#having an utterly terrible time
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AU where Dick Grayson is just continually suffering: after Jason's attempt to be Gun!Batman results in Jason falling off a bridge, instead of coming back as Red Hood With A Different Helmet, he instead takes a gander at Dick As Batman, Damian As Robin, Stephanie As Batgirl, and goes "Oh we're all trying on each other's mantles, got it," and digs out his old Nightwing suit from Brothers In Blood.
Everything else about Jason's appearances in this Batman & Robin run is exactly the same. He still kills people, picks up a sidekick, and prod relentlessly at the Bats. He's just doing it all as Gun!Nightwing.
#Tim As Red Robin not listed because he's not in town so Jason doesn't see that#might hear about it! but it's not a factor#making Dick continuously do Kermit Crumple Face is the deciding factor for Jason#DC#fic ideas#Jason Todd#being a menace#Dick Grayson#having an utterly terrible time#Nightwing
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am I getting too convoluted if I said Johnny dies Dallas lives n Pony loses his hearing as a result of the way Dallas hits him (to put out the fire) when he pulls him out of the church au??
#idk man#this idea has been rotting in my head for a long time#i have like a terribly rough outline#where basically the events of the book happen exactly as canon up until post church fire#so pony johnny n dallas are in the hospital#n ponys reeling from literally everything that just happened#n he reunites with soda n darry n suddenly realizes like oh fuck#i cannot hear sodas hysterically releived laughter#or darrys voice as he thanks god ponys fine#n then the dr pulls darry aside n tells him that pony has profound hearing loss as a result of an injury sustained during the fire#the last voice he will ever have heard clearly is johnnys#johnny dies canon complicent#but before dallas can get himself shot by the cops darry gets to him first#so dallas survives#pony learns asl from a deaf woman who their family has always been familiar with#since their parents were always real keen on including people that the rest of the world looked down on#dallas has to deal with not only surviors guilt but feeling like he took something from Pony that can never be given back#he has his own arc with the woman#but it basically all boils down to deafness is not the LOSS of something#but rather just the ADDITION of a new community n language n experience#plus dallas learns sign n is just utterly overwhelmed by feelin like his hands can be used for somethin soft n good#UGH#if yall wanna hear more about this lemme know#bc i have been thinking about this for a WHILE#the outsiders#sodapop curtis#ponyboy curtis#darry curtis#dallas winston#the outsiders 1983
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Fox Miraculous - Reimagined:
This is inspired by the fact its "illusions" cannot be seen by cameras. Rather than this being a weakness, its a reflection of the fact most users do not understand the fox.
Name: Trixx Animal: Vulpes Era: Caveasphaera Domain: Mirage and Manifestation Kindred: Horse (Action & Migration) & Butterfly (Transmission & transformation)
Mirage: The Fox is often mistaken for creating illusions, but this is not so, in truth it creates what can be described as hallucinations within a certain range, altering the perspective of those within it to match the imagined perceptions of the user.
Manifestation: The power to manifest one's innermost thoughts, an image, ideas, or more via the Fox can also be applied on others. Just as the Turtles Shield can encase the user or a foe, so two an the Fox manifest a mirage based on the perceptions of someone other than the Holder.
Some Mages Thousands of Years ago: ... and this one lets the handler place hallucinations in someone else's mind, or even externalize their targets thoughts, manifesting them as a sort of shared mirage. Useful for trickery and interrogation.
Trixx, who just got here: Yeah that sounds about right.
(Maybe) Lila/Alya thousands of years later: So what you’re saying is I can use this to make people see the world as I do. That I am essentially eroding the barrier between my perception of the world and theirs, imposing my thoughts, feelings and visions upon the target. Which could allow me to steadily warp and erode their sense of self and view of the world until its either the same as mine, or simply whatever I sculpted them into. Essentially allowing me to steadily overwrite an entire personality and perception of reality? With all it costs me being the risk of my own slower erosion of self as all those around me join together in a panopticon like hivemind?
Trixx & Some Mages Thousands of Years ago:
Note: One can try and reshape people over time, but one cannot always predict the results. So it could go really, really badly.
