#healing is a weird process Tumblr posts
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Felt like sharing a few pictures I never ended up posting after HHN this year. Crazy how these both hurt tremendously to look at, but are also so special to me. I'm so lucky to have had such a wonderful night with my mom, she's the greatest ❤️
#healing is a weird process#looking at these feels like looking at someone elses life#i want to remember the good times#halloween horror nights#orlando#halloween#universal studios#haunted house#florida#theme parks#vacation#travel#hhn31
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It's mine and I will keep it.
A thousand broken pieces.
Ten thousand razor sharp edges.
It's mine. And I will keep it.
#poetry?#i'm going through some stuff#healing is a weird process#but i'm getting though it#i've found myself in a place near the end#a place of embers that refuse to go out#a phoenix metaphor for a mental picture?#like fire -> embers -> ashes -> embers -> fire#this is proving a long process though#I fear i'm missed#someone is waiting for me to be healed and I hate to keep them waiting
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"I don't see this ship at all..."
"they are such good platonic friends..."
"We don't have to make everything romantic "
Ok y'all thanks for every disclaimer and socially responsible take on this situation every time Sam and Evan have a moment. We get it. We've heard you. Please move on.
#sometimes fans are exhausting#sometimes an audience can ship characters and it's not a moral issue#sometimes y'all get real weird about this obviously dynamic relationship#sometimes y'all overcorrect the hell put of basic shit and i get where that comes from truly i do but consider taking a break#sometimes its just ok to have fun#anyway wasnt that scene great ???#misfits and magic#misfits and magic spoilers#misfits and magic 2#mismag#sam britain#evan kelmp#danielle radford#brennan lee mulligan#evsam#also no romance isnt going to heal you but sometimes romantic love can help that process
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it irks me SO BAD when people take away / lessen dazai’s bandages when he’s clearly in a public setting. why does he just have a random circle of bandages around his neck at work. why are his forearms on display at a public beach. why do you think him wearing bandages all the time is something that needs to be fixed. why can’t it just be a preference he has that you respect like all the characters in-show do. why are you stripping him down and pretending that’s the only way he can heal. why do you think there’s something wrong with him not having any skin on display. this goes quadruple for femzai; if you take away dazai’s bandages for your femzai design i’m going to show up on your doorstep with a gun. why do you think she needs to show skin. why do you think the bandages are a problem. tell me quickly, and if your answer is just misogyny or ableism, i’m activating the saw trap.
#like there’s never so much as a SINGLE mention in-show abt dazai’s bandages being something he needs to. like. grow out of#nor is there any indication that he would be comfortable Not wearing them in any sort of public setting#so. i dont understand why everyone seems so obsessed with Taking Them Away#ESPECIALLY with femzai Oh My God.#if your femzai design doesn't have bandages or only has a scant few bandages that's not dazai. that's an oc.#i just. hhhhhhh why is there this weird obsession with 'fixing' part of dazai's character design that has never once been implied in canon#to be a problem#why does everyone think it needs to be fixed. it doesn't. dazai no longer wearing bandages is not a key part of the healing process#and it's so weird to me that so many people act like it is#hello grace here#sorry for being a hater this morning. it will happen again.
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E&T: Caught in the Clutches of Lust
No im not sorry for any of this. cope and seethe
Btw I used a line from @painsandconfusion and @wormwriting's degradation starter list that I saved THREE YEARS AGO for this very moment. I am always playing the long game (⊙ˍ⊙)
←Previous - Masterlist
Ingredients: VERY creepy/intimate whumper, implied threat of noncon, a lot of noncon touching (unsexy but right on the edge), implied noncon kiss, unsexy nudity
Shiori?
No, it couldn’t be, she was a world away, she was human, he’d left her waiting by the fountain after the party and she’d moved on and forgotten about him, no reason to follow him here, into the depths of hell, looking exactly like she had the night of the party, jarringly out of place in her pretty dress, smiling at him like he wasn’t a blood-covered, unrecognizable version of himself.
And then he blinked, and all of a sudden it wasn’t Shiori at all, but Lythia, wearing the same yellow bandana that she always did while she was working in the palace gardens, the little black braids of her hair just as beautiful as he remembered. There was no pity in her dark eyes, like there had been the last time he saw her, looking up at him from the crowd while he was chained to that pillar, promising he’d be rescued after it was already too late. Actually seeing her hurt, and Erebus looked away for a moment, just a moment…
When he saw the woman in front of him now, his jaw dropped, eyes widening, his tense, burning hands finally relaxing.
“Come on, let’s get you somewhere safe.”
