#has not even been to a hospital

[closeted-goth]

the combination of like, bloke culture - toxic masculinity, if u like, but more so the suffer in silence, I'll get through it myself type - whatever illness afflicts low-income, tradie-class, largely non-academic, Bundabergian families; and generations of absentee parenting has all rlly, rlly done a number on my siblings and I.

[starry-bi-sky]

don't you want to be a cult leader? - danyal al ghul au

this is mostly a joke post but i thought it was funny and had to share so--

his first mistake was, obviously, inheriting his father's inability to see an injustice and stand still. -- actually, danyal's first mistake was his lair being so big. a mountainous island with a large temple in the center resembling his old home in Nanda Parbat? With sprawling foliage and rivers and streams and waterfalls galore? What was he going to do with all that space? Let it go to waste? He had plants there! Native trees of the ghost zone growing from the soil! He couldn't let it all be left unchecked!

So naturally after helping a fellow teenage assassin ghost -- who he later learns is named Akihiko, -- from Walker of all people, he sent them over to hang low at his lair until it was safe enough for them to wander around the Zone. Walker couldn't get through Danyal's astrofield if his life depended on it, and trust him -- he's tried. Danny was clearing out debris from his stupid transport vans for weeks.

Honestly it wasn't so bad, he and Aki really quickly became fast friends and Danny loves having a sparring partner close to his level again -- he hasn't had this much fun fighting since he left the League. Aki was very dedicated and levelheaded, the both of them clicked really well because of it.

Nonono, the real trouble began after Danyal met some long-passed League members and allowed them to come join his island as well. Apparently they had made a few enemies of the zone, and maybe Danyal still felt some loyalty to the League. He couldn't just let them be left to rot. Their zealotry could be overlooked so long as they kept it contained and helped him take care of his island.

And it.. snowballs from there? He meets a teen squire aptly calling himself Ambroise -- whether that was his living name or not is yet to be seen -- who died during feudal france, who is just about as dramatic and passionate as every french stereotype makes them out to be. He calls Danyal "my moon and great muse" -- which is both flattering and little uncomfortable, but Danyal's grown up in the League as the Grandson of the Demon Head, he is used to mild worship. he passes it off as nothing more, nothing less. -- and while his energy is overwhelming on the worst of days, he helps Danny draw out of his shell more in ways that Sam and Tucker still struggle with.

Him and Aki butt heads a lot, but the two seem to hold the other in at least some positive regard, so Danny doesn't worry too much about them fighting while he's gone. It only becomes a mild issue when Aki also begins calling Danny "my moon". It's a little sweet, so Danyal brushes it off.

Then he takes in a troupe of ghosts some time after he defeats Pariah Dark and they begin calling him "great one" just as the yetis do in the far frozen. This is where he meets the twins -- a pair of sibling ghosts who call themselves Trixie and Missy (short for Trick and Mislead) -- who aren't quite as passionate as Ambroise but more energetic than Aki. Eventually they also start calling Danyal "my moon" and attach themselves to his hip, even within the living. They like to hide in his shadow and cause trouble for the rest of the students. He makes sure they don't hurt anyone.

He's pretty sure Aki is jealous, same with Ambroise, but he can't be too certain other than the fact that they become much more lingering (re: clingy) whenever he visits the island.. Something he's trying to do much more often these days due to the increasing amount of people living there now. Since when did he become so popular?

Then there's Pēnelópeia from the Greater Athens, who ran away from home and joined his Island after he ran into her while she was being chased by Skulker -- and he's pretty sure the reason was because of her chimeric appearance. Her strange eyes and mismatched wings and lion's tail and talons. She assimilates into his friend group very easily, she gets along well with Ambroise and Trixie and Danny usually finds the three of them climbing the trees to pluck the most fruit from the top. They can fly and he knows it, but they prefer to climb.

Then finally there's silent poet Akkara who comes from ancient mesopotamia, who gets along most with Aki -- which is no surprise there considering their similar personality dispositions. he watches Aki and Danyal fight each other and leaves comments on this or that that he notices. He writes Danyal poems on clay tablets and leaves them by his room.

They're one big mismatched group of outcasts, and Danny's got the other ghosts on his island to tend to, because they're living on his island and he wants to be hospitable even if he struggles with that. But he spends the most of his time with them.

Sam and Tucker are making fun of him. Tucker jokingly tells him 'careful Danny, at this rate you're gonna start a cult'. Danny really wishes he had taken that joke more seriously.

He just. keeps. collecting people. Wayward souls lost in the zone, looking for shelter or refuge from something or other -- whether that be another hostile ghost, or a past afterlife, or just a purpose. Danyal finds them, he takes them in, offers them a place on his island until they are ready to leave. Many seldom do. He's not complaining -- he has the space, and it feels like it's only ever growing.

His close friends, his "inner circle" as he's heard the others call them, keep insistently calling him "my moon". He starts calling them his stars, because then it only feels fair. They're his stars, this is his constellation. It becomes a thing; little star halos begin forming behind their heads, picking them out from the rest. He loves them so much, it's hard to place. Sam and Tucker are also his stars, but they reside in the living realm, they're his tie to Life. Meanwhile, his friends here know what it's like to be dead, and sometimes its nice to relate.

Those living on his island keep calling him "Great One" and he's beginning to notice zealotry in their care for his island. He really, deeply appreciates it. His close friends gain nicknames -- as his stars, it's only natural for him to pick them out from the cluster in the skies. Akihiko, his Sirius and bright star. Trix and Missy, Castor and Pollux, the twins and troublemakers. Ambroise, his zealous Antares and close friend. Penelopeia, chimeric and loyal Vega. And Akkara, his Arcturus and strength.

It's ridiculous how long it takes for him to notice; he is, of course, a deadly trained assassin. He is meant to be observant -- and normally he is! But somehow this becomes a blind spot. One that becomes too big to be dealt with by the time he realizes it.

He should've noticed when Aki, his Sirius, stood beside him one day while Danyal looked over his island and saw the sprawling spirits carrying on about their afterlife and bowing to him as they saw him, and said: "I looked down into the depths when I met you; I couldn't measure it." They aren't one for flowing prose, it took him so off guard he was silent for over a minute before he finally spoke.

Danyal should've recognized devotion for what it is, and yet he didn't. He should've recognized it when Antares began spouting praises about him, crowing about his radiance and resplendence to the heavens. He just brushed it off as Ambroise being Ambroise. He should've recognized it when Trix and Missy nearly broke Dash's leg after he knocked Danyal's books out of his hands, he excused it as them being protective. Of them coming from times where such violence may have been customary -- after all, that's what he used to be like. What he was still like, sometimes, when his emotions nearly got the better of him.

He should've noticed it when the people living on his island followed his word like gospel, looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky. When his friends gifted him a shawl with the moon phases delicately embroidered into it, with silver, shimmering thread and moving stars lovingly stitched into it. Their constellations seen clear as day in the dark fabric. When he found small shrines dedicated to him -- but they lacked any image of him beyond stones carved to look like moons, so he ignored it. When the religious imagery began popping up.

He really, really should've noticed it when a bunch of cultists accidentally summoned Antares, and Antares had turned to him when he arrived and called them heretics. But he was so centered on the fact that they had kidnapped one of his stars, that he hadn't paid much attention to what Ambroise had said.

Sages say that faith is blind, they should also say faith in you is even blinder.

It really only hits him one afternoon while he's sitting in Sam's room studying with Tucker, Missy and Trixie lounging at his feet, Aki sat on his right, Penelopeia braiding his hair, Ambroise draped against him, and Akkara lurking over him. Its one of the rare few times they're all in one room together.

It hits him like a bolt of lightning. He looks up from his textbook. "Oh Ancients," he says in no amounting shock. Everyone looks up to him.

"I've become my grandfather."

[halorvic]

[surreal-duck]

es rarepair week 2024 day 1 | AU/future

lil ghostic au of mine!!! yuzuru and the rest of fine are long since trapped souls in an abandoned mansion of which rst come across while looking for shelter during a storm :] it doesnt um. particularly end well

[ineed-to-sleep]

*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it

[al-luviec]

juvie buddies

[thinky-think-brainblast]

MORE DAD AANG, because it just keeps me going.

I have come to the conclusion in my head that airbenders literally have had to had the most angelic voices, they are the best singers by far compared to any nation and they don’t even have to try, it just comes with the territory. If an airbender decides to practice singing they can become even better, if they practice enough they can even use airbending to sing, which would allow them to do literally magic with their voices. So from this we can infer is that naturally Aang has to be a hell of a singer, even so he would much rather just stick with dancing (I have dancing headcanons for all the nations BTW). However when bumi is born and is about a few months old this baby can’t fall asleep, there is some nights that by some miracle he would fall asleep at his bedtime and sleep through the night, but he would wake up at four am BAWLING. On a normal night bumi just doesn’t stop crying and katara is absolutely exhausted she just came from one of the most stressing days in the clinics and she just can’t deal with bumi at the moment. Aang notices and tells katara to get some rest and that he will deal with bumi by himself, some time passes and bumi just doesn’t stop, there are moments where he calms down to then start crying his eyes out again, Aang has done absolutely everything, he is constantly carrying bumi around, he is giving him food, he is hugging and kissing bumi, he is talking to him, nothing seems to work. By this point aang has become numb to the cry’s and honestly at this point he is very tired and just decides to sit down with bumi in his arms and wait it out, I mean he eventually HAS to fall asleep, right? Well Aang gets pretty bored about just sitting down and hearing Bumi cry so he begins to hum to himself, he hummed this song he had heard an orchestra play at a work dinner. Unexpectedly baby bumi calms down a little when he hears aang hum, as Aang notices he begins to hum a little louder and notices bumi calmed down completely. He continues shocked when he sees bumi even begin to get sleepy, when he runs out of the melody he begins to sing songs that were sung to him at the temples when he was a little boy. To this bumi finally falls asleep.

Don’t cancel me pls.

[thatonebirdwrites]

Coffee

Follow-up to L-Corp, Chill, and Scotch (Lena's POV), Catco and Family (Kara's POV), Kara and Heat, Plumerias and Ink and Aura

This is objectively the worst coffee Kara has ever had in her life. No amount of sugar or milk saves it, yet it's the only coffee available in the hospital.

She takes another sip, grimaces, and considers just tossing it down the sink. Caffeine doesn't actually affect her, so her drinking it is mostly for comfort.

She waits in a small room by the surgery center, where doctors worked to repair the complication to Lena's condition. It's a name that Kara can't quite pronounce, Endocarditis, an infection in the heart. She thinks back through the last week and three days.