#miraculous ladybug#mlb#world building#Text post#My work#The epic magic is even more horrifying#Combine horse fox & butterfly#& you can the power to transform the body rewrite the mind of any being anywhere#Nowhere to run nowhere to hide#the target is taken overwritten and changed utterly#The only limits being that the target needs to be or have been a living being with thoughts#The consequences well Let's just say they vary but are all equally fucking terrible#What did you think you could make a wholly new being & not get millions of other new things too?#Diseases dead rising the very nature of your and everyone else's being warped by proximity and more dreadful options abound!#Fox & Butterfly are also a fucking nightmare team up in this context cos it means if one targets the user in their sleep#Or for an extended period of time#It lets one shape their ideal Akuma or Imago#But again instincts exist so you may not get exactly what you intended you may get something far worse#Trixx ain't doing much better than thmage#Trixx: I didn't know I could do this! I never wanted to know I could do this What the fuck!?
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#I struggled so hard today#and for no apparent fucking reason#I struggled with something at work that I've done for the first time while also constantly task switching#and I STILL NOTICED MY MISTAKE#but the fact that I made a mistake in the first place is fucking killing me#I feel like I will be executed for it#it makes my skin crawl#and to know that I'll have to go up to another human being who I respect deeply and be like hey I made a mistake please don't hate me#is the first fucking thing#BUT IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE#part of science is noticing your own mistakes so why is this so terrible to me#I know upbringing bla#yes I was raised to believe that among all other things I'm smart#and I have had this proven to me over and over and over growing up#so when I actually struggle with something I can no longer be smart therefore I am nothing#utterly worthless#and nobody even meant me any harm by telling me I was smart#this is such a STUPID FUCKING problem to have#uh I was told I'm smart#bitch what#yes being yelled at from 10 through 28 by my father for completely unpredictable reasons did not help with me thinking this is terrible#BUT STILL#get your shit together#see and even now I'm beating myself up for struggling with something#URGH#I just want peace and not existential dread whenever I make a mistake that is definitely my fault#personal#so and if you've actually made it till down here I'm giving you a big hug#we'll make it somehow
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#gang i'm gonna do it#i just got myself an appointment with a hairdresser in two hours#i'm going to have short hair again#i was debating it for so long because i miss it#it's either gonna be fun or utterly terrible#but like#it'll grow eventually so not much to loose#but at least i don't really have time to second guess myself with this timeframe#delete later
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go ahead. try and out toxic the most toxic couple out there. (Ludo x SD).
#they are married#they are divorced#they will laugh at you#they are terrible people#they are aware of this#he's her favorite person in the same way you have a favorite action figure#she thinks he's neat#he knows this#he takes advantage whenever he can#he's utterly devoted#he's also fucking stupid#he knows her real name#he will die if he uses it#she uses flash as a secret tracker to know where he is at all times#she's crazy like that#she at the same time would not care if he died#(she would care)#(for like 3 days)#(but it's something)#ludociel#supreme deity#SD#nnt#sds#nanatsu no taizai#seven deadly sins#joni art#more doodles to come
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#i feel like a terrible person for doing this to fancy#and also a terrible person for finding the idea of going back to that emptiness utterly unbearable#i hope meds will help her#the babies are so cute and i don't want to go the rest of my life not having loved Jasper with the scraps left of my heart#he doesn't love me deeply but they don't know how to love humans like that yet#we could do it if we had time#i MISS my little man#i NEED a silly little face to look into mine and love me#i need a boy that looks and is really stupid#do you understand?#i need a little burger boy who just wants to suck on my fingers like some kind of evil but incompetent nocturnal spirit and eat trash
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Delusions (Patreon)
"Could I have your hand, sir?" Max didn't move, which Dexter was, sadly, getting used to.
"Sir?" Max jerked, then turned and stared at him, lost and blank. "Your hand, please."
Max's hand lifted shakily, and he laid it gently in Dexter's upturned palm. Dexter gave a quick and quiet "thank you," then turned it over in his own hand, observing him closely.
Too closely - his knuckles were rough and his fingernails were dull and cracked in places. His once-soft, not-a-day-in-his-life-subjected-to-hard-labour hands were now, already, toughened and split and scarred in places, especially the heel of his palm. He turned it over again, this time to stop looking so intensely. He had only wanted to give it a cursory glance to begin with.
