#he’s just the product of the environment he got to grew up in

[persephoneflouwers]

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[wilwheaton]

hello mr wil wheaton when you were my age (like exactly i think) you were filming stand by me

I turned 13 during production, so if you're about to become a teenager, I hope you'll let me offer some thoughts that I wish an adult had shared with me, then?

I know this is a wall of text, and giving someone this much of your attention is a HUGE ask. Maybe bookmark this for another time, if you're not into hearing an old man talk.

I wrote this a few days before I turned 50. Thank you in advance for listening, and I wish you a life filled with joy, unconditional love, kindness, and adventure.

Hey everyone! An old man is talking!

In seven days, I will be 50 years-old. This is ... weird. I do not feel the way I expected I would feel when I was approaching 50, nor do any of my friends. The only time I feel like I'm middle-aged is when my body does some bullshit that takes me down for hours because I had the nerve to stand up quickly. And I really hate it when I have to use the flashlight on my phone to see a menu. I mean, at that point, I may as well be dropping my pants for free and singing the Old Gray Mare.

Anyway. This has been on my mind for a little bit, so I had something to say when someone used my tumblr ask me thingy earlier this week:

Q: I hope I'm as cool as you when I'm 49. I'd like to think I'm taking the right steps towards that version of myself. A: So I'm not sure I'm cool, but I do know that I don't suck, and that it's a choice I make every day. I desperately wish someone in my family had told me, or shown me by example, that getting older doesn't mean getting stupid and boring and stuffy and extremely uncool. I wish I'd known that, because I spent all of my life until I was in my 40s feeling like there was this day coming very soon when I would have to stop listening to punk, stop playing video games, put on a suit, and start yelling at kids for no good reason. I didn't know that you don't have to suddenly stop being who you are and become something or someone you hate, just because of a certain age. I know that's super obvious, but to young me, it was not. My dad was an asshole, my mom never showed up for me. Directors and people on set had been treating me like a thing for my entire life. I got yelled at for no reason from adults who knew better almost every day. Most of my elementary school teachers were authoritarian, evangelical assholes. All of these different adults, consistently, shut me down and made me feel like I didn't matter, the things I liked were stupid, and my opinions were invalid because of reasons I didn't understand because I was a dumb kid. So I presumed that when you got to be a certain age, that's what happened. I didn't want to be that, at all, and I was sincerely afraid of the day it would happen. But as I got older, I discovered that all that stuff I hated about adults doesn't automatically happen. Those adults I just mentioned all made a choice to be an asshole. I just didn't know it. I was in my early 20s when I did a movie with a cinematographer who was, I think, 45 at the time. He was the coolest, kindest, most artistic dude I'd ever known. He mentored me and we had epic fun making great art together. I remember telling him, "I'm not afraid of being in my 40s like I used to be. I didn't know you could still be cool." It's sad, that I grew up in such a toxic environment, and didn't know any of these things. So, 9 days before I turn 50, here are a couple things I have figured out: You know who sucks when they hit 49 and 50? People who sucked when they were 20 and never grew up. You know who is an asshole at 49 and 50? Yep. Someone who was an asshole as a kid and never experienced consequences for being an asshole. Hitting middle age has been awesome for me. Other than the aging of my body and its reluctance / refusal to do what I want it to do, I love everything about it. I wish I hadn't spent so much of my life being afraid that, when I hit 50, it was all over. Because honestly it's kind of just starting. The coolest stuff in my life to date has all happened in the last ten years, and I'm so grateful that it coincided with me figuring out a lot of shit so I could enjoy it.

The best part of getting older, by several thousand light years, is the part where we figure out how to stop putting up with other people's bullshit, and we contract our social circle until it's only populated with a VERY few people who deserve us. And I am incredibly grateful for these occasional opportunities to be a 49 year-old dad who can say all the things that would have been reassuring for 19 year-old me to hear (he wouldn't have understood, but 29 year-old me would have remembered, and he would have understood. I think.) I sincerely hope someone hears it and finds it helpful. Anyway, you're gonna be fine. Just remember that being cool, kind, honest, honorable, reliable, listening and showing up … they are all choices. If you want to be cool when you're 49, make the choice and set the example for someone to follow you. Treat kids the way you wanted to be treated when you were young. Listen to them when they offer you the privilege, because that means they trust you, and you have credibility with them. Be a mentor. Be supportive. Show up. Make a choice to be the person you need in the world, and never stop being that person. Start today, and when you're nearing 50 like I am, hopefully you'll remember who you needed right now, so you can be that person to someone else in the future. You're already asking the right questions and taking the first steps. I believe in you. You've got this.

Okay, if you've come this far, perhaps you'll follow me a little bit more, and read a thing I wrote about talking to students just a tiny bit older than you, which contains my core values.

Be honest. I’m a very old man, relative to y’all, and I’ve learned that the only currency that really matters in this world is the truth.

Be honorable. This dovetails with number one. You attract to yourself what you put into the world. Dishonorable people will take everything from you and leave you with nothing. Do your best to be a person they aren’t attracted to.

Work hard. I don’t mean, like, at your crappy minimum wage job you hate. I mean do the hard work that makes relationships work, that gets you ahead in your education, that gets you closer to your goals. Everything worth doing is hard. Everything worth doing requires hard work. Sooner or later, you’re going to run into something in your life that’s really hard, and you’ll want to give up, but it’s something you care so much about, you’ll do whatever you can to achieve it. It’s going to be hard, but it’s going to be less hard for someone who has practiced doing the hard things all along, than it is for someone who doesn’t know how to do the hard work because they’ve always chosen the easy path.

Always do your best. Even if you don’t get the result you wanted, doing your best — which will vary from day to day, moment to moment — is all you can ever do. We tell athletes to leave it all on the field. Whatever your version of that is, do it.

This is the most important one. This is the one I hope you’ll all hear and embrace. This is the one I hope you’ll share with your peers: Always be kind.”

When I read number 5, I looked up at them. I was so happy to see a classroom filled with teenagers who were all listening intently, even the ones I thought had tuned me out. “Here’s the thing about being Kind, versus being Nice,” I said. “I have interacted with lots of nice people who are incredibly unkind. Why is that? How do you choose to be nice but not kind?”

I pointed to my head. “This is where nice comes from,” I said. Then, I put my hand over my heart. “This is where kind comes from.” I put my hands out, like, “get it?”

There was this collective gasp of realization that I did not expect, at all. One kid said “Oh damn!” I saw a few kids look at each other like the trick had just been explained to them. They heard me. They really, really heard me. And it was amazing.

Okay, that's all. If you're still here, thank you for giving me so much of your time and attention. I hope you'll come back in a few years, and let me know how you're doing.

[jorisjurgen]

the rule of fandoms is that if someone has a character in their url or bio they either understand that character well enough to give a 3 hour unscripted lecture on the subject OR they're really obsessed with their version of that character thats an entirely different made up guy. and theres literally never an in between

[dedalvs]

I HATE BEARDS!

I hear this. I think I have the same reaction to both beards and makeup: sometimes they enhance a person's appearance, but the texture is something I can't abide, and this is how I knew both beards and makeup were not for me. In fact, this was how I knew back as a kid that I didn't really want to go into acting. Actors need to wear makeup to look natural on screen with all the different environments they appear in lit in all different types of ways—and this goes for all productions, not just those with monster makeup, etc. In fact it also goes for most live shows. When I'm on a TV show and I'm given the choice, I'll usually ask to not have any makeup, but sometimes you gotta.

It took a while to realize but I'm extremely sensitive to textures. I hate the feeling of cardboard, concrete, blacktop... I used to use lotion on my arms and legs everyday. Once I started growing body hair, I started to get a lot of leg hair, in particular, and using it on my legs became very uncomfortable because of rug burn, for lack of a better term. I had to stop doing it.

When I was writing The Art of Language Invention—especially as I was moving into the final push—I started having an adverse reaction to my trackpad. It got so bad that I actually found an app that allowed me to use my phone as a trackpad. When the feeling later went away (after the manuscript was submitted) this was when I realized that there was a strong mental component to my texture aversion. That's helped me since—to know that a lot of it is in my mind.

Still, it's not enough for me to intentionally inflict a beard on myself. I know it wouldn't look too bad, but the feeling of it is too much. As fate would have it, I grew into a person who can basically never be clean shaven. It's often a point of pride when facial hair comes in around puberty, and I was one of those who was proud of my few little chin hairs, and happy to be able to use the Gillette razor that mysteriously arrived in the mail one day(*). It was a fun novelty. But then after not too long (a year, if that) I realized that if I didn't shave everyday, I would soon actually have facial hair. Not good facial hair (there wasn't enough of it), but it would be there. If I went without shaving for a single day it would look similar to others who hadn't shaved for a week. And it only got worse after that. if I ever stopped shaving for an entire week I'd have a full beard. If I ever fall into a coma, I will leave strict instructions that I'm to be shaved before resuscitation. I can't wake up to that.

So, yes, anon. Your sentiment is something with which I can assuredly vibe.

(*) I don't know if it happens anymore, but most kids in my school district simply had a Gillette razor mailed to their home. We didn't sign up for it; we didn't ask for it. It just arrived—and at slightly different times. I remember coming to school one day after receiving a razor and telling my friends how crazy it was that I just got this razor in the mail, and they were all, "I got one too!" The one friend said he didn't and felt left out, but sure enough, two days later, he had one, too! To this day none of us know how or why this happened, but the majority never bought a razor or received one as a gift or had a parent buy it: it just showed up to our houses one day.

[emo-toaster]

Look at that! I'm back with chapter 2 already! I guess you guys gave me some motivation to finally start writing more of this story. I hope the 2nd Chapter will not disappoint! I'll be posting some art soon so you can imagine the characters better while reading!

