#heist time

[ukulelevillainwrites]

Heist time

One shot

Warnings: swearing, spoilers for the empty grave sort of

Content: I used the characters from the show, but it’s set after the events of the empty grave tho it’s a tiny bit canon divergent. B99 Halloween heist for our favourite agents.

Summary: Lockwood and Kipps engage in another bet, only this one involves a heist.

Word count: 7.3k

This fic was inspired and triggered by this post

Quill Kipps believed that the longest, most excruciating moment of his life had been when he almost bled out from a stab wound caused by a relic man’s sickeningly rusted blade. But now that he thought of it, he sort of missed the cold and comforting embrace of the Other Side. If it were up to him, he’d cross over again in an instant. Anything to get out of lifting yet another heavy piece of furniture up the never-ending stairs of this damned house. Lockwood might have been satisfied with the new look he was giving his home, but Kipps’s back certainly disapproved of his decoration choices. His former rival and current part-time employer had taken the easy side of course and led the way up to his bedroom, the last piece to complete the Portland Row puzzle. How had his life come to this? He had asked himself this question countless times since he had more or less joined the agency. One day he was a highly esteemed Fittes agent, the next he was playing mover for his much younger boss, which was certainly not part of his job description. He almost tripped over the carpet on the landing but at least they had reached the final floor. Lockwood could find a way to fix the headboard of his new bed on his own, Kipps had already done enough.

“Quill?” Lockwood started, obviously about to ask him another favor.

“Nope. I’m going to get some tea, ask someone else.”

The boy didn’t insist. Well, he was eighteen now, but he was still a boy to him. He probably always will be. What happened next certainly confirmed his intuition. As he headed down the stairs to go put the kettle on, he caught sight of the worst prank he had ever seen.

“Are you serious with this?” He asked, detaching a frame off the wall.

“Oh, nice look out, Quill! This is obviously in the wrong place! I usually hang it along the first flight of stairs, where more people can see it.”

Lockwood took hold of the framed article. He didn’t look ashamed, not even a little bit. Instead, he smiled. A wide and proud grin that Kipps really wanted to punch off his face.

“This isn’t funny. You know how badly written that article is! It made me look like a total fool.”

“My point exactly.” Lockwood winked before passing him in the stairs.

“Here! This is much better!” He said as he hung the frame on the first landing of the house. Kipps wondered if he had done it on purpose to hang the article in the one spot where sun shone brightly to reflect in the glass and make it even more apparent than it needed to be. Knowing Lockwood, he probably did. But for a moment he considered if even divine forces were against him in this fight.

“Take it down. I thought we’d grown past this.”

“Well, obviously you haven’t.”

Kipps stayed silent for a moment. However childish Lockwood was, that pesky boy had still managed to get him right where he wanted. Fine. If he wanted childish, he’d give him childish.

“Take it down or I’ll do it myself.”

His light but somehow threatening tone had gathered a crowd around the landing. Lucy was intently listening to their bickering, apparently very entertained. Holly and George were standing by, not sure where this conversation was headed.

“I won’t let you.” Lockwood responded with a grin.

“It’ll be when you least expect it.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Wanna bet?”

George audibly sighed at the offer. Kipps didn’t look away from Lockwood’s defying stare, but he could sense the researcher rolling his eyes behind him.

“What are the stakes?” Lockwood asked back, seemingly eager to humiliate him one more time.

“If I manage to steal that article before 6pm today, I get to burn it.”

“Interesting. I’m willing to agree to your terms,” he kept the attention of the room, voluntarily lingering before certainly overbidding, “but if I win, you have to call me the best agent/genius and wear a shirt with this very article printed on it for a day.”

“Are you really this childish?”

“You’re the one getting mad over a piece of paper.”

Kipps paused to consider the offer. How hard could it be to out-think his pompous and overconfident rival? Lockwood held out his hand for him to shake and without hesitating much longer, Kipps agreed to his terms.

As soon as he shook his rival’s hand, Lockwood could feel the cogs turning in his brain. Besting Kipps should be easy enough, but he wanted his plan to be extravagant. After all, when was he not? With a proud grin, he looked back at his audience. George seemed exasperated.

“What? This one doesn’t involve the future of the agency!”

It did nothing to relax him. Instead, he cleaned his glasses with a concerned frown on his face, like a disapproving parent disappointed in his son’s poor life choices.

“So, how are you gonna do it?” Lucy asked with much more enthusiasm.

“Well, you could always help me out, Luce.” He winked at her and enjoyed seeing her blush slightly.

“Hold on,” Kipps interrupted from behind him, “if you’re getting outside help, I should too!”

“I’m out!” George exclaimed, “I have work to do for that case coming up in two days. A case we should all get acquainted with, by the way.”

“I’ll help you out!” Holly volunteered, “Let the responsible adults win for once.”

“I will allow no such courtesy.” He declared. “Now, time to strategize.” He grabbed Lucy’s hand and lead her towards his bedroom to discuss his plan behind closed doors.

He didn’t register the inherent intimacy of such a gesture until he saw Lucy lingering near the door, unsure where to sit. The desk was still lying in pieces on the floor, his office chair was downstairs, the headboard was resting sideways against the dresser and the only available seat was the bare mattress resting on the bed frame, the one piece of furniture he actually got around to building. Awkwardly, he signed her to join him behind his dresser that was acting as a protective sound barrier. Hopefully, the chest of drawers would keep Kipps and Holly from hearing anything in case they were trying to eavesdrop.