"Do you know what I see, sir?" he asked as conversationally as he could manage, running his fingers along Max's abused flesh. He seemed to be at least half paying attention, his eye gazing down between them, and he'd occasionally twitch, encouragingly Dexter thought. He seemed to want to curl around him, then stopped and shook, his hand squeezing into a fist. Dexter coaxed him back out, encouraged him to hold himself lightly.
"What do you see?" He was almost startled by Max actually continuing their conversation, that happened so rarely now, shaking and quiet as it was. He took a deep breath, was he really going to do this?
"I see a hand, with five fingers." Max remained quiet, though his brow curled, and a guarded look came into his eye, though he still wasn't looking at Dexter. He felt a pang of guilt, but he had to try. "What do you see?"
Max's eye unfocused and began to water. He looked up, but not enough to reach Dexter's gaze in return, instead staring through his chest, and he felt just as hollow and empty as he must look to him.
"Do you take me for a fool, DAX?" Quiet and as close to angry as he'd heard since they'd been here.
No, not angry.
Betrayed.
He swallowed down the stinging lump at the back of his throat. He had to put on a brave face, had to keep his composure if he wanted Max to get better. That was the only thing he wanted, more than anything.
"Of course not, sir. Genuinely, what do you see?"
Max pulled his hand away and turned his body, his bandaged side facing Dexter. Shutting him out, pointedly. Dexter's empty hand curled into a fist, he was no better.
"Please, don't..." Max took a shallow, shuddering breath, and several beats before he spoke again, even quieter. "Don't ridicule me." Dexter could hear his breath catch, and he wanted nothing more than for this all to just stop.
"Sir, I didn't-"
"I've had enough of that." He shook his head stiffly, the action strange and wrong, like he had forgotten how. He stilled, his head turned even further away. "More than enough."
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#Dexter Favin#And a drabble-fic under the cut#I ended up writing that the night after I read - I was a bit too inspired while busy so it's a little on the unfocused side haha#I would've cleaned it but I worry it wouldn't make it out of that stage! Please enjoy it for now <3#This set is mostly periphery ideas - inspired by events rather than directly shown ♪ I suppose the first two kinda count tho#But they're more directly of the little scene I wrote ouò Poor ZEX </3#And Dex! He's usually so capable! But he's stretching himself so thin ahh it's hard to watch in the best way#Of course he doesn't want to give ''Max'' over to just anyone - anyone at all really - both of their trusts have bottomed out#But how much could he reasonably care for him in that state? When he's still being actively haunted and most importantly - Not Max#He needs helps he needs support he needs to sleep and shower but a second with his eyes off Max and - then what? He'll immolate from fear#It's hard to imagine him crying but pushed to this extreme? To the thought of losing Max utterly and completely? Hhhhh#I do also just love him being possessive even outside of how terrible the situation is - he's always had his glimpses but this situation#Brings out the worst in him <3 In terrible ways#Really his method is just setting ''Max'' up nearby and prompting him over the sound of the shower like that's not nerve-wracking at all#Like he already doesn't answer half the time if that#As for the mini fic I was really interested in Dex's line about indulging ''Max's'' delusions#Apart from the fact that they're not delusions - not that anyone believes him outside of the Institute - what it means to indulge is weird#I saw one example of how to handle delusions that stuck with me - how not to deny them outright while also not reinforcing them#Since it's not actually helpful to be told ''That isn't Really happening to you'' when to you - to ZEX - it really is! How invalidating#And so rather to take the approach of ''I don't see/feel/hear what you are - I can't find any evidence of it myself'' and extrapolating#Dex taking the approach of ''What reality are you experiencing right now?'' and trying to build from there!#Unfortunately ZEX has already been treated like....well like all that - he's not in the mood for games even well-intentioned ones#He /knows/ he's in a human body. He can feel that and see that and understands that. It doesn't change who - what he /is/#The idea of a completely broken ZEX is so sad to me :( He's so strong and prideful and vivacious - Max really is another him </3#It's not the same but he was saved from death! To fall into torture... But even despite that I want to see him succeed! As much as he can#Even in that small and shaking way I want to see him be hateful and spiteful - angry. Powerful <3 Fighting ♥
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Well, on the upside, Veilguard’s absolutely horrid writing and utter lack of meaningful roleplay mechanics made me appreciate Inquisition’s already watered-down writing and roleplay mechanics.
