#he’s a ferret get it ha ha so funny

[collectingavenuesmwue]

they should explode

@julcheninred

[keeps-ache]

thinking of fairies that look like ferret + mourning doves. uh huh yep :>

[radiance1]

Danny is a ferret.

Do not ask how, do not ask why. The answer will never leave his lips so long as he swears it.

Anyways.

Danny has unfortunately lost his friends and family in the Nasty Burger Explosion a while before becoming a ferret, which understandable made him sad and in that sadness, he's been roaming around the ghost zone aimlessly (his family and friend's aren't ghosts).

Then he was thrusted into ferrethood.

A while later he finds himself a group of ferrets and, well.

Using his newfound power he go back to Vlad's mansion and causes CHAOS.

Vlad is, understandably, pissed at this. Not at the property damager per say. But because they interrupted his time where he just sat back, relaxed, let his hair down, pours himself a glass of wine and enjoys a cake for his own pleasure.

As well as mourning the loss of Madeline Fenton and, surprisingly, Jack Fenton.

He doesn't usually let himself relax and sink into grief, because he threw himself into work to avoid that most days. But today was the date of their death and, well, he sets aside a little time for that.

One of them has a far too familiar color scheme, and Vlad instantly clocks that it's Danny and asks why he's a ferret.

Danny doesn't answer.

So now Vlad finds himself living with a bunch of ferrets under his roof, his giant roof that could well hold much, much more than them.

But that's beside the point.

So Danny lives with Vlad here, mostly terrorizing the man on a daily basis while his ferret friends move in (and joining him on the grief day). Even funnier, the ferrets bring more ferrets over to Vlad's mansion, some ghosts and some others actually alive.

How did they bring alive ferrets over?

Don't question it.

Vlad has more than enough space for them, really, and no one told him anything until he actually saw one trying to steal his food. He then buys food for the alive ones, so they don't steal his food (and ingredients).

Vlad decides that, since Danny wants to be such a nuisance he might as well make himself useful. After all, a group of ferrets is called a business.

Danny gets placed in charge of a small portion of Vladco, then secretly starts buying up more ferrets to annoy Vlad. Somehow Vlad doesn't notice until it's too late and he's acquired a reputation for loving ferrets or something of the like. Danny does do actual work though, not as much as Vlad (since he's the CEO and all) but enough.

He also becomes a shareholder.

The second biggest shareholder in fact. Vlad is the biggest and Danny never actually thought Vlad had those but it made sense actually.

It was funny when the other shareholders realized that a ferret held more than them.

His work, while small, does get upgraded to of more importance than originally. Probably a move to try and give Danny less time to buy more ferrets.

It's for a good cause, Danny swears.

Then Vlad gets invited to a gala, one that has both Lex Luthor and the Waynes in attendance and Vlad yoinks Danny along, mostly to spite him. Because if Vlad was dealing with Lex, so will Danny because of the number of headaches he gave him.

He got him into a suit and everything, that was magical in nature so that, in case Danny suddenly decided he wanted to be human again the suit would fit itself accordingly (Would Danny have ferret ears and tail? Perhaps).

Danny? Didn't really see a problem with this (he's never met Lex Luthor) and decided that most people will probably just see him as some sort of pet Vlad really likes and such he won't have to talk with people. Though he probably won't be able to stray far from Vlad when he wants food, luckily, he can just poke at Vlad to carry him there instead.

[theoceansluvr]

Tim Drake x Cozy! Reader

warning; none ! author's notes; my favorite boy's birthday which means a work for him ! sorry for writing so many headcanons y'all, i have a lot to blabber about 😞 also idk if the title makes sense but i have was going for a very.. homebody, smells like coffee/hot chocolate, big sweaters coded reader if that makes any sense !

oh how he loves you...

he never gets a chance to relax because Gotham never rests

but with you it's so easy

he could come back from the worst fight in the world and be greeted with hazelnut creamer filled coffee and the sight of string lights everywhere

it might not be a lot, but it's everything to him.

reading dates are a very common thing !

you'll drag him to the local used bookstore any chance you get

it's usually followed up with a trip to the bakery or record shop too

super into crime books

(to nobody's surprise im sure)

he has a whole bookshelf dedicated to forensic books, even though he knows pretty much everything.

he likes to be sure, y'know ?

you guys have plants that are all names and their birthdays are on a calendar on the fridge

the oldest is named Robert ans he's a dragon's breath you two bought when you first moved in together

the name was merely based on you thinking it was funny to give a plant a people name..(me too)

steals your sweaters all the time and claims he doesn't know what happened to them

but you always catch him up in the middle of the night wearing them while he's doing his detective stuff

random but candle shopping is a MAJORRRRR part of y'all's budget planning..

i mean sure, overhead lighting can be nice, but candles just have a better feel !

which is exactly what you say to Tim every time

he groans and mumbles a soft "Whatever you want, rose.." and it's off to Bath and Body works or the local candle shop !

BAKING TOGETHER !!!!

i will give any excuse to talk about Tim and his baked goods, so you two bake together a ton !

not specifically from scratch, but it's usually better when it is.

"All that matters is it was made with love." is the common statement he uses when he burns something..

which is probably a common occurrence if im being completely honest

slow dancing to records might i add

not much to add about this, but something about him being a Wayne tells me he probably had to learn to slow dance for whatever reason

he'll gladly teach you if you don't know how :))

you guys are usually cuddled up drinking coffee/tea/hot chocolate(pick your preference loves !)

the Gotham rain adds to the ambience of it all

having someone as lad back as you are definitely helps with his whole "gotta prove my wort" mentality as well

if you ever got pets i think you'd have rabbits or maybe a ferret

not cats, don't ask me why i just have a weird headcanon about him being allergic.. so sorry to all my cat allergy havers

completely and utterly in love with the fact you're not out a lot because he likes knowing your safe at home !

playing stardew or animal crossing together to cool off ?

absolutely !

you have a shared island and farm bc he refuses to let you marry any of the characters(SAM I LOVE YOU !!!)

I COULD WRITE SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH ABOUT HIM WITH A CALM, COZY PARTNER !!! but i want to get this done before the 20th so :((( but happy birthday again to my boyfriend in another universe 😞

[cod-dump]

What animals do horangi, wrong, and the McTavish family have?

Maybe it's just my own love of horses, but the mctavish' seems like they would own horses and it causes anxiety in ghost

Hong-Jin famously has a pet snake. She’s a five foot ball python he’s had since she was a hatchling. The only person in his family that doesn’t like her or doesn’t know how to handle her is his sister. The snake’s enclosure is Hong-Jin’s whole closet which he modified for her. Her name is Aein and when Simon learned about her existence he immediately declared he would never step foot in Hong-Jin’s house. That doesn’t stop Hong-Jin from showing every pictures of Aein just existing. Though the one where she’s wearing a top hat and a homemade tube ‘sweater’ was actually funny.

The MacTavishes have always had exotic pets. Rabbits, ferrets, not so common fish. Johnny’s cousins actually do live at a farm outside of town so he has been around horses and goats. Johnny’s favorite childhood pet was a rabbit named Munchkin. He adored him and always visited the rabbit enclosure kept at the back of the garden. Unfortunately Munchkin was killed by a stray dog that got in the garden, leaving poor Johnny scarred and terrified of dogs. After learning about Simon getting a puppy, he’s desperately been trying to get over his fear of dogs.

