#hard? dick?

[presleyluvschris]

I JUST SAID THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS THING HUMAN POSSIBLE TO MY MOTHER I LEGIT SAID: "its better sloppy than hard tho" HELPP IM NOT SAYING IN WHICH CONTEXT GEUSS ITTT 😭😭😭

LMFAOAOAOAO

is that....a bi thing?

am i tweaking rn ?

[zooophagous]

I wish people understood more that animals go through puberty just like people do, and that "teen" animals will have new and often unpleasant behaviors as they grow and try and figure out their place in the world.

Many of the animals I see being rehomed are right at the one to two year old mark, when maturity is still an ongoing process and their behaviors get more intense. Be patient with them! They DO grow out of it!

Aster was a holy terror until he was almost 3 and now he's the best cat I've ever owned. If you can't deal with these changes, adopt a mature animal instead of getting a puppy or kitten, because it's more likely than not they will have a turbulent teen phase.

[melmov]

Making plans with your very much younger sibling

[imma-dragon53]

You’ve heard of “justice league doesn’t know Batman has kids”

Now prepare for “the Team doesn’t know Batman is Robins dad”

[morganbritton132]

There comes a time in every Robins life where they realize that crying will actually get them out of this.

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

Instead of Dick or Tim, Red Hood straight up goes for kidnapping Bruce Wayne and keeping him hostage just to see how desperate the birds get in trying to find him.

It’s a foolproof plan. Batman won’t blow his cover unless absolutely necessary, and “Brucie” would never know how to slip away from a crime lord of Red Hood’s caliber. It’s foolproof. It’s perfect. Jason can keep dropping hints and make threats towards the birds and watch Bruce squirm without consequences if he plays this right.

But then “Brucie” keeps begging him not to hurt his kids…

[charlietheepicwriter7]

The Joker was apprehended, sitting on the ground as Batman guarded him, but the kid--"Bruce Wayne's newest ward, how tragic! Hehehe!"--was nowhere to be found. Nightwing and Red Hood desperate searched the warehouse until a shuffling noise grabbed their attention.

A kid, black haired just like the kid in the Joker's broadcast, crawling out of a pile of boxes. "Is it over?" the boy asked quietly.

Nightwing guided him to the only exit, unfortunately walking past the boy's own kidnapper. "Yeah, kid. It's over. Come on-"

Like a shot, the boy rushed the Joker and kicked him right in the balls.

The Joker wheezed like a dying squeaky toy. Red Hood froze. Nightwing immediately snatched the boy up by the armpits, but all that did was give the boy the height to attack again, punting Joker in the jaw. The clown went down and cracked his head on the floor. He did not get back up.

There was a moment of silence before Red Hood roared with laughter, his helmet distorting the sound.

[erinwantstowrite]

silly doodle for the day

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

part 2 of giving bruce dad core attributes starting with forgetting which child has what dietary requirements.

bruce: here you go damian your lactose free meal

damian: father i’m vegan drake is lactose

bruce: tim is?? aw shit *hurries to find tim*

bruce placing down a piece of paper and a pen: ok everyone write their dietary needs on this please so i can give it to the caterer

dick: how can you not remember 😭

bruce: because there’s so many of you

tim: alfred remembers

bruce: alfred doesn’t count i’m pretty sure he’s not human

bruce: is duke still allergic to honey?

tim with his head in his hands: bee stings he’s allergic to bee stings

dick: damian is vegan

bruce: what? i thought steph was vegan?

dick: no steph is vegetarian damian is vegan

bruce: jesus christ

bruce: oh he can’t have that he’s allergic to peanuts

dick: what no i’m not?

bruce: yes you are

dick: i’ve never been allergic to peanuts where did you even get that-omg bruce jason was allergic to walnuts!

bruce: was???

[egophiliac]

Wait, the tsun event has a whole bit dedicated to Malleus bragging about what kitchen appliances he knows how to use? Twst EN just got the milk culinary crucible, which means at the same time Malleus is showing off, the entirety of the EN players are learning Leona doesn't know how to use a microwave. The timing really just makes it feel like Malleus is flexing on Leona XD

it's in Mal's card story rather than in the event proper, but yep! after teaching his tsum proper microwave usage, he takes it on a tour and very proudly shows off his extensive knowledge of household appliances. (except when he thinks his tsum fell into the washing machine and doesn't know how to unlock the lid, so he just. explodes it instead. hashtag just diasomnia things. 🤷)

I do think he and Leona should get into a fight about who has done a better job of learning how to use kitchen tools! Leona has the advantage of having grown up in the modern world, but Malleus has the motivation to actually do literally anything. who will win

[arttuff]

brucie wayne is not immune to the sudden urge to hug his son

[bruciemilf]

We as a society need to take advantage of Bruce’s movie trauma more.

First of all, not only is he incredibly apprehensive about cinemas, he’d also be way too busy with Batman and single mom-ing to stay in the cinematic pop culture loop?

I wanna see Bruce who only ever watches recorded Gray Ghost tapes. Name any movie post 2001. He hasn’t watched one.

When the Batkids enter the picture, they hold a contest on who can inflict the hardest psychological damage. Tim tries hooking him on Mean Girls but Bruce is too scared of Regina.

Steph: Okay so, it’s her wedding day and she strategically invites all three of her mother’s exes to find out who her biological father is, but! They all just end up adopting her instead!

Bruce: [Quiet but excited clapping]

Dick shows him Twilight. The resemblance between him and Robert Pattinson freaks him out.

[rollloist]

[eddiethehunted]

i LOVE fics where eddie’s like “i’m a virgin… nobody wants to fuck me EVER… i’m a bitchless loser… never even had my first kiss… woe is me😔” and steve, vibrating with poorly restrained lust, is like “so i have this crazy idea”

[ghost-bxrd]

Stuck on the thought that Bruce tried to be a father for Dick, but Dick didn’t want one. He wanted an equal, someone to fight crime with. And consequently, Bruce drove him away with his overbearing nature.

And then Jason came to him, and of course Bruce had to do better this time. He didn’t want to lose another child Robin. Only he realized too late that Jason didn’t just want to be Batman’s partner, he wanted to be Bruce’s son.

((And with Tim he was too scared to even try))

Kay thanks s’cuse me while I go cry in a corner goddammit

[clownoverrat]

"please learn about my disorder so you understand why I react the way I do" and "my disorder is not an excuse to be an asshole" should co-exist and people should understand the difference