#here i am making myself sad at almost midnight | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

etherealily · 8 months ago

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𝟡 𝕝𝕚𝕧𝕖𝕤 // Nate Jacobs.

Nate Jacobs + Fem!reader. Darker. SFW, but discretion advised.

Part 1 : Whiplash

Part 3 : Blessed

Part 4 : Shards

Part 5 : Eighteen

Part 6 : Sin

You do NOT have permission to repost and/or translate any of my fics.

Desc. : You should be grateful.

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He wasn't supposed to text you. He was supposed to take the beating you'd given him for being a prick, like a man, and shut the fuck up about it.

But here you were, midnight, staring at the chat that had started it all.

'yo, u up?'

You rolled your eyes, going back to your scrolling.

'I hate seenzoners.'

You liked his message.

'That's so much worse.'

'The fuck do u want?'

Nate Jacobs sent a voice message.

You could have just ignored it. You could just block him. You could just… stop. But the allure was far too much. The urge of finding out what he wanted was too strong.

"Guess where I am."

He could've just texted that. No need for a voice message, but he was Nate Jacobs.

"I don't know, the psych ward?"

"You wanna know? You'll have to drive and follow my instructions, though. You trust me enough for that?"

Ha. No fucking chance. "No, I'm good, thanks."

"Oh, so you'll text me, but won't see me in person?"

His voice was oddly sultry, as if he'd either just woken up or hadn't slept for days. Most likely the second one.

"Bingo. Go to sleep, Jacobs."

And then he sent you a picture of him from the bleachers of your school's football stadium - how the fuck did he get in?

"C'mon, don't you want to see what our school looks like at night?"

Uh, yes. But with him? No.

"It's 12:05, ASSHOLE. No fucking way."

"This is the scene where you cave and meet me and we have a cute little nighttime school montage where we sit and talk about life."

You listened to that message a good four times before you stopped laughing.

"This is the scene where I block you."

"I will come over if you don't come to the school. Uh, y'know, if you want your parents to think you're fooling around with the QB."

"I will literally shoot you if you come within fifty feet of my house."

"Come. I'll make it worth your while."

Was it possible to hear smirks?

"I'm not coming, Nate."

No way he was actually at the high school. It was probably an insanely good edit.

"You will be."

The FUCK was that supposed to mean? Not like he could force you to show up.

"Wanna bet?"

"Sure. Fifty bucks says you show up to the high school tonight."

"Not blowing fifty bucks on anything, even if I do win."

"What's it going to take for you to come? Look, I-I know it's been weird, and I might've scared you, but that's… that wasn't my intention, I swear."

Yeah, his intention was just to show you what his blood looked like. You liked his message once more, rolling your eyes.

"Dude, seriously, I swear, I'm not like, a serial killer or anything. You can bring pepper spray, a taser, whatever, if it makes you feel better. I'm just- okay, fuck, you're right. Dumb idea, trying to convince you like this."

Wait, okay, good. That was good. He was getting the message.

Another voice message.

"I forgot who I was talking to. You leave me no choice."

"What?" No.

And then, you received a video. He was teetering off the edge of the top-most row of bleachers. With a gun at his head.

"Come on, Y/N, this is getting really sad, that the only way I can grab your attention is by almost killing myself."

"I don't care. Do whatever. Not falling for it this time."

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"FUCK!", you yelled, as you found yourself running frantically through the school football field for the second time in two weeks.

You'd actually kept your word for a while, pushing out every Nate-related thought for a good night's sleep - you didn't fall for it.

Until McKay called and informed you that Nate wasn't picking up his phone - and that his last message was something along the lines of : 'Call Y/N if you don't hear from me in the next couple of minutes'.

He was deranged. Playing Russian Roulette with his own life was absolutely deranged.

"You actually showed."

GOOD, he was still alive, meaning you could kill him.

You didn't speak. That would simply complicate things, because then you'd have to look at him.

"Plus, you didn't flinch when you saw me. Think that's a win for me in the trust department."

You stood there, glaring at him as he jumped down from the bleachers, even doing that dangerously, as if he was a cat with nine lives, or he was playing a video game and would just respawn.

"You know, you could say something."

He wasn't getting impatient, though, like his tone was trying to portray. No, he was getting more amused. He liked this. He liked the fact that he got you to come to a basically abandoned-for-the-holidays-high school at midnight. He reveled in it.

"Like hey, Nate, thanks for convincing me to actually live a little for a change instead of staying cooped up in my house.", he suggested.

You punched him.

Yeah. You kept running across that field till you were close enough and you punched him right then and there.

You full-on punched him, shoved him back, slapped him, clawed at him. "Stop FUCKING doing this to me! STOP! You can't FUCKING do this to me!", you screamed, hitting him repeatedly on his chest.

He took every beating, and the fact that it seemed he was trying not to laugh just egged you on even more to actually kill him, make his nose bleed, make his head fall clean off his egotistical body.

Eventually, though, it seemed even Nate Jacobs had his limit. He grappled against your hands as he held them between both your chests, clenching his jaw. He wouldn't risk saying anything, seeing as your eyes were already burning with tears.

"You…", you cried out as he shifted his grip on your hands to only one hand, wrapping the other around you. "…Can't keep…"

"Shh, shh, I know.", he muttered as he rested his chin on your head. "Shh, I had to."

"No, you didn't."

He kissed your head, then your forehead, your nose, your cheeks, and stopped for a moment, hovering over your lips but not touching them, as though he was more scared than you were. "You know I did."

You wondered if he could taste the tears, whether he relished it. Knowing what little you did of him, he might have.

"I would've come."

"No, you wouldn't have. Shh." He was right, but there had to be some other way.

"You know what, sweetheart?"

It was sickening how he could do this to you and then use words of endearment against you.

"You should actually be grateful."

And that's when you noticed that he was actually gripping onto your hair, tightening it when your face didn't show any contortion due to pain (only contortion due to unbridled rage and the urge to stab him with your car keys).

"I usually hurt people to get what I want. With you, I'm hurting myself."

You fought the urge to say 'so fucking what?'

"You're not bleeding, baby, that's what you don't get. You're untouched, and safe, and not bleeding. Me, however?"

What was his point? That he was being a gentleman by scaring you half to death instead of having a normal adult conversation?

"I'm bleeding. I'm hurt. I'm in pain. But I'm still holding you."

He said it with exaggerated magnanimity, like he was doing you a favour, or something, like all your problems, trauma, worries, stress, had just disappeared because he was holding you in his 'big strong arms'.

"Then stop!"

"Neither of us wants me to stop holding you."

"I do."

He grinned, knowingly, with a subtle shake of his head. "No, you don't."

"Let me go."

"No."

"Let me go, Nate."

"Fine. Because you called me Nate and not Jacobs.", he nodded, letting go of you and throwing up his arms. "Don't hit me again."

"Was McKay in on this?"

He frowned momentarily, before realization swept over his face. "Shit. Yeah, no, he wasn't. I should text him, huh?"

Oh, now he was asking if he should be a courteous human being?

You watched him loathingly, as he typed out what you guessed was a half-assed apology.

'Sorry, McKay, I'm good, man. Chicks, y'know?' or some absolutely fucked up shit like that, to be sure.

"Done. Now, will you stop being so square and enjoy the fact that you're here at school at midnight?"

"What?" Enjoy?

"I'll bet this is your first time out at midnight period, let alone your first time out at midnight somewhere you're not legally supposed to be."

"Why am I here?"

The condescending look he gave you set your teeth on edge. 'Oh, poor, naive girl. Of course she doesn't even know why she's here. This is why I told her to stay in my grasp. She never listens.'

FUCKING ASSHOLE.

"You're my good luck charm. My good luck charm, but I heard you're fucking Shane. You can't be doing that."

The softness in his movements, the gentleness, it had either completely stopped, or entirely overshadowed the fact that he had put you through yet another nerve-wracking event that would raise your blood pressure.

Shane who, Shane who, Shane- oh. Shane.

Not so much fucking as went on one date with, but it was better for everyone if Nate thought you had already gone that far.

"Why not?"

"He's a punk."

"You're one to talk."

"Look, he plays defense. What if you're just, like, intensely fortunate? Can't have him sneak in a quickie before the game and then he's lucky."

It's like he wanted you to punch him again.

"He's on your team. You'll win anyway."

He shrugged, as though he could see where you were coming from, but was about to respectfully absolutely ruin your argument.

"I like to win."

"Not a team player, are you?"

"Never claimed to be."

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He was so clearly getting frustrated with your lack of response - the initial dopamine and thrill of being a disgusting element of surprise by shooting/not-shooting himself in the head gone.

But what could you say?

You'd already ghosted Shane after the date had tanked, so technically there was no reason for you to still be here. The chances of a 'lucky quickie' were virtually zero.

And so, you just stood there, the two of you, with inexplicable rage pooling within.

Your senses were heightened, your emotions wilder than the crazed look in your eyes as he stood there, looking down at you like an adult looking down at their childhood toy. As if you were the naivest, most precious, pathetically adorable thing he owned, reminding him of a simpler time.

At this point, even a rabbit's foot had been treated with more respect than you.

And you hated every moment of it because it was thrusted upon you, just like the silence of the eerie, void-like field you two were in.

"Why are you like this, Y/N?", he groaned, with the nerve to sound tired.

You? Why were you like this? What about him?

"You're… so cold." His hands flexed as if they were about to move from your hair to your throat. "Just… let loose, please. You're the reason I'm winning, I'd at least like to get to know you!"

"Oh, so this is like, an interview? Is she good enough to be associated with me? You think you're hot shit? Dude, I- you gotta realize how fucked up all of this is."

You were practically pleading. Acknowledge your absurdity, Nate Jacobs, please.

"Hey, whoa, look, you chose to associate yourself with me. Not my problem, ok?", he spat back, clearly happy with the return of banter.

"I didn't choose any of this!"

"You requested to follow me after I followed you. You chose not to block me after I followed you."

"You're putting this all on me?"

That's what normal people do ; they follow people back! He was grasping at straws, but it still seemed as though he had an iron grip on them.

"There wouldn't have been a first time if you didn't care so goddamn much." Like he was mocking you. You almost screamed. You almost hit him. He was so nonchalant.

But that… rang true. However, the humanitarian in you was adamant that there was absolutely no one cold enough to shrug off a video of someone slicing so effortlessly into their palm and exposing their blood so unabashedly.

Well, except Nate Jacobs himself.

"But, y'know what, Y/N?", he said, clearing his throat, matter-of-factly. "That's all in the past. Because now, now, we're going to sort out this arrangement between us and everything will go back to normal."

Normal? Normal as in, both of you go back to being strangers? Unlikely.

"Arrangement?"

"How this thing is going to go. Before every game, you fist-bump me. You don't touch any other players whatsoever, Blackhawk or otherwise."

Great, he was policing who you could fist-bump now.

"I- you brought me here at midnight for this?"

"Uh, no, I brought you here at midnight for fun.", he replied, scoffing. "But since you wanted to be all violent and physical, I thought we should stick to business."

Did he mean to be this insufferable? Was it a bit? There was no way an actual human being could act like this, yes? There was no way anyone could think that this was a justifiable response to a genuine question. Right?

At this point, you didn't know anymore.

Nate Jacobs had officially stumped you.

"If I say okay, can I leave?"

"No, you cannot leave, but you definitely can go sit over there and think about your little attitude before I bring out the tequila."

He burst out laughing at your annoyed face, slinging a heavy arm around your shoulder in an oddly possessive display of 'familiarity'.

"Relax. Loosen up, like I said, and you'll be fine.", he snorted, and that was your only indication that he did not, in fact, actually wish to put you into time-out.

The insane man with a gun had a sense of humour, apparently.

"You brought tequila?"

"I told you, the whole point of tonight was fun and getting to know the reason I'm winning better. So, sit."

You sat, still glaring up at him. You must have looked absolutely fucking cute or something, because he pouted at you before reaching into a duffle bag you hadn't noticed before and whipping out two bottles of straight tequila.

"Body shots?"

"Jacobs…"

"I'm joking, I'm joking. You'll come around soon, though. They all do."