Rudy did have a high dollar designer dog named Alma before he ran away and got emancipated as soon as he turned sixteen. He hasn’t had any pets since considering the group home he’s been living in is very strict on having any (for allergies and safety reasons). He very much loves Riley and hogs his attention whenever he and Alejandro go to visit Simon at his house. Alejandro himself doesn’t have any pets and doesn’t have any particular feelings on any he would get if he wanted one (a raccoon, he wants a raccoon but his dad said no).

[jubilationsart]

You have 8 ferrets!!??!? What a DREAM plz I need to see pictures of all of them ;u;

Yea! They have their huge room too! HERE I GO IM GONNA START BRAGGING

Lemon. Our oldest. We got him from someone who needed to rehome him as they were moving to a place that doesn't allow pets. He's 7 years old now we believe. He's always been a lazy boy but he's also the boss of everyone and has the last say.

Puppy, aka Space Cadet Pizza Puppy. We got him from a girl who was gifted him but didn't know what to do with him. He's around 4 now. I swear he thinks he's people. He is a HUGE suck up, obsessed with us and a bit ridiculous. When we first got him, i had to lull him to calm down and sleep because he had no off button.

Nero, 3 years old. He's from Romania! We wanted healthy non-mill bred petstore ferrets and you can tell. He's stocky and big. Feels so much sturdier than Marshal (petstore/mill ferrets) ferrets, as do the rest of our ferrets I'm gonna list. He's our little demon. He likes to cause problems but is always funny about it.

Lottie, 3 years old also, she came along with Nero, but is from Hungary originally. She's very bossy and wants to mother everyone but it gets the others frustrated with her and she gets mad that they don't listen to her. She's out biggest stasher. She's more withdrawn than the others but loves to be held over the shoulder and stroked.

Warboy/Nux, he's 2 years old! He's from the UK and is an extremely sweet boy. Everything is funny to him. He does a huffy laugh noise if he's not dooking about something. My fave thing about him is his big doe eyes.

Whiskey, 3 years old, also from the UK along with Warboy. She's insanely short and squat for some reason lmao. Holding out her hand to clip her nails is a chore because she only has so much arm to stretch out! Shes fussy and her and lottie tends to butt heads on who is the boss girl. Other than that, she loves to be throw into bedding or chased and will dook loudly in excitement!

Ofelia, she's from the states. She's half angora and we just got her. I need better pics of her because she grew out her coat for winter. It's soooo pretty! She just never stays still. She's also a bit more withdrawn as she prefers a calmer environment but loves to play with the other ferrets or being a lap ferret. She turns into a warm pillow on your lap.

Quinn. We got her the same time as Ofelia. She's a year old. She's the great granddaughter of a ferret we had that passed away a bit ago. And we see a lot of her in Quinn, it's so sweet to see. She loves being cozy in hammocks and has the silliest wiggle dance when she wants you to chase her. She also tries to stash our hands.

[shiroisotto64]

Happy Chaos Thoughts

I feel like being in a relationship with happy chaos would be funny. But not for the reasons most would think. I think he would actually be a pretty good spouse. We see and know how intelligent happy chaos is. And good he is at reading people. That and the fact that with his interactions with I-no you kinda pick up in the vibe he the doesn’t like being alone.

I don’t think he has a problem with it but he seems like the type to normally be seen with his significant other though. Like how he kept trying to get I-no to hang out with him and asking if she’d come along with him if he complied.

Not to mention it isn’t often that happy chaos ever gets attached to anything or anyone, not for long at least. His interest comes and goes so I feel like if he actually ended up falling for someone he’d kinda hyper-fixate on them.

Especially around the house that’s funny. He’d do thing to make your day easier especially since his schedule is mostly clear but it’s the small things he’d do that would undeniably be happy chaos. Like say you asked the man to make you a ham sandwich and he brings back peanut butter and jelly instead. You asked for iced cold water and he gave you water with 2 cubes in it.

Not to mention how chaotic the dates would be. He babe let’s go robe that gas station over there! Let’s go on a high speed car case I’m bored! And on rare occasions he’d want to do something sentimental like making you dinner! 50/50 if it’s edible…or maybe he’d just ramble to you late night about some of the secrets he’s learned. Who knows?

And I feel like he’d be even funnier if he had a pet. The more outlandish the better. Like happy chaos is definitely the type to bring back a spider and look amused when you get scared or something. I bet he’d be delighted if his partner had a pet snake too. Likes he’s down and will ramble on and on about facts of the species and metaphors for it as well.

He’d probably be very open with intimacy as well. He was in the backyard for ever of course he’d be affectionate, like a ferret regardless if your bigger then him or not I could totally see him plopping in your lap or on-top of you at the worst of times as well. Submitting an easy for college? Nope! He wasn’t to snuggle. Trying to cook? Too bad he’s latched onto your back! He’s just a very clingy old man. I doubt he could stop himself.

{Inspiration(“@subhumanselflover

[garagepaperback]

top 5 drarry headcanons

CONTROVERSIAL ONES

1: harry actually cares about how he looks and has a decent fashion sense. i KNOW, but. we're basing the idea that he's a 35 yr old man who doesn't know the shape of his own torso on his being a kid who grew up only with access to cousin ill-fitting handmedowns. i think conflating an interest in your own appearance with vanity is a reductive jo-era handmedown. i don't think he's 'five walk-in closets' malfoy but he knows what he looks like and feels good about himself looking good

2: harry is funny

3: he's quick, clever mean funny honestly!!!! and more so not a handsome golden retriever, not stupid. i think he gets the dumb end of the stick the way draco gets the delicate end of the stick, which uh i love dumb i love delicate! but once, i heard this thing about how it's hard to write a man as good. lets say tom cruise in top gun for no reason. it's harder to show the audience he's good based on plainly displayed qualities, and it's easier to just show the other men around him being worse. so it's not an inherent quality, but just feels like one, in comparison. i think often to make draco funny/smart/etc, harry gets less of those qualities by default. and same for draco, who gets fragility to emphasize harry's strength. not for nothing because contrast makes for funner sex/romance/etc, and i absolutely have done this but

4. hjp is 3 inches shorter minimum

5. i don't buy in love from the beginning! i can be convinced a hundred different ways about everything, and lord knows i love a confusing whats-anger-whats-horniness adolscence (aren't they all) but. i genuinely don't think they liked each other and also, grow up to be fate-haters. there's nothing soul-mated about them and if there was, i think both of them, after being mangled by lack of choice for literal years (mr sacrificial lamb? mr ferret backed into a corner aka astronomy tower?) would want to be very intentional about their choices, fully-grown. i don't think they'd do a good JOB. but i think they would both want that.

6. okay bonus bc i can't not: they are at their undoubted best as confusing, too-close and still mean to each other exes. divorce ideally

[ghostfish-cookie]

Welp guess who's back again. Simultaneously took longer, and shorter than intended, but I've got something in the works, but have something to show for it now at least!

