#ANYWAYYYYY hi future me !!!

[kittycowboy]

The meower

[saetoru]

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。yours, always yours

synopsis. satoru has always been yours—and he needs you to know you’ll also always be his

— word count. 2.4k (read the breakup fic first for better understanding, but can be read as a stand-alone)

— contents. fem! reader, college! au, rich boy! gojo, post-getting back together angst that gets a little heated <3, minors do not interact, fingering, unprotected sex, edging, satoru cumming too quick <3, creampie, tbh the smut is short and a lil rushed my b, it ends in fluff tho !! trust !! there is fluff !!

— notes. tbh this will probably get flagged rly fast but oh well u win some u lose some. anywayyyyy here is the make up sex bc yall nasties deserve it <3 jk love u guys

satoru falls first. and he falls hard. everyone knows it, it’s never been a secret.

“you want me to wash your hair?” you ask gently, kissing his shoulder as the water falls over his head. he hums, nodding absentmindedly as he stares blankly at the tiles of your shower wall.

“sure,” he mumbles, “don’t tug.”

“i never tug,” you roll your eyes, snorting. he huffs a small chuckle, but it’s not the usual laugh satoru gives you. it’s mechanic, almost—just there to fill the space. “baby?” you ask softly.

“yeah?” he asks, “oh, should i bend a little? sorry, i—”

“what’re you thinking about?” your hands cup his cheeks, gentle and warm from the hot water as it soaks his skin.

he shakes his head, trying to smile as he clears throat. “just how nice it is to be pampered. maybe i’ll let you break my heart every once in a while so i get my back scrubbed and hair washed like this.”

“satoru,” you insist. you know—and he knows it too. “tell me?”

“why’d you do it?” he mumbles, “why’d you listen to him?”

“toru, you know why,” you sigh, “you know i didn’t think there were any other options.”

“you could’ve talked to me,” he furrows his brows, “just because my stupid old man threatens you with my stupid inheritance doesn’t mean we have to break up.”

“i was afraid you’d choose me.” it comes out as a whisper, like a confession you can’t bear to admit.

“i would have chosen you,” he agrees, “why’s that bad? how’s that wrong—”

“you’re not thinking about the bigger picture,” you shake your head, “that company is yours. you’ve spent your whole life—”

“so what? was i supposed to give up the rest of my life for it too?” he asks tiredly—satoru’s defeated. he’s never been defeated, it’s the most magnetizing thing about him.

even before you date him. he asks and asks and asks no matter how many times you say no. because there’s always a chance you’ll say yes, and he’ll never stop as long as there’s a chance.

“i’m sorry,” you sniffle, lips wobbling, “i could have….i should have said something. i didn’t want you to make a choice young and then….and then regret it.”

“you think i’d regret you?” he’s wounded—absolutely wounded at the words.

satoru has always been careful, diligent and so, so meticulous to love you right, to love you how you need to be loved. hadn’t that proven enough? that he was in it for the long run—for forever? he’d been so sure you’d be his future, that the break up feels like waking up from a peaceful dream to a house fire—devastating, with smoke in his nose and lungs that he can’t breathe right, and everything gone within a moment before he can even register it.

he stares at the ashes in despair. nothing prepared him for the hollowness of not being yours—because satoru has never cared to make you his. all he’s ever wanted was to be yours.

you’re quick to remove him from everything, deleting pictures from your socials, untagging him from posts, removing him from your private stories and close friends list. he doesn’t understand how you could change your mind so quickly—and then he realizes you probably don’t. because he knows you—better than anyone ever has, satoru knows you.

so he’s comes to you, drenched from the rain, from standing outside your door even as the water pelts against his skin because he’s determined. he’s going to get an answer out of you, going to make you explain why you pulled him in so close, let him reside in your heart and fall asleep to the comforting rhythm of its beating—and then push him out like he’s nothing. what made you push him out?

and finally, when he does, when you let him be yours again and admit it’s never what you wanted, that it’s because it’s what his father wanted—well, satoru can’t keep his composure. don’t you know? hadn’t he always told you? hadn’t he poured his heart out and let you know every moment he’s always been stuck dangling from his father’s fingers? stuck somewhere between the sky and ground, too high to feel the floor under his feet but never high enough to feel the wind in his face.

you’ve always known, always listened—and fuck, you held him some nights too, let your fingers dip into his hair and soothe his sorrows of always being stuck.

satoru’s always been stuck, always had every choice made for him and every instruction carefully laid out on the table. and then you decided to make his choice for him too, walking away and choosing his future for him like he’s never had a say.

he’s always been stuck, but never with you—but now, he wonders if that’s changed.

“no,” you squeeze his cheeks, “no i don’t think you’d regret me….but satoru losing what you have is a big thing,” you mumble, “people work their whole lives not having a fraction of what you do. that’s a lot to let you lose.”

“i’ve never seen my dad kiss my mom,” he stares at you, hard and unwavering, his eyes stare into yours, “he’s never held her hand or made her laugh. and you know what she told me? that she would sell her share of everything to have what we do. why do you always look at me for what i have first?” he asks angrily, the water pouring over his shoulders as they shake, “why can’t you just look at me first for once?”

“i do look at you,” you insist, “toru, all i ever see is you—”

“then stop caring what he says,” he says louder, his voice echoing through the small bathroom of your small apartment.

everything about your home is small—smaller than satoru’s especially. but he loves it, thinks he’d rather be here than anywhere else.

because it’s yours. and as long as you’re here, the world fits into this tiny apartment, the galaxy too.

“okay,” you say shakily. and then you nod, looking him in the eye, “you’ll handle it?”

he nods, kissing between your brows, “yeah, i’ll handle it. who else is gonna take over that company anyway?”

“but what if he finds someone else? and then he—”

“he won’t. my grandpa will shred him.”

“but he’s old, and he stepped down, so what really can he do if your dad decides—”

“god, baby,” he groans, pushing your body against the wall gently, “i love your voice, but you talk so much. i’m wanna listen to something else.”

his lips find your neck, sucking gently at the skin, hand trailing to your tits before his thumb circles your nipple. it’s slow, deliberate, teasing as it rolls over the bud.

you whimper, clutching onto him as a breathy, “t-toru,” leaves your lips.

“yeah,” he nods, “that’s what i wanna listen to instead.” his lips are in a grin against your neck, kissing and biting until he reaches your collarbone. “anyone dm you after you took me out of your socials?” he asks bitterly.

“j-just one,” you admit through a stutter, “b-but i didn’t even open it! i wasn’t really—oh, toru,” you gasp as his finger finds your clit, spreading your legs as he lets out a soft growl at your words.

