#i hope meds will help her
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#i feel like a terrible person for doing this to fancy#and also a terrible person for finding the idea of going back to that emptiness utterly unbearable#i hope meds will help her#the babies are so cute and i don't want to go the rest of my life not having loved Jasper with the scraps left of my heart#he doesn't love me deeply but they don't know how to love humans like that yet#we could do it if we had time#i MISS my little man#i NEED a silly little face to look into mine and love me#i need a boy that looks and is really stupid#do you understand?#i need a little burger boy who just wants to suck on my fingers like some kind of evil but incompetent nocturnal spirit and eat trash
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Garet is literally so friend shaped. I can't believe how friend shaped this boy is. (top pic is actual dialogue)
#golden sun#garet#ivan#guys im sorry i spent all day on this and also a smidge of oc art#im in pain and im not going to die but wow#my sister was like do you want me to drive you to the hospital and i told her i do not have the finances for that so no#and then she texted me fifteen minutes later to say#if its only the money issue i will help cover the costs#and i wont say what she googled that made her so concerned as an end result but uh lets hope it aint that ???#hopefully i can sleep tonight cause i have almost zero sleep in my system#bc i started to hurt a lil after midnight ?? like then i postponed sleep to take pain meds#and then woke up constantly and couldnt stay asleep#so i really just wanna go to bed
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had to leave her at the vet for 3 hours :(
#she was crying when i was leaving im not ok.#hope she just naps while she gets her fluids and medicine but im sad#plus while her blood results indicate her meds Are helping with the thyroid problems and halting liver failure or whatever#theres a rapid increase of red blood cells. 2 months ago it was ok hhhh#dog blogging
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Ughhh skin crawly feeling from stress augh
#marquilla#related to my other personal post from this morning thats in my tag#and also from yet another manager questioning why we have individual sections and are not all just working all areas#he didnt say it to ME but still#and it's like i wouldnt mind doing other sections... but then kids isnt gonna be stocked and maybe will be recovered MAYBE#and it will not look as nice as it does niw#like listen i am the only one who can handle that area. im not trying to brag or have an inflated ego im just saying ask anyone who's had to#help in that area: Sam had a fit. Cary had a breakdown. sandy would praise me on my work bc it meant SHE wouldnt have to work that#area if she was called down to help in clothing. RC has breakdowns when she has to help sometimes and it's bad. NetflixCoworker has#fits when she has to help or that last time she volunteered to help for some reason and she had a breakdown#/I/ have had breakdowns BUT when its time to check the liquidation or audit manifests i can accurately tell you what i do and dont have#like the LQ lady always starts her sentence off with a 'i know you'll know within seconds... so do you have these?' when she comes to the#area BC I DO! I DO KNOW!!#like again i will happily help/work in other areas but i know from experience no one will do that area without me#id say go ahead and ask FGM ab the LAST time they tried this shit. but that man has been through so much shit since then that i doubt he#remembers shit from last month let alone two years ago#but i remember. and im damn good at what i do.#Anyways im gonna take my meds and hope that helps shdggdgdgd
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My mom: It doesn’t matter if you’re diagnosed or not. Anyone who takes that test will test positive. I’m pretty sure if I take that test they’ll tell me I have ADHD or something.
Me with ADHD and my brother with OCD, both officially diagnosed:
#crow grumbles#yes I have told her it’s hereditary#she’s still on her ‘I���m a little bit ADHD everyone is a little ADHD’ bullshit#but she only brings it up when we mention our meds#‘I think I’d benefit from being on some of those’ you are perfectly capable of functioning without them and 2/3 of your children are not#hope that helps
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That mood when the mania kicks in and u go from barly making 200 words a day if you write at all to knocking out 2000 words in one sitting...
#its been three days of this#its hard bc im so pleased but im Not supposed to be having mood swings w aaaall the meds im on#“hi dr so this is a problem but i really dont want it solved quite yet soooo”#i hhd 3 hours of sleep and i feel fine. i am So lucky the hallucinations havent started up again yet#i so rarely get euphoria tho its always angdepfor manic or super bad depression#hears hoping new meds help even everything out without sedating me like b4#*here's#in other *completely unrelated* news honest#ch3 of hanahaki fic is going up tomorrow#kiri speaks#plant flowers in her bones#wow spelling my nemesis “anger for mania”
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Sighs. Am trying to make dinner (on one foot, mid migraine, in a horrible flare up) which my sister said she'd help with. She did a few things (washed the carrots, cut up the beets which were supposed to be whole) and then said i clearly had it under control and went back to the computer. Still have tons left to do. Have no energy and am not even hungry.
