#buba rambles

[bubacorn]

okay, guys, everyone has to promise not to laugh at the fic i'm close to finishing up if it's clumsy or silly or weird or bad or-

[whataboutyouisamascot]

I'm so very cuddly, lots of warmth and big eyes that can gaze at you, ignore the dark circles under there. My hair is very soft and pettable but short enough to not get tangled, ignore the thoughts seeping from my brain out of my ears, don't listen to them too closely

[mooninagust]

ray is so lonely he’s literally paying a dude to drink with him… and if i cry

[inkcurlsandknives]

I agree we really need to figure out a counter narrative to the tradeife movement I see as many young women falling down the tradwife rightwing rabbit hole as young men getting radicalized.

But especially as the economy tanks, making it more difficult for women to achieve economic independence the lure of being a tradwife will only get stronger.

I find framing it in terms of financial independence to be a lot less stigmatized than most other responses. It's not that you're criticizing her life choices it's that you're worried without financial independence she could become trapped in a cycle of abuse or find herself without job prospects or experience in the event of divorce or becoming widowed.

Our grandmothers worried about these things. Our grandmothers hoarded jewelry, silver and gold as the only monetary safety net they could amass. Our grandmothers couldn't open a bank account or line of credit without a husband. We do not want to go back to that reality.

I also want to express how seen I felt in the phrase

"not performing girlhood correctly"

As a child I was regularly ostracized and harassed by my peers and elders for not performing girlhood correctly. I was queer and brown and awkward and anxious and very book smart but people dumb.

Girlhood was painful and awkward and difficult. And I was never allowed to forget for a moment that I was doing it wrong and badly.

Imagine my shock and surprise when I discovered that womanhood is actually something that I excel at. It's an incredibly weird experience to tumble accidentally into presenting as a societal ideal after being a social outcast for so long. It gives you an interesting perspective

Maybe it's masking, maybe it's Maybelline -Experiencing kindness and grace from strangers when you're used to being ignored and intentionally closed out of social opportunities at best is a hell of a growing up experience.

the tradwife movement is the same as it has always been - back in the kitchen, back to breeding - it just has better branding.

when i was younger, i hated pink. i was not like other girls. this is now something i'm embarrassed of - this was not me being a "girl's girl."

but it was expressing something many of us felt at the time: i literally wasn't what girlhood was supposed to be. this is a hard thing to explain, but you know when you're not performing girlhood correctly. it isn't as easy as "i liked x when girls liked y" - because there were other girls that liked x, too - but i never figured out exactly the correct way to like x, or to be interested in y.

now there is the divine feminine. this is the same rhetoric it has always been: women are biologically driven to like pink and ribbons and submitting to our husbands.

the problem is that the patriarchy found a better PR team. because yes, actually, i want every woman to have the choice to be a homemaker. i also want her taken seriously for her legitimate home-making labor. i want her to be recognized as also having a job, just unpaid. i want men to have this opportunity, too.

but it is no longer "i made this choice and I love it." instead it is a sixteen-paragraph rant about how selfish it is that my generation isn't having kids. instead it's long videos about how if you feed your children processed foods, you're going to kill them. instead it is "this is what womanhood is supposed to be. i feel bad for any other choices you're making."

the shame spiral is just prettier. it is large houses devoid of personality. it is the implication: if you don't have this, you aren't happy. the solid, everlasting assurance: women are actually supposed to be submitting. this is the default. this is the natural state of things. all other attempts inflict suffering.

but you can no longer say i'm not like other girls. you can no longer reject this image completely. you cannot find it revolting, even if you know that the underbelly is toxic and festering. sure, it is the same repackaged patriarchy. but the internet does not have shades of grey. you should support and reward other women! your disgust is actually internalized misogyny. not because you are seeing a vision of yourself the way they're trying to train you to be. not because you feel her ghost pass within an inch of your earlobe. not because your father will eventually ask you - why can't you be like her?

because they figured out how to make it beautiful: women will sell other women on this idea, and we will find the singular loophole in feminism. sure, she's shaming you in most of her videos. sure, she implies that a different life is obscene. but she just wants you to be happy! you'd be happier if you were listening!

and the whole time you're sitting there thinking: i'd actually just be happier if i had that kind of money.