“what? just cause my face isn’t on your instagram suddenly you’re not mine?” he asks, thumb rubbing harsh circles against the sensitive bundle of nerves—you close your eyes, moaning as your arms wrap tightly around his neck. “you’re always mine,” he murmurs against your ear, low and careful so you hear him well, “yeah? got that?”

“got it,” you nod furiously.

“got what?”

“‘m al-always—oh, fuck,” you mewl as one finger prods at your entrance, gathering your slick before slowly sliding through your walls.

“c’mon, sweetheart,” he says firmly, “finish your sentences.”

“always yours, toru! always yours—please, please j-just…”

“just what?” he raises a brow.

“more,” you sob—it’s a broken plea as your hips thrust against his finger.

he’s quick to slide in a second, thrusting his digits mercilessly into your soaked cunt, his palm gliding over your clit as the slick sound of his fingers fucking you is almost drowned by the water in the back.

your water bill will be high this month. you decide it’s a sacrifice satoru deserves.

“you think someone could ever learn this body better than me? make you cum like i can? you think anyone will ever love you enough to learn you like i do?”

“n-no,” you pant, his fingers hitting that spot inside of you so perfectly, you feel that dull ache build up quickly. it’s good—everything with satoru is good. his other hand finds your chest to pinch a nipple, twisting and squeezing until your nails leave indents on his shoulders as you moan loudly. “no one—no one but you.”

“exactly,” he growls, “how could you leave me? how could you leave us?”

“‘m sorry,” you sniffle, whimpering when the tips of his fingers slam against that spongey spot of your walls, fluttering around him and squeezing him in. you’re close—so close that you almost don’t know what he’s saying anymore, too focused on the way your impending orgasm is approaching. fast. “i’m sorry, i’ll never—ever leave again.”

“say you love me,” he demands.

it sounds like he’s pleading, though, if you listen closely. there’s a small crack in his voice, a slight shakiness that makes you force your eyes open and stare at him and whisper, “i love you, satoru. i love you.”

and then he rips his fingers out—right before you’re about to cum. you gasp, pleading nonsense as you cling to him and buck your hips and search for something, anything to take you over the edge.

and then you hear a sniffle. is he crying? is that wet droplet on your shoulder a tear or the water? you’re too busy calming down from your orgasm dying before it ever came to focus.

satoru’s hard against your thigh, throbbing and painful to sink into you. he strokes himself a few times, whimpers as his thumb gathers the pre cum from the sensitive tip, smearing it along his length as he shakily lets out a quiet moan.

“f-fuck, i gotta feel you. please, can i? please—”

“yes,” you pull him closer, grinding your heat over his hard-on, “yes please, toru. more, need more.”

he’s sliding along your folds, dragging the tip of his cock along your entrance and smearing a mix of your arousal with his. and then slowly, ever so gently, he’s pushing into your after that, pushing past your walls and bullying into your soaked cunt, curving into you perfectly.

it’s only been a week—you feel like you haven’t felt him in years. but it’s familiar. you remember every part of him, including every vein that drags along your walls and makes your head spin. he remembers every part of you, including where that spot is that he needs to angle his hips to find.

he slams into you, hard and rough and fast—doesn’t even let you adjust your position to hold onto him tighter before he’s thrusting his hips and fucking into you desperately. you can feel him, every inch of his skin against you, every part of him that’s touching you. and you can feel the way his cock nudges past your folds, the friction burning pleasure through ever nerve.

satoru knows how to fuck you, just like he knows how to love you, he knows your body—every dip and ever curve, every place to touch and every part that has you gushing around him. it’s just the way he is, too good at giving you what you want, what you need.

when he moans, it’s breathy and he’s panting as he lets out those soft whimpers that make your head spin. “feel that? feel me?” he asks, grunting as you squeeze around his length.

“yeah,” you breathe, “‘m so full.”

“i need you. please, please,” he murmurs, “can’t lose you, baby. never you,” he chants, the quiver in his voice tearing you apart.

“i’m right here,” you gasp, lacing your fingers with his and squeezing his hand. he squeezes back, just to let you know he’s there too, “right here, baby. you got me.”

and then he cums, just as soon as you whisper that—he spills right into you with a broken cry, his hips rolling, needy and desperate and so, so lost on the pleasure. he’s too busy working himself through his high, trembling over your body to care he’s cum too quick—and you don’t have it in you to tease him. you can feel the hot ropes of cum filling you, painting your walls white, fucking deep into you as the blunt head of his cock slams into you without a second of hesitation.

but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t falter that brutal pace as his hips slam into you, perfectly kissing your sweet spot every time. and before long, you break—your head pushes back against the wall behind you, mouth parted as you wail his name and cum—hard. you’re quivering and spasming around his swollen cock, enough that he whimpers at the way you’re so tight.

it’s good, it’s always good. satoru makes you feel good. he’s the best you’ve ever had—the best you’ll ever find.

and then you hear it again, the sniffle into your neck as he clutches you tightly. you know for sure that wet droplet is a tear this time, and your fingers tangle into his hair as you stroke the wet strands.

“i love you, toru,” you murmur, “my sweet boy. i’m sorry, okay? i’m so sorry.”

“don’t do that again,” he huffs in between tears, “that was so mean. so mean.”

“i said i won’t,” you chuckle, fighting back your own tears, “how long are you gonna hold this against me?”

“how long do you plan on being mine?”

“well,” you pull him from your neck, cupping his cheeks as you wipe away tears and peck his lips softly, “i think….forever.”

“well, get ready, then,” he glares softly, “i’m gonna hold this against you forever too.”

“okay,” you nod, “that’s fair.”

“and i love you too,” he adds, “but block whoever dm’d you. it better not be that zenin boy.”

“block those girls who’s pictures you liked,” you shoot back, glaring at him with a pout of your own.

“don’t yell at me,” he mumbles, leaning into your touch as your thumb strokes his cheek, “i’ve had a rough week. you have to be nice.”

dabitee anon. are u seeing this. did u see the satoru who cums too fast. did u see it. report back if u saw this. i repeat, dabitee anon report back if you see this

[rangersoup]

That day of the week again! And I've yet another wip-- im up to three going at once now which doesn't bode well for finishing them, but anywayyyyy...

Thanks @lemonlyman-dotcom @nisbanisba @heartstringsduet @carlos-in-glasses and @welcometololaland for tagging me! here's a little bit of my newest wip that has accidentally become very Soup centric. It is also being beta read by the lovely @futures-tense (pssssst, you should post something too!)