#feels like the more help i need the more literally everyone is like. hm. good luck with that. and then they leave#especially doctors but also my sister as well#i know she's not my caretaker ! am well aware !#just kind of dont understand the lack of reciprocity. i take care of her whenever she's sick#asked her to pick up my last couple meds from the pharmacy#which is attached to the store she was going to anyway and was like 'dont bother if theres a line but if there isnt one could you ?'#after she just saw me struggle massively on my crutches when we got coffee this morning#and she said it wasnt good timing and she didnt know if people can even pick up meds for each other#they definitely fucking can bc ive picked up her meds plenty#anyway am out of my migraine meds entirely and really have zero hope of getting them for the next while#at least until i can walk on my right foot i guess#just feel. what's the words. frustrated and abandoned and alone. and too fucking disabled.#chronic illness#complaining
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ALSO OMG?????
Thank you guys so so so much for your help with Kaine's vet bills <3!!!!!!!!!!! We're about halfway there for covering it all. Like you guys know, I've been unemployed for a while and even at my last job with the hours i was getting I would have to pay with three weeks of pay. The job search is not going as good as I hope, so this all went on my credit card and I can't keep piling money on that with no back up plan, so your help is incredible and I can't thank you guys enough.
Big big love from me and my big baby. If he could type I'm sure he'd say thank you too. I'll post a picture of him in his donut for your viewing pleasure.
#god thank you guys#you have no idea how much this helps#I'll take that post down in a few days and just leave what's left on the card#yall have always been here for me through my bad times and i hope so deeply one day to be able to give back to others in need#the only time i've ever been able to do that was when I worked for P#but then i got into my car accident and all my money went to that#and to my bills and Kaines meds and my meds#so while i was making good money my bills ate through my disposable chunk of income#just#thank you guys so fucking much#I know in the grand scheme whats going on with him isn't life threatening unless it gets a bad infection#but he's on antibiotics for a week and cone duty so he can't chew at it#I haven't been able to save up any animal emergency money and I insisted that my mom let me take over the payment#because she just dropped over 2 grand on Mugsie and her surgery#having senior pets is a lot#again thank you guys I love you all so much
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#i didnt sleep last night#maybe got 30 minutes max#but then my meds were ready that help me sleep and i needed to do laundry!!#and on the way!!!!#a very floofy duck and her babies started crossing the road in front of me!!!!#i literally screamed!! it was so crazy to watch#they were so tiny and my heart was SINGING#it actually lifted my spirits 100%#all it took was some ducks!!!#i hope you all see ducks!!!!
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*sighs as I add another idea to the wip pile*
#I have GOT to finish something soon it’s driving me up the wall#thankfully I finally got my adhd meds again so here’s hoping that helps#anyway Ines using her threads to lace someone into gear#or herself for some selfbondage#something with her threads and lacing
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The meower
#Queued... technically March 23rd?#I mean its march 22nd in oregon. but im not there rn lolz#either way im late. SORRY !! i forfor to queue on the 20th then i was on planes for like 21 hrs total#well no 5 of those were a layover @ the airport but#ANYWAYYYYY hi future me !!!#Howww was the trip? im on my first (second actually- its 4am of the second day if u coukd the arrival) day in Hong Kong#Its rlly hot and humid so I think im gonna die. BUT ITS ALSO SUPER COOL !!#Even just from the few hours I had out earlier its amazingggg. The lights and the buildings are so cool and theres such a fun but chaotic#atmosphere - idk if its just bcs its a big city or specific to HK?#I loveee large cities in general. New york. Tokyo. HK. thats all of the ones ive been to ig#I havent seen even close to all of HK. Im in central rn but we're goin to other parts later#Dad says the other parts are totally different- Like theres LOADS of gisnt buildings here (WAY MORE THAN U SEE IN ******!!! u know that tho#and theyre almost all residential of the ones I passed. Im sure theres offices n stuff i just didnt see them in the likd 20 minutes cab#ride lolz. U know all tuis already tho#ig what im getting at is HOW WAS THE TRIP !!!!! How was the rest of HK? WHAT WAS KYOTO LIKE??#augh soo many cool things.....#Also also !! Have you learned any mire katakana?#ive JUST learned the vowel line so maybe u lesrned the k line now too?#I cant imagine school is any different. OHH DID U FINISH THE M P 10P COMIC??#I started it and got abt one page done on the plane#I think it should only end up being two or three pages idk#Ohh !! Hows the new meds going !! I think u should have ur blood test done by now so do u know if it helped at all?#I hope soooooooooooo#Mm I think thats all I have to say .... NO WAIT HAVE U HUNG OUT W/ JACKIE??#i rlly want to b friends with her ^.^#Alright Thats all !! HAVE A GOOD DAYYYYYY I LOVE U#queue drop#weather report#WAIT EDIT DID THE TRIGUN VOLUME COME. HOW IS IT
