#not at ALL an accurate depiction of a cult but i still think its funny. innaccurate cult depictions. ur in too deep to change it now danno

[starry-bi-sky]

don't you want to be a cult leader? - danyal al ghul au

this is mostly a joke post but i thought it was funny and had to share so--

his first mistake was, obviously, inheriting his father's inability to see an injustice and stand still. -- actually, danyal's first mistake was his lair being so big. a mountainous island with a large temple in the center resembling his old home in Nanda Parbat? With sprawling foliage and rivers and streams and waterfalls galore? What was he going to do with all that space? Let it go to waste? He had plants there! Native trees of the ghost zone growing from the soil! He couldn't let it all be left unchecked!

So naturally after helping a fellow teenage assassin ghost -- who he later learns is named Akihiko, -- from Walker of all people, he sent them over to hang low at his lair until it was safe enough for them to wander around the Zone. Walker couldn't get through Danyal's astrofield if his life depended on it, and trust him -- he's tried. Danny was clearing out debris from his stupid transport vans for weeks.

Honestly it wasn't so bad, he and Aki really quickly became fast friends and Danny loves having a sparring partner close to his level again -- he hasn't had this much fun fighting since he left the League. Aki was very dedicated and levelheaded, the both of them clicked really well because of it.

Nonono, the real trouble began after Danyal met some long-passed League members and allowed them to come join his island as well. Apparently they had made a few enemies of the zone, and maybe Danyal still felt some loyalty to the League. He couldn't just let them be left to rot. Their zealotry could be overlooked so long as they kept it contained and helped him take care of his island.

And it.. snowballs from there? He meets a teen squire aptly calling himself Ambroise -- whether that was his living name or not is yet to be seen -- who died during feudal france, who is just about as dramatic and passionate as every french stereotype makes them out to be. He calls Danyal "my moon and great muse" -- which is both flattering and little uncomfortable, but Danyal's grown up in the League as the Grandson of the Demon Head, he is used to mild worship. he passes it off as nothing more, nothing less. -- and while his energy is overwhelming on the worst of days, he helps Danny draw out of his shell more in ways that Sam and Tucker still struggle with.

Him and Aki butt heads a lot, but the two seem to hold the other in at least some positive regard, so Danny doesn't worry too much about them fighting while he's gone. It only becomes a mild issue when Aki also begins calling Danny "my moon". It's a little sweet, so Danyal brushes it off.

Then he takes in a troupe of ghosts some time after he defeats Pariah Dark and they begin calling him "great one" just as the yetis do in the far frozen. This is where he meets the twins -- a pair of sibling ghosts who call themselves Trixie and Missy (short for Trick and Mislead) -- who aren't quite as passionate as Ambroise but more energetic than Aki. Eventually they also start calling Danyal "my moon" and attach themselves to his hip, even within the living. They like to hide in his shadow and cause trouble for the rest of the students. He makes sure they don't hurt anyone.

He's pretty sure Aki is jealous, same with Ambroise, but he can't be too certain other than the fact that they become much more lingering (re: clingy) whenever he visits the island.. Something he's trying to do much more often these days due to the increasing amount of people living there now. Since when did he become so popular?

Then there's Pēnelópeia from the Greater Athens, who ran away from home and joined his Island after he ran into her while she was being chased by Skulker -- and he's pretty sure the reason was because of her chimeric appearance. Her strange eyes and mismatched wings and lion's tail and talons. She assimilates into his friend group very easily, she gets along well with Ambroise and Trixie and Danny usually finds the three of them climbing the trees to pluck the most fruit from the top. They can fly and he knows it, but they prefer to climb.

Then finally there's silent poet Akkara who comes from ancient mesopotamia, who gets along most with Aki -- which is no surprise there considering their similar personality dispositions. he watches Aki and Danyal fight each other and leaves comments on this or that that he notices. He writes Danyal poems on clay tablets and leaves them by his room.

They're one big mismatched group of outcasts, and Danny's got the other ghosts on his island to tend to, because they're living on his island and he wants to be hospitable even if he struggles with that. But he spends the most of his time with them.

Sam and Tucker are making fun of him. Tucker jokingly tells him 'careful Danny, at this rate you're gonna start a cult'. Danny really wishes he had taken that joke more seriously.

He just. keeps. collecting people. Wayward souls lost in the zone, looking for shelter or refuge from something or other -- whether that be another hostile ghost, or a past afterlife, or just a purpose. Danyal finds them, he takes them in, offers them a place on his island until they are ready to leave. Many seldom do. He's not complaining -- he has the space, and it feels like it's only ever growing.

His close friends, his "inner circle" as he's heard the others call them, keep insistently calling him "my moon". He starts calling them his stars, because then it only feels fair. They're his stars, this is his constellation. It becomes a thing; little star halos begin forming behind their heads, picking them out from the rest. He loves them so much, it's hard to place. Sam and Tucker are also his stars, but they reside in the living realm, they're his tie to Life. Meanwhile, his friends here know what it's like to be dead, and sometimes its nice to relate.

Those living on his island keep calling him "Great One" and he's beginning to notice zealotry in their care for his island. He really, deeply appreciates it. His close friends gain nicknames -- as his stars, it's only natural for him to pick them out from the cluster in the skies. Akihiko, his Sirius and bright star. Trix and Missy, Castor and Pollux, the twins and troublemakers. Ambroise, his zealous Antares and close friend. Penelopeia, chimeric and loyal Vega. And Akkara, his Arcturus and strength.

