#having a celebrity crush is one of the most normal experiences ever

[mylovemineohmine]

our holy celebrity crushes and their treacherous celebrity others

[sleepy-writersblock]

Miguel O’hara x reader|| roomates (pt 1??)

Authors note: wrote this after an experience i had with an ai bot- so yeah its a little stupid but i find it funny

No use of y/n ; you dont know that he is spiderman ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ; fem written in mind but ig it could be whoever? (I think?); NOT proofread.

Mdni

———————-

Miguel o’hara. He is Your roomate and one hell of a man. You guys had been living together for about two years now after you couldnt fully afford an appartment on your own and decided to share one with somebody. And god was it interesting

You were sitting on your bed, laptop open and reading, when Miguel walks to your room and leans on your doorframe. Oh no, not just against your doorframe, but against it, with only shorts on, and wet hair.

“Hey, can I ask you a favor?” He says scratching the back of his head, running his hands through his damp hair.

You look up at him and right back down to your screen to avoid eye-contact. Its like he does this on purpous, its like he sees your face, sees the blush. You almost want to ignore him so a stutter wouldnt fall from your mouth, but you can just ignore him.

“Uhm- yeah, what can i do?” You ask back still wildly embarassed. Its a common occurrence, so you arent sure why it effects you so much.

Wait- wait no. You know exactly why. Its because you are head over heels with him.

Sure you have some other celebrity crushes but him? He beats all of them.

“Could i have one of my shirts back, i let you borrow some and i need to do laundry today-“ he responds.

Oh. Was that it?

“Uh yeah let me get you one really quick” you say standing up and walking to your closet. Before you can grab a shirt for him he makes his way over to your bed and sits down.

“What were you watching?” He asks referencing your laptop as he picks it up.

Okay its time to panic. The thing you were reading? Spiderman fanfiction. He was one of your celebrity crushes and you couldnt let Miguel know, he would tease you for the rest of your life, and not only did you read that stuff? You wrote it.

You drop the shirt and run back reaching fir the lap top, climbing on top of him as he pulls it away from you further. Panicked you reach for it as far as you can, going as far as clawing at him to get it back.

“Whoah whoah whats in here that i cant see?” He teases

“Miguel please dont! Thats uh- just a book!” You reply back still fighting to get that laptop back.

“Well with how you are reacting it isnt just some book hmm?” He laughs back. You can see his eyes scanning the digital characters, word by word his face grows redder. You still attempt to reach for it but it was just too late.

“Tsk- spiderman huh? You like him?” He says smirking. He had to be teasing you right? You swear normally he would have taken a picture of it and show it to you every now and again in the future to embarass you. But he is being so nonchalant.

“D-dont read farther-!“ you warn him. You recognize the page number, as this was one of your works, and ahead was some of the most mind corrupting media you have ever produced.

You see his eyes scan the pages as you lie helpless, still sitting on his lap, Avoiding eye contact with the brown-haired male. He chuckles as his face grows a deeper red. As he reads on the story seems a bit too familiar. The roomate of the ‘reader’ is actually spiderman, they fall in love and have fun. The roomate. Could it be him? Of course its him, you indulge in your deepest fantasies when you read and write.

“Wow- this is some good writing, too bad you dont have a spiderman roomate” he says winking at you. Wait- winking-

“H-huh?” You exclaim

“Oh come on, its obvious who this ‘tall, dark haired, spanish speaker roomate’ is” he says giving you a smirk. He leans in to where you are sitting on his lap and brushes his lips against yours.

“And i could help you re-create this book. Scene. By. Scene” he chuckles darkly.

Thats it- your brain dosnt work anynore. The way his voice darkened and he leaned in made you lose it. You leaned in to close the small soace between you- you finally kissed him. And he kissed back, hard. There was only one way that this could go any better, and that would be if he was spider man… but thats just wishful thinking. Plus. You had a long night ahead.

[puppyguppy]

Everyone is always warned about villains.

And like, obviously, most aren't in the market of befriending any of them. Usually. Sure, some of those crazy circles might have that 'thicker than blood' mentality, and an 'until death do us part' kind of loyalty, which can be quite appealing. But, at the end of the day, most of them were still -- well. Crazy. Criminals, killers, or about to be.

No one is ever warned about heroes, though.

And just how dangerous, just how chaotic it can be to befriend any of them instead.

It's the heroes' fault, after all -- your friends' fault, that you are now in the mess that you're in. They're the reason you're standing, awkward and anxious and alone, in the middle of a rented room. In a love hotel, no less. At the very least, the room is...inconspicuous enough. Not that you've had a real look around yet; maybe a little afraid of what you might find. You've heard stories of places like this, of what some rooms comes with, complimentary, and what can furthermore be purchased. There's probably lube somewhere. Condoms. Aphrodisiacs. There's probably alcohol in the minifridge. And, you're not sure if all three remotes on the entertainment stand are for the television, or...

You never pictured yourself ending up in a place like this.

You never had a need. Or even a desire. Any curiosity of such establishments (and what went down in them) was always so fleeting, there was hardly a single solid thought to act upon. The metaphorical cat of your morals remained very much alive.

Until now.

The room has not one, but two beds. Which seems a bit much, but maybe not? What do you know? There's one on the first floor, a california king by the looks of it; but then there's a flight of stairs that lead up to a loft, where there's the second, smaller bed. That's all that's up there, though. The rest of the first floor has a fairly large television, surrounded by equally as large speakers, a coffee table, a sectional sofa...then there's that minifridge, a door that leads to what must be the bathroom, and a few other doors that are most likely closets. Cabinets. Which you definitely don't plan on checking.

Whatever might be in them, you're not here for.

No, you're here because you friends thought it'd be funny to - to all pitch in together and bid on some ridiculous experience. There's always charity auctions at the hero galas, and this year's had been no different. Normally, a couple of heroes would offer things like a date or a dance. Some of them would auction off limited edition merch, or maybe a day of training, etc. Wholesome, PR approved things - things that wouldn't embarrass whatever charity the money was going to.

This year though...had hosted a rather unique experience, and with a hero that hardly bothered to show his face during the day, let alone at a gala. A hero that you just so happen to have a huge, embarrassing crush on. Despite never having met him. It's not like you're a hero, you're just part of support -- granted, a very necessary part of support, but still.

Eraserhead only ever used his capture weapon and goggles.

And if he ever needed them repaired, he never came to you with them. Which, why would he? There was never a reason for him to. And, you were content with that. Content knowing there would never be a reason. That you'd never meet him, and he could stay a stupid little celebrity crush, and your friends could forever tease you a little bit about it, because that was life. That was normal, that was fine.

But then you'd seen his auction.

For 1,500,00 yen, Underground Pro-Hero Eraserhead will put his cigarette out anywhere on your body.

You'd been gobsmacked.

And caught staring, wide-eyed and flushed, up at the screen. You couldn't believe it -- couldn't believe that Eraserhead was even participating in this year's gala, and couldn't believe he'd offer something so - so -- you couldn't believe his PR team had even -- wait, did a hero like him even have a PR team? How had the charity even allowed that? A charity for...abused, sexually assaulted, and homeless children.

You still can't believe it.

Can't wrap your head around it. Or how your friends, several drinks into the night, had all snuck off at different intervals to drop money off at Eraserhead's designated auction booth, until that 1,500,000 yen was achieved. Or how they'd all smirked, cheered, and toasted after shoving a gold ticket into your sweaty, shaking hands. The ticket had your name on it. A date, a time, and an address. Which had led you to where you are now.

With the ticket still burning in your back pocket, where you're sure it'll leave the first of many welts on your skin.

Since that's the reason you're here.

Because your friends paid for you to be your dream guy's ashtray for the night.

You hope you aren't overdressed. Or underdressed. You weren't exactly sure what was appropriate to wear for an occasion such as...this. So, you'd settled on a black, form-fitting, and slightly sheer tank top, tucked into a pair of yellow, wide-legged slacks. It left most of your arms exposed, some of your shoulders, the nape of your neck and the top of your chest. And the pants were easy enough to pull up and expose your legs, because -- yes. You'd put a shameful amount of thought into the easy access of your flesh. And the colors that adorned it. His colors.