#Emmrich���s pretty much the only decent companion but my god.#This game feels like a daycare simulator.#No option but to be nice to and validate everyone even when they’re being objectively awful themselves (looking at Taash in particular)#The stakes should feel high but instead I just feel like I’m babysitting toddlers#And normally I’m a completionist who loves doing all the quests but the game actively forces you into it#You HAVE to recruit all the companions; you HAVE to baby and validate them all; you HAVE to complete all their quests#No option to even mention the supposed Dire Stakes of the universe.#The game treats you like you’re seven and over-explains everything to you. The maps are terrible even if they look good.#The voice acting for a few companions is… questionable.#For a game we waited ten years for it feels like someone’s rough/unfinished first draft.#And again no truly meaningful roleplay choices or actions.#The game just forces you to be nice to everyone. Rook feels like an inveterate spectator and an invertebrate to boot. Utterly spineless.#Every time we see a returning companion I feel like Hadvar: ‘Who… are you?’#Because they act nothing like their previously established personalities & it’s like Veilguard goes out of its way to ignore previous games#The head writer’s self-insert is painfully obvious and atrociously-written in particular#You can only be a Good Nice Guy#Maybe sometimes a Stern Nice Guy and very occasionally a Nice Guy Who Thinks He’s Funny But Isn’t#Just! My god.#I want to return the game. For the first time ever in my life.#So disappointed.#text#chey.txt
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If anyone's wondering if I like Veilguard...
I'm halfway through my Third playthrough so Yeah. Yeah I like it.
#I've got my irks and hmms about it but over all. Having a good time.#the gameplay is REALLY fun though I continue to be utterly terrible at blocking/parrying I think I've succesfully parried all of 3 times#across all playthroughs lmao#I got a 'perfect' game the first time and now I can't bring myself to do a Fuck Up Shitty Bad Time Run. Keep getting attached to my Rooks.#megs rambles
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Hello, Forgive me for spamming your blog. I saw your pfp was tfp megatron and then realized your blog was as high quality as the pfp. 👌
My ask is whats your fave transformer and from what universe?
Ah, no worries! I'm glad to hear my blog is filled with scrumptious content! About who is my favourite tansformer. Well, it would be easier to answer who isn't my favourite ifbvkdjfv
I'm a TFP girlie through and through. Prime has been my comfort show since like 2011 and I continue to rewatch it year after year even now. I have indulged in other Transformers media, too, most notably the Bay movies, War for Cybertron, Robots in Disguise and the OG series, tho nothing would come even close to my love for TFP. I truly do think this is the best Transformers incarnation in franchise ever created.
About the fav character (aside from the obvious picks like Optimus and Megatron), this is mega hard for me because all of them are so good dfhvbihvfb. I think I could narrow it down to a few, neither is placed higher or lower than the other because I love them all for different reasons.
Ratchet. Absolutely love this grumpy old fart. He's what started my love for the "grumpy character who pretends they don't care but actually care A LOT" character archetype. He's everything I love and nothing I don't, plus I do think that Jeffrey Combs was made to be his VA in a similar way Robert Downey jr. was born to play Iron Man
Starscream. I will be honest, it actually took me some time before I started to like his character instead of just seeing him as an annoying bootlicker. I mean, he's still an annoying bootlicker, but I came to enjoy him! OG Starscream walked so TFP Starscream could run. He's all of his old traits but amplified and made better. His scheeming, cunning nature, inability to shut up to the point the show itself calls him out for it (Operation Bumblebee) but at the same time, he's a pathetic coward. A wet cat of a man, soggy af. I do think if the show came out in recent years that tumblr would have a field day with him. 10/10 I miss Starscreams like him
Smokescreen. This may or may not be a hot take because he's apparently pretty unpopular with the fandom?? At least he was in like 2012-2015 when I was most active in the fandom. I actually really do enjoy his recklessness and immaturity, it makes him feel more like a youngster that's yet to see the horrors of war. I love how quickly he grows throughout the episodes when he comes to realise their fight isn't about personal glory, it's about survival and about doing what is right. 9/10 because I hate the updated painjob he got in season 3
Miko. Also kind of a hot take, since she seems to be the least favourite among the kid trio. I gotta be honest, TFP is the only Transformers incarnation where I actually like the human companions, and Miko I love the most. She's reckless and bold and immature, like any "punk" teenager of her age would be, and I also absolutely adore the bond she has with Bulkhead.