It's ridiculous how long it takes for him to notice; he is, of course, a deadly trained assassin. He is meant to be observant -- and normally he is! But somehow this becomes a blind spot. One that becomes too big to be dealt with by the time he realizes it.

He should've noticed when Aki, his Sirius, stood beside him one day while Danyal looked over his island and saw the sprawling spirits carrying on about their afterlife and bowing to him as they saw him, and said: "I looked down into the depths when I met you; I couldn't measure it." They aren't one for flowing prose, it took him so off guard he was silent for over a minute before he finally spoke.

Danyal should've recognized devotion for what it is, and yet he didn't. He should've recognized it when Antares began spouting praises about him, crowing about his radiance and resplendence to the heavens. He just brushed it off as Ambroise being Ambroise. He should've recognized it when Trix and Missy nearly broke Dash's leg after he knocked Danyal's books out of his hands, he excused it as them being protective. Of them coming from times where such violence may have been customary -- after all, that's what he used to be like. What he was still like, sometimes, when his emotions nearly got the better of him.

He should've noticed it when the people living on his island followed his word like gospel, looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky. When his friends gifted him a shawl with the moon phases delicately embroidered into it, with silver, shimmering thread and moving stars lovingly stitched into it. Their constellations seen clear as day in the dark fabric. When he found small shrines dedicated to him -- but they lacked any image of him beyond stones carved to look like moons, so he ignored it. When the religious imagery began popping up.

He really, really should've noticed it when a bunch of cultists accidentally summoned Antares, and Antares had turned to him when he arrived and called them heretics. But he was so centered on the fact that they had kidnapped one of his stars, that he hadn't paid much attention to what Ambroise had said.

Sages say that faith is blind, they should also say faith in you is even blinder.

It really only hits him one afternoon while he's sitting in Sam's room studying with Tucker, Missy and Trixie lounging at his feet, Aki sat on his right, Penelopeia braiding his hair, Ambroise draped against him, and Akkara lurking over him. Its one of the rare few times they're all in one room together.

It hits him like a bolt of lightning. He looks up from his textbook. "Oh Ancients," he says in no amounting shock. Everyone looks up to him.

"I've become my grandfather."

[honksapling]

Hello! Happy June! It's Pride and I have another question (4/30)

Today we are talking about queer representation in media. In 1894 "The Dickson Experimental Sound Film" is released, becoming the first "gay film". It was also known as "The Gay Brothers", it feature two men dancing together and it reportedly "shocked audiences with its subversion of conventional male behaviour". Unfortunately, in 1934 the USA introduced the Hays Code, which, while it didn't explicitly ban queerness, banned queerness in effect. This resulted in three decades of queer-coded villains, such as Joel Cairo in "The Maltese Falcon" (1941) and Jack Favell in "Rebecca" (1940).

The Hays Code was lifted in 1968, and the queer cult classic "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" was released in 1975, and gave a much-needed positive and FUN representation of queer people and queerness. Unfortunately, this was short-lived, as the rising AIDs crisis worsened the stigma around the gay community. This didn't stop everyone though, and in 1985 "Desert Hearts" was released; regarded as the first mainstream lesbian film with a happy ending.

Further on, the first gay kiss on TV in the UK was on "EastEnders" in 1989, "Ellen" became the first American tv show with an openly gay lead in 1997, and other show such as "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" started to add recurring LGBTQ+ characters. An important show in the UK was "Queer as Folk" (1999) which was one of the first shows to depict the queer community as vibrant and alive.

Even further forward, and "Moonlight" (2017) became the first LGBTQ+ film (and the first all-black cast) to win Best Picture at the Oscars. GLAAD publishes an annual report showing how representation is changing. 2005-2006 1.4% of regular characters vs 2020-2021 the figure is at 9.1%. So, there is still a long way to go obviously, especially because media is often the main or only place that young people have an insight into the community at all.

Because of this, I want to ask you for a recommendation: What is a piece of queer media that you think more people should see? (it can be literally anything, big/small, funny/sad, smart/stupid <- just anything you think deserves to be watched!:))

(I'll go first: "Eu Não Quero Voltar Sozinho" (or "I Don't Want to Go Back Alone) is a really really cute Brazillian short film available on Youtube! (if you enjoy it, there is also a full-length film version called "Hoje Eu Quero Voltar Sozinho" (or "The Way He Looks"))

Happy Pride 🌈 🎉

Hi!! There is this Bollywood movie called "Chandigarh kare ashiqui" which has main character as trans. Idk how accurate the rep is but it was a big movie. Bollywood has been making lot of queer stories with good rep and i love that

[peachscribe]

peach’s summer book list

i had a lot of fun compiling the list of books i read during the 20-21 winter, so i decided i would do a summer one as well! i still have a lot of books i own but haven’t read, so im definitely not lacking in material

if you didn’t see my winter list, how my book list works is basically like this: i read a book that i own but have not previously read, write a short summary immediately after finishing the book, write down my thoughts on the book, and then provide a rating for the book. i also might include background info on why i read this particular book/feelings about the author, but that depends on the book. that’s how each entry works

without further ado, let’s get started!

1. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

okay so i absolutely adore another book by andrew smith (written after grasshopper jungle) called the alex crow. it’s one of my favorite books of all time, so naturally i wanted to see if grasshopper jungle would make me feel similarly. just like the alex crow, grasshopper jungle’s plot is. so fucking weird. it stars austin szerba, a teenage polish kid who lives in ealing, iowa, and is often sexually confused regarding his girlfriend shann and his best friend robby. and in ealing, iowa, austin and robby accidentally and unknowingly unleash an unstoppable army of huge six-foot-tall praying mantis bugs that only want to do two things: fuck and eat. and i just have to say: andrew smith’s got an absolutely dynamo writing style. alex crow is similar, where it’s a book about kind of everything all at once, framed in a moment centering around teenage boys. it’s fantastic, and it’s more than a little gross, and i love it. this book made me feel so many things, and i thought austin was such an amazing narrator and main character to identify with. this book has it all: shitty teenage boy humor, fucked up science experiments, and poetic imagery that will make you want to cry. and explicit lgbt characters.

412/10 andrew smith what do you put in your water i just want to know

2. Burn by Patrick Ness

patrick ness has written a plethora of some of my favorite books (such as a monster calls, the chaos walking trilogy, and the rest of us just live here) so when i saw this one in the store i knew it would be a great one. burn is an alternate history fantasy that takes place in 1957 frome, washington, during the height of the cold war, and it begins with a girl named sarah and her father hiring a dragon to help out on their farm. but there’s not just dragons, farm living, and cold war tensions; there’s also a really shitty small town cop, a cult of dragon worshippers and their deadly teenage assassin, a pair of fbi agents, and a prophecy that sarah’s newly hired dragon claims she’s a part of. i think eoin colfer’s highfire was on my winter list, which also featured a story that included dragons and shitty cops, so when i first began burn i thought it was funny to have two books that had both things. you know, if you had a nickel etc etc. but that’s really where the similarities end because burn is entirely it’s own monster (dragon). burn is entirely invested in its world, and its fascinating. not only that, i had no clue where the book would take me next. there were so many surprises and amazing twists that honestly just blew me away. this book also includes beautifully written complicated discussions on family, race, and love - it features interracial and queer romances as the two most prominent romance plots which was such a nice surprise from a book i wasn’t expecting to have that kind of representation. this book is witty, fast-paced, and a very heartening read - i absolutely adored it.

9/10 dragons and becoming motivated by the power of love and friendship are so fucking cool

3. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann

i hate this book! as meat loves salt is a historical fiction novel which takes place in seventeenth century england, which is going through a grisly civil war. the protagonist, jacob cullen, is a servant for a wealthy household and is engaged to another servant in the house. but due to certain events that are almost entirely jacob’s fault, he flees the house and is separated from his wife. from there, he joins the royal army and meets a kind soldier, ferris, and the two become fast friends. jacob and ferris’s relationship begins to bridge past friendly, and jacob struggles with his homoerotic feelings as well as the growing obsession and violence inside him. also, they try to start a colony. listen, i don’t know how to describe the book because so much happens, but it basically just follows jacob and all the terrible decisions he makes because he is, truly, a terrible person. ferris is kind and good, and jacob is scum of the earth. he sucks so bad. the entire time i was reading this book (which took absolutely so long), all i wanted was for jacob to just get his ass handed to him. i wanted to see him suffer. and it’s not like i just personally don’t like him - i believe the book purposefully depicts him as unsympathetic even though he is the narrator. i did enjoy the very in depth and accurate portrayal of what life would’ve been like in seventeenth century england, and i think it was interesting to read a character that is just the absolute worst person you’ve ever encountered and see him try and justify his actions, so if you enjoy that kind of thorough writing, then this book would be perfect for you. however, i did not see that bitch ass motherfucker jacob cullen suffer enough. i’d kill him with my bare hands.

2/10 diversity win! the worst man on earth is mlm!

4. This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

i know ive had a friend tell me how great one of schwab’s other book series is, but truthfully i bought this book because the cover is sick as hell and it was on a table in the store that advertised for buy two get one free, i think. something like that. anyway, this savage song takes place in a future in which monsters, for whatever reason, suddenly became real and out for blood in a mysterious event nicknamed the phenomenon. august flynn is one of these monsters, but he takes no pride in that fact and only wants to feel human. kate harker is the daughter of a ruthless man and is trying her hardest to be ruthless, too, but deep down she knows it’s just an act. their city, verity, stands divided, and kate and august stand on either side - but when august is sent on a mission to befriend kate in the hopes of stopping an all out war, the lines begin to blur. this book rules. august and kate are such interesting and dynamic characters, and the narrative is familiar while still being capable of twisting the story around and taking the feet out from under you in really compelling ways. this savage song is part of the monsters of verity duology, and i can’t wait to dive into how the story continues and finishes.

11/10 sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover

4a. Our Dark Duet by Victorian Schwab

this is the sequel and finale for this savage song and i’d figure i’d update everyone: fantastic ending, beautiful, showstopping, painful.

12/10 loved it and will definitely be keeping an eye out for schwab’s other books

5. White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi

oh boy. okay. white is for witching is about a house, and it is about the women who have lived inside of it. when her mother dies abroad, miranda silver begins to act strangely, and there’s nothing her father or her twin brother seem to be able to do about it. she develops an eating disorder and begins to hear voices in the silver family house, converted to a bed and breakfast by miranda’s dad; and she begins to lose herself in the house and the persistent presence of her family legacy. white is for witching switches perspective dizzingly and disorientingly between miranda, her twin eliot, miranda’s friend from school named ore, and the house itself. this story is a horror story as much as it as a tragedy as much as it is a romance as much as it is a bunch of other things. oyeyemi brings race, sexuality, nationality, and family into this story and forces you not to look away. this book is poetry.

