#healing family relationships

[alyjojo]

Family Ties 🤍 - July 2023 - Taurus

Overall energy: 6 Wands

Two stories in this one area. First off, regardless of how many siblings you have, I only see one, and they’re trapped in the same dynamic as your parents. Because something has always worked out, no one has spoken up, forced a change, told the more toxic person to get their crap together, setting boundaries…it’s always been perceived as normal. Accepted. “That’s just how they are.” And worked around.

I see you overcoming this. It will be passed down, but not to you, to your sibling…unfortunately in some ways 😓 Despite that, I see your experience with your family as mostly positive, regardless of the issues they may have, they’re very supportive of you, generous to you and you to them in return. They may be pretty conservative or religious in nature, you’ve gained a lot in wisdom & maturity, possibly education and a good living or career as well, by having had them as your family ❤️ They may have some level of status, privilege or entitlement that comes with their name or reputation. Are they perfect, nope not at all. Are they good for you, yes.

Father: The Devil & Temperance

Yours is the only reading where Dad comes first, but it’s necessary to explain his side first, or Mom’s side won’t be clearly understood. He’s the problem. He is extremely selfish and self interested, always thinking of his way is the right way and there is no other. This may fall in line with The Hierophant in your section, your family is very conservative, because of him. Father is the head of the household, the one that controls the money, the goings on, the reputation and status of the home on an authoritative and/or “morally righteous” way. But it’s toxic, and everyone seems to know it but him. His father may have been the same, and his grandfather before him. Traditions are extremely important to him as the family unit, but more often than not he’s out to please himself, and is extremely defensive should anyone “call him out” for that. I honestly get a “speak when spoken to” sort of vibe with him, but only about the problems - especially his problems. He expects everyone else to get in line because he’s not changing. There could be addictive substances involved with him, something about how he “pleases himself” is actually toxic, but he celebrates it, and comes off as quite controlling…but not over everything, that’s the confusing part. Niche things that only apply to him. Like if HE believes that a certain school is the best then every child will go to this school, even if it’s on the other side of the world, he will die on that hill, there is no argument. Just as an example. Especially when these things reflect him or “the family”, or are financially related. He has high expectations. But for other things, he doesn’t care so much and is generally peaceful. You never really can know what to expect, except that his perspectives & desires are the only ones that matter, and he will always get his way. People may walk on eggshells around him, especially Mom, regarding certain topics.

Mother: 4 Cups, 9 Swords rev, The Fool

She is a complacent sort of person, an enabler of sorts when it comes to your father. She isn’t one to take risks or step too far outside of the lines that he has drawn for her, nor is she one to confront his personal demons and take a stand against them. She expects him to heal, change, “quit” if substances or addictions, or to otherwise learn with time. He’ll see “eventually”. She may make excuses for him, his father did xyz so he does too. She may have very little choice in the matter and for the sake of her own sanity, is pretty hands off where he is concerned. That doesn’t mean she likes it, but more like she pretends it isn’t a problem, or personally believes that moving away from whatever he does would be foolish, like that’s how things are supposed to be. She drinks the same Kool-Aid, and though she misses out on excitement or opportunities for joy, she doesn’t seem to mind letting them pass her by. The very definition of submission, she could also be quite religious. She could be fearful of you or your sibling/s breaking traditions that would set you apart from the family, she only wants to keep everyone together. “The family” as a unit is very important to them both. Am I reading for the Mafia? If so, good on ya mate, we cool 😎

Siblings: 6 Cups, The Magician rev, 10 Pentacles, The World

You’re very nostalgic about your sibling, your childhood, and how things were. 6 Wands on your side is about recognition, I get that a particular person, or more than one even, are very important or prestigious in some way. You have recognized the manipulations, lies, the clever maneuvers, how your childhood, parents, or situations were actually toxic. Because it is what it is. But they also drink the Kool-Aid, and this is what has separated you from them, even if you two still interact and love each other, under the surface you’re very different. Your siblings feel that all of these things you did/said were toxic (but you’re being justified here that you’re right & trust yourself), they see this family as identity, generational inheritances, the foundation upon which you’re all built. It’s something to honor, they’re lovingly nostalgic about the same things you find to be wrong. You’re like night and day. They are entirely unconscious to what the problems are, so healing them is not an option, they will continue the same traditions as set forth by their parents, grandparents, etc. With any single one of these people, if you spoke up, you’d be the one that’s wrong, not them. I’m sure you already know this.