KnockOut. My first ever experience with a character that was so violently queer-coded it rearanged by neural pathways. Loved him since his very first scene. The sass, the execution, his mad doctor persona, obsession with looks, surprisingly scheeming nature, he's just so full of personality. I also love how he's actually canonically married to BreakDown. My only gripe with the character is that I wished he was depicted to mourn BreakDown more instead of, like, just mentioning he's annoyed that he now has nobody to buff him. But also this was a pre-Steven Universe show back when queer characters weren't as prominent in kids media, so I get why it wasn't implimented. I'm still salty about it though
Arcee. Arcee I had to grow to love, and it didn't happen until several years after the show has ended. At the start, I found her to be a deeply unenjoyable character, grumpy and cold and dismissive towards everyone (and especially Jack) and not in the fun way Ratchet was. However, as I aged, I came to realise that she's not just being an asshole, she's grieving. This is one of the key reasons why I love TFP. It tackles serious topics like death and grief very well for an animated kids show that was mostly made to promote a toy brand, and Arcee's character really shines here. I deeply enjoy seeing her come out of her shell after Cliffjumper's death and slowly form a deep loving bond not only with Jack, but with everyone else too. Also how she helps Miko out with her own grief after Bulkhead gets seriously injured. You know what that is? Growth. Nothing but growth and healing for my sassy two-wheeler.
"Funny. At first I never thought I'd get used to Cliff's constant chatter. But now? Now there's nothing louder to me than the silence."
Bro, this sentence is burned into my memory. Forever. It altered my brain chemisty, I swear. Arcee and her grief over Cliff and Tailgate are so well portrayed and it makes one of the best written characters on the show and I will die on this hill!!
#I am not kidding when I say I was absolutely fucking obsessed with this show#We're talking “watched it so many times I ended up memorising it to the T” kind of obsessed#I could quote it perfectly and had each and every episode memorised too. Each by season and name#Yes it was totally normal also yes I have autism how could you tell??#This series is also the reason for why I can speak english#Well. This series and Starcraft II#Because I was so utterly obsessed with it I had a deep need to understand it#I'm czech and while we had it dubbed to my language it was of such terrible quality I cringed everytime someone spoke#So I sat in front of my computer for hours at a time with a notebook and wrote down words to then translate them in google#My english skills were very limited up until that point but during a period of like 3-4 months I absolutely sky rocketed#Just because I wanted to understand what these funny animated robots were saying#SC was the same case but the game made it easier because it already provided subtitles#Still. It wasn't available in czech so I had to translate the text in google anyway#Man oh man I fucking love TFP so much I am so not normal about this show even a decade later#TFP#Transformers Prime#Shut up Val
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you art is so beautiful omg
just been coming back from a hiatus/inactivity so i’m glad people have been enjoying it so much, ffxiv has been a joy and creative font for me these past few months after feeling a bit bummed by art. thankfully i feel completely refreshed recently and comments like these make things sweeter, thank you for appreciating!!
#asks#t4t hythades also eating my brain#i am thinking about them all the time#i sort of got more into ffxiv in a vaccuum hole where nobody influenced me or anything i just started going#i was stuck in ARR for a while and then HW then i got into SB#then boom shb-ew gripped me by the throat now i have two dads#hythlodaeus i’d do anything for#a darling a dear a doll in the shape of a beautiful purple twink man with amazingly copious blessed hrt body hair#emet constantly drinking the dumb petty bitch juice but i still love him he’s so entertaining#they both utterly FASCINATE me they have a lot under the surface i feel#if love was a consciousness: hythlodaeus absolutely he is a conscious day to day choose to love and devote to his dear ones#even if it means messing with them a bit#but fails to see he shines just as brightly and if not more than he sees his friends do#if love was a subconscious: emet one hundred fucking perrcent and he’ll never escape the actions are louder than words allegations old man#complain all you want moron!! you love your crowd to death and insanity and to the moon (pardon me) and back#a mountain of misery grief and love on that stupidly terrible posture i could never forgive you but you’re my dad#BOTH OF YOU#ohhh i can’t wait to share and post more honestly i have a lot of love to give#they’re also giving me a lotta queer joy and euphoria so like there’s also that
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"You got a mural of the Bobbery anywhere? You know the—I mean, that's gotta be—if I did that, Bob! If I did the dive, 'ha-cha-cha!' Like I would have that painted over my—I think I would put that over the master bedroom, like right there! Do we have a photo of that or a mural, a canvas of that anywhere?" "...I have a picture of it, yeah... some of my friends gifted me that picture so I have it in my house... but again, you know, like it's just... it's happened... so I don't give myself one hundred percent credit for that, there is a lot... you know, it was two broken plays before, and then just like—I tried to throw as much as possible of my body and it happened to hit my arm so..." "You ever look at a picture and go, 'How?! How did this—How did—' Like sometimes you gotta be lucky, sometimes like it's—" "Yeah, and so that's what happened and yeah... Again, so I'm thankful to God, and appreciate him for the—everything that I went through last two years in the playoffs, and for this victory. It's all for him."