It's an AU that is.. yet to have a name, but the basis is that all cookies have animal features! :]

With that in mind, here's the two designs I've got so far!

(Putting them under a cut so the post isn't too long, lol)

Pure Vanilla, a sheep with warm wool, and an equally warm smile. The king of the Vanilla kingdom, he's a gentle and calm healer, and though he has incredible expertise in magic of all kinds, retains healing and protection as his specialties. He really likes his space and his privacy, despite how friendly he is.

I'm not sure about the staff I gave him, but we'll see... It still has the same functionality as his usual orchid staff, just.. a couple more flowers that are much, much smaller. His usual outfit is the one on the right, which is basically his canon outfit, but with the addition of lotsa fluff, hehe! The left is an alternative outfit inspired somewhat by the Pastel Blue costume, because I love it a lot hehehe!

Shadow Milk Blueberry Milk, an eccentric and theatrical rabbit who lives in Pure Vanilla's dreams, quite literally. His situation is somewhat of a mystery to Pure Vanilla, but he knows the rabbit is rather lonely without him. Blueberry Milk is full of jokes, excitement and energy, making every night entertaining through a handmade stageplay, or an intriguing conversation. He's incredibly intelligent despite his chipper and lax attitude, which shows clearest in deeper conversations.

His design is very inspired by the statue seen in Episode 7, though also with definite use of Shadow Milk's current design, and referencing his sprites a little, especially for colors. He might get some design changes over time, mostly adding some details perhaps? His outfit feels a little too plain for him methinks... haveta think about it I suppose :3

In Pure Vanilla's dreams, he'd made a friend unlike any other, and they ended up becoming closer and closer to each other after years and years of talking each and every night. After all, Blueberry already knew Vanilla's deepest secret, so for once, there was nothing for him to hide... which I'll get into later. ;]

I will note, some other characters and their animals have been figured out but not too many. I have most of the other ancients, and some of the other beasts though!

Dark Cacao: Moose Golden Cheese: Bird(Wow, shocker.. still haven't figured out what kind yet though, because it will be more specific than 'bird') White Lily: Mantis(Possibly Orchid Mantis) Hollyberry: I'm trying to decide between Draconic or a Bear.. hmm...

Mystic Flour: Spider Burning Spice: Lion Honestly don't know enough about the other two beasts to decide for them quite yet methinks..

Here's some more loose ideas I have for other characters:

Werewolf is going to be a wolf, obviously. Cream Ferret, Fig, Kumiho and Cream Unicorn are along the same lines for obvious reasons. Crunchy Chip will also be a wolf most likely(unless I get a better idea(unlikely)) I think Rye should be either a cow or horse I would like the faeries to be bugs, specifically along the lines of butterflies and moths The mer cookies like Crimson Coral, Sorbet Shark, Frilled Jellyfish, Squid Ink, etc. probably will mostly remain how they are, and same with the dragons. Chili Pepper might be a raccoon, or a weasel because I think it'd be funny Strawberry I think is gonna be some kind of cat. Not sure about Wizard and Gingerbrave right now though

Anyway, I'll be back later, Fish out ✌️

[your-ne1ghbor]

Asha's Animal Side Kick

Now presenting...

the one...

the only...

BONSAI !!!!!!!!!

It was either between a possum, ferret, or a great eared nightjar/type of bird, but either way, I had to go with the possum.

I liked the light brown possum a lot personally since I thought it was really cute yk??

It was also based off of this possum:

OKOK, you may be wondering why I changed Valentino, or Bonsai into a possum.

There are 2 reasons:

Numero Uno:

VALENTINO IS FUCKING UGLY

I think my friend @sewerpalette said it best here:

Nothing can convince me otherwise. His design is just SO ugly to look at. It is not pleasing.

And it doesn't help that I wanna punch his stupid fucking face like it is so punch-able

OKAY SURE, the concept versions of Valentino is cute...but ever but I didn't like how I drew goats in my style. It could be just that I'm not good at drawing them, but I also didn't like my color pallet I did for him, which was a lot like what Bonsai has color pallet wise, and it fitted Bonsai more than Valentino.

Numero Dos:

ESMERALDA HAS A GOAT SIDE KICK.

OR BETTER YET, WE HAVE ALREADY SEEN IT.

It is basically a repeat of what we have already seen, which I didn't like.

Just because you aged down a goat does not make it ORIGINAL.

Its okay to have Asha have a pet goat in the other rewrites though I don't MIND AT ALL. ITS YOUR AU U DO WHAT EVER, IM JUST MAINLY TALKING ABOUT MY ICK WITH THE MAIN FILM. IT JUST REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING ELSE.

What I'm trying to say is that Valentino feels like a refrence to Huntch Back of Notre Dom, which this movie has a thing with adding stuck out refrences instead of making it subtle. I mean I know it was a 100 year aniversary, just make it more subtle though so people can rewatch it and find refrences they didn't notice first time watching.

Anyways....

Some fun Facts about Bonsai:

Bonsai is actually a little dwarf, and the runt of his family. Asha adopted him when she found out Amaya told Charo (Charo is a lynx btw) to get rid of them all since she thought they were rats (even though they are fucking HUGE) (PLUS IT IS TO EMPATHESE ON THE FACT THAT THEY ARE MISTAKEN FOR RODENTS WHEN THEY AREN'T, THEY ARE APART OF THE MARSUPIALS FAMILY AND THEY GET RID OF RODENTS/EAT THEM)😭

(I might actually make him slightly bigger than how I drew Bonsai, but who knows yk?)

So Asha took the responsibility of taking care of the little Possum, since she didn't want the possum to grow up alone, and so that she can have some company.

IT TOOK A LONG WHILE for Bonsai to warm up and trust Asha, but in the end, he saw her good nature and swore to protect Asha like how Asha protected him from getting eaten from Charo. Which is why he dislikes Star Boy A LOT (mainly because he doesn't trust how this creature can literally transform into anything and doesn't want him to end up being something like Charo 😭)

He is just a little guy that wants to make sure his friend doesn't get hurt by a celestial force.

This is basically how I imagine how they both would meet:

(Just wait till he finds out Asha likes him. He is going to be so judgemental)

To get this part out of the way, if I end up having Bonsai speak, it would sound like a child, since I DREADED when the goat started...TALKING LIKE A GROWN ASS MAN LIKE NO PLEASE NO. And it would be more adorable yk?? :3

Lastly, here is the first doodle I did of him.

(JUST IMAGINE HIM TALKING LIKE A CRAZY 7 YEAR OLD LIKE THAT WOULD BE SO FUNNY)

@oh-shtars @annymation @signed-sapphire @chillwildwave @spectator-zee @uva124 @rascalentertainments @tumblingdownthefoxden

I might also go with a different color pallet for Bonsai but idk yet

[telvess]

Record of Ragnarok: What kind of pet do they have?

I'm like Tesla 🤣

Jack

I once read that people who are broken or haven’t experienced much love as children tent to choose animals that are less popular and sometimes seen as bad omens, such as black cats or ravens. So I see that Jack has a rat as a pet. They are intelligent and very clean animals, with an unfairly given bad reputation, and I think that suits Jack very well.

