#he just doesnt think its related to said trauma he just thinks hes struggling to think for like 12 hours

[cherub014]

what if sometimes he just. brain fog

[dungeonmeshi-confessions]

I wanna do more kabumisu positivity following that other anon. it really brightened my day so much.

bc really I dont want to bash other ships to lift mine up!!! and I actually also really love and respect labru, and know the majority of labru shippers arent Like That, just like most kabumisu shippers arent Like That. every group has some annoying, loud, opinionated people and they dont represent the average person who likes the ship, you know? I would love to see some labrus follow suit and send in some positivity as well!!! If the positivity keeps going I will come in here and post all my fave things about labru, labru art, and labru shippers as a kabumisu. lets ditch the bitching and hold hands instead!

anyway, some reasons I really love kabumisu

- as a neurodivergent disabled person dating another neurodivergent person, this is like. THE couple to me. and like its not just about mithrun being taken care of. taking care of mithrun actively helps kabru be more mindful of his own needs. In my life, I may struggle to feed myself, but I can make breakfast if my partner is hungry. other times she may do the same for me, it depends on who is doing worse.

-they both struggle with insomnia also

-from everything we've seen, pre-dungeon mithrun wasn't entirely dissimilar to kabru (high masking people pleaser) and thats Fascinating to me.

-kabru's job seems pretty stressful (no matter how much fulfillment it brings him, its a lot of responsibility for one person!) so I feel like coming home to that one guy he can take his mask off around and not even have to try and impress must be such a huge relief. also add mithrun with cooking experience to this, making kabru a nice meal after a long day of work.

-Mithrun is actually very perceptive and sees straight through kabru's bs multiple times and doesn't hesitate to call him out. Laios isnt the only character that forces kabru to be honest. ("unless theres someone else?" "theres someone you want to tell that story to.") mithrun is also the one who gives kabru the information he's been seeking this whole time.

-I am very interested in exploring mithruns whole desire situation. what desires does he gain? I think it is probably a lot of little ones that weave together. oh also I think sometimes things may seem more mithrun centric bc in any story where he is going to end up in a relationship he is going to have a much more dynamic arc than whoever he is paired with. literally dynamic as in like. he requires a lot more growth to achieve the outcome. and there are ways to skip it or gloss through it but. a lot of these stories require that in some way you show the progress has happened.

-to me, kabumisu is more often queeplatonic than romantic. but Im aroace so that could just be my aroace glasses. ALSO kabru is vaguely aro to me. you mean the guy thats super desirable that doesnt really seem interested in anyone particular outside of pursuing friendship? that guy? (also the way he did rin omfg)

-random but I dont think kabrus PTSD is talked about enough and also like the extent of his trauma. its not just utaya/monsters/his mom dying; its being raised by a single mother, its his blue eyes, its being adopted, its being raised by an elf, etc!!!! a lot of things he does bc of ptsd get attributed to autism (I also hc kabru as autistic, and some is symptom overlap. but it is secondary to the ptsd! he is traumatized first and foremost ty) I really love kabru so much. ty for the ptsd rep <3

-also out here to say I know an amount of kabumisu content is mithrun centric. I will tell you from my pov specifically though its bc I deeply relate to mithrun (as someone who once told a therapist many years ago I desired nothing and truly meant it. she said I was like a puppet without strings. of course I saw mithrun and was like. oh.) and Im in love with kabru. kabru reminds me of all the people who gave me a reason to pull through. people who saw good in me and treated me like a person when I didnt feel like one. I also really relate to kabru though as someone with complex trauma, even if my traumas are not the same. thats why I say I think not enough is attributed to his ptsd. anyway, once I just opened a notebook and wrote kabrus name over and over again with hearts. I have never done this to mithrun. so dont tell me kabumisus dont like kabru !!!

-kabru and mithrun are both so gender. Ive seen so many variants on their gender and gender expression in the ship. some people hate this and insist they must be one way or the other. I think theyre neat lots of different ways. I love when theyre both feminine men. I love when mithrun is super masc. I love when theyre butch4butch. I love when theyre both trans. and so much more. its all beautiful. a very good variety of food. the other day on my dash I had a tallman art of mithrun with the biggest tits imaginable and the very next post he was like a little porcelain doll. keep up the good work guys. I love you.

.

[blueopinions49]

Healthy/Unhealthy Type 4

Healthy Social 4

Cruella 4w3 (so/sx)- Sharing her uniqueness with others through fashion and art. Her desire seem to align with her true self and she doesnt overindulge in the sadness and anger of the unhealthy 4.

Piper Mclean (4w3 so/sx)- In the beginning of The lost hero she seemed to struggle a bit with her identity in relation to others. However we see how she ended up discovering her sense of difference and uniqueness.

Edith Sharp (4w5 so/sp)- Overall healthy SO4 who seeks to share her unique perspective on ghost through her art. She doesnt seem to think of herself as better due to her unique perspective.

Unhealthy Social 4

Dan Humphrey (4w5 so/sx)- His desire to become "the rich" in later seasons makes him resent ruin other peoples lives while having a sense of superiority about it.

Diane Nguyen (4w5 so/sx)-Trying to give meaning to the trauma in her life makes her quiet frustrated at the reality that trauma its just damage that we have to deal with.

Arthur Fleck Joker (4w3 so/x)-A need to be unique and special makes him commit horrible acts and becomes frustrated when the public doesn't accept his actions as nothing but harmful.

Healthy Self Preservation 4

Ash Fox (4w5 sp/so)- A struggle to understand what makes him different from others makes him a bit distant. At the end of the film we see him finally accept that he is different and that it's ok to be this way.

Nadine (4w3 sp/so)- While some of the acts she commits in the film are questionable. I think most of us can understand her reaction to this is through a feel of shame and loneliness after being backstabbed by her friend. In the end of the movie we see her trying to forgive and move on.

Nico Di Angelo (4w5 sp/sx)-when we meet back with him in heroes of Olympus we see a more cold and detached version of him that strays away from others. However we see that people eventually confront him about this behavior and he eventually grows and becomes more open and receptive.

Unhealthy Self Preservation 4

Susana (girl interrupted) (4w5 sp/sx)-A struggle to define her self completely separate from others and her personal problems makes her rage at others and her self. Eventually we see deciding to take her well being into her own hands and

Violet Harmon (4w5 sp/sx) - Her desire to be different makes her reject the affection of those who truly care about her. Not to mention the current atmosphere between her parents probably makes her feel neglected and alone.

Squidward (4w5 sp/so)- Do to his failed ambition we see him as someone who lives in a constant state of envy and views anything that isnt remotely depressing as bad and mediocre.

Healthy Sexual 4

Zuko (4w3 sx/sp)-While at the beginning of the show he started of as a villain we see him move forward and struggle with his sense of self. However as the show goes on we see him move his 7 and believing in something greater than himself.

Lady Bird (4w3 sx/so)- In the start of the movie we see a tempestuous lady bird who believes she is inherently different from others. As the film comes to an end we understand that this need to be different doesn't come from a need to be superior but a means to stand out in her own way.

Manny Delgado (4w5 sx/so)- While some his behavior has allot to be said about. In general I believe him to be generally healthy in early season he wee how he believes he is somehow deeper and more intelligent than everyone else. We see him integrate into 7 more.