Great. That's brilliant. You'd been reduced from a stranger, to a bitch, to a joke, to now a stereotype. This was just spectacular.

"Why me?"

That question seemed to genuinely catch him off-guard.

Good. Now he knows what this past week with him has been like.

"Hm?'

"Why me? Why am I the good luck charm?"

"I don't know."

"You could just be a really good player. You don't know, you haven't gone a single game without it, so you assume you're winning because of it."

"The third game was the one you weren't there for. You must remember hearing about it, though? Most embarrassing game for East Highland, I swear. 34-nil? That was shameful. That's why I decided, fourth game onwards, I wouldn't have to risk it because I got you."

Shit. That actually made sense.

"Okay, now you tell me.", he began, slightly turning the bottle in his hand around and examining the contents, curiously. "Shane Crestin? Seriously?"

"What?"

He scoff-snickered, taking an impressively large gulp before answering. "Y/N, the guy's a tool."

Look who's talking.

"He asked me out after the game."

"So, he knows you're my good luck charm.", he said, quietly, like a king trying to figure out where his men's loyalties lay.

Did Julius Caesar have a girl who he gaslit in order to get her to watch him in battle because of superstition? If so, she'd have been the first to stab him.

"Of course he knows, you made a huge spectacle of it that first time."

"Oh, yeah. But still, what a bastard. Trying to steal my lucky girl and her luck like that."

You needed to do a lobotomy on this man, seriously.

It wasn't even like you could ask him what the hell that meant because that would just bring him immense amounts of joy.

"You're not drinking. Why?", he inquired, opening the second bottle and forcing it to your lips.

You frowned as you held onto it. "I don't drink."

"Oh, bullshit. Come on, drink, don't be a nerd."

"I said no, okay?"

"Wait, do you not want to drink around me?"

He was really going above and beyond to break the 'dumb jock' stereotype, wasn't he?

"I can't believe it.", he continued, leaning back on the bleachers as he watched your face. "After all this, you don't trust me."

After all this, he said, as if he had spent his entire life working solely for your benefit. Like a tired mentor.

"I mean, dude, this is like… such a bitch move, you know that? I'm just trying to be nice."

"I don't know what you want me to do, Nate."

"Uh, trust me? Thought we were cool now, Y/N. You think I'm going to get you blackout drunk then have my way with you? Rape you? Are you scared to be around me? At midnight? In a quiet, empty football stadium where no one would think to look for you?", he questioned, still holding your gaze as he lifted his bottle to his mouth.

The elaboration of that statement unnerved you.

"I don't think you're going to rape me, I'm just-"

"Just scared of the possibility?"

"Don't take it personal, but-"

"There's no other way to take it. You're all but accusing me of assault. I thought you were different."

Was that meant to make you melt? 'Oh, no, I'm just like everyone else in that I don't want to end up in a ditch somewhere, the horror!'

"Maybe I'm not.", you shrugged.

"But you came. Tonight. No one else would have. So maybe you're a judgmental bitch like everyone else, but you've at least got your stupidly huge heart going for you."

If you strained your ears, that almost sounded like a compliment.

"Uh, thanks?"

"Drink, Y/N. Please."

Oh, fuck it. You needed that goddamn tequila to shoot through you with a vengeance.

"There we go.", he mumbled, watching you. "Dude, look at you."

"Hm?"

"You're finally badass."

His eyes lit up as he saw your finger enter the scene. He chuckled for a moment. "I'm being serious. I mean, you've beaten me up, what, three times so far - once in front of the entire school - and now you're doing underage shots with me at night at school, which is like, two illegal things at the same time."

See, that's where the difference between the two of you lay.

He thought that was being a badass.

You thought that was being a dumbass.

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"…So yeah. That's why I joined football, basically. Made me feel, like, stronger and more in control, I guess."

This asshole had just told the most human story, and now you had to see him as a person. The cunt.

You watched as he stood in the middle of the field, aiming and shooting at the banners that were strewn up all around the field.

God, he was so fucking terrifying.

How does he play Russian Roulette to bait you into coming one minute and then reload and shoot at banners like a child with his first Nerf the next?

"Control. Yeah, that tracks."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You want everything to go your way. You get pissed when other people do things of their own will."

"Can't argue with that.", he shrugged, as he turned his back to you and shot another banner, impressively shooting right in the centre of the 'O' in a 'GO BLACKHAWKS!' sign. "You know how to shoot?"

"No."

"You should learn."

"I'll get right on that.", you scoffed, as you observed your tequila bottle intensely, ignoring him coming back to rest his feet on the bleachers from your peripheral vision.

"Open your mouth."

"What?"

"Humour me."

"I've humoured you enough tonight."

"Please? Pretty please?"

You rolled your eyes, but opened your mouth. You had no idea what you expected, but it sure as hell was not him stuffing the barrel of his gun in there. You suddenly felt the tequila evaporating from your bloodstream as he slapped your hands away after you tried taking it out, like anyone would. Shit, it hurt. FUCK.

"Just relax.", he whispered, so soothingly that he might as well have been talking you through a panic attack. "There's nothing to be scared of."

Besides the hot gun you've got basically lodged up my throat.

Suddenly, the amount of danger you really were in began to materialize in your head. He was right. It was midnight. It was spring break. It was at high school. No one would think to look for you there.

"Are you scared?"

Oh, God. He was one of those freaks who got off on these things.

You nodded, not really knowing what else to do.

"You think I'll shoot you?"

You shook your head.

"Kill you?"

You shook your head.

"Then why are you scared?"

Honestly, it was the fact that he wasn't going to do either of those things, and decided to shove a gun down your throat simply for shits and giggles.

"You need more tequila."

WHAT?

You frowned, but nodded. Anything to get the gun out of your mouth.

He poured it straight from the bottle into your mouth, watching with sick satisfaction as you swallowed, and you realized that he was psychotically drunk.

"How's that? I do it all the time, y'know? Hot metal plus cold tequila equals the best fucking night ever."

Um, ew. No. But that would be super unwise to say.

"You shove a gun down your throat then take a shot?"

"One of my more dangerous drinking games, yes. God, dude, look at you. Like, you're so fucking uptight, loosen THE FUCK up!"

You were unsure how much 'looser' you could get - you were already going along with his 'dangerous drinking game'.

"I am!"

"Not enough. Not even close. You need more."

"We're all out.", you said, (thankfully) pointing at the empty duffle bag next to him.

"Oh.", he sighed, slumping down next to you and using the duffle bag as a pillow. "Just- I don't get it. What is it about you?"

"That makes you get suicidal?"

He snorted, softly. "That makes me so mad?"

"You're mad?"

"Not like angry-mad. I mean like… crazy-mad. Like I go mad around you."

Five-year-olds could explain things better than him, but, to his credit, he was shitfaced.

"Really? Thought you were born that way."

"I mean, last week? When I kissed you? I don't do that shit. But it was the only way to shut you up. I-ugh. It's you, Y/N. Just fucking up my brain, one game at a time."

"Oh, oh, so you being a psychopath is because I didn't show up to one game?"

"When you're constantly worried about someone needing to be there, you do crazy things. Like cut yourself. I would have done it, too, seriously."

"I know. That's why I came."

"So, we weren't entirely strangers, huh? You knew me a little, at least?"

"Uh, no, we were definitely strangers."

"Now? What are we now?"

"Uh… friends?" You didn't mean that. You wouldn't be his friend if it killed you.

"No, I think I'd know it if we were friends." Phew.

"So, you tell me."

"What? No, you've been in charge this whole time, you tell me."

He just said you'd been in charge.

One offhanded, sweeping statement, and he'd shifted all the blame on you as easy as pie.

How did he do that?

It was obvious what he was referring to: the fact that none of these interactions would have happened if you just hadn't given a shit in the first place.

The fact that every single move of his had been linked to you, in whatever this weird everybody (except you) ante, sketchy poker game he was playing was supposed to be.

And it unnerved you.

Because in some twisted way, it was true.

"Acquaintances."

"But we've kissed.", he reminded, diligently and unwantedly. "Acquaintances - and classmates, before you suggest that - don't just kiss."

"Dude, then what do you want to be?"

Shit. That was what he'd wanted all along. For you to ask in exasperation, to give you his interpretation.

"You know, just… an average relationship between a man and his good luck charm." He inched closer, his hand loosening its grip on the railing as if it was going to do something, but there was no more tequila to reach out for.

There was only you.

And reach, he did.

First, his hands were on your cheek, like they had been a half hour ago. Then, suddenly, they were in your hair, and his tongue was trying to coax your words out of you directly from the source.

And you just let it happen.

If anyone knew why you let it happen, you'd have loved to start a suggestion box.

But you had a funny feeling that the only person who knew why was Nate Jacobs himself.

Fat chance he'd tell you.

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piyo13sdoodles · 2 months ago

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day 28, chapter 76:

At the expression on Quintus' face Cliopher could take no more. He started laughing before he made it out of the room, though the loudest whoops came after he'd reached the hallway. He did not get far along, just sank down at the top of the stairs so he could try to muffle his mirth with his hands. ~ "Your family seems somewhat perturbed," Rhodin observed after a few minutes.

and bonus gallery shot + musings under the cut because it's been exactly 4 weeks now:

fun to see what kinds of patterns intentionally or unintentionally crop up... or also which days i can tell i was busy vs which days i had time or worked in advance to dedicate more time to the piece. if anyone's curious, on average one of these might take me 2-3 hours to complete! more detailed ones like october 23 i think probably took me closer to 5 hours, simpler ones like october 9 maybe 1.5h.

i am both sad and glad it's almost over--i've definitely lost a fair amount of sleep trying to get these done in time (usually i work a day ahead so i can post at a reasonable time, but that hasn't always worked out, especially in the final stretch here), so this pace does become untenable on top of work, but it also is really fun to make so much art! and to always have something to work on rather than becoming trapped into that idea of 'what should i do, too many choices, can't decide..' the answer is always inktober!

in any case, seeing the gallery like this is also interesting to me because it really helps me realize where i could have/should have pushed the ink a bit more--working in ink is (to me; this is definitely not gospel, just how i consider ink work) an exercise in controlling contrast. you don't have colour to drive edges or cool/warm tones, so the only value you have is the light-dark contrast, and in my mind at least, good use of contrast should carry across to a smaller format. for example, zoomed out like this i can see that october 11th really needed more contrast in the feathers--they blend too much into the background in a way that doesn't really work to emphasize that ludvic is standing in front of the candles there. otoh, on october 5, i think that one's fine because what i wanted was for the moon to draw the eye first, and THEN for you to notice HR sitting there.

overall, also, i want to keep these interesting--if the compositions are always the same, then it can become repetitive or boring, so i wanted a good mix of light and dark compositions, and a good balance of tone across all of them. which so far i'm pleased with! and this year i let myself use pencil undersketches and do thumbnail planning and everything (last year i really wanted to get better at visualizing the piece in my head so i set the challenge of just committing straight to paper... i'm still happy with last year's but you can tell i took on much more challenging compositions this year lol)

anyway!! much to think about, so much to learn, i wanted to work a bit in advance again so i won't be putting tomorrow's up almost at midnight again but alas i think it was not meant to be, so i'm off to bed and if you read this whole thing, congrats, have a cookie *hands you a cookie*

#the hands of the emperor #hands of the emperor #cliopher mdang #rhodin an gaiange #hote #nine worlds #inktober24 #inktober

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bri-sonat · 2 years ago

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Enjoy The Silence

Pairing: Brienne of Tarth x fem!knight!reader

Warnings: NSFW!! heavy smut, praise kink, degradation kink, corruption kink if you squint, fingering, oral sex

A/N: i would like it to be known that i wrote this mostly for fun, the idea popped in to my head and i couldn’t stop thinking about it. paragraphs were haunting me and i had to get it out and this is what it became. i will probably write whenever i get a an idea like this again, but will probably not commit myself to the role cause i’ll get overwhelmed. but all that aside, i have an idea for a very smutty follow up if people are interested. oh, and english isn’t my first language so just ignore grammar mistakes and such things. enjoy!