Warning!: English is my second language. If you find any errors in my writing, please understand. I used autocorrect to help me with my grammar and spelling, so I'm deeply sorry if any mistakes were made. Dyslexia + writing in a second language = challenging task (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

But besides that, enjoy!!!

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Beauty and the Beast

Miko's attempt at writing the 2nd chapter.

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Chapter 2: This world is full of surprises.

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The forest was so quiet…even birds wouldn't make a sound. The old merchant, known more as your father, slowly walked through the deep, dark woods, pulling a cart with his creations inside. He was supposed to get into the capital and sell his products, but the seemingly right path wouldn't lead him anywhere. This definitely wasn't his best journey, on the way here from home a few boxes already got lost due to him being deep in his thoughts. That was certainly a shame, he'll get less money if he has less merchandise, but going back to find the lost items would be too time consuming, so it was better to just keep going. Your father was a strange man sometimes, he was a perfectionist but could also be messy and forgetful, he would say one thing and then do the other. Seems like it could just run in the family, but it wasn't a flaw, at least for you. Stuff like this built character, that's for sure.

It was slowly getting colder and colder, which was odd since it was the middle of June. At some point the old man could hear delicate crunching underneath his geta, just to look down and see a tiny bit of…snow?

“What's wrong with this path…” He muttered out, shaking his head and continuing to walk. Maybe he just picked the wrong way? Maybe, because the environment began slightly changing, with the plants growing there becoming rather like those you'll find in the mountain area. That was suspicious, but maybe it wasn't? Your father many times admitted that he always has this feeling that he's doing something wrong just for it to be nothing more than a simple suspicion in the end. Well, even if he went the wrong way, it doesn't mean he won't find wealthy customers that will be willing to buy his beautiful music boxes.

Slowly, more snow started appearing. It all felt a bit off, and perhaps it should be alarming, but your old man unfortunately had a lot of optimism in himself and would continue his journey. With more and more time passing, the cart was getting harder to pull. The woods grew deeper and darker, silence was almost eerie and it made even the simplest sounds like breaking a branch or going through the bushes utterly terrifying.

In the distance, there was a faint howling audible. This was certainly weird, wolves were supposed to be extinct in Japan. Of course, maybe a few were still around, and this place seemed to be fully claimed by nature. This path was definitely abandoned, so the old man's suspicions were right, he did get a bit lost. Well, it seems that's enough for today, it's better to just turn around and find the right path instead of wandering around like a helpless child. The merchant was about to go back but…there was no path. Perhaps he came down from it, walking through a new area instead? No, he could've sworn that a path was there just minutes ago. The man didn't get much time to think, because a low growl was audible in the bushes. Maybe it was a fox or something similar, it couldn't be a wolf, right? It wasn't worth the risk, especially when he was pulling a cart with his precious music boxes inside. The old man quickly walked away, slowly speeding up whenever he felt like something could follow him. This was all a disaster, if he gets lost in the woods instead of selling his music boxes, he'll be disappointing his dearest child. That wouldn't do, even if Y/N would understand, the man wouldn't bear to come back empty handed. He'll think of something for sure, in situations like this people tend to have the best ideas.

The growling wasn't audible ever again after that, so it was probably safe. The old man didn't know why this creature, whatever animal it was in the end, wouldn't follow him anymore. He quickly understood why though. Before man there was a heavy gate connected to a thick wall, protecting an even more impressive Castle. The place was huge, yet looked almost abandoned. To the man's surprise, the gate was opened. The presence of a huge palace in the woods was mysterious enough, no one in their right mind would enter, but as they said, your father wasn't in his right mind. The now thick snow made a satisfying crunch as the old man walked through the gate, pulling his cart and leaving it next to the wall as he himself walked further, exploring the courtyard. It was so quiet, the only sound was the howling wind as snow fell down from the sky. All this in the middle of June! It was so cold outside, the old man was wearing only a thin yukata so the low temperature made it even worse for him.

To the merchant's surprise once more, the main door was open as well! It wasn't protected by anyone or anything, the locks were loose, just waiting for the door to be opened.

“I shouldn't, this place is probably occupied…” The man muttered, but then once again, someone wealthy had to live in this palace. He could possibly sell his music boxes and come back home with a lot of money for him and his child! The old man gently knocked on the door, and when there was no answer, he slowly walked in.

Inside there was darkness, everything was so quiet. The man stepped inside, slowly taking in his surroundings. The palace was beautifully furnished with both Japanese and western furniture, trinkets and other gizmos. On a low table there was a candelabra and a clock, both beautifully crafted, probably by a western master due to their complex form and detailed look.

“A work of art, truly…” The merchant muttered before picking up the candelabra, slowly examining it before his eyes fell on the beautifully crafted clock, also admiring it's painting, details and the mechanism. The man looked at both items in awe before hearing a noise in the distance, which made him put the candelabra back to it's original spot and move towards another room, looking for anyone he could talk to.

“You heard that? He called me a work of art…” The candelabra chuckled quietly before an annoyed sigh came from the clock.

“Exactly, and works of art don't utter a word.” The clock huffed immediately, which earned another melodic chuckle from the candelabra.

“That's why you're speaking as well, I presume, Akaza-dono~” The candelabra giggled before immediately silencing itself when the old man turned his head towards them again with a puzzled look on his face.

“Hello, is anyone—...there?” The man hummed, not seeing nor hearing anyone or anything. He shrugged it off, slowly stepping further into the castle.

Maybe this place was just playing pranks on him? The old man wasn't sure. He could've sworn that he heard someone! But he was alone in the end. Before he even knew it, the man made it to another room, the dining hall it seemed. The room was beautifully furnished as well, with western and Japanese furniture once again. Oh, someone rich had to live there if they could get themselves so much western furniture. On the table there was one, hot meal. Steamed rice, fish, soup on the side and even some sweets! At this sight the old merchant could feel his stomach rumbling, but he knew better than to take someone's meal without permission, so he helped himself to some tea instead. The man gently took the teapot, pouring some tea to the cup before…the cup slid across the table on it's own towards the man.

“What the—” Your father gulped softly before looking at the teapot which also moved!

“Would you like some sugar? It goes great with black tea, people from the west add sugar to it— it tastes great, you can trust me!” The teapot chimed softly before looking up at the terrified merchant.

“Oh, I'm sure, but you see, ma'am, I think I forgot something from my cart…” The man answered calmly before quickly rushing out of the room and running through the dark hallway towards the main entrance as fast as an old man can run.

“Ah, Kotoha my dearest, it seems like you spooked the guy.” The candelabra chuckled, slowly making it's way to the dining room and onto the table, not being able to hold his soft laughter at the sight.

“Oh, what a shame, I was hoping he'll stay for dinner.” Kotoha answered with a small sigh, sounding clearly disappointed.

“Oh, don't be silly, maybe he's really ‘’getting something he forgot from the cart'.” Douma joked again, letting out another stream of chuckles before getting a punch from akaza.

“Let's hope not. It's enough that he entered without permission. I hope the man just leaves and doesn't bring trouble.” The clock, Akaza huffed with a stern look on his face.

“Ah, you're no fun these days, you're truly hurting me, Akaza-dono…” The candelabra whined dramatically, throwing himself down onto the table like an offended diva.

.

.

.

As the old merchant neared his cart, his legs were already hurting. Maybe he was really getting too old for this? Well, he'll have to remember the path to the castle, so that he'll never come across it again. That teapot was alive! As your father slowly made it to the gate he remembered something. Roses. Roses grew on the castle grounds. He promised you a rose when he comes back. He already didn't make it to any town, not even one music box has been sold, he failed at everything else, so he won't at least fail at delivering his dearest child a flower. The old man slowly stepped away from the cart, going towards the rose bushes. How did those even bloom here? It was so cold and there was snow all around the castle! It was truly magical, this whole place had to be cursed at some point.

The old man didn't dwell on this any longer, he just stepped closer to the bush, slowly reaching out for one of the flowers and plucking it.

“There we go…this will do.” He muttered, looking at the flower he just took before hearing a low growl behind him. The old man turned around just to see a tall, skinny figure jumping down from some high point right in front of him.

“Good for you…good for you. A cart full of goods, probably a warm home is waiting for you to come back…you have it good man, you know…?” A raspy, croaky voice said as the creature neared the man. Even if this thing was hunching, it was still towering over the merchant.

“You have so much, man, yet you still came to steal from me…oh that's unforgivable!” A wild scream left the thing's throat as a rough, veiny hand grabbed the old man by his yukata, lifting him up angrily

“No, I'm sorry, I didn't know— I would never—” Your father stuttered, trying to apologize. His eyes slowly wandered at the other's face, looking at those down-turned, bloodshot eyes. Those eyes felt so inhuman as the warm yellow sclera, with lime and red iris shone in the darkness with a menacing glow.

“What'cha staring at, eh?” The creature growled, squeezing the man's clothing even tighter. It seemed to just grow more and more angry with every second as the old man couldn't get his eyes away.

“Ah…so you came here to stare at me? Oh…I hate people like you— I can't stand it!” He roared out as his other hand clawed at his face. Only then the old man could see the face of his oppressor, which made him gasp in horror at what he saw. This seemed to anger the being even more as it harshly dragged the old man into the castle, not listening to his screams nor pleas…nor cries.

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Father and to be busy. Maybe he was living his best life, selling as many music boxes as possible? You wondered what could've happened, father didn't come back yet, and you started to worry. Days were passing so slowly when you were alone. Avoiding Kaigaku became even more challenging. For some reason he grew more and more stubborn, and it was slowly becoming annoying. What could you do? The person who'd usually give you advice was gone right now and it was slowly driving you crazy.

You could swear that you'll go crazy if everything will stay like this. The days were all the same and it was awful! As if life was playing a cruel prank on you, very slowly bringing in more and more torture. You began losing all hope before there was a knock on the door! Father! Father came back for sure!