Unhealthy Sexual 4

Tracy (4w3 sx/so)-Her desire to basically copy the lifestyle and personality of her friend makes her downfall in the movie inevitable. Tracy's need to special and unique makes her desire to blend In with others in an environment where she shouldn't be.

Loki (4w3 sx/so)- Yes technically his end in the MCU can be argued that he is healthy. However In the majority of his appearances we see him struggle with his desire for depth and his self image. In the end we see Loki making complete peace withhimself.

Fern (4w3 sx/sp)-A need to be the REAL finn and lack of self esteem. This drives him to wanna kill Finn to have sense of a fulfilled identity.

[adrian-sheppy]

Sorry if this is completely wrong igore if it is LMAO but I noticed you seem to have different hcs for how mind lost his eye!!! Like in Seattles Going Under it was lost in a vague fight or something, but in art w/ the resonance cascade he lost it prolly during the ambush? I was wondering if you had info to share on it/infodump abt or if its just whatever makes the art more fun!

hehe youre observant and actually right on the money. yup!  so essentially i just have different eye trauma head canons for whichever version of freemind im drawing; since he doesnt actually lose his eye in canon, its up to everyone to fil in the blanks if they wanna use the popular headcanon. i wrote .  a good chunk of stuff .  so i put it under the cut . but heres a picture to be like a . tldr

I sorta like his eye already being gone before the resonance cascade (in a non-freemanverse scenario). he does verbally say something like "my eyes" in the series, indicating he has two, BUT . well.  its a headcanon. so we can have fun with it . my eye loss pre-rescas freemind stems from my original freemind design (before i ever started posting half-life on the internet) where he had short hair, but i needed a way to distinguish him from og gordon, so I used thr popular one eye headcanon. then I realized him losing his eye bc of the military goes perfectly with martini losing an arm. that bothered me for a while until i realized i could just have multiple freemind designs + headcanons. if theres different variations of Gordon  and martini, why can't there be some of Freemind as well? grins grins

i left it open ended in my SGU because people have their own headcanons and I thought anyone could just fill in their own. if I did every make a canon eyeloss event prequel thing, he would've lost his eye during college in some sort of either freak accident (like tripping on something and injuring himself bad; I like this one because he'll lie and say he was in a fight) or, like u said, a fight . for SGU, college was a low point in his life of him struggling with freedom from his parents for the firsr time, but them and their ideals still holding him hostage. he is simultaneously more repressed and more emotionally volatile than present!gordon. then, when his parents die, hes just given a clusterfuck of emotions. so why dont we add physical trauma? whatever the sgu canon event eye loss was, it was definitely related to substance abuse issues. whether that be he was high/drunk and got into an accident, or fought someone... not sure! yet. the only thing that i can say was that no fire or chemicals were involved, since his tearduct is (unfortunately for him) wholly in tact!

but for freemanverse!freemind, he should lose his eye during the rescas since its like thematic and stuff if (almost) every Gordon Loses Something. also, angst. whenever I draw freemanverse (even in a domestic setting) in my head, i always think of them surviving the rescas together! i have. convoluted freemanverse headcanons. the eye loss is an important freemanverae event because, like martini, it gives him a valid reason to REALLY dislike benrey (but in my au, benrey isnt the big bad, so he "redeems" himself kinda sorta) . and then it ALSO opens up freemind to be upset and vulnerable, which allows him to bond with his fellow freemen.

...

also I want barmey to tend to his wounds and call his scar(s) badass. im not immune to buttermind and i never was.

honorable mention: sims freemind, who has both eyes physically but only can see from one. this is due to me unable to properly texture a glasses + eyepatch combo, that and i have no experience with 3d modelling (I did try!).

i hope this is a satisfying enough infodump!! I'm sorry if it's a bit vague; a lot of my ideas tend to be fluid. i also like taking inspiration from what other people think! some of you guys are way super smart and have awesome ideas. i am not immune to well articulated essays and thought out headcanons

[vividaway]

miraculous ladybug salt but i just have to say: lila and felix arent BAD characters. theyre just very very badly WRITTEN. they themselves as characters are actually really good. 

lila, a pathological and manipulative liar who has multiple identities and strives to get what she wants-- no MATTER what. 

felix, a boy who struggled through an abusive situation with his father and is currently coping with how he views the world due to it, and has issues dealing with his anger relating to his trauma. stand alone, these characters are genuinely great. they HAVE AMAZING POTENTIAL. i just truly dont have faith in the writers of ML to write an accurate, CONVICTING story with them. they brush off felix’s actions and pair him up with kagami, but its not being fleshed out. logically i see what theyre doing.

adrien is on one end of the spectrum, fully controlled despite not wanting to be. felix is on the other end, he USED to be controlled and is currently free. kagami sits in this middle ground, she THINKS shes free but she’s not. she can see both sides. she understands WHY felix wants to free everyone even if she doesnt agree. 

but the issue is, just because i GET IT, doesn’t mean they did it properly or good. as i said, they didnt flesh it out. its very vague in what they MEAN and the writers have shown in the past that they are NOT getting across their intentions. they fully believe that adrien didnt experience abuse whatsoever, when anybody whos clearly watched the show knows better.  all this to say: i think the characters arent the problem. the same way marinette ISNT a stalker. theyre just being very poorly written and i truly believe they all deserve better.

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

randall and hopkirk deceased as an extended metaphor for reactions to severe trauma

i think theres a lot to be said about martys death as like. a metaphor or symbolic of severe trauma. its a life altering event that fundamentally alters everyone involved. marty obviously. because hes dead. but what if we think about it in a less literal, more abstract way? i dont know. there are a few experiences for the characters in this show which regardless of how they were intended, resonate a lot. for the sake of argument im avoiding referring to the event as 'martys death' in order to generalise the experiences and make them less specific. martys death for the sake of this post is an event. any event. that changes the lives of the people it touches both subtly and tangibly

its a traumatic event which means that marty can no longer relate to or interact with other people . hes isolated and ostracised and numbed, literally. he's derealised and dissociated, hes out-of-body. the traumatic event has left him unable to engage physically with anyone or anything around him. the only physically 'real' thing to marty is himself - which we can see when he says to bugsy "you're solid!": he doesnt recognise them as both being incorporeal. to marty, it's the rest of the world that doesn't exist anymore, and him and bugsy (someone with shared trauma) are all that's left. he is Such an isolated character, as a direct result of the traumatic event. it's left him with the ability to detect 'bad vibes' (hypervigilance). and it's not something that can be reversed - now that it's happened, that's it, but even tho he is often unhappy and hypervigilant and anxious and wishes he could go back to how he was before, he still does find moments to be silly and have fun, and eventually also to find excitement and empowerment in his new state of being. because hes still a person, even if most people dont treat him as such. his trauma means that other people no longer recognise him as a person, and that's not their fault. the living arent deliberately ostracising marty: it's his trauma which has distinctly separated him from everyone else. it's left him silent and invisible and almost completely alienated. no matter how much he yells to people to warn that they're going to be murdered, or yells for help, nobody is paying attention to him.