(like i mentioned briefly, this book heavily deals with topics of race and closely follows miranda’s eating disorder. read responsibly, and take care of yourselves)

15/10 this book consumed me and i think i’ll have to read it another 10 more times to feel it properly

6. These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong

okay. okay. strap in for a ride. these violent delights is a romeo and juliet style story, taking place in glittering 1920’s shanghai. the city stands divided - not only between the foreign powers encroaching on chinese land, but also between the scarlet gang and the white flowers, who are at the height of a generations-long blood feud. juliette cai, heir to the scarlets, has recently returned from four years abroad and is determined to prove herself ruthless enough to lead. roma montagov, heir to the white flowers, is standing strenuously on his place as next in line due to a slip up four years prior and is desperate to keep hold of his title. and in the midst of juliette and roma’s burning history with each other threatening to combust, an unnatural monster lurks in the waters of shanghai, loosing a madness on scarlets and white flowers alike. this book has it all - scorned ex lovers, political intrigue, deadly monsters, and all set on a glamorous backdrop of the roaring twenties. i absolutely was enraptured by this book and the way it plays around the story of romeo and juliet so well that it easily became it’s own monster, but with the punches and embraces of something classically shakespearan. gong does just an absolutely breathtaking job of fitting this fantastical story amid the larger world of shanghai and the real life historical events that had shaken the city to its core. completely immersive and outstandingly heart racing.

17/10 i was chewing on my fingernails for the last thirty pages and will continue to do so until the sequel is released (our violent ends, 16 nov 21)

7. The Antiques by Kris D’Agostino

you ever heard of the american dysfunctional family story? this is most definitely that. at the same time george westfall’s cancer takes a turn for the worse, a hurricane hits the east coast, and suddenly all at once the issues of his health, the hurricane, and all three of his children’s achingly dysfunctional adult lives are crashing into each other. reunited by george’s death, the westfall siblings have to face their grief, each other, and the problems in their own lives they attempted to put on hold while planning their father’s memorial. this is a nice story about grief and loss and love and somehow finding the humor amidst it all.

(this book does include a depiction of an autistic child who does experience several pretty bad meltdowns due to ignorant people around him not understanding how to cater to his needs. im not an authority on what depictions are or are not harmful, but i do believe this depiction is ultimately loving and well-intended.)

7/10 it made me laugh and cry and was generally one of those books that somehow hit you close to home

8. Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill

fierce fairytales is a poetry anthology that reimagines classic fairytales from a modern, feminist viewpoint, acknowledging that the line between hero and villain, monster and damsel, are not as clear cut as the classics try to make you believe. this book also includes illustrations done by the author herself, which i think is really cool. my personal favorite story reimagining was the story of peter pan and captain hook, called ‘boy lost’ which looked at how peter and hook’s relationship began and rotted. all in all, i think this collection of stories had a lot of important things to say and said them in frank, easy to understand poetry and prose.

7/10 beautiful message and pretty prose, but at times a little cliche

and that’s all from the summer! my fall semester starts tomorrow, and overall i feel very good about all the reading i did this summer. i even read four other books not on this list for work! so i definitely feel like i made the most out of my time, and im really glad i was able to read so many stories that made me feel a variety of different things

thanks so much for reading this list, and let me know if you read or have read any of these books and tell me what you think of them!

happy reading<3

[louadorable126]

Demons(you).me - Chapter 6 Redgrave Market

>>Click here to Read over on AO3!<<

Art by Aya/ITOUYAS! <3

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Summary:

In a city controlled by the generally altered race of Demons, Lady's life as a mercenary on the lower floor was never easy. Especially when she ran into Dante. A demon on the hunt for his missing brother.

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Important information!

Fandom: Devil May Cry

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Realtionships: Dante x Lady, Vergil x Lady

Characters: Lady, Dante, Vergil, Morrison, Nell Goldstien, Eva, Sparda, Mundus

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Cyberpunk, Genetic Engineering, Sci-fi Fantasy, Strip Clubs and Strippers, Dystopia, Seizures, Flirting, Eva and Sprada are alive!, Human Experimentation, Cults.

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Chapter 6

“Hang on. You want me to do what?!” A familiar deep voice, on the other end of the phone, exclaimed.

“I need you to find us a way into that event, Morrison!” Lady repeated herself; words laced with growing frustration. Her hand tightening its hold around the bright yellow ceiling handle hanging above her. “Yes, I know you don’t deal with the Cult of Fortuna! But this is really kinda urgent!”

The heat of the compartment was really starting to get to her. Sweat beads welling up on her forehead and covering it in a wet, salty glaze. It was hard to tell if this was because of the stress of negotiating with Morrison, or the 60 or so people rammed into the same monorail cart around her - pressed up against one another like sheep in an inclosed pen. It felt as though she was being cooked in a gruelling dry oven. The air conditioning unit stationed above her, trying its best as it worked overtime to pump small blasts of cool air in the mercenary’s direction, to little avail except for a brief millisecond of chilly relief she gained from it.

Her compatriots, likewise, also seemed to be uncomfortable in their current situation.

Apparently, Dante’s already non-existent attention span had been quickly eroded away in the 15 or so minutes he had been forced to stand here. Well…not really stand. As he had leaned back against one of the glass archways, in-between the main seating area and the exit door, arms crossed. Obviously rather bored, if the occasional upset, deep sighs she heard coming from his direction, were anything to go by. Alongside the sweet sound of him humming some kind of rock song, unbeknownst to anyone but himself, and tapping his foot on the floor to its invisible beat. His eyes closed, although occasionally peaking one sapphire eye open to see if their final destination was coming up on the floating holographic sign above them. Only to always be sorely disappointed, then returning to his sweet humming.