Tobin & Leroy Show | 9.18.24 (x)
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HE LOOKS SO EMBARRASSED BEING ASKED ABOUT WHETHER HE HAS A PORTRAIT OF THE SAVE THAT PUT THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN FOR HIS DIEFICATION IN SOUTH FLORIDIAN HISTORY PLEASE
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so ladies and gentlemen once again... the bobbery
#sergei bobrovsky#florida panthers#2425#preseason#ITS THE WAY HE SOUNDS SO UTTERLY MORTIFIED TO ADMIT HE HAS A PICTURE OF THE BOBBERY#OH THAT KILLS ME SO MUCH#BOBBY YOU CAN BE PROUD OF YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS BABY#ITS OKAY#you understand why cats chitter about him so much man absolutely is embarrassed about these things#bobby stumbling through an answer and trying to down play it so much#my favourite part about all this is when bobby goes “it happened to hit my arm so”#and tobin SNAP HIS HEAD AWAY IN DISBELIEF AND LOOK AT LEROY BEFORE HE SAYS SOMETHING#BECAUSE GIRL SAME#I HAD TO ALSO JUST LOOK ON IN DISBELIEF#i completely understand why ekky bought the bobbery shirt and is flaunting it in public when he can#yeah at this point you kinda have to#this man is so terribly modest and good for him#but i will be spinning prose about him at all times
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The problem with me is that I'm so intense, so mentally ill and so eccentric, but not in such a way that it prevents me from being working class, which causes me to be these things even further, which causes me to be even more mind numbingly miserable and crazy every day even more than I've been throughout these years, which makes it impossible for me to relate to anyone which causes me to be lonelier, which causes me to be more eccentric, etc
#it's a miracle I still have the will to do anything at all with how the same everyday is#not to mention.. utterly inhuman#I don't get how people work terrible jobs without falling into the biggest grief as if your entire family died#That's what all day today has felt like at like every time
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Finally decided to indulge in the Siuan/Moiraine meta I've been wanting to write for ages now, musing on the differences in psychology ensuing from their significantly different arcs within the book and show and why Siuan's actions at season 2's apex are entirely in psychological sync with her show portrayal, even if they swerve wildly from the books.
Let's start with some Siuan back-story context. In the books, Tear was undeniably an unfriendly city for those with the One Power. But that translated, in practical terms, to Aes Sedai keeping their stays there brief, and girls who could touch The Source being quickly bustled off to the Tower. There were no Aes Sedai advisers, as in other kingdoms etc., but neither was there the virulent hostility of the show.
Siuan left Tear quickly in the books—the first day she was discovered to have the Power, but only because a sister was traveling through and didn't wish to delay returning to The Tower for such pesky things as sentimental goodbyes. Was that harsh? Absolutely. But the world of the books is exceedingly harsh in some respects, giving girls little to no choice about becoming Sisters, should they be discovered harboring abilities. (Much of Nynaeve's back-story involved hiding her powers precisely because she didn't fancy being ripped from The Two Rivers.)
Siuan faces a much different harshness in the show. The show doesn't do a great job explaining this, but The Dragon's Fang, which is etched onto Siuan's door before her house is unceremoniously torched, is a sign of immense contempt for Dark Friends. Within show Tear, a wary mistrust of Aes Sedai has curdled into something much more dangerous. All use of The Power is suspect, because if men's half was tainted, there's nothing to say women won't go suddenly mad, too.
