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goblinsofdiscord · 6 months ago

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The Enneagram Explained ⚔️ Defence Mechanisms & Self-Sabotaging Behaviors 💣🔪

By Larissa

(This is an excerpt from a workshop I taught in 2023) If you want the accompanying "Unf*ck Yourself" mini workshop + pdf workbook join the membership and get it instantly. I apologize for how dry and cringe the names/descriptions are.

To watch/listen instead:

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One of the main ways you can stop operating out of autopilot, quit the shit patterns and actually get what you want is by:

Being with the discomfort of not operating out of your personality trap + shadow (being conscious, making different choices, regulating your nervous system in the moment with breath, tapping, affirmations).

Integrating the opposite of your personality's "belief" (the shadow).

This sounds simple but it actually requires a considerable amount of bravery and determination. Which is why most people who learn the Enneagram don’t actually use it for self-growth. Because it’s more fun to chit chat about and study than to actually apply to our own lives.

The personality’s belief structure creates behaviors and defense mechanisms. These beliefs and behaviors create the shadow.

The defense mechanisms come from Freud's psychoanalytic theories and have been correlated to Enneagram theory by multiple sources and evolved over time with other people's ideas (Fritz Perls, Oscar Ichazo, Helen Palmer, Naranjo, etc). I won’t be getting into any of that, I’m just going to apply them in how I see them as useful. I’ve also added behaviors that I notice in each of the types.

I’m not sharing these to shame anyone or be judgmental, because we’re ALL doing at least one, if not three or more of these patterns. I’m using the Enneagram as a framework to show you how to spot patterns, unuseful beliefs and shadow at a much quicker pace than if you’re just doing it from just generic journaling prompts or waiting for something to “happen” before you address it. This way you have a pathway to start looking at the problems before your life goes to total shit.

Each type’s flawed belief (“If I am not ___ I don’t exist /I am not me/I am not safe”) manifests itself through behaviors and actions.

This process is unconscious. Even if you were aware that you were doing some of this stuff, it’s not your fault. It’s what we were programmed to do. But by integrating our shadow and coming into acceptance and wholeness we get to make better choices, think supportive thoughts, feel better, more useful and aligned feelings. And you can also catch yourself in the act and check yourself before you wreck yourself.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 1 - “DADDY”

1’s prefer to see themselves as being conscientious and above the degenerate riff raff. They’re proper, correct and in integrity, therefore they cannot see themselves as lazy, foolish, wrong, messy or "bad.” Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

1’s avoid outwardly expressing anger to remain “objective” and in control. Because expressing “anger” is “bad.” To be imperfect, incompetent, wrong or out-of-control is death to the 1. This mechanism reinforces the 1's ego because it assures them that they are right, proper, perfect, and correct. Therefore, their survival and identity continues. However, because the 1 is an anger/gut type, they’re constantly churning irritation factories.

If the 1 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 1 utilizes “anger” they are unlikely to allow themselves to see themselves as incorrect, in the wrong, imperfect.

How this manifests:

Reaction Formation: 1’s can express the opposite of their actual feelings and desires. They do this to reinforce their ego as “not being angry” (being perfect, right, correct, proper, good). Expressing anger is “bad” or what people who have no self-control do.

Channeling unexpressed anger into physical activities - going hog wild on cleaning, obsessively exercising, restricting food/hedonistic delights, perfectionism fixations, taking a red pen to their life.

Criticality + judgmental concerns projected onto people around them, for their “own good.” To the 1 they’re being responsible, doing the right thing.

Splitting: Seeing things in black and white under stress (this is good, this is evil). In super low health this can lead to extreme behaviors, like witch-hunting, finger-pointing, being the ‘voice of God’ / judge, jury and executioner.

Rationalization: 1's can rationalize to justify their self-righteousness. “This is the most correct, right, or efficient way to do the thing, therefore I am right and you are wrong.” If you don’t do what I say, it will be to your own detriment.

Hypocrisy: Projecting their own denied desires, feelings and even private behaviors by condemning the same desires, feelings and behaviors in others. They know the right way to be, and you are not being it. They can become preachy about whatever they take issue with, in order to unconsciously overcompensate for their secret bad behavior or naughty thoughts. This ties directly to Shadow Work, because 1's and 1-fixers can have a pungent Shadow full of all kinds of misdeeds and “dark” desires, but be totally blind to them while criticizing others for the same things.

Example: The anti-gay politician who is having an affair with a man, or the barbiturate-poppin' mom who wages a neighborhood campaign against drugs.

OCD: Obsessively creating more order and rightness in their physical environment, relationships, or self. They can go into “perfecting” mode in order to feel in control of something they cannot control, where they exert order onto their surroundings and right wrongs (like becoming obsessed with cleanliness in their home or laying out ‘rules’ that others must follow).

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 2 - “MOMMY”

2’s prefer to see themselves as being loving, nurturing, selfless, self-sacrificing, caring towards others, concerned and kind-hearted. Therefore they cannot see themselves as selfish, self-centered, giving to get, cold, heartless or "bad”. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

2’s avoid feeling selfish or needy, by refusing to directly ask to get their needs met or receive what they truly wish from others. 2's unconsciously repress these needs and desires to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are self-sacrificing, needed, good and loving. Therefore their survival continues.

If the 2 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 2 utilizes “pride” they are unlikely to allow themselves to wallow or even acknowledge any wrongdoing or selfishness on their part. It’s the other person’s fault, the 2 is blameless.