***

When Lena's blood culture tests, echocardiogram, CT and X-rays all came back positive for the infection, she is admitted to the hospital for supervision of a heavy round of antibiotics.

Kara sets up a schedule with Sam and Kelly for daily visits. Kelly can't do everyday, but she does the late morning. Kara goes for the afternoon, while Sam and sometimes Ruby covers evenings. Lena speaks sparingly, sleeps a lot, but seems to appreciate each visit.

Kara learns the name of Lena's nurses and technicians, but they seem to change shifts a lot, so she's not certain which ones will be there on which days. The technicians seem to be the ones that deal with hygiene tasks, while nurses deal more with the health portions like IV stuff, procedures, and medicines.

Lena's given the best suite in the department, and supposedly the best cooks. Kara judges the food harshly -- they call that the best? It doesn't even smell like food!

Lena, for some reason, finds Kara's reaction to hospital food hilarious. On Day 3 of Lena's Hospital Stay, Lena chuckles at Kara's latest horror at her food choices. "Darling," she says, which is a thing she started up in the hospital too -- pet names, "this is indeed the best in hospital fare." She had soup in front of her, broth heavy, and small kale-based salad.

Just the smell of kale insults Kara's senses. The menu the workers bring Lena -- they have a person specifically for food, just as they have nurses, nurse techs, and others that Kara totally forgot what their roles are -- is horrifically sparse on entrees and side dishes. Even the desserts are terrible. No donuts or ice cream! Just some weird fruit flavored ice pop.

"How do people survive?" Kara asks. "The portions are so small, and no variety! It's like a food desert."

"Mmmm. I suppose it is for you." Lena raises an eyebrow. "Which I have wondered... is your ferocious appetite part of your particular physiology?"

Lena-speak for if it's due to Kara being Kryptonian. "Yeah, it is. I need almost three times the calories of a human." Kara rubs her neck and smiles sheepishly.

"Wait, what? Do you even get enough in a day?" Lena's eyebrows scrunch cutely like it does when she's furiously pondering a subject.

"Not always," Kara admits. "There's some Earth food that I can't digest. Found that out the hard way my first few years here." She pokes the wet tea bag that sits in the corner of the tray. Despite steeping it for five minutes, Lena admits it's still rather tasteless tea.

"Kara..." Lena touches the back of Kara's hand. Another first since their fight, since well before Lex's death actually. Before Lex, the physical affection between them had been slowly ramping up, but after him, Lena's frosty demeanor and avoidance made even sitting near one another difficult.

Now she touches Kara tentatively but with a firmness, as if she's making sure Kara can really feel the touch. Another new thing between them and one Kara appreciates.

"What if I draft a powder for you? You can put it in your sickening sweet drinks to add in more calories."

"Really? You'd make that?" Kara blinks back the urge to cry. "I don't deserve..."

"Stop." Lena grasps her hand and rubs her thumb over Kara's palm. It tingles almost. "No more of that while I'm here. You and Sam have pressed upon me how important food and health is. So that means I can't sit idly knowing you may not get enough in a day." Her firm tone invokes no room for argument, but Kara has no idea what to say in response. So she only smiles and holds Lena's hand gingerly.

Lena has always been perceptive of Kara's needs, and she's tried to do the same. So it really shouldn't surprise Kara that Lena has ideas for how to draft this powder by day three of her hospital stay. Sam, on her way out, whispers to Kara how Lena has been nonstop pondering it, and she had to steal Lena's tablet twice to enforce rest the prior night.

Honestly, this is why she takes the longer shifts in the afternoon, to make sure Lena has everything she needs for this hospital stay. It's the least she can do to continue her repair and make sure Lena doesn't ever feel she has to face anything alone again.

Her time here has given Kara a shock as to how many people don't have visitors. That too becomes a conversation between her and Lena, this time on the fourth day of Lena's stay.

"There's this really nice old lady three rooms down from you. She had some sort of big heart surgery, but like no one visited her for a week! A week, Lena!" Kara throws her hands into the air in horror.

Lena smiles, her gaze focused intently on Kara. That too is a new development.

Before Lex, Lena tended to focus her attention on whoever the speaker is, but for Kara, she'd sometimes bite her bottom lip, smile softly, or step much, much closer than she would for other people. The singular focus often had Kara blushing.

After Lex, Lena avoided eye contact. At least until their talk at the gazebo.

Now Lena gazes at her with a singular focus, one so intent that she misses when anyone enters the room. Her entire body language shifts too, far more than in the past, as if she's listening not just with her ears but with her whole body. It's a trifle overwhelming, especially with how gorgeous Lena is, even when ill and in a pastel-blue hospital gown.

"I take it you did something about this tragedy?" Lena drawls, a hint of a smile on her lips.

"Well, yes. I couldn't just let her be sad and alone. So..." Kara leans closer and whispers, "Don't tell Alex, but I sort of hid in the bathroom and got out the supersuit, and had Supergirl visit her."

"Kara!" Lena laughs and weakly swats her arm. "That's what that commotion was."

Kara smiles. "Well, what can I say?" she shrugs. "Everyone loves and knows Supergirl."

That's when the Look started. Lena's expression softened, her gaze even more intent, but her smile almost shy. Kara can't recall Lena ever looking at her quite this way prior, and it warms her in a way that Kara can't quite pinpoint yet.

"I prefer Kara." The words punctuated with a firm nod as if Lena will fight anyone who disagrees.

Kara once again finds herself blinking back tears. "Really?"

"Yes. You'll always be just Kara to me."

That definitely invokes tears. "You might be the first to ever say that." She rubs her face, horrified by her own tears. "Everyone always treats me differently once they learn, and then it's all about... about you know."

"Were you afraid I'd do the same?"

Kara nods, miserable. It's why she stressed it so much in her apology at the Pulitzer's, how that fear had made her such a horrendous coward. "Yeah, I'm sorry."

Lena is silent for a long moment, that scrunch in her brows signalling her thinking. "I suppose I have treated you differently since I learned, but it was... out of hurt. Not because of your alternate identity per se."

"That's not the same," Kara insists. "Even then, you focused on me as Kara. Like even Nia, once she knew, I became her mentor, and sometimes that drives almost all of our friendship these days. And I get it. Kara Danvers isn't as cool."

Lena shakes her head. "I think Kara Danvers is cool just as she is. I have since the start." A faint smile twitches her lips.

On Day five, Kara is late for her shift due to a Supergirl emergency, this time a rampaging dinosaur. Some sort of animatronic turned into a real creature somehow.

Kelly has already left, and Lena lays quietly in bed, her tablet face-up in her lap. This is the first time Kara stopped to nab a coffee from the cafeteria, mostly to help her calm down from the fight.

"Hey Lena." Kara drops into the chair next to her bed. "How are you feeling today?" She takes a sip and stares at the coffee in horror. "Wow, this is terrible."

"Hospital coffee always is, hun," Lena murmurs. Her hands are restless against her blanket, and her brow scrunched as if she's been deep in thought. "Are -- are you okay?" Her eyes rove over Kara with an intensity that makes her blush. "I -- I saw the news."

Oh. That explains the nervousness in Lena's demeanor. "I'm fine." Kara smiles.

She listens to the rest of the department, but no one is near Lena's room, the nurses and techs are on opposite ends of the hallway or chatting at their desk six doors away.

So safe enough to share. "It looked worse than it was. Alex wants me to take it easy though. So I don't solar flare."

Lena tilts her head. "Explain? I hear the term off and on, but how does it work physiology-wise?"

"Oh." Kara taps her fingers against her leg. "My cells suck up solar energy and stores them. It's what gives me my powers, but I can deplete them over time. Usually time in the sun replenishes them, so I never fully deplete, but sometimes, on cloudy days or at night, I can use up all my reserves. That's a solar flare."

"So then no powers?"

Kara nods. "Yeah. Which means I have to be extra careful since I can sometimes break a bone without meaning to. I have to be so careful with my strength, that losing it means I will think I'm careful --"

"But you overcompensate?"

Kara nods. "Gosh, it feels so good to share this with you." She attempts another sip of the coffee and almost gags.

"Mmmm. Yes. I prefer this." Lena's tone holds no bitterness this time however. "Though I think you should give up on that coffee. Before you die from gagging."

Kara chuckles. "Yeah, I guess." She looks down at the brown liquid.

Tears prick her eyes, and she wonders how long Lena will have to stay here. It scares her to see Lena here, to see her so pale and weak, with IV and fluids, with the blood pressure cuff on her arm and her finger in the oxy-meter. A machine takes her vitals every fifteen minutes, the noise grating to Kara's ears.

"Kara, darling, how about you read the next chapter?" Lena holds out her book. As always, Lena knows when they both need the distraction. Kara takes the book and prepares her best reading voice, the one Lena seems delighted to hear. Giving a different voice to each character is part of that, which feels silly but it brings a smile to Lena's face, and that's something Kara desperately wants to keep doing.

When Lena falls asleep an hour later, Kara scoots closer and gently pushes a lock of hair away from Lena's face. Her fingers linger by Lena's ear, and that urge to kiss her forehead overwhelms Kara.

She can't help herself. She lets her lips ghost over Lena's cold skin.

That's when the current nurse - Quincey - walks in to check on Lena's vitals and change her IV bag. She smiles at Kara and gives her a wink when Kara hurriedly sits down as if caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

Before Nurse Quincey leaves, Kara stands and catches her at the door. "Um, do you know how much longer Lena has to stay?"

The nurse glances at the hospital bed, where Lena sleeps soundly. "It depends on how well she takes to the antibiotics. The doctor will see her tomorrow to check her progress if you want to save your questions for then." She gives Kara a reassuring smile. "And don't worry, we'll take good care of your partner."

Before Kara can protest the term, the nurse sweeps out of the room.

Well, that's just, something.

Kara sits down and downs the terrible coffee before its smell can assault her nose. She needs something after that, because if Lena hears a nurse call Kara that, what will she do? Kara doesn't want Lena to get upset and stress her heart.

After that day, Kara becomes far too intimate with the absolutely terrible coffee and food the hospital serves. Lena isn't allowed caffeine, so she's ends up with just decaffeinated tea or various juices.

"I'm convinced they source the worst tea imaginable," Lena admits to Kara the fifth day of her stay in the hospital. The bed is tilted so Lena can sit upright, and a tray hangs over her lap. The food, as usual, looks incredibly sad to Kara. In fact, it makes her want to rush out to find Lena real food.

But she's not sure if that's allowed. "I'd get you better tea, but I probably would need to sneak it in."

"Resorting to tea smuggling?" Lena jokes, dryly. "Kara Zor El Danvers, I'm scandalized."

