#he helped her grow so much i love it

[autumnoakes]

okay but going back to zagreus and melinoë for a second... i think when they meet they're going to have a LOT to work on with each other if they're going to get along. zagreus likes to push boundaries and he doesn't like leaving things unresolved if there's something he can do about it and melinoë is a LOT like hades in so many ways (temperment and sometimes her tone in particular). they're going to get on each others' nerves. they're going to drive each other up the wall. they're going to need time to get to know each other and understand each other and they might not get the chance to during hades 2 (what with mel's task seeming pretty nonstop. i know she's a goddess but girl don't you get tired???).

[bearimba]

Silver doesn't need another father. He's already got one of those, technically, but the man turned out to be a weak, cowardly bastard who couldn't face his own problems let alone raise a child. The way he sees it, there's no need to set himself for more disappointment. He's got a roof over his head and food to eat, and that's far more than he could ever depend on in the last... however many years he'd been living on the streets. Lance and Clair are annoying as hell, but while he's training in the Dragon Den, he doesn't exactly have much room to complain. Not out loud, anyways.

Lance doesn't particularly want to be a dad either. He's already got too much responsibility on his plate as Champion, and this kid clearly needs so much more emotional support than he feels like he can provide. Simply convincing him to move into his guest room was enough of a struggle, and it only really worked because Lance had promised Silver he could "earn" his keep. What the hell is up with that, anyways? He's not sure what Silver's past looks like, and he's not about to go prying, but the bare minimum he can do is make sure he doesn't have to rough it out in the woods anymore. At least Clair seems to be having fun training him...

Clair is more than ready to be an aunt. The other two refuse to admit to caring for each other, but unlike them, she's not afraid of something as stupid as her emotions. The brat's slowly but surely been mellowing out during his training, and her idiot cousin has actually been taking care of himself for once in order to be a "good example." Silver has even caught on to calling Lance "old man" like she does, on account of those ugly-ass reading glasses the all-mighty Champion has to wear, and she couldn't be prouder. Best part is, she doesn't have to spend a dime except to treat the kid every so often! That's a win in her book if ever there was one.

[bumblingbabooshka]

I hate when Chakotay is watered down to be Janeway's yes man because their disagreements are actually very interesting. [A lot of rambling analysis of this debate in particular below]

Chakotay in Parallax is very interesting in that he has to navigate a lot of different dynamics. Balance a lot of plates while being watched keenly by everyone around him. Immediately preceding this scene we see him ask B'Elanna for her opinion on the bridge - both as a chance to show her knowledge in his bid to make her chief engineer (because she wouldn't get a chance to otherwise as Janeway has clearly indicated that at this point she views B'Elanna as a troublemaker who won't be considered for the position) and because he just thinks she's a better engineer than Carey and wants the best possible chance of them succeeding. Janeway sees this as unacceptable. Carey is the chief engineer and so he should be called and Chakotay NOT asking for his opinion is an insult to Carey, Janeway, and might make the crew doubt Chakotay (and by extension the Maquis') loyalty to the Starfleet crew.

At this point it seems that to Janeway integration ["They're not your people"] means the path of least resistance, specifically tailored towards the Starfleet crew. She wants Chakotay by her side to keep the Maquis crew calm but also seems unwilling to consider them for important positions aboard the ship. Though she says that the Maquis are not Chakotay's people, not his crew, she certainly doesn't seem to consider them hers [Compare this to later instances where she stresses 'our' crew, here she simply says they aren't Chakotay's: Whose crew are they? Are they crew at all?]. This less leaves the impression of "We need to be a cohesive team" and more "You're not in charge here." She essentially accuses Chakotay of playing favorites. In her mind Chakotay's actions are not conducive to integrating the crews which would (again, in her mind) mean the Maquis being docile and accepting, obedient and content - not making trouble for the Starfleet crew. Chakotay counters Janeway's accusation with one of his own: That he IS trying to integrate them into the crew but her not allowing the Maquis any opportunity to prove themselves or succeed, not showing any trust in any of them (except, implicitly at this point, him) is making things difficult. At this point the Maquis crew are ready to mutiny on his word at any time. He knows this for a fact. Aside from that looming threat (the threat being that tensions are high and if nothing changes and they remain high there might be a mutiny even without his word) - Chakotay knows these people and trusts them. Though Starfleet and Janeway think of the Maquis as a violent bunch of criminal terrorists, Chakotay and a good number of the Maquis joined because they believed in the cause they were fighting for. These are people Chakotay knows WILL fight fiercely for what they believe in and conversely, AGAINST what they perceive as injustice. Even if they're not in the majority - they're used to picking fights which seem impossible to win. At this point Janeway admits that she ISN'T making it easy for Chakotay to integrate the Maquis - specifically talking about practical concerns; how she doesn't feel she can let Maquis crew have roles of importance on the ship because they lack the ability to hold them. "They don't have the discipline, they don't have the training," - asserting that they just aren't prepared for any such roles and it doesn't have to do with them being Maquis specifically. Ostensibly, she's treating them as she might treat anyone unqualified for the job.

