#had a shitty and traumatic childhood

[imagine-to-be-a-pike]

Arthur had every right to hate magic. I won't take back these words.

[waheedawolf]

.

[nomaishuttle]

like pirating is so normal 2 me i forget there r ppl who r like antipiracy which btw is stupid. obviously

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

[comradesummers]

The take that Maddie's childhood wasn't great but Buck had it so much worse is so infuriating. I know Buck is the fandom's favorite, but why are you straight up lying about Maddie to prove that Buck had it worse? Can't they both have had shitty childhoods? Because canonically, they sure as hell did.

To recap, Maddie watched her little brother slowly die and then her parents moved her away from any one who knew Daniel and forced her to never speak of him again. Like I cannot stress how fucked up this is. They completely isolated this traumatized child from any support system she may have had and literally forbade her from grieving. That's insane. And on top of that, they parentified her and made a nine year old the primary caretaker of a baby all while neglecting them both. Also Maddie talks about how her mom would tell her that she wanted to kill herself. You know like a normal thing to say to or in front of your young daughter. And that's just how they treated her when she was a kid. When she got with Doug (at only 19!) her parents basically disowned her, thus ensuring that she would not feel safe to come to them when the relationship became abusive, which is probably a big reason she stayed for so long. And people are always talking about how the Buckley parents never visit Buck when he's grievously injured in the hospital. They also don't visit Maddie in the hospital after her husband kidnapped her and nearly stabbed her to death, even though we know Buck called and told them about it.

Unlike some of the Buck girlies, I don't feel the need to compare. The Buckley parents were awful to both of their living children (and frankly to Daniel as well for erasing his memory like that). I just object to the idea that Maddie somehow had it better than Buck because it is so obviously not true. And I find it really interesting that when it comes to male characters like say, Dean Winchester, people will write endless meta about how parentification is abuse. But when a female character is parentified by her parents people think it's not that bad because it doesn't seem as unnatural for a girl to be forced into a caretaker role, even if she was literally nine years old.

[star-anise]

Ask I got on my sideblog but am answering here:

Hi there! I know you're a therapist and I have a question: I saw some people arguing on Twitter about the impacts of trauma. There was a therapist among them, and they had a masters degree in social work, they post about it often. They say that people who have experienced trauma hurt other people because it benefits them or gives them pleasure, and they are disconnected from empathy and sympathy. That seems wrong, but maybe it's not? That's all, thanks!

Ooof, yeah, that's... complicated. It's technically true, but also frequently used as a lie.

Trigger warning: Child abuse, child grooming, interpersonal violence, trauma (childhood & intergenerational), true crime, totalitarianism

Because basically, that describes MOST humans who decide to hurt other humans on purpose without a strong ulterior motive. That's not a trauma thing, that's a human thing.

I babysit for a family with a 1-year-old and a 3-year-old. When the 1yo does something to upset their older sibling, and that sibling winds up and smacks them, that's the same basic thing. It benefits them (makes 1yo go away), brings them pleasure (having an outlet for their anger is very satisfying), and they're disconnected from empathy (they're often surprised and confused when the 1yo is crying, because they're 3 and THEY feel fine and they don't really understand yet that other people's feelings really exist) or even sympathy (understanding that if you hit someone, they will probably be upset). That's something we adults have to watch out for and intervene in, because empathy and impulse control take time to learn.

But as for where trauma figures into this... how to explain.

There's this old logical puzzle about categories, where you say things like:

All dogs have four legs*

A dog is an animal

And then the catch is that you can't extend that to say

All animals have four legs

*RIP to all the tripods and legless animals that apparently aren't dogs anymore for the purposes of this logic exercise

Animals obviously include fish and millipedes and whales and snakes and jellyfish. The number of legs an animal can have is HIGHLY diverse, and will eventually lead to a debate on what the definition of "leg" is.

So there is this common thing we see:

Some people are much more violent and aggressive than other people

These violent and aggressive people have almost always experienced some form of trauma/abuse/neglect

And the link people are really prone to thinking is:

People who have experienced trauma/abuse/neglect will go on to being violent and aggressive with other people.

This is incorrect. To some degree, I can see why it's widely believed - after all, way more people tune in to learn about a serial killer's abusive childhood than for the more common story, which is survivors of trauma slowly going about their lives in ordinary undramatic ways.

Because the thing is, trauma is REALLY diverse. Humans are inherently varied and a bit chaotic, since we can choose very different ways to live and operate, and trauma splits that variability like a prism turning light into a rainbow. Only about 30% of abused children grow up to be abusive themselves. The other 70% choose very different lives.

And yet. My eternal question is: WHY is this such a meme? Why do so many people with a shitty childhood flinch at the 30% statistic and think, "Is that me? Am I destined to be a monster?" Why does this story have legs, when so many other facts about trauma have way more empirical backing and usefulness and get very little attention?

I submit that there is one group that fucking LOVES the idea that traumatized person equals abuser. One group that pushes it into the discourse, in international media or around the family kitchen table, with great ingenuity and gusto.

Abusers.

They love it for two reasons. The most obvious reason is: It absolves them of their actions. "It wasn't ME who hit you, it was my childhood trauma!" A veritable classic excuse that takes their agency out of the equation. And it really can be hard to tell when it's a good excuse and when it isn't!

Reason two is the more insidious one: It cuts their victim's sense of goodness, worthiness, and moral certainty out from under them.

It's as simple as saying, "Look at how you pushed back at me (when I was abusing you)! You're the REAL abuser here!" It's the heart of what domestic abuse researchers call DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender). It can be that simple, or it can be so complicated and byzantine it makes your head hurt.

I only really got a handle on understanding this thanks to a friend, who said she was okay with me sharing this story if I didn't identify her. I won't go into any unrelated details of her abuse, but for the record, hers is probably the most extreme case of anyone I've personally interacted with, and I used to work as a therapist and in domestic violence shelters. Her dad heinously abused her as a child. He'd also studied psychology in university. I have been trying to fathom how the fuck anyone could do what he did to her for YEARS, and I think I've got a few viabletheories.

So. She was an ordinary child, bright, warmhearted, well-behaved, and a bit autistic. A bit more naive and trusting than your average preschooler. I imagine that from his perspective, there was the convenient benefit that he often had unrestricted access to her, and he could relatively easily overpower and manipulate her.

But she had one serious downside: If anyone ever found out what he was doing to her, they would go fucking apeshit. She wasn't really prone to lying or acting out, so people would treat her as a fairly credible reporter; several other adults found her she was lovable, innocent, and endearing; and what he wanted to do to her was, I repeat, heinous.

So while he abused her, one of the things he said was: "I'm doing this because I was abused as a child. That's how it works. All abusers come from abuse. There are statistics proving it. This means you're an abuser too. See what society thinks about child abusers? That's what people will think about you, if they know that you've been abused."

And she was, you know, a child, not someone who studied psych research. He was her dad. So she believed him.

She thought that he was using his adult brain to correctly assess the truth about her as a person, for purely objective reasons. The way you'd try to teach a kid who talks with their mouth full about table manners. It's been a couple decades now, but she is still very slowly chipping away at her core belief that she is inherently awful and only her father recognized the truth about her.

Sometimes when we talk about it I have to bite my tongue because I'm sitting here trying to figure out what the fuck was going on with him, an adult man who wanted to abuse her because he'd really enjoy it. I think about him trying to figure out how to manipulate an innocent child into accepting being abused, and minimize the risk that he'd go to jail for it. And although I hate his everloving guts, I'm almost a bit impressed at his level of machiavellian audacity, to come up with a line that was SUCH hot bullshit that people have devoted their entire careers into proving it false, and yet, because it hit exactly the right psychological issue at exactly the right psychological stage and his intended victim was so trusting, he could get her to believe him enough to turn that lie into her core identity.

Praise be to G-d and Criminal Minds, he did not, in the end, get away with it. She got enough courage to tell people, and get free of him. And she is not, in fact, a horrible abusive person.

But I think what he did so very brazenly is what a lot of abusers do, in more disguised and indirect ways. Probably partly because it really helps, when abusing people, not to treat them like human beings with their own thoughts and feelings, but if one must posit that they have something going on between their ears, it's easiest to assume that everyone else responds to trauma with aggression and abuse. After all, considering the possibility that someone like them could choose not to be abusive takes all the fun and plausible deniability out of the whole affair.

But now I see echoes of that "my victims are just as bad as I am" tactic all over the place. I honestly think it's a very similar mechanism that Hannah Arendt pointed out in The Origins of Totalitarianism. She observes that violent totalitarian regimes routinely accuse their intended victims of the very act they intend to commit themselves, to justify a "retaliation" that's actually just aggression. Think claiming "Our opponents are rigging this election" as an excuse to rig an election in the opposite direction.)

To sum up: You're human. Humans can do good and bad things. It's not necessarily good to completely forswear anything violent or angry in you, but to come up with a framework of how to be assertive and get your needs met in an ethical fashion. There are times it is appropriate and even necessary to escape or fight against somebody else's will.

On the other hand, If find yourself inflicting pain on other people on a regular basis, get some support and take a good hard look at your life choices. Sometimes it's hard to figure out how to solve problems in your life without violence or aggression, and you might need some help with that. Maybe talk to a counsellor or learn anger management skills.

But in no way is it predestined, inherent, implicit, or doomed, that your experiences and brain wiring make you violent or evil. You always have the choice to define yourself beyond what was done to you.

[norrisjpg]

scott street - ᴍᴠ¹

in which, the pressure of the 2024 formula 1 season becomes too much for the dutch driver, so instead of leaning on his best friend for support, he pushes her away.

contains: angst, swearing, crying, unresolved conflict, unhappy ending, shouting, mentions of childhood trauma, depression, jos verstappen mentioned (ew), a gilmore girls reference, not proof-read.

max verstappen x unnamed female character

...

...

she thought something was off, something wasn't right - and she was correct.

it was right after the belgian grand prix, after max had lost another win through no fault of his own, after mclaren had gained a few more points on his beloved oracle red bull racing.

she was there, she always had been, waiting for him after the race like she always did. although she had prepared herself, nothing could have prepared her for this.

he knew he needed her, but he was just so wound up, so tired of the shitty car, so done with the team that he couldn't even bring himself to look at her when he walked into his driver's room.

"hey, are you okay?" she asked softly, standing up with the dutchman entered the room, his usual sadness replaced with something else - he was fuming. "max?"

"i'm fine." he mumbled, discarding his helmet carelessly to the floor.

"do you want to talk about it?" her voice was somewhat comforting, but nowhere near enough to calm the pure rage bubbling in his chest.

"no." max sighed, refusing to turn around and look at his best friend.

she nodded, not that he could see her, but it was more of a nod to herself. okay, he doesn't want to talk, that's okay. but she also wondered if he knew it wasn't his fault, because he couldn't help a ten-place grid penalty brought on by his team, and he certainly couldn't help that the mercedes were exceptionally quick today and being held up by cars he was lapping wasn't helping him either - it just wasn't his fault.

of course, she knew he'd be annoyed about his race - but that wasn't the route of his emotions, his father was. max had obviously told her about the traumatic events of his childhood, long after they'd happened, although she was around when most of them took place.

however, she didn't bring it up.

"max?" she spoke quietly, her voice a little airy. "it's not your fault, you know that, yeah?"

"i know it's not my fucking fault." he spat back quickly.

"come on, max, please talk to me." she pried a little more. "it hurts to see you like this."

"oh, it hurts you?" he scoffed, finally turning around to look at her, anger ever-so-present in his pretty eyes. "how the fuck do you think it makes me feel? you always manage to make everything about you, don't you? just can't stand the attention being away from you for just one fucking second, can you?"

it took everything in her to not physically recoil at his words - he'd never ever been like this, and she wasn't going to lie, her heart shattered at his cold attitude toward her. she was only trying to help him and he was acting like this.

"nothing to say, huh?" he almost laughed, but there was nothing resembling a smile on his face. "you know what? just get out."

"sorry?" was all she could muster, an expression of hurt confusion on her face.

"you heard me, leave." he repeated it, squashing her hopes that he was just angry and didn't mean it, that he'd apologise and lay in her arms and just tell her how he really felt.

she got up, putting her phone back in her pocket, glancing over at him to see that he'd turned back to desk, fiddling with something on there.

hearing the door shut behind her was confirmation of what he'd just done - why the fuck did he do that?

head in his hands, he slumped down on the couch, already missing her presence. clearly, max hadn't meant any of that, but it was like word vomit. he felt as if he was floating outside of his body, watching him shove his best friend away, and he couldn't do anything about it.

outside, she stood there, motionless. what the fuck had just happened? gritting her teeth, delicate tears fell down her cheeks as she started to walk out of the red bull garage in aimless despair.

maybe if she hadn't said anything he wouldn't have lashed out of her? did she pry too much? why wouldn't he just talk to her?

"ah, good afternoon." a familiar voice came from behind her as she stood in the paddock, unsure of what to do with herself.

daniel ricciardo.

"oh, hi daniel." she thumbed away the salty tears and sniffled before she turned around - but it was no use, daniel caught on straight away.

"what's wrong?" he furrowed his eyebrows, putting a hand on her shoulder.

she knew there was no point in lying, daniel would get it out of her eventually. "max kinda... blew up at me? told me that i make everything about me and then told me to leave- don't say anything to him though."

"you know i can't promise that, but are you okay?" he shook his head, mentally noting to bring that up with max in the near future.

"i'm not sure."

...

a pretty afternoon in monaco had brought about a lunch between max verstappen and daniel ricciardo. a whole week had passed since the incident, and neither had spoken to each other - both absolutely terrified of what the other would say.

max was scared that she'd push him away, the same way he did. she was scared that max didn't want her back.

the reality was, max needed help - he needed her back. since his outburst, things had gone downhill. the car wasn't looking as good as he'd hoped in the factory, one of his cats was ill, and someone had rear-ended his car somehow - it was as if the universe was screaming at him to just apologise to her, get in his car and go to her apartment, tell her he didn't mean any of it and then finally tell her how he really felt - but max verstappen had fallen deaf, clearly.

luckily, daniel ricciardo hadn't.

"max, what is going on with you?" he asked as the two sat on the bench, slightly hot from the round of padel they'd just played.

"what?" he scrunched his nose at the australian, glancing at him briefly.

"you." daniel repeated. "you're drinking way more than usual, i'm the only person you've seen other than for work purposes, and then you pushed your best friend away - god, why did you push her away?"

"how the fuck do you know about that?" max snapped, quickly apologising with a look afterward. "sorry, how do you know about that, though?"

"she was crying in the paddock after the race." he nodded, pursing his lips. "told me what you said."

"i didn't mean to, okay? i miss her. i know i shouldn't have said what i said, but i can't undo it. i just... i'm scared- what if this is it? what if she won't take me back this time?"