Her voice was just as he remembered, and she was smiling at him so kindly, her eyes soft, her gloved hand outstretched, she was here to save him, she’d found a way to bring him back, he was too tired and scared and stressed to do anything else besides surrender control to her once again, to take her small hand and follow her blindly towards the fate she’d chosen for him. She was squeezing his still-healing hand tightly in hers, but she could do whatever she wanted with him just as long as she got him out of this place.
“Well, that was easy.”
The voice wasn’t Shiori’s, or Lythia’s, and it certainly wasn’t Neteri’s.
Erebus jumped back, finally seeing the person next to him clearly for the first time. She-they?-smirked at him, bright purple eyes sparkling. Their white hair was long and wavy, partially braided back with impeccable precision. Gold jewelry and a low-cut black dress accentuated their natural beauty, seeming very out of place in this hellish world. Most striking of all, though, was their bright red skin, a shade that was very familiar to Erebus.
This was a lust demon, and she’d lead him right into her lair.
“You-how did-I-”
They laughed, deep and bright, obviously amused by his shock and confusion. “You only saw what your heart wanted you to see, darling. It’s not my fault you turned into a meek little lamb and followed me here.”
Erebus’s face grew hot. “Well I-I…” his wings sank behind him. He’d thought he was about to be saved. Like an idiot. She’d led him away from the bubbling pools and acrid air into a sort of cave, a furnished one at that. But now he was cornered in here, at a disadvantage in the cramped space. He swallowed and changed the topic, hand resting on the pommel of his sword. “Who are you and what do you want with me?”
“Apologies.” She bowed slightly, the sort of bow people gave when they were pretending to show respect during negotiations, but then declared war a few weeks later. “My name is Asmodeum, and really,” they gave him a disapproving look, “I’d rather not fight with you. I heard you’ve defeated Somiaken and Vorath already, but I believe you and I could work something out without coming to blows.” They held their hands up briefly, but the way they watched him made it clear that their guard was still up. “So, tell me your name, now. Unless you’d prefer I just call you darling?”
Erebus very much did not want that, so he complied. “Erebus. But you didn’t really answer my question. What do you want, if not to fight me?”
Asmodeum sighed wistfully. “Well, I can tell that you’re the sort of person who’ll never agree to what I really want, but I believe something can be arranged. You see, I’ve been stuck here for Akumo knows how long with no toys to play with. So, I was thinking-”
“I-I’m not gonna be your toy,” Erebus choked, his throat feeling like it was closing up.
“Ah, ah, ah.” Asmodeum wagged a finger. “Let me finish, dear. I could have my way with you quite easily, you know. It would be oh so effortless to drag you back into my domain proper and throw you into a pool of boiling water or lava and watch the show. However, I think your forced cooperation would make this a little more fun, and it would be nice if you behaved for me. So, if you let me do what I want with you, barring the most intimate acts, I’ll let you kill me once I’ve had my fill.”
“What happens if I don’t say yes?”
Asmodeum casually examined their nails. “I will take you by force and I will defile you.”
“D-defile?! You don’t mean…” Erebus quickly glanced down, and Asmodeum smiled wickedly.
“Oh, I do mean. If you let me play with you, I swear I won’t do anything of the sort. Call it an incentive. So come on, Erebus, get rid of your sword.” Erebus just tightened his grip on it, weighing his options. As much as he didn’t want to let this demon…play with him...did he really have any other options? He was exhausted, and there wasn’t much room in here for him to try and put up a proper fight. And more than anything, he really, really didn’t want to risk being...Despite the anxiety building in his chest, Erebus unbuckled the sword belt around his waist, setting it carefully on the ground.
“Fine. But if you so much as touch me there I’ll-I’ll make you regret it.” How would he do that? He wasn’t sure. But he just-he had to make it clear that he wasn’t surrendering. He was just…agreeing to play along. Just to get a break from fighting. He was okay with this. He’d be fine. He'd been through so much worse.
He'd be fine.
“I promise I won’t cross that boundary, don’t you fret.” Asmodeum walked over to him, kicking his sword out of reach as they took his hand. “First things first, you’re absolutely filthy. Let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?”
Erebus pulled his hand out of her grasp. “I mean, I-I can do that myself,” he muttered. Asmodeum raised an eyebrow.
“I’m sure you can, but I want to wash you, dear. And right now,” she grabbed his hand once more, “I get what I want.” They pulled him along into a bathroom, and he followed reluctantly, feeling an odd sense of familiarity in just going along with this sort of thing. Their threat was certainly a motivator, but that didn’t mean he was going to roll over completely on every little thing, right? He had to make it clear that he wasn’t happy with this, despite agreeing to it. She started filling up the bathtub with water, turning to him with a smile. “Let me strip you now.”