How this manifests:

Repression: 2’s hide their needs and "selfish" desires from themselves in order to maintain their caring and indispensable self-image. They use Repression to AVOID feeling needy, unnecessary or rejected. Because of their type structure, they can't see how they are in need of anyone else's help or how they are anything other than self-sacrificing. They cover up these feelings with flattery, offers of help, being intrusive and overly nice.

2’s prioritize others’ needs in the hopes someone will prioritize theirs. But then when that happens, the 2 goes into rejection mode and wants to get back into position as ‘the helper’ as that’s where their identity is invested.

The 2 projects their needs onto those around them by being overly helpful or intrusive. If they feel like they're not being appreciated or getting their needs met, they can move into covertly "punishing" behaviors to the person they keep giving to or subconsciously create situations in which the person might be forced to give back to them.

Example: The 2 wants help cleaning from their spouse, so over-cleans to the point where they become ill so that their partner is forced to pick up the slack or show them care for all of their self-sacrificing. This can also manifest in ways like them offering to do something and then making the other person wait to receive if they are feeling secretly resentful or not shown adequate appreciation or having their self-image adequately validated.

In low health, 2’s can use “Identification” to take on the needs and worries of those around them as if it’s theirs. They become fretful over other people’s problems. Anything that hurts their loved one hurts them. And it becomes covertly narcissistic, wherein they can make someone else’s suffering about themselves, but also their wins. “If it wasn’t for my help, they wouldn’t have accomplished that.” They can secretly (or not secretly) want undue credit for “help” they’ve provided (whether solicited or not).

2’s use “Reframing” in collaboration with “Repression.” They can reframe their intentions (to maintain a pride in their pure and loving intentions) and reframe others intentions too, lest it burst the sugar-coated bubble they’re desiring to live in or reflect back to them that they’re unwanted.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 3 - “SHAPESHIFTER”

3’s like to see themselves as impressive, competent, successful and admired or valued for what they do or are. Therefore they cannot see themselves as losers, failures, or less than others. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

3’s avoid feeling like a failure or worthless by adapting to external ideals, competing, and striving. 3's unconsciously use “Identification” to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are valuable, worthy, admired and successful. Therefore their survival continues.

If the 3 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 3 utilizes “deceit” they are unlikely to allow themselves to own their failings or true feelings if it interferes with the image they’re projecting.

How this manifests:

3's use "Identification" as a defense mechanism, by unconsciously assimilating with the "other." They use this to avoid feeling like a failure. How this shows up is that they take on the traits, characteristics, attributes, aesthetics, preferences, values and mannerisms of important people in their life, groups, people they see as valuable and those they admire or envy. They do this to create an image of success (to themselves and/or others).

Denial/Projection: 3’s can blame others for their failures or what isn’t working for them, offloading image fails onto others to distance themselves from shame. Just like they can take on others traits/behaviors/stories, they can offload those same things onto others as well.

Deception: This collection of traits is their "self image" and where their ego and self-worth resides, and because their external sources and what is valued may change, it can give 3's a shapeshifter quality depending on who or what they're surrounded by, what they value, what they do. Underneath this layer of shiny baubles is still a 'shame type' and so without this sometimes fragile self-image being upheld they are but a raw, shameful nerve. Because of this, they can lose contact with their own internal compass, needs, desires and their authentic self. They prioritize what gets them those positive hits and bolsters their ego/self-image. They can be totally asleep to this inner incongruence, and be deceiving themselves, especially in lower levels of health.

Numbing/Workaholism: 3’s can use numbing so they don’t get stuck in the emotional swamp and become unproductive. They can power down the “I’m a failure, I’m upset, I’m emotional” aspect and power up the drive to override emotional slop that might get in their way. They might override this with going hard into working around the clock, substances, shopping/spending a lot or doing something flashy to bolster their self-image.

Competition: 3’s can get caught up in competition, using others as a stepping stone or a way to boost their own image by comparison (“see how much better of a job I’m doing than Ted.”) They might do this to the point where they end up chasing someone else’s dreams and totally shooting themselves in the foot.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 4 - “DISDAINFUL DEPRESSIVE”

4’s like to see themselves as separate, uniquely flawed, deep, and the special exception. Therefore they cannot see themselves as mundane, relatable, ordinary, adaptable, or even for many 4’s functional. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

4’s avoid feeling mundane, ordinary, relatable, shallow, functional or happy. 4's unconsciously self-sabotage and focus on the negative and what’s frustrating, to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are deep, different, uniquely flawed and unlike anyone else. Therefore their survival continues.

If the 4 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 4 utilizes envy (what is missing) they are unlikely to allow themselves to see where they are functional, relatable, understandable or even happy. They subconsciously craft a self-image that rejects any "positive" information about themselves that comes into conflict with this existing "negative" image.

How this manifests:

Introjection: Introjection is presented as absorbing another person's identity or feelings (like a parent) and transferring it to themselves. However, it's more nuanced and specific than that for 4’s. 4's aren't just taking in any old information, they're unconsciously taking in evidence that they are broken, estranged, alien, fucked up and damaged - and this is great news to them. While the external world may be giving the 4 fuel, their experience has almost nothing to do with the outside world. The outside world is just serving to fuel the 4's internal narrative. The 4 weaves these evidentiary mementos into a story. They identify with specific negative traits that reinforce that they are separate, rare, deeply flawed so as to never quite be understood or capable of being happy and functional.

They do this unconsciously as a way to cope with the pain of feeling broken, unwanted, dysfunctional and different. They weave the negative narratives into their identity and shape it into a way that makes them feel in control of it, to project depth and meaning onto it vs someone or something outside of themselves creating their story and making it shallow. The more they associate into this negative state, the more dysfunctional they can become and the more it supports their type's ego structure. Without these narratives they feel naked and non-existant. Because their self-image is inherently negative, they are “positively” associated with being in a negative, frustrated, unsatisfied state.