"max." daniel said firmly. "i promise you, that girl will always take you back - you could kill someone and she'd still stand by your side."

"what have i done, daniel?"

...

she was more okay than she thought she was going to be. monday evenings were always reserved for max - dinners, movie nights, whatever they decided to do, it was together.

this monday night was different though.

there wasn't the familiar dutch laughter bouncing around her apartment. there wasn't the delicious smell of home-cooked food lingering in the corridor. there wasn't the colour of freshly bought tulips adding to her plain white kitchen (max always gave her pretty flowers when he came over.) and there certainly wasn't the comforting smell of max's aftershave stuck on her cushions anymore.

it had been three weeks and no word from him.

maybe it was time to move on. maybe he wasn't coming back this time.

she decided early on that it was his decision to return - he was the one who pushed her away so why should she make an effort? in no way was she saying it was for the better, but she was... relatively okay. yes, of course there were things she missed about him - no one wanted to do anything on a monday evening apparently.

so, she spent her monday evenings alone, drowning herself in blankets and fast food, watching some movie that she would never even the end of of - because she fell asleep every time, without fail.

so she did move on.

max on the other hand? he was moving backwards - rapidly.

he thought he was borderline depressed. rotting in his apartment with his cats, occasionally venturing out of the house to buy food or see daniel and lando - but that was it. it was as if all the life had been sucked out of his existence - all the colour, all the light.

so, when he turned up to her apartment on a rainy monday evening, it was a knife to the heart, to the head, to the gut.

he walked into the lobby, planning on going straight up to her and confessing every single feeling he'd had since that dreadful day in belgium.

but, he was met with an unexpected sight. there she was, smiling, with a man.

she was laughing, with him. they were walking towards her apartment, about to head into the elevator. if they were on normal terms, max would have waltzed right up to her and asked who he was - but he didn't have that privilege anymore, remember?

so, he turned around, shocked and almost reduced to tears, and he left.

if only he knew, she would have run to him in a heartbeat.

but, maybe it was for the better.

...

coming next... novacane, ʟɴ⁴ motion sickness, ᴍᴠ¹ (part two)

[jaidenk-nox]

Elizabeth midford

Shitty 2AM rant on the Misogyny that Lizzy has faced since the very start but it's the perspective of someone who has witnessed the horrors of Misogyny in Spanish speaking fandom

I should mention that English is not my first language and I'm not very good with it either, so most of this was done with Google Translate and I tried to correct what I could, I hope it's at least readable

I've never seen enough people point out the fact that Elizabeth midford character also defies the "Girlboss" archetype, she is definitely physically strong and can protect herself, but she is A 15 YEAR OLD GIRL, who manages her emotions like someone her age would and also exhibits many neurodivergent traits. I have always been bothered by the way physical strength is misunderstood as a "girlboss" trait, the simplest example I can think of is Ran Mao, she possesses brutal and superhuman strength. but it doesn't make her a girlboss, in case anyone forgets Ran is a girl who barely reaches 18 years old and is exploited by an opium trader who also seems to be involved in human trafficking (implied in the manga). Is she really a girlboss? girlboss when her physical strength is more of a requirement to SURVIVE while working as an assassin and sometimes seductress (which u can tell she doesn't enjoy much)? Obviously Ranmao's social reality is very different as she is a woman of color from the underworld, unlike Elizabeth, who is a white woman from the nobility. However, her physical strength has always been a double-edged sword for herself. Lizzy longs to get married, like any other girl her age, she longs to be protected but says goodbye to it the moment Ociel returns.

I may seem a bit exaggerated, but the way your sociocultural background affects the way you perceive and treat a character has me slightly traumatized, I wish I could give proof of the horrible and degrading treatment that Lizzy has received from the Spanish-speaking fandom.

I am a trans boy of color who grew up watching my female relatives being encouraged to rip their hearts out of their chest from the moment they turned 8yo for the simple goal of caring for and protecting my cis male relatives. household chores, cooking for them, washing their clothes, taking accountability for their actions. Their freedom and childhood as little girls were taken away from them. but none of that was ever valued, I never saw anyone recognize it as sacrifice.

Elizabeth is not a woman of color, nor does she have those demands as a woman of nobility, but she SACRIFICED stuff to try to protect Ciel on her own way, I have seen many people underestimate her backstory in book of Atlantic because "High heeled shoes aren't reason to cry." Everything Lizzy has done for Ciel is devalued, all her suffering has been minimized. losing so many family members in such a short time, losing the boy you were raised to marry your entire life. People truly forget that lizzy is still just a child, that she has the right to mourn everything she lost that day. She had to mourn publicly as a noble girl,she probably heard that she would never be able to get married or would never achieve happiness, I've never seen any adult to stop and think about how heartbreaking and soul shattering that must have been as a 11yo

I have seen how EVERY thing Lizzy does is judged. how her behavior, personality and temperament are criticized. but other characters like Soma just get a pass while doing the same stuff, but this does not just stop at gender, but also at age. people HATE girls and afabs who act like children when they are literally CHILDREN.

How is it possible that Lizzy has faced such harsh judgment from the fandom when there are other characters like Maam red, Lau, Grell, Undertaker who are universally ADORED or atleast respected in the fandom.

I love u Elizabeth midford but ur character makes me violently ill omfg

[presumeddeaddie]

since we’re adjacent talking about it and i need to rehash this, “because, evan” is still the single most important utterance of buck’s given name to this date. yes, sure, he was trying to grab buck’s attention. eddie knew that it would ensure that buck heard his next words loud and clear since he doesn’t ever call him evan. he needed buck to listen. IN ADDITION, we have to remember the turmoil that buck went through with his parents and maddie earlier in the season. he found out about daniel and he found out that his parents conceived him to save daniel, but it didn’t work. he voiced to the team his belief that he was defective parts, and he felt as if wasn’t wanted or mattered to his parents especially after not having served his “purpose”. he even felt like maddie saw him as a burden and a disappointment. the person who knows what buck is feeling better than anyone else during this? eddie. he has watched his best friend losing himself over his past, feeling unworthy and like a disappointment over something that he couldn’t even control. when buck feels insecure and out of control, he becomes even more impulsive and reckless because he needs to feel anything other than helplessness. anything other than useless. EVEN if that means he gets harmed or is in danger in the process, because hey, he’s at least worth something now, right?

them being blood hounds about each other in every sense, eddie understands this about buck. he’s certainly aware of where it stems from - buck’s childhood where he never felt like he was enough or that he mattered. even as “buck”, arguably more cherished and accepted for who he is, there is still the problem where he doesn’t feel like he matters. it was never resolved. so he can’t just stress his important point to buck; he has to stress it to EVAN too. he has to stress it to evan who, despite maddie’s best efforts, never truly felt supported and loved unconditionally. that was never a job for her, a child herself going through the same shitty parenting, but for their parents who failed them and traumatized him to the point where, 29 years later, he STILL doesn’t feel like he’s enough. evan and buck, for all that they’re different from each other, are the exact same at the core. eddie needed buck to know that he was never expendable. not now. not when the bone grafts transplanted from his infant body didn’t work. he doesn’t need to be anything or anybody but himself to matter, and who he is is somebody that eddie loves so much that he had to declare it to buck and evan through a will reveal, making it clear that eddie trusts all of him with his heart.

[kaydens-agere]

🦄Wade W. Wilson/Deadpool Agere Headcanons and Moodboard Pt 1⚔️

*just a note, I started writing these before Deadpool 3 came out, so all of these are from the first 2 movies, I'll do updated DP3 ones at some point ^^

GENERAL INFO -Has always had a regressed headspace of some form (he had a shitty childhood so it checks out)

-His age range is all over the place, so he doesn't really have a specific range. He's around 7 or under most of the time, but can regress into his teenaged years.

-Also a pet regressor, he regresses to a puppy and a unicorn (duh).

-Started regressing a lot more after he gained his superpowers. The process was super traumatic for him, so his brain needed to regress more often to compensate.

-Still loves hanging out at Sister Marget's, Weasel has tried to kick him out many times, but he refuses to leave (mostly so Wade can get on his nerves, he likes doing that regardless). Most bar visitors know about him being a regressor and they're all chill with it (and even if some aren't, they don't say a word because they know that Wade and his friends can and will fuck them up). Weasel will give him some colouring in to do, but he likes to do self portraits of him flipping people off (charming /sarc).

-Refuses to let go of his unicorn. It was a big comfort item for him when he was actually a child. It brings him comfort when he's big, but it really comes to the surface when he's little.

-He somehow swears even more when he's little, he thinks its funny when the adults laugh or give him a look of shock. Even while he's little, he loves getting attention.

-Loves to host tea parties with his caregivers, he'll tell them all the gossip that's going on between his plushies. "Yeah! Rainbow Dash is being a really big bitch and-" "Wade!"

-He's literally a pretty princess. He has one of those mini princess themed vanities that he does his make-up at, and sometimes he'll do other peoples makeup (sometimes willingly, but he forces them most of the time). He also has a lot of princess dresses and loves to play dress up.

FRIENDS, FAMILY, ETC -Very sweet around Vanessa. He puts up a tough facade around others when he's small to make them laugh, but that disappears around her (not entirely though, he's still Wade). He loves to cuddle up with her. She was the second person he ever told (after Weasel) and she was incredibly accomodating and accepting. She was always sweet and caring towards him, but knew when to put her foot down if she needed to. She was literally Wade's perfect caregiver.

-After Vanessa died, he pushed it off as much as he could. It was too painful to be small without her. He finally started regressing again after he got comfortable with his new family. (this one is inspired by @genderfluideadpool)

-Weasel was the first person he told about his little space. He didn't understand it whatsoever at first, but after a lot of talks from Wade and witnessing it enough, he finally understood. He may tease him for it a bit, but it's all in good fun and Wade doesn't mind because he knows that Weasel accepts him. He doesn't have a lot of time to take care of Wade properly, but he tries his best when he can. If little Wade is sitting up at the bar, he'll serve him a giant glass of strawberry milk while he colours. They still have their playful banter, but it's altered depending on how old Wade is.

-Dopinder absolutely adores little Wade and deep down he's extremely happy and grateful and he felt comfortable enough to tell him about it. If he's taking him somewhere, he'll play things like 'I Spy' to keep him entertained. In headspace, he likes to call him "Tiny Pool" and "Baby Pool", he loves seeing the gentle blush that forms across Wade's cheeks when he calls him those.

-Colossus has known about Wade's little space for a long time. Although they haven't always got along, he tries to be there for little Wade when he needs to. He tries to make sure that he's fed and hydrated sufficiently, and in Wade's words, he can give a mean piggyback.

-Although Negasonic can be rude and sarcastic to Wade at times, she tries to be nice to him when he's little, she understands that he's more sensitive and vulnerable and knows that being rude to someone in the mindset of a traumatised child is crossing the line. She's not the most responsible though, she loves to help him plan pranks to play on the other X-Men, which they find amusing (even Colossus, who struggles to hide his smile as he scolds them)

-Yukio is extremely sweet and gentle to Wade when he's little. She's good at calming him down if he's extremely overwhelmed or upset. She'll do some breathing exercises with him and talks to him in a very soft voice. It reminds him a lot of Vanessa, and while it was painful to hear at first, he eventually got used to it and finds it very comforting. She's usually the first one to join him when he colours (in case you couldn't tell, he loves colouring in)

-Domino found it very endearing. She's extremely educated on the topic and will gladly beat someone up if anyone treats Wade's little side badly. Like Yukio, she likes to play games. But she plays the more active ones like tag and hide and seek. She's good at getting all of Wade's energy out, which comes in handy when it's bedtime and he's running up and down the halls screaming.

-Much like Weasel, Cable didn't understand it at first, but after a lot of talks from Wade and the team, he accepted and understood it. He always goes soft around little Wade, he likes to carry him around and say silly things to make him laugh (Negasonic has a photo of this as blackmail because he refuses to show his soft side around anyone)

-Russell kinda poked fun at him at first, but after a very, very long talk, bordering on lecture, from Colossus, he apologised to Wade and reassured him that he won't judge him anymore. He's kinda awkward when Wade is on the smaller side, he's not exactly sure how to interact with little kids, but when Wade's in a teen mindset? You best believe they're running around the mansion, stirring shit up constantly.

I definitely needa do a part 2 for these, I have so many headcanons for him floating around in my brain

Image Creds/Where I found them ❤️🖤❤️ ❤️🖤❤️ ❤️🖤❤️ ❤️🖤❤️ ❤️🖤❤️ ❤️🖤❤️ ❤️🖤❤️ ❤️🖤❤️ ❤️🖤❤️

[peanutpinet]

Love is A Beauty - Mafia! Johnny x innocent, traumatic fem reader - 100th Tumblr Post

A/N: this is the 100th Tumblr Post and I’m dedicating it to another comfort idol, the one that probably heals so many others’ broken inner childhood, Johnny :’)

Was inspired by a Tom Holland mafia fic that I read (was called ‘Call Me King’) and @smileysuh Johnny fic: Lone Digger

Pairings: Mafia/CEO! Johnny Suh x Innocent! Fem Reader

Warnings: cursing, human trafficking, shitty ex-relationship, traumatic events, sexual themes, degrading names, cursing, brutal torture, guns, implied death, fire, burning (not literally), kidnapping, angst :)) I swear there are also some fluff scenes

Summary: Johnny Suh is the CEO of Neo Entertainment Agency which handles multiple celebrities, some of which are actually part of the NCT mafia like the infamous racer, Lee Jeno, the top supermodel/actor, Jung Jaehyun, and even the comedian actor, Hendery.

Despite being in the glamour and gore at the same time, Johnny has enjoyed it all. He enjoys the fame and attention from everyone including girls. Though with the power and attention Taeyong gave Johnny, he never abused his status or power until he met a girl who seemed too pure and innocent to have to work in a shitty place. Little did Johnny know that he would soon find out that love is actually beautiful.

As Taeyong was slowly making a name for himself and his group, NCT, Taeyong knew that he needed several other businesses that would help his members, especially his core members have some sort of cover-up.

While Taeyong is more than grateful that his selected core members never questioned his leadership, Taeyong couldn’t help but want to give his members another career path aside from just being part of the mafia alongside him.

That is how Taeyong, Kun, and Mark decided to build some businesses to allow their core members to explore what they wanted to do. Taeyong mainly focuses on the tech company while also overlooking the entertainment agency, hospital, e-commerce, and several other businesses that took up the majority of Seoul. Mark co-owns the entertainment and publishing agency whereas Kun focuses on the hospital and healthcare.

Additionally, some of the older members like Johnny also co-owns several of the businesses with Taeyong or Mark. One of which is the entertainment agency where they would cast several of their members as actors and public figures like Jaehyun, athletes like Jeno, or even other artists like Ten.