“I-I’d rather-”
“Shhhh.” She placed a finger on his lips, her other hand starting to undo the ties on his shirt. “None of that, dear. I can’t get you all clean if you’re wearing these dirty clothes, now can I?” He looked away as they tugged his shirt off, hoping that they’d-nope, now they were going to try and take off his pants, too.
“You said you weren’t going to-to do that to me.”
“I won’t. But that doesn’t mean you get to keep your clothes on the whole time, you shy little thing. I just won’t touch.” Erebus stifled a whine as she pulled down his pants, and his underwear along with them. “There we go. You can get in now.” He did so, almost jumping into the warm water and crouching down, hugging his knees close and spreading his wings around himself protectively. They gently pushed his wings back, stroking his face as he glared at them with wide eyes. “There’s no use hiding when I’ve already seen everything, silly. I think I’m going to need to get these arms out of the way, hmmm?” They pulled out a pair of manacles, and Erebus’s stomach sank.
“Wait, I won’t resist just-just don’t-”
“Too late for that, Erebus.” She clamped them around his wrists, twisting the chain securely around the faucet. “Besides, you look absolutely darling like that, all helpless. Now, keep those wings out of the way or I’ll pierce them together.” Erebus’s wings sank in defeat, slowly moving back until they were behind him. There wasn’t any winning here, was there? “Good boy.” She grabbed a cup from the countertop and started using it to pour water on him, rinsing away some of the pieces of flesh stuck to his bloodied skin. After she lathered a washcloth with soap, she began to gently clean the dried blood off his face. He screwed his eyes shut, fists clenched as he tried to think about anything else.
Even back when he was a prince, he’d hated being fussed over, preferring to take care of himself when he could. Asmodeum, however, seemed to have no concept of personal space, or just didn’t care. She had to work hard to get through the blood caked over most of his skin, leaning in close, starting with his face before switching to his hair. Their hands slid in, tenderly working through tangled bloody mats and massaging his scalp. He hated how nice it felt, how much it reminded him of the way Lythia always used to play with his hair, forcing himself to open his eyes and look at Asmodeum, to remind himself who was…
Lythia smiled at him sweetly, and Erebus felt his blood run cold. That wasn’t her, no matter what he saw, no matter how he felt. She wasn’t here. She was back home, probably still tending the palace gardens despite the change in management. Did she still think of him as she looked at all the places they used to laugh? Or could she not get the image of him screaming and sobbing up on that podium out of her mind, unable to remember any other version of him than the one he’d left her with? Maybe that’s what he deserved to be remembered as, since he’d hardly thought of her since that day, the memories too painful.
Erebus shuddered when Asmodeum moved to his horns, which were always far more sensitive than they had any right to be. She seemed to be able to tell, continuing to stroke them long after they were clean, and as much as he wanted to ask them to stop, he was afraid it would only encourage them. At the very least, the disconnect between Lythia and his horns was enough to push the thoughts of her out of his mind, and Asmodeum changed back to their normal form.
Her hands finally slid lower, caressing his neck, fingers slipping under his collar, making sure the skin underneath was clean, pressing down against his throat every so often as they did so. It wasn't enough to really choke him, but the message was clear.
They moved onto his shoulders, his wings, his arms, his back. He caught their smile as they saw what his right arm really looked like, and her fingers traced his whip scars as they were uncovered. Dread started to pool in his stomach as she moved to his chest, scrubbing away, revealing-
“Oh, well isn’t this pretty.” They marveled at his brand, stroking the lines of the scar, pausing over his rapidly-beathing heart. “Too bad you’re already owned by someone else, huh? But I suppose they’re not here now, are they?” Erebus just bit his lip, refusing to make eye contact. The thought of his…of Neteri not being here hurt, and, try as he might, he couldn’t help but think of her, of the way she’d always protected him. He wondered how angry she’d get if she saw what was happening to him, or if she could feel now that someone besides her was touching him. He could imagine her bursting in, yelling at Asmodeum to get their hands off of him, unchaining him and letting him cover up before pulling him into a hug-wait wait what was he thinking she’d been his captor she’d hurt him and ripped him into pieces and kept him locked up but she'd promised to save him and he missed her.
“What’s wrong, darling? Is even this too much for you?” Asmodeum brushed away a tear he didn’t realize had been falling with her finger, her skin no longer red, but brown. He couldn't look her in the eye. Not while she wore that face. “Such a sensitive little thing.” Hearing those words in that voice was already bad enough. Erebus tugged at his chains, wishing he could rub away those stupid traitorous tears, because he wasn’t crying about Neteri or Asmodeum or any of this.