Which...might've been a touch too far, now that you're left with nothing to do but think about it.

And how you kind of hope you get stood up.

Like, maybe this was a prank. Or a scam. Or, maybe Eraserhead got caught up in some trouble. Some much more important hero work. If so, you could just stay until the room's time was up. You'd get comfortable enough eventually, with just yourself. Enough to sit down somewhere, at least. You could mess around on your phone, then head home and laugh it all of. You could pretend it was just some strange dream, though your friends would tease you even more, even harder -- that'd be fine.

As it should be.

A sudden but solid double-knock on the door startles you so hard that your knees almost buckle.

"Can I come in?"

[vonnart]

XXXIV - Annual Birthday Self Portrait 🎂 Here is this year’s annual birthday self portrait and reflection piece! Below are the previous ones i've drawn throughout the years!

This drawing reflects the last year of my existence and on my previous birthday, I had both the best day of my life and the worst. I had an extremely traumatic psychedelic experience where i was convinced i had died for the first 2 and a half hours. It was intense and surreal, making connections to what the afterlife was and it was like none of the religions or theories had taught us. It was just returning to matter, still conscious but unable to grasp reality or have any say or control. An unnerving feeling of numbness and the inability to function. After collapsing multiple times from the rigor mortis i told myself I was experiencing, I was confused why i could still see and interpret anything. After some processing on the floor, I made a mental shift and thought: “Maybe the afterlife was like a turnable dial and because I was afraid, it unintentionally turned it a bad direction”. I was clearly in a negative plane of existence so I turned this mental dial in a more positive direction. “Maybe the afterlife is whatever you want it to be.” So I entered into what i thought was a projection of my own idea of what heaven was.

Almost instantly, I felt the sensation of unrivaled elation. I wasn’t at the pearly gates, an astral projection amongst the stars, or a foggy cloud representing a soul. I was still in my body and everything around me looked normal, which oddly seemed strange. “But why would i be in my house?" Maybe my mind is still processing being dead so instead it’s projecting what is familiar and comfortable OR OH maybe because heaven is wherever you would want to be the most! And this house is literally my favorite place on earth. And then I saw my bf Josh and wondered “Why would Josh be here when i could make any celebrity or crush I've had in my life to be the projection of a guide in this afterlife?" OH okay, because there truly isn't anyone I would want to help me through the early stages of accepting what’s after death!

This pattern of thoughts and answering them in my strange sense of being keep on a loop for about 5 hours and letting go of each physical attachment to the world was euphoric. No more fear of having to make money, keep up with work, pain or stress, worries about war or the state of the world, and most importantly, never having to fear dying again. I had never felt this light before. I let go of all of it completely and somehow, at the same time, felt incredibly connected to everything in a way that I can’t quite put into words. And the best part is that I kept reminding myself that I get to feel this feeling forever!!

Later that night I wanted to see if you could nap in the afterlife, and when I opened my eyes, I no longer was in that dream state. I was horribly confused and conflicted. I was actually disappointed I was still alive as that projected afterlife was the most beautiful sensation I may ever experience. The weeks that followed became a constant fear of questioning reality and developing pretty bad insomnia. I was afraid of learning that I still might be dead but I couldn’t have any way to prove it. It ended up being rather painful for about 4 months. My friends, family, and parents really helped ground me back to earth and I am so thankful for them. I’ve been reading a lot of books that explore consciousness and it’s been helping immensely.

So now, I feel like I’m seeing the world again for the first time through fresh lens of perspective. Being alive is the greatest sensation that I was taking for granted. I did develop my first actual fear in life, and like many, it’s the fear of dying. And that feeling is so strong because I enjoy being alive SO much, I really, really love it! The ups and downs, the connections and lessons. Everything is so delicate and precious and I’m making sure to handle it better these days. Here’s to 34 and it’s pretty safe to say I’m looking to make it a more calm and peaceful one!

[srbachchan]

DAY 5532

Jalsa, Mumbai                Apr 9/10 ,  2023              Sun/Mon  12:19 AM

🪔 .. April 10 .. birthday greetings to Ef Dr. Sunir Kumar .. 🌿and the wishes to you from the Ef family 

a Sunday that worked with a vengeance .. to disrupt the norm , when it disrupts you .. a normal tendency .. but never suggested in practical .. practicals bring back memories of School, where the word or the expression was invariably referred to the practicals in the Science Labs .. mixing elements , playing around with gadgetry in the physics lab .. the College routine in continuation and the site one fine day when the last paper for the Graduate degree was over to find some of the classmates celebrating with the pure alcohol , kept in the Lab,  for experiments and getting extremely sick .. 😁 .. an act that taught a lesson very early towards the effects or rather the dis effects of the elixir ..

Yes there were a few other instances noticed, in School and in College , when this intoxicant played havoc due to its excess .. and then when in job in the City of Joy, the natural curriculum seemed to be in line with that phrase ‘social drinking’  ..

I shall not deny the consumption of it, but its reason or resolve in leaving for years and years now, I shall not deliberate .. it is a personal choice and demeanour .. yes I do not .. but why the announce of it .. 

as is the case with the cigarette .. in abundance in the years of free, and the sudden and immediate resolve to leave it .. and the way to leave is really quite simple .. chuck that glass of the intoxicant , while in the middle of it and crush the ‘ciggi’ on your lips at the same time and .. sayonara .. the very best way to be in riddance .. not some part time exigencies to stop the use .. its the removal of the cancer at once .. done at the rush of a stroke .. the more the dwindling , the greater the undesired habit of remaining ..

.. and they ask me .. why the bare feet .. 

why ? 

why is it not asked why the shoe or covered feet  .. ?

protection I assume they would revert .. but bare .. 

I have it - closer to the Earth .. in its touch , in its feel .. Earth , the reason why this Universe exists .. for us at least .. in time it may be referred to in the past .. who knows .. 

there is something about the seat of the desk that surrounds itself with all that is needed, within hands reach .. there may be the desire to dump our fatigue and disappear .. but the moment the hour approaches the symbiosis awakens and lends its presence to the Universe .. 

 .. what shall be written to attract the Ef, is the issue .. but on seating itself, the words tumble out much like the antagonising locale for the next season .. if ever there is one ..

tumble out .. pun never intended , but filled up the mind and space .. quite obviously when the Tumblr., doth play games with most and the complaints be filed against it .. 

do not allow me the permitted privilege of opinion .. it ops out in various nefarious forms, to destroy and rewind the powers that stipulate conversation to be put on the mat with the heaviest , and allowed to breathe through the remaining openings of the body .. the ‘dashadwar’ .. the ‘dash’ .. the ten openings in the body .. 

when you look forward to the day year event happening .. it goes beyond the happening .. be in the silence of time and listen , it shall tell you when and how and where .. 

Amitabh Bachchan

[st-ivangeline]

aromantic talking:

one way i think i know now especially looking back that shows that i’m aromantic is “my type” is something i carefully curated down to the very smallest details only to change whatever that type is three more times that week,

once it was a blonde curly haired girl who was fit and was smart (i was really into the percy jackson books *cough cough*)

in some instances it was a red haired girl with freckles all over

other times someone with deep skin, someone else a goth or punk personality

but even now i’m not sure if these “types” really happened cause they never really were archetypes i was attracted to

it felt like most the time i was creating storybook characters rather than people (i’m been writing stories since i was little)

when i was presenting as a guy i would say i was attracted to men but i couldn’t ever come up with a guy i liked or thought was hot—i couldn’t even make one up in my head—sometimes i would say i was attracted to troye sivan cause i really liked his music at the time

all this to say every moment in my life where someone asked me my type i’d conjure up this image of a character i liked or an image of someone i knew was considered beautiful

now i can’t even begin to make someone up—there’s no one i want be attracted to, i don’t want a crush, i don’t want someone to hang on to me, and i’m really lucky to have friends and family who i don’t have to pretend for at this point in my life

and i honestly don’t think i realized i was making these images up i thought of someone who was considered beautiful and i said “okay that one”

i’m aroallo so my sexual attraction is different, more random, but when it comes to “ooo do you think he’s cuute!?” or “OMG what’s your type??” or “don’t you have a celebrity crush?” these don’t process in my head it’s like they’re teasing me and poking me and laughing at me for something that’s foreign, as a teen and kid i had to make up something

and i know that this is generally a pretty normal experience within the broader aromantic community but i’m just now getting there myself lol

Do not tag as ace

[ulircursed]

TOA Aniversary Munday

From Neffi!