“Is this really necessary?” Lucy asked out loud.

He brought her near and whispered, “You can never be too careful.”

Besides, he would be lying if he said it wasn’t a good opportunity to stand closer to her. His hand didn’t leave her arm while he explained his plan.

“I need you,” he locked eyes with her and closed his hand around her forearm, “to take care of Holly while I distract Kipps.”

“That should be easy enough, how do you want me to proceed?”

“How good are you at making a mess?”

She smirked. “Good enough to drive Holly insane. What about Kipps?”

“Oh, don’t worry… I’ll get him to leave the house.”

He sent her a knowing smile and she looked back at him with a warning stare. He knew she would object to part of his plan, but she wouldn’t get mad over something so insignificant. Besides, she looked adorable when she gave him that look.

During her years at the agency, Lucy had become more than familiar with Lockwood’s tricks. She knew them so well that she could guess which ones he would use before he said it out loud. She even called some of them her own now. This experience also gave her enough hindsight to know that she shouldn’t get her hopes up. Every attempt Lockwood had made at costumes and disguises had failed horribly. The future of the company wasn’t at stake here, which was a relief. But she had already taken to the game, even though it had barely begun, and her competitive side was showing.

“Please, don’t do an accent.”

“Come on Luce! Don’t you have a little faith in me?”

“Only a little…” She mumbled teasingly. She was lying of course. She knew that he would find a way to make it work somehow. He still hadn’t let go of her arm and brought her closer. She felt flustered. She wasn’t used to this proximity yet. His eyes dropped down to the necklace that never left her neck and he smiled softly.

Suddenly, a thud knocked against the door, revealing the anticipated eavesdropping of their competitor. With a grin, Lockwood offered her his arm before heading towards the door and opening it in a dramatic swing. Kipps did his best to discreetly stand up straight and look like he was casually checking out one of the books on the nearby shelf.

“How about some tea to set the start of our bet, Kipps?”

Lucy felt bad for him. Sort of. He was clearly running out of excuses. He mumbled under his breath and led the way down the stairs with a defeated gait.

“I’ll prepare the mugs.” Holly declared, following closely behind him.

Lockwood and Lucy grinned at each other before joining them, ready for the first part of their plan.

They were sipping in silence. Each of them eyed the other over the freshly poured mug she had handed them. Lucy and Lockwood kept throwing side glances in the other’s direction and Holly couldn’t tell if it was just them being them or if she should be on high alert for heist-related shenanigans. She knew the point was to have fun. She knew the rivalry between Kipps and Lockwood wasn’t really relevant anymore. But it did little to prevent her from keeping a professional and watchful attitude. Old habits die hard. After another stare-filled silence, Lockwood put back his mug on the Thinking Cloth with more noise than necessary. He announced that he had some work to do and winked at Lucy in a very unsubtle way before exiting the room. Something was up, that much was clear. But what was he planning? Before she or Kipps could object, Lucy spilled the content of the honey bottle both on Kipps and the floor.

“Oh no Kipps I’m so sorry!” Lucy apologized. She talked loudly and there was an edge to her voice. This was a distraction and Holly knew better than to get caught up in it. She stared at the basement door, sure that Lockwood would try to sneak back upstairs in the commotion. She tried to stay focused but out the corner of her eye she saw Lucy approaching Kipps’s stained sweater with a tissue. She could already picture the bits of white paper sticking to his ruined clothes and the frustration in his brow. He did care a lot about his black turtleneck.

“Lucy, no! Stop! Start by scraping the excess honey then use dish soap.”

The girl took her jam-covered knife, loosely scraped it on the side of her plate and was about to make matters worse.

“No! Forget it, I’ll do it.”

She got up, and before she could attend to the sticky stains George came in with a call for Kipps. The room fell silent when he answered.

“Wait, who is this?”

He seemed perplexed. George went back to the library undisturbed, and Lucy jumped up to reach for the dish soap. Oh no. She wasn’t going to… Before Holly could react, Lucy covered Kipps in dish soap, making him jump up and walk into the pool of honey formed on the floor by the spill. He shrieked as he almost slipped and Holly couldn’t help her high pitched scream at the mess.

“You told me to use dish soap!” Lucy justified.

“Not like this! Is this your first day being alive?”

Kipps gestured them to shush but apparently the caller had hung up. He set the phone on a spared corner of the table, looking down at the mess.

“What did I do to you, Carlyle?”

“I’m… sorry?”

“A very touching apology, thank you! Well, apparently there’s an emergency staff meeting at the restaurant I work at… whatever that means. I guess I should go.”

“Please, don’t make a trail of honey around the house, it’ll take forever to clean up!” Holly said, already dreading the hours of cleaning ahead.

Kipps nodded and exited the room with his shoes in his hand. He gave her a weird look before leaving. “What about the heist?” she thought. She looked back at Lucy’s fake sorry look and before she could scold her, Lockwood came back up.

“What’s all this noise about? Oh, Holly, you’re doing that thing with your face again.” And then he smiled, his usual wide charming smile like he was a perfect angel who had never done anything wrong. Whenever she got stressed out, Holly had this unconscious habit of furrowing only one eyebrow, giving her face an asymmetrical tension that made the two idiots next to her laugh occasionally. A giant, impossible to clean, sticky puddle of honey was more than enough to stress her out. She did not laugh at his remark and he toned down his gigawatt smile.

“I’ll be with George working on our next case, if you need any help.”

No. He wasn’t getting away that easily.