“Whenever you’re ready,” Sam says, patting Carlos’s shoulder with one hand and letting his other fall to the gun holstered on his hip. They’re not expecting trouble, but if his career has taught him one thing, its to always expect trouble, then if it comes a-knocking you’re never a step behind. Carlos reaches forward and opens the flimsy storm door, and wraps his fist against the heavy wooden one behind it. Then they wait, when there’s no response, he knocks again, a little more forceful this time. He tries the knob which betrays no give. It’s locked. “Maybe no one’s home?” Dante suggests with a small shrug. “Car’s in the driveway,” Sam says with a little shake of his head. Maybe whoever is inside doesn’t want to answer. Maybe the little old lady that lives here isn’t the only one that’s home. “You guys want to breach?” Dante asks. Carlos and Sam exchange glances that both mean the same thing. No. They don’t want to breach. They want to come back with SWAT and do this right.

oops. that was more than seven sentences.

anyway, OPEN TAG! anyone who wants to participate! and anyone who wants to can tag me!

[rebeltigera]

Hiiii!!! It me again who ask About wukong and mac dad relationships with mk-

Anywayyyyy Would macaque save Mk, if Mk badly injured by someone....And would Macaque hurt that person or just scared the,- *Sorry If this overwhelming, Remember drink water-*

Hiiii welcome again :D

*drinks water*

*Heavy spoilers ahead*

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There is a scene similar to that in my plans. (Animatic)

It will happen during scroll arc , ink curse is more powerful in this AU and actually TRY to hurt/kill people stuck there. It messes with ur head , making you see things barely different from reality like calabash

So imagine scenerio

Wukong got stuck in the scroll with the curse. Curse of course will try to mess with his head. And actually is able to do that. Wukong stay shocked basically seeing illusions of the scroll making him impossible easy target to strike

That doesn't happen however because Macaque and Mk arrive on the rescue.

They try to reach Wukong in time , however only MK is able to do that taking Wukong away from curse's grasp. Macaque was fighting off ink creatures.

That puts MK in danger because curse's focus is now on him.

This moment is the second time when Macaque's future hearing warns him and he decides to act.

[fayedartmouth]

Hi! 2 questions!

1. Do you have an update on your progress with your fix it? There are so many good ones on ao3 right now, but i check your page every day just to see if you comment on it or post a snippet! I literally can’t wait! So i would love to hear where you are in that process!

2. Something i just started thinking about. I remember in season 1. Kie talks about her kook year and she mentions how she got so depressed she was starting to consider self harm. It’s like never brought up again, but it is something we know she has struggled with in the past. Obviously we know JJ struggles with some similar things. It felt like such a waste to me that we never saw those two characters talk about it. especially considering everything jj went through in season 4 and the fact they were dating. I would loved to see them connect over that and talk through and heal together from that. Sooooo I was wondering if that’s something you plan to address in any of your future fics and if not if you would be willing to write a one shot about it? Either where they talk about it or where one of them tries to hurt themselves and they talk about it? or it could be on the boat in season 4. You know when he’s fully spiraling and nobody does ANYTHING.

Anywayyyyy, I love all your fics so much! You’ve been a huge part of this grieving process!

I wish I could write faster, like so much faster. Fix-it is currently pushing 150k. That's good! I just think it's probably only like half complete. And since I don't post unfinished fics to AO3, it just means there will be some waiting involved.

(As an aside, I'm also working far too much on the SECOND fix it fic because I keep talking to @woudsohfiv about it and she keeps asking me to and now I have 25k of THAT fic done as well. And I'd be lying if didn't say I had written a few scenes for the THIRD fic as well. I just like some scenes, lol.)

So I will have to post snippets to keep people interested -- and believing that I am, in fact, writing this monstrosity.

I'll dump one below.

As for point two! I hadn't really thought about it BUT arc 2 is going to have a lot of Kiara's struggles. She's in a very bad head space and she hits her rock bottom in arc 2. So I can probably definitely weave that into her POV. And arc 3 is reconciliatory for JJ and Kie, and they will both be confessing a LOT of secrets -- I can probably also bring that in. Given what JJ has to confess to her, her sharing that might actually really help and make sense, all things considered.

Okay, so snippet below! Let me ask this -- I'm never unsure of how much is too much -- or if spoilers are a problem. Do you prefer snippets that don't reveal too much? Or do you like snippets that provide key plot points? I'm just really bad at picking them!

The scene below is set at the end of their stint on the OBX in season -- when they set out to sail for Morocco. One huge thing I'm working with is providing more insight into the characters -- so we're getting more of JJ's trauma and a lot more concern from the Pogues. Everyone will be more likable and sympathetic than whatever it was we saw on screen.

“It’ll be the last time we see her, I guess,” JJ said.

John B looked at him, a little taken aback.  JJ’s face wasn’t colored with hurt; if anything, he seemed calmer than he had been.  As if looking in the face of the inevitable had solidified him somehow.

It was unsettling, to say the least.

But could John B say it was surprising?

Was any of this surprising?

He was pissed at JJ – he <i>was</i>.  JJ had cost them everything, and he had put them all on the line.  

But he’d said it before, back when they were just kids.  It didn’t matter whose fault it was.  This was a relationship, and JJ was his best friend.  JJ was his brother.

JJ was hurting; JJ was reeling.

He was watching JJ unravel in front of him, and anger didn’t get him anywhere.  Not when JJ’s troubles came from a place of pain, a place so deep in JJ that he hardly let it show.  A place so encompassing for JJ now that he didn’t know how to hide it.

His heart ached, then, as he watched JJ’s face.  Staring at the only place he’d ever felt happy.

The only home he’d ever had.

JJ wasn’t bidding goodbye to Poguelandia.

He was bidding goodbye to the very idea of home.

The very idea of family.

“JJ,” he said, and he wet his lips, looking for the words.  “We don’t know that.”

When JJ looked at him now, his expression was funny.  There was something there, seated deeply in his eyes.  Not quite amusement; not quite reassurance.  Almost like he wanted to believe John B – but knew he couldn’t.

It was almost pity.

“John B, I’m wanted for murder.  I burned down the town.  Breaking, entering, looting, arson–”

John B felt his chest start to tighten.  “Shoupe said we could make it go away.”

JJ smiled.  But tired.  Small.  <i>Weary</i>.  “The things I’ve done can’t just disappear,” he said, and he nodded back at the retreating view of Poguelandia.  “I’m the reason we can’t go home.  I’m the reason it’s gone.  Me.”

Back on the beach, with Shoupe on their tails, he had wanted to hear that.  He’d needed JJ to take responsibility and own up to it.  For losing their home.  For putting them all in danger.  For putting Sarah – and the baby in danger.

But that was the problem, in the end.  JJ knew his faults.  JJ knew them better than the rest of them.  He had internalized them all his life.  Luke had made sure JJ understood that much:  that he was the problem.

So much so that JJ made himself the problem.

During the last 18 months, John B often let himself forget that those memories still haunted JJ.

Standing there with him, looking back at the wreckage of the last week, he reminded himself how willfully naive he’d been.  Like 18 months could undo what JJ had spent 18 years learning.

JJ didn’t need to take the blame.