To hear her full name uttered from Lena's lips? Kara can't help but smile. "Oh, I smuggle a lot of delicious things. Like potstickers in a theater."

That nets her a full-throat chuckle. Almost like old times. The pain or distrust in Lena's eyes hasn't fully left her, but she has started laughing more often to Kara's horrible jokes.

"Oh, that reminds me. Brainy and J'onn had to move my mind-healing session to today. So I need to leave fifteen minutes early. Mostly because J'onn only has an hour, and it takes about ten minutes for Brainy to set up the tech."

"The tech? As in what we used to find Sam during the worldkillers?" Lena asks.

"Yeah, that. I'm naturally resistant to telepathy, so J'onn can't do mind-healing work without Brainy's tech getting us all in one place in my mind."

"When did you start this?" Lena tilts her head, confused. "And why?"

"Um, well, a few weeks ago. I told you I want to repair us. To be better. That means dealing with my trauma too. I don't ever want my trauma to hurt you again." Kara looks down at her hands, embarrassed. "But Kryptonian mind-healers are few and far between on Argo, and I trust J'onn. He was trained by his father, and he understands what it's like to lose your people."

"Oh." Lena looks surprised, but then her expression softens, and she gives Kara the Look. Gently, she reaches out to grasp Kara's hand, and tugs lightly until Kara scoots her chair closer. Lena holds her hand over her heart. "Sam mentioned you'd gone to therapy, but I take it mind-healing is not the same?"

"Yeah, it's a little different" Kara says. "Mind-healing is... more intense? We refile the traumatic memories, and go through the emotions to process them. It's more visceral?"

"Huh." Lena rubs her thumb against the back of Kara's hand. That's another development. Since her hospitalization, she's been a lot more touchy-feely, as if she uses the touch to ground herself. Which Kara can understand considering how scary the hospital can be at times.

"I can... talk about it sometime if you'd like?" Kara says, hesitantly. It's a bit more of her alien nature than she's ever dared share with Lena prior.

"I'd like that." Lena smiles and the Look continues, this time with neither of them speaking. It's not uncomfortable, but it leaves Kara confused since Lena is definitely starting to stare, as if she's trying to memorize Kara's features.

"Um, do I have something on my face?" Kara pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose, nervously.

"Mmmmm. Just glasses." Lena plays with her hand but doesn't look away. This is one of those moments where Kara desperately wants to know what Lena is thinking, but she's too afraid to ask.

So she leans against the bed and lets Lena stare as much as she wants. If it helps her recover, then Kara will try not to blush the entire time. (She's unsuccessful).

When Nurse Quincey enters to swap IV bags and check over Lena, Kara starts to pull away, but Lena's grip tightens on her hand. She doesn't want to hurt her, so she lets Lena keep her hand.

The nurse glances at their hands with a smile. "So, how are you feeling, Lena?" Nurse Quincey winks at Lena. "I see your partner is here again."

"Mmm." To Kara's shock, Lena doesn't dispute the claim nor protest it. "It's her penance. She must endure the horrible coffee and food in return for my company."

Nurse Quincey laughs. "Some penance. That coffee is terrible."

Kara makes a 'bleh' face in agreement, which causes both the nurse and Lena to chuckle.

"How long have you two been together?" Nurse Quincey asks. She works efficiently, the new bag looking the same, but with a tilt of Kara's glasses, she can see the minerals and electrolytes swirling in it.

"Mmm. Awhile," Lena says vaguely.

"That's right," the nurse says with a laugh. "You're terribly private, until it's the middle of the night. Then all your tales spill out." She glances at Kara. "She like this for you too?"

Kara isn't sure if she should nod or not. Does Lena talk to the nurses about her? The casual friendliness catches her off guard, and she looks between them, confused.

Lena's face and neck reddens. "In my defense, you're a good listener unlike some people I know."

"Hey, what am I then?" Kara says in faux outrage. "Cold turkey?"

"I don't believe that's how the saying goes, darling," Lena drawls.

The nurse turns to the marker board to record the vitals. "You two are cute." She caps the marker. "The doctor will be in soon. We'll need to do another echocardiogram and X-ray."

Lena's smile fades and she sighs. "All right. May Kara stay for this?"

"Sure. It can be helpful I think, since partners sometimes think of questions you might miss." Nurse Quincey adjusts the IV tubes and checks the cuffs. "I know it can be overwhelming to be here. So don't push yourself to think of everything, Lena."

"Hard habit to break," Lena admits. "But I'm learning." She squeezes Kara's hand hard enough for it to tingle. "This one helps."

The nurse smiles again. "Good. Let me know if you need anything or if the pain worsens, okay?" She moves the bed controls closer to Lena's left hand.

After she leaves, Kara looks at Lena, confused. She wants to ask why Lena played along with the partner-stuff, but then Lena gives her the Look, and all words evaporate from her brain.

There's an intensity that almost burns the air between them, and Lena holds Kara's hand over her heart. As if to push Kara's warmth into it, which if Kara could she would.

"Lena?" Kara licks her lips, and struggles to keep her eyes away from Lena's chest or lips. That's always been difficult for her, but under the energizing Look, she finds it even more difficult.

"They all call you that," Lena says, softly.

"Um..." Words. Kara can use them, but she can't form the sentence in her head, so her words tumble in a bumbling confusion. "I mean, I like it but i thought, i mean, i don't know, i guess..."

Lena lifts her finger and presses it to Kara's lips. It takes all of Kara's willpower to not lick Lena's finger.

"I'm in the hospital, Kara, with a heart infection that would have killed me if you and Sam hadn't stepped in." Her hand drops to where she has Kara's hand still pressed against her heart. Which means Kara can feel the top of Lena's breast through her gown, which is definitely making it very hard to think of words to say. "You keep saving my life. That means something."

"Yeah." Kara licks her lips. She takes a steadying breath and tries very hard to not rub her thumb over the top of Lena's breast. She's doesn't want to make Lena uncomfortable, but she also doesn't want Lena to move her hand away. "I always will."

Lena smiles. "I know."

Neither of them speak of it again, and although Kara still doesn't understand why Lena doesn't correct anyone about the title 'partner,' she decides it must be a sign that something has healed between them.

Perhaps there is hope for them after-all.

***

When the doctor reviews the echocardiogram, X-ray, EKG, and bloog work, Kara sits with Lena, where Lena holds Kara's hand in a death grip even though her expression is neutral.

"Do you have an estimate at all?" Kara tries to keep the sharpness from her tone, but from the squeeze of Lena's hand, she knows she's been unsuccessful.

"Endocarditis isn't easily predictable," the doctor says, gently. "Generally the antibiotics should clear it out, but sometimes surgery is required to clean and repair the valves. It's best she stays here as we continue the regimen. In three days we'll do a check-up."

"Surely she won't need surgery, right?" Kara does not like the sound of that at all.

"I can't rule it out as a possibility. Not at this point." The doctor glances at Lena. "You did state that you wished for us to use the best techniques possible for this infection."

"I did," Lena agrees. "And I understand. Thank you, Doctor."

She gives them both a sad smile. "I know these news aren't what you hoped. But there has been progress. We've made a dent, and that's important to celebrate." She pats Kara's shoulder.

The doctor's words leaves her in a state of increasing worry.

So those three days, Kara does everything she can to not panic. Lena needs her support, not her panic and worry. So she leaves that to her talks with Alex in the evenings.

"I'm sure she'll get through this and be back to her normal self soon," Alex tells her. She's taken to checking on Kara each evening, and if she can't due to some obligation, she sends Nia or J'onn or Brainy. Anything to help Kara cope.

Or if Kara isn't up for speaking, she texts with Sam and Kelly, both of whom have taken to the group chat with their own worries and encouragement for what Sam calls "Lena's Cheerleader Team."

Kelly: Lena is remarkably calm about all of this. I suspect she isn't sharing her true emotions.

Sam: Hun, she never does. Plays it close to her vest. But I know she's scared to death.

Kara: How do you all stay calm?! I feel like the panic is pouring out of me, and I just want to hold her close and fix this somehow, but I can't. It's maddening.

Kelly: Meditation for me.

Sam: Eh, I've seen Lena survive all sorts of near-death experiences. I'm positive she'll just roll through this one after scaring the shit out of all of us, and be back to her old self in no time.

Kara: Oh gosh, I feel like I'm having to save her several times a year. I panic almost every time. At least with those we rescue her in time, and she's not hurt. But this is so long and terrifying.

Sam: You ever had a loved one be ill for this long, Kara?

Kara: Well, Alex sometimes got ill from the flu, but no, not hospital-level. And even Lena's numerous near-death experiences never warranted longer than a few hours in the emergency department.

Kelly: Wait, what? What do you mean numerous near-death experiences??

Sam: When she jokes about quarterly assassination attempts, it's not actually a joke. It used to be that frequent. Her actions to help save the world has lessened it some lately, but it's still far more frequent than my poor heart can bear.

Kara: Keeping Lena alive is part of my job.

Kelly: Maybe I should be asking her if she'd like a recommendation to a therapy then.

Sam: If you can convince her to go and not give up after session two, I'll call you a miracle worker.

Sam: Kara, us humans are prone to illness. I suggest taking time to do something unrelated to Lena or hospitals. Do not burn yourself out on this. Lena needs us, so that means we all must take care of ourselves too. Get me?

Kara: Yes, mother. :)

Kelly: Good speech, Sam.

Sam: What I'm good at. Dad jokes and speeches.

***

Kara has a Supergirl emergency the day Lena has to retake the blood tests and other procedures. They almost have the alien with the projector, and Kara nearly solar flares in her fight with him. They capture him, and she flies to the hospital without so much of a word to Alex of J'onn.

Her suit deactivates at the top of the parking garage, and she tries to no use superspeed to reach Lena's room.

By the time she gets there, breathless with worry, Lena's techs have rolled her bed back into place. Lena lays quiet, her breaths belabored, and a sheen of sweet on her forehead. A tech wipes her face for her and nods to Kara, who nearly trips over herself to reach Lena's side.

"How -- how did it go?"

"Just took the tests." Lena sounds breathless still. "You had an emergency? You're late." She doesn't sound upset, just concerned. She holds out her hand, and Kara gingerly takes it.

"Yeah, I came as soon as I could. I'm sorry I'm late."

Lena smiles, and she gives Kara the Look again. This time with the techs there to witness. The longer she stays in the hospital, the more blatant Lena becomes with her stares at Kara and the increasing affectionate touches.

"The doctor will be by in an hour or so, once we have the results," a tech says. "Let us know if you need anything." He places the remote by Lena's hand.