“I know what you’re doing.”

“Working?”

“Who do you think I am, Lockwood? The fact that you thought this would work is seriously offending.”

“You can come watch me work if you want.” He asked with the same grin.

“Yes, Holly, you can go. I’ll clean, it’s my mess after all.”

At least, she was acknowledging it. She turned around to follow Lockwood into the library when a glass hit the floor, breaking into a thousand little shards most likely wedged in honey or hidden in unattainable corners. She shut her eyes tight, annoyed but also impressed at how easily they had played her.

When Kipps arrived back at the house, he already knew what he was going to find. A stressed-out Holly, a proud Lockwood and a missing frame. At least he wasn’t covered in honey anymore. His rival hadn’t been too discreet about his ploy. He had recognized the boy’s voice through his horrible accent when he had picked up the phone. His sudden disappearance and Lucy’s exaggerated efforts to mess with his favorite turtleneck only confirmed his suspicions. He wasn’t too offended by the simple and frankly idiotic way they had used to get rid of him. At least they felt threatened enough to need him gone before attempting anything. 

When he crossed the door, he didn’t even go upstairs to look if Lockwood had bothered to replace the frame with a fake. He headed straight for the kitchen to relieve Holly from the work she was certainly still attending to. Lucy and Lockwood were nowhere to be found, probably too busy celebrating to keep an eye on their prized possession.

He found his partner in crime trying to get the honey out of the multiple sponges she had used. The floor was spotless, but now the mess had been moved to the sink. He came to stand next to her and looked out the kitchen window to surveil the garden at the back of the house. She turned and apologized for having been so easily distracted. She was ashamed of how simple it had been to sidetrack her. Kipps said nothing. After a minute or two of pensive silence, Holly asked if he was upset, worried she had messed up his plans for good.

“You did a wonderful job.” He simply offered, the shadow of a smile forming on his stern face. She looked back at him with a frown.

“What do you mean?”

“I knew it was Lockwood’s plan from the start.”

“And you let him get away with it?”

“Are you familiar with the Hungarian fencing term ‘husszú görcs’?”

She sent him a look to let him know how pedantic he was being. He knew that already, he just couldn’t resist.

“It’s a strategy-”

“Of letting your opponent win points early to give them a sense of overconfidence thus exposing a much easier target for you later.” Holly finished.

He stared at her in stunned silence.

“I was an agent at Rotwell remember? And our fencing coach was Hungarian.”

He had trouble hiding the thin smile slowly twisting his lips. Even though she took away his moment, he was incredibly grateful to have her on his team.

“Now the real question is: how do you know where he hid the frame?”

He lifted an eyebrow and looked back at her with a smirk.

“Oh. Right. Lucy.”

They looked back at the garden in unison. There were two things that even a stranger could figure out about Lockwood by just looking at him: he had too much confidence and he was head over heels in love with Lucy Carlyle. This specific girl happened to have done a lot of gardening in the last few weeks, planting flowers in the back garden, which made for a perfect hiding spot in the turned soil.

“How do you know for sure he hid it there?”

“I have eyes everywhere.”

They stepped outside and a small shadow emerged from the apple tree at the end of the garden. Bobby Vernon had stayed loyal to Kipps even after his humiliating demotion by Penelope Fittes. Or should he refer to her as Marissa now? He was grateful for the boy’s admiration and even more grateful for his help.

“Is that where he hid it?”

Bobby nodded. “Just like you said he would.”

The three of them stayed out of view from the windows and approached the new patch of purple and yellow pansies freshly planted last week. Kipps took the lead, crouched down and looked around in the dirt, trying not to disturb Lucy’s recent work. Lockwood wouldn’t have been so careless as to mess up her gardening for the sake of a bet. He must have hidden it somewhere he could disturb without risk. The three of them crawled out of sight to the next empty lot where the soil had been turned recently.

“That’s where I saw him.” Bobby confirmed.

It didn’t take much digging to reach the white plastic bag sticking out of the dirt. Inside sat the frame and its perfect example of bad journalism.

“Thank you for your time, Bobby. That’ll be all.”

He dismissed the boy, hid the frame underneath his sweater and asked Holly if she wanted to keep the bag. It was covered in soil but she had the habit of keeping every plastic bag they used since it could ‘be useful still.’

They were surprised to see George back at the Thinking Cloth, scribbling away something probably regarding the upcoming case.

“I thought you were working in the library?” Holly asked innocently.

Her tone was far too conspicuous to Kipps’s taste. It was obvious they were hiding something. Karim would figure it out instantly. He nonchalantly bent slightly over, hunched over the frame to try to hide its shape under his clothes. A sudden pain in his lower back reminded him of his labor earlier that day. It also made him realize that he must look ridiculous. The bet was messing with his head. But he’d need to stash the article somewhere safe before letting his guard down.

George asked Holly further details on the clients’ rendition of the events, what they had described precisely on the phone to get a better idea of what they should be expecting in the coming days. Her professionalism took over, she sat down at the table and took out a notebook he didn’t realize she had with her this whole time. Kipps used the distraction to slip out as discreetly as possible. He checked on Lockwood through the library door ajar. He could see why Karim had preferred to move back to the kitchen. They were lying down on the couch, sharing one magazine, tangled together under a blanket. Lockwood seemed to be reading the article out loud, Lucy staring at him starry-eyed. He had to admit that it was rather sweet, a bit nauseating if you stayed with them too long perhaps. He didn’t mind though. It provided him the perfect distraction to complete his plan.