Cold midnight air ruthlessly bit at your cheeks as you made the final round of your patrol. Soothing silence broken every now and then by your armor clad body as you took slow, deliberate steps along the rampart.

You stopped, taking in the wail of the wind, closing your eyes allowing your other senses to become heightened. Taking a deep breath you could almost taste the winter, smell the recognizable aroma of water against steel, hear the slow footsteps of boots against snow.

Opening your eyes you glance down towards the courtyard, where the invading sound had been coming from. A small smile playing on your lips as you watch Brienne cross the open space, her steps confident and a disciplined expression grazing her features. She doesn’t seem to notice you watching her and she eventually walks out of view.

It had only been 12 months since you first met Ser Brienne of Tarth. You were intrigued by the tall blonde knight from the moment you saw her. She wasn’t easy to miss, towering over most people, just like she had the day you arrived.

———

Entering the Winterfell courtyard a year ago, you watched her from a far, taking in her being. Her otherwise soft features overwritten by a stoic look on her face.

Her eyes so blue, like the deepest ocean, observing the fighters she was training. Her cerulean eyes held a certain sadness, hidden by the way she carried herself. Back straight and a hand on the hilt of her sword, she paced, watched, making small adjustments to the men that you couldn’t hear from where you stood.

You were captivated by her, drawn in like a moth to a flame by her beauty and grace. She stepped in, offering herself as a sparring partner to those wanting to practice on her.

You watched as she took stance; blocking, parrying, striking with such elegance you could’ve sworn you were watching an ethereal being. Her feet moving on their own, swords clashing against each other as she took down man after man, a small smirk playing on her pale face as she panted.

You watched as she dismissed the men who walked away grunting, pissed after being defeated by a woman.

Walking up to her, she became taller for every step you took. Stopping behind her, you cleared your throat, grabbing the attention of the taller woman, causing her to turn around and look down at you with a neutral expression.

“Can I help you?”

The voice that exited her mouth was deep, coated in the most delicious accent you had ever heard. You stared up into her blue eyes, even more beautiful up close, accented by her porcelain skin. She cocked her eyebrows as she waited for your answer.

Giving her a small nod and introducing yourself, you watched as she reacted to your knight title, a very subtle smile on her face, disappearing as quick as it appeared. She repeated your name, loving the way it rolled on her tongue, dripping out of her mouth like honey. She gave a nod back.

“I was told to come here and speak to a Ser Brienne of Tarth about offering my services. I don’t suppose you know where I could find her?” Hand resting on the hilt of your sword by your hip, you took a look around the courtyard, it was empty. You moved your sight back to the taller woman, watching her in anticipation for her answer.

“I am Ser Brienne of Tarth. I had been told to expect someone, but I thought it would be a man considering the title. I apologize for the assumption, I hadn’t heard of another female knight.” She shifted her gaze from yours to glance behind you.

You had heard stories about Brienne of Tarth, but you’d never met her. The stories were a mix of praise and disdain, depending on who you asked.

The stories of praise spoke of her abilities as a fighter, her accomplishments. Defeating multiple strong fighters, leaving her known as one of Westeros’ strongest fighters, albeit underrated.

The other stories were not as forgiving. Talking about how she was a great beast of nature, a monster, ugly, not feminine enough. Nothing she ever did to her appearance was good enough, if she tried dressing more like a lady, she was made fun of. When she started following the warriors path, she was made fun of. She could never get away from the constant ridicule, didn’t matter if she tried to fit in, her lack of conventional attraction betrayed her.

The nickname “Brienne the Beauty” ghosted through your mind and you couldn’t understand how that would be used as derision, when what you saw before you clearly made the nickname literal. She was enchanting, the golden-hour sun lighting up her face in the most beautiful way.

“Good. Then I think we have matters to discuss, don’t we?” Smiling softly up at her you watched as the sun casted shadows across her features, “However, I believe I have a short stop to make first. Will you take me to your grace?” Your words brought her eyes back to yours and she matched your smile. It was magical witnessing such a sight, you had to stop yourself from physically swooning, mentally; you did not.

“Of course. Right this way, Ser.” She gestured with her hand as she slightly turned, allowing you to walk past her.

———

The months that followed were filled with training, standing beside Brienne as she acted as a master-at-arms, you offering to act as a sparring partner so she could observe. Both of you allowed yourselves a little healthy competition after dismissing the trainees, known to spar against each other on occasion. She was impressed by your skill, you with hers that you already knew she inhibited. It was a privilege to observe her so up close and personal, her swordsmanship alike nothing you had ever seen before. It was incredible, she was incredible.

The evenings were filled with laughter and stories as you drank and feasted together. Her telling stories of what it was like growing up on Tarth, her stories and travels, you telling stories of your adventures, accomplishments and childhood. Speaking happily about the freedom you had growing up in Dorne, being able to express yourself without judgement.

She had a lot of queries about your home, curious to learn as much as possible. It reminded you of a child the way she couldn’t keep to one question, often asking multiple in one breath. You found it endearing seeing her undeniable eagerness and excitement to learn of the life she could’ve lived. Answering to the best of your abilities, she couldn’t help the smile that would creep on to her face when you told her that women lay with women, without discrimination.

She spoke sadly of a ball her father held, but never went in to detail. Respectful of her boundaries and privacy, you didn’t pry. The more time you spent together, the more you felt yourself falling in love with her.

It was a wonderful feeling, love, but it ached, knowing that she probably did not love you back.

But she did. She too had found herself falling in love with you, much to her dismay. Insecurities and past heartbreak haunting her, plaguing her. The thought that you probably found her as disgusting and nauseating as everyone else, but were too respectful to say anything was on a constant repeat in her mind. Reminding her over and over again that she could not and did not deserve to be loved by someone as kind, compassionate, righteous and honorable like you.

Everyday over the months that passed, you spent time together. Meeting for breakfast in the morning, training during the day, splitting up to do some other mundane but necessary tasks, until you reconvened for dinner during the evening.

Laughs, stories and longing glances were exchanged, until you had to part ways to make your rounds. Ending the day in your chambers, by yourself, heart aching as it yearned for hers. This was all you knew, becoming routine after the first few weeks.

Then one night something happened. You and Brienne had gotten into a fight, a disagreement over something long since forgotten, but at the time seemed like the most important thing in the world.

Your voices loud against the night sky as you exchanged words out in the courtyard, excessively gesturing to get your point across, face red with wrath. Brienne had her arms crossed over her chest, face pulled together in a mix of incredulity and exasperation.

In an act of trying to one up each other, you kept taking footsteps closer and closer. You could feel the anger radiating off of Brienne, yet you couldn’t stop, you were so incredibly frustrated with her, you had to keep going. Letting yourself become consumed by anger, you were no longer in a state of mind to control your actions. She drove you crazy, in a plethora of ways.

It was when you placed a sharp finger to her tunic clad sternum that the both of you froze.

Thick, almost suffocating silence overtook the courtyard, only thing being heard was the low gust of wind, and panting breaths, coming from both you and Brienne. You stared at your finger placed firmly in the middle of her chest with wide eyes. This was the first time you had ever touched.

Your face turning red for a completely different reason this time, Brienne stared down at your finger, taking a hesitant step forward, allowing you to leave if needed, letting her arms drop to her side.

Your hand flattened out, finger replaced with the palm of your hand. Brienne’s heart was beating fast and hard underneath your palm and you almost waited for it to beat out of her chest. The quickened pace of her organ pumping blood beneath your hand was all you could feel as you became encompassed by her, her pleasant fragrance of sweat accumulated over the day was all you could smell as she stepped in to your space.

Taking another step forward you looked up from your hand to meet the taller blondes burning gaze, eyes softening. Your breath hitched at the sight of her, hair messy from running her hands through it in frustration. Blonde locks framed her face, her beautiful sapphire eyes filled with awe, glimmered in the moonlight.

She was waiting for the moment you would realize what was happening, the second your face would shift in to a face of detestation due to her proximity and run away. But the moment never came, you just kept looking up at her, breath heavy, your eyes glossy.

She gazed in to your eyes, tongue darting out to wet her lips. Her intense blue eyes flicking from yours, to your lips and back. She watched as you took another step closer, becoming flush with her body. You quivered at the sensation, her entire body radiating heat, your mind turning in to mush at the way her breath ghosted on your skin.

A slow and tentative hand came up to cup your jaw, a thumb caressing your cheek. You sighed and leaned in to her touch, stuttering breaths escaping from your mouth.

All your inhibitions and restrictions fell out the window, you needed her. Needed to feel her lips on yours, needed to know what she tasted like. You had dreamt about this for six months and you were so close to finally have it become reality. Her thumb shifted from your cheek to run it over your bottom lip, causing you to internally scream at the contact.

She loved the feeling of your lip under her thumb, it was so soft, so inviting, almost pulling her in. And oh so very kissable. Releasing a hum of fascination, she dragged her thumb down, pulling your bottom lip with it, slightly parting your mouth. You had to hold back a quiet moan at her gentleness, her sensuality. She was irresistible.

You just needed to take the chance, it was now or never. The second her thumb moved from your lip back to stroking your cheek you spoke, mouth moving faster than your thought process.

“Kiss me.”

Brienne gazed down at you, hand still on your face. She was shocked at your request, she had never kissed anyone before, less have someone ask her to do so. She always thought she would go her entire life without knowing what it felt like to be kissed. Without knowing the burning touch of another, having come to terms with the idea of living and dying alone a long time ago. Then along you came, looking at her in a way that burned her up from the inside, and she allowed herself to hope. Allowed herself to hope that you could somehow look past all the prejudice and love her for who she was. She had so much love to give, it was practically bursting at the seams.

And here you were, willing to receive all the love she had been wanting to shower you with for months. There were so many emotions swirling around inside her, but the most dominant one was fear, the fear of rejection that stayed with her, it followed her everywhere. She had to know if you were playing with her heart. Terrified of what your answer might be she had to ask. Had to know.

“Are you-“ she started. Wanting to break you out of the trance you both had ended up in. Still waiting for that one moment she had seen so many times before. The face she had come to know so well, filled with ridicule, revulsion, and utter disgust; always followed by a laugh, a scoff, or in the best case scenario, a clear demonstration of distance. Making it known that they found her so repulsive that they did not even want to be near her.

“By the Gods, would you just kiss me!” You couldn’t take another tantalizing second, each one spent longing for her, like you had done ever since you met.

She was taken aback by the sudden outrage, but seeing the look in your eyes made her smile, wide. Your eyes were filled with nothing but love for her, looking at her in a way she had never experienced before. The moment she had seen so many times would never come like she had expected it to. Only thing on your face was adoration, fondness, warmth, affection, and admiration. All directed at her.

There would be no rejection, no ridicule. You wanted her love, and she wanted yours. Oh, she wanted it so bad. She wanted to bask, bathe and relish in the warm feeling of being seen. Seen for who she was, past all the hurt, past her stature, past all the stupid stories. She felt pretty under your gaze, beautiful, even.

Leaning down, inching closer, you could feel her hot breath against your lips, her nose nuzzling up against yours. Closing your eyes, you waited for the moment you had pictured so many times before.

Her soft lips connecting to yours sent you in to a world of pure satisfaction, you both hummed in to the kiss, allowing yourselves to relax, taking in the other. The hand that had been dangling by your side was brought up to Brienne’s waist, holding on to her for dear life. Almost like you were expecting her to disappear in to thin air, or that you’d wake up in your bed, all of this just being a dream. Her lips moving against yours in a way you had never experienced before made it perfectly clear that this was indeed happening. No dream could ever be this realistic, her lip between yours as you kissed her with a fervor you never realized you had.

Her other hand on your hip, she held you up as your knees threatened to give out under you. The hand you had placed on her chest snaked up to land around her neck, pulling her impossibly closer to you.

Playing with the hair at the back of her head you slightly pulled, causing her to gasp in to the kiss, taking the opportunity to deepen it.

Tongues fighting for dominance, much reminding you of the sword fights you two had. Just like your sword fights, this one also seemed to end up in a tie, eventually yielding, letting your tongues work in harmony to drive out as much of the yearning and pining that was humanly possible. The ache in your hearts vanishing, as they finally found each other, beating in sync.

