#he seems happy to yap
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euthymiya · 1 month ago
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my younger brother is so funny ahsjgdf he is sitting here telling me all about kendrick like i have not been listening to that guy since before this boy even had internet access
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feroluce · 7 months ago
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For reasons to be expanded upon at a later date (because I love the little bits about Boothill and possible paranoia/betrayal canon gives us so very dearly HNGH) I think Boothill like... He won't let himself fall into disrepair or anything of course, but he reeeeeeeeeeally does not like letting other people poke around at his body. It's a necessary evil to him. He does whatever maintenance and repairs he can himself. He started out with a massive knowledge deficit, simply because he didn't really have any exposure to that kind of technology until he left Aeragan-Epharshal, but he's taught himself a lot since then, he worked really hard at it!
Anyway, the point being, Boothill generally isn't super trusting of people.
But I think he would come to make an exception for Himeko, since he trusts Dan Heng a lot, and Himeko is one of Dan Heng's once-in-a-lifetime dearly beloved companions.
Himeko is so unflappable, I don't think she would even bat an eye about anything he throws at her, either. Like she enters the Parlor Car one morning (she's always the first one up) and Boothill is already there, waiting for her.
"Mornin', Madam Navigator."
"Good morning, Mr. Boothill."
And despite the fact that he blatantly broke into the Express (Pom-Pom is NOT happy about this JDKSAJDSKL), Boothill tips his hat, greets her politely, and is nothing but respectful when he says he has a favor to ask of her. Except it won't stay a favor long, of course- he has every intention of paying it back.
Himeko never agrees to things blindly, but she does bring up that all the knowledge Boothill contributed during the Charmony Festival was essential to preventing the universe from being pulled into Ena's Dream. And they were able to hold onto the Jade Abacus because Boothill used Tiernan's burial relic to summon the Galaxy Rangers instead. The Astral Express owes him a debt of gratitude, and besides, he's a friend of Dan Heng's. Of course she'll try to help him.
Boothill fidgets a bit, quickly brushes off the thanks, and tells Himeko he's having a problem with error codes. He keeps getting the same one, seemingly at random times, but the darn thing has no obvious cause. Dan Heng mentioned Himeko had been the one to rebuild the Astral Express. He knows it ain't the same, but it's not like he's askin' for any major repairs or nothin'. He was wonderin' if she could just take a look, maybe offer him some insight, since she seems to be somethin' of a mechanical wonder.
So Himeko walks him back to a another car, where she goes to tinker with machines without them crowding her bedroom. It's all neatly laid out and organized, and it only takes a second for Himeko to locate some specific device with a long cord. Instead of plugging it in herself, she holds the end of it out to him, like an offer rather than a demand, and Boothill visibly relaxes a bit. He still eyes it just a little warily for a second, but he accepts and plugs it into the port on his side.
Himeko pulls up the list of all recent errors, and they really are all the same. Boothill has had multiple temperature alarms over the past couple of weeks since the Charmony Festival, and they know it's not the environment, because Penacony is mostly dreamscape and kept mild year-round. The long-forgotten natural deserts are too far away.
Boothill is staring from the corner of his one good eye, so Himeko turns the hologram to let him see what she's doing easier. They don't appear to be false alarms. His internal temperature spikes and then slowly lowers again, high enough that if it lasted it would eventually cause damage.
One option is for her to start rooting through personal data, figuring out what he was doing at the time of each code, and tracing cause and correlation.
Instead, Himeko reads out the timestamps, and asks Boothill if he minds sharing what was happening around him when it occured.
Two weeks ago: He and Dan Heng went to explore Dreamflux Reef and found a bar- nice place, good atmosphere. Woman runnin’ it was a doll. Boothill left fer not even two minutes to get them drinks (Dan Heng knows like nothin’ about liquor, Madam Navigator, can you believe this guy) and when he came back, someone had already stolen his seat and was hittin’ on Dan Heng! Dan Heng didn't even care, just shooed ‘em off. Boothill laughed and said not to let him get in his way if he wanted to meet someone. Dan Heng looked at him like he'd grown a second head. Why would he want to leave with someone else, when he came here to be with Boothill?