Their hands plunged beneath the surface of the blood-clouded water now, and Erebus couldn't stop himself from tensing up as they scrubbed his stomach, glad the parts of him that were previously under clothes weren't as caked in blood as those that weren't. Still, there was enough to clean that she had an excuse for her hands to wander lower still, caressing his hips, his thighs, and now he was trembling, fists clenched, tears dripping even more steadily into the tepid, cloudy water, no one had ever touched him there, at least she was wearing her own face now, but please, please stay away from there, you said you wouldn't touch me there and if you do then why am I here why am I letting you do this why do I keep letting people hurt me if I just stood up for myself more if I wasn't such a coward maybe I'd still be-
"You're rather pathetic, aren't you?" Asmodeum mused as they cradled his face, turning him towards them. Erebus blinked away tears, just now realizing that they'd finished cleaning him, the tub already drained. He couldn't exactly argue, crying and shivering like he was, so he just swallowed and gave the tiniest nod as he pulled himself together, hoping it'd be enough to get them to move on.
With a satisfied smile, she unhooked his wrists from the faucet, but left the manacles on as she pulled him up and out of the tub. He tried to cover himself as best he could as they toweled him off, hoping they’d stop touching him or at least give him clothes soon. Thankfully, they did, handing him a small bundle, and upon unrolling it he found...a pair of shorts that barely reached his knees, and that was all. Once he’d put them on, she dragged him into another room and let go, crossing her arms. “Kneel.”
“I don’t-” Asmodeum raised an eyebrow, and Erebus stopped himself. They were expecting him to obey their every little whim if he didn’t want to be...he knelt, staring at the floor. She circled him a few times, and he clenched his fists in his lap, hating how much of his body was on display. Not that she hadn’t already seen everything.
“You were just made to kneel, weren't you? Absolutely gorgeous." Erebus's face burned even hotter than before. All he could hope was that they'd be done with him soon, but he'd never specified how long this would go on for when he agreed to it, so this might last…He was such an idiot, why did he just go along with this without any negotiation?
Asmodeum stopped in front of him. "Well, what are you in the mood for, dear? Pain,” her hand slid under his chin, tilting it up, “or pleasure?”
“Please just-anything but-” he choked, and she just laughed.
“Anything, you say? Then, I think...I'm in the mood for this.” They grabbed his collar, yanking him up onto the nearby bed. Before he could even try to sit up they were on him, wrapping themselves around him, worming in between his shackled arms, forcing him to embrace her back. A shudder ran down his spine as her skin came into contact with his, her arms pinning him flush against her body, her legs tangling around his. “Have you ever been this close to someone, darling?” she whispered in his ear, their fingers stroking his hair.
“I-I, um, a few times but-”
“Aw, and you’re still nervous.” Her hand ran down the back of his head, stopping at his collar. “It’s so cute how you still wear this. I’m sure you could get it off if you tried, so you must like having it on, huh? Do you miss your owner?”
“She’s not-I don’t-I just-it’s…” he screwed his eyes shut, “I can’t take it off, alright?!”
“Such a dutiful little pet-”
“I wasn’t h-her pet!”
“You’re so adorable when you’re in denial.” They stroked his back, rubbing around the base of his wings. Erebus just opted for staring at the wall, hoping they wouldn't touch his horns. “Do you know how lust demons feed, my dear?”
“By eating…?”
“Well, of course, but not the same way you do. We feed off of humans, more specifically, their bodily fluids.” She smiled widely, showing off her fangs. “And I haven’t had a meal ever since being locked up in here. I normally get my fix a different way, but, to be considerate of you, innocent little boy,” they shifted until their lips were right next to the base of his neck, fingers pushing his collar out of the way, “I’ll settle for feasting on your blood.”