Chakotay maintains that some of them, like B'Elanna, have the ability to be trained - challenging her point by saying that IF they're trained there's no reason for any Maquis member NOT to be given a more prominent role on the ship. He isn't suggesting they just unqualified people important jobs. If the problem is that they aren't trained, let's train them. These people have the ability to succeed if you give them the tools they need and a fair chance, he insists. Janeway then switches gears and her argument becomes not "The Maquis are untrained so they can't be given those jobs" but "The Maquis crew are unworthy of those jobs when compared to Starfleet personnel" saying that it'll cause insult and upset among the Starfleet crew if any member of the Maquis were to be promoted above them. Again, her idea of integration is based more on Maquis subservience to the Starfleet crew than it is the two crews working together. (Not that I believe she looks at it that way, it's just where her 'path of least resistance' leads) - though she accuses Chakotay of being too focused on "his" crew, she is admitting here that she believes her real crew are the Starfleet officers aboard, not the Maquis. She also admits here that the system she wishes to maintain (and is asking Chakotay to enforce) is one where there will ostensibly never be any chance of a Maquis crew member being promoted because no Maquis crew member will ever be more qualified, more worthy, than a member of Starfleet. We can see how it'd be difficult for Chakotay to convince his crew to remain calm under these circumstances. There's also Tuvok's behavior toward him at the beginning of the episode where the Vulcan nearly goes over Chakotay's head and when he doesn't do so (as Chakotay reminds him that HE'S the superior officer, the First Officer in fact,) Tuvok acts as if him backing down (partially) and conceding (partially) to Chakotay's authority is a favor to Chakotay.

Tuvok in this conversation is downright insubordinate to Chakotay. Despite Chakotay being the first officer, he doesn't take what he says seriously, argues that his own opinion on what should be done should be followed rather than Chakotay's, lectures the first officer about his conduct, and then almost seems to threaten him with a report. In Starfleet's rigidly hierarchical rules, acting like this to a superior officer (ESPECIALLY the first officer) wouldn't be tolerated and Tuvok knows this perfectly well. He isn't a rebellious character and clearly in other episodes adheres to these Starfleet hierarchies and codes of conduct very strictly. He values them highly. But Chakotay, a Maquis, shouldn't be First Officer. Why should he be given respect for a title he didn't earn? [Affirming Janeway's argument about how Starfleet officers won't be eager to follow a Maquis senior officer] Even though Chakotay tells Tuvok off for it ["I don't have to explain myself to you"] he doesn't threaten to put Tuvok on report or explicitly mention his insubordination. It's unclear if this is Chakotay's personality or if he just doesn't feel he CAN do that. Tuvok is one of the three most senior officers aboard and very close to Janeway. Chakotay has to think of the optics of any situation at all times - we see seconds after this conversation that rumors have already started swirling around B'Elanna being relegated to quarters that've fanned the flames of mutiny. Though we know Tuvok has personal reasons for behaving the way he does toward Chakotay (which he later admits), I really don't think it'd be out of the ordinary for this to be how most Starfleet personnel would treat the Maquis if they weren't outright hostile: Like they're only pretend crewmen. To a lesser extent we even see this with Janeway: In the following staff meeting, she clearly doesn't consider B'Elanna a viable option when Chakotay brings her up and almost ignores the suggestion entirely.

It also, again, leaves Chakotay in an impossible position. If he doesn't protect and fight for the Maquis crew, they won't ever be considered a true part of the crew and dissatisfaction will likely spread among them. Dissatisfaction which the Starfleet crew will then use to further label the Maquis as insubordinate, uncontrollable, unfit. Not to mention that if he doesn't advocate for them, he might lose their trust. However, if he DOES try to help the Maquis crew advance the Starfleet crew will view this as 'favoritism' and will further distrust him, won't respect the people he puts forth as worthy. Janeway seems to be intent on not advocating for any of the Maquis crew and also seems unwilling to ask that the Starfleet crew grant leniency. She implies that the Maquis crew need to learn to get in line and keep quiet and it seems almost like [we must remember the optics] she has Chakotay as the only Maquis in a position of power to facilitate that. Chakotay recognizes and pushes against that, saying that he won't just be her token Maquis - there only so she can point to him and say "See? We don't discriminate against the Maquis here." effectively a tool used to shut down any arguments of unfair treatment and a tool to quell the Maquis if any talk of mutiny DOES arise. In this model, Janeway can just tell Chakotay to calm them down and they'll listen because they trust him. She also doesn't have to really listen to anything he says: A token First Officer has no authority; his words don't hold weight. [Chakotay isn't Maquis anymore, they aren't his crew anymore - ok. What is he then? What are they? Nothing, without respect.] This plan seems untenable, as much as Janeway frames it as sensible: "I can't make it easy, Commander. Surely you can understand that," and alternatives as impossible "How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as their superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?" - in the long run, how would this be sustainable? In any power structure, you cannot expect a group of people you're unwilling to grant trust or agency to obediently follow you forever. This proposed form of 'integration' in which the Maquis are kept on the bottom rung and told intermittently to stay there quietly by the only one of them granted permission to stand at the top would never be sustainable - especially with a group like the Maquis who again, were founded on the belief that its members should fight against inequity and are already on the verge of mutiny.