You rushed to the door, getting excited that your parent finally came back from his journey. You opened the door, smiling happily and…

“Oh, someone seems happy to see me.” Kaigaku chuckled softly, proudly sticking out his chest and smirking. Oh no, not this again.

“Kaigaku—” you began saying, but you were quickly silenced by him.

“Ah, no need for all this. I came with an offer. See, my training has been getting successful, I'm getting high in life, slowly becoming a powerful samurai…one or two years and I'll be at the top as an honorable warrior…and every warrior needs their person of honor, no?” Kaigaku hummed, smirking at you as he took a step closer.

“Say, what?” You muttered, obviously dumbfounded before backing into your house. Kaigaku followed you in, kicking off his zōri and looking around the house as he continued talking.

“Picture this…me coming back home from a long, awesome journey, full of slaying dangerous beasts and enemies, and there would be you, waiting for me with a basket of peaches and dinner already waiting for me at the table…” He hummed as he followed you when you still stepped backwards. Honestly, just thinking about your future looking like that made you cringe.

“Just you, me…maybe some kids too, who knows. You know, I'm truly worried for you! I don't want you to end up like poor lady Tamayo, with nothing going on for her, living alone in a small shack, amfar away from the village...” He added. Oh no, no, no, this was the worst idea you've ever heard. As Kaigaku neared you, you slowly dodged, going back to the door and leaning against it.

“Oh, this sounds so interesting, I don't know what to say…” you answered as Kaigaku leaned in with a small smile.

“Just say we'll get married, hm?” He answered, leaning in even more…

“Oh, truly, that's a really nice offer but…oh, Kaigaku, I just don't deserve you!” You answered before swiftly dodging him and sliding the door open, making Kaigaku fall out of your house before the door was shut behind him once again.

Zenitsu, who followed Kaigaku here of course, couldn't help but chuckle softly, but when Kaigaku stared daggers into him, Zenitsu immediately cowered, running away, knowing what was coming. You probably got lucky, because Kaigaku immediately chased after Zenitsu, shouting at him in anger.

Seems like you've just dodged a bullet. A soft sigh left your lips as you walked out of the house through the second door in the back. There was still no trace of your father. But, when he'll come back everything will be better…he has to come back— or you'll have to really get hitched with Kaigaku, which sounded like a literal nightmare.

The blades of grass danced softly on the gentle wind as you walked through the less crowded parts of the village, slightly getting away from it to find some peace of mind. The sun fell onto the rice fields in the distance as clouds swam through the blue sky like little pieces of cotton on a lazy river. There had to be something waiting for you out there, something more than this simple, provincial life where there were limited options for happiness. As your hair danced on the find you could just feel yourself begging for something to happen, for something more to come your way! This couldn't be all this world had in store for you, there had to be more, and if there indeed wasn't, you'll go get it yourself! People are alive to do great things, this world has so much to offer and it's just waiting to be discovered by someone! There's no way that in all this there wasn't something that was waiting just for you…there had to be. Right? You began to doubt yourself a little before you stopped walking as your feet hit something hard.

A box. One of the boxes that had your father's music boxes inside— he dropped it? Before you knew it you could see another one in the distance. The lost boxes had to create a small trail, so perhaps they'd lead you to your father? Besides, it would be good to collect them anyway, once father comes back, he'll be able to sell those too later. You gathered up all your courage and determination, picking up the first box and rushing towards the next one. Slowly stepping into the dark forest. Whatever is in those woods, it better brace itself, because you're on the way to get your father back home.

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And with that, chapter 2 is over! I don't know how many chapters will be there in total, but I'll try to make them a bit longer since I want you to enjoy the story to the fullest! Also, I want you guys to fully grasp the idea that I have in mind.

With all that said, have a nice day/night!

[zinniax]

I recently read the lost sisters after legit months since htkoelths let me tell you it has made me want CARDANS VERSION EVEN MORE.

Moral of the story in my own mind the pov is like this Jude=selfless, Taryn=self love, and Cardan=self worth.

jude/taryns piggy back off of eachother bc whereas Taryn tried to manipulate the game or social structure so she can fit in; jude isn’t worried about fitting in she just wanted respect amoung her peers and changed the game completely. They both wanted a place in their community or world and not be looked down upon. Cardan version would not only be pivotal in knowing the entire scope of love he has for jude but see how he legit is the game! He is the prince but yet he couldn’t count on his friends, he didn’t really have family, and he admitted In not so many word that he was jealous of jude bc madoc loved her when she isn’t even technically his. And that type of isolation he felt and the moment anyone gave him attention (where it be positive or negative) he latched on to it but then throughout the books grew up and matured and finally became part of a community/family and is like hey I have someone who I love and she loves me back🤯

Taryn I still don’t like her don’t get me wrong I can see from her point of view she was like this is the only way but no matter what her sister never crossed her mind, she didn’t feel bad, she didn’t feel remorse, she only did bc she got caught. Taryn is for tayrn she loves herself to much to be anything else (again wheather it’s positive or negative) I got the vibe that she envied jude just a little bit just cuz jude didn’t care for the social aspect of it when taryn did. when jude constantly sheilded and tried to protect her siblings- hello she didn’t even mention that Locke tried to kill her for fun for her sister cuz she didn’t wanna ruin anything for taryn.

And I know a lot of you are pro-taryn after reading her book but really it just proved that taryn loved herself, her sense of importance is insane like how? When she didn’t do anything worthy to attain that title. And it also goes to show how oriana and madoc raised them, they really are the product of their environment. Jude took after madoc and Taryn took after oriana. Oak takes more after all of them especially jude/cardan or at least his ideas (again that might be my own self conscious wanting jurdan babies and living vicariously through oak)

I don’t necessarily hate taryn but really it’s hard to like her. As someone who has a sibling I just couldn’t fathom being ok with anything happening to my sister(irl brother) let alone plot/ mastermind a whole ass plan that might hurt her physically, emotionally, or mentally. (Side note I really hate Balkian and Valerian)

[rei-ismyname]

Iceman Cometh - Bobby Drake Levels Up

As the youngest of the original five X-Men, Iceman was the class clown and the least powerful. Snowboy might have been a better name for him, though that would be a little mean. He definitely experienced growth and came into his own with his powers, but Bobby Drake was closeted for many years in more ways than one.

Snowboy and Iceman, side by side.

All-New X-Men is a great example of an additive retcon for Bobby, revealing that he is gay. His outing is not a model for how to treat queer people, but Marvel sucks at that so it's kinda to be expected. It was nonetheless a quite profound turning point for him and he grew as an X-Man and as a person. 2019's House of X revealed that he was an Omega Mutant of Temperature Manipulation (negative) while also finally defining the term - 'a mutant whose dominant power is deemed to register or reach an undefinable upper limit...' Basically Gods or elemental incarnations for their specific gift, and Iceman was no different.

Iceman terraforming Mars with the other Omegas in Planet-Size X-Men, described as 'creating ice sheets miles wide' - all the ice on Planet Arakko was created by Iceman - the very environment.

Bobby was having a blast in Marauders, taking names and kicking ass on the high seas. In issue 21 most of the Marauders + Emma Frost were flushed into space by a scoundrel trying to rob and kill them. He would have succeeded if not for Iceman's quick thinking, creating a small planetary body to shelter in after being airlocked. Iceman himself could survive space but this feat unlocked confidence we hadn't seen before from him, and something else...

Bobby Drake was truly becoming Iceman and internalising what Omega means. Not having to fear death played a part too but he was considering 'undefinable upper limit' when opportunity struck.

One fine afternoon FIN FANG FOOM smelt their aged Krakoan whiskey and acted as gigantic dragons that win galactic combat tournaments often do. The whole crew was terrified and made haste to GTFO. Sure, customers were waiting on their product, but generally dragons do as they please.

Bobby Drake would have been one of them but Iceman just saw a challenge. 'This isn't even my final form' - probably.

Freezing his gums and his initial attack didn't work, with the dragon smashing Bobby into shards. Fortunately that's barely an inconvenience and Iceman was not giving up. Yeah, get iced, idiot!

Still, Ice Pokémon are weak to Fire. Melting him was as effective as smashing him to pieces, so Bobby finally got serious. 'Get big and beat them down' beats even the hottest flame.

Sure, buddy. After a walloping, Triple F fired off some face-saving utterances and turned tail. The rest of the Marauders were gobsmacked and kinda scared, except for Christian Frost who said 'that's my boy.' He still wasn't feeling challenged though, so he went on a little trip...

... to Niffleheim to bare knuckle box Ice Giants. I feel a little sorry for them bc they were just kicking it in their home when this lunatic showed up and kicked all their asses. 'SEND THE ONES THAT FIGHT THOR!'

'WE ARE THE ONES WHO FIGHT THOR.' Yeah he beat the shit out of all the Ice Monsters in the Ice Realm easily. The ones that give Thor and Odin grief. They've invaded Asgard and Earth multiple times, though they might give the latter a miss in future. Tbh he found it unchallenging, but at least they know who's the king of Ice. ICEMAN, THAT'S WHO.

'What did you do today?'

'Pounded Fin Fang Foom til he fled then beat up the entirety of Niffleheim. Kinda slow, wbu?'