Idealization: Idealizing people or situations as a way to generate feelings to pull the 4 away from the mundane reality/experience. This idealization is a frustration pattern designed to keep them in a loop of disappointment and longing because nothing will ever live up to what they hope, something will always be missing and the 4 can never truly actualize or be happy as a result. And if it is everything they’ve ever wanted, the 4 is likely to find something wrong anyway or create a problem where there is none.

As a result, the 4 might self-sabotage opportunities that would actually aid them in being functional, capable, happy, or get them what they claim they want. They may discard things, people, ideas, pursuits if they feel too easy, cheap, relatable, mundane. Or keep churning up issues and provocations that will lead to them being able to say, “see, I never get to have what I want.” Or “I knew no one would understand.”

Splitting: 4’s reject what’s “not me” and often find what’s not to their tastes or “not me” disgusting. Everything that’s not in the frustrated realm that the 4 approves of is superficial, shallow, ugly, vapid, horrible, etc. For the faceless masses, not the 4. Being at odds with reality helps reinforce their self-identity. I’m not like that, therefore I’m deep.

Because 4’s are usually creative or self-identify with the idea of being an artist/writer/creative, their tragically romantic, broken and disdainful views can be expressed through their art. They may overdo it in making it unpalatable or abstract. Or if they become popular they may self-sabotage their own success or self-image by being provocative, turning on their fans/the public, becoming moody, self-destructive or unpredictable. They’ll likely move away from what is expected or desired by their fanbase, even if they secretly desire an audience. Or maybe they’ll over-specify how they present themselves and shroud themselves in mystery in a way that others cannot easily relate to, they can only *bear witness.*

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 5 - “BRUNDLEFLY”

5’s like to see themselves as insightful, competent, self-sufficient, independent and objective. Therefore they cannot see themselves as emotional, human, helpless or dependent on others. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

5’s avoid feeling dependent on others, helpless, depleted, or engulfed in the messy world. 5's unconsciously retreat inwards and withhold energy and information, detach, and compartmentalize to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are competent, objective, smarter than everyone else and above the mortal coil.

Because the 5 utilizes avarice (hoarding inner resources) they are unlikely to allow themselves to allow themselves to be put in a position where they are ��needed” for anything outside of the scope of their specific interest/competency focus, or entangle themselves with hot messes (people or situations). Of all the types, this is maybe the one that is least likely to give a shit if they have a shadow, tbh.

How this manifests:

Isolation: 5’s retreat and protect their inner sanctum from being invaded or picked clean by the outside world. They use isolation to avoid dependence on others or having to be interlaced with their chaotic whims and needs which may disrupt what the 5 would rather be doing with their time (some kind of mind pursuit). They may design their entire lives to protect themselves against intrusion.

Detachment: 5’s use detachment as a means to cope when they feel overwhelmed. They disconnect from and retreat from their own and others’ unstable feelings. In order to feel competent and safe and conserve their mental resources, they can cut all contact or need for the outside world.

They use ‘rejection’ methods of cutting off and compartmentalizing to ensure they’re not swallowed up in the messy ass human bullshit of this humdrum existence. This may show up as minimizing their needs (physical, relational, financial, emotional). They’re the most likely to live in some secret, off-grid tiny home. Not the one with all the gardens and crops and goats, but the one that has the bare minimum to survive where they can focus on their studies or whatever their mental obsession is, far away from other people.

They can have totally hidden worlds within worlds that others know nothing about. Each world dangerously close to being lopped off at a moment’s notice if the 5 sees no use for it anymore. They dump all of their energy into their main pursuit because it’s where they feel “safe” and valuable, and so the outside world interfering with that feels like an attack on their very existence. By overdoing this one area of “competency” they can actually make themselves unable to actually be independent or functional. So to them they may seem overly competent, but to the outside world they may seem bizarre and dysfunctional.

5’s use compartmentalization of emotions, energy, and relationships. Separating their thoughts from feelings, and putting people into boxes to be dealt with or utilized instead of truly connected to. This can have a dehumanizing effect on the people around them who don’t want to only interact with the 5 when they have the inner resources or only interact with them on narrow and specific terms. By doing this, the 5 effectively shuts out having to deal with whatever they don’t want to but also hacks off pieces of their own heart, spirit, and humanity which is the only true place to create and mine for the insights and independence they seek.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 6 - “CITIZEN EMO”

6’s like to see themselves as loyal, hardworking, just a regular person, authentic, responsible, fair and connected to the family/community/tribe, etc. Therefore they cannot see themselves as bad, traitorous, pompous or “too good.” Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

6’s avoid feeling unsafe, uncertain or abandoned in their attachments and support systems (physical, group, partner). 6's unconsciously seek security/safety (and dangers), truth (and lies) and support systems they can trust and rely on to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are accepted, part of the tribe, safe, secure, supported and prepared. Therefore their survival continues.

If the 6 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 6 utilizes “fear” (and anxiety) they are unlikely to allow themselves to relax, ease up, stop hunting for discrepancies or what could go wrong.

How this manifests:

Projection: 6’s project their worst fears and worst case intentions onto other people. They’re always sniffing out danger in the world and in their connections. Who’s being disloyal? Who’s up to no good? They can engage in investigative, gossipy behaviors, seeking out clues of their worst fears. Sometimes they project their own behaviors, feelings and thoughts onto others and then fear being blamed or accused (which leads to projecting).

On the flipside, they can project idolization fantasies onto “experts”, simping people who they can put all their trust and outsource their thinking to. They do this to create certainty within themselves.