Twelve days ago: While laying low- er, just rustlin’ up some grub- in the Moment of Blue, Boothill passed Dan Heng with March and Caelus playin’ on the beach, buildin’ sandcastles and the like. When he passed by again almost two hours later, they were still out there, with Dan Heng pullin’ March through the water on her inner tube and Caelus hangin’ off the back of it. He swam so fast! You'd think he was part water snake or somethin’. He looked happier ‘n a cat in a sunbeam… He has a nice smile, doesn't he?
Eleven days ago: Boothill was killin’ time in Dreamflux Reef when he turned the corner down a shady alley and saw Dan Heng, surrounded by three men demandin’ “protection money.” None of ‘em stood a chance, they were all on the ground before Boothill even blinked! So cool! Boothill wants to see that spear of his closeup- Anyway, Dan Heng stepped on one of ‘em on his way out, hahaha! Boothill stepped on the same guy a second time as he hurried to catch up.
Eight days ago: Here on the Express, actually. Boothill had mentioned bein’ curious about the archives, and Dan Heng personally invited him.
(“I remember that day, I saw you in the hall.” “Was there any problem with the heating that day?” “No, none. I don't think the temperature has anything to do with these error codes. I have a different theory, keep going.” “If ya say so.”)
Boothill was fascinated by an entry on aeons, and from a single question he asked about Lan, the two of ‘em ended up talkin’ fer hours. About aeons and Paths and Emanators, Acheron and Self-Annihilators, the Sea of Nihility, Tiernan, the Nameless and the Galaxy Rangers, their burial relics and their customs. Dan Heng finally just started writin’ and editin’ the entries in real time, with Boothill pointin’ things out and tellin’ him what to add in. They were at it so late that Boothill ended up sleepin' on a couch in one of the cars.
He'd figured there had to be something to make Dan Heng chatty- he'd caught just a glimpse of it that first night they met, sittin’ at the bar in the Reverie together. He'll have to ask about the archives more often, if it gets him all revved up like that.
One week ago: After that night of energetic discussion, Dan Heng was apparently hyped up, because after he'd downed some of Himeko's coffee (“You had some too, right? What did you think of it?” “It was great, even better'n chewin’ bullets!” "Thank you! That was my newest brew, I can't wait for everyone else to try it.") he actually asked Boothill to go hunting with him. Boothill asked who their target was, and was surprised when Dan Heng pulled out photos that looked like they were from March's camera, of all things, instead of a bounty or wanted poster.
And as he sat there, studying these pictures, Dan Heng explained that he wanted to hunt down these specific memory zone memes to record them into the archives. Planets with so much memoria are a rarity, especially with the Stellaron's activity thrown into the mix, which has surely affected the local “wildlife.” He might not get another opportunity like this for a long time. And Boothill had talked last night about his extensive expertise in tracking and hunting, so he should have plenty to offer here, Dan Heng would like to learn from his experience and see how he does things!
And oh, Madam Navigator, by the time Dan Heng was done speakin', his eyes were practically sparklin'! Just lit up like the sun! Boothill could scarcely believe it! The two of them couldn't even wait another day, they set out that very morning. It had been a long, long while since Boothill had tracked someone- er, somethin’- without the intent to capture or kill. It was…actually really nice. Nostalgic, but in a good way. It might even have been his favorite day on Penacony…so…far…
Boothill trails off as a couple of realizations crash into him. All the temperature alarms he's spoken about thus far- they've all happened in the company of Dan Heng. And now that he's thinking about it, he's pretty sure even the ones he hasn't yet talked about were with him, too. Dan Heng has been responsible for all of his error codes, every. single. one.
The screen in front of Himeko suddenly refreshes to the top of the list, displaying a new notification for the current time. Alert! Core temperature above normal range.
Himeko's knowing smile is sly as a snake.
Wwwwwelp, would ya look at the time, Boothill has some errands to meet, people to run, y’know how it is, he should really get goin'-
“Oh, Mr. Boothill? About that favor.” And Boothill jolts to a stop in the doorway because fudge, he can't just leave without hearing her out. He'd given his word. He has no problem running out on someone he thinks deserves it, but Himeko really had been kind to him to try and help him out. Her voice is just as knowing as her smile, Boothill can't turn around to look at her, or else he knows he won't be able to disguise the sound of his cooling fans kicking on.
“Don't make Dan Heng wait too long, ok~?”
“Y-Yes, ma'am.”