[bettsfic]

I'm so interested about why Vincent and Marilyn are so similar and about what in their biographies haunt you.

first and most prominently: marilyn died when she was 36 and vincent died when he was 37. both of their deaths were considered suicides largely because in the immediate aftermath, men with specific vendettas were the first to write about them. for marilyn, that was norman mailer who had beef with marilyn's husband arthur miller. for vincent that was irving stone, who wanted, idk, profit i guess.

both deaths are likely to have been murders. for vincent, it's all but proven; his murderer confessed shortly before his death, but people are more eager to believe vincent was suicidal and perpetuate the "suffering = art" myth. i'm still researching marilyn's death, but it fell in a long line of assassinations of high profile leftists, and she was 1) married to arthur miller, who was constantly being hounded by the fbi for his ties to the communist party, 2) a political activist and vocal supporter of civil rights, and 3) she was "close" (sleeping with) with JFK and RFK, who were also assassinated.

both marilyn and vincent suffered from psychotic illnesses greatly worsened by substance abuse. for marilyn, that was barbiturates and sleeping meds. for vincent, absinthe. he also had a psychiatric form of syphilis and ate a lot of lead paint. both were institutionalized.

both marilyn and vincent were eager for (and driven by) widespread acclaim, and had an unwavering belief they would achieve it. unlike vincent, though, marilyn achieved her fame in life while vincent died before he could see it. you could argue that he's famous *because* he died. it's not like he was the first or best impressionist painter. his work was only accessible and his story was sad. his sister in law johanna also diligently kept all of his correspondence, so we have an excellent record of his life through the letters he sent his brother theo.

both marilyn and vincent wanted to achieve success for feats akin to, but different from, what they became iconic for. marilyn wanted to be taken seriously as an actress, not just seen as a brainless sex idol, but she died shortly after filming the Misfits which is arguably her best performance. vincent liked painting portraits, not landscapes, but he was fucking awful at it, and his brother theo told him repeatedly, hey why don't you do more of those pretty landscapes, to which vincent doubled down on portraiture, spending what little money he had paying random townspeople to sit for him.

both marilyn and vincent were raised in environments that prepared them for their future careers. marilyn grew up in california and was raised mostly by her mother's friend gladys, who groomed her into becoming the next jean harlow, which is exactly what happened. vincent's uncle got him a job at goupil, an art store, and so even though vincent was a talented writer, he was surrounded by art so that's what he did. his brother theo also worked at goupil and became a prominent art dealer. after theo's death, his wife johanna used those connections to put vincent's work into the world. i'm pointing this out not to diminish either of their accomplishments but to connect part of the reason they were so dead certain about their eventual lasting fame.

both marilyn and vincent have become commercial byproducts. you can find marilyn's likeness on products all around the world. you can find vincent's paintings on any item you can think of. their presence is so ingrained in society that i bet many of us can't identify when we first came into contact with their cultural presence. they enter our lives by osmosis.

both were extremely sensitive and emotionally distraught. both had tenuous relationships with their mothers. both had a family history of psychotic disorders that historians seem very eager to dismiss. both had religious backgrounds that deeply influenced their self-perspectives. both loved literature. both were deeply insecure despite the aforementioned professional certainty. both were lonely; marilyn had a series of husbands who mistreated and abused her, and many people find comfort in believing vincent had theo, but in truth, theo was simply the only one who didn't firmly cut vincent out of his life. i do believe theo loved vincent, but i also believe vincent pushed theo to his limit a number of times, and for his own health, theo had to push him away. after vincent's death, theo went mad with grief and died soon after.

to me, vincent's story is more haunting than marilyn's, because his murder is all but proven and its motives can be reasonably speculated about. vincent was notoriously heckled and bullied by kids wherever he went, because he was very overtly unwell and eccentric. a boy obsessed with american westerns shot him with a pea shooter, and although we don't know the exact circumstances of the shooting, i think it can be reasonably ascertained that he didn't shoot himself, although that's what he claimed in order to protect the boy from punishment, and also because he chose not to be treated.

but marilyn's great tragedy is that her addictions were basically forced on her. everyone in her life had a personal stake in her success, so they kept plying her with pills to help with her anxiety. everyone in her life was manipulating her in some way. i'm also personally interested in the fact she was a sex icon who notoriously had a lot of sex with a lot of people but all evidence points to her being asexual. obviously i can't put a label on her, but she's quoted many times saying she had no interest in sex. the caveat here is that there are no truly reliable sources on this front, not even her, because she often said whatever she thought people wanted to hear, even if it was an outright lie. she has some personal writing, though, which is possibly the only real insight we have, but i'm still combing through all of that.

i don't quite have my thoughts in order about why i'm so drawn to both of them. i guess the short answer is that i'm curious about the turns their lives took, how they were (mis)perceived, and the distance between their real selves and the work they left behind. society is so eager to believe they were people who suffered for erroneous reasons--they were talented, special, exceptional, and therefore tortured by their own unique gifts--and very few people seem to recognize that their deaths, regardless of the actual causes, are still the result of the way they were treated.

[formyloveoflove]

Carmen Berzatto and the Very, Very Bad Work Environment

There is enough space to empathize with Carmen and hold him accountable for his actions. He’s trying very hard to change, but that doesn’t mean he’s not hurting people in the process.

“Hurt people hurt people,” isn’t that how the phrase goes? I don’t think he’s a monster. I do think because of his trauma, he’s tunnel-visioned on the worst parts of himself. And in doing so, he’s isolating himself.

It’s not the “If it’s not perfect, it doesn’t go out.” It’s the condescending tone, the dramatic performance of slamming it in the trash. It’s the anger that’s associated with it. You can still have this ideology without being mean or hurtful about it.

Carmen is stuck in “I’m going to smoke this motherfucker” mode. He views everyone in his staff as competition, and has a tendency to discredit or diminish their capabilities. He demands perfection on a BOH staff of three (?) that only has 1/3 of fine dining experience who have to produce a new menu every day for a failing restaurant. That’s all these different stressors coming into play. That’s

a new arena and standard for Tina, Richie, Marcus, Gary, etc.

with menu changes every day, there’s no comfort to fall into. There’s no rhythm. There’s no way to prepare.

they’re understaffed, so there’s no one coming to save you. sometimes, your calls for “hands” go unanswered. You have to juggle two, three, four things that you just learned to cook. Something’s going to get fucked up, and sent back. And Carmen’s going to yell at you about it. Also, if you want to take a mental health day, it could jeopardizes everything

in the midst of all of this, Richie and Carmen are screaming everyday. They have at least one physical altercation. If you don’t think constantly hearing two people argue all the time is damaging, then ask anybody who grew up in a dysfunctional household. Me, for example.

then the bitter realization that doing all of this is not making them money. My good man Ebra is though (and thank god he got some help bc he was threading water, too)

The Bear is a hostile work environment. Full stop. There’s constant aggression and ridiculing. Once, I worked in a hostile work environment for six months, and it caused me panic attacks, nightmares, and extreme bouts of depression. I cried coming to and from work because i wanted to leave, but I loved the kids that i worked with and i had no other options available. In those situations, “You’re trapped,” no pun intended (well, maybe a little pun intended).

And the consequences of a hostile work environment:

higher rates of stress, anxiety, burnout, depression, and other mental health issues in employees

decreased productivity

high turnover rates - we’re both told about this about the BOH staff and shown the FOH staff. Try counting how many of the wait staff stay in between debriefings

erosion of trust and morale

The course that Carmy’s set sail for is leading him straight to disaster.

There’s a reason we’re shown Carmen’s experience in other successful and starred kitchens that have welcoming environments. There’s a reason why we see Chef Terry shutdown Carmen’s aggression towards Luca. There’s a reason why we get “I think about you too much” and “I don’t think about you at all.” There’s a reason why we get “This place could be different than any other places we’ve been at.”

Now, I don’t think comparing the consequences of Carmy’s actions on those around him to those of Donna’s or NYC Head Chef’s on him is right. Everything happens on a spectrum, and I’m just not for creating hierarchies for people’s hurt in real life, so I try not to do in fictional cases either.

Carmen’s trying to work through some shit, so I’ll give credit where credit is due. I’ll give gold stars to anyone out there, trying to unlearn some negative habits and make themselves better. I’m doing it now, and that shits hard. However, I won’t be giving Carmen a cookie because he didn’t tell his staff to kill themselves like his old boss.

Carmen has to “change the chemistry.” He has to acknowledge that he, himself, is capable of change. And it can’t be because Syd said so. It would be hard for him, but I would love for him to look around and see what he’s done to his own staff and change. Not just want to change but actually change. With his double-guessing to both Syd and Ebra, it might not take him long to get there.

Mikey’s gone. His old chef doesn’t care.

There’s no one else to spite. Carmen has so much anger, resentment, and fear, but he, also, has his moments of happiness and laughter and courage. He, also, has so much love to give.

It’s very hard seeing a character that you love and can relate to become cold and distant and mean to other characters that you love and relate to. But we got another season, so I want to stick around for it.

[arenabreadandbiscuits]

I know Alot of people agree that Alastor had an Abusive father and a loving mother. But what about Vox. What's your headcanon for his childhood parents.

In my headcanon they Abandoned him either as a baby or as a child. Hence why he has major abandonment issues

I was definitely gonna say Vox probably didn't have parents or something along that sort. Poor baby, I'm thinking like I need to look into when he was born again but considering he comes from an old time period imagine it being something like neglect. Parents were too busy to actually play and be around him and if that was the case I can also see Vox being sent to different relatives so they could deal with him. Hm imagine this as well, Vox was abandoned because of something with his face.

I've heard people say that his form contributed to how he died but consider it being something else like Vox was born with some sort of deformity, he grew up quite alone because of it.. grew a deep bond with TV because it gave him comfort like those kids that sit cross legged super close to the TV and they can't seem to pull away, something like that.

He got into the wrong crowd, seen some things and became a product of his environment which is probably why he'd later lead himself into working with Valentino because old habits can and do die hard.

I can totally roll with the idea of him being abandoned from a young age, like in reality it had nothing to do with Vox but he was made into believing so. I feel like if that's somewhat the case not only does it explain him working as he does in Hell, why he has those abandonment issues, and why in the face of the public he's more than willing to put on a fake smile and act like it's all okay.

Most people in Hell are dumb so he's not worried about it.

I think I mentioned this in another post but in case I haven't Vox we have now is really just a shell of the old Vox we had before.