JJ needed to believe – for the first time in his life – that he could do better.  That he had a future.  Not the one Luke beat into him.  Not the one Groff had left him behind for.  But they one they were going to build – together.

Blame and fault – that was what went before.

Hope and change – that was what had to get them forward.

JJ had plenty of the former and, John B realized with a growing dread, almost none of the latter.  

JJ lips quirked up, his smile wry.  It didn’t reach his eyes as he shook his head and looked down again.  “I’m the reason we lost it,” he said quietly, and there was no condemnation they could make that matched what JJ already felt for himself.  “I’m the reason we lost everything.”

John B swallowed, and when he blinked, his eyes were burning.  “It was just a house, JJ.  It was land,” he said.

JJ looked up, eyes wide.  He made a choked off laugh, pointing to the shoreline behind them.  “It was our business, our home – <i>everything</i>.”

It had never been just a house.  It had never been just land.  John B knew that; that was why it’d been so easy to forgive JJ after he blew so much money buying it.  He knew what it meant then, to own it, to take it back for himself.

He knew what it meant now, to lose it.

Denial, though, was the only friend John B had, more long-lasting than JJ.  He drew himself up, shaking his head.  “Well, we’ll find the Blue Crown.  We’ll get another fortune.  And we’ll make another one.”

He spoke it with conviction.  Did he believe it?  Was it something he was sure of?

He had to believe it.  They’d done the impossible before – so many times.

All because John B told them they could.

JJ had never doubted him.

But now, standing there on the deck, he could see the change.  JJ doubted him now.

John B’s passion had always been enough for the both of them.

JJ had lost too much, though.  Passion, hope, belief – not even revenge.  John B had the growing fear that none of it would be enough for JJ now.  People weren’t inexhaustible.  Spirit wasn’t indefatigable.  Humanity had limited resources, and everyone ran out when pushed too long and too hard.

Even JJ.

Especially JJ.

“You make it sound easy,” JJ said finally, and his voice was small.  There was no anger; there was no vitriol.  But the sound was laden with regret.

The life not realized.

JJ had seen it for a second – a fleeting second – the possibility.

Now, he was standing face to face with a bleaker reality.  One he could no longer see his way past.

He couldn’t bullshit this.  He couldn’t pretend like it wasn’t real, not when they were running from the law, making a last-ditch effort to save everything.  “It wasn’t easy last time.”

John B knew his own hubris had started this.  It had been his insistence that set them on this path, putting all of them in danger time and time again.  JJ had wanted him to stop once.

Now, he wasn’t sure JJ could keep doing this at all.

For all their sakes, he had to.

“B, that’s the point.  I don’t know if we can do it again – if we can capture that same magic that got us here,” JJ said with a short, hot exhale.  He shook his head, gesturing helplessly to the horizon, where land was growing distant. He looked down, seeming to shrink into himself.  “I don’t know if I can do it again.”

JJ had always been able to do that, to make himself smaller somehow.  The way he held himself, the way he tried to make himself disappear.  As if he could will himself out of existence once and for all.

John B reached out, taking JJ by the shoulder to keep him from retreating further.  “We’re going to find that crown.  We’re going to fix everything.”

Looking out across the water, JJ seemed to sigh.  He knew JJ, better than anyone.  He knew JJ had a finite ability to fight.  He knew that his defenses only last so long before they just fell.

He was pretty sure they were almost there.

Or, as he looked at JJ’s face, looking tiredly across the water, he thought maybe they were already there.

“I want that,” he said softly.  His voice was quiet over the sound of the engine almost lost in the churning of the water beneath the hull.  He looked at John B.  “For you guys.  I want that.”

John B felt the twinge in his chest.  “For <i>us.</i>”

He said it with force and certainty.  It was an effort to convince JJ.

But JJ just looked away again.  “I don’t know anymore.”

The admission was small – and huge all at the same time.  That twinge deepened, and John B felt the flutter in his chest send a wave of panic down his spine.  “JJ, I’m serious,” he said.  “This is for us.”

It wasn’t enough to bring JJ’s gaze back to him.  If anything, the sadness seemed to settle.  It seemed to take hold.  “Maybe it shouldn’t.”

The words were soft.

They hit <i>hard</i>.

There was something about them.  Something futile.  Something resigned.

Something like giving up.

All the years, he’d known JJ.  JJ hadn’t quit.  He’d gone through so much shit – too much shit – and always got back up swinging.

Something had changed.

Looking at JJ, he worried everything had changed.

And he didn’t know how to undo it.  He didn’t know how to fix it.

John B didn’t know how.

“What?” he asked instead.

JJ shrugged with a quiet sense of loss.  “You said it yourself,” he said, giving John B a tired look.  “This is my fault.  All of this.  Is <i>exclusively my fault.</i>”

It was true, was the thing.  John B had said it.  He’d practically demanded it, pinned JJ down, backed him into the corner until the admission was forced out of him.  In the moment – as it all came crashing down – he’d needed JJ to take that accountability.  He’d needed JJ to stop and realize what he’d done.

With emotions high – and stakes higher – it had mattered.

Because JJ didn’t think.  He never thought.

But then, John B had always known that.

And he knew why.

JJ didn’t know how.  JJ had no means for it.  He had no emotional grounding for it.

When most people were drowning, they saved themselves.  It was normal human reaction to put yourself in the lifeboat first.  It was what they all did.  It was what John B did.

It wasn’t what JJ did.

When push came to shove, JJ would jump out of the boat every single time.

JJ would drown so they could float.

And sometimes, it was easy to let him.

“I know,” he said, sighing heavily.  “But I didn’t mean–”

JJ looked at him.  The look on his face was hard to explain.  It was something John B hadn’t seen before.  JJ had been beaten down a lot in his life.

But John B had never seen him <i>broken</i>.

Not like this.

“You did,” JJ said.  There was no malice; there was no anger.  Just acceptance.  “And you were right.  All of you were right.  I ruin everything.  Everything falls apart because of me.”

John B felt his gut twist.  That had never been his point.  “I just wanted you to think about the consequences of your actions–”

“I know,” JJ said.  “I’m a moron.  I’m just stupid.  I mean, come on.  Luke wouldn’t have beat a kid who did it right.  And Groff – he wouldn’t have tried to kill me if I was <i>worth anything</i>.”

The self loathing now rippled just beneath the surface.  JJ’s face was taut with his, his voice heavy.  “JJ, shut up,” he said.  He inhaled sharply, curbing his emotions as best he could.  “That’s bullshit, and you know it.”

But JJ didn’t.

JJ didn’t know it.

JJ didn’t know it at all.

The funny thing about it all was that JJ didn’t need accountability.  No one hated JJ – more than JJ himself.  Luke had beaten him down.  Groff had broken him.

And John B had scattered the pieces all across the OBX in a self-righteous haze.