Her fangs sank into his neck, and he couldn’t help but gasp at the sudden pain. He tried to breathe in calmly through gritted teeth as she sucked on the holes in his flesh, drinking his blood. Soon enough, his ears started ringing, and lightheadedness crept in. He gripped the chain between his wrists just too feel something solid, glad that he was lying down, at least. By the time Asmodeum pulled away, licking droplets of blood from their lips, a dizzy haze had settled over Erebus. He closed his eyes, tears leaking out as she snuggled back into him, just hoping that this would all be over soon. In fact, maybe he would just...let the blackness take him...just for a little bit...so he didn’t have to be...awake…
Erebus’s mouth tasted like dried blood when he woke up, and Asmodeum was still wrapped around him tightly. She smiled when their eyes met. “Did you have a good little nap, my darling? I hope you don’t mind, but,” she gripped his chin, her thumb stroking his lips, “I had a little bit of fun with you while you were out of it.” A bit of...wait is that why his mouth tasted like-
“W-you-you can’t d-do that to me I-I don’t-” his voice broke, and he couldn’t breathe all of a sudden, no matter how many fast little breaths he sucked in, just get away, get away from me stop touching me don’t do that to me please please I don’t want that you can’t do that to me you can’t you can’t I never wanted that not from you not from anyone and now now now I-I’m-I’ve been-
He felt something solid press into his hands, and he realized that Asmodeum was standing in front of him, and that was his sword in his hands, he was sitting up now and that was his sword and Asmodeum was smiling they were holding out their arms to him they were ready they were ready they were laughing they were coughing up blood they were on the ground there was so much blood how much of it was his he wasn’t sure he didn’t know they reached up and he backed away he had to get away he couldn’t stay here a second longer she was dead she was dead she was already crumbling away and he had to go he wanted to rip off his own skin he could still feel her touching him where where where were his clothes where was the key to these manacles he had to go he-
Erebus dropped his sword. He fell to his knees. He buried his face in his hands.
And he screamed.
Tags: @dramaticcollapse @thehopelessopus @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @galaxywhump @as-a-matter-of-whump
@mnmlover2002 @tears-and-lilies @yet-another-heathen @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @starnight-whump
@unicornscotty @thebewilderer @kixngiggles @itallstartedwithharry @inky-whump
@redstainedsocks @lonesome--hunter @his-unspoken-words @susiequaz12 @its-mysweetlittlesecret-blog
@whumpasaurus101 @patheticlittleguy @jadeocean46910 @whumpinggrounds @pumpkin-spice-whump
@suspicious-whumping-egg @befuddled-calico-whump @whump-in-the-closet @pumpkinsncoffee @aryox
@vampiresprite
#i wrote something#erebus & terror#erebus#asmodeum#creepy whumper#intimate whumper#nonhuman whumpee#demon whumper#noncon kiss#noncon touch#can i get a lmao in chat this guy is having the worst time of his life maybe#yeah shiori is human and normal and i meant it when i said they'd never see each other again#bro's neteri devotion is literally getting worse now that they're apart what is he DOING#i cant believe superhell isnt the healing environment he needs to process his trauma 😔#but yeah back when i was still in college and writing like chapters 3-6 ish of E&T (like him getting branded)#i was like ''okay but the bathing scene is soooo fun and sexy i want to write it right now''#so i did and then it sat there for 3 years#it's honestly really weird that it's out in the open now it's been My Secret Writing for SO long#had to make a lot of edits though and i can see how much ive improved since then like yeah let's GUT this bitch#asmodeum fucking sucks. sorry. they are the literal fucking worst#they're also technically genderfluid but since the way they're perceived is based on the person's attraction#erebus just gets female/androgynous vibes cuz he doesn't like men 👍#uh what else oh yeah we had to give him the kissing trauma. rare instance of me projecting write it down kids#god i started the final edit of this at 4:30 and i was like ''yeah i can have it ready by 5''#it's 5:51 you idiot
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I'm sick and downtrodden and exhausted and these dogs are fuckin gettinjg me but let it be known that this morning I was still cuteee
#I love this sweater. tbh. tbqh. very good for hiding and burrowing in when you're sick and feel weird#also you get an extra photo bc my bathroom is cute (cropped out the clothes in my sink and the clutter on the counter it's fine)#the dogs are tourists and horrors#andrew/ryker.jpg#tell me I'm hot it'll speed up the healing process /jk unless
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got my ears pierced
#one step closer to being link…#cant wear my little blue hoops yet…… soon……….#piercer was so cool. i was like im kindof moderately anxious#and he went dude as long as you dont hit me or kick me we’re good#and he explained the whole process to me and was like you got this youll be fine#i went ‘im assuming it hurts’ and he said ‘well it doesn’t feel great’#i think i was too hopped up on adrenaline to actually feel the pain because it just felt really weird#but now.. link earrings….. in a month once theyve healed
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alright, i am still working on my random self indulgent guidance counsellor jersey hcs ( the kids call him Mr. Bro, which is so iconique to me, like i think the fifth graders were just memeing on him, but it accidentally stuck because the littles heard it and…if that’s ur name once, it’s ur name forever. it’s also Sick, tyvm! )
but anyways here are some random highlights with no context, he is the funniest man alive to me.
-okay, re: this one, he also puts his hair up everyday ( could u imagine that man’s hair being down, children would be like u look like ARIEL! and get nothing done ) btw, it’s virtually the same dress shirt, blazer, sweater, slacks, gold stan s/star of david necklace stack moment w/ the glasses and the chain…but, to keep it cute, he does wear a different silly tie everyday with a different color pattern or vibe going on. he does get sent a lot of goofy ass ties as presents; it’s a w.