for jeff, his best friend is dead. yea. but jeff stops grieving this loss. in a very parallel way to marty being frozen in time and unable to continue his life, jeff is also trapped.when jeff comes home after the funeral, we see the beginnings of his journey with grief, and its a grieving process that has been interrupted; a healing process gone wrong. now he can't move on; marty is a constant reminder to him. its no wonder jeff gets angry with marty, occasionally wants marty to leave. and while jeff might feel trapped by marty, and marty feel hurt by jeff not recognising how tragic death was for marty, neither of them are to blame. its a terrible situation - and the evil isnt in either of them or their reactions to it. marty might have trouble with boundaries and jeff might occasionally be callous. but theyre just two traumatised people. the evil is that marty was killed at all.

jeff knows that things can't ever be the same; he has the dual struggle of mourning the loss of a normal life and a normal friendship, and accepting the fact that this is normality for them now. marty is who he is, the traumatic event happened and can't be undone, and marty is still here and suffering and so so deserving of compassion. sometimes when marty is silly jeff smiles a little bit and he loves him so much and he remembers that he does; because a lot of the time, the struggle in the aftermath of that traumatic event makes him too wrung out and stressed and tired to remember that that's his best friend, his best friend is right there and needs jeff as much as jeff needs him, if not more so

jeff ALSO now can't relate normally to the people around him. in the second ever episode jeannie, one of his best friends, tricks him into a hold in a psychiatric clinic, based on nothing but a few instances of jeff behaving a little strangely, right after having been bereaved. jeff has to act normal at all times under difficult or even impossible circumstances; he has to maintain the illusion of normality even more than marty does, even while marty is yelling directly into his ear. while marty might perform and mimic a 'living' existence (sitting on furniture, which we know he doesnt need to do; speaking to people he knows cant hear him; not allowing jeff to touch him so that they can both maintain the fantasy of normality after trauma) but for Jeff the illusion is crucial to his safety

jeannie is the one we might think is ironically spared some of this, even though she and marty were married. shes not involved in marty's continued existence post-trauma in the same way jeff and marty are. they deliberately keep it from her to preserve her wellbeing and, in jeff's case at least, to ensure that her ability to move on with her life isn’t curtailed the way Jeffs and Martys have been. and jeannie is trying; but it's not the case - not yet. caught up in his own life, and marty caught up in his death, jeff sometimes forgets that jeannie lost her husband, recently. him saying "i thought you got over marty ages ago" when it's been less than a year seems like an absolutely deranged thing to say to a widow when you hear it out of context. but it has to be a moment for jeff to remember: he and marty have sacrificed the healing of the grieving process in favour of what they have now, in favour of continuing their friendship and being there for each other. but jeannie hasnt. jeannie is still going through it in all of its agony. jeannie is consistently vulnerable when it comes to marty; over and over again she is manipulated by people who take advantage of her grief. and it's easy to say well she's being silly or naive, but thats because the audience follow the show primarily through jeff and marty's eyes, not jeannies. The only person Jeannie could talk to about marty seems so altered by his grief that she doesnt feel she can even bring Marty up in conversation

we also see that jeannie has been isolated from other people because of the traumatic event. Jenny comes down to see her shortly afterwards; but crucially when we see jeannie among her friends of whom we see, she has many! She is alone in a crowd, just as Jeff and Marty are. At parties she is on her own. She’s in the corner, changed by her experience of finding her husband dead just outside their house. The people around her are amiable and friendly but they don’t understand. They don’t approach her; and they don’t listen when she expresses reluctance at being asked to join in an activity she finds deeply uncomfortable.

All three characters love each other so much; and as a direct result of the traumatic event, they still sometimes harm each other inadvertently. Jeff harms Jeannie by forgetting that she is still grieving; perhaps he even harms her by keeping huge secrets from her even if he does so under oath and the best of intentions. Jeff harms Marty by not telling him ahead of time that Jeannie is an alibi when they’re in bed together; he harms him by being insensitive to Marty’s limitations; he harms him by dismissing his fears and anxieties out of hand; he harms him by rejecting him and telling him to leave. Marty harms Jeff and Jeannie both, tragically, by his inability to let them go. He harms Jeff by neglecting to observe Jeff’s boundaries appropriately. He harms Jeannie, albeit without her knowledge, in his jealous urge to keep her from moving on and finding someone else, even if he doesn’t act on it. He does Jeannie a disservice occasionally by underestimating her, and so does Jeff. Jeannie harms Jeff by not trusting him, by tricking him and having him confined without ever speaking to him about her concerns. She harms Marty without meaning to when she half believes that sheldon is Marty, and by agreeing to help cecil exorcise Marty.

None of these things are deliberate; and I think all three characters can overcome this. They love each other enough. But they’re just people. They’re trying to navigate a life that has become strange to them.

i dont know. its 4am. i have many thoughts and this isnt nearly as clean or comprehensive as i would want it to be. Jeannie, Jeff and Marty are all traumatised and are muddling their way through the aftermath as best they can and they all need each other’s understanding and compassion.

[a-lo-is]

{ ooc info + abt

BASICS

🦋 indie rp blog with the muse alois from kuroshitsuji

🦋 currently mobile locked so my blog doesnt have a fancy theme or anything , sorry . this also means that i wont be able to cut responses with xkit or anything . this ALSO also means i have to put all my info here instead of making lil bio pages lol , sorry for the long read ówò;;

🦋 im not very experienced with tumblr rp if im being honest . i used to be a part of a directory ( it wasnt kuroshit related / alois wasnt my muse ) but that closed a while ago and now im trying to make it on my own as an indie rp blog lol . if i do anything thats considered poor etiquette for indie rp blogs on tumblr , please forgive me + let me know

🦋 mun's info : 25 , latine , bi , nonbinary ( any pronouns r fine ) , neurodivergent , mentholly iww ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ . i have memory issues but i don't intentionally ghost

🦋 muse's info : alois is canonically 14 but could be aged up to fit things like a college au or something . i love AUs and am more than willing to deviate from canon

RULES

♟️ i would prefer to only rp with partners that are 21+ , and i absolutely will not rp with anyone who isnt at least 18 years old

♟️ each thread is its own universe unless otherwise specified / discussed , this blog does not operate under an overarching / blanket canon

♟️ no godmodding ( i.e dont make my character do something in ur response , not without consulting me first )

♟️ i am primarily looking to interact with canon characters ( even if we haven't interacted in canon ) , but i am willing to rp with OCs ( or even characters from other media / crossover stuff ) , if they approach me . i cant guarantee the threads will last very long / i will respond to every one , though . also , this being said . . . ⬇️⬇️⬇️

♟️ do not force relationships without consulting me , even platonic ones ( ex : dont pop in like " hey alois its me ur best friend for five years i love how we go bowling on fridays , last weeks party at ur house was great cant wait for next week's " when i dont even know ur character or have had a chance to decide if alois would vibe w them or not )

♟️ alois is , canonically , a right brat . that isnt to say he cant be sweet or friendly , but he is not guaranteed to get along or play nice with all muses . please do not expect him to act out of character so that he never has any conflict with your muse

♟️ alois is 14 . he might flirt or make a dirty joke or whatever, if it would be in character for him to do so at the moment . i get it , i was also hypersexual at a young age due to trauma . this does not mean i will rp smut scenes with him at any age younger than 18 . and even then im not saying i will necessarily rp that lol , if anything comes up in an aged up AU i think i would rather just fade to black

♟️ i dont use those little reaction images / face claims in my responses . its fine if you do , but please don't expect that of me

♟️ i do not agree to rp with anyone who is a zionist , LGBT-phobe , abelist , racist , cop lover / bootlicker , or any other sort of bigot