Nicola Tesla

Hear me out, Tesla is the proud owner of a turtle. There's a joke going around turtle owners that every time the turtle does something - such as yawns or falls asleep - you take a photo or video of it and happily show it to everyone. This is Tesla. The entire science crew has a mailbox full of this kind of spam, and their all sigh whenever Tesla sends them a new video of his pet doing absolutely nothing.

Poseidon

I think he likes animals in general. He despises humans and most gods for not behaving as they should, but animals are themselves. They do what is expected of them, they are excellent at being themselves, if that makes sense. So Poseidon probably has a dog that he has trained very well. The dog listens to all commends and generally behaves very well.

Hades

It’s canon that Hades has a pet - cockatoo. These animals require a lot of attention from their owner, which makes sense because we all know how lonely Hades is. He is literally playing chess with it! The parrot probably knows some fancy words like „magnificent” or „mellifluous”, and a whole bunch of wine names that it randomly says. Adamas, by the way, puts some effort into educating the bird too and incidently teaches it how to swear.

Beelzebub

Given how little he cares and how little he CAN care, the only option he has is fish. He gives it a good tank, he remembers to feed it and that’s it. They just exist. Damn… how depressing…

Loki

Two options. First: SAND ANT FARM. He watches it from time to time, mocking the ants for poor direction choices or just messing up with them for funnies. Second option is ferret. Loki finds them both annoying and interesting. There’s no boredom with them.

Ares

Ares thinks highly about himself, after all he is a part of the most powerful pantheon and the son of Zeus. He believes that he deserves only the best, which mean that whatever animal he gets, it will be a pure breed. If he chooses a cat or dog, it will receives a golden pillow to sleep on, a silver food bowl, the fanciest toys, the best caretakers, and… „the best owner”.

Thor

Thor has a cat. Most of the time they simply exist in their spaces and don’t interact. But every now and then a cat comes to Thor and demands a scratch, which Thor gives without hesitation. Loki once overheard Thor talking to his pet in those rare moments. Surprisingly, he speaks in a very gentle and caring tone, almost like mother to her child.

Hajun

He probably has a tank full of dead fish. Never cleaned, never fed, never bothered.

Lu Bu

Lu Bu has a pussy. He had no intention of having a pet, so the cat had to choose him, and Lu Bu obligated. He gives it lots of scratches and plays with it. Lu Bu is unfazed by the claws. Hearing her meow when he isn’t close puts him in a fighting stance. Nobody hurts his cat girl.

Hermes

Budgies! The guy has a lot of responsibilities, he's probably the last to fall asleep and the first to wake up, but he still finds time for his melodious pets. They always get the best snacks and for some unknown reason they become very excited when Zeus is around.

Göll

She has hamster, as small and cute as she is. Göll tries very hard to provide it a happy life, which probably means she’s trying too hard. She asks all his sisters for advice, and knowing how many siblings she has, she probably ends up with very conflicting opinions.

Zerofuku

Definitely rabbit. They are both full of energy, do not pose a threat and just enjoy themselves on a clearing somewhere.

Buddha

He doesn't have a pet, but he occasionally looks after Zerofuku’s and Göll's pets. He complains that he doesn't have time and that he doesn't care, but in the end he has a great time with the rabbit and hamster.

Noah

I think he ends up with a pigeon. He just feeds it from time to time in the same place and slowly tames it. Before he knows it, the bird becomes a new part of his life. He tells it about his problems, about Luna, Jack, Mother Goose and Shakespeare. This pigeon has therapeutic properties.

Qin

Definitely a husky. I see just two idiots keep talking to each other and arguing over nothing. The more the emperor demands something, the louder the husky's tantrum will be.

[mcytadventevent]

@matcha-fawn is creating for Day Fifteen!

Prompt: Cooking/Baking

Her piece is written and features the Clocker Family!

Credit Links:

https://matcha-fawn.tumblr.com/

https://archiveofourown.org/users/matchafawn

(Piece is below the cut)

There’s something about winter – the looming mountains with their coat of ice, frigid lakes frozen over, bony fingers of barren trees combing through the solid white sky – that makes it difficult for Etho to like it. There’s always an associated… dejection.

Or maybe harsh nature isn’t the problem. Maybe it’s the strings of lanterns outlining the wood-framed houses and the blend of cosy cinnamon and laughter leaking from open windows that sour the cold months.

He can’t exactly claim to hate it either, though. One glance at his Familiar, her soft ivory fur covered in cotton-balls of snow as she darts excitedly through drifts, and any onlooker would assume he enjoys the season. After all, if the literal embodiment of his inner sentiments in the form of a small white fox is having a good time, how can he not be?

For this very logical reason, Etho has concluded that the second hypothesis must be the more accurate one – the people-related one. After all, when your emotions enter your estranged family’s house, paws pattering over the hand-made doormat, the shift in her demeanour as she crosses the threshold is painfully noticeable, the way her ears flatten against her head at some invisible, awkward scent.

He has been led to believe that winter, and all its holidays, should be a time to squeeze shut the gaps between loved ones. To stand around watching fragrant cakes rise. To share gifts and time and smiles, keep out the icicles with the warmth of companionship. And yet…

It’s… complicated, Etho and his ‘family’. Well, no, it’s not really. The situation is perfectly simple, entirely predictable, from Bdubs’ overenthusiasm to Cleo’s barely veiled contempt. What’s complicated is trying to fix it.

So seeing his Familiar curled alone in the corner of the kitchen while the other three tussle playfully before the furnace is not the most promising sign.

“Right, no, that’s perfect – just get the flour everywhere, Etho. I’ve got experience with cleaning up your messes.”

 Tearing his eyes away from the wrestling cat, ferret and baby bear, whose scuffle is oddly enrapturing when lit from behind by gentle flames, Etho glances down to find a lot of flour on the counter. And thus not in the bowl. His cheeks heat in embarrassment; Cleo’s dig is deserved.

“Hey, he’s doing his best! Right, Etho?”

Bdubs’ wide, hopeful grin somehow only makes the embarrassment worse. He doesn’t merit it, not after he walked out on them to build ties somewhere else. 

“Oh, can’t the famous Redstoner transfer flour from one container to another without bringing the snowstorm inside?” Scar says, waving a hand dismissively. “Have you really fallen off that hard, dad?”

Well, that stings. It should be a funny inside joke, a nickname from back when they were younger, when Cleo and Etho used to laugh about being responsible for their immature friends, preventing them from accidentally blowing themselves up with faulty magic. Scar using it now should be fond, but his tone is only bitingly sarcastic. By the furnace, his cat Familiar hisses. 

“Hah, no I have not, thank you.” Etho firmly presses the lid back onto the flour box, avoiding another mistake. “I’ll go find a broom.”

In the corner, the fox withdraws closer to the wall. 

Making cookies had been his idea. He’d dug up the recipe and found the ingredients, lied to Tango and Skizz and Impulse about where he was disappearing to, and trekked from his village into the distant rocky mountains. An olive branch.

Looking back, it’s such a weak gesture. Pathetically material, failing to repair any of the cracks in their relationship. And now he’s hiding in the storeroom, the flimsy excuse of searching for a broom, while they mix the dough without him. If his fox wasn’t still in the kitchen, he probably would have fled.