As the years passed, not only did NCT grow as a whole mafia group but their businesses also grew. Almost every other business is associated with those companies under NCT and the majority of fresh graduates wanted nothing more but to be able to intern or even work full-time under one of the businesses that NCT owns.

Even with the amount of businesses that NCT controls, Taeyong doesn’t limit his members to only work for him but allows each of them to explore whatever their likes and dislikes are. What each of them is good at and even allowed them to build their own business just like Johnny built a famous bar and restaurant in Seoul which soon became an exclusive spot where a lot of the upper-class, the richest, and business partners meet one another.

But even with all the fame and fortune that Johnny had gotten from being part of NCT, co-owning some businesses with Taeyong, and even building a business on his own, not once did he misuse his power, fame, and fortune for anything.

Heck, even the employees who work under Johnny consider him to be one of the best bosses they could have asked for. All of his employees aren’t obligated to work overtime if unnecessary and even if they do, he would pay them well. Each employee was given a month’s worth of work leave, health insurance, up to 2 months of work leave, and every other benefit that one could have dreamed of (A/N: honestly me).

But with all that reputation, there was one part of Johnny’s life that he felt wasn’t complete and that’s a relationship. Sure, Johnny has had several flings and one-night stands here and there. Even some women would throw themselves at Johnny which might have attracted him in his early days in NCT but as time passes, Johnny can’t help but be envious of some of his members, his younger members and their long-term relationships; especially when he had a bitter relationship in the past.

Though Johnny isn’t the only member in NCT who wasn’t in a relationship, the thought of how his younger members were doing much better in this aspect left a bitter taste in his mind. Though not everyone knew each other very well despite being in the same team, Taeyong knew all of his members, especially his long-term friend, Johnny, inside and out.

When Taeyong first met Johnny, he was fresh out of college and was working for a well-established modelling agency as a photographer. Johnny was not only doing well career-wise but he was also in a long-term relationship with his then-girlfriend who was one of the models in the same agency he worked in.

But it was shortly before Johnny’s probation ended did he found the bitterness behind all the good things that had happened. He was being framed for sending the wrong photoshoot to a business partner and when he needed his girlfriend the most, he felt betrayal like never before. How his then-girlfriend was the one who framed him and that she was sleeping with a senior editor in the modelling agency.

Ever since, Johnny was broken. He was fired from his job, he was angry at his then-girlfriend but one thing that came out of that probation period was meeting Taeyong and the rest was practically history between the two.

Taeyong was there when Johnny fell, Taeyong was there when Johnny was heartbroken and betrayed, Taeyong was there to help pick Johnny back up into the strong, bubbly, and confident self he once was but just like a broken vase, you can’t completely put it back together like it used to be and that is how Johnny currently is.

While Johnny has slowly grown more mature, loveable, and confident once again. He has yet to open up to any kind of relationship. One of the reasons why he was actually envious of his members who do have healthy relationships. Johnny was too hurt and betrayed to truly see that love was actually something beautiful.

“Apparently I got word that Brams and his men are going to meet up with some people regarding that human trafficking issue that’s been going around” Jaehyun mentioned, grabbing Johnny’s attention

“Well good evening to you too, Jay. You’re done with your shoot today?” Johnny asked, heading over to his mini fridge to grab a bottle of whiskey and two glasses, pouring one and offering the other to Jaehyun

“Yeah. I was done since an hour ago and both Jungwoo and Doyoung told me about their findings. Since Taeyong is out with his girlfriend. You know how he is when he’s with his girlfriend” Jaehyun chuckled, grabbing the drink Johnny just poured

“Yeah, I know. He texted me about having the whole of next week off and handed me a list of the things he wanted Doyoung and me to check out. Just send Hendery, Mark, and Jeno to look at it” Johnny mentioned, brushing off the issue Jaehyun mentioned

“Well, the thing is, they’re meeting in your bar” Jaehyun stated, making Johnny stop drinking the whiskey. “You know Taeyong respects you so much that he refrains from having some of his backup men spy on your bar. But Jungwoo and Haechan found that the human trafficking issue is going to be dealt in your bar. I suggest that we head there to finish it before it escalates more” Jaehyun suggested, Johnny instantly drowning the whiskey

“When is the deal going to happen?” Johnny asked. “This Friday night. Honestly, Taeyong is smart to not have his members be publicly known. We get to have more fun that way” Jaehyun smirked, making the older member chuckle

“Alright. As long as you finish your brand shoot earlier, the drinks this Friday are on me. I’m going to get Yuta, Hendery and Ten to keep a lookout” Johnny mentioned, texting his upper management for the meeting details

“Sure thing, boss. I’ll keep you updated if Haechan or Jungwoo finds anything. Do you need any of the dreamies to go?” Jaehyun asked but Johnny shook his head. “Nah. The kids deserve a break. Especially Jaemin after what happened with his dad” Johnny replied. “And don’t call me boss. I may be as old as Taeyong but I’m not like him”

“Whatever you say, John” Jaehyun waved the older one goodbye

Friday night rolled around sooner than Johnny wanted but he knew that Jaehyun was right. And that he had to act fast before it escalated any further. The past several months, there had been reports of missing young girls who were in college and there were rumours going around that they were either working at a brothel, illegal strip clubs, or even being sold to human trafficking.

Arriving at his bar, both Johnny and Jaehyun were greeted by Johnny’s upper manager, Ted. Because the supposed illegal businessmen hadn’t arrived yet, Johnny dismissed Ted to grab some drinks for both him and Jaehyun along with some light bites.

Because Jaehyun had only been to Johnny’s bar once in a while, he decided to scan the place and took in all the details of the bar until his eyes landed on a certain waitress who looked a bit too young to be working in the bar.

“Yo, John, doesn’t she look a bit too young to be working at a club?” Jaehyun asked, looking over to a young girl wearing the waitress uniform, serving some drinks to old sweaty men

Johnny who was just trying to drink and enjoy his night eventually followed Jaehyun’s gaze and landed on the girl that Jaehyun was describing.

Sure, Johnny might’ve opened his own bar with Taeyong’s permission but that doesn’t mean that he allows just about anyone to work in his bar. And while he doesn’t deal with all the miscellaneous work in the bar, he surely memorises his staff and the girl Jaehyun pointed out was never in any parts of Johnny’s memory.

Instead of confronting the girl, Johnny immediately called another waiter to get Ted and question about the girl whom he learned was technically legal to work in a bar as she was 21+ and the manager mentioned that she was only a part-timer on the weekends since they needed more help.

Right when Ted was explaining to Johnny, he saw one of the old men put their hands on the girl’s bare thigh which scared the girl. Angered at the behaviour, Johnny stood up and stomped his way to the scene before the man could go any further.

“This is an exclusive bar and I make sure that all of my staff are always on their best service. But that doesn’t mean that you could just harass them like this” Johnny growled, gripping the older man’s arm tightly that the people nearby could hear a bone crack

“Especially when it’s an old man harassing a young girl” Johnny grunted, pushing the man that he fell off his chair; the other men around the table started to get up, about to put up a fight when Jaehyun came beside Johnny, shielding the girl

“I suggest you all sit your old sweaty asses down unless you want your old bones to be broken” Jaehyun taunted. “Or shall we call Taeyong? Because he’s the co-owner of this bar and I don’t think he would be pleased that his supposed business partners were in his bar, harassing a girl”

Of course, upon hearing Taeyong’s name, the men instantly cowered in fear and apologised for their behaviour which Johnny scoffs because he knew that they weren’t sorry for what they did but instead, they were scared of what the Taeyong could do to them.

Turning around, Johnny’s stern gaze immediately washed away when he saw the scared girl looking down to her feet and bowed at him; apologising for getting him and Jaehyun involved. Something that Johnny rarely encounters in bars. Even in his own.

“You don’t have to apologise for getting me and my friend involved. They should be the ones apologising to you. Are you hurt?” Johnny asked but the girl shook her head, still not wanting to look at the much taller man

“Hey, my eyes are up here. I’m not going to hurt you so can you please just look at me so I know that you’re ok?” Johnny asked again, this time in a much softer tone

Slowly, the girl lifted her head, her (Y/E/C) eyes met with Johnny’s now soft dark brown eyes. Johnny slowly took in the girl’s appearance in front of him. How her (Y/H/C) hair was tied up and some of her bangs were somewhat covering her eyes. Her eyes filled with worry and anxiousness that made her bite her own lip. “She’s clearly uncomfortable being here” Johnny thought to himself

Unfortunately, before Johnny could ask anything else to the girl, Ted called him and Jaehyun regarding the meeting about the human trafficking issue. “We’ll be right there, Ted. Thanks” Johnny replied, before looking around and spotting Ten, Hendery and Yuta.

“Sweetheart, I’m going to have to leave but can you help serve my friends over there?” Johnny mentioned, his eyes directed at Ten, Hendery and Yuta who were by the corner of the bar

The girl turned and followed Johnny’s direction before going back to face him and nodding; somehow making Johnny smile. “Good. I assure you that they’re fun to be around with. I’ll tell Ted that you’ll be serving my friends tonight and no one else. I promise you that you won’t get in trouble, alright?”

Another nod

“Alright. I’ll see you around then” Johnny mentioned, nudging Jaehyun to follow him as he walked past the 3 younger men. One of his hands patted Yuta’s shoulder. “See it that those old men are taught a lesson about touching a girl without their consent” Johnny whispered, Yuta immediately nodded, understanding his member’s request

“Ten, Hendery, the girl who was harassed is gonna come and serve you guys. Don’t scare her. And make sure she gets back to her place, safely” Johnny added, the younger men nodded

Without wasting anymore time, both Johnny and Jaehyun went into the VIP room where true to Jungwoo and Haechan’s findings, Brams was having a deal with an illegal business partner regarding human trafficking.

Angry at their bluntness about women being used to satisfy men, it didn’t take long for both Johnny and Jaehyun to beat both groups to nothing but a pulp. Johnny then had some of his own back-ups to take them back to the NCT base to get more information out of them.

After Johnny and Jaehyun were done, the two went out of the VIP room and met up with Yuta, Hendery, and Ten whereas the other employees were already told to leave early by Ted. “Apparently those old men who were harassing the girl worked for Brams as well. They were selecting some girls to be sold in the human trafficking” Yuta mentioned, making Johnny even more worked up than he already is

“Fucking hell. I promised TY that when I opened my bar, I’d make sure that it wouldn’t ever come to this. How’s the girl?” Johnny asked

“She was very nervous. She was worried that Ted was going to fire her. You didn’t let her know that you were the boss?” Ten asked and Johnny shook his head. “Not exactly. Didn’t think that I would need to”

“Well, you should’ve. The poor girl didn’t even want to leave until she met you but I told her that you were busy and it was past her working time. I also told her that she’d most likely see you more often now” Ten mentioned

“Thanks for making her go home. Wouldn’t want her to see the violence or blood” Johnny spoke, somewhat shocking his members

“Did the Johnny Suh actually care about a girl and not want her to see him being violent or blood on him?!” Ten snickered

“Is that really your main concern right now? There were several groups in my bar, dealing with human trafficking. Hendery, did you get any other information out of anyone in the bar?” Johnny asked and Hendery filled him in on his findings

“I found out from a regular customer that the group Yuta beaten up weren’t the only group that was dealing with Brams’ group about human trafficking. There are other several small groups who are willing to kidnap any other girl to be sold to Brams for human trafficking” Hendery explained

“Yuta, did you get the group or let them off?” Johnny asked. “Of course I brought them back to the base. Just for a little practice session for the new recruits” Yuta replied

“Get whatever information you can out of them along with Ten and Hendery. I need to have a discussion with Doyoung and Jaehyun about this situation” Johnny mentioned

“Oh, by the way hyung, her name is (y/f/n). Just in case you’re wondering or if you want Haechan to dig information about her” Ten mentioned, giggling before he left with Yuta and Hendery

“You’re going to ask Haechan to dig up information about her, aren’t you?” Jaehyun asked, getting into the car with Johnny

“Why on earth would I even do that?” Johnny questioned back, driving off with Jaehyun

“I mean, the way you look at her and defend her says a lot you know” Jaehyun stated, the grip Johnny had on his stirring wheel got tighter

“She’s just some girl, Jaehyun” Johnny tried to avoid the conversation. “A girl that you defended and even spoke softly to. Haven’t seen that in a long time”

“I don’t hate girls if that’s what you’re implying. Plus, she’s different. She seems so out of place. Like, why work there if she doesn’t even try to hide her dislike” Johnny wonders

“See, this is what I mean. I know you don’t hate girls but typically you wouldn't give two shits on other people’s business. Let alone a girl who’s basically as old as the 00 liners. She got you hooked, hyung” Jaehyun chuckled, making Johnny glare at the younger man

“Would you just drop it? She was just a girl who coincidentally was on the scene and a target for human trafficking. The only thing that I’ll be doing is making sure that this shit never happens in my bar. Ever again” Johnny stated, rushing back to the base

It didn’t take long for Johnny to get the information he needed from Brams and the other little group that was involved in the human trafficking issue. The main reason why they chose Johnny’s bar was that there were many well-known business people who needed some young girls for business reasons or even personal, self-indulgent reasons. Additionally, they knew that every staff in Johnny’s bar would never utter any word regarding any dealings in the bar.

Disgusted at their answers, Johnny allowed Yuta and some other members to take their time in torturing the group into getting answers on who their buyers were. Meanwhile, Johnny’s mind wandered off to the scared girl that he encountered. Until a knock on the door caught him off-guard.