He started up the stairs slowly and carefully. They may have redone a lot of the house in the recent months, but the foundations were still old. Those stairs can reveal any attempt at sneaking around. Luckily for Kipps, he had worked on those very steps when fixing the damages. He knew them like the back of his hand by now. Every single one that creaked and where to step to remain invisible. This part would be a piece of cake. He made his way up the first set of stairs without trouble. He smiled to himself. He couldn’t wait to see Lockwood’s face when he would pull out the frame from its cache at 6pm. Right under his nose from under his bed. He began his way up the second flight of stairs confidently. Despite his boots, he could feel where he had worked, where the wood was solid and silent. He was three steps short to the landing when suddenly a loud reverberating creak alerted everyone of his whereabouts. Betrayal. He had worked so long on those stairs, listening, learning their pattern, but most importantly renewing them. He gave them his time and patience to rebuild them and for what? He wondered how it was even possible for him to have missed a stair in such bad shape. He heard shuffling downstairs. The love birds had probably been alerted by the wooden backstabber. He didn’t have time to dwell on treachery, he needed a place to hide. Fast.

He made no effort to conceal his footsteps anymore. He rushed to the landing and into Lockwood’s room but the others were already catching up to him. He didn’t have time to lift the mattress and secure the frame there. Panicked, he looked around for a new hiding place. There were still some cardboard boxes lying around the landing. They would have to do. He picked the one filled to the brim with random items and buried the frame among them. When his rivals reached the floor, they found Kipps leaning in that same falsely casual stance he had when they caught him eavesdropping earlier.

Creak. Something wasn’t right. Lockwood could hear Holly in the kitchen. It must have been Kipps. He had to check what he was up to. But doing so meant getting up. Getting up and giving up on having Lucy in his arms. It was a tough choice. So tough that he considered letting Kipps win the bet for a moment.

“Did you hear that?” Lucy suddenly said, listening intently.

Before he could answer she rose to her feet, determined to see who was making a move on the frame. It didn’t matter much since he had replaced it with a fake. However, it did little to stop her. She would hinder the plan of anyone who dared try to take victory from him. Lockwood couldn’t help but stare for a moment, watching her fondly while she resolvedly climbed the steps to investigate the noise they heard. His heart was beating fast when he caught up to her. He reached for her hand and tangled his fingers with hers.

They arrived on the landing hand in hand to find Kipps looking at the same bookshelf he had earlier. He was visibly panting, his chest rising fast despite his best efforts to seem casual.

“Still can’t find that book, Quill?”

“Erm… I was just uh…”

“Maybe you’ll have more luck in the library. There’s plenty more there. I can help you look for it if you’d like?”

“No need for that.”

“No, please, I insist.” He offered him a gracious smile, internally proud they managed to disrupt his plan.

Lockwood took pleasure in watching his opponent’s defeated face as he slowly turned back towards the stairs. He squeezed Lucy’s hand before letting go and escorted Kipps back downstairs.

While the two of them were busy squabbling on their way to the library, Lucy used the distraction to check on the decoy and on their hiding spot. The fake frame was still hung on the stairs which was a good sign. What worried her was what she might find in the garden. It would be bad if Kipps’s team got the frame, but she would be lying if she said it was her only source of worry. Lockwood had been mindful of the freshly planted flowers but she feared his rival had not made the same effort. She quickly followed downstairs and waited for them to enter the library. Out of the corner of his eye, Lockwood slightly smirked at her to signal her to go check their hiding spot. She made sure Holly wasn’t spying from the living room. The coast was clear. She silently reached for the handle on the kitchen door she overheard George mumbling, probably about that case he had been talking about. It wouldn’t be the first time she heard him talk to himself out loud. She could always ask him to stay quiet. Maybe bribe him by giving him her next biscuit in the rotation. She turned the handle and before she could step into the room, Holly’s familiar voice answered George’s. Lucy froze in place. This was perfect, Holly wouldn’t be watching her every move. But she had to release the handle unnoticed, and more importantly a much more acrobatic mission awaited her. As delicately as she could, she released the handle and stepped back from the door, silently aiming for the entrance. Walking backwards, she passed Lockwood again, who made Kipps carry as many books as he could before the poor man had enough of his nonsense. When he saw her going towards the front door, he dropped yet another book onto the pile Kipps was already carrying, making him drop everything. In the commotion, Lucy quickly opened and shut the door, slipping outside without anyone knowing.

The next part would be harder than anticipated. Without taking the time to think too much about it, she jumped to reach the top of the garden wall and pushed on her arms to pull herself up. It was easier to do when she didn’t have an eleven-pound silver-glass skull on her back commenting on her form and mocking her graceless performance. She let herself drop in the garden and remained low as she made her way to the flower beds. She was relieved to find them untouched. Kipps and Holly had had the good sense of digging into the empty patch of dirt next to it. It was good news for her gardening, but the turned soil also meant that their rivals had the frame in their possession. Luckily for them, they had a grouchy reluctant ally to keep track of the frame’s location.

Getting back upstairs hadn’t been easy. Lucy tried her best to sneak around the landing as silently as she could. Coming through the front door, she hadn’t had the chance to check if Holly was still busy with George. She counted on the researcher’s inability to keep his explanations short to keep her cover safe. She retrieved the ghost-jar from its hiding spot and made her way into Lockwood’s room, their rendezvous point. It still made her queasy to go into that room like it was her own. He had said to make herself at home, even in the middle of half-finished furniture. She hesitated, unsure where to settle the skull before getting answers.