[d-criss-news]

Evan Rachel Wood, Darren Criss on Stepping Into ‘Little Shop of Horrors’: “We’re Both These Little Theater ’90s Nerds”

The 'Westworld' actress and 'American Crime Story' star open up about deciding to take the stage together, personal connections to their characters, and their love for Howard Ashman and Alan Menken.

It’s early afternoon on a Friday when Darren Criss and Evan Rachel Wood pick up the phone, just five days before the duo is set to debut as the new Seymour and Audrey in off-Broadway‘s Little Shop of Horrors. Both are on their way to the Westside Theatre stage for their first top to bottom run-through, taking over the complicated but beloved characters based on Roger Corman’s 1960 horror comedy and deftly adapted for the stage by theater legends Howard Ashman (book and lyrics) and Alan Menken (music). Now in its fifth year, several notable names have left their mark on this U.S. revival of the dark goings-on of a Skid Row flower shop: Jonathan Groff, Jeremy Jordan, Conrad Ricamora, Corbin Bleu, Constance Wu, Maude Apatow, Tammy Blanchard, Lena Hall. But none quite like this, as an intentional leap together among friends.

As the interview begins, Wood — who is already at the theater — openly wonders whether she should take the elevator down to where she’ll soon meet co-star and friend Criss, before quickly interjecting that “you might lose me for two seconds.” Meanwhile, Criss declares he opted to skip the subway after realizing he was running behind, as he briefly turns on his Zoom camera to reveal himself in the backseat of a car.

Later, his voice will drop out for a few minutes, before reappearing, sounding winded. “I have my ear pods in, and so I just got out of the car talking to you guys, and you cut out,” he tells The Hollywood Reporter. “Then I looked at the car driving away, so I just sprinted down the block to grab it.” This frantic energy is reminiscent of what you can find within this kind of scrappy, fast-paced, off-Broadway musical environment in the final days before curtains go up. As replacements, Criss and Wood will do so with less time to rehearse and no preview audiences on which to test their performances, but that doesn’t seem to phase either of them. Instead, with their easy and fun rapport, the duo celebrate the challenge of what it means to be passed this mantle for a three-month run, beginning Jan. 30. On Tuesday, Wood will make her New York theater debut, a long-awaited moment for the actress who grew up with a father (Ira David Wood III) as an actor, playwright and theater director in her hometown of Raleigh. With her early stage ambitions sidelined by a burgeoning film career — later including movie musicals like Frozen II and Across the Universe — the Emmy and Golden Globe-nominated Wood will finally return to her performance roots, a year after news of her attachment to a possible Thelma & Louise musical adaptation for Broadway.

Little Shop of Horrors will also mark Criss’ first return to New York’s musical theater world since a multi-week replacement run in 2015 as Hedwig in Hedwig and the Angry Inch. On the phone, he’s adamant that, absent traditional musical theater training, he’s fooled the world into thinking he’s more than an “actor trying to act like he knows how to sing.” But with several EPs, a Christmas album, Billboard-charting work with StarKids Productions, and roles in musical-driven screen projects like Glee and Hazbin Hotel, it’s hard not to believe that the Emmy and SAG award-winning performer, like Wood, will be right at home. Ahead of their debut, the duo spoke to The Hollywood Reporter about sharing the stage, the impact of Little Shop of Horrors across the stage and screen, their love of Ashman and Menken, and why these roles are personally resonant and remain culturally timely. Darren, you said in a previous interview that you had been begging Evan to come do theater in New York for years. How did you make that happen now and for you both together? CRISS Let me just start by saying as much as I can before she can hear me. I’m in a regular habit of just exalting Evan for her talent. I’d done this before I even had the great privilege of getting to know and become friends with her. I’m always talking about how wonderfully talented she is and how I’ve always really loved her voice and her breadth of ability. When I meet people who are these wonderful triple threats that have a really strong theatrical background — people who can sing and don’t have as many opportunities as I wish they did — I get off on the idea of people who didn’t know that they could do this thing finally getting to see that they could do this thing.

Evan has done a lot of singing in her life. She’s literally a Disney princess for Frozen II and there’s obviously Across the Universe. But knowing that she has this really strong theatrical background, I’ve always been hell-bent on getting her on a stage. As a friend, she has popped up on many gigs with me in my personal life just for fun and parties I’ve thrown. She showed up for me on the Christmas album. She’s said yes to me far more many times than I frankly deserve. So when this came around, a lot of my colleagues — a lot of my friends — have been Seymour, and who loves theater that doesn’t love Little Shop of Horrors? It would be a really fun time for me, but the thing that would make it really, really special is if I had got the chance to do it with an Audrey that not only I thought really could bring something spectacular to the role, but on a personal level, this is off-Broadway. We’re all doing this scrappy theater thing in a basement together. If we’re going to live on top of each other might as well be someone but I’m also personally very fond of and have a wonderful relationship with. So short story that’s way too long, I went to Evan and said “Hey, I have an idea. Would you be available to do this?” and thank my lucky stars, she said yes. I’m just a pig in shit, getting to do this with her. It’s an absolute joy. Evan, what’s your response to that glowing review, but also, why did you want to make this show your off-Broadway New York theater debut?

WOOD Funny enough, I have been so close to being on Broadway a handful of times and something has always come in the way of scheduling or something falls apart. It was actually my dream as a kid. I went back and read some old interviews of mine when I was around 12 or 13, and I completely had forgotten that my dream was to go live in New York, go to NYU, and do theater in New York. That was where my sights were set before my life sort of got derailed for a moment. So it’s always been in my sights. It’s gotten increasingly harder over the years to make it work, especially if you have kids, to be away from home for such long periods of time. Usually, the theater commitments are an amount of time that I was just never able to do and so the timing was perfect because I was thinking to myself, “God, I wish I could go to New York and do a play, but maybe not a six-month run. Maybe something around three months. A classic musical that’s going to be really fun.” Darren called me maybe a week later and said, “I’d love for you to come and do it with me,” and it was like an instant yes. To piggyback on what Darren said, I feel very similarly about Darren and that whenever he’s asked me to do something, I just know it’s going to be great. I know it’s going to be fun and I fully believe in everything that he does and his talent. We’re both these little theater ’90s nerds that just hit it off in so many ways, and we collaborate well together. I just felt like we would like this project. It’s made so much sense for both of us that it was a no-brainer.

Little Shop of Horrors is one of those musicals that even people who aren’t big fans of musical theater and attend regularly are aware of, both in terms of story and music. Among the many adaptations of this, whether it was a professional or high school staging or even any of the movie versions, was there one that made you want to do this show? CRISS I’ll say this. As hip of an aura as I’ve tried to give off, make no mistake, I think the biggest gateway to this property for everybody is hands down the movie. I was not seeing off off Broadway theater in the 1980s. I wasn’t there, and that’s why I love movie musicals so much. As much as I love going to the theater, being able to go to a Broadway show is a very specific and privileged situation tied to being in New York City. But whether it’s a liked or celebrated movie, it is still going to be the most accessible thing in perpetuity for everybody. So definitely the movie and those songs. Before you can really understand the complexities of the thematic, Faustian elements and high dramaturgical elements of the story — and before you even get the comedy — you get the music. Especially when you’re really young and your parents are playing you things that you go, “OK, well, kids can get behind music.” It doesn’t take much to understand that the music from that show is beloved. I mean, this music and this show are like proto-Disney Renaissance. It’s like what got [Jeffrey] Katzenberg to ask Alan Menken and Howard Ashman to help them out. It was like, “We want to do some Disney musical fairy tales.” Now, because of the show, we have The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast.

I grew up in the ’90s, as me and Evan tend to relate upon a lot. With The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, and these films that I loved so much, as I got older, I really wanted to know more about the people behind them. I became obsessed with, and I talk a lot about, Howard Ashman and how much of an influence he’s had on the musical theater genre ever since the popularity of those films. So I wanted to go back to the start of that, and that’s when I started to dive into Little Shop and discover how this was the sort of nexus — the genesis — of everything. WOOD Yeah, same. I grew up watching the film and being so terrified by it, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. I grew up doing theater. My father runs a theater in Raleigh, North Carolina, and so that was my childhood. I was always listening to show tunes, and as Darren said, the classic Disney albums, acting out plays in my living room and Little Mermaid was certainly one of them. Ellen Greene’s performance always stuck with me, and I am also a major Howard Ashman-Alan Menkin nerd for similar reasons as Darren. Those were all things that drew me to it. I was really terrified about and still am terrified about being eaten by the plant because it was like a deep seated childhood fear of mine that I had to conquer to do this show. It’s stuck with me since childhood. It’s not as bad as you would think. But it’s still pretty scary. Also just a fun fact, I was cast as Audrey in the seventh-grade school play, but I couldn’t do it because I was doing movies. (Laughs.) So I got pulled out of school, but I was almost Audrey in seventh grade.

CRISS You aged into it well. This is a much more appropriate time in your life being Audrey than in seventh grade, so worked out just great. (Laughs.) I just have to say, this production, we both have our careers going on and different dragons that we’re chasing in our professional and personal lives that committing to a big Broadway production is a huge investment. What’s so wonderful about this is, the way the show is set up, we can kind of come in for just a little bit. It’s really high output but like low stakes — and I don’t want to say that to be reductive of the production. I mean that the show is beloved. There are people that know this show but have never seen it, and have heard of it and know the songs without ever even having tried to listen and know the songs. So it’s so culturally ubiquitous, that it’s a very, welcome accessible thing for all kinds of folks and that might cross-pollinate between me and Evan’s demographic of people who might be interested in us. Also, it’s been running for long enough that I feel protected. I’ve seen this production several times. Evan and I went just last night. It’s something that you don’t have to figure out. One of the hardest parts about getting a show up on its feet is like, does it work? Do we want this song in? We got to do with an audience and you really have to workshop stuff for a long time. Shows take years before they’ve reached mainstream Broadway, so the fact that all that legwork is taken out is a no-brainer for us. It’s just this really like warm snuggle from something that we really love.

