#hallucination/delusion stuff

[addict-for-poison]

I think someone irl knows we're a system, but is completely wrong about it lol.

Uhh backstory. We're close to our aunt, and we talk to her extremely frequently about our mental health issues. But she doesn't know about the system since we brought up system stuff before and talked about other systems, and she said that all alters are just the host. She's never had any other bad takes about mental health besides systems and is genuinely the most supportive person we're really close to so we just avoid bringing the system up.

Well tonight we were telling her about some stuff related to hallucinations and delusions we've been experiencing lately and also for the last several years, which we've talked about countless times before, and at one point she said the hallucinations were alters. I asked what she meant, because I thought maybe she meant some other then system alters. She clarified she meant multiple personalities. I denied it and said it definitely wasn't alters or did, but didn't say why.

Long story short, I think she knows we're a system, but I think she thinks the hallucinations are the alters LMAO. Uh idk how to go about this next. I plan to eventually ask her if she thinks we might have did/mpd, but wow I didn't think we sucked THAT BADLY at masking lol. I'm not too surprised, just kinda funny. Idk what I'm gonna tell her if she thinks we do have it. I guess I could explain that we're a system, but idk how she's gonna react to us not having a proper host. I can't really deny that we don't have it, because she could just think that we're in an early stage when the sysmates are hiding from the host.

[nevertheless-moving]

continution of stormlight au 14, where kaladin keeps it together just a little longer:

Adolin: Storms! So both you and bridgeboy have been radiants—

Kaladin: surgebinders.

Adolin: surgebinders, this whole time? Unbelievable! Anyone else here secretly a surgebinder?

Renarin:

Shallan: I— your cousin. Jasnah. She didn't have a soulcaster. She was one.

Kaladin: Wait. I thought you said she died.

Shallan: Radiants can be killed! She had a sword through her chest!

Kaladin: I mean...I haven't tested that out specifically. But I've been shot a lot. And I was basically flayed alive. Teft nursed me back to life with a few diamond chips.

Adolin: Hah! The assassin did get you with a shardblade, didn't he? And you healed from it!

Navani: I knew it. She's impossible to kill.

Shallan: I— but I sank the boat. Oh stormfather...

Kaladin: I can also survive without breathing a while. 20 minutes easily. haven't timed my limits.

Adolin:

Shallan:

Shallan: I — wait, did you say you were flayed alive? What? Why?

Kaladin: It's — it's how the whole stormblessed title happened. Got strung up in a highstorm.

Adolin: Huh. At this point I was wondering if you got the title talking to the stormfather himself, ha!

Kaladin:

Adolin: ....Bridgeboy?

Kaladin: It. I mean during highstorms sometimes...

Adolin: I swear if you say you thought it was a hallucination I'm throwing you as far as I can. And I'm wearing plate right now.

Kaladin: It— it can't have been real.

Adolin: I'll do it bridgeboy. I know you can take it.

Kaladin: Fine. Anyway. That's how I got the stormblessed name. Sadeas ordered me outside, left upside down in a highstorm. Not fun, but I lived.

Shallan: So... she really could be alive...

Adolin: My captain of the guard, my bethrothed, and my cousin! Ha! Renarin, you'd tell me if you were a radiant — I mean a surgebinder, right?

Renarin:

Adolin: Renarin?

Renarin:

Adolin: Renarin...I...but why wouldn't you tell me?

Renarin (crying): I thought I was going mad. I was seeing things, I could hear screaming from my shardblade...

Kaladin: I hear that too!

Shallan: There's...something wrong with most shardblades.

Renarin: I thought it was...

Adolin (gripping Renarin's shoulder): Brother.

Adolin: I don't think hallucinations are real.

[headmates-4-you]

help help help help

im f-cking terrified😭

I am also pretty sure that the majority of people in our life have been replaced or don't exist, except for one or two people. I've been noticing patterns in people around me changing, and with our current mental state, it has me very on edge. I keep hearing noises and seeing things out of the corner of my eye that aren't there, we have a cold and for some reason that tends to worsen our derealization. Our room seems the least safe place to be, I see so much there, yet we still have to sleep there every night. I've a feeling that whatevers wrong with the other people in our life is happening to us too. even our 5-6 month long hyperfixation can't distract us rn. Are our friends and family really gone or is this just some really f-cked up symptoms of a disorder we weren't aware of?

help😭

-Mike

[rin-hanarin]

Welp, I guess it's time for me to filter out the Veilguard spoilers. I was chill with them for a while, but I'm catching some wild ones I'd rather learn from the game, there's gonna be nothing left by the time the game actually comes out. If only people weren't tagging literally everything including minor bullshit as spoilers.

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

i think ppl can and should project onto fictional characters. that's kind of what they're for a lot of the time. even if in the story they dont have the exact same experiences the audience can still find similarities with them and it's empowering to headcanon that, because of these similarities, the character has a similar identity to you. a lot of writers purposely give their characters experiences similar to marginalized groups to make those groups feel seen.

that being said, if you project your own experiences onto your blorbos you HAVE to be able to tell when the story is purposely making the character a metaphor for your experiences and when the story is. not doing that. just because you personally relate to a character doesn't mean the character literally is your marginalized identity. and it definitely doesn't mean that the writers hate your marginalized identity, specifically, if they don't do what you want them to do with that character.

[feintenstein]

some distressed harrys I doodle in between works

[sysmedsaresexist]

Hello, we are on anon because we don't want this connected to our name. We are not anyone who has already said they would share their experiences, just someone who has been reading through the posts.