I specifically find the statement "How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as their superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?" to be interesting because personally I'd say that being forced together for the rest of almost everyone's natural life is a pretty good reason to ask people to adapt and Janeway does understand this but only applies it to the Maquis - the Maquis are the ones who have to adapt, not Starfleet. The only thing the Starfleet crew have to do is tolerate their presence on board.

At this point Janeway again claims that if Chakotay can show her a 'qualified' Maquis candidate she'll consider them. I believe this is true but we already know that Janeway's standards for qualification will likely not fit the vast majority of the Maquis and Chakotay ignores the claim in favor of putting forth B'Elanna again, firmly. Janeway predictably dismisses her as unqualified and Chakotay disagrees, arguing that he knows her. He's worked with her. He KNOWS that B'Elanna can excel at the job even if she doesn't meet Starfleet/Janeway's qualifications. He doesn't value those qualifications over what he's observed about her - just as he didn't value Carey's title over what he knew about the gap between his and B'Elanna's abilities. Then, Chakotay switches gears. He admits that Janeway's right - he does view the Maquis as his crew but that's because Janeway (almost self admittingly) doesn't and if he doesn't, who will they have? [What kind of captain, kind of man, would he be?] "You're going to have to give them more authority if you want their loyalty." "Theirs or yours, Commander?" Janeway frames Chakotay's words pointing out the flaws in this plan which I outlined earlier, as almost a threat (if she doesn't have Chakotay's loyalty it'll most definitely mean mutiny). Chakotay asserts that it wasn't a threat, he's only trying to help by telling her how the Maquis crew will react to what she's telling him. "I'm sorry you can't see that" - not an apology for what he said but that she isn't willing to budge, not willing to listen to him and acknowledge that she might be as biased towards her crew as he is towards his. Chakotay is trying his best to acclimate his crew but if Janeway isn't willing to do the same, to talk to her people as he's talking to his, then this will not end well and that isn't a threat. It's just the reality of the situation. He then asks permission to leave, showing he is willing to observe Starfleet protocol (just as when he asked permission to speak freely), and Janeway lets him go, exhaling at the intensity of their debate when alone in her ready room.

[sysig]

Go play pretend on your own (Patreon)

[age-of-moonknight]

“8-Ball,” Vengeance of the Moon Knight (Vol. 2/2024), #5.

Writer: Jed MacKay; Penciler and Inker: Alessandro Cappuccio; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit

[valeffelees]

only bad thing about being in a fandom where one of the characters canonically has wings is the painful lack of classic wingfic. where is my everything's the same but people have bird wings watford au where one day baz notices simon hasn't been grooming his wings bc of an injury to his ribs so he sits on his bed and makes a whole fuss about how "i'm not doing this to be nice, snow, your wings are just a travesty to look at" and then proceeds to carefully and lovingly tidy his feathers in drawn out silence while they both pretend grooming someone else's wings isn't one of the most intimate things you can do for another person. will this heartbreak never end

[fluffalpenguin]

bracelet girl day on @arcvmonth is a pretty good reason to post the rinruri comic i drew a few days ago right

(also, rin's hoodie is a ref/continuation to this)

[trashlie]

Sowing the Seeds, Reaping Stalkyoo

It’s no secret that everything about the state of ILY since the Christmas party has been my absolute catnip, everything I’ve waited for and wanted to see. We’ve had delicious flashbacks and peeks into the past, we’ve been indulged with Nol and Kousuke going head to head, the reveals of how Kousuke has been manipulated and drugged, and yes, Nol’s return into his friend’s lives. Quimchee has been delivering something that I didn’t anticipate we’d get for a long time yet - I thought so much of Nol and Shinae’s relationship was being set up for the future, that it wouldn’t take root until then, and yet. 

And yet. 

Ages ago I wrote about the foundations of Stalkyoo, how so much of the framework for their potential feelings and relationship had been carefully laid for feelings to begin to sprout and bloom, anticipating that it would not be until after Nol returns from prison, maybe even until after the timeskip, that those feelings would show themselves. What a fool I was! How could I anticipate that we’d be seeing them so soon, like this?! 