Lena nods at him, but quickly returns her gaze to Kara's.

Silence stretches between them. This one feels charged in ways that confuse Kara. The longer the stay, the more intense Lena becomes, as if she's unveiling more of her heart each day.

It shouldn't worry Kara. She should be elated, but it feels too much, too soon. She doesn't want Lena to feel pressured to do anything, and she's afraid that this is all temporary. That once Lena leaves the hospital, everything will go back to how things were in their gazebo talk.

Kara's not sure how to deal if that happens. She's starting to covet Lena's Look and increasingly affectionate touches.

"Kara," Lena starts to say, but trails off.

"Yeah?"

"Stay longer today, please."

"What of Sam?" Kara tries not to take too much of Sam's shift. She knows how important that friendship is to Lena.

"She'll understand."

"Okay." Kara will do anything for Lena. That earns her one of Lena's soft, shy smiles.

When the doctor speaks to them, it's after almost two hours of waiting, most of it Lena dozes, her arms around Kara's right arm, which makes it hard for Kara to do much but lean against the hospital bed's railing while she messes with a game on her phone one-handed.

Doctor Singh has already gone through the scans and answered all of Lena's very detailed questions. Kara's questions focuses solely on how long Lena must stay and the next stage of treatment.

"Surgery," the doctor says firmly. "We noticed a complication that we need to address as soon as possible."

"Surgery?" Kara repeats horrified. "But… surely she won't need that?"

Again, her willpower is severely tested. Panic twists her gut, and she tries to not let it show. Lena looks so frail and tired, her questions keen but her voice soft. She hasn't released Kara's hand since her return to the room after the tests. Kara can feel the tremor in Lena's hand muscles, which also worries her.

Worrying for Lena's health has been so constant that this spike in worry feels like a she's been dunked in a sand pit, sputtering for air. She wants to see Lena well, and the doctor's words aren't helping calm the rising inferno in Kara's chest.

"She will," the doctor says firmly. "I understand it can be scary as her partner. But she'll be in good care, and her survival-ability is quite high."

Survival-ability? Golly, how is Kara supposed to feel better with that word? It sounds like a word that beats one up in a dark alley and leaves one for dead. Not a good word. Not at all.

So the last bit of the Doctor's time Kara barely hears. It's after the Doctor has left that Kara finally finds words. "You're so calm about this, Lena! How?"

"Because I know you'll show all the emotions for me," Lena lightly teases.

"Lena..." Kara frowns. "This is your health."

"I know." Lena shifts against her pillows and holds Kara's hand close to heart again. "I am scared," she says, softly. "It's hard to not be, but I know now I'm not alone in this. You, Sam, and Kelly have made sure of that." She gestures to her side table. "And the cards from everyone else has been far more than I deserve. Especially after what I did to you."

"You were hurting," Kara says. "I forgave you ages ago."

"You're a much better person than me," Lena says, ruefully. "I've hurt far more than just you with that sale to Andrea. Nia, especially, I don't understand why she seems determined to write me daily."

"She thinks the world of you, Lena. And yeah, Andrea is not a good boss, but with your hospitalization? She's been a lot kinder to us. I thought I'd have to fight harder to get the time to visit you daily, but Andrea just said, 'Go be who I couldn't, Kara. I'll mark you down for half time until she's well.'"

Lena blinks in surprise. "She -- she said that?"

Kara nods. "Yeah. It's made both Nia and I look at her in a different light. Now we're wondering how much of her prickly behavior is trauma-based."

"Huh." Lena looks at the ceiling, her forehead crunched in thought. "I -- I didn't think she still cared. Her betrayal still hurts today."

Kara brushes a lock of Lena's hair from her face, and her fingers linger against her cheek. She can't help it. "I think she regrets whatever she did. But you are under no obligation to forgive her or do anything with that. Your health and well-being comes first."

Lena lifts her other hand and presses Kara's hand against her cheek. The Look is out in force, and it leaves Kara temporarily breathless. "As you and Sam are teaching me," Lena murmurs. "Kara..."

"Yeah?" The words comes out breathless. The worry simmers like oil atop the deep waters of love she has for Lena. She wants to just blurt out her love, but she's not sure if it's appropriate. So far, she's going by what Lena needs.

"I know this has been hard for you," Lena whispers. "But your presence means a lot to me. You didn't need to do this. You could have just... walked away."

"Never." Kara leans toward her, her tone fervent. "I'll never walk away..." she realizes the implication there and blushes. "I mean unless you directly tell me to get lost. Because you know consent is important, but well, since you didn't, um, I'm staying. To repair us, to be here in whatever way you need. You're my person, Lena."

"Alex wrote I've always been your exception," Lena says, and she nibbles on her lip.

"Yeah. You are." She knows exactly what Alex refers to -- all the times Kara dropped everything to rescue Lena. Or how she defended Lena despite everyone being against her. So many fights with her sister over Lena.

Oh Rao, was she in love with Lena even then? Golly. No wonder Alex is so exasperated with her in regards to Lena.

"Why?" Lena's eyes search for something in Kara's expression.

"I told you," Kara says, gently. "I love you."

That crinkle appears again. "Friendship love or...?"

"In love. With you I mean. I'm in love." Kara's face turns pink. She thought she'd made it obvious in her first confession in the gazebo, but perhaps not.

Lena smiles, her hand still pressing Kara's hand to her cheek. For a long moment, she gazes at Kara, a slight crinkle in her brow.

"Trusting that is hard," she says, quietly. "But you've followed through on your promises since your apology. Thank you."

"Of course," Kara says. "I want to be better for you."

"Kara..." Lena's nose wrinkles so cutely. "Do it for your sake too."

"Well, yeah, but you're my priority."

Lena mulls that over, her eyes roving over Kara's face. She bites her lip and takes an unsteady breath. "Kara, I -- I love you too."

Kara breathes in sharply. She had not expected Lena to say that ever. She doesn't know what to do with it.

"It's why it all hurt so much. I've loved you so long that -- that I never thought you'd ever feel the same."

Oh Rao, 'feel the same?' Joy and fear seeps through Kara. Lena loves her. Despite everything. Yet those dark thoughts persist, the ones that insist it's the life-threatening illness and hospitalization talking. That this will disappear once Lena's well.

Perhaps that's a sort of trust too.

"Lena..." Kara can't sort out what to say.

"I never thought you'd actually hurt me," Lena continues, "I recognize now I had you on a pedestal, and that wasn't fair to you. We're both imperfect. Flawed. And love means loving one another through the hardships too."

"Yeah, I like how you put that." It feels inadequate in comparison, but Kara's brain is still caught up in the fact Lena loves her.

Lena briefly closes her eyes, still against the blankets and pillows. After several deep breaths, she turns her head to give Kara the Look again. "But if I don't recover, I -- I didn't want to die without you knowing the truth."

"Lena..." Kara blinked back tears. "You won't die."

Lena sighs. "I'd rather play it safe. Sam knows where my will is. I rewrote it again, and I included you. I wanted to make sure you, Sam, and Ruby are taken care of."

"Lena, please, don't." Kara can't handle this. "You're going to be okay. You have to be."

Lena smiles and turns her head to press a kiss to Kara's palm. "Okay. I'll be fine then."

"Exactly." Kara sniffed and knew she was crying, but she didn't care. This was Lena. "And I'll be there for when you exit Surgery, and you'll be released in no time, and we can celebrate with potstickers and a relaxing movie. And Ruby and Sam can make popcorn, and soon you're strength will be back, and you'll be inventing and changing the world again. I'll be right there with you. You aren't alone. Not anymore, not ever."

"Okay." Lena pats the bed next to her. "Hold me please. At least until it's time."

Kara carefully settles herself on her side next to Lena, away from her IV. She wraps her arms around Lena and holds her tenderly.

***

Kara sips her coffee, wrinkles her nose.

Rao, this coffee smells horrendous. She puts it down on the table and fiddles with the magazines on display. Most are gossip rags, though Catco and its competitor are included in the pile along with a medical magazine.

Her phone vibrates, and she pulls it out desperate for any distractions.

Sam: I'm on my way. Is she still in surgery?

Kara: Yeah. I feel like I'm losing my mind waiting. What if she doesn't make it? what if something goes wrong?

Sam: What's the easiest buildling to lift?

Er... what? Kara scratches her head, confused at the sudden change in topic. She decides to roll with it because Sam always has a point to her weirdness.

Kara: :thinking face: uhhh, mobile home?

Sam: A lighthouse.

That startles her into a laugh. Oh Rao, that was good. Lighthouse.

Sam: How do you know when a comedian passes gas?

Kara: when something smells funny?

Sam: Beat me to the punchline.

Tears sting Kara's eyes. She knows Sam's distracting her with bad jokes, and it's sort of working. No wonder Lena likes her so much.

"Ms. Danvers?" It's one of the nurses from the Surgical suite.

"Yes?" She pockets her phone and stands. "How is she?"

The nurse smiles. "She's in recovery now. The surgery went perfectly. Once she wakes, we'll bring her to you."

Relief floods Kara. She doesn't even realize she's crying until the nurse steps forward with a box of Kleenex. "Thanks."

The nurse pats her shoulder. "Take your time. I'll ask the doctor if we can let you into the recovery section, okay?"

"Yes, please. Thank you." Kara dabs her eyes.

Oh gosh, Lena is alive. She's going to be okay.

[thedreadvampy]

sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

[carefulfears]

sometimes i just want to cry over mulder’s fish and the way that we see both scully and doggett go to his apartment and feed them during the months he was missing and the fact that scully must have kept feeding them even months after he was dead and just to be loved so much that people come tend to your environment and keep your home and feed your fish long after you’re gone

and that the first thing he notices when he comes back is that one isn’t there. and how scully tried so hard, she tried so hard to find him and to keep him safe and to keep his work going and to keep those damn fish alive, and the first thing that he says to her when they walk back into that apartment is that one is missing

the way that in that scene, he says that he’s having trouble processing, that he doesn’t know where he fits in. you can be loved so much that multiple people come feed your fish and maintain your apartment after you’re buried in the ground, you can try so hard to keep everything going for someone else, but the world keeps spinning, and time goes on. fish die and baby bumps grow and answered prayers aren’t always miracles

he came back covered in scars to a clean apartment and a fish tank missing 1 molly and where does he fit in inside a world that hasn’t waited for him, no matter how hard she tried to make it stop

[ef-1]

���<3

[whitesunlars]

maybe tumblr will listen if i speak its language: remember in 2020 when we all had to sit down and realize that everyone has internalized racism? that everyone has prejudices even if they don't realize it? being antisemitic is more than sitting around wearing a swastika saying you want jews to die. take a look inside yourself and you'll find antisemitism there, too. it's time to address it.