“Yeah, come on in” Johnny stated, trying to look over the files of the Brams’ group to make himself look busy

“Hyung, so, Haechan and Jungwoo managed to gather more list on the small groups who are helping Brams, some missing girls, etc” Jaehyun mentioned, coming into Johnny’s office, holding a tab

“Okay, and? Is there anything that I don’t know of? If not then I don’t see the point of the report, Jae” Johnny brushed off Jaehyun’s findings

“Sure about that?” Jaehyun scoffed, sliding his tab right in front of Johnny, the page showing the girl that Johnny helped

“What about her?” Johnny asked, raising his eyebrow and scrolling the tab until he stopped at a specific information that made him grip the tab a little too hard and even slam it on his desk; even scaring Jaehyun a bit

“What the fuck did you mean that she was hired in my club through those illegal bastards?!” Johnny angrily slammed the tab

“None of us knew, John. We almost never handle anything that goes around your bar. But if what Haechan found is true then something ain't right with your staff. You should probably question each of them” Jaehyun suggested but Johnny thought otherwise

“I want all the information” Johnny stated, his tone firm

“Sure, I’m sending you potential information about your staff so you can…” Jaehyun replied but Johnny stopped him

“Not all of them. Just one. Her. I want to know everything about her” Johnny mentioned, turning the tab around to show Jaehyun the girl that they both helped

“Isn’t that like stalking? Judging from her looks and the snippet of history I read, I doubt she’s involved with anything illegal and is pretty much clean. You can just have a civil conversation with her or…” Jaehyun suggested but Johnny was firm

“No. I don’t want to talk with the other staffs because it’s possible that they might be doing it together. But her. Just like you said. She was brought here because of that fucked up group doing illegal trafficking. I want all information about her then I’ll talk to her in a civil way. To make sure what she says is true because she could also be playing along with whoever is doing this dirty work in my bar” Johnny reasoned

“Alright. But I’m telling you. From what I’ve read and what the others have seen of her, she’s clean, man. Don’t scare her too much when you see her” Jaehyun warned

“I’ll be the judge of that, Jeong” Johnny growled

“Well, here you go man” Jaehyun mentioned, handing Johnny a tab with a file already opened. “All information about (y/f/n)”

“Took you a long time” Johnny snickered, taking the tab and reading through each piece of information that Jaehyun got

“Taeyong’s back” Jaehyun pointed out, making Johnny's ears perk up and stop scrolling for a moment. “I’ve updated him about the human trafficking but left out that we found more dirt about it in your bar”

“Shit” Johnny cursed suddenly. “What?!” Jaehyun asked

“Her parents were killed when she was 16 because the human trafficking gang needed a victim to be sold?! She’s just 22 now ” Johnny exclaimed. “Did you not read her information?”

“I’m not the stalker kind of guy. I just know the basic information. I didn’t go that deep and now that you’ve said it, that’s very fucked up. I’ve heard kidnapping and drugging, but killing girls who had parents because they needed a victim is another level of fucked up” Jaehyun mentioned

“And apparently someone in my bar hired her through this fucked up system. I…” Johnny growled, grabbing a glass and pouring himself a glass of whiskey; immediately swallowing the liquid in one shot

“Do you know her schedule?” Johnny asked and Jaehyun nodded

“Good. Find any days when she’s not working at the bar and let me know where she is. I’ll go to her myself. And don’t mention any of this to Taeyong. Not until I get to the bottom of it myself first” Johnny mentioned

“Alright. Just don’t scare the poor girl. You might have bad history with women but not all of them are like…” Jaehyun didn’t even get to finish his sentence before Johnny growled at him. “If you dare to say her fucking name…”

“I’m just saying. Oh and don’t act like a creepy boss who magically got her background information. Just take it easy and talk like you genuinely want to know her. I’ll always be around if you need a wingman” Jaehyun joked

“And if somehow you start to feel something, don’t push away. The poor girl already had a hard time surviving” Jaehyun mentioned

Johnny’s POV

It was the middle of the week and somehow I found myself in a small cafe that was a few blocks away from my bar because Jaehyun told me that (y/n) was also working part-time in the cafe since I found that she was trying to save up for college ever since she was 18.

Walking into the cafe with Jaehyun, I looked around and saw (y/n) cleaning one of the tables in the corner which is the table that Jaehyun and I decided to sit at.

“Excuse me, is it alright if we sit here?” I asked in a softer tone

Turning around, I could tell that (y/n) was shocked to see me and Jaehyun but she managed to hide it well and allowed us to sit down at the table she just cleaned. Before she was about to leave, I managed to catch her attention.

“(y/n), after you’ve brought our order, come and sit with us, alright? I promise you won’t get in trouble” I stated, making (y/n) look a bit scared but she nodded anyways

“Well you’re very frontal” Jaehyun commented at our little interaction

“Well how would you do it, valentine boy?” I scoffed

“Well, I’d lead on the conversation from ordering like what’s the best seller, how long have you been working here. You know, actually make some kind of conversation instead of jumping straight in. She looked nervous. You could’ve smiled at least” Jaehyun pointed out, making me roll my eyes

Not long after, (y/n) came to our table with our order. After placing everything down, I looked back at her to make sure that she wouldn’t leave and turns out she actually obliged and sat beside me.

“A-am I in trouble?” (y/n) finally let out actual words instead of nodding or shaking her head. Her voice was soft but shaky

“No. Of course not” I started. “I’m Johnny. I’m actually the owner of the bar that you’re working in. Sorry I didn’t properly introduce myself last time when I asked you to serve my friends” I added, extending my hand for (y/n) to shake but she was unsure and I put my hand down

“This is Jaehyun. He’s a good friend of mine” I introduced Jaehyun who looked at (y/n) was a softer smile that showed his dimples

“Hey. I’m Jaehyun. You can call me Jay” Jaehyun smiled

“D-do you also work in the…” (y/n) didn’t finish her question but Jaehyun chuckled first. “No. I’m just a good friend of Johnny. He also co-owns an entertainment agency with another friend of ours. I’m an actor and model actually”

“I um, was wondering why did you work in the bar. I saw that you were uncomfortable and while I don’t manage the recruitment process anymore, I would visit every now and then. You know that you’re not forced to work there if you don’t want to” I bluntly told (y/n) who looked down and played with her fingers

“I, I was looking for a simple job” (y/n) started, taking a deep breath before continuing. “Just to keep me alive. I wanted to go to college but I couldn’t”

“I worked at this cafe first but it wasn’t enough. One of my friends said I can try to work in the club. It pays well. I’ve been saving up. Sorry”

“There’s nothing to apologise for, sweetheart” I replied but no one said anything after a while

“I, I should get back to work. I’ll do better at your bar, Mr Johnny” (y/n) excused herself, standing and bowing formally to me and Jaehyun

“Just Johnny, sweetheart. And you’ve done nothing wrong. I just said you looked uncomfortable and not that you were doing a bad job” I pointed out

“T-thank you for stopping by and coming to the cafe” (y/n) thanked us again then left to the back room

“Well, that went well, didn’t it, sweetheart?” Jaehyun commented and I gave him a side-eye

“She shouldn’t be working there Jaehyun” I mentioned, ruffling my hair out of frustration

“At your bar?” Jaehyun asked and I nodded “But you heard her. She needs the money and frankly, I will admit, working as a waitress in a prestigious bar brings some good paycheck. Plus, now that she knows you own the bar, she’s gonna know that if she gets a raise or anything it’s because of you”

“Find out what school she wants to study and let me know” I mentioned, finishing my coffee

“Dude, don’t tell me what I think you’re going to do. Taeyong is gonna be onto you. And we have yet to find out about the human trafficking gang that took her and sold her. Heck, they might still be keeping tabs on her or something” Jaehyun pointed out

“One at a time, Jae. I’ll deal with Taeyong. You find the school for her. You know what to do. As for the human trafficking, I’ve asked Yuta and Winwin to look into it since there’s a good chance it was done overseas” I stated

“Damn, Taeyong really has rubbed on you, hasn’t he? You’re one step ahead already” Jaehyun chuckled, patting my shoulder as we left the cafe

“You have no idea. I have Ten and Yangyang to watch over her shift tomorrow and on the weekends. Also update me on any other weird behaviours at my bar while I sort about her working in the bar” I mentioned, taking one last glance at (y/n) who was serving some new customers before going into my car

“Man, I’d never thought to see the day that you would get whipped for another girl in years” Jaehyun commented which I didn’t confirm nor deny his statement

Maybe I was actually starting to get interested in another girl after so long. Maybe…

NCT Entertainment - 2:09 pm (Johnny’s POV)

“Wait, hyung. Let me get this straight. You talked to all of these universities and applied her to them on your own without her knowing, asking each university if they could provide a scholarship for her and even paid for like the majority of her tuition when you barely held a conversation with her?!” Jungwoo commented as he and Haechan were in my office at NCT Entertainment

“I didn’t pay her way into the university. I just sent out her information to the universities to get some scholarships for her and paid the rest. There’s a difference” I replied

“Damn. I don’t think I’ve seen you this interested in a girl since the day I met you” Jungwoo mentioned

“It’s not just you. Everyone who knows about this whole shenanigan is just as shocked. I was when Jaehyun-hyung asked me to dig up information about a girl per Johnny-hyung’s request. I was even more shocked to find out that she has nothing to do with his type of lifestyle” Haechan added on

“Has it been that long since you got laid, hyung?” Jungwoo joked

“You comment about my sex life once more and I’ll tell your girlfriend about how desperate you were to find love that you hacked into Tinder for each girl that swiped match with you only to find out that they were either very underage or over” I threatened Jungwoo who instantly cowered in fear

“Y-you wouldn’t dare” Jungwoo stuttered as Haechan laughed. “That was quite a phase. Especially when you, Jaehyun, and Doyoung-hyung accompanied us and Jeno to Milan. Gosh I was so jealous that they went to a fancy dinner” Haechan mentioned

“So have either of you found something regarding my staff and how the hell did they get involved in the bloody human trafficking activities?” I asked

“Hey, be grateful that I created the system to help us check each of your staff instead of doing it manually or worse, having to confront them one at a time and then you would have to replace your entire staff. Which honestly, now that I’ve said it out loud, you probably should. It’s best that way” Jungwoo pointed out when we heard a knock on the door

“Mr Suh, I ummm, there’s…” my secretary, Vivianne stuttered but a loud shout was heard not long after the door was opened

“Johnny Fucking Suh!!” we heard Taeyong’s loud voice from my office and not long he barged in along with Doyoung and Jaehyun

“You can leave Vivianne. And make sure that no one disturbs us at all” I mentioned and Vivianne immediately understood, closing the door

“Why the fuck is it that everytime I went on a small leave or handling something else, a small group of my members would always be up to something. 00 liners, and now 127? Universe, give me strength when it comes to WayV someday” Taeyong sighed, sitting across me as I eyed Jaehyun who just kept a straight face and shook his head

“Tae…I swear that I have everything under control. We’re looking into the possibility of the human trafficking being from overseas and…” I was explaining when Taeyong stopped me

“Cut the crap, Johnny. That’s not the only thing I’m going to be discussing. One. I gave you the freedom to have your own businesses without my involvement but I hoped that you would at least have one of the other members in it because look at what happened now. Your staff is involved in with the human trafficking activities because none of our trusted members was there to help you with the recruitment process. Two. One of your staff is hired through the human trafficking which indirectly means you’re involved in it if the public ever knows about this. Three. That staff of yours, that girl, seems to have caught your attention so much that I found you paying a hefty amount of money for her college. I’m glad that you’re opening up again but shouldn’t you be handling the human trafficking activities and taking it slow with a traumatised girl?” Taeyong stated

“Tae. I swear I had no idea about the human trafficking being in my bar. I was getting to that with the other members” I replied as the other members just stayed quiet

“I know. I just hope that you would open up more on what’s going on in your personal business with the other members even if it’s not with me” Taeyong replied back

“Honestly, after this event, I intend to do so. Sorry” I apologised but Taeyong shook his head

“There’s no need to apologise. I give my members free permission to do as they please as long as it’s not illegal. But I also want them to involve one another even if it’s not me because if you don’t trust your core members. Then who would you trust? When I started with this group, it took time for me to trust you guys if I’m going to be honest. But slowly, the more I get to know you all, the more I feel that I could trust you and I want that trust to keep going between you all even if I’m not part of it” Taeyong stated “And that goes for everyone in this room as well as our other core members”

“So, you all going to update me about what we have so far or what?” Taeyong stated, making me chuckle

Of course, in the end, Johnny told Taeyong about the current situation. How Brams and some other groups have been having illegal meetings about human trafficking in his bar. How (y/n), one of Johnny’s staff was one of the victims and was hired by a mole amongst the other staff who was part of the human trafficking group.

Though Jungwoo has helped by making a whole system to help ease us in finding the mole amongst the staff, Jungwoo mentioned that whoever was dealing with this illegal business clearly had done it for a long time because every single one of the staff was clean which raised the question on how (y/n) was hired through human trafficking. And the only possible way to know is for Johnny to actually talk to her and be honest.

(y/n) on the other hand, was shocked that one of the colleges that she applied for actually replied back and offered her a full scholarship for her undergraduate. Though (y/n) was confused, she didn’t reject this big opportunity and immediately accepted it.

Knowing that she was fully funded for her undergraduate. (y/n) decided to tell Ted that she would stop working part-time at the bar and she’d just be working at the cafe.

Coming back to her small apartment after resigning from the club, (y/n) had just opened the door to her apartment but she could sense that there was another presence in the place and stopped in the middle of opening her door until she was met with a taller familiar figure. Johnny.

“Sorry I came uninvited and even got into your place without your consent. But we need to talk” Johnny spoke, his voice came out calmer which eased (y/n) enough to close the door

“Okay…” (y/n) breathed out

The two sat in front of each other, Johnny was trying to find his words as he examined the girl in front of him who looked skinnier than he last saw her whereas (y/n) was fiddling with her thumbs; a habit whenever she was nervous.

“Can you tell me how you actually found my bar and who hired you?” Johnny asked

“I, I’ve told you. A friend suggested your bar and the one that hired me is the manager, Ted” (y/n) let out

“Ted?!” Johnny let out a sarcastic chuckle, confusing and scaring (y/n). “Out of all my staff, it had to be Ted”

Johnny took his phone and was dialling Jaehyun when (y/n) spoke again. “H-he saved me”. Johnny ended his call with Jaehyun before the younger member even answered

“What do you mean he saved you? Who did he save you from?” Johnny asked, this time his tone was rougher

“H-he saved me from the bad people. The people that killed my parents. The people who forcefully took me and…” (y/n) started sniffling making Johnny sigh and got up to hug her

Pulling (y/n)’s body to his chest, Johnny patted (y/n)’s back, letting her cry on his chest. The feeling of having someone other than his members close to him was foreign but it brought some comfort and warmth knowing that Johnny was capable of opening up once again.

“Hey, I’m not going to hurt you. I promise. I just needed to know” Johnny softly uttered, stroking (y/n)’s head

“I’m, I’m sorry. I got your shirt wet” (y/n) sniffled, pulling away but Johnny shrugged

“It’s nothing. Feeling better?” Johnny asked and (y/n) nodded

“A bit. Ever since my parents were killed, I, I had no one. I didn’t know where to go but I know that I should keep going somehow” (y/n) sniffled and it broke Johnny hearing how could the world be cruel to someone so young and innocent

“Hey. It’s okay. You’re okay now. You’re such a strong girl. You didn’t give up even though you could’ve and that’s something to be proud of. Not everyone can do that. Especially under your circumstances” Johnny mentioned, cupping (y/n)’s cheeks. “I’ll take care of them, okay?”

Johnny handed (y/n) his phone for her to key in her phone number which she did. Johnny wanted to make sure that those people would pay for what they did before he fully opened up his heart again.