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Name: eri

Pronouns: she/her

Birthday (no year): 9/30

Where are you from? What is your time zone? Taiwan! GMT+8, currently 12 hours ahead of TOAST. Good news: the apocalypse hasn't hit the future yet!

How long is your roleplay experience? Probably around 10+ years at this point, unless running around as Pokemon on the playground counts, in which case more like 20 years ahaha

How were you introduced to roleplaying as a whole? I'm reasonably certain Fire Emblem was my first foray into tumblr RP, and Emmeryn was my first muse! There was a little indie community that I joined back then, though I haven't kept in contact with them

How were you introduced to TOA? I don't really remember, but all I know is that I lurked around the masterlist around the time of L&K but didn't pluck up the courage to join until nearly a year later when I saw there was a Reyson (shoutout to birdie!)

Do you have any pets? Nope! Moved around too much as a kid and current living situation doesn't support having one. Closest I got was sharing an apartment with my roommate's floofy cat for two years in college; his name's Chester and he was super adorable. I'd like to have a dog someday though!

What is your favorite time of year and why? (Season, holiday, general period) WINTERRRR I am a human furnace and summer is suffering. Every spring I start counting down the days to the next winter ahaha

What is your IRL occupation? I work at the counseling department in a junior college!

Some interests and things you like/enjoy? Learning languages, singing, obscure fun facts and watching Youtube video essays

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? Used to be a big Pokemon person but I stopped playing the mainline games by Gen VII (not for lack of interest! RL circumstances changed around that time and I just never got back into the habit of buying those games); nowadays I play a few mobile games daily but that's about it

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: Water; too many, but if I had to name just one I will probably say Rufflet

Tell us some funfacts and trivia about yourself! The first fun fact is that the moment I get asked questions like this I immediately go Brain Empty and this is why I rarely fill out toa monthly feedback forms dakfjslfj uhhhh my favorite color is blue! I joined an archery club in grad school (two years ago) to understand what shooting a bow feels like. I love swimming but haven't been to a pool for maybe like 9 years now. I really like going to zoos.

How did you get into Fire Emblem? My older brother introduced my younger brother and me to Japanese FE4 when we were kids, when we knew absolutely no Japanese and just messed around the first map and never beat it. I properly started playing when I was in high school, with FE7 being the first game I beat! I normally count my official FE gaming journey as starting with 7 in high school :'D

What Fire Emblem games have you played? All the mainline ones except 1-3 and Echoes (I'm...... working on it)

First & Favorite Fire Emblem games: FE7; FE3H

List your 5 favorite Fire Emblem characters across the series! You can't do this to me man. UHHH ok Lucius is my very most favorite FE character. Andrei needs to be here. I lump the Heron sibs as one unit for questions like this. Tibarn. Sylvain. There are probably a dozen more but

Who was the first character ever to make you go “ooh I like this one in particular” and why? Can be any context and reason! HONESTLY Andrei thanks to the Oosawa manga. His arc changed my brain chemistry permanently

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳 I don't think I've really crushed on fictional characters before ahaha

If you’ve played (or are familiar with) the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays? - Awakening: Chrom I think; uhhhh Lon'qu or Cherche?? - Fates: Silas I think???; I'm currently partway through a Birthright playthrough and I seem geared to S support with Jakob so him - Three Houses: Dimitri; started my first and only Myleth run a few months back and I'll probably go with Miss Thea :flushed: - Engage: None; man I don't know

Favorite Fire Emblem class? Bishop

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class and stats? Would you be playable? I think I could be a War Cleric wielding a giant hammer. If you don't go to bed on time I will forcibly join your army and make you

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? Blue Lions I guess!

If you were an Officers Academy student, what would be your boons, banes and potential budding talent? Axe boon, Reason bane, Riding budding talent

If you were an Engage character, which nation would you originate from? Brodia

How do you pronounce TOA? TOE-uh

Current TOA muses: Just me and my bow man for the moment

Past TOA muses? Leanne, Lucius, Altena, Nino

Who was your first TOA muse? If you no longer have them, can you see yourself picking them up again? Leanne was my first! Honestly she always lives in a cozy little corner of my head, so she can be back at any moment if RL permits

Do you believe you have a type of character you gravitate towards writing? Nice Girls (gender neutral) who have no quarrel with 99% of the world. As you may be able to see, Andrei does not fit this mold.

Do you have characters or types of characters you don’t think you can handle writing, but wish you could? Flirts. They're so much fun to read but I don't think I could flirt my way out of a paper bag irl so I would never know what to write

What kind of scenes, situations etc do you believe you enjoy writing the most? I honestly love fluffy cozy fun friendshippy situations!!! Again, Andrei is not conducive to this. I mean I do also like painful scenes but--

Do you have any scenario in mind for your muse(s) that gets you thinking “man I hope I get to write this one day”? that Yngvi AU where Brigid never disappeared because things will still go to shit but the circumstances would be so different. Honestly Brigid doesn't even need to explicitly be there for this to work so if any Gen I Jugdrals ever want to do this then I grip you

Favorite TOA-related memories? So many, but the West Faerghus Croc lives rent free in my brain forever.

Present or past tense? I started off with past tense, but now default to present. When the stars align and I notice my partner using past tense, sometimes I will also switch, but not always.

Normal size text, small text, no preference? Small text, though I am happy to switch for my partner's preference if needed!

Got any potential muse delusions to share? 😉 Waves goodbye to my faceless Glenn delusions honestly thank u new anniversary ruling for saving me from those eternal brainworms

[getvalentined]

Yesterday I lamented a bit about people literally believing that sex is worse than violence, and I want to talk about that in more detail today.

Trigger warning for discussions of sexual assault, and somewhat detailed descriptions of body horror and violence.

One of my worst-kept secrets is that I'm into body horror. I try to keep it on the subtler side in my work, but it's probably still a bit extreme. I rarely get complaints about this—but I have been harassed for saying Yuffie could have a crush on anyone else in Avalanche. Not that she could or should have a relationship, or even implying that she does have a crush. Only that she could be attracted to another member of the party, because they are all extremely attractive, and teenage girls have crushes all the time.

I've drawn Vincent with his trachea exposed and written about Genesis' internal organs rotting away in fairly visceral detail, but the thing that makes me "sick" and unworthy of the air I breathe is that I think a teenage girl could find someone older than her attractive. This is the thing that has led people to tell me to kill myself.

Another terribly kept secret is that I was, at one point, a teenage girl myself. This didn't stop me from finding multiple adult celebrities attractive. For people who experience sexual attraction, this is normal. Me being fifteen years old didn't make Angelina Jolie any less attractive when playing Lara Croft.

This opinion is the one that's led folks to say they hope I get raped to death in prison. Not describing a character's skin being removed while the one removing it cackles in glee—that doesn't imply I'm a monster, because it's just violence. It's fiction. But I said teenagers can experience attraction, because I was one who did, and I'm inherently and undeniably evil.

This is what I mean when I say that people think sex is worse than violence. I'm not exaggerating, I'm referring to my actual experience—not just in fandom, but I'm not going to talk about my life in the cult because this is already too long. The point here is that I can portray the most gruesome torture, and everyone knows it's not real, but the instant human intimacy hits the scene it becomes some horrible, unforgivable concept that proves that I'm a monster who deserves to die.

I don't portray much sexual violence in my work, or engage with a lot of work that does, but—and this took me a long time to unpack—it's just another brand of violence in fiction. It can be gratuitous, sure, but so is my body horror. If I don't like it, I don't engage with it.

Before anyone brings up the topic of trauma processing and recovery, I need to add that I have personally experienced physical violence, medical violence, and sexual violence in my real life. I shouldn't have to explain that to keep people from attacking me for my work, and the fact that I've been through those things doesn't mean that my portrayal of these things is "valid" while portrayal by anyone who doesn't have the "correct" related trauma is "glorification." That's not how this works.