It's worth remembering as well here that book Siuan was roughly fifteen when she went to The Tower. Now, I'm totally blind, and audio description doesn't give me an age for tiny show-Siuan, but if she's anywhere near puberty, I'll eat my metaphorical hat. And instead of being shepherded to The Tower, she had to flee for her life.
In her family's only means of support, I might ad. Book Siuan was by no means well-to-do, but she was firmly in the middling ranks of the working poor. Show Siuan's family are on the fucking destitution brink y'all. And she took her father's livelihood. Dying destitute ain’t fuckin pretty.
Siuan is not a stupid kid, and she clearly adores the shit out of her papa. The first thing that little girl did the millisecond she got any privileges? Wrote to her papa.
And more than likely, Berden never wrote back. It wouldn't take her long to figure out what'd happened. Moiraine is at great pains to tell Alana Jenny was not "her" support dog, and we laugh it off as oh, look at Moiraine being all adorably prim. Which in one sense, it totally is. But I'd almost guarantee you there's a deeper layer there: it wasn't "hers"; it was "theirs" because once Siuan found out her beloved papa was dead, they both needed something to cuddle.
This may seem like somewhat of a digression, but I'm maundering on because in the books yes, Dark Friends are evil. But they're evil because they caused a terrible cataclysm many thousands of years ago that killed lots of people, and they wanna do it again. There's no personal skin in the game for our beloved ladies, except they get thrust into the job through a convergence of some very complicated circumstances—I'd recommend any show-only watchers read "New Spring" because while I love almost all the changes the show has made ferociously, the way Siuan and Moiraine undertake the search is vastly more plausible as presented by Jordan there.
For Siuan in the show, by contrast, Dark Friend has _very personal ramifications. Dark Friends caused the corrosive mistrust that got her papa _killed! And Moiraine, better than _anyone, knows how that broke her.
And she _knows full well she could be deposed simply for having a relationship with Moiraine. The sensible thing to keep all the awful people from committing terrible crimes that will reverberate down the centuries to impact a little girl just as she was impacted would be to keep both their noses clean. And yet, she loves Moiraine so much that she'll take that risk to maintain not only an alliance about Rand, but a romantic relationship which could, realistically, be discovered much more easily.
And now, Moiraine, the woman who parroted back her beloved father's words of farewell about how Siuan was as clever as a pike and strong as the tides seemingly willfully lied; seemingly became a _Dark _Friend. Even her admonition that Lanfear is "too strong" must bring up so many awful questions: just how long have they been working together for her to know that? Because from Siuan's perspective, what it looks like is Lanfear coming in, guns blazing, to save her accomplice, Moiraine.
When Siuan says that there are rules and they have to abide by them, it's reflecting profoundly deep fears—not only about what Rand could do, but the kind of hatred toward those with The Power it could foster. For twenty years, she's put those fears aside. And now it appears that her going against Tower Law has lost her Moiraine to the Forsaken, and made terrible outcomes nigh on inevitable. And people are really confused about why she looks beaten?
Hell, from her perspective, forget Lanfear's entrance. The very fact Moiraine seemingly lied to her and is now talking about love must seem such a cruel mockery: laughing at Siuan's weakness; just as, perhaps, she was laughing at her with that parting comment in The Tower: an Amyrlin Seat still so swayed by what her papa told her so many years ago. (Yeah, we know it was as close as she could come to an I love you, but how the hell is Siuan supposed to know that, given everything?) This was not willful emotional abuse on someone she knew to be acting in good faith, but a reaction to the person she loved enough to risk the fucking Amyrlin Seat for becoming a monster!
Do I wish they'd picked _any other direction for their relationship? Yes, yes I damn well do. There was plenty to play with for angst factor by having the coup go down as it does in the books: Moiraine not being there to save her when all Siuan wanted was more time together, for one thing. Moiraine needlessly obfuscating in front of Siuan and the other Sisters in S1, when Leandrin already knew! about the Two Rivers folk. Thinking she was being canny, when all she did was get herself pointlessly exiled so she couldn't protect Siuan? Quite enough of an angst sandwich, thanks ever so, without this new development. But! if they were going to include this, Siuan reacted precisely as I would expect her to, given the context I've outlined above, not in some madly ooc fashion worthy of the tags descending into emotional abuse discourse.