Someone on reddit asked at what point did Stalkyoo begin - the feelings, us shipping, when it began to feel real and possible, and finally I was able to put the words together, to really begin this post that I’ve been dying to make. (This post is an expansion of my response on reddit, hehe) 

I used to waffle a lot on this thought, because if you reread ILY without a romantic lens, there's a lot of things that CAN come across very platonically - but the key is that context always matters, right? To me, a lot of the build up for Stalkyoo has been simply building a foundation so that their own feelings can develop. There's a difference between having feelings and being drawn to each other, but Nol and Shinae HAVE been drawn to each other from the start. While Shinae initially pushes back on Nol's attempt at friendship, by the time they're at the arcade, I think we start seeing the basis of Shinae reciprocating Nol's friendship. Clearly she's only playing along because she wants to get a free meal out of it, but something about Nol and Shinae that I find really interesting is that it really WAS effortless from the beginning! It's just that Shinae has so much trauma about friendships - not only that Alyssa betrayed her and played hot and cold, but that she can't trust her friendship with Maya and Rika is real and she is LITERALLY only there because she knows Maya is scheming. Yet, at the masquerade and the morning after, we see how easy Shinae falls into a rhythm with Nol - but once she catches herself she back pedals.

Something I think we need to clear before we dig into this is the point in which Nol went from trying to play cupid for Dieter to pursuing Shinae's friendship for himself. I don't think even he was totally aware of it, but when they were at the mall, I think that was a slow changing point for Nol. He could tell that he wasn't going to really be able to play cupid for Dieter (but it didn't stop him from trying) but I think by this point he saw Shinae's facade fully, and how similar it was to his. (I mean, I think he'd already seen this, but this was when it really resonated with him.)

Stalkyoo is really well written in which you can't tell at what point the characters themselves start to have feelings, because that's just the nature of feelings. We can't always pinpoint when we go from feeling friend-ish about someone to when we develop feelings, especially in the case of Nol and Shinae who have SO MUCH ELSE going on that feelings are the furthest thing from their minds. Instead, we see those building blocks, the foundations, the things that LEAD those feelings to grow from platonic to feeling something besides just friendship. It's all the little things! For Shinae, it's that someone was so determinedly persistent, something she hadn't really gotten from her other friends. But more than that, it was the way that Nol saw through her. It was the way Yeonggi evoked the kind of friend she wanted to be but was too afraid to be. It was the safety and security he provided her. 

For Nol, it was the way she always saw him, always picked up on those little details, always took concern. That night she ran into him after work, when she got worried he'd sat outside all evening because she was too harsh, she told herself not to care and yet... she couldn't. She had just drawn these boundaries, but she still had concern for him. Nol isn't used to that. I'm not saying this to shame Soushi and Dieter in any way, but we don't really see them reach out to him, and I think Dieter acknowledged this after Yujing drove away with Rand and unconscious Nol. Nol had just seen the eviction notice in her room, and yet she still buys him ointment and medicine out of worry for him with what little money she has. She took notice of his scuffed knuckles, of his cat scratches healing, asks how he’s handling things after seeing what they’re saying on the media. At the hospital she calls him out on that façade, expressing how much awful it makes her feel so how can he not? 

We get to see these little details culminate, and how that fosters the development of feelings. How can Shinae not be so drawn to this person who has helped her no matter the inconvenience it is to him, who sees through her and calls her out on her bullshit, who took care of her when she was so very vulnerable at the Kim formal? How can Nol not be so drawn to this person who sees him when others make him feel invisible, who makes him feel worthy of her concern and thoughts when so many others have made him feel like he doesn't matter?

It's the way Shinae disarms him and he finds himself unable to lie, revealing a little bit of the real him, admitting a tiny hint of what's going on that he isn't revealing. It's the way he literally inspires her to be a better friend, and to return the favor.

As a reader, the Kim formal and the following hospital scene really sell the plausibility of them through the parallels. We are shown that this early in their friendship, Nol is able to not only comfort Shinae in ways that reach her, but to anticipate her needs (intercepting her coat after Kousuke sends it away). It's not done to say that Kousuke is not a match for her as much as to illuminate why Nol is, to build out that foundation. During a harrowing night when Shinae is completely out of her element and, frankly, terrified, Nol is able to reach her, able to comfort her, and he provides that sense of protection, and in kind, it softens Shinae even more towards him, because now she can see just what a solid friend Nol is, to really take stock of the things he does for her. It also shows us the ways Shinae meets HIS needs in contrast to Alyssa. This is especially important because part of what really fosters Nol's eventual feelings for Shinae is that she sees him, that she feels concern for him, when everyone around him, including the person he's supposed to call his girlfriend, take him for granted.

Nol struggles SO MUCH with self worth and feeling that he matters, that he is anything but a burden (much like Shinae) but also he struggles with feeling that he even deserves this. But then Shinae comes in and gives him a taste of that, and now he can't help it. He opens up, little by little. Not a lot, but he lets her in, tiny bit by bit. She starts to matter. And we can see in episodes like 73, when Nol calls Shinae and they share the parallel pillow hugging phone call, 93 when he admits he can't stop himself from caring and she replaces his earbuds in his ear, 117 and 118 with the chickie nuggie hand holding and the shared earbuds just how Shinae became this person who brings Nol comfort, who has a morphine-effect on him. She becomes a safe space for him. Her comfort towards him fosters that feeling of seeking comfort in her.