Some people experience sexual gratification from pain, or from engaging with portrayals thereof. For them, my work involving torture may inspire feelings of lust, my illustrations of body horror may be sexually arousing. Does this mean that I am sexualizing torture and abuse? Does this mean that I am encouraging skinning people alive? Of course not! No one has ever even implied such a thing!

Other people's reactions to my work, whether it's lust or disgust or anything in between, is not my responsibility. Likewise, my reaction to the work of others is not their responsibility. Sex is just sex, and fictional sex is just fiction—no matter how violent or inappropriate it may be.

You have every right to feel how you feel with regard to a creator's work. You can love it, hate it, it can be enticing or repulsive, you can find it exhilarating or triggering—all those responses are valid because you're a real person who feels things!

We attribute emotions to art, as well we should, but we should never attack the artist (operating in good faith) for creating something that caused an uncomfortable reaction in us. Those feelings are not a creator's responsibility to regulate for us.

Further, if you're a survivor of sexual assault who genuinely believes that murder is the kinder option, I am so sorry that your pain runs that deep. Truly. No matter what you've been through, the world is better for you being alive than it would be if your abuser had killed you. I'm sorry that it hurts so much that you can't see that yet. For a long time, I couldn't either. I understand the reaction, I understand seeing your own pain in every portrayal of sexual violence, I understand thinking it would be better to just be gone forever.

But that's not true, and if seeing it in fiction makes you wish violence and pain on-par with your own on other real people, you need to unpack it. You need to deconstruct that mindset. Hurt people hurt people, and you are hurting people.

But the world would be a darker, harder, sadder place without you in it. I'm glad you survived. I'm glad we both survived.

[treppthroat]

I Want It All

Hello! This is the first time I have written anything like this…I really do not know how this is gonna go. I was a STEM major in college so don’t expect much lol. Let me know if a part 2 is wanted. I might go full smut, who knows? It's kinda predictable haha.

The day was finally here. 

“Y/N! Let’s go! We gotta be first in line for the VIP experience.” 

This was the first time you had seen them perform. It was more than you could ever dream of. You and Sarah had saved hundreds of dollars to be squashed in the pit, but it was worth it. The only thing separating you from the love of your life was a metal barricade…and 8 security guards. You couldn’t get enough of every sigh and gasp he made on stage. It filled your heart (and other places) with the warmth of a heated, luxury car seat. Your gazing expression fixated on those long, strong fingers producing the most satisfying riffs—his voice, so commanding and full, yet so trembly at times. 

His calm demeanor always made you feel so at ease. You figured he was a good actor since you’d heard he was a very shy and private person. You’d never know that by watching him perform (especially the performances from 2013 on). He seemed larger than life but there were certain interview moments where he just seemed so relatable. He’s just a guy, like any other. He’s had love, heartbreak, and any other normal human experience. You’d seen photos of him around your age and he just looked like the cute kid at school, but nothing extraordinary. You wondered that if he wasn’t a famous musician, would you be as obsessed with him? Would you still be into him if he had a normal job and just did music as a hobby? After all, you were never into musicians. You were used to dating engineering majors, without a fraction of the emotional intelligence and creativity that he had. You always thought that guys in the arts were pompous pricks. Nothing was worse than a guy who had the same boring take on Pulp Fiction. All the guys you knew that were in a band were in it for the girls, especially the lead singers. They were the worst of all— bonus points if they also played guitar. Yet, your celebrity crush was indeed the lead singer/guitarist of a band. You were convinced that he was a sweetheart, he just seemed too goofy and down to earth to be a dickhead. Was he the exception? Did you just think that because you couldn’t see beyond your obsession? 

I mean, he is a very famous lead singer/guitarist in a well-known band. He was used to having girls throw themselves at him. Did he enjoy it? You always thought he seemed uncomfortable by the attention. He sulked in interviews, scanning his surroundings, or saying something cheeky enough to garner a laugh, but not seem like an asshole. He loved to shout “Ladies!” right before that famous riff to get a few screams out of the crowd. In his AM and EYCTE eras, he always placed his arms around his female fans in photos. He was trying to keep up a certain image. You were sure he wasn’t the type of guy to touch a girl without their consent. He seemed too proper, too polite. Could it have all been a farce to make him seem more appealing?

Regardless of his public persona, he was just a human being, who sang and played an instrument or two. He was just a guy. 

He was just a guy.

Sarah gripped your wrist and pulled you out of the pit. Even though you paid extra for this meet and greet, you needed to be the first few people at the gate. You could barely grapple with the fact that you were right in front of the stage, let alone that you would speak to the band. 

It was all too much. 

Well, you weren’t the first ones at the gate but you weren’t too far back in the line either. The line was bustling with screams and whispers. “Oh my god, here they come!”, you heard behind you. Your 5’2 body attempted to peer over the gate. A couple of security guards carefully opened the gates and out came a group of PR people, directing us to form a single file line. 

And then you saw him.

The whole band, standing against the hedges that lined the VIP area, was a sight to behold. Jaime, Nick, Matt, and of course, Alex. They stood with their hands behind their backs, giggling and conversing with each other. One by one, fans came up to each of them for pictures and autographs. You clutched onto the AM poster you bought before the show so tightly that you thought it might rip in half. Sarah put a hand on your shoulder to calm you down, but she was just as nervous as you.

“Y/N, it’s okay, we got this.”

There were three people in front of you, then two, then one. Then-

“Next!”, the PR lady screamed. You gulped and stepped forward. This was happening.

“Hi, how are you, what’s your name?”, Jaime asked.

“Hi, it’s Y/N”, you trembled, your whole body visibly shaking. You handed over the poster for him to sign. He was so sweet and genuine. He reassured you with a smile, and you went down the line, repeating the same process with Nick and Matt. They were equally as polite and inviting. Whatever idea you had of band members being rude and disgusting left your mind immediately. These guys were so humble, honestly. 

And then you got to Alex.

“Hi, how are you? I’m Alex, what your name?”, he asked with a grin in a deep, Sheffield accent. 

You paused for what felt like an eternity. You simply could not fathom your celebrity crush asking you for your name. 

“Hi, I’m great. I mean— my name isn’t great. My name is Y/N” you fumbled. Nice one, now he thinks you’re some inarticulate fangirl. Oh wait—

He chuckled as you gave him your poster to sign. “Well, it is very nice to meet you, Y/N. Did you enjoy the show?”

You could just die right there. His crisp blue suit, with his gold chains draping his bare chest void of any tie, was enough to put you into a coma. His hair was so fluffy and perfectly quaffed in the front. He was a vision of heaven. 

“Yeah, it was amazing!” you replied with enthusiasm. 

“I’m glad to hear that”, he said with a grin as he handed you back the poster. The PR lady took your phone as you posed for a picture with the whole band. You knew you looked like a complete goober but you didn’t care. You met your favorite band, finally. You asked Alex and the lady for a separate picture with just the two of you. He obliged and posed next to you, standing with his hands behind his back and sporting a smolder. You wondered how it was legal to be that devastatingly handsome. 

“Thank you! It was great meeting you guys!”

You waved goodbye at all of them while you waited on the side for Sarah to take her turn. Your heart was racing and you had to pinch yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming, as dreaming of Alex was a common occurrence. But this was real. 

“Sarah, we met them, we spoke to all four of them”, you said in shock.

“Y/N, I still cannot believe it. And it just happened.”

You both exchanged photos and giggled over the whole ordeal. You made your way to the parking lot while fangirling over the fact that you both have spoken to and have pictures with the Arctic Monkeys. 

It was all too surreal. You went home that night with a smile and your new favorite memory.

As the weeks passed, you looked back on that moment fondly. The moment your eyes met Alex’s deep brown oceans, you were hooked. You felt relieved that he was so polite. The whole interaction was not rushed one bit, even though there were about 150 people behind you. You felt as if he really took his time with you, to make you feel special. Or was that just a part of his facade? After all, why else would he have taken his time with you when there were so many other desperate people waiting to have the same experience?