#honkai star rail#henghill#bootheng#Himeko KNOWS abort mission abort!!!#I really love Himeko sorta looking after Boothill the same way she does her crew even if he's not one of them haha. She's so sweet with-#-Dan Heng. She really seems to adore him and wants him to be safe and happy. I think she would be so happy he's found a new friend!#She wants to help this happen!! So get to it Boothill!!!#Was yapping about this fic to Ray and she nearly fucking oneshotted me: 'It's especially funny because we've got a Vidyadhara and a cyborg-#'-they literally have all the time in the world. SHE's the one who wants to be around to see it happen akfbbsbd''#AND JUST. GOD. Himeko knowing that she won't outlive Dan Heng. She's only human. She can't compare to a Vidyadhara lifespan. So she wants-#-to make sure Dan Heng has as many people as possible. She wants to know he'll be taken care of and not be lonely even after she's gone.#Himeko wants to see this important moment in his life happen she wants to be around for it *sobbing*#I'd been wanting to write this for a long time though because for me henghill is all about the little moments. like. they talked so much-#-back and forth in 2.2. they spent so much time together. they get along shockingly well. Dan Heng could have gone almost anywhere to wait-#-for the trailblazer to wake up after defeating Sunday. And instead of anywhere else Dan Heng returned right to Boothill's side. Was still-#-hanging out with him at the Reverie's bar. Still just chattering away. The point is that these two have a strong friendship to build a-#-romance on! They enjoy each other's company! They like spending time together! And I love that! I want to see their mundane nights!!#They'd have such fun dates uweh... They go on a coffee date and miss Himeko's coffee haha#(fun story Boothill's dialogue about Himeko's coffee was originally going to be 'it was uh...an experience. ain't nothin' else like it in-#-the world.' 'thank you!' But then I read Boothill's parlor car dialogue and? it turns out he LOVES Himeko's coffee? go figure ajfldjas)#(afaik he and Dan Heng are literally the only ones. how cute is that haha)#hsr#boothill#himeko#dan heng#hsr boothill#hsr himeko#hsr dan heng#my fics
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olasketches · 11 months ago
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sukuna did not tell kenjaku about his plan to change vessels, which makes me wonder… what makes us and maybe even sukuna think that kenjaku told him everything. another yapping session incoming cause I need to get this out of me. we don’t know the terms of their agreement but sukuna is certain that yuuji’s only purpose was to seal his fingers and mind you that says the man who throughout the whole manga kept underestimating him and saying how boring he is, which creates a perfect blind spot. sukuna is so uninterested in yuuji, probably as a way to keep some sort of distance between himself and yuuji, that it is very much likely that he’s not aware of the actual plans kenjaku had towards yuuji. why was it important for them to keep sukuna caged? wa yuuji always supposed to have an engraved curse technique(s)?? why is he slowly turning into another sukuna?? and I’m not saying it to take away yuuji’s agency as a character but to point to the fact that the lines between the curse known as ryomen sukuna and yuuji are beginning to become more and more blurry with each new chapter. sukuna referred to himself as the fallen angel/disgraced one, but who was he BEFORE that?? and what’s the actual reason behind angel wanting to kill him? there’s so much we don’t know and honestly… as intelligent as he is I don’t think sukuna truly knows what is going on either… but I might be totally reaching and I still don’t why I keep brainstorming all of it cause gege is just too damn unpredictable so I really don’t know what’s relevant here or what’s not but there are just so many unknowns in this story that I just can’t help but wonder… (more in the tags)
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arson-09 · 7 months ago
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i dont think ill ever recover from the pure tragedy that is Touya Todorokis story/life. Genuinely the ending did mental damage to me
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hiraethwrote · 6 months ago
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i’m gonna take my nap and then just not wake up
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luv-again · 2 months ago
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trying to figure out how amy's gonna perceive sonic in this particular part in my fic. bc ofc I want to acknowledge/honour amy's idle dialogue and mention him and the effect he has on her in a time so dire, yet so unimportant to anyone else - but I strive to portray that in a way that doesn't completely undermine him or compare him to shadow in any way
bc ofc, sonic has no time for her chao-rescuing malarkey. he has more important things to do and probably wouldn't bother with such a thing unless there was absolutely nothing more pressing. saving chao is more an amy endeavour anyway. but idk whether amy realises that, considering she doesn't seem to know a whole lot abt the black arms invasion (and tbh idrk how sonic and co. are dealing with this incident bc it all seems like they're doing different things then somehow getting caught up in it)
amy sees sonic as a safe space, that much is clear; a pillar of courage and that inspires her to walk the world without fear like he does
but shadow, who seemingly has something else on his plate, budged for her. the world around them is possibly crumbling, yet here he his, setting his goals aside to help a girl stuck and without hope. and she does recognise he does provide her comfort, however inadvertent that may be
I'm thinking she comes to realise sonic may not be who she wants or needs right now. and even though shadow doesn't have quite the same effect as sonic does, she does see him expelling the fear she had whilst alone. he doesn't waste time, he doesn't criticise (except maybe once at her faction neutrality bc he didn't quite understand then) and he lets her help alongside him even though she's not at her full strength (he doesn't know this)
sure, shadow isn't distracting her from the horrors around them, but he helps her confront it and manage it clearly, without those rose-coloured lens she has with sonic
she's faced head-on with reality with shadow and with him she begins to see she can walk through hellfire without being scorched
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puppppppppy · 8 months ago
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eepiest little man in the building
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bmft · 4 months ago
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Oli's tiny hair is so cute, so curly (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)
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beevean · 6 months ago
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If Dracula is Mathias + Walter, then... Part of Walter's soul sees Joachim in Hector, and therefore Dracula experiences some strange attraction to him.