Breaking off the kiss to get some much needed air, you pulled away to take in the sight in front of you. Brienne’s face was red, lips swollen and her chest heaved, desperate for air. Breathing in each other you stayed in your position, one hand around her neck and one on her waist. Hers on your cheek and hip. You brought your head in to lean Brienne’s forehead against your own, her having to crouch down to make up for the height difference.

You smiled at her, she gave you the biggest grin you had ever seen on her beautiful face back. Her breathtakingly blue eyes filling with tears of joy as you enjoyed each others company. Breaking the now pleasant silence, you whispered to her and in to the night sky.

“What were we fighting about again?”

———

The six months that followed after this was heavenly. Heavy make-out sessions, wandering and curious hands, lingering touches and kisses left on warm skin. It was all new and exciting. Taking time to learn what buttons to press, where to kiss, where to touch. It was like laying out a new course on a map, exploring uncharted territory. You learned pretty fast to not leave marks where they could be seen, having been gawked at by the fighters you trained. After that you watched where Brienne’s armor and everyday clothes covered, her doing the same with yours. Everything beneath the dip of your throats were fair game.

Bruised collarbones and shoulders became a regular sight. Marks in all different stages of healing, coloring your skin with shades of yellow, red and purple. You often found yourself running your fingers over them as you undressed in the evenings, remembering her wet and warm mouth on your body. She had become so good at using her mouth, you were astounded at how quick she learned. It took some time for her to get past the initial embarrassment of how much she enjoyed the taste of your skin, but once she heard the appetizing noises you would release it didn’t take long for her to find the confidence to shamelessly and hungrily lick, suck and kiss wherever she could reach.

Staying clothed during your late night meetings, you made it a habit to slightly unlace your tunic, exposing your shoulders and collarbones to Brienne’s hot mouth. Her doing the same. The first time you had seen her bare broad shoulders and collarbones you had to stifle a mewl, wanting to taste her as soon as you saw them, and you did. Hearing the scrumptious sounds that left her mouth as yours traveled all over her upper body had you feral, animal instincts taking over; kissing, sucking and licking like your life depended on it.

About three months in to your arrangement you had sworn your loyalty to her, she had done the same. Offering your swords and kneeling, speaking your love out in to the universe. Swearing to the old Gods and the new, to always come back and stay by each other’s side. The way of the warrior known for being a path with gruesome and early deaths, you did not want to waste any time. Making it known that if either of you perished in battle, you died being loved. You also swore to protect each other, even though you were perfectly capable of physically doing it yourselves, you also applied it to other situations in life. Promising to protect each other’s honor and reputation, to stand up for the love you shared. This, you swore, to the old Gods and the new.

You and Brienne kept your day arrangement going, keeping your usual distance as to not draw suspicion. Only thing that was different was that before going to sleep in your own chambers by yourselves, you would silently stalk to hers, or she would come to yours, using the darkness of night as your cover. It was so exhilarating, the sneaking around. The feeling of being involved in a forbidden romance, like Romeo and Juliet, was dirty. It felt hot, and it turned you on, immensely.

Allowing yourselves a short time where you would be completely alone together, away from prying eyes. You would hold each other, kiss, or talk, but you had never laid.

It was a subject neither of you felt any need to rush in to, but as the make-out sessions grew hungrier, the more the heat between your legs grew, throbbed and begged for attention. Brienne’s large hands exploring everywhere except for where you needed them.

Which eventually ended up with you moaning her name in to the darkness as you touched yourself before going to sleep, imagining it was her fingers. It was a way to cope, to keep you from throwing yourself at her, a way to keep you sane as you yearned for her touch.

She had told you she was a maiden a month in to your relationship, and you told her in return that you would wait until she specifically told you she was ready, however long that would take. For her you’d wait an eternity if needed.

———

The past year had gone by in a flash, your life completely changed after meeting Brienne, in the best way possible. Standing overlooking the courtyard, you watched the midnight sky and it’s residing stars, being just as beautiful as the night when you two first kissed.

Your patrol finished, you made your way to your chambers, armor clanking as you moved swiftly through the courtyard, following the same path Brienne had taken minutes before.

Entering your room, you quickly rid yourself of your armor and sword, placing them on the armor stand by your bed. Not wanting to leave yourself entirely without protection, you strapped a tiny dagger to the waistline of your trousers.

Turning on your heel you left the room, making a direct line for Brienne’s to continue your midnight rendezvous.

You silently knocked on her door. Feet shuffling behind it were heard before Brienne opened, a smile on her face.

“Hi,” she swept over your figure with her eyes. Frowning at the dagger sitting on your hip, “what’s up with the dagger?”

You looked down at the weapon, smiled and looked back up at her. “Just for protection, in case something happens. What if I have to defend you?” you joked. Brienne breathed out a laugh and stepped aside, allowing you to enter.

She was in the process of removing her armor when you arrived, a crackling fire warming up the room. You sat down on the edge of her bed and watched as she removed piece after piece, back turned to you. You knew she preferred doing it herself, so you didn’t interfere.

“Did you have a nice patrol?” You hated small talk, but you were curious to know if she’d noticed you spectating her. She turned her head over her shoulder and looked at you where you sat.

“About the same as usual. Only thing worth noting was the feeling of being watched.” She smirked, she knew. Your face became flushed, causing Brienne to chuckle, she found it adoring.

“So you did notice.” It was phrased like a question, but said as a statement. Brienne finally removed her chest piece, leaving her in tunic and pants.

“Yes, hard to not notice when someone as attractive as you is watching. I have to be on my best behavior,” she turned, sauntering towards you.

“Are you not always on your best behavior?” You teased, not knowing where this was going, but you played along; liking this side of her.

“I try to be,” reaching you, she pulled you up from the bed by your hand and you stood, facing her. “I’ve been thinking.” Her mischievous face became serious, worrying you. You watched as she took a deep breath, looking in to your eyes.

“I’m ready. I am yours.” You stared at her, confusion painted across your face. It took you a minute until you realized what she meant. You smirked, eyes darkening, desire taking over. You grabbed a hold of her hips, turned her around, and started leading her towards the bed.

“I was wondering how long it would take,” the back of her knees hitting the edge of the bed signaled you to lightly push her chest, causing her to sit down. You settled your knees on either side of her broad thighs, straddling her, large hands coming up to grip your waist. “I’m starving.” A worried expression takes over her face.

“You haven’t eaten today?” she watched you, your libido-drunk face never changing. “No, you did. We ate together. Are you still hungry?” Her attentiveness and care for you warmed your heart.

“I’m not talking about that kind of hunger. I crave you, Brienne. I want to taste you.”

Blood rushed to her face once it clicked what you meant. Hands starting at her strong arms, slowly moving up towards her shoulders. She watched with bated breath the way your pupils dilated.

She wanted this as much as you did, having ignored the growing feeling of carnal desire for too long. She longed to feel you in her most sensitive and neglected places. As nimble fingers started working on the lace of the blondes tunic, a hand gently grabs your wrist, halting your movements. Your eyes, never having left hers, watched as she opened and closed her mouth, words not coming out.

“Brienne, you know we don’t have to do this, we can keep waiting if you’re not comfortable.” Your hands moved to hold her face, looking at her lovingly, a face of compassion taking over your features. She dropped her hand, placing it back on your waist.

“No, it’s not that,” she looked away, blushing. “I was hoping to give you pleasure, being the only one out of us who has felt it before. I can imagine you’re yearning for it.”

You grabbed her chin, causing her pretty eyes to meet your burning gaze, your face had changed back in to an expression of pure, unadulterated lust.

You smirked at her, “There’s no need to worry about that, I’ve been… dealing with it, on my own,” Brienne’s eyes widened and her teeth tugged on her bottom lip at the realization, images and sounds of you fucking yourself flooding her mind, making the taller knight release a whimper, “what I really want is to take care of you, baby. I want to hear all the noises that leave that pretty little mouth of yours. Will you let me take care of you, baby?” The blonde watched you, nodding faster than she meant to, aching for your touch. She could feel the heat pool between her legs, subconsciously clenching her thighs. You noticed.

“Eager, aren’t we?” skilled fingers moved back to the lace of Brienne’s tunic, making quick work of it. Your mouth catching hers, tongues dancing together in a ferocious fashion.

Almost ripping the tunic off of your lovers broad shoulders, your hands were quick in finding the mounds of flesh, kneading them, pinching nipples, drawing out the most ungodly sounds from the knight under you. You swallowed her groans as you groped, not getting enough of the way her bare skin felt under your fingertips. You pulled away from the kiss, wanting to see the mess you’ve made of the otherwise calm and collected warrior.

You removed your hands from her breasts to dismiss the tunic from her upper body, throwing it on the floor, exposing her to you. You watched as her chest heaved, drawing in breath after breath. Her face was flushed, eyes watching you, lips wet and swollen, she was so incredibly beautiful, you dared think perfect.

“That’s right. Just keep watching me with those pretty eyes of yours.” You cooed as you stroked her face in an act of affection. She looked up at you in a way that drove you absolutely crazy, a look of innocence corrupted with desire.

You moved your head down, taking one of her nipples in to your mouth. Tongue swirling as she throws her head back, your name falling off her lips. It made you shudder, you wanted to hear it again, and again, and again.

Gently biting down and soothing the sting with your tongue, Brienne jumped, a surprised gasp mixed with a moan exiting her mouth. You kept biting and sucking, leaving marks for her to see in the morning when she got dressed, or whenever she was alone. Leaving them as a reminder that she was yours. They would potentially serve as a problem for when she bathes, but you’d deal with that whenever the predicament arrives.

Your hand replacing your mouth, you gave her other nipple the same attention you gave the first. Drawing out more unholy noises from her, noises that a knight of the Seven Kingdoms shouldn’t make.

You had wondered what she would sound like when she came, hell, you had dreamed of it. You could hardly wait to taste and feel her around your fingers, but you needed to be patient, make it as pleasurable for her as possible. You needed her first time to be perfect, your line of work didn’t really come with a life expectancy, so you wanted her to remember every touch, every kiss.

Brienne’s hands moved to remove the dagger hilt from your pants, throwing it on her tunic, before moving up to your lace. Desperation to touch your bare skin acting as fuel made her quick in unlacing the piece of cloth, taking it off, and throwing it on the already growing pile of clothes on the floor. She breathed out your name, her voice an octave lower than usual, husky and coated with lechery. It made a shiver run down your exposed back.

You removed your mouth from Brienne’s breast as you lifted your head and you met her eyes. She watched you with such awe, you couldn’t wait any longer. You needed her.

One hand resting on her bare shoulder, you moved your other hand downwards, slowly dragging your fingers over her abdomen, enjoying the way she trembled, her skin prickling under your touch. Stopping at the hem of her trousers you spoke, “I’ve been dying to know how you’ll feel around my fingers as you cum, screaming my name. I guess we’re about to find out, hmm?” Your tone mockingly condescending. Brienne couldn’t muster any words, her throat dry as she felt your fingertips dancing so close to where she craved you.

The sound of Brienne’s pants unbuckling mixed with her eager breaths, along with the crackling of the firewood filled the room.

Bringing your hand up to Brienne’s mouth, you encouraged her to open it. She took your finger in her mouth, sucking, getting it ready for her. Oh, she was so happy and willing to do whatever you wanted, so ready to please. So good.

Moving down again, dipping a hand under the hem of her pants and undergarments, you dragged a finger over her slick heat, growling at the sensation of it against your finger.

Brienne shoved her face in to your shoulder to stifle the moan that came out. “No, don’t do that. I want to hear you,” she lifted her head to meet your gaze as your finger continued to explore her wet folds, moving up to rub gentle circles on her sensitive clit, “Well done, baby. You’re so responsive.” You had her wrapped around your finger, she was yours, and you hers. It was a glorious feeling to have such a dominant woman moaning for you in this way like some common whore.

“Oh, God. It feels so good. Please, make me cum, I wanna feel you, please.” She was a moaning mess underneath you, begging you, and you basked in the noises she made.