[thepersonperson]

Autism in JJK Part 1 (Isolation and Movies)

Notes before we start.

1) Read the light novels. They are the equivalent of Bleach's CFYOW for JJK. There is a fan translation (Book 1 & Book 2), but I will be citing the official translation from my own copies.

2) I will be mainly using the TCB scans for the manga because of their accessibility. 

3) Read the light novels.

(Click images for captions/citations.)

Preface

Dungeon Meshi is heralded as The ultimate story of incompatible autisms. Everyone recognizes Laois and most of his party as autistic. Each of these characters are able to use their specific types of autism to solve problems throughout the series.

Laois’s autistic traits in particular have drawbacks when it comes to others’ perception of him. To directly quote one of the best Dungeon Meshi text posts on this site:

“Dungeon Meshi is about a quirked up white boy on a quest to save his sister and perhaps indulge his special interest along the way. He's a man of pure heart who has done nothing but help anyone he's met. Then part way through the story you start seeing other pov characters and it turns out every single person who has met him outside his party has read his awkward social skills and love for grilling as a sign of something deeply evil and has vowed to kill him on sight.”

Using Laois as a reference, I want to argue that Jujutsu Kaisen is the penultimate story of incompatible autisms.

Addendum/Disclaimer

I’m heavily drawing from experiences with my particular brand of autism for this analysis, so I’m bound to not properly consider everything. My words should not be taken as gospel since autism is a wide spectrum that manifests differently for each individual. Certain autistic traits will show up for one person and be completely absent in another. (And I personally think JJK does a great job of showcasing this variation.)

There is also significant overlap between Autism and ADHD which I’m not qualified to make connections with. (Basically if you have ADHD feel free to explain how you see yourself in these characters too.) There’s probably other readings that have flown over my head, but please understand I’m not trying to be malicious.

The main traits I’ll be referencing are:

Social Unawareness

Bluntness (and it being perceived as rudeness)

Taking Things Literally

Double Empathy Problem (the non-autistic and the autistic have a hard time understanding each other’s way of thinking and therefore struggle to communicate with each other)

Emotional Blindness/Alexithymia (difficulties with understanding and articulating one's emotions)

Hyperfixations

Special Interests

(Stimming is left out because of Tumblr's 30 image limit. Someone else can make that post for me.)

Mahito’s Autism

Strange title section right? Allow me to defend it. Mahtio’s Domain Expansion (DE) Self-Embodiment of Perfection is localized from 自閉円頓裹 (Jihei Endonka). The first two kanji 自閉 (Jihei) create the Japanese word for Autistic. Where 自 (Ji) is self and 閉 (Hei) is close/shut. The Japanese word for Autism is 自閉症 (Jiheisho) where 症 (sho) means disease. A very literal translation of Jiheisho is “self-shut disease”.

Equating autism to an illness that causes one to shut themselves inwards is flawed in its framework, but not wrong in describing the unique isolation autistic people face. If the kanji used didn’t clue you in, Japanese society is much more hostile to the autistic than English speaking countries. This is in part due to many autistic traits being seen as socially unacceptable for deviating too much from the norm.

There’s been a whole study on this if you want to know more. (This study allowed for self-diagnosed people to participate and included non-binary gender options, so I’m comfortable using it.) Quoted directly from the source: 

“Many autistic individuals engage in social camouflage and attempt to use social interaction to obtain job opportunities and other benefits. The aforementioned ‘need’ of autistic individuals to engage in social camouflage forces them to continuously pretend that they are non-autistic. This is associated with significant manifestations of mental health deterioration, such as depression, generalised anxiety, social anxiety, suicide attempts, and burnout because of exhaustion and fatigue.”

“Markus and Kitayama refer to Japanese and other East Asian cultures as ‘cultures of interdependence’. In these cultures, the primary challenge faced by individuals is to conform without standing out and pay more attention to others than oneself. Thus, the ‘uniqueness’ of autistic people can be perceived negatively, and it can threaten relationships and interpersonal harmony within the community.”

Now what does discrimination against autistic people have to do with Mahito? Well, everything. Mahito manifested as the hatred between humans, making them unique within the Natural Disaster Curses group. This causes friction in their relationships with the other curses, mainly Jogo.

When Dagon dies, Jogo mourns. When Hanami dies, Jogo and Dagon mourn. When Mahito learns about this? They react like this.

Totally not appropriate for the situation. You could chalk it up to them being a curse, but the other curses have already shown they’re capable of caring deeply for each other. 

This isn’t the only instance of it either. In the light novels, Mahito really gets into movies to better understand humans which results in this.

Jogo simply does not know what to do with Mahito becoming a filmbro. 

Jokes aside, Mahito is using movies and other forms of media to better understand people not like themself. And despite their efforts to better grasp emotions, this causes Mahito to become even more alienated from his peers. He’s in his own little bubble and his way of thinking is boon when fighting but a bane for his relationships. There’s something very autistic about that. 

Shared Special Interests

On the flipside, Mahito’s movie and book fascination causes them to create a bond with a blind homeless old man that lives under a bridge. But it’s only because the two of them have this interest in common.

As stated in CFYOW, JJK Summer of Ashes, Autumn of Dust Chapter 3: Allegory in Darkness, Mahito has canonically read Kafka. 

And that line at the end. “It makes talking to you easy.” This is the same phrase Mahito uses when grooming Junpei. Though Mahito’s relationship with Junpei is one of manipulation, it started as something rather innocent—they both went to the theater, saw the same movie, and were annoyed by the people disrupting their viewing experience.

That small connection, their shared interest in movies caused them to bond quickly and Mahito used it for manipulation. (This is not unlike how minors in fandom spaces can be groomed by the adults around them.)

Mahito learned how to be this way in part by studying media and applying it to their actions. They can’t interact with most humans 1-on-1, so their main source of understanding them is media, which gives them this warped sense of reality. Think Plato’s Allegory of the Cave. Mahito doesn’t know better because this is all they know.

It’s no wonder they conclude that humans at the core are creatures that eat, sleep, and rape (Ch 49 Pg 18 Sorry I ran out of image space). Think of how many “the joke is sexual assault” type characters there are in Japanese media alone. (Let’s not ignore how bad it gets in American 80s comedies too.)

Mahito is essentially a blank slate with no frame of reference for morals, critical analysis, or media literacy in general. It’s not very surprising they take everything at face value and then use it for evil.

And that’s why I wanted to discuss them first. Mahito is a reflection of humans and their reaction to media has echoes in how other characters, who are probably autistic, navigate their relationships with themselves and other humans. 

Itadori Yuji’s Autism

When I say Yuji is pure and the goodest boy in the world, I’m referring to the unbridled autistic joy in which he interacts with the world. He’s not much different than Laois from Dungeon Meshi. The way Yuji introduces himself to others is unhinged. He frequently does and says things that are not socially appropriate in the slightest. Whatever comes to mind first he acts on, no filter.

But being unhinged isn’t necessarily autistic. What gives this the ‘tism is the socially inept internal logic that goes into Yuji’s decision making. Dudebros may refer to it as locking in, but it is better known as hyperfocusing. You give Yuji a task and he Will complete it, anything in his way be damned.

Ijichi gave Yuji a task. Figure out if this person is an enemy and make sure nobody gets hurt. Interrupting a convo and pantsing a guy to complete this task is Yuji autistically logicing his way around setbacks. What’s a non-violent way to get someone to leave? Stealing their pants, probably. Things like social rules don’t matter if lives are at risk. 

Don’t believe that’s socially-blind autistic logic? Let me give you this guy from 4Chan and myself as an example. As a child I was told I should never lie no matter what. At 8 years old, I did something that upset my teacher. I didn’t know I had upset my teacher until I was asked to write an apology letter by my parents. So in my little pea brain, I had no reason to apologize because that would be lying. I then wrote something along the lines of, “I’m only writing this apology because my parents are making me.” (I got yelled at for this which confused me even more. What do you mean you want me to lie, mother???)

You can see this kind of logic with the finger eating especially. Yuji took Megumi’s words very literally and ate a mummified human finger because that’s what was needed to save lives. This isn’t a one off thing either, it keeps happening over and over—Yuji taking the most literal interpretation of the words spoken to him and acting on them in the most autistic way possible.

I love the Nanamin alert especially because only Idatori Yuji would think to do that. It also a neat showcase of the double-edged sword that can come from autism. Yes, Yuji effectively and quickly relays important information to his allies, but to their enemies as well. He also does it in a way that gets him bopped on the head by Megumi. Kind of like how going along with Gojo’s plans has him bullied by his classmates.

This happens a lot too—Yuji doing what others tell him to do, filling in the blanks when they fail to elaborate on the how to, and it backfiring.

There is nothing more autistic than doing exactly as you are told and getting punished for it. 

Nanami tells Yuji not to call him Nanami-sensei. But he doesn’t tell Yuji what exactly to call him instead, so he guesses. And since Yuji is socially unaware to a degree, he comes up with Nanamin instead of the Nanami-san that would’ve been more polite.

Megumi and Panda tell Yuji to lie. But lying isn’t in his nature so he really sucks at it. Pretending he doesn’t know who Gojo is because 1) he was told to lie and 2) Gojo is a part of the group Yuji is was explicitly told not show any familiarity with, is peak autism logic.

It’s all a part of Yuji’s charm though. Despite his autistic traits getting him into plenty of trouble, they also are a big reason as to why everyone loves him. 

Yuji’s Autistic Rizz

Yuji seems to mirror other people both to better understand them and because he’s relying on them to show him how he’s supposed to act. (More on that here.) Most of the time this is played for comedic effect, but sometimes it results in instant pair-bonding. I think that’s the autism-to-autism connection being made. (It’s also known as the morphogenetic field if you’ve played 999.)

Just like how Mahito used movies to bond with Junpei, Yuji does it too. But he uses this shared interest for good and provides a counter to Mahito’s grooming.

And lookie here, he can even utilize his love of movies to bond with people who aren’t into them at all. Junpei’s mom may not get it, but she’s endeared by it. This unparalleled autistic rizz is fundamental to Yuji’s character. And in my opinion, his relationship with Todo Aoi best showcases this.

Everyone knows that Todo and Yuji’s shared love of tall women with big butts is what brought them together. But what’s most overlooked is the specific tall woman with a big butt that made this possible in the first place. Before Todo even asks Yuji for his type, Yuji makes it known he is aware of who Takada is. (He happened to see her on TV as stated in CFYOW, JJK Summer of Ashes, Autumn of Dust Ch 4 Pgs 89–90. Ijichi is the secret Takada fan.)