Worst Case Scenario: Projections can also show up as “predictions” where the 6 may anticipate the worst and then by overfocusing on this negative outcome, they manifest it into reality. Their worst case scenario becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. (“See! I knew the basement was going to flood!” Or “See! I knew you’d cheat on me!”) This churning distrust has them always on the hunt, and never feeling safe.

Splitting: Like other types they can see things in “black and white”, good or bad, you’re with me or against me. 6’s can be tribal and overly-identified to their “side” - whether that’s ideologically, politically, religiously or just in their general friend groups.

Outsourcing anxiety: They can overdose on anxiety in order to reach equilibrium. They project their internal anxieties into the outside world in the hopes that someone else will solve the problem for them. Like constantly bringing people’s attention to the negative or what could go wrong. They cannot rest until someone else validates and matches their concern. They want help to deal with the problem (real or imagined) and for someone else to assuage their fears.

Redirect overwhelming fears from one source onto another source that they feel is easier to manage (like a loved one, peer, boss).

Rebellion: 6’s can get anti-authoritarian when their trust is broken, they’re disappointed, or they engage in “splitting.” They can be mega social justice warriors and fight for what is “right”, but in doing so they can totally lose perspective and go so hard in fighting for justice that they actually become the bad guy.

6’s can also be hypochondriacs with their anxiety. Excessive worrying, creating symptoms and scenarios out of the ether. They can circle the drain, fixating on problem after potential problem. They can literally bring forth a potential health catastrophe into reality with constant focus on it. This paranoia can manifest in many ways, but sometimes they’re right!

Self-deprecation: They also may use self-deprecation or humor, or presenting as an “underdog” as a way to deflect being targeted or being seen as too big for their britches. They can project this onto other with a ‘tall poppies’ or ‘crabs in the bucket’ mentality.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 7 - “MAD HATTER HEDONIST”

7’s like to see themselves as interesting, exciting, innovative, individualistic, creative and fun. Therefore they cannot see themselves as boring, normal, part of the grind or a downer. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

7’s avoid feeling trapped, limited, stifled, cut off and bored. 7's unconsciously seek new, interesting people/things/situations/interests to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are fascinating, buoyant, original and compelling creatures. Therefore their survival continues.

Because the 7 utilizes “gluttony” they are unlikely to allow themselves to stagnate for too long, moving onto the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.

How this manifests:

Rationalization: Which means the 7 can subconsciously (or consciously) rationalize away shitty behaviors and dodge responsibility. They are usually averse to their specific flavours of what is “painful” and will reframe reframe reframe themselves up up up and away from whatever that source of “pain” is. Whether it’s the guilt of doing something awful, or the fall-out of saying something flippantly, or the consequences of a thoughtless action. They’re especially prone to rationalizing if making the pain conscious means they’re not able to do, be or have something they desire.

Distraction: They go into distraction seeking mode via hedonism, intellectual stimulation, adventures, extreme sports, partying, being totally manic and creating for 3 days straight, shopping, etc when they want to avoid discomfort, pain, boredom.

Repression: They use repression to bury negative emotions (in whatever flavour they despise) and push away anything that makes them feel like they’ve been victimized. 7’s can be emotional and melodramatic but it’s in the flavour they find the most interesting. They’re not here to be a boring victim or cry themselves to sleep every night over a loser.

Anticipation/Planning: They can over idealize an outcome to the point where they are more about getting the dopamine hits off anticipation than actually doing the thing or seeing whatever their harebrained scheme is through to completion.

Entitlement: 7’s can be massive brats about getting what they want. As frustration types they’re often focused on what they don’t have and what they want, but because they’re assertive they’re more likely to chase after it, expect it to be given to them, or push people out of the way to get it.

Pleasure-seeking/Hedonism: 7’s reject that which is not pleasurable because there’s nothing in it for them. When 7’s get into this “thank you, next” pattern it can become impossible for them to actualize or stick to something long enough for them to enjoy the fruits of all their initial excitement. The sparkle fades and there’s nothing tasty for the 7 to stick around and lick, so they’re likely to start looking for something else.

Rebellion: Like 6’s, 7’s can also be rebellious, but their reasons for rebelling are likely centered around freedom (literally or freedom of expression), anti-censorship, pro-individuality/individual choice. They can also just rebel for the hell of it if they’re bored, or if there are hot people associated with a cause.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 8 - “FINAL BOSS”

8’s like to see themselves as powerful, invulnerable, independent, intimidating IDGAF leaders. Therefore they cannot see themselves as weak, under someone else’s heel, being controlled, powerless or soft. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

8’s avoid feeling weak, vulnerable, powerless, small or allowing anything to threaten them. 8's unconsciously deny vulnerabilities and weaknesses to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are indeed powerful and no one can or will fuck with them. Therefore their survival continues.

Because the 8 utilizes “lust” they are unlikely to allow themselves to put themselves in a position where they could be steamrolled, deprived, slowed down or made small or powerless.

How this manifests:

Denial: 8’s use “Denial” by rejecting their own vulnerabilities or weaknesses. This can show up as denying emotions, fears, thoughts that don’t serve the 8’s ego identification of being powerful. They can also completely deny the existence of any perceived weak points that an “enemy” could use against them. If possible, they will lop off anyone or anything that causes them agitation (people, situations) or seems like a threat to their inner or outer sanctuary that they’ve created.

Rejection/Coldness: They can view softness and receptivity as death. If they weaken for a moment, they’ll get screwed over or tricked.