CHARACTER INTERACTIONS

🎀 i am open to the idea of doing other ships / dynamics , but these are the character interactions i am seeking primarily . could be romantic or platonic :

cielois ( alois +/× ciel )

alolizzie ( alois +/× elizabeth )

🎀 i am willing to explore the relationship between alois and calude , or even alois and sebastian or the other demons . but to be clear , their relationship will not be shippy ( ?? idk how else to put it ) . if any romance is involved , they could have sweet moments or nice internal monologues about eachother , but it wouldn't be healthy or all the way happy , and would be something alois would struggle with rather than being anything ~shippy~ / endgame . it could also be something completely one sided . i would be exploring their relationship , not rooting for them to get together . i like to rp things with angst and drama and dark themes just as much as i like to rp lighthearted silly stuff

🎀 ⬆️ in scenarios / universes where claude or any of the other servants is not who i am playing against , i typically play alois's household as NPCs , as needed . in this case claude and alois typically have something or other going on , which is pretty heavily implied in canon but i thought i would make that clear here . it doesnt have to come up , i suppose it wouldn't unless we get into something angsty , but it is there in the background , so you're aware

🎀 suggestions for AUs : college / roommates , summer camp , convenience store , celebrities / influencers ( which they kind of already are lol ) , tutoring , fake relationship , group therapy , house party , coworkers , etc etc etc

[melto]

its been awhile since ive elaborated on it all so bear with me but like. god i love him so much i really do. i think he plays a really overlooked role in blade especially since like kenzaki and hajime do not give a fuck whatever is happening with him really. he fleshed out the narrative through his internal battle and it has the full potential to be as interesting and heart wrenching as the parts of blade that people pay more attention to. it hammers home the struggle of ideas between good and evil in such a tangible way that compliment the rest of the cast who are easily viewed as it being much larger than themselves. mutsuki is influenced by the world around him in a completely different way and i would say that his struggle is more reliant on the ways that it is failing him, which is unlike the others. he explores these ideas of finding humanity in monstrosity and monstrosity in humanity in different ways that i love.

he's a traumatized 16 year old who is not getting the support he needs to overcome his struggles (his parents do literally saw how they should have gotten him therapy to deal with his trauma related to being a coin locker baby but just dont!) and he is continuously failed by the people around him, no matter how hard they are trying. kenzaki and co just dont give a fuck, teachers at his school dont care when he struggles and just go missing, his parents openly admit to not supporting him enough and tachibana. well i'll speak on that later. mutsuki is constantly made to be the perfect victim for the spider undead and he cant break out of this cycle because he doesnt know how or have the resources to work through his issues. he's so hyper focused on being strong and good that he feels that he has to kill any and all weakness inside of him and there isn't any room for nuance because he is just a crybaby shitty teen.

he's stuck surrounded by these adults that are setting these unattainable standards for him to reach to because his situation is not being considered, he feels punished for his weakness and his inability to grow and well. he's 16 every day you wake up and it is truly the end of the world. mutsuki had to be good and strong and worthy or else he's in the locker again.

the thing with tachibana is that he DOES care for mutsuki, so much but he is misguided in his ways that he tries to help mutsuki, and those ways leave mutsuki even more vulnerable to the spider undead. tachibana cant let go of this head that mutsuki should only have this light in him (his dead gf had said something about children having light in them and he def internalized that loads), and does not acknowledge that mustuki, like everyone, will always have light and dark within them. tachibana is really the first adult to show such care for mutsuki so mutsuki really internalized these ideas that tachibana puts on him and struggles to let them go throughout the series and due to tachibana not being able to recognize this darkness that mutsuki has and not being able to reach through to him, it leaves mutsuki in the hands of the undead, where mutsuki does the most interesting things for the narrative. not only is he offered by support by them, he also humanizes the undead in ways that had only been seen with hajime. there is also this really awesome like, formation of family he has like everyone. kenzaki with kotaro and shiori, hajime with amane and her mom, and the mutsuki with hikaru (tiger undead).

shima kicked off it but he was ultimately unable to get through to mutsuki fully bc he also wanted mutsuki to reach an arbitrary level of good. with hikaru ultimately it worked because she fully takes the expectation of "good" off of him and to do whatever he wants with his strength after finding it in every aspect of himself. she explicitly tells him that he has to carry both light and dark within him and that it is natural for them to exist and that will ebb and flow as his life goes on. she offers him autonomy that no one else ever has before, and she is someone he looked up to due to her strength. she gives her life for him because she truly believes in his ability to shape and control his own future.

she really doesnt have anything to gain from helping mutsuki and really didnt want to at first at all. she was angry at the riders and humans for starting the battle fight again and changing the rules and making it something it wasnt supposed to be and seeing mutsuki like suck at fighting and shit also made her mad bc like where does he get off thinking hes sooo strong? but she sticks around him bc hes annoying and wont leave her alone bc hes like i will seal you so i can get an upgrade bc she's the queen of clubs so he's need her to use a jack or king form. but she literally gains nothing by coming to love and care for him the way she does or by letting him seal her. it literally by just spending time with him and seeing how he really is struggling first hand and how she can see herself in him in ways that are hurting him and shes watching him actively push against the spider undead and the nuances of this teen who's already in a weird place in his life and has preexisting trauma have even more dumped on him with no one really taking the time to understand and work with him bc mutsuki influenced by the undead is telling her thats hes going to seal her and beat her and win everything but mutsuki himself is feeding her and patching her up and he says he doesnt know why or anything but hes actively caring for her like she is him which is why again i think she's the reason he really is able to break out of the undead's grasp after he seals her like she wanted and uses her power and all the stuff she says and man it just makes me mad that tachibana gets so much credit for helping mutsuki when she really did the most even if tachibana was the most consistent.

hikaru learns so much about humanity through mutsuki and is able to move past her hatred of humans for him. she connects with him as someone who also feels abused and jerked around by both the undead and the humans. and mutsuki is able to humanize this darkness and himself thanks to her.

nozomi also cant be understated enough, as she always had his back and was pushing against the adults who had been abandoning him. queen she loves her crybaby bf!!! and im glad she gets him back!! was was so meek and unable to take/give a compliment and fully get sentences out in the beginning of blade its really nice to see him come back into his crybaby self but apply the things to make him into someone more confident now that he has been taught that there isnt an aspect of himself that is dragging him down. etcetc so on and so forth. another thing about mutsuki that is so awesome is that what he experiences as a teenager truly influence his future. the blade drama cd not just having him go do research with tachibana and instead having him focus on a career where he can help kids with their mental health through sports...they could have just made him a basketball coach but they didnt!! they made a specific point to have him involving himself in ways that will help kids never be failed by adults like he had, he wont let them slip under the radar like he did. (there is something to say about how in the missing ace movie that he is just a corporate worker. but i cant thinking about the implications of kenzaki sealing hajime and how fucked up the world ended up bcuz of it or i'll freak out rn)

anyways. mutsuki is so awesome. its so fucking awesome that mutsuki exists and really allows for such complex analysis on strength and autonomy and the effects of responsibility. he is such an awesome character to have as the first child rider and people just do not give him enough credit!!!! and it pissed me off crazy style!!! if mutsuki has 0 fans then i am no longer on this earth!!

hope that all made sense. my internal mutsuki timer is going off so i have to stop myself or else im gonna get real bummed out. mustuki you are forever famous to ME!!!

i had a category 5 hajime moment this morning that i mostly restrained myself from posting about but i think we should switch it up this evening. let's do mutsuki monday what have we got to say about mutsuki

[c-kiddo]

caduceus is autistic evidence post :-)

*not an actual theory post, jus headcanons based on canon scenes + some extra thoughts too just kidding im right

Monotone voice, basically never shouts.. like when he said “i dont mean to raise my voice” after speaking at the exact same level consistently..