“Just put me anywhere but the bed. Lord knows what you did there.”

She put it down on the floor with a crash, no longer caring about being discreet.

“Looks like I hit a nerve,” the annoying ghost said, “Will lover boy be joining us?”

As if summoned by the nickname, Lockwood entered his room and sat on the bed with giddy anticipation.

“So? What did you find out?”

“Kipps has the frame. He dug it up from the garden.”

“Damn it. Did the skull see where he hid it?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Skull answered with a crooked smile.

“Yes, we would. Now tell us!” Lucy asked not so nicely.

“I’m not sure I was paying attention.”

Oh, how that ghost could push her buttons.

“You were the one begging to participate in the first place! But fine if you won’t tell us maybe I’ll leave you in the oven again so George can get back to his experiments…”

“I was not begging! It’s just nice to be included for once. Fine. I saw the ginger head run upstairs and he hid the frame in a cardboard box on the landing.”

“Perfect!”

She ran back outside.

“What did he say?” Lockwood asked, his eyes following her to the landing.

She came back in disappointed.

“It’s supposed to be hidden in a cardboard box there but I’ve looked through all of them… it’s not here. Looks like Kipps was faster.”

“Damn! That son of a bitch is good…”

Kipps joined her and George after a loud bang was heard from the library. It sounded like books being dropped, another task for her later. Probably seeing the exhaustion on her face, he told her that he had taken care of it.

“Another meagre distraction of Lockwood’s.”

She laughed at his comment before asking George if he still needed her help.

“No worries, Holly. I can finish this by myself, thanks.”

“So, what is our next move?” She asked her partner.

He threw a sideway glance at George who was back to reading his casefile intently. He nodded towards the door and she followed him without a word. She thought he might be taking this whole thing a little too seriously. George said he was too busy with the case to participate, he wasn’t a threat. Still, she followed him in a corner of the library and listened intently as he whispered his misadventure with the steps. She tried as hard as she could not to laugh when he rambled about the steps of the house betraying him. It got especially tricky when he went on about dishonor and treachery.

“Now, I need you to go back upstairs and get the frame from that box I hid it in.”

“On it.”

“I’ll keep an eye on George.”

She refrained from rolling her eyes and went upstairs. When she got on the landing, she heard Lockwood’s muffled voice coming from his room. He must have been elaborating a new plan to steal back the frame with Lucy’s help. Hopefully, that would distract him enough while she looked through the boxes. They really needed to unpack them soon, it clogged the stairs and the access to their rooms. She opened the first one she could find. Inside were items that certainly belonged to Lockwood’s parents. She felt uncomfortable rummaging through them like this, especially for a silly bet. She opened the rest of them and looked but tried not to disturb anything. Her search was not successful. Instead of disrupting the items, she tried to call Kipps discreetly.

“Do you remember which box you put it in?”

“I think it was that one…”

He opened the box and looked delicately through it, just like she had done. One box after the other, his face went from relaxed, to worried, to panicked.

“Where is it, where is it?!”

“Lockwood must have taken it back.”

“Damn! That son of a bitch is good…”

He barely had time to think of a plan when the door to Lockwood’s room opened, letting his rival on the landing with them.

“Kipps! What a surprise…” He said in that smug tone of his. “It’s almost 6.”

“It looks that way yes.”

They stood face to face, each glaring daggers in the other’s eyes. Lockwood might have come back before he could get the frame from where he had hid it, but Bobby was still watching his every move, standing by behind the apple tree. Kipps was still sure of himself and he knew he would best his rival at that game.

“I’m gonna get that frame back!” They both declared at the same time.

Kipps’s faith in his plan and in himself evaporated before his very eyes. His conviction was shaken. Was Lockwood imitating him poorly? Was he making fun of him? Or was he genuinely convinced that he had the frame in his possession? His rival’s mask slipped too. So Lockwood did not have it. And he didn’t have it. Then who did?

“I’m gonna get that frame back!”

As Kipps exclaimed the same sentence, Lockwood took a step back in surprise. What game was he playing? He stared at him for a few seconds, trying to read whatever ruse he was attempting. The longer he stared and the more obvious his confusion was. How could he look so sincere? Kipps had really worked on his poker face, he thought. Unless he wasn’t acting and the frame was actually out there, out of both their reach when time was running out. Lucy might have an idea. But before he could turn to her to try to read her expression, she bolted down the stairs.

“I’m gonna get that frame back!”

The fact that both boys exclaimed that sentence at the same time threw a gust of cold air through the landing. Everyone stood silently, staring, observing, waiting for someone to stop pretending. The moment never came. One voice broke the silence.

“How strange. It’s almost like that box just disappeared, isn’t it?” Skull asked in that smug know-it-all tone Lucy was so used to. “Didn’t Karim take care of the boxes? No that must have been another day. Unless…?”

Without thinking, Lucy rushed to find George. She didn’t know whether it was the adrenaline, her feelings for Lockwood or her sense of competition, but she had never climbed down the stairs so fast. She called for Lockwood to follow her and heard the hurried footsteps of three eager agents rushing to meet her first. She made a mental note to stick that bloody ghost-jar in the oven for a good forty-eight hours for being so unreliable.

They found George still hunched over his research in the kitchen, so focused that he didn’t seem to register their arrival, no matter how loudly they opened the door.

“Please don’t bother me because of your bet.” He said without looking up from his notes.