Oh great, Walctor, now I was missing that to my collection
Sure let me include that in my headcanons :P
(pretty sick concept for a fic though. broke: dracula only loves lisa because he sees her as elisabetha 2.0. woke: dracula lusts for hector because the walter in him confuses him for his former pretty slave and now he wants to put more care in wrapping him around his finger)
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ruegardlover · 9 months ago
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quick — everyone act shocked!!!
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walnutcookie · 10 months ago
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im trembling <- guy who just had a regular social interaction
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confinesofmy · 18 days ago
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the craziest thing about cousins you hate and haven't seen for 6 years is that you will see them again.
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catcr4ft · 3 months ago
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Can’t stop thinking about college era Essiel (aro and disillusioned with love) and Varska (romanticizes all forms of human love while valuing and admiring Essiel a lot) having a convo about love while watching a romance film
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butchlifeguard · 7 months ago
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primrose's ch3 is GOOD btw
#fucking simeon bro.......#i cant yap too hard without doing spoilers so heres another tag to fill space lalalala#ot1 spoilers#octopath spoilers#ANYWAYYY it starts with primrose coming back to her hometown which is already pretty strong#seeing a guy Fucking dying which is a great way to establish the harm done by the obsidian people and establish their power#.because if they didnt have a great amount of political power simeons entire motivation would fall through#but in the flashbacks he was sooo fucking good the writing (+ eng translation) did a good job of creating a gray area#between 'nice guy who is also courteous because primrose is a noble' and 'creep who might have a slightly overbearing crush on this kid'#bc shes like. 8 right ? and hes old enough to work as a gardener w/o his parents also being in service of the azelharts#so probably 17 at least?#ok um. i just looked up his age on the wiki and i dont know what the fuck is going on there#i didnt spoil myself but why is he 126.#anyway i actually feel like thats worse 💀#and then his breakdown calling himself primroses one true love..#shes so good i love the contrast between everyonee calling her beautiful + whatever the fuck helgenish and simeon were doing#and her showing no romantic interest in anyone. romance repulsed icon tbh#3 people this chapter were like 'lady primrose you have grown so beautiful since we last saw you' and shes like 😐#coming back around to simeons twist villain shit they went OFF reinforcing primroses performer theme#'the crowd gasps' etc etc. DAMN BRO#a lot of her story is theatrical drama coded ime. like with the ending narration saying 'tragic or happy ending'#she does seem like a dark take on a princess archetype which is cool#anyway the actual use of the game is good here too#the dark screen after she gets knocked out with the perfectly timed music??#and the flashbacks and the use of the titles on peoples speech bubbles#because the shift from 'simeon' to 'simeon the puppet master' kind kf made me lose it a little bit#RIGHT BEFORE the flashback where hes just 'gardener' ? yeah thats a banger#overall this is fairly simple good storytelling but it all comes together along w the actual game mechanics to make one of my...#... favorite chapters so far. plus im really excited for her ch4 now.