At the end of the day, it ultimately is, I think, that they see each other - that they really see each other. Can Shinae see through Nol's facade? Not really - he still has so much that he's yet hidden away. But in a world when he's treated like he's invisible, when others don't reach out, when everyone takes takes takes without giving (and again I'm not faulting people because that's how Nol built these friendships; they weren't supposed to be real, until they accidentally were) she sees him and makes him feel like he matters. And likewise, he inspires her to be a better friend, to take chances with her heart. Ultimately she wouldn't be where she is without him, because while Dieter has also had a substantial role in how Shinae has grown, if not for Nol, she never even could have built that friendship with Dieter.

But also, to bring up my earlier point about that effortlessness, that chemistry has always existed between Nol and Shinae, and once she stopped being so suspicious of him and wary, once he brought her that comfort and security at the formal, we were able to see it more, and how they act on it. I never shut up about how Nol is unable to resist Shinae and it's TRUE. All the times that he tries to avoid her often end with him giving in, turning towards her, revealing something. And likewise she is SO drawn to him that when he starts to pull away, she starts to subconsciously act on that and chase after him, pull him back in. I think there's also something to be said about all the very flirty comments Nol makes towards her that he probably isn't even aware are very flirty - but she is picking up on it. It's that, yes, that attraction is there. Not that I think finding someone is handsome = attraction, but the way she's so embarrassed to voice it feels weighted. Also happening at the formal was that moment where Nol makes Shinae laugh and his eye goes wide - even though I don't think he identified it then, it was a significant moment, probably one that really fostered that attraction, that feeling of how pretty her smile is, ESPECIALLY as someone who had her thick thick walls and he hadn't seen her like that.

Honestly, the entirety of the Kim formal arc really sells the concept of Stalkyoo, despite Nol attending “with” his girlfriend. The parallels in their individual relationships with other significant people show just how compatible they are - Nol banking on a fan taking notice of famous girlfriend Alyssa to give Shinae an escape, that moment when Nol is sent away and Shinae calls out to him and he reaches out before the door closes and he loses the opportunity. It’s that tender moment of Nol doing her make up for her, helping her don her armor in order to blend in. It’s the way she goes straight to Nol after her uncomfortable dance with Kousuke, checking on him because she can tell something is off. They just NOTICE! They GET each other! 

It’s that moment at the bottom of the pool when Nol feels the opportunity to escape, to give in, to stay at the bottom of the pool because there is nothing up there for him - and then there is Shinae, unconscious. It’s Nol donning that uncomfortable mask to bring her to the surface, it’s him denying his ideation because maybe there is, in fact, something for him up there. It’s that Nol is still here because of Shinae. 

How can she not be so significant to him? How could he fight the development of those feelings when she literally is the reason he is still alive? 

IT'S JUST. IT'S ALL OF THAT AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH there's not really one point so much as all along the bricks in the foundation are being laid, the seeds are sown. The structure is going up, the seeds are sprouting. We see the results of that foundation as it fosters these feelings, as it takes these small but significant things and turns them into something grander, until one day Nol is taking comfort on her shoulder, feeling the most at peace he has in a long time, until one day Shinae is crying in the rain chasing after him in absolute desperate fear to not lose him to not lose this. There isn't one moment but, instead, a series of so many moments that build and grow and layer upon each other until one day they are dancing around feelings they weren't aware of until now.

And it's beautiful sobs.

And now that those seeds have sprouted, those feelings have been fostered, they make themselves known. It’s not only Yeonggi that Shinae is drawn to. Yes, that was initially the version of him she knew, who fostered those feelings, but even when he returns to her as Nol - so intense, so unlike Yeonggi - we see the attraction come forth. Rather than Yeonggi, it’s Nol who embodies those aspects of Rand that Shinae finds so attractive - the assertiveness, the intensity - and when Nol stands before her this way, she doesn’t balk. She doesn’t back away. In fact, it’s only when he makes this version of himself known that we start to see her getting flustered, that her heart starts pounding. It’s that intense gaze that she can’t hold, that causes her cheeks to actually flush. 

He tells her that his relationship with Alyssa is a shame, that she doesn’t mean anything to him, and it’s like all the boundaries have fallen away. The things she used to call him out on have fallen wayside - she offers him a dance. Though she’s always known that Nol and Kousuke don’t get along, she finally gets a glimpse at how bad it is, how much bad blood is between them. 

It’s the way she becomes a grounding rod who interrupts his panic, his anger, who brings him a moment of calm. 

In nearly losing him that night, Shinae’s feelings wake up even stronger than ever. She’s already nearly lost him, to nearly lose him this way, in a way that can never be undone... It’s understandable, why she’s keeping vigil. 