#Siuan Sanche#Moiraine Damodred#I kept hoping this Siuan is terribly abusive discourse would die down but I keep seeing it crop up and it's driving me utterly batshit#Wheel of Time#siuanraine#Moiraine x Siuan#Siuan x Moiraine#fishwives#(posting all this with the obvious caveat that if Rafe uses this to pull some massive bullshit whereby he brought out the queerness some#of us could see in fucking New Spring. because I am absolutely a fan for that long. even if RJ rest his soul tried to brush it off as#'pillow friends that faded out'only to get fucking cold feet and put them in their heterosexual weirdass nonrelationships with Gareth and#Thom (and look. I am really fond of show Thom; he still has no business getting up close and personal with Moiraine#unless she and Siuan decide on polyamory; Gareth was such an utter nonentity and isn't in the show I really have nothing to say. with legit#apologies to any Gareth fans subjected to my salty tags b/c I'm sure they exist and your tastes are also valid)#well. if Rafe. as an openly queer creator pulls a queer bait and switch I will lose my shit so spectacularly they'll hear my screaming#during shooting. but moral ambiguity. in and of itself. is not a bad thing! portrayals of how her early childhood trauma complicate her#dynamic with Moiraine when Moiraine lied! to her which she should have known better than to do#feel very inevitable after that intro we got in S1 is all I'm saying
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imagine maul somehow getting leia as an apprentice. like. instead of (or after!) the stupid kidnapping thing in kenobi, maul kidnaps her (yes kenobi “killed” him on tattooine, yes he’s back somehow like palpatine, no he doesn’t explain how) for some criminal plot then quickly realizes this upstart little tart is force sensitive, powerfully so, in a subtler way than he’s used to. of course maul’s greedy ass is like MWAHAHA YEEEEES I HAVE YOU NOW, MY NEW APPRENTICE! and then proceeds to get his entire ass emotionally bitch-slapped by a ten year old girl, repeatedly, for the next ten years until ANH happens.
secondary pitch: maul is captured by the empire. he meets reva, a young inquisitor in training, and quickly realizes they share the same burning hatred for the emperor, vader, and kenobi. he convinces her that vader likely already knows her tricks and that she won’t get vengeance through compliance, but if she frees him he can help her. she breaks him out of jail and they become master-apprentice (except not really because she won’t accept being his apprentice). somehow they wind up kidnapping leia for some reason but again, realize she’s force sensitive too, and decide that the cruelest thing they could do to kenobi is to use her against him. they train leia and try to turn her to the dark side, but leia is leia and she ain’t doing nothing for nobody if it doesn’t match her morals/isn’t something she believes in. idk where this goes from here but i’m obsessed with these three going on the galaxy’s worst roadtrip feat. yelling about kenobi being their enemy, only to get DBT therapy from a ten year old who tells them actually it sounds like they’re projecting blame onto someone convenient and punishable (ben) whereas their real problems are with the empire, vader, and the emperor. leia manages to somehow get these two ornery dark siders to return to alderaan and pseudo-join the rebellion. tbh this was supposed to be a story where leia goes dark but i really think she’d wind up half-converting reva and maul instead
#nobody can fix maul but bail; breha; and leia could get close#and Reva would fulfil some of his need to have his circumstances understood#bc at this point Reva has been trained by Vader and other inquisitors for awhile so she’s suffered there too#they are NOT found family they are coworkers with a weird commiseration and a begrudging respect for the galaxy’s mightiest 10 year old#maul tells himself he’s turning leia dark to spite kenobi when in actuality it’s the first time he’s been close to the light and not beenu#utterly repelled by it#because leia is a fire. she can warm she can destroy she can intimidate she can save she can cleanse wounds and she can feed the soul#she can also ruin everything you’ve ever lived in minutes#she’s fierce and bulldoggish but caring and strong#and i think maul would admire and respect that#and also frankly be amazed that someone like that could be produced by the ‘light’/the organas#and that intrigue would give the organas an inroad into making him be less terrible and sit the fuck down for family dinner#bc you are invited maul. you have a seat at the table. you just have to take it.#godDAMN I think I just talked myself into this idea and shipping bail/maul/breha. ok then.#walkie talkie.#darth maul#reva sevander#leia organa#rarepair tag.#rarepair of the day.
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