[endosexual]

Fuck my stupid buba life....

[hunterwritesstuff]

Tell us more about ck in ur au plz

*Cracks knuckles* you've awoken the autism. prepare for the beam. under cut because good lord do I ramble about this guy, and this is just what comes to my mind RIGHT NOW.

(divider by @strangergraphics)

❄️ So uh. he's a guy. a fella if you will.

❄️ Married. He loves his wife with all his heart, even if he can't show it in the usual way.

❄️ He's always been a kind and just ruler, and has been helping Blackrock recover from his father's influence ever since he gained power in the throne.

❄️ Before the Ice Dagger, he was very like. almost akin to Asgore with his people if that makes sense? Like? He knows his people by their names, stuff like that!

❄️ He babysat Griefer and was good friends with Mayor Thaniyel. Source? *Undertale run sfx*

❄️ He vaguely knows Shedletsky, mostly through him swinging by every so often for..."important business"...whatever that meant.

❄️ Russian. Trust me bro.

❄️ His actual name is Alexei Romanov!

❄️ He's very quiet. Sometimes people will forget he's even in the room. Not because they don't see him, no no, it's because he just sorta. sits in silence???

❄️ He was taken care of by Kitchen Wizard for most of his life growing up. Kitchen Wizard took this as "I will have this whole-ass baby-child in the kitchen with me and complain about how Ivan(his father) never gave me ANY form of assistant at ALL!! Can you believe that?!?" "baba!" "Ah yes, wise words, young prince." "Pebut buba..." "Much too young for that, I'm afraid."

❄️ His cape is rumored to just. be his baby blanket sized up? Like, it's rumored he got so attached to it that he just never wanted to get rid of it? That's HIS? Leave him ALONE?

❄️ Banished Knight is his son. His son's name is Boris, I think.

❄️ Keep babies away from him he'll get baby fever so bad he'll actually sob and it'll be very awkward for everybody

❄️ Father was Russian, mother was Norwegian. It just feels right, yk?

❄️ This is playing into a personal HC, but I feel the voice in his head took on the voice of his father, promising that he'd be proud of him if he grabbed the Ice Dagger.

❄️ "Come now, Alexei. Don't you want to make me proud for once?"

❄️ At first it didn't move him. He'd heard how dangerous that thing was. He'd heard the tales of adventurers going mad while searching for it.

❄️ ...but what if he was different? what if he could manage it? what if he could finally be the one to wield it and control it?

❄️ he would be a hero.

❄️ then whispers of his kingdom's fate started to plague his mind.

❄️ and that's what got to him. he loved his people more than anything, his kingdom more than anything. he saved it from ruin, he didn't want his work to be all for nothing.

❄️ so he assembled a search party.

❄️ then he found it. it was everything he heard it was and more.

❄️ a gloriously carved dagger from an ancient glacier, with a crystal in the hilt, and an aura of magic surrounding it. it felt magical.

❄️ as the voices grew louder, he drew closer, and closer, and closer, until...

❄️ a flash of blue light flooded the room as he grabbed the hilt. he was practically the only survivor. well...not exactly.

❄️ the rest of his search party survived, they were just...frozen. they could observe the outside world, but couldn't move. frozen in chunks of ice, merely...observing.

❄️ meanwhile, Cruel King was frostburned almost all across his body, leaving only a small chunk of his flesh on the left side untouched, and his left eye frozen into a mere ice cube.

❄️ the fallout was devastating. the normally cheery town was quickly swept up in a deadly snowstorm, trapping the people who were in their homes inside, and freezing those who were unfortunate enough to be outside during the storm.

❄️ Blackrock dubbed this event "The great freeze".