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me doing hrt is so funny because it does almost nothing to me emotionally I don't feel better or worse about myself it's just a pasttime like playing video games
#literally i am doing this for fun. i am a scientist and her lab rat#(this is not true always but rn i feel like this)#realized just how much my voice has already dropped today when me and my friend were singing and i was a full octave lower than her ?#anyway. I've never been good at keeping track of or noticing what's going on with my body but im kind of like fine with whatever changes#are happening. sometimes I'm thrilled about it sometimes I'm like Oh Wait Help and most of the time it's not important#most of the Oh Wait Help moments are when I realize me being on t has Implications on how other ppl think of/ interact with me#it does feel Right in some way though like I'm not thinking of stopping. It's just not as relieving and cathartic as I hoped#(same when i started adhd meds kind of. it does something to me but not as much as i thought)#i do love my body becoming more and more ungenderable and unintelligible by cis standards
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Guess who just got diagnosed PCOS and pre-diabetic? ✨️ This girl!!! ✨️
#im out here collecting ailments like it's frickin pokemon LMAOOOO#now i get to play spin the wheel genetics lottery edition#will she or will she not be able to tolerate metformin? stay tuned to find out!!!!!#on the plus side the obgyn was super understanding when i told her abt my autism AND she's ready and willing to fight my insurance company#there's a new med that should help my hormones without fucking with my migraines and the insurance won't cover it#but she wants to argue with them and make them cover it and im so hyped#she's also referring me to a nutritionist who can work with like. ppl with restricted diets. which i am cautiously hopeful abt#she's wonderful we need more docs like her
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dog update btw: she's better, her appetite is back and she ate all her food and licked the bowl
#with the meds she needs like 12 hours in between meals so she gets breakfast and late dinner#so i fed her after i came back home from work and im soooooo relieved she ate 🥰#higher dose of meds seems to be working she will get blood tests in about a week#plus shes on new dog food thats specifically for like dogs with pancreatitis and similar issues#so i hope that helps as well#dog blogging
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any time truffle does anything remotely normal, i start bursting into tears. she crawled under my bed blanket to lay across my legs (her favorite place to sleep since she was a kitten) for the first time since monday and i had to stop writing work emails to sniffle about it. i need her to get better so i can start feeling more like a normal person again and less like a ball of stress and nerves.
#liveblogging life#sick truffle saga#she showed interest in eating her treat after her appetite stimulants yesterday and i nearly wept all over her#she's still really lethargic tho... and she still hasn't been interested in wet food#im hoping her next round of appetite stimulants will help - i'm supposed to give that to her in an hour or so#i've also been giving her the pain meds the vet gave me but the vet tech did say that would make her bleary#so im wondering if i should stop and see if that helps with the lethargy??? but she does have a fever so#idk idk the point is my stress has made me so tender that i'm bawling over a cat jumping up on a counter
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is your mom ok?
Hopefully 🤞
#she just got home a little bit ago#I’m sure she’s exhausted#both my parents didn’t seem too happy when they got home#I tried to greet them but they kinda brushed me off#I just want to hug them and hold them for hours and take all the sickness out of them#I’ll take it I don’t care#I just want them to be healthy and happy#thank you for checking in lovely 💖#really really really hoping the meds they gave my mom will help the pain and help her heal and recover faster#ask#lovely mutuals
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