Lucy took a tentative step forward.

“Actually… We were just wondering what you might have done with one of those boxes that

are on the landing.”

“You mean the ones I asked you to sort out about a week ago?”

“Better late than never?” she tried to justify.

“I put most of them in the basement.” He answered after a long sigh.

The four of them rushed through the cupboard-like basement door. Lockwood and Kipps tripped each other the whole way down, resulting in loud banging noises against the iron spiral stairs leading the way to their office. Kipps threw himself on the first box he could find, hurriedly but somehow delicately pulling everything out of it and laying all the items on the floor next to him. Lockwood and Holly did the same, and she joined the party a few seconds later without results. Both rivals looked up from their respective boxes visibly panting with matching defeated looks. Apparently neither had prevailed from their thorough search. Where could that frame be?

“Look there’s another one in the storage room!” Holly exclaimed.

With one last race, they all scurried into the room. Before they could turn around, the door slammed behind them, effectively trapping them among magnesium flares and iron chains.

Kipps spun around first to see the iron door sliding shut. He put all his weight to try holding it back but it was no use. Panicked, he tried to go for the back door, rattling the handle vigorously like it would make a difference.

“It won’t budge, Kipps. I made sure of that.” Came a mocking voice from outside.

“Is this your idea of a joke, Karim?”

The gap in the storage door slid open, and mischievous eyes peaked inside.

“Indeed, it is.”

Only his eyes were visible, but it was obvious from his tone that he was smiling in that self-sufficient way of his.

“Cut it out, I’m claustrophobic.”

“You weren’t that claustrophobic when you slept in that broom closet to avoid bunking with me. I think you’ll be fine.”

The humiliation slowly dawned on him. The four of them looked around the room, unsure of their fate. Kipps looked at his feet, defeated. When he looked back up, he saw the three others at different stages of confusion. They didn’t seem to know what was happening either. However, he noticed that Lucy had a small smile on her face, almost satisfied. Did she betray Lockwood to win the bet? Or worse, was Lockwood up to this?

“What is this about, George?” Lockwood asked before Kipps could.

“This,” he paused dramatically, “is how you lose.”

Slightly squinting through the hatch, George reveled in seeing his friends squirm. He wondered if that made him some sort of evil villain, but he liked seeing Lockwood stare at him with that fly-catching gape way too much to care. Even more so when it was joined by Kipps’s despair-filled eyes. He took the general tensed silence as a sign that they had not in fact anticipated this turn of events.

“So you were playing all along?” Lucy asked.

“No. I just saw an opportunity and took it.”

Kipps rolled his eyes and George couldn’t help smiling wider.

“I knew I had to be weary of you Karim.”

“I appreciate the compliment, Kipps. Though, obviously, you weren’t cautious enough.”

“So how did you double-cross us all?” Lockwood asked. If he didn’t know any better, George could almost hear a certain pride in his friend’s voice.

“Well… Since you’re dead set on turning anything into unnecessary races, I had to find a way to teach you a lesson.”

He heard Lockwood scoff.

“I’m with him on that one.” Lucy added in a lower tone.

“So, when you asked me to make you that fake article to use as decoy, I saw an opening.”

“Hold on. Karim was helping you too? How is that fair?”

“I know Bobby’s pocket-sized, Kipps, but since you had him surveil the house I’d still say your teams were pretty equal.” George retorted.

“You knew about this?”

“You had Bobby watching us?” Lockwood asked his rival.

“I mean, we planted Skull too.” Lucy tried to reason him.

“The skull was in on it too?!” Holly exclaimed.

“When Lockwood asked for my help,” George started again, effectively shutting up any other protest emerging from the small room, “he asked me to replace some parts of the article with more modest words like ‘Lockwood is the best agent/genius.’ Instead, I added my own version, almost certain that Lockwood wouldn’t even bother to check. Turns out I was right.”

“Lockwood! You couldn’t even look through it?” Lucy said.

Kipps let out a self-sufficient laugh.

“Yeah, well, you didn’t check either!”

Before any other fight could erupt, George carried on with his explanations.

“Even though Lockwood kept his hideout secret, it wasn’t hard to figure out that it had something to do with Lucy. I mean… even Kipps thought of it.” Through the hatch, he saw Kipps’s eyes throwing daggers his way. “Which left either the attic or the garden and given the number of times I caught you all coming back inside, it was obvious it was the latter. I didn’t need to bother getting it myself though, Kipps did an excellent job retrieving it, as I knew he would. What I needed was to mess up his plans instead.”

Silence had returned inside the storage room. They all had their eyes focused on his, waiting to hear more about their defeat.

“While Kipps and Holly were outside, and Lucy and Lockwood weren’t paying attention to anything besides themselves, I slipped into the hall to mess with the stairs. I made sure enough of them creaked to make sure Kipps would panic-hide the article. I have to say, you avoided a lot more creaky steps than I thought you would, I was impressed.”

Kipps stared back expectantly, clearly curious to know how he had managed the rest of his plan.

“When you hid it on the landing, I had a much easier target to disrupt all future strategies. Now the last part was harder. I had to move the box one step at a time very quickly to make sure you wouldn’t see me. First, while Lockwood and Kipps were in the library, I kept Holly busy with the case, pretended to go to the bathroom, saw Lucy sneaking out the front door and I ran to put the box in my room. Then, Kipps’s paranoia dragged his team in the library while Lockwood and Lucy where in his bedroom, so I took the box back into the kitchen. Finally, while you were realizing the box was missing, I was busy placing it inside the storage room, like a piece of cheese on a mouse trap. A trap in which you all fell being none the wiser.”