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rex3o · 3 months ago
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Doting wife
Royal au! Sukuna x Reader
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Being the emperors wife was something that you would have not expected to be in the position of. Many would think being the emperors wife, would bring in love, happiness and luxury. Yet your husband would be nothing of the sorts, yes you heard of his reputation. A cold and ruthless emperor with a thriving empire, you entered his palace with big hopes and determination of changing him to be a loving husband.
oh how wrong you was.
After 4 years of marriage and a heir to his throne, he was as cold and ruthless the day you met him. Every interaction was short or met with silence. You put effort in your duties as his wife and empress to the empire to impress him. Yet nothing. You wore his favourite colour. Nothing. You did your make up differently. Nothing. You tried talking to him about things he was interested... and nothing. He was not phased. During the birth of your son, he was nowhere to be seen only to come in the following morning and smile at the sight of his son. yet when his red eyes met yours his smile dropped.
So here you sat in the royal gardens watching your three year old son chase a butterfly with his toy sword. Letting your mind wander, you had tried everything.. what was you not doing that he hasn't even dropped a single thought on you. Your lady in waiting looked at you a bit confused as you continued to stare hardly at nothing.
"Your majesty" she says softly yet anxiously, as she looks at you while drifting her eyes to whatever thing you was staring at.
"hmm" you say.
"are you uh.. quite alright you seem to be staring at.." as she is lost for words.
You snap out of your thoughts and look at her, your eyes widening a little.
"oh apologises, I seemed to have lost myself in thought."
She exhales as she smiles at you.
"oh that is fine.. may I ask about what?"
"oh nothing.. you know.. thoughts." you say not really wanting to indulge on the countless attempts of getting your husband to even give a glance at you.
Your eyes land back on your son as you find him aggressively hitting the dead bug on the ground. Definitely his father's son. You thought. You got up from your seat as you approached your son to stop his insane antics and bring him back inside. The boy huffs and drops his toy sword and runs back inside as you followed after him, walking back inside the palace you spot Sukuna walking with several of his advisors, as they head somewhere. You do not let your eyes linger for long as you follow after where your son had ran off.
After several hours of chasing your son around the palace, you managed to catch him and get him ready for dinner. As you both head inside the dining hall, he runs and takes his space next to his father. Sukuna sat on his seat already busying himself with the food. You sit down and remain silent. How odd. You're never quiet at dinner. You ate your food only glancing at your son to see if he is eating like a proper boy and not gobbling his food like a damn animal.
Dinner goes swiftly, without a word as Sukuna finishes, you take your leave. He gives a quick glance at your figure.
The days went on, this new personality of yours. Quiet, not chatty as before. The little interactions of yours, well one sided conversations, with Sukuna went from infrequent to zero. He noticed this. As you slowly put your effort and interest into other things besides him. Sukuna would find himself at least hoping for a glance of you around the palace. Hell he would be even be satisfied by you uttering a single word at the dinner table. But no.
There you three was again at the table, silence except for your son's occasional ramble of what he did today to his father.
Sukuna bore his eyes onto you, as his son's yapping went from one ear to another. Gripping onto his utensils as he waits for your eyes to meet his, for you to utter something. Yet you sat on the opposite end eating your food finding the chandelier to be the most interesting thing you came across the whole day.
"Have we lost our manners suddenly." he blurts out annoyed.
You stop chewing as you slowly look at your husband, as if he grew a pair of wings and started to fly.
"pardon..." was the only thing you could conjure up.
"I am your husband, you are supposed to greet me, ask me how my day is.. have you forgotten your role wife?" he demands. Yet your clueless face irked him more.
".. uh- how was your day?" you ask, not knowing if you should or not. Sukuna grunts in response.
"that's more like it." Is all he says, as you remain confused for the remainder of the dinner.
Your interaction with Sukuna stuck out like sore thumb to you for the next couple of days. You did not know what to make of it. You stood silent, as the advisor chattered along on what to do for the next royal event. The advisor realising that your mind was on something else he quietened down waiting for you to speak. As you came back to reality, you looked at him confused.
"w-we can do this on another day empress if your feeling under the weather." he says anxiously. You just barked out a laugh.
"I am good, something had caught my attention, please continue." You say, as he goes continues. The door to the private meeting room swings open as Sukuna enters and makes his way next to you. The advisor taken aback looks at you if he should continue.