Reaction Formation: 8’s can express the opposite of how they feel. So they can feel really hurt but act like they’re emotionally impervious. You have no effect on the 8. You don’t matter. If you’ve wounded their steel heart, you’ll pay the price. Like the 7 they can deny victimhood, but they might personally feel quite slighted and seek revenge to get the ball back in their court, the power back in their hands, for how the person made them feel.

Aggression/assertiveness: 8’s can take up space and project an air of confidence in order to pre-defend against would-be attacks. Showing up with big bear or chaos demon energy ensures no one will fuck with them and that they’ll get what they want. Therefore they can be domineering, bossy, straight-shooters. My way or the highway.

Control/conquering: 8’s can be hyper controlling and even paranoid, depending on their position and the situation. They can take on the role of puppetmaster or dictator, to ensure things happen according to their plan and they’re not at the whims of someone else or underneath someone else’s thumb.

Justification: 8’s can be impulsive with their anger and feeling absolutely justified. The desired effect can be to crush whatever is pissing them off with their brutality and force.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 9 - “SOOTHING SQUISH”

9’s like to see themselves as chill, empathetic, caring, supportive and deep. Therefore they cannot see themselves as provocative, disruptive, thoughtless, aggressive or selfish. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

9’s avoid feeling in conflict and stressed out. 9's unconsciously seek to be in harmony and flow with those around them and their environment to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are chill, harmonious and connected.

If the 9 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 9 utilizes “sloth” they are unlikely to allow themselves to just get after it, make demands, make bold moves.

How this manifests:

Narcotization/Dissociation: 9’s use narcotization which means to numb, to ease discomfort. This can manifest in multiple ways, falling asleep at the wheel of life - outsourcing decisions, independence, physical needs, to others. It can also show up as losing yourself in mindless side-tasks instead of just dealing with problems. They can dissociate from problems by numbing their heart and mind to what’s in front of them, or to just hope it resolves itself without any involvement or disruption to the 9’s existence.

9’s repress their anger in favor of keeping peace. They can be really annoyed and not able to verbalize it until it reaches a crisis point for the 9. The other person may be totally shocked when it happens, especially if the 9 kept telling them that everything was fine.

Passive Aggression: 9’s express how they feel indirectly and hoping the person picks up on their subtle cues without them having to generate conflict. This can also just slip out subconsciously through offhand comments, looks, tone or behaviors. And when confronted with it, they’ll likely recede into a mist and say nothing’s wrong.

9’s can also use “positive reframing”, not unlike 7, but theirs is more used as a numbing agent, smoothing out a dire situation or other people’s malintent, rudeness, or shitty behavior so it doesn’t result in conflict or upset.

Outsourcing: 9’s often give their power away, instead of asking for what they want or expressing themselves without being prompted. They can become disappointed when others fail to mind-read or intuit their needs without them having to assert themselves or vocalize it.

Self-Forgetting: Because 9’s can dance around their location in order to keep the peace and not lose connection, they can forget what they want or how they really feel about something.

Merging: Like 3’s, 9’s merge with the people around them, often taking on their interests, aesthetics, values and even mannerisms. However the 9 isn’t doing it to become an ideal and compete for validation, they do it because they over-identify with the idealized other to create harmony and melt into them.

7’s and 9’s can both procrastinate and get lost in multiple fantasies of possibilities, but the difference is that the 7 is likely taking an active, assertive approach and throwing spaghetti at the wall, whereas the 9’s dreams can fade away if they don’t have another person holding them accountable or a job to show up for or something external.

Ghosting: Instead of just saying “no,” often 9’s will be vague or give a “maybe” or “sure” if they don’t know their location in the moment or don’t want to rock the boat. And then they’ll disappear when followed up with.

SELF-REFLECTION PROMPTS (FOR JOURNALING)

Did you cringe at any of the behaviors listed? did you recognize any of these in yourself?

write out which ones you recognized. no judgment. it's not "you", it's just behaviors Created out of your personality's false belief. Unpack them. go back to the situation. what were you feeling at the time? what was running through your mind?

What did you need to know in that moment to feel totally safe and make a different choice?

What different choice can you make next time?

What would be the worst thing someone could say about you or make you feel?

Is there anything in your life that you can see as you trying to avoid this being said about you, control people's perceptions, or avoiding feeling?

Can you accept this behavior in yourself right now, forgive yourself, and choose to be more consciously aware?

If you want the accompanying "Unf*ck Yourself" mini workshop + pdf workbook join the membership and get it instantly. I apologize for how dry this is. Want to get typed or coached by me? Book here.

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elaho · 1 month ago

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Stardew Valley MBTI x Enneagram: Elliott

Following my last post about the Stardew marriage candidates and their MBTI types, I've been learning more about Enneagram, how it pairs with MBTI, and how it changes some of the typical characteristics of each type.

The Enneagram and MBTI complement each other wonderfully, providing greater depth and understanding of how a person interacts with the world [Cognitive Functions] and their motivations why [Core Desire/Core Fear].

Here are my thoughts on the MBTI and Enneagram pairs for Elliott.

Elliott - ISFP 4w3: “The Aristocrat”

“ISFP 4w3s are unique people with a touch of ambition. They perfectly combine the adventurous spirit of the ISFP and the creativity of type 4. This type has goals they want to achieve. However, these goals must be achieved uniquely.

Because of their wing, ISFP 4w3s are more action-oriented than most ISFPs. If their wing is especially strong, they’ll have a strong desire to be successful.” - Personality Hunt

Elliott’s Core Desire: To be unique or different

The core desire of the ISFP 4w3 is to be unique and to succeed uniquely. To achieve this, they ensure everything they do highlights their uniqueness.