It wasn’t his fault.

But what was it he’d said?  That it wasn’t about blame?

It was just about the way two people who loved each other could hurt each other.  It was just about how two people who loved each other owed the other one everything, just for one more chance to make it right.

“JJ, good things are going to happen,” he said, stepping closer and holding his gaze.  “I swear, J.  This is going to work out.  It <i>is</i>.”

In the dying light, JJ looked stripped down.  The color washed from his face and the pretenses gone in his eyes.  John B had a sudden, horrible thought, that no matter what happened on this trip, no matter what they found, it would never make up for what JJ had lost.

“I don’t think I get good things,” JJ said, and he exhaled, a small breathless smile with no humor.  “I don’t think I get any good thing, B.”

It wasn’t just the words, the fleeting thoughts.

It was the certainty.

It was the plain certainty written all over JJ’s face, carried like a weight on his shoulders that he would never shrug off.

And John B had wanted to place blame.

Like JJ hadn’t spent his entire life thinking it was his fault.

“JJ,” he said, his own breath catching.  He shook his head.  “Why would you say that?”

He knew why.  John B had known why since the first day JJ showed up at the Chateau, bloody and bruised.  The day he insisted, swore up and down that he was fine, that he was okay, that his dad loved him.

The only way to love a world that hated you, after all, was if you took the blame.

And carried it all your life, right down to the grave.

“I don’t deserve them anyway,” JJ said.  “I mean, I had a good thing — I had the best thing, everything I ever wanted.  I had you guys, I had the charter, I had Kie—“

His voice broke, the weight of his words filling the void between them as John B didn’t trust himself to speak.

“And I threw it away,” JJ continued, voice falling soft into the stillness as he looked back across the water.  He looked at John B, swallowing hard.  “And worse, I took all of you down with me.”

John B stepped closer, taking JJ by the arm.  “Hey, none of that bullshit," he said.

JJ frowned.  “But you said—“

John B rolled his eyes.  “I was mad.  I was stressed.  I didn’t mean it.”

JJ’s face contorted.  “You should have,” he said and quickly shook his head as he pulled out of John B’s grasp.  “You did.  You were right.”

“No, because this isn’t just you or me.  It’s all of us together,” he said.  “P4L, remember?”

JJ physically flinched at the familiar invective.

John B pressed it.  “We went down together, okay?” he said.  “We’ll get back up together, too.”

And for a moment, JJ held his gaze.  For a moment, JJ heard him,

For a moment, JJ believed him.

But the reality crashed back in, and JJ looked away, blinking hard as he breathed heavily.  “We’ll see,” he mumbled, wholly unconvinced.

He wanted to reassure him.  He wanted to fix this.

Because JJ was his best friend.  JJ was his brother.  John B had lost too many people. He couldn't lose another one, not JJ

It wasn’t the same, though.  It didn’t work the way it used to.

JJ was right here with him, and he’d never been further away.  John B had known this from the start.  JJ wasn’t reckless for the sake of pissing them off.  JJ wasn’t reckless because he was stupid or selfish.  JJ was reckless because he was scared.

JJ was reckless because he would rather choose his own pain than endure what others gave him.  The race had been a sign that JJ was losing control, and John B hadn’t done anything.  Then with Luke, Groff, the land, the riot.

John B had been so wrapped up in himself that he’d lost sight of JJ.

Now, even as he tried to steer them to salvation, he worried he might lose JJ altogether.  Death took many forms, he knew this from experience.  The worst ones happened while your heart was still beating and air still moved in your lungs.

Because JJ <i>was right here</i>.

But he felt further away than ever.

[soaps-mohawk]

HELLO LONG TIME NO SEE!!!

I’m currently in school and have been staving off ✨The Horrors✨ but I’m slowly emerging from the slog of work to return to this hellsite (affectionate). Turns out college requires time and effort. Who knew, right?

Anywayyyyy

I just want to say I LOVED Kyle-tober. I just see his face and I’m giggling and kicking my feet, so it was such a treat to be able to get a whole month of

Second: I’m excited to see what you do with CRCB! I’m also in the midst of rewriting a fic (twins 🙂‍↕️) and I’m sending good vibes. I know it can be a little difficult and overwhelming at times, but you got this.

Hope you’re doing well!!!

-🍓

Omg hi!!! It has been a long while!!! It's good to see you again!!! College is so hard, I commend everyone who is going right now.

Aww thank you!!! I'm glad you enjoyed Kyletober!! Makes me happy to hear!!

Omg twins!! It's a hard decision to make but I think it's the right one for future plot reasons. The path it's on is a good one, but not the right one for the happy ending 💚

[blkkizzat]

Okay would I be wrong to say that-

First of all, gojo would be an EXTREME Drake/Nicki (Meg too) fan?? Choso definitely blasts Rod Wave and XXXTentacion in the car, at home, and sometimes with his brothers. Toji is giving BIG DaBaby and Kevin Gates energy (Choso freaky ass listens to Kev too it’s just always in private😂😂) Geto is like a mix of Khalid, Tory Lanez, 6LACK, Giveon, and a lil J. Cole sprinkled in dere🤏🏽. Sukunas def giving Desiigner, King Von, Nardo Wick and mayyyybe Travis Scott…? Anything aggressive. (I would say Baby Kia but that’s the easy way out and we die like men😤) And Nanami fs listens to Miguel religiously, even before he meets usss. Also Fetty wap, T-pain, OutKast, and Akon after he meets us.

Anywayyyyy… just a thought😏 I’m dying for your opinion on thisss😫

omg yasss! you get it!!! do we share a brain cause YESSS to ALL of this!!! waiit i love u sm for this cause i have many thots when it comes to music and jjk...

I'm convinced Gojo and Drake the same people in different timelines dkhskdjahsdkjads Drake literally calls himself the 6 god.

AND THIS WAS ONE OF HIS LOGOS!!

Gojo reppin young money til the wheels fall off (and they wont cause he rich! hfjchsdkjhsk) he love him some nicki and wayne too!

This was one of the first headers I made for my blog

sidenote: Dogtooth by Tyler the creator is one of my fav gojo coded songs.

LMFAO Choso DEFINITELY bumping xxxtenacion and rod wave. Although I do think Tory's Alone at Prom album (a MASTERPIECE BTW) is super Choso coded. WAIT u got me HOWWWWLING though cause I'm picturing Choso door locked, under covers headphones on listening to Kevin Gates with a college ruled notepad taking fucking notes like "okay...feet facing the ceiling, then i put my tongue in her ass and kiss on her kitty..." (supergeneral freestyle)

Toji definitely got black air force energy so Da Baby and Kevin ALL DAYYYY. Rockstar by Da Baby reminds me of Toji so much. Workout by J. Cole and Mask off by Future. FUTURE IN GENERAL LMFAO. Fitting that Gojo is Drake and Future is Toji and they have beef now lmfaoooo. Cause I def see Toji being tight Gojo stole his bitch jfdhsdkjhaks. He also listens to Migos and 21 savage.