It was a crisp Saturday in Autumn. After working your 9-5 that week, you were much in need of an outdoor stroll. Work had just been kicking your ass lately. Demanding clients, more responsibility, and bad management. You needed to get away from it all, even though you never had to actually speak to anyone in person. Still, it felt good to walk away from your laptop and out of your apartment. 

As you stepped outside, you felt a gust of wind knock you off your stoop. It was finally getting chilly in the city, and you could not wait for what the season had in store.

You were never much of a coffee drinker, but you couldn’t resist a good chai latte. You strolled down the street to your favorite coffee shop to get your sweet treat. 

Something about the season felt different this year. More excitement, more possibilities, maybe something was waiting just around the corner. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. You had too many negative thoughts swirling around your head constantly so it felt nice to be positive and dreamy for once, even if it was unrealistic. 

You turned right onto the street with the coffee shop on the corner. Right before you opened the big glass doors, you halted. Your heart sank as you saw a familiar side profile. You thought you were just seeing what you wanted to see, as your delusions have tricked you before. You blinked as you gripped the handle of the store. People pass you by staring as they use the opposite door to enter the building. They must think I’m a nut. 

You are a nut, that’s not him, it can’t be.

You compose yourself and enter the establishment like any other sane person would. You get in the usual long line to order. As you survey the room of the place you frequent at least once a week, you glance behind you to see that your delusion has unfortunately persisted. You shake your head and blink three times—this usually does the trick. 

You feel a sense of relief, and you turn back around to confirm that there is nothing to see. 

You were dead wrong. Or you had finally lost it. Either way, the frontman of the Arctic Monkeys was sitting behind you at a small table, sipping on a cappuccino and reading a novel. 

Shit. What the hell is he doing here?

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

Speaking of which, how do you characterize the Pregame bois?

I have a document on this

No one is surprised

I have playlists on them

still no one is surprised

They are named Koharu and Shinichi, you may recognize Koharu because thanks to a convoluted series of event he kinda evolved from pregame kokichi to his own original character so I've been kinda tempted to change pregame kokichis name to something else.

I'll put their information under a cut because im too lazy to turn this out of a list into a paragraph form

Kokichi - Koharu

God complex

Believes himself to be the only real person

Wants to be prime minister

Incredibly dangerous manipulator and near perfect liar

Dresses softly and acts weak and shy to make people trust him

Has his entire school under his command with a puppet king in the student council

Knows everything about everyone, no one moves without him knowing about it.

Views the people around him as toys for him to play with or tools to use

No desire for a relationship as he doesnt think anyone could ever even get close to matching him, so any relationship he did take would be uneven and just for appearances.

Parents died at a very young age so he grew up in a rough orphanage where he learned to never trust anyone or anything

Craves challenge and interesting experiences but no one can adequately challenge him so he’s bored

Doesn’t have many social skills outside of manipulation and as such struggles with emotions, whether it be his own or other people’s, even if he hides it pretty well

No hesitation to ruin lives to get what he wants.

Occasionally has secret breakdowns about being alone and stressed but he represses those and pretends it didn’t have them

Loathes people who hurt animals, views them as the lowest scum. Humans are worthless but animals are soft and loyal. Eating meat is one thing, he doesn’t care about that because that’s just life, but if he catches you throwing a rock at a cat or something, your life is over.

Uses bullies to manipulate people by seeming in need of help or pitiable

Feels like he’s never truly seen, he crushes that down as useless observation, he doesn’t want anyone to see the real him, it’d ruin everything.

Monaca is his favorite character and idol, his facade is based on her “pitiable children are the most powerful” philosophy.

Doesn’t make friends as he finds other people to be annoying and unfulfilling, they all seem very shallow and boring for anything beyond use as a toy or tool. No one would like him if it wasn’t for his facade anyways, its all just superficial tolerance. No one actually wants something that actually goes both ways, everyone just wants a shoulder to cry on, no care about the shoulder itself as long as it’s comforting them. So he’ll give them that, it’s easier.

Tries not to doubt himself but does have a rare moment of crippling uncertainty and wondering why he even tries, no one actually appreciates him anyways and he’s so bored and alone, why does he try?

Acts weak and soft and sad and teary and skittish but it's all a lie to both protect himself and gain power

Joined the game to prove his superiority by ending the world’s so beloved game and also become a celebrity. It’s one of many steps in his very long and detailed plan for world domination. Besides the game had long since grown old and stale and predictable

Shuichi - Shinichi

Manic

Self esteem constantly shifting between highs and lows

Yearning for positive contact and romance and also sex

Shockingly self aware of what a mess he is 

Protective of the few people who tolerate him or he likes

Sexual and Violent intrusive thoughts

Resentful but tired

Enjoys really dark subjects

Devoted

Really bad at social cues and knowing whats normal or not

Masochistic and Sadistic

Actually really really good at solving mysteries but easily distracted and easily derailed from his conclusions

Wants to fix himself but a lack of support along with society’s apathy means he’s kinda been left floundering.

Ignores things that make him feel shitty to focus on positives

Parents encourage him to be more assertive and tough, this does NOT help his intrusive thoughts

Honestly just desperate for love and affection, he’d never actually hurt someone for it, but man, sometimes he really wants to.

Smokes to try and keep his chill

Can’t casually get into anything, is either 100% in or 0% in

Reads and writes a lot of fanfiction, actually somewhat a big name for his really well done characterization of more violent or manic characters.

Met Koharu once and saw through him immediately, they never met again after that but he really freaked out Koharu and is honestly lucky he went to a different school.

Danganronpa is his favorite show because it lets him safely indulge in his twisted desires and feels rather cathartic. Plus he loves the mysteries! Joining and finally killing someone for real should be the ultimate catharsis and finally put an end to this sickness in his head....right?

[charmixpower]

let's GET this bread give me Skloom vibecheck give me rivusa vibecheck just bc i'm nice and i wanna gibe you the excuse to talk abt them and then for the sake of being selfish give me roxyselina vibecheck

-@parola-di-winx xx

NOVE!!!! Hiiiii

I am literally the only Sky liker (apologist, stan, defence lawyer) that doesn't give a fuck about Skloom

Firstly I'd like to say, Sky stans I'm sorry I don't like Skloom I'm still one of you I pinky promise

Okay likeeeee have you ever thought about Skloom is built on both Sky and Bloom looking at each other, imagining a perfect person and future that literally can't exist based on internal fantasies, projecting that on each other, and getting together based on that?????

No, wait, listen

Sky and Bloom only know lies about each other when they first get a crush on each other, and they both get a crush on each other immediately after meeting and barely having a single conversation. Like??? That's just a bad start.

When they find something out about the other that doesn't fit their preconceived notion they both physically leave the area. Both of their personal issues match up perfectly in being conflict avoidant. Like Bloom obviously isn't Valtor 2.0, and Sky has assassins after him and some of the world's worst parents that let Diaspro stay kidnapped just for an attempt to manipulate Sky. Like, if they would have a single conversation before running

In s1 they're first kiss is a hallucination between both of them. You can say neither of them made a move because they're shy, and that's kinda the point??? Evidence that most of there relationship is in there head

Bloom is stupid jealous of Aisha in the beginning of s2, and gets mad at Sky for being jealous for the rest of s2. As someone who's easily jealous with a best friend who is easily jealous, I usually mutual jealous behavior chills out both parties because they're fears of being abandoned are unfounded. UNLESS ITS NOT ABOUT ABANDONMENT AND IS ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!!! THATS SUSPICIOUS!!! THATS WEIRD!!!

I'm not going to bring up Bloom thinking Sky's Valtor state was real because girl as the self confidence of dirt, this is nomral for her

Anyways they should break up!!! They're relationship is built off of what they imagine the perfect partner to be like and this perception is very not good for both of them!!!

But they stay friends bc they care about each other

This ship is so important to me because it's like the basis of both of their "LIVE IN REALITY YOU DUMB FUCKS" character arc and I love that for them

Certain fandom interpretations are super cute too

Also s5 is what s4 is Rivusa to Skloom. Don't ask

THEE OTP

SHUT UP SHUT UP THE DISASTERS ARE HERE!!!!