Kinda talks in a mumbly way and stutters a lot

The way he very often has a very blank, kinda-smiling expression when people are talking to him.. audio processing face

Doesn’t get a lot of jokes, or when he’s being flirted with. also the jokes he does get (and find very funny) are usually very specific (and about death probably, which weirds out tmn a bit lol) or he has to process them for a moment before understanding, which has happened a lot.. he’s like :-3? .... :-0 oh :-D !

Also, a few times he has laughed at odd/inappropriate times. kinda just at nothing or something no one else was laughing at. which is apparenlty quite common for autistic folks to do, bc of like getting a bit lost in ur own thoughts and think of funny things etc.....

Sorta related (to jokes, and things), but he takes so many things literally. like that time when beau jokingly asked if he’d ever met a ghost that didn’t need punching and he thought about it until he had an answer :’). and also when beau said to fjord (about cad) “like, he was living in the middle of the cemetery” and cad was like "Of course i was, thats where the temple is, the middle of the cemetery". 

He notices EVERYTHING... all these tiny details and noises no one else hears... this happens to me and so i have decided to project this onto cads super high perception. 

In Darktow he had to leave that tavern/bar because it got too loud for him and he got stressed n went and sat outside until fjord came looking for him. (also the “lets keep this.. between the amigos” “which part of the body is the amigos?” thing jksnfkjs)

Also that one time in Rexxentrum that he had a bad perception roll? matt described the city and all the colours and shapes being too overwhelming (to the point of almost vertigo) to think clearly and spot where they needed to go.

He says the same phrases A Lot. (which i have recently found out is called Scripting, and applies to a bunch of things.. mostly used by autistic folks to get through conversations.) “that’s nice”,“thats really nice”, “thats so cool”. “that was a lot” are th most common ones i think. he uses them in some instances that are very high emotion too. like, he’ll almost die and then say “wow... that was. that was a lot.” 

Also repeats back new phrases or words he likes (“worth their salt” and “fracas”) ..the echolalia of it all. 

also a moment in the pirate arc where he uses the word "astute" while talking to beau before admitting that he heard someone else say it and is just copying someone and trying to use it too. luckily he used it correctly (and then him and beau both awkwardly run off to do their own things).

Struggles to express emotions outwardly.. for example: he just repeats “thats nice” etc. about everything he likes and loves. the mushroom cookbook jester gives him for example. also he barely makes eye contact with her in that scene and doesnt rly know what to do or say because mushroom! cookbook! thats so nice :')

and also! he doesn’t rly express when he’s uncomfortable, even when he is Deeply deeply uncomfortable, like in the arboretum. He just quietly said they needed to get out, put his head down and didn’t look at the trees, even though he was visibly super shaken. just had to get out of there. (this was of course partly some kind of trauma response too, but it also read as very nd to me)

Also him having a panic attack on the boat, when his entire world view got thrown off.. i choose to think its bc autistic folks tend to think rly black-and-white, rly absolute, a lot of the time. so in this case its “following the destined path of the wildmother” vs “completely off-track and all a huge mistake and should never have left home and its all gone wrong”

Also i think he finds sudden changes scary. he was super shaken about the nein just stealing a whole boat unplanned...and other things similarly unplanned. idk it just had the vibes of if someone took away your routine and everything familiar... and you’re just like free-floating. its hard to function like that 

Also related to that... doesnt like when there isn’t a plan n gets stressed about it. also often the first person to ask the nein to clarify exactly what they’re all going to do/make a plan. (first thing he asks jester when she comforts him on the boat is "miss jester, do you have a plan?" and she doesn't and never has.. he doesnt really get that vry much

He really struggles to explain things that are upsetting to him. tries to speak but can only get th same few words out. yea ik he is super emotionally repressed but i am also looking autistically. 

He doesn’t really understand if people are insulting him. like king dwendal and also eadwulf both said rude things to him and he just replied as polite as he could even tho he was confused.

Cant help himself, gotta correct people about things he knows more about (special interest energy....). like when beau called his graveyard a cemetery and he corrected and explained the difference :’ )

the way he re-explains how his tea grows when its mentioned too. and that he's a maker of fine graves and the work his family does. its like his wee script every single time . he rly cares abt it

Also just his particular brand of strange just reads very autisticly to me. (even his own family think he’s odd. sidenote: clarabelle is autistic too bc i say so.) the way he says odd little phrases that don't quite make sense and things to plants. the way he says what he thinks, to the point of being rude and blunt and invasive sometimes. the way he doesnt give a shit and just wears what he likes. idk :’) makes me happy.

Oh, and relating to him being blunt. I think that a few scenes when he’s said questionable things or given questionable advice is emblematic of that... he says a literal solution. or a solution that makes sense (to his worldview.. faith the the wildmother) and is technically an option, but he doesn’t quite understand the emotional side of why someone does something, or doesn’t do it.

He’s good at fitting into EMT or wise-old-sage mode and outside of that he’s just, kind of awkward and spacey (and silly). like, when his script or role is taken away he tends to flounder a bit. or a lot, sometimes. and just says stuff and seems just as baffled abt what he said too.

Said bluntness and inability to see when his advice is appropriate or not also means that sometimes he is just rude.. he does'nt mean to be but he sometimes oversteps or is just vry blunt in a way that offends people, and doesn't seem to entirely realise either

Just some headcanons but. i think he special interests tea, cooking, and all things surrounding death/burial... he always has things to say about those topics and i think thats neat.

he's so tired a lot of the time, he says it kind of often . which, disability coded to meee. other things but i think also his brain hurts from everything all the time. adjusting . noise. adjusting.

i just know he loves ritual. in making tea, in cooking, in religion and prayer, in gardening, in communing etc etc etc

And lastly, he pat the moss. because :-) stimmy

[butterflyeffectiveless]

I kinda feel wrong for disliking and scolding the show through and through so I got an idea to list and talk about the things that I LIKED in the show. Plus I think thats much healthier than looking for negative things to scrutinize

warning: trauma, abuse mention, propaganda mention

Russian character representation: It was very impressive to me how Buffrog was portrayed in the show and his development in general was very nice. Usually “Russian” characters are used as a means of propaganda against Russians and russian characters are either 100% irredemable villains or ridiculously erratic. Buffrog wasn’t crazy or evil, he was just a monster with personal things, and he was also rational and had a huge character development, 10/10 I never really paid attention but now I realize how great it was that there was zero bias or even zero stereotyping toward Buffrog’s character in the show. 