Takada is who prompts Todo into asking. She is also the one who appears in Todo’s delusions, guiding him to victory and driving most of the reasons behind his actions. With great confidence I can say Todo’s special interest is Takada. (And most of the fanbase assumes he’s autistic, so I don’t feel the need to explain that more.)

And what’s crazy about his special interest of his is that it fudging works. Takada and his love for manga help Todo create successful strategies. I include his love of manga because his fakeout with Mahito is a Hunter x Hunter reference.

It’s a bit spoilers to discuss how exactly this is genius, but you’ll have to trust me when I say it’s very clever. Rather than simply nodding to the source material, Todo is using the twist reveal from that scene and subverting it to help Yuji win.

This is nearly identical to Laois utilizing his special interest monster knowledge to create victories out of what would be defeats for other characters. Todo weaponizes his autism in a way that works perfect for sorcery.

But when it comes to interpersonal relationships? It destroys them. Everyone who isn’t Yuji hates Todo. 

Todo Aoi is second to Gojo Satoru when it comes to characters considering him the greatest source of stress. (Momo, Mai, and Kamo with Kokichi dedicating pages 43–46 of CFYOW JJK Thorny Road at Dawn, Chapter 2 to how much Todo stresses him out.)

They’re most annoyed with him when he talks about his special interest—Takada. She is a huge reason as to why Todo is such a good sorcerer, you could even call her The Reason he’s so good. People rely on him quite literally weaponizing his autism. But when he starts being autistic outside of sorcery? They don’t tolerate it. 

This is a recurring problem for autistic sorcerers. The very people that depend on their weaponized autism will scorn it the moment it no longer serves them directly. It’s a very Not In My Backyard (NIMBY) mentality. Sure they want all the benefits but keep the drawbacks out of their sight.

Yuji’s Loneliness

Just like Todo, Yuji suffers from social disconnect due to his autism. He feels like he struggles to understand and connect with others on a deeper level. His own feelings and other people’s feelings are sometimes a mystery to him.

On a surface level Yuji seems to be on the same wavelength as Junpei through their shared love of movies. That is until they fight each other. Yuji doesn’t understand that Junpei is acting out of grief at the start of their fight. He says something insensitive at first, but he eventually asks Junpei to spell things out so he can understand what’s going on.

It takes until the end of the Sukuna fight for Yuji to truly connect with someone—Megumi. But it’s only because they both make their feelings known directly to each other. Before that though? As discussed earlier, the autistic traits that make him good at sorcery are often off-putting to others.

I mentioned how Yuji mirrors others in what seems to be an attempt to understand others in that post I linked. In the same one I also discuss how Yuji is able to decenter himself and sync up with just about anyone. With respect to his autism, this really reads like masking to me. 

When Yuji lets that mask slip and indulges his personal hobbies, it’s a toss up on whether or not he’ll be accepted or rejected. The movies that allowed him to pairbond with Junpei don’t work for everyone. Just like Mahito with Jogo…being a filmbro causes friction with Megumi and Nobara. 

Though Yuji otherwise gets along very well with Megumi and Nobara, there is something so very relatable and sad about seeing this particular hobby of his being trashed. What’s worse is that the 2 people who would’ve matched his freak in this regard are both dead: Junpei and the one who intensified this interest of his in the first place—Gojo Satoru.

Gojo Satoru’s Autism

I must confess, this entire post got written because of this anonymous ask I was sent a while ago. I was surprised to get it since I assumed everyone understood Gojo to be autistic by default like Laois Dungeon Meshi. So I’m going to copy and paste this anon’s words because all their observations are correct.

"As someone with Autisim, I heavily identify with how he was raised (the gifted child who is too observant vs the prophesied child who was raised to be a weapon first) and the way other react around him (treating everything he says and does with disdain)

I find the way he clings so strongly to the idea of strong and weak even after Geto and Toji yet still having a sense of justice/ noticing the unfairness of it all, his sensitivity issues, his ability to notice emotional cues yet not having the means to respond in an allistic way, his tendency to take his jokes and teasing too far/ act too close to people, and the general othering of him just screams autism to me. Like can see a lot of those traits which is usually tamped down by society being exasperated because, what are you going to do, he is the strongest, you can't just tell him off in a serious way, not when, in your society, the strong rule.

I see it especially with his students, where he's taken in all the misfits and is so casual with them in day to day life. Even him throwing them in the proverbial deepend with missions is probably how he was taught by his clan before entering jujitsu tech."

And directly from Gege via the special Gojo Booklet. 

"Q25: born and raised as a high-born, he is regaled by both himself and others are the strongest, and he seems to have want of very little, but what would you consider Gojo's weakness?

A25: His personality.

Q26: what would you consider Gojo Satoru's most intrinsic strength, when you put aside his innate abilities, influence, and physical prowess? 

A26: His personality."

Thank you Gege for stating it so bluntly. The part of Gojo’s personality that is both strength and weakness. Something that makes him a great sorcerer and socially isolated. That’s the autism.

Now that we (that anon) has established that Gojo Satoru is definitely autistic, let’s go over how this has affected his interpersonal relationships.

Improper Socialization

The Gojo Booklet has forever ruined me. Deep in my heart, I knew this was going on, but to have everything confirmed so bluntly is something else. To summarize:

Gojo was born and raised in Kyoto by an extremely closed-off traditionalist family. His Clan treated him as an investment rather than a person, focusing on his education as a sorcerer and neglecting him emotionally to create the perfect living weapon. It’s implied he was educated privately and did not attend a school with other people until high school. It’s also implied that the Clan kept Gojo under strict watch while his powers developed because of the assassination attempts. Regardless, the isolation, training, and exploitation he endured was severe enough for him to break out and run away multiple times. His attendance at Jujustu Tech in Tokyo was his first time being allowed to interact with others on his own terms rather than his Clan’s.

This means that until Gojo was 15, he likely never had friends. His interactions with other humans amounted to deification, a type of objectification where he was expected to be a tool to further other people’s comfort. Essentially, up until he met Geto, he only knew how to exist as a living weapon. 

I don’t think I need to explain why this would negatively impact socialization. Anyone raised by extremely strict/abusive parents or a cult will tell you how difficult it is to try and interact with normal society after having social skills deliberately stunted for most of your life. This lack of socialization is only compounded by autism. Not only is a sheltered autistic person inclined to be socially unaware, they have no frame of reference to what is socially acceptable.

I’ll use myself as an example. The only reason I’m not completely unpalatable in conversation is because public school allowed me to observe what normal human interactions and mannerisms look like. Otherwise, I’d be like Mahito—learning about the world through the limited media I was allowed to consume. (And even then I still took it at face-value for a pretty long time.)

Gojo is sort of in the same situation as Mahito. His Clan reportedly spoiled him rotten, so he was probably allowed to have all the toys, TV, movies, books, and games he wanted between obligations. This means that it is very likely his ideas of the world at large come from media. And boy does it seem to have affected the way he is.

Trying to Connect with Others

Nanami directly compares Gojo to Mahito. Megumi straight up thinks Gojo and Yuji are the same kind of person as stated in CFYOW, JJK Summer of Ashes, Autumn of Dust Chapter 1: Kiyujitsu Kaisen.

So like Yuji and Mahito, Gojo will use media he’s familiar with to make sense of the world around him and hold conversations with others. (In the anime they have Gojo do the tornado kick which straight up appears to be him doing an in-verse reference to Code Geass's Suzaku Spin Kick aka the Spinzaku Kick. Please do not ask me how I recognized this.)

And would you look at that. Most people do Not know how to handle this. Not even Geto who is more visibly confused by his Digimon metaphor in the anime.

I can’t really blame them for their reactions either. Gojo is such a special combination of unfortunate circumstances and experiences that you might as well be listening to someone speak an unknown language. 

This goes both ways too. Gojo himself has a very hard time understanding others and tends to take the words of others Very Literally. (Just like Yuji!) This leads to him experiencing the Double Empathy Gap the most when compared to other autistic characters.

The Geto stuff is the most tragic to me. Gojo checked in on him and Geto lied about his feelings. To Gojo, Geto is his best friend. Why would he lie to him? Geto says he’s ok so Gojo thinks he’s ok. (That’s not even getting into the higher ups overworking them both and keeping them separate on purpose.) His upbringing and his autism made it impossible for him to read between the lines, so Geto's betrayal very much comes out of nowhere for him. 

The same happens with Shoko okaying the desecration of his corpse, Nanami calling him a pervert and everyone agreeing. Gojo truly believes that the people close to him see him in a very one-dimensional way and there’s nothing he can do about it. After all, he was raised to be a weapon and nothing more.

Funnily enough, Gojo’s Alexithymia is so bad that parts of the fandom have seemingly done the double empathy gap thing to him with respect to his flower metaphor.

“There was always a gulf between me and other people, even if they adored me. You can admire a flower and help it bloom…but you can’t ask it to understand you.”

To me, all Gojo is doing here is explaining his feelings as best he can. Floral language is a big thing in Buddhism which is probably why he makes the comparison. However…I’ve seen interpretations of this that conclude Gojo believes himself so far above others that they might as well be non-sentient plants. To them, this metaphor speaks to his arrogance rather than a clumsy/poetic attempt to communicate his feelings.

I’ll use myself as an example to explain why I think it’s just the autism in action. I often like animals way more than I do other people. Snakes, birds, lizards, spiders, and scorpions are amongst my favorites. Sometimes I compare people to these animals.

What I mean: I think highly of you! You share traits with my favorite animals and that makes me happy.

What others can hear: I think you’re stupid (lizard/bird brained), untrustworthy (a snake), and lesser than me (a bug/arachnid).

Now I could be projecting because I see my autistic traits in Gojo, but I do find it fascinating that how you view Gojo’s flower metaphor is highly dependent on how you feel about him.

Regardless, it does a great job at illustrating how isolated Gojo feels from others. Sometimes my autism makes me feel like I’m a completely different species because I can’t interact with people normally. And in Gojo's case, he can't even refer to himself as a human. The disconnect from others and his dehumanization is so strong he feels he can no longer identify as human.

No one’s autism is exactly the same, so this rift can even exist between autistic people. This is how you can get Yuji and Gojo bonding over their shared autistic traits but not fully understanding each other and feeling isolated for it.

But it’s still really sweet that they connect with movies so well that Gojo’s filmbroness rubs off on Yuji.

It’s also a little concerning that Gojo refers to these movies like a catalog for emotions. Like the proper way to experience emotions is through media and not in person.