-mr. bro does just sound like sheila broflovski and i am obsessed with him. he’ll worry about you all day to the point of being physically sick and see you in the hallway and go ‘well clearly, ya don't need the noise cancelling headphones 'cause you're tunin' me out just fine!'
-he's so cute w/ the little people, he is like aaaa please don't hurt me, spare me, o great and powerful one, i've got two kids and two strays at home ( rip sparky and curb are his kids jysk, annoying rockstar fiance and slightly demonic kindergarten matilda are the strays <3 )
-small domestic ravesey sidebar: jk does wear a cd pin on his blazer sometimes and has a picture of stan on his desk and when he shows kids it and they gasp ( bc stan is extremely beautiful and perfect ) he's like 'oh, god! i know! he's Hideous, right?!' shdlksdd amazing
-mr. bro says acab is my favorite mr. b hc
#nina speaks#i am so sorry about this#this is deeply funny to me tho this isnt even done this is just weird sections on if it but i love u healing arc jersey#he is so cute he is just boy sheila broflovski and is like yeah yeah quit mouth breathin in my hallway#and write the sweetest note to ur teacher and parents about how much uve improved and how proud of u he is#jk and rs and sparky and curb and nova nation we are up#all cops are baloney is the funniest thing ive ever written#in my life brotherrrrr he literally cannot go to the police station they will get mad at him BUT HES NOT HAVIN IT BITCH#he will get nasty with you!!! process that shit or ELSE#also him pretending to be weak and dainty#he is too much for that sometimes he'll complain or pretend to fall out of his chair if hes being super annoying ( always )
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it’s okay to be angry at the injustice of somebody hurting you.
#female writers#women writers#female poets#women poets#spilled ink#the tortured poets department#healing#healing from abuse#healing is a process#healing is not linear#healing is hard#healing is a journey#healing is weird#healing is possible#narcissistic abuse#escaping abuse#abuse survivor#abuse recovery#fuck abusers#narcissisticabuserecovery#hurtquotes#healing affirmations#healing and growth#healing from trauma#healing girl era#healing journey#healing not healed#healing process#healing reminders#healing quotes
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if I had a nickel for every time someone at my work had a name in common with a character from my otp that i have written approximately 280,000 words of shipfic about, i would have one nickel, which isn't a lot but it makes things a little awkward when they come up to me on our lunch break to say hi while i'm in the middle of writing a shipfic and i have to quickly close the document before they see their name
#and to be clear that 280k IS counting my wips#but NOT counting the time heals 'verse because that's not exactly ABOUT the ship#WITH the time heals 'verse that total is a little over 360k#which i realize is small compared to some authors#but it's HUGE for me#anyways sometimes i have to rapidly switch my brain process from 'ezra from star wars' to 'ezra from accounting' which is weird lol#jessica's non writing nonsense
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hc that throughout the years, jude takes leaves of absences form being high queen to go spend a couple months w vivi heather n oak !!! madoc too ig while he’s still exiled lol. ( vehemently ignoring the stolen heir’s canon sorry not sorry.) family bonding time, far away from the hubbub n chaos of the folk, n also the realization that jude doesn’t mind the mortal world all that much. yes it’s not faerieland, but it’s smth alright n she finds it soothing at times. she’s less unhinged n paranoid compared to when she was younger n the ptsd from her past has decreased in its intensity thanks to heather-mandated therapy ( heather only had to hear a couple times abt the duarte sisters’ fucked up childhood for her to plead jude to go to therapy—vivi alrdy has— n jude relented after 5 yrs of honest-to-god begging. big slay heather our mental health queen 🫂) and so that’s why she can even leave faerieland in someone else’s hands. these visits aren’t too frequent but they r long in their duration. 3-4 months tops. sometimes cardan comes along bcs the bed feels empty w/o jude n— Okay he’s js lonely w/o his wife. sue him. some poor hapless councilor advisor is forced to be in charge in their place (they send letters weekly. ‘please your majesties, when will you be returning home ?’ #urgent LOL) one day jude (age:37) notices grey hairs appearing on her head n she sort of freaks out. not in an entirely vain way either. more like:. oh fuck aren’t i supposed to not age as long as im in faeirieland ?? 3 long discussions later w cardan n the royal folk-human specialist, the conclusion that is reached is that bcs of jude’s visits to the mortal word, as infrequent as they r, theyve seemed to affect the way her body ages. or more aptly put, doesn’t age lol. jude gets some grey hair n lines on her face while still technically NOT aging. n she feels less panicky abt it bcs hey she’s not aging. sort of. meanwhile, cardan finds himself deeply enamored w jude’s grey hair n the subtle creases on her face that multiply slowly. he tells jude js so n she’s like i am not susceptible to flattery cardan greenbriar. hes Serious abt it tho n tells her that he isn’t saying that bcs it’ll make her feel better or wtv but bcs her aging evidently is actually beautiful to him. cue jude sour pursed lips for a bit as she gets these days when it comes to cardan being unbearably earnest towards her but she feels less weird abt the hair n lines so :)