Grandparents: Ace of Swords rev & 9 Pentacles rev

I only get a grandmother, she doesn’t talk about either parent’s issues, she’s probably not much of a talker at all. Others also may not be fully honest with her about what’s really going on in this family unit, she feels like an outsider. If there is some level of codependency, either with her or Mom, she doesn’t see that as an issue. She doesn’t really see anything as an issue, but no one is particularly close with her either, maybe just Mom if anyone. She expects people to deal with their issues and get over them, it’s that simple. She is an Empress, the matriarch of the family, someone who may have several children, and she sees no issue with how they or you were raised, this is simply how things are and everyone will grow and mature like they should. Or has, in her opinion. She’s actually very positive, and cares for everyone equally, she’s just blissfully unaware, or something like that.

Spiritual Ancestors: 5 Cups, 3 Pentacles, Justice

Your ancestors are disappointed with your family, with 3 Pentacles I’m getting three people, maybe more, and they’re all united against you. You’re the one with the problem, you’re the one that stands out or isn’t like them. I don’t get a big confrontation having occurred, but you may have spoken your mind about some of these things before, and it’s set you apart from the rest of the family. It’s their way of the highway. Ace of Swords shows the truth being connected to you, your ideas and words have shown the truth of these matters, probably on several occasions. I do see that you love your family very much. Your Spirit wishes your family would see these truths for themselves and recognize your ideas & thoughts as a positive thing, because you’re not coming off as negative or wanting to “attack” anyone…you’re just right. Toxic is toxic. Manipulation is manipulation, there’s no room for interpretation when things simply are what they are. Unless they can see it for themselves though, it will remain you vs. them. They may say what they say or act how they act, your Spirit just wants you to be kind, love them while you’ve got them, and lead by example however you can. Everyone generally has something positive to offer and people aren’t being appreciated for those things, that could also be them telling you that, if you’re in some kind of ego over them being this way. You can’t change people that don’t want to change, but sometimes love does that over time, naturally, without us having to force it.

Oracle:

Secrets

Conceal plans and actions from those not ready to accept you as you are.

Precision

The desire to do things precisely is useful as long as it goes not devolve into rigidity.

[serenitymaliburehabcenter]

Top 5 Reasons Your Family Needs Therapy | Serenity Malibu Guide

Discover the top 5 reasons your family needs family therapy and the numerous family therapy benefits it offers. At Serenity Malibu, we understand the importance of family therapy in fostering healthy relationships and effective communication. Our family therapy guide explains how therapy can help resolve conflicts, improve emotional connections, and support addiction recovery. Learn how Serenity Malibu family therapy creates a safe space for families to heal and grow together, ensuring a stronger bond and a healthier future. Don’t wait—start your journey toward family wellness today!

[thepeacefulgarden]

[gunstellations]

a little family

[moonhedgegarden]

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Childhood trauma may make you worry about growing up resembling your parents: you may recognize their tone when you speak, or react like them on occasions. You may fear not being able to be different or free yourself from their toxic traits, and it may make you feel defective or bad as a person: all this may trigger you and have you overreact in case of triggers. Childhood trauma generally makes a person lose their sense of self and therefore wonder if you are inherently good. Anytime you fear becoming as your parents, remember that this feeling alone is a sign of you having reached a great level of self awareness, something that they probably lack.

You're very likely just behaving as a human: even if you share certain occasional traits with your caregivers or any other human being you may consider "bad", you aren't doomed to be a bad person too. Not to mention that probably you have picked up a behaviour from your parents to save yourself, and this doesn't mean you're a copy of them at all: this single trait of you doesn't define you. And you can even unlearn this trait with time and patience, and welcoming it for the time being, just to understand where it comes from and care for it (our shadow traits are still part of us, a scared part of us, a scared mini-us -our child version, if you want-, and we cannot pretend they'll heal and leave us alone if we keep them at a distance and don't wanna listen to them. I mean... how can a child stop crying if you close them in a dark room alone?)