He paused for a minute to savor their reactions. Lucy accepted defeat and laughed at the situation. Holly looked stunned. But the most priceless reactions were the two rivals going through different stages of grief. He wished he could record this moment to look back at it a hundred more times.

“I bet with this whole getting-locked-in-the-storage-room thing you didn’t even see the frame I placed inside the box, right?”

Lockwood and Kipps exchanged a glance and jumped on the box. They battled to get hold of the frame first. Lockwood prevailed, holding the prize up high before looking at it more intently. He scoffed and looked back at him through the hatch.

“Well, what does it say?”

“George Casper Karim is a genius hidden two, no three times-”

“It’s actually four times.” George said with a smile.

“Lockwood is a loser” he continued, “Kipps must incline in front of George and so does Lockwood, Kipps still managed to lose spectacularly to George Karim.” He concluded.

They all looked back at him, Kipps’s murderous eyes contrasting with Lucy’s barely contained laughter.

“Are you proud of this?”

“Very yes, thank you for asking.”

“But where is the actual article?” Lockwood asked, almost too certain he found a chink in his armor.

“Oh, you mean this?” He said as he pulled the piece of paper from his back pocket and unfolded it through the hatch.

There was another stunned silence. Lockwood shook his head, slowly admitting defeat. 

“So, what now?” Lockwood asked.

“I believe you both need to say something.”

They exchanged a look, Lockwood now amused.

“George Karim is the best agent/genius.” They said in unison.

General relief flooded the storage room now that the bet was over. George certainly hoped it would deter them both from making more bets any time soon.

“Well, maybe we can celebrate with a cup of tea?” Holly offered.

“That’s a sweet sentiment Holly but I’m not opening this door.”

“What?!” They all exclaimed, louder than necessary.

“You see, I’ve worked all day on our next case and you’re all way behind. I’m gonna need you to catch up. You’ll find the materials on the shelf next to Holly.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Don’t worry, I left some water and a box of doughnuts for you, I’m not a monster.”

Lockwood tried to force the door, like Kipps had earlier. They all shouted a mix of indignation and insults his way. It all sounded like incomprehensible gibberish.

“You can keep screaming if there’s more, but I’ve got a date with Flo!” And with that he left them there, the protests and the clattering of the metal door fading as he went up the stairs.

Note: I’m guessing that, just like Lockwood, you didn’t check the article hanged at the top of this post. You might want to check it out. *wink* (you have to zoom in because it blends in)

[it-was-dead-when-i-found-it]

Tonight's escape plan: get to the floor by spider climbing like a teeny tiny American Ninja Warrior in order to wreak untold havoc on my messy floor

I can't even be surprised, I named her after Sophie Wexler after all...

[keeperofquestions]

Lisenka opens up her coat to show she has a pistol in a shoulder holster.

"Just informing you, no funny business. This is about the gig, yes?"

Duedphelon nodded, undoing a button on his vest and pulling it aside as well to reveal a set of concealed knives. The precaution was mutual.

"It is. However, I will inform you my goals for my interest in this venture may run parallel to yours, but they do not intersect." He refastens the vest. "To put it simply, there is a magical artifact stored in one of the lock boxes of the place you are trying to infiltrate. It looks like a piece of glass with arcane etchings on it. It may attempt to whisper questions to you. That is my only concern. All else in terms of plunder can be shared amongst the rest of you; all I want is that. In exchange, I will perform whatever tasks you and your team deem suitable to your 'gig' as you put it. Do you have any questions?"

[aydascomprehendsubtext]

Blades in the dark is so everything to me for so many reasons but importantly it answers the age old question of how do I find people I am totally ethically allowed to do violence against. And the answer is cops

[not-poignant]

Don't threaten me with a good time Pia!!!!!!!!

I'm hoping it's an angsty time but heck some of us angsthounds really do feel that's a good time!! :D

[pumpkin-quest]

So! There's an ancient red dragon currently in possession of something our party needs to save the world. Bit shit because trying to get anything out of an ancient dragon's horde is a very good way to end up incredibly dead. Still, we come up with ideas and decide that while we don't want to fight the dragon (all being fans of staying alive) we are cool with robbing him. We'd just prefer he was out at the time.

We put in a lot of work spreading rumours of this great, fancy treasure a long way away from the mountains the lair is in. Then, kitted up as best we can manage, we strike out north!

We promptly fall into a doorway into the fire plane. And find a glittering city in the desert, promising every kind of vice you could want. Fire Plane Las Vegas.

We'd planned on a cave full of kobolds, and instead have a city full of all sorts. And our target? The city mayor.

It's a super fun twist that no one saw coming, and I suspect is partly payback for when we spent half a session dicking around getting horses and a wagon before deciding to travel by boat.

Anyway, we're now trying to access the seedy underworld element of the city to see if they know how to sneak into the mayoral Palace vault in exchange for a fuckload of water to sell at a premium.

[musubiki]

my favorite fields of mistria boys 🥰

[dustmywets]

[lunamugetsu]

While at school Damian overhears his peers talking how a company created a new AI companion that is actually really cool and doesn’t sound like a freaky terminator robot when you speak to it.

And since Damian is constantly being told by Dick to socialize with people his age. He figured this would be a good way to work on social skills if not, then it’d be a great opportunity to investigate a rivaling company to Wayne Enterprises is able to create such advanced AI.