Even at first introductions, we see Elliott as someone who dramatically stands out in Pelican Town: his manner of speech, style of dress, and his choice to live on the beach alone in a shack.

His goal in life is also unique. Not only does he want to become a successful writer, but he hopes to achieve this dream by moving to Stardew Valley.

“Ever since I was a young boy, I've dreamt of becoming a writer. When the time came for me to leave home and start my own life, I moved here. I was drawn to the peaceful beauty of the valley, and hoped that days of quiet reflection in this idyllic atmosphere would fan the literary flames.”

Elliott’s Core Fear: To be seen as ordinary or a failure

The core fear of the ISFP 4w3 is to be seen as ordinary. They don't want to blend into the crowd, so to prevent this, they'll do everything they can to stand out while being authentic to themselves.

Thanks to his Introverted Feeling [Fi] Elliott stays true to himself despite harsh criticism for pursuing his dreams; however, because his 3 wing is also quite strong, he fears failure or being perceived as a failure if he doesn't accomplish those dreams.

“Everyone back home said I was nuts... that I could never make it as a writer. Can you believe it? They said 'For every successful author there's 1000 who fail miserably'. Such pessimism... it's sickening.”

"I know that I am kind of an 'oddball'. I hope you don't mind."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

How Enneagram 4w3 changes typical ISFP behaviour:

New Strengths

1. More Ambitious

"Ambition is not the hallmark of ISFPs. Granted, it’s also not the hallmark of ISFP 4w3s. However, it’s more pronounced, thanks to their wing.

Thus, ISFP 4w3s might have goals and targets they want to achieve. If their wing is strong, they might also work towards these targets.

However, because of some of the flaws of a type 4, they might never be disciplined enough to achieve their goals." - Personality Hunt

Having Extroverted Thinking [Te] as his inferior function also makes being disciplined difficult for Elliott, though it's something he strives to improve with his ambitious nature.

Examples:

"I've been working day and night to try and finish my book... It's been driving me insane, Farmer.”

"Hello, Farmer! What a pleasant surprise! I was just stopping in to [the Saloon to] relax after an eight hour writing session."

“I feel so relieved to be done with my book... it's like an elephant's been lifted off my shoulders.”

"My new year's resolution is to write, write, and write! I can never stop improving my skills."

"Caring for babies isn't exactly my strong suit... but I'll do my best to be a good father."

2. Extremely Fashionable

"Type 4 and type 3 are both image-conscious people. Thus, they usually have a good fashion sense. This also applies to ISFP 4w3s.

They dress to perfection, combining the uniqueness of type 4s and type 3’s need to impress. If there’s something you can be sure about, it’s their dress." - Personality Hunt

Examples:

“I'm just taking a quick break to slather some coconut oil on my body.”

"What did I do today? I'll just say this... it takes a lot of work to maintain this rugged physique!”

“I'll admit... it takes me several hours each morning to make my hair look this good.”

"I have to brush my hair daily, or else it'll clump up into messy knots. It's a lot of work.”

“The sun is angry today... My skin is a bit too delicate, I'm afraid.”

"I leave early tomorrow morning [for the book tour]…I need to pack! Don't let me forget my hairbrush, my hairspray, my fine-tooth comb, and my pomegranate conditioner!"

3. More Creative

ISFPs, like most sensors, are practical people. They focus on what is directly in front of them and what they can impact in the here and now. This doesn't mean they aren't creative people, but their creativity comes out in more hands-on ways.

This is different for ISFP 4w3s. They are super creative, combining their Extroverted Sensing [Se] and Introverted Intuition [Ni] into their artistic pursuits. They can create almost anything out of nothing, making them excellent writers, designers, painters, etc., etc.,

Examples:

"... I've been dabbling in piano since I was a kid. I'm not very good, but it's fun."

“Hopefully a crab hasn't snuck onto my clothes again. Imagine crawling out of a pocket and finding yourself on a beach hundreds of miles from home! Hmmm... Perhaps this could make for an interesting novel...”

"A day can never be boring when you follow the whims of your imagination."

"A great idea can pass through your head when you least expect it… but if your mind is too busy you might miss it."

"A crackling fire adds wonderful ambience to the house... every piece of wood burns in a unique way."

"I'm doing a walking meditation. It's good for creativity."

4. More Romantic

"Type 4 is often called the romantic. Thus, it’s not surprising that ISFP 4w3s have a strong interest in love and romance.

While this is true, this does not affect their level of commitment in relationships. Just like typical ISFPs, they are in search of someone they are comfortable with.

This might make them seem flighty." - Personality Hunt

Not only does his interest in romance apply to Elliott's intimate relationships, but it can also be seen in his 'romantic' approach to life and literature, which is:

"...marked by the imaginative or emotional appeal of what is heroic, adventurous, remote, mysterious, or idealized." -Merriam-Webster

His unusual approach to life and romance makes many players suspicious of his intentions and sincerity during their first playthrough [myself included]. His fluffy words and flirty attitude cause many to wonder if he is concealing anything nefarious.

However, even though his language and personality can be mushy and over-the-top sometimes, throughout the game we see him as no less sincere than someone who says things bluntly.

Examples:

"I write in hopes of connecting with others through time and space."

"It must be satisfying to follow your crop from seed to harvest. It's as if your essence is infused into the fruit."

"Farmer, I had a feeling that you would show up. Perhaps we're connected by an other-worldly thread."

“Elliott whispers a sweet secret into your ear.”

“Yes... could I refuse that soft, kind face? The touch of spring-time's sweet embrace?”

“You're ice cold! Let me keep you warm.”