The training Gojo subjects Yuji to with movies is likely how he was trained as a child. This suggests that for the first 15 years of his life, movies and other media might have been his only frame of reference for everything not Jujutsu Sorcery. And I mean Everything.

Combine this with The ‘Tism and this could possibly explain exactly what is wrong with Gojo Satoru. (You already know where I’m going with this.)

Gojo’s Racism

Here’s a list of movies for sure Gojo has watched. And for no reason in particular I’m going to include if they have a black person (like myself) in them.

Sourced from a Gege Interview.

Léon: The Professional (1994): Yes

The Descent (2005): No

The Host (2013): No

The Emperor's Naked Army Marches On (1987): No

Deep Blue Sea (1999): Yes

Extra movies from the anime. (Aka probably canon.)

Juggernaut (1974): No

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001): No

That's only 2 movies with black people in them. I went ahead and watched them to confirm my suspicions...

Léon: The Professional (1994)

Not much to say about the black characters here. From what I saw and the IMDb list, they're all men and they're all background characters. Also I couldn’t finish the film because of how creepy it is towards the 11 year old actress. (It's really bad. Like really, really bad. Traumatized the actress, Natalie Portman, kind of bad. Wish I had a content warning!)

Deep Blue Sea (1999)

Gojo wasn't lying, the heroine died spectacularly. However in terms of spoilers, he glossed over the actual twist death. There's also someone who dies by being bit in half by a shark. And the way those legs looked like Gojo's...

There are 2 black characters in this movie. One is a jovial goofball chef who somehow survives to the end. (Miguel calls this trope out specifically in JJK 255.) There are so many points in this movie where he should've died. His name is Preacher and he has a parrot that is a Red-Crowned Amazon by the way. The other is a rich investor played by Samuel L Jackson who does Not fall into the Scary Black Man trope for once. Preacher doesn't either, he's more of a Gentle Giant.

Both of them function in the film as a subversion of the Magical Negro trope. And after watching this movie, I think Gege was inspired to make Miguel Odol fill this role too.

Anyways, the takeaways from this are 1) Black people are underrepresented in media. 2) What is representing black people in popular media isn't all that varied.

This means if media is your only exposure to black people, those representations will be internalized if you're uncritical about it. (You're reading this on Tumblr I assume you believe racism is real.) It's unconscious most of the time. People usually don't actively go, "Wow black people are all like this!" What happens is they run into a black person irl, are reminded of their impressions via visual similarity, and then say or do some out of pocket nonsense. (I have personally experienced this at the hands of Japanese tourists.)

And what does Mr. Gojo Satoru say to Miguel first? He says Miguel looks like he’ll be trouble. Later he says Miguel's strength and build are because of his race and what makes him dangerous even though Gojo knows several Japanese men with similar physiques. 

If he's never met a black man irl before...he must have gotten that idea from somewhere else. He does mention knowing the MMA star turned comedian Bobby Ologun (a big strong and goofy guy) when comparing him to Miguel.

Bobby Ologun is Nigerian. Miguel is Kenyan. Do you know how pissed East Africans get when lumped into the same category as West Africans and vice versa? (For the less informed please see Western Europe’s hatred of Slavs and other Eastern Europeans.)

But as far as Gojo knows from his media, black men are big, strong, and funny. The media he consumes also doesn’t bother to distinguish the different cultures of Africans. Dark Skin=Black and that’s it. And his dismissal of Miguel's distress over the loss of his rope only highlights that apathy towards individual cultures.

All this has terrible consequences for Miguel in the form of Benevolent Racism. This is where a prejudice that can be perceived as positive has negative outcomes for the target. Aka Gojo commits a racially motivated beatdown because of his ignorance that was fueled by the media he consumed growing up. (Miguel's Cursed Technique reminding Gojo of Toji not withstanding.)

Now I’m not saying autism makes you racist. It’s that Gojo’s isolation from the outside world, being raised by emotionally distant conservatives, and consuming media uncritically with his unique brand of autism creates the disaster that are the words coming out of his mouth.

Gojo being this kind of racist. Where he idolizes a type of strength in black people he learned from stereotypes in his movies, is great actually. I really like that Miguel calls it out and is sick of it. He even sarcastically tries to throw back the stereotypes about Japanese people to make his point too.

And guess who else only knows of black people through movies? Sukuna. He’s an art freak, there’s no way he didn’t watch some of those films Yuji was watching. And Miguel can smell it a mile away. Sukuna gives him that look and Miguel is already done with it. Honestly the way Miguel enforces his boundaries is great. He knows his limits both with risking his life and tolerating racism.

Anyways, Gojo Satoru has been running on 3 hours of sleep, sugar, and Reverse Cursed Energy like a madman for years. I don’t think he’s ever sat down and gone, “Huh? Why do I think the way I do? Why do I believe this?” Miguel is probably the first person to ever tell him, that’s racist my dude. (This is an explanation not an excuse btw.)

And that’s kind of the problem. Gojo is willing to learn and do better, but he hasn’t had the time do it on his own. Some outside force has to tell him bluntly, “Yo this isn’t socially acceptable.” (Think of how Geto influenced his morals and manners by telling Gojo exactly what he should do.)

This leads me to believe his mind is a hodgepodge of things he’s uncritically absorbed as a child and that has influenced his questionable beliefs/actions as an adult in ways he’s unable to recognize.

Gojo’s Other Problems

Outside of racism, Gojo’s most unpleasant traits include mild sexism and child endangerment. The sexism comes from how he speaks to Utahime and how treats Shoko compared to Geto. Though he otherwise does not outwardly discriminate against them, it is sus that he sees Rika, a girl transformed into a cursed spirit, and goes "Dang, women are scary." (The child endangerment is self-evident.)

For some reason, Gojo truly believes for some reason that the woman (Shoko) in his life isn’t emotionally capable of being on the same level with him as a man (Geto). This could just be a strength-based thing since Geto told him that’s why they can’t be together anymore. It’s really hard to tell. But if it really is a sexism thing, media in general being misogynistic could explain it. (On top of being raised by a traditionalist family in a society that is very sexist.)

Well-rounded female characters whose complex emotions and inner lives are explored in depth can be very hard to come by, especially in popular media. (If you want media that primarily focuses on female characters GO READ UMINEKO NOW.) A lot of the movies and manga Gojo consumes treat women as love interests first and people second. And since you’re reading this on Tumblr, you’ve probably seen posts that complain about this and how this feeds into irl interactions.

This idea comes into play with Utahime in a different way. Gojo doesn’t understand that Utahime actually hates him. This is a bit odd given that he usually takes people’s hostility towards him to heart. But a place where he could get the idea that her anger is secretly affection is…the tsundere archetype in the mangas he’s so fond of. (Gojo reads a lot of Shonen Jump, it’s no wonder he has negative rizz with women after they get past his good looks.)

Yuji does it, Todo does it, Mahito does it—they use the media they’ve consumed as a baseline for sorcery. They’re the best at what they do for it. There’s no way Gojo isn’t doing the exact same thing, especially when he’s teaching his students. He tries to fit the quirky mentor archetype who uses tough love to guide his students. (His blindfold might be an actual in-verse Kakashi Naruto reference.) And he falls into faulty logic where everything will work out if he leaves it all to his students which fulfills most Shonen story beats.

The stunt with Megumi that kickstarted this series is a 2-for-1 special. Gojo eating sweets is needed to maintain his technique. Him eating them is acting as a responsible adult. However, getting them several hundred kilometers away from his student who is in a dangerous situation is irresponsible. It may speak to how much he trusts Megumi to handle things on his own, but as an adult in charge of a child? This is very poor judgement on Gojo's end.

I also understand that Gojo's upbringing and Japan's culture (aka it's generally safe for a child to be outside alone) is probably why he's so comfortable leaving a roughed up looking child by herself. But like...he should've called someone for Hana. Maybe he did later? (Another case of is this Gege underdeveloping Hana/Tsumiki or is Gojo truly that careless towards little girls...)

Shonen is pretty notorious for uncritically putting children in situations. It probably doesn’t help that Gojo’s own family was violating multiple Japanese labor laws when putting him to work as a kid. I’m not joking about that either.

Per The Constitution of Japan (May 3, 1947) Chapter III Article 27 Paragraph 3: 

“Children shall not be exploited.”

What constitutes child labor exploitation are outlined in Japan’s Labor Standards Act (LSA) or Act No. 49 of April 7, 1947.

Per LSA Chapter IV Article 56 Paragraph 2:

“…an employer may employ a child of at least 13 years of age in an occupation…which involves light labor that is not injurious to the child's health and welfare…”

Additional protections for workers are outlined in Japan’s equivalent of OSHA, aka the Industrial Safety and Health Act (ISHA) or Act No. 57 of June 8, 1972. 

Per ISHA Chapter VII-2 Article 71-2:

“An employer must endeavor to create a comfortable work environment in order to improve the level of safety and health in the workplace by continuously and systematically taking measures as follows:

measures to manage the maintenance of a comfortable work environment;

measures to improve work methods for work in which workers engage;

providing and streamlining facilities and equipment for workers to recover from fatigue suffered in the course of their work;

the necessary measures to create a comfortable work environment, beyond as set forth in the preceding three items.”

I think it’s safe to say that Gojo not including any of his Clan members in his afterlife scene and being so overworked that he doesn't have hobbies or think much outside of sorcery is proof of this exploitation. Gojo’s self-reported best years of his life were high school and those were still exploitative as hell. The man is a walking and talking human rights violation.

The only time we see child Gojo is from the perspective of assassins staking him out. Gojo himself never willingly recalls his childhood, only his teenage years. He looks so serious and miserable compared to his older self too. (It kind of reminds me of how I was a very quiet, obedient child that blossomed into the yappy evil creature I am now thanks to obtaining legal rights and freedom as an adult.)

This exploitation of children at the hands of adults in Jujutsu Society is normalized in and outside of fiction in their universe. Gojo can tell something is wrong with how he was treated and doesn’t want his students to hurt for it. But he can’t recognize that child labor in or itself is bad, so his solution is to make them strong enough to stand up for themselves. (Aka trying to make a labor union without knowing what a union is. Still breaking child labor laws though.)

Might makes right is a Shonen staple (please see Dragon Ball Z or Baki the Grappler). And though taking that idea to heart seems to be the most of Gojo’s problems as a teacher, there’s an additional issue this genre has—neglecting emotional development and care for the most part.