Vergil, meanwhile, was sitting on a small plastic bench in between the pair of them. It seemed he had declared some sort of silent, and bloody war against a screaming and whining young child across from them; the child’s ignorant mother taking no action to stop them. His sharp eyes fixed intently on the small, high-pitched creature. Glaring at them angrily, as though the demon thought that by some miracle, it would get the child to shut up. That...obviously wasn’t working however, and the little boy continued to screech regardless.

Lady took the opportunity to slip a glance over her shoulder at the elder twin, while her conversation between her and her employer lulled for a moment. Morrison deep in thought as he lit up another cigar.  

It was crystal clear from how tense and rigid the blue demon’s body language was becoming - his sharp pale jawline, peaking from beneath the veil of shadows covering his aristocratic features, hardening - that Vergil was soon going to blow. Massively. Which given the elder twin's track record for bloody slaughter, could only really lead to a disaster on a packed train like this. All Lady could do was hold her breath, and hope they could get off this nightmarish train before that happened.

“Alright. Cause’ its you little missy, I’ll see what I can do.” Morrison relented. A touch of fatherly gruffness to his voice. "Not making any promises though. Fuck. I don’t even wanna to think about whose strings I’m gonna have to tug to pull this off!”

“I certainly appreciate it, Morrison. Cheers.” Lady thanked, before ending the call. Sliding her phone into her skirt pocket.

“So is he going to do it?” Dante asked. Smiling hopefully at her.

“Sounds like it.” Lady confirmed with a nod. Switching her cramping arm, holding onto the ceiling handle, over to the other. “I’m sure he’ll pull through with something.”

More accurately, they needed him to pull through with something.

Despite being the one to send them off on this perilous quest in the first place. Augustus had been kind enough to provide them as much information as he could gather about this “Charity Ball”. Sending through several of the emails he had received from the cult’s network, after the group had handed back his laptop.

And it was just as well he had! Because, as it turned out, the Charity Ball drastically moved location every time it was held. From fancy restaurants on the middle floor to a gentrified warehouse in the slums. However, this time it seemed the location of choice was a small expo centre. Ironically, it was surprisingly close to the hotel where she had first encountered Vergil.

But, even if they at least knew this secret meeting's location, it still didn’t mean they had any way to actually enter the Ball. It was an invite only event. Unless Lady wanted to bankrupt herself a few hundred times over, she sure as hell was not buying her way inside! It wasn’t even like the twins could do much to help either, even with their father’s limitless wealth. As Vergil had pointed out, it would be obvious they came from a demonic household, given that they weren’t already a part of the pre-established wealthy society of humans. And thus, given the Cult of Fortuna’s fears about being found out by the demonic authorities, they’d be swiftly rejected regardless.

“MUUUUUUUUUUM I WANNA GET OFF! THIS SO BORING!” The bratty child screamed at the top of his lungs. Before pointing a chubby finger over in the group's direction. “SERIOUSLY THIS PLACE SMELLS FUNNY!! ESPECIALLY THAT CREEPY GUY WHO KEEPS STARING AT ME-“

The child didn’t have a chance to finish. Pinned against the opposite train wall by the sharp tip of Yamato’s silver blade, held dubiously resting above the boy's heart, in less than the blink of an eye. The boy fell, choked on his words. Only letting out a small whimper in terror as he looked up at the towering man before him. The whole crowd erupted into a mania of panicked screaming and backing away from the scene. Leaving a circle of free space around them.

Crap, this isn’t good! Lady thought to herself. Silently cursing the child for antagonising Vergil when they had seemed so close to being able to get off without a hitch. The next station’s only a minute away, dammit!

“What on earth are you doing!” The child’s mother cried hysterically. Reaching out to push him off her son, before being stopped dead in her tracks by Vergil’s cutting glare.

“Teaching your child the consequences of his actions.” Vergil informed her sharply. A look of genuine confusion shot onto the woman’s features at his declaration. As though she had no idea what he was talking about."You really are a terrible mother, aren’t you? Don’t you realise there are other people on this train who do not wish to hear your child's screeching? You are not only neglectful to your son, but also to common decency.”

The mother grew enraged at his accusation. Clenching one hand tightly around the handle of her crimson handbag, as her heart-shaped face twisted and disfigured in offence. “B-but I don’t control what my son does! He’s his own person-“

“Yes. But as his guardian you have an obligation to do something, woman!” Vergil snapped angrily.

“Yeah, as much as my bro might be overreacting. He’s kinda got a point lady.” Dante chimed in. Causally moving to stand over beside Vergil so that they were back to back; Dante leaning a portion of his body weight against his brother.

Subtly, he elbowed his twin’s lower back. Getting Vergil’s attention off the child and towards him. The blue demon tilted his head over his shoulder in Dante’s direction, before leaning in close and whispering into his ear. “Think the kid’s got the idea, Verge. Wanna let him go?”

At his brother’s words, Vergil withdrew his blade. Returning Yamato back to its holster under his coat with a satisfying click. He turned away with a flourish of his blue coat, leaving the now silent child in his tracks. As he headed for the train doors, the packed crowd standing in his path shifted aside for him, like he was parting the Red Sea, just as a masculine, artificial voice stated; “We will shortly be arriving at Redgrave Market Station. Please stand clear of the doors for those exiting.”

“That’s our stop! You coming babe?” Dante called out over his shoulder, walking straight past Lady after his brother, as the train’s heavy doors slid open and bright artificial street light flooded through into the dim cabin. Illuminating their escape.