Yeah, pathetic is the right word for it.

Scar’s voice whispers through the wall from the kitchen. 

“Is he coming back?”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t. That seems to be his signature move, leaving.”

“Hey, c’mon! He showed up all of his own accord without us having to ask—”

“Interrupted my painting…”

“Still showed up! Watch, ye of little faith, he’s still here. Etho!” Bdubs’ sudden shout makes him jump, nearly smashing his head on the coat hooks. “Wanna put our creations in the furnace?”

Scrabbling frantically through the organised supplies, Etho grabs the splintered handle of a broom and all but topples out of the storeroom. 

“Yep, yep, I’d love to. Found a broom!”

Cleo raises an eyebrow, hands on their hips. “What have you done to my nice, neat storage? If I go in there and it looks like you’ve ignited a stack of TNT…” They leave the threat hanging.

 “…I’ll tidy it before I leave.”

She huffs, rolling her eyes, but nods anyway. “Yeah, you will.”

“Cookies, furnace!” Bdubs thrusts a tray of sweet-smelling, haphazardly-rolled cookies at him, and he fumbles to lean the broom against the wall before taking them with a nervous smile. 

This he can do without messing up, surely. How many times has he chucked raw iron into a furnace without watching, then received by a perfectly melted-down ingot for his efforts? How different can that be to mimic with a tray of cookies? 

Unsurprisingly, it somehow goes wrong.

It turns out cookies and iron are not the same thing. Who would’ve thought? Cookie dough cannot be ‘chucked’ into a furnace; the tray has to be carefully positioned on the iron grill over the fire without being tipped to one side. Otherwise, gravity will take over, dragging the cookies down into the flames. It’s an interesting discovery, but not the best time to make it.

An incoherent stream of shouting bursts from his mouth as the fire rears up, spitting charred dough into Etho’s face in defiance of all laws of physics, and he stumbles away from the heat instinctively. One of the burning ex-cookies lands on the stone floor, rolling towards the wooden cabinets, and all four of them watch in frozen surprise while flames lick the base of the cupboard.

Cleo’s bear is the first to react, nudging her out of her shock. She snatches up a tea-towel and swats at the growing fire like it’s an irritating bug.

“Here, I can help—” Etho tries, but he’s cut off angrily.

“I’ve got this, thanks. I think you’ve helped enough. Just… all three of you go sit in the living room, or something. Get out.”

They don’t mean ‘leave the house,’ and Etho knows that, but his stomach drops anyway. Spilling flour was one thing, but setting the place on fire? Definitely worse. Every inch of him itches to run, yank on his boots and flee back to the village, where Tango, Impulse and Skizz can make fun of his total failure, but he came here with purpose. He won’t waste another winter wondering how his family are from a distance.

His fox isn’t bound by the same mental override, though, fuelled purely by his emotions, and with a yelp, she leaps from the corner to an open window and disappears into the snowy landscape.

“She’ll come back,” Bdubs says cheerfully, patting Etho on the back. “Familiars never run far.” 

Easy for Bdubs to reassure. His ferret is curled securely over his shoulders, sleepy head buried in his mossy jacket, snoring softly. Meanwhile, based on the pang in Etho’s chest, indistinguishable from homesickness, his fox has covered quite a substantial distance. And worryingly, he doesn’t sense she’s gone in the direction of TIES.

“Mm. Probably.”

“Jellie’s never left my side,” Scar comments, waving a cat toy in his Familiar’s general direction and snorting when she pounces for it. From his tone alone, it’s hard to tell whether he means it as a pointed jab or innocent input, except Scar never does anything innocently, and the side-eye he directs at Etho confirms his true intention.

“This little fella neither, but that doesn’t mean Etho’s hates him.” Bdubs scratches his ferret’s head softly. Gee, thanks, Bdubs.

Cleo’s bear pads into the room, closely followed by Cleo themself. They’ve got soot smearing their face and hands, and the heat from the flames has puffed up their hair like an angry cat, but given the house is still intact, Etho assumes they were successful.

“Alright, fire’s out. Couldn’t rescue the cookies though — poor things were burnt to a crisp.” She glares at Etho pointedly. “Totally unsalvageable. Ruined.” 

“Ah.”

“Has your Familiar returned?”

Scar answers for him, still mostly focused on teasing Jellie. “No sign of her. Though since she’s linked to Etho, she’s probably pretty good at leaving and not coming back.” 

“You’re never going to leave that be, are you?”

“Nope!”

“And that’s why Bdubs is my favourite.”

Jellie forgets the cat toy in favour of scampering over and swiping at him with an offended paw. 

“You know what, everyone, this is a golden opportunity!” With a flourish, Bdubs claps his hands together, somehow not waking the creature asleep on his shoulders.

“An opportunity?” Cleo crosses her arms sceptically. 

“To play a game!”

“A game?” Scar and Jellie tilt their heads.

Etho gets what Bdubs is trying to do, and he’s grateful. He’s here for a reason, and he’s determined to see it through, burnt cookies and accidental arson and all. Even if it’s clear his efforts aren’t exactly… appreciated by fifty-percent of the group.

“Yes, Bdubs, excellent idea. I’ll go first, whatever it is you have in mind.”

From the mantle, Bdubs retrieves one of Scar’s top hats, already filled with pre-prepared pieces of paper. He offers it to Etho expectantly, watching with eager brown eyes as he takes a slip and opens it.

“It says—”

“A-bup-bup!” Bdubs interrupts. “Can’t tell us – we gotta guess. Like, um, goodness’ sake… what’s the name?”

“Charades?”

Bdubs nods rapidly in confirmation, settling into the couch beside Cleo. All three of them stare at Etho, waiting for him to begin.

Icing a cake.

He flounders for a moment, unsure how exactly to mime the prompt, and Bdubs takes this as a sign to begin guessing.

“Confused! Going for a swim! Oh, oh, one of those silly inflatable dancing things they have outside the stables!”

“Absent dad who only shows up when it’s convenient to him?”

With a sigh, Etho crumples the paper into a ball and tosses it into the fire. “I haven’t started yet, thanks Cleo.”

“Shh, no talking,” says Scar. “And you shouldn’t throw out the paper – how will we know you’re telling the truth? Although I suppose burning things is second nature for you.”

He’s one to talk. Etho keeps the come-back to himself, though.

Preparing his invisible piping bag, he acts out icing a cake, a mime which one would think would be fairly simple to figure out, except either his guessers are terrible at charades or purposefully dense. (Etho would put money on the latter.) Bdubs shouting every thought that pops into his mind doesn’t help, but at least it covers up the scathing sarcasm of the other two.

In the end, it’s Scar that wins the round, presumably bored of finding ways to not-so-subtly call Etho washed up, so he rolls his wheelchair into the centre of the living room and unfolds his paper. A mischievous glint flickers in his eyes. He flings his prompt into the flames.

It’s not hard to see what he’s miming. First, rolling out balls of cookie dough – Bdubs guesses warming hands by the fire. Then bending down to clumsily place the tray in a furnace – Bdubs guesses posting a letter. And finally, an explosion, flames filling the room – Bdubs guesses… oh, no, that clue is apparently enough for him.