Characters in Shonen or action movies will go through extremely traumatic events and have little to no reaction to them. (PTSD who? Unless you're goated like Steven Universe Future or Vinland Saga.) It can give people a false sense of invincibility. They also rarely ever discuss the steps that can be taken to handle these emotions. You’ll see characters have panic attacks but rarely how to coax someone out of it. Heartbreak is rampant, but the solutions are to never let go and let it consume you, never how to move on or mourn. (If outright ignoring it like nothing happened isn’t what occurs.)

You can see these kinds of ideas with Geto. A second love is not possible for Gojo. He was his one and only and will always be his one and only. That’s the type of romanticism that has always been in his media.

If Gojo has relied on media to teach him how to feel out his emotions, effectively and healthily coping with grief and breakups is pretty hard to find. Most of the time when media handles those topics directly, it does so in a way that promotes reflecting on your own experiences instead of instructing you how to deal with it. Something Gojo didn’t really have time for. 

In the light novels Gojo greatly laments his own inability to deal with grief. He wants his students to learn how to do that effectively and even employs outside help with this.

The result of all this is a really overworked weird guy that feels like there’s no way to process his emotions. He puts on a mask when he talks to others and still winds up alienating himself. He’s tolerated for his labor and dehumanized for what makes him good at it. This is all extremely autistic. 

Exploiting Autistic Labor

I want to emphasize again, not all autistic people have these traits. The best sorcerers just happen to all have these traits in common.

Hyperfixating on the task at hand without rest.

Not having a typical reaction to dangerous situations.

Taking words at face-value.

Disconnect from emotions and other people.

Unique perspective for problem solving. 

These are all things that make for the ideal worker. Autistic people are often compared to machines for their behaviors and what is better for the capitalist than a person that behaves like a machine? 

But autistic people are not machines. They’re humans with flaws subject to burnout, emotional dysregulation, meltdowns, off-putting behavior, and isolation.

Jujutsu Society has no incentive to help with these things, especially the emotional dysregulation or isolation. In fact, it encourages this outcome because isolated people are easier to manipulate and exploit. But this also results in the friction these characters have in their relationships.

It’s a situation where they try to have their cake and eat it too. Everyone loves when Gojo is a Jujutsu Pervert in battle. They make him do everything for it. But the second he starts being weird outside of work, they want nothing to do with him. Or they’ll even insult him for the very traits they’re more than happy to use him for. (It’s exactly like Todo. Everyone depends on his battle intuition and reliability. And that all stems directly from his special interest Takada that no one wants to hear about.)

This creates a very uncomfortable dynamic where Gojo is seemingly bears the burden for everyone and everything while the people he’s servicing refuse to acknowledge it. He’s like some kind of public emotional punching bag or hatesink for other characters because they think he can take it as The Strongest. I don’t know if this is because of the autism, but it is scarily similar to how myself and my other autistic friends get treated by others irl. I think this is why I had such a visceral reaction to JJK 269. I too have experienced allistic people exploiting my labor and then acting like I’ve never done anything for them.

And speaking of JJK 269…Kusakabe has always been that kind of dickhole. He’s been in favor of Yuji’s execution since the start. But that’s not what makes him so aggravating. It’s that he’s too cowardly to do it himself. He once again, pushes the burden onto Gojo. He’s not going to be the child killer even though he wants this child dead, that’s Gojo’s job. Gojo is the tool he and everyone else uses to do the things they don’t like. 

This includes the teaching Kusakabe thinks Gojo is bad at. Per that one flashback, Gojo had to instruct Yuta more because Kusakabe didn't do an adequate job. Gojo had to send Yuta to Kenya to be trained by Miguel because neither of them were doing enough for Yuta. Gojo recognized his own limits and enlisted help. Kusakabe projected his own shortcomings onto Gojo and waited for everyone else to find a solution for him.

I also want to remind everyone that Kusakabe is wrong about Yuji needing to be executed. Yuji and Sukuna were Kenjaku’s backup plan. Kenjaku would’ve sealed Gojo and started the Merger anyways. In fact, Gojo, Yuji, and Sukuna are the only reason Kenjaku didn’t win. Plus the remaining Sukuna fingers were getting stronger All By Themselves. This means that Kusakabe would just be kicking the can down the road and making it a problem for the younger generation. Gojo was the only adult with enough foresight to do something that would solve the problem.

We’ve also got Ui Ui calling himself the MVP of the Sukuna fight while failing to acknowledge the only reason he could warp in and out without dying was Gojo exhausting Sukuna in the first place. Gojo’s contributions seemingly don’t count because he’s not a person. He’s a tool they used. So all his labor counts as theirs instead.

And because he’s dead, Yuta really is the new Gojo. Please see how Yuta was treated before and after Gojo’s death side by side. 

(I can’t tell if this is character assassination or the point. But the only person here allowed to criticize Yuta is Todo as far as I’m concerned.) 

Yuta is their new Strongest hatesink who happens to be autistic as hell. And yes, Yuta’s autism is second to Gojo Satoru’s. 

(Yuta's leans much more into socially unaware straightforwardness and taking things literally. He doesn't have a special interest or infodumps at people and I think that's neat.)

Everyone grills into Yuta so hard over his plans for the Sukuna battle that he experiences the quintessential autistic experience as described by Twitter User PenGwenWithLC:

"The autistic trait that bites me in the ass most frequently is my impenetrable belief that if I show people the truth they will believe me."

Mind you, Yuta is the main reason they won after Gojo died. This boy had Back Up Plans A through Z and they worked. The only person who had valid input on his planning was…Gojo (and possibly Todo). The finger resonance with Nobara was Gojo’s idea (JJK 267 Pgs 4-5...Also let's talk about how if Gojo wasn't a hopeless romantic and scheduled this fight a day or even an hour later, he might have lived based on Nobara's wake up time.). Once again, these are all autistic characters using their unique ways of thinking to solve problems others are too cowardly to address.

And then these same people turn around and disparage them without acknowledging their efforts or emotions. Sure you can call it lashing out because they secretly care about them. (Aka tsundere behavior.) But both Yuta and Gojo take other people’s words at face value. They don’t understand that this is a very fudged up display of affection and internalize it. Gojo died convinced everyone except maybe 3 people hated him and even in death he couldn’t escape it. 

This is also why Gojo leaving Yuta in Miguel’s care was a good thing. Miguel seems to be the sole person in this series who knows how to avoid labor exploitation. Nanami may see work as nonsense and have an overtime mechanic, but Miguel simply does not work overtime. He sets his boundaries and sticks to them.

It’s very ironic that Yuta took flack for respecting the boundaries of a black man that refused to be exploited by the very people that would treat him poorly.

How to Not Exploit Autistic Labor

CW: Discussion of Suicide

The last time I examined the tragedy of Gojo Satoru I wanted him to live and be loved. But I’m not sure if I want that now. It doesn’t really seem like the systemic issues that caused his exploitation have been addressed, and the people he’s helped refuse to acknowledge they are standing on the shoulders of giants. Him becoming suicidal over this exploitation and choosing death because he saw no end to this is a particularly harsh reflection of what happens in reality.

Yuji notices that Gojo is acting out of character during his final talk with him. The arrogant, self-aggrandizing chipper he's used to has been replaced with this timid optimism. Gojo tells Yuji and everyone else to forget about him because he's confident they'll be living longer than him. Before this, previous chapters have shown that Gojo went around apologizing to others and preparing letters in the advent of his death. These are all warning signs associated with an imminent suicide attempt.

When Gojo tells Yuji this is confidence he's never had before, it seems like he means both his plans to go through with dying and that everyone really will be fine and better off without him.

Gojo also makes sure Yuji doesn't catch on to this. (Probably why he didn't do the soul swap too.) Even with his suicide, he's doing his best to make sure it doesn't negatively impact anyone. His final letters to Megumi and Nobara being so unserious is another attempt to make sure their hearts don't break. ...And nobody he devoted himself to in life or death noticed.

This rather bleak ending for Gojo does have a purpose I think. It’s an example of how hypercapitalist work culture doesn’t value your life. You can bend over backwards and put your all into work, but in the end, you’re just another cog to be used. Gojo’s dehumanization was inevitable under this system. This man was born to be used as a tool and discarded once he served his purpose. And because he’s not a person, people get really mad when he does anything outside of what benefits them directly. Since to them, it’s like a machine malfunctioning.

It’s unlikely these people will ever mourn him properly, let alone even acknowledge his efforts (outside of Yuji and Yuta that is). His closest “friends” in death thought of him as a self-serving pervert you know. (Once again, not sure if that’s character assassination or showcasing what Jujutsu Society does to people, but wow does it suck to see.)

But you know who did acknowledge Gojo as a human who did his damned best and is worth remembering? Sukuna.

Sukuna stopped the whole battle to lavish praise on Gojo and mourn him. He’s done that for everyone who has put up a decent fight against him. The other sorcerers? They do no such thing, even after the battle.

And you know who takes the time to cherish and mourn his comrades no matter what? Jogo.

I excluded Mahito from the autistic labor exploitation discussion for good reason. The natural disaster curses treat Mahito better than most humans have ever treated Gojo. Jogo doesn’t exploit Mahito’s autism, he embraces it. And despite their weird behaviors and beliefs stressing him out most of the time, Jogo does nothing to stop Mahito from being themself. He expresses his distaste, sure, but Jojo otherwise acknowledges those traits are what makes Mahito good for their cause. Mahito is his equal, not a tool.

Jogo doesn’t tell Mahito what to do or feel. He rolls with their shenanigans while wearing his heart on his sleeve. He takes time to mourn his comrades no matter how dire the situation. He acts with their interests in mind at all times—even in death his first concerns are his comrades. 

Even though Mahito is alive, Jogo worries for them while still having faith in their abilities. He looks forward to seeing Mahito again via reincarnation. I cannot say the same of Gojo’s allies. 

I’m not really sure how to end this discussion since I’m continuing it in another part. But if there’s anything you take away form this incomplete analysis, please let it be this one thing:

Jogo is best girl.

[ganondoodle]

so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-

but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again

(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)

i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)

weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward

but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.

right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)

[sesamenom]

Quick hand sketch that turned into elrond with athelas water

I always forget to draw him with it but I headcanon him having pretty bad burn scars on his right arm/side from the kinslaying

[the-acid-pear]

Honestly the best part about True Neutral Jack to me is the fact he... doesn't even really care for the money. Sure he cares about the business growing and expanding but like, in his personal life? He's not doing shit with it for what we see. Like he's not this capitalist sigma grinder type with big dreams or goals like owning a mansion or some shit. Like im sure even if he was a millonaire he'd still be wearing the same suit and living in the same house and likely using the same cheap paint. He just needed a hobbie to run from the skeletons in his closet.