After making sure that (y/n) was better and even ordering dinner for her, Johnny excused himself because Yuta found that it was an overseas joint business and he was on the hunt for the people. But before Johnny left, (y/n) asked him about something that was lingering in her mind.

“W-was it you? The one who helped me get my scholarship?” (y/n) asked

“Your life was ripped away from you and you didn’t deserve that. You deserve to enjoy your life and figure out what you want to do. I know I’m not involved with those men nor did I have the chance to find you back then but I’m sorry that your life was suddenly ripped away from you. I’m sorry that I can’t bring your parents back. But at least let me help you because I know how it must be when something good is suddenly ripped away from you. Granted I didn’t experience it to your extreme but I know and I was lucky enough to be given a second chance. So should you” Johnny explained but what he didn’t expect was (y/n)’s response to his explanation

“A-are you not just trying to…”(y/n) mumbled. “Trying to what?” Johnny asked

“Trying to sleep with me or…” (y/n) let out but Johnny just chuckled at her question

“Sweetheart. I may own a bar but that doesn’t mean that I sleep around. Maybe I did when I was in my early 20s because I was cocky at the time but I’ve grown out of it and I don’t just sleep with anyone anymore. I actually haven’t slept with anyone in years because just like you, I too have my own trauma” Johnny admitted

“S-sorry” (y/n) apologised but Johnny shook his head. “Nothing you should apologise for, sweetheart. You take care of yourself alright? I’ll see you soon. You just leave those nasty people to me and focus on your studies” Johnny mentioned

“I, I will. T-take care too, Johnny” (y/n) stuttered but smiled as she bid Johnny goodbye which made the taller, older man smile as he left (y/n)’s apartment

The next few days were filled with Johnny and the members looking for the overseas group that dealt with human trafficking activities. Occasionally, Johnny would drop by his bar along with Jaehyun to check up on things and make sure that there weren’t anymore groups that were doing any illegal activities in his bar.

Additionally, Johnny has slowly involved some of his members like Ten, Yuta, Hendery, and even Jaehyun in his bar. Yuta and Ten being the members who visit and look after Johnny’s bar the most compared to the other members.

Aside from keeping tabs on his bar, Johnny also had Haechan keep tabs on (y/n) to make sure that she was always safe, no one was following her or anything out of the ordinary. Sometimes, Johnny would even send a few gifts every now and then to (y/n)’s apartment.

Flowers, some groceries, her favourite snack and coffee, even a fair few things that she had always wanted but could never had. But even so, Johnny had never dared to make any further move since he visited (y/n)’s apartment for the first time. Well, until Jaehyun smacked his older member being the valentine boy he is.

“Dude, I get it that you’re not ready to go into a relationship because of your nutjob ex but like this is getting too excessive. Especially coming from one of the most extrovert members in the group” Jaehyun complained, storming into Johnny’s office after his shoot

“Either your shoot didn’t go too well or is there something else that’s bothering you?” Johnny brushed off Jaehyun’s ramble

“Did you just neglect what I said? I’m saying that you’re being a coward right now and leading (y/n) on but you’re uncertain yourself. It’s not fair for her end, you know” Jaehyun complained, making Johnny sigh

“What are you afraid of? That (y/n) will turn out to be like your ex?” Jaehyun asked but there was no answer from Johnny. “Or are you afraid that you’ll be the one hurting her because of your past?”

“True but not quite” Johnny let out. “I don’t even know if she’s into me. I mean, I was her boss and then I found out that she was a victim from the human trafficking group and I don’t want her to think that I’m just taking pity on her and feel responsible because those groups were doing illegal business in my bar”

“And this is what happens when you haven’t actually dated anyone in years” Jaehyun sigh, sitting in front of Johnny

“What are you now, a love therapist because you’re valentine boy?” Johnny joked

“No. Well, maybe. Only for you though. Seriously tho, why are the younger members having better luck compared to us?” Jaehyun questioned

“Because they’re young? We’re already in our late 20s and honestly, we don’t make stupid decisions anymore. Also because they were taught by Taeyong since they first join so they wouldn’t do stupid things we did when we were their age” Johnny argued

“Well, if you want my advice. Go on a date with her. Get to know her like Jaemin is with the girl he saved from his dad. As messed up as your situation is, his is a next level, I’m not gonna lie” Jaehyun mentioned, recalling the time when he had to help his younger member operate on a girl because of his father

“That was crazy, I’m not gonna lie. I heard that his girlfriend is studying law. Must be a smart couple” Johnny chuckled, drinking some beer

“But for reals. If you don’t want her to think that you’re taking pity on her, just talk to her. Communicate? Hello? You’re like the most social person ever but when a girl finally interest you, suddenly, you turn dumb” Jaehyun nagged

“I, I can’t” Johnny sighed. “You can’t or you’ve forgotten how to? Like it’s not that hard. You already know her apartment anyways” Jaehyun mentioned

“It’s not just that, Jae. You can’t just suddenly ask someone out without making sure that they also have an interest. Plus, we’re still in the middle of looking for the overseas gang” Johnny pointed out, making the younger member rolled his eyes

“Taeyong said that it was gonna take a while. And the only way to know if (y/n) does have an interest towards you is if you go to her and ask. Take the chance while you still can. Maybe you’ll find a thing or two on the gang that took her. I’m not saying you take advantage of her or the situation but it’s a possibility you should keep in mind” Jaehyun suggested

“When did you get smart?” Johnny joked

“When your ex ruined your love life and made you numb” Jaehyun laughed back as the two continued to discuss their mundane tasks

It’s been 2 weeks since (y/n) last encountered Johnny. She didn’t expect to see him after the incident in the bar let alone found out that he was the owner but Johnny somehow managed to get her to talk about her not so normal past and even made her feel comfortable compared to any other people who took pity in her. But Johnny managed to see right through her fake smile and “normal” face.

But it’s been a while since (y/n) actually saw Johnny who popped by her apartment which she needs to address the next time she meet him because even though he was her boss (well, ex-boss), how on earth did he manage to get into her house in the first place.

Sighing, (y/n) just kept a mental note as she opened the door to her small apartment, bringing her groceries which she bought on her way home from campus. Right as (y/n) closed the door and turned around, she held her groceries tightly that she felt a rip on the paper bag as she saw none other than Johnny Suh sitting in the living room, reading a book.

“Goodness, how on earth did you get in here?!” (y/n) exclaimed, trying her hardest to balance her groceries but Johnny immediately rushed to help her

“Honestly? The landlady gave me a spare key when I told her that I was your boyfriend which is a red flag about this place. You sure you don’t want to just move to your campus’ dorm instead?” Johnny asked, helping (y/n) put her groceries away

“It’s quite expensive and while I still work part-time, I don’t think it would be enough. I’ve been living here for the past 2 years and it has been alright so far” (y/n) mentioned as Johnny just hummed

“Y-you kept the flowers and little gifts I gave you” Johnny pointed out, scanning (y/n)’s small apartment

“The flowers were pretty and as much as I don’t want to accept such expensive gifts, I don’t have the heart to pass it to anyone since I don’t really know anyone anyways” (y/n) replied. “Um, not to be rude but why are you here again? D-do you need someone to assist with the weekend crowd?”

“No, gosh no. I’m not letting you back in my bar or club” Johnny blurted, making (y/n) frown. “Well, at least not without me or my members. Anyways, I was thinking. You’re probably confused and nervous but honestly, I was just going to ask you out”

“A-ask me out? L-like a date?!” (y/n) exclaimed, feeling the heat rushing to her cheeks

“Yeah. I actually have some free time this weekend. I know surprisingly” Johnny mentioned

“I, I never been on a date. I mean, you probably know my past and…” (y/n) ranted

“I know. Well, I just know the surface level. I was hoping that taking you out would help ease your mind from what happened in your past” Johnny added but (y/n) stayed quiet for a moment. “I promise you that I’m not doing this to take advantage of you to find out about who made you into a victim or in any other way. I just want to get to know you because trust me, I too haven’t been on a date in years”

“That’s hard to believe, honestly” (y/n) admitted, making Johnny chuckle. “It is, isn’t it? We don’t even have to talk about your past or any business or human trafficking issue. Just think of it as if we’re college friends doing a group project” Johnny tried to convince (y/n)

“O-okay…As long as you don’t show up in my place so suddenly like this. I might have a heart attack” (y/n) tried to joke, making Johnny smiled even more

“I would make sure you won’t. Promise. Plus, you didn’t reply to any of my texts” Johnny said in defense

“I, I didn’t know it was you. I thought it was…nevermind…” (y/n) mumbled. “So um, when do you plan to take me out?”

“This Saturday. Let me take you out the whole day and show you how to enjoy your life” Johnny uttered, instinctively holding (y/n)’s small hand in his

Saturday - 09:02 am

True to Johnny’s promise, he would text (y/n) before actually going up to her place which she allowed him to. Johnny wore a simple attire compared to his business suits. Johnny wore a simple white T-shirt with black pants and a denim jacket paired with some casual shoes.

Johnny had just arrived with his black BMW since he felt his other cars might be too flashy and texted (y/n) that he was in front of apartment which she replied that she was on her way downstairs. But when it took more than 10 minutes, Johnny was starting to grow worry that he went out and into (y/n)’s apartment building and saw several men in black waiting for the elevator.

Though Johnny knew that (y/n)’s apartment was filled with all sorts of people, he can’t help but be wary of these men; remembering from his past experiences, Johnny decided to take the stairs up to (y/n)’s apartment.

Somehow, it was exactly how Johnny predicted. Those men were going on (y/n)’s floor but when they spot the taller Chicago man, they quickly turned, avoiding Johnny’s gaze. Unfortunately, before Johnny could get a better look at any of the men, the door to (y/n)’s apartment room was opened, revealing the younger, shorter girl.

(y/n) also wore a relaxed outfit with a basic white graphic T-shirt with some baggy jeans and a quite beaten up sneakers but to Johnny, she looked just as soft and etherial as she is adorable.

“H-hey. Sorry it took me a while. I was in the bathroom and I forgot where I put my phone literally after I texted you back so I spent the past like 5 minutes or so looking for it only to see it being dead so I charged it and looked for my portable charge and I…” (y/n) rambled, looking at a smiling Johnny. “I’m sorry, I was rambling”

“No. It’s actually pretty cute. And it’s alright. I was just a bit worried so I went up to see you for myself” Johnny mentioned, moving out of the way. “So, shall we?” Johnny asked, extending his hand for (y/n) to take

The two then head to Johnny’s car which Johnny, being the gentleman he is opened the door for (y/n) before going to the driver’s seat. “So, where are you taking me? Sorry for um, underdressing” (y/n) asked

“Nonsense, you look nice. I mean, I’m being casual myself. We’re just going to a casual restaurant, don’t worry. It’s a friend’s restaurant. He has some of the best Korean food in town” Johnny mentioned

The drive was quieter than Johnny would’ve liked but he knows that (y/n) was still shy and wary of the whole situation and he wants her to be as comfortable as she can so Johnny knows that he has to take it at her own pace.

Lucky enough, Johnny was able to get some conversation out of (y/n) like how was her uni life, how were her lessons, did she make any friends and so on. Whereas on (y/n)’s side, she also started to get to know Johnny like how he took film back when he was in university and he had a love for photography that he used to work at a local studio.

“What?” Johnny asked, seeing (y/n) chuckle

“I just, sorry. I sort of can’t really imagine you working a normal office like job” (y/n) admitted

“Well, it wasn’t really an office job since I get to go around, meet people and do what I love. But that’s in the past now” Johnny replied

“Do you miss it? The mundane routine when you were working in the studio?” (y/n) asked curiously

“Sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I get to do now and I love that I’m able to really own what I do but sometimes I do miss the simple mundane routine. It makes me feel grounded at times. Probably another reason why you attract me so much” Johnny flirted, making (y/n) rolled her eyes.

“Are you sure you haven’t dated in so long because I swear you flirt all the time” (y/n) groaned, making the older man chuckle. “Good to know that I still can. Anyways, we’re here” Johnny exclaimed, parking his car right outside of the restaurant, ‘Under the Moonlight’ that belongs to one of his member also dear hyung, Moon Taeil.

“Johnny, you said this was going to be casual but we’re at one of the most prestigious, 3 Michelin star restaurant in Seoul” (y/n) exclaimed, her face was filled with worry and panic while Johnny just got out of his seat and opened the door for (y/n) again

“It is casual. I mean, I know the owner. He’s a friend of mine” Johnny mentioned, helping (y/n) out of his car as he handed his car keys to the valet

“You’re telling me that your friend is master Moon?! The famous chef?!” (y/n) exclaimed as Johnny held her hand, walking past all the other customers who were waiting in line

“Yeap. Table for 2 under the name Johnny Suh” Johnny mentioned to the staff who upon seeing Johnny already knew who he was

Without wasting any time, the staff immediately told the other staff inside the restaurant that Johnny and his date had arrived. Immediately, one of the waiters went to direct Johnny and (y/n) into the restaurant as all the other customers eyes her with jealousy.

Inside the restaurant was no different as the outside. All the customers were eyeing (y/n), making her feel even smaller than she already felt when she and Johnny arrived at the restaurant. Noticing her slightly shaking self, Johnny released his hold on (y/n)’s hand and instead wrapped his arm around her smaller shoulder, pulling her closer to his bigger form whilst eyeing at all the other customers until his hyung and member came up to him, himself.