❄️ After this, Cruel King was even more reclusive and quiet, feeling as if his people's suffering was his fault.

❄️ Technically it was, but he just wanted to do what would protect his beloved people! H-He didn't have any malicious intent! H-He swears!!

❄️ Then his defensiveness over his kingdom and people starts to grow, and fester into something more. Paranoia. Fear of outsiders. Fear of his kingdom getting destroyed even more.

❄️ Come time of Chapter 1, he increases security around the castle, using his newfound abilities to bring the statues around Blackrock Castle to life.

❄️ Whenever the heroes step onto the castle grounds, Cruel King can immediately tell the air has changed. That one of them is more than meets the eye. He tells his guards to be careful, but still defend with their lives.

❄️ When the heroes arrive in the throne room, unlike in-game, Cruel King freezes over the door out and windows. It was no longer a throne room. it was now a tomb.

❄️ The fight is long and grueling(more akin to Hatred in difficulty), but eventually, Cruel King is defeated, the Ice Dagger knocked from his hands for the first time in ages, finally rewarded with one last thing. Clarity.

❄️ He mumbles some ramblings about how he "just wanted to save my people", and how "the voices have returned...I failed him once again...I feel cold..."

❄️ and finally drops dead, cold on the floor.

❄️ Then he awakens in Nirvana. How long has he been out? Was he dead? Alive? Undead? He didn't understand.

❄️ But then his attention shifts to a more important topic.

❄️ the voices are gone. he was free.

❄️ thinking back on his final moments, he was furious with the heroes. how dare they take him away from his people, from his kingdom? how dare they strip the life he'd worked so hard for away from him?

❄️ but here he feels oddly...at peace. like all weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

❄️ Then he starts wondering what his kingdom is doing. how Kitchen Wizard is doing.

❄️ Then he hears the spawnpoint activate. He turns to the direction the sound came from, finding the party of heroes approaching.

❄️ They spar for a while, the king's anger slowly petering out as he sees their strength at its peak. yes...they could protect his kingdom. keep it afloat.

❄️ Eventually, he yields. And he gives them a card as gratitude for the sparring matches. They could call on him whenever they needed to.

❄️ extra headcanons time, WOOO-

❄️ Woe, inflicts lactose intolerance upon yon king.

❄️ He paid Kitchen Wizard visits as often as he could, he likes him :)

❄️ He dad sneezes so loud it just sometimes. echoes. it scares some of the knights sometimes.

❄️ He's always had ice magic, the Ice Dagger just amplified it to the UNHEALTHY EXTREME.

❄️ He sticks his tongue out whenever he focuses.

❄️ Shorp teefies. he could bite hard enough to make anyone bleed if threatened.

❄️ Speaking of bite, uh. he can like. have an IRON GRIP??? WITH HIS JAW??? SOMEHOW???

❄️ his favorite meal is a bowl of fully loaded baked potato soup from Kitchen Wizard :3

❄️ he WILL mope in his bathtub if needed, DO NOT INTERRUPT HIM!!!

❄️ The Snorey Bears around the area? He helped raise those mofuckers. They're fat because of HIM.

❄️ Someone tried to set up mouse traps around the castle once when CK was younger. CK sobbed deeply. They just want CHEESE!!! Said person was fired immediately.

❄️ Somehow always smells of peppermint...

❄️ Chunker. Kitchen Wizard made sure he was well fed when he was younger and CK kept those eating habits up into adulthood.

❄️ His ass could NOT survive Turitopolis' climate.

❄️ He never really got any portraits painted of himself, as he wanted to try to not become overly vain.

❄️ He sucks at showing emotion. Like, dude is terrible at it.

❄️ Usually speaks in a monotone voice, but if he yells, you better get running.

