#thankfully I finally got my adhd meds again so here’s hoping that helps

[kc5rings]

*sighs as I add another idea to the wip pile*

[yoiku]

just some life updates, both yay and meh.

whoa. the doctor who diagnosed me last year and is in charge of keeping up with my mental health finally called me. it's only been uhm... almost 10 months lol. we were supposed to have a phonecall appointment last august :'D I had no way of contacting him(they always call from unknown number) so i've been phoning the clinic itself and asking them to send word that he'd need to call me. I've done that every other month since september last year. finally got my prescription meds for adhd renewed and a proper phone appointment for catching up in 3 weeks. Also a physio visit a bit before that, because boy my back is fucked so badly that the pain is now spreading to my left side in a way i don't like one bit.

I havent been able to draw much for a few weeks and i feel sad and annoyed by that. but i've just been too exhausted to focus, either from having to deal with stuff or being in pain. doing tha bookbinding at workshop for a few hours mon-wed has felt like a break from... everything else. that's been nice. finally managed to push some of my own health stuff forward, not looking forward to having to deal with doctors frequently again but here's to hoping i can get something that actually helps.

I've mainly been stressed out due to having to figure out mom's stuff again, and finding out bit by bit that she's been lying about things again. My siblings are handling stuff at the location but i'm handling everything that can be handled long distance. the medical side is pretty straightforward but the welfare and finances side has turned into a big ol' mess. I terminated her apartment's rent contract last week, since she's staying at the palliative care clinic for the remaining time. that also went surprisingly smoothly, but then came the financial stuff. she's told me and my siblings both that she's been debt free for a over a year. turns out that's not the case. I received information about her tax refunds for this year with the information that it's all being reclaimed to pay off debt that's in... what's the word i wonder... foreclosure? So i've had to call so many places only to get told nothing can be done or that i don't have the rights to do anything abt it. So I've been in contact with the social workers in her area, so that they could send requests and forms for welfare aid in my stead (they have more power over it) and I'll just send any files and financial information I can, whatever they need. while i also have to handle my own welfare stuff(which thankfully isn't as complicated right now).

All I can say is that as much as i always hear about how we have free universal healthcare in here, is bullshit. If you'd have insurance(a thing that for an example i've never been able to afford) or a benevolent enough employer who would cover some of the costs it wouldn't be bad at all, but if you're poor? good fucking luck, you have to fight the system and plead for welfare to cover the expenses, it's a whole ordeal that someone who's sick can rarely handle. Thankfully the social workers I've met so far in my life have all been stellar human beings. They actually want to help and will do whatever is in their power to do to aid you.

I'm not tired but I'm also exhausted at the same time. I'd have the energy to focus on my own stuff but the mental state is not there.

[sunshinexlollipops]

small update post:

- I'm doing better after COVID! took a while for my lungs to be happy again. idk why, but shortness of breath/coughing was a latter symptom for me.

- my sister got married a few days ago! had to celebrate and do other things, but planning and helping took up a lot of my free time after being sick.

- I'm slipping back into writing a little! admittedly, it's been hard for me because of life and mental health issues, but it's coming back to me (I also tend to go 2yrs w no activity and then BOOM I'm back -- very strange!)

- I finally got to see my psychiatrist! I'm hoping I can finally get ADHD meds bc she's been killing me these last few years, on top of some other things. thankfully therapy has helped me a lot too, and upstairs is a lot tidier and nicer than before. but please -- my ADHD needs its ass kicked pronto.

I hope everyone is well, safe, and happy ATM. things have been and are honestly tending to stay a little crazy. I see that some people have sent messages and other things to me during this time and I just wanna say I see you!

I promise I'm not ignoring or avoiding but rather, having to find time and the energy to start this up again and get all my business sorted. unfortunately, life outside of Tumblr/writing has been consuming me ever since I basically went on an unintended hiatus. but, I'm coming out of my stupors and episodes, and I have some new drive and motivation.

I plan on redoing some things in my personal life first. not necessarily to avoid this stuff, but it does take priority. redoing my room and getting things like my tags renewed will help get my head a bit clearer and less scattered.

I'm hoping I can have some more updates soon, but I'll probably slowly interact more and more on here. just an ease kind of process.

thank you's to all who have been so patient and kind to me. I see this too, and you guys have helped me give myself the same kind of love and patience. I appreciate all of you, even if I sound like a broken record over and over w this, for being that way and sincerely sticking by me as I've gone through this hard period in my life.

I have GOALS for ACW, especially with this final chapter, that I think will help emphasize not only my original impacts, but the ones I went through these last few years. it's been a journey, and thank you for coming along or cheering me on through it.

much love and well wishes to you guys. thank you so much. 🥹💛