“Etho burning our cookies! Huh, I don’t remember putting that one in the hat…”

“That’s because his paper didn’t actually say that,” Etho says. Scar shrugs innocently.

“I guess we’ll never know, since I threw it into the fireplace. Just taking after my dad, hmm? Maybe I’ll disappear next, or nearly burn down my family’s house.”

“I clearly didn’t mean to do that!” He looks to Cleo beside him for support, but they don’t seem interested in defending him. Not surprising, honestly. Their bear turns its back to him, and if his own Familiar hadn’t run off into the mountains, she’d probably be hissing in frustration.

“Which part, the desertion or the arson? Because you seemed pretty sure of yourself when you galloped off to the village, betrayed us for your fancy Redstone buddies.”

Are they seriously doing this now? Etho didn’t come here for an argument; he came for the winter magic of reconciliation and family. That was how it worked in the stories. Someone showed up on the doorstep with a carol, or a gift, or a box of cookies, and everything worked itself out. Back on good terms by the time the bells were ringing.

Except real life isn’t a story. Oh boy, he’d been naïve, hadn’t he, imagining he could erase their problems with a simple recipe and good intentions? He should know better than anyone that it takes a few explosions before a machine works smoothly. And even then, there will be loose cogs and wonky gears clogging the system, constant repairs, careful attention required.

And setting it on fire, even accidentally, probably won’t help. 

“I’m not sorry for leaving.” Bdubs gasps at the admission. “I like my… ‘fancy Redstone buddies’. We work well together, and they’re good guys. You can’t exactly blame them for disliking you, either – Bdubs almost killed Skizz that one time!”

“Accidentally…”

“But I am sorry for not visiting more often, or only visiting on my own terms. It honestly never occurred to me that showing up uninvited today, even with the suggestion of baking together, was selfish. I’m sorry for interrupting whatever you were doing, Scar, and for almost burning down your kitchen, Cleo, and… well, we actually get along pretty well, Bdubs, so I suppose I’m sorry for being bad at charades?”

The room falls silent, save for the crackling of the fireplace, until a distinct purring sound resonates from Jellie. She stalks over, pouncing on Etho’s lap and curling up happily. He can hardly risk petting her, afraid to move in case he annoys her, but Scar is grinning too.

“My actual prompt was ‘playing solitaire’ – can I draw again?”

As Bdubs and Scar rummage through the top hat of papers, Cleo leans over and whispers to him, in a low tone. “For what it’s worth, it’s nice to see you. Thank you for making the effort occasionally, even if a letter forewarning us would be appreciated. And I’m sorry we never give you much of a chance before the teasing begins.”

He smiles at her, finally daring to scratch Jellie behind the ears.

“Aha! Oh, oh, I know this one – ‘falling asleep’.”

“Bingo,” Scar winks, shooting Bdubs a finger gun. 

They play charades until the light outside dips into an orange glow, the ache in Etho’s chest lessening with each genuine laugh. Cleo nearly loses her mind over no-one guessing ‘carving a statue’, but in Etho’s defence it really did look like she was just hitting a judge’s gavel. 

It’s while Etho is taking his twenty-something-th turn of the evening that there’s a gentle scratching at the window. Outside the frosted glass is a small white fox, blending in with the snowy environment, only visible for her black eyes like melon pips. Her paw pats against the glass again, the gentle tip-tap of claws.

Cleo opens the window for her, and Scar wheels over, gently lowering her into his arms and holding her tight. She doesn’t shy away from him or lash out to frantically reach Etho, just settles against his chest with a happy chatter.

“Look who it is!” Bdubs nudges his ferret awake, gesturing to Etho’s Familiar. “Told you she’d come back.”

Like fire in the bleak midwinter, the ache in Etho’s chest warms and burns away into soot, gentle wisps of smoke dissolving into the darkening sky. She did come back; she felt safe and welcome and enough like she belonged to return. 

“You know what, I think we’ve had enough of charades,” Cleo says, and Etho’s fox yips worriedly. Has he overstayed his welcome? He’s happy to come back another time, but he thought they were finally— “We should still have the ingredients for gingerbread – do you guys fancy building a house?”

As they clatter through to the kitchen, Scar and Bdubs arguing over which style of roof to design, Etho shoots a glance back at their Familiars. 

All four, curled together on the rug in front of the fireplace, Jellie playing with his fox’s tail, Bdubs’ ferret resuming his snoring, Cleo’s bear letting the other three lean against them like a fuzzy brown pillow. He can’t help smiling at the sight.

“Etho?”

“Yep, coming!” 

[bambiraptorx]

Not Quite Hidden AU: part 4. Word Count: 382. Readers chose: ask his name.

“What?  No, you can't just go!” Draxum's only just found out that his turtles are alive.  He can’t risk losing them again!  If he lets them walk away now, he’ll have nothing to trace them with, no way to find them ever again.

The ferret pins his ears back with a snarl.  “And what are you going to do about it?”

Draxum’s mind races.  He has to stop them, has to delay them somehow.  “I—I mean—I mean to ask, what is your name?”

“My name’s Mikey!” chirps the box turtle happily.

“I’m Raph!”

“This is Donnie, and I’m Leo!”

The ferret yokai sighs.  “My name is…  Splinter.  I go by Splinter.”  His ears flick back and forth, broadcasting his irritation.

Draxum nods stiffly.  “I am, ah, Baron Draxum.”

The yokai’s whiskers twitch.  “I know.  Boys, come along.  We’ve barely started shopping.”

Draxum exhales slowly as he watches them leave.

“Friends of yours, boss?  Funny place to run into them,” Muninn says blithely.

Huginn darts upward and hovers for a few seconds, then twists around midair.  “No, moron, those are the turtles!  From when we got hired, remember?”

“Oh, you mean when Boss mutat—”

“Shh!  Not out loud!”  Huginn hisses sharply, rather oblivious to his own volume.  Draxum groans deep in his throat.  With employees like these, it’s a wonder he hasn’t been arrested yet.

He runs a hand down his face and grimaces.  “Let’s… just check out.  I want to be out of here before they reach the registers.”

“Good idea, Boss.”  Muninn flutters in a wave-like pattern into a loop, aborted halfway through so he doesn’t spill his basket.  “With a conversation like that, no wonder you want to avoid them.”

“Wha—you watched that?!”  Draxum hitches his shoulders involuntarily with embarrassment.  “Why didn’t you intervene sooner, idiots?”

The goyle blinks innocently.  “Oh, did you want our help?  I had no idea, Boss.”

"Yeah, I thought you were doing just fine, Boss," Huginn adds. "Barely got any second-hand embarrassment from that."

Draxum resists the urge to pummel one or both of them, and pinches the bridge of his helmet's mask.  “Whatever.  I need to get home and make a plan to deal with this… whole situation.” 

Grocery trips are never particularly enjoyable, and this one has been more draining than most.

(Reblogs are appreciated!)