“Yep!” Lady exclaimed, embarrassingly high-pitched. Finding it hard to keep her cool with all these people, likely hundreds, staring at her. After quickly sparing a glance to check if the young boy was ok - which seemed to be the case, as his mother cradled the now crying child close to her chest, ironically finally paying him the scrap of obviously needed attention - the mercenary fled the train just as its metal doors slammed shut behind her.

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Click here to read more over on Ao3! :D

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Worst of 2019

I had to follow-up my “Best of 2019″ list with its opposite universe counterpart but before I give the movies that made me suffer another lashing, let’s make a couple of things clear. I’m not a paid professional and even if I was, all I would be is a film critic. Making movies is hard. Nobody in the industry aims to do a bad job - there are much easier ways to make a living. Even though I might’ve hated these films with a passion that still smolders now, I’ve got mad respect for anyone who decides to put themselves out there and put together a movie. At the end of the day, your work is going to live on. You made something millions will see. Me? I’ll ultimately fade away. Take this into consideration as we single out the movies that tried and failed, sometimes spectacularly.

10. Cats

Cats is the kind of movie that doesn’t come around often. It’s actually kind of fascinating to watch, or it would be if it weren’t so boring. Rebel Wilson (who was destined to have a movie on this list when she starred in The Hustle) plays a cat who unzips her skin to reveal an outfit… above her skin again? She leads a choreographed troupe of singing mice and cockroaches that fill you with terror and confusion. It’s as if they’ve been scaled so the actors could scoop them up and swallow them whole - as cats would do - but because human proportions are so different from cat’s the objects and other animals they interact with change size from scene to scene. Meanwhile, Idris Elba is prowling around with his coat all open, his non-existent junk exposed to all who want to see. Our main character is so bland and unmemorable she makes no impact on you whatsoever. There’s magic in a plot that’s composed almost entirely of introductions - which might make it accurate to the broadway show but not entertaining as a movie -, dodgy special effects in every frame, lame jokes coming from the left and the right… and yet, I don’t hate this film like I do the others on this list. In fact, a part of me even admires Cats.

The thing is, had this movie worked, it would’ve been hailed as genius. It didn’t so it’s being ridiculed but I have to give it points for its ambition and willingness to take chances. That means a lot in a year in which every single one of the top ten grossing films were sequels, remakes or expansions of already-existing properties.The gamble didn’t pay off, but Cats had the guts to walk up to the plate.

9. Dumbo

I was tempted to lump The Lion King and Aladdin along with this tale of a baby elephant that learns to fly while a family of circus performers learn that the big circus tycoon played by Michael Keaton is a meanie. Few of the Disney “live-action” remakes do anything to validate their existence. They’re just feeding you what you can already watch at home for free because you probably already own the originals on home video or you have Disney+. I’m going to single out Dumbo as the worst because it actually tried something different and failed spectacularly. This means we can expect all future Disney remakes to take as few chances as possible.

8. Jay and Silent Bob Reboot

There are other movies I could’ve put in this spot (see the Runner-Ups section below for examples) but I had to consider the experience as well as the movie itself. Jay and Silent Bob Reboot is an unfunny comedy that walks into the room as if it’s going to marry your mother and be your new father. It makes fun of the very thing it’s doing. This might make it appealing to members of the “View Askewniverse” cult but not to me. Whether you’ve been brainwashed by Kevin Smith or not, it’s impossible to sit through the painful bonus material which follows the film, particularly the interviews conducted by Jason Mewes. The actor displays no charisma whatsoever while asking questions you don’t care about to people who obviously don’t want to be on camera. I get what Smith was doing; he was trying to give his fans more than just the movie but anyone in their right mind should’ve seen the bonus footage and burned it.

4. Dark Phoenix

What a disappointing way to end the X-Men franchise. Dull until the very end and then interesting for just enough time to make you realize you didn’t just dream it all, the movie was a bad idea from the start. We haven’t known the young version of the X-Men long enough for this story to mean anything and the choices made to make this story more faithful to the comics makes you wonder if you stepped into the wrong movie. Even before seeing Dark Phoenix, I thought people were being too harsh on The Last Stand. They did a lot of things wrong in 2006 but they had the good sense to leave out the aliens. It’s not great but it’s been somewhat redeemed since because its plot advanced the series and meant something in the end. Even if Disney had considered keeping this franchise alive while it was acquiring Fox, this is such a mess they now have no choice but to reboot the whole thing.

4. Jexi

Jexi feels like it just escaped from a time capsule. Even when it would’ve been new, it wouldn’t have been funny. This had no business appearing in theatres and watching the trailer again reminded me of why I hated it as much as I did. If you suspect you have mutant powers that just need to be unlocked by a traumatic or life-altering event, barricade your doors and start playing this movie. You’ll want to escape so desperately, you might suddenly develop the ability to bend space and time.

6. Rambo: Last Blood

This 5th entry in the Rambo series didn’t even have the guts to commit to being a proper conclusion. The titular character appears to succumb to his wounds as the picture closes… only to get up and go find medical attention during the end credits. Senselessly gory and violent, its depiction of Mexico leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

5. Shaft

No one was asking for this movie, not even fans of the original Richard Roundtree films or the 2000 Sam Jackson reboot. It tired story attempts to introduce a new version of the classic blaxploitation character to a new audience. In the process, it makes you hate the two “heroes” we follow through a generic plot filled with offensive humor. The only good thing about Shaft is that it prompted me to check out the originals.