“Johnny! You came! And you finally brought a date” Taeil exclaimed, going to hug Johnny who released his hold on (y/n) for a moment to hug his older member

“Of course, hyung. Thank you for coming down to your own restaurant today for me” Johnny mentioned as all the customers look at the interaction in shock

“No, thank you for coming. It’s been a while since you guys came. I know work must be busy huh? But who’s this cute girl you brought today? The last one that came with their girlfriends were Jeno and Jaemin. They had a cute double date together” Taeil exclaimed, looking over at a shy (y/n)

“This is (y/n). She just went into college but she’s turning 23 soon” Johnny mentioned, softly grabbing (y/n)’s hands to extend for Taeil to shake

“A pleasure to meet you. I’m Taeil. The owner and head chef. I’m so happy to have you here. Johnny typically comes with his colleagues for business meetings so it’s nice to see a change. He even looks brighter these days” Taeil mentioned, making (y/n) blush

“T-thank you for having me. Sorry I dressed very casually. Johnny didn’t tell me that we were coming here. If I had known, I would’ve worn something better” (y/n) replied smiling

“Nonsense. You’re welcome to wear anything you want. Comfort over fashion. Unless you’re Johnny, Jaehyun, and Doyoung who typically dresses well even just for a walk in the park. But please, this way to your table” Taeil mentioned, directing both Johnny and (y/n) to an exclusive table in the restaurant

“Go ahead. Order anything you’d like. It’s on the house” Taeil exclaimed

“W-what?! T-taeil, you can’t” (y/n) stuttered

“I insist. Also, Johnny, do you want some wine?” Taeil asked as Johnny shook his head. “Not today, hyung. And maybe we’ll have something light. I’ll just take your signature steak and salad with sparkling water. How bout you (y/n)?” Johnny asked

“I’ll just have the kimchi pasta. I’ve always wanted to try it” (y/n) mentioned

“Coming right away” Taeil smiled at (y/n) before leaning to Johnny. “My staff told me that there were 2 cars that followed you here. I’ve told Doyoung who had Jungwoo keep an eye out. Jaehyun and Yuta are also around just in case” Taeil whispered to Johnny’s ear

“Thanks for the info hyung. I’d be happy to check out the new interior design you were thinking of” Johnny exclaimed as Taeil slightly bow to (y/n) before leaving

“So…” (y/n) started, catching Johnny’s attention. “So?” Johnny mimics

“Not only do you own a bar and an entertainment agency where the top celebrities like Jung Jaehyun works at but you also know the famous master Moon who owns three 3-michelin star restaurants?! Who exactly are you?” (y/n) questioned, making Johnny chuckle

“Just someone who just happens to know people. I’ve met Taeil when he was just starting out as a private chef for someone who happens to also helped me get to where I am today. Also, did you know that Taeil has a very heavenly voice? I even managed to convince him to sing an OST for a Kdrama we were filming and everyone loved his voice” Johnny mentioned, making (y/n) smile

“And you said I’m the mysterious one” (y/n) joked, making Johnny smile as well

“We all have our fair share of secrets but enough of that, what were you saying about some guy knowing your name?” Johnny questioned, his gaze became serious

“Oh right. So, I actually had my first group, well paired assignment and I was paired with this really fun and smart girl. We were doing our assignment in a cafe nearby our campus when her boyfriend came and he called my name” (y/n) recalled her memories

“Was this the guy that came and called to you?” Johnny asked in a more relax manner as he showed (y/n) a picture of Haechan, making the girl nod. “Yea, that’s him. Wait, you know him too?!”

“Like I’ve said. I know people and that’s Donghyuck. Well, he goes with his game name, Haechan more” Johnny mentioned, making the girl in front of him speechless

“The Lee Haechan? That master gamer and streamer?! That’s what he looks like?!” (y/n) asked in shock

“So you do know a lot of people yourself” Johnny joked. “No, all the people you know are famous people. Often get talked about at your bar. Even you. People would talk about how you could practically model but chose to build an entertainment agency and bar instead”

“I have modeled a few times. Also, don’t tell Haechan that I practically told you about him. Especially when Jeno is around. Jeno is probably going to tease him about it” Johnny mentioned

“Don’t tell me that this Jeno is…” (y/n) mumbled but Johnny finished her sentence. “Lee Jeno. The number one racer in Seoul who just won his like 4th? 5th grand prix? Boy was a prodigy since he was like 18”

The date went by smoothly much to Johnny’s expectations. Taeil would also often come drop by to have a chat with (y/n) who seemed more open than the morning he picked her up. But sadly, Johnny couldn’t completely enjoy his date as he kept replying the words Taeil told him.

Whenever Taeil would occupy (y/n)’s attention, Johnny would text his members on any updates regarding the people who followed his car. But Jungwoo was taking a longer time to identify the cars and who were in there.

Sighing, Johnny knew that it probably had something to do with (y/n) and he was starting to grow worry when he has to leave her alone later. Johnny was so lost in his thoughts until (y/n) snap him back to reality.

“Johnny. Are you okay? Did something happen?” (y/n) asked but Johnny was quick to regain his composure

“I’m alright flower. Just some work. Jaehyun was texting me about a rude partner during his shoot” Johnny lied

“You sure? I was going to go to the bathroom for a moment. You should splash some water on your face. Just to keep you awake, you know. You look a bit tired. We can head back after I’m done” (y/n) suggested

“Sure. If it’s alright with you, we can spend the rest of the evening at your place of even mine for a movie night and take out?” Johnny suggested back, earning a smile and nod. “I’d like that. I’ll be back”

After (y/n) left, Taeil went closer to Johnny. “Honestly, I support you”

“Well, that was random” Johnny scoffed making his older member laugh

“I’m serious. I like her. I mean, she’s such a soft soul. You can tell that she’s been through a lot and despite you spoiling her, she’s still humble and down to earth. It’s cute that she said she’ll repay you back for the amount of money you spent on her college but I know for a fact that you wouldn’t let her do that, right?” Taeil pestered

“She was a victim, hyung. A victim of human trafficking. She looks so broken” Johnny let out, making the older member sigh

“Just like you were when Taeyong and I visited you the day after we heard you were fired. Are you doing this because she reminds you of yourself or out of pity? Or have you actually taken interest in her?” Taeil asked

“I don’t know, hyung. I don’t want it just out of pity because she’s not like other girls. There are other girls in similar situations like she is but none with her personality. Most girls and staff in my bar would try their best to flirt and throw themselves at me. But not her. She’s, just like you said, down to earth. Even though she has a hard time, she doesn’t want people to take pity of her” Johnny replied

“Do you want to sleep with her?” Taeil genuinely asked

“Not exactly. I’m attracted to her but I also wouldn’t want to sleep with her just out of attraction. This is weird, hyung. I’ve always been scared going into a new relationship” Johnny explained

“It’s called you’re actually falling in love, John. You don’t know why you’re feeling it but one thing that you know is that you want to be with her. You want to always have her in your arms. To make her feel safe and comfortable just as you feel comfortable with her. You want to cherish her and every moment you have together. That’s why you’re going as far as to get to know her. To make her feel welcomed instead of your usual stoic and torture self. Love isn’t a crime nor is it scary. Sure it could be traumatic for some but true love is a beauty, John” Taeil lectured the younger member who seemed distraught by his long-forgotten feeling

Right before Johnny could reply to Taeil’s words, there was a commotion outside of the VIP room. “Sorry that things might get ugly, Hyung. I promise I’ll pay for the majority of the damages” Johnny shrugged, cocking his gun as he went out, followed by a tired Taeil. “It’s part of the job, John. Don’t worry about it”

Going out of the VIP room, Johnny was on guard at all times but he was instantly confused as to why everyone seemed calm until he saw Jaehyun bringing a terrified (y/n) next to him. In an instant, Johnny went to hug (y/n) who was shaking like crazy.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? What happened Jaehyun?! What was the commotion?” Johnny demanded, pulling (y/n) closer to his chest, covering her sight as she sobbed on his chest

“(y/n) started to have panic attacks. I saw her going to the bathroom and not long after, I saw several men wearing black suits going to the bathroom as well. I quickly followed them and forced them out since they were hogging in front of the woman’s restroom. It took Yuta to escort them out and when they left, I heard sobbing in the bathroom and I found (y/n) crouching by the door, shaking and crying” Jaehyun explained, making Johnny’s grip around (y/n) even tighter

“Find Yuta and make sure that he gets those people. I want them” Johnny growled as Jaehyun just nodded and called Yuta

“Flower, it’s okay. Those people are gone. I’m going to take you back, alright?” Johnny spoke softly towards (y/n) who was still sobbing but nodded

Johnny bid Taeil goodbye and that he would meet his older member back at the base since he was bringing (y/n) to the NCT penthouse.

Slowly, Johnny brought (y/n) back to his car whilst telling his fellow members to take care of the people who were practically stalking (y/n). In his car, Johnny turned on a button that made all the glass around the car appear dark from the outside and rushed back to the base.

Along the way, Johnny made sure that (y/n) was completely asleep before calling Taeyong. “Tae, I know that this might be so sudden but…”

“Taeil filled me in. Just directly come to the penthouse. Yuta and his team found the stalkers. They’re on their way here but don’t question them. Let me deal with them. You stay with (y/n) and try to get answers from her. She needs you more” Taeyong mentioned

After turning off the call, Johnny looked over to (y/n) who was sleeping but her body was still a bit shaken up despite wrapped in Johnny’s jacket. Softly, Johnny stroked (y/n)’s head and upon seeing (y/n)’s shaken body, Johnny could feel his anger rising again. “Who did this to you?” Johnny thought to himself

NCT Penthouse - 8:29 pm (Johnny’s POV)

Arriving at our penthouse, I parked my car and tried to carry (y/n) who was asleep because I didn’t want to wake her but in the elevator, she suddenly woke up and nearly jumped out of my grip if I didn’t hold her tighter than I normally do.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright. It’s just me” I uttered, my fingertips lightly massaging (y/n)’s shoulder, helping her calm down

“W-where are we? This isn’t my…” (y/n) stuttered, her voice sounded a bit rough; most probably from the crying and sleeping

“We’re at my place. Well, mine and my members’ place. It’s our penthouse. No one has access to this place except for us and some of the members’ girlfriends. I assure you that everyone is nice though we all live in different rooms. Some even on different floors” I explained, slowly letting (y/n) down but still holding onto her, worried that she might fall

Just like the first time we were alone together, the ride to my floor was quieter than I wanted; especially after what happened at Taeil’s restaurant. Luckily enough, this time (y/n) didn’t seem to mind me holding her hand which helped calm my frustration a bit more.

Lots of thoughts were trying to consume my mind one at a time. Who the hell made (y/n) into a victim? Why would they keep tabs on her when they’ve basically sold her? Do these people have connections to me? Is that why they’re keeping tabs on (y/n)?

All those thoughts were racing to catch my attention until the elevator door was opened. I slowly directed (y/n) to my penthouse and once we were in, she practically stared in awe at my place. Though I like nice and fancy things, I tend to keep my space as minimal as possible. But one thing for sure, I definitely had one of the best views in the penthouse.

“Feel free to explore, flower. Though there are only like 3 rooms. Mine, a guest room and an office room. I’ll get you something to drink. You can take the guest bedroom or mine. Whichever one you’re more comfortable with. Or you can go and watch some netflix or other shows you’d like” I mentioned, heading to the kitchen

As I was grabbing some water and other snacks, I noticed that (y/n) was just staring out of the view from the glass walls. “Hey, are you alright? Are you scared of heights?” I asked, settling down the snacks but handed (y/n) a glass of water

“A bit. I’m scared of a lot of things but this view is pretty. Oh and thank you” (y/n) replied, drinking the water I gave her

“No one can actually see in the building. Our leader made sure that all the glass walls weren’t seen through from the outside but we could see everything from the inside. If we want even more privacy, we installed curtains as well” I mentioned

“Y-your leader? Is everything like, recorded or?” (y/n) asked and I knew where this conversation was going

“Yes. Our leader. I’m actually part of a group. We’re not dangerous per se. Perhaps not everything we do is according to the law. But we are far from doing anything illegal. Our leader isn’t someone mean or controlling. Well, at least not to us. Me, Jaehyun, Yuta, Ten, Hendery, and several other people are the core members. So we’re the people that our leader trusts the most. When we all moved to this apartment building together, we were given complete freedom to do what we wanted. Along with that, we’re also given privacy. We’re free to install our own security cameras or not. Heck, even if we don’t, our leader would somehow know everything. But there’s nothing to be scared of honestly. He’s a great leader and person. I mean, he’s the one who found and helped us during one of our lowest points. I was one of the first members to be in the group” I explained

“Is finding people doing human trafficking part of the job?” (y/n) suddenly asked

“Sort of. We’re not involved in a way we buy the victims. We’re looking into every dirty and illegal business in South Korea. The government is limited but not us” I stated, looking at (y/n) who wrapped her arms around herself. “You’re not scared of me, are you?”

Turning around, (y/n) finally faced me and I saw her eyes start to be filled with water as she shook her head. Seeing her breaking down again was something I wanted to change. I walked closer and cupped her face. “Sssh, it’s alright. Whoever is looking for you won’t find you. No one outside of people we trust or love comes near here” I shushed (y/n), pulling her into my embrace as we stayed in this position for a while

“I want to help you, flower. Not out of pity. But because I feel at ease with you. I’m. I’m attracted to you. You’re not like any other girl I’ve encountered. You’re like a breath of fresh air from the city. A flower that blooms in winter. You’re special yet you weren’t given the chance to and I want to be the person to change that. But I can’t do that if you don’t tell me everything” I uttered, softly stroking (y/n) hair as she continued to sob in my chest until I heard a name

A name that was hammered into my brain for years. A name that I swore to all my members to never mention in my presence. Ever. A name that broke me years ago and made me believe that love was secretly bitter and toxic. My ex.

“Rox—roxanne…” (y/n) mumbled but the name was clear to me

“She and Axton…” (y/n) uttered another name that I forbid everyone from saying but I stopped her before she continued

“You knew I was the owner of the bar you worked at. You knew that I had nothing to do with those human trafficking but was connected with the people that made you a victim yet you didn’t come to me for help. Why?” I asked and pulled away to wipe the tears from (y/n)’s face but she suddenly looked away

“Hey. Don’t look away from me. I’m not angry. I’m not upset. Okay, maybe I am but not at you” I murmured, slightly forcing (y/n) to look at me. “Please. Tell me why didn’t you ask for my help in the first place when you knew”

“I. I was scared” (y/n) started. “I didn’t know how you would react but I also don’t want to take advantage of you. I’ll just be a burden. And I was scared that…” (y/n) rambled

“That?”

“That afterwards you would just” (y/n) hiccuped. “Just leave me all on my own” she finally let it out. She finally let out one of the things that everyone was so scared of

“Even at the beginning, I tried to not give in. I tried to not talk so much because I was scared that I would eventually fall for you. After you helped me that night, I really tried so hard. But then you keep showing up and I…” (y/n) rambled on. “We’re here now and I still am scared”

“Flower…” I whispered, my grip was loose that (y/n) managed to back away from me

“I, I don’t know what past you had with them but. I just want to not be involved. I just want to live a normal life. Sort of like you. I don’t want to be broken and sad. I don’t want to live in this constant fear that I could be hurt any day or even any second now” (y/n) cried

“Hey. Hey” I called out to her, trying to calm her down but she took a few more steps backwards making me sigh as I stood away from her

“Who said that I would hurt you? Who said that you’re taking advantage of me?” I questioned

“There were notes and messages. And they weren’t wrong. I’m taking advantage of you right now” (y/n) cried harder, making me ball up my fist knowing that those two people were responsible for another person’s trauma other than my own

“You’re not. I choose to get involved. I choose to reach out to you. I choose to get to know you. Albeit not the best method. And I choose you, flower” I uttered, somehow able to close the distance between us and cupped (y/n)’s cheek, forcing her to look at me

“You’ll get bored of me, Johnny. You’ll get bored and leave and I’ll be broken once again” (y/n) closed her eyes but her hands held mine

“You can worry about a lot of things but one thing you shouldn’t be worried about is me leaving you” I stated but (y/n) managed to make my hand let go of her face as she shook her head, her smaller hands leaving mine

“Th-thank you, Johnny. Really. For helping me and wanting to get to know me. I’m sorry, I just can’t…” (y/n) choked out and suddenly turned around but I wasn’t going to allow her to leave just like that

The second her hands left mine, I grabbed her wrist and turned her around back to me. One of my hands cupped her cheek while the other held her waist as I leaned down and pressed my lips on hers. The first time I kissed someone in years.