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[marshbarks]

if the south park boys were all animals, what's your headcanons for their species and why? can be furry or just normal animals

i've answered smth similar before, but i only did the main 5 + i have alt ideas and reasonings so!!

stan - a dog, of course. a bigger breed, something that he could reasonably say "i'm a wolf" about even though he is literally not a wolf at all. he's extremely loyal and has strong emotions, and as someone who has had a husky for a number of years, i think they have matching personalities and complexities. the ONLY downside to my affection with him being specifically a husky is that it means he doesn't get stupid floppy doggy ears. so perhaps a husky mix. he needs to look wolflike enough to claim being one, but still be like.. a silly puppy! (he could also genuinely be a wolf- like my tsot stan IS a wolf, undeniably- but i think its more fun if overall he is just a dog who is wolfkin) kyle - my first thought is always a sheep or a sheep/goat hybrid, but i've become fond of deer kyle as well! though.. dragon kyle has become very prominent in my things w/ adrian ( :3c ) and i think he's so fucking cool and awesome as a dragon. why is he a dragon?? because he keeps going "i am a human being." when his friends talk about fursonas and he won't make one but he thinks dragons are cool. fox kyle is fairly popular in the fandom but other than a personal attachment to both kyle and foxes making my heart go '!' every time i see it, i don't personally really like fox kyle on a character level? cute for visuals and i think there's a couple fun jokes to be made, but he's not really much of a fox guy to me. eric - cat or raccoon! obviously. there's not really much other choice, i'll be so honest. maybe a big cat or a non-domestic cat, but he's always like a little guy on your floor who stares at you and waits to be petted and bites you when you pet him because youre never doing it right. i think, like stan, he's most likely a cat who is raccoon kin. thinks they're so cool. if he had the warriors books when he was younger (and was actually assed to read them), he'd be so fucking sick about these cats. kenny - mustelid. i've always leaned into ferret kenny specifically! why? good fucking question. i don't know. but kenny is very rodent coded without feeling like a rat/hamster/guineapig/bunny, y'know? has ratlike qualities but doesn't really Fit. would NOT be a mouse. ferret or a weaselly guy feels right. also because it makes me happy butters - a doggy, too! something medium sized, more likely. lab or a retriever type. a Good Boy who is so naive. knows how to listen and wag his tail and be good, gets confused a lot, whatever. arroouou ruuruuruuu arr arruuu [sound of butters sob-barking from good times with weapons]

more under the cut bc this post got big :3

craig - hyena! or a very calm wolf! why? because i think he's cool. mainly the hyena thing is for adrian and i just fully agree because it feels right. the concept of him being a wolf is PURELY to make stan mad. tweek - a birddddd my little tweeter.. ♥♥♥ i just think he's very bird coded. i think a canary sounds good for him, warning of danger (even if it isn't really there). might be hybrid with something else, but he's MOSTLY bird. maybe a gryphon? would be a cheetah in that case i think. cheetah/canary. actually yeah that fucking rules he's a gryphon holy shit. clyde - lion. he's strong and proud (but also kinda a coward!!!! yay!) and i think the idea of clyde being a lion and thinking he's got SO MANY GIRLS THATRE HIS is so funny bc of the way the girls kinda toss him around. tolkien - not a lion. maybe a cat, honestly? he's so.... Normal. he's just such a normal guy. i could easily see him slotting into role as a cat. like your typical american shorthair. very average and normal critter that you gotta get to know to learn exactly the ways his personality works and differs from things. jimmy AND timmy - both parrots or parrot-adjacent birds! this is adrian's suggestion, because parrots are very smart and community focused and care about each other. i think the idea of these two being birds who bond over time is so cute. also because i got the thought in my mind of jimmy helping timmy find sweaters to cover up plucked feathers :( used to be VERY stressed out and then he found a friend and now he's doing a lil better.

wendy - rabbit wendy is my favorite, but i think she could work as a cat. but rabbit makes me happiest. maybe a hare, actually? type thing that looks like she's a little prey beast but will kick your ass into next week if you don't watch out. sigh.. i'm so in love with her.. lets her be small and sensitive while still being able to, at any point, stand up for herself. bebe - liger. pretty and everything, but doesn't quite fit her role like she could. specifically like.. a low-expression one, stripes that only show off in certain light. very low contrast markings. enough to not fit in Perfectly amongst other lions, but not enough to visibly be a tiger. this is to mirror her struggle with brains and beauty and trying to have both without becoming reliant on her beauty- but not disowning or dismissing having 'pretty privilege'. sighhh i love bebe a lot i love her so fucking much. heidi - bunny.. she's just a little rabbit. small and scared. trying to do her part and be good! trying. hybridized with a goat, freaks the FUCK OUT when her horns grow in because she's not supposed to have those. legally i suppose she is a jackalope except she is a bungoat. nichole - bearrr i just think she'd be so cute as a bear.. i don't even have a good reason for this. i associate her with bears and sunflowers. sun bear..... aoawouahghgg.. red - iguana??????????????????????????? i dont know why. that's what my mind said to me.

henrietta - sheep!! one of those multi horned ones. as satantic as an ungulate can be. firkle - cat! if it wasn't conformist to read warrior cats, he'd be kin with scourge i think. would want to be that. purple collar, obviously (personally i think the rainbow is the best choice but firkle would NEVER) pete - big cat of some kind. this thought is undeniably influenced by 6ftkyle's stuff, i love the idea of him being a tiger so fucking bad it makes me sick okay. black and red stripes??/ fuck OFF thats so COOL he would look so sick. people would call him edgy emo and he'd get so fucking MAD. michael - dog. one of those tall dogs with curly fur. de-facto leader type. they also look very distinguished and cool to me. but he's still a dog, y'know? has little quirks that pop out sometimes that you're like ohh you're just a puppy doggy aintcha. mike - dog! chihuahua type. big ass fuckin ears. says he's part bat.

mole - shockingly, not a mole! i think he'd be a cat. like a weird cat who digs holes, but a cat. not your typical domestic shorthair. maybe a forest cat, actually? :thinking:

douglas - cat, but he'd be like.. a catboy. i couldn't see him as full furry. he'd be your nasty dirty grimy indoor catboy boyfriend. he's awesome augh. dogpoo - unsurprisingly, a doggy. i think he'd be one of those breeds that isn't like.. DEAD without care, but needs care to be at their prettiest, so he's always a little fucked up looking and dirty. fur a mess... english for some reason.....

while most siblings can be The Same as their other siblings, i do think ike would be like.. a little hamster...... id ont know why. he's such a little hammy to me.

the cotswalds are designer toy breed dogs. bradley (cartman sucks) is an antelope. gary harrison is an extremely proud golden retriever with perfectly groomed fur. damien is a jackal, obviously. pip is a bunny i think. kevin stoley is a devon rex. leslie is a cat but she looks ai generated. thomas (tourettes) is a pitbull. tammy warner is a fox.

and scott malkinson has diabetes (i think he'd be a cat)

[do-i-look-like-a-doctor]

okay but the Naruto universe is so fucking weird yet funny if you explain it and question it.