It’s both Nol and Shinae hating hospitals, finding them to be so uncomfortable, places they don’t want to stay in, but still standing by - Nol outside her door at Hirahara Memorial of all places, Shinae at his bedside waiting waiting waiting. It’s being in a place full of such horrible memories but finding refuge and comfort in each other. As precious at 219 is for Nol’s birthday party, for the flirtations, for the exchanged gazes - the moment Nol wakes up and his panic is quelled when he finds her dozing on the side of his bed is SO important to me. Those moments they share together before anyone else finds out he’s awake feels like the most real they’ve been with each other - no fronts, no masks. It’s them sitting in the place they’d rather never be again, comfortable because of each others’ presence, because of all those experiences before that have cultivated the ability to find comfort in each other. 

Security with each other. 

The foundation was laid out so beautifully. The seeds were sown and now we watch them sprout, hoping we’ll get a chance to see what comes of them, what grows in this space fostered by them. 

God I love them so much sobs 

[lilcathsmith]

Greg in every episode of CSI (87/328) • Down The Drain •

[siren--squid]

Going Through It in a way that only danvis can fix I think

[ssaraexposs]

THAT'S IT. THIS SCENE IS A MASTERPIECE.

WORDS CANNOT EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE IT.

[persicipen]

totally normal behaviour of me trying to guess tamsy’s backstory from single panels scattered across over 100 chapters lol

[ilovefredjones]

maddox you should’ve had emmy’s solo i’m so sorry

[carewyncromwell]

"There's a bond that exists between mother and child --

Ah, but then again...how would you know?"

~"After All" from Ever After (musical)

x~x~x~x

Tristan Cromwell never knew his mother. She’d died bringing him into the world. Even so, he’d heard all about her from his father, Blaise, from the time he was very small. An objective witness of the young woman’s life, however, could’ve noted a few discrepancies.

“That’s Marianne. That’s your mother.” “That’s your mother there, on the right. She was the youngest in her family, same as you and me.”

Marianne Fudge-Cromwell was actually the second youngest. Her youngest brother Frederick is a Squib, living alone happily in Suffolk with a Saint Bernard named George.

“…I was sure to mention to your great-uncle Cornelius how much you've grown -- how much you resemble your mother…”

If one were to simply describe Tristan and Marianne, then they would think they looked very alike. They both had dark hair, slender builds, delicate features, and long-fingered hands. If Marianne’s uncle Cornelius Fudge had ever actually met Tristan, however, he wouldn’t have thought they resembled each other much at all — his youngest niece had never been as gaunt and pale as her son. However thin she may have been, Marianne had always had youthful chubbiness in her face, and however porcelain her skin may have been, her cheeks were always pink and sweet. She was also quite small at 5'6", while Tristan was tall and gangling. As an adult the boy even ended up an inch taller than his own father. On top of all this, the stiff, proud way Tristan held himself mirrored his father Blaise completely. Marianne had always been the sort to keep her shoulders and head down and generally make herself seem even smaller than she was.

“You’ll be staying inside where it’s safe. Now take your workbook and go sit in your mother’s armchair. She loved reading by that window; I daresay you will as well.”

Marianne placed her reading chair in that spot because the window neighbored her real favorite place at Cromwell Manor: the garden. Blaise had encouraged her to read indoors more while she was pregnant out of concern for her health, so this was the best way she could keep an eye on her white rose bushes while staying indoors.

“Of course your mother loved music. She had a beautiful singing voice…like a songbird in May. And she was proud of it — she would only ever share it with the most deserving. And she only ever sang duets with me.”

Marianne was so deathly shy that she only sang for people she felt comfortable with. The first time Blaise heard her sing, it was because he’d overheard her when she thought she was alone, tending to some flowers. On the flip side, Marianne was incredibly fond of Blaise’s voice, when they were first courting — she even in some letters rambled romantically about his heavenly Tenor serenades.

“You have no other ‘grandfather,’ son. Your mother’s parents passed when she was quite little — even younger than you.”

This is one of the few things Blaise told Tristan that is entirely true. Marianne and her sisters were largely passed around to various family members, including their uncle Cornelius and his wife, when they were not away at Hogwarts. Poor Frederick was shunted to the side, left mainly in the custody of their grandparents when outside of Muggle grade school and then kind of cut loose after graduating. Perhaps this is why Marianne was so desperate for some sort of stability and comfort…

“Your mother’s sisters grew…distant, after your mother’s death. They stopped coming to see you, not long after you were born. Quite frankly, I’d say you’re better off without them in your life.”

Emma and Elizabeth Fudge had never liked Blaise, even when their sister Marianne was most charmed by him. This was in part due to the age and therefore maturity difference between them and Marianne -- Elizabeth had been seven when Marianne was born, and Emma had already started at Hogwarts by the time their brother Frederick was born a year later. They stopped coming to see Tristan because it required them to make arrangements with Blaise ahead of time to come to the Cromwell Manor. And considering Blaise thought the two women would be a bad influence on his son, since they would inevitably try to “challenge his parenting,” he gave them almost no openings to come and visit. Eventually the two witches sadly gave up trying.

“There would be no point in me marrying again. Marianne was my other half and soulmate, and her final gift to me was you, my son and heir. I would not disgrace her memory by marrying a second time.”