Well written domestic abuse victim (About Ludo) : When I watch older scenes with Ludo in them, I realize that there are many details in his behavior that hint on his unhealthy background. And that stayed sonsistent throughout the entire show, which is actually so..great? Ludo is one of the most consistently written characters? and he’s also relatable to viewers? That’s actually such an incredible achievement. Even in small gestures, in what he says, I can see the influence of his past. In season 1 Ludo acted the same way as Brudo acted toward him, Ludo treated his monster army like his children, but he constantly abused them because that’s what he knew. Even in a small scene when Toffee was talking badly about him, Ludo said in a stern voice “Toffee, What are you doing?” which is exactly how a strict parent talks to their child. ALSO the scene where Ludo touched Toffee’s arm and slightly pet it, it could also be interpreted as him trying to show “parental affection” toward the lizard aka “You did so well im proud of you” but because he doesnt know how to show pride in someone, it looks awkward. The way how Ludo tries to persuade his monsters to trust him over Toffee was the exact same way as abusive parents act toward their kids “I raised you. I took you in” when they want to win in an argument. The way how Ludo acted in season 1 fit So well in his backstory it blows my mind. Also because - according to his past, he was not independent and was stuck with his family for most of his life, meaning that, despite hating his parents (for very valid reasons), family was the only thing he knew. So essentially, Ludo sees everything and everyone in the prism of “family or stranger”. Anyone he wants to be a part of his life is essentially his “kid” but because of having never known parental love, he thinks others are his “items” that he “owns”. 

Just Toffee’s existence in the show: Toffee is an incredibly written villain who didnt follow the typical tropes aka “I will reveal all my plans to the hero because I know they’ll die by my hand anyway”. His design is also super good, its simple but recognizable. Just the fact alone that Ms. Nefcy created him makes me feel very much in awe toward her. And what was also so cool to me, was that Toffee was a serious character in a very comedic show (in season 1) and yet it didnt ruin neither the character nor the show’s flow. Also there was No any cliche where a villain waits too long or gets overly dramatic, he just finished his enemies off the second he got the chance to

Just Eclipsa’s existence in the show: I think I dont have to speak of this one because everybody would say the same as what id say about her..

Tom Lucitor’s development: It was just so nice and consistent(?), and it felt believable. Plus it makes Tom a good role model for people who struggle with anger issues and it is so great that the show didn’t demonize anger issues and people who struggle with being too possessive through his character. Btw it is also great that Tom showed emotions and was an emotional character, it did not feed into toxic masculinity trends which i find admirable

[wolfcrunch]

Wrote a massive ask about something, change the subject like two times, and now im starting over cuz NOW I know what I wanna talk about.

I've figured out a few reasons why so many people don't like deku. Of course there is the usual, he doesn't fit really any of the cookie cutters that make most shonen characters (however, characters like Todoroki and Bakugo do, and despite their flaws, everyone fucking drools over them constantly).

My next point: deku doesn't talk about his trauma. His entire life is fucked up, but hes pretended forever that its fine and normal, which has influenced us viewers horribly so that we don't see how messed up he is. We forget what has happened to him and all we see is this pathetic scared teenager who cries at everything because that's basically how he acted in the first like 4 episodes. Bakugo himself has even said deku doesn't really look at or think about himself at all (also demonstrated in like literally everything he says and does) and so we have seen hardly any of his pain. The doctor scene and the scene where his mom apologizes and cries is JUST the beginning. The events of the first episode were a sample of his everyday life (minus meeting all might or running into a villain ofc). We forget the entire fucking decade between these moments. A DECADE OF EPISODE ONE. Think about that.

Now I'll compare him to Bakugo and Todoroki, two beloved characters who get much less backlash, if any. Bakugo has talked about how he knows he's messed up, we have seen him change, and I guess he's more relatable somehow. Todoroki has talked openly about his trauma, we have seen chunks of it, we have seen the absolute worst of it (his mom and the boiling water probably) and we have seen him grow as a person (his entire character arc and also how he treats his dad after the tournament arc). We know him, we've seen him struggle and we see him moving past his animosity towards endeavor. He has asked for help and advice from him too.

Do I see anyone calling Todo an abuse apologist? No. Do I see people forgiving endeavor as easily has they did Bakugo? Absolutely not, which is not a bad thing, but the amount of people I've seen basically idolizing bakugo despite his past mistakes is almost astonishing to me. Of course many people can and should forgive baku, but no one loves deku like they do todoroki. Todo isn't in 2nd or 1st just cuz he doesnt get anywhere near as much screentime as deku and baku, and also prolly cuz he is not as relatable as bakugo, just like deku. Deku gets so so much shit and for what? You didn't like how he acted in the beginning of season one?

In conclusion, I am mad about how much hate deku gets, I wrote too much about bakugo and endeavor parallels when they shouldn't really be compared but its not my fault cuz all might himself has also pointed out similarities, and you probably know exactly who is writing this even tho I decided to go incognito and I cant remember why. Sorry I wrote you an essay<3

this has been in my inbox for a fair while and im sorry for the delayed response but you hit the nail on the head!

i feel like people go into a shonen, not expecting to be hit with a main character who despite being emotional, still hides a lot of stuff about him and his past. from both the cast, his friends and teachers, and us as the readers/audience. deku is a rather real-feeling character, who has gone through trauma and hasn’t had the chance to speak out. he’s instead decided to bury it within, trying to push it to stay in the past as he feels his current life is now better and free of all those troubles.

he bottles a lot of things up. it leaves an ever-lasting effect on him, even after he receives one for all and gets into ua. and for viewers who understand, they come to greatly love and appreciate his character and the growth he goes through, while noting how he has yet to face his past. people who don’t understand however, do just see how you worded it. a pathetic scared teenager who cries at the drop of a hat. him crying is such a noticeable trait within the first season, especially as a lot of his development past that has been a lot more subtle in comparison to todoroki and bakugou.

deku dives in and is reckless, and his flaws bubble at the surface a lot whenever he’s in focus (not that flaws are bad - good characters will have flaws), and people will often tend to heavily criticize him if he acts too differently from the deku they’re used to. crybaby deku. despite the fact those very same people want a more confident character. they want more fights. they want a character like bakugou or todoroki. yet whenever deku doesn’t act like the deku they know, it serves as another ‘reason’ to hate him, because they claim his character isn’t consistent, or that because he is reckless, he deserves consequence.

a lot of people who hate on him fail to see just how interesting of a character deku is however, for the role he’s taken and especially with the current setup horikoshi has given him to finally confront past deku, and to hopefully stop being so reckless. he’s yet to have a big character shift that turns readers heads.

but its coming, and i wholeheartedly believe in horikoshi to deliver.