3. My People, My Country

The Farewell made me think a lot about how we should view other cultures, particularly China. In it, Awkwafina’s Billi is caught in a moral dilemma when she learns her beloved grandmother is dying and that her family is keeping the secret from sweet Nai Nai. You go in thinking the American-raised woman is going to do the right thing by tearing the charade apart but it’s not long before you realize this scenario isn't that simple. When it comes to My People, My Country, I am going to judge. What’s the moral of this movie again? Give up your life, your dreams, your family for the sake of a country that sees you as nothing more than an expandable pion? If that weren’t bad enough, the movie’s so dull it’ll be an epic struggle to stay awake. Whose idea was it to have an entire segment of this anthology dedicated to the engineers who ensured the mechanism that would raise China’s flag in 1949? It’s as exciting as it sounds.

2. ¡Ay, mi madre!

The worst part of this list is that I know how few people reading will be able to relate. ¡Ay, mi madre! wasn't released theatrically in North America, but movies release “Straight to Netflix” have become such a big deal I’ll make an exception to my usual rule of disqualifying direct-to movies from this list. In terms of filmmaking, this is the worst movie I’ve seen in a long, long time. It’s more technically inept than anything else on this list by far. The comedy is so unfunny it’ll make you question your life, the actors are not convincing even before they open their mouths to speak and the ending might as well be a big middle finger towards the people watching. It ha no ending, almost as if they cobbled together the few salvageable strands of footage someone scooped out of the trash into something vaguely related to “coherent”. Remember the name so you know never to click “play” if you happen upon it like I did.

The Runner-Ups

Simmba

I was deeply offended by this Bollywood film but technically, it’s a 2018 movie so I decided to only include it here. It’s loathsome but admittedly, my hatred for it has somewhat subsided since I saw it. Don’t ask me why. This movie sucks.

Playmobil The Movie

This is what we thought we were going to get when they announced “The Lego Movie”. Terrible songs, a lazy plot that makes terrible use of the property it’s advertising, unfunny jokes, and a lack of imagination guarantee this film is destined to make everyone involved regret the day it was released.

Hellboy

Yet another failed superhero movie that enthusiastically sets itself up for a sequel when it’s so obvious to everyone watching that there isn’t going to be one. The one thing it’s got going for it is a pretty cool scene towards the end where demons escape into our world and begin tearing civilians to pieces. To get to that, you must sit through endless scenes that bash you over the head with a mallet marked “Rated R”. Gallons of blood and intestines spilling onto the floor, doesn’t mean the movie is meant for adults. This was written by a teenager disguised as a grown-up.

Gemini man

They waited all these years for the de-aging technology to get where it is now… for this story? Someone should’ve pointed out to director Ang Lee when he was getting ready to film that training doesn’t alter your DNA. Why waste millions cloning Will Smith when you could just raise a normal kid and train them to be an assassin? Ultimately, the movie isn’t really all that bad. It’s watchable but it’s such a big disappointment it needs to be taught a lesson.

Replicas

I’m giving this one a break because no one saw it. I also think it’ll play better at home, where you’ll be free to make fun of it or verbally abuse the loopy plot aloud while your friends listen. If there’s a movie this year that was “So bad it’s good”, it’s this one.

After

At least “Twilight” had its original take on vampires and some danger mixed into its romantic triangle to keep things theoretically interesting. This film started off as - I kid you not - a “One Direction” fan-fic. The drama it serves up will have you howling like a werewolf flying through laughing gas. On the upside, a sequel is coming. In fact, the teaser is scheduled for today!

1. Unplanned

This was the most uncomfortable movie experience of 2019. Most of the Christian propaganda films don’t seem to put much effort into their production - they’re preaching to the choir so why should they? - but 2019 had Breakthrough, which was quite good. It showed these movies don’t have to appeal solely to the churches who will buy tickets en-masse. This movie is ridiculous, gory like a horror film, misleading, and phony. It did have what is undoubtedly the most outrageous and unintentionally funny dialogue of the year, however. “Fast food outlets look to break even on the hamburgers they sell. That’s all they do is break even ... Do you know where they make all their money? The french fries and soda. Low cost, high margin items. Abortion is our fries-and-soda.” Are we sure this was based on a true story? If so, I don’t know why the director decided to edit out the scenes in which Cheryl (Robia Scott) takes the buckets of aborted fetuses home to cook them. I think it would’ve really driven home how evil her character is. I felt dirty sitting in the theater next to people who ate this up.

[crowdvscritic]

round up // AUGUST 19

It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? 

Let me assure you—it’s not you, it’s me. You know those times in life when watching and writing about every Best Picture winner in a regular cadence feels impossible? No? That’s just me? Every time I think I’m about to get going on this Best Picture Project again, it seems like life finds another reason for me to spend packing up boxes or suitcases again (or sometimes even just packing more into my tired, little mind). As the trailer for the World War I film 1917 says, “TIME IS THE ENEMY.” The all-caps treatment feels appropriate here, too.

But because my tired, little mind does ache to write about movies, I’ve been inspired to try a new segment—inspired by my very own sister. She’s a writer with a drive and commitment to her travel blog I envy sometimes. (But don’t worry, it’s in more an I’m-proud-of-her kind of way than an Othello kind of way.) Every month over at Round Trip, she rounds up the highlights and new things she’s tried each month. They’re some of my favorite posts to read, so I thought I’d create my own version with a Crowd vs. Critic twist. (But don’t worry—it’s more an imitation-is-the-sincerest-form-of-flattery thing than a Talented Mr. Ripley kind of thing.) Each month I’ll be sharing my favorite crowd-pleasers and my top critic picks. The twist on that? I’m recommending more than just films. These are the new-to-me cultural artifacts I’ve loved in a rough order of when I experienced them, including (but not limited to) a TV show, podcast, lengthy feature article, art exhibit, and music video. Oh, and of course, a few movies I’ve seen or am excited for, too.