Marianne married Blaise after just turning 18, while he was 37. Blaise had not married sooner because he’d been too picky about potential matches, so he'd only started actively searching after his father Charles finally put his foot down and demanded that Blaise marry and produce an heir. Blaise selected Marianne in large part because of her innocence, which made him want to “protect” her from the evils of the world and treat her like his own precious treasure to cherish and keep under lock and key. At first Marianne was enthralled by this, loving the idea of a wealthy man who would provide for her, care for her, and be completely loyal and devoted to her. Plus his dashing good looks was a plus. These favorable points of Blaise's soured in Marianne’s mind, though, after she became pregnant with Tristan right after her and Blaise's honeymoon.

"Your mother was in very poor health long before she gave birth to you. She stayed alive just long enough to make sure she saw your face, even if it was just the once."

Disregarding the usual childhood illnesses of Black Cat Flu and the like, Marianne's health had been fine prior to moving to the Cromwell estate. The decline really seemed to come about after her move and the suffocating isolation that ensued from it. She began to eat less, even while having to eat for two, and she often ate superficially, leaning more on salty, sugary things that could offer her some small bit of cheer, far more than anything that would give her any real strength. Over time the stress of dealing with Blaise's obsessive control and flashes of rage took its toll as well. Marianne's high blood pressure, when combined with her young age, was ultimately what helped contribute to the excessive bleeding that accompanied Tristan's birth and led to Marianne's death. However much Blaise may have seen how unhappy and unwell his wife was and however much he may have truly wanted to help, the only way he'd ever learned how to love someone else was through micromanagement and possessiveness. And so the more he tried to love Marianne, the more he only served to hurt her.

"Your mother was an angel long before she left us." "I will not hear you complain a moment longer. I never complained, when my father told me to stay at home, and your mother likewise minded me. She knew her duty to me and to this family, and so do you." “Your mother was a saint, Tristan. Don’t you dare let anyone ever insinuate otherwise.”

Oh, far from it. Marianne was a rather stupid and immature person, quite truthfully. She'd never had great marks at Hogwarts, not just because of her distinctly average magical talent, but because of her flightiness about studying and her tendency to tune out in class when her stuffy old professors didn't maintain her interest. She'd had little intellectual curiosity aside from superficial homely matters, such as maintaining a garden or embroidery. Her favorite aspect of Hogwarts weren't the spells or classes or group activities, but instead the way everything was cooked and cleaned for her, so she could focus on other (and, to her view, more important) things. She'd been rather lonely growing up, since her sisters had been so much older than her, so she never became versed in making friends or reading people overall. She was even a bit eccentric, giving all of her flowers names and talking to them the way many people would their pets. She'd named the Fanged Geranium in the Hufflepuff commonroom Audrey.

Most of all, though, Marianne was naive. She never could've predicted just how many strings would be attached to Blaise's love, nor how quickly they would tangle around her and leave her feeling helpless, isolated, and depressed in this place that should've been a home, but now felt more like a prison. She'd made excuses for Blaise to her family while they were courting with the thought that any of his rougher edges would smooth themselves out once they were married, but soon it became clear they never would. If she'd lived longer, it's not improbable that Marianne might've turned to the bottle or some other method of escaping her worries. Had she not been so trapped inside the Cromwell estate, perhaps she might've tried having an affair while her husband was out, just as something to cheer her up. Maybe that affair could've led her to another man who would've "rescued" her from this marriage she'd so hastily agreed to. Maybe she could've taken her son with her. Maybe she wouldn't have -- after all, Blaise and the rest of the Cromwells wouldn't have rested until they'd gotten him back. She didn't know how good of a mother she'd even be anyway -- maybe her son would be better off at least being provided for. Or maybe he'd be better off with some other family, living a normal, happy life somewhere else -- with one of her sisters, hell, maybe even her brother! Frederick had always been a natural with younger children. Honestly, it's doubtful Marianne had ever thought that far ahead, considering she'd given up any real hope of finding anything better.

Perhaps this is why Marianne didn't stay behind as a ghost, even after dying so young and tragically. If she hadn't gone on when she did, she would've been stuck haunting the prison that was Cromwell Manor for the remainder of her days. At least if she had to go...when she finally saw her son again, it would be in freedom.

"Fafa...did Mama love me too?" "Yes, my son. With all her heart, son."

The other rare thing Blaise told Tristan that was completely true.

[waywardsalt]

was going through my blog trying to track down an old post i made talking abt my feelings on jolene and it was. much longer than i remembered it being. and haha yeah i still agree with it. i need to fucking. sort out my feelings on that character and that subplot

[sesamestreep]

Din Djarin, 30

30. was it worth it? (from this list) further adventures in that modern au with anti-social baseball cap wearing single dad din djarin because i have no idea what's happening on the show anymore, let's doooo this

Once Din pulls into the driveway, he cuts the engine and sends up a tentative prayer to the universe that the sound is not enough to wake Grogu up. The kid is zonked out in his booster seat in the back, clutching the stuffed animal Din had won him at the fair—at the booth where you shoot a target with a water pistol to make it move, of course, because his aim is still worth writing home about after all these years—and seemingly unbothered by the sudden quiet. Din breathes a sigh of relief and then shifts his focus to the daunting task of trying to get this kid out of his seat, up two flights of stairs, and into the apartment without somehow waking him. It's not going to be easy.