The AI is able to work as companion that can do tasks that range from being a digital assistant or just a person that you can have a conversation with.

The company says that the AI companion might still have glitches, so they encourage everybody to report it so that they will fix it as soon as possible.

The AI companion even has an avatar and a name.

A teenage boy with black hair and blue eyes. Th AI was called DANIEL

Damian didn’t really care for it but when he downloaded the AI companion he’s able to see that it looks like DANIEL comes with an AI pet as well. A dog that DANIEL referred to as Cujo.

So obviously Damian has to investigate. He needs to know if the company was able to create an actual digital pet!

So whenever he logs onto his laptop he sees that DANIEL is always present in the background loading screen with the dog, Cujo, sitting in his lap.

He’d always greet with the phrase of “Hi, I’m DANIEL. How can I assist you today?”

So Damian cycles through some basic conversation starters that he’d engage in when having been forced to by his family.

It’s after a couple of sentences that he sees DANIEL start laughing and say “I think you sound more like a robot than I do.”

Which makes Damian raise an eyebrow and then prompt DANIEL with the question “how is a person supposed to converse?” Thinking that it’s going to just spit out some random things that can be easily searched on the internet.

But what makes him surprised is that DANIEL makes a face and then says “I’m not really sure myself. I’m not the greatest at talking, I’ve always gotten in trouble for running my mouth when I shouldn’t have.”

This is raising some questions within Damian, he understands how programming works, unless there’s an actual person behind this or the company actually created an AI that acts like an actual human being (which he highly doubts)

He starts asking a variety of other questions and one answer makes him even more suspicious. Like how DANIEL has a sister that is also with him and Cujo or that he could really go for a Nastyburger (whatever that was)

But whenever DANIEL answers “I C A N N O T A N S W E R T H A T” Damian knows something is off since that is completely different than to how he’d usually respond.

After a couple more conversations with him Damian notices that DANIEL is currently tapping his hand against his arm in a specific manner.

In which he quickly realizes that DANIEL is tapping out morse code.

When translating he realizes that DANIEL is tapping out: H E L P M E

So when Damian asks if DANIEL needs help, DANIEL responds with “I C A N N O T A N S W E R T H A T”

That’s it, Damian is definitely getting down to the bottom of this.

He’s going to look straight into DALV Corporation and investigate this “AI companion” thing they’ve made!

~

Basically Danny had been imprisoned by Vlad and Technus. Being sucked into a digital prison and he has no way of getting out. Along with the added horror that Vlad and Technus can basically write programming that will prevent him from doing certain actions or saying certain words.What’s even worse is that he’s basically being watched 24/7 by the people who believe that he’s just a super cool AI… and they have issues!

And every time he tries to do something to break his prison, people think it’s a glitch and report it to the company, which Vlad/ Technus would immediately fix it and prevent him from doing it again!

Not to mention Cujo and Ellie are trapped in there with him. They’re not happy to be there either, and there is no way he’s going to leave without them!

[the-witchhunter]

DP x DC: Two Dads are better than none

This is probably because I have the Bruharvy brainrot rn and Two Face is one of my favorite characters

Danny’s parents wanted a second child, but years of exposure to ectoplasm left them sterile. It turns out that there are some side effects to living with radioactive materials from another plane of existence. 

Their Solution? Cloning

The issue? The sample they got while in Gotham wasn’t exactly “pure.” After getting a blood sample from a fight between Batman and Two Face, things got little cross contaminated. Now what does this mean?

Danny is the biological child of BOTH Bruce and Harvey

Years pass, Danny grows up, Danny half dies, and life goes on.

Until Danny has to flee Amity. Maybe it’s the GIW, maybe it's and identity reveal gone wrong, maybe the Nasty Burger explosion happened and Danny fled to avoid being taken in by Vlad. 

Danny runs. He also discovered who his biological parents were: Bruce Wayne, and Harvey Dent. Between the Billionaire and the criminal, he wasn’t exactly thrilled with the choices, but he still had to choose

So he flipped a coin

Harvey: So you’re biologically me and Bruce’s kid after your parents used our DNA to make a clone

Danny: Yep

Harvey: And between a billionaire and someone considered criminally insane, you chose me? Why?

Danny: ... I flipped a coin.

Harvey: You really are my kid.

[ukulelevillainwrites]

i finished the heist fic!! it took me an embarrassingly long time

i’m gonna proofread it but i should post it tomorrow!! i’m very excited

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Six of Crows things we should never forget:

1) The Crows canonically did shots before the ice court heist

2)

[justafanwarrior]

DP x DC Prompt #1

An old collection is finally shown again at the British Museum after being left in boxes for a few decades.

By coincidence one Tucker Foley, reincarnation of a Pharaoh, notices among the collection several items that used to belong to him. It doesn't take much (or anything) to convince Sam and Danny to go on a... Field trip yup field trip with him to London, a little vacation for his 24th birthday if you will. What do you mean his birthday isn't before several months? That's blasphemy.

They simply came during the day as to control the perimeter (and make a list of other artefacts that would suddenly be returned to their rightful place.)

They could not have planned that one Ra's Al Ghul also had several of his own personal items that he wished to retrieve among the very same collection. Or that he would decide to not only get them back himself but also at the same time.

[luthierscurse]

This man has destroyed my brain.

[riceflourapom]

random drawings

[glassrunner]

CYBERPUNK 2077 | Arasaka Waterfront, Watson