"My love... I wouldn't trade you for 100 iridium bars. Nor 1000...Not even 10,000 bars, no....No, not even 100,000 bars!...Wa... one million bars of pure iridium...? Don't make me do this..."

"I made a whole secret book of poems expressing my love for you.”

"I feel burnt out in your absence. But when I hear that sound of muddy boots on wood, my heart rises from the ash."

"Look... I fixed up that old rowboat that's been sitting by my house. Pretty nice, huh? Farmer... Would you do me the honor of joining me for her maiden voyage?”

"Some people are shy. Keep showing interest in them and they'll get comfortable around you."

5. More Competitive

Depending on the strength of their wing, ISFP 4w3s can be quite competitive since they want to be the best. However, their competitive side usually only appears in games and other social events.

Depending on their maturity and wing strength, this can be an intense drive to win or playful competition between friends and family.

Examples:

“Well, if it isn't the town's number one ice fisher! That was truly an impressive performance. I never stand a chance, but I always participate just to be sporting.”

"I'm a little out of practice, but I plan on entering the fishing contest tomorrow! You've got some stiff competition, dear.”

New Weaknesses

1. Self Absorbed

The problems of the ISFP 4w3s start here. ISFP 4w3s, just like ISFP 4w5s, can become fixated on themselves.

Thus, they might start feeling they are special. This makes them inflate their problems and put themselves first.

The downsides of this are immense. People might see them as self-centered. They might also strain their relationship with others." - Personality Hunt

The tendency to be self-absorbed creates a lot of problems for Elliott. His desire to be unique often causes him to act in over-the-top and melodramatic ways, especially when first meeting the farmer. Not only are many characters rubbed the wrong way by his melodramatic tendencies, but many players automatically judge him as problematic and pretentious, especially if it's their first playthrough.

However, this is intentional writing for Elliott's character development and while these characteristics can be red flags, they aren't always - as we will see later.

Examples:

“You've plucked Pelican Town's finest flower... Now, you must care for it with all your heart.”

"Another year gone by, another gray hair… I suppose this gift can commemorate my decline."

"Farmer, I know you have faith in my abilities as a writer. That means a lot to me."

“Sometimes I wonder if I might just have an inflated self-image and no real skills...No, no... I'm not fishing for compliments. Though they are appreciated..."

“I have to brush my hair daily, or else it'll clump up into messy knots. It's a lot of work. I'm surprised I haven't just shaved it off in a fit of passion. I suppose I am too vain.”

"Hello, Farmer! What a pleasant surprise! I was just stopping in to relax after an eight hour writing session. Bartender! Fetch me your finest ale. And bring some wine for the lady!”

2. Lower Energy Levels

ISFP 4w3s aren't the most energetic, but if their 3 wing is strong, their lower energy levels may not be that bad. Because they are sensors, they are also more action-oriented when compared to the INFP 4w3.

Examples:

“I can't seem to find the inspiration to begin writing my novel...”

"A great idea can pass through your head when you least expect it… but if your mind is too busy you might miss it."

“That's why I chose this beach as my home, so that I could have peace and quiet to do my work.”

"I spent the afternoon daydreaming about the ocean. So I decided to cook some seafood."

"I had a nice time at the beach by myself. I watched the waves come and go, just like old times."

"Winter is a great time to read books and play the piano. Remember to pause and enjoy a quiet moment or two."

“My inspiration for writing is like the weather... it comes and goes at random. Today I feel entirely dull. Perhaps I'll read one of the classics to get my creative juices flowing.”

3. Battle Between Staying Unique and Being Adaptable

Being a type 4, ISFP 4w3s want to be unique and different. However, type 3 wants to be successful and adaptable, creating internal conflict between the two types, especially if an ISFP 4w3's wing is strong. The core desire of type 4 usually wins in the end, but it's something ISFP 4w3s may struggle with for their entire lives.

Elliott struggles with wanting to achieve his literary dreams uniquely by living a lonely life on the beach. He yo-yos back and forth between wanting stability and security for his future and staying true to himself and his vision of completing his book in his own way.

Examples:

“That's why I live out here by myself. I figured a lonely life by the sea would help me focus on my literary aspirations...”

"Sorry, I'm feeling morose today. I wish there was more certainty about the future. I don't want to grow old as a lonely hermit on this beach…",

“People have scraped a living off the sea for thousands of years. I just go to the grocery store.”

"The sweet friction of pen and paper is the music of my soul. That's why I chose this beach as my home, so that I could have peace and quiet to do my work."

"It's a little lonely out here on the beach… so I apologize if I was ever a little too forward with you when we first met. I was just eager to have a friend. It feels good to have a close friend like you."

"I came to the valley to find the ivory tower from which my talents could reign supreme. But what I really found was a dungeon of loneliness. You saved me from that."

4. Emotions and More Emotions

Being Feelers and type 4s, ISFP 4w3s are very emotional people. While being sensitive to emotion can be a positive, it can also get them into a lot of trouble.

Because of their emotional intensity and Extroverted Sensing [Se] tendency to act in the moment, they can frequently make spur-of-the-moment decisions based on their feelings before thinking them through.

They can also be sensitive to criticism, even if it's constructive and tactful. This can hold them back from achieving their goals and being open to new opportunities.

Examples:

"There's just too much work to do! And my bank account's starting to run dry. Sometimes I wish I could just throw it all away and become a farmer like you."

"I had a good time at the saloon the other day… Though my liver is not quite so enthusiastic…",

“Why do you torment me? Can't you see you've shattered all my hopes and dreams.”

"Gus, I'll order a round for everyone!*hic*… Oh… I don't have the G. Heh heh… Never mind!"