anyways this was a long-winded niche asf hc that appeals to exactly only 2 ppl on this site n im not even confident in THAT estimate lol
#notice there’s no mention of taryn here ? hc that they never rlly resolve their relantionship issues properly n taryn n jude plan their#trips months apart bcs SISTER ISSUES !!!! also taryn is lowkey bitter abt the fact jude forgave cardan for everything he did to her but not#her#hc that they eventually get their shit together n it’s a long sob-filled heartbreaking reunion bcs at the end of theh day the duarte twins#love each other to pieces no matter what n that’s probably the worst part of their fractured relationship LOL#me: i want to see jude happy n content n the long process to being better n— basically everything left in unacknowledged in canon#[dua lipa crying.gif]#she’s so precious to me#it won’t ever happen realistically bcs of magic n shit but my jude ages elegantly vision is so strong ive been POSSESED#jude duarte#madoc family#jurdan#tfota#also idk if i’ll ever read tsh/tpt it js isn’t appealing to me from what little i’ve heard abt it lol#suren seems miskiin but also we should’ve all saved ourselves the trouble n let oak grow up permanently in the mortal world …. 🧘♀️#vivi duarte#heather#i will always be annoying abt heather i need more of her need her own little story abt meeting vivi LIKEE#tell me how she brushed away vivi’s inherent folk weirdness TELL ME ABT IT..#healed jurdan n the duarte twins will HEAL ME#lol#btw when i say jude forgave cardan i mean that boy had to pull out all the stops LMAO they even had a not-break-up for a while
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i'm so fucking stressed out
#dude my dog had acl repair surgery in march#she's healed fine with that but developed stomach issues#so she's been back and forth to the vet with that#and now when i was at work she just randomly started walking weird as fuck. she kicks her leg that was operated on backwards as she walks#and sometimes looses balance in both legs#and then when i pick her up she acts like it hurts her spine or something#i'm gonna wake up in 4 hours to call the vet and see if they can see us today and pray that this isn't something that she'll need surgery#for again#i also am supposed to work tomorrow and then friday we have a rehearsal dinner and then saturday the wedding which is two hours away.#vets closed on sunday so if she can't get seen tomorrow it'll be a whole new fiasco trying to get her helped somewhere else#this dog is my lifeline like it#ruins me#seeing her like this#genuinely if i didn't have her i wouldnt be here#it's so hard to watch her not even be able to walk#but it's so fuckinf weird bc my mom said she was just laying in her bedroom and she came back out doing it? there's nothing she could've#gotten into it just makes no fuckinf sense#like it's possible either her kneecap or her acl implant thing popped out of place but#she stiffens her entire body when i pick her up#and she acts like she's losing balance#it's so fucking weird#i'm also terrified that i'm about to get told she has some kind of onset of neurological problems and she'll have to get put down#or something along those lines#it's just too much rn#pls keep my doggy in ur thoughts#we just spent 3k on her surgery in march if she has to get operated on again first of all the recovery process all over again sounds like#a nightmare#but just the cost alone#i'm gonna FUCKING KILL MYSELF
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#just had 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled out in one session 🎉#just went in no thoughts head empty with the goal to get it over with bc i don’t#want to go back after 2 weeks and do it all over again#blood tw#why are dental clinics so weird and horrifying like#like i came out of my session looking at my surgeon with blood splatter on his face shield 😭 and a bit more all over#getting your tooth extracted is such a weird experience istg#just full of pressure and a bit of loud slicing haha#and a bit of loud cracking noises#also my surgeon made me go ??? and laugh a bit because before we started he said#‘i wish my other patients opened their mouth as much you did’#like ?????? LMAO WHAT#opened their mouth wide*#mind you we haven’t spoken a word since i arrived and sat down on the chair#and them proceeded to gossip to his assistant#like how he had difficulty locating something in his other patients’ gums bc they can’t open their mouths that wide djdjjd#anyway im lowkey dreading the healing process#bc i can’t eat hot food :/ just room temp+cold food#treating myself to ice cream 😌#*ri