We thought it would be interesting to get our experience with delusions and hallucinations out there. Firstly we experience delusions frequently, probably constantly. Usually in the form of an introject believing they are really that thing or other alters believing the introject is that thing but we also have delusions that come directly from trauma, such as our trauma surrounding the mistreatment of animals causing us to believe our budgie could talk in full sentences (when in reality he was well, just parroting)

Hallucinations wise, we get a lot of them actually and they are almost all very clearly related to trauma and DID. For example, sometimes when regular internal communication is not working we hallucinate the voices of other alters instead of having a "mind voice". Sometimes this is intentional (similar to how imposition works in tulpamancy) and sometimes it is not and just happens on its own. Whether these bother us depends wholly on the content of what is being said just like it would with a mind voice.

On a few occasions we have had alters appear as standing in the room, usually in a shadowy form but definitely as a hallucination. This was definitely connected to our DID in the sense that in addition to the fact they are alters, the alter in question could control the hallucinated figure even though they didn't cause it to happen intentionally. We have only had this happen around 4 times, and all but one of those was during or immediately after actively traumatizing situations. Like the auditory ones whether these are distressing is dependent on what is happening with them, though because it doesn't happen much until we realize what is going on it is a bit startling.

We also get hallucinations that are directly tied to trauma, such as hearing barking. These happen only after encountering a trigger and are usually tactile or auditory, but occasionally other senses are involved also.

Lastly, and I think I would consider this a form of hallucination, some things distinctly appear, smell, taste, feel etc different to certain alters. For example, I smell burning rubber as vanilla while pretty much everyone else smells it as burning rubber. This is consistent every time I front by burning rubber. I am guessing this is a way to dissociate from whatever the thing is because usually these also line up with being front triggers at some level. These don't bother us at all and we just consider them funny things about individual alters.

(Note, any details that could be used against us have been swapped out for equivalent ones which get the point across without giving people info that could actually cause these to happen, so there isn't any way to trigger or harm us with info listed here.)

.

[lifenconcepts]

[thethingything]

our current dilema is that the pain from our wisdom tooth keeps getting so bad we have to take pain meds (like it keeps hitting an 8/10 for several hours at a time. we can't not take pain meds) but the only pain meds that touch it have a warning on them saying not to take them for more than 3 days in a row, and we have at least another month of dealing with this, so I don't really know what to do.

the warning is because they're opioids and can cause addiction but I don't actually know how bad the risk is because everything seems to treat it like opioids are the worst thing ever and should be avoided at all costs and you'll get addicted if you so much as glance at them.

either way, my options are to either keep taking them and just accept that risk, or deal with being in so much pain I can't function. even with taking the pain meds I can tell we're a lot more irritable and short tempered and probably just insufferable to be around honestly and I hate the fact that pain causes this, but once again we've got to deal with this for over a month and we've also got to deal with the anxiety over what the treatment for it is going to actually involve.

I've had to deal with medical trauma stuff I didn't even know about until like yesterday when Lucy suggested it might be part of why I feel so shit, and I've had multiple panic attacks per day and constantly feel way more anxious than usual and I get the feeling we're just gonnaa have to put up with this for the next month and I don't know how the fuck I'm meant to cope with any of this

[kkujo]

last night i had a mix of tinnitus and sleep deprivation induced auditory hallucinations which was basically just like. literal microphone feedback. and i think it was triggered by me testing my microphone yesterday bc the feedback was awful but yeah i was lying awake and all i could hear was extremely loud microphone feedback in my brain i'm so glad it's over 😭

[genpact-kinfessions]

I decided to just lurk from now in the shadows… Watching~. Hi everyone I’m in your walls.

Insert Smug Cat Xingqiu face here.

⚔️🌧️📖

.

[robocops-a-christ-allegory]

I think most people have some form of mental issues and we need to accept that not in the stupid dismissive “so buck up already!!” way but instead in the “so please stop talking about people with psychotic spectrum disorders and/or personality disorders like they are possessed by demons” way

[the-rockers]

Not gonna lie, I don't know if I have the knowledge to say "this is ableist" or whatever but the more I think on it the less I like the "is X in the room with us right now" meme because like. I dunno doesn't it just kind of seem like the butt of the joke is people who experience delusions or hallucinations?

I don't want to come across as preachy, because the obvious meaning is "X is not real", but in conveying that it puts the joke's recipient in the role of someone experiencing a delusion or hallucination. "X isn't real and you're crazy", yeah? And while it's not overly saying, like, "it's bad to experience delusions or hallucinations", it ultimately does draw on that comparison, and puts someone being mocked or shamed in that role.

It's bad to use gay as an insult because you're saying "you're gay, which is a bad thing", and this isn't doing that; but it's saying "you're imagining things, like a delusional person." Is it that big of a difference? I don't know, and I can't say, but it doesn't sit well with me.

[phantomswolf]

psychosis is such a double edged sword. i feel bad coz like. yeah it sucks absolute wild hog balls sometimes, but i really can’t imagine a world where i wasn’t afflicted by the Curse

[dizzybevvie]

No. I love you, Azula. I do.

[meme-loving-stuck]

i think the biggest reason i will always be a true skeptic at heart despite my absolute Obsession with the paranormal is being neurodivergent. like, you swore you heard whispering but there was nobody there? yeah dude me too. sometimes. things are just.. like that. try sleeping more