Of all the times I’ve kissed before, this felt right. This felt warm and welcoming whereas the previous ones, including the one with my ex, were just out of physical attraction, lust, and distraction. This was out of my own choice, how I care for her and love her.

Feeling her breathing got a bit heavier, I gently pulled away and let my forehead rest on her whilst gently caressing her cheeks. “Sssh, flower. It’s alright. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere and am certainly not going to leave you to break”

“Johnny…” (y/n) mumbled as I kissed right below her ear whilst lifting her and moved to my couch. Sitting down, I gently placed (y/n) on top of me, allowing her to straddle me since I was trapping her in my arms. “Flower. My last relationship was with that shit of an ex that turns out traumatised the both of us. Ever since, I have never, I swear on my members, never actively look for any other girl”

“Throughout those years, I was trying to keep myself busy with work and helping out the group. But in those years, I saw my members falling for their now girlfriends. Going through every obstacle in their relationship and still being together made me jealous but I was still just as traumatised as you were. Until I met you” I explained

“Sure I didn’t really actively look for another girl but that doesn’t mean I would sit around and watch a girl getting harassed like you did. Any normal person would’ve helped you as I did. But I’m glad I was there that day. Because it led us here” I added on

“I don’t deserve you, Johnny…” (y/n) mumbled. “Says who? I’m the one that’s pursuing you. So who the fuck says that you don’t deserve me?”

“Some people, most probably” (y/n) uttered but I kissed her temple, letting my lips linger a bit longer on her temple

“You tell me who they are and I’ll gladly deal with them” I mentioned, finally making (y/n) giggle even just for a bit

“John…” (y/n) called out to me. “If at any point you get bored of me, please don’t hurt me or yourself and just tell me honestly” (y/n) stated but I pulled her closer to me that her hands were on my shoulders for support

“Get that thought out of your mind. If anything, I’m more worried that you’ll leave me” I mentioned. “Do you want to be with me? Do you not want to fall for me?”

“Not like I can just switch off my humanity. I really do want to be with you but I’m just scared. I’m scared and I overthink too much” (y/n) mentioned, making me smile

“Then I’ll have to reassure you every day in every way possible” I joked, making (y/n) giggle. “I promise you that while it’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship, I’ll make sure you know how much I love and care for you. Afterall, I’m the one who chose this in the first place. If anything, being the man I am, I will stand by my choice and take care of you for as long as this life allows me to”

“May I?” I asked, my thumb slightly brushing past (y/n)’s lips as she gave me a shy nod

Smiling, I moved my head closer as my hand gently brought (y/n)’s head closer to meet in between. Both our lips connect once more and I can finally feel (y/n) returning the feelings I’ve poured out to her. Slowly, I brought her body as close as I could, my other hand massaging (y/n)’s waist, calming her tense body as I deepened the kiss between us.

Though we just admitted the feelings between us, I asked (y/n) to stay over because I was worried that something might happen to her if she were to be on her own. Surprisingly, she followed through and I ordered takeout as she took a shower.

After ordering, I let softly knocked in her room which was the guest bedroom since I didn’t want to move too fast and make her uncomfortable by sleeping on the same bed as me. I told her that I would also be in the shower and that if anyone knocked on the door, it was probably the takeout that I ordered.

Once I heard an answer from (y/n), I headed to my own room and showered as quickly as I could because I felt bad for leaving (y/n) alone for too long. But after I finished showering, I saw a text from Taeyong regarding the stalkers that he and Yuta were questioning.

TY: they caved and told us that the people who sent them were your ex-girlfriend and senior editor

TY: I’ve had Jungwoo and Haechan to dig up information about them and locate them

John: I know. (y/n) told me about them being the ones who made her into a victim. I want them.

TY: we’re locating them right now. I also need to know if (y/n)’s story checks out with those two. How is she doing?

John: we confessed to each other. She’s staying with me until I make sure that those two are dealt with

TY: I’m glad that you finally admitted your feelings but don’t let your guard down. At least until we’ve sorted those two and made sure that no one can access any more human trafficking in Seoul. Until those two are captured, stay with (y/n). Good night, Johnny

I was so lost in my conversation with Taeyong that I didn’t realise how long I left (y/n) alone outside. I quickly grabbed my hoodie and sweatpants then headed out to find (y/n) sitting by the dining island instead of the dining table and the food that I ordered was already laid out on the counter neatly. There were even two plates and other utensils which my heart warmed up along with the view of (y/n) in my own hoodie and pants as well.

“Hey. What were you thinking about?” I mumbled, coming up next to (y/n), kissing the side of her head as one of my arms snaked around her waist, catching her off-guard for a moment

“Hey, sorry. Was just in my head. Also, thank you for letting me stay over and ordering dinner” (y/n) mentioned as I took a seat next to her

“It’s alright. I hope you didn’t wait too long. Also, it’s no problem. I actually prefer that you just stay over from now on. Only if you want. Of course you don’t have to sleep with me in my room if you don’t want to but knowing that you’re here with me and safe makes me feel at ease…” I rambled that I almost missed (y/n)’s soft answer

“Sorry, what did you say?” I asked again, to make sure

“I said okay. As long as I’m not interrupting anything” (y/n) mumbled, making me grin. “You never are. I’ll help you move later. I don’t want you to go out on your own”

“B-but, I can go to campus, right?” (y/n) asked and I thought for a moment because I forgot that she’s going to college

“Of course. I was the one that helped you to get into college. But you should go with Haechan and his girlfriend. Since you said that his girlfriend is your partner. I’m sure that she’s also staying with Haechan. I’ll double-check with him. Sorry, I might seem a bit too much but I’m worried about you. At least until those two are captured” I mentioned, earning a nod from (y/n)

“So um” (y/n) stuttered. “Have you actually looked for them and…”

“Sorry, flower. I’m not going to let you in much about that. At least until I’ve dealt with them” I sighed, eating some of the chicken

“Y-you’re not going to kill them, right?” (y/n) asked, making me question how much patience and goodness she had because if it were up to me, I would take my time to torture them before killing one of them in front of the other

“We don’t really kill, flower. Sure, we do have some blood on our hands but I promise you that they’re all not innocent” I stated, earning a hum from (y/n)

“I’m sorry” (y/n) uttered. I then pulled her chair closer to me as she looked at me in surprise. “Why are you apologising this time? I swear if you apologise one more time, I’m going to have to kiss you until you’re out of breath”

“Gosh, stop with that flirting” (y/n) exclaimed, covering her red face while I just chuckled, slowly taking her hand off her face. “Well? Why the sudden apology?”

“Because I feel bad that you have to face your ex again” (y/n) murmured, looking down at her lap but I found her so cute that I softly pinched her slightly puffed cheeks

“You’re so adorable. But really, flower, it’s nothing. I have to face them sooner or later in my life. Might as well get it over now. Plus, this is the perfect excuse to confront them” I mentioned when I got a text from Taeyong

TY: we’ve found them. Yuta and Hendery are securing them. You enjoy your night first. Deal with them tomorrow or let them rot for a week then deal with them. Your choice

“Is, everything alright?” (y/n) asked as I wiped the corner of her lip that was dirty from the food she ate. “Never better. Let’s have some dinner while we watch a movie, shall we? You pick any movie” I smiled, grabbing our plates and heading to the living room

NCT Base - 2:09 am

I didn’t want to leave (y/n) alone but I knew that I need to finish the job. Especially when Taeyong said that those two traumamakers arrived and that everyone was waiting for me to come and question them.

After making sure that (y/n) was completely asleep, I texted Haechan if he and his girlfriend were still awake and luckily they were. I asked them to come by my place to take care of the place and a sleeping (y/n) until I’m done questioning and torturing our guests.

“Hyung. You there? My girlfriend and I are here” I heard Haechan’s voice from the intercom

“Thanks for coming by and staying over. (y/n) actually passed out on the couch so I took her to my room. You both can stay in the guest bedroom if you want” I mentioned, opening the door for the sleepy couple

“It’s fine, hyung. I brought our gaming laptops so we’ll just be playing some games, isn’t that right, honey” Haechan cooed at his girlfriend who just hummed

“Thanks again. There are snacks in the fridge and cupboard. Knock yourself out, kids. But please, don’t makeout on the couch. Do it in the bathroom if you want. Easier to clean” I joked, making Haechan groan and his girlfriend flushed

“I’m heading out now. Enjoy yourself kiddos” I bid goodbye but Haechan came to see me out as his girlfriend was setting up their gaming station on my coffee table

“Hyung. Take care of yourself. Don’t go overboard. They’re not worth your energy. Get what information you need and end it. No point getting stuck in the past” Haechan uttered, making me smile at his matured words

“Thanks little bear. I’ll keep that in mind. You take care of the place, alright? Don’t make a mess. I’ll text you when I get back” I mentioned, waving at Haechan and heading to our base

I walked down to the basement where we would keep our ‘special guests’ and opened one of the doors with the red light above it; indicating that the room was being used.

Inside the room, I saw both Roxanne, my ex-girlfriend and Axton, my ex-senior editor, chained from above, side by side and were most probably pretending to be unconscious. Taeyong, Yuta, and Jaehyun were standing in the center of the room, behind the table that was in between them and those two.

“How long have you had them chained up here like meat?” I asked, putting on the gloves

“They just freshly arrived from the bay. From Japan” Yuta pointed out, making me chuckle since he continued my joke

“We should probably drench them in some cold water to make sure that we didn’t catch dead meat, shall we?” I suggested and Taeyong just smirked, handing me a controller and I pressed one of the buttons that made the ceiling pour ice water on both of our chained guests, waking them up instantly

“What the fuck…who…Johnny?” I heard Roxanne’s voice uttered for the first time in years; albeit a bit more shaking than what I used ot hear

“Why the shock, Roxanne? Miss me that much? Sadly, I don’t miss you or the man whom you had an affair with during one of the worst times in life. Granted, they weren’t as bad as being a victim because you both needed a victim” I stated, the shocked and scared look was obvious

“Whichever girl is trying to get in your pants this time, she clearly has the wrong people. Or are you just looking for a reason to get back at us for all those years ago?” Axton scoffed while I took one of my favourite knives, the carving knife and dragged the blade across his chest as I heard Roxanne squeal

“I’m going to enjoy my time finishing you up, Axton” I smirked, seeing the blood dripping from his chest and on my blade

“And since you mention a specific case which translates to there being a specific, one girl to have given me information regarding you both which means you both would have kept tabs on this specific girl” I smirked, looking at both their scared faces. “Meaning, what she’s saying is actually true”

“No point hiding. Might as well admit what you’ve done” Jaehyun stated, coming to my side while Taeyong just watched us from his chair with Yuta next to him

“Why her? Why chose her to be a victim when she had a life? She was fucking 16!” I growled, specifically towards Roxanne whom I pointed my knife with Axton’s blood. “What if that was you, huh? What if your parents were killed when you were 16?”

“Because she was the perfect victim” Axton chuckled, making me sick. “She was from a proper family. She was taught to be proper and to be an obedient little sl…” Axton didn’t get to continue as punctured his sternum, releasing a rather unrecognisable scream from him before I let my blade drop to the ground

“Should I carve your balls out to somewhat understand the pain of being a victim or should I pull and cut your tongue out, making a tongue soup and serve it to Roxanne because of the disgusting words that come out of your mouth whenever you speak?” I chuckled

“Y-you’re crazy…at least we don’t kill children” Roxanne tried to argue but my members and I scoffed at her

“Crazy? I may have blood on my hands” I smirked, raising my hands so that the light shone the blood dripping along my arm. “Quite literally. But at the fucking least, I don’t kill innocent people for money”

“Sure. I, and the others might not have the best reason to kill someone but at least I don’t kill other people for no fucking reason. At least when I torture and kill, it’s all for a reason” I growled, gripping Roxanne by her neck, slowly squeezing it to the point before she passed out and let go of her neck

“Whose to say that the girl you saved isn’t secretly using you? She must’ve missed her old privileged life that she planned on making you pity her that much” Roxanne breathed out and I was about to squeeze the life out of her if it weren’t for Taeyong stopping me

“You sure that isn’t the other way around?” Taeyong spoke, standing up and walked beside me as I moved out of the way when Taeyong pulled several documents and pictures to Roxanne

“You lived a pretty pathetic life where your parents constantly fought each other, neglecting you and even sold you. You didn’t get the life or love you wanted until Johnny showed up and you used his fortune for your own until you met that sad of a douchebag and betrayed someone who had genuine feelings for you” Taeyong stated, making me recall the horrific time when I found Roxanne making out with Axton

“You were part of the human trafficking as a somewhat of a victim but instead of trying to live your life, you got a little taste of money and that consumed you. You might not kill innocent life but you’re worse than a killer” Taeyong growled, making Roxanne look even more scared, probably the scaredest I have ever seen her

“You’re like a fire. You get close to your prey, warming up to them” Taeyong stated, lighting his lighter and bringing it close to the documents, lighting them up. “Then you slowly burn them. Letting them burn on their own until all that’s left” Taeyong let go of the documents, letting them burn on their own. “Is just ashes that you can’t rebuild into anything”

“Luckily for those people you burn, I found them. Though I couldn’t save part of them that were burnt, I tried to make do with what you left them to be. I found Johnny and took him in, helping him rebuild his burnt self just as he’s doing to the victim you made. All for your selfishness. Wanting them to feel the pain you did” Taeyong went back to his table. “We’re done here. Johnny, finish them. Jungwoo and Kun already found the other victims and thanks to Yuta, we already cut their connection to their clients and suppliers”

“Wh-what?! You’re killing us?! I, I thought that the government…” Roxane uttered but Jaehyun beat her to it

“Gave us complete authority to do what we please to people like you. When it reached a point of no return, the government gave us complete control. As long as we have given them what they wanted or what they were looking for. In this case, they wanted to cut the connection, aka the parasites, aka you both. They also wanted us to help look for the victims which thanks to your computer, we have all of that. It’s only a matter of time to hack into them” Jaehyun explained

“Y-you were just stalling…” Roxanne breathed

“For someone that could manipulate their victims to get away from everyone they know, you’re slow on things when you’re on the other end of the rope” Yuta scoffed while I cocked my gun

“Johnny…you, you wouldn’t….” Roxanne tried to persuade me with that sweet yet toxic voice

“I’m sorry” I uttered which made Roxanne sigh of relief. Oh, how she was wrong.