[nailgunstigmata]

@certifiedeccentric yeah ofc!! i realized i was probably a bit vague on this dhdjdb putting it here instead of comments so i can hide for the cws

ok so yeah cws for everything dennis childhood trauma related and also for me thinking way too deeply about the bed pooping show about horrible people <3

this is all me making stuff up and extrapolating from what i think would fit the characters but to me its just further confirmation of how frank influenced the twins and particularly dennis, since so much of his mysogyny is picked up from frank and thats the angle he takes in repressing his trauma, aka a woman cant rape a man since the man always has the power, so sleeping with an older woman as a minor is cool and not statuory rape. its exactly the kind of fucked up outdated belief system that frank has i think. so yeah frank fantasizing about sleeping with an older woman in middle school?? huh. u could argue hes joking but its frank. i dont think its too farfetched to say that he wasnt. i dont think its too farfetched to say that thats a genuine belief he holds and held in the past. so yeah

and its interesting to me that frank represses and minimalizes his trauma too!! like i know hes a joke character but he still obviously carries trauma that he doesnt address and thats played for laughs so i think its natural that dennis should have picked up on that, especially since sleeping with an older woman is, in his mind, supposed to be an achievement and something to be proud of. so even if hes uncomfortable with it and doesnt really understand why and even if it doesnt really feel like a good thing despite being supposed to be one, hes never been taught how to adress feelings like that. frank doesnt talk about things and i dont think barbara did so why should dennis?

and frank might not have actively told dennis those things verbatim, but im pretty sure he signaled it through his actions at least. thats where the book excerpt kinda confirms my headcanon, because even if frank was joking (and im not sure if he is because. well. hes frank) thats still him as a fully grown adult talking about sleeping with a older women when in middle school. you know, middle school, the one you go to aged 11-14 (thats what the internet said at least im not american lol)

also maybe thats me being annoying about the trash twins but dee showing the video is such an interesting thing for me too because it just kind of rubs you the wrong way, like it seems almost cartoonishly cruel. and i know that this is the worst people on earth show and dee is supposed to be evil and all that stuff but i do think that her feelings on the original event are kind of conflicted if that makes sense?

i think that she recognizes it as something fucked up that happened (because she literally rightfully points out it was rape) but she also still has internalized way too much of franks bullshit to really aknowledge the severity of it? and i dont mean that in a „she wouldnt hurt dennis like that“ way, but in a way where she still struggles with the internalized misogyny from frank and also her own baggage from being sexualised at a young age with the beauty pageant thing despite on a logical level knowing that its wrong.

idk i think it fits with how dennis and dee were influenced by frank in general, how dennis follows his beliefs more and dee seems to reject them on the surface level but obviously still carries tons of internalized mysoginy around and falls victim to it even when she knows that frank is being gross and in the wrong.

also dee literally says a woman cant rape a man in times up. she says it to justify her own actions maybe but it still seems like something she believes in. she felt secure in women not being able to rape. i mean. i dont think i even need to say more here!!

also dont forget frank pimping dennis out and how dennis let him treat him. also remember dennis saying he doesnt want to get a beer and frank praising him :) that last ones kinda unrelated but remember it anyways

tldr frank gave dennis the mindset that led to him still being unable to accept his assault as assault which makes the ireland scenes between them even more insane <3

ok and what if i said that franks crush on eleanor roosevelt in middleschool has very upsetting implications when it comes to dennis‘s unwillingness to accept his trauma? yes im taking the joke section about frank wanting to fuck eleanor roosevelt seriously because it fits perfectly into my headcanon. frank says „the things she could have taught me“ what do you expect me to say about that. come on now. there was a reason dee made fun of what happened

[frogsthoughtss]

The new spirit movie being made, simply put, isnt all that great (originally, I’d put trash, but I thought that was too strong a word to use on the internet.) Heres why: To start off, I’d like to give synopsis (summary??) of the first movie.

In the original, Spirit, the horse, is captured by the colonizers and separated from his herd. These colonizers attempt to “tame” him. Claiming all horses can be tamed, including stallions with enough power and control. The colonizers breach onto the horses land and are expanding westward, which is how they even get near the herd in which spirit is in. The only reason he even nears them is because he doesnt know who the colonizers are and is basically confused as to what they were. So now because theyve captured Spirit, they think that ‘oh he’s just a wild horse, we can tame him by showing him whos boss” they dont. Spirit is, as its said, an untamed soul. He CANT BE TAMED, or as Little Creek put it, shouldnt be tamed. Because his place is with his herd, running free. The eagle in spirit is a symbolism of the freedom. Whenever the eagle is there, it serves as a reminder not only to the audience, but to Spirit himself that he is a wild horse, a Free horse.

Now, Little Creek, the Lakota native american, shares ALOT of similarities to Spirit(which is where Im getting at). Natives as we know, have been treated terribly, in the most inhumane ways. Theres alot said about helping out poc, but ppl always seem to forget that Natives count as Poc and are barely, if ever, helped out. The fact that theyve been continuously pushed out of their areas and contained in small groups with others of their tribes, after having had their land stolen from them, is disgusting. Back to the point tho, Spirit. Little Creek and spirit share that, in the time which this movie took place. Theyre being pushed from their areas and ppl are trying to “tame them”.

Now, again with the history. This wasnt included in the movie but Natives back in the day, when they were younger, would be taken from their tribes and colonized. Theyd rid them of the rich culture and try to perpetuate the white, colonized ways. Colonizers would change their names to the basic boring meaningless names, forbid them from speaking their native tongue, and have them grow up as a white, eurocentric person would. In other words, colonizers take away what made them different and attempt to get them to become like them. Which, while not included in the movie, is important to know! Bc it shows the parallels between a wild stallion, and a native american: 1- taking their land until barely any is left for them. 2- ridding them of their ways of being, until yheyre the way that is seen as presentable to the majority (whites)3- attempting to tame them.

Natives were seen as animals. As feral creatures less then human and less than the dirt being walked on (WHICH IS NOT TRUE). The fact was, euros saw them as ppl that needed to be ‘educated’ on the ways of man, which they saw as the was of WHITE man. In trying to educate them, it can almost easily be seen as them trying to ‘tame’ them, as they would a horse. With strength, power, and Force.

So going on ahead, when spirit meets little creek, theyre two sides of the same coin, going through the same thing, but its seen differently primarily because one is human and yhe other, well, a horse. And its troubling. Because even tho Little creek escapes the center where they were both held at, it was an interest type situation. Spirit let himself be handled and captured afterwards by the Lakota, only because they held the same view that horses could be tamed. However, despite the attempts to tame Spirit, Little Creek realizes soon that even tho their methods of taming a horse are to show that they are equal to to the human and not below (such as the whites were trying to impose) he knows that spirit, a free stallion, isnt going to be tamed. He sets him free. Spirit is somewhat hurt, bc these humans, treated him kindly. And he saw how kindly they treated other horses. He was reluctant bc of how honest and humane they were, but left anyways bc spirit also knew that he wasnt going to let himself be tied. Even if it was by an honest group.

My point in all of this is that In Spirit:The Stallion of Cimarron, it beautifully captures the similarities of natives, and in this movie horses. Both were struggling to maintain their land and their freedom, and the new movie doesnt. Its no surprise that good representation in movies is little to none for poc, but its even less in native americans. If you can name 5-10 movies with good native rep, I’d like to know but I can assure you that at the top of your head, you probably couldnt come up with more than 2. So when I heard of this movie coming out, I had to know if it kept the relation between the natives and animals in it.

It did not. In fact, from what Ive seen (the trailer) it removed the natives and instead replaced them with hispanics (presumably mexicans as rodeos originate from spanish/mexican influences). Now, mexican/latino and hispanic rep is good! I completely encourage making it bc its good! However this was not the movie for that. They took away the aspect of how freedom isnt something that can just be taken. How, the liberty that comes with your own deeply rooted course, cannot just be changed- how it SHOULDNT be changed. And in this new movie they did. This hispanic girl, for some horse riding event somehow tamed spirit, whose ‘soul could not be tamed’. Like, did we watch the same movie directors???? Producers????Bc the point of spirit the stallion of Cimarron was that freedom should be maintained, not stripped for the wants of others simply because,according to them, its “beneficial” and goes along with what they consider to be the social norm. It was about the connection that humans could make with animals bc they didnt place them below them, but rather treated them as equals. And for that to be taken away??? I feel like having tamed spirit was the wrong call for them to make.