August Crowd-Pleasers

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)

I’m not really a Fast & Furious gal, and this movie is grade-A bonkers. But Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Jason Statham make stupid one-liners land like nobody else. Seeing Princess Margaret taking control of her life was unexpectedly satisfying, and kudos to this team for knowing this is the kind of movie that should be as indulgent and over-the-top as it wants. Crowd: 10/10 // Critic: 6/10

Minority Report (2002)

Not everything about this Steven Spielberg/Tom Cruise flick gels, and the influence of contemporary blockbusters like The Matrix and Star Wars is excessive. But its take on the surveillance state was prescient, and it’s still a tense thriller. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8/10

Veronica Mars (TV series: 2004-2007, 2019; Movie: 2014)

I’ve been looking for a way to watch this teen detective drama for awhile, and I know why people have been recommended this to me for years. With the new Hulu reboot, the original series is finally available there as well, and I couldn’t stop watching. I’ve given up on other, critically loved shows in an episode or less because I struggle watching violence against women—sorry, The Americans, The Handmaid’s Tale, and Jessica Jones. Veronica Mars somehow handles those storylines with all the seriousness and sensitivity they deserve but without the graphic depictions that make me feel sick. Smart, funny, and addictive, it’s the kind of binge I love, and now I’m just trying to emotionally recover from that new season.

I Feel Pretty (2018)

I’m also not much of an Amy Schumer gal, but this really clicked. If all message movies were this funny and clever, maybe they would have a better chance at making the world a better place. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

The Micheaux Mission

Len and Vince’s thoughtful, funny podcast covering every Black Film ever made took a “Binge Lounge” detour into a retrospective on Black Family Sitcoms this month from the most obvious (The Cosby Show) to the obscure (Julia). Now that I’ve finished Veronica Mars, I might need to revisit the gem that is Everybody Hates Chris.

The King’s Man trailer (2020)

Unclear why the franchise is deviating from the dynamic duo of Taron Egerton and Colin Firth, but color me intrigued.

Rolling Stone’s “Millennial 100”

This beast of a list was published last fall, but I just happened upon it and read all 100 entries. Inevitably, Every Millennial will find something missing on this list (Where is Gilmore Girls? Why do we need to list Taylor Swift’s boyfriends instead of her music?), but it’s a solid summation of the influences on our childhood and adolescence.

August Critic Picks

Paul Gauguin: The Art of Invention at The Saint Louis Art Museum

#NerdAlert: I’m a huge fan of museums. Like, I need to give myself pep talks to remind myself it’s not possible to see everything in one museum in one visit. As members of SLAM, my mom and I were invited to a free, guided tour through a new Gauguin exhibit, which is just another reason to consider supporting your local art museum.

1917 trailer (2019)

Maybe Colin Firth was unavailable for a Kingsman sequel because he and Benedict Cumberbatch were filming this World War I film with a December release prime for Oscar season. Color me intrigued again.

Atlas: Enneagram by Sleeping at Last

I’ve been learning a lot about the Enneagram in the last year, and no personality test (for lack of a more accurate term) has helped me understand how to love others and myself better than this one. I loved the artistry and thoughtfulness behind this album, which brings each type’s longings and fears and strengths and faults into song. (And not just because they’re coming from a fellow 9.) Bonus: There’s an accompanying podcast I’m still digging into.

Roman Holiday on the Big Screen

I caught a screening of one of my favorite Audrey Hepburn movies at the Tivoli Theatre, and she and Gregory Peck were truly larger than life.

Léon: The Professional

This month at ZekeFilm, we watched Natalie Portman movies we’d never seen before. I watched and loved her feature film debut, which came out the year she turned 13. She’s been a knockout from the get-go, and this movie holds up 25 years later. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10

Lover by Taylor Swift

When she released Speak Now, I knew I’d buy the next 10 Taylor Swift albums, and Lover might be in the running for my new favorite of her collections. (I’ll have to listen to it 100 more times to be sure, so come find me in about two weeks.) I loved reputation., but her lyrical prowess and synth-y production have met in a magical and mellifluous 18-track opus. The first five tracks are chef’s-kiss perfection, that “Lover” music video is an aesthetic dream. (t’s not every day I hear a song and immediately can hear it still on the radio in 30 years.) I don’t think she gets enough credit for her songs about friends and family, and some of her best are here as well. I’m both in awe and so proud as a decade-plus fan.

Also in August…

On SO IT’S A SHOW? this month, I watched a cult classic movie and a classic TV show with my pal and co-host Kyla Carneiro for our pop culture podcast. Catch our episodes on Ed Wood and The Carol Burnett Show (and how they connect with Gilmore Girls) on our Tumblr.

I watched 1960s crime thriller Midas Run on Kino Lorber’s new Blu-ray for ZekeFilm. It was…not good.

Until next time, follow what films I’m watching in real time on Letterboxd and find more reviews and features at ZekeFilm.

Photo credits: The Micheaux Mission, Rolling Stone, Sleeping at Last, Taylor Swift. Paul Gauguin and Tivoli Theatre my own. All others IMDb.com.