first, you have this lil orphan broke kid ninja boy named after a fishroll. then, you have an emo kid who acts like he got parents and a good way in life despite the fact he’s equally as much of an orphan as Mr. Broke-Blonde-Bitch. THEN you have this normal chick with pink hair who signed up for absolutely none of this nonsense yet got dragged into it. tell me why it’s these three against the world yet none of them can function together? it’s like watching ferrets hyped up on PCP fight over raw spaghetti noodles. dont even get me started when they were in school together, i can bet every person here 6 cents that at some point Sakura aka Ms. Fuckall got tired of Naruto and Sasuke’s bullshit and just tried to abandon them at an animal shelter.

speaking of school and general tomfoolery, why was the dude in charge of these three young squishy brained freaks the most depressed 20 something year old creature on the planet? i will admit, Kakashi is attractive and a great dude. he is so iconic, he misses his old team, and it’s clear he wanted best for his Group of Weird Children but he also reads porn all day and his mask probs smells like cheap aftershave.

if i was a 13 year old ninja child and i saw my sensai (who’s name sounds like cashew) doing all that i’d assume im either about to learn a sick ass skill (how to not cope with emotional trauma properly) or im about to get my ass handed to me. or im about to dropout.

back on track. so you’ve got orphan #1, orphan #2, Ms. Get-Me-Out-Of-Here, and Emotionally Repressed Man in one team. what do the kids do? beef for like 3048384 episodes. what does Kakashi do? try to teach them the power of friendship the entire damn series. oh, and let’s not forget that Naruto apparently has a demon fox inside him because of course he does.

anyways, once the team gets good at teaming they haul off to take their lil ninja exams. who do they meet? some kid named Gaara with smudged eyeliner and shaved brows. he’s a red-head, that’s cute. oh and he can control sand and tries to kill every child in the exams because his dad is a piece of shit hipster. who else do they meet? a kid named Rock Lee who can kick really hard, a girl named Tenten who wishes for all of us to stfu, and poor Neji who can’t keep doing this. there’s also some guy named Guy. yeah, the chunin exams nearly flop because Gaara doesn’t know how to act right.

all this is happening but the pivotal of it all? Sasuke decides to be extra emo and FUCKS OFF TO KILL HIS HALF BLIND SICKLY OLDER TWINK BROTHER.

then, Naruto decides he wants to harness his powers and FUCKS OFF WITH AN OLD ASS BUSHY HAIRED MAN WHO WRITES PORN. Jiraiya needs to be studied on a microscopic spiritual level. he is why SCP’s exist.

who let these kids out? i told you all not to feed the animals and look what happened. now theres beef between a group of kids and the akatsuki.

oh and the akatsuki?? don’t get me started. wtf is that. why is this group of fucked up people with weird powers who are being led by a ginger hive mind of corpses just wandering around? and why is Weasel, aka Itachi, in the middle of it with his goofy explosive hypnotic eyeballs? i want them all put down.

so you’ve got the evil eldirch horrors in the streets. thats fine. Naruto gets put into a new gang cuz Kakashi has to hospitalized. cool, whatever. Naruto decides to start hutning down his rogue boyfriend alongside Sakura, who became a sickass ninja doctor, along with his new sensei Yamato. wonderful… THEN SOME BITCH NAMED SAI SHOWS UP.

DO NOT GET ME STARTED.

what is that? why is it emo? why is its tongue tattooed? put it back outside bro i stg. i love him so much.

everything is just everywhere in this anime bro I can’t. Sasuke is no where to be seen, Naruto is doing fuckall across the world with his groupie, Kakashi is lowkey sad again cuz his kids are gone, and Sakura can barely breathe without issues occurring.

not just that but the twink brother named Weasel is being stupid and enables his own murder. yeah he basically wants Sasuke to come for his ass. meanwhile, Naruto comes home bigger, better, older but still broke and full of fox demon. still, not a single soul except his friends and teachers like him. shit gets even more wild, it becomes knock-off Cheetah Girls vs. The World.

girl i gotta go before i hurt someone. see yall in part 2.

(all of this is heavily unedited, apologies for mistakes)

[mountainashes]

Do you have any UD as adults hcs? (Like middle ageish)

Ooo hi!

Okay, again not rlly strict or clear ones, but I like to think about it. That being said, I'm mostly coming up with it as I go along. I'm just gonna answer this with every character as if nothing bad happened to them so I can include the Washingtons- I hope thats ok, if not I can do a post game one I'm sure all I think abt is this game.

Jess

I like to think she would become a model like she wants to be.

Also maybe an actress in some of Josh's films lol. I think she'd be good at it.

Honestly job wise I think she just does whatever she feels like, she's a very free and funloving person.

She visits Em at her work all the time, they have their lunch together.

She has a german shepard dog.

Ash

Ashley works on her books, which are mostly like crime-mystery type stories.

She often goes over Josh's scripts with him.

She works at a coffee shop in a mall because she just likes the vibe of sitting and writing in a café on her breaks.

She has pet ferrets.

Sam

She works at an animal shelter while also volunteering with conservation charities and stuff.

She's athletic and does runs and stuff for fundraising for charity.

She's hard to make plans with because she's always up to something, always busy. But she makes sure to be free for when the Washingtons host a get-together at the lodge :)

Em

She works assistant manager at a clothing store, and she is in her ELEMENT.

Crochets in her spare time.

Sometimes does hikes with Sam.

Always changing her hairstyle, she's definitely braver when it comes to her style and doing what she wants.

She has a cat.

Beth

Does soundtracks for things, she's very into her music. Often Josh will get her for his films.

She's a music teacher on top of that, just because I think it'd be funny.

She gets really into gardening, grows fruit + veg and uses it when she makes any meals.

That said she also gets into cooking and sometimes hosts dinners with family or friends.

Han

Still into her weird hobbies (bug keeping, doll collecting).

She works with Josh all the time and helps with concept art and stuff. (Shes artsy as well to me).

Spends a lot of time up at Blackwood, works there when it's open. She's a ski instructor.

She also collects bones and feathers and stuff up there.

She joins Sam on a lot of her hikes/runs as well.

Plans and hosts the Feburary lodge hangouts.

Josh

He does film writing/directing, much like his dad.

His movies are much more psychological horror whereas his dad's were more ur slasher-type horror.

He spends pretty much all his free time with his friends and family, his own home is basically abandoned 90% of the time.

Often helps Ashley go over her writing as well.

Him and Jess drive out into the woods at random times to walk and chat, usually trading updates on their friends' lives and stuff.

Mike

Sort of like Jess, he just does whatever.

I can see him working with dogs tbh, maybe with Sam at the shelter. He deals with the larger breeds specifically.

He has a collie dog he goes everywhere with pretty much.

He also likes to show up and bother Em at her work. Lol.

Matt

He becomes a P.E teacher at the same place Beth is a music teacher.

He often goes to Blackwood when Hannah's there and they ski and hike together.

He goes on roadtrips with Ashley and Josh, he's usually driving while they get pictures and stuff for inspiration. They have gotten lost a LOT.

Chris

He does app design, most of his work is from home.

He's often with Josh, and does help with any technical stuff for Josh.

Ashley and Josh like to drag him out into the sun every now and again, because otherwise he would likely happily sit behind a screen all day.

I think I'll leave this now, I hope its ok. Thanks for the ask :D