"...Let's see, how do I put this...? For once, I'm at a loss for words... [Elliott leans in and passionately kisses the farmer].” -------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Path of Integration: 4w3 to 7w6

Throughout the game, Elliott struggles to enjoy his life while making his dreams of being a successful author a reality. His core fears of being ordinary and a failure - "to be just like every other failed author" - keep him locked in a prison of his own making.

As a result, he increasingly self-isolates and becomes very self-critical, pushing himself to complete his project even if it is self-detrimental.

"I came to the valley to find the ivory tower from which my talents could reign supreme. But what I really found was a dungeon of loneliness.

Elliott and Shame

Type 4s are in the Heart Triad [along with types 2 and 3] making Elliott's core fear directly related to feelings of shame:

"The core belief type 4s struggle with as a part of the shame triad is that if they aren’t unique, they are unworthy of love...[they] will wear their emotions on their sleeve, and show up as a perfectly curated image to hide that feeling of unworthiness they feel at their core" - Making Mindfulness Fun

"Hello, Farmer! What a pleasant surprise! I was just stopping in to relax after an eight hour writing session. Bartender! Fetch me your finest ale. And bring some wine for the lady!"

Because Elliott also has a strong type 3 wing, his shame is multi-faceted, adding more complexity to his core fears and behaviours:

"[Their] core belief... is that if they aren’t always achieving more, they are unworthy of love...[they] numb and ignore their emotions to deal with their shame. They believe that if they allow themselves to be human, enjoy life, and show their emotions they will be unloved. This leads them to push people away and feel stressed because they believe the only way they can receive love is by being perceived as successful." - Making Mindfulness Fun

"…What I meant is that I'd like to get away from this dark, musty prison and experience a little bit of real life... that's all. *sigh*... sorry I'm complaining like this. I just need someone to talk to now and then.”

Unconditional Love

Once the farmer gets to know Elliott better, he relaxes around them and drops his 'over the top' persona. Though he still enjoys speaking more romantically and eloquently sometimes, he isn't as concerned with having the perfect words to say. He lets his guard down, allowing his true thoughts and feelings to shine.

"Hey. "Look… I fixed up that old rowboat that's been sitting by my house. Pretty nice, huh?"

"But I am grateful that you believed in me… in my vision. And, well… Um… Farmer? How do I say this…Well, we've been friends for a while now… But I'm… I'm not sure if I feel that way about you anymore. No! I'm not saying I want to cut all ties with you! In fact… quite the opposite…Let's see, how do I put this…? For once, I'm at a loss for words…"

Elliott starts to believe that he doesn't need to try so hard to be loved - that he is worthy of love for simply being his authentic self, imperfections and all. It's through the love and support of the farmer that Elliott starts to truly embrace himself and embrace the highs and lows of life, without shame.

Elliott's Book Tour Letters

After Elliott's marriage to the farmer, we see him begin to take on the positive traits of an ISFP 7w6 in his marriage dialogue; however, the evidence of this change can be seen even more in his 14-heart event: his book tour letters.

Letter 1:

"I begin the tour this evening, at a local bookstore. I must admit, I'm becoming a bit nervous at the thought of public speaking…"

Letter 2:

"I miss you very much. Remember to eat well! Oh, and don't forget the leftover crab cakes I put in the fridge…"

Letter 3:

"Last night in Zuzu City was quite the experience! It seems there's a large literary scene here… a few dozen people showed up at my reading! I even signed a couple of autographs… it's strange to be seen as someone important. It's all a matter of framing, a grand illusion… for truly I am no one special. Only your devoted Elliott, as always."

Letter 4:

"In dreams, when graced with lofty view I gaze upon the sunlit sea What distant shores I've traveled to But time now clouds my memory There is but one eternal place Where I shall someday pass beyond In Valley dear, where my love waits: Our little home beside the pond" -Elliott

Letter 5:

"I won't bore you with any more details about my readings. They are mostly the same. I'm sure your time has been much more exciting! I can't wait to return and see what progress has been made...There's a lot to enjoy! Just don't stay out too late in the mines, my love. It's dangerous in there! If you must go… bring plenty of food."

Letter 6:

"This will be my last letter before I return home. I've had a fine trip… though nothing too exciting. It's been nice to meet people who enjoy my work, but I'm eager to return home. I look forward to the comfort of our little house, the satisfying farm work, a home-cooked meal, and most of all, cozying into the flannel sheets with you."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Conclusion

During my first playthrough, I had an unconscious bias towards Elliott. I believed that handsome men who took pride in their physical appearance, and/or spoke in a more romantic, flowery way automatically had something to hide.

Though that IS sometimes the case, it isn’t always, and I think that’s what made exploring Elliott’s character a surprising one for me.

His superficial traits rubbed me the wrong way, and I thought of him as nothing more than a self-centred, pompous, melodramatic ladies' man.

However, once I got to know him better throughout the game, I saw him not as suspicious but as a deeply passionate and highly motivated individual, who despite wrestling with his feelings of shame and unworthiness, is still unapologetically true to himself and his values despite the odds and adversity.

I think that’s how his character was meant to be written, and that subversion of expectation throughout the game made learning about Elliott so genuinely fascinating.

He's not everyone's cup of tea, but based on what we know about him, his personality, and his journey throughout the game, he has much more to offer than what first impressions might imply.

--------------------------------------------------------------------- References:

Personality Hunt: ISFP 4w3 - The Complete Guide Merriam-Webster Dictionary: "Romantic" Definition Making Mindfulness Fun: Enneagram Shame Triad Personality Hunt: ISFP 7w6 - The Complete Guide

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