You’re right in that this is not a traditional production experience for you, as you’re coming in after others, and you have less rehearsal time, no previews. What have the challenges or exciting elements of that been for you so far? WOOD I don’t know about you, Darren, but I feel like one of the reasons why I said yes to doing this with you is because this is kind of where you and I thrive — in the fast-paced chaos. I need a challenge sometimes. I need that adrenaline and I need that fast pace, especially if I’m coming in to do theater. That’s where I grew up, and that’s what I’m used to. That’s where home is for me. So coming back into the theater into the organized chaos of it all feels right. My brain loves it and thrives off of it. When somebody says “Oh, this is a really hard number to learn,” I think, “This is going to be my favorite number.” (Laughs.) I love figuring something out, and picking it apart piece by piece and putting it back together, then conquering it. There’s just such satisfaction that comes from doing that there, Darren, and I think it’s similar for you. CRISS It is kind of a party trick some people are quick studies of, for better or for worse. I think this kind of pace suits us. I think it’s something that we wear pretty well, and I think we do that a lot in our own lives. But to do it together is pretty fun. I’ve thrown Evan into all kinds of things where she’ll just show up knowing a whole song last minute. That’s not too dissimilar, and it’s not like we’re learning new music. We know these songs.

In the theater world, you learn a track. It’s literally a track — there are little railroad tracks set around the stage because there’s no follow spots. The lights are where they are. You don’t have to do hours of tech rehearsal, figuring out where the lighting cues are. They’re there. It is our job to jump into a machine that is already very well-oiled and running. So in that regard, you’re kind of free from having to worry about that stuff. But you can just focus on your characterization and nuance within these very, specific directives. I’ve done a few put-ins. I think this is probably your first, Evan, for a show that’s already going. Correct me if I’m wrong. WOOD I did learn, for the record, Baz Luhrmann in one night and performed it the next night. CRISS Case and point. So yeah, doing a put-in — I’ve done it a few times for Broadway — it’s nice because then you can just focus on the little things that you really want to play with and not worry about these big macro things. What’s funny is that people always say, “Oh, I love Broadway music. I love Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors.” The word Broadway is often conflated with the music from narrative storytelling, whether it be from films or TV. This show was always an off-Broadway darling. It was only really on Broadway for a little bit in 2003. Beyond that, it’s the movie and this off-off-Broadway show, which started in the ’80s and ran for a pretty long time. Then in just so many regional and school productions. But it’s actually only been on Broadway for a minority of the time.

WOOD And that was intentional, right? It was really important to them to keep it off Broadway because that was the spirit of the show. It was on Skid Row. It wasn’t supposed to be a big huge glitzy production. CRISS When you contextualize it, it’s a famous show now, but if you’re in the ’80s, and you’ve got some big Broadway musicals happening uptown, and you’re trying to tell your friends, “Yeah, I saw this thing downtown. You got to come. It’s kind of this doo-wop that’s based of this Roger Corman B-movie. There’s a plant that’s a puppet but it’s hard to explain. You just got to come down and see it.” (Laughs.) Trying to contextualize that, it makes you realize this really is a weird thing, man. It’s a weird, off-the-beaten-path, outlying renegade show. You’ve both done musicals in different mediums, which is, obviously, a different process. Was there anything you brought in with you about doing it on-screen to your performances now? WOOD It’s kind of the opposite for me. I’ve carried theater into my film work because I started in theater, so I learned how to do things fluidly and without stopping. There’s a lot of stop and start in TV and film and sometimes that’s nice. But sometimes it’s frustrating, especially when you come from a theater background. There’s something so satisfying about telling the story from beginning to end and playing the entire arc of the character in one go. There’s just a certain energy and an aliveness that comes with that that you can’t have when you have the camera in the room and it’s constantly moving and starting and stopping and changing.

CRISS I would say the same thing. I don’t know if this math checks out, but I think I’ve spent in my collective hours working in any kind of performing art more time in a theater than I have on a set. That might not be true, but in my mind, it feels that way. I constantly feel like I’m bringing what I know in the theater to film and television. I’d always prefer to be doing theater, but these days, listen, I’ll work anywhere, anyhow. As long as, hopefully, it’s positive, and additive to the world in some way. The theater, without getting on a total spiritual kick, it is a holy place. It’s an ancient art form. It is catharsis. It is sharing something with people in real-time before your very eyes. It’s why, despite the fact that we have TV and film and every possible AR, VR medium to displace our reality, theater is still around. It’s why we go to church, why we go to temple, why we go to the mosque — so we can experience something that we collectively want to believe in. We’re strangers and we want to elevate ourselves to something that’s bigger than the sum of our parts. I realize I said I didn’t want to get into a whole spiritual thing with it, but there you go. That can only happen after the fact, months if not years after you do it in a film set.

Evan and I are about to do our first put-in rehearsal, which is to say, we’re going to do the whole thing top to bottom, but there will be a key character missing, and that is the audience. The audience is one of the main characters of any show. And as much as you’d not want to break the fourth wall — that they’re not supposed to be there — of course, they’re there. Of course, that’s why we’re there — to have that kind of sacred communion with an audience giving you the privilege of their presence. You have a responsibility and a duty to make sure that you are sharing some kind of worthwhile experience with them. So getting to renew that experience every night, to me, is the most noble vocation that you can have as an artist.

WOOD I learned how to sing before I learned how to act because I wanted to do musical theater. So this is my favorite thing to do. Of all the mediums is being able to marry the singing and the acting together. Always my first love. CRISS I’m still learning how to do those two things, which is why Evan Rachel Wood is in this production — to teach me how to do those things. (Laughs.) Part of why shows like Little Shop go on for so long — why they can get this many revivals or adaptations — is that there’s something timeless about the story and its characters. For you, what is most timeless about Seymour and Audrey? Amid all the other actors who have taken on these roles, what are you most connecting to? WOOD From what I understand, everybody that’s come in to do the show brings their own energy and spin on it. Especially with Audrey — Ellene Greene, her performance is so iconic. The look, the voice, the songs. So stepping into that is figuring out how I pay homage to the parts of this character that people love and expect to see, but also bring my vibe and energy to it. That’s exciting to figure out what my Audrey looks like. For me, it’s also hard not to relate to her and her struggles because, unfortunately, those are very timeless — poverty, abuse, patriarchy. She’s sort of a victim of all of those things. Not to get too real for a second, but I am a domestic violence survivor playing this character who is going through similar struggles, who has these similar feelings and dreams of getting out and going to a better place and getting far, far away from her past. They’re all very real things, but they’re in this setting of campiness and horror. What’s amazing about the show for me is that it is fun. It is campy. There are man-eating plants. But there’s such sincerity to it as well. Especially with Audrey, Seymour, and their relationship. There are so many beautiful real moments between the two of them. Themes of poverty and capitalism are still just so prevalent that that’s why it’s so timeless because these things just are not going away.

CRISS I’m glad Evan mentioned her own experience and what that brings to the show. I think, for my money, pathos is a dish best served sweet. Comedy and fun are a wonderful support system for really heavy themes. WOOD Exactly. CRISS I think I’m that I’m more likely to take something more seriously if it’s not shoved down my throat. This is a comedy and to me, there’s not a lick of fat on this thing from Howard Ashman who was just such an extraordinary dramaturg. He took this really silly B-movie, and managed to hone in on the very ancient themes. You’re asking what makes Seymour so timeless. It’s a Faustian tale. This is the one of the oldest fables asking what is the price of greatness. What is a man willing to do, willing to give up, willing to trade to get what he wants? WOOD He literally sells his soul. CRISS Yeah, he sells his soul. The plant is Mephistopheles in this parable of Little Shop. But, of course, if you’re going go downtown and say, “I’m going to do a show. It’s like a Faust thing, and Mephistopheles shows up,” you can see people’s eyes glaze over. Well, how about it’s this guy, there’s music that is evocative of what was popular in the late ’50s, but the plant sings. It’s sci-fi, but it’s horror, but it’s fun, and it’s comedy. Now you have my attention, now I’m subscribing to the fun and the music. But by the end of it, I’m experiencing a classic, traditional, academic tale in a really fun way. When you said there’s been millions of iterations of this show, my mind went to, there’s been millions of iterations of this story. This is probably just one of the funniest ones I can think of.

There is ancientness to this tale. I’ve realized recently I’ve made a lot of my roles, especially in the Broadway world, about people who would do anything to accomplish greatness. To varying degrees of evil or good or compromise, people are always trying to figure out what it is they have to do, and what they have to give up. What line they would cross to get it. A lot of times people are kind of conflicted [watching Little Shop of Horrors] because you are rooting for this guy doing this thing, but he’s doing something terrible. Does that make you complicit? Are you a bad person for wanting this? All those things are the bread and butter of good old-fashioned drama.

[just-a-carrot]

This is a rather silly question but I've noticed that in your recent Orlam art (+ his new sprite) he has a piece of hair smack dab in the middle of his face. Does that bother him? Because any time I have hair in my face (especially when it reaches down to my mouth) I get irritated, so I can't imagine anyone walking around like that willingly. (Also I can totally imagine him trying to blow it away with his mouth knowing it's completely futile, before sighing and just moving it away with his hand. Maybe because that's what I do.)

kdjfaldskfa yes... that is one of the parts of his design that kinda evolved throughout production and now I always draw his hair like that 🤣 (when i first started drawing him i made his bangs much shorter, but they grew over the years, and now they're quite long plus i always draw that middle one over his nose...)

tbh i kinda like to imagine that he's just used to it. he's got such long bangs to begin with that he's fairly used to having them in his face/eyes. and i feel like a part of him quite likes how it makes him look. i feel like someone with orlam's style has to really like how they look and feel rather proud of it to specifically keep it that way, particularly his hair... (like you can't have a rattail without some upkeep/specifically styling it like that, also the closely shaved part in the back, etc.) so in my mind, he quite enjoys how parts of his hair hangs in front of his face, so even if it does sometimes bother him, he puts up with it to the point that he's mostly used to it 🤣🤣🤣

i also feel like in general orlam isn't too bothered by external things on his person. like he's not bothered by people touching or bumping him. he's not bothered much by bugs flitting around him, by smells, by general environments. so maybe that's also why i don't see him as being all that bothered by a piece of hair that hangs in his face...