“Well, since you asked so nicely. Who am I to deny my good girl the pleasure she deserves?” Brienne let out a noise at the pet name. She loved getting praised by you. She whined as you moved off of her, but stopped complaining as she watched you get on your knees in between her thighs.

She wantonly spread her legs, lifting her hips up so you could pull off her trousers, her undergarments following. You audibly moaned as Brienne’s wet cunt was exposed in front of you.

Enticed by the strong aroma of the blondes arousal you didn’t waste a second, licking up her slit, you stopped at her clit and circled it with your tongue. You savored the flavor of her, tasting just like you had imagined her to, if not better. “You taste so fucking good,” you murmured against her clit, causing a vibrating sensation.

Brienne let out a guttural moan, almost a scream, at the sensation of your mouth on her clit. She bucked her hips towards your mouth and your hands grabbed hold of them, keeping her still. You mindlessly put one of her legs over your shoulder, giving yourself more access to her wet center.

She breathed out your name, it sounded so sinful on her lips, obscenities falling from her mouth in the most filthy way. It spurred you on.

“More, please.” She was so good, saying please. When she asked you so nicely, how could you possibly resist?

Your finger that had been running through her folds earlier was used to tease the blondes entrance. You looked up at her, growing wetter at the sight.

She was intensely watching you, waiting to be brought to new-found heights of pleasure she had never traversed before. She could almost cum just by the sight of you between her legs, eating her out so ravenously.

“You feel so good, Ser.” Oh, the the way your title fell off her lips in such a sinful way almost felt illegal. You wanted to hear it again.

One of Brienne’s hands flew down to grab on to your head, the other one kneading her breast.

“Call me that again.” You were insatiably devouring the taller woman’s heat, all your senses filled with her. You wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

You slowly pushed in one finger, loving the feeling of her walls clenching around your digit. You worked it in, and out. Curving it, hitting that sweet spot inside of Brienne that made her scream Ser together with your name in pleasure. You smirked against her as the title left her mouth, she was so good at following directions. You had to let her know.

“Such a good little slut, following my requests without a second thought.” She reacted to your new name for her by wailing out a moan, a mix of praise and degradation. It drove her insane.

You kept working her, holding eye-contact as you added another finger once you felt she was ready. Lifting your head to take in her entirety, wanting to see her face and body react.

“You take me so well. I wonder what everyone would think if they saw you now. The Brienne of Tarth, screaming and moaning, like some common whore,” she was growing feral at the dirty words you were spewing as you were fucking her, “perhaps they would even be interested to know how your dominance is mostly for show. You’re really just a submissive slut, begging to be dominated and fucked, just,” you thrusted your fingers in hard, “like,” leaving your fingers inside of her, you curved them, hitting the spongy spot inside of her over and over, thumb brushing over her swollen clit, “this. Isn’t that right, pet?” She was screaming at this point, not caring if anyone heard her, too busy chasing that high almost in her grasp. So close she could taste it. “They probably wouldn’t be too happy to know about you tainting the Gods name either. Blasphemy. Completely unacceptable for a knight. Don’t you know that, Brienne?” You talked down to her, teasingly scolding her, driving her absolute mad with lust, it clouded her mind.

Your mouth back on her clit made her arch her back, your nails digging in to the skin on her hip, sure to leave bruises. Which could also arise as a potential issue for communal baths, but once again, you’d deal with it whenever confronted.

Her moans were quickening in pace, breaths becoming ragged. Her walls were clenching around your digits, she absolutely loved having you inside, stretching her out, sucking and licking her clit. The sounds inside her room were wicked; her loud and whiny moans, your short nosy breaths as you thrusted your fingers in and out, and the ungodly sucking sounds coming from in between Brienne’s long legs.

It was too much for her. With a final brush against the spot inside her and a gentle teeth graze, you watched as Brienne threw her head back and froze, body beginning to convulse as pleasure ripped through her. With a scream of your name she grabbed and pulled at your hair. You looked up at her, fingers still working inside of her, already bringing her to another orgasm.

She looked so perfect reaching her zenith, she was glowing, her facial features contorted in pure bliss as she chased the second orgasm you were happy to provide.

It didn’t take long for her to cum on your fingers and in your mouth again. Slowing down the pace, you helped her ride her orgasm, drawing out every ripple of pleasure she could handle, before she eventually whined from overstimulation. Retracting your fingers, you happily cleaned up whatever escaped her fluttering hole.

She laid panting on the bed as you climbed up towards the blonde, hovering over her. You allowed her to taste herself on your lips before pulling away. She watched as your chin glistened with her juices in the faint glow of the fire, making her groan.

You wiped your chin with the back of your hand before bringing the fingers you used to fuck her with up to her lips. She greedily took them in her mouth, happy to serve. You smiled at her, she looked so good like this, fucked out of her mind, chest rising up and down, trying to draw in all the air she possibly could, your fingers in her mouth.

The throbbing between your legs had only grown, it yelled for attention. Tonight was about Brienne, you didn’t care how uncomfortable it got, you had brought your lover to the height of pleasure and that is what you set out to do. It was worth it, she was worth everything.

You removed your fingers from her mouth before helping Brienne adjust her position so she could lay down at the head of the bed under the covers. You quickly removed the rest of your clothes and moved to join her, her eyes closed from exhaustion.

She quickly took you in to her arms and snuggled her head in to your shoulder, inhaling your scent. You felt a vibration as she hummed in content.

You grabbed one of the hands wrapped around your waist and brought it up to your lips to kiss her knuckles. Hoping it would send her the message you wanted her to receive, not wanting to break the silence. Words were unnecessary, you loved her.

She placed a soft kiss on your neck, and shoulder as she melted around you. She knew, and she loved you, too.

Silence crept in as you took in the feeling of flesh against flesh, your knight holding you in her strong arms. You felt so safe with her, so protected. As long as she was by your side you would fight to come back to her, just like you had sworn. She gave you strength, and a feeling like you could do anything. You were so grateful for her, grateful for her endless love. Thankful towards the Gods for putting you in each other’s path, knowing you could just as well never have met.

The thought of never meeting broke your heart, not knowing how you could exist without her now that she was in your life. Considering the chain of events that brought you to Winterfell in the first place, you realized you were selfish. People had lost so much, so many loved ones.

Despite that, you couldn’t stop smiling. In spite of everything that had happened, you were happy. Happy being where you were, happy with who you were there with, and happy with the life you had started building, as an individual, but also together with your knight in shining armor.

You wanted to bring Brienne to Dorne, so she could see where you grew up, and fall in love with it, too.

You probably wouldn’t settle down there, she was needed here. But, the look on her face when you had told stories of Dorne was like the sun, her smile so bright, you wanted her to see it for herself. Show her around, take her to your favorite places, wanting to bring her to meet your parents. You knew they would love her, just as much as you did.

All you ever wanted, all you ever needed was here. Nothing to be heard but fire crackling and Brienne’s soft snores in your ear, as you let them relax you, finally being exactly where you were meant to be, now and forever.

Closing your eyes, you allowed yourself to drift off to sleep, at last having her beside you instead of the cold hand of loneliness you had grown so used to.

—————

Follow-up: Life Eternal

tags for the homies:

@na-shoba @pastanest

#gwendoline christie #brienne of tarth #brienne x reader #brienne of tarth x reader #gwendoline christie x reader #Spotify

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scatteredthoughts2 · 3 months ago

Text

Watching the Clock.

It is evening time, at a quarter to seven,

And just the sound of your voice will send me to heaven,

It has been so long, it's been such a long while,

And I'm making sure to charge my mobile.

An hour has passed, it's a quarter to eight,

But I'm not at all worried, you are just a bit late,

I am sitting here calm; I know you'll call soon,

And then your sweet voice will fill up the room.

The moon has now risen, it's a quarter to nine,

And I'm telling myself everything will be fine,

You probably got caught, in the traffic in town,

And I'm not feeling sad, no I'm not feeling down.

I look at the clock, it's a quarter to ten,

And I'm starting to think that you've done it again;

You have left me here waiting for the sound of your voice,

And the thoughts in my head are not a bit nice.

Another hour has passed, it is ten forty-five,

And I'm starting to wonder if you're still alive,

How could you hurt me and keep me waiting here,

The way that you treat me is not a bit fair.

Twelve forty-five, it is almost midnight,

And I sit in the dark, in the eerie moonlight,

My phone, it is silent, there is no word from you,

And I'm wracking my head, I don't know what to do.

A quarter to one, there's no more to be done,

The waiting is over, there's a text on my phone,

You said you are sorry, that you're finished with me,

That you want your life back, that you want to be free.

It's a quarter to two, and I'm lying in bed,

My phone is all smashed, all broken and dead,

I know I won't sleep, I'll just lie here and weep,

I loved you so much, but your love , I can't keep.

@Ambrose Harte

@Scattered Thoughts

#ambrose harte #writerscreed #poetry on tumblr #poets on tumblr #poetselixir #smittenbypoetry #poetryportal #poetrysavedfromobscurity #scattered thoughts #so many tears #poetryreruns

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honeypiehotchner · 1 year ago

Text

Devil’s Backbone (Unsub!Hotch x Fem!Reader) — part sixteen

I'm ALIVE!!! Listen, long story short, moving to a different country is hard. And it is harder when you get sick...and when that sickness puts you in the hospital. Anyway! I am out of the hospital now, doing much better, and ready to finish uploading this fic and break some hearts because ooh boy :))))

Warnings: this is just sad idk what else to say for myself

Sixteen: You’re still the oxygen I breathe — “THE LONELIEST” by Måneskin

A new plan was devised. You were going to meet Hotch, but you weren’t going in completely alone. He didn’t need to know that.

Honestly, he was a fool if he didn’t suspect you to come with some form of backup.

You were told to meet him at a local park, one that closed down at dusk, but obviously that didn’t matter. He said he’d find you when you got there. And the two of you would talk somewhere private.

It scared and excited you at the same time. You felt you finally had the opportunity to make it all right. You’d convince him to turn himself in, to get help. To stop killing. To save himself. You had a feeling in your gut that you were the only one who could convince him to stop. You knew you had to try.

“Do I really need this?” you grumbled, taking the bulletproof vest from Morgan.

“Yeah, you do,” Morgan replied, deadpan but not too stern. “Put it on.”

You already were. Deep down, you knew it was better to be safe than sorry.

“Prentiss and I will be parked just down the street,” Morgan explained. “We’ll move closer once you guys are out of sight. We’ll be right there with you.”

“Don’t worry, kiddo,” Rossi tried to offer a smile, but you could tell it was a struggle. “It’ll be alright. It’ll be over after this.”

Somehow, even then, you knew that wasn’t true. But you nodded anyway, ignoring the nagging feeling in your chest.

You shrugged your jacket over the vest. It wouldn’t hide it completely, but you didn’t think that mattered. Aaron probably expected you to come with the vest on, or some sort of protection. He didn’t request that you come unarmed, so you had your handgun, but you didn’t plan on using it. You hoped he didn’t plan on using his, either.

Reid stayed at the precinct to work with Garcia, but Rossi and JJ went into the field as well. Police were set up to watch the exit roads from the park, and Rossi and JJ would be there with them, waiting. Just in case.

You glanced at the clock on the wall. It was nearing midnight. Almost time.

+++

Aaron felt himself going insane.

At first, when he meant to meet with you, it was purely to get the team off of his back. To try his hand once again to convince you to leave it alone. But he knew that wouldn’t work. Not really.

Then he saw Jack. He swore it. As he killed the most recent unsub, he swore it. He swore he saw Jack run from him, hiding somewhere in that house. He swore.

But he knew where Jack was buried. He watched them lower his casket into the ground, right next to Haley. To rest there forever, safe from harm, away from Hotch, finally at peace. It tore him in half.

He needed to see you. He needed you. But he didn’t need the team; he didn’t need you as an agent. It was different. He knew you felt it too, so he knew you would meet him.

He saw you parking your car across the parking lot. It was one of the team’s SUVs, but he figured it would be. What mattered most was that you were alone.

+++

As he said he would, Aaron found you.