OTW by Khalid is like my FAV Geto coded song, you on the MONEY with that. I also think he is hella Travis Scott coded imo. Also Geto smoother than a motherfucker so yass to Giveon and also Chris Brown (like Under the Influence??? omg). I also think Geto is very The Weeknd/Abel coded cause of the self destructive/dark themes of some of his songs... like "Blinding Lights" and "Faith". OMFG so guilty pleasure headcanon is Geto is into the reggae scene in Japan (which is actually pretty big) and he loves dance hall music so he be bumpin Daddy Yankee and Sean Paul LOLOL. But then also Afrobeats in general cause he would blow your BACK OUT slow and sensual to love nawantiti by ckay fhjkadshsdk.

I can def see Sukuna bumping Desiigner and King Von! My fav Sukuna songs are "No Church in the wild" by JayZ and Kanye. Also Power by Kanye. Also I think Sukuna would bump Kendrick when he on mad time lmfaooo. Notorious Thugs by Biggie and Bone thugs is SO Sukuna. So is steady mobbin by young money tbh. "try me and ill have yo people reading eulogies" (gojo tease lmfaooo). Lmao infact wait Sukuna is Wayne and Toji is Gucci Mane on that song dhkadkahsdk.

Nanami is the one who is the hardest for me to make a playlist too but i like your ideas, I can totally see outkast being his vibe and I never thought of that before OMFG. I also think we could really influences his choices too. Idk if you like Glass Animals but Gooey gives me Nanami. So does French Montana and Swae lee "Unforgettable". Here is a screenshot of my Nanami playlist its all over the place LOL

what do you think???

[fayes-fics]

loveeee the new chapter sm!! when reader is looking at benedict asleep on the couch it reminds me of monica and chandler from friends in a way lol

Hi Nonny! 🫶

Aww thank you! I was a little nervous to post it as the meet-cute has been building.

Hahah I know the moment you mean! 🫶 I guess it was less funny than that, cos I wanted reader to have a moment of just straight up ogling Benedict 😂. Experiencing intense desire for the first time is important to her growth and decisions about her future/what she wants.

Anywayyyyy more to come soon I hope 😁🧡����

[emerysnonsense]

Hihi sweet tea!!!!

Just sending this before I get too busy and forget

Going through a t o n of my stuff so I can get rid of stuff I don’t want

Not excited for work tomorrow but yknow it’s work and I get payed so eh

But yeah I wanna try and get rid of as much stuff as I can so that I just don’t have a heck ton of it in my room ^^’

So really just trying to keep the stuff I really want

My leg is fine, still very much scratched up but it doesn’t hurt, just bandaged so it doesn’t bleed everywhere

Hmmmm…. Just a lotta stuff I gotta think about whether I want or not….

Anywayyyyy hopefully your day has been good!

Feeling better hopefully, maybe enjoying the books you got?

Anywayyy goodnight and sweet dreams sweet tea!!!!!!

Lotsssssss of platonic love to you sweet tea!!!!

Remember to take care of yourself!!!!!

<33333333333333333333333

hi starshine!

am doing the exact same actually

I have so much stuff I don't use anymore and there's some clothes I grew out of, so I'm getting rid of some things

will probably donate my old clothes

maybe some of the other stuff as well

and I'm fine, don't worry

for some reason I can't stay upset or sad for long, never have

it's the same this time

maybe it's because I expect bad things like that to happen and am sort of prepared for it? I don't know

besides, now I can say I have friends at my side who are there for me when I need it

so don't worry, ok?

and yes, the books are good

and I already know I will have a small fixation on fae in the near future because of it :)

anyways, I'll continue cleaning before I lose motivation completely

lots of platonic love to you starshine <33333333333333333

thanks for worrying about me <333

[joheunsaram]

Happy Fanfic Writers Appreciation Day, Mars! Thank you so much for everything you do, and thank you for sharing beautiful fics with us. It means a lot!!💕

For the game: 2, 6, 15!🦋

THIS IS SO LATE LOL. But I got swamped with life and lack of laptop lol. Anywayyyyys thanks for sending this Ryen ily!!!!!

2. What is your favorite snippet of dialogue?

Ooooo. There's so manyyyy lol I start all my fics with just little dialogues but this one from platonically invincible is one of my favssss (cause im still waiting for seokjin to call me invincible tbhtbh) “Hongbin’s a fucking idiot, you know that right?” Seokjin interjected between your sniffles, cupping your face tightly, conviction turning his eyes ablaze. “You are remarkable. You are fucking invincible. If he couldn’t see that in the first second he met you, he is the biggest idiot on the planet.”

6. What’s the detail you wait on bated breath for readers to notice?

Hmm... for my stories I tend to add little tidbits to hint at the past for the characters (also to give me future drabble fodder lol) or I'll add like some political/philosophical insight between the comedy depending on what im reading atm lol not a lot of people get it but when they do its like Christmas for me! An example is how Never Never Fall was lowkey a commentary on housewives and roles of women in relationships even though yoongi and reader weren't even married! one of my readers caught that and I tell you I SCREAMED with joy.

15. Give us a snippet of something from your WiPs!

Welllll here's one from a Seokjin crime chaebol fic im working on “I knew this dress would look amazing on you,” he sighed, eyes roaming the way the fabric stretched perfectly over your chest, denting over your hard nipples, and you couldn’t help but smirk. “You know what’s the best thing about it?” you asked him, kissing at the dip between his collarbones as he panted, humming in question. “It has pockets.” Reaching inside the side pocket, you pulled out the blade you had spent all morning sharpening, just to make sure it would be ready for this moment. Sharp enough to slice into him like butter before he even knew what was happening, right under his ribs.  You watched his face drop from pleasure to horror as he stared at you, jaw slack, only shutting with a whimper when you stood up. Leaving the knife buried to the hilt in his torso, you wiped his blood on his shirt, lifting a leg to push at his chest, enjoying the way he easily fell over, still too shocked to move. “This is a warning,” you said curtly, a heel poking at his wound, smiling when he whined in pain. You ignored his cries of your name when you stepped away from him, picking up the document you needed from his desk. Walking away from him, your earlier anger subsided into triumph. Nobody double crossed you. Not even Kim Seokjin.

Ask me fanfic writer questions!

