons of traumatic shit and man, he also just. aged? so of course he’d seem ooc if you expect him to be exactly the same as that young guy in rotj. but i feel like i’d have been super disappointed if he were? i didn’t expect him to be exactly the same; if he were, he would never have isolated himself on that damn island in the first place; so personally i really loved the conflict and bitterness and grumpy-old-guy-ness because it fit him - it fit a man who’s lost everything and went through so much trauma trying to do the right thing, it fit a man who’d choose to run away from the universe. and i loved the arc of him finding purpose and hope again, finding his way again - in a way, returning to be “in character”. so that’s my 2 cents on that them revolving around kylo - well, it started with rey wanting to convince luke to come back, and wanting him to teach her/help her find her path, which was on its own completely unrelated to ren; then it naturally connected to ren, since ren was luke’s student, and that failed as we learned in tfa - so it HAD to go there. as for rey’s ~special mind connection~ with ren, yeah, that felt super awkward and i didn’t like it much at all. the mock/almost redemption arc he got was... also uncomfortable, but i felt like it was necessary - it’s such a popular concept in the fandom - any fandom really - it had to be addressed in one way or another - and i was so relieved that it ultimately didn’t work, because it should’ve have, and for it to work would’ve been super ooc and fanwanky imo; but yeah, rey and luke being so focused on kylo was a plot necessity because it always led there - for them to have a healthy teacher/student relationship while completely ignoring luke’s past with ren would’ve been super unrealistic and frankly worse writing than the (admittedly exaggerated) focus we got on it in the end bc the fact is, while i dislike ren, he’s a major character - he’s the main villain, always has been, much more than snoke (which is why him killing snoke made so much sense, at least to me) - and he’s got those strong ties to luke and leia, and rey after all their battling in tfa - so, logically, there had to be some degree of major focus on him during this movie - ultimately i’m just so glad it didn't all go the redemption arc way in the end - especially since we seemed so damn close to it after snoke’s death

so basically the poc treatment issues - i see where you’re coming from, but i think that was actually good character writing rather than neglection of poc characters - but i recognize that i speak from a white privilege pov so my opinion doesn’t really matter much in this subject rey and luke ooc-ness i also disagree with (though i just vomited by own opinions since you didn’t elaborate much, so maybe i didn’t even address anything you were meaning/referring to in saying “ooc”) kylo ren centercism - agree with to some degree - the ~special mind connection~ was imo mostly unnecessary and embarrassing, even if it gave us some interesting insight into character motives etc - but some focus was essential since he’s the main villain and was left with dangling plot threads from tfa (conflict of light vs dark in him, what went on between him and luke, his relationship with snoke, etc)

and yeah