You left your car and headed into the park, finding a random bench to sit down on. It was underneath a streetlamp, so you figured Prentiss and Morgan had a visual on you from there. Aaron came out of the shadows.

“Jesus,” you jumped clear in the air and onto your feet, your hand instinctively reaching for your gun on your hip. Aaron noticed.

He smirked. “I see you came armed.”

“You didn’t say not to,” you exhaled. “I don’t exactly like being in a park in the middle of the night alone.”

“You’re not alone. I’m here.”

“Yes, that makes it much better,” you glared at him. You didn’t mean to be so fierce with him, but it happened. The frustration and pain you had felt for weeks resurfaced as pure, red anger. “Why did you ask me to come here? I could get fired.”

“We’ve done worse that you could easily be fired for as well.”

Your ears burned. You silently thanked the team that said they didn’t have time to hook you up with a wire.

“What do you want?” you asked again, crossing your arms over your chest.

Aaron smiled. It sent a chill down your spine. It wasn’t his smile. “Walk with me.”

“Why?”

“You’re full of questions tonight,” he mused, stepping closer to you, crowding your space in the way you used to love. His eyes scanned your face. “Why are you nervous?”

“You threatened to kill me the last time we spoke, so.”

“I told you not to give me a reason to,” he clarified, as if it made it sound any better. “Is there a reason you’d like to share?”

You thought of the police cars silently surrounding the perimeter. Reid and Garcia worked to find where Philips might be with his son, to be one step ahead of Hotch. Prentiss and Morgan in one car, binoculars pressed to their eyes. Rossi and JJ waited in another car, coordinating how to take Hotch down if he ran.

“No,” you said firmly. “Are you going to talk or can I go back to sleep? I’m exhausted, thanks to you.”

“Ah, you know, then,” he replied, turning to walk away from you, down the paved path. “The unsub I killed last night.”

“Daniel Newman,” you said, following him. You watched Hotch scoff at the name. You pressed that point, “What?”

“He was an unsub.”

“Unsubs don’t have names now?”

He shot you a heated glare. He knew you were toying with him. You hadn’t expected it to get under his skin as much as it was.

“You’re the unsub now, Aaron. Do you have any idea of the consequences of what you’ve done?”

“They should thank me for what I’m doing!” he yelled, spinning around to face you. His eyes were wide with fury, an anger so misplaced that you wondered if it was even anger anymore. “These men should’ve never gotten off easy! They killed families! Wives, children!”

“You killed Foyet, Aaron!” you yelled right back, wondering if any of the team was able to hear you. Your voice echoed around you in the empty park. “He’s gone. You finished it. What the hell are you doing now?”

“Actually finishing it,” he snapped, his eyes haunted. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. Losing Haley, losing Jack— I saw him. Last night, I swore he was there, but I know we buried him. I lowered his coffin myself but I keep seeing him. So don't tell me what to do. You have no idea.”

You watched with each word as Aaron crumbled and crumbled and crumbled. Your face fell when he mentioned seeing Jack, seeing the ghost of a forever little boy who will never grow up. And a father who would never forgive himself for any of it.

“Aaron, please,” you whispered, stepping closer, unable to stand it when he was like this. The tears gathering in his eyes, the broken sound from his chest when you touched him gently. “Come here.”

He let you, and you were shocked, but you didn’t back down. You held him there, his head pressed into your shoulder, your fingers buried in his hair, shushing him. You had held him this way before, under completely different circumstances, though still about the loss.

“Aaron, please, come back with me,” you murmured. “We can get you help. We can fix this.”

“What will help is me finishing this.” The words are muffled into your neck, but broken and sobbed all the same.

“It’ll never be finished. You know that, Aaron,” you pleaded, lifting his head, both of your hands cupping his jaw. “Don’t do this. Look at me.” It took a moment, but he did, and he looked recognizable then. Only for a moment, you saw your Aaron. For the last time, though you didn't know it. “Don’t do this to yourself. You can stop now.”

He shook his head. “I can’t.”

“You can,” you argued, your fingertips digging into his cheeks. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I do. I have to,” he said.

It all happened so fast. The police lights grew brighter. Sirens faded and wailed into earshot. Screaming. Spinning. You wanted to cuss all of them out. I almost had him! I almost saved him! But you didn’t. You only thought you did.

“Aaron, please,” you cried as he slipped away from you, betrayal on his face, mixing with the tears that he now regretted having shed. Shame clouded his face. Anger took over next. “I’m sorry,” you sobbed, hands covering your mouth. “I’m so sorry, Aaron, please."

He said nothing. He ran.

#aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner x reader #unsub!hotch x fem!reader #unsub!hotch x reader #unsub!hotch x you #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfic #hotch x fem!reader #hotch x reader #hotch x you #Devil's Backbone #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #hotch #hotch fanfiction #hotch fanfic

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phunockery · 6 months ago

Text

Trigger warning allergic reaction, random etymology facts pertaining to sexual acts, talking about death, the melodrama of trying not to die.

(Spoilers) If you're reading this, it means I survived the night.

This is a timed log after finding out I poisoned myself. I don't think I'll die from it but this sucks and I'm feeling emotional and melodramatic.

11:00ish

If I die tomorrow, I didn't mean to. I promise. I just wanted a drink. I usually don't, it usually upsets my stomach. But tomorrow I turn 34 and I was feeling frisky and wanted something to drink while I play my traditional birthday (and sad mood) game: Sonic 2. So I grab a Kirkland hard seltzer from the fridge. Never tried the brand, but it was black cherry and I like that.

I decided to try to time some of my runs, nothing serious. Beat a couple of my pbs feeling good.

After drinking about 1/4th of the seltzer and I notice that my head is feeling funny and I wonder how a 5% drink was making me feel like that. My game play gets bad, but I beat my PB on Chemical Plant 2.

Aquatic Zone is a mess, mild improvement in act 2... And I start feeling itchy. Hives are building. I grab some Benadryl, chew two and as my chest tightens I look up what could be causing this.

11:15

Apparently there is a filtering process called finning that run the alcohol through animal products, like gelatin.

That comes from pigs.

That I am deathly allergic to.

The company does not have to disclose this information and honestly this a best guess, because what else would make me allergic to an alcoholic beverage?

Now I am sitting here, trying to differenciate anxiety and anaphylaxis. Taking deep breaths, epi pen in hand. I'm not going to call 911 because I can't afford it, if you're mad, join the club. (🦅 Insert screams of eagles and freedom here 🇺🇲)

It's almost midnight. I am almost 34 and I am live blogging my allergic reaction because I have nothing else to do

'call 911' that is far too expensive and I don't want to leave my kids with massive amounts of debt because I decided to get treatment (eagle screaming and freedom noises here 🦅)

I messaged a few friends, but they're busy. My friend is probably going to kill me in the morning when she sees this if I'm not already dead.

I'll probably live... I once survived a wedding where the brides mother unintentionally tried to kill me. I was lucky then because there was a doctor in the house... But that was worse. I had lost my ability to breathe immediately.

I'm just itchy. Soooo itchy. I am covered in hives... It doesn't help that my other friend made dinner and no one put cast iron that has cooked bacon and allergy together yesterday... Which I suffered for. Granted I suffered less then than I am now. Now now, but still itchy and cramps.

11:30

I hope to make it to cramps. I should. I can still breath. I am just so itchy. I hate this. I should be getting rest so I can pretend to have a good birthday. Instead I will pretend to have a good birthday and deal with aaaallll the fallout of having a full allergic reaction.

11:35

Chest is no longer feeling tight. A friend has message saying they are going to bed. I sent a message asking if they have a few moments to just sit with me. I think it was too late, they're offline.

11:40 I'm still itchy. My legs, my arms, my scalp, my chest, my armpits... It all itches. This really sucks. (Remembers that sucks used to be a euphemism for bjs and this fact gives me the chuckles of strength).

11:45

double checked messages to other friends. All unread. Some are online, some are not. But I am still alone so you, future reader, remain my emotional support pen-pal.

The skin around my eyes is itchy like I was crying. I don't think I've been crying. I'm upset, but not like that.

Good news: this won't be my worst birthday.

My worst birthday was in 2009. I was BMT for the USAF and on my 19th birthday, two days before graduating, I was acting unusually confused, was sent to the hospital and diagnosed with viral meningitis. I was booted from the USAF shortly after recovering.

11:50 Hell this isn't even as bad the last 7 years that just got progressively worse. I was let go of my job on my 30th birthday and became disabled two days later. (Barely related). Last year I was coerced into going to a water park (I don't do good with loud noises any more) and I wound up breaking a tooth trying to swim in the shallow waters. My ex was not comforting about it and suggested that I not make a scene in front of my kids because they would get upset.

11:55 I can breathe a bit easier. Still left unseen and I turn 34 in 5 minutes.

3 minutes to go and I am trying to fight the sleepy of the Benny's until I feel less itchy.

2 more minutes, I really hope I don't die, my friends don't deserve to have a corpse in their guest room

12:05 made a happy birthday post on TikTok. My voice is definitely affected, but I can talk and breath.

Still left on unseen. I feel bad that they're going to wake up and find out that a friend reached out for help and help wasn't available. That is going to suck. Hopefully I'm still alive and can tell them they're good and deserve sleep.

12:20 a rando has become the first to wish me a happy birthday. A friend messaged to let me know they're glad I'm safe and they're going to bed so they can work in the morning. They hope I find someone to talk to. It looks like it is just you and me

12:23 the stomach has put in its bid for attention. I will spare you the details. The Benny's are taking effect. I am soooo tired and the body itches slightly less. Except around the eyes, it still feels like I've been crying

12:29 my apologies to my friend: I fear I have destroyed your toilet. It should be fine in the morning.

12:30 the stomach still hates me. I hate me. I just want to go to bed.

12:40 tired. Imma go to bed with my Epi Pen on the bedside table. I wake up to everything anyways. The sudden inescapable lack of breath should be more than enough to wake.

I could really use a 'there there's and a hug. And now my eyes are itchy again, at least I know why this time.

Good night.

#alleriesaretheworst

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hel-phoenyx · 1 month ago

Text

Kaizarz and Skuld (mentioned) belongs to @corneille-but-not-the-author, Oli to @thal-ent, Domhildr to @soupedepates and Meili (mentionned) to @azeler

Sometimes I miss the days when I was living alone. No one to police me on my sleep schedule, no people to wake up when i get up at night, no sad puppy eyes when I show up pale as a ghost with shadows under my eyes darker than my past.

Yet I stay here because they asked me to. And I won't lie, going back to my old house would wake up a shitload of coping mechanisms I thought I left behind me.

So, I grit my teeth, and open the door of my room the most silent way I can. I usually would get out by the roof, but Oli is probably flying outside and I don't want to risk them seeing me on top of the castle. Last time they spotted me they warned Kaizarz and I got an hour-long lecture about putting myself in danger.

Ha. Look who's talking, mister Tyrant-scourge.

Back to the matter at hand. I have to walk without my shoes, they're making too much noise on the stone flooring of the castle ; Still, I am not completely silent. The times I hate being 6'8''.

I needed to swim. I haven't gone to the ocean in a long time, I'm starting to miss it ; and I have a lot of things to think about. Skuld that warned me about a journey on boat sooner than I'd think ; Kaizarz's attitude since he went back from the assassination ; Everyone's attitude towards me, like they are happy I'm planning things with them.

I have to sort out my thoughts and for that nothing better than a swim in the moonlight, alone. But for the alone part, I need to escape the castle without being spotted. Kriss would do a ruckus just to spite me, or lecture me about waking junior up ; as for the others, I'm pretty sure they would tie me up to the bed until I sleep.

Really not my cup of tea, but well.

i'm almost at the end of the corridor in my room. The most terrifying obstacle, the stairs, are almost before me ; yet, once I pass this, I will be sure I won't get spotted by either my sister or my friends. I just need a few more steps-

"Well what do we have here."

Damn.

Busted.

And not by anyone I can bribe. No, the one standing on the stairs, arms crossed and pouting, is no one else than Kaizarz himself. Looking at me with disapproving eyes.

"Trying to run away on me again, Tyr ?"

"............ Nooooooooo ?"