[stranger-nightmare]

(i’m so nervous oml)

hi okay i’m new, and i’m so obsessed with your writing style it’s insane. let’s see uhhh some stuff about me

- i write poetry (i do nsfw/sfw commissions and stuff for free for my mutuals/friends)

- my favorite color is deep blue and dark almost thick red

- i have synesthesia so the way i describe things can be a little different sometimes (hence why i write poetry)

- and i’m in a shit ton of fandoms

anywayyyyy, i’ll probably send something again soon when i can think of it

~ Ez ( new anon <3 )

ahhh hi my love!!

it’s so nice to meet you! I’m always so happy to gain a new anon! I can’t wait to hear more from you in the future, welcome to my nightmare realm darling!!

-hope

[peach-pot]

i have so many thoughts about kuroo from hq !! he is an annoying little cat true true & like uhmmm i have a ton of hcs but canonically i just rlly like that he's like very kind beneath his coy nature & he just likes helping other awkward kids reach their full capacity !! he is very silly too, very very silly ! idk if u have read the manga but there's a bunch of insight on him that like drives me bonkers bananas !! one small hc that came from trivia : furudate (the author) colored his eyes differently a bunch of times (grey, gold & maroon) so i hc he has heterochromia & he hides it with that awful fringe ... anywayyyyy sorry he's just my main blorbo of five years, i care him & i like hearing what others think of him hehehe thank u for indulging me ... do u have some hcs of ur own ? for ur fav i mean

lots of thoughts yay!! and that’s such a fun headcanon!!! i have not read the manga but I might in the future. I’ve got the first one I borrowed from my bf just haven’t gotten around to reading it…

I also really like hearing about other folks’s headcanons for characters! I have a whole google doc for hq headcanons I enjoy and most of them are ones I heard other people talking about rather than ones I thought of myself lol.

hmm a headcanon I have for kenma is that he’s a very unpredictable texter. like a teammate will text him about something super time sensitive and won’t get a reply until a few days later but then hinata will send him like. a random string of emojis and immediately receive a text back.

[olivieblake]

Olivie! Boy Blake is absolutely gorgeous and the perfect little nugget. Congratulations to you and your family! Also, love all the hype TAS is getting these days. It is well deserved praise for your other baby hah!

I don’t know if I really have a question but more of a need for community.

I have always wanted kids and am in a very happy marriage. We have discussed growing our family multiple times and decided it is something we both want very soon. Tmi maybe…but we stopped trying to prevent pregnancy this last month and I just found out a couple days ago that I am pregnant.

I thought that I would be soooo excited when I found out but I just feel kind of numb. I am not sad at all about the pregnancy because the baby is very much wanted but I don’t feel excited? Maybe scared? I guess I am just kind of shocked that it happened so quickly (which is dumb because I know how babies are made). I know that many people struggle to conceive and I feel horrible for having these feelings. My whole sexual life was about preventing pregnancy and now that the day is here and I am pregnant I feel kind of like “oh my god, what did we do!?” I didn’t want talk to my family or friends yet because is is very early still.

Ultimately, I can’t stop crying and can’t wrap my head around my feelings. Can I blame hormones yet?! I have talked to my husband about this but can’t seem to explain it right. I’m sure by the time you read this, the news will have sunk in and I will be in a different mental space.

I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt this way or has any advice.

Anywayyyyy congrats again and hope you and Mr. Blake are soaking up all the newborn love. 🖤

hi, thank you so much! I am trying very hard not to, you know, commodify my infant or whatever, but I don't think I'll be able to resist occasionally posting pictures of him... he is truly the cutest thing I've ever laid eyes on (no offense to your future child, who I'm sure is also extremely gorgeous, but mine is like. to die for. it's fine I'm fine)

anyway, I'm going to talk about this and my experience with pregnancy/motherhood for my first episode back to Not Writing, but I definitely want to reassure you that all of this is totally normal! pregnancy is such a strange time of extreme emotions—joy, anxiety, an odd tingling numbness, excitement that feels like terror, excitement that feels like nausea, nausea that is actually nausea. just in my recent experience I've observed a lot of different reactions to pregnancy—I had some infertility issues (a few months trying, then a minor surgical procedure to remove a polyp), my friend had major infertility issues (a year plus of trying, then IVF), and my sister-in-law got pregnant immediately after stopping birth control, like you did. we all ultimately had our babies at around the same time, so I completely understand that feeling of relief and happiness that mixes with anxiety—which then makes you feel guilty, right? because other people have it harder. it's the suffering olympics times a hundred purely because it's so intimate AND burdened by social expectations at the same time. in my personal experience, it's a weird sensation of feeling undeserving somehow, just because you can't necessarily experience a joy that's completely uncomplicated or untainted by some trepidation (not to mention that pregnancy is HARD on your body and mind—something I've talked about before and will surely discuss again)

but the thing is that every experience is different, and as sensitive as it is to discuss motherhood (or the equally charged feeling that motherhood is not for you), I don't think there's a (reasonable) person on earth who would begrudge you your mix of feelings. this is a HUGE change! change is always difficult—even when it's for the better, even when it's something you wanted, even when it's something you have that other people don't. you have nothing to feel guilty for or bad about just because you are bracing for the unknown. that is a natural response to the beautiful and excruciating uncertainty ahead

for what it's worth, congratulations! I know it's early, and I know it feels like any bad feeling or intrusive thought could jinx you. the thing is it won't—whatever happens is a matter of biology, not vibes. but anxiety is what it is, and if you struggle with your feelings from time to time, that is normal and understandable. be kind to yourself! don't have any expectations for how you should feel. pregnancy is hard enough without prescribing yourself a certain set of feelings—so just feel everything. be happy when you're happy and be scared when you're scared. share it with your partner, with people who love you! and don't lock any of that away, because more people than you know are capable of relating to it. you never know who will feel gratified by hearing your truth.

and once again, I'm so happy you shared your news with me! sending you love and, you know, the occasional peace of mind (and try mandarin oranges for nausea lol—I bought them by the crate after some excellent advice from @colubrina)

[destinyc1020]

"I thought it was Zendaya" LMAOO random people on twitter crack me up. But ngl Tom looks good as a woman lol🥰

also those jokes about Tom getting cast in everything annoy me bc he isn't really. it's just that he's getting cast in big productions but same thing with Timmy or Anya Taylor Joy and I don't see ppl being that pressed about it.

Unfortunately I feel like whatever he will do next in his career, ppl are gonna say "omg i'm tired of seeing his face in everything.." Getting cast as one of the biggest superheroes of all time has its good and bad too i guess.. Some close minded people will never see beyond him as Spider-Man when he's much more than that. A lot of times those same people are saying "I can't take him seriously he will always be peter parker in my eyes" but he literally started his career as a drama actor and is pretty solid in that area ? Anywayyyyy hope this will change in the future

🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️🔹️

Omg you're right lol. I actually thought that was a real woman! Silly me, I didn't even realize they were all Tom in the picture until I took a closer look lol 😅

But yea, Tom makes a pretty woman lol... which is odd to say lol. 😅 If he ever has daughters they'll be good I guess lol.