[caregivingchrysalises]

starlight? are you still awake? oh darling hi my little moon, thank you for welcoming me home angel, i’m happy to be back precious. you’re so sleepy honey, i appreciate you spending time waiting up for me but it’s important to get the proper rest sprout, growing blossoms like yourself need all of their energy baby~ i’m going to slip into something softer and then i think it’s time for us to fly to dreamland together sweetheart. i know going to bed can be scary love, but i promise i’ll protect you from all the scariness and shadows starlight. can buba pick you up love, i’ll give a count down okay? 3,,2,, up we go! there’s my little noble hi my love, alright did we have any stuffies waiting with you? we can’t leave them behind now can we! that’s right love they are part of our royal family, such a kind little leaf you are~ alright then, stuffies and starlight accounted for i do believe it’s time to get some rest don’t you dove? my it seems my royal rambles have flown you right off into dreamland, goodnight my little moon, your buba loves you in every galaxy angel~ rest well for me.

[inkcurlsandknives]

This will be a wildly unpopular opinion I'm sure. And no shade to the posters this is more of a cultural mindset observation.

but the above sentiment always reads to me as coming from people who have become disconnected from their heritage and community to the point they no longer recognize that deep deep generational trauma. Because let me tell you buddy, when I finally got my hands on Filipino stories, on queer Filipino stories??? On queer mixed race Filipino stories!!!!! Those authors (lovingly) nailed my heart to the wall. With accuracy and skill that prompted me to check we weren't distant cousins talking about the same family history.

I fear many Americans have a very individualistic view of themselves that they see as empowering that to me seems devastatingly lonely and continues to foster lack of community, and a sense of disconnection.

When I try to connect with others some people say things like "oh I guess my experiences aren't unique" in a way that makes me think they valued the uniqueness over this wonderful and fleeting chance to bond over a shared human experience. And I feel like it's that underlying instinct that makes so many people feel so desperately alienated and alone in modern society.

[babey-lewis]

buba lew, sends hugs, is feeling very very cuddly an eepy so sends more huggys than ready sents sorry. stuffies also sen hugs. are so cozys mama phellia cuddles right now and very nice. shes a froggie. hopes day go good an staring feels better. sorry rambling.

-🧵

Big hugs for my precious baby /p some nice eepy hugs to help you drift off to nini land <3

[kayens-corner]

Mm very stresy atm but I gotta blankie friend an my paci So is all gonna be okie dokie

Sleepy time now

[bubacorn]

if everything falls to shit, i'll just submit my wip

[bubacorn]

in today's throwaway morning thoughts, i'm still trying to get around the whole "we die because this is the way of all things. and in the end, is that not all that we are?" in connection with posthumanism because there's this vague point that 'things' can't exist before (and without) their relations (if i understand correctly). so maybe "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main"? John Donne's Meditation XVII with "never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee". where am i going with this? nowhere in particular, just that bit with 'things' sometimes pops up in my head with that specific computer voice cadence and i remember pointing in the air to my sibling's confusion back in November when that bit came on because i have this weird wiggly feeling about the wording of the interlude messages. i just really like them. i also remembered the 2021 Heavy Music Awards message, too, the other day, and *makes claws into the air with intensity*

also Fission by Dead Poet Society quietly sneaking back into my mind with random song parts rolling around in there. i love how my brain latches onto albums sometimes

also also i might be living in my hoodie now. i've had cozy hoodies before but something about this one is so. it's not even a very fancy one, but it's got his silly fucking face on the back with the corals and it's just right in being loose and it looks all smooth and now i'm tempted to just buy more because i want to be able to have home-clean ones and rotate them and live in them and i know summer is almost here and i am actively mourning that already because i want to stay cozy and don't want to be in shirts, looking all weird. okay, bye

[bubacorn]