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Weird random fact about me: for some reason I never get visible burn injuries. The only time I ever even got sunburnt was once after standing in direct sunlight all day (6+ hours) with no sunscreen at all- but that isn't that weird, to be resistant to sunburns. What *I* find weird is that I've never had a burn that left a mark, and I've certainly been in situations that should leave marks- splashed by hot oil, accidentally touched a hot stove or oven, we've all done something like that before. But the most I ever had was a little redness after (like the way you would after taking a hot shower) and I have no idea why. I am pretty resistant to heat, at least when it comes to things like touching the pan/sticking my hand in the water to see if it's hot or drinking something while it's still quite hot (not to full body heat though, lol I am very prone to heat exhaustion) but still I find it weird that I've never had a burn injury aside from that one sunburn before
#it does still hurt me (quite a lot in fact!) it just never leaves a visible injury or scar#and i cant find any reason why this would happen but i have a theory that my body is actually very weak to healing burns#and because of that cant produce the scar tissue which would normally be a part of the healing process#thankfully ive never been in a situation where this would be fully tested though >_<#i mean people with eds do tend to scar weird but its usually excessive or atrophic scarring so theres no studies on this
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Let's be honest, and I say this with full offense, Lucerys Velaryon is the Archduke Franz Ferdinand of the Dance of the Dragons. He is meant to be a sacrificial lamb to kick off the entire war proper. If we had gotten a full season of development with him like we did with the younger cast in Game of Thrones, I guarantee more people would've felt something. The only reason I personally feel bad is from a baseline level of empathy, because he was a child who was placed in an unwinnable situation due to his mom being completely irresponsible with him and his brothers.
However…
The comparison between Lucerys and Aemond is no contest. Love him or hate him, Aemond has an actual personality and goals when we first meet him. There's enough dimension in Aemond as a child to showcase the potential for sympathy between him and Jace at the funeral, a scene they didn't need to put in, but they did, which emphasizes his own innocence. Even before he breaks bad fully in S1E10, he's still far more compelling to watch due to the number of scenes allocated to him and his dynamic with other people.
This is where you and I are going to disagree just a bit, because Lucerys does do something in S1E07 and S1E08. He gouges out the eye of a family member and petulantly whines that he “didn’t do anything!” when confronted with the possibility of getting in trouble for it, then years later has the nerve and complete lack of sense to giggle at the person he permanently maimed only hours after his legitimacy was publicly called into question (again) and resulted in a murder. The narrative (perhaps unintentionally) glosses over these moments in favor of portraying him as good, whereas if you read between the lines, you can see that as being an oversimplification. The problem is that because S1 was truncated, secondary characters like Lucerys don’t receive screentime dedicated to portraying anything other than a single personality trait. Unfortunately, because of his role in the text and the way it was adapted for television, there was never a chance that Lucerys would be interesting.
I don't even have anything to add, this is just objectively correct.
#personal#answered#anonymous#and yeah lucerys refusing to take any responsibility or even show a hint of remorse for what he did is so galling to me#i could never care about him after that#like first of all you were in the wrong in the fight period#aemond did nothing wrong he claimed a free dragon who let him bond with her#i get why rhaena and baela were acting irrationally upset their mother died and they're young#grief makes you act weird#jace and luke had absolutely no reason to act the way they did#like it's not your fight and also again aemond literally did nothing wrong#but because he made a nasty comment after already being yelled at for doing nothing wrong y'all decide to gang up on him#with your cousins#and then this little idiot decides to take a whole knife to someone's face and refuses to ever feel bad#luke could have KILLED aemond#aemond could have DIED#not just from the immediate wound but also any issues that arose during a really long and arduous healing process#it's why fics with luke where he feels bad or contrite don't work for me#because he literally doesn't???#he doesn't care at all#he doesn't care he almost killed a person for no reason and left them with lifelong issues as a result of his fuck up#out here kicking his feet and giggling over maiming another human being#again vhagar eating him was too easy#he should have gotten his eye poked out first anyway#literally only feel kinda bad for rhaenyra cuz i'm neutral leaning positive towards rhaenyra and losing a child hurts#luke himself can rot i feel nothing
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simba 💛🐈
#life has been so weird these past few months#got out of a toxic relationship 😅 almost died (twice) worked 80hrs in one week#because i love myself that much LMAOOOOOO#got into skincare because its time for revenge#I ALSO GOT A CAT. SIMBA IS HIS NAME !!!!! My son and my baby#hmmmm what else ! OH !!!! i’m an aunt now… so thats exciting#mmmmmmmmmmm on the process of healing and learning to love myself again#that relationship honest to god broke me so its been rough hehe ❤️🩹🤧#hmmmm thats it for now 😵💫 lmaooooo
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