But yea, being cast on a blockbuster has its pros and cons for sure. I don't even think it's that he's been cast as Spider-man that's the problem. The problem is that MOST ppl didn't know who he was BEFORE Spider-man.... that's the problem lol.

If he had gotten super famous off of a hugely popular dramatic film, then ppl seeing him in Spider-man after that wouldn't have made much of a difference. 🤷🏾‍♀️

The problem is most ppl haven't seen his more serious works that he did BEFORE Spider-man, so they are always surprised when they see Tom in his more current serious films, and realize, "oh wow, this guy can really act".

If anything it's prob a compliment.🙃 I've never understood though when ppl say they can't see an actor as anything else other than a particular role. But then complain that they don't think that actor is good. I mean, if you can't see that actor as anything but Peter Parker, then that's already testament that they did such a convincing job, they you can't see them as anyone else lol. 😅 That's just weird to me though because actors are literally ppl who become other ppl all the time.

I'm sure as time goes by ppl will be able to separate Tom from Peter Parker. He will just need to do more roles. Other Marvel actors have done it. Tom can too. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[tarot28]

Hi it’s monday and I did a weekly spread and here it is!!

And here are the cards that I drew in order: 5 of pentacles (reversed), 10 of pentacles (reversed), nine of pentacles, page of pentacles, and knight of swords (reversed)

HERE’S THE BREAKDOWN OK OK OK 

First I want to say that I’ve been having this thing where my monthly spread and then the daily card that I drew for today and then this weekly spread that I did have all really relate to me and my life so I’m a little worried that they’re not applicable to other people.  I post and read with the intent of reading for others more than reading for myself so I would love a little feedback on like how much it makes sense to other people.

I got a little weird when I was pulling cards because it was pentacles after pentacles after pentacles and like yikes weird coincidence.  It was a really cool moment especially like when you think about it statistically a little bit anywayyyyy

Pentacles are focused on the material world and business, which means the week is heavily based in career and financial matters, rather than emotion or logic though both are components.  Overall the outlook is positive, though there’s so many reversed cards.  The 5 of Pentacles (reversed) draws attention to the fact that you’re on the up and up.  You might have recently faced a rough patch or dry spell in your career or finances, leading you to be dependent on others.  Recently though, this has begun to come to close and you’re beginning to become more hopeful.  Additionally, the 10 of Pentacles (reversed) highlights the positive aspects of the difficulties that you’ve begun to overcome.  It gave you time to figure out what you want.  As you’re building your future you’re able to distinguish between what feels good from what is good for you.

Negative aspects of this week are represented by the 9 of pentacles.  You’re on the rise, and looking forward to being independent.  Though it might be tempting and seem satisfying to do things yourself and try to pull yourself up, you still need the people around you and the opportunities that they can offer.  Be cautious about being blinded by your growing independence to the point that you become ignorant to the people and environment around you.  They could bring you more success than what you could bring yourself.

The Page of Pentacles also highlights the potential and success that you could find.  This week, you might be focused so much on the outcomes and your dreams and goals and the end result that you could be forgetting the details.  It’s time to look practically at where you have the potential to go and lay down foundations and ways that could get you to where you wish to be.  The Knight of Swords (reversed) affirms this and your potential to make progress.  You have a lot of energy and want to get going on all your ambitions.  Right now, you need to slow down and figure out exactly what you need and what steps you take. You’re being called to a slower and more technical approach to your future and success and that is the most efficient use of your energy.  Once you lay the foundations and gather all that you need, you’ll be moving forward by leaps and bounds.

Let me know what y’all thought!! I really like the spread and I think it’s kinda cute and weather themed :)

<3 hh 

[flying-elliska]

I was thinking of the parallel universe thing because I did a speed rewatch of Elu moments and like

When Lucas offers his theory about the parallel universes, it's to comfort Eliott, because Eliott says he finds it difficult to make choices when so much hangs in the balance. It's a bit sad because at that point Lucas hates his life and he talks about the amazing lives he is not having - but let's be frank, no French teenagers are realistically surfing in Bali or making deals with Russians (or very few at least) so these are more things he could do in the future, there's a sense of hope there. And even if he won't do these things, there's a sense he thinks he has the capacity to do them. It's sad, but it's a little empowering too.

However Eliott seems to be more focused on the things he did wrong in the past - when he talks about freaking out about how things could have been different in Samedi 09:17, it feels even the good things are incredibly fragile to him. Polaris, with its two protagonists stuck in different realms, is also in a sense about the fragility/necessity of choice, about his own hopes. In the drawings he gives Lucas during Hell Week, he uses parallel universes to apologize for his mistakes, not reaching out, and to lament Lucas's silence. In an other world Eliott is brave enough, but in this one he is missing out on his destiny. He believes that they are meant to be together, but that they won't be, and there's something so fatalistic about that. Lucas called himself Lucas n°1, but in the seemingly happy drawing of them together covered in paint, Eliott number one is nowhere to be seen - as if they were meant to end together in an incalculably high number of universes, but not this one. He can't speak his truth because losing Lucas is too scary, so he pretends to be fine, that this is a universe where he doesn't have this problem, even though he knows it can't last forever. There's just this vertiginous sadness underneath all that - he's still terrified of missing Lucas, of making the wrong choice, and the more he fears it, the more it is likely to happen, and he probably knows this, and he can't do anything about it. He still wants to be consumed by the star. To me this is one of the most heartbreaking and real portrayals of mental illness I've come across.

Coming back to Lucas - he knows about pretending and feeling like there are no other options. He's uniquely situated among his peers to understand Eliott, in fact, but for that he might have to come to terms with certain things in his past. Daydreaming about an alternate reality/parallel universe is a common coping mechanism among kids who have fucked up families, but when you grow up at some point you have to accept the past as it was and stop trying to compensate for it otherwise you run the risk to get stuck in it and let your fears drive you. Maybe he had an easier life in another universe, but in this one, he's probably learnt a lot of compassion and this is a strength, too. When he finally learns about Eliott's MI he might panic because of the situation in which it happens and his abandonment issues but I think in the end he will be most heartbroken over the fact that Eliott didn't feel like he could tell him and had to suffer alone. And he will find a way to tell him that he is Eliott n°1 - not only that they are together in all possible universes (theoretically, in an abstract way, with imaginary/idealized perceptions of themselves, due to fate or random luck) but most importantly that he's choosing him in this particular universe, grounding Eliott and dispelling his anxieties at the same time he's putting his own to rest abt abandonment cycles. And that no matter how many mistakes they make, no matter how flawed they both are, they will keep finding each other, and that's what makes them real. That's how they meet across any universe that would get in the way.

Anywayyyyy this is how I'm coping what about you guys ? 🤗💕