✨2024 fic overview✨ (this is mostly for myself and is just me rambling about my writing this year)

okay, so i hesitated making this post. i decided i would, then that i wouldn't. i was convinced i wouldn't because there's no point, really. but here i am because acknowledging accomplishments is something i feel like i should do. this year has been- something, for sure. it's been bad and difficult for the most part and obviously all that won't be over after midnight but i figured i could use some 'celebration', even while i'm struggling

i managed a word count of 172,325 this year which both feels like a lot and very little. i posted 34 works. among them are the longest ones i've written yet, ones that came very easily, ones that mean a lot. i had a lot of fun writing this year but at the same time, it hurt a lot, too, which sounds silly but it really did. i'm not entirely sure how i ended up here but i'm grateful that i did. there's a lot that i can't reread without cringing, a lot that i would rewrite if i had the energy and time but they all mark a moment where i was at that point in time and i think that's okay, in a way

so, as a sort of tradition (can it be a tradition if it's only the second year i do this and i almost didn't?), some of my favorites from this year:

Waiting for the One (The Day That Never Comes)

i really loved the style of this one when i wrote the first chapter, and wasn't planning on expanding upon it but then i spoke it out loud and my brain was like '👀 what if-?' and then it was a lost cause and i suddenly had a few thousands words extra. i still like the style, i think, and some of the choices about the story

Show Me Love

this is one of those that i cringe at, although i hold a lot of love for the whole series and was (am?) thinking about reworking it sometime. i know it meant a lot when i was conceptualizing and writing it, it houses a lot of pain, even though it came out mostly fluffy in the end. i suppose it helped cement me in relation to fluff, and soup as the genesis of everything (/j /lh)

Burn to Get You Out of Me

oh, this one. the concept is painful but i might also cringe at it a bit, i'm not sure why. i think i still like it a lot, it just feels clumsy for some reason. maybe because it feels like long ago, i can't pinpoint it. the feels are something for sure, though

To Safety

this one has a doc with bits and pieces and ideas to expand it into a series, i'm not sure if i'll actually get around to it or not. i know i liked writing it but i have mixed feelings about it now. i also didn't plan on writing more chapters after the first but it still happened. based on 'popularity', i suspect people like it because it's soft and has a certain vulnerability. it's also kind of special to me because it led to me receiving an ask i still remember being very :)) about we'll see what happens with that wip next year

Show Me That Your Arms Can Hold Me

i remember this one. this started as ~1k words written in bed on my phone because i was feeling particularly sad and the words just flowed. i can't recall which part i wrote then, i know it grew quite a lot (i expected it to be a max. 2k oneshot). i still like it but i'm surprised that there was a 'fan favorite' sentence in it, although i have to say, i do like it, too, it's a nice sentence ("Vessel let himself be eased from the tense position he instinctively assumed, knees slipping away from his chest, torso turning towards II’s like his heart was the head of a sunflower seeking the Sun."). i also feel like the style and the metaphors/imagery i used are kinda nice, too, which makes me happy because fairly early on, i knew i wanted to gift it, so i'm glad it 'holds up'

I Will Be Here When You're Ready to Wake Up

oof. this one. i loved it and i kinda don't like it anymore. i know. i fought with it, i planned so much for it, i struggled and i did enjoy it. i didn't expect it to be this long, either. i guess lessons learnt? i don't hate it but it also makes me cringe a bit because i know at one point, i was annoyed, like 'how many sentences can i possibly write that go 'he [did] [something]. [name] [did] [something]'?' and it felt like the answer was 'all of them'. you know what? i do kinda like it. it has details that i like (love?) and it's not half bad. remind me to remember this when i next catch myself hating it (/lh). i also hold it close to my heart because it's the first time my fic inspired art and it's gorgeous

For a While, You and I

this one was so much fun. the idea and the imagery. listening to the songs on loop. loving Vessel for his thing for niche details in his covers that actually carry meaning (or not) but they're still fun. yeah, i like it a lot. i meant to write it with no hope left for them to ever meet because to me, that feels more realistic. stardust doesn't care about love and by that point, does it really matter? really "And they say that nothing is forever // Then what makes love the exception?". i guess it's romantic and comforting to think they might meet and that their particles will collide and fuse for eternity. i think i wanted it to be more like 'if i have to live without you, i'd rather choose not living without you because then we both just don't exist and then we can't be together but we're not apart either'. it's humanly tragic if they're just gone because that's how things go. it's horrifying but it's life. yeah, anyway