He doesn't look that convinced. I mean, that was my worst lie in a long time. And I've lied to him a lot.

Worse is that he doesn't bulge. And there's no windows in sight. I am, definitely, stuck. Well played, Kai'. Sometimes I worry about how easy you can read me.

"... Alright, fine," I end up admitting after a few seconds of silence. "I was just going for a midnight bath."

"Without warning us ??"

Us ?- wait this was not Kaizarz. Don't tell me the others- Yeaah. Domhildr just got out of an arrow slit, an outraged look on her face. And, just perched on my shoulders, is Oli. So the whole gang predicted I was gonna get out this way. Skuld is not even among them.

Am I that predictable ?

I sigh.

"Really ? So everyone is piling up on me ?"

"Well I would, but you'd say no~"

"Domi, for the love of Ocean, not right now."

I didn't plan to give her an opening for that kind of joke, but that's on me. Luckily she stops before it gets too far. Don't wanna joke about that in front of Kaizarz, he already looks lost enough and I know it's not his thing.

She does wink at me, tho. Girl. Your relationship to sex is even more fucked up than mine, I won't give you an excuse for a coping mechanism, or to me for that matter.

My jaded looks earns me a worried stare from Kaizarz, and Oli holds a candy in front of me. I take it. Never was able to resist sweets. She knows how to control me.

"You good, Tyr ?"

No. But you don't need to know that, either of you.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Just need to get on the shore."

"Nothing will convince you to get back to your bed, huh ?"

Well there is something, but I would never dare ask either of them.

So in place I just throw hum a sarcastic smile.

"Bullseye, you Majesty."

He pouts. Gods, how long since I saw that face ?

"Com'ooooon, sleep is good for you..."

"You're one to talk, mister I'm camping in the stairs just to get a chance to catch me in the act."

"Heir of Vanasul doesn't need sleep."

I stare at him. Longly. Incredulously.

Is he really saying that in front of me ?

"Kaizarz."

"Yeaaaaah ?"

"I am Heir of Vanasul too."

And I can't believe he forgot that since my legacy is precisely why our relationship is so strained.

He has an embarassed smile. Seemingly he forgot, but it doesn't take long before he lose the embarassment and winks at me.

"Well I guess that's another proof I'm stronger than you."

Motherfucker- he is right, but still, right in the ego. I don't know if his spell is indeed more efficient than mine, he always had more magic than I, and that's a feat considering that besides his, my powers are the most potent people in the Kraken Coast have seen in a while.

I still know he's talking shit about not needing sleep. Magic, even the most powerful ones, exhaust your body. The Immortal King still feels fatigue, or so I've heard.

But hey, need to keep his spirits up. So I just smile.

"Sure you are. So. Can I go now ?"

"You know what ? I have a plan. Why don't we all come with you to the beach ?"

I don't even have time to answer to Oli before Domhildr cuts in, a huge smile on her face.

"Oooooh, good idea ! Like that, no Tyr alone with the intrusive thoughts..."

Little shit- well, I guess I wil have to accept the compromise because Kaizarz's face just lighted up and I can't say no to that sunny smile. Gods I'm weak to that man. He can control me so easily.

I guess that's why he's the king, and I'm the fallen prince.

"Fiiiiiiine. Let's just go."

They all smile.

I do, too.

****

"Having a good time, Tyr ?"

I'm sat on the shore with Kaizarz, looking at Domhildr and Oli building a castle through sand, splinters and pebbles. They're soaked in saltwater, since they play-fought before that. Me, I am pristine. Didn't want to join the fight, this is one I'd win.

I just shrugs to Kaizarz's question.

"Yeah, somehow. It just feels..."

Hollow.

Like we're in a memory but something's missing.

That something could be Meili, still exiled. Or the carefreeness of our younger years, before the incident, before the deaths, before everything.

I don't need to finish my sentence. He understands. I can read it on his trembling lid.

"Yeah, I see what you mean."

Can't continue that conversation like this. I just smile, a bit teasingly.

"Well, adding to that I would rather be in the company of the deep-sea fish, but..."

"Whaaaaat ? You think we're worse company that fucking fishes ? You wound me, Tyr, really, you do !"

Yeah right, you're smiling, you big dumbass. And that smile is the thing I want the most to see, far, far in front of stupid sea creatures.

That I won't ever tell you.

I have no right to.

My smile widens.

"Fishes don't bother me so I get out of my cave, Kaizarz."

"Oh there is another thing fishes can't do~"

Oh I know that look. Immediatly, I get up, just in time to avoid one 8'2'' goliath lunging at me arms wide open. No pinning me in the sand, thank you very much. Or else I am really gonna drown you.

He lifs his head from the ground, smiles at me with all his teeth, and I feel a laugh burning in my chest. The kind only he can create in me.

I am not strong enough to get it out.

In place, I just blast his face with my favorite water spell.

He screams, attracting Oli and Domhildr's attention.

"Oh com'on ! I was just trying to hug you !"

"Yeah right, "hug". No pining me on the ground, Kaizarz, or you're gonna suffer worse than a little water stream !"

"Bring it on, I'm waiting~"

You will wait a long time, my friend, I fear. But I know you don't mind. That's what astonishes me the most in you.

#lysara #lysara ibruael #hel ocs #hel stories #hel writing #not my ocs #odyssey of the liberator #some fluff for ladies and gents

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destiel-wings · 8 months ago

Text

I noted down my thoughts while I listened to the tortured poets department for the first time (every track in order) and here's my album reaction

1) fortnight

I like the sound, makes me feel like the album is going to sound like midnights 2.0

2) the tortured poets department

somehow this song sounds exactly like i was expecting it to sound. love it, it'll def grow on me

3) my boy only breaks his favorite toys

interesting melody. caught me from the first note.

4) down bad

probably my favorite so far??? definitely midnights 2.0, particularly, I'd say the album so far sounds like midnight rain

5) so long, london

HER VOICE HERE HELLOO

another possible favorite. the intro gives me a mixture of christmas vibes + death by a thousand cuts intro

6) but daddy, i love him

the intro gave me happier fearless album vibes (with super subtle country touches), but it sounds like its own song. this is pure taylor with a 5.40 minutes song 💖👌🏻

7) fresh out the slammer

interesting change of rythm in the middle of the song, like in evermore. I'll need to listen to it again

8) florida!!!

the song i was most excited about cause i LOVE florence + the machine!!! I'm so glad she actually sang in it, i really felt the collab and there is something magical about this song. I would expect nothing less from a collab with florence 😍❤ i loved hearing taylor explore these more haunted/epic vibes. It still felt coherent with the rest of the album

9) guilty as sin?

loved it from the intro, love the rythm. I don't know what it is about it but it made me think it seems like a song that might have been from the 90s, but with a modern midnights sound?? one of my favorites.

that "am i allowed to cry?" in the end? PERFECT.

i felt some super subtle 90s vibes in certain moments of the song?

10) who's afraid of little old me?

the intro is chefs kiss perfection. OMG I LOVE THE WHOLE OF IT SO BADLY. One of the best songs of the album, 100%. Immaculate vibes. Great lyrics. Original melody that isn't flat standard but still catchy.

11) I can fix him (no really i can)

this song is like if cowboy like me was written for ttpd. and I'm saying this in the best way possible. this song is evermore(album)-coded. the melody reminds me willow too. 11/10 👌🏻

12) loml

excellent intro, yes, give me a sad song!!!! my favorite songs very often are in the second half of the albums or towards the end. this one is absolutely beautiful. another favorite (there are already so many favorites for me and I'm still at track 12 💀)

"I wish i could unrecall how we almost had it all" yes taylor, kill me please 🥲🙃💔

13) I can do it with a broken heart

this one is you're on your own kid's sister. It adds up to Taylor's songs whose music is 🤩💖🎊🎉 while the lyrics are 💀🔪💔😞

one of the songs that i was claiming for myself from the title alone.

14) the smallest man who ever lived

you can understand from the very first (sigh) note that this one is going to be a high quality song. I think this is more or less how i expected this whole album to sound like. a quiet folklore poetry heavy album. --but OH!! the way the song builds up in the second half got me!! LOVE IT LOVE IT. another one of the best ones.

15) the alchemy

I liked it. It has less elements that grip you on the first listen but i think it's one of those songs you won't able to get out of your head once you get them.

16) clara bow

this one surprised me. liked it a lot.

17) the black dog

I had high expectations for this one. I liked it. I'll need to listen to it again.

18) imgonnagetyouback

this is where I'm starting to hear this album's sound as its own (as in different from midnights 2.0). all the vocals have been very cohesive throughout the tracks. I love them. there's something unhinged about this album as a whole and I'm HERE FOR IT.

19) the albatross

perfect intro, I just knew from then it was going to be a 10/10 track already. this one is another one of the best ones. perfect. THIS is how i thought the album would sound like.

20) chloe or sam or sophia or marcus

beautiful, beautiful song. again I'm hearing something from evermore.

21) how did it end?

THE PIANOOOO!!! 🥺 THE VOCALS!!! ANOTHER FAVOURITE, AND ONE OF THE BEST ONES.

Maybe even my favorite???

22) so high school

90s vibes!!! again, but with the modern sound of the album. maybe I'm the only one who hears the 90s vibes and I'm making it up in my mind, but there's something slightly retro about it. and her mentioning american pie in the lyrics kind of confirms it. I'm in love with this song.

23) I hate it here

"I hate it here so i will go to secret gardens in my mind" ME TOO TAYLOR, ME TOO. love the melody of this song, and the concept. there's something delicate about it.

24) thanK you aIMee

i love that there's something from the past in this album, like taylor went back to her high school years bringing back old wounds and relating to how she is now.

25) I look in people's windows

what I'm loving about this album is how much more intimate it seems, compared to midnights. the sound may seem similar at first, but even that one is more intimate. It's less constructed, more unhinged at times, like she's writing her diary again, and that's something she hasn't done in a while, since folklore and evermore featured characters and stories that weren't necessarily autobiographical

26) the prophecy

I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS SOUND 😭😭😭 the whole album, and this song. It sounds so good. Another favorite.

27) cassandra

right there in my alley. immaculate vibes. I may cry this song is so beautiful. how much of a clown would that make me to say this is another favorite??

28) peter

why does taylor always put her best songs at the end of her albums, or in the extra/deluxe songs??? I'm in love with this one too, dammit. the melody and music is so perfect. one of the best ones??

29) the bolter

there's something of the early taylor in this song?? it's so cute

30) robin

ohhh. dreamy. something solemn, like a dreamy hymn? I can picture her sitting at the piano playing it, in front of an open window on a sunny morning with lots of green trees outside on the second floor.

31) the manuscript

again, somwhow this sounds exactly like i thought it would sound like. "but the story isn't mine anymore" hit 👌🏻🥺🥹

I think this album is going to be a little masterpiece. So many great songs. Catchy, but not in an obvious way. Very intimate. Emotional.

GENERAL THOUGHTS:

I'm obsessed already. I'm just mad at taylor for giving us incredible albums with half of them being digital only.

#I wasn't sure whether I was going to post it or not #but here it is if you're interested (under the cut)#taylor swift #the tortured poets department #ts ttpd #ttpd #album reaction #my commentary #music #music taste

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payservewomen · 10 months ago

Text

I’m tempted to say “I’ve hit a new low”😔 but in reality, I’ve been at rock bottom for…a very long time. Years I suppose.

But at least a few years ago, I interacted with women outside of work. But now? I don’t even leave my bedroom on my days off from work.

I sit on my bed, watching humiliation clips; calling ignore phone lines; taking embarrassing photos of myself; edging myself, oftentimes for many hours(almost never less than 4hrs. up to 12hrs)

The one newer development is- I’ll edge for a while, but then the sadness/anxiety makes me go limp….or i’ll be semi hard but my loser penis only grows slightly larger.

It’s like i’m trying to keep in as small as possible, because I know it should be teeny tiny. It CAN grow to 7in but considering how pathetic I am, part of me wishes I had a microdick. Then I could forget these thoughts i have of becoming a normal person again.

Then I could search 24/7 for a superior woman who wants to use and abuse me.