With another sigh, Din opens the door and keeps it there with his foot as he digs around in the center console for his phone and his wallet before pulling the keys out of the ignition. Belatedly, he sees the golden light pouring from the open garage door and realizes Cal must be working in there still. Before Din can properly catch up, Cal is already outside and on his way over.

"I'll uh," Din says, as he gets out, gesturing back at the car, "I'll get this out of your way in a few, I just gotta get the kid upstairs first."

Cal shakes his head, already smiling. "No rush," he says, easily. "We're not going anywhere. And besides, you're always up early anyway. Do it in the morning."

"I don't want to block you all in, if you need to—"

"Like I said, we're not going anywhere. It's fine."

"Well—”

"I'll ask Merrin, if it'll make you feel better! But she will definitely also say it's fine."

Merrin is Cal's—well, Din isn't sure if they're married or not. Cal doesn't wear a ring and Merrin wears dozens, so it's hard to tell. They're definitely a couple, because they do that seamless first person plural thing all the time when they talk about each other, but if they happen to refer to each other in the third person, they just use each other's names, rather than “my spouse” or “my partner”, except for the time Cal—perhaps accidentally—referred to her as "my Merrin" and she made a face and mimed punching him in the stomach for it. They live on the first floor and generally manage the property because they know the owner, which means Cal has all of his tools and his work bench in the garage for his various projects and Merrin tends to the garden out back, which grows a bunch of vegetables and strange plants that Din isn't convinced should be able to survive in this climate. He suspects she has a way with these things but has never bothered to ask about it.

"I'll take your word for it," Din says, reluctantly. "And I appreciate it."

"No problem," Cal replies. "Need any help?"

Din opens the door and starts unbuckling Grogu from his seat. "Uh, I think I'm alright, but thanks."

Cal leans slightly back, so as not to be in the way when Din gently lifts Grogu out of the car and tucks him over his shoulder. "Wow, you really tuckered him out, huh?"

"Yeah. We went to the fair, the, uh, Apple and Trout something or other...?"

Cal laughs. "Peach and Chowder Festival," he corrects. "I know it well."

"This is a strange town."

"I know that too. Looks like you did alright, though."

"Yeah," Din says, gingerly lifting the tail of the stuffed shark in acknowledgement. Another parent at the booth had claimed it was a knockoff of some famous trademarked shark but Din doesn't know about all that. He only knows it was the next best thing in Grogu's mind when there were no frog or lizard plushes to be won. "He's happy, at least."

Cal tips his head to the side, curiously. "You didn't enjoy yourself?"

"Ah, well, you know...crowds and lots of noise and kids all hopped up on sugar...that's not really my thing. But it's not about me, it's about him, so..."

"Yeah," Cal says, with a small smile. He puts a hand gently on Grogu's back. "Bet that makes it all worth it, huh?"

Din suddenly feels very stupid for never bothering to ask Cal or Merrin if they have kids. He’s never been great at that stuff, asking the right questions to really get to know people, and so he can only guess what their situation is. He thinks they're about his age, give or take a few years, and that means they're young enough that, if they had any children, he expects they'd still be living together, but he's not sure about that. They could have kids old enough to be living on their own, he supposes. And they've always been kind to Grogu, never once making a snide comment about him not talking much or needing his space sometimes, the way some other folks do. Sometimes, Cal will even let the kid hang out in the garage to watch him work, waving away Din's concerns about him being too much trouble by pointing to Beady, the cat that's almost always curled up around his neck or perched on his shoulder.

"If I can work with this one around," Cal's fond of saying, "your son's no bother."

Still, Din's not sure how exactly to ask that politely—if they have children of their own or not—especially if the answer is more complicated than a simple yes or no. And there is something complicated and sad about what Cal's expression is doing right now.

"Anyway," he says, cheerfully after a moment, and the expression is gone, tucked away somewhere. "I'll get out of your hair. Just wanted to offer some help if you needed it."

Din clears his throat, thinking about how his therapist is always talking about how he should get better at accepting the kindness other people offer him and also something about how his upbringing had convinced him there's some nobility in suffering needlessly. He probably can get Grogu inside and into bed without any assistance, but it would be easier with help. There had also been a discussion in therapy about depriving people of the satisfaction of showing their love for him by turning down their offers to be of service.

"Actually," he says, feeling foolishly nervous about something so small and seemingly easy, "if you could grab the door for me, that would be a huge help."

"Of course," Cal says, with an easy smile. "Happy to."

"And let’s just, uh, make sure we don't lose the shark,” Din says, as they make their way up the steps. “I don’t think I have it in me to win another one.”