Something to Confide In

i didn't plan on writing this. i know that the grocery store conversation was written fairly early on, and some of the later pieces of dialogue. then i was very busy and stressed and sat on the train, and was suddenly at 11k. i finished it all before posting because it was an already anxiety-filled and overwhelming period, so i just put it in my drafts and posted it quickly because i was excited about it. then, i think, after like the first chapter out, i started to dislike it. that's just how things go sometimes. i have a continuation in the works for this, we'll see what happens to it

i have really complicated feelings about my writing and am in a bit of a slump (in general, too, but it extends to creating because of course, it does) but i'm still amazed at how i ended up here in the first place. it feels like i didn't write 'enough' this year and i have my insecurities and little (well. not so little) annoyances. i'm grateful to everyone who reads my works, leaves kudos and comments or shares them when i post their links here. thank you, i appreciate you a lot, you and your feedback help keep me going

at the same time, i have to say that i do often go 'maybe i should just stop', probably more often than it comes across from my words and frequency of posting, which is, oh, well. i'm still going. writing kind of happens at this point, i can't exactly stop my brain from doing it and i do enjoy it, it means a lot, it's an outlet. it is also a weird source of validation but i try not to let that get to me when i can (and fail at it quite often). i've rambled so much, i think i should wrap it up. thank you, i'm still here, this year happened and the next one will, too. take care of yourselves, if you can 💜

[bubacorn]

i am undergoing the horror of clothes shopping (or at least trying to) and taking serious damage because jesus fucking christ

the two genders are 'uwu pink pastel i'm just a dumb girl but i'm pretty and not like the other girls (TM) look at my cool 2000s style with clothes that are so fucking practical that a. they don't even reach my waist because who cares about being cold b. don't reach my ankles because it's not like pants are supposed to cover your legs, silly c. boobs. i have them and love covering them with stuff that is the most uncomfortable and impractical but at least it's ✨frilly✨ and ✨cutesy✨ and oh, underwear that's basically nothing because that's ✨what✨ ✨being✨ ✨a✨ ✨woman✨ ✨is✨' in every flavor imaginable with the most bland and infuriating pieces, while the other gender is 'look at me i sharted my pants and they are *almost* falling off me but at least i look nonchalant and cool and like i like cool things such as. rap. and. cars. and. music. wow. have you ever wanted to feel violence toward a sweater? now you can but also you get the snarkiest /neg patterns along with the most pastel nothing clothes imaginable. also every edgy thing we can think of'

i just want clothes that last and don't make me want to shed my own skin that also don't cost a fortune because fucking hell i don't have money like that. like, at this point i'm thinking i would be in the same place if i bough myself merch but at the same time, i don't think i should throw out money like that, especially considering ✨customs✨ and their unpredictability. like, please, i just want available clothes that fit me and are not a gamble on quality and size all the fucking time. i just want to wear things that i like and not what the latest dumb 'trend' is but i also don't grow money on trees, like, how do people-? i'm not in a great place overall but i'm bordering on desperate but at the same time, i feel insane because why is there basically no selection? what am i doing wrong? am i too picky? (yes) but if i go with merch and get another gildan rag, i think i'll burn something to the ground. i just wanted a simple fucking jacket, too, but it's like it's impossible. someone come pick me up i'm so tired and want things that are apparently nonexistent like i do every goddamn day

[bubacorn]

local man (gn) confused because they thought it was Wednesday and it turns out it is Not Wednesday

[bubacorn]

there lives a horrible, selfish, nastly little thing inside me that wants an entire concert with just Jaws on the setlist. i'd sit on the floor in complete silence the whole time. Vessel can be in pajamas, for all i care. the others can come and go if they like. i just think it would heal a tiny crack in my chest, somewhere