Overall, it appears that Spirit Untamed (its literally in the title cmon) stripped the basis of the original movie to create the basic horse girl ‘saves’ horse and is the only one who can ride him bc she’s the only one who can ‘understand’ his trauma. Like, watch any other horse girl movie and thats what you get. But spirit wasnt supposed to be that. It was sooo much more and the fact that they dumbed it down to that?? Smh

[caecilius-in-horto-ubi-sedebit]

Tim Drake is Disabled!

welcome to Pip's Projections! (fair warning im working mostly from oooold memory and vibes, im no expert)

neurodivergence!

i definitely get autism spec vibes from Timbo (maybe ADHD). His special interest– one of them, rather– being crime, and specifically high-profile, hero-adjacent crime.He seems to hyperfocus on anything crime related, and fixates automatically on such things– like where he's focused on the crime story on the TV when his dad is being awful

he also, at least from where im sitting, seems to have emotional dysregulation problems and problems recognizing his emotions in the moment and working through them– my most vivid example is when his dad dies, and he stuffs down his feelings, and either can't or refuses to communicate or emote, which is something i struggle with when i cant fully parse a feeling

hyperfocus, a deep drive for perfectionism– which isn't exactly a trait of autism or ADHD, but I've seen a lot of overlap, a need to be doing something– he rarely rests, and there's little (afaik) showing him just chilling, seeming to obsess over details (yes, he is a detective, still) and overthinking scenarios, especially possibilities

seems kinda socially awkward, but like not debilitatingly so, though his interests– that we've been shown– are fairly restricted, and often tie back in to crime and vigilante stuff

a large swathe of abilities, many of which are previously undisclosed, indicating a disinclination to share with friends/family/colleagues/whatever one's latest exploits

routines. this is less about him having to have the same day/week over and over, and more about planning. he has a plan, and he obsesses over also having a plan for every possible variation (control issues, i relate, except i ahte routines with a passion funny enough)

mental illness!

spicy spicy major depression, generalized anxiety, and the obligatory PTSD, for all vigilantes. also, i feel, maybe some depersonalization-derealization– though i dunno if id say full on disorder or if thats just symptoms, you know? love them differential diagnoses

the major depression... i mean the vibes alone? his friend dies, and he sinks into his grief to the point where he tries to clone said friend. whenever he suffers a loss, he retreats, and then he stuffs it all down, and if that doesnt scream major depression, i should get a new diagnosis

the anxiety?? i guess this ones more abstract, but the feel of the way he holds himself for one? its all shoulders up, sometimes literally poking up, even hunching slightly, generally in the shadows, covering the eyes. thats just me in public.

also the overthinking, though it does fit with the neurodivergence, in terms of how meticulous it all is, how in advance, it also works here. the fact that he needs these plans, and props, and extra everything, and a mask under a mask, that's an anxiety disorder.

i feel like the PTSD is just a given, right? like, he's definitely got some stress from all them traumas, you know?

the dissociation– depersonalization and derealization– comes from how his inner monologue sounds while he's in conflict. true, he's probably desensitised to the panic of violence, but he still sounds detached, like he's seeing the things happen, but he's not really aware, or like, present. that's just from the mood, the gutcanon if you will

physical illness!

goodbye spleen! obvi this means our boi Timmy is immunocompromised. he has to take antibiotocs whenever he's ill at all, and if his white blood cell count gets too high (afaik, i have a spleen, i just googled), and he should NOT be in direct contact with anyone showing symptoms of shit, even if it's just the common cold.

so that's a wee bit disabling. also, from personal experience, your immune system sucking means you are always sick, even when you have no reaosn to be. So have fun imagining Red Robin interrogating a goon, and having to pause to blow his runny nose. I know I shall.

immune system problems also happens to be exhausting. not just because of upkeep, but because your body is trying so hard to repair itself, but it is too weak– for Tim, because some asshole stabbed him in a not-so-vestigial organ, for me because collagen fuckery– and all that trying takes up your energy. so i think Red Robin goes out less often than the others, because he needs more rest, as a precaution and as recovery

tl;dr he could be disabled, DC. he could be ND, DC. he could be so much cooler, DC!

i need more outright disabled characters. in the meantime, tim is my comfort probably disabled character

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going!  Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~ 

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”.  he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well”  while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school. 

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

[lucidpantone]

In the defense of Shirley, I'm pretty sure they came out and said the channel (whoever she technically works for) requested AFTER they had written the season and whatnot, to add a plotline about HIV/AIDS (maybe there's more of a stigma against it in France, I don't know) and so they basically had to scrap part of their og idea, or legit condense so much of it JUST to fit the HIV plotline. And we know if it was David Baguette that was asked to do this, he would have added an unnecessary trauma for Bilal to some how get it and then people would have been upset that the homeless guy got it and stereotyped it and whatnot. So in all fairness, I'd cut them some slack on S8. But that's just me, feel free to agree or disagree

So I understand Shirley's decision behind not giving bilal the hiv storyline because its like he is arab, brown, poor and also is attached to the HIV epidemic. Like it would feel like a pile on. I always wondered if it would have been a cool storyline to attach it to his father's death. Like maybe he had hiv and during covid he died because he was compromised. So it could also inform audiences that vulnerable groups were heavily effected during covid but then I also think its important to inform the public that hiv can be contracted via any type of carrier no matter their gender. I have said I think as two mini 5ep seasons Bilal and Jo's season are ok. The issue is they are incomplete because they are only 5 episodes each and so it does neither story justice. Also khalil is a way better actor then Louise I felt like she struggled alot with some of her more in-depth scenes. She has great comedic timing but isnt my fav concerning delivering dramatic moments. I felt like khalil had to carry alot of that season via the acting and he didnt even get to show his whole story so it really sucks for him.I know he did land a Netflix film after this so I am happy he got some recognition but yea it just sucks overall and I am not so sure that Shirley is gonna give his storyline much more time in this season because Khalil was filming his movie during s9 and s10.

So we will see.... I also think HIV is still largely judged in most of the developed world. People think well protection is basically free in most western developed nations why not just use it? However I think people forget that most queer youth which is a large portion of the HIV population in the developed western world has had little to no sexual education. Most schools won't even acknowledge queer sex as a form of sex that also needs sexual prevention. I live in NYC which is like the gayest place ever and I would say only in the last 15 years is queer sexual education being pushed hard. Like pride week has teen day (I think teen day has only been around 10yrs or so) where its alot of queer sexual education and where you can get information on prep, non-latex condoms and protection for wlw intercourse and how to get any sexual health related advice and treatment without needing parental sign off and this is NYC. Also my neighborhood where I live all the sex shops which there is alot since I live in a gaybourhood will give any teen who asks free condoms and lube and an hiv test if they have some. But also you can get a free hiv test at any health center and there is a lot in NYC and all that stuff is free. But once again this is NYC most places preach abstinence or they dont even acknowledge sexual intercourse between queer youth. Also I do agree people put a alot of importance on not getting pregnant for women but just because you can't get pregnant doesnt mean you can't catch a bunch of other shit so kiddos need to be safe out there. Be a hoe if you want. I say this being a retired thotty(in my youth I was a wild one) but dont be dumb. I also say this as someone who was dumb but was lucky enough to catch something that wasn't life altering. Be responsible you only get one body!