ITS ABOUT FINDING LOVE AND CONNECTION WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND AND LOVE YOU FULLY, MENTAL ILLNESS AND ALL, AND LOVING THEM BACK

ITS ABOUT SUPPORTING EACH OTHER THOUGH THE BAD DAYS AND GETTING HELP

ITS ABOUT LIFTING EACH OTHER UP DURING THE GOOD DAYS AND CELEBRATING THE HARD WON VICTORIES EVEN IF NOMRAL PEOPLE CAN ACCOMPLISH THEM EASILY

ITS ABOUT SEEING SOMEONE LIKE YOURSELF AND LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF THOUGH THEM

I can go in forever

They are THEE BPD couple, do not argue with me. Musa is sooo bipolar and Riven absolutely has borderline personality disorder. Musa WILL start crying randomly and cuddle Riven until the mood swing passes, and Riven trusts her to send her texts about everything that's going on and see if he's reacting like a normal person

Yes I AM projecting, thank you for asking!!!!

The relationship between two people who experience mood swings can be so important

THEY ARE GETTING HELP AND TAKING LIFE ONE DAY AT A TIME TOGETHER!!!!! SHUT UPPPPP AGH!!! THEY ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER TO GET THEREPY AND SHIT!!!!!

They're both so insecure that the fact that the other one feels the same as them loops back around to being secure

I could go on about them forever but I love them so much!!! These two being happy together is such a uplifting story, you ARE more than your mental illness!!! S3 golden kingdom, s4, and s6 on don't exist ❤️ and will NEVER be forgiven by the mentally ill community

I have not seen s6 yet nfjsdn so I have no clue about Selina's real personality

1) they're both alt girlies and I fucking love that for them

2) the idea of Roxy going to CT, pissed off at being made a authority figure with a bunch of responsibility, meeting and kissing fuck all authority Selina is cute and I love it

3) THEY ARE GOING TO SUPER HELL IN YOUR VERSION NOVE!!!!!!! "I love you" *gets eaten by a deep sea fish* frothing at the mouth ect ect ect ect

4) I'm very open to it and nomral about the fandom version of it I prommy

[bohemian-rhapsody-in-blue]

tarot questions: the magician, the moon, the lovers, the empress.

Ah, a romantic Anon! Let me do my best to answer these questions with my absolute dearth of romantic feelings or experience…

The Magician: Have you ever written a poem or song about somebody else?

Yes, but never ones I’d show to anyone else (subject of the poem or otherwise).

Unless you count this poem I wrote about Chris Pine when I was 12:

I pine for Chris Pine!

I want him to be mine!

I think he’s rather fine,

And really quite divine!

And when the stars align,

Chris Pine will be mine!

And when I learn he’s taken…

I WHINE ABOUT CHRIS PINE!!!

That’s so far in the past at this point that it’s circled back from being cringey and embarrassing to being…well, still cringey and embarrassing, but I can laugh about it and share it with others. (And even then I wasn’t writing it completely in earnest—it was meant to be funny and badly-written.)

The Moon: Have you ever written a love letter?

Nope. Never really had occasion or reason to. (Not even fan mail to Chris Pine!)

The Lovers: Do you have a crush?

Yes! He’s tall, and dark-haired, and has a lovely low voice, and he’s 27 years old (a little old for me, I know), and he works as a bounty hunter in space and his name’s Spike Spiegel and…

Okay, fine. In all seriousness, no. I’ve had lots of fictional and celebrity crushes (Chris Pine among them!), but never a crush on a real, attainable person. And anyway, looking back, I feel like a lot of those fictional and celebrity crushes were actually just obsessive/hyperfixation feelings I wasn’t sure how to label. Like, I don’t think I actually had a crush on Harry Potter at age 10, I think I was just obsessed with the Harry Potter series in general.

The Empress: Do you think you will ever get married?

Oh, God. Uh. Maybe????

I would love to get married and start a family someday. I read romance novels or watch rom-coms and it just makes me want a partner, if only to feel all the happy romantic feelings I’ve been missing out on. I watch the happy little kids on Bluey or read parenting magazines/advice columns (a weird hobby of mine) and it reiterates to me how much I’d like to raise children someday, even though I’m terrified of the possibility of messing them up. I do want that in my future. (I don’t necessarily want to have sex or be pregnant, though; if I do have kids, I plan to adopt them.)

BUT, right now, marriage isn’t really something I can envision. Getting married to someone typically necessitates falling in love first, right? And I’ve never even had a crush, much less fallen in love, much less had someone I could call a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner or initiated a kiss. And sometimes this worries me—like I’m losing track of the trajectory to Adulthood™️ and at this rate I won’t find a life partner at the Normal, Expected Adult Age™️. I mean, obviously, as I said in the tags of this post, I’m not expecting to have found the one when I’m only 20, but haven’t most people my age had at least one relationship or crush? Felt something? Haven’t they at least had some practice?

But the thing is…as I currently understand it, romance, or those “happy romantic feelings I’ve been missing out on,” isn’t something you can control. You can’t turn it on and off at will like a faucet; you can’t just decide to have romantic feelings for someone. Trust me, if I could, I would have! This is why my current conception of my sexual identity is “asexual???????”, complete with all those question marks—maybe the clichés are right and I am just a late bloomer, or I haven’t found the right person yet.

And I hate the idea of spending the rest of my life waiting, and waiting, and waiting for that ever-elusive and possibly nonexistent “right person” to come along; trying to get those romantic feelings (that sound so wonderful in books!) to stir up in me when I’m not sure they even can. But at the same time, I don’t want to completely cut off the possibility of romance in my future, or just have a marriage of convenience/for tax benefits. And I never, ever, ever want someone to pressure me into doing romantic or sexual things with them after I have made it very clear that I don’t feel that way. Never.

So I guess all I can do for now is keep reading those romance novels, and wonder, and wait.

[Tarot Questions]

[insurrection-if]

Top 9 TV Shows

Thank you so much @guardian-of-time-if for the tag! ʚ♡⃛ɞ(ू•ᴗ•ू❁) I’m not normally one to watch TV shows (YouTube, and sometimes movies, are more my thing nowadays), so this was tough! Also, wow, this was a bit of a revelation towards my fondness for comedic shows, haha!

Fun Fact (1): Steve Buscemi (mentioned due to his starring role in Boardwalk Empire which my mom knowingly used as a major draw in her recommendation for it) was one of my earliest crushes! My goodness, my childhood self always fawned and internally blushed at the vague memories I had of him in Big Fish (2003)— and I’ve been stuck with this celebrity crush since, haha! (I also had a less world-shaking crush on Matthew McGrory in the film . . . and just realized he was the same height as Fyodor while googling about the movie. 100% unintentional connection I swear—!) Also, uh, Boardwalk Empire had me crushing real hard on Michael Shannon in his role and I have no explanation as to why he had me blushing and fangirling like he did but I’ve never recovered from it since, haha! (And, later in the show, that crushing extended to Jack Huston in his role as well!)

Fun Fact (2): Playful Kiss (the Korean adaptation) had to make its way onto this list before other shows I’ve lovingly rewatch or had a strong dedication to for years simply because it was one of the most fun, hilarious, and dramatic group watching experiences I’ve ever had and remains a deeply beloved bag of memories with my sisters! Laughing to the point of pain and tears, pausing to run around yelling and gasping, and having long post-episode discussions together with debates and jokes alike was such a treasure thanks to this show! It’s been years since then (back in my high school days) but it still makes us all smile when we remember our shared experience watching it together.

Fun Fact (3): I struggled horribly to resist adding One Piece to the list, but alas . . . though it may be my favorite combination of story, characters, and impact the pacing of the show itself held me back—still a strong recommendation from me though!

Ah, I’m not certain about who has and hasn’t yet been tagged for this game, so I’ll forgo tagging any specific others and leave this post as an open invitation for any who wish to join in!

[purplesurveys]

1823

Would you rather have another job?  I would, but the job market sucks and it's been a challenge trying to apply to new ones even though I had been actively looking every day of February. I got a little impatient so I've ultimately settled for a new role, still in my current workplace – so I've still resigned from my current post, but the new role will allow me to continue to be in the industry I like while removing the shit I don't want to deal with and had originally resigned over.