"Continue" Sukuna commands as the man starts his nervous ramble now more directed to Sukuna for the royal event. The meeting ends, the advisor leaves defeated as he didn't get much answers from the both of you.
This new behaviour of his continued, every day at least at one point of your day, he makes himself known and sit with you till he seems fit. He doesn't say anything some days but others he would demand you to say something, whatever it was you was doing on that day he will involve himself. Even if it was watching your son fight an imaginary dragon. But you did not back down. Yes this was entertaining watching your husband finally put some sort of an effort. So you kept this behaviour of yours up. Almost like a silent contest on who is going to break first.
As the day of the royal event dawned, you spoke to your guests, in your beautiful gown. Your presence captured everyone's attention.. even your husband. As a duke kindly asked for your hand for a dance. You took his request, as you both waltzed on the ballroom floor. As he lets you go for you to spin, you are met back with a familiar set of arms. Your eyes met your husbands crimson eyes.
You hold back your smile, as he lead you to dance. Everyone's lingering eyes drifted away, the music blending away in the back of your mind, as you both danced.
"You did not wear red.." Sukuna comments. You look back up at him.
"I have worn red too many times." You retort.
"Too many times.. even for your husband?"
All you did was shrug your shoulders, as his hand your waist tightens.
"You used to gab my ears off woman.. now your as silent as a mouse." He comments.
"And..?"
"Has my efforts not been enough.." He quietly says in your ear.
"You think, a couple weeks of you spending some time with me, making me question you is effort" you say back in disbelief.
"It is something woman" he says slightly annoyed.
You look at him, as your smile slowly fades.
"I spent the last four years, catering to your needs, acting as a good wife to you.. yet the moment I stop you suddenly remember you have a wife and start acting like somewhat of a companion-"
"companion" he says offended. "I have treated you like a husband should, I spent time with you, I spoke to you, I provided you with a palace and riches."
"oh thank you for doing the bare minimum." as you push yourself away from him and composing yourself as you walked away from the ballroom floor. Sukuna stands there as he walks off the opposite direction not wanting to make a scene in front of his guests clearly annoyed.
While the event progresses, as all he could think about was you, what you said. He watched your every move, every word you uttered to your guests, every sip you took from your glass, every hand movement. He took note of it. He did not care if people realised he was staring you down. He couldn't wrap his head around how you could even think of speaking to him like that.
Was what he did not enough? Before you would swoon if he even said a word to you. Now you did not care. You would chatter his ear off about things you assumed he would be interested in. Now silence. All your efforts now gone.
What was he not doing to get you back to being his doting little wife.
part 2
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big FAT authors note : I cannot lie guys I am not fit for long fics but yk what I can do... make one shots so please enjoy what my mind could conjure up for 15 minutes after having 3 cups of chai. Also I may have a thing for historical au I dunno. my head is NOT working. so pls if there is any mistakes do LMK!
- R
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mariasont · 8 days ago
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OKAY OKAY OKAY this might seem really simple but i love the simple stuff
spence x reader
spence is just yapping about whatever, the quantum mechanics of coffee beans, as you said in one of your posts i think, and reader just cuts him off by kissing him IN FRONT OF EVERYONE on the jet.. and everyone’s there like.. oh! im imagining he kisses reader like he kissed lila in that pool scene IM FERAL. yes he kisses back.. and then the rest of it’s just garcia being a squeaking happy person and hotch and morgan are like “that’s my boy” but rossi and jj are just gagged
please im like
Reid the Room - S.R
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spencer reid has never met a bad time to discuss aviation disasters. and before your survival instincts can stop you, you're kissing him just to make it stop
pairings: spencer reid x reader warnings: gn!reader (correct me if im wrong), secret relationship, pda, mild workplace inappropriateness lol, teasing/banter, spencer reid being spencer reid, mentions of plane crashes! wc: 0.9k
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The words don’t just come from Spencer, they pour — fast and inevitable, like water rolling down slick stone, shaping everything in its path. You’ve spent months memorizing the subtleties of it, the tiny furrow between his brows when he’s thinking too hard, his fingers twitching mid-sentence, like even his body can’t quite keep pace with his brilliance.
He becomes more animated when he’s passionate. It should be illegal, you think, for someone to be this smart and this pretty at once. If the team ever noticed how intently you watched him, they’d know. They’d know everything. 