I fantasize about meeting a woman and dating….Getting comfortable with her to the point that I’m able to do the best I’m capable of in making her orgasm…. But then we open up and share kinks etc….and i know as time goes on, there will be many times my dick doesn’t work.

Slowly over time, she realizes just how much of a beta i am, and begins flirting with real, confident men.

By this time, we’re living together; Maybe one month she asks me to cover all the rent, then bills and spends her money on going out….Then a “friend” of hers(maybe with a unisex name that’s usually a woman’s name)is coming into town; she offers our place to stay….Tells me to make dinner etc saying “ali loves lobster tails and filet mignon! I know ur low on money, but it’s ok! I’ll still have enough left until ur next paycheck! Thanks sweetie! Maybe we’ll meet at the airport, then I’ll let you know when we’re on our way, flight gets in i think about 5pm but who knows if it’ll be on time”

I get off work, begin prepping everything….texting her asking if ali’s plane arrived at 5:30….”it did but we’re tryna find the luggage etc. With traffic it’ll take quite a while, plan for a late dinner!”

By 6:30, still nothing, so i text then call to find her phones off.

I figure she’ll probably be walking in any minute….So i check the “find my iphone” tryna be extra sweet and have everything timed perfectly. I see it moved from the airport towards home and begin making dinner….Until i realize another hour has passed. I check it again to see it’s been somewhere between home and the airport for 2 hours now!

Next thing i know, it’s 10, then 11, then 12 midnight!

I’m dozing off and finally see a text “Omg babe i’m sorry! I lost track of time! Ali said getting a hotel room would be easier, and we’ve just been catching up but ugh it got so late and you know how i don’t like to drive at night anyway, so I’m just gonna stay here tonight, see ya tomorrow!”

I just fall asleep, and wake in the AM to see several weird video texts from a number i don’t know….I hear giggling and a man’s voice….almost seeming like someone’s trying to record something and my gf saying “no stop don’t! that’s mean ali!” There’s at least 4-5 clips like that, the last one ending with my girlfriends sexy belly on the screen. I figure ohhh they’re just having fun i guess? But it did give me a bad feeling in my stomach….

Those vids were sent at about 1am. Then at 2am, just a close up of what i’m sure is my gf’s skin, but i can’t tell what part of her body…..but the audio on it was simply my gfs voice sounding like she’s whining or moaning or something? and saying “mmmmm ohhhhk fuck it”

Then 30mins later the clip begins blacked out, but with clear audio…just sounds like licking and slurping….Then a man’s voice “yeah worship it bitch. Now, say it” then the phone moves, showing an arrogant looking man smiling, then it slowly pans down over his entire perfectly fit muscular body….very slowly, stopping on each part of his stunningly perfect body….i mean this guy had an 8pack! Absolutely chiseled in every way. Then it stops to show his abs and v-lines, and then slowly shows his balls…I didn’t know balls could actually be that big!

Then slowly as possible, the camera moves to show the thickest cock i’ve ever seen!

Then the vids stop…but there’s a text at 4am with only an address….my gf knows i wake up for work at 4am…

i call and text her but her phones off ofc. I go to work, and finally around noon, my gf calls saying she’s going shopping with Ali, saying she didn’t bring any of her credit cards asking if i’ve got any money left…i tell her i’m not sure how much, but i’ve got $500 in a sportsbook app from winning the night before…”omg babe that’s perfect! Don’t worry i can move it from there, is it your normal password?” I answer yes, and ask her just to leave at least $100 or so….

And ask if theyre gonna be having dinner tonight…”yeah sweetie we are! I’ll let you know when we’re on the way”

I ask her wtf all those vids were. and who that guy was and she replies “huh? Wait what? You’re telling me you got videos from a random number?! And it had a perfect man’s body with a horse cock?! Lol babe i dunno what websites you’ve been visiting but i’d imagine it’s something to do with that!🤣 What?! u think i’m cheating on you with an old friend or something?! jk! Love u babe”

I hang up the phone and immediately get the same text with the same address, i look up the address to find a really really nice hotel is there. Then another text comes through simply saying “penthouse suite, beta cuck”

Then another text….just a screenshot of a receipt from stub hub for tickets to the nuggets game that night, 5:10pm. 2 tickets, $250 each, wow, better than i’ve ever had for sure.

Then one more text again with the hotels address, saying “ur welcome to stop by whenever, but i suggest you either wait for us to get there or something. not getting up to open the door if we busy fuckin. Can’t wait to see your bitch ass cry🤣”

This one hits me like a ton of bricks and it’s feeling more n more that it’s gotta be exactly what it seems….but no way she’d do this to me!

The great part of our relationship is complete and total honesty and openness! My gf, allison is kinky and loves to be a dirty slut, and we have talked about her fucking others, maybe even a gangbang!

But we’d only done a handful of super kinky things….we’re both submissive so it’s kinda hard to push it and try really crazy n kinky things….we both need that more aggressive attitude!

But i know she loves me deeply. We’ve such an intensely strong emotional connection, more than either of us ever have!

Still no word from my gf and it’s 8pm. At 9pm she finally texts me but it’s the exact same as from the other phone number and it’s just the hotel address and room number…..I call her back, and it rings and rings until going to voicemail. Maybe she didn’t hear it, i call again…it rings 3-4times, less than the last time, then goes to voicemail. I try again and it rings twice then voicemail….Again, same thing. I call yet AGAIN, prob the 6th time and it goes straight to voicemail!

I check the phone locator app and see her phone was at ball arena(nuggets play there)the length of the game….and moved to exactly where the hotel is.

I get dressed, now fearing the worst, but thinking “ok this makes no sense! Either she’s playing some joke on me; something weird like that or some surprise for me?”But i do realize that the most likely thing is…maybe she’s been partying with her friend, she cheated and isn’t sure how to deal with me…..But what’s up with the pics etc? ofc she’s aware of my pervy kinks etc, and she’s prob making it seem like she’s cheating on me, i’m hoping!

I walk to the light rail station, and get on the train….Ugh yeh don’t have the money to get an uber…i checked my bet365 account to see its at zero!

Wtf?! I had some futures bets….ones i could cash out for about $250 total, but they were all just cashed out! i’ve not one bet at all and no money here!

I see that $800 was withdrawn and my bank account was credited $800! But $500 used for the tickets, and $300 spent at some weird fancy store downtown.

Ok that’s it i’ve gotta see what’s up as i’m sitting on the train, mind running wild. Fuck, i gotta get off and walk 20mins, then get a bus!

I get off the train, walking to the bus stop…..Bus finally comes and oh fuck, as i’m tryna buy a bus ticket on the app(for $2.75) It dawns on me “fuck i don’t have enough money in my account” i look at the driver and say “i’m not sure why it’s not working” he looks at it and says “yeah cuz you’re card is being declined, sorry” and closes the doors.

I’m defeated and want to cry. Looking at google, i see it’ll take 2.5 hours to walk there….

It’s now almost 10pm and i consider going back home, but then wtf?! I can’t just sit at home wondering wtf is going on!

So i walk and walk…i watch the clip again and again of the perfect man’s body, fantasizing that the woman i’m in love with is cheating on me in the meanest way possible….Finally, it’s after midnight and I arrive at the hotel….I ask the front desk how to get to the penthouse, and she tells me “the elevator is right over there, but Sir, there isn’t anyone staying there right now”

I thank her and walk away tryna figure out what to do.

I text my gf asking why she texted me that address. she texts back right away with another address! I lose it and call a few times, each time it’s sent to voicemail. I text her back yelling “OK WTF is going on?! What’s your problem? Tell me what’s happening right fucking now!”

She texts back “i’m sorry sweetie, i didn’t mean to upset you! Just having fun with my friend, sorry guess i didn’t realize….I’ll be home tonight, but we’re out, omg babe i’m so drunk! I’ll see you at home, probably late!”

So i begin to walk back home…and remember the light rail isn’t running anymore….Now, I’ve got a 3.5 hour walk!

Finally i arrive home, it rained a little and i’m soaked, socks wet, and miserable and exhausted….

I open the door and hear slurping sounds and my gf giggling. My heart sinks and i already know what’s happening….I yell “wtf are you laughing about?! The fuck is wrong with you, ur being a fucking bitch!”

And i see the same man from the clips emerge from my bedroom, butt naked….he’s holding my favorite shirt, sweat dripping off his immaculate body and he wipes it off, then wipes his asshole with it, now it has skidmarks and throws it at me, saying “wtf did you say bitch?”

I ask who he is and what he’s doing at my place he replies “whatever tf i feel like doing faggot!” I say no it’s my place, and no i’m not gay” i emphasize gay, since i’m not a fan of bigotry and homophobia…”yeh didn’t say your gay, but you ARE a bitch ass faggot! Wtf you gonna do about it, huh? that’s wtf i thought, now, on your knees…obey or i’m gonna beat you up so badly….maybe you’ll get outta the hospital by the time i get out of jail, but it’s your choice�� while making his pecs bounce in a very intimidating way. he walks up to me cracking his knuckles saying “ya know, i really DO hope you put up a fight; nobody ever wants to fight me” I look him up and down, knowing he’d kill me quickly….He’s gotta be a foot taller than me….im 5’9 and he’s gotta be at least 6’6!

I ask if i can take my shoes and wet socks off first and he laughs then slaps me in the face, open handed but hard, immediately followed by a left handed slap, i lose my balance and stumble to my knees, then i say “ok ok” on my knees looking up at him.

“Thank me for bullying you. Do it bitch” i thank him, he laughs, spits on me and gives me a wedgie….i make noise indicating it’s hurting, and he proceeds to give me an atomic wedgie…laughs then demands i take my clothes off but keep my wet socks on….

He laughs hysterically at my dick and shouts “baby, how tf were you actually fucking THIS?! omfg, ok come on slut”

And i see my love…she’s crawling on all fours..crawls up to this greek god and begins kissing his feet. She works her way up his legs, as she kisses and licks literally every inch of his perfect body.

Ali then says “ok now, don’t make me tell you again”

She looks me directly in my eyes “Bobby, keep looking in my eyes, ali says we must keep eye contact and he’s in charge here, ok? Please listen to what he says, i don’t want you to get hurt, i really don’t…not physically anyway. I say that because i i i DO want you to get emotionally hurt. I am sorry but when Ali told me he wanted to fuck me, i told him about you. Over months he kept teasing me for fucking such a loser; i love you but you are a loser. He’s been sending me pics of him, and the girls he fucks and omg babe, they cum so hard, and I fondly remembered being fucked by ali. I broke up with him cuz he cheated constantly and i thought that wasn’t ok, Now i realize how superior he is. It’s a small price to pay to be allowed to touch a superior man, im sure you understand. After i admitted how badly i wanted him he began insulting you and making fun of you. He made me take pics and record our sex, and that’s why i haven’t cum in so long, he said i wasn’t allowed with a loser like you. Ali is a sadist, he loves to make women worship him and loves nothing more than breaking beta men like you. That’s not an insult; you’re a beta, he’s an alpha, ya know?

He’s been planning for months to do this….it’s his masterpiece of destroying a loser!”

By this time i’m crying, tears streaming down my face…

“now bobby, we’re recording all of this and you’re now going to thank ali for making your fantasies come true. I know it hurts; the goal is to break you. Ali and i will marry, and you will work for us and live in a tiny room in the basement. U will be used and abused. I know it hurts but this is your new life now. Sure you can run away or something, but then ali will send all the vids and clips to your entire contact list.

But right now you’re going to beg ali to let you eat his sweaty asshole, do it you fucking piece of shit!” By this time ali is rubbing her pussy with his foot and it’s making her horny af….mmm fuck, i fucking hate you loser!” And she spits on me, confusing and hurting me.

I begin to beg to eat his asshole….

And wow, I began this planning on just whining about being so sad and pathetic but then wrote all this…wow i’ve got issues

#findom humiliation #beta bitch #loser abuse #loser humiliation #self humiliation #degrade and humiliate me #findom addiction #beta #verbal humiliation #pathetic loser #alpha man #beta loser #pathetic men #pathetic sissy #beta slave #pussy free loser #gross loser #humiliation task

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