Did you ever live in a house with more than one story?  I currently do. It was the house I grew up in that didn't have an extra floor.

What room of your home do you spend most time in? My bedroom, since it's also my workspace.

Is your second toe longer than your big toe?  Just super slightly, but yeah.

Have you ever given yourself a tattoo?  Nope.

Do you own any clothes you wouldn’t wear in front of your mother?  Not really.

Do you have health insurance?  Just Philhealth. What are some medical issues you’re currently dealing with?  Just what I'm presently sensing as anemia, but other than that there aren't any.

Why did you last take pain medication?  Can't even recall. I just apply a cooling ointment whenever my back and shoulders are sore lol, and I've been proactively lessening my Biogesic intake because I don't want to be too dependent on it every time I get a headache.

What physical traits have you inherited from your father?  I find that my smile and mouth are similar to his. I think my eyes too? Idk but in general I'm the most well-balanced among me and my siblings when it comes to genetics haha, so it's hard for me to tell which of my features look more like my mom's or my dad's.

How about your mother?  My overall face structure? IDK IT'S REALLY HARD TO TELL LOL

What personality traits do you wish your children would inherit from you? I take pride in how devoted and loyal I am in my friendships, so it'd be nice for my hypothetical and likely-to-never-exist kids to get that from me. Also, passion for their hobbies! I'd listen to my kids ramble on all day about whatever it is they're interested/invested in.

What parts of the world are your ancestors from?  Philippines, and that's pretty much it lol. I don't think I have ancestors from Spain.

Have you ever had a strange pet, outside of the normal animals people keep?  No.

Do you believe in astrology?  Hell no.

Do you drive an electric car?  No. It just wouldn't be the smartest decision to get one at this point as we barely have the technology or network to make owning an electric car a feasible long-term thing. Philippines was already late as it is when it came to the internet, so I imagine it would be the same - perhaps even longer - with the electric cars.

Do you like facial hair on guys or do you prefer the clean shaven look?  Eh, it depends on how they look with the hair.

Who was your first celebrity crush?  It was a tie between Zac Efron and Ashley Tisdale, haha.

Are you good with kids?  I honestly don't know. I was good with kids before as a First-Born Asian Daughter™ lol, but I haven't been arounds kids in YEARS so idk if my abilities still hold up.

Are you usually late, early, or right on time?  At this point tbh I'm a mix of all three. I try to make it on time but it sometimes also depends on how invested I am in the thing I'm supposed to be at. I arrived at the Seventeen concert by 11 AM, but at work I will sometimes arrive at 10:30 AM lol.

Are you good at applying makeup?  I'm horrible at it, but that's also because I'm not the least bit interested in makeup.

Do you like pastel colored hair?  It's alright!

What do you think about the most?  Career options, opportunities to take care of myself or find new hobbies...I've been getting paranoid about mortality lately as well and I hate it.

Do you like to see it snowing outside?  I wish I could experience that, but I don't live in a country with snow.

Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house?  Nopes.

Have you ever been in a choir?  I have not.

Do you look older or younger than you actually are?  I used to get 'younger' all the time, but idk now. Work may have aged me physically enough to start actually looking 25 hahaha.

When is the next time you’ll be up on stage?  I'm assuming June because my mom has asked me to host a surprise party we're doing for my paternal grandparents. I never committed to it, but I know ultimately it'll come down to me hosting anyway lol.

Where did you spend your last birthday at?  I was just at home. My friends came over though.

What was the last show that you watched a full episode of?  Friends.

Is there anything you need to work on doing soon?  Little bit, yeah.

Were you ever a boy or girl scout?  I was not.

Do you take your medications in the morning or at night?  I don't take any medication at all.

Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch?  Nah, merch is usually next to impossible to get when you're from an Asian country that's not Japan anyway. The merchiest I got with YouTubers was going to the first-ever YouTube Fanfest haha.

What is the best type of donut?  I like a good classic – chocolate frosting with sprinkles! My favorite local doughnut shop also makes this fantastic roasted brown butter brioche doughnut that I could have every day.

Do you like thrift stores?  Not the first place I would go to, but still willing to check them out.

What is your town known for?  Aesthetic cafes with shitty food, car accidents, pilgrimages, and our waterfalls. We're all over the place lmao.

Have you ever used a fake name at Starbucks?  I once referred to myself as Audrey as in Audrey Hepburn but it came back as fucking Aujie hahahaha. Haven't really done it since because I don't see the point.

What color is your lava lamp?  I've never had one.

Who is your favorite Lisa Frank character?  We were too short on money for my parents to be spending overpriced Lisa Frank shit on me.

What’s your favorite movie that you remember seeing in the theater?  Portrait of a Lady on Fire.

Do you know anyone who has ten cats?  I think Val may have? She posts about her cats all the time and it's always different ones every time lol.

Have you ever had a cat?  My sister had Arlee.

Have you ever had a dog?  Yes, three of them.

Have you ever any other kind of animal?  Yes.

Have you ever had a pet rock?  That I never have.

What were you voted in the senior class polls?  We don't have that tradition.

Who was your favorite teacher in high school?  My music teacher. I never even liked what she taught, but she had a teaching style that let her relate life lessons to whatever music theory she was explaining at the moment and that resonated with me all throughout high school.

Do you want to give your kids common names or unique names?  Common, but not too mainstream in that they can still stand out but also not get bullied.

What collection are you thinking of starting?  I currently collect BTS merch and I plan on continuing it, especially since I'm not even done getting all the albums yet.

Do you organize your clothes by color?  No, I just have them fixed according to article of clothing.

What do you want to name your first child?  I've stopped having a go-to pick for a name because I've also stopped wanting kids.

List ten favorite girls names.  Mia, Scarlett, Charlotte, Emilia, Harper, Elliott, Lily, Juliana, Rosie, Dylan.

List ten favorite boys names.  Seth, Liam, James, Lucas, Julian, Matteo, Noah, Owen, Jacob, Leon.

What season do you want to get married in?  Continued from last night. We don't have seasons but I'd pick out a colder month – so anywhere between December to February.

Is your Pinterest cluttered?  I don't use Pinterest enough to make boards.

What is your favorite insect?  None of them.

What bugs scare you?  All of them, but especially cockroaches.

Who picked your name, your mom or your dad?  My dad picked my first name, my mom chose my second.

Have you ever fallen asleep in a significant other’s arms?  Sure.

Do you have a television in your room? If you do, is it one of the old school big ones? Or i it a new flat screen?  I do. It's a flat-screen but it's not a new TV – it was originally from our living room until we got a new one last year. Anyway, the TV I have is like 16 years old.

What was your favorite cartoon or television show as a child? What about movie?  I liked Spongebob and Drake & Josh. For movies, Toy Story was and continues to be my favorite.

Did you have sleepovers at your friends’ houses a lot as a child? Or did your friends come over to your house more often?  No. I was never really allowed to, but also I didn't have many friends so eh. As for me, I lived in a very crowded duplex so the house was never the most visitor-friendly.

Do you have any significantly older siblings?  No, our age gaps are small.

When opening presents on Christmas or birthdays, do you first try to guess what is in the package? Do you tear the wrap off slowly, or just rip it to shreds? Are you polite no matter what the gift, and say you love it anyways?  I rip it to shreds haha, and yes I always say thank you.

What happened last time you got drunk?  I dropped a wine glass and injured my foot.

What are you listening to?  Friends.

Which parent do you feel the most affection for?  My dad.

How do you feel about God?  "If there is a God, He will have to beg for my forgiveness.” A quote that reached fame by being found carved in a concentration camp wall. And I will forever agree with it, violently so. <– I like this answer. < There you go. <--- yep. < That's the best answer yet, because that's exactly how I feel with the shit I went through growing up.

Which platform do you use to listen to music on the most?  Spotify.

Who do you care about the most?  Myself and my dogs.

[ofxiang-archive]

TASK 001: QUESTIONNAIRE.

view the exclusive interview with phoenix's main vocalist, nikolai xiang, below !

when’s your birthday? and what’s a significant memory you have about it?