“— the likelihood of a plane crash is about one in 11 million, but what’s really fascinating is that 95.7% of people actually survive crashes, assuming they’re seated within the five rows of an emergency exit. Though, of course, the probability of surviving depends on factors like impact angle and —”
Morgan leans forward, bracing an arm against his knee, eyes locked on Spencer with the patience of a man debating the ethics of shutting someone up by violent force.“Hey, man, you ever hear of a bad time? We are currently on a plane. Read the room.”
For once, you don’t leap to his defense. No well-timed he’s just trying to educate us, Morgan, or an indulgent I think it’s interesting thrown in to buffer the onslaught. 
Instead, you glance at him, eyebrows lifting into something dangerously close to betrayal. Because, yeah. This might actually be one of those times. One of the Morgan is completely justified in wanting to tape Spencer’s mouth shut for the next four hours.
“I have heard of a bad time, but the concept is largely subjective. What you’re experiencing is cognitive bias, your brain associating this discussion with immediate danger because of proximity. In reality, the likelihood of a crash remains the same whether I mention it or not, so from a purely logical standpoint, this is no worse a time than any other.”
Morgan drags a hand down his face.
“...In fact, not talking about it could be considered the real danger. Avoidance leads to complacency, and complacency leads to fatal mistakes. Did you know that the most survivable crash positions involve bracing at a 60-degree angle? Although, of course, survivability depends largely on the structural integrity of the fuselage upon impact, and in cases of explosive decompression —”
It happens before you can think about — before the gnawing, frantic need to make him stop talking about plane crashes while you are actively inside one overrides all rational thought.
You turn, grab Spencer’s collar, and yank him in, your own common sense careening into a tailspin somewhere at 30,000 feet.
The moment your lips collide, Spencer’s entire body goes rigid, frozen mid-sentence, mid-thought, mid-existence. His mouth is still forming a syllable that dies in a half-swallowed exhale against your tongue. His hands, previously conducting an invisible orchestra of statistical doom, trap in mid-air like he forgot what hands are.
But he catches up fast. One second he’s buffering and the next his fingers twitch — once, twice — and then lock onto your waist like he’s just decided physics no longer applies and you need to be closer. It starts semi-tentatively, inhaling against your lips, breath uneven, before he presses deeper. A lit match dropped straight into gasoline.
You pull back, breath coming fast, Spencer still leaning in like he isn’t done yet. “Anyway. What were you saying?”
Spencer stares, lips parted, pupils blown wide. For a second, he seems to genuinely try to answer, searching his mind for whatever deeply important fact he was so adamant about a minute ago. “...I don’t remember.”
The jet is quiet — too quiet — and that’s when it hits you. 
You kissed Spencer. In front of everyone.
Something cold and hot spreads through you, and suddenly, your limbs don’t seem to be operating under your jurisdiction anymore. Do something. Anything. Breathe. Blink. Move. But nope, your brain is still buffering, and Spencer – dear, sweet Spencer — looks just as dazed, which means absolutely no one is saving you from this.
You could just… not turn around. Avoid whatever is waiting for you. Live the rest of your life facing forward like a malfunctioning animatronic. But the weight of twelve pairs of eyes boring into your back is impossible to ignore.
So, with all the grace of a person walking into their own execution, you turn.
Garcia has both hands glued to her mouth, body vibrating like she’s one second away from either screeching at a frequency only dogs can hear or launching herself into the air like a bottle rocket. Her eyes are huge, pupils dilated. JJ, meanwhile, is just staring. Frozen, lips parting as if she wants to say something but has no idea where to start.
And then there’s Hotch.
You swallow hard as you meet his gaze, expecting some level of seriousness, some stern professional acknowledgment of the wildly inappropriate display that just took place — but instead, he just exhales slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose like a man who is simply too tired for this.
And then, breaking the tension with the ease of a wrecking ball, Morgan lets out a low, satisfied chuckle. “Damn. I knew there was something going on, but damn.”
After the initial shock wore off — and after Garcia had texted Emily a summary in all caps, Morgan had called you both a lost cause, and Rossi had actually applauded — things mostly went back to normal. Mostly. Except now Spencer absolutely knew what he was doing.
And later that night, as you sat beside Spencer on the couch, he turned to you, utterly serious, and murmured, “You know, in the U.S., the majority of residential break-ins occur between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. —” 
You groaned, yanked him in, and cut him off the same way you had earlier. He made a very pleased noise.
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