[undead-merman]

This was a Patreon request from Usotsu: “I remembered you once wrote about Bullboy Kylar and a vet pc, may I request a continuation to that, if that's ok? Maybe with the pc having to keep him without much of a choice since Kylar isn't being productive anymore and he also has become violent towards everyone in his farm but it's just a little calmer with pc's presence? Bonus points if pc brings Kylar to Alex's farm and everything gets even worse, lmao. I don't mind if it's goes more towards SFW or NSFW. Thanks in advance.”

The original post

Bullboy Kaylar Moving to Alex’s farm with Vet GN-Reader SFW & NSFW

Taking him off Remy’s hands

It was during your last visit did you hear Remy tell you that they were looking to re-home Kylar. It was too much work and he wasn’t providing enough to stay on the farm. He was running a business, not a charity. Not to mention the little shit had caused a handful of injuries that had some farmhands in the hospital for goring.

You felt bad for the little guy. Constantly nursing some kind of injury, and the farmers were never gentle with him. Harsh and somewhat cruel, you couldn’t just let him leave. You talked with Alex, and they agreed. They were looking for another bull and even if he didn’t give milk he would be cared for at this farm and give the little guy the life he deserves. 

There was a heavy tension between Remy and Alex and you knew that just moving Kylar wasn’t as simple as asking. You had to strike a deal. You had to do some things you weren’t proud of and you would have had to do worse if you weren’t their vet. 

But that day game where Alex grabbed a trailer for him and when he ran into your arms and took him outside of the fence Kylar’s eyes when wide with wonder. His face just right now was worth the trouble you went through. 

You had to sit with him in the trailer he kicked and panicked otherwise. He held onto you so hard, not understanding you were taking him to have a much better life. He was trembling against you, and you certainly noticed his cock poking against you even with how high stress this was. Kylar would be Kylar even when stressed. Your touch did help calm him down a bit. 

You and Alex lead him to the pen for him, lined with extra soft bedding. Kylar was blown away by it and fell asleep almost instantly. Both you and Alex couldn’t help but smile at his sleeping face. It was heartwarming and Alex ruffled your hair and made a nice dinner for the both of you that night. A little bit of both of your favorites.       

Adjusting To The Move

Kylar was shy and meek at first. Only really perking up when you were around and with you appearing every day his mood improved faster than you were expecting. His blood pressure was at an all-time low and he was gaining weight.

He did have that habit of humping you when you did medical checkups on him and they looked painful sometimes. All flushed and painfully hard with precum almost gushing from his slit.

The stones in his hooves gradually got less and he was careful with the bandages. He has gotten a little glow to him, looking so much healthier in this new environment. 

When you finally introduced him to the fields he still seemed rather happy despite it being a smaller plot of land. Though he didn’t seem to get along with any of the others. A little bit of a loner, though you hoped that would change.

After a month or so he finally seemed ready to produce and as both you and Alex stood there attaching the milkers Kylar didn’t take his eyes off you. Mooing and trying to fuck the machine. Even with his smaller testicles and prior neglect, he spewed so much. Even Alex was impressed that this little guy could make so much. He compared to your finest and biggest girl.        

The Quirks Of The Bull

He grew slightly more comfortable around the farm and while he was still a loner, he did always come up to the fence line and wait for you to come out before work. He leaned into the pets you offered and always waited for you to come home. Alex made a joke that he made a little ditch from pacing around the fence waiting for you. 

Kylar did have attachment issues. He was overly possessive of you and would headbutt the other cattle when you did checkups on them or push them over when they were coming to get pet. Though you noticed Kylar always acted pathetic when you or Alex went to scold him. 

Speaking of Alex, he never seemed to like them. Tolerating them was more the word for it. His face would drop when Alex came in and would huff when you and Alex chatted. If you weren’t separated by a face or gate by the time Alex left he’d knock you over and grab your hips to grind his bare cock into your ass. The precum drenches your pants and his cum coats you, even reaching the back of your neck. 

If you did ever end up bottomless around him he’s on your like glue. Mouth right on your genitals and feverishly shoving his face as close to you as he can as he devours you desperately. Drinking every little drop of fluid you secrete. Or if he hadn’t seen you all day his cock was pressing right at your rim, Pushing in without prep. It would always hurt like hell and it was like he was trying to make up for it with gentle licks of his long tongue, though it never helped as he brutally ruined your hole and stuffed you so full of cum your stomach bloated and it gushed when he popped himself out. 

Should you have ever let him do it willingly, he was gentle. Hands shaking as he held your hips as his cock slipped into you. Both of you are grateful for the lube you used beforehand. His fingers fumbling on your tummy and trying to find his cock inside you and every time he found it he pressed down and mooed so happily. 

He was one to pass out right after cumming so if he ended up catching you bare you were able to squeeze by him without a fuss. 

Alex did seem to like him even if he was a troublemaker. He made some profitable milk. Alex often talked about finding him a nice breeding partner. If only Alex knew.

[fedoraspooky]

I saw that you got into Felix cartoons lately, and I'm curious: have you watched any of the others besides Twisted Tales? What do you think of them? Also, did you know there used to be a live-action Barney-esque TV show for kids that had Felix and a koala as costumed characters?

Have I??

Oh Anon... sweet Anon. *puts my hand on your shoulder* Trust me, I am fighting the urge to become an unskippable cutscene about this as we speak. I'm losing, by the way.

But yes, I have seen... not all of it, but quite a lot, and I'll try not to write a whole novel! Key word being "try". .w.; You... might regret this actually, I'm sorry.

Starting with the 1920s cartoons: aside from the problems inherent in being a product of its time (*cough*racist caricatures*cough*), these shorts were a fun watch! Lots of surreal humor and visual gags. Felix was a scrappy lil' guy back then- stealing fish, getting into fights and getting drunk on several occasions. He didn't have his magic bag 'til the 50s, so he had to get a lot more crafty in using his environment or his own body parts (stuff like pulling off his tail and using it as a tool) to get out of trouble- and if all else failed he'd throw fists or pull a gun. XD Most importantly, he'd run away on all fours when scared, I just thought that was a cute detail. This is probably my favorite version of the character outside of Twisted Tales!Felix. (and the best part is this version of him is public domain now! Yay, free real estate!)

The 30's cartoons: There were only three of these. Idk, I don't have much to say other than they were cute and I enjoyed them. He's deffo more Mickey Mouse-like here, personality-wise.

The 50s cartoon series: This is probs the version of Felix most people seem familiar with- it introduces the magic bag (mostly as a time-saving measure since this show is DEFFO on a budget) and most of the supporting cast that have appeared in stuff since then (the Professor, Rock Bottom, Poindexter, etc). I didn't think I'd like it that much going in, but it kinda grew on me a little bit- primarily due to how janky the animation is, the stilted voice acting, and how out of left field the plots tend to get... It has a lot of what I like to call "naturally occurring shitpost moments". Ngl I've been tempted to make a compilation for funsies, much like I did with 80s Astro Boy... XD That said, it has its charm. Just a warning though, this WAS made in the 50s so be prepared for more "product of its time" moments in some episodes. .w.;

Felix the Cat: The Movie (1988): WHOOO IS THE BOSS? THE DUKE OF ZILL, OF COURSE~ Okay so, this movie? Idk if I'd call it a good movie, but it's definitely strange and entertaining. I watched the hell out of it as a kid and this was the very first animated Felix thing I had ever seen, so I can't really be impartial due to how nostalgia-poisoned I am about it. XD I liked the songs- even the ones that had no reason to be there, like the one that's about the foxes that only show up to piss on Felix and leave. We have a strange attempt at rebooting Master Cylinder as an invention of a bad guy from another dimension instead of being an evil robot guy from space? Felix laughs at the skeleton of someone who got crushed to death in a gold mine and blows a raspberry at it. There's... gyrating lady fish, and a swamp monster that shouts Marlon Brando quotes. The movie starts and ends with a giant disembodied floating 3D felix head... He saves a princess?? I guess??? There's just a lot that happens here.

Twisted Tales of Felix the Cat (90s): This one is obvs my favorite of the whole bunch. I know, I know, blazing hot take. It does a good job mixing in the fun surrealness of the 20s cartoons, and he goes back to doing stuff like taking the top of his head off like a hat and using body parts as tools instead of just solving everything with the magic bag (in fact it lampshades that a lot in season 2). It has more humor than just puns (Stares ominously at Felix Saves Christmas) though it does have some of those too (he even gets arrested for it at one point), and most of all it gives him an actual personality aside from "good boy Mickey Mouse clone but also kinda sassy sometimes" (once again staring ominously at Felix Saves Christmas I will get to you later!!). If you only have time to ever watch one Felix cartoon series in your whole life, make it this one.

Baby Felix (2000s) - I'll be real with ya chief I haven't watched this one aside from like one episode. From what I saw... eh, it was okay. I'm not usually a fan of the trend of cartoons having series of the baby/kid versions of themselves outside of a few exceptions (like A Pup Named Scooby and Muppet Babies, but idk that might just be nostalgia talkin'). Apparently he shows up as an adult sometimes in this show and helps out his baby self, which somehow doesn't cause a horrible time paradox? Idk I might watch more of it later, it CANT be worse than the next one, which is... sigh...