You can change anything you want of yourself as you grow more in touch with yourself and become aware also all the differences you share with your parents/caregivers. Focus on these too, not just on what may make you occasionally similar. This trigger is just a reminder of where you were and the journey you're going through to become yourself.

(me + source)

[independent-fics]

Nathan Ford Being a Dad™ Parallels

Leverage (2008-2012):

04x16 The Gold Job

05x05 The Gimme a ‘K’ Street Job

05x08 The Broken Wing Job

[disaster-catalyst]

they make me so emotional

[desultory-suggestions]

It’s okay if your family is complicated. It’s okay to love people who have also made mistakes, even serious ones. It’s hard to explain our relationships with people we’ve spent so many formative years around to people on the outside. The only person who can decide what they want to do with those relationships is you. It’s okay to care for complicated people. Remember to care for yourself, and put your happiness and safety first.

[hellpegasus]

Has anyone else mentioned the fact that we never see Husk smile until Loser, Baby? He's always frowning and just standing in the back like he doesn't want to be there (he doesn't). Perpetually pissed off. He's been miserable and drunk ever since he made that deal with Alastor. But right before the song we see him smile for the first time and once the chorus hits that smile barely leaves him for the whole song. And after that, we finally start seeing him smile more regularly. At the hotel, at the bar, wherever. Loser, Baby was the song Husk sang to help Angel stop hating himself for his mistakes and be able to enjoy his own life. Except he wasn't just telling that to Angel, he was also telling himself

[alyjojo]

Family Ties 🤍 - July 2023 - Leo

Overall energy: 7 Pentacles

You’re biding your time, trying to figure your family out from a healthy emotional distance with King of Swords. The Magician & Death show you’re aware some things in your family need to end completely, at least your role in them, but others can be used to create other things in a better way. Your spiritual message has a possible move, so if you’re moving locations, it could be a catalyst to continue your favorite parts of family life - and leaving behind what will inevitably end. If not actually moving, same energy. Possible engagement, marriage, babies, all of these things are in the cards for you if that’s the route you’re trying to go down (and take precaution if it’s not 😁). Your partner shows relationship troubles, they may be getting out of something and you’re just waiting for that to end in order to create something new. I get you being closest with family out of everyone.

Mother: Page of Wands & Knight of Cups rev

Mom is why King of Swords energy is necessary for you, as you’re probably aware. You don’t see her clearly, and as a young child you may have idolized her as “perfection”, like kids do, you have a really hard time seeing the reality of things when it comes to her. But perfection is not how things have played out, and you’ve been separated, from both parents really. I can’t tell if they’re together or not. You dream of a reunion with her, that she will heal her toxicity and demons, but also know deep down that’s not actually possible. You’ve had to heal a lot because of Mom’s issues, it’s like you’ve allowed them to transfer onto you, when it’s one of the things that needs to end in your life. The Devil here can refer to many different painful experiences, abuse on any level, substances, obsessions, toxic things and thoughts that keep you trapped, you know your story. You’ve probably had to claw your way out of the emotional trenches regarding this, forever remaining optimistic, for as long as you could. Judgement in this case is a final decision having been made to not reunite, and I don’t get that it’s a mistake on your part to let this go, you have to 🙏

Father: 8 Wands, 8 Swords, 9 Cups

Dad seems pretty clueless, and distant. He may be a holiday parent you hear from a few times a year. He goes from flurries of messages and “catching up” to complete silence, and there is probably not much depth or deep meaning to what he says. He has no clue that this hurts you, or of anything that hurts you, it’s like he just uses his opportunity to talk to you while he has it and doesn’t know what to do beyond that. Its an awkward vibe, not meant to hurt you though. It’s possible he sends messages at holidays but doesn’t try to visit. If so, it’s because he doesn’t have a lot of money, he could be on disability, a pension, have heavy medical bills, limiting physical issues or something like that, with 9 Wands here. You don’t want to burden him with your problems, and he has no idea what those even are. If he does, he feels helpless to do anything about them. If you’re the one hurting for money, he has no idea, you don’t talk to him about these things, probably because you know he can’t really help, but may try anyway. If there is no physical distance, there is emotional distance, but likely both.