“I’m sorry for not being good enough for you that I couldn’t quite save you. But you were already lost in that addiction, weren’t you? At least, for this last time, let me save you. From yourself and from any other victims” I mentioned, a bullet was fired straight to Roxanne’s heart as she mouthed my name one last time as I walked to her slowly dying body, closing her eyes. “I hope we won’t ever meet again in the next life. And I hope you have a better life next time”

By the time I went back to my penthouse, the sun was already starting to rise and when I reached my place, Haechan and his girlfriend were already back at their place when I texted them that I was heading back.

Luckily, there was a shower at the base so I immediately showered and changed right after we were done with those two because I knew that if I showered at my own place, there was a good chance that (y/n) would wake up.

Back at my place, I headed to my room to see (y/n) snuggling in my bed, one of her legs was out of the bed as the blanket was messed up. Seeing her deep asleep self made me smile and I tucked her back in before going to the other side, finally being able to get some rest.

I laid down and wrapped one of my arms around her waist, pulling her close to my chest which made her snuggle closer. I slowly stroked her head mindlessly because of how heavy my eyes felt. But suddenly, I heard (y/n) mumbling my name and slowly waking up, making me smile.

“Johnny?” (y/n) mumbled

“Yes, flower?” I replied, pushing some of her hair out of her eyes

“Why aren’t you asleep?” (y/n) uttered, slowly opening her eyes, looking up to meet mine

“Haven’t been able to sleep” I lied but (y/n) saw through me. “It’s not good to lie”

“I just got back” I admitted as (y/n) hummed. “W-what happened?”

“Nothing that you should know of, flower. It’s over. Though I’m probably going to get much sleep, at least I can finally sleep at ease knowing that the past is finally behind me and hopefully you” I replied, cupping her cheeks

“It’s been over for me since you decided to choose me, John. So let me do the same and take care of you from now on. We had to go through our traumas alone but now, let’s heal it together and take care of each other. Don’t try to be strong on your own, okay?” (y/n) rambled, making me smile and kissed the top of her head before snuggling even closer

“Now and forever, as long as it’s with you, I think I finally see that love is a beauty” I smiled, leaning down to softly feel (y/n)’s lips on mine before we went to our slumber, ignoring the busy world around us.

A/N: AFTER LIKE A MONTH OF WRITING THIS! I FINALLY FINISHED MY 100TH TUMBLR POST AGHHHHHH Thank you to @mymoodwriting for always wanting to read my snippets and share me your opinion and keeping me company whilst writing the final part of this story. This was a very long one and I hope that you guys enjoy this final story of 2023 from me while I finally do the NCT Mafia Masterlist and start 2024 with the Jaehyun request (which will be a different mafia universe compared to this one). Thank you for everyone who recently followed and read my fics. 2023 had many ups and downs and here's to hoping that 2024 will be better for all of us! Merry Christmas and Happy New year :)) xoxo Vinet

[miss0atae]

What love can do in Meet You at the Blossom and how it can shape your life (after Ep 3 & 4):

It took me a while to write this post because I changed its title so many times. I wasn't sure I was conveying my thoughts properly. I wanted to write about the healing power of love between Huai En and Xiao Bao, but I had so much to say before so this title didn't work anymore.

[gif by khunkinn] @khunkinn

It's not a coincidence you can find the same pattern in some of the characters from My Stand In and Meet You at the Blossom since they were written by the same writer. Huai En and Ming, both had shitty parenting when they were young and it mostly came from their father. More than Ming, Huai En was shaped by his relationship with his father. His mother and his father were childhood sweetheart who never got the chance to be together because she was taken away by Huai En's uncle and he made her as his concubine. We also learned Huai En was born out of wedlock. His uncle's legitimate wife was jealous and tried to kill Huai En and his mother. His father wanted to save them (mostly his mother I think) but failed and Huai En's mother died trying to save the father. Huai En and his father found a way to escape and he was raised to seek revenge for the death of his mother. However, it didn't make them close. Huai En's father seems to consider that his son is also partly responsible for the death of his mother. It's not yet explain why… but because of his bias Huai En's father unfairly treated his son. In episode 4, Huai En explains to Xiao Bao how his father beat and scold him during his childhood. Huai En had no other choice but to obey him “unconditionally” or he would suffer physical pain. We can also assume he suffered mentally too.

[gif by omgtheregoesthefuckidontgive] @omgtheregoesthefuckidontgive

Huai En has been having recurring nightmares about the mistreatment of his father. He seems to remember vividly trying to avoid falling from a cliff and found no help from his father. Quite the opposite, he was also mocked by his father. It is likely something he had experience while he was young and that became so traumatic that he can't forget it. We could say that Huai En is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder since this event. A father is supposed to care about his children. That's what we naturally expect from any “good” parents. It's hard to understand why his father thought his son should be responsible for his mother's death. We haven't had enough insight on what his going on in Huai En's father head. However, we know he is very controlling and don't let his son do what he wants in life. Huai En only purpose is to help him get the revenge he wants. Anything outside this is considered useless and unimportant. I don't think Huai En even got the chance to really know what he wants or dreams for outside this purpose. He doesn't get to voice his opinion or to have something just for him. He must live for his father's desire. It was shown during episode 4, when Huai En had a vision of his father telling me:

“Remember, you were born to redeem yourself for your mother’s sake. Don’t harbor unworthy thoughts for anyone of anything. Understand? Don’t even think of trying to escape. No matter where on Earth, you can’t escape from my grasp”.

I’m still trying to wrap my head over this fact. When Huai En told the story of how he was born, his mother was still alive. So I don’t get why his father would be so hard on him when he is supposed to be the love fruit of the love he had for his mother. I wonder if his father is the kind of man who would value his spouse over his child. We know his father has an obsessive love for his mother. It wasn’t just the “I want to avenge her” it feels more like “she was supposed to be mine and I lost her so I will enact my revenge”. Huai En’s father appears to have an overwhelming obsessive desire to possess and protect his lover and he has an inability to accept failure of keeping her alive. It doesn’t matter if to get his revenge he has to hurt his own son. I believe this type of love is the only one Huai En had ever experience so he doesn’t understand it’s not a normal or healthy way of loving someone. He must have avoided to be with anyone because the only love he knows is the one his father has for his mother. Love is a painful affair. It can lead to obsession and physical pain. That’s why he is so startled by Xiao Bao regular love confessions.

[gif by guzhufuren]

Xiao Bao had an entirely different childhood. His parents seem to have a healthy relationship and to love each other. Xiao Bao is their only son so they spoiled him and made sure he had a good life where he wants for nothing. You can see how they care for him and wants him to be happy. Since he was loved and taking care of, Xiao Bao grew up to be a nice person who is not shy to show his love. He never had to experience the “dark side” of love. For him, this is only a positive thing. He is also a very charming man; very genuine so when he fell in love with Huai En, he didn't dither and decided to pursue him. It didn't matter to him if Huai En wasn't the woman he thought he was. As long as there is love, it's enough for him. Compared to what Huai En is used to know about love, Xiao Bao's vision seems quite refreshing. Especially as they are in a time period where queer love was frown upon, Xiao Bao's view of love, gender and norms is fairly modern. He claims he will find a way of making their relationship being accepted by his parents. Why is he not afraid of claiming his love for Huai En, despite him being a man? It's because Xiao Bao is sure of his parents' love for him. This trust exists because he was raised this way.

[gif by guzhufuren] @guzhufuren

Xiao Bao may appear to be a fool, but he is more than what he seems. He isn't a great tactician or a skilled warrior, but he is knowledgeable when it comes to emotions. It was shown when he had a conversation about love and death with Xiao Bao. He admits that humans lives for emotions and desires and that you can be sad when you lose a loved one. However you can't be miserable all your life because of this. This vision of life is in opposition with everything Huai En has been taught from childhood. I would even say he was stunned. Xiao Bao understood that Huai En because of his past can't really understand what love is supposed to be and he is ready to teach him. I think he does have strong feelings for Huai En. He may pout or act silly sometimes, but when Huai En conceded if they were someone he truly wants to love, it would be Xiao Bao, it truly delighted him. He is not the kind of person to sulk for too long. He is so genuine and overjoyed. I'm not going to say it'll be easy for them. Even if Huai En despises his father's love for his mom and really wants to experience a healthy relationship, the way this love shaped his vision of life will have an impact on his relationship with Xiao Bao. You can quite see it when he is adamant about Xiao Bao having “no thought about others” or to never lie to him. This idea that Xiao Bao wants to be with him “forever” and not just be with him, kinda shows that his past will have an impact. However, I believe Xiao Bao's good nature may soften him.

[gif by ruanbaijie] @ruanbaijie

As he said himself to Huai En, his lover is “tough on outside, but soft inside”.

PS: I edited this post with better credits for the gif creators. I tagged all of you, I hope it's alright. If you prefer that I stopped using your gifs, don't hesitate to tell me. I'll do better with the credits on gif from now on.

[andreabandrea]

i think all the time about how hard it is to be a kid even in the best case scenarios. like yeah as a kid you have very few responsibilities and youre innocent etc but i think the thing is that adults (at least in the USA) largely do not consider you to be a human.

i remember when i was a kid, my parents were nice to me and supportive and so on-- i didnt have a bad childhood. but there were times where my dad would just take things from me, or interrupt me on the computer/tv, not because i had exceeded screen time or anything but just because "im the dad and im more important so i can do what i want". i remember how powerless i felt when adults would shout at me, especially if it was over something i didnt understand and/or hadnt been taught.

i remember adults laughing in my face sometimes when i was crying or upset, and i think about this when i see those 'toddler/kid freakout' tiktok videos mocking a child's reaction, even if it is for something "stupid" like they dropped their candy or whatever.

even the most well-meaning adults will often write off your pain and negative emotions as 'overreactions', and this goes triple if youre neurodivergent. i had pneumonia as a child and my doctor thought i was just being dramatic.

your input on things is largely seen as worthless. if your parents want to travel the country in a van, but you want to go to school and have friends and have your own bedroom, they'll just pack you up and take you in that van because you're the child and you're their property. i think about this when i see those 'van life' families, and i think about this as i'm reading the Wavewalker book about the girl who was forced to live on her parents' boat with little to no schooling for 10 years.

if your parents spank you and hit you, largely thats seen as their "choice" as parents, no matter how many studies tell them it traumatizes children. and youre dependent on the adults around you and if those adults suck, or if youre in a bad situation, you have very little to no ability to change that and you just have to endure.

and thats what drives me insane about desantis is that we see more and more rhetoric like "the rights of parents" and "protecting children" but these kids are being told that they do not have rights. its as if people truly believe parents deserve to know everything, even if the child doesnt feel safe telling them. people think parents deserve to control their kids' every choice and every move. but when it comes to protecting kids from gun violence and protecting gay/trans kids and especially kids of color, republicans could not give less of a shit. hell, even the grand majority of democrats barely care.

yes, i get it. parenting is unimaginably hard. the nuclear family is unsustainable especially in today's double-income-not-even-making-rent economy. the world is fucked up. sometimes kids are shitty and it might hurt you as an adult. but kids are not evil, and kids are not adults who are acting with fully developed brains and social skills and empathy and so on and its important to keep that in mind.

on the chance that anyone wants to reply with "well i hate kids :/" look. you dont have to be a parent. but at least be kind to children in your life. let the kid in the park ramble to you about skibidi toilet or fucking whatever. you do owe people kindness, especially children

[sage-nebula]

I don't understand why people are upset that Vi is calling Jinx, "Jinx."

This is not a bad thing. This is a good thing. Jinx is the name that Vi's sister had chosen for herself. Yes, it was originally an insult — but she reclaimed it. She reclaimed it years ago. And in the final episode of season 1, she cemented that by deliberately choosing the Jinx chair and sitting down in it. If anything, Vi refusing to accept that and continuing to call her Powder would be disrespectful, because it would be refusing to acknowledge Jinx's autonomy.

Think about it this way: Imagine if the story were different, and instead of being a traumatized and mentally ill cis girl, Jinx was instead a mentally stable trans girl. Vi and Jinx were separated before Jinx transitioned, and so when Vi gets out of prison and tries to find her sibling, she discovers that her sibling has transitioned and is now a sister going by a different name. But Vi insists that it's not real, and keeps using the boy name from their childhood.

That would be extremely shitty, wouldn't it?

Jinx's name IS Jinx now. That's the name SHE chose, it's the name SHE wants. Vi using it is a GOOD thing. What's NOT good is Vi saying "my sister is gone" because a.) newsflash Violet, your sister has been this same person this whole fucking time, and b.) she sure reneged on that whole "nothing will ever change that [we're still sisters]" promise pretty fast, huh.

But calling her Jinx? That's good. That's what she SHOULD do, because while Jinx is Powder all grown up, she doesn't want to be called Powder anymore and that should be respected.

[showtoonzfan]

Something that bugs me about Loona and the way the fandom treats her, is that despite the writing being nowhere near perfect and despite her faults, the show DOES show us that Loona is capable of caring. She’s capable of being nice, she’s capable of having heartfelt conversations and actually talking to people/empathizing and learning, as we see with her taking care of Blitz, and talking to Octavia.

And yet, whenever we bring up the problems with her writing on how she’s aggressive/abusive and never seems to truly improve, the fandom coddles her and babies her, portraying her as this helpless traumatized child who doesn’t know any better and is incapable of decency apparently or interacting with others all because of her trauma. Yes, Loona may have anxiety and trouble connecting with people, but that doesn’t mean she can’t improve. If the show is showing us that she CAN do these things, than fans need to stop shielding her from any sort of redemption just because she had a bad childhood.

Loona is 22 years old, she’s not a child, she’s a full gown adult, so stop babying her and excusing her. She was 17 when Blitz took her out of the pound, meaning she was in a healthy environment for at least 5-6 years. There is absolutely no reason for her to be treating the only person who took her out of that toxic environment and showered her with love like utter shit. The way she treats Blitz is not excusable and neither is her aggressive behavior towards others. While her getting defensive can certainly be a trauma response to how she was treated in the pound, it’s still not an excuse, especially since like I said, if Loona is capable of making friends and being kind and caring AS we’ve seen, then stop acting like she’s immune to criticism. Trauma is not an excuse for being a shitty person.

Part of the problem is also because I feel like the show flip flops with her. The writers can’t really decide wether they want her to be someone who while has trauma can improve from it, or someone who’s out of control and desperately needs help. Regardless of the show’s major writing flaws of characters never improving or learning from their mistakes, fans need to stop excusing her behavior all because she grew up in that pound. While she doesn’t need to be a fully put together person, she’s had plenty of time to expand and grow and on some level IS capable of doing so, so stop treating her like a helpless Uwu baby.