Felix Saves Christmas (2004) - This movie is not good. I went in expecting it not to be, and it met my expectations. Is it horrible? I kinda wish it was, so it would've been more entertaining that way at least. Mostly, it's just kinda boring. The humor is puns, and sometimes signs that say a goofy thing on it. It's got music, including a four and a half minute long song that just repeats the lyrics "Snow kids rock, snow kids rule, snow kids... are cool" while said snow kids do extreme sports in looping animations. Most of this movie feels like it's just padding for time so it can be marketed as a movie- if you edited out everything that wasn't relevant to the plot or the main characters, you'd probably have a 20 minute special. Idk it's just sad that this is the last animated felix media we've had in 20 years, since it doesn't look like dreamworks/universal is gonna do anything with him- they're just kinda sitting on the rights. There WAS a comic that came out since then, but I haven't been able to get my hands on it to read it. Maybe one day when I have money. XD ;

ALSO YES, I actually saw that live action show you were talking about! It's not a cartoon, but heck with it i'll throw in my thoughts anyway since we're already here.

Felix the Cat Live (70s): So I found this on youtube while poking around, and I gave a few episodes a watch because I was surprised by the novelty of this even being a thing that existed. Felix doesn't really act like any prior versions of himself here, he's just kind of a nice friendly kid show host who gives the kid characters advice about stuff. The costume itself isn't too bad, though his body's kinda lacking shape- it's kinda just black jammies with a big ol head on top. Interestingly they gave him a red bow tie with white polka dots and his eyes always look a lil sleepy because they're partially-lidded- probably to give him a 'softer' appearance. Also the koala is kind of like a weird proto-Rosco? At least personality-wise. I don't know if he's in anything else. Over all a strange watch, deffo the most obscure thing on this list.

...

So anyway! That's all my thoughts, Anon, I hope this was everything you ever wanted and that you don't wish you never asked me about the funni rubberhose cat. XD ;;

[isekai-crow]

Apothecary Diaries / Kusuriya no Hitorigoto General Impressions

Man, this anime has changed my life. I'm obsessed. Maomao my beloved, Jinshi is ironically but secretly somewhat of a sad little meow meow (badumptss), Gaoshun is my life, and Ace representation? In my anime? More likely than you think.

I somehow missed all of the fanfare about the manga! But even living in Japan, I think it was flying under the radar until the anime got announced, and then it had to compete with advertising for Oshi no Ko and the return of Spy x Family. However I can confirm that it is now sweeping the elementary school students in Japan which is A Big Deal.

I'm going to do a general overall SQUEE here about the show, and then hopefully do individual posts about the first 12 episodes later. Probably once I finish the second half of season 1 with my Capybara, because I WILL force us to go back and do a re-watch (I'm already re-watching it without subtitles to force my Beetle to watch it with me).

I'm also forcing myself to NOT read ahead in either of the mangas nor the light novel, both so that the mystery of what come next remains magical, and so that I don't burn myself out on it and instead milk it for all it's worth.

I am also spoiler avoidant for this unless I go looking for them myself, so this should be safe for anime-only peeps who are caught up on the first half. This is just my general impressions so far!

Going into this, I was expecting another Raven of the Inner Palace, but was worried it wouldn't be as good, and was still missing my lovely little Raven and her friends. I've seen my fair share of Chinese and Korean historical dramas that I enjoyed, but was worried this would be another Shojo, a genre I don't often like.

The PVs didn't do a lot to dispel this worry, but I assume this was simply because I had never read the manga. (I wonder what the initial impact would have changed had I done so.) It's been a while so I can't really pinpoint exactly what made me have doubts outside of simply wanting a second season of Raven Palace.

The first few episodes were a whirlwind of world building and set up, and mystery, and they dragged me fully into the world of high ranking courtesans and harems.

I immediately fell in love with Maomao's deadpan delivery, manical obsession with poisons, complete nonchalance with the sex industry and harem activities, and absolute lack of interest in Jinshi while still being able to appreciate how dangerously beautiful he is.

I fell in love with Jinshi's idiocy, the level of uke vibes he gives off, his knowledge of and use of his beauty as a weapon and tool while still giving off hints of not necessarily enjoying the attention, and felt like I was riding along with him in his fascination with MaoMao.

Gaoshun is a DELIGHT. I always love the exasperated assistant to the rambunctious Male Lead, and the nickname Xiaomao is SO CUTE AHHHHH. This happened in Raven Palace too, where the two eunuch assitants/spies were my favorite (but they were also crow shipping bait). Gaoshun is just a delightful 'old' man who needs a break and deserves one. I want to be Gaoshun.

The Ace/Aro vibes are also STRONG in this show, and I love it, even if it might only be vague representation.

I am aware of the debate over whether or not Maomao can be considered asexual or not, and I'm firmly on team A-spec, as someone who is aegosexual/ace myself and who can still have sex and consider it to be an act of connection with someone.

I agree that the environment she grew up in affected her views on sex and how it's a tool and a product, and women only get to control it in very limited situations, but that doesn't negate the ace label. Both can exist, and if it turns out differently in the future then that's that, but people are allowed to believe what they want.

Even both being on team Ace(Aro)!Maomao, Capybara and I have our disagreements about how this is going to play out, and have our own ideas about what we'd like to see play out too.

Capy hopes they become Bros and stay fully ace/aro, and I hope they end up in some sort of queer-like relationship. But either way I am SUPER happy to have a show that has so much of its world building connected to sex, and yet it doesn't revolve around sex. Even the fan service like moments aren't really all the fan service-y. They serve a purpose apart from fan service, and I am here for this.

(Maomao is absolutely telling her what a boob job is.)

The mysteries are great and twisty, and there are enough clues that if you're paying attention you can figure out what actually happened. Then there are some like the entire last few episodes of the first half that wouldn't be possible without knowing what Maomao learned, and we don't get to learn what happened until the culprit does either.

I admit that only watching the anime sometimes leaves me with questions, and the subtitle translations are sometimes different than what's being said, in a way that implies a cultural difference that's not possibly to translate clearly. Reading the corresponding chapter of both mangas to whatever episode I watched helps a great deal, and helps to fully flesh out the characters, their motivations, and the world as a whole in it's small small corner of the palace.

I'm looking forward to the second half of the season, and I will hopefully be posting reactions to each episode, and then when I go back to re-watch, I plan to write up about those episodes then. Maybe I'll make a master post, and maybe this hyper fixation will dissipate before I make it that far.

I LOVE THIS SHOW.

[tinyybookclub]

The 3 Heathens: just the beginning ... (Part 1)

Alot of people hear childhood trauma and think “ wow you were abused as a kid ?” in reality we’re the product of teen pregnancy. We were conditioned by our environment to think that what we witnessed and experienced as children was normal , but thankfully we had a mom who pushed us to want more for ourselves. She put the vision in our head that we could be so much bigger than our struggles and what NYC poverty gave us. Sometimes our parents accidentally traumatize us because they dont have money.. Or they made bad decisions as a teenager.. Which definitely was the case with my mom. Her name is Christina but she ONLY goes by Tina.  ( I don't even think anyone knows my moms government name for real.) She's about 5’7 and 130 pounds , yellow as the sun , with the hottest pixie on the block. I remember dudes making Halle Berry references trying to spit game and getting brutally ignored by my mom as a kid. She always attracted a lot of attention, from both genders.. People always were inspired or influenced by my mom no matter what we went through. She grew up on the East side of Harlem raised in a middle class household as an only child.  She tells us stories about how she was a troubled teen who made her life hard all on her own by rebelling; she never once blamed her mother. My mom had my oldest brother Jared when she was 15, he’s a product of rape and my mothers good morals. He was diagnosed with autism at the age of 7. Our mom was super strict about education despite what other obstacles we went through, so Jareds regression was a dead giveaway in second grade when all of a sudden all the social skills our mother drilled in our head slowly dissipated. My twin brother Ryland and I made a pact to always protect Jared, and that we did. It got so bad in grade school they separated our schools and my mom started calling us “ The 3 Heathens”. We’re from NYC, a place where most don’t make it out. We’ve all seen a lot of crazy shit growing up and the majority of it was inside of our own home at the hands of our own father. We didn't have a mom who would necessarily neglect us and now that I’m older I understand that she had us young and was learning as she was parenting. Eventually she realized trying to keep idolizing this unrealistic idea of family with a man who was toxic to the environment and everything around him wasn't ever going to work. So no matter what trauma we’ve faced I always remind everyone she did the best she could with us, although there's times I wish she was stronger because by time she realized the ways she was  failing us .. it was too late. Too late as in , there's already trauma, broken trust and constant let downs.

As kids though, I feel like we always tried  to make the best of everything. My mom was the type of person who could decorate a whole house with dollar tree shit. It didn't matter what holiday or what her money was looking like she made sure to try and create traditions with us. My brothers and I had the craziest imaginations that would turn the NYC jungle to a magical playground and all she did was encourage us to stay innocent.  We always spent time outside in parks, riding trains, traveling tristate on the metro north,  sitting in front of buildings or simply running errands and making 1000 trips to welfare. I didn't realize until I got older that my mom only kept us out because we were living in a shelter and she wanted us to experience more than blatant poverty. That was one of the funniest things about my mom Tina . She was the bougiest welfare queen, hiding her food stamp card in stores as if she was embarrassed. That's how I knew she wanted better for us. She always said “ We will never LOOK like what we’re going through.” So we didn't. If she had to work until the sun came up she would if it meant providing. My grandma always said she had the work ethic of a man. She knew what life she wanted and she was willing to go to the ends of the earth to give it to us. Even if it meant us spending weekends with my grandma while she worked.  My grandma was there for us a lot, but by the time we were born my grandma was older. My grandma is an older lady named Treena who couldn't have children and adopted my mom when she was 40, so hopefully that gives you perspective. She helped us the best she could and my mom helped her the best she could until our grandma Treena passed away when we were 9. After that life really sucked. It broke my mom and life went downhill.

(Part 2/3 posted ✨💗)