Siblings: The Lovers & Strength

You’re very close with your sibling, I get one. Could be more but that’s who comes out. You may not like who they’re dating, or were, that could apply to more than one person even, you don’t like “their whole type”, and also they take always this person away from you. Which is no good. Or that’s switched. But you talk all of the time, and tell each other everything about everything. You could be making plans to move in with them, they could be going through a break-up or something, they’re “done dating forever”, or they could be traveling to you or you to them for awhile, you’re just happy to be together with them on a regular basis again. You two definitely have a soul tie that’s deeper than even some family members, the people closest to us usually are, and you just know. They could be younger than you, possibly with Gemini placements.

Grandparents: 2 Pentacles rev, Ace of Wands, 5 Swords rev

They were once generous and involved with you, and then something happened “they couldn’t handle” the chaos of, and they just kind of left everyone hanging. Could just be one person in particular it’s picking up on. It’s like they have proved themselves unreliable, didn’t say anything for a long time, and then when they realized what they’d done, it was too late to fix it. Or they don’t know how. They know people are mad at them, and want to avoid that at all costs by just avoiding everyone’s existence apparently. Wheel of Fortune shows karma, and you don’t have to worry about it. It may also be destined they exited your life, it feels like you are a part of their lesson but not so much the other way around.

Spiritual Ancestors: Ace of Swords, 4 Wands, Page of Cups

I see you moving, could be with your sibling, there are definitely two people here. Someone may have a child, or you both do. What’s here is needing to be honest and have true deep conversations with each other - moving or not - about what you want your families to be like. What was toxic in yours that you don’t want to carry on to the next generation, or even in yourselves? This could be addictions, negative perceptions, heavy wounds and burdens, whatever applies to you. That’s why King of Swords is here. What is worth keeping? What has to go? In order to create the family you’ve always wanted, equal exchange with genuine & stable people that you can always count on. Ending generational trauma perhaps, or at least the pain that you’ve felt from your childhood. You want to close out the cycle and start a new chapter in your life, or your Spirits are saying it’s time for you both to shed your old skins. It doesn’t fit anymore, the more aware you become of old patterns & situations. Who you are now can objectively look at who you were then - forgive, mourn, celebrate, and wake up to how different you are now, while keeping an eye on how different you’d like to be going forward. I’m getting your sibling is your teammate, they’ll be on the same page, or they will be happy to once you are. You are a team 👯‍♀️

Oracle:

Capable

You can deal successfully with whatever challenges and circumstances arise.

Introspection

Introspection is often necessary to deepen our awareness of the unity and divinity of life.

[neuroticboyfriend]

if you want to go no contact with your abusive family/guardian(s), you have every right to do that. if you want them to work with you on developing a healthier, happier relationship, you have every right to try that. if you want to disown your birth/current family or have a found family, you have every right to do that. if you want a mix of all these, you have every right to do that as well.

because it's your life, your family, and your choice. you are the only person in this entire universe who can decide your wants and needs. and i hope however you want to move forward, you get your wish - your healing, hope, safety, and any love, care, and support you need. you've been through enough. you deserve rest and joy.

and it's okay if you don't know what to do. it isn't pleasant, it's scary, it's confusing. yet it isnt immoral. it isnt wrong. you're doing the best you can with the knowledge, support, and resources you have. i promise.

[thepeacefulgarden]

[theblasianwitch]

As I'm working on my healing I found these gems and keep having to refer to them to remind myself sometimes that people in my family are indeed toxic and to take my inner child out of the self blaming state they get in at times. I'm hoping this little information is useful for someone else as well

*Combos can and do exist

**As an adult, your parents may still show these traits, and being around them can be more triggering depending on the severity. The best we can do is educate them while working on healing ourselves. Once educated, it's up to them, not you, to act on what they've learned.

[lunarharp]

being attached to that moment qifrey held a baby one time and my ideas for the future :)

[moonhedgegarden]