 “ july 5th. i don't really care a lot about the day anymore, but one of my favourite memories is my tenth birthday, where my mom took the three of us to hong kong disneyland. i loved disney. she saved up for so long for that trip. we watched the parade and i remember thinking it was the coolest thing ever. i don't remember how i lost my ears but i did, and i was so upset about it — like crying upset, until jianyu gave me his. i still have them at my house. ”

what’s a song you have on repeat recently?

 “ right now ? 'omg' by yumi and jinnie. listen to it, by the way, if you haven't yet. ”

who is your role model?

 “ my older brother, jianyu. it'll always be him. ”

do you believe in ghosts? if so, do you have any paranormal experiences?

 “ i don't know. i do like watching ghost adventures, though. ”

what was your first kiss like? when was it?

 “ oh, man. i was like fifteen. you know, teenage romance, whatever. i never saw him again after we left for seoul. ”

what is something you get told all the time?

 “ a lot of the time it's that i'm late for something, or that i slept in and we need to hurry. i get told to get more sleep, but it's not that easy. mostly, to take care of myself, especially from flames. ”

do you have any regrets?

 “ oof, yeah. too many. is there anyone who doesn't have any regrets ? ”

how would you describe how you feel right now?

 “ honest answer ? like i can't breathe. like, suffocating, almost, and it takes so much effort just to get a breath into my lungs. you know those nightmares where you're lost, running from a certain thing or some unknown thing that you just know is bad, and each door you try to open is locked ? or the doors that do open are just loops of the same hallway with the walls closing in, no escape ? i feel that. i'm tired. ”

what is something you do and don’t like about yourself?

 “ next please. ”

do you have any fears?

 “ heights, spiders and the dark. ”

when was the last time you talked to your family?

 “ i talked to my brother, i think... like, five hours ago ? we talk a lot, and we're on the same tour, so obviously we see each other a lot too. it's like, ugh, this guy again, are you serious ? ”

what city are you most looking forward to on the tour?

 “ hong kong, definitely. but busan is also up there, and i always love visiting singapore and manila. ”

do you have any allergies?

 “ fish and pollen. spring is a nightmare for me. ”

what are some habits or mannerisms that you have? good or bad.

 “ anyone who knows me knows this one is coming — being late. losing things. leaving without putting my contacts in. squinting because i can't see anything. there's definitely more, but i can't think of them. ”

what are your hobbies?

 “ sleeping. my number one hobby. ”

how was your school life as a kid like?

 “ i don't remember a lot of it, haha. probably normal, for the most part ? i stopped... i guess it would be caring ? in seventh grade, though. i dropped out when i was fourteen to take care of my brother. ”

do you have any pet peeves?

 “ when someone makes me do aegyo. being woken up from naps. when people talk over others. just rudeness in general i really don't like. ”

do you consider what you’re doing right now your dream job? if not, what is it instead?

 “ i think i do. i don't know what else i'd be doing with my life. i honestly was sort of just floating before. ”

what motivates you?

 “ family — my mom, my brothers, my group. flames. i wouldn't be here without any of them. ”

what’s something you can’t live without?

 “ family again. ”

do you have a celebrity crush?

 “ i have a huge crush on nam joohyuk. ”

what is your go to karaoke song?

 “ can you feel the love tonight, or into the unknown. ”

what type of drunk are you?

 “ what type of drunk am i ? i like fun. happy ? talkative ? i don't know. the type that doesn't wanna think about shit and just have fun. ”

do you collect anything?

 “ probably just anything the lion king. flames gift me a lot of lion king stuff, the phone case i'm using right now actually is a really cute baby simba one that somebody gave me in buffalo. ”

when you’re sad, what do you do to cheer yourself up?

 “ it depends. sometimes i just sleep, sometimes i drink, other times i just don't do anything. it's something that's just there, most of the time, i've learned to live with it. ”

[osonos]

Complicated thoughts on Oppenheimer

Scroll if you don’t want SPOILERS btw

To start off, I just want to say that I enjoyed Oppenheimer and thought it was a well made movie. All of the actors pulled their weight or more, and I hope to see Blunt receive a nomination for it.

That being said, I thought it had shortcomings, if not faults. Mainly, and my post will largely revolves around this, an emotional failure to launch after the bombings of Japan. I don’t think that Oppenheimer is divorcable from outside perspectives, considering the direct human suffering he helped to inflict upon others both at home and abroad. And pre-apologies for a very American centric take at times.

One, without the human suffering the bombings lack emotional weight. Two, it makes me feel like Nolan failed to understand the impact of media and how it helped to propell his ww2 crush into infamy. World War 2 is arguably one of the first wars to produce media that brings it to the general public back home and probably the first to meaningfully document the horrific aspects of it. This advent of modern media changed not only how we view war but also our receptiveness to it (think Vietnam War). The whole argument in favor of the bombings relies on the american public being unable to stomach a wholesale invasion of the Japanese home islands. Expanding on this, Oppenheimers celebrity status that Nolan is so enamored by, was propelled by the media that come from it. Do we really have the father of the atomic bomb without pictures of the mushroom cloud? Of the destruction? Of the dead and injured?

Now the most obvious counterpoint to this is falling victim to an exploitative take. I don’t want to see the Japanese people get burned alive. I also really don’t want to presume to know what any Japanese person would want in a portrayal. But I do know that I wanted to see something at all. Instead we get shielded from it, at best for the sake of time and at worse to push a more sympathetic take. Going back the point about media, it’s in there but only for Oppenheimer to squirm at. To me, I felt like Nolan gave a thesis for why Oppenheimer was a conflicted individual later on but decided to skip to the conclusion. I also think a two minute scene where we see a normal day in Japan, the bomb get dropped, and then a cut to the horror/announcement scene would have ensured that emotional launch. I didn’t need to see it, I needed to dread it and not have it fizzle at american guilt without substance.

Going back to that mention of Americans harmed, there is literally no mention of it. None. People got sick. People died from other experiments. There’s no respect or dignity in being hidden like skeletons in a closet. Like the Japanese, they simply can’t be separated from Oppenheimer and Oppenheimer from them. No one ever dares to separate the Nazi Regime from the Holocaust, but I suppose history favors the winners. It’s more interesting to build on Oppenheimer’s quip about his people being sent into camps (again, media!) by forcing him and ourselves to directly confront how he’s became monstrous trying to stop monstrosity.

Lastly, I would be amiss to not mention Tatlock and her classic Nolan fridging. There’s not as much to say here because her struggles with sexuality probably would have been too much of a time detour to cover in an already 3 hour long movie. But implying that she killed herself because she couldn’t have Oppenheimer when she might have just been a communist sympathizing lesbian (or a different sexual identity) in 1940’s America, feels weird. After reading her Wikipedia page after, it feels even weirder in an unintentional parallel with the Oppenheimer-Einstein-Strauss scene. That woman was so complicated and she got reduced to what exactly? An emotionally flimsy affair partner? Nolan, maybe her death wasn’t about ur ww2 crush or not the whole reason alone. Don’t overthink it. But hey it’s Nolan and this kind of writing isn’t new for him.

That being said, I really enjoyed the second half. I got tired of Oppenheimer’s underdeveloped guilt pretty fast but considering the amount of promotional activity around “I am become death, destroyer of worlds”, it was nice to see a “destroyer”. I’d say that McCatharyism fit the bill for that far more than Oppenheimer and the bombs ever did over 3 hours. Emily Blunt, your fierceness and emotional command made me feel like it was worth not leaving the theater or reaching through the screen to scream at Oppenheimer. Watching Oppenheimer get a political hit job done on him truly was almost a horror movie. So in summary, if you want a globalist emotional take, this is not for you. But fortunately, it also not for you if anti McCarthy undertones (really overtones by the 2/3 mark) aren’t palatable. I’m seeing a lot of blind loyalty posts and while I’m glad people are out enjoying the movie I’d like to gently remind everyone this story is too complicated for a singular opinion. It’s unserious to label any different opinions as lacking “media literacy” or what not. I’m almost certain those takes would never knowingly be said to a Japanese person so don’t hide behind anonymity or laziness. Let’s make room for opposing takes from our own.

Lastly, did the Strauss’s aide Brutus him??? Was that the implication? He